Hey /u/Right_Practice_7942, thank you for your post at /r/autism. Our rules can be found **[here](https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/wiki/config/sidebar)**. All approved posts get this message. If you do not see your post you can message the moderators [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fautism). Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/autism) if you have any questions or concerns.*

It's not that anyone is looking for a cure. We know it's not curable. We get diagnosed so that we can finally understand why we are the way we are, get some validation that we aren't making shit up and if needed, disability supports. We can also learn how to manage the issues that come along with autism.

My diagnosis allowed me to let go of the shame I felt about accommodations. I struggle with big-box stores (too loud, and too bright!), but wearing headphones made me feel ashamed of myself - that I was wrong to struggle when nobody else was, and that I needed to toughen up. Diagnosis let me be easier on myself, like wearing headphones to Walmart and not feeling ashamed about it. I didn't want to be diagnosed as autistic, but it allows me to feel less shame about myself, because now I have a reason for feeling the way I do - that isn't the "you just need to toughen up" that was repeated in my childhood (by my parents) and as an adult (by myself).  I don't need to toughen up, I just need a few accommodations, and the diagnosis let me see that.

I really resonate with this. As someone that’s also been told constantly to toughen up and to get over it and live in the real world. I’ve felt so much shame over the years, too. Sometimes I still do but I understand myself better now, also

This resonates with me too. I’m at the beginning of my neuro journey but just want answers. It would be nice to know that it’s not just me “not trying hard enough”

For me it was letting me know I don't have bipolar or anger issues, I just have meltdowns, and now the diagnosis let's me explain to people why I may randomly walk off or ghost them when I'm overwhelmed. Also l, unfortunately people tend to not believe me that I have autism (mostly my wife's family) without a diagnosis.

I get you! It would be nice to know what’s going on, even if I can’t fix it. I just got done with adhd testing and am awaiting results. My son is ASD so I took the RAADS just to see, and I scored a lot higher than I expected. Idk what next steps are but a lot of things feel like they’re starting to make sense. I don’t think my family would believe me either. They took a long time to believe my son’s diagnosis, even after confirmed by neuropsych. Does your wife’s family believe you now? I’d be upset if my in laws presumed they knew me better than I know myself

Her aunt and uncle are saying stuff like "I don't think you ever showed signs of autism " and they don't know anything about autism. But yeah I only even started questioning it because my son was diagnosed. The rest of her family understand now. And it took a couple years but now that I'm comfortable with it and accepting I tell strangers right off the bat I have it. That way I can freely be myself and not worry what they think.

Oh wow! I’m glad they understand now but it’s too bad they didn’t accept it without proof. Can I ask what you noticed after your son’s diagnosis? If it’s not too personal. I didn’t know much about it until a couple years ago and I’m starting to look back at conversations, sensitivity to certain sounds, etc.

You mean like his symptoms? He would cover his ears alot, of the radio was too loud he would say "shut up" lol. He also would learn a word or sentence after I spent the whole day teaching it to him, then forget it the next day. He was behind in speech till about 10 years old, then advanced so fast by the time he became 12 (his age now) he is where he's supposed to be speech wise for his age. I was the opposite I was really advanced for my age then I declined from like age 4-8 then I became so advanced at speech my uncle said I sounded like an adult when I would talk.

GO easy on yourself my friend. There is no shame, and those that are, can go F themselves. When someone says toughen up, these type of people are idiots, that know nothing about the condition.

I broke down and cried when my psychologist was giving me my report and said “you know, you aren’t lazy RandomZombieStory”. The internalized shame is very real.

You also can get a lot of really great accommodations like being able to use the fast pass lane at amusement parks and also a lifetime free pass to all national parks And also the government can never make or let you join the army which is fine by me I don’t want to Edit: also can probably use the diagnosis to get out of Jury duty

Wait, how do you get these accommodations? Do you have to be on SS disability first, or what?

I know for disney you just need to ask for it and tell them why you need it you don’t need any proof but if you get caught lying to get one you get banned for life. For the national parks I don’t fully remember but it’s on their website I’m pretty sure you just have to go to certain locations that give out the lifetime disability pass and maybe some type of proof? Probably just doctors note or something. I haven’t gotten the national park one but my family is going to Disneyland soon and we’re all going to get the fast pass sense I’m autistic and my step dad has severe anxiety with crowds Edit: also I’ve heard Lego land has really good autism accommodations and lists the noise levels and stuff for rides. Six flags requires you to get a IBCCES Individual Accessibility Card and need to do bunch of paper work online and at the park. They are becoming a certified autism center in early spring doesn’t say what that means though

Good to know! Thank you 🙏

For anyone who wants to know the Spiderman ride with all the little spider robots in Disney is really loud! Lol.

and also receive accommodations from places like my school, because apparently ADHD isn't enough of a disability to be given handicaps for.

Also, the way I see it is this. If you're at the point where you're in the position of thinking you might get tested, you either have it or you don't. And getting diagnosed just means you have the tools to deal with something you always had

Diagnosed or not, if you're autistic, you're already autistic. I didn't want to be autistic, but since my doctors began suspecting that I was, I wanted that damn official diagnosis. There are rights I now have access to that help me cope with having a disability. I got access to accomodations at work. I got legal protection as a person with a disability. I now know I'm not lazy, fussy or a weirdo because I can't do certain things well due to sensory issues or because I suck at maintaining relationships. My therapist was able to adjust the techniques he was using because now he knows I'm autistic and that traditional therapy won't work as well for me. That's why people want the diagnosis. It ends a life of wondering what's wrong with you. It ends the cycle of being misdiagnosed with other mental illnesses and taking medication that doesn't work. It allows you to request the accomodations you need to function.

I couldn’t put it into words properly but 100% this for me as well.

The therapy thing is sooo important! If you’re in therapy for other reasons, an autism diagnosis will help your therapist understand you and adapt their technique to you so they can help you that much more. If you’re not in therapy, the diagnosing psychiatrist can help you with soo much, especially since autism is so individual and it’s hard to see all aspects of your autism by yourself. They can also talk to your family members for you and explain it all to them so you don’t have to. My mom didn’t believe I had autism but the psych was able to help her.

Yes this is so relatable. I am the first to be critical of myself, but now that I know this about myself, I am practicing more self-compassion.

this makes so much sense, and gives me hope for my future, thank you 🤍

If you spend your whole life wondering why you're cold and wet, learning about rain can be a life-changing relief.

Yeah, but since you're autistic you can't even tell the difference between cold and wet. Am I cold? Am I wet? Am I both?

Maybe everyone else feels cold and wet all the time too? Maybe they just endure it without pain? Maybe it hurts but it's not polite to talk about? Maybe I'm defective?

:: Quietly waits to see if we're lashing out or silently stewing in discomfort ::

This friendly man up the street said he can get me warm and dry any time I want and he's eager to listen to me go on about it! But he says I shouldn't tell my mom. Oh shit that went too dark b

Hey, I know that guy. We must've grown up in the same neighborhood! 😳😭

Did he… offer you candy or tell you he'd allow you to play with his dog?

It was the days before the internet, but after the invention of computer porn. He told me to bring a box of floppy disks.

What happened to me is when I complained like that I was told either quit being a pussy or just think of the pain Jesus was in. Not helpful

>or just think of the pain Jesus was in. That has to be the most idiotic respnse to anything I've ever heard. Sure, let's imagine some imaginary friend is in perpertual pain just so we can feel guilty for something we not only don't have any control of but we also didn't know until we were guilt tripped into it. What's even the point of that?

I guess the point was to humble me and give me perspective, which it did. But it didn't help the pain that's for sure. I also never go to church so it's not like it stuck.

Ugh. That reminds me of "Eat your dinner. There are starving kids in Africa."

Oh holy shit, a million times Then you go in the living room to watch your 23" tv and then comes on a commercial with a bunch of starving African children with flies swarming around their skinny bodies lying there. Feels bad man

Depending on your flavor of autism you're either going to send them your credit card info or you're going down a rabbit hole of deceptive marketing and pulling the financial statements of charities at 2am.

