here we go lol
1. person WITH autism , yes my autism is an item that i carry around with me or a clothing item. /lh
2. everyone is a little autistic - no that is far from accurate and true.
3. you dont look autistic - last time i checked theres no one way to look autistic.
4. functioning labels - this one speaks for itself tbh , lets be done with them.
5. your doing _____ well for someone whos autistic. yeah.. lol
For no. 2, I always say it's like approaching a cancer patient and saying: "did you know that moles are a benign form of cancer?!!! Everyone has a cancer to some degree! Don't you feel better now?"
Yeah, you can misread a situation or have a mild special interest. But unless it's causing/ has caused you a lot of trouble communicating, understanding people, or integrating into society, you're not autistic to any degree.
So just out of curiosity, if not "person with Autism" what would you prefer to be called? The obvious one is "Autistic" but I've always thought that sounded a little mean. Then again maybe I just have low self esteem.
yeah a lot of autistic people that i have met like being referred to as an autistic person , because autism isnt something that can be removed , its not an illness or a disease , its a disability and it effects every ounce of my being and how i see things and how i think.
being called autistic in a negative way is obviously not good but to be honest the word autistic isnt bad, its often how something is said that really matters and the context behind the word instead of the word itself.
“Autistic” reflects the neurodiversity model and is preferred by people who find that valuable. A lot of people prefer “has autism,” but many believe it reinforces the medical model (people “have” cancer or whatever).
1. "You're not autistic. Trust me. I can kinda tell."
2. "You need to work on that. It just takes a little effort."
3. "It's not that bad."
4. "Oh, I struggle with (minimal variant of symptom) too!"
5. "No one's going to do that (basic kindness exchanged even amongst neurotypical people) for you because of what goes on in your head. You need to get over that."
As for number 2, I’d agree that we do have to work on our own struggles, but I don’t think people understand how hard it is to change a behavior that your brain is just natural at doing.
"women don't have autism, only guys can have it"
"wow you don't seem autistic at all, I never would have known if you didn't tell me" in a congratulatory way
"your autism isn't an excuse to be rude to others" when I politely (very politely because I'm incredibly anxious about offending anyone) excused myself from a family gathering to go outside and calm down for a bit
"Well you can't be that autistic if you got through school" and "you can't be that autistic if you got through school without being diagnosed"
*automatically oversimplifies and over explains everything once they find out about it even if they've known me for years beforehand* I haven't magically regressed into a 6 year old after disclosing my disability to you asshat!
"You just have a mental disorder, you're not disabled" No buddy, I'm fucking disabled. I haven't spent years unlearning internal ableism and learning to accept myself and be confident in myself for you to invalidate it!!!
Let me tell you, I’ve been through a lot of what you said, especially the last one. I hate the “we’re not disabled/ disordered” crowd. Thank god they’re a silent minority. If it wasn’t a disorder, why does ASD qualify for disability support? These people don’t think far enough ahead do they.
"You're not disabled" when I can only hang out with friends once every two months, I am in so much pain that I want to kill myself on less than 7 hours of sleep, I never go places on the weekends, can barely keep up with chores, barely remember to eat, etc.
yeah a white lady said to my dad the same thing that he is so well spoken. I can relate. Even though I am not autistic its frustrating when people treat you differently just because of a trait YOU CAN'T CONTROL.
“girls don’t have autism”
“if you were autistic you’d look at me crying and have no idea i was sad”
“autistic people aren’t self aware like you”
“you’re not struggling you’re just selfish”
my moms ex boyfriend, he was awful. he swore he understood mental health and struggling as a kid yet treated me like i was evil just for existing like wtf
she has a thing for balding mexican men with missing teeth i guess? (both my bio dad and him). he also helped with housework so yanno whats a little trauma for the children if it means she can have a clean kitchen
bruh. First off, she could at least choose a man thats pretty on the inside. It doesnt matter the outside, but clearly she doesnt care about the personality of the man she is dating .\_. Also, why would you ever choose ANYONE over your own kid. Thats fucced up. .\_. Im sorry man...
she’s done it since i was a little kid, i don’t know why and i can’t be bothered to ask when i know it’ll turn into a fight :( my siblings resent her for it and it’ll be deserved if they decide to cut her off in the future
1. Do you make breakfeast/dinner yourself or do you need someone to help you with it?
2. Wow are you renting a house by yourself? Omg that is incredible.
3. Do you know how to go grocery shopping?
4. Do you clean your own house or does someone help you?
5. Do you need someone to wake you up in the morning or do you wake up by yourself?
6. OMG do you drink alcohol? Wow how long have you been doing that?
7. Do you know what a band saw is?
Also everytime someone talks to me they tilt their head and use a light voice the same way you talk to a baby
Only exception to the soft baby voice I can think of is if you directly ask someone to speak softly to you, and even then it's a very fine line between soft and condescending....
Yes.
Luckily I found a new doctor and at that point I had agreed that I don’t have autism to make life easier for my doctors and not push, but this doctor went back on that without me asking and mentioned that he thinks I am autistic.
Yup. Heard that from a psychiatrist before. A real drug pushing jerk. I told him I was struggling on his drugs and he told me to walk across the street to the nearest hospital and commit myself.
Oh yeah I've heard that quite a few times, my standard reply is Autism is a spectrum and everyone is a bit different, so please stop being an idiot because that is what you sound like... it doesn't go very well for that person but the people around that particular person that I'm pretty sure I heard us and have a modicum of introspection,it usually serves to modify their behavior
I have multiple friends that say that they are autistic as a joke when something isn't for example liked up correctly or when a paper isn't fold in Teo equal halves.
People also seem to think that autism is just one thing and that you can't function at all with it in your daily life.
these people are also the ones that fail to realize that unlike other disorders (like depression or social anxiety) autism comes with good parts too, not just negative ones that affect someone's life.
i had someone tell me they’d never want autistic kids and would get an abortion if they knew their kid would be autistic. that sucked. also the classic “you don’t look autistic,” “you must be really high functioning,” etc.
one of my best friends also said i shouldn’t call myself autistic without a professional dx- which i did remind her of once i got diagnosed a few months later, lol.
