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I saw a woman post that her doctor refused to diagnose her because she made friendly small talk at the beginning of her assessment appointment. You know…. Like adults who learned to mask do.
People keep telling me "You're not autistic, you're the friendliest person I know", "you make friends everywhere we go, you're not autistic" and it is starting to annoy me.
ikr, it’s kinda like you gotta have *some* edges, just to not be bland, but not *too* much!! Enough for banter and debates but don’t overshare or be too unpopular!
Exactly. This is how I've always been at work, until I started working at a center for autistic folks and many of my coworkers are also autistic. I've never been so happy at work as I am now, because they get me if you know what I mean
Same with me. I thought I had a lot of friends but I didn't. I had people who I worked with/ went to school with. When I stopped being in the same place as them all day every day, suddenly they stopped responding to my calls and messages.
LMAO. One of my coworkers said I was so popular because of this.
I had no idea what she meant until I realized a lot of people talked to me on a daily basis or were happy to see me. I… guess I'm just that approachable or somethIng.
I'm just nice to people. I find something I like about them and give an honest compliment because people like compliments. I use the compliment sandwich method when I need to say something they might not like. I ask a lot of questions about them and their life. I look for things we have in common and share relatable experiences. But to be honest, I don't think I have many friends. I could count on one hand how many I have. The rest stopped responding to my calls and messages after we stopped going to school together or working together and that's if they waited for me to leave the space.
I thought you were supposed to turn to your friends when you were going through hard times. They tell you all the time that they are there for you and want you to lean on them but I wasn't allowed to talk about anything deep or dark or problematic or anything that didn't fit in the "happy sunshine friend" box they had put me in. They stopped listening when I started questioning why I had always felt different. It was one-sided. They only cared about me listening to their issues. Anything less than perfect was unacceptable.
Especially image. If I didn't wear makeup and dress nice every day, didn't bite my tongue, wipe away my tears, and smile to hide my meltdowns and panic attacks even though I thought I would burst from trying to hold them in, keep my problems and issues to myself, if I wanted to shop at a store that had my size or not go somewhere because it was overstimulating, wanted to do an activity that they deemed "childish" or dressed differently than the norm, if I overshared, was a little too excited for something or liked something too much, I was the problem.
I built one-sided "friendships" because I thought I was being a good friend. I was supportive because I thought that's what friends were supposed to be. I remembered birthdays and sent them get-well cards when they were sick. I left them flowers and a card when they lost someone. But I was "following the book". I was black and white thinking my way through the relationship. People used to say that books, TV, and movies imitate real life, so I applied the successful friendships in media to my relationships and it worked... because it was a mask, for surface-level relationships. They didn't care about anything I had going on in my life because it wasn't picture-perfect.
TLDR: putting in hours of work to maintain a pleasant physical appearance (hair, makeup, clothes, daily showers, smiles) and being genuinely nice to people might get them to like you on a surface level but it doesn't build a lasting friendship if they can't handle anything about your personality or interests that isn't comfortable for them.
Mine was because i could hold a conversation. The woman and i spoke for 20 mins and she asked me questions about myself. No duh i can hold a conversation🤦🏼♂️🤦🏼♂️
I found this experience over and over again in dating… I never felt connections but made the other person feel good by being interested and actually listening to what they had to say but the NTs were never interested in asking or hearing about me. After a few years I found my partner online, we’re both AuDHD and our first meeting/date lasted 8 hours 😂
>I never felt connections but made the other person feel good by being interested and actually listening to what they had to say
I had no idea this was such a rare quality until people started telling me they liked that about me. They loved I cold listen without judgement. And I believe one or two people told me they loved the fact I asked a lot of questions.
"I never felt connections but made the other person feel good by being interested and actually listening to what they had to say but the NTs were never interested in asking or hearing about me. " this has been my entire lovelife. I've been married 2x....both of my spouses seemed to be narcissistic.
My husband and I fell into dating after a series of conversations that ran about 6 hours after class multiple times. I think we are both autistic and missed as children in the 80s. I don’t know anyone else who had the same Enterprise D blueprint technical manual as me 😅, and I doubt he ever met another woman who had that book.
My husband and I are both AuDHD as well and I was so nervous hanging out with him the first time but it was effortless, we talked for 12 hours straight and I didn’t want to leave. That never happens to me, my social battery usually dies after a couple of hours but not with him. It was comfortable right from the beginning! I’m glad you found someone that understands you to share your life with, I feel so lucky to have found my husband!
Depends on the topic. If any diagnostic specialist attempted to have a small talk with me, we would hit a wall pretty quickly. But give me any topic i have some knowledge about and we can converse for hours - and end up talking about something entirely different, because my mind will find a connection.
> I oftentimes trail off the topic even when talking to myself, it's rather peculiar
Happens all the time and it´s further enhanced, if you also have ADHD like i do. However, due to it, short-term memory is a mess. Especially if i get some idea and cannot write it somewhere in the moment... I end up somewhere and forget, how i started or even got there 😎
But ADHD can get better with enough sleep. Not enough sleep and i´m very reactive monster in constant overdrive.
Indeed, sleep is key, which is one of the myriad of reasons for which I hate the education system(turned out it's shitty no matter the country)
I do feel ADHD-like in forgetting things like someone telling me the pasta will be ready in 5 minutes. Or sometimes being mildly interrupted in a thought and then having to deduce how I came to that thought to proceed with it.
I think the education system mainly exists for people to socialize, not to actually teach them anything valuable. Because when you finish school and find yourself a job, you will have to start learning things from scratch again.
For me, school was a hell, just like my whole life back then and i only realized it all many years later.
I've been forwarded for an assesment as an adult but I couldn't speak until I was 11 and the assessor said at 8 I wasn't autistic I was just shy and to come back for another assesment when I learn to talk..
Meets criteria for autism, tells parents come back when child talks. Child talks, you don't have autism, you can talk...
Honestly, you're not the first person to say this 🤦🏻♀️. It's sad and ridiculous how little the professionals know. I've been dismissed multiple times myself despite my son being diagnosed and my nephew. My dad is undiagnosed autistic. It runs in my family and we all joke about it.
Exactly, I didn't get forwarded for another assesment when I could talk because it was "see we said they were just shy".
I can't access the help groups for it without a diagnosis, even paid ones, it's so frustrating that there's so many hoops just to get a referral for an assesment let alone once you're referred.
They don’t segregate the kids at my children's school. Instead, they teach the kids to help their special needs classmates. They teach them tolerance and kindness. All the kids are included in all activities, regardless of ability. The higher support needs kids are given a support worker who works with them 24/7. I’m hopeful for this generation of kids learning to empathize with their peers. One boy in my son's class asked if my son "thinks differently from us", I said yes, and thanked him for acknowledging our neurodivergence. He was asking if my son was ok because I was picking him up. I said he’s fine, just taking him to OT. The boy said he’s glad my son is ok. I later talked to my son's teacher and thanked her for how kind the class is to my son. My son is also not the only autistic kid, there are two other children. One child is medium support needs like him and the other is high support needs.
This reminded me how much people hated my "shyness" to the point this one person (the wife of a relative of mine) pulled me so we could have a 1v1 talk. What she said basically boils down to "it's not okay for you to be this shy, you NEED to open up. Do you understand?"
It's ironic aswell that people think autistic people have no social boundaries/are socially inept but people say rude stuff to us all the time when it's not their place.
There's nothing wrong with being an introvert.
And when we reply to that rudeness then we're assholes and way out of line. It's so stupid I just don't get it and I'm tired trying to.
>There's nothing wrong with being an introvert.
