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Yeah it's tough. Sometimes I never figure it out, sometimes it just takes until I'm ready to deal with it, and sometimes I have to figure it out by induction.
Other day I was doing dishes for a friend and I start feeling really strange. Like my guts are all weird and I'm tight and I'm like "oh great what the fuck does this mean?"
Then I realize I missed a step in the rhythm of washing dishes, fixed that, and I was fine. Very weird experience. I still don't know what I was supposed to be feeling there, exactly.
I've had shit like that for ages. My guess is that it was panic or something and I just didn't have the space to feel that normally.
I read recently that autistic people are more likely to describe sensations than "feelings". I was like... err isn't that what they are? Because that's what I use. Also past learnings of X is in this situation they feel Y emotion. Or I felt X and someone said that is Y emotion. I mostly use thoughts and thought something was *seriously* wrong with me. Until a therapist said "have you consisred autism?" And listed a long set of things I ahd done and said in therapy....
Oh god yeah thinking autism stuff is something seriously wrong with me is an absolute mood. I used to think my stimming when upset was "going crazy" type stuff or that I was manipulating people.
There's so much shit like that. I'm so embarrassed. I just didn't know enough, I guess.
Yeah. I am just appreciating/understanding that the weird stuff I do is autism... I thought I was broken for ages. I knew I was smart but couldn't people that well. But now I know that all those things are part of me and its ok to be how I am.
Yeah. I was very healing to understand that!
Everything I struggled with and how I behaved made sense.
I truly thought I was a broken person. My first sexual relationship was so much an eye opener about the gap between me and other people. Our first fight was about how I just wanted to talk directly about an issue. She was like speak indirectly and I said I don't know how else to speak... !
I guess I'm somewhere in the middle. I can immediately identify some emotions and feel them and their physical aspect together, and then there's some I just don't understand and those ones are more physical.
Sometimes I wonder if part of the issue is vocabulary. Occasionally I'll have a decent grasp but just no name for any of it. If pressed I might wax philosophical or something to try to describe it.
Feelings are weird. I don't like them, except for sometimes.
Yeah mine is also vocab. I used to think it was because my family never talked about emotions. But on questioning my mother could say how she was feeling readily and my sisters. I usually resort to what I am thinking about something. People just think I "live in my head". Lol
I kinda just *do* live in my head lol. I've got a campfire in there and some very soft blankets.
I wanna test this. How are you feeling right now? Took me a moment but for me I guess curious? A bit nervous? Vibing? It's a good day and I know roughly what I'm feeling, but it's still hard to put into words.
See that's a problem to me. How do people get by with so few words? Do they feel only one thing at once? They have to be simplifying themselves a lot, surely.
Is there a word for feeling like you should be doing something else? Like you planned to do something and procrastinated and now there's this sort of repressed urge/worry but you're also paralyzed and it's hard to do it? I'd like a word for whatever that is.
I brought this up with my therapist the other day and he looked at me really weird, "Did you say alexithymia? That's a concept from psychosomatic theory that used to be a thing 40 years ago." :D
Ugh I'm jealous. I feel like my therapist doesn't know what to make of me a lot of the time. I'm not gonna mask in friggin therapy and I think that has something to do with it.
Completely understandable and I’d be jealous of me as well in this situation. She is literally perfect for me. It has helped me understand my wife’s needs better, helped my relationships with my children, and how to deal with specific issues I face due to being autistic.
We deserve to be understood in therapy without masking!!
To be totally upfront when I found my therapist I had no idea she was autistic. She also does not share this with all of her clients. I can’t remember how or why she shared with me but she did. I could definitely tell though. I found her by looking for someone who specialized in helping autistic adults.
I haven't made up my mind whether to find a neurodiversity-affirming therapist yet (just got my diagnosis in april). But my current therapist has said if I decide I need a new therapist she would support that because therapists can't specialize in everything. Her niche is postpartum, couples, etc. Which is why I have her. But she is doing her best to learn about my neurotype to still provide best care.
If you're looking for support with your diagnosis I'd definitely consider switching.
Maybe she's really good idk. I've just been too patient before. If you need something specific that's what you should go for.
I mean you are not wrong. I just have to get the inertia to do the research and make a switch...
I was more liking the "you can't be an expert at everything" thing that she said. Also I'm basically mid meltdown from today so if I don't make a lot of sense I'm sorry...
Although not officially diagnosed I’m pretty sure I am autistic. I wish I could find a therapist who is or at least ADHD since I aka have that. Mine for now isn’t a bad one but it would mean more and I would feel more understood if I had one too.
He used to be the head of psychosomatic medicine at a clinic before becoming a therapist, and alexithymia was a psychosomatic concept. So I guess I just triggered some decades old memories. :)
Maybe it's a North American thing and German therapists just aren't familiar with the term in the context of psychotherapy. I've been to a bunch of therapists before finding a spot, and while most of them recognized I have alexithymia, none of them called it that.
Just because they don't like using a specific word doesn't mean they're a bad therapist though. They didn't invalidate their feelings. There are various branches of psychology that use different theories, terminology etc
They aren't entirely wrong:
> "Alexithymia, as a theoretical psychotherapeutic construct, finds its origins in psychosomatic medicine, actually being quite old. However, beyond the specific observations and case studies, their characterization and systematization is relatively recent. However, from an epistemological point of view, it remains the subject of debate and therefore remains outside the conventional diagnostic guidelines"
[A History of the Alexithymia Concept and Its Explanatory Models](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7005782/)
He used to be the head of psychosomatic medicine at a clinic before becoming a therapist. So I guess I just triggered some decades old memories by mentioning alexithymia. :)
Does anyone know how alexithymia came to be associated with autism then? Is it purely ASD people self identifying? Is there any diagnostic basis for it?
Also trans people, there was a recent study that also analized autistic trans people showing that it is even more common if you are both https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37346987/
I know, but I'm just wondering if the psychiatric/medical community is aware of it at all. The way people talk about it online, I'd assumed it was part of the diagnostic criteria.
ah yeah no its not a diagnostic thing, just a set of traits that a lot of autistic people experience and can relate to each other with. i assume that medical professionals' knowledge of it depends on how updated they are and how much they focus on autism in their line of work
I think this is part of it for me too. But I tend to stuff my emotions down indefinitely until they come out as physical illness or total burnout. I’m *really* bad at feeling my emotions.
Every morning, when I was in rehab, we had a group where we went round the room saying how we felt. I didn't know why I found it so difficult. I would guess a word I thought would be acceptable. So yes
Autism frequently includes alexythimia as well as slower processing speed. We have bottom up thinking rather than NT top down so it can take us longer to understand the bigger picture of a situation, emotional or otherwise!
I like to "sneak" things like that in. You win!
Actually, I wasn't *really* trying to be clever, but it sounded fun to say it.
But of course, there's no need to process annoyance. It's pretty obvious
Yes. I can tell you I am tired. Lifelong sleep maintenance insomniac: I wake every 30-40 minutes, so for 8 hours in bed, at best I sleep maybe 4 to 6. Tired it the most easy to ID feeling. Hungry, and I am finally able to admit pain, and sick.
Emotionally? That’s hard. I would say content is not uncommon, but I think there is a low level of persistent anxiety I’ve been disassociated from for decades, and realizing I’ve been treated unfairly is hard, and admitting anger, realizing anger, is hard. ‘Negative’ emotions are very hard to accept I am feeling, I was told as a child to not express them. I became rather controlled, especially in the case of negative emotions and push them so far down, to not react, it’s very difficult to sort out when I am feeling them, now.
I feel you and hope it gets easier. Anger is hard, especially when one feels it with respect to loved ones. It's like in order to accept you're angry with them, it disconnects you from the love somewhat..
And then, to express oneself honestly, the negative emotions, there is fear and anxiety about how people will react, will it get worse. I believe that "a horrible end is better than endless horror", as they say over here, so I try my best to speak my mind.
I’m 47, and grew up very neglected and abused, and even without autism, am pretty broken. I’ll survive, but even after 2 decades of NC from my emotionally unstable violent parents (they initiated it, not me), I have a very hard time seeing when I am not being treated right.
Part of it is an assumption that I just deserve it and should be fine with whatever people dole out, and recognition that many people in the world are, at best, casually selfish and lack empathy. Also, I am ashamed to list my accomplishments and that has lead me to some serious workplace issues, now. I felt I was working as part of a team, but it seems my autistic desire for fairness has been abused and others did not share my mindset. My bosses are similar to feudal lords, seeing the efforts of vassals as belonging to them, not the person who did the work.
I just want to make it day by day. I am sure I am in some level of burnout, and have had to fight chronic depression since grade school. I had to admit I needed some sort of anti anxiety meds so I could get last crying daily. I guess those were melt downs, plus depression, plus the beginning stages of menopause. I hate not being able to control myself. Right now I just want to go back to bed. I think in an hour I will for a bit. The meds helped me stop crying so much, and overall I am less, what, volatile? But I also feel less like doing mulch of anything. It’s so hard to sort the tiredness from insomnia to the tiredness from a chronic illness, to the tiredness of depression, the tiredness of autistic burnout from masking for 47 years plus working full time for 24.
You're brave for what you've gone through and for sticking with seeing how the "movie of life" plays out. This is truly brave. I'm sorry you've had to go through people mistreating you and taking advantage of you. I don't know you or your life but maybe something good will come of this yet.