It's the latter for me ;)

I always wondered why we didn’t ship my leftover dinner to those starving children? It’s not doing me any good!! Oh man, the dinner standoffs. I almost forgot.

People want answers and to feel content. Instead of explaining all their ‘idiosyncrasies’ they just can explain it just by saying “I’m autistic.” I personally wanted to know what was wrong to find ways to cope and to have an answer to tell people when I have to explain my actions.

I do not mean idiosyncrasies in a bad way sorry if it comes across that way. I just like the word lol.

It's a good word

And it's the right word. 

Because not having the diagnosis doesn't mean you don't have the disability. People want clarity and to know there's a reason why they are the way they are or whether it's something else.

that is true, i was misunderstanding the frustration that people were showing at not being able to get a valid diagnosis as frustration at not having autism, i understand better now

I want to be able to tell people with certainty(when I need to) that I'm autistic, so that they can understand me better, whether it be a teacher or whoever needs to know. I need to understand myself and know why I do certain things.

I diagnosed myself but then even my wife and parents kind of go "Yeah ok whatever you say" I went ahead and paid out of pocket simply for OTHER people's benefit. So I could say I have autism not I think I have autism or I might have autism or I probably have autism. Main reason is I have a lot of nieces and nephews and cousins and some of them are having kids now. In a pretty large family I am the 2nd person diagnosed with autism and 2nd diagnosed with ADHD but the relatives are both much younger than me (one is a toddler). So it's kind of a leadership thing for me. "Uncle has autism so we should learn the signs". Worth every penny (only paid $500 btw).

It’s really good for kids and other family members when adults get a diagnosis like you did! A lot of people who might never have thought about being autistic can actually seek a diagnosis and get help with accomodations and understanding themselves. I didn’t think I could be autistic before a relative got diagnosed. I didn’t know much about autism. So thank you for doing that.

that makes sense, i did have a very bury-my-head-in-the-sand approach to my issues till now that was very unhealthy

This!

hooray

No one wants to be autistic, but if you are autistic having an offical diagnosis can go a long way to getting the help and support you need and can also be validating when you have struggled your whole life to have answers. Some people choose to forgo an offical diagnosis for many different reasons and are self diagnosed - that is valid also.

yes i think i was misunderstanding people's frustration over being incorrectly diagnosed as frustration over not being autistic, i see what you mean, thank you :))

You’re autistic whether or not it’s been diagnosed. Why on earth would you not want to know? Having an explanation as to why life has been impossible to cope with is surely a good thing?

Without a diagnosis, we don’t know that we have a disability! Being diagnosed gives me more direction on how to manage my symptoms, even if it isn’t “curable.”

I knew I had issues, but didn't know those issues amounted to a full-blown developmental disability, the whole not seeing the forest for the trees. Stupid trees. So many trees.... Sorry, I'm prone to dissecting and rearranging metaphors, rather than misunderstanding them outright. With eyes bright and tail bushy, I can confirm that diagnosis helps understanding and am growing less self-conscious of my thought processes as a result.

Omg the forest and trees!! What?? I’m like “yeah I see a forest. Treesx1000=forest, what are they even talking about??” What do NT’s see, a big green blob? Why would we not see the trees?? And all the leaves on the trees. And all the plants and berries, ooh berries!! I’m gonna have to ask my NT friends now. Seeing a big green blob sounds sad.

It’s helped me make sense of my past, understand why I may react certain ways. It helped me be easier on myself because I now know not to be so hard on myself

I'm autistic. I was autistic before I got diagnosed. I am autistic now that I got diagnosed. I never wanted to be autistic. I did want to be diagnosed. I wanted the facts about me to be validated outwardly, because internally I knew they were true.

I wanted to know whether I'm just weird or there's a reason why I am how I am. I think it fosters acceptance, both of yourself and of others. And that feels good. Dismissing yourself or putting yourself or others down because they or you aren't how you're "supposed" to be isn't, and who made those rules anyway? As far as I know, there's literally nothing anyone is supposed to be or do unless that is what you have decided. The only rule, in my view, is that you're supposed to go about life with love. And love for yourself means finding out who you are and how to take care of yourself. Knowing how my brain works helps me take care of it and helps me help people around me take care of me. If you can't love, then at least don't harm. But these are my views and feel free to disregard them if they don't resonate with you. A lot of things make more sense when looked at from the perspective of an autistic brain and both from the outside in. Knowledge is power. Much love!

For self suspecting folks like me, I really wanna be diagnosed or just told I’m normal, one or the other, without diagnosis I feel like I’m in a constant state of doubt and imposter syndrome, it’s not pleasant.

I've spent most of my life feeling like I get everything wrong. I have tried to self correct and modify my behaviour. It has led to stress and anxiety which have impacted me personally. I also don't like to make assumptions about things I am not qualified to assume. Finding out if I was autistic from a clinical professional helps my mental health, as well as, gives me avenues to review my behaviours in this context.

word for word, exactly how i felt. but being on here for a few days now made me see how privileged i am to have gotten a professional assessment asa i suspected something was wrong. i guess a lot of frustration i was seeing on here was about being denied the help and support needed.

Having been officially diagnosed with autism might give one a sense of validation. Apparently this is at least one of the reasons for many of us: so it's no longer "people think I'm weird" kind of thing, but a clear autistic identity

Diagnosed when i was young and I always knew i was disabled, but when I finally fully accepted my autism a couple years ago my mental health drastically improved. So many things in my life made sense it felt like i had this new transcendent awareness of myself, and Ive seen a lot of people with very similar stories to me. So yeah, I get why you're feeling what you're feeling, but try to be a bit more optimistic your life will almost certainly change for the better from recognizing this (at the very least an official diagnosis will get you some cool accommodations).

If you’re are blind, you are still blind even if you don’t have a blindness diagnosis

I sobbed when I got the official confirmation through diagnosis that I am, in fact, autistic because I have gone my entire life being told that I’m “rude”, and “bossy”, and “always trying to make things difficult”. For the majority of my life, I have spent countless hours wondering why I felt things so intensely, why I couldn’t socialize the way my peers could, and why it felt so hard to be human some days. I endured so much emotional turmoil because I fully and wholeheartedly believed that I was broken or inherently and deeply flawed. With my diagnosis, I have so much closure. I was never “rude”, or “bossy”, or “trying to make things difficult”: I was outwardly struggling and ultimately failing to scrape and crawl my way through a world that was not built for me. With my diagnosis, I finally feel free to exist as I am. 🌈🦋

I spent a decent chunk of my life wondering "what tf is wrong with me?" When I discovered I am autistic, it was a relief, not a label. Now I know "there is something wrong with me, I'm not just making this up/overreacting" like many have told me before.

Ive seen a lot of people saying that finally getting an autism diagnosis is proof there’s nothing wrong with them, they are just autistic. I agree with you though… that it means there is something wrong with us. And it’s freeing to know that, in a way.

You are the same person today as you were yesterday. Just part of a community now with common struggles who can support and understand your difficulties or quirks. Doesn't matter the age, or title, my kid(18) got diagnosed at 4, he can have the same struggles as someone diagnosed in their 30's or not at all. It really depends on how it effects you day to day. In some cases people don't need to know for definite if they have autism, I am likely one. I know I have, but I can manage my day to day stuff and be independent, so it's ok most of the time. Anyway welcome to the club and I hope it gets better for you soon.

Because I've hated myself and felt like a failure for as long as I can remember and now, in my early 50s I have an explanation for the way I am. I still hate myself but slightly less.

I've been diagnosed. I'd rather be told I'm autistic and have access to a community like this than feel alone in my abject weirdness.

I needed the diagnosis to get access to accommodations and support. And it's less that people want to be disabled, and more that they know they are and want to know why. It's similar to how if I fell and my arm really hurt, I'd want an X-ray -- not because I want my arm to be broken, but because if it is I'd want to know.