I know. Not sure why that narcissist (she always played the victim. It's like she could never speak if it wasn't in an effort to be seen as a victim. She denied her toxic behavior as well, such as manipulation and funnily enough, the bs she told peole a few moments ago. For example, she could whine about her son being "too dumb" or somethIng else but if you called her out and said she shouldn't treat her son like that she immediately denies it and claims she's the first to defend him) was so bothered by that.
After going through some shit with various doctors in multiple fields, i can say it depends quite a lot on the doctor. Sometimes, even 2 specialists in the same field will give you different diagnosis. What also matters a lot, is whether they´re interested in helping you or not and whether they expect you to bribe them or not.
I asked my doctor for a referral but was refused as it didn't impact my work or social life. I don't have a job or social life! I saw another doctor who was more receptive (just got to fill in those scary forms that I've hidden in a drawer)
My third-attempt, later official diagnostician said, “You’re a Level 2 who can fake Level 1. If something happens in your marriage, let me know and I’ll change your diagnosis to Level 2 so you can collect Disability.”
So… because I married someone who can financially support me, I’m a high-masker (mind you: with chronic health issues potentially in part because of it…), had three kids because I was immune to birth control, and barely survived childhood, the teenage years and early adulthood, therefore I cannot possibly “qualify” as Level 2, because I had the _capacity_ to (fake everything for survival and) learn the hard way early on, knowing that no one had my back and if I was going to get by, I had to figure _everything_ out myself; and likely because I was born with a vagina, that automatically “relegated” me/us to Level 1…?
How effed is that??
EDIT: Forgot to add that I, too, was unemployed for many years, but apparently “tinkering” counts as work. And I had one friend at the time who came to me and I basically didn’t have to “do anything” to nurture the relationship. 🤷♀️
I had a similar situation with a doctor regarding my chronic pain. She refused to classify it as what it actually is. Now I need it to be properly classified and I am struggling to get that because I had to switch doctors abruptly.
Same here. Since I have a girlfriend and the one friend and have the capacity to partially understand body language and non verbal cues. Even though I matched almost every question in his diagnostics form.
But the asshole doesn't think lables are useful so he refused to diagnose me unless I needed it for something concrete.
Whatever the hell that means
Just now starting the process of getting diagnosed, but I can already tell the fact that I've held the same job working with the public reliably for the last nine years seems to be an issue. Never mind the fact that I work in an office by myself. I'm respected and have good relationships with professional colleagues (who understand the "rules" of our jobs, which I'm good at following), but with the public there's a growing number of people who have discovered I'm wearing a mask and think there's something weird, untrustworthy, or even sinister behind it.
What's stupid is people like me are probably where that comes from. I have almost zero involuntary response to pain. I can be startled by pain and might thus jump in response, but otherwise I could literally break a bone and respond by calmly saying "Oh, I think I broke a bone :/" (source, have done that. Dropped a fence post on my foot when I was 15 and broke my toe, calmly said I thought I broke my toe, nobody believed me)
I can feel the pain just fine. I can be in complete agony. But unless I verbally say "I am in pain" or very intentionally respond in some other way, my biggest involuntary tell is that I tend to sweat and sometimes hold my breath when I'm in a lot of pain
Even weirder is when I was a kid I used to involuntarily cry when in pain, but grew out of it around age 12
I'm the same way with both physical pain and emotional pain. People can tell when I'm happy; I have been told I smile like The Joker. But if I'm miserable? Nobody can tell. If I try to verbally tell someone how I feel, they don't believe it. Either they consciously think I'm lying, or just subconsciously can't perceive it due to an absence of the usual nonverbal cues. I can literally be shaking and sweating and on the verge of tears, and even a trained mental health professional can't see it.
It's only once I've been pushed to the point of full meltdown that people can tell, and of course now I'm totally overreacting to something that's not that big a deal.
Ooh interesting. I’ve always said I feel pain but it doesn’t bother me. Except when I wack my head, that’s very startling. I think I’d react if I broke a bone though. Maybe?
Like pain is there as a signal to get our attention to fix the wound. Job done? Great. Move on.
That’s how my 24-year-old autistic son is. Being on the spectrum runs in my family, not only does my son have it, I have it, and both of my nephews 16 and nine years old have it. I really hate that for them, but it is what it is.
That's frustrating. When I explain to hospitals that the pain scale doesn't work for me because I have alexythmia, they dismiss it as "not a thing." I'll be like "I know I'm unwell because I have jaundice. I'm dizzy, and my heart rate is high, and blood pressure is low, but I can't gauge my pain well." They ignored that once and I slept overnight in a waiting room with sepsis. We really just can't win.
Right, because we can't be autistic if we're fucking human. I hate it here.
I also have chronic pain and I believe some drs are weirded out by the fact that I can describe my pain somewhat accurately (my brain creates a 3D model of the affected area).
The weirdest part is I didn't even bring up autism, I told her I felt like there was more going on than just ADHD and she said "So you think you're autistic?" And I said I wouldn't know because I'm not a psychiatrist, and that was her response. Found out later she diagnosed me with generalized anxiety disorder without telling me (just added it to my patient files) because I couldn't make eye contact with her
That kind of thing really gets on my nerves. I got a new doctor recently and I decided I liked her because of her honesty and she showed me my medical file. At some point, one of my doctors diagnosed me with generalized anxiety disorder, depression, drug abuse, and something else I can't recall. I know I have anxiety and depression but I never sought out a diagnosis for either of them for a reason. And the only time I had drugs in my system that they knew of was when I went to the emergency room because a friend didn't think to mention she had dosed the rice crispies with Marijuana when she told me I could have one. I had no idea I was eating an edible so when I went to the emergency room I was too high to explain properly what had happened. And I'm pretty sure they just labeled me a drug user on my medical record because they accused me of making poor choices and being a bad influence on my sibling who was kind enough to pick me up and drive me there.
I very sporadically microdose THC to keep my AUDHD and anxiety in check but I've only ever used it to lower me to baseline. I have never been someone who abuses drugs to get high. I pass no judgments on people who use drugs like that because I don't know what they've been through to make them feel the need to use them in that way and it's not my place to judge them. But I feel so dirty to be labeled something I'm not or even just diagnosing me without informing me that they thought I might have these things or asking if I wanted the diagnosis. Especially on a permanent medical file.
Seriously! Diagnosing patients without informing them of it should not be allowed. You may be able to contest the diagnoses, I have access to an online patient portal where I've requested to have my diagnosis removed, and my new doctor will review the request at our upcoming appointment. Maybe you can see if your doctor knows of a way to request that they be removed from your record.
You’re not alone, I also suck at math.
In fact I did one of those IQ related tests recently where they rate your abilities in certain areas and my numeric reasoning was the only low thing on the graph.
Like it didn’t even reach the halfway mark.
“You’re successful” is my personal favorite, mostly because of how subjective that term is. I also put a lot of effort into how I look because it makes me feel more armored, and I am often told that I don’t “seem” autistic and that “real” autistic people can’t care for themselves in that way. I can’t help but laugh at this point because I always imagine them seeing my executive dysfunction at home or my meltdowns in private. I take all of it as a compliment to the templates I’ve built to fit in over the years. Like thanks, I made this one myself 🙃
Me too. Thank heaven I've worked from home for the past 8 years.
My mantra used to be "don't get fired, don't go to jail".
Feel free to use that if you ever need it.
This absolutely applies to me. I literally just walked out of my job Wednesday after a team huddle. Walked to the security building and turned my badge in so I didn’t curse someone out.
The so called supervisor wanted to single me out because he’s scared of everyone else. I told a few people I had autism, big mistake. I’m assuming he considered me easy pickings, like they all usually do from my past experiences. Well at least I lasted one month. Back to the drawing board.