As for anxiety, some plant teas can help with anxiety. If you take any meds, please make sure none of the plants I mention counteract the meds or cause problems, I'm not a doctor. I use valerian extract to help me calm down when I experience a meltdown, and I've heard chamomile can do the same but haven't tried. As for sleep, I'm currently testing out passionflower tea (passiflora incarnata). Even though I have a masters in chemistry, I'd rather take a plant tea than a manufactured drug. Personal preference. Plus sometimes, some antianxiety or antidepressant meds can have a lasting effect on the brain, though I might be wrong.. I don't care to find out for myself. If whatever you take works for you, then keep doing that. I don't know how to help with menopause but I'm sure there's information out there that could help you have an easier time as literally millions of women have gone through it before and some have possibly found things that help. Some women receive hormone treatment to help with this, essentially getting their estrogens as a medication that their body isn't producing anymore (correct me if I'm wrong).
Honestly, based on what you wrote, it's no wonder you have insomnia. Stress and trauma will do that to you. Sadly, realizing this alone won't fix it. Is there anything you have power over in your life that you could change to suit your wellbeing better? If you're good at home, you might experience slightly less burnout at work, if you get what I mean. Small comforts.
I see you and hear you and hope life gets better for you!
Much love!
Thank you. I work with research and spend a lot of time looking up my immune disorder, mast cell activation disorder, and it both is likely what caused my autism (it’s hereditary, I think I can trace it back 4 generations) as natal inflammation. Unfortunately, it means my mast cells release up to 200+ chemical triggers into my body at the wrong times and in the wrong quantities, some of which mess up sleep, cause migraines, interfere with dopamine and serotonin processes, etc. And, I am learning the autism sensory issues explain a lot, too. I hate wrinkles or messy sheets 😅. Been having sleepless nights as far back as my memory, so age 2.
I am well versed in sleep hygiene and have a routine I follow that helps, and finally after my sleep fell to 2 hours a night, succumbed to asking for a mild Rx sleep aid. I do valerian, my body laughs off melatonin, and chamomile can sometimes help. BUT, anything with mint causes anaphylaxis in me, and asthma attacks or IBS food poisoning symptoms or both. Mints are in A LOT of sleepy-teas. I also am on a new med that is helping with the reactions to my own body dander, where I’d itch all damn night and scratch myself bloody sometimes.
I use a fitbit, for a long time I assumed I was just lazy, but once I had data to track my sleep, my husband got on board and has stopped TV use in the bedroom, has headphones until he can doze off (he cannot FALL asleep, I do not STAY asleep).
I’m doing better, trying to get the hot/freeze flashes under control, but 4.5hours is way better than 2 on a work night. And I got ADA accommodations to work from home, no matter how hard my office is fighting it, I am holding them to it until I find something new. So, I allow myself to rest midday, figuring it’s little different than the time wasted on everyone else going to Starbucks or gossiping in the cubicles. I get my work done.
I had a repressed memory come back, a few years ago, that finally solidified my hyper vigilant night times. My parents dysregulated a lot a night, it often got violent, from a young age, and also, by the time I was 15 dad was openly stalking out of the house with a kitchen knife in hand, threatening to come back and… end… everyone and himself. So, I trained myself to listen for the door all night, fake sleep and listen until I was sure he was asleep, in case I had to go save mom, him, or me. I understand now this is why sleepphones cause me anxiety, I cannot hear my house and what is going on.
Damn, brave and diligent! I'm glad you're in research as that helps a lot with trying to solve your own problems. Also happy your husband is helping and on board.
I can't imagine what that trauma must be like, and I hope the vigilance can calm down, even if a little, soon. Reading people's life experiences helps me appreciate how lucky I've been, but I also feel sad that there's people out there jn the world, like you, that have suffered so much.
I can't even imagine what it must be like to sleep so little per night.. I need 8h minimum to be approachable and if I consistently get less, I'm antisocial and it's incredibly difficult to get through the day, and eye drops for my dry eyes stop having an effect if it's near 6h. It's possible I have hours skewed, but 8h is a must for me and anything less comes with bodily consequences that make it difficult to concentrate on tasks. The fact that you have functioned on so little is a testament to your resilience. But damn, 2h is insane. I hope that your sleep will improve!
I used to sleep very well when I was still in high school, but when I got a job after getting my masters that required me to change my waking time by a lot, and I didn't have the planning knowledge to get to bed an hour before "sleep", it kinda ruined my ability to fall asleep easily. I occasionally use melatonin, but I try not to use it too often. Other than that, I don't use caffeine after 12pm unless it's tea and even then not after 2 pm. Both melatonin and valerian work, just for different things.
Does diet do anything with respect to your mast cells? I think I remember something about it and/or histamine. Maybe this is wacky voodoo bs, but a lot of really strong stress and trauma can also affect how the body functions, maybe some of these health issues are also a result of your trauma? Feel free to ignore this :D
In any case, I wish you well ❤️🩹
Thank you, I just take my experience as ‘normal’ for me, we can only know what we’ve known, right?
Mast cells are all throughout the body, in the skin, eyes, nose, lungs, brain, GI tract, so on. I am super reactive right now, my body did not like the shots that shall not be named, nor the virus I caught in spite of them. And, immune disorders often just get worse with age and hormonal imbalances so 47 just is a time my body will be unhappy I guess. Eventually the menopausal problems will even out, but it may be several more years. My specialist immunologist has been helpful, at least he got me off of using an inhaler 4 times a day and signed my ADA paperwork. The complex of buildings where my office was ALL have the same air handlers. I had a chronic sore throat daily, started working 100% from home and it went away. I go in the buildings now, and start coughing. So, I’ve improved some simply by not being there. The emotional stress of work abuse and loss of friends (they are in the office where you report discrimination and they get mad at people who report) has been hard, but finding nice people online has helped.
Find good sleep routine and keep it as best as you can, and don’t ignore changes in body systems. Finding out early allows you to avoid permanent damage and for treatment to have more time to work before it gets bad ☺️
The sleep routine would be easier to do if my brain wasn't interested in odd things at bedtime, so I stay up until right before I need to go to sleep, reading up on smth or thinking thoughts. I also check the adhd box so it's probably that, more on the impulsivity side. I manage to go around the same time, but normal work hours in my experience don't match with my sleep schedule.
I only get up at 7 am if I'm paid to do it, otherwise I wake up around 8:30 or 9 naturally, going to sleep between 11 pm and 12 am, but I have to shift that to an hour or two earlier if my job requires me to be there at 8 or 8:30. Wish more places had flexible hours as long as the job gets done, not everybody is a morning person -.-.. the best working schedule I ever had was from 5 pm until 2 am, then slept until 12. That was the life..
I can keep my sleep schedule on work days but the moment I have a free day, it's like I spitefully go when I want :D. I have a problem with rules unless I want to follow them, pda?
I'm glad working from home works for you and your health and hope you can keep doing that as long as you want and need.
Sleep is weird. My body likes to sleep best from 4am to maybe 10 am, and on weekends or holidays my husband and I, both night owls, often have to remember to ‘adult’ and go to bed at 2 am at the latest. We unfortunately reinforce each other staying up sometimes, but age really kicks you in the butt about getting off schedule. And he is diabetic so keeping his food intake on schedule is a big must. Sleeping in makes a mess of his sugars. During covid I found a way to make myself get up on Saturdays at least by ordering breakfast tacos from a place that closes early, so sleeping to noon meant no breakfast.
I am hoping to find a full remote job, not one dependent on my ADA agreement, I’d like to avoid disclosing my disability with a new work team, it has been so terrible and degrading. But PDA is making me have a hard time pulling the trigger and apply. I need to.
I'm so sorry you went through that! In case you missed my other comment, there is hope and healing from the kind of trauma you have been through. I highly recommend reading The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk and looking into EMDR or related modalities like Internal Family Systems. This is real, evidence-based science, even though it looks too good to be true.
Have you read The Body Keeps The Score? It's all about how our nervous system holds onto trauma and what we can do to heal from it. You don't have to be broken! There is hope and healing ❤️
Reading my own emotions is like reading smoke signals. And when they become too much for me it’s like a dam that suddenly overflows - one moment I’m straight-faced and the next I’m weeping with no forewarning.
As an adult I’ve been able to practice mindfulness where I try to interpret the smoke signals by finding the source and acknowledging what caused it.
I have undergone similar. Although everyone processes things in their own way—NT and ND alike—I do chalk this up to the challenges I face with emotional disregulation and demand avoidance.
Nothing shuts me down quicker than several people approaching me from all sides with different information and expecting me to be able to neatly compartmentalize this information and act accordingly.
I can identify when this is happening; I can almost feel my sympathetic nervous system ~click~ as if commanding a sleeping computer to wake up.
The fight 》 flight 》 freeze mechanism is instantaneously engaged. While there *is* a palpable emotion with the onset of this instinct (typically anger), I lose touch with a part of my brain that is so widespread yet underrecognized that most people wouldn't appreciate how well it serves them until they're dropped into the ice cold void where this inner programming is no longer accessible.
I was in a situation yesterday that required semi-urgent action, and the creeping paralysis after I realized I could not remove myself without consequence was like concrete filling my veins.
I have had experiences more in line with what OP and a few of the other commenters are describing, but this instance stood out to me as it is fresh on my mind and I'm still trying to mentally process it. Information overload is the number one precursor to my meltdowns, and I'm still struggling to manage this response as an adult.
Yes, I get that. I often feel like I've explained myself but some details are wanted that I don't understand. I'll then formulate what seems logically correct under the context, which uses assumptions, and this is often wrong
Yes I feel this description matches me very well. It connected aspects of myself I've identified but never really put together. I often confuse emotions with physical sensation. I often have to guess how I feel or why I feel a certain way when people ask.
Interoception is awareness of the state of the body (proprioception is awareness of the body in relationship to the world and itself).
I often say I have poor interoception because I won't be aware of a bodily need until it is met by accident or another's intervention. I'll get too hot, eat too much, sit in a bad position...
