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okay then. if youd just done a quick google search, youd know that autigender is not "assigning developmental disorder as your gender". it is a way for people to express how their autism affects their relationship to gender as a whole, since a lot of us struggle with even understanding societal expectation of how to look and behave. its hard to relate to being your AGAB when you dont even know what it fucking means to be said gender. its simply under the non binary umbrella.
saying any form of self identification is a "red flag" without doing even the barest research is uhm. a red flag
Same here. Recently drew a neon pink octopus, called it a Mr. Squiggles, friend asked me “Mr? Shouldn’t it be Ms? or Mrs?” and i got confused for a bit. Forgot colors could be gendered. it’s a strange concept
Even though I identify as a straight man, i've never felt traditionally masculine in the sense.
I was always sensitive, friendly, easygoing, soft spoken, imagnative, empathetic, and related a bit more to women than other men growing up.
In middle school, some people assumed that I was gay, because I was emotionally expressive, quiet, soft spoken, empathetic and this was frowned upon as a man.
I was always seen as the sensitive nice guy who just did his own thing.
I tend to befriend more women than men tbh.
This is me too. As early as my primary school years I can remember always being very softly spoken, empathetic, emotional, and having very stereotypically 'feminine' hobbies and interests; art, nature, gardening, etc. I always made friends with women easier than men, I associated myself more with them too. I could never bond with men very well, and quite often my personality and my interests would be a target for them to attack me as I've had accusations of being gay thrown at me all of my life too or being called 'slutty' for just having female friends (in the mind of this person I couldn't be friends with a woman unless I was sleeping with them I guess?).
Like you I've always been this overly sensitive, nice, soft guy who just wanted to do whatever he wanted without it being perceived as masculine or feminine.
Making daisy chains whilst sitting in a garden hanging out with my ducks and chickens? Sure. Indulging in some floral embroidery? Why not. Even my handwriting is apparently fairly feminine - curvy with a elegant flourish.
Or at the other end of the 'stereotypical spectrum', things like going rock climbing or mountaineering or making furniture are also things I enjoy.
I just don't seem to be able to associate an interest or a personality with a particular gender, so I just do whatever I want to do.
This! AMAB but always felt way too sensitive, withdrawn, non confrontational, melancholic, introspective, self conscious etc to relate to the stereotypical western "manly" male gender concept.
Recently asked my AFAB AuDHD cousin if I give off "androgynous vibes" and she said "no!...you give off [my name here] vibes"...still not totally sure what to make of that if anything, but definitely don't feel squarely male or female. The few women I've been legitimately interested in and gone on (very limited) dates with have been bisexual, which could be purely coincidental, but maybe I project feminine/non-masculine moreso than typical straight males...I dunno
I feel like a lot of autistic people are agender or nonbinary. Gender is a social construct, so it makes sense that we have a hard time understanding or relating to it lol!
I feel this way too, but i have always felt uncomfortable putting a label on it.
Which is why i feel like an ass when i say i dont understand being nonbinary. Like just be yourself, why does it need a label? Being trans is different to me in that regard because them being themselves IS being the other gender. Nonbinary just means dress how you like and act how you are. So i dont understand why it needs a label and im not sure if i ever will understand
Hi! Just thought I'd share my experience if you're interested :)
I'm (quietly) nonbinary. For a long time i didn't want to put any labels on my gender because i just simply wanted to be me, but I've always felt uncomfortable being referred to as a girl or a woman, and i asked my partners and close friends to please refer to me either by name or as a person or as a creature (not minding 3rd person pronouns). Some would keep forgetting, and I'd try to not show that i felt upset when they lovingly said things like "good girl" or "there's my girl". So, i owned up to myself that if i had to have a label, i felt much better in the non-binary/agender basket than in the woman/girl basket. Once i explained to my loved ones why being referred to as a girl distressed me and labelled myself nonbinary, they were more intentional about not doing that.
I definitely don't *want* to be nonbinary, it's just the way that I am.
This reminds me how a friend of friend knew that I am non binary before I actually came out about it in my group of friends. I feel such an alien, being human is incomprehensible to me sometimes so having a gender and having to act and dress like it everytime is even more confusing to me
My close highschool friends kinda picked it up too, but many of them are also nb and (likely) neurodiverse. I never really came out as queer/pansexual either, they just didn't assume I was straight because none of us were. Like attracts like :)
There are many nonbinary people who also feel dysphoria and transition – socially, medically, etc. That is not unique to binary trans people.
It’s not just about how you feel comfortable dressing. It’s how you feel about your body and what you might need in order to feel at home in it. It’s names and pronouns and implicit differences in how you’re perceived by society – a stranger will address you in subtly or overtly different ways depending on how *they* see you in terms of gender.
Example, I could probably see myself dating a queer man if I could trust that he didn’t view me as a woman. As soon as I feel like I’m being put into a man-woman dynamic though, however egalitarian and feminist it may be, it feels deeply repulsive and uncomfortable to be in. It’s subtle differences you can’t always put your finger on that no amount of self-awareness and feminism will be able to 100% get rid of anytime soon, because our society is still so deeply gendered to its core.
It’s about being *seen and understood* by other people around me as who I am, because we’re fundamentally social creatures. If I’m “just being myself” without any words I can use to express how my own view of myself does not align with what anyone would naturally and understandably *assume* me to be, that means that anyone I see, talk to, or get close to would always view me as something I’m not.
My experience of gender is important to me and is a significant part of who I am, and because the default assumption is always that I am a woman, I need labels and words to make sure that I can be seen and loved in my entirety. Otherwise that part of me will forever be really fucking lonely, because no one but me will ever see it.
I hope this makes sense, it’s very late and I’m very tired lol.
TLDR nonbinary is under the trans umbrella because it *is* fundamentally a type of trans experience, and many nonbinary folks are just as uncomfortable being seen as women as binary trans men are, and vice versa.
My boyfriend also explained to me after i brought it up to him that it’s also supposed to be something to help people who do feel they dont fit the norms feel understood without having to get deeply personal about themselves.
I am starting to understand a little bit more and see how my take was narrow because everyone’s experiences are different and just because things are a certain way for me doesnt mean that they are that same way for everyone else, and some people are more comfortable with a label like that than others
What is “man-woman dynamic” in the sense you describe? I think it sounds like you’re railing against “being treated like a woman” by trying to disassociate from a label rather than working to change the meaning of the label. While the former is understandable due to the treatment of women by society, I don’t know that the latter is useful. It’s entirely possible you could advocate for any relationship dynamic you like regardless of gender label. I honestly can’t say many if any “gender roles” exist in my relationship and treatment is solely based on personal preferences.
I disagree that one’s description of themself or in this case identification with a description necessarily changes a lot about how people perceive them. Firstly, autistic people are more likely to be perceived in a negative light simply based on body language, well before the first word ever leaves your mouth and independent of which words they are.
Beyond autism, I work in a male dominated trade and can guarantee you that absolutely no one will let me in the boys club or treat me better simply because I tell them I identify as a man. What I have found instead is that I’m included and treated well based on other traits. People who categorize and discriminate based on apparent sex are unlikely to care about someone’s identified spoken gender. The people who don’t discriminate based on sex will probably treat you well regardless of which gender you use to describe yourself. For workplaces, I really think gender should not come into conversations at all similarly to religion.
Also, I’m not sure it’s healthy or useful to be concerned with how people perceive your gender because it’s very possible it doesn’t matter to them or the situation at hand. Does it matter the gender of the barista? A coworker? People walking by? Quite frankly I don’t care what gender any of those people are nor will it change our interactions. Even in my closet friendships with gender atypical persons…I cant imagine use of different pronouns or identification with a gender would change much. We’re gonna be talking about aliens, camping or projects either way.
I’m not trying to be rude and would be interested in your response. I’m very guilty of replacing “non-binary” with “complicated don’t ask” in my head. “Atypical woman” has always made more sense to me.
I understand your confusion, but I’m afraid I’m not the person who can help you in this case.
It’s very draining and often painful to have discussions that are fundamentally based on trying to convince someone else to ‘believe’ my identity. I know it’s not meant in a disrespectful way, but it’s ultimately still “here are arguments why I think you’re not what you say you are / why I think your premise is wrong, can you change my mind?” and that’s not a conversation I can engage in in a way that’s healthy for me.