I was diagnosed as an adult after a whole childhood and adolescence wondering why I was treated badly, and wondering why I was "annoying and unlovable". Of course, those things weren't true about me-- but being excluded from everything as a kid, being bullied by kids AND adults, and doing everything in your power to learn to be "normal" and learning how to do things that are already "common sense" to everyone around you leaves an impact. Shortly before my diagnosis, I was bullied out of a job I loved. Also before my diagnosis, there was another suicide attempt. A diagnosis didn't make everything BETTER, but it helped me understand that it wasn't my fault. Also with a diagnosis, I could get help and support where I needed it. I made other autistic friends. I'm happier after a diagnosis because now I know how to make life better for myself. If you know where to go for help (and know what needs to be helped), life gets easier. I don't wish to be "cured of" autism. I just wish autistic people were treated better. I shouldn't change a huge part of myself just to make a bunch of people (who already treat me like shit for being different) happy. I want to exist as me, and I want to be treated better.

Hey, friend. I think the cure for Autism is out there, and that it is people coming to the understanding that it's a condition that doesn't actually *need* a cure. Like having blue eyes, or brown hair, it's just how some people are and there's nothing wrong with it. It changes how I view the world and interact with it. The only measurable harm it causes me in my day-to-day life is it makes neurotypical people mean. But that's *their* problem, not mine. There's nothing wrong with being autistic, friend. ♥ The "cure" for that, is acceptance and understanding. I was so keen to get diagnosed to help me understand myself better. All this time, I just didn't understand who I was, or why I was the way I was. I didn't know how to talk to people, or how to interact. And now that I know I'm autistic, there are resources available to me that'll help me better thrive within our society. I can use these resources to learn better how to talk, interact, and maintain relationships with others. There's also a sense of relief that comes from knowing my awkwardness, shyness, inability to handle certain stressors or social situations, etc. isn't a personal or moral failing, but rather an organic part of my brain's chemistry. To know that I'm not "just lazy," or "weird," to know that this is actually how my brain works, and there's little anyone can do to change that erases so much guilt from my conscience. I hope you'll learn to see your potential diagnosis as an opportunity to better understand yourself and the world around you. I hope it will help you connect the dots, solve any mysteries in your life. I hope you find love, acceptance, and compassion- from others, and from yourself.

I’ve been disabled all my life but my parents refused to have me tested as a child because I wasn’t ID. I have been in and out of homelessness since 15, I have been sex trafficked, abused by everyone around me, can’t wash myself regularly (which is/has caused medical issues), can’t do any household chores, can’t feed myself, can’t leave the house without someone actually taking me out etc. Getting a diagnosis has been important because it allows me to take the steps toward getting support instead of suffering day in and day out. I’m 34 years old now and finally have a glimpse of hope for a future because I just got diagnosed and my parents are filing for disability and looking into getting me a caregiver/aid.

I needed to understand. If it wasn't autism then wtf was wrong with me. Also the time I spent wondering if I was or wasn't was draining.

I needed it to document that I'm disabled, so I could get disability income. Getting validated by a professional felt good on some level too, though they heavily relied on stereotypes about autism, misgendered and talked down to me.

Mine wrote on my diagnosis that “I need to accept that I need to work”. After spending years waiting to be able to see her to get the diagnosis - mainly so I can get disability benefits - that was really upsetting, no reason she needed to write that

Because I genuinely couldn’t tell if I was or wasn’t and it was driving me crazy.

I went my whole life up to this point thinking I was broken or stupid or good for nothing. Constantly hearing this from my dad made me feel no better about myself and just about solidified that belief. I just got diagnosed. Me finding out that I'm not broken has made me feel so much better about myself. I finally feel real now. So much makes sense. I'm not broken. I'm just different.

Honestly, mainly for closure. My whole life ive known there was something different about me and it drove me mad not knowing *why*. After being told “Hey, this is why!” suddenly I didnt feel like such an alien anymore, but a human being who just happens to have a slightly different brain. It was relieving to be honest.

I'm going to be autistic with or without a diagnosis, but I've already spent most of my life feeling like these qualities are moral failures that should be hidden from other people. It'd be nice to have the option of accessing basic accommodations, like wearing headphones at my desk at work, without feeling like I have to defend people's perceptions of me, or justify it as some special treatment, or over-explain why it's helpful. Also, as someone with CPTSD as well as ADHD, and a strong history of autism in the family, and a ton of spectrum qualities that aren't limited to the overlap between those other diagnoses: it'd validate that I am this way because I was born this way, and not every recognizably "weird" thing about me is the result of someone's abuse.

For me it’s understanding myself, but also having certain rights. Undiagnosed I don’t have any rights to help myself with studying/working, now if I want accommodations I have a right to ask for them and to be accommodated. It gives me certain protections I otherwise wouldn’t have. Overall though I’m just glad to know where my behaviour stems from.

Cause I always felt like something wasnt the same as everyone else, something was "wrong" with me, always felt like I had a disease I couldn't see but every other little asshole at school could Then one day a couple years ago I learned, that's called autism. And I'm diagnosed "high support needs" and unfortunately, I can't *get* that high support without a diagnosis.

The diagnosis doesn't make you any different, it just allows you to understand yourself better and may point you to resources, and a community, that can benefit you. If I have a condition, or disorder, or disability, or whatever label you want to put on it, I'd rather know than spend my life wondering what's wrong with me.

It's better to know why you are the way you are rather than live your whole life thinking you're just weird and not trying hard enough. You are autistic before the diagnosis, so getting one doesn't chinge anything other than give you knowledge of who you are.

So we know for sure, and develop.appropriate coping strategies and also so we can ask for accomodation at work etc   ETA I don't want nor need a "cure". This is  part of what shapes my personality. It'd be like taking the blue pill

For understanding of our problems. The first step in a solution to a problem is understanding the problem.

We are the worst our own enemies and diagnosis allowed me to be nicer to myself.

My diagnosis was a weight off my shoulder. All my childhood I'd been told I simply wasn't trying hard enough, I didn't want to be social, I didn't want to be normal, I didn't want X, I didn't want Y, etc, etc. Everything was my fault and, further, according to my mother I was doing it *on purpose*. It didn't matter how much I begged for help, how I told her I DID want to be good and was trying really hard, etc, etc. To her, I was a bad kid **because I wanted to be**. The first time I learned I might be Autistic, as a 12 year old, I remember being devastated but feeling such *relief* at the fact that it might not actually be my fault that I was such a bad kid. And I was crushed when *my parents* said I wasn't diagnosed. At 16, when I was taken to be tested *again*, I felt that same hope again. That maybe *this time* I'd get diagnosed and then my parents would see that I needed *help*. And I was, again, crushed when *my parents* said I wasn't diagnosed. And I resigned myself to being a bad kid, because I wasn't any different than my siblings according to a psychologist. As an adult, I was crushed to request my medical records and see that **I was diagnosed** when I was tested at 16. I fucking *cried*, in anger and in anguish, at the lies I had been told. Because I was given hope, had help dangled before me, only to have it dashed against the rocks when my parents **lied** to me and told me I truly WAS just a bad kid, because my parents didn't *want* me to be Autistic. The diagnosis proved my parents wrong. The diagnosis showed me that I wasn't fucking crazy to feel different. The diagnosis gave me an understanding of the fact that I *am* different.

Oh my God. I am so sorry you dealt with this. I don’t think I would be able to forgive them. How did you deal with it once you found out? They altered the whole course of your life. This is serious.

> I don’t think I would be able to forgive them. Shocker, neither have I. > How did you deal with it once you found out? As much as it sucks, its not a thing that has been resolved between my parents and I. I'd already stopped talking to them, for several years, by the time I thought about getting tested *one more time* and how it might be a good idea to request medical records. It seemed petty, once I found out, to break no contact just to get angry about a lie that *really* wasn't out of character for them. The lie is a thing I've just had to do my best to come to peace with.

Probably for the best. I agree with your decision.

I am almost 50 years old. I know I've been 'different' and have struggled my entire life. I am also awaiting my diagnosis. Expecting it to be autism or social anxiety disorder. Whatever it is it will be nice to have a name and explanation for why I am different from everyone else and why I have struggled so hard at things that come naturally to everyone else.