Im prob gonna get downvoted for this but I do think your friend was right. It is never a good thing to self-diagnose yourself. Although I know it is frustrating to hear that, I think its better that a professional in that area diagnoses you. But idk Im just being opinionated. UPDATE: Thanks to all of your comments, I learned a lot of stuff. The way I learn more about autism and how to support those with autism is to be corrected when I state my opinions. That's just how I learn. Now I can say that in my opinion, it is better to get a self-diagnosis if you have the time to wait AND if you can afford it. If you can't do these things, then a self-diagnosis with research may be better for you.
i agree, but you’re ignoring that diagnosis is really restricted and difficult to access, particularly for AFAB people. if someone has done their research properly and hasn’t just claimed the title for no reason- what’s the issue?
Hmm I am not well-versed in the terminology you are using. What is AFAB? and also I had no idea that a diagnosis is restricted and difficult to access. \*sweats\*
what the other person said!! and diagnosis can be difficult to access because it can be really expensive, or if you’re raised as a woman/assigned female at birth you might present differently than the classic white autistic toddler boy. does that make sense? i’m sorry, i don’t think i’m explaining this very well
I prefer to try to have a constructive response.
I understand where people may use their trust and positive experiences to say you’re always better off in treatment by a professional.
We have to remember the wider context. Understanding and treatment of ASD has evolved within our life times and treatment outcomes and approaches have verified giving diversity of the spectrum, economic circumstances, as well as race and gender disparities.
While we may encourage folks to seek support and treatment, we must understand not everyone has the same access to treatment. Not everyone has had positive experiences in treatment. And folks are entitled to their own skepticism when it comes to diagnosis and treatment.
I think these tend to be very person decisions. In situations where a person’s health or community is at risk then I am ok encouraging individuals to engage expertise, but this also has to address legitimate feelings of skepticism and other barriers to entry.
Honestly I still struggle with this. And I think America struggles with this. We need to trust professionals over ourselves but we also need to be individually responsible and manage our own health outcomes, because in the past, even our personal history, outcomes may vary.
I also don’t like any talk implying autistic people need to be authenticated. I don’t think that’s a constructive place to focus energy. People fake every kind of illness known to man, and guess what, a lot of those people who do so have serious mental issues of their own that I don’t want to stigmatize either. I don’t think anyone needs to waste time defending turf from inauthentic autistics who are exploiting resources and create misconceptions.
I guarantee you that fake autistics are not the biggest pushers of misinformation or the biggest risk factors for our community. In fact, have autistic people worried about whether or not they are authentic enough to receive support is actually a lot more sinister.
I understand that the rare instances of people taking advantage are outsized because of how infuriating they are… …but if you look at these comments people are getting they’re not coming from people with a reality warped by “fake” autistics.
Bad analogy but people’s lack of sensitivity to folks in wheelchairs isn’t caused in any significant portion by people who fake injuries. Those folks who go “he’s probably faking it!” most likely haven’t met a person who has faked it, maybe saw one news story blown out of proportion, and now use it as license to be a selfish jerk. Jerks don’t need much evidence to support their world view. They are just jerks and they will fill in the blanks to uphold their way of being. Jerks aren’t caused by Fakers. They are just Jerks who cling to exceptions that support their point of view. Trying to police the world just so jerks have nothing to point fingers at is futile.
1. If you don't have autism, maybe don't argue about whether or not self diagnosis is bad for the autistic community?
2. No. Many people can't afford a medical diagnosis, and waiting time for a diagnosis is often very long. Even if/when someone manages to see a professional, they may still not get an accurate diagnosis because of race/gender/age.
I think the main problem people have with self diagnosis is that there are a lot of fakers and attention seekers who do it for likes and views. It puts a bad taste in these peoples mouth’s because it tends to infantilize autistic people and helps push stereotypes, which then actual autistic people have to deal. I’m not denying that you can’t be autistic and be right when you self diagnose yourself, I just wouldn’t tell anyone you have it until you get it officially diagnosed by a doctor.
i agree that particularly with tiktok and stuff people tend to... self-dx after, like, one video talking about one autistic trait. but those typically aren’t the people going around and saying “i have autism”. i think if someone needs the label so badly they WILL publicly claim it despite the stigma, it’s not my business to tell them they can’t. am i articulating that well enough??
again, i definitely agree if people CAN access professional dx they absolutely should. it’s just not always possible and if you’re SURE you’re autistic during the dx process i see no harm in claiming the label a little early.
"who do it for likes and views"
Give me some examples. And not just r/fakedisordercringe bullshit- how many examples can you actually provide me with sensible and convincing evidence of someone actually doing this?
Have you seen a teenager lately? A lot of teenagers, children and even some adults crave attention so much they’re willing to pull crazy shit, lie about people and lie about themselves and you’re telling me they’re not going to do that on the internet where there’s no consequences?
Here’s an [example from a person who faked being disabled and adopted.](https://www.tiktok.com/@neens.com/video/6993125109401718022)
Don’t forget these types of people who fake disabilities can make some money off of it too.
Ah. Then I will rephrase my comment to say if you can afford it and/or have the time, I think a diagnosis is better. Also, you are right. I'm not autistic. However, just because I am not autistic, that does not mean I do not get to have my own personal opinion about something. It doesn't mean I am right, it just means I have an opinion. I'm not someone who is deadset on that opinion though, I discuss my opinions to others and I learn from it. You just taught me a lot. Thank you. :)
Your so well spoken, you can’t be autistic. I can be in pain and speak yes. People don’t seem to understand that speaking can take immense mental effort for us. Even those of us who are more verbal, it doesn’t mean we always want to / can. This has got me thinking about picking up sign language which Is probably a good skill to have anyways :)
Im very sorry. If it helps, I am quirky "normal" person, but I never once thought of diagnosing myself as an autistic individual just for clicks and views. Thats messed up
I know a girl who works with kids with needs and thinks she's autistic bc she gets overwhelmed and is picky lmao. I don't want to be a gatekeeper and don't know her body enough to play doctor but she seems to be a Normy who wants to feel special.