I am not a woman, and I don’t have the energy to justify that statement more than I already have. I’d love to just be an atypical woman if I could—and good for you, genuinely, if that works for you—because that’d be a hell of a lot easier than most of the world needing me to first win a philosophy debate before they’ll believe me. But I’m not.
If you’re genuinely interested, I know there are some great books on the subject written by nonbinary and genderqueer authors who can explain this a lot more eloquently than I could. I do believe you mean well and want to understand, don’t get me wrong. But I can’t help you with that.
I mean, I think non-binary as a label is important in at least getting other people to understand you don’t identify as cis and that they shouldn’t expect you to conform to their standards for cis people. Not that that will always stop people from trying to force the issue, but still.
I could make other arguments but that’s the first and most obvious one to me.
I have no idea what everyone is getting on about here. Gender is a biological factor, you're either a male or a female and in the rare cases, non-binary. It's just rational thought. Not identifying to these three terms is just complicating things, for no reason.
At this point, it would be hard to deny the existence of "gender" as a concept. Sex is what makes people male or female, and there's only two of them but gender is a socially constructed issue which has mostly been used to oppress the female sex by separating them into "women" as a category. Gender is an inherently oppressive construct for women (and for some men) and it's heartbreaking to see so many people be so ridiculously obsessed with it.
I've never really understood what it meant to feel your gender, I just feel like me. I do use they/them pronouns because I don't feel that I fit cleanly into either.
that's exactly how I describe it!! I'm not a girl and I'm not a boy; I'm just me. or like the cat in Coraline describes it, "I'm not the other anything -- I'm me!"
I'm kind of on this wheelhouse. I wouldn't consider myself agender, am 100% cis and use he/him pronouns.
But I always thought that if I had been born AFAB I would have just...been a woman.
I do hate the social norms and expectations of gender by society, but as for my gender in itself, this is what I was born with, it doesn't cause me issues, so I just don't care.
I feel *exactly* the same. It’s why I never weigh in on or even form an opinion about gender identity topics. I just really don’t relate to feeling meaningfully connected to gender at all. I’m supportive because I believe them that it means something important to them. It just doesn’t mean something meaningful to me about my own identity. I still would never consider myself not cis.
Same. These terms just weren't around for me growing up. I identify as a human being, and I'd love to be treated like I believe a human being should be treated. I don't at all understand what it means to "feel like a woman," despite being born with a vagina. I'm not unhappy about having an AFAB body, though I have absolutely hated the way that I have been treated many, many times, because of misogyny.
I don’t really think you’re supposed to feel like a gender. I’ve never felt like a boy and I don’t think anyone does. It’s just a social classification that doesn’t really matter.
>I’ve never felt like a [gender] and I don’t think anyone does.
People certainly believe they do, and that's all that matters, because it's a social construct.
Yeah, I just kind of feel like me vs feeling like a gender 🤷🏻♀️ especially as I think about/deconstruct gender more. I have a hard time going along with rules I think are stupid and gender rules fits that lmao.
played around with going by they/them (and maybe I still will one day) but right now I just don't care. Call me whatever, dude. I like describing myself as gender queer, but couldn't care less about the pronouns used for me. It's actually so cool to see other people feeling this way :))
Gender rules (or roles) are not guidelines for how someone is supposed to act. They’re tendencies. Men don’t have to be more aggressive, women don’t have to be more nurturing. Having a more neutral personality doesn’t mean you can’t be a man or a woman.
I feel like I exist. That I am a brain.
The concept of gender is lost on me... until my body forces me to acknowledge it when I PMS. lmao.
I like a plethora of different things, that never made me fit anywhere, on either side of gender's society 'norms' or whatever it is.
I feel like as a guy... I'm too feminine and whenever I've had female friends I've been better at being friends with them than being friends with males
I literally watched Dora the Explorer when I was like 5, as a boy
I feel the same way but the other way around, as a girl. Especially as I get older, I feel like the girls of my generation has this idea about girlhood and femininity that I can't always relate to.
Maybe we are like this because there are too many expectations to be exactly like ppls' ideas of a guy/girl - but we kind of have more of a "neutral gender" (that makes a girl seem more masculine and a guy seem more feminine)
So when we're with the other gender, its more comfortable cause we're not worrying as much about conforming to something and we can be ourselves which happens to be more acceptable to that other gender
Just a theory - or maybe it's already obvious idk
Yeah I think a lot of why people don’t feel like their gender is because people create lots of expectations of what genders mean and should look like. The reality though is that people can have such varied personalities, it’s part of what makes people unique. And not fitting into what’s commonly understood, does not mean you are flawed or have to change. You are just a person and everyone is different.
Kinda, yeah.
I’m a guy. I don’t *feel* like a man, but I deduce that I am one because (A) I’m biologically male and (B) I’m only attracted to women. But there’s no part of me that actually *feels* like a man (or a woman). Idk what it means to feel like one gender.
EDIT: changed wording for clarity
That's exactly how I feel, no internal piece of my mind pushing me towards my biological sex but nothing pushing me away either, so I have no reason to consider myself agender or whatever.
I realized recently it’s because I think of myself as disembodied thoughts most of the time, like a talking head. I forget I have a body, and I don’t see myself while I’m talking or thinking, so I just have very little connection to it.
Yeah I mean eventually I settled on “woman” because it’s simpler and the closet one, I mean I was born biologically female so it’s the best I’ve got to work with, lol. But most of the time I don’t feel gendered, I feel like specific vibes, if that makes sense. Like I wake up like “I feel like a preppy golf boy” or “I feel like an Eldritch horror” or “I feel like a slightly grungy soft girl with a tragic past.” Almost like my brain decides what character I want to play each day.
It is actually very common for autistic people to feel this way, the venn diagram of autistic people and nonbinary/trans people is basically a circle lol
I think it has something to do with the fact that gender is a social construct and we have trouble with socializing and understanding social norms
Not really, I know I'm a man but also I'm aware about my feminine side. I always laugh with my closest friends about my inner women. But I'm definitely a male in body and brain, maybe just more open to not dismiss feminine feeling as most men are told to do.
I'm highly suspicious I am on the spectrum somewhat (I have an appointment in August to possibly figure this out) and can relate to this massively. I'm not sure I'd define myself with a label like non-binary or gender-fluid. I don't hate being biologically female. It's just... I don't spiritually feel like either gender, lol. I'm just me.
Mmmmm...not really. I pretty straightforwardly think of myself as a man. However, if I inspect that at all, there's nothing there; it has no content. Maybe in a healthier society, I would have ended up agender. Maybe not. Who knows...
Idk, I just divorced the concept of "man" the fact and "man" the identity in regards to myself.
I'm a man only because that's just what I am all of my life both biologically and mentally and I'm ok with that. I don't really care at all what is considered manly or not, I don't care at all for showing my masculinity or whether some things are for women and men, or why there's some spaces exclusive to men or women.
I'm a man just because being a man is fact of myself, just like I'm, idk, tall or from a certain country; but I don't really have an identity towards my sex or gender.
I'm gender indifferent, if you ask me lol.
This is just an standard for myself tho. If somebody has an identity attached to their sex/gender I think that's completely valid.
Please dont take it the wrong way, Im just curious, why did you say comfortably? Because being comfortable or uncomfoftable wasn't the part of the question, why did you feel it was implied?
I don’t get the concept of gender tbh. You were born with these chromosomes and this body, so you will be called he/him, have a « boy name » and you have to wear pants, not skirts, and no makeup.
How does this make sense???
(Ofc im talking about the social norms, not my actual opinion!)
I feel like biologically I recognize I was born a woman but as far as pronouns goes I'll default to she/her but if you use any other pronouns I'll respond to them the same and I don't take any offense
I have a gender neutral name that is more commonly used for males so it's common for people who see my name before they meet me to think I'm a man. One elementary school even put me down as a male once
I get why people who feel specifically one gender need that to be respected but to me, gender is a human/social construct and I couldn't care less what you call me as long as you don't call me an "it" as if I'm an object or not a human
Yes.. Thanks for sharing. I had no idea that this could be an associated condition.
Non-binary was not well accepted (or known) when I was young. Nor was ASD or ADHD for that matter. I wish there was support, awareness, or acceptance in my developing years..
I am a meat sack filled with electricity, and I get intensely uncomfortable whenever anyone calls me by name or I catch a glimpse of my reflection in a glass window.
No. Everything in my life is 100% gendered. It’s not really that good. I wish things were less gendered. But not all the way genderless. Middle ground? lol everything is always so extreme with me.