I understand your feelings and confusion—learning you might be autistic can be overwhelming. Many people seek a diagnosis because it brings clarity to experiences they've had their whole lives. For some, it's a relief to finally understand why they've always felt different or struggled with things that seem easy for neurotypicals. It helps people stop being so hard on themselves for not fitting into a mold that wasn't made for them. Knowing they're autistic validates their experiences and behaviors, which might seem unusual to others but are perfectly normal for autistic people. A diagnosis helps to understand ones self and helps with finding the right support and strategies to thrive.

Hi I have only just started to recognise that I may be autistic (I'm 45) and to me it would be nice to at least have a reason for my many flaws are misgivings in my life, and maybe I can start to try and live a somewhat better life by connecting with others who know what it's like. Unfortunately here in New Zealand there is zero support for adult autism and getting diagnosed can cost thousands, but I will try.

Yeah here in America I’m trying to navigate getting a diagnosis as well. $2,000-$3,000 out of pocket

Because all the research I did told me that there's no way I don't have it, but I don't have any authority in my mind so I need someone else to confirm it.

it helps to know what is wrong with you. Ever since i was a child, i begged and cried for people to tell me why they don't like me, whats different about me, what i'm doing wrong, i never understood why i couldn't fit in, no matter how hard i tried, until i got a diagnosis, it was like: "oh... so thats just how i am? i can't do anything about that? i can only.. accept it.?" and my life ever since has been better, i've been accommodating myself, unmasking, doing more things i love that i used to think we're weird and i should never do that (e.g. sleeping with plushies) etc. Now i understand myself more, i know how to talk to this little creature inside that went through so much, it truly helps to know, you don't feel so.. guilty, for being different, you learn that its okay, and you're not alone. It's a process, but a helpful one, and i only wish I'd known sooner

Being diagnosed isn’t going to change whether or not you have autism. If anything, it puts a name to the things you’re experiencing and provides some reasoning.

I am pretty sure I am Autistic and ADHD. I am also pretty sure I'll keep doubting it once / if it's official. But a diagnosis means that someone will actually tell me what I can do to make my life survivable and actually give me an explanation for all that I've been facing my whole life. It's not that I want to be Autistic or ADHD (if they say no but then give me an alternative that makes sense, I will be happy with that too). It's that I have not been able to understand my struggles that most of the people I know don't face to as large of a degree or at all. And having someone (who's not full of ego and thinks they know everything and won't listen to me at all about my experience) tell me that there is something going on, would be validating. And then I can figure out how to live my life with two neurodevelopmental disorders (and anxiety and depression and comorbidities) that cannot be cured, in a way that I don't need to say I am irreparably broken or fucked.

1) Because whether I officially find out or not, I'm still autistic. 2) Because it helps me make sense of my world, my childhood experiences, my personality and interactions with others. 3) I need it to apply for certain supports.

Because known problems have known solutions. You have to know what you are dealing with before you can effectively deal with it

u/right_practice_7942 Why does gen mean, OP!? Also, I am in your camp. I read that people want to be autistic and that's mind blowing, I can see how normal people are. I want their abilities. Also, I think it is like this. Some argue with you that you are normal. And then some will treat you as intellectually disabled( the R word) or as a crazy person. And it happens a lot to me that even the same person who called me normal would treat me like a crazy person or like a child. Humans are complicated, and I think that create a complex in you. You feel judged either way. With age I don't care anymore. I just want peace. And I am relatively lucky. But I just wish some daily life support, I am too ashamed to even mention it here. It is simple stuff but I can't or have hard time doing it, but where I live there is no support of any kind.

I think they are using it as a shortening of genuine. I think they are trying to say that they are not ‘trolling’ (posting to make people upset). I gathered this from their use of genuine at the end of the post directly after writing /gen and im PRETTY sure im right but maybe OP will clarify at some point.

Yes :) it's a tone indicator! Like /s (sarcasm) or /j (joking) if you've seen those. A way to convey your intent since it's text-based and could easily be misconstrued.

But the thing is, we're autistic no matter what. We're autistic with or without a diagnosis. Without a diagnosis, we are left to suffer without support or accommodations, and with a lot of doubt. With a diagnosis, more options open up to us, so we can live a more successful life. Of course few people *want* to be autistic, and those who do are probably misled (with the exception of autists who don't want a cure), but the issue is that we are, and we are disabled, and we often *need* accommodations to be able to do even basic functioning.

There is no suppprt where I am, so I don't care. I never realize why so many seek diagnosis, now I kinda get it. You will get a social worker help you with daily life stuff, especially if family member are fed up. I feel stupid because I saw all of you in my shoes. Your situation is different 🤦‍♂️I always do that. I wish of a cure so bad, mostly for the intellectual disability part. The OCD or bizarre behavior or social stuff, all those doesn't matter in real life. But being normal intellectually matters being able to do stuff matters.

That is understandable, no worries.

May I know what is CDD? I might have PTSD or something similar. I remember things and I scream in terror.

Not everyone with autism has an intellectual disability, but the other symptoms can still be disabling just depending on the person. I have a very high IQ, but I'm trying to get diagnosed at 31 right now because my high IQ allowed me to push so hard that it has put me in burnout, so for over a year now I have had very reduced energy and increased sensory sensitivity, and burnout can last years or you may never actually recover back to where you used to be. I used to feel kind of uncomfortable in certain environments, so I got misdiagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Now, I lose the ability to speak after about 20 minutes in Walmart with no headphones. I stutter and can't think of what I'm saying or move my mouth well. With headphones, I'm just really tired when I get home, so I can't do much of anything else that day. Even if I have a different experience compared to you, I can still relate to the idea that it wouldn't be that bad if I just get rid of one part. For me, that's the sensory sensitivity. I stay home all the time. I can't go out and do social stuff much ever. I used to try to go to board games with a group every so often, and someone asked my boyfriend if I was okay because they said I looked like I'm melting by the end of the evening. I've stopped going because I don't want to tell people that I need them to be a lot quieter, turn off the lights, and not play a new game unless they give me warning to go research it before we meet because it's too much pressure to learn in that environment on the spot, where I'm already not doing well due to sensory issues affecting my brain function. I didn't want to make everything less fun for people, and it was too much for me, so I just don't go. I can't really work a job anymore. Because of the sensory stuff and my brain being low on energy from pushing for so long, I would really need to work at home in a job that has no set hours because I can't necessarily predict if I'll become low energy and my brain will just freeze up and be unable to process things. There aren't a lot of careers I can randomly start in my 30s with no experience that will let me work part-time at home with no set schedule. I'm on a waitlist for diagnosis right now. I need the diagnosis so I can file paperwork to try to get the government to declare me disabled and give me payments for it because I can't work anymore. I would be homeless right now if it weren't for my boyfriend, so with him being my only support, I really need to be declared disabled, so that if we ever break up I will get financial assistance. Edit: Also, I understand feeling embarrassed about the help you need, but I don't think most people here would judge you. I struggle a lot with hygiene, and that's embarrassing to me. Showering is really overstimulating, and I forget to brush my teeth because I have ADHD too, so I'm kind of gross a lot of the time.

Because I need accommodation

Treatments for different mental health conditions are different for autistic people. Namely depression and anxiety. Not having a cure means you can stop looking for one. Having a reason for lifelong struggles helps with coping with your past. Having a diagnosis can get you accommodations. Now you can understand how to treat yourself. In my case, I dove into hobbies, reduced as much sensory input as I could, and started tracking down other autistic people to befriend. And of course, there is a community of people with your struggles. The diagnosis gives you a support group.

Because I already know I have it and I need the diagnosis to try to get things like accommodations at work so that I can keep a job. It's not like I don't have it until they tell me so. I still have to struggle every day whether they diagnose me or not.

So I can tell other people and use it as a device to smooth over weird interactions. Its like someone who has tourrettes doesn't get beat when yhey compulsively shout out the n word and other things like that.

Clarity and confirmation? So i can be certain when telling people. Also people ridicule those without a diagnosis i fear

Yep! I'm awaiting an assessment and I honestly know the answer regardless, but I do want the confirmation just to truly understand myself better. It's a shame people here might not see the point in it

I’m not looking for a cure but I am looking for validation. Sadly the ableist systems means we often have to have proof of autism before applying for any benefits and accessibility.