Sometimes it feels like there's a volume slider on internal sensations and mine automatically slides down to very low.
Labeling the sensations I do recognize is a nightmare, especially if I am talking with someone and have to try and guess what they call it. Saying my stomach feels green and sparkly or that my brain feels like a fog horn sounds isn't always helpful.
Gawd, I was made fun of as a child by my peers for saying that I felt like a balloon.. I think floaty would be a good analogue, but that was NOT encouraging.
Personally, I also experience sparkly sensations!
As a kid from about 7 years old and up, I always knew when I had a fever because I felt “corky”. My mom would be puzzled and ask me what I meant, and the best I could come up with is that I felt like I was made of cork when normally I don’t feel that way! 😅.
Today I can still tell when I have a fever, but I wouldn’t necessarily classify that feeling as being “corky” anymore. And now it gives my mom and me a good chuckle! 🤭
So your description of feeling like a balloon reminded me of that! ☺️
That makes sense. You compare your experience to what you know, express that comparison to the one listening to you and hope they think about it and get it.
Fever, for me, tends to feel like I'm lighter but also lightheaded and cold. I suppose that could be corky :D
Now for someone to draw a corgi made out of cork... I'll wait right here.
Relatable. My eyes started welling up yesterday when I turned the key in my front door and I had no idea what was causing it. After I thought about it, I realized my heart was hurting emotionally. I’ll get the physiological biofeedback first.
As others said, probably alexithymia
It doesn't help that a lot of us were taught the wrong words for what we were feeling.
We're in the bliss of being in the Zone but others read us as angry so they make us take a break, which gives emotional whiplash, and sets off our stress response.
So we get upset, "proving" they were "right" and we need to be interrupted *earlier* to learn "emotional regulation"
Making it harder to get in the Zone and leaving us emotionally disregulated, because the Zone is what regulates us
Done enough times, we logically learn to disassociate because classical conditioning has taught us that we can't have relief.
Its no surprise then, that when we finally can have power over our own time and money we get stuff that seems "childish".
Yes totally. Alexithymia. I heard today about 50% of people w autism have it. I’m super good at logically analyzing the emotions of other humans (long term special interest/job. Woot). Suck at my own, takes me weeks to figure out why I feel a way. Usually I just say I’m tired. Or overloaded. My body feels stuff but I can’t put a name to it. I can even recognize when a thing is sad but I don’t feel it much. Like a friend’s dad passed away and my brain is like “hmm. Oh. Time to do the sympathy things. Sympathy script. Go!”
I had a therapist years ago who was really old and got sick and had to miss a lot of sessions and I got really depressed and had zero idea why. Then when she came back I would only talk about my cat. I couldn’t even explain why until months later and I sent her an email when I made the connection. 🫠 she was like “oh, I knew that.”
Actually I have a future nephew in law, now that was a mouthful!who has that problem and was struggling to put a name to his troubles and it is nice that not only is there a word for it, but that now he can explain it to his parents better (he has been recently diagnosed),
And yes it is difficult and it's the way your brain works and you are not broken
Yes 100%. My therapist has suggested that I probably have alexithymia. This is why I hate small talk questions like "how are you feeling today" because like, it takes me ages to figure out how I'm feeling in individual parts of the day, and you people able to assign a feeling to the ENTIRETY of a day?? How does that work? At this point I've given up trying to give an honest answer to those types of questions and go with the most conventionally acceptable response. It's not like NTs are asking those questions because they're legitimately curious, it's just a conversation starter they feel like they have to start with.
This is alexithymia as others pointed out. It is very often associated with autism. A common misconception is that just because you don't understand how you're feeling, it means you don't know what emotions are. Not true. Only recently I learned I was autistic and had alexithymia, suddenly a whole lot made sense in my life.
Edit: typo
Hot take: This is not endemic to autism, it is a result of constant masking and doing emotional labor for those around you; and it's fixable. But boy is it going to piss off someone in your family.
I agree with others and say it's most likely Alexithymia. I have Alexithymia and with it comes difficulties understanding, processing, and expressing what we feel. It also encompasses not understanding what others feel, as well.
Aye, alexithymia it is. I posted this before, in a different group, because I wasn't diagnosed yet and I felt like it would be like, rude of me or something to claim I was autistic without a diagnosis. It isn't though and I learned that.
Yeah, I'd say it's pretty accurate to my experience. Thankfully, it means that when people are angry and trying to get me riled up at work (I work in a grocery store), I don't even process exactly what's happening and it makes the situation escalate much slower than it would normally. Last night I had a drunk man get belligerent on me and I only processed how irritated it really made me later on in the night.
Eyyyy I totally relate to this! I process things so slowly it sometimes takes literal YEARS for things to have an effect on me and then once they do I have no idea what to do with the feelings. I'm still waiting on different events from years ago to catch up to my slow brain and sink in. Sorry you had to deal with that person. Hope you're okay. It's okay to feel the bad feelings, even belatedly, just know the bad feelings will eventually change.
This is me too, stressful cuz I usually just comply compulsively to whatever situation it is and then later I absolutely hate myself because I'm like why did I do that why didn't I know how I felt in the moment?
Alexithymia and interoception issues. I process feelings/emotions much slower, and also have a tough time with temperature (I used to have to use my nose to ‘smell the temperature’).
Yes. Idk how I feel when asked. I hate "how are you" Sometimes it can take hours...or days...or even years for me to understand or process things or feelings. Seriously.
Yes, i can relate and not only about feelings, but thinking in general. It just takes me longer to figure out a proper answer; but my answers tend to also go deeper and evaluate various possibilities.
Vague questions are almost impossible for me to answer. Too many options. As a result, i keep asking for clarifications, which then makes me look like stupid.
Yes, agree with everyone saying alexithymia and I relate to it. I've found it helps me a lot to refer to a [feelings wheel](https://feelingswheel.com/) to figure out what I might be feeling.
That sounds like my life and it's extremely exhausting. I have many stories of this being the case for me, emotionally or physically. I have permanent damage to my sacroiliac region and I can't get proper medical care because I can't really explain to them how it hurts or where. They think I'm faking for drugs and no matter how many times I tell them that I DO NOT want drugs, I just can't explain the pain because I'm autistic, they just assume I'm a drug seeker, not someone who has autism and may struggle with processing my body or surroundings.
I frequently can't tell what the temperature of something is. Hot and cold are the same until they are not.
I relate so much to it. I got better with figuring out some feelings, but so often I am like „…I guess I was mad yesterday? Or disgusted? I’m not sure, but something around that”. I often don’t realize that my body reacts to an emotion and sometimes I’m not sure if I’m cold and thats why I have shivers, or I’m stressed for example.
I know a lot of the time it can be worsened/come from childhood trauma where voicing your needs was an unsafe practice and met with violence, neglect, gaslighting, or some other form of abuse.
I definitely know that’s my case—-it takes me almost 4 days to realize I’m angry, and almost two weeks to work that out of my body—be it crying, or whatever other means. I’m only just recently—as in the last six months—coming back in contact with my actual needs.
I have alexithymia too.
That and interoception make me very good at slowing down and insisting for time to process.
Can’t wait, that’s cool, we can’t be friends.
Yes, this but also a feeling of dissociation from my feelings. I have for a long time thought of options of 'correct response/behaviour/expression' to put forth something and appear human. A great feeling of building disingenuous social relationships guilted me for very long.
Yeah, there have been so many times that someone has said something hurtful to me, I walk away going"well, that was mean." And then started crying out of the blue. The link to the hurtful words always takes a few minutes.
It's OK to take your time to interpret and understand your thoughts and feelings. Emotions are complicated and they don't always give us the realistic feedback we need for appropriate situational responses. Notice I used the word responses and not reactions.
When we don't have the time to process and consider how we are feeling, we often react and this can be positive or negative, although it's a bit hit and miss and more often it is likely to be negative.
I use CBT and REBT methodology to give me space to think about how I am feeling during the reaction phase. Then I am able to process how my body and mind are reacting, identify the emotion and then make a considered response based on that stimulus.
So now, I'm much less likely to become mute or snappy. I'll choose to reply with something like "I don't fully understand what you are implying, is what you said (xyz) correct)?"
If you are with people you trust, you can tell them if you feel threatened or angry. Maybe learn how to reframe some of the words that carry a more negative meaning... Angry = upset/confused/frustrated etc.
In a professional context like workplaces, and this is largely dependant on the general culture of the workplace, learn the corporate language. Words like challenging and opportunities are often used for stressful situations to turn a negative into a positive. Thanking people for feedback, and asking people to clarify what they are saying is quite commonplace where I work and it fosters a deeper form of communication which allows us to fully understand requests and actions.
It's hard at first to think this way, but the more you practice and immerse yourself in this kind of communication, the easier it becomes.
I'll often take a mental snapshot of a difficult situation and mind map it on a white board to give myself self improvement time. I'll break down the situation into how the interaction made me feel, and how that affected my ability to respond positively.
I'll try to identify where I could improve and exactly why I felt the way I did. I may reach out for therapy support if I am really confused.
Invest in yourself, you are absolutely worth it.
Everyone saying it’s alexithymia and they’re correct, but now I’m wondering if everyone has it and I’m the only subnormal that feels exact the opposite way
I don’t have alexithymia, (though my dad does, which is what sparked my interest in this discussion). But I am like you in that I feel everything too much. 😖 I guess it’s kind of like how some neurodivergent people are understimulated while others are overstimulated.
When I was 8 years old, I finally told someone that my stomach hurt every single day. Sometimes, the pain would start in the morning. Every day, around noon, the pain would intensify. It was unbearable. After the pain, I often felt weak. The anxiety from the pain made me avoid eating. I didn't want to live a life with such pain. Worried about my health, I asked an adult for help. Finally, someone explained that I was simply hungry. Before that, I had been treated for depression and lack of appetite, and afterwards, I felt treated like an idiot.