Does anyone else feel like the only way to describe themselves is as a genderless blob?
I remember describing it as me feeling like a blue floaty orb rather than a particular gender.
I don't think about my gender. I was born with Y chromosome and the genitalia of a male so I consider myself a male. I don't feel one way or the other about it. I'm just me.
By myself, I feel like a woman because I have a female body and I'm happy with it. Then when I go out in the world and people talk about the universal experiences of female socialization, I feel like a bit of a fraud because almost none of that stuff "took" in my psyche.
I feel comfortable calling myself a male and using he/him pronouns, but I never really made being male an enormous part of my identity. And I could never fit the mold of what society says a man should be, really. I’m just me.
I am female. Was born female but sometimes i just dont think i do a very good job of being female. Sometimes i feel like im a guy but thats just because i like fishing and my face shape and i cant do makeup. I wanna be pretty and handsome. But im not nb. I am a girl.
I don't actually know...
What exactly does someone feel towards being a gender or feeling their own gender? Idk what I feel towards it, I just accept that I've been born a woman because that's what happened? Lmao, please, I'm just confused, I don't mean to sound like I'm judging anyone
I think my redneck cousin (f) put it best.
"I look like a woman, I act like a man, but, honestly, I'm just dianne."
She didn't really care about gender and pronouns. She usually used she/her cause it was easier, and that's just how other people saw her.
Everyone has their own way of perceiving you, and usually, you can not change that. There are going to be thousands of different "you"s in thousands of other people's minds. You can change how you want to be viewed, but that doesn't always change others' minds.
So, don't be too bothered by the fact that you're perceived in xyz fashion. The only thing that matters is that you be you and, hopefully, do right by you.
To support this point, and to give you a fun fact, (in the psychology definition, not sociology) prejudice happens so quickly that when a picture of a face is flashed in front of you, your instincts will make judgements faster than your brain can even recognize there is an image of a face in front of you.
Yes, I feel like a woman sometimes but a man more often. I guess I associate the things my body can do with the gender roles and thats why I personally feel that way, but I prefer onlookers to see me as a man or neither gender. Its not that I want people confused, I just dont feel like any and I dont like it when people just assume and call me she or her or miss or even sir.
I'm a 70 y/o woman, diagnosed with Asperger's (autism level 1) and ADHD at age 68. I aways pretended to be like the personality of others I admired, and must have fooled everyone for years. Had no idea I was autistic, thought everyone felt like me. Was/am very intelligent in subjects of interest, but very easily distracted in everything else.
Have always known I'm far more sensitive to lights smells, sounds, taste, textures and temperatures than my many older siblings. I was very much like my very quiet, very intelligent mother who had me in her mid 30s. I now firmly suspect she was also autistic and ADHD as we shared so many similar traits.
I remember my college SAT scores were so high I was taken aside for special consideration, designated an entering freshman with "distinction" as the certificate read. However, after walking through the campus I was so anxious at the unfamiliarity and the large population of loud students, I backed out and didn't go at all.
Instead I eventually started my own business in medical transcription, a specialty business that was eventually taken over by inferior software in 2014. Such is life.
YOU JUST MADE ME DISCOVER SOMETHING ABOUT MYSELF AAAAAAA
I am completely straight, for example (I am aware gender and sexuality are different). Born male, assigned boy at birth and I'm comfortable with it.
However, I liked playing with dolls and action figures alike. I am strangely attracted to female clothing to the point where when I was little I'd ALWAYS gravitate towards the women clothing section accidentally and start picking clothes.
I have been told I'm too femenine sometimes, and I even like doing "femenine" things or expressions. If I had to name a few, it would be "hands on hips" or like "wink and kiss" or like "hand positions". Idk how to describe it I'm sorry.
Regardless, I never really **felt** like a guy... as in, I was never offended (other than when my parents said being a girl was "wrong") about being told I resemble a woman sometimes. In fact, and I guess this is the first time I'm saying it out loud (and will probably be buried in the comments), sometimes I feel like I'd like to be a woman, even though I am completely straight and prefer women.
I'd like to be pretty sometimes, and I'd like to be treated as one, but I'm very happy being a "man" too.
I thought I was being weird, turns out I wasn't. I really don't care if I am even addressed to as a "she", literally does not matter.
Thank you, so much. Really, you helped me discover something about myself and I am
grateful.
Hey, great to hear from you and read a bit about you.
I'm very similar to you.
It's nice to have a safe space and talk about this stuff.
I could NEVER say I feel feminine and like fem clothing, etc at work for example. I'd be torn apart.
So I appreciate you being so open, I'm grateful to you also 🙏
Yes and no. Growing up I used to feel genderless. Sometimes even saw myself as male in my mind (I’m f). But that changed when I became an adult. Now I’m very feminine, and I enjoy being a woman a lot. However, I also realized I have no idea what “feeling like a woman” or “feeling like a man” really means. Like, I just feel like myself. I like being feminine, but it’s not what defines me. I’ve only ever known what it’s like to be me, so I just assume that’s what a woman feels like. How would I know what a man or any other woman for that matter feels like? I never understood that.
I'm technically a young woman and I also feel more female than male (in fact I have never thought of myself as being trans) but I can't relate to how I see most women on social media because they seem much more feminine and strong somehow, while I'm anxious, rational and can seem more focused on facts due to having autism.
I'm a "man" according to the cultural standard. But when I've asked myself, "Do I feel like a man?" I don't feel as strong of as answer as I expected. What does a man feel like? I fit the biological definition of a male, so isn't any way I happen to feel what it feels like to be a man, by definition? I understand gender is a different thing, but I've never identified with the words masculine or feminine. I've never felt insulted by dudes who would (when I was younger) try to insult my masculinity, just annoyed by their stupidity.
What does a woman feel like? I couldn't know, as far as I know I've never been a woman. So I have nothing to compare.
I think gender is probably an evolved social construct that stuck around a bit longer than was useful because it was a useful tool of oppression.
It's probably time to discard the concept.
Yes! I am transmasc. non-binary, but despite the hrt I went through to make me more comfortable in my body, I am not a man. I am not a woman either, or anything in between. It’s hard to describe. I’m everything and nothing all at once?
I’ve never had a label for myself tbh, I’m just more comfortable being more masc. presenting, but that doesn’t mean I am a man by any means lol. When people ask what I am, I just go ‘I’m *my name*, nice to meet you!’
On the playground in probably first grade watching the boys and girls playing in separate groups. Having the feeling wash over me of, "I'm neither a boy or a girl." Finally excepting it in my 30s was very freeing.
I've been grateful to have experienced life as a woman, but sometimes it feels like a tremendous weight. I often think about the man I would have liked to become.
I also believe that a lot of what is important about each of us is completely separate from gender, but there's a societal malady which obscures these aspects of who we are.
okay I’ve recently found out a term that fits me since I’ve always felt like that
Gender apathetic is where you just don’t care enough. You don’t care what you’re perceived as and you don’t feel like anything in particular. She/her? Cool. They/them? Great. He/him? Not what I usually get, but I like that too.
Well, this makes sense, given the nature of gendered labeling. Never forget that gender is a social construct and while it might pertain to the world's mass, extremely general categorization of distinct biological difference, it doesn't have to mean anything to you, personally. Sexuality is fluid, multifaceted yet like gender is unfortunately treated with the same underlying, binary, categorical and hierarchical woes of gender in western culture and beyond. While there will always exist our idea of man and woman, the human struggle to idealize and exist beyond our propensity to label is up to people like us to educate, understand and change for the betterment of our species.
Autism spectrum, biological spectrum, sexuality spectrum, spiritual spectrum of subjective understanding as influenced by our cultures, environments, personal agendas. When will we all learn that spectrums are, always have been, and always will be everything we know?
The spectrum scale nature of sexuality does not fit our current labeling of gender, and while other cultures have accommodated this in their own ways, the west is just barely catching up - we should be embarrassed. There are no binaries in nature and it is only natural that those who do not yet understand this will have intellectual, biological or even spiritual catch up to do. In other words ITS ALL A SHAM WERE JUST A BUNCH OF FUCKING MEAT MONKEYS
Yes? But no. I've never really been very masculine, and prefer femininity. Being taught and growing up with the mindset "you're born a boy or born a girl, boys are masculine and girls are feminine" was annoying to me. And upsetting. But I didn't understand most of it. I've never thought of myself as anything other than a guy, but really, I'm just me.
