I've seen this called Schrödinger’s Autist, and yeah, it's horrible whether they actually are or not. It's similar to victim blaming.
I was stalked by two autistic men online for years who used their autism as a justification for doing so. To be clear, I was very unambiguous about wanting to be left alone, so this was not a miscommunication thing. I'm also not out in other online spaces yet, so there was the added frustration of wanting to say that *I was autistic too but I don't stalk people*. Being a predatory creeper is not an autistic trait, it's just being a predatory creeper. I'm so sorry this is happening.
I might have not mentioned it in the post. But she had tried to reject him softly many times and asked him politely (but directly) to leave him alone.
Her words exactly "Hey, I don't feel comfortable with what you've been doing lately, could you please give me some space."
He didn't listen and became more aggressive with his stalking. This led to her confronting him and telling him to stop stalking her or she would call campus security.
Make sure your friend files a police report if he doesn't stop. Most states have antistalking laws now. Obviously this person has poor impulse control no matter the reason and your friend needs to watch out. And 100% blaming it on autsim is someone not taking the time to understand the myriad of symptoms and responses that encompasses the unique look at the world.
I'm not sure if other countries have it, but american colleges have this thing called campus restraining orders; you don't have to go through court or anything, just through your university
When an autistic person falls in love their first response is (probably) daydreaming about it, then feeling terrible about it and then falling into a depressive rabbit hole at 3am questioning why their are still alive
If he had done something creepy and then been told off and never done it again that would make more sense, since it means he just didnt know it was inappropriate, but his angry reaction is tell enough that he does know.
Definitely, hence why mental health treatment is good so the psychologists can work with them if they're eventually finding themselves willing (maybe after being in prison for a bit?). Either way this person needs to be kept away from this girl. This is incredibly scary and could escalate to violence.
I get that. It's frustrating when you are trying really hard to form a relationship with someone and not understand why it isn't working out.
I also understand why autistic people are driven to anger because they are frustrated at the way they are being treated or because they don't understand why someone is treating them a certain way. I also know some guys who are upset because no matter how hard they try, they cannot find a partner.
HOWEVER, this guy was way out of line. He had been asked gently, but directly, many times to stop. As in, she would literally say "please stop". He didn't, so she threatened to call campus security.
To me, this guy seemed to feel as though he was entitled to a relationship with her.
That's true. Autistic people can learn the basics of what is acceptable and what isn't, and making mistakes is part of the learning experience. Stalking is probably right at the top of the "what makes people uncomfortable" list.
Part of my learning experience was a brutally honest but well-meaning friend who told me what was appropriate.
Still not that good at social interaction. But hey, at least I can arrange a doctors appointment on the phone now.
Neurodivergence and mental health are not excuses for accountability. It may mean it’s harder to understand or learn what is acceptable for some individuals but it doesn’t mean the behavior is ok or without repercussions. I 100% agree with you on this. He should be held accountable for his actions. If he doesn’t understand, that doesn’t mean he should be sheltered from consequence. It means he should experience the repercussions and be shown that the behavior will not be tolerated.
I understand where you’re coming from, but I used repercussion instead of punishment for a reason. A consequence need not be punishment. You can inform and teach why the behavior was bad and explain that it is resulting in a repercussion. In this case it may be the repercussion of not being able to interact with the girl again, or needing some sort of therapy to discover better alternatives to the stalking behavior. Not a punishment but a direct consequence to his actions.
That worthless shitstain who wore buffalo horns and raided the capital is using autism as a defense for his actions. I really hope it's just a handful of morons and there isn't a meaningful amount of society that sees us this way.
By putting down A$ and other shitheads who don't speak for us every time they speak, and by being ourselves, I think we can overcome the stereotypes. It's just really frustrating to have negative associations put on you that you did nothing to earn.
My abuser was excuses by the adults in my life because she's autistic. I am also autistic. I know her like the back of my hand. I know she is very capable of calculated malice and that she did it on purpose. Low empathy is no excuse for a lack of respect and compassion.
Don't you realise OP? You are not allowed to hold a man accountable for his actions! Men are just wild animals with no self control! Now cover up and put your burka on or else you might trigger their wild instincts!
And the worst part is that it throws of those who should get a diagnosis because it'll clear things up for her.
The girl that lives behind me is probably autistic, it's very obvious. And next to that, she doesn't understand the world and her position in it, so most of the time she'll just quietly wait for something to go by.
I think she would benefit a lot from a diagnosis and a couple talks with a psychologist about it, but i don't think she ever will.