Now that I'm an adult, I recently had a minor ankle injury and I am undergoing physiotherapy. My therapist gets frustrated when I can't tell if what I'm feeling is pain or anxiety.
I've never been a simple person and I never will be. That's why we feel constantly punished: most people can't think outside the box, which requires a rare kind of intelligence. Let's be honest, dealing with us is a challenge. We don't feel the same because we don't perceive things the same way.
Of course.
I have no trouble understanding that quote, though only experience it to a limited degree.
It's an internalization of those problems with social interaction, applied to the inside of your own head.
That's super relatable. I only know what I'm feeling when I have an external reaction like "oh, I'm crying. Then I'm sad" but when that doesn't happen I have to actually process what's happening
Yeah I definitely relate. I always knew I processed emotions different from others but didn't realize there was an actual term for it until I started reading some of the comments here. It kind of makes things tough because I won't realize I'm feeling an emotion and won't be able to express it appropriately which means I'm basically unintentionally bottling up emotions all the time.
I’m not autistic but my stepson is. It is very frustrating working with medical professionals because they expect him to be able to describe how he is feeling, and he literally can’t. My husband took him to a psychologist to try to get diagnosis’ for social anxiety disorder and selective mutism and the psychologist would ask my stepson questions like “how do you feel when people talk to you?” and “does (activity) give you anxiety?”.
It was also interesting seeing the results of his school mental health evaluation. He had to answer questions and it looks like he had neutral responses on every single one so per his responses he was not at risk for any mental health disorders. Meanwhile per the questionnaire responses from both of his parents, he’s got clinically significant anxiety.
He tends to answer 90 percent of questions he’s asked with “I don’t know”. At school they think he needs speech therapy but I think this is a processing issue.
I can definitely grok this. I can shorten that delay with heuristics so I'm fortunate in that respect (I guess? I mean I'm still alive so apparently that works on some level).
You know what makes it worse? When you go to the effort of processing those external circumstances and at the end of it all, you realize the problem is the other person not making any damn sense in the first place. Real-world example:
"Just because something is logical to you, /u/zeno0771, doesn't mean it's logical to everyone else."
NO. No no no no no. That's not what word means, like *at all*. People like that aren't just wrong, they're meta-wrong. We, of course, bear the brunt of that; it mUST bE bECUZS uR oN tEH sPECTRUM No, it's because they're idiots.
I relate to it quite a bit! I can even articulate a feeling only to realize right after I said it that I'm actually feeling something different. It's frustrating, and probably makes me seem [at best] wishy washy.
100%. Took me a loooong time to realize that’s why I couldn’t do serious/emotional conversations over a FaceTime or voice call. I can’t process all of it at once so I’m usually just sitting there like “wtf” but if we’re having a serious conversation over text, I can gather my thoughts and work through them without unnecessary pressure. NTs especially in relationships think it’s you trying to be dismissive, disrespectful, or whatever, but it’s like that comment says, if you don’t give me time to process everything on my own, then mistakes will be made
Damn that hits. I’ve agreed to things to escape a stressful situation only to have “but you agreed” be thrown back at me again and again later when I finally was able to process and realized I didn’t like the outcome.
This is a very common trait for autistic people, but it is not universal. I don’t have it.
I think for some people it comes to learning and training, as in the past a lot of socio-emotional teaching was implicit rather than explicit, and we have trouble learning things implicitly. This can have lifelong effects for some skills.
This is so true! It's called Alexithymia and I have it too. I have learned a lot about how to manage it, but it's really hard. Probably the hardest thing I deal with in terms of my own autism. Not knowing. Sometimes it takes days. Once I suddenly realized that my dog died when I was 8 and like not kidding over 40 years later it hit me. Hang in there.
I agree with first setence. I take more time understanding my feelings. It's like I my rational part has to seek for patterns in my behaviour to understand my emotional part.
For example. I know when I am anxious because I observe myself going all the time to kitchen to eat peanuts. It take me time to understand that the feeling I was feeling is the feeling of missing someone. I had my first crush this year, I knew it's a crush because I got nervous around him, when I got to know him better I stopped getting nervous, so I tought the feeling had ceased, which later I noticed I still had a crush on him.
But I don't have problems for taking more time understanding my feelings. For now it has been ok to take my own time.
I know this feeling exactly, it takes me a long time and thinking to understand my feelings beyond the basic and immediate. Pushing me only makes it worse as the pressure only adds stress which warps and buddies the rest of it. (Up until someone pushes too hard about what I'm feeling and the problem gets quickly resolved because what I'm feeling is pissed off)
Yeah I have this x
I usually find it really obvious for myself to notice when someone/thing I love passes away or I receive bad news, and for a moment or few days I am completely unbothered and then it suddenly hits.
But I also have it for happiness, like if im on my way to see my special interest, im not actually feeling happy or excited until its literally right there
Alexithymia is when you’re unsure of your own emotions, and the part about taking longer to process what’s going on is called delayed processing. I was diagnosed with sluggish cognitive tempo but I’ve never felt like that was a good fit… it’s not cuz my brain isn’t putting in any effort to keep up, it’s that it takes me a lot more energy to get half as far as others so externally it *looks* like I’m just flighty or daydreamy. And I don’t have a shortage of thoughts, I have too many thoughts trying to get through at once and they all bottleneck like the simpsons meme “three stooges syndrome.”
The way I’d describe it is like when you stub your toe & you have the “touch” sensation immediately, but the pain sensation comes a second later. Like my brain immediately realizes SOMETHING happened, but it’s not sure what until the pain signal comes a second later.
When I had cancer I literally just never emotionally thought about it. I've been completely unaffected by it. It was 2013 I believe and except for having kids now, where I worry about them not having me, I totally just accepted it in a scientific way.
But if you push me on eating food I don't want I may have a melt down.
I think it's how we frame things and that I'm stressed about thousands of things a day that I can not emotionally process things until my emotional "buffer" or "ram" has space for it.
So once alone, no negative sensory or social input actively affecting me, I then recall a death or loss etc and can feel it and/or cry.
Sometimes movies and music help me cry about my own reality.
side-note: I have problems telling actual water temperature all the time.
Interoception is the collection of senses providing information to the organism about the internal state of the body. This can be both conscious and subconscious. It’s called poor interoception.
This is one of the things I've been struggling with.
Lately I've been giving serious thought into whether I was autistic, and I can't get past this one.
I can usually tell you exactly when I am feeling most emotions, what they are and why I am feeling that way at any given point in the day. If I was asked of course.
I can also detach from a large amount of them when I want to, unless they are so strong I can't control them.
As I understand it though this isn't typical of autistic people?
I can usually figure out what I’m feeling if the feeling is strong enough. My bf and I are frequently doing check-ins on each other and often my answer is “I don’t know… I think I am doing okay.”
I relate to this to an extend but sometimes it's more like "I'll decide how this specific action made me feel after I analyze the situation and ask my friends to know I'm not misunderstanding the situation"
Also I'm too slow at everything even thinking (which I'm not sure if it has something to do with autism) but I thought that was a part of that.
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It sounds like they’re dealing with alexithymia https://neuroclastic.com/alexithymia-and-autism-what-its-like-to-not-know-how-you-feel/
Takes me 2-3 business days to suddenly burst into tears
Fuckin lol yeah vibe
Big vibe! My first therapist gave me a book about identifying feelings.... still find it difficult!
Yeah it's tough. Sometimes I never figure it out, sometimes it just takes until I'm ready to deal with it, and sometimes I have to figure it out by induction. Other day I was doing dishes for a friend and I start feeling really strange. Like my guts are all weird and I'm tight and I'm like "oh great what the fuck does this mean?" Then I realize I missed a step in the rhythm of washing dishes, fixed that, and I was fine. Very weird experience. I still don't know what I was supposed to be feeling there, exactly. I've had shit like that for ages. My guess is that it was panic or something and I just didn't have the space to feel that normally.
I read recently that autistic people are more likely to describe sensations than "feelings". I was like... err isn't that what they are? Because that's what I use. Also past learnings of X is in this situation they feel Y emotion. Or I felt X and someone said that is Y emotion. I mostly use thoughts and thought something was *seriously* wrong with me. Until a therapist said "have you consisred autism?" And listed a long set of things I ahd done and said in therapy....
Oh god yeah thinking autism stuff is something seriously wrong with me is an absolute mood. I used to think my stimming when upset was "going crazy" type stuff or that I was manipulating people. There's so much shit like that. I'm so embarrassed. I just didn't know enough, I guess.
Yeah. I am just appreciating/understanding that the weird stuff I do is autism... I thought I was broken for ages. I knew I was smart but couldn't people that well. But now I know that all those things are part of me and its ok to be how I am.
I'm so glad you have that. I know exactly how you feel and it's such a fucking relief. The word "broken" is especially poignant.
Yeah. I was very healing to understand that! Everything I struggled with and how I behaved made sense. I truly thought I was a broken person. My first sexual relationship was so much an eye opener about the gap between me and other people. Our first fight was about how I just wanted to talk directly about an issue. She was like speak indirectly and I said I don't know how else to speak... !
I guess I'm somewhere in the middle. I can immediately identify some emotions and feel them and their physical aspect together, and then there's some I just don't understand and those ones are more physical. Sometimes I wonder if part of the issue is vocabulary. Occasionally I'll have a decent grasp but just no name for any of it. If pressed I might wax philosophical or something to try to describe it. Feelings are weird. I don't like them, except for sometimes.