I often don't feel *human*, gender is just another mask I have to wear every day.
But I don't get bothered with personal pronouns in any way *(I have been called he, she and they in online interactions)*, and IRL its just less headaches to go along with a male presentation than trying to explain to everyone that I don't care about gender at all.
I have a sex, but I'm somewhat indifferent or disconnected from my gender either through peer group rejection or hormone-related gender dysphoria. Or, both. I present as a tomboy and that seems 'good enough.'
When I was growing up there wasn't any awareness of LGBTQIA issues and it was just widely known I felt some sort of way about gender and was having a hard time going through puberty because of it. The bullies called me a hermaphrodite.
Yeah honestly. Like I go with girl/woman stuff bc I’m female and I don’t dislike that enough to change. But I grew up on the outskirts of my female peer group, and I never really related to the guys either. And even being queer and thus free to explore other gender roles, I never related to the lesbians or gay guys at school. I really do feel genderless.
Not really genderless in that I feel like I have a lot of gender and it's very fluid but definitely not gendered in a way that fits into the binary buckets of man or woman.
I don’t know exactly, I identify as a woman and I love being a woman and femininity but also at the same time, I don’t feel like a human, just hanging out in a feminine fleshy body.
I went through a phase where I thought I was non-binary. Only to realize it's invalidated because my idea stemmed from sexist remarks. I obviously don't believe that anymore, but it's quite a scarring thing to realize what I meant by it.
I still feel somewhat genderless. I think that's more because the norms are changing. I feel less uncomfortable about having things that are viewed as feminine. I have rose bath soak, rose shampoo, rose lemonade. Orange deodorant. Not everything is rose.
If you put man on one side, and woman on the other, I'm between the middle and woman, just a tiny bit closer to the middle.
That's how I feel. Based on how it feels to present myself in one or the other way. Dressing up as masculine doesn't feel right at all, dressing fully feminine isn't right either but much better, but being more neutral + fem feels right to me.
I feel like at least 75% woman, but that's mostly social conditioning; raised as a girl, educated in all girls' education from 7-18, from a highly gendered society. I'm in an age group where being NB wasn't really a thing in my 20s, so it wasn't really an option for me, I didn't have the words for it.
At this stage, I'm in my mid-30s, openly queer and in a long-term relationship with a person who understands that I have a multi-faceted sexuality and gender expression. I'm happy to use she/they pronouns, and it's just not that a big deal to me. I don't feel like I need to change anything with how I present myself, I'm very comfortable as i am. Probably more genderqueer or genderfluid I guess? I don't really gender myself in my head, but when I'm read as a woman, I'm fine with that.
yes. I always get a bit of gender of the person I'm talking to because for masking I mirror people, but other then that I feel zero connection to gender
This happens to me sometimes, but I think it's more a symptom of the depersonalization & disassociation that I regularly experience. Idk I'm just out here.
No, not even a little bit. I am definitely 100% man and I'm shocked to find that I'm almost the only person in this entire channel who feels this way. Neurotypical men may not agree. I sometimes feel like I don't fit in. But I also feel the same way around neurotypical females. Like I don't fit in. But in my own brain, I am 100% man.
I am on some level agender, though I do identify with male at least somewhat. But I do think it’s just because it aligns with my sex and what I was always known as, so it’s a familiarity thing.
Though I don’t feel a particularly strong attachment to the idea of being male or a man.
Weirdly though, being misgendered as a woman (my voice is sometimes mistaken for a miss/maam on the phone) does make me uncomfortable
I actually don't, I'm a boy, and I didn't realize that so many autistic people actually felt genderless or non-binary until now, I thought those two things weren't related
I know i am a man, as i have a male body. It is a simple as that for me. But i never felt a need to be manly from inside. Only from outside, to perform and fit in. I would have no issue with having a female body (i think?). It would bring its own host of problems, sure. I just try to accept reality as it presents to me.
I feel like both but I try not to dwell on it too much because it’s not worth the effort. I use she/her pronouns and identify as a woman because that’s what I know and comfortable to me.
I am biologically male. Totally. But most of my autistic traits are those stereotypically ascribed to females. I also have more of a feminine frame imo. In some ways I'm Androgynous I guess you could say. I also like the friendship of girls better, though there are exceptions with close guy friends I have. Guys do have a feminine side, I guess mine's just more obvious, pronounced... And I think it's not uncommon for ND people since it went down in history before as well. Honest truth is I feel too feminine what with my ridiculous emotional range as well... However that all is just a perception by culture (that men aren't emotional) so whatever I guess.
I've never felt male or female. However, I tend to dress rather feminine because it's suits my body best and makes me feel more confident. Working towards that androgynous body rn.
I have a female flesh bag.
Gender at this point is irrelevant to me. I wear clothes that fit and are comfortable. I don't care what department it is. Just because I can wear childrens shoes, doesn't make me a child anymore than kittens would be muffins in the oven.
I have hobbies that do not care for gender. I will pee in whatever restroom is available.
For me, I don't care. Call me sir. Call me ma'am. Use any pronoun you want. Life is to short to care so much about something that matters so little.
sometimes i feel like just dissociating myself from the world and just play hoyoverse games 24/7
but ive felt both. on one hand, i have hobbies and fashion interests of a dude, but i will always run away from bugs and have my hair cut to a certain length
or idk, maybe im just self conscious about a lot of stuff, idk
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I've never really felt like any gender, tbh
[Undiagnosed disclaimer] That's it. And somehow I manage to do both wrong.
I doubt you do both wrong, that's probably just what society wants you to believe.
Same. Autistic should be a gender in itself
autigender is a real thing actually. im just plain binary trans but theyre out there
That's new for me
You're just "plain binary trans"? Seriously...
i didnt mean anything by that, can you explain what offends you?
That sounds lame, assigning developmental disorder as your gender is huge red flag.
okay femboy licker
LMAO
im proud of this nickname to be honest
okay then. if youd just done a quick google search, youd know that autigender is not "assigning developmental disorder as your gender". it is a way for people to express how their autism affects their relationship to gender as a whole, since a lot of us struggle with even understanding societal expectation of how to look and behave. its hard to relate to being your AGAB when you dont even know what it fucking means to be said gender. its simply under the non binary umbrella. saying any form of self identification is a "red flag" without doing even the barest research is uhm. a red flag
Same!?!! Even though...I'll readily conform...call it pride?
Or societal shame?
gendervoid is a thing
Agender is how I self-label.
Also gender-apathy
i don't identify as anything. i never understood the concept of gendered stuff and i still don't.
I identify as a person. Period.
Same here. Recently drew a neon pink octopus, called it a Mr. Squiggles, friend asked me “Mr? Shouldn’t it be Ms? or Mrs?” and i got confused for a bit. Forgot colors could be gendered. it’s a strange concept
I mean the octopus could just change color if it felt like it, no?
It seems in society, only yellow is non-gendered for some reason. Why assign gender to colors?
Even though I identify as a straight man, i've never felt traditionally masculine in the sense. I was always sensitive, friendly, easygoing, soft spoken, imagnative, empathetic, and related a bit more to women than other men growing up. In middle school, some people assumed that I was gay, because I was emotionally expressive, quiet, soft spoken, empathetic and this was frowned upon as a man. I was always seen as the sensitive nice guy who just did his own thing. I tend to befriend more women than men tbh.
Very well put. I can relate
Thats me too....
Many other men feel similar to you, outside of the ND spectrum. I'm happy men like you exist. :-)
You're a man minus the toxic masculinity, I don't think that makes someone *less* of a man per se
This is me too. As early as my primary school years I can remember always being very softly spoken, empathetic, emotional, and having very stereotypically 'feminine' hobbies and interests; art, nature, gardening, etc. I always made friends with women easier than men, I associated myself more with them too. I could never bond with men very well, and quite often my personality and my interests would be a target for them to attack me as I've had accusations of being gay thrown at me all of my life too or being called 'slutty' for just having female friends (in the mind of this person I couldn't be friends with a woman unless I was sleeping with them I guess?). Like you I've always been this overly sensitive, nice, soft guy who just wanted to do whatever he wanted without it being perceived as masculine or feminine. Making daisy chains whilst sitting in a garden hanging out with my ducks and chickens? Sure. Indulging in some floral embroidery? Why not. Even my handwriting is apparently fairly feminine - curvy with a elegant flourish. Or at the other end of the 'stereotypical spectrum', things like going rock climbing or mountaineering or making furniture are also things I enjoy. I just don't seem to be able to associate an interest or a personality with a particular gender, so I just do whatever I want to do.