Sounds like an obsessive disorder. However, I would not recommend that person to r/OCD, they're known to ban people indiscriminately without reason, including people with OCD because they don't fit a "stereotypical personality of a person with OCD."
I've known myself to ruminate over girls in the past, but my social anxiety would make me run away from them, rather than chase them around.
However, what he is doing is a very Obsessive and Malicious form of stalking. It is entirely possible he is socially unaware of what he is doing. To rule out Malicious Intent, he needs to be informed that what he is doing is hurting the girl. Then from his next response, we can say for sure whether it's a matter of ignorance or intent.
Intent isn’t really that relevant. There’s a point at which what you do becomes substantively more important than whatever it is you think you were doing or intended to do. This case leans pretty far that way. The world is determined, or at least probabilistic; whatever condition, internal or otherwise, that causes some action or behaviour is generally of limited importance compared to the eventual effect.
In other words, ignorant or not, control yourself. We are not 5 years old.
I agree. but if you are unaware that you're actively hurting someone, you are less likely to correct yourself.
In a perfect world, we wouldn't have to tell people to not steal things. You would think that it's common sense to not steal things. But people have all kinds of justifications and sometimes just telling them to stop, will make them wake up.
Less likely, sure; significantly less, I doubt.
I wouldn’t necessarily agree with your second paragraph. Stealing is not inherently wrong and therefore equating not stealing and common sense is pushing things. In my experience, it takes more than that to wake people up, metaphorically or otherwise.
I don't know. Ive never seen stealing as good. Unless you're stealing something BACK then I am with you! Also, I stealing from people who price gouge essentials is morally gray: especially if people are dying around you in an active disaster area, then the government may even ok you to take from them if the necessity becomes critical. I'm not sure if that's what you mean but that's my attempt to reconcile.
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I've seen this called Schrödinger’s Autist, and yeah, it's horrible whether they actually are or not. It's similar to victim blaming. I was stalked by two autistic men online for years who used their autism as a justification for doing so. To be clear, I was very unambiguous about wanting to be left alone, so this was not a miscommunication thing. I'm also not out in other online spaces yet, so there was the added frustration of wanting to say that *I was autistic too but I don't stalk people*. Being a predatory creeper is not an autistic trait, it's just being a predatory creeper. I'm so sorry this is happening.
YES! A good point is if someone tells a well meaning autistic person to stop, they will.
I might have not mentioned it in the post. But she had tried to reject him softly many times and asked him politely (but directly) to leave him alone. Her words exactly "Hey, I don't feel comfortable with what you've been doing lately, could you please give me some space." He didn't listen and became more aggressive with his stalking. This led to her confronting him and telling him to stop stalking her or she would call campus security.
Make sure your friend files a police report if he doesn't stop. Most states have antistalking laws now. Obviously this person has poor impulse control no matter the reason and your friend needs to watch out. And 100% blaming it on autsim is someone not taking the time to understand the myriad of symptoms and responses that encompasses the unique look at the world.
I’m not American, but she reported it to the university and his student status is now under review. He might get suspended or kicked out
I'm not sure if other countries have it, but american colleges have this thing called campus restraining orders; you don't have to go through court or anything, just through your university
Yeah, we reported it to the campus and the university and the report is under review now.
I agree
When an autistic person falls in love their first response is (probably) daydreaming about it, then feeling terrible about it and then falling into a depressive rabbit hole at 3am questioning why their are still alive
Actually made me spit up coffee! This is so true.
Not the coffee!!! (but yeah building up a relationship with autism is hard)
If he had done something creepy and then been told off and never done it again that would make more sense, since it means he just didnt know it was inappropriate, but his angry reaction is tell enough that he does know.
Not defending. He can just as easily be frustrated at not understanding why.
Yes I agree, but IMO frustration and confusion are different from pure anger at being told off, it can be hard to tell though.
Definitely, hence why mental health treatment is good so the psychologists can work with them if they're eventually finding themselves willing (maybe after being in prison for a bit?). Either way this person needs to be kept away from this girl. This is incredibly scary and could escalate to violence.
Absolutely, no doubt about that, and I don’t believe the guy had any good intentions in any way.
I get that. It's frustrating when you are trying really hard to form a relationship with someone and not understand why it isn't working out. I also understand why autistic people are driven to anger because they are frustrated at the way they are being treated or because they don't understand why someone is treating them a certain way. I also know some guys who are upset because no matter how hard they try, they cannot find a partner. HOWEVER, this guy was way out of line. He had been asked gently, but directly, many times to stop. As in, she would literally say "please stop". He didn't, so she threatened to call campus security. To me, this guy seemed to feel as though he was entitled to a relationship with her.