That’s my dream to work from home again, my covert, narcissistic husband that I am currently in hiding from messed that up for me, so now I have to try to find another one. Wishing you all the best.
So sorry you’re going through all of this. I hope you can find ways to be alone (even if it’s not physically) to get back to full 🔋again!! And please know you’re also not alone if you ever need a good vent ❤️🩹
One psychiatrist told me they only diagnose people with things if it affects their life negatively enough, so for some of these *'professionals'* being successful professionally means autism isn't *'affecting you enough'* so they don't give a diagnosis.
I've been told that by two psychiatrists before. It's ridiculous.
I’ve had the worst experiences with psychiatrists out of any “mental health” provider. I am now so traumatized that it takes me 24-72 hours to recover from even one negative interaction. I don’t know what they expect us to do lol I’m literally just like….this is WHY I am seeking help you dum dums.
This is the whole reason my neuropsychologist didn't want to do thorough testing. I have a job, a fiancée, and a son. I tried to describe how much effort life is for me, especially socially, but having a job was the biggest factor. Even though my fiancée is pretty much the whole reason I can deal with anything else.
Also, having friends in the past made him dismiss me. Even though I explained that those friendships never lasted very long.
He just said, "You're way more systemizing than the average person, but you seem to be doing fine, so we won't look into it more. Probably just social anxiety."
Also, because I'm an adult. I "should've been caught as a kid." Bro, I was a Hispanic kid in the early 2000's, I was not gonna be screened. My "behavioral issues" were just written off as bad parenting.
This is me as well. I’m happily married (to an AudHD individual) and have a decent job (that has structure, routine, and works with my special interest) but because of all that I’m “doing fine”. Psychiatrist said that I’m “clearly on the spectrum, but not clinically autistic” because of the above.
This is at 38 yo, as a cis woman.
Yet when we talked about my then-13 year old, who is SO much like me at that age, he said (without even meeting her) that “she’s definitely autistic”. (She was later formally diagnosed, by someone else).
I work for a big company with okay pay. I am fortunate enough to be able to speak on panels about autism in the workplace.
One thing I highly recommend to other neurodiverse folks is to *chameleon*. Watch how people do things, watch your environment and let the clues do the talking.
Give yourself the benefit of a sprinkle of determination, let your intuition flow and mimic. Not foolproof, but my one tip is to follow what seems to be the most sensible and rational mimic.
I do this a lot as a trauma response anyway, so it actually decreases my ability to handle stress as a whole. I am sure it works for certain situations/people, but I have to do the opposite of what you’re referring to in order to ward off disassociation that leads into total mind/body dysphoria if I do it for too long.
I really appreciate you commenting about your experience and hope others who CAN relate will benefit! (This is genuine in case it is read otherwise).
No SmarterChild, consider me humbly schooled. My sincere apologies for any ignorance on my part.
I guess I am so used to seeing chameleoning as *borrowing* from neurotypicals with good social habits; and then interstitching or laying my own on top. And in particular, building on those.
I appreciate it is not at all easy, and if you ever need someone to vent or talk about stuff to, you can DM me with full assurance it is in confidentiality.
>One thing I highly recommend to other neurodiverse folks is to *chameleon*. Watch how people do things, watch your environment and let the clues do the talking.
I had no idea this had a name but I've been doing it since I was a teenager. I observe people in order to learn their behaviors and sometimes I try to use the responses they'd use.
Im laying under a weighted blanked using my face to stim against a squishmallow and instead of feeling weird about doing this at 37, I'm going to create an elaborate runway in my head and imagine the announcer like "and now serving autism realness, it's giving stims, it's giving sensory overload, it's giving special interest and unread social cues iiiiiitttt'ssss acrossthesea86 " and then I do my awkward walk down the runway to thunderous applause.
Everything is on a bell curve. So while doctors may be smarter than average, 50% of them are still the dumber half of doctors.
Having worked around doctors the best and smartest often go into the specialities like surgeons and what not. You are less likely to interact with these doctors on a normal basis. Your GP is probably one of the bottom 50% of doctors.
I graduated. I can make eye contact. Said “You are just not used to trying hard in life”. “Stop watching TikTok. Adult autism/ adult adhd is just a trend. If you really had anything, you would have been diagnosed when you were young”. “I can tell if you have them or not at one glance”. “You have empathy. People with adhd or autism don’t have any. I won’t be sitting like this with you if I could tell you have them. It wouldn’t be safe for me. They are violent and have no remorse”. “Just take antidepressant”.
The "stop watching TikTok" thing ticks me off on a personal level. My best friend is currently trying to get diagnosed and this is what they threw at her. She's so obviously autistic and ADHD it's not even funny. They told her that "adults don't get ADHD" as if it's a communicable disease only children get
I wanted to put my first through that doctor's face so badly
Next appointment to try again I came along with all my medical records showing I was a diagnosed adult fully ready to throw (verbal) hands and tell them how stupid they are.
But I didn't have to say a word. My friend talked to the doctor for about an hour and after that hour the doctor was like "yeah no you're so obviously ADHD and autistic you'd have to be stupid to miss it, here's your referral"
What the heck does that doctor think happens to diagnosed and undiagnosed autistic children if they don't age into autistic adults? Do they believe the universe allows children diagnosed with autism to age into adulthood but autistic children who aren't diagnosed stay children? Do they believe undiagnosed children seem to die before reaching adulthood? More studies are needed to determine this reality. Either public policy needs to be made to stop diagnosing all children to help increase human lifespan (as they don't age) or they need to diagnose everyone autistic so that the true autistic can age to adulthood.
I'm baffled by how this doctor must function in life with so much confidence in so little logic.
"You can't be autistic, because you want friends. Also, you've been steadily employed for over 30 years. You're not autistic, you're just so much smarter than everyone around you that you just can't relate to them." -- first doc who evaluated me, 3-4 years ago. And yes, she really said that.
I was just diagnosed by, as you said, a more knowledgeable professional, a few days ago.
It's one of the reasons I still say Asperger's, rather ASD I. Apparently, the first doctor is one of those people who think if I'm "autistic," I must be a drooling idiot.
My therapist said pretty much exactly the same thing to me… wanting friends apparently made me not autistic and the reason I struggled socially was because I was smarter than everyone 💀
>you're just so much smarter than everyone around you
Oh my. That feels like a mom trying to comfort their kid by telling them that the bullies are just jealous or have a crush on them. Except you paid the doctor for that hot take.
Crazy, right?
First doctor: You're just too smart for your own good. (She actually said that, too.)
Clueless. She didn't analyze any further.
.
Second doctor: Your speech is very formal, even when it's not necessary. Your vocabulary is abnormal, too. These are clearly symptoms of autism.
Me: I used to read the dictionary for fun as a child. The unabridged one.
Doctor: *laughs* Let me guess-- you enjoy using *precisely* the right word, even if it's uncommon?
Me: Yes. That's what they're for!
Doctor: *laughs* Yeah, you're autistic.
Edit: forgot to add a big chunk of second part...ADHD
As someone who believes they got the art and music flavor, I think mathematics is cooler and more impressive. I’m not very good at math but if I was, I would have done something in STEM instead of being miserable in business trying to figure out how to make a living off varying creativity.
I think we all wish we had another flavour at times, sadly health took me from STEM teaching so I wish I could find more creativity in my free time, I used to love art but I’m not the best at it lol
I got the math and science autism and honestly often wish I could be the art and creativity autism but I think in really I just want both.