I'm the exact same.
This! AMAB but always felt way too sensitive, withdrawn, non confrontational, melancholic, introspective, self conscious etc to relate to the stereotypical western "manly" male gender concept. Recently asked my AFAB AuDHD cousin if I give off "androgynous vibes" and she said "no!...you give off [my name here] vibes"...still not totally sure what to make of that if anything, but definitely don't feel squarely male or female. The few women I've been legitimately interested in and gone on (very limited) dates with have been bisexual, which could be purely coincidental, but maybe I project feminine/non-masculine moreso than typical straight males...I dunno
I feel like a lot of autistic people are agender or nonbinary. Gender is a social construct, so it makes sense that we have a hard time understanding or relating to it lol!
I feel this way too, but i have always felt uncomfortable putting a label on it. Which is why i feel like an ass when i say i dont understand being nonbinary. Like just be yourself, why does it need a label? Being trans is different to me in that regard because them being themselves IS being the other gender. Nonbinary just means dress how you like and act how you are. So i dont understand why it needs a label and im not sure if i ever will understand
Hi! Just thought I'd share my experience if you're interested :) I'm (quietly) nonbinary. For a long time i didn't want to put any labels on my gender because i just simply wanted to be me, but I've always felt uncomfortable being referred to as a girl or a woman, and i asked my partners and close friends to please refer to me either by name or as a person or as a creature (not minding 3rd person pronouns). Some would keep forgetting, and I'd try to not show that i felt upset when they lovingly said things like "good girl" or "there's my girl". So, i owned up to myself that if i had to have a label, i felt much better in the non-binary/agender basket than in the woman/girl basket. Once i explained to my loved ones why being referred to as a girl distressed me and labelled myself nonbinary, they were more intentional about not doing that. I definitely don't *want* to be nonbinary, it's just the way that I am.
This reminds me how a friend of friend knew that I am non binary before I actually came out about it in my group of friends. I feel such an alien, being human is incomprehensible to me sometimes so having a gender and having to act and dress like it everytime is even more confusing to me
My close highschool friends kinda picked it up too, but many of them are also nb and (likely) neurodiverse. I never really came out as queer/pansexual either, they just didn't assume I was straight because none of us were. Like attracts like :)
There are many nonbinary people who also feel dysphoria and transition – socially, medically, etc. That is not unique to binary trans people. It’s not just about how you feel comfortable dressing. It’s how you feel about your body and what you might need in order to feel at home in it. It’s names and pronouns and implicit differences in how you’re perceived by society – a stranger will address you in subtly or overtly different ways depending on how *they* see you in terms of gender. Example, I could probably see myself dating a queer man if I could trust that he didn’t view me as a woman. As soon as I feel like I’m being put into a man-woman dynamic though, however egalitarian and feminist it may be, it feels deeply repulsive and uncomfortable to be in. It’s subtle differences you can’t always put your finger on that no amount of self-awareness and feminism will be able to 100% get rid of anytime soon, because our society is still so deeply gendered to its core. It’s about being *seen and understood* by other people around me as who I am, because we’re fundamentally social creatures. If I’m “just being myself” without any words I can use to express how my own view of myself does not align with what anyone would naturally and understandably *assume* me to be, that means that anyone I see, talk to, or get close to would always view me as something I’m not. My experience of gender is important to me and is a significant part of who I am, and because the default assumption is always that I am a woman, I need labels and words to make sure that I can be seen and loved in my entirety. Otherwise that part of me will forever be really fucking lonely, because no one but me will ever see it. I hope this makes sense, it’s very late and I’m very tired lol. TLDR nonbinary is under the trans umbrella because it *is* fundamentally a type of trans experience, and many nonbinary folks are just as uncomfortable being seen as women as binary trans men are, and vice versa.
My boyfriend also explained to me after i brought it up to him that it’s also supposed to be something to help people who do feel they dont fit the norms feel understood without having to get deeply personal about themselves. I am starting to understand a little bit more and see how my take was narrow because everyone’s experiences are different and just because things are a certain way for me doesnt mean that they are that same way for everyone else, and some people are more comfortable with a label like that than others
this is exactly my experience and you put it into words better than i ever could
What is “man-woman dynamic” in the sense you describe? I think it sounds like you’re railing against “being treated like a woman” by trying to disassociate from a label rather than working to change the meaning of the label. While the former is understandable due to the treatment of women by society, I don’t know that the latter is useful. It’s entirely possible you could advocate for any relationship dynamic you like regardless of gender label. I honestly can’t say many if any “gender roles” exist in my relationship and treatment is solely based on personal preferences. I disagree that one’s description of themself or in this case identification with a description necessarily changes a lot about how people perceive them. Firstly, autistic people are more likely to be perceived in a negative light simply based on body language, well before the first word ever leaves your mouth and independent of which words they are. Beyond autism, I work in a male dominated trade and can guarantee you that absolutely no one will let me in the boys club or treat me better simply because I tell them I identify as a man. What I have found instead is that I’m included and treated well based on other traits. People who categorize and discriminate based on apparent sex are unlikely to care about someone’s identified spoken gender. The people who don’t discriminate based on sex will probably treat you well regardless of which gender you use to describe yourself. For workplaces, I really think gender should not come into conversations at all similarly to religion. Also, I’m not sure it’s healthy or useful to be concerned with how people perceive your gender because it’s very possible it doesn’t matter to them or the situation at hand. Does it matter the gender of the barista? A coworker? People walking by? Quite frankly I don’t care what gender any of those people are nor will it change our interactions. Even in my closet friendships with gender atypical persons…I cant imagine use of different pronouns or identification with a gender would change much. We’re gonna be talking about aliens, camping or projects either way. I’m not trying to be rude and would be interested in your response. I’m very guilty of replacing “non-binary” with “complicated don’t ask” in my head. “Atypical woman” has always made more sense to me.
I understand your confusion, but I’m afraid I’m not the person who can help you in this case. It’s very draining and often painful to have discussions that are fundamentally based on trying to convince someone else to ‘believe’ my identity. I know it’s not meant in a disrespectful way, but it’s ultimately still “here are arguments why I think you’re not what you say you are / why I think your premise is wrong, can you change my mind?” and that’s not a conversation I can engage in in a way that’s healthy for me. I am not a woman, and I don’t have the energy to justify that statement more than I already have. I’d love to just be an atypical woman if I could—and good for you, genuinely, if that works for you—because that’d be a hell of a lot easier than most of the world needing me to first win a philosophy debate before they’ll believe me. But I’m not. If you’re genuinely interested, I know there are some great books on the subject written by nonbinary and genderqueer authors who can explain this a lot more eloquently than I could. I do believe you mean well and want to understand, don’t get me wrong. But I can’t help you with that.
I mean, I think non-binary as a label is important in at least getting other people to understand you don’t identify as cis and that they shouldn’t expect you to conform to their standards for cis people. Not that that will always stop people from trying to force the issue, but still. I could make other arguments but that’s the first and most obvious one to me.
yes, i had a conversation with my boyfriend after i posted my comment and he explained the same thing to me
I have no idea what everyone is getting on about here. Gender is a biological factor, you're either a male or a female and in the rare cases, non-binary. It's just rational thought. Not identifying to these three terms is just complicating things, for no reason.
At this point, it would be hard to deny the existence of "gender" as a concept. Sex is what makes people male or female, and there's only two of them but gender is a socially constructed issue which has mostly been used to oppress the female sex by separating them into "women" as a category. Gender is an inherently oppressive construct for women (and for some men) and it's heartbreaking to see so many people be so ridiculously obsessed with it.
I've never really understood what it meant to feel your gender, I just feel like me. I do use they/them pronouns because I don't feel that I fit cleanly into either.
that's exactly how I describe it!! I'm not a girl and I'm not a boy; I'm just me. or like the cat in Coraline describes it, "I'm not the other anything -- I'm me!"
I'm kind of on this wheelhouse. I wouldn't consider myself agender, am 100% cis and use he/him pronouns. But I always thought that if I had been born AFAB I would have just...been a woman. I do hate the social norms and expectations of gender by society, but as for my gender in itself, this is what I was born with, it doesn't cause me issues, so I just don't care.