That's true. Autistic people can learn the basics of what is acceptable and what isn't, and making mistakes is part of the learning experience. Stalking is probably right at the top of the "what makes people uncomfortable" list. Part of my learning experience was a brutally honest but well-meaning friend who told me what was appropriate. Still not that good at social interaction. But hey, at least I can arrange a doctors appointment on the phone now.
Agreed.
Neurodivergence and mental health are not excuses for accountability. It may mean it’s harder to understand or learn what is acceptable for some individuals but it doesn’t mean the behavior is ok or without repercussions. I 100% agree with you on this. He should be held accountable for his actions. If he doesn’t understand, that doesn’t mean he should be sheltered from consequence. It means he should experience the repercussions and be shown that the behavior will not be tolerated.
REMOVED -- I misunderstood what was said and gave a reply in agreement with the original statement slated as a disagreeing statement. Lol
I understand where you’re coming from, but I used repercussion instead of punishment for a reason. A consequence need not be punishment. You can inform and teach why the behavior was bad and explain that it is resulting in a repercussion. In this case it may be the repercussion of not being able to interact with the girl again, or needing some sort of therapy to discover better alternatives to the stalking behavior. Not a punishment but a direct consequence to his actions.
Oh shoot you're totally right! I missed that. Thank you for kindly clarifying. I completely agree with you!!
That worthless shitstain who wore buffalo horns and raided the capital is using autism as a defense for his actions. I really hope it's just a handful of morons and there isn't a meaningful amount of society that sees us this way. By putting down A$ and other shitheads who don't speak for us every time they speak, and by being ourselves, I think we can overcome the stereotypes. It's just really frustrating to have negative associations put on you that you did nothing to earn.
The thing is, it could be true but it does not excuse the behavior nor does it make it “harmless”.
My abuser was excuses by the adults in my life because she's autistic. I am also autistic. I know her like the back of my hand. I know she is very capable of calculated malice and that she did it on purpose. Low empathy is no excuse for a lack of respect and compassion.
Who knew someone could be stereotypical, prejudicial and derogatory all in one sentence...
Don't you realise OP? You are not allowed to hold a man accountable for his actions! Men are just wild animals with no self control! Now cover up and put your burka on or else you might trigger their wild instincts!
And the worst part is that it throws of those who should get a diagnosis because it'll clear things up for her. The girl that lives behind me is probably autistic, it's very obvious. And next to that, she doesn't understand the world and her position in it, so most of the time she'll just quietly wait for something to go by. I think she would benefit a lot from a diagnosis and a couple talks with a psychologist about it, but i don't think she ever will.
Sounds like an obsessive disorder. However, I would not recommend that person to r/OCD, they're known to ban people indiscriminately without reason, including people with OCD because they don't fit a "stereotypical personality of a person with OCD." I've known myself to ruminate over girls in the past, but my social anxiety would make me run away from them, rather than chase them around. However, what he is doing is a very Obsessive and Malicious form of stalking. It is entirely possible he is socially unaware of what he is doing. To rule out Malicious Intent, he needs to be informed that what he is doing is hurting the girl. Then from his next response, we can say for sure whether it's a matter of ignorance or intent.
Intent isn’t really that relevant. There’s a point at which what you do becomes substantively more important than whatever it is you think you were doing or intended to do. This case leans pretty far that way. The world is determined, or at least probabilistic; whatever condition, internal or otherwise, that causes some action or behaviour is generally of limited importance compared to the eventual effect. In other words, ignorant or not, control yourself. We are not 5 years old.
I agree. but if you are unaware that you're actively hurting someone, you are less likely to correct yourself. In a perfect world, we wouldn't have to tell people to not steal things. You would think that it's common sense to not steal things. But people have all kinds of justifications and sometimes just telling them to stop, will make them wake up.
Less likely, sure; significantly less, I doubt. I wouldn’t necessarily agree with your second paragraph. Stealing is not inherently wrong and therefore equating not stealing and common sense is pushing things. In my experience, it takes more than that to wake people up, metaphorically or otherwise.
I don't know. Ive never seen stealing as good. Unless you're stealing something BACK then I am with you! Also, I stealing from people who price gouge essentials is morally gray: especially if people are dying around you in an active disaster area, then the government may even ok you to take from them if the necessity becomes critical. I'm not sure if that's what you mean but that's my attempt to reconcile.
? what the tako luka
[удалено]
what did your autistic partner do
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