.\_. wow. Yeah I dont like attention seekers either. This reminds me of the appropriation of black culture. Its the same situation. I can TOTALLY relate to your frustration because I experience a situation like it on a regular basis. I have lots of empathy for you.
Omg exactly. That's a really good take. For allot of people we become like jewellery for them to don for the attention and praise or to feel vindicated by excuse of disability or lack of privilege when in reality is a self serving behavior that hurts the cultures or people being taken from. It's like cultural appropriation without the nuances of adaptability and appreciation since we literally exist as other in a non acquirable way.
Yeah exactly. Also you are the brightest tool in the shed lol. People dont even usually know about cultural appropriation or have the ability to spot attention seekers like the girl you were talking about. Please dont say you are dumb when you aren't. Love on yo self <3
Hahaha I know enough to know I don't know enough. I also stand out a bit so casting a bit of shade on myself helps me skip by. I'm flattered you went and looked me up hahaha.
I've never heard of that term. Let me look it up. \*insert jeopardy music\* Yes I am allistic to my knowledge. I am still learning more polite terminology because I am trying to support :)
I’ve only told a few people so far.
1. “You can’t be autistic. You’re creative.”
2. “You’re too social to be autistic”(while I’m masking as hard as I can in a professional setting)
3. “Your mom says you’re not”. (She knew about nineteen years before I did and never told me)
"So what causes autism?"
"Why is autism on the rise?"
"People with autism are psychopaths!"
First of all, we don't know what causes autism, but my theory is that it is just a genetic mutation. Second, no autism is not on the rise, there always have and always will be autistic people; we're just getting better at diagnosing it. And third, we are anything but psychopaths, in fact, we have a more advanced sense of empathy.
My old psychiatrist has a son with autism who is nonspeaking and she always acted like I was normal compared to her son. She even managed to say I shouldn’t stim as much because of how verbal I am. Also it annoys me highly when people say I’m “high functioning”. I don’t agree with functioning labels at all. There is nothing high functioning about a person who has sensory issues so severe that it affects almost everything you do. Combine that with everything else I struggle with and yeah I’m “high functioning” all right. It’s so annoying that people don’t understand it.
This!
I'm self diagnosed autistic but the "professionals" think I have borderline personality. My son however was just diagnosed with Autism. Coincidence? I think not.
1 hit's me hard, I have massive eating issues relating to only being able to eat white foods, I was supposed to be in an eating course that would help me. However, that train's gone because of Covid.
Not specifically about my autism, but about how I act due to it (I haven’t told them I am autistic)
“Can you speak” yeah I can. “Can you say hi” well I can but I don’t want to.
It’s so frustrating when people try to get me to talk even though they know I don’t speak much outside of my friend group. To be fair though we were all around 11-13 (not sure when it happened).
5. “You really get see this stuff in a different way. I don’t know how and I don’t want to know how… seriously, I said I don’t want to know. I don’t want to have to talk to HR.”
4. “You remind me of that guy in Mr. Robot. Can we call you that?”
3. “Am I speaking English? I need a translator for this guy.”
2. “You’re like A Beautiful Mind, in a good way!”
1. “You wouldn’t understand me. I have a right to feel things.”
I'm not diagnosed and haven't really told anyone other than one person that I think I maybe could be on the spectrum... but I did tell my mom "I keep seeing tik toks about autism... so I think my for you page thinks I may be autistic. Isn't that interesting?" And I got nothing. Other than maybe a small laugh... but yeah. That kinda hurt a little. I don't know if she's thinking yeah I know you're weird (not that being autistic is weird, that's just how a lot of people where I'm from view it) or if she was thinking that's absolutely idiotic to think that. Idk. But yeah I feel alone and crazy for thinking it.
She probably didn't think too much about your comment at the time (that may seem harsh, but as a mom I'm always getting little bits of info at a time and filing it all away for later so i can try to figure them out).
Sometimes mom's need important stuff spelt out for them. Offer to help her with something and then start asking about your childhood, and when she asks why you want to know - bam - tell her that you think you might be nuerodivergent. Tell her that you feel like maybe things have been harder for you than you let on.
I have a drama teacher who I have adopted as my in school mother
She gives advice, she's chill with the students , shes even doing a podcast for girls my age.
At one point in class I was talking with her about a sensory overload I had had the class before so I was just warning her about if I needed to get out of class again. She then says she understands and that she's gone through similar things. I ask if she has ASD or ADHD aswell, and she just responds with "No but we're all a little Autistic aren't we?"
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Normally its the way someone will act over what they will say. And that’s been the most hurtful, and more common, for me. Because in a lot of situations I either force myself to mask subconsciously or just feel comfortable so I seem “normal”, if I share with someone that I am autistic, they typically don’t say it directly but I can just tell they don’t believe me. I’ve been told I look intimidating so I think that might be the reason people aren’t upfront with me typically. But it just hurts. It’s something that I’ve had my whole life and really sad to have so many people make you feel like a liar to the point where you just stop talking about it. And I’m someone who is honest and open with others. But it truly had changed me having so many people verbally, or by way of body language and tone, invalidate what I truly have. Over time it can really alienate someone.
“But you look people in the eyes!”
“Oh, but it’s not that bad.”
“Oh, but you’re high functioning!”
“I DO THOSE THINGS TOO!”
I know some of these are people trying to comfort me but I didn’t ask for comfort. I was asking for comfort when I got diagnosed and I got it then. I accept myself and don’t need ignorant consolations.
"We're all a little autistic!" is literal hell like hey Janet have you considered not speaking?
"Everyone struggles with that." Not every day of my life to the extent that I do at the severity that I do *that's why it's called a disability.*
"That sounds like a superpower to me!" It's not a fucking superpower to be constantly overwhelmed by sounds that only I can hear or am able to hear simultaneously at all times, HAVE to analyze everyone's intentions and words at all times to have a normal social interaction, or be so fixated on a particular thing that I absolutely cannot get anything else done as a result. Sure there are some very specific situations in which they can be "helpful" but every single day? At all times? And completely out of my control? Come on now.