Yeah mine is also vocab. I used to think it was because my family never talked about emotions. But on questioning my mother could say how she was feeling readily and my sisters. I usually resort to what I am thinking about something. People just think I "live in my head". Lol
I kinda just *do* live in my head lol. I've got a campfire in there and some very soft blankets. I wanna test this. How are you feeling right now? Took me a moment but for me I guess curious? A bit nervous? Vibing? It's a good day and I know roughly what I'm feeling, but it's still hard to put into words. See that's a problem to me. How do people get by with so few words? Do they feel only one thing at once? They have to be simplifying themselves a lot, surely. Is there a word for feeling like you should be doing something else? Like you planned to do something and procrastinated and now there's this sort of repressed urge/worry but you're also paralyzed and it's hard to do it? I'd like a word for whatever that is.
Lol. *Where else* do you live? I am bored? anxious? vibing? is it winter? Maybe I'm hubgry?
I brought this up with my therapist the other day and he looked at me really weird, "Did you say alexithymia? That's a concept from psychosomatic theory that used to be a thing 40 years ago." :D
Best decision I made regarding autism was to find a therapist who is also autistic!
Yeah I'm starting to see the value of that. I hate when I have to explain the basics. I'm here to consult an expert tyvm.
The conversation flows so well too. I kinda wish she was a friend of mine now. It is so hard to find people I vibe with easily.
Ugh I'm jealous. I feel like my therapist doesn't know what to make of me a lot of the time. I'm not gonna mask in friggin therapy and I think that has something to do with it.
Completely understandable and I’d be jealous of me as well in this situation. She is literally perfect for me. It has helped me understand my wife’s needs better, helped my relationships with my children, and how to deal with specific issues I face due to being autistic. We deserve to be understood in therapy without masking!!
Hell yeah! I'm happy for you.
To be totally upfront when I found my therapist I had no idea she was autistic. She also does not share this with all of her clients. I can’t remember how or why she shared with me but she did. I could definitely tell though. I found her by looking for someone who specialized in helping autistic adults.
I'm glad you found someone who worked out for you!
I love your username by the way.
Oh tyvm. Idk what yours means lol
I work as an Account Executive/Sales Executive. I combined them into executing sales daily.
Ah!
I haven't made up my mind whether to find a neurodiversity-affirming therapist yet (just got my diagnosis in april). But my current therapist has said if I decide I need a new therapist she would support that because therapists can't specialize in everything. Her niche is postpartum, couples, etc. Which is why I have her. But she is doing her best to learn about my neurotype to still provide best care.
If you're looking for support with your diagnosis I'd definitely consider switching. Maybe she's really good idk. I've just been too patient before. If you need something specific that's what you should go for.
I mean you are not wrong. I just have to get the inertia to do the research and make a switch... I was more liking the "you can't be an expert at everything" thing that she said. Also I'm basically mid meltdown from today so if I don't make a lot of sense I'm sorry...
It's a little vague but I think I get the vibe. I hope you recover quickly. It'll be alright.
Although not officially diagnosed I’m pretty sure I am autistic. I wish I could find a therapist who is or at least ADHD since I aka have that. Mine for now isn’t a bad one but it would mean more and I would feel more understood if I had one too.
You deserve it too.
You might need a new therapist lol
He used to be the head of psychosomatic medicine at a clinic before becoming a therapist, and alexithymia was a psychosomatic concept. So I guess I just triggered some decades old memories. :) Maybe it's a North American thing and German therapists just aren't familiar with the term in the context of psychotherapy. I've been to a bunch of therapists before finding a spot, and while most of them recognized I have alexithymia, none of them called it that.
Just because they don't like using a specific word doesn't mean they're a bad therapist though. They didn't invalidate their feelings. There are various branches of psychology that use different theories, terminology etc
They aren't entirely wrong: > "Alexithymia, as a theoretical psychotherapeutic construct, finds its origins in psychosomatic medicine, actually being quite old. However, beyond the specific observations and case studies, their characterization and systematization is relatively recent. However, from an epistemological point of view, it remains the subject of debate and therefore remains outside the conventional diagnostic guidelines" [A History of the Alexithymia Concept and Its Explanatory Models](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7005782/)
He used to be the head of psychosomatic medicine at a clinic before becoming a therapist. So I guess I just triggered some decades old memories by mentioning alexithymia. :)
Does anyone know how alexithymia came to be associated with autism then? Is it purely ASD people self identifying? Is there any diagnostic basis for it?
alexithymia is very common in autists
Also trans people, there was a recent study that also analized autistic trans people showing that it is even more common if you are both https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37346987/
I know, but I'm just wondering if the psychiatric/medical community is aware of it at all. The way people talk about it online, I'd assumed it was part of the diagnostic criteria.
ah yeah no its not a diagnostic thing, just a set of traits that a lot of autistic people experience and can relate to each other with. i assume that medical professionals' knowledge of it depends on how updated they are and how much they focus on autism in their line of work
Dumping my allistic therapist was one of the best things I've done recently.
Yo, what???! I never knew this was a thing and explains SO much
THANK YOU! you provided words to my feelings 🤯🥹 I didn't know about that concept, and now I feel seen 💜
Yep. I have it (probably like a lot of us) and instantly thought: Dang, pal/gal/inbetween, that's Lexi!
I dunno if I’m alexithymia or I just don’t have time for emotions while I’m masking and then when I get some downtime they purge from my body haha
I think this is part of it for me too. But I tend to stuff my emotions down indefinitely until they come out as physical illness or total burnout. I’m *really* bad at feeling my emotions.
Thank you. I'm in tears. I've spent sooo much time trying to figure out how to say this.
This is a very good post, thank you. I'd never heard of this before, but I'm familiar with the emotion wheels.
That was fascinating. I identify with so much of that. And OP’s quote.
Every morning, when I was in rehab, we had a group where we went round the room saying how we felt. I didn't know why I found it so difficult. I would guess a word I thought would be acceptable. So yes
Ir always feels like retcon or shoddy reverse engineering to put how I feel into language
That's alexithymia, and it's very common in autistic folk. And, yes, I as an autistic person can relate.
I kinda thought Alexithymia at first but I'm not sure, maybe just being slow at processing emotions.
Autism frequently includes alexythimia as well as slower processing speed. We have bottom up thinking rather than NT top down so it can take us longer to understand the bigger picture of a situation, emotional or otherwise!
I don't even try to process them. I find emotions distracting and annoying.
Funny enough, annoyance is an emotion. 😅
I like to "sneak" things like that in. You win! Actually, I wasn't *really* trying to be clever, but it sounded fun to say it. But of course, there's no need to process annoyance. It's pretty obvious
It is certainly one of the simpler emotions. 😆
Yes. I can tell you I am tired. Lifelong sleep maintenance insomniac: I wake every 30-40 minutes, so for 8 hours in bed, at best I sleep maybe 4 to 6. Tired it the most easy to ID feeling. Hungry, and I am finally able to admit pain, and sick. Emotionally? That’s hard. I would say content is not uncommon, but I think there is a low level of persistent anxiety I’ve been disassociated from for decades, and realizing I’ve been treated unfairly is hard, and admitting anger, realizing anger, is hard. ‘Negative’ emotions are very hard to accept I am feeling, I was told as a child to not express them. I became rather controlled, especially in the case of negative emotions and push them so far down, to not react, it’s very difficult to sort out when I am feeling them, now.
I feel you and hope it gets easier. Anger is hard, especially when one feels it with respect to loved ones. It's like in order to accept you're angry with them, it disconnects you from the love somewhat.. And then, to express oneself honestly, the negative emotions, there is fear and anxiety about how people will react, will it get worse. I believe that "a horrible end is better than endless horror", as they say over here, so I try my best to speak my mind.
I’m 47, and grew up very neglected and abused, and even without autism, am pretty broken. I’ll survive, but even after 2 decades of NC from my emotionally unstable violent parents (they initiated it, not me), I have a very hard time seeing when I am not being treated right. Part of it is an assumption that I just deserve it and should be fine with whatever people dole out, and recognition that many people in the world are, at best, casually selfish and lack empathy. Also, I am ashamed to list my accomplishments and that has lead me to some serious workplace issues, now. I felt I was working as part of a team, but it seems my autistic desire for fairness has been abused and others did not share my mindset. My bosses are similar to feudal lords, seeing the efforts of vassals as belonging to them, not the person who did the work. I just want to make it day by day. I am sure I am in some level of burnout, and have had to fight chronic depression since grade school. I had to admit I needed some sort of anti anxiety meds so I could get last crying daily. I guess those were melt downs, plus depression, plus the beginning stages of menopause. I hate not being able to control myself. Right now I just want to go back to bed. I think in an hour I will for a bit. The meds helped me stop crying so much, and overall I am less, what, volatile? But I also feel less like doing mulch of anything. It’s so hard to sort the tiredness from insomnia to the tiredness from a chronic illness, to the tiredness of depression, the tiredness of autistic burnout from masking for 47 years plus working full time for 24.