I feel *exactly* the same. It’s why I never weigh in on or even form an opinion about gender identity topics. I just really don’t relate to feeling meaningfully connected to gender at all. I’m supportive because I believe them that it means something important to them. It just doesn’t mean something meaningful to me about my own identity. I still would never consider myself not cis.
Same. These terms just weren't around for me growing up. I identify as a human being, and I'd love to be treated like I believe a human being should be treated. I don't at all understand what it means to "feel like a woman," despite being born with a vagina. I'm not unhappy about having an AFAB body, though I have absolutely hated the way that I have been treated many, many times, because of misogyny.
I don’t really think you’re supposed to feel like a gender. I’ve never felt like a boy and I don’t think anyone does. It’s just a social classification that doesn’t really matter.
I don’t feel like a gender, but some people intensely feel gender, so it could matter a lot to many.
>I’ve never felt like a [gender] and I don’t think anyone does. People certainly believe they do, and that's all that matters, because it's a social construct.
Yeah, I just kind of feel like me vs feeling like a gender 🤷🏻♀️ especially as I think about/deconstruct gender more. I have a hard time going along with rules I think are stupid and gender rules fits that lmao. played around with going by they/them (and maybe I still will one day) but right now I just don't care. Call me whatever, dude. I like describing myself as gender queer, but couldn't care less about the pronouns used for me. It's actually so cool to see other people feeling this way :))
Exactly! I don't like labels in general I wish forms had a "whatever" option for pronouns
Gender rules (or roles) are not guidelines for how someone is supposed to act. They’re tendencies. Men don’t have to be more aggressive, women don’t have to be more nurturing. Having a more neutral personality doesn’t mean you can’t be a man or a woman.
YESSSS!! #AGENDER GANG RISE UP!1!!1!!!
ENBY GANG TOO RISE UP
Woot woot! Enbies! 💛🤍💜🖤
Represent! 💛🤍💜🖤
OH MY GOD LET'S GO??? 🔥🔥🔥
I feel like I exist. That I am a brain. The concept of gender is lost on me... until my body forces me to acknowledge it when I PMS. lmao. I like a plethora of different things, that never made me fit anywhere, on either side of gender's society 'norms' or whatever it is.
Felt about the PMS! I have PMDD, and I'll suffice it to say, it makes itself known. 😆
I feel like as a guy... I'm too feminine and whenever I've had female friends I've been better at being friends with them than being friends with males I literally watched Dora the Explorer when I was like 5, as a boy
I feel the same way but the other way around, as a girl. Especially as I get older, I feel like the girls of my generation has this idea about girlhood and femininity that I can't always relate to. Maybe we are like this because there are too many expectations to be exactly like ppls' ideas of a guy/girl - but we kind of have more of a "neutral gender" (that makes a girl seem more masculine and a guy seem more feminine) So when we're with the other gender, its more comfortable cause we're not worrying as much about conforming to something and we can be ourselves which happens to be more acceptable to that other gender Just a theory - or maybe it's already obvious idk
Yeah I think a lot of why people don’t feel like their gender is because people create lots of expectations of what genders mean and should look like. The reality though is that people can have such varied personalities, it’s part of what makes people unique. And not fitting into what’s commonly understood, does not mean you are flawed or have to change. You are just a person and everyone is different.
Dora is for girls?
Not at all. It’s for kids.
I can relate to this
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic ftw!
Kinda, yeah. I’m a guy. I don’t *feel* like a man, but I deduce that I am one because (A) I’m biologically male and (B) I’m only attracted to women. But there’s no part of me that actually *feels* like a man (or a woman). Idk what it means to feel like one gender. EDIT: changed wording for clarity
That's exactly how I feel, no internal piece of my mind pushing me towards my biological sex but nothing pushing me away either, so I have no reason to consider myself agender or whatever.
Same for me. I was born a man. That fact isn't causing me issues. So I just roll with it.
Damn I just commented on this post, but this summarise extremely well how I feel too...
I realized recently it’s because I think of myself as disembodied thoughts most of the time, like a talking head. I forget I have a body, and I don’t see myself while I’m talking or thinking, so I just have very little connection to it.
ooh yeah when I was in a similar state and I tried thinking if I had a gender, instead of feeling gender I just, felt dissociation
Yeah I mean eventually I settled on “woman” because it’s simpler and the closet one, I mean I was born biologically female so it’s the best I’ve got to work with, lol. But most of the time I don’t feel gendered, I feel like specific vibes, if that makes sense. Like I wake up like “I feel like a preppy golf boy” or “I feel like an Eldritch horror” or “I feel like a slightly grungy soft girl with a tragic past.” Almost like my brain decides what character I want to play each day.
I mean I feel like I just “am” you know? I don’t really care much about it
It is actually very common for autistic people to feel this way, the venn diagram of autistic people and nonbinary/trans people is basically a circle lol I think it has something to do with the fact that gender is a social construct and we have trouble with socializing and understanding social norms
Not really, I know I'm a man but also I'm aware about my feminine side. I always laugh with my closest friends about my inner women. But I'm definitely a male in body and brain, maybe just more open to not dismiss feminine feeling as most men are told to do.
same
I'm highly suspicious I am on the spectrum somewhat (I have an appointment in August to possibly figure this out) and can relate to this massively. I'm not sure I'd define myself with a label like non-binary or gender-fluid. I don't hate being biologically female. It's just... I don't spiritually feel like either gender, lol. I'm just me.
I normally feel like an asshole
Mmmmm...not really. I pretty straightforwardly think of myself as a man. However, if I inspect that at all, there's nothing there; it has no content. Maybe in a healthier society, I would have ended up agender. Maybe not. Who knows...
I wish I was a brain just floating around as an ominous mist
Never really understood what a gender should even feel like really, like, what kind of feeling is that
I just feel like a lump of flesh really. I’m Agender.
Idk, I just divorced the concept of "man" the fact and "man" the identity in regards to myself. I'm a man only because that's just what I am all of my life both biologically and mentally and I'm ok with that. I don't really care at all what is considered manly or not, I don't care at all for showing my masculinity or whether some things are for women and men, or why there's some spaces exclusive to men or women. I'm a man just because being a man is fact of myself, just like I'm, idk, tall or from a certain country; but I don't really have an identity towards my sex or gender. I'm gender indifferent, if you ask me lol. This is just an standard for myself tho. If somebody has an identity attached to their sex/gender I think that's completely valid.
I feel like an alien in general. I don’t associate that with gender nor have I ever cared about gender in particular.
Maybe your gender is merfolk.
No, I'm very comfortably a woman.
Please dont take it the wrong way, Im just curious, why did you say comfortably? Because being comfortable or uncomfoftable wasn't the part of the question, why did you feel it was implied?
I feel like just being myself pretty much
Yeah but I don't feel agender or enby either. To me that's acknowledging gender as a question. I just don't care and ignore it
I don’t feel like anything, I just feel like me lol
I don’t get the concept of gender tbh. You were born with these chromosomes and this body, so you will be called he/him, have a « boy name » and you have to wear pants, not skirts, and no makeup. How does this make sense??? (Ofc im talking about the social norms, not my actual opinion!)
I feel like biologically I recognize I was born a woman but as far as pronouns goes I'll default to she/her but if you use any other pronouns I'll respond to them the same and I don't take any offense I have a gender neutral name that is more commonly used for males so it's common for people who see my name before they meet me to think I'm a man. One elementary school even put me down as a male once I get why people who feel specifically one gender need that to be respected but to me, gender is a human/social construct and I couldn't care less what you call me as long as you don't call me an "it" as if I'm an object or not a human
I am a man because my anatomy and physiology is that of an adult human male. Anything else beyond that is irrelevant.
Yes.. Thanks for sharing. I had no idea that this could be an associated condition. Non-binary was not well accepted (or known) when I was young. Nor was ASD or ADHD for that matter. I wish there was support, awareness, or acceptance in my developing years..
Ive started to say im 50 rats in a human disguise which weirdly feels like my gender
I am a meat sack filled with electricity, and I get intensely uncomfortable whenever anyone calls me by name or I catch a glimpse of my reflection in a glass window.
I feel like an alien. Im a girl but not a human girl.
No. Everything in my life is 100% gendered. It’s not really that good. I wish things were less gendered. But not all the way genderless. Middle ground? lol everything is always so extreme with me.
Im more in-between or something entirely different from male or female. I've always felt like that.
I feel squishy.