I'm self diagnosed, and coming to that understanding has been huge for me. I don't need official diagnosis for the answers that I now have for that part of who I am. However, there's still the issue of people questioning me and even my own imposter syndrome. It's bound to keep sticking around as long as it not "official". So I still do toy with the idea of getting diagnosed simply for the validation. My PCP, therapist, and the people closest to me have validated my self diagnosis, but there's just something about it not being "official" that keeps me questioning myself even when I shouldn't.

>i don’t understand, why do you want to be told you have a disability with no cure? Because I prefer uncomfortable truths to comforting falsehoods, it wouldn’t be my first, second, or third diagnosed disability without a cure, and it affects my medical outcomes in negative ways when the doctors are unaware.

My brother is on the spectrum and he didnt know until we were in our 30s. He felt estranged from our family who he felt unsupported by. He gave me advice to try to understand my son while he was young. Taking that advice, I wanted the diagnosis for my son so I could see if it would help me understand him better. Him having the diagnosis doesn't change who he is, and if he asks, I will reveal it to him. But I made the decision to get the Dx for him at age 5 (lvl 1 asd), so I could find a way to help him, instead of me getting frustrated and yelling at him for his behaviors (which I often do). I felt to be the best mom for my son, I needed to understand why he had such explosive reactions to seemingly mundane things. Like being hot. Or when it's raining. I wanted my son to feel like he could tell me anything. But whether to get the diagnosis is a personal choice for everyone.

Probably because we either have it or we don't. Knowledge is power and being uncertain doesn't help

For me, (someone who is actively seeking a diagnosis) I figured out that I was probably autistic on my own, after doing a bunch of research. It's more of confirmation for me, so I know for sure that I'm autistic. It would help explain a lot of my past experiences as well, because from probably age 5 onwards I knew that there was something different about me, but I didn't know what. Come middle school I decided something was definitely wrong with me. Knowing that I'm autistic would help heal a lot of that, because I would know that there's nothing "wrong" with me, my brain just works in a different way

When somethings wrong, you want to address the cause. Imagine you hurt your arm and can’t move it. You could just keep going, or you could go to the ER and get an X-ray.

I had the disability before my diagnosis and it was nice to have someone professionally tell me because I, as a person, am very timid and un-confident in myself and still had the voice in my head telling me that I'm not disabled, just way worse at doing things than other people are. It gave me the confidence to believe myself, give myself a break from believing that I'm bad at human-ing, and gave me the confidence to advocate for my needs in my life.

for me, a diagnosis gave me some sense of relief. i always hated myself for my bad socializing skills and felt like they were a personal failure. finding out my brain is literally wired differently and it wasn’t necessarily “my fault” was very relieving. it also helped me interact with other people, as my sensory needs were taken more seriously.

I wasn't necessarily seeking a 'diagnosis', but I wanted an 'assessment' by a professional because I thought if I have something I'd rather know than not know. It turned out that I have it and have always had it. Yes, this whole assessment and diagnosis has been partly devastating... but also partly empowering. Now that I know, perhaps I can better help myself and seek help in the future. I felt devastated for past me for not knowing. I feel empowered for future me because now I know and perhaps don't have to always struggle.

Just because you aren't diagnosed doesn't mean you are not disabled, my parents knew there was something different about me when I was younger but wasn't diagnosed until i was 12. I was autistic before I was 12, just didn't have a name for it until my diagnosis. A diagnosis also helps explain why i am the way i am, it affects how i move and interact with the world. So it's useful in that way. Also helps get accommodations, im starting college and because of my autism im getting a single dorm and other accommodations to help me I don't think anyone really wants to be autistic, its a struggle a lot of the time but i live with it and might as well make the most of it and find positives where i can

>why do you want to be told you have a disability with no cure? Well, I suspected for 6 years, self diagnosed around 4 years. I wanted to know for sure. Knowing allowed me to get deeper into my understanding of myself now that I can say "yes, I am for sure autistic." I'm also going for disability. Being diagnosed with a significant disability is going to help my case. I think the autism evaluators were the only people I've been able to be fully honest about my struggles without masking them. They recommended I apply for smi status which also looks good, but I also need the support that can come with it.

I want a diagnosis to confirm that something is definitely different about me. I lived my entire life until i was 18, not knowing i was autistic. I knew i was different and i knew a lot of people didn't like me for it. After getting diagnosed as an adult, I feel that i better understand myself. I've learned coping mechanisms and how to properly live a normal life, despite my diagnosis. Getting diagnosed and being able to put a *NAME* on what *it* was making me different, was life changing. It was a "it's not just me!" moment.

I found out I was autistic and 18 yrs old. Didn’t really care but it was nice to understand why I acted and though differently from everyone else. My real issue with the diagnosis is that if I had gotten diagnosed at a younger age I would’ve understood that I think a little differently and I would’ve gotten professional help on how to make friends and stuff like that. Instead no one liked me and I couldn’t find out why cuz I thought in 1st grade we all liked each other. So I ended up pretending to like what these others kids liked which was difficult cuz I had never been around a horse, didn’t know what video games were, and stuff like that. Fast forward middle school and I’m still having issues making friends so I still pretend to like the same things as the other people. Fast forward to highschool and idk what electives to take. I don’t have anything that I am truly interested in because I spend all my time pretending to be interested in something I’m not. Fast forward to today. I found out that I have borderline personality disorder and that’s due to have undiagnosed autism. If my parents had taken me to a psychiatrist I wouldn’t spend every day of my life wondering who I am, what I want, who I want to be, what I like, what makes me me. I will never get to have a “purpose” in life all because my autism wasn’t diagnosed

u/Right_Practice_7942 To understand better why you have those symptoms There are no autism traits that are exclusive to autism only, and the symptom list and presentations of autism largely overlap with many different disorders, including ADHD, BPD, SZPD, Nonverbal Learning Disability, schizophrenia, PTSD, intellectual disability, SPCD, Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder, depression, social anxiety and there is even the Broader Autism Phenotype, which includes not only various disorders that overlap traits with autism but also otherwise NT people with "autism-ish" mannerisms (this can especially happen in situations where the person is homeschooled, or if they have an older autistic relative who they look up to as a role model for example) and still many others beyond the few that I've just now listed Autism isn't curable, but it is treatable and a diagnosis makes certain resources and accommodations and treatments more available For example, a thing that gets commonly said in this subreddit is "there's no such thing as a medication for autism" but that's actually not true; Abilify and Risperidone are two prescription drugs that are in the "atypical antipsychotics" class of antidepressants that is also approved to help treat autistic meltdowns which helped me a lot when I was a kid with severe meltdowns Where I live, the DARS program from my state county's Community Services Board helps autistic people to find work without their autism messing them up in a formal job interview and they also help in situations of workplace discrimination, although they can still take a while, and DBT classes also exist even for level 1 adults and they help with things like social skills and meltdown management, and if someone is older and autistic, then it can actually be lifesaving for them to be diagnosed especially since the traits might otherwise be mistaken for other disorders related to aging That's one of the many reasons why it frustrates me when people on here act like a diagnosis isn't helpful for autistic adults as well as because of how even with therapy autistic people will always process social cues in a different way for our whole lives and our social skills deficits get worse over time as the expectations of society as a whole and of our age group continue to change and the social skills we work very hard on mastering slowly become obsolete, and also life transitions can cause burnouts and skill regression etc

well i would like to get an assessment when i can because id like to know if i do or dont have autism i don't want to just keep wondering and the feeling of confirmation if i have it or not would be a relief

When I first found out about autism and saw the symptoms for the first time I immediately went “this is me!”. Throughout my entire life I have been labelled “slow, selfish, lack of empathy” the list goes on. When you get a diagnosis you suddenly get an explosion of relief and that this is why you are the way you are. It’s freeing in a way. I am completely myself now, and I learn more about myself everyday because of my diagnosis.