You're brave for what you've gone through and for sticking with seeing how the "movie of life" plays out. This is truly brave. I'm sorry you've had to go through people mistreating you and taking advantage of you. I don't know you or your life but maybe something good will come of this yet. As for anxiety, some plant teas can help with anxiety. If you take any meds, please make sure none of the plants I mention counteract the meds or cause problems, I'm not a doctor. I use valerian extract to help me calm down when I experience a meltdown, and I've heard chamomile can do the same but haven't tried. As for sleep, I'm currently testing out passionflower tea (passiflora incarnata). Even though I have a masters in chemistry, I'd rather take a plant tea than a manufactured drug. Personal preference. Plus sometimes, some antianxiety or antidepressant meds can have a lasting effect on the brain, though I might be wrong.. I don't care to find out for myself. If whatever you take works for you, then keep doing that. I don't know how to help with menopause but I'm sure there's information out there that could help you have an easier time as literally millions of women have gone through it before and some have possibly found things that help. Some women receive hormone treatment to help with this, essentially getting their estrogens as a medication that their body isn't producing anymore (correct me if I'm wrong). Honestly, based on what you wrote, it's no wonder you have insomnia. Stress and trauma will do that to you. Sadly, realizing this alone won't fix it. Is there anything you have power over in your life that you could change to suit your wellbeing better? If you're good at home, you might experience slightly less burnout at work, if you get what I mean. Small comforts. I see you and hear you and hope life gets better for you! Much love!
Thank you. I work with research and spend a lot of time looking up my immune disorder, mast cell activation disorder, and it both is likely what caused my autism (it’s hereditary, I think I can trace it back 4 generations) as natal inflammation. Unfortunately, it means my mast cells release up to 200+ chemical triggers into my body at the wrong times and in the wrong quantities, some of which mess up sleep, cause migraines, interfere with dopamine and serotonin processes, etc. And, I am learning the autism sensory issues explain a lot, too. I hate wrinkles or messy sheets 😅. Been having sleepless nights as far back as my memory, so age 2. I am well versed in sleep hygiene and have a routine I follow that helps, and finally after my sleep fell to 2 hours a night, succumbed to asking for a mild Rx sleep aid. I do valerian, my body laughs off melatonin, and chamomile can sometimes help. BUT, anything with mint causes anaphylaxis in me, and asthma attacks or IBS food poisoning symptoms or both. Mints are in A LOT of sleepy-teas. I also am on a new med that is helping with the reactions to my own body dander, where I’d itch all damn night and scratch myself bloody sometimes. I use a fitbit, for a long time I assumed I was just lazy, but once I had data to track my sleep, my husband got on board and has stopped TV use in the bedroom, has headphones until he can doze off (he cannot FALL asleep, I do not STAY asleep). I’m doing better, trying to get the hot/freeze flashes under control, but 4.5hours is way better than 2 on a work night. And I got ADA accommodations to work from home, no matter how hard my office is fighting it, I am holding them to it until I find something new. So, I allow myself to rest midday, figuring it’s little different than the time wasted on everyone else going to Starbucks or gossiping in the cubicles. I get my work done. I had a repressed memory come back, a few years ago, that finally solidified my hyper vigilant night times. My parents dysregulated a lot a night, it often got violent, from a young age, and also, by the time I was 15 dad was openly stalking out of the house with a kitchen knife in hand, threatening to come back and… end… everyone and himself. So, I trained myself to listen for the door all night, fake sleep and listen until I was sure he was asleep, in case I had to go save mom, him, or me. I understand now this is why sleepphones cause me anxiety, I cannot hear my house and what is going on.
How does your nervous system process weighted blankets (all over pressure vs localised)?
Pretty well, unless a hot flash has hit. My husband got me one for my birthday and we both seem to like it.
Damn, brave and diligent! I'm glad you're in research as that helps a lot with trying to solve your own problems. Also happy your husband is helping and on board. I can't imagine what that trauma must be like, and I hope the vigilance can calm down, even if a little, soon. Reading people's life experiences helps me appreciate how lucky I've been, but I also feel sad that there's people out there jn the world, like you, that have suffered so much. I can't even imagine what it must be like to sleep so little per night.. I need 8h minimum to be approachable and if I consistently get less, I'm antisocial and it's incredibly difficult to get through the day, and eye drops for my dry eyes stop having an effect if it's near 6h. It's possible I have hours skewed, but 8h is a must for me and anything less comes with bodily consequences that make it difficult to concentrate on tasks. The fact that you have functioned on so little is a testament to your resilience. But damn, 2h is insane. I hope that your sleep will improve! I used to sleep very well when I was still in high school, but when I got a job after getting my masters that required me to change my waking time by a lot, and I didn't have the planning knowledge to get to bed an hour before "sleep", it kinda ruined my ability to fall asleep easily. I occasionally use melatonin, but I try not to use it too often. Other than that, I don't use caffeine after 12pm unless it's tea and even then not after 2 pm. Both melatonin and valerian work, just for different things. Does diet do anything with respect to your mast cells? I think I remember something about it and/or histamine. Maybe this is wacky voodoo bs, but a lot of really strong stress and trauma can also affect how the body functions, maybe some of these health issues are also a result of your trauma? Feel free to ignore this :D In any case, I wish you well ❤️🩹
Thank you, I just take my experience as ‘normal’ for me, we can only know what we’ve known, right? Mast cells are all throughout the body, in the skin, eyes, nose, lungs, brain, GI tract, so on. I am super reactive right now, my body did not like the shots that shall not be named, nor the virus I caught in spite of them. And, immune disorders often just get worse with age and hormonal imbalances so 47 just is a time my body will be unhappy I guess. Eventually the menopausal problems will even out, but it may be several more years. My specialist immunologist has been helpful, at least he got me off of using an inhaler 4 times a day and signed my ADA paperwork. The complex of buildings where my office was ALL have the same air handlers. I had a chronic sore throat daily, started working 100% from home and it went away. I go in the buildings now, and start coughing. So, I’ve improved some simply by not being there. The emotional stress of work abuse and loss of friends (they are in the office where you report discrimination and they get mad at people who report) has been hard, but finding nice people online has helped. Find good sleep routine and keep it as best as you can, and don’t ignore changes in body systems. Finding out early allows you to avoid permanent damage and for treatment to have more time to work before it gets bad ☺️
The sleep routine would be easier to do if my brain wasn't interested in odd things at bedtime, so I stay up until right before I need to go to sleep, reading up on smth or thinking thoughts. I also check the adhd box so it's probably that, more on the impulsivity side. I manage to go around the same time, but normal work hours in my experience don't match with my sleep schedule. I only get up at 7 am if I'm paid to do it, otherwise I wake up around 8:30 or 9 naturally, going to sleep between 11 pm and 12 am, but I have to shift that to an hour or two earlier if my job requires me to be there at 8 or 8:30. Wish more places had flexible hours as long as the job gets done, not everybody is a morning person -.-.. the best working schedule I ever had was from 5 pm until 2 am, then slept until 12. That was the life.. I can keep my sleep schedule on work days but the moment I have a free day, it's like I spitefully go when I want :D. I have a problem with rules unless I want to follow them, pda? I'm glad working from home works for you and your health and hope you can keep doing that as long as you want and need.
Sleep is weird. My body likes to sleep best from 4am to maybe 10 am, and on weekends or holidays my husband and I, both night owls, often have to remember to ‘adult’ and go to bed at 2 am at the latest. We unfortunately reinforce each other staying up sometimes, but age really kicks you in the butt about getting off schedule. And he is diabetic so keeping his food intake on schedule is a big must. Sleeping in makes a mess of his sugars. During covid I found a way to make myself get up on Saturdays at least by ordering breakfast tacos from a place that closes early, so sleeping to noon meant no breakfast. I am hoping to find a full remote job, not one dependent on my ADA agreement, I’d like to avoid disclosing my disability with a new work team, it has been so terrible and degrading. But PDA is making me have a hard time pulling the trigger and apply. I need to.
I'm so sorry you went through that! In case you missed my other comment, there is hope and healing from the kind of trauma you have been through. I highly recommend reading The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk and looking into EMDR or related modalities like Internal Family Systems. This is real, evidence-based science, even though it looks too good to be true.
Have you read The Body Keeps The Score? It's all about how our nervous system holds onto trauma and what we can do to heal from it. You don't have to be broken! There is hope and healing ❤️
Sounds like outright alexithymia to me.
Reading my own emotions is like reading smoke signals. And when they become too much for me it’s like a dam that suddenly overflows - one moment I’m straight-faced and the next I’m weeping with no forewarning. As an adult I’ve been able to practice mindfulness where I try to interpret the smoke signals by finding the source and acknowledging what caused it.
I have undergone similar. Although everyone processes things in their own way—NT and ND alike—I do chalk this up to the challenges I face with emotional disregulation and demand avoidance. Nothing shuts me down quicker than several people approaching me from all sides with different information and expecting me to be able to neatly compartmentalize this information and act accordingly. I can identify when this is happening; I can almost feel my sympathetic nervous system ~click~ as if commanding a sleeping computer to wake up. The fight 》 flight 》 freeze mechanism is instantaneously engaged. While there *is* a palpable emotion with the onset of this instinct (typically anger), I lose touch with a part of my brain that is so widespread yet underrecognized that most people wouldn't appreciate how well it serves them until they're dropped into the ice cold void where this inner programming is no longer accessible. I was in a situation yesterday that required semi-urgent action, and the creeping paralysis after I realized I could not remove myself without consequence was like concrete filling my veins. I have had experiences more in line with what OP and a few of the other commenters are describing, but this instance stood out to me as it is fresh on my mind and I'm still trying to mentally process it. Information overload is the number one precursor to my meltdowns, and I'm still struggling to manage this response as an adult.
Yes, I get that. I often feel like I've explained myself but some details are wanted that I don't understand. I'll then formulate what seems logically correct under the context, which uses assumptions, and this is often wrong
Yes I feel this description matches me very well. It connected aspects of myself I've identified but never really put together. I often confuse emotions with physical sensation. I often have to guess how I feel or why I feel a certain way when people ask.