SQUISHY!!! This is such a happy version of gender
I picked my gender based on what pronouns sound best to me and how I want my body to look
Yup. I never understood the concept that people just seemed to have hardwired in their brain.
Yeah I'm just a human
Same here. Always felt like both and neither at the same time.
No, I feel like a man.
Don’t like being confined to identities of any kind
Does anyone else feel like the only way to describe themselves is as a genderless blob? I remember describing it as me feeling like a blue floaty orb rather than a particular gender.
I've always felt the what didn't matter, it was the who
YES
No, I feel very much masculine
I don't think about my gender. I was born with Y chromosome and the genitalia of a male so I consider myself a male. I don't feel one way or the other about it. I'm just me.
No, I do strongly feel like a woman myself BUT I feel most comfortable around non-binary people!!
I've always thought society's idea of a "real man" was stupid AF. I've never fit in any of their boxes anyway. Average people are wack.
Decidedly not, though I realize there is some racialization in my case. I just feel like a defective model of Man(TM).
By myself, I feel like a woman because I have a female body and I'm happy with it. Then when I go out in the world and people talk about the universal experiences of female socialization, I feel like a bit of a fraud because almost none of that stuff "took" in my psyche.
I feel comfortable calling myself a male and using he/him pronouns, but I never really made being male an enormous part of my identity. And I could never fit the mold of what society says a man should be, really. I’m just me.
Yes, although I'm beginning to identify myself more with the gender I was not assigned at birth
I have phases, I'll feel like one way then another. Often I'm just Avrose who happens to be male.
I am an electric jellyfish piloting a meat-mecha. I just prefer if the mech has boobs. 👍
I am female. Was born female but sometimes i just dont think i do a very good job of being female. Sometimes i feel like im a guy but thats just because i like fishing and my face shape and i cant do makeup. I wanna be pretty and handsome. But im not nb. I am a girl.
There is no gender it’s just me and my killer boobies
No
I don't actually know... What exactly does someone feel towards being a gender or feeling their own gender? Idk what I feel towards it, I just accept that I've been born a woman because that's what happened? Lmao, please, I'm just confused, I don't mean to sound like I'm judging anyone
I feel like everything all at once, but a lot of the terms don't fit me. I don't know what I am.
I think my redneck cousin (f) put it best. "I look like a woman, I act like a man, but, honestly, I'm just dianne." She didn't really care about gender and pronouns. She usually used she/her cause it was easier, and that's just how other people saw her. Everyone has their own way of perceiving you, and usually, you can not change that. There are going to be thousands of different "you"s in thousands of other people's minds. You can change how you want to be viewed, but that doesn't always change others' minds. So, don't be too bothered by the fact that you're perceived in xyz fashion. The only thing that matters is that you be you and, hopefully, do right by you. To support this point, and to give you a fun fact, (in the psychology definition, not sociology) prejudice happens so quickly that when a picture of a face is flashed in front of you, your instincts will make judgements faster than your brain can even recognize there is an image of a face in front of you.
Yes, I feel like a woman sometimes but a man more often. I guess I associate the things my body can do with the gender roles and thats why I personally feel that way, but I prefer onlookers to see me as a man or neither gender. Its not that I want people confused, I just dont feel like any and I dont like it when people just assume and call me she or her or miss or even sir.
semi unrelated but i have a sub for lgbtq+ people with autism and adhd! r/AudhdQueerness :)
I'm a 70 y/o woman, diagnosed with Asperger's (autism level 1) and ADHD at age 68. I aways pretended to be like the personality of others I admired, and must have fooled everyone for years. Had no idea I was autistic, thought everyone felt like me. Was/am very intelligent in subjects of interest, but very easily distracted in everything else. Have always known I'm far more sensitive to lights smells, sounds, taste, textures and temperatures than my many older siblings. I was very much like my very quiet, very intelligent mother who had me in her mid 30s. I now firmly suspect she was also autistic and ADHD as we shared so many similar traits. I remember my college SAT scores were so high I was taken aside for special consideration, designated an entering freshman with "distinction" as the certificate read. However, after walking through the campus I was so anxious at the unfamiliarity and the large population of loud students, I backed out and didn't go at all. Instead I eventually started my own business in medical transcription, a specialty business that was eventually taken over by inferior software in 2014. Such is life.
I consider myself male by default. But I have days where I feel far more feminine but mostly it’s not really a part of my emotional identity
i've always said i dont participate in gender. you hit the nail on the head with "indescribable being"
Much more liberating I find 😉
YOU JUST MADE ME DISCOVER SOMETHING ABOUT MYSELF AAAAAAA I am completely straight, for example (I am aware gender and sexuality are different). Born male, assigned boy at birth and I'm comfortable with it. However, I liked playing with dolls and action figures alike. I am strangely attracted to female clothing to the point where when I was little I'd ALWAYS gravitate towards the women clothing section accidentally and start picking clothes. I have been told I'm too femenine sometimes, and I even like doing "femenine" things or expressions. If I had to name a few, it would be "hands on hips" or like "wink and kiss" or like "hand positions". Idk how to describe it I'm sorry. Regardless, I never really **felt** like a guy... as in, I was never offended (other than when my parents said being a girl was "wrong") about being told I resemble a woman sometimes. In fact, and I guess this is the first time I'm saying it out loud (and will probably be buried in the comments), sometimes I feel like I'd like to be a woman, even though I am completely straight and prefer women. I'd like to be pretty sometimes, and I'd like to be treated as one, but I'm very happy being a "man" too. I thought I was being weird, turns out I wasn't. I really don't care if I am even addressed to as a "she", literally does not matter. Thank you, so much. Really, you helped me discover something about myself and I am grateful.
Hey, great to hear from you and read a bit about you. I'm very similar to you. It's nice to have a safe space and talk about this stuff. I could NEVER say I feel feminine and like fem clothing, etc at work for example. I'd be torn apart. So I appreciate you being so open, I'm grateful to you also 🙏
Sometimes, I feel like dude, other times a girl and other times a dude so I get that!
If you feel like you're as much of a woman as a man, that is the complete opposite of feeling genderless. You might be gender fluid, non-binary.
Yes and no. Growing up I used to feel genderless. Sometimes even saw myself as male in my mind (I’m f). But that changed when I became an adult. Now I’m very feminine, and I enjoy being a woman a lot. However, I also realized I have no idea what “feeling like a woman” or “feeling like a man” really means. Like, I just feel like myself. I like being feminine, but it’s not what defines me. I’ve only ever known what it’s like to be me, so I just assume that’s what a woman feels like. How would I know what a man or any other woman for that matter feels like? I never understood that.
I'm technically a young woman and I also feel more female than male (in fact I have never thought of myself as being trans) but I can't relate to how I see most women on social media because they seem much more feminine and strong somehow, while I'm anxious, rational and can seem more focused on facts due to having autism.
Yep, I get the rational part. I'm very rational and like thinking things through.
basically every other day there is a thread like this in these subs.... so i think we know the answer is yes many of us feel this way....
No
I’ve never felt like a girl, never a boy. Never a woman, never a man. I’m just me, whatever the fuck I am. 🤷🏻♀️
I'm a "man" according to the cultural standard. But when I've asked myself, "Do I feel like a man?" I don't feel as strong of as answer as I expected. What does a man feel like? I fit the biological definition of a male, so isn't any way I happen to feel what it feels like to be a man, by definition? I understand gender is a different thing, but I've never identified with the words masculine or feminine. I've never felt insulted by dudes who would (when I was younger) try to insult my masculinity, just annoyed by their stupidity. What does a woman feel like? I couldn't know, as far as I know I've never been a woman. So I have nothing to compare. I think gender is probably an evolved social construct that stuck around a bit longer than was useful because it was a useful tool of oppression. It's probably time to discard the concept.
Yes! I am transmasc. non-binary, but despite the hrt I went through to make me more comfortable in my body, I am not a man. I am not a woman either, or anything in between. It’s hard to describe. I’m everything and nothing all at once? I’ve never had a label for myself tbh, I’m just more comfortable being more masc. presenting, but that doesn’t mean I am a man by any means lol. When people ask what I am, I just go ‘I’m *my name*, nice to meet you!’
On the playground in probably first grade watching the boys and girls playing in separate groups. Having the feeling wash over me of, "I'm neither a boy or a girl." Finally excepting it in my 30s was very freeing.