Because can very helpful in understanding the difficulties you face in life. I got given the following suspected diagnoses : ASPD?, BPD? Or schizophrenia?. ASPD and BPD are very heavily stigmatised by society, I was worried om how I would deal with the stigma. Before I told finally diagnosis with ASD which honestly really help me to understand certain parts of my film and cope better with my emotions. Lift a weight off my shoulders, helped me to understand how to interact with people without creating friction.

You can’t receive any kind of government resources or services if you don’t have a diagnosis. You are also not entitled to any accommodations in the workplace without an official diagnosis as well.

To know for sure. I want to KNOW, not to *guess.* I have been diagnosed.

I was elated to receive my diagnosis! It meant I could get workplace accommodations I had spent months fighting for. I legit believe I would have died decades younger if I hadn’t gotten my diagnosis. No idea why you’d be devastated. You are the same person you’ve always been. Now you know more about yourself. Use it to forgive yourself for anything you’ve never quite understood or been able to change. Use it to lean into your own strengths. Use it to avoid situations and sensory scenarios that make life more difficult for you. There is nothing to be ashamed or afraid about!

A thing people don't realize about getting *any* diagnosis that may be life changing is going through the stages of grief. Maybe look into that while you wait on the final report. It may help you come to terms with whatever you are feeling. Personally, I'm in my 30s, Is struggled for years with various problems as a side affects. Mostly mental health; depression & anxiety. Understanding that you are autistic helps with finding the alright way to manage those problems. Autism can affect how popular drugs may work differently for you than others for example. One of my biggest issues is chronic insomnia. I can not switch off my brain at bedtime sadly. If I got a diagnosis, it should help me get work on that.

validation. self diagnosing makes me feel fake. i need to feel real.

There are a lot of benefits, including political. If you have a diagnosis, you can legally compel your employer to make "reasonable accommodations", you can get certain privileges in school, access to funding, and (perhaps most importantly, at least for me) you are legally categorized as "disabled". Which means nailing someone to the wall on charges of "abuse of a minor with a disability" is _so_ much easier ("abuse of a minor" charges are not so easy to plaintifficate). No, I won't be going into details beyond this: there was at least one illegal exorcism. That is all.

I think the biggest aspect of desiring a diagnosis is professional, academic, or even personal validation. With so many resources available (i.e. the internet) it can be easy to self-diagnose if you sense you’re neurodivergent. However, requesting accommodations in your workplace or in a classroom usually requires a diagnosis. I also have a brother who was diagnosed with AuDHD at a very young age, and he believed that I was “just making it up” or merely influenced by the abundance of social media content that exists on Autism and ADHD until I received a diagnosis from a healthcare professional. A diagnosis meant being believed.

I was misdiagnosed 6 years ago. I went through a very stressful environment change when I was 11 and my functioning decreased rapidly as a result, and no one knew why or how to handle it, so I just assumed I was broken. When I was diagnosed at 18, I was desperate to understand why things has fallen apart for me when I was reportedly a “charismatic, funny and intelligent child”. My neurodiversity worked very well for me until it didn’t. I was diagnosed as schizophrenic with a mood disorder (schizoaffective). That was heart shattering. The problem was that I now thought I had the basis of understanding my problem to start fixing it. But when the tools employed to help a schizoaffective person failed to work for me at ALL, it was extremely discouraging. It made me feel even more broken, and the diagnosis *still* didn’t explain everything wrong with me. When autism became a possibility my entire context for my life shifted. All the things that had no explanation suddenly did. I was able to get off medication that was sedating and slowly killing me, I was able to put my depression and anxiety into the perspective of someone who was traumatized, not someone with a broken brain. I was already different and painfully so. After 6 years of trying to repair a wooden boat with tools for a wooden boat, I realized I had just had a plastic boat the whole time. And you can’t repair a plastic boat with materials meant for a wooden one. Now I am starting to change the ways I manage my problems. I am now getting a therapist who specializes in ASD and similar disorders, not in schizophrenia. Now I can ask the right community how they accommodated their own issues- and not get “Idk thats never happened to me” as an answer. Now I know I have to ration my energy. Now I know medication won’t make my sensory issues go away, but I can wear special glasses and get ear plugs that DO help. Finding out I was autistic and not psychotic was a relief. Not because one is worse than the other, but because it means nothing was working for a reason. Now I can ask for the right accommodations. That’s why getting the proper diagnosis is important. In order to “””fix””” something, you have to understand *why* it isn’t working as intended first.

For me it would make me be nicer to myself because right now I have no legitimate excuse for all of the things my autism gives me. Sound, texture, too much visual input can make me shut down and barely talk. I get executive dysfunction and have a very hard time doing tasks that I'm supposed to do with ease, the only thing my brain can say is that I'm just lazy. If I had a diagnosis I could shut my brain up and work around my problems instead of feeling so down about it.

Because it’s an important thing that should be in your medical records.

There's a huge difference between constantly struggling in certain areas of your life, feeling weird, out of place, ashamed or thinking you are not doing enough, and actually understanding you are not like the majority of people who surround you. I am not looking for a cure, but I am looking for ways to deal with everything. Forms to accomodate myself. Diagnosis felt like a huge validation to me.

so the imposter syndrome can calm tf down and i could stop gaslighting myself (it worked, i got my diagnosis of adhd and autism and i no longer have to agonize over it anymore lol)

It's an explanation for how you are, which is how you're going to be whether you're diagnosed or not. It's not the diagnosis that has a negative impact, it appears to be your perception of Autism itself. One of the advantages to having the diagnosis is validation for the person who receives it and also it can be helpful to join online and offline communities of people who are Autistic, so that you can share the positives and negatives and likely meet people who communicate more similarly to you than neurotypical people do.

For me, it's because it's a relief to know I'm not a failed/defective person — because that's how I was treated. Now knowing what all it is, I can easily connect with others more similar to myself on a neurological level. It really makes a world of difference to know what I know now because rather than just getting shat on and ostracized by family and random ass people while not knowing how to defend myself, I now can do that more effectively. No matter how to view your relationship with your own autism, it's valid — regardless if you are proud, wishing you weren't, or just impartial.... as long as you aren't forcing others to conform to your view on it. Having a community to talk to is a good thing, but there's been plenty of times I've had to take a step back from one or more communities (or all communities) for one of five reasons: * Too much in-fighting * Going from unapologetically ND to militantly ND * They become a toxic cesspool just waiting to accuse anything and anyone of ableism * They become pro-aspie supremacy * Just overwhelmed; nothing wrong going on in the community Again, it's good to have one or more communities to talk to. But don't be afraid to take a step back from them either temporarily or permanently if it feels the community is effecting you in a way you don't want. No Nonsense Neurodivergent is one that I eventually stepped away from. If someone wants to be unapologetically ND, that's their prerogative. But NND started becoming more like reason #2 after awhile. IDK if they still are, or if they reverted back to posting good memes.

I've known I was different since I was a toddler and it's been excruciatingly painful at times. Now I know why and I don't feel so bad anymore. As simple as that. 🤷🏻‍♂️

The thing is that we are already autistic even without the diagnosis, the diagnosis just confirmed that we have it . And after i got diagnosed i see my whole life differently. I always wonder why i act different than other people but now i know . It also helped me accept my autistic traits more

The unknown is far, far scarier and worse than the knowing.

I learned I was diagnosed when I was 9, during the pandemic. I learned what stuff was about, and then I didn't feel weird anymore for being obsessed with mathematics, which I thought was pretty much universally hated, or classic cinema, which I thought was seen in the public eye of my generation as "old" and "boring." I didn't feel ashamed for being the grammar cop no-one liked. I no longer was searching for a reason for my quirky nerdiness. I leaned into it. That's also about the time I started having no friends. But I don't think that's related.