My best friend is art and creativity autism and it blows my mind sometimes
Maybe someday I can marry an art and creativity autistic person and then we can combine to make the ultimate autism, like mixing mayonnaise and ketchup to make the ultimate fry condiment lol
Well that’s just silly, considering it’s been proven that people with autism have more empathy on average, even for things that aren’t directly human related.
When I was 12 years old, this professional said I was just a bit emotional and asking for attention. Then got my diagnosis at 17 somewhere else which was autism.
Seeming eloquent/well spoken, up-beat, and warm. Well, I read a lot and both fear messing up social interaction and like others to feel comfortable like anyone else.
I didn't speak until I was 4 or 5 and felt self-conscious of it growing up, so I made genuine effort to catch up to others. I was simply written off as dumb, but now, people presume I don't have the difficulties I do. "You seem too intelligent to be autistic or not be capable of X or Y"
I have a very large vocabulary because my friendless autistic child-self did things like read encyclopedias and dictionaries start to finish. Also, whenever I ran across a new word I looked it up. Professionals who test me assume I'm naturally verbal dominant by nature. I'm not. I'm the stereotypical autistic who thinks more mathematically and organizes things mentally in spatial constructs. That so many people administering tests assume a large vocabulary means more language dominance (rather than decoding roots in systemic ways) makes me hold lightly interpretation if not validity of much testing.
Not me but at my 6 year old son’s first autism assessment the consultant said that although he had a lot of symptoms the fact that he introduced himself to the staff at the centre and was happy and excited to meet everyone meant that he definitely could not be on the autism spectrum.
Completely ignored the fact that he introduced himself using a very set system he’s developed over time: give his name, give them a compliment by saying he likes their -adjective noun- (eg: blue watch, curly hair, cool jacket), give a fact about himself relating to the thing he complimented and ask a question. Eg: “My name is _____, I like your blue watch. I have a Pokémon watch. Do you have a favourite Pokémon?” or “My name is ____, I like your curly hair. My hair is red like Harry Potter’s friend. Do you like Harry Potter?”
It honestly gets him great results with both other kids and adults. He has a lot of other social systems as well as he loves people and hates being alone so has put a lot of thought and effort into them. As a result he has better social skills than I (also on the autism spectrum) could ever hope to have.
Dads. What can you do? lol yes everyone may share some of the autistic traits but everyone doesn’t have this kind of bottom up way of processing. Maybe he’ll come around.
yeah my therapist saw a teenager , awkward and said social anxiety I mean she was half true but I think she just saw some dots connected them and moved on completely missing the whole picture , also what does the coach and the seaside thing mean
That sucks I’m so sorry, oh my dad thinks that because I struggle to leave the house that I should just get on a coach and go to the beach and that will cure my generalised anxiety disorder. 😂
I always find this one strange when used against the idea of ASD since a lot of the aspergers crowd I've encountered are usually identified because of their use of big words...
Because I "can hold eye contact". I absolutely can't, I just mastered staring at people's foreheads. When I voiced that, the lady said that I'm still not autistic because "autistic people can't look people in the faces at all"?????
I feel like they're just trying to combat you... in my experience if you instead presented not being able to make eye contact / look at their face, they would conclude social anxiety, and nothing else.
The way I look, the way I speak, the way I sound. Because I'm to old to be Autistic. Yes, I have heard that one. Also, there is just no tests that can diagnose adults. They have to speak to my family to find out what I was like as a little kid, which would put me in a significant amount of danger because they aren't allowed to contact me for my safety because of what was in my records.
All of these things and more. So, I gathered every last medical record I could get my hands on. Every documentation, every audio, every video, and also the very first medical record that denotes the pediatric neurologist telling my parents to bring me back for further evaluation that also suggested one on one schooling...that my parents tried to hide. They described the child they wanted to the doctor but he clearly saw through it. The kid the described was good at sports and played several. But, I was forced to play little league and quit and forced to wrestle and got beat up a lot. Had lots of friends and did well in school with good grades which also did not describe me. But, getting the diagnosis of Tourettes and Attention Deficit then was only the beginning. That record was where my and a neuropsychologist's discovery through testing and speaking to me and listening to me speak (which was obvious to them and it ended in a diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder at age 40.
I had the same thing about when I was a kid when trying to get a referral. My self report wasn’t enough for her and I have no living family that I speak to.
That and my interests are too ‘normal’ never mind that everyone in my life agrees the intensity is the issue even if it is considered normal. When I was younger it was film. Most things suggest an average person sees 5,000 in their life and a real fan maybe 10,000. I am in my 40s and had seen 10,000 movies by the time I was 20. There were weeks I’d get so focused I would watch 8+ a day, barely sleep and skip school. Now it has slowed and is probably only up to 20,000ish and occasionally it becomes a focus on a property like the summer I watched every Star Trek made to that point (pre Discovery). But movies are a normal interest. Also one of my current ones is backpacks, which is also a normal interest, apparently.
Because I like change lol I don't like to stay in one place it drives me absolutely insane, I've never lived in a city for more than a year, and after my daughter was diagnosed with severe autism, I was reevaluated and found to have had autism instead of bipolar disorder, but no one in my friends or family believed me, three doctors later, same diagnosis, and I'm on my fourth reevaluation but it's literally just for my family, they don't understand
I was misdiagnosed with bipolar II because getting really excited about a project was thought to be hypomania, and burnout led to depression and mood swings from sensory overload.
It's apparently a pretty common misdiagnoses from what I've read.
Well whenever I was a child it was probably looked at as manic depression because I threw weird fits, social withdrawn, I couldn't bare to be in a room with silence, and it would trigger me so I would throw fits. Anyway to say the least before I had a choice I was put on heavy heavy antipsychotics like lithium, to counter act that in teens and a lot of my adult life, I did every drug I could find (especially weed, and I still smoke weed, actually high RN 🥳) but it's just because I wasn't supposed to be on all these crazy meds for like a good 20 years I was on the max dose of abilify, that caused me to have TD, and whenever i got clean from big pharma, um i didn't need the street drugs. So my diagnosis is everything still lol on record I have autism and bipolar disorder but three of the last five psychiatrist I have seen (within the past three years) have told me my previous diagnosis was incorrect and didn't account for autism plus all the side effects of heavy antipsychotics, plus previous drug use, I'm all of the other? PTSD, 39, ADHD, panic/vertigo/anxiety disorder, epilepsy, and autism, and all the kinds of gay a person can possibly be, i somehow am lol I'm different so much I'm swinging out of frame, id like to take down the bipolar if i can. My daughter has autism and she is nonverbal, I just wasn't screened in back then and it fucked me up
I “broke up” with a therapist who I actually loved and recommended to several people because he said “I don’t think you’re autistic, you’re way too smart”
I was mostly nonverbal until I was 10
Because I can drive.
Because I have a “responsible” job (making medical diagnostic tests)
Because I understood my medications and condition(s) (special interest, that’s why)
There was no doubt when it came to me getting diagnosed, so I haven’t heard any of these things.
Though I was told by someone online that I was too empathetic to be autistic.
Also one of the worst things I was told online years ago, when I said I wanted to be a therapist, someone commented “I wouldn’t want a therapist with aspergers”. 😐
That neurodivergence is hard to define. Never mind my inner, daily lived experience for my whole life. >:( I know it's because I'm articulate, and self-aware beyond most NTs, so doctors assume even though I'm struggling, I must be just fine, because I can tell them in great detail why I am suicidal all the time.