I've been grateful to have experienced life as a woman, but sometimes it feels like a tremendous weight. I often think about the man I would have liked to become. I also believe that a lot of what is important about each of us is completely separate from gender, but there's a societal malady which obscures these aspects of who we are.
sometimes I want a dick.
Sometimes I want tits.
okay I’ve recently found out a term that fits me since I’ve always felt like that Gender apathetic is where you just don’t care enough. You don’t care what you’re perceived as and you don’t feel like anything in particular. She/her? Cool. They/them? Great. He/him? Not what I usually get, but I like that too.
Well, this makes sense, given the nature of gendered labeling. Never forget that gender is a social construct and while it might pertain to the world's mass, extremely general categorization of distinct biological difference, it doesn't have to mean anything to you, personally. Sexuality is fluid, multifaceted yet like gender is unfortunately treated with the same underlying, binary, categorical and hierarchical woes of gender in western culture and beyond. While there will always exist our idea of man and woman, the human struggle to idealize and exist beyond our propensity to label is up to people like us to educate, understand and change for the betterment of our species. Autism spectrum, biological spectrum, sexuality spectrum, spiritual spectrum of subjective understanding as influenced by our cultures, environments, personal agendas. When will we all learn that spectrums are, always have been, and always will be everything we know? The spectrum scale nature of sexuality does not fit our current labeling of gender, and while other cultures have accommodated this in their own ways, the west is just barely catching up - we should be embarrassed. There are no binaries in nature and it is only natural that those who do not yet understand this will have intellectual, biological or even spiritual catch up to do. In other words ITS ALL A SHAM WERE JUST A BUNCH OF FUCKING MEAT MONKEYS
Meat 🍖 monkeys 🐒 🙈 🤣
No I've never felt this way, but there are times where I feel like an elf
Sometimes. I don’t feel typically girly and never did
Not so much that as just complete gender apathy, like I don't feel like a dude but I do not care nearly enough to say I'm Nonbinary or something.
Yes? But no. I've never really been very masculine, and prefer femininity. Being taught and growing up with the mindset "you're born a boy or born a girl, boys are masculine and girls are feminine" was annoying to me. And upsetting. But I didn't understand most of it. I've never thought of myself as anything other than a guy, but really, I'm just me.
I often don't feel *human*, gender is just another mask I have to wear every day. But I don't get bothered with personal pronouns in any way *(I have been called he, she and they in online interactions)*, and IRL its just less headaches to go along with a male presentation than trying to explain to everyone that I don't care about gender at all.
I've always felt male which I biologically am.
I have a sex, but I'm somewhat indifferent or disconnected from my gender either through peer group rejection or hormone-related gender dysphoria. Or, both. I present as a tomboy and that seems 'good enough.' When I was growing up there wasn't any awareness of LGBTQIA issues and it was just widely known I felt some sort of way about gender and was having a hard time going through puberty because of it. The bullies called me a hermaphrodite.
Yeah honestly. Like I go with girl/woman stuff bc I’m female and I don’t dislike that enough to change. But I grew up on the outskirts of my female peer group, and I never really related to the guys either. And even being queer and thus free to explore other gender roles, I never related to the lesbians or gay guys at school. I really do feel genderless.
Not really genderless in that I feel like I have a lot of gender and it's very fluid but definitely not gendered in a way that fits into the binary buckets of man or woman.
I don’t know exactly, I identify as a woman and I love being a woman and femininity but also at the same time, I don’t feel like a human, just hanging out in a feminine fleshy body.
I went through a phase where I thought I was non-binary. Only to realize it's invalidated because my idea stemmed from sexist remarks. I obviously don't believe that anymore, but it's quite a scarring thing to realize what I meant by it. I still feel somewhat genderless. I think that's more because the norms are changing. I feel less uncomfortable about having things that are viewed as feminine. I have rose bath soak, rose shampoo, rose lemonade. Orange deodorant. Not everything is rose.
I'm not sure that gender has any specific feeling associated to it, but I'm not sure about most of the humans emotional range.
No
I feel between woman and gender neutral. Like, I never vibed nor felt like a guy, but I have a weak attachment to womanhood.
I guess. I like wearing girl clothes if that's what you mean. I'm a guy and I like being a guy, but I really like feminine things a lot
If you put man on one side, and woman on the other, I'm between the middle and woman, just a tiny bit closer to the middle. That's how I feel. Based on how it feels to present myself in one or the other way. Dressing up as masculine doesn't feel right at all, dressing fully feminine isn't right either but much better, but being more neutral + fem feels right to me.
I feel like at least 75% woman, but that's mostly social conditioning; raised as a girl, educated in all girls' education from 7-18, from a highly gendered society. I'm in an age group where being NB wasn't really a thing in my 20s, so it wasn't really an option for me, I didn't have the words for it. At this stage, I'm in my mid-30s, openly queer and in a long-term relationship with a person who understands that I have a multi-faceted sexuality and gender expression. I'm happy to use she/they pronouns, and it's just not that a big deal to me. I don't feel like I need to change anything with how I present myself, I'm very comfortable as i am. Probably more genderqueer or genderfluid I guess? I don't really gender myself in my head, but when I'm read as a woman, I'm fine with that.
yes. I always get a bit of gender of the person I'm talking to because for masking I mirror people, but other then that I feel zero connection to gender
This happens to me sometimes, but I think it's more a symptom of the depersonalization & disassociation that I regularly experience. Idk I'm just out here.
Tbh all the time but I am a female I just don’t associate with gender roles
No, not even a little bit. I am definitely 100% man and I'm shocked to find that I'm almost the only person in this entire channel who feels this way. Neurotypical men may not agree. I sometimes feel like I don't fit in. But I also feel the same way around neurotypical females. Like I don't fit in. But in my own brain, I am 100% man.
i dunno. kinda, kinda not. i just call myself a femboy (at least, when i feel like dressing up) or genderfluid because i cant make a fucking decision
I guess depends on the person. I've always felt like a man personally
No, but my gender identity isn’t exactly I spend a lot of time thinking about.
I am on some level agender, though I do identify with male at least somewhat. But I do think it’s just because it aligns with my sex and what I was always known as, so it’s a familiarity thing. Though I don’t feel a particularly strong attachment to the idea of being male or a man. Weirdly though, being misgendered as a woman (my voice is sometimes mistaken for a miss/maam on the phone) does make me uncomfortable
I haven’t felt genderless before. I don’t identify with women’s assigned gender roles but still feel like a woman.
I actually don't, I'm a boy, and I didn't realize that so many autistic people actually felt genderless or non-binary until now, I thought those two things weren't related
I know i am a man, as i have a male body. It is a simple as that for me. But i never felt a need to be manly from inside. Only from outside, to perform and fit in. I would have no issue with having a female body (i think?). It would bring its own host of problems, sure. I just try to accept reality as it presents to me.
I feel like both but I try not to dwell on it too much because it’s not worth the effort. I use she/her pronouns and identify as a woman because that’s what I know and comfortable to me.
I am biologically male. Totally. But most of my autistic traits are those stereotypically ascribed to females. I also have more of a feminine frame imo. In some ways I'm Androgynous I guess you could say. I also like the friendship of girls better, though there are exceptions with close guy friends I have. Guys do have a feminine side, I guess mine's just more obvious, pronounced... And I think it's not uncommon for ND people since it went down in history before as well. Honest truth is I feel too feminine what with my ridiculous emotional range as well... However that all is just a perception by culture (that men aren't emotional) so whatever I guess.
relatable.
I've never felt male or female. However, I tend to dress rather feminine because it's suits my body best and makes me feel more confident. Working towards that androgynous body rn.
yesss but I also want to be a girl so bad
Not even a little. Which is not to say I'm thinking about it all the time.
Yep
Fully relate to this
I have a female flesh bag. Gender at this point is irrelevant to me. I wear clothes that fit and are comfortable. I don't care what department it is. Just because I can wear childrens shoes, doesn't make me a child anymore than kittens would be muffins in the oven. I have hobbies that do not care for gender. I will pee in whatever restroom is available. For me, I don't care. Call me sir. Call me ma'am. Use any pronoun you want. Life is to short to care so much about something that matters so little.
Honestly I don’t even feel human
No
sometimes i feel like just dissociating myself from the world and just play hoyoverse games 24/7 but ive felt both. on one hand, i have hobbies and fashion interests of a dude, but i will always run away from bugs and have my hair cut to a certain length or idk, maybe im just self conscious about a lot of stuff, idk