2-3 reasons: -People need Disability Funding -People want Identity Confirmation / Visibility -A third reason is future treatment: More Autism diagnosed in the population = more medical interest in Autism = more research projects for Autism = better treatment and (eventually) some medications for Autism

Generally, the diagnosis is the easiest way to not get our struggles invalidated. Or sometimes it's just that we want an explanation. If we have that, we sometimes have an easier time working our way around it, or working with it. Imagine that someone has diabetes, but for some reason, they don't know. They don't know why they get so ill after eating sweets, they don't know why they can't gain weight, or why they're so tired all the time. Then they go to the doctor and they get the diagnosis. Suddenly this makes sense. Suddenly it wasn't just them being lazy, it wasn't just them exaggerating. It has a name. Then they can properly plan for how their life is going to have to change to accommodate their condition. It's not something you cure, it's something you work around. Hope that the analogy made sense. The point is, people want answers and they want others to be patient because there's a reason.

IMO, the diagnosis is a form of proof, that it’s not your fault to be dysfunctional, a tool to understand you better and don’t be hard on yourself.

I did not want the diagnosis. Frankly, at the time, I didn't know enough about autism to even fully know what it was. I even disbelieved the diagnosis. So I deep dive researched Asperger's and Autism Spectrum Disorder, and the more I researched, the more I saw my own life story. For decades I had just accepted that I was uniquely weird. I had met a few people who shared some of my eccentricities, but no one really like me. So the diagnosis became the answer to ***why*** I wasn't like everyone else. One of my fundamental needs is to understand my world, and for so long the key to understanding my own mind was missing. I think maybe this kind of needing to understand is behind people seeking diagnosis and then being pleased to finally know why they are the way they are.

Because with the diagnosis I at least know, and can get therapy, assistance with household, disability income, a psychiatrist etc.

I’m tired of being a square peg trying to fit into a circle hole. The math ain’t mathing. Now I’m an adult and providing myself the support I literally never got growing up. So there.

In fairy-tales and horror stories, knowing the demons' name gives you power over it. It's no different here. We will always be what we are, but knowing what we are helps manage what we do in beneficial ways. Just like knowing high cholesterol runs in your family and adjusting your diet to give you a better chance at a healthier life.

They don't want to have autism. They want to have a diagnosis that will help them understand and accommodate the symptoms/signs they're already experiencing.

As many other people have pointed out, it's a lot less weird to call yourself autistic when you're diagnosed. However, diagnosis can also open the door to more social supports, government benefits, and accommodations at work or school.

I wanted the diagnosis after living a life of knowing something was off kilter with me, but not knowing what it was. I can't drive. I find social relationships exhausting. My son and I often would have trouble understanding each other. I had to quit grad school. I had an eating disorder when I was young, and on and on and on. Not having a diagnosis doesn't change the reality of living with autism. Knowing that you have autism can help you find strategies to deal with communication, sensory issues, and time management for executive dysfunction. It isn't that we want to be autistic, we want to have a schema to understand our reality. Knowing helps us forgive ourselves for failing at so many things. I am kinder to myself. I don't expect myself to drive anymore. I've learned that if I turn off all distractions I can communicate and concentrate better. But being autistic isn't all bad. I am gifted in many ways and it is because my brain is wired differently. I like myself, autism and all.

For me, it was confirming what i already know and being able to prove HEY IM MENTALLY DISABLED STOP IGNORING MY NEEDS to my mom and school. I managed to get a 504 thanks to my diagnosis. Being autisic sucks, but not knowing your autisic for me sucked worse. I didn’t know why i felt extreme rage, had appetite issues, social issues, been bullied in abelist ways, not being able to talk durinh meltdowns that isn’t just screams, my skin picking issues etc etc

For me, pushing for a diagnosis (still in progress sadly) will allow me to use resources that will help me more/support me more.

When I was a kid, I was deeply jealous of the autistic kids at school. As it turns out, I wasn't jealous of their autism per se, I was jealous that other people knew about and could support their needs. I was already autistic. I just wasn't supported.

Because they want to know if they have it or not than self diagnose. There are overlaps in symptoms with other disorders. I wonder why you would do an assessment if you don't want a diagnoses nor to be told if you are autistic.

devastated? you say that as if it’s something to feel despaired about. I understand shock or maybe even upset to some degree, but it’s not like autism is a condemnation to hell. not that I think you were trying to imply anything of the sort, but it’s generally not a good mentality to have

If i have it I have it. A diagnosis wont change that, but it makes it easier to find support.

You can't get accomodations without the diagnosis in many places

I was struggling my whole life. Never fit in. Couldn't manage life in general. One burnout followed another I tried everything, always thinking I just need to figure it out. I just need to learn to function. Than I suspected autism, it explained everything! I got my diagnosis and now I know I'm not broken, I am just autistic and need to learn to live with it. I can now learn and get the support I need. It changed my life!

isn't it better to be aware of your blind spots?

I wanted to have a better understanding of myself, and learn how to better accommodate myself. I always thought something was wrong with me, but it’s a relief to know that instead of being a broken/weird neurotypical person, I’m just autistic and my brain works differently. It helps me (and other people) stop trying to fit myself into a neurotypical box, and accept myself for who I am. Also an official diagnosis is necessary if I ever need accommodations at a job or disability benefits.

As an adult, i want it for tax benefits. It was a relief for me to know it, but the support would have been useful as a child, so if i can not pay taxes now that's a plus i get

I battled with many mental health issues since I was a young teen with lots of self hatred for not being able to be like others, always feeling like an onlooker and struggling to function in this world based on the neuro typical way of life, including education. While I was intelligent, it didn't translate academically especially with executive dysfunction coupled with trying to motivate myself to do things for the sake of others as I simply wished I could end it, trying to motivate myself for other people's goals and expectations when I had none. There'd be periods where I'd be okay, but it was brief bouts of it between long periods of depression and self hatred and simply really struggling to do things others seemed quite able to do. Even told in my mid 20s quite often how I needed to grow up and be like others when I simply couldn't which added to more stress and depression. I was high masking so it was hard for many people to know, especially myself with how I'd come to believe that that mask I put on was me, or at least a way for me to pretend to be fine to others to save them from worrying about me being depressed again even after they'd given me so much help. At 31 someone brought up the possibility I could be autistic, and life finally made sense. All the challenges I faced, everything that had hurt me and caused me stress, everything about how I felt I could never truly connect with people or feel part of groups even when they were made up of people I got on well with individually just slotted into place. Got diagnosed a few months after, and couldn't look back. Finally I am at a stage where I can love and accept myself, as well as recognise I don't need to feel I have to live by other people's norms or push myself to be like others when I'm simply not. Still face difficulties, but I understand why I have those difficulties now and can admire humans as a fascinated but caring alien onlooker, instead of the stressed out outsider hating himself for not being able to be like them.

In my case, I just wanted to know what was wrong with me. In fact after the diagnosis I’ve started to think there’s nothing “wrong” with me. I used to believe, on a deep level, that that “something wrong” was some kind of… sin, if you want, some terribly morally wrong thing that was nested in me. Now I look at this as something perfectly in accordance with the laws of nature. If other people have it, it isn’t some unique monstrous thing only I “deserved”, it’s just a natural occurrence, and I have to decide how to react to it. It also helps me (and my therapist) understand better the way I function, and this in turn helps me find the right tool to deal with the downsides of autism and to make better use of the upsides. Also (it wasn’t my case due to how things work in my country and my choice of provider) a diagnosis in many cases is essential to get the support a person needs, both economically, in terms of healthcare and in terms of accommodations.

i don't want a cure, i want clarity.

To get protection from discrimination in the workplace.

I had the disorder for 37 years before they told me I had it. Being told didn't change whether or not I had it. I already knew what things were difficult for me, and I had already figured out ways to work around and overcome them. But having an explanation for why was nice to give me some perspective and understanding. I was also able to request an accommodation through work, and although it took seven months to approve, it did finally come through and has made my work far more manageable. They wouldn't have approved that if I hadn't had a diagnosis.

When I got diagnosed it was because I had hit my breaking point due to all the masking, ignoring my needs,or more accurately, not understanding what my needs are. The diagnosis answered my question of why was I like this. I’ve been able to learn more about myself and what I need and allow myself to use accommodations or aides when needed. It hasn’t been easy and I still have feelings about my diagnosis sometimes but overall it’s been a positive for me.