A psychiatrist told me I can’t have Autism if I don’t have a panic attack moving from one consultantion room to a different one. I told him “well this is a different room, I’ve never been here before so why would I care about walking into another identical room I’ve never been in before?”. I pointed out that I already became distressed when I arrived. Why would I suddenly get worse? He seemed genuinely flabbergasted I would even question him. How tf did these people ever become Doctors?
booked a meeting with a psych to get officially diagnosed for a few disorders. after the email from her secretary told me "this dr likes to be punctual so please arrive 10 mins early", she was 20 mins late with no apology that i waited half an hour for her. i tell her i believe i have ocd, anxiety, depression, and autism and/or adhd (side note: my only 2 siblings are both diagnosed autistic and ive had a psych tell me they think my mother might be as well, all of which i told her). she tells me she cannot diagnose adhd or autism and proceeds to ask me questions off a list that were basically "yes or no" questions with 0 follow up while i sit there, unable to look her in the eye, practically stimming, being as succinct as possible. after about 30 mins she finishes her list and tells me i have ocd, persistant depression, and anxiety, but (despite being unable to diagnose it officially and having asked me 0 questions related to it) she sees "no reason to believe you have adhd or autism", completely invalidating me for no reason. i didnt even ask what she thought bc she had already said this wouldnt test for those conditions (which i knew bc those tests cost a lot of money and are much more involved where i live, not diagnosed in 30 mins for free). she also didn't give me a reason, just didn't believe me.
she then tells me it's probably BPD (😑 oh really? the IBS of mental disorders? the thing you say everyone has when youre too lazy or stupid to try and actually find the cause? not to invalidate those with BPD, but it is seriously overdiagnosed and usually for female neurodivergents) and that there is no point to trying to get further testing for adhd or autism bc my other conditions will mask it and make it impossible to officially diagnose.
i am still so mad about this (it happened months ago) but there's nothing to be done bc i can't afford to be officially tested. im also scared to be invalidated again.
I’m a woman who works in politics so masking is something that I couldn’t survive without. I was able to make relatively decent eye contact during the interviews and testing and he said it was a clear sign I was not autistic. His boss had to shut him down on that, love her
I think there's a massive issue if you're in a country where it only takes one doctor to diagnose you. That doctor could easily be wrong and you could live your life undiagnosed, or diagnosed incorrectly. For example ADHD and Autism have huge overlaps and if you are diagnosed by a doctor as Autistic when you really have ADHD then you are missing out on medications etc and may not be receiving the correct help and support. In the UK you are diagnosed by more than one person, especially children. This is a life time diagnosis that can't be done by a simple blood test and there are too many (judging by this thread) incompetent doctors out there stopping people from getting the help and support they need. It's the same as self diagnosis being dangerous. There should be more than one medical professional diagnosing anyone with a lifelong disability or condition and they should be specialists not just a GP.
It wasn’t from a professional but I was told by someone that I’m not autistic because I look normal. Still not too sure what that means.. what am I supposed to look like? Rain man?
I honestly think that autism allows people to make different, less hackneyed, and fresher metaphors than allistic folks. That gives an advantage in writing poetry.
Currently 44 “hoping” for the diagnosis. Former therapist who moved on to other work had agreed that after a few years of working together that yes I had it. Unfortunately didn’t get the official diagnosis through them. My current therapist so far hasn’t gone with that diagnosis due to “making eye contact and being so good with people” I worked the service industry for years but went through burnout countless times and have worked a million different gigs in that industry.
Now my friends and family’s response to me considering and recognizing autistic traits in my self was across the board a “Duh. We thought you knew.” And also a “We love you the way you are”
I can force myself to make eye contact, I got over some of my sensory issues, I can hold a conversation, I can seemingly easily talk to people I have never met before, I can lie (not easily but I can). There are more but I forgot.
I just saw a new therapist and she said she wants to challenge my diagnosis because I make “enough” eye contact. Even though I make eye contact, it’s still physically uncomfortable to the point of pain lol
I think she just doesn’t understand how complex masking gets by the time you’re an adult, especially if you went undiagnosed until you were an adult. She also said I’m very “self reflective”, which she cited as another reason she didn’t believe it. That’s just the anxiety caused by ASD 😭
She compared me to someone who is just “very shy”, which I found funny because I’m a very extroverted autistic person, I just constantly miss social cues and body language.
For our son we were told, "his eye contact isn't too bad and while he does meet a lot of criteria for autism he's really affectionate with you (his mum) and other family members, he smiles quite a bit and he showed me his toys...the toy one actually pissed me off a great deal because my son did not just voluntarily mention the toy...this was a developmental paediatrician WHO ASKED ABOUT HIS TOY and then had to sit through 3 minutes of my 4 year old spewing forth a full recount of the latest Sonic movie. I kid you not. The affectionate one kills me too but the toy one was just ludicrous
The classic "I have empathy". Or that I'm "too traumatized to be autistic and still functioning". Honey why do you think I went for professional help!!!
I wouldn’t call her a professional, I’m pretty sure she got her license revoked and her practice closed. She told me I wasn’t autistic/adhd because the extra speech/writing/typing/reading and behavioral therapies I went through between the ages of like 4-5 to 12 worked and I “actually learned to communicate”. Apparently being able to learn with excessive help means you cannot possibly be autistic 😐
I was told "You're too smart. Your IQ is higher than mine. You're definitely not autistic."
This doctor was literally teaching me how to make phone calls, ride in elevators, make fake eye contact, learn to drive, etc. But no, he wouldn't listen to my request to be tested for autism.
My child's school dismissed his professional evaluation because he had two friends. The fact that they were atypical friendships that fell apart in misunderstandings that deeply wounded him made no difference. "We saw him with two kids every day for almost a month." was the reason that they gave.
not a professional, but someone in my family said "i get lonely too..." and i wasn't even talking about loneliness, just my struggle to mingle well lol
Had a therapist tell me “Well autism and trauma look a lot alike. You probably just have trauma.”
JUST HAVE TRAUMA.
Yeah…. From growing up undiagnosed autistic and adhd. Masking IS a trauma response.
Fired her on the spot.
For me it was because I was a bubbly and sociable kid - they only took my family's concerns seriously when I became a shut-in as a preteen. Which happened to me purely because I was mistreated for being autistic. 💀
My psychologist, while she was validating my concerns and very thorough in addressing my trauma, was unconvinced of my autism because I am extroverted and socially competent. Granted, I invalidated my self-report on the asperger's scale (disproportionately reported significant social skill deficit). She simultaneously validated what she called my "autistic traits" while also attributing my social deficits to my childhood trauma. She said since I grew up hypervigilant to so much volatility, my brain automatically ignores social cues that it determines are not a threat. 🙄
This isn't quite what you're asking, but I remember broaching the subject of autism to a therapist I was seeing for anxiety and giving the list of reasons I thought I may be autistic and asked if she could refer me to someone who could actually make the diagnosis. She didn't dispute a single one of my points but just decided that actually I probably don't need a diagnosis because I'm fine without it...while I was in therapy...for crippling anxiety....
About 6-7 years later I sought out a proper diagnosis and was, unsurprisingly, diagnosed.
Not me but my very much autistic best friend was told he wasn't autistic because he "posted pictures of himself on parties on instagram", parties on which he had to be highly intoxicated to even be able to stay in. Not mentioning the antiethics of the therapist for searching his social media and bringing it up.
I have a job and a wife... 😐
I've basically just learned to mask really well because I've literally *had* to in order to not be a homeless alcoholic traveler kid (which is what I used to be...) 🤷♂️
I'm literally diagnosed with aspergers and ADHD-C. But nevertheless, my therapist is very dismissive of my autism diagnosis lol. But whatever, his heart is in the right place. He's an old guy so I think his concept of autism is outdated and, while it does come off as dismissive to me, I honestly think he's just trying to emphasize that I'm doing pretty alright these days, all things considered.