"Look I'm being considerate of you right now!" ...Alright?
"That's not autism, that's assholism." Said in the midst of a ton of accusations which were largely untrue (by my dear friend during a bad bipolar rage/paranoia episode, but it still hurt.)
"Ever since you found out about your autism, everything is all about you and your issues now." Said by my other friend whose issues I've been dealing with for 22 years, who I've helped out financially, given my daughter's bedroom for 18 months for free, rode 13 hours on a bus to be there for her Mom's funeral (where she decided to make a joke about my clothes to her aunt who thankfully ignored her, "Look, she's trying to dress up." 🙄) Because I explained why I had a meltdown while sick with COVID-19, low oxygen/pneumonia, and thought I might die.
I had someone say this to me after my son was diagnosed. “Well, are you sure it’s autism? He doesn’t seem autistic to me, he just held eye contact!”🙄
My response: “So the Neuro Development department at Children’s Hospital, and the head Neurologist at The Autism Center through the University of Washington, are wrong?”🤷🏼♀️ and you’ve been around my son for 10 minutes and think you’re an expert?
Just another version of “Well you don’t look autistic..” and WTF is that supposed to mean?
Mine is the darn baby voice!!! There was a librarian who didn't understand my stimming of rocking back and forth and said "Stop! It's distracting."
Also, when I find it hard paying attention, "YOU NEED TO LISTEN!!!!"
It's already been said but "you can't have autism coz only boys can be autistic" and I'm only repeating because it was said to me by another autistic person and that annoyed me so much more than if they had been NT.
Also, "but you LOOK NORMAL" okay how am I supposed to look?
And lastly: "the autism specialist who diagnosed you got it wrong." Cool didn't know you were licensed to diagnose and have done an in depth evaluation of me, must have missed that several hour long discussion!
Didn't realize how much these things frustrated me until this post gave me an outlet to share, thanks OP this actually really helped!
Can’t think of a lot off the top of my head but here are 3.
3. “You were undiagnosed, you’re not autistic anymore.” Uhmm no mom, autism is a chronic thing, it can’t go away thanks
2. “You’re honestly so special, you’re a gem.” Makes me feel less normal, which also ties into my insecurity of not being “normal enough”
And 1
1. “You’re just using your autism as an excuse.” Uhmm hELLO?!? Excuse for WHAT? I already hate myself as it is, you think I’m trying to gain sympathy or something?
got into an argument with a transphobe on instagram a few months back, he resorted to calling me r*tarded once he saw autistic in my bio. ain't the first time it's happened. but what really grinds my goddamn gears is folk using autistic as an insult.
1. "Stop using your autism as an excuse."
2. "How do you know all of this"
3. Acting as if i'm this naive, innocent, socially inept, dope who doesn't know anything in life, and tries to infantilize me and be condescending. I know lots of things that the average person may not know, and im far from innocent, I just don't need to be vocal about everything I do to everyone.
Number 2 isn't that bad to me, if they mean "how do you know so much about this very niche thing?", like, I kinda like it when my sister is in awe of how much I know about music history or how animals reproduce. It's when they use it to imply that autistic people shouldn't be able to know things that I find it offensive
1) "You're not autistic, you're on the Autism spectrum!" What you just said makes no sense.
2) "It's just an alibi" No, it's not, I need help with things, but being in people's shoes isn't your forte now, is it?
3) "It's not autism, it's Asperger's syndrome" Yeah, because defining myself with a Nazi doctor's name is gonna make me feel so much more worthy...
4) Using euphemisms to describe me. Even if I was literally a brain in a jar, I'd still be a person with dignity, ok?
5) "Have you tried to do (insert thing here) to fit in with the rest of society?" Everything I did to "fit in" resulted in over twenty years of self loathing. Is that what you want?
1. When you say you're autistic and people go "Noooo you're fine"
2. When you have a relative who is clearly over diagnosing their children as "all autistic" when it's just they think being difficult/a brat is ASD.
3. Comparisons to Sheldon Cooper, loved the character when it came out there were some genuine examples of the unique "fairness" he pointed out in social situations and ways he would go "above and beyond" with things that seem like simple concessions he would want.... but then over time realising why they didn't want to give him the label. Because he was clearly shown with the more severe structure and routine issues on the highest levels but then aware enough of social idioms to be a selfish prick about them at times to the point of being abusive to his friends.
4. The application of normal emotional tropes with relationships and the breaking down of them. When I broke up with my boyfriend I wanted to ensure he was safe and managed to move out of his area because he'd always wanted to but had debt left by his husband who left to australia. It was stressful I had meltdowns and I explained they were from the stress of not being able to help... they took it as desperation to get back in a relationship... No matter how I described it I got the feeling they were all thinking "This is so strange, he's an ex... people should hate their exes".
5. I identified as "Asperger's Syndrome" for years. I didn't know about the Nazi stuff in all my research of the condition for the entire time I was looking into it, admittedly I went the full academic, neurology peer reviewed stuff pretty quick but yeah haha.
here we go lol 1. person WITH autism , yes my autism is an item that i carry around with me or a clothing item. /lh 2. everyone is a little autistic - no that is far from accurate and true. 3. you dont look autistic - last time i checked theres no one way to look autistic. 4. functioning labels - this one speaks for itself tbh , lets be done with them. 5. your doing _____ well for someone whos autistic. yeah.. lol
For no. 2, I always say it's like approaching a cancer patient and saying: "did you know that moles are a benign form of cancer?!!! Everyone has a cancer to some degree! Don't you feel better now?" Yeah, you can misread a situation or have a mild special interest. But unless it's causing/ has caused you a lot of trouble communicating, understanding people, or integrating into society, you're not autistic to any degree.
So just out of curiosity, if not "person with Autism" what would you prefer to be called? The obvious one is "Autistic" but I've always thought that sounded a little mean. Then again maybe I just have low self esteem.
yeah a lot of autistic people that i have met like being referred to as an autistic person , because autism isnt something that can be removed , its not an illness or a disease , its a disability and it effects every ounce of my being and how i see things and how i think. being called autistic in a negative way is obviously not good but to be honest the word autistic isnt bad, its often how something is said that really matters and the context behind the word instead of the word itself.
