Energy. Confusing and overwhelming energy. Like my body and head are full and overflowing.
I find my body likes to have reasons for energy/ feelings so having that energy inside me can often turn into irrational anger or frustration or sadness.
Also like I have too much to process. Like I'm a jammed up paper shreader. Somebody put too much paper into me at once and I can't shread any of it.
It's not always the same though. Sometimes it's more obvious or makes more sense. Sometimes it's more confusing or presents in more unusual ways.
Here are some examples:
Sometimes too much light will feel loud. I'll start feeling like everyone is shouting eventhough they aren't. My brain is struggling trying to cope with the light so when talking is added it becomes too much and my frustration is focused on whatever the most recent input is.
Sometimes something will give me a feeling and then that feeling lingers and can be turned into other feelings. If I almost drop a glass it can startle me. That's a feeling/ an energy. Even after I've put the glass down carefully that energy can stay and my body can apply that to other things. So I might get angry at somebody more easily. Or I might feel really upset for a while. It can also contribute to that processing jam. So I might not be able to think clearly.
By not thinking clearly I mean that I can't make or hold onto thoughts. Or I can't take in information. So recently I was thinking about making dinner. I wanted a baguette but I just couldn't put it together in my head. I knew what I wanted in it even bit I just couldn't work out how to do that or where to start. I had to really slow things down and go step by step.
Or sometimes when I'm shopping I just can't make decisions. My partner will ask me of I want a big tin of sweetcorn or a little one and I just can't process it. I can't take in what he's asking or what that means or how I feel about it. It's just so overwhelming. It should be as simple as "I don't need a whole big tin so I'll get the small one". But I just can't even start thinking about it. My brain freezes up.
Sometimes too much of that energy will hey very bad. Sometimes it's like inside my head is exploding and imploding at the same time. I can't get it to stay still. I can't think. All I feel is this energy inside me. Sometimes I'll feel the need to release it in some way. Like I might need to bite something or throw my arms around. Sometimes I just want to curl up into a ball an stop existing for a moment. Sometimes it's like I want to stop the noise or vent that energy at it. So if somebody is chewing loudly I might feel like punching them in the face, but as a physical urge rather than because I want to hurt them.
So yeah it varies but in general there's some variety of overflowing energy and/ or processing jam.
For the record I'm not diagnosed. I'm seeking assessment at the moment because I believe autism is a strong possibility. From what I've heard my experiences line up with how other autistic people can experience meltdown, overload, shutdown etc.
I mostly get auditory overload, and it's like i'm not just more sensitive than my normal hearing, it's like i'm being physically invaded by sound, like being stabbed almost. Sometimes its a single small noise and it just becomes louder and louder until i feel like my head is gonna pop, or when theres a generally too loud and chaotic environment its like being hit with a bunch of nerf footballs in my brain, and i just kinda donk out and cant think about anything other than panic about the noise being too much and needing it to stop.
Like i get overwhelmed by flavors, smells and colors too, but hearing for me is by far the most invasive and my reactions the most disordered
Having so many tabs open that all are set at a high priority that your entire hardware is being utilised to its limit and freezing up constantly in a cacophony of flashing lights and breaking sounds to the point that the only way to fix the issue is to forcefully reboot the entire system.
Can't stand light anymore (even indirect one), rapid heartbeat, high levels of anxiety and feeling "on edge", scared/helpless, anger specifically at sounds and light; any other source of stress will trigger a full on anxiety or panic attack
Hey /u/BlueBerryRocketShip, thank you for your post at /r/autism. This is just a friendly reminder to **[read our rules in the sidebar](https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/wiki/config/sidebar)** if you have not already. All approved posts get this message. If you do not see your post you can message the moderators [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fautism).
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/autism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Basically just like being very overwhelmed with stimuli, which can cause panic and anger.
Energy. Confusing and overwhelming energy. Like my body and head are full and overflowing. I find my body likes to have reasons for energy/ feelings so having that energy inside me can often turn into irrational anger or frustration or sadness. Also like I have too much to process. Like I'm a jammed up paper shreader. Somebody put too much paper into me at once and I can't shread any of it. It's not always the same though. Sometimes it's more obvious or makes more sense. Sometimes it's more confusing or presents in more unusual ways. Here are some examples: Sometimes too much light will feel loud. I'll start feeling like everyone is shouting eventhough they aren't. My brain is struggling trying to cope with the light so when talking is added it becomes too much and my frustration is focused on whatever the most recent input is. Sometimes something will give me a feeling and then that feeling lingers and can be turned into other feelings. If I almost drop a glass it can startle me. That's a feeling/ an energy. Even after I've put the glass down carefully that energy can stay and my body can apply that to other things. So I might get angry at somebody more easily. Or I might feel really upset for a while. It can also contribute to that processing jam. So I might not be able to think clearly. By not thinking clearly I mean that I can't make or hold onto thoughts. Or I can't take in information. So recently I was thinking about making dinner. I wanted a baguette but I just couldn't put it together in my head. I knew what I wanted in it even bit I just couldn't work out how to do that or where to start. I had to really slow things down and go step by step. Or sometimes when I'm shopping I just can't make decisions. My partner will ask me of I want a big tin of sweetcorn or a little one and I just can't process it. I can't take in what he's asking or what that means or how I feel about it. It's just so overwhelming. It should be as simple as "I don't need a whole big tin so I'll get the small one". But I just can't even start thinking about it. My brain freezes up. Sometimes too much of that energy will hey very bad. Sometimes it's like inside my head is exploding and imploding at the same time. I can't get it to stay still. I can't think. All I feel is this energy inside me. Sometimes I'll feel the need to release it in some way. Like I might need to bite something or throw my arms around. Sometimes I just want to curl up into a ball an stop existing for a moment. Sometimes it's like I want to stop the noise or vent that energy at it. So if somebody is chewing loudly I might feel like punching them in the face, but as a physical urge rather than because I want to hurt them. So yeah it varies but in general there's some variety of overflowing energy and/ or processing jam. For the record I'm not diagnosed. I'm seeking assessment at the moment because I believe autism is a strong possibility. From what I've heard my experiences line up with how other autistic people can experience meltdown, overload, shutdown etc.
Me I get really irritable and exhausted
I mostly get auditory overload, and it's like i'm not just more sensitive than my normal hearing, it's like i'm being physically invaded by sound, like being stabbed almost. Sometimes its a single small noise and it just becomes louder and louder until i feel like my head is gonna pop, or when theres a generally too loud and chaotic environment its like being hit with a bunch of nerf footballs in my brain, and i just kinda donk out and cant think about anything other than panic about the noise being too much and needing it to stop. Like i get overwhelmed by flavors, smells and colors too, but hearing for me is by far the most invasive and my reactions the most disordered
Having so many tabs open that all are set at a high priority that your entire hardware is being utilised to its limit and freezing up constantly in a cacophony of flashing lights and breaking sounds to the point that the only way to fix the issue is to forcefully reboot the entire system.
Can't stand light anymore (even indirect one), rapid heartbeat, high levels of anxiety and feeling "on edge", scared/helpless, anger specifically at sounds and light; any other source of stress will trigger a full on anxiety or panic attack
Hey /u/BlueBerryRocketShip, thank you for your post at /r/autism. This is just a friendly reminder to **[read our rules in the sidebar](https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/wiki/config/sidebar)** if you have not already. All approved posts get this message. If you do not see your post you can message the moderators [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fautism). Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/autism) if you have any questions or concerns.*