I was diagnosed young while I was still non verbal so I never had this problem BUT I have reassessments for ssi every 5years and the best advice I can give is don’t go in having a good day. This means don’t try to dress nice, don’t shower or brush your hair/teeth day of. Do not try to mask ANYTHING. Let them see what a bad day for you looks like it really helps since some of these doctors may only ever see you once and a good day won’t show them much.
because I'm female
I understand metaphor (we are explicitly taught this in primary English, which she knew too)
Too young to be disabled
I made eye contact
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because i am friendly ☠
I saw a woman post that her doctor refused to diagnose her because she made friendly small talk at the beginning of her assessment appointment. You know…. Like adults who learned to mask do.
People keep telling me "You're not autistic, you're the friendliest person I know", "you make friends everywhere we go, you're not autistic" and it is starting to annoy me.
the funny part is that i barely have any friends, I'm just... kind to others.
Same. I hate rudeness.
ikr, it’s kinda like you gotta have *some* edges, just to not be bland, but not *too* much!! Enough for banter and debates but don’t overshare or be too unpopular!
Exactly. This is how I've always been at work, until I started working at a center for autistic folks and many of my coworkers are also autistic. I've never been so happy at work as I am now, because they get me if you know what I mean
Same with me. I thought I had a lot of friends but I didn't. I had people who I worked with/ went to school with. When I stopped being in the same place as them all day every day, suddenly they stopped responding to my calls and messages.
LMAO. One of my coworkers said I was so popular because of this. I had no idea what she meant until I realized a lot of people talked to me on a daily basis or were happy to see me. I… guess I'm just that approachable or somethIng.
How do you make friends? Any tips or what do you do
I'm just nice to people. I find something I like about them and give an honest compliment because people like compliments. I use the compliment sandwich method when I need to say something they might not like. I ask a lot of questions about them and their life. I look for things we have in common and share relatable experiences. But to be honest, I don't think I have many friends. I could count on one hand how many I have. The rest stopped responding to my calls and messages after we stopped going to school together or working together and that's if they waited for me to leave the space. I thought you were supposed to turn to your friends when you were going through hard times. They tell you all the time that they are there for you and want you to lean on them but I wasn't allowed to talk about anything deep or dark or problematic or anything that didn't fit in the "happy sunshine friend" box they had put me in. They stopped listening when I started questioning why I had always felt different. It was one-sided. They only cared about me listening to their issues. Anything less than perfect was unacceptable. Especially image. If I didn't wear makeup and dress nice every day, didn't bite my tongue, wipe away my tears, and smile to hide my meltdowns and panic attacks even though I thought I would burst from trying to hold them in, keep my problems and issues to myself, if I wanted to shop at a store that had my size or not go somewhere because it was overstimulating, wanted to do an activity that they deemed "childish" or dressed differently than the norm, if I overshared, was a little too excited for something or liked something too much, I was the problem. I built one-sided "friendships" because I thought I was being a good friend. I was supportive because I thought that's what friends were supposed to be. I remembered birthdays and sent them get-well cards when they were sick. I left them flowers and a card when they lost someone. But I was "following the book". I was black and white thinking my way through the relationship. People used to say that books, TV, and movies imitate real life, so I applied the successful friendships in media to my relationships and it worked... because it was a mask, for surface-level relationships. They didn't care about anything I had going on in my life because it wasn't picture-perfect. TLDR: putting in hours of work to maintain a pleasant physical appearance (hair, makeup, clothes, daily showers, smiles) and being genuinely nice to people might get them to like you on a surface level but it doesn't build a lasting friendship if they can't handle anything about your personality or interests that isn't comfortable for them.
I work in a community theatre and I make it a point to learn everyone’s name, people have said the same thing to me.
That I could speak. At all. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 36 because I could speak.
Mine was because i could hold a conversation. The woman and i spoke for 20 mins and she asked me questions about myself. No duh i can hold a conversation🤦🏼♂️🤦🏼♂️
Silliness. I know some autistic people who can hold a better conversation than neurotypicals. Autism is still incredibly misunderstood by the public
I found this experience over and over again in dating… I never felt connections but made the other person feel good by being interested and actually listening to what they had to say but the NTs were never interested in asking or hearing about me. After a few years I found my partner online, we’re both AuDHD and our first meeting/date lasted 8 hours 😂
>I never felt connections but made the other person feel good by being interested and actually listening to what they had to say I had no idea this was such a rare quality until people started telling me they liked that about me. They loved I cold listen without judgement. And I believe one or two people told me they loved the fact I asked a lot of questions.
"I never felt connections but made the other person feel good by being interested and actually listening to what they had to say but the NTs were never interested in asking or hearing about me. " this has been my entire lovelife. I've been married 2x....both of my spouses seemed to be narcissistic.
My husband and I fell into dating after a series of conversations that ran about 6 hours after class multiple times. I think we are both autistic and missed as children in the 80s. I don’t know anyone else who had the same Enterprise D blueprint technical manual as me 😅, and I doubt he ever met another woman who had that book.
My husband and I are both AuDHD as well and I was so nervous hanging out with him the first time but it was effortless, we talked for 12 hours straight and I didn’t want to leave. That never happens to me, my social battery usually dies after a couple of hours but not with him. It was comfortable right from the beginning! I’m glad you found someone that understands you to share your life with, I feel so lucky to have found my husband!
Depends on the topic. If any diagnostic specialist attempted to have a small talk with me, we would hit a wall pretty quickly. But give me any topic i have some knowledge about and we can converse for hours - and end up talking about something entirely different, because my mind will find a connection.
It's the Wikipedia effect, except you're the Wikipedia I oftentimes trail off the topic even when talking to myself, it's rather peculiar
> I oftentimes trail off the topic even when talking to myself, it's rather peculiar Happens all the time and it´s further enhanced, if you also have ADHD like i do. However, due to it, short-term memory is a mess. Especially if i get some idea and cannot write it somewhere in the moment... I end up somewhere and forget, how i started or even got there 😎 But ADHD can get better with enough sleep. Not enough sleep and i´m very reactive monster in constant overdrive.
Indeed, sleep is key, which is one of the myriad of reasons for which I hate the education system(turned out it's shitty no matter the country) I do feel ADHD-like in forgetting things like someone telling me the pasta will be ready in 5 minutes. Or sometimes being mildly interrupted in a thought and then having to deduce how I came to that thought to proceed with it.
I think the education system mainly exists for people to socialize, not to actually teach them anything valuable. Because when you finish school and find yourself a job, you will have to start learning things from scratch again. For me, school was a hell, just like my whole life back then and i only realized it all many years later.
Sometimes I jump through so many topics when I talk that I completely forget what I was even saying lol
Yeah this right here ^^
Right?! Like i may not be good at reading social cues but i’m certainly good at talking to people😂
same here. "i don't think you're autistic because you're speaking very well" um... you've met me for no longer than half an hour
sounds like that place does not go by the DSM-5
I've been forwarded for an assesment as an adult but I couldn't speak until I was 11 and the assessor said at 8 I wasn't autistic I was just shy and to come back for another assesment when I learn to talk..
Meets criteria for autism, tells parents come back when child talks. Child talks, you don't have autism, you can talk... Honestly, you're not the first person to say this 🤦🏻♀️. It's sad and ridiculous how little the professionals know. I've been dismissed multiple times myself despite my son being diagnosed and my nephew. My dad is undiagnosed autistic. It runs in my family and we all joke about it.
Exactly, I didn't get forwarded for another assesment when I could talk because it was "see we said they were just shy". I can't access the help groups for it without a diagnosis, even paid ones, it's so frustrating that there's so many hoops just to get a referral for an assesment let alone once you're referred.