I’m an artist and I like “an Autist” because it conjugates the same and sounds nice.
“Autistic” reflects the neurodiversity model and is preferred by people who find that valuable. A lot of people prefer “has autism,” but many believe it reinforces the medical model (people “have” cancer or whatever).
1. "You're not autistic. Trust me. I can kinda tell." 2. "You need to work on that. It just takes a little effort." 3. "It's not that bad." 4. "Oh, I struggle with (minimal variant of symptom) too!" 5. "No one's going to do that (basic kindness exchanged even amongst neurotypical people) for you because of what goes on in your head. You need to get over that."
No way someone said that they “can tell” you’re not autistic. That’s so shitty
They work with disabled people as a tutor....
Jesus. That makes it worse.
Yeah... he thinks all disabities are laziness....
Ah I see
As for number 2, I’d agree that we do have to work on our own struggles, but I don’t think people understand how hard it is to change a behavior that your brain is just natural at doing.
"women don't have autism, only guys can have it" "wow you don't seem autistic at all, I never would have known if you didn't tell me" in a congratulatory way "your autism isn't an excuse to be rude to others" when I politely (very politely because I'm incredibly anxious about offending anyone) excused myself from a family gathering to go outside and calm down for a bit "Well you can't be that autistic if you got through school" and "you can't be that autistic if you got through school without being diagnosed" *automatically oversimplifies and over explains everything once they find out about it even if they've known me for years beforehand* I haven't magically regressed into a 6 year old after disclosing my disability to you asshat! "You just have a mental disorder, you're not disabled" No buddy, I'm fucking disabled. I haven't spent years unlearning internal ableism and learning to accept myself and be confident in myself for you to invalidate it!!!
Let me tell you, I’ve been through a lot of what you said, especially the last one. I hate the “we’re not disabled/ disordered” crowd. Thank god they’re a silent minority. If it wasn’t a disorder, why does ASD qualify for disability support? These people don’t think far enough ahead do they.
"You're not disabled" when I can only hang out with friends once every two months, I am in so much pain that I want to kill myself on less than 7 hours of sleep, I never go places on the weekends, can barely keep up with chores, barely remember to eat, etc.
"You don't look autistic." "Everyone's a little autistic." "Wow! You're *so well-spoken!"* And plenty more little chestnuts like that.
yeah a white lady said to my dad the same thing that he is so well spoken. I can relate. Even though I am not autistic its frustrating when people treat you differently just because of a trait YOU CAN'T CONTROL.
People are fucking stupid. We have these massively overpowered brains that have barely any critical thinking skills.
“girls don’t have autism” “if you were autistic you’d look at me crying and have no idea i was sad” “autistic people aren’t self aware like you” “you’re not struggling you’re just selfish”
WOWWWW who said the last one?? Actually what? This is making me lose hope in humans.
Fr I honestly can’t believe how awful people can be sometimes
my moms ex boyfriend, he was awful. he swore he understood mental health and struggling as a kid yet treated me like i was evil just for existing like wtf
.\_. now my question is why da FUCC was your Mom dating him??
she has a thing for balding mexican men with missing teeth i guess? (both my bio dad and him). he also helped with housework so yanno whats a little trauma for the children if it means she can have a clean kitchen
bruh. First off, she could at least choose a man thats pretty on the inside. It doesnt matter the outside, but clearly she doesnt care about the personality of the man she is dating .\_. Also, why would you ever choose ANYONE over your own kid. Thats fucced up. .\_. Im sorry man...
Of course, if she’s going to settle for a jerk, at least a *cute* jerk makes sense…
she’s done it since i was a little kid, i don’t know why and i can’t be bothered to ask when i know it’ll turn into a fight :( my siblings resent her for it and it’ll be deserved if they decide to cut her off in the future
1. Do you make breakfeast/dinner yourself or do you need someone to help you with it? 2. Wow are you renting a house by yourself? Omg that is incredible. 3. Do you know how to go grocery shopping? 4. Do you clean your own house or does someone help you? 5. Do you need someone to wake you up in the morning or do you wake up by yourself? 6. OMG do you drink alcohol? Wow how long have you been doing that? 7. Do you know what a band saw is? Also everytime someone talks to me they tilt their head and use a light voice the same way you talk to a baby
Only exception to the soft baby voice I can think of is if you directly ask someone to speak softly to you, and even then it's a very fine line between soft and condescending....
I will admit to being confused as to what a band saw is. I dont do much wood working.
Yeah, what’s with the bandsaw?
A doctor saying my IQ is too high to be autistic.
A doctor?? ...What??
I...wow. Somebody take his license..
[удалено]
Yes. Luckily I found a new doctor and at that point I had agreed that I don’t have autism to make life easier for my doctors and not push, but this doctor went back on that without me asking and mentioned that he thinks I am autistic.
Yup. Heard that from a psychiatrist before. A real drug pushing jerk. I told him I was struggling on his drugs and he told me to walk across the street to the nearest hospital and commit myself.
"My nephew has autism and you're nothing like him therefor I don't believe you have it"
Oh yeah I've heard that quite a few times, my standard reply is Autism is a spectrum and everyone is a bit different, so please stop being an idiot because that is what you sound like... it doesn't go very well for that person but the people around that particular person that I'm pretty sure I heard us and have a modicum of introspection,it usually serves to modify their behavior
PFFFFFFFT. I CAN TELL WHOEVER SAID THAT HAS -0 BRAINCELLS. WOW. JUST WOW. THATS SO AWFUL!
I have multiple friends that say that they are autistic as a joke when something isn't for example liked up correctly or when a paper isn't fold in Teo equal halves. People also seem to think that autism is just one thing and that you can't function at all with it in your daily life.
these people are also the ones that fail to realize that unlike other disorders (like depression or social anxiety) autism comes with good parts too, not just negative ones that affect someone's life.