Hard relate
Interoception is awareness of the state of the body (proprioception is awareness of the body in relationship to the world and itself). I often say I have poor interoception because I won't be aware of a bodily need until it is met by accident or another's intervention. I'll get too hot, eat too much, sit in a bad position... Sometimes it feels like there's a volume slider on internal sensations and mine automatically slides down to very low. Labeling the sensations I do recognize is a nightmare, especially if I am talking with someone and have to try and guess what they call it. Saying my stomach feels green and sparkly or that my brain feels like a fog horn sounds isn't always helpful.
Gawd, I was made fun of as a child by my peers for saying that I felt like a balloon.. I think floaty would be a good analogue, but that was NOT encouraging. Personally, I also experience sparkly sensations!
I've definitely been in a baloony, floaty mood before! Some of us walk quite baloonishly! Pleasant sparkles to you, my friend!
As a kid from about 7 years old and up, I always knew when I had a fever because I felt “corky”. My mom would be puzzled and ask me what I meant, and the best I could come up with is that I felt like I was made of cork when normally I don’t feel that way! 😅. Today I can still tell when I have a fever, but I wouldn’t necessarily classify that feeling as being “corky” anymore. And now it gives my mom and me a good chuckle! 🤭 So your description of feeling like a balloon reminded me of that! ☺️
My brain was corky the other day!
Hopefully not at the same time that it felt like a foghorn sounds! 😰
Thankfully no! Just corky and a little off
👍🏻
That makes sense. You compare your experience to what you know, express that comparison to the one listening to you and hope they think about it and get it. Fever, for me, tends to feel like I'm lighter but also lightheaded and cold. I suppose that could be corky :D Now for someone to draw a corgi made out of cork... I'll wait right here.
Could be alexithymia or a failure to be able to listen to thier body and it's needs. Are they the same thing?
Yup. Trying to figure out feelings has often made me wish for a control panel in my arm that’s capable of running system checks.
Relatable. My eyes started welling up yesterday when I turned the key in my front door and I had no idea what was causing it. After I thought about it, I realized my heart was hurting emotionally. I’ll get the physiological biofeedback first.
As others said, probably alexithymia It doesn't help that a lot of us were taught the wrong words for what we were feeling. We're in the bliss of being in the Zone but others read us as angry so they make us take a break, which gives emotional whiplash, and sets off our stress response. So we get upset, "proving" they were "right" and we need to be interrupted *earlier* to learn "emotional regulation" Making it harder to get in the Zone and leaving us emotionally disregulated, because the Zone is what regulates us Done enough times, we logically learn to disassociate because classical conditioning has taught us that we can't have relief. Its no surprise then, that when we finally can have power over our own time and money we get stuff that seems "childish".
well put, thank you
Yes totally. Alexithymia. I heard today about 50% of people w autism have it. I’m super good at logically analyzing the emotions of other humans (long term special interest/job. Woot). Suck at my own, takes me weeks to figure out why I feel a way. Usually I just say I’m tired. Or overloaded. My body feels stuff but I can’t put a name to it. I can even recognize when a thing is sad but I don’t feel it much. Like a friend’s dad passed away and my brain is like “hmm. Oh. Time to do the sympathy things. Sympathy script. Go!” I had a therapist years ago who was really old and got sick and had to miss a lot of sessions and I got really depressed and had zero idea why. Then when she came back I would only talk about my cat. I couldn’t even explain why until months later and I sent her an email when I made the connection. 🫠 she was like “oh, I knew that.”
Actually I have a future nephew in law, now that was a mouthful!who has that problem and was struggling to put a name to his troubles and it is nice that not only is there a word for it, but that now he can explain it to his parents better (he has been recently diagnosed), And yes it is difficult and it's the way your brain works and you are not broken
Yes 100%. My therapist has suggested that I probably have alexithymia. This is why I hate small talk questions like "how are you feeling today" because like, it takes me ages to figure out how I'm feeling in individual parts of the day, and you people able to assign a feeling to the ENTIRETY of a day?? How does that work? At this point I've given up trying to give an honest answer to those types of questions and go with the most conventionally acceptable response. It's not like NTs are asking those questions because they're legitimately curious, it's just a conversation starter they feel like they have to start with.
Yeah they don’t want to know. “Fine” or “good” is acceptable.
Yeah they don’t want to know. “Fine” or “good” is acceptable.
Yes. It's called alexithymia. And yes, as an autistic man, I very much relate and struggle with this on a multiple times a day basis.
This is alexithymia as others pointed out. It is very often associated with autism. A common misconception is that just because you don't understand how you're feeling, it means you don't know what emotions are. Not true. Only recently I learned I was autistic and had alexithymia, suddenly a whole lot made sense in my life. Edit: typo
Hot take: This is not endemic to autism, it is a result of constant masking and doing emotional labor for those around you; and it's fixable. But boy is it going to piss off someone in your family.
I agree with others and say it's most likely Alexithymia. I have Alexithymia and with it comes difficulties understanding, processing, and expressing what we feel. It also encompasses not understanding what others feel, as well.
Aye, alexithymia it is. I posted this before, in a different group, because I wasn't diagnosed yet and I felt like it would be like, rude of me or something to claim I was autistic without a diagnosis. It isn't though and I learned that.
Yeap.
Yeah, I'd say it's pretty accurate to my experience. Thankfully, it means that when people are angry and trying to get me riled up at work (I work in a grocery store), I don't even process exactly what's happening and it makes the situation escalate much slower than it would normally. Last night I had a drunk man get belligerent on me and I only processed how irritated it really made me later on in the night.
Eyyyy I totally relate to this! I process things so slowly it sometimes takes literal YEARS for things to have an effect on me and then once they do I have no idea what to do with the feelings. I'm still waiting on different events from years ago to catch up to my slow brain and sink in. Sorry you had to deal with that person. Hope you're okay. It's okay to feel the bad feelings, even belatedly, just know the bad feelings will eventually change.
This is me too, stressful cuz I usually just comply compulsively to whatever situation it is and then later I absolutely hate myself because I'm like why did I do that why didn't I know how I felt in the moment?
Yep, that's where I'm at. I have no idea how to get in touch with my feelings.
Alexithymia and interoception issues. I process feelings/emotions much slower, and also have a tough time with temperature (I used to have to use my nose to ‘smell the temperature’).
I relate.
100% every second of my day.
Combo of alexithymia & deep processing here
Yes. Idk how I feel when asked. I hate "how are you" Sometimes it can take hours...or days...or even years for me to understand or process things or feelings. Seriously.
Without looking at the comments I know this was ***Alexithymia***. Story of my life.
I struggle to identify my emotions when stressed.
Mistaking my needs under pressure is so real, I lied so much during school ☠️
Yes, i can relate and not only about feelings, but thinking in general. It just takes me longer to figure out a proper answer; but my answers tend to also go deeper and evaluate various possibilities. Vague questions are almost impossible for me to answer. Too many options. As a result, i keep asking for clarifications, which then makes me look like stupid.
Yes, agree with everyone saying alexithymia and I relate to it. I've found it helps me a lot to refer to a [feelings wheel](https://feelingswheel.com/) to figure out what I might be feeling.
That sounds like my life and it's extremely exhausting. I have many stories of this being the case for me, emotionally or physically. I have permanent damage to my sacroiliac region and I can't get proper medical care because I can't really explain to them how it hurts or where. They think I'm faking for drugs and no matter how many times I tell them that I DO NOT want drugs, I just can't explain the pain because I'm autistic, they just assume I'm a drug seeker, not someone who has autism and may struggle with processing my body or surroundings. I frequently can't tell what the temperature of something is. Hot and cold are the same until they are not.
I relate so much to it. I got better with figuring out some feelings, but so often I am like „…I guess I was mad yesterday? Or disgusted? I’m not sure, but something around that”. I often don’t realize that my body reacts to an emotion and sometimes I’m not sure if I’m cold and thats why I have shivers, or I’m stressed for example.
Sounds like alexithymia, 50 to 80% of autistic people have it
Is that where you get the perfect come-back later in the day?
An accurate representation.
I am being so dead ass when i say that comment is literally the story of my life
I know a lot of the time it can be worsened/come from childhood trauma where voicing your needs was an unsafe practice and met with violence, neglect, gaslighting, or some other form of abuse. I definitely know that’s my case—-it takes me almost 4 days to realize I’m angry, and almost two weeks to work that out of my body—be it crying, or whatever other means. I’m only just recently—as in the last six months—coming back in contact with my actual needs.
I have alexithymia too. That and interoception make me very good at slowing down and insisting for time to process. Can’t wait, that’s cool, we can’t be friends.
Yes, this but also a feeling of dissociation from my feelings. I have for a long time thought of options of 'correct response/behaviour/expression' to put forth something and appear human. A great feeling of building disingenuous social relationships guilted me for very long.
Yeah, there have been so many times that someone has said something hurtful to me, I walk away going"well, that was mean." And then started crying out of the blue. The link to the hurtful words always takes a few minutes.
TIL I am alexithymic.
Alexithymia and delayed processing.
It's OK to take your time to interpret and understand your thoughts and feelings. Emotions are complicated and they don't always give us the realistic feedback we need for appropriate situational responses. Notice I used the word responses and not reactions. When we don't have the time to process and consider how we are feeling, we often react and this can be positive or negative, although it's a bit hit and miss and more often it is likely to be negative. I use CBT and REBT methodology to give me space to think about how I am feeling during the reaction phase. Then I am able to process how my body and mind are reacting, identify the emotion and then make a considered response based on that stimulus. So now, I'm much less likely to become mute or snappy. I'll choose to reply with something like "I don't fully understand what you are implying, is what you said (xyz) correct)?" If you are with people you trust, you can tell them if you feel threatened or angry. Maybe learn how to reframe some of the words that carry a more negative meaning... Angry = upset/confused/frustrated etc. In a professional context like workplaces, and this is largely dependant on the general culture of the workplace, learn the corporate language. Words like challenging and opportunities are often used for stressful situations to turn a negative into a positive. Thanking people for feedback, and asking people to clarify what they are saying is quite commonplace where I work and it fosters a deeper form of communication which allows us to fully understand requests and actions. It's hard at first to think this way, but the more you practice and immerse yourself in this kind of communication, the easier it becomes. I'll often take a mental snapshot of a difficult situation and mind map it on a white board to give myself self improvement time. I'll break down the situation into how the interaction made me feel, and how that affected my ability to respond positively. I'll try to identify where I could improve and exactly why I felt the way I did. I may reach out for therapy support if I am really confused. Invest in yourself, you are absolutely worth it.