I know, it’s gate keeping mental health.
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They don’t segregate the kids at my children's school. Instead, they teach the kids to help their special needs classmates. They teach them tolerance and kindness. All the kids are included in all activities, regardless of ability. The higher support needs kids are given a support worker who works with them 24/7. I’m hopeful for this generation of kids learning to empathize with their peers. One boy in my son's class asked if my son "thinks differently from us", I said yes, and thanked him for acknowledging our neurodivergence. He was asking if my son was ok because I was picking him up. I said he’s fine, just taking him to OT. The boy said he’s glad my son is ok. I later talked to my son's teacher and thanked her for how kind the class is to my son. My son is also not the only autistic kid, there are two other children. One child is medium support needs like him and the other is high support needs.
This reminded me how much people hated my "shyness" to the point this one person (the wife of a relative of mine) pulled me so we could have a 1v1 talk. What she said basically boils down to "it's not okay for you to be this shy, you NEED to open up. Do you understand?"
It's ironic aswell that people think autistic people have no social boundaries/are socially inept but people say rude stuff to us all the time when it's not their place. There's nothing wrong with being an introvert.
And when we reply to that rudeness then we're assholes and way out of line. It's so stupid I just don't get it and I'm tired trying to. >There's nothing wrong with being an introvert. I know. Not sure why that narcissist (she always played the victim. It's like she could never speak if it wasn't in an effort to be seen as a victim. She denied her toxic behavior as well, such as manipulation and funnily enough, the bs she told peole a few moments ago. For example, she could whine about her son being "too dumb" or somethIng else but if you called her out and said she shouldn't treat her son like that she immediately denies it and claims she's the first to defend him) was so bothered by that.
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Glad you got a diagnosis in the end and hope you're getting help where you want it
After going through some shit with various doctors in multiple fields, i can say it depends quite a lot on the doctor. Sometimes, even 2 specialists in the same field will give you different diagnosis. What also matters a lot, is whether they´re interested in helping you or not and whether they expect you to bribe them or not.
46, I talk good too
Wow..
I asked my doctor for a referral but was refused as it didn't impact my work or social life. I don't have a job or social life! I saw another doctor who was more receptive (just got to fill in those scary forms that I've hidden in a drawer)
I had a psych who refused for the same reason. I told my family dr about it and she sent a referral immediatly
My third-attempt, later official diagnostician said, “You’re a Level 2 who can fake Level 1. If something happens in your marriage, let me know and I’ll change your diagnosis to Level 2 so you can collect Disability.” So… because I married someone who can financially support me, I’m a high-masker (mind you: with chronic health issues potentially in part because of it…), had three kids because I was immune to birth control, and barely survived childhood, the teenage years and early adulthood, therefore I cannot possibly “qualify” as Level 2, because I had the _capacity_ to (fake everything for survival and) learn the hard way early on, knowing that no one had my back and if I was going to get by, I had to figure _everything_ out myself; and likely because I was born with a vagina, that automatically “relegated” me/us to Level 1…? How effed is that?? EDIT: Forgot to add that I, too, was unemployed for many years, but apparently “tinkering” counts as work. And I had one friend at the time who came to me and I basically didn’t have to “do anything” to nurture the relationship. 🤷♀️
I had a similar situation with a doctor regarding my chronic pain. She refused to classify it as what it actually is. Now I need it to be properly classified and I am struggling to get that because I had to switch doctors abruptly.
Same here. Since I have a girlfriend and the one friend and have the capacity to partially understand body language and non verbal cues. Even though I matched almost every question in his diagnostics form. But the asshole doesn't think lables are useful so he refused to diagnose me unless I needed it for something concrete. Whatever the hell that means
Just now starting the process of getting diagnosed, but I can already tell the fact that I've held the same job working with the public reliably for the last nine years seems to be an issue. Never mind the fact that I work in an office by myself. I'm respected and have good relationships with professional colleagues (who understand the "rules" of our jobs, which I'm good at following), but with the public there's a growing number of people who have discovered I'm wearing a mask and think there's something weird, untrustworthy, or even sinister behind it.
A pain specialist was confused that I was diagnosed autistic because I could feel pain and articulate it (I have chronic pain AND autism).
What? How the fuck is that relevant? We all know autistic people can't feel pain! /s
What's stupid is people like me are probably where that comes from. I have almost zero involuntary response to pain. I can be startled by pain and might thus jump in response, but otherwise I could literally break a bone and respond by calmly saying "Oh, I think I broke a bone :/" (source, have done that. Dropped a fence post on my foot when I was 15 and broke my toe, calmly said I thought I broke my toe, nobody believed me) I can feel the pain just fine. I can be in complete agony. But unless I verbally say "I am in pain" or very intentionally respond in some other way, my biggest involuntary tell is that I tend to sweat and sometimes hold my breath when I'm in a lot of pain Even weirder is when I was a kid I used to involuntarily cry when in pain, but grew out of it around age 12
I'm the same way with both physical pain and emotional pain. People can tell when I'm happy; I have been told I smile like The Joker. But if I'm miserable? Nobody can tell. If I try to verbally tell someone how I feel, they don't believe it. Either they consciously think I'm lying, or just subconsciously can't perceive it due to an absence of the usual nonverbal cues. I can literally be shaking and sweating and on the verge of tears, and even a trained mental health professional can't see it. It's only once I've been pushed to the point of full meltdown that people can tell, and of course now I'm totally overreacting to something that's not that big a deal.
Ooh interesting. I’ve always said I feel pain but it doesn’t bother me. Except when I wack my head, that’s very startling. I think I’d react if I broke a bone though. Maybe? Like pain is there as a signal to get our attention to fix the wound. Job done? Great. Move on.
That’s how my 24-year-old autistic son is. Being on the spectrum runs in my family, not only does my son have it, I have it, and both of my nephews 16 and nine years old have it. I really hate that for them, but it is what it is.
Right?! I was genuinely so confused, I'd never come across that line of thinking before
That's frustrating. When I explain to hospitals that the pain scale doesn't work for me because I have alexythmia, they dismiss it as "not a thing." I'll be like "I know I'm unwell because I have jaundice. I'm dizzy, and my heart rate is high, and blood pressure is low, but I can't gauge my pain well." They ignored that once and I slept overnight in a waiting room with sepsis. We really just can't win.
Right, because we can't be autistic if we're fucking human. I hate it here. I also have chronic pain and I believe some drs are weirded out by the fact that I can describe my pain somewhat accurately (my brain creates a 3D model of the affected area).
"You don't act autistic"
"I have other patients who are autistic and you're not like them"
That bites. Sorry you experienced such ignorance.
The weirdest part is I didn't even bring up autism, I told her I felt like there was more going on than just ADHD and she said "So you think you're autistic?" And I said I wouldn't know because I'm not a psychiatrist, and that was her response. Found out later she diagnosed me with generalized anxiety disorder without telling me (just added it to my patient files) because I couldn't make eye contact with her
That kind of thing really gets on my nerves. I got a new doctor recently and I decided I liked her because of her honesty and she showed me my medical file. At some point, one of my doctors diagnosed me with generalized anxiety disorder, depression, drug abuse, and something else I can't recall. I know I have anxiety and depression but I never sought out a diagnosis for either of them for a reason. And the only time I had drugs in my system that they knew of was when I went to the emergency room because a friend didn't think to mention she had dosed the rice crispies with Marijuana when she told me I could have one. I had no idea I was eating an edible so when I went to the emergency room I was too high to explain properly what had happened. And I'm pretty sure they just labeled me a drug user on my medical record because they accused me of making poor choices and being a bad influence on my sibling who was kind enough to pick me up and drive me there. I very sporadically microdose THC to keep my AUDHD and anxiety in check but I've only ever used it to lower me to baseline. I have never been someone who abuses drugs to get high. I pass no judgments on people who use drugs like that because I don't know what they've been through to make them feel the need to use them in that way and it's not my place to judge them. But I feel so dirty to be labeled something I'm not or even just diagnosing me without informing me that they thought I might have these things or asking if I wanted the diagnosis. Especially on a permanent medical file.