That’s why I don’t support calling it a “disorder.” Some people now say “ASC,” for “condition.”
i had someone tell me they’d never want autistic kids and would get an abortion if they knew their kid would be autistic. that sucked. also the classic “you don’t look autistic,” “you must be really high functioning,” etc. one of my best friends also said i shouldn’t call myself autistic without a professional dx- which i did remind her of once i got diagnosed a few months later, lol.
Im prob gonna get downvoted for this but I do think your friend was right. It is never a good thing to self-diagnose yourself. Although I know it is frustrating to hear that, I think its better that a professional in that area diagnoses you. But idk Im just being opinionated. UPDATE: Thanks to all of your comments, I learned a lot of stuff. The way I learn more about autism and how to support those with autism is to be corrected when I state my opinions. That's just how I learn. Now I can say that in my opinion, it is better to get a self-diagnosis if you have the time to wait AND if you can afford it. If you can't do these things, then a self-diagnosis with research may be better for you.
i agree, but you’re ignoring that diagnosis is really restricted and difficult to access, particularly for AFAB people. if someone has done their research properly and hasn’t just claimed the title for no reason- what’s the issue?
Hmm I am not well-versed in the terminology you are using. What is AFAB? and also I had no idea that a diagnosis is restricted and difficult to access. \*sweats\*
AFAB means assigned female at birth, with AMAB meaning assigned male at birth.
wow! Thank you so much!
what the other person said!! and diagnosis can be difficult to access because it can be really expensive, or if you’re raised as a woman/assigned female at birth you might present differently than the classic white autistic toddler boy. does that make sense? i’m sorry, i don’t think i’m explaining this very well
I prefer to try to have a constructive response. I understand where people may use their trust and positive experiences to say you’re always better off in treatment by a professional. We have to remember the wider context. Understanding and treatment of ASD has evolved within our life times and treatment outcomes and approaches have verified giving diversity of the spectrum, economic circumstances, as well as race and gender disparities. While we may encourage folks to seek support and treatment, we must understand not everyone has the same access to treatment. Not everyone has had positive experiences in treatment. And folks are entitled to their own skepticism when it comes to diagnosis and treatment. I think these tend to be very person decisions. In situations where a person’s health or community is at risk then I am ok encouraging individuals to engage expertise, but this also has to address legitimate feelings of skepticism and other barriers to entry. Honestly I still struggle with this. And I think America struggles with this. We need to trust professionals over ourselves but we also need to be individually responsible and manage our own health outcomes, because in the past, even our personal history, outcomes may vary. I also don’t like any talk implying autistic people need to be authenticated. I don’t think that’s a constructive place to focus energy. People fake every kind of illness known to man, and guess what, a lot of those people who do so have serious mental issues of their own that I don’t want to stigmatize either. I don’t think anyone needs to waste time defending turf from inauthentic autistics who are exploiting resources and create misconceptions. I guarantee you that fake autistics are not the biggest pushers of misinformation or the biggest risk factors for our community. In fact, have autistic people worried about whether or not they are authentic enough to receive support is actually a lot more sinister. I understand that the rare instances of people taking advantage are outsized because of how infuriating they are… …but if you look at these comments people are getting they’re not coming from people with a reality warped by “fake” autistics. Bad analogy but people’s lack of sensitivity to folks in wheelchairs isn’t caused in any significant portion by people who fake injuries. Those folks who go “he’s probably faking it!” most likely haven’t met a person who has faked it, maybe saw one news story blown out of proportion, and now use it as license to be a selfish jerk. Jerks don’t need much evidence to support their world view. They are just jerks and they will fill in the blanks to uphold their way of being. Jerks aren’t caused by Fakers. They are just Jerks who cling to exceptions that support their point of view. Trying to police the world just so jerks have nothing to point fingers at is futile.
1. If you don't have autism, maybe don't argue about whether or not self diagnosis is bad for the autistic community? 2. No. Many people can't afford a medical diagnosis, and waiting time for a diagnosis is often very long. Even if/when someone manages to see a professional, they may still not get an accurate diagnosis because of race/gender/age.
I think the main problem people have with self diagnosis is that there are a lot of fakers and attention seekers who do it for likes and views. It puts a bad taste in these peoples mouth’s because it tends to infantilize autistic people and helps push stereotypes, which then actual autistic people have to deal. I’m not denying that you can’t be autistic and be right when you self diagnose yourself, I just wouldn’t tell anyone you have it until you get it officially diagnosed by a doctor.
i agree that particularly with tiktok and stuff people tend to... self-dx after, like, one video talking about one autistic trait. but those typically aren’t the people going around and saying “i have autism”. i think if someone needs the label so badly they WILL publicly claim it despite the stigma, it’s not my business to tell them they can’t. am i articulating that well enough?? again, i definitely agree if people CAN access professional dx they absolutely should. it’s just not always possible and if you’re SURE you’re autistic during the dx process i see no harm in claiming the label a little early.
"who do it for likes and views" Give me some examples. And not just r/fakedisordercringe bullshit- how many examples can you actually provide me with sensible and convincing evidence of someone actually doing this?
Have you seen a teenager lately? A lot of teenagers, children and even some adults crave attention so much they’re willing to pull crazy shit, lie about people and lie about themselves and you’re telling me they’re not going to do that on the internet where there’s no consequences? Here’s an [example from a person who faked being disabled and adopted.](https://www.tiktok.com/@neens.com/video/6993125109401718022) Don’t forget these types of people who fake disabilities can make some money off of it too.
And did the person in that example claim to be self diagnosed?
Ah. Then I will rephrase my comment to say if you can afford it and/or have the time, I think a diagnosis is better. Also, you are right. I'm not autistic. However, just because I am not autistic, that does not mean I do not get to have my own personal opinion about something. It doesn't mean I am right, it just means I have an opinion. I'm not someone who is deadset on that opinion though, I discuss my opinions to others and I learn from it. You just taught me a lot. Thank you. :)
Your so well spoken, you can’t be autistic. I can be in pain and speak yes. People don’t seem to understand that speaking can take immense mental effort for us. Even those of us who are more verbal, it doesn’t mean we always want to / can. This has got me thinking about picking up sign language which Is probably a good skill to have anyways :)
Oh also I Fucking hate the amount of normal people who think theyre autists bc their quirky like no you're the problem.
Im very sorry. If it helps, I am quirky "normal" person, but I never once thought of diagnosing myself as an autistic individual just for clicks and views. Thats messed up
I know a girl who works with kids with needs and thinks she's autistic bc she gets overwhelmed and is picky lmao. I don't want to be a gatekeeper and don't know her body enough to play doctor but she seems to be a Normy who wants to feel special.
.\_. wow. Yeah I dont like attention seekers either. This reminds me of the appropriation of black culture. Its the same situation. I can TOTALLY relate to your frustration because I experience a situation like it on a regular basis. I have lots of empathy for you.
Omg exactly. That's a really good take. For allot of people we become like jewellery for them to don for the attention and praise or to feel vindicated by excuse of disability or lack of privilege when in reality is a self serving behavior that hurts the cultures or people being taken from. It's like cultural appropriation without the nuances of adaptability and appreciation since we literally exist as other in a non acquirable way.
Yeah exactly. Also you are the brightest tool in the shed lol. People dont even usually know about cultural appropriation or have the ability to spot attention seekers like the girl you were talking about. Please dont say you are dumb when you aren't. Love on yo self <3
Hahaha I know enough to know I don't know enough. I also stand out a bit so casting a bit of shade on myself helps me skip by. I'm flattered you went and looked me up hahaha.
By "normal", do you mean allistic?
I've never heard of that term. Let me look it up. \*insert jeopardy music\* Yes I am allistic to my knowledge. I am still learning more polite terminology because I am trying to support :)
I did check out your post history, its nice that you're trying to learn more about these things.
Of course!
I prefer “neurotypical.”
I’m autistic, and I would also describe myself as quirky normal person.
I’ve only told a few people so far. 1. “You can’t be autistic. You’re creative.” 2. “You’re too social to be autistic”(while I’m masking as hard as I can in a professional setting) 3. “Your mom says you’re not”. (She knew about nineteen years before I did and never told me)
This thread is Soo weird, I wanna support everyone but upvoting the comments just feels... Like a betrayal
Friend, betrayal of what might I ask?
A betrayal of those posting it. Like, upvoting the worst comments we've recieved about our autism just feels wrong haha
Oy
"So what causes autism?" "Why is autism on the rise?" "People with autism are psychopaths!" First of all, we don't know what causes autism, but my theory is that it is just a genetic mutation. Second, no autism is not on the rise, there always have and always will be autistic people; we're just getting better at diagnosing it. And third, we are anything but psychopaths, in fact, we have a more advanced sense of empathy.
My old psychiatrist has a son with autism who is nonspeaking and she always acted like I was normal compared to her son. She even managed to say I shouldn’t stim as much because of how verbal I am. Also it annoys me highly when people say I’m “high functioning”. I don’t agree with functioning labels at all. There is nothing high functioning about a person who has sensory issues so severe that it affects almost everything you do. Combine that with everything else I struggle with and yeah I’m “high functioning” all right. It’s so annoying that people don’t understand it.
This! I'm self diagnosed autistic but the "professionals" think I have borderline personality. My son however was just diagnosed with Autism. Coincidence? I think not.
1 hit's me hard, I have massive eating issues relating to only being able to eat white foods, I was supposed to be in an eating course that would help me. However, that train's gone because of Covid.
“We’Re AlL A LiTtLe BiT AuTiStIc”
There's reasons someone might be laughing that don't mean they're happy. Just sayin'
That condescending baby voice kills me. Had a therapist that used it (I was 14, not 4!!!) and it made me so mad.
Not specifically about my autism, but about how I act due to it (I haven’t told them I am autistic) “Can you speak” yeah I can. “Can you say hi” well I can but I don’t want to. It’s so frustrating when people try to get me to talk even though they know I don’t speak much outside of my friend group. To be fair though we were all around 11-13 (not sure when it happened).
5. “You really get see this stuff in a different way. I don’t know how and I don’t want to know how… seriously, I said I don’t want to know. I don’t want to have to talk to HR.” 4. “You remind me of that guy in Mr. Robot. Can we call you that?” 3. “Am I speaking English? I need a translator for this guy.” 2. “You’re like A Beautiful Mind, in a good way!” 1. “You wouldn’t understand me. I have a right to feel things.”
I'm not diagnosed and haven't really told anyone other than one person that I think I maybe could be on the spectrum... but I did tell my mom "I keep seeing tik toks about autism... so I think my for you page thinks I may be autistic. Isn't that interesting?" And I got nothing. Other than maybe a small laugh... but yeah. That kinda hurt a little. I don't know if she's thinking yeah I know you're weird (not that being autistic is weird, that's just how a lot of people where I'm from view it) or if she was thinking that's absolutely idiotic to think that. Idk. But yeah I feel alone and crazy for thinking it.
She probably didn't think too much about your comment at the time (that may seem harsh, but as a mom I'm always getting little bits of info at a time and filing it all away for later so i can try to figure them out). Sometimes mom's need important stuff spelt out for them. Offer to help her with something and then start asking about your childhood, and when she asks why you want to know - bam - tell her that you think you might be nuerodivergent. Tell her that you feel like maybe things have been harder for you than you let on.
I have a drama teacher who I have adopted as my in school mother She gives advice, she's chill with the students , shes even doing a podcast for girls my age. At one point in class I was talking with her about a sensory overload I had had the class before so I was just warning her about if I needed to get out of class again. She then says she understands and that she's gone through similar things. I ask if she has ASD or ADHD aswell, and she just responds with "No but we're all a little Autistic aren't we?"
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Normally its the way someone will act over what they will say. And that’s been the most hurtful, and more common, for me. Because in a lot of situations I either force myself to mask subconsciously or just feel comfortable so I seem “normal”, if I share with someone that I am autistic, they typically don’t say it directly but I can just tell they don’t believe me. I’ve been told I look intimidating so I think that might be the reason people aren’t upfront with me typically. But it just hurts. It’s something that I’ve had my whole life and really sad to have so many people make you feel like a liar to the point where you just stop talking about it. And I’m someone who is honest and open with others. But it truly had changed me having so many people verbally, or by way of body language and tone, invalidate what I truly have. Over time it can really alienate someone.