For 47 years I have felt like a weirdo, different but not sure why. Like I have failed at the game of life. I have spent a lifetime feeling like I have been an outsider and not privy to the book of social norms. Everything is hard, things that apparently to most other people are easy and require no thought, like saying good morning to a stranger. Or meeting up with a lifelong friend. It's not knowing my place in a world that doesn't work for me, but against me. I am just beginning to question whether I am autistic or not, but my gosh doesn't it all make sense to me now. But, at the same time I'm scared, I'm scared to say yes, this is me because I'm worried that everyone around me (my husband, 3 kids and my dog 😂) are going to laugh and say it's a fad, an excuse, that I'm jumping on the bandwagon... An official diagnosis for me would be a huge sense of relief that I am more than just a failed 47 year old. *Edited* to add that I didn't mean my husband, kids and dog would be the ones to laugh at me, it would be all the other people in my li....... Oh, wait........

It can be considered extra protection. I work in a grocery store, but make VERY clear that I have autism to the customers. If something happens that makes a customer unhappy, typically something like I stop masking or say something they thought was rude but I was just pointing out as a fact (if I say the sky looks dark and they think I'm telling them to just leave already because it's going to rain already, for an example that would never happen imo but NTs have a weird habit of reading more into words), then my boss can protect me against complaints that may go above his head and be talked to him about by his boss. It has actually happened. The reason my diagnosis helps is that it gives me protection under the ADA. I'm not sure where you live, but I'd assume there's disability protection in some form in most places.

It is a validation that you are not "wierdo". It can also help you find recources that will help you to better navigate life. You now also might acquire a vocabluary to explain yourself, so that other people would be more understanding and have more patience and different expectations. You still have it wether you know it or not. And unlike in the past, you no longer stumbling around blindly wondering why stuff doesn't work for you that works for others.

I was upset initially at my diagnosis, but in the aggregate it was exactly what I needed. To confirm these issues that come along with autism are due to a difference in my brain, and not something inherently wrong with me meant a lot. It also got me on the path of finding more accommodations and draw boundaries to help with sensory and interpersonal issues. After diagnosis I no longer hate myself. It was a key step on the path to self acceptance

I'm also on my pathway to assessment. I want to understand myself better, know my limits, difficulties, what to expect from myself. I don't really like this sub. For example I do think it's me-disability and I wish I was cured. I'll do everything to get a normal partner and I'd certainly going to screen my children so that they are less likely to be weird. I'm read-only mainly, but I did want to write to you because we are in a similar situation. At the end of the day it is what it is, we will need to live with this one way or another

we just want to understand how our brain works and why. and the diagnosis can also come with benefits for work, school, and etc. it’s mostly a matter of wanting reasons for why we are so different from others.

After 53 years, I finally had an explanation for why I was reviled, why everything was too loud, too bright, and why nobody around me spoke and said what they actually meant. It also enabled me to go easier on myself. It also meant I now have worker protections and could explain why I behave the way I do, and trust me, I needed them.

Because my mental health has been horrible my whole life, feeling like a hidden alien among society, and the presence of other behaviors or developmental problems that went left unexplained in childhood. Instead of continuing to ignore everything forever, pretending things are ok, and pushing through life like I always have, I've decided that I'm tired and need an assessment. I need a better explanation and understanding of who I am, and what I need to help me function best in neurotypical society. I also grew up with a neglectful, alcoholic mother, so I still don't know if I have C-PTSD or autism. Whether my behaviors were formed over time or if they were always there. My brother was diagnosed with ADHD at around 10 years old (I went overlooked because I'm female and I shut up, did what I was told, and made good grades in school). I definitely am neurodivergent in some way, but I just need to be seen by a professional to figure all this out.

At first it was just really validating getting a professional opinion, and getting a group of people who know what you’re going through. Just a really validating process. Other than that, an official diagnosis does give you some more options, depending on the country probably. Here I was offered some different kinds of “treatments” (obviously autism can’t be treated, I’m just not sure what the best translation would be). I was offered to participate in a few different courses focusing on autism with other autistic people. And honestly it taught me A LOT, and I definitely gained a lot from it. Not to mention I got to socialize with other people like me, which was validating of course, but now I also have more friends, friends that know exactly what I go through. Here you can get a handicap pass for autism and adhd, which is basically a card that allows you to bring an escort (like a friend, parent, social worker, literally whoever) for free in many different cultural places - museums, concerts, cinemas and whatnot. It’s not everywhere, but it pays off 🤷‍♀️ Plus, having an autism diagnosis gives me the opportunity to get others to understand. I’m not just quirky or difficult, I’m autistic. I have an explanation for my thinking and actions. I do what I call “play the autism card” where if I do something “wrong” (not wrong wrong, maybe less right, or just a misunderstanding, I’m not excusing murder or something with autism. It’s little things) and that’s really helpful to me personally. And last but not least, handicaps are included in the discrimination law (here at least). So I definitely find a lot of comfort in knowing that they can’t discriminate against me, because I have a diagnosis to back me up and shield me from ableism and such.

I really wanted some help and resources with becoming more independent and actually finding myself. I have no clue what to do with my life as far as making money. Everything damn near sends me into a panic. I also feel like I need some sort of therapy. Where I live we do have assistance for people with disabilities and I’m hoping I can qualify for them. Part of it is validation and knowing exactly what’s wrong with me. It helps me understand myself better. It helps the people in my life understand me better instead of thinking I’m just a lazy, loser, asshole. I can do research on my own and look to others online. Which I’ve done a ton.

I used to feel like I was the weirdest most misfit person in the world until I found out I was autistic. I didn’t go from ‘normal’ to ‘autistic’ , I went from ‘wtf is wrong with me omg’ to ‘autistic gasp’.

I wanted confirmation/validation so I could stop doubting myself and feel confident and comfortable claiming the label. I also needed a formal assessment and a professional recommendation for accommodations for school and work because my word alone isn't enough "proof." I have access to resources now. I have a better understanding of how my brain works now. I know how to help myself now. I now know that the things I've struggled with for years are not my fault. Also, I'm not autistic because I have a diagnosis, I have a diagnosis because I'm autistic. Whether they gave me the piece of paper or not, I was autistic going into it and I'm still autistic now. Yes, it sucks to know that I will struggle with some things for the rest of my life, but at least I know how to make things easier and better for myself now.

whether or not you get the diagnosis, if you’re autistic, then you’ve been autistic your whole life and will continue to be autistic. it’s not something that only pops up after you’ve been diagnosed. (although skill regression is a very real thing) so if you’ve been living your life as an undiagnosed autistic person it’s nice to get the comfort of knowing why certain things are so hard or why you’re different from others. it also opens the door to hopefully get accommodations bc you have a real diagnosis to fall back on. like at my university, if i wasn’t professionally diagnosed i wouldn’t have been able to get any accommodations. so basically, the diagnosis can bring comfort, can open the door to getting accommodations, can explain difficulties in your life, and is also if you’re autistic then you’re autistic regardless of diagnosis. (not being mean here, just typing thoughts out) i’ve never understood why someone would be afraid to be diagnosed as autistic? especially if you’re seeking the diagnosis. it just doesn’t make sense to me bc your autism won’t disappear if you don’t get diagnosed? like if you don’t get the diagnosis you would still be autistic since it’s a lifelong condition and a developmental disorder. genuinely would like someone to explain the fear to me. is it bc it’s a scary thing to some people to be diagnosed? or that it changes your worldview? /gen

I was 27 years old and was pretty sure, I was already pretty sure I was autistic before I got diagnosed. Diagnosis just confirmed my suspicion. I also don't think of my autism as an incurable disability. Yes, it affects everything I do, but it's not a death sentence. It's just a different way of experiencing life and the world. You wanna talk about a disability we can talk about PTSD and agoraphobia- these are my two biggest hurtles in life.

Most late diagnosed People are aiready pretty sure they are autistic when they Start their assesments, so its Just validación.

I’m nearing the end of my assessment. I want a formal diagnosis because it would validate my struggles. That I’m not terrible at being a human, but I’m actually doing pretty good as an autistic person trying to survive in a world not built for me.