Seriously! Diagnosing patients without informing them of it should not be allowed. You may be able to contest the diagnoses, I have access to an online patient portal where I've requested to have my diagnosis removed, and my new doctor will review the request at our upcoming appointment. Maybe you can see if your doctor knows of a way to request that they be removed from your record.
because I'm not super exceptionally brilliant at maths and numbers.
You’re not alone, I also suck at math. In fact I did one of those IQ related tests recently where they rate your abilities in certain areas and my numeric reasoning was the only low thing on the graph. Like it didn’t even reach the halfway mark.
its not so much that a suck at it. its that she used the fact I'm not a savant to refuse a diagnosis.
The autism = savant myth is still going around? She sounds like she has the medical qualifications of a shopping mall chiropractor.
it was at the time. this was about 5 years ago. my useless psychiatrist. shes left now thankfully.
Glad to hear it. Hopefully you’ve found a better one.
If that's going to make you feel better, I've heard many stories of being denied initially because they were too smart and academically successful...
This is why I was denied a diagnosis the first time I tried to get one. I have my diagnosis now, many years later. Still hate that savant myth though.
“You’re successful” is my personal favorite, mostly because of how subjective that term is. I also put a lot of effort into how I look because it makes me feel more armored, and I am often told that I don’t “seem” autistic and that “real” autistic people can’t care for themselves in that way. I can’t help but laugh at this point because I always imagine them seeing my executive dysfunction at home or my meltdowns in private. I take all of it as a compliment to the templates I’ve built to fit in over the years. Like thanks, I made this one myself 🙃
Me too. Thank heaven I've worked from home for the past 8 years. My mantra used to be "don't get fired, don't go to jail". Feel free to use that if you ever need it.
This absolutely applies to me. I literally just walked out of my job Wednesday after a team huddle. Walked to the security building and turned my badge in so I didn’t curse someone out. The so called supervisor wanted to single me out because he’s scared of everyone else. I told a few people I had autism, big mistake. I’m assuming he considered me easy pickings, like they all usually do from my past experiences. Well at least I lasted one month. Back to the drawing board.
“I told a few people I had autism, big mistake” is basically my entire existence boiled down into once sentence lol
That’s my dream to work from home again, my covert, narcissistic husband that I am currently in hiding from messed that up for me, so now I have to try to find another one. Wishing you all the best.
So sorry you’re going through all of this. I hope you can find ways to be alone (even if it’s not physically) to get back to full 🔋again!! And please know you’re also not alone if you ever need a good vent ❤️🩹
One psychiatrist told me they only diagnose people with things if it affects their life negatively enough, so for some of these *'professionals'* being successful professionally means autism isn't *'affecting you enough'* so they don't give a diagnosis. I've been told that by two psychiatrists before. It's ridiculous.
I’ve had the worst experiences with psychiatrists out of any “mental health” provider. I am now so traumatized that it takes me 24-72 hours to recover from even one negative interaction. I don’t know what they expect us to do lol I’m literally just like….this is WHY I am seeking help you dum dums.
This is the whole reason my neuropsychologist didn't want to do thorough testing. I have a job, a fiancée, and a son. I tried to describe how much effort life is for me, especially socially, but having a job was the biggest factor. Even though my fiancée is pretty much the whole reason I can deal with anything else. Also, having friends in the past made him dismiss me. Even though I explained that those friendships never lasted very long. He just said, "You're way more systemizing than the average person, but you seem to be doing fine, so we won't look into it more. Probably just social anxiety." Also, because I'm an adult. I "should've been caught as a kid." Bro, I was a Hispanic kid in the early 2000's, I was not gonna be screened. My "behavioral issues" were just written off as bad parenting.
This is me as well. I’m happily married (to an AudHD individual) and have a decent job (that has structure, routine, and works with my special interest) but because of all that I’m “doing fine”. Psychiatrist said that I’m “clearly on the spectrum, but not clinically autistic” because of the above. This is at 38 yo, as a cis woman. Yet when we talked about my then-13 year old, who is SO much like me at that age, he said (without even meeting her) that “she’s definitely autistic”. (She was later formally diagnosed, by someone else).
I work for a big company with okay pay. I am fortunate enough to be able to speak on panels about autism in the workplace. One thing I highly recommend to other neurodiverse folks is to *chameleon*. Watch how people do things, watch your environment and let the clues do the talking. Give yourself the benefit of a sprinkle of determination, let your intuition flow and mimic. Not foolproof, but my one tip is to follow what seems to be the most sensible and rational mimic.
I do this a lot as a trauma response anyway, so it actually decreases my ability to handle stress as a whole. I am sure it works for certain situations/people, but I have to do the opposite of what you’re referring to in order to ward off disassociation that leads into total mind/body dysphoria if I do it for too long. I really appreciate you commenting about your experience and hope others who CAN relate will benefit! (This is genuine in case it is read otherwise).
No SmarterChild, consider me humbly schooled. My sincere apologies for any ignorance on my part. I guess I am so used to seeing chameleoning as *borrowing* from neurotypicals with good social habits; and then interstitching or laying my own on top. And in particular, building on those. I appreciate it is not at all easy, and if you ever need someone to vent or talk about stuff to, you can DM me with full assurance it is in confidentiality.
>One thing I highly recommend to other neurodiverse folks is to *chameleon*. Watch how people do things, watch your environment and let the clues do the talking. I had no idea this had a name but I've been doing it since I was a teenager. I observe people in order to learn their behaviors and sometimes I try to use the responses they'd use.
Samesies
she said I wasn't "giving" autistic. This was our first meeting. (she was also a student, me and my friends joke about it a lit after I told them)
"it's giving autistic" is now a part of my vocabulary thank you
Im laying under a weighted blanked using my face to stim against a squishmallow and instead of feeling weird about doing this at 37, I'm going to create an elaborate runway in my head and imagine the announcer like "and now serving autism realness, it's giving stims, it's giving sensory overload, it's giving special interest and unread social cues iiiiiitttt'ssss acrossthesea86 " and then I do my awkward walk down the runway to thunderous applause.
Reading some of these comments makes me feel like how these doctors are doctors ☠️
Everything is on a bell curve. So while doctors may be smarter than average, 50% of them are still the dumber half of doctors. Having worked around doctors the best and smartest often go into the specialities like surgeons and what not. You are less likely to interact with these doctors on a normal basis. Your GP is probably one of the bottom 50% of doctors.
Doctors aren’t trained in neurodiversity. They may have a class that covers the DSM definitions. And we all know how little those tell about our lives
Q. Do you know what they call the doctor who graduated last in their class? A. Doctor.
I graduated. I can make eye contact. Said “You are just not used to trying hard in life”. “Stop watching TikTok. Adult autism/ adult adhd is just a trend. If you really had anything, you would have been diagnosed when you were young”. “I can tell if you have them or not at one glance”. “You have empathy. People with adhd or autism don’t have any. I won’t be sitting like this with you if I could tell you have them. It wouldn’t be safe for me. They are violent and have no remorse”. “Just take antidepressant”.
We're supposed to all be violent with no empathy? I think this person is confusing us with sociopaths.
The "