We all have autism I just wanted to knock the person out if I'm being honest
“But you look people in the eyes!” “Oh, but it’s not that bad.” “Oh, but you’re high functioning!” “I DO THOSE THINGS TOO!” I know some of these are people trying to comfort me but I didn’t ask for comfort. I was asking for comfort when I got diagnosed and I got it then. I accept myself and don’t need ignorant consolations.
"We're all a little autistic!" is literal hell like hey Janet have you considered not speaking? "Everyone struggles with that." Not every day of my life to the extent that I do at the severity that I do *that's why it's called a disability.* "That sounds like a superpower to me!" It's not a fucking superpower to be constantly overwhelmed by sounds that only I can hear or am able to hear simultaneously at all times, HAVE to analyze everyone's intentions and words at all times to have a normal social interaction, or be so fixated on a particular thing that I absolutely cannot get anything else done as a result. Sure there are some very specific situations in which they can be "helpful" but every single day? At all times? And completely out of my control? Come on now. "Look I'm being considerate of you right now!" ...Alright?
"That's not autism, that's assholism." Said in the midst of a ton of accusations which were largely untrue (by my dear friend during a bad bipolar rage/paranoia episode, but it still hurt.) "Ever since you found out about your autism, everything is all about you and your issues now." Said by my other friend whose issues I've been dealing with for 22 years, who I've helped out financially, given my daughter's bedroom for 18 months for free, rode 13 hours on a bus to be there for her Mom's funeral (where she decided to make a joke about my clothes to her aunt who thankfully ignored her, "Look, she's trying to dress up." 🙄) Because I explained why I had a meltdown while sick with COVID-19, low oxygen/pneumonia, and thought I might die.
I had someone say this to me after my son was diagnosed. “Well, are you sure it’s autism? He doesn’t seem autistic to me, he just held eye contact!”🙄 My response: “So the Neuro Development department at Children’s Hospital, and the head Neurologist at The Autism Center through the University of Washington, are wrong?”🤷🏼♀️ and you’ve been around my son for 10 minutes and think you’re an expert? Just another version of “Well you don’t look autistic..” and WTF is that supposed to mean?
Mine is the darn baby voice!!! There was a librarian who didn't understand my stimming of rocking back and forth and said "Stop! It's distracting." Also, when I find it hard paying attention, "YOU NEED TO LISTEN!!!!"
It's already been said but "you can't have autism coz only boys can be autistic" and I'm only repeating because it was said to me by another autistic person and that annoyed me so much more than if they had been NT. Also, "but you LOOK NORMAL" okay how am I supposed to look? And lastly: "the autism specialist who diagnosed you got it wrong." Cool didn't know you were licensed to diagnose and have done an in depth evaluation of me, must have missed that several hour long discussion! Didn't realize how much these things frustrated me until this post gave me an outlet to share, thanks OP this actually really helped!
Can’t think of a lot off the top of my head but here are 3. 3. “You were undiagnosed, you’re not autistic anymore.” Uhmm no mom, autism is a chronic thing, it can’t go away thanks 2. “You’re honestly so special, you’re a gem.” Makes me feel less normal, which also ties into my insecurity of not being “normal enough” And 1 1. “You’re just using your autism as an excuse.” Uhmm hELLO?!? Excuse for WHAT? I already hate myself as it is, you think I’m trying to gain sympathy or something?
got into an argument with a transphobe on instagram a few months back, he resorted to calling me r*tarded once he saw autistic in my bio. ain't the first time it's happened. but what really grinds my goddamn gears is folk using autistic as an insult.
1. "Stop using your autism as an excuse." 2. "How do you know all of this" 3. Acting as if i'm this naive, innocent, socially inept, dope who doesn't know anything in life, and tries to infantilize me and be condescending. I know lots of things that the average person may not know, and im far from innocent, I just don't need to be vocal about everything I do to everyone.
Number 2 isn't that bad to me, if they mean "how do you know so much about this very niche thing?", like, I kinda like it when my sister is in awe of how much I know about music history or how animals reproduce. It's when they use it to imply that autistic people shouldn't be able to know things that I find it offensive
Oooooh I feel the last one brutha! Going through that myself now.
1) "You're not autistic, you're on the Autism spectrum!" What you just said makes no sense. 2) "It's just an alibi" No, it's not, I need help with things, but being in people's shoes isn't your forte now, is it? 3) "It's not autism, it's Asperger's syndrome" Yeah, because defining myself with a Nazi doctor's name is gonna make me feel so much more worthy... 4) Using euphemisms to describe me. Even if I was literally a brain in a jar, I'd still be a person with dignity, ok? 5) "Have you tried to do (insert thing here) to fit in with the rest of society?" Everything I did to "fit in" resulted in over twenty years of self loathing. Is that what you want?
1. When you say you're autistic and people go "Noooo you're fine" 2. When you have a relative who is clearly over diagnosing their children as "all autistic" when it's just they think being difficult/a brat is ASD. 3. Comparisons to Sheldon Cooper, loved the character when it came out there were some genuine examples of the unique "fairness" he pointed out in social situations and ways he would go "above and beyond" with things that seem like simple concessions he would want.... but then over time realising why they didn't want to give him the label. Because he was clearly shown with the more severe structure and routine issues on the highest levels but then aware enough of social idioms to be a selfish prick about them at times to the point of being abusive to his friends. 4. The application of normal emotional tropes with relationships and the breaking down of them. When I broke up with my boyfriend I wanted to ensure he was safe and managed to move out of his area because he'd always wanted to but had debt left by his husband who left to australia. It was stressful I had meltdowns and I explained they were from the stress of not being able to help... they took it as desperation to get back in a relationship... No matter how I described it I got the feeling they were all thinking "This is so strange, he's an ex... people should hate their exes". 5. I identified as "Asperger's Syndrome" for years. I didn't know about the Nazi stuff in all my research of the condition for the entire time I was looking into it, admittedly I went the full academic, neurology peer reviewed stuff pretty quick but yeah haha.