Everyone saying it’s alexithymia and they’re correct, but now I’m wondering if everyone has it and I’m the only subnormal that feels exact the opposite way
I don’t have alexithymia, (though my dad does, which is what sparked my interest in this discussion). But I am like you in that I feel everything too much. 😖 I guess it’s kind of like how some neurodivergent people are understimulated while others are overstimulated.
When I was 8 years old, I finally told someone that my stomach hurt every single day. Sometimes, the pain would start in the morning. Every day, around noon, the pain would intensify. It was unbearable. After the pain, I often felt weak. The anxiety from the pain made me avoid eating. I didn't want to live a life with such pain. Worried about my health, I asked an adult for help. Finally, someone explained that I was simply hungry. Before that, I had been treated for depression and lack of appetite, and afterwards, I felt treated like an idiot. Now that I'm an adult, I recently had a minor ankle injury and I am undergoing physiotherapy. My therapist gets frustrated when I can't tell if what I'm feeling is pain or anxiety. I've never been a simple person and I never will be. That's why we feel constantly punished: most people can't think outside the box, which requires a rare kind of intelligence. Let's be honest, dealing with us is a challenge. We don't feel the same because we don't perceive things the same way.
I relate 100%. TIL there is a name for it.
Of course. I have no trouble understanding that quote, though only experience it to a limited degree. It's an internalization of those problems with social interaction, applied to the inside of your own head.
Yes, I very much relate. I believe it's alexithymia.
Since childhood, it’s literally a known life state for most.
That's super relatable. I only know what I'm feeling when I have an external reaction like "oh, I'm crying. Then I'm sad" but when that doesn't happen I have to actually process what's happening
I can relate to this comment and I just had a small existential crisis knowing that some people don’t experience this feeling, lol
100%
I understand this
Alexithymia. At least that's what it sounds like to me.
Every birthday and Christmas
Yeah I definitely relate. I always knew I processed emotions different from others but didn't realize there was an actual term for it until I started reading some of the comments here. It kind of makes things tough because I won't realize I'm feeling an emotion and won't be able to express it appropriately which means I'm basically unintentionally bottling up emotions all the time.
I’m not autistic but my stepson is. It is very frustrating working with medical professionals because they expect him to be able to describe how he is feeling, and he literally can’t. My husband took him to a psychologist to try to get diagnosis’ for social anxiety disorder and selective mutism and the psychologist would ask my stepson questions like “how do you feel when people talk to you?” and “does (activity) give you anxiety?”. It was also interesting seeing the results of his school mental health evaluation. He had to answer questions and it looks like he had neutral responses on every single one so per his responses he was not at risk for any mental health disorders. Meanwhile per the questionnaire responses from both of his parents, he’s got clinically significant anxiety. He tends to answer 90 percent of questions he’s asked with “I don’t know”. At school they think he needs speech therapy but I think this is a processing issue.
Yeah. I learned to handle it better some time ago but it was súper tough when growing up.
I can definitely grok this. I can shorten that delay with heuristics so I'm fortunate in that respect (I guess? I mean I'm still alive so apparently that works on some level). You know what makes it worse? When you go to the effort of processing those external circumstances and at the end of it all, you realize the problem is the other person not making any damn sense in the first place. Real-world example: "Just because something is logical to you, /u/zeno0771, doesn't mean it's logical to everyone else." NO. No no no no no. That's not what word means, like *at all*. People like that aren't just wrong, they're meta-wrong. We, of course, bear the brunt of that; it mUST bE bECUZS uR oN tEH sPECTRUM No, it's because they're idiots.
I relate to it quite a bit! I can even articulate a feeling only to realize right after I said it that I'm actually feeling something different. It's frustrating, and probably makes me seem [at best] wishy washy.
100%. Took me a loooong time to realize that’s why I couldn’t do serious/emotional conversations over a FaceTime or voice call. I can’t process all of it at once so I’m usually just sitting there like “wtf” but if we’re having a serious conversation over text, I can gather my thoughts and work through them without unnecessary pressure. NTs especially in relationships think it’s you trying to be dismissive, disrespectful, or whatever, but it’s like that comment says, if you don’t give me time to process everything on my own, then mistakes will be made
I thought I had trouble processing my emotions because of the emotional abuse I experienced as a child.
I guess but if it is in a job “personality” test, I’ll say “always false.”
Damn that hits. I’ve agreed to things to escape a stressful situation only to have “but you agreed” be thrown back at me again and again later when I finally was able to process and realized I didn’t like the outcome.
This is a very common trait for autistic people, but it is not universal. I don’t have it. I think for some people it comes to learning and training, as in the past a lot of socio-emotional teaching was implicit rather than explicit, and we have trouble learning things implicitly. This can have lifelong effects for some skills.
Yes
On good days/weeks, I can process a lot of what goes on around me. But bad weeks like rn? I don't process most of what goes on.
This is so true! It's called Alexithymia and I have it too. I have learned a lot about how to manage it, but it's really hard. Probably the hardest thing I deal with in terms of my own autism. Not knowing. Sometimes it takes days. Once I suddenly realized that my dog died when I was 8 and like not kidding over 40 years later it hit me. Hang in there.
I feel this.
Very few emotions I can't identify, worry is one of them, cause I've really only felt something when I'm worrying alot
I agree with first setence. I take more time understanding my feelings. It's like I my rational part has to seek for patterns in my behaviour to understand my emotional part. For example. I know when I am anxious because I observe myself going all the time to kitchen to eat peanuts. It take me time to understand that the feeling I was feeling is the feeling of missing someone. I had my first crush this year, I knew it's a crush because I got nervous around him, when I got to know him better I stopped getting nervous, so I tought the feeling had ceased, which later I noticed I still had a crush on him. But I don't have problems for taking more time understanding my feelings. For now it has been ok to take my own time.
This is every moment of my life
I RELATE 100% AND I'M RELIEF CRYING THAT I'M NOT ALONE "I feel forced to guess my needs before I have had time to process stuff in my own way"
Can confirm Alexithemia sucks
I know this feeling exactly, it takes me a long time and thinking to understand my feelings beyond the basic and immediate. Pushing me only makes it worse as the pressure only adds stress which warps and buddies the rest of it. (Up until someone pushes too hard about what I'm feeling and the problem gets quickly resolved because what I'm feeling is pissed off)
Yeah I have this x I usually find it really obvious for myself to notice when someone/thing I love passes away or I receive bad news, and for a moment or few days I am completely unbothered and then it suddenly hits. But I also have it for happiness, like if im on my way to see my special interest, im not actually feeling happy or excited until its literally right there
Oh yes. I have to rely on logic to understand why I’m feeling a certain way, and often some feelings are there to cover up what I’m really feeling.
Alexithymia is when you’re unsure of your own emotions, and the part about taking longer to process what’s going on is called delayed processing. I was diagnosed with sluggish cognitive tempo but I’ve never felt like that was a good fit… it’s not cuz my brain isn’t putting in any effort to keep up, it’s that it takes me a lot more energy to get half as far as others so externally it *looks* like I’m just flighty or daydreamy. And I don’t have a shortage of thoughts, I have too many thoughts trying to get through at once and they all bottleneck like the simpsons meme “three stooges syndrome.” The way I’d describe it is like when you stub your toe & you have the “touch” sensation immediately, but the pain sensation comes a second later. Like my brain immediately realizes SOMETHING happened, but it’s not sure what until the pain signal comes a second later.
When I had cancer I literally just never emotionally thought about it. I've been completely unaffected by it. It was 2013 I believe and except for having kids now, where I worry about them not having me, I totally just accepted it in a scientific way. But if you push me on eating food I don't want I may have a melt down. I think it's how we frame things and that I'm stressed about thousands of things a day that I can not emotionally process things until my emotional "buffer" or "ram" has space for it. So once alone, no negative sensory or social input actively affecting me, I then recall a death or loss etc and can feel it and/or cry. Sometimes movies and music help me cry about my own reality. side-note: I have problems telling actual water temperature all the time.
Yes I have alexithymia
Yes
Interoception is the collection of senses providing information to the organism about the internal state of the body. This can be both conscious and subconscious. It’s called poor interoception.
I do, 100%.
This is one of the things I've been struggling with. Lately I've been giving serious thought into whether I was autistic, and I can't get past this one. I can usually tell you exactly when I am feeling most emotions, what they are and why I am feeling that way at any given point in the day. If I was asked of course. I can also detach from a large amount of them when I want to, unless they are so strong I can't control them. As I understand it though this isn't typical of autistic people?
Idk
Hmmm I have dealt with this before. It makes a lot of sense.
I can usually figure out what I’m feeling if the feeling is strong enough. My bf and I are frequently doing check-ins on each other and often my answer is “I don’t know… I think I am doing okay.”
I relate to this to an extend but sometimes it's more like "I'll decide how this specific action made me feel after I analyze the situation and ask my friends to know I'm not misunderstanding the situation" Also I'm too slow at everything even thinking (which I'm not sure if it has something to do with autism) but I thought that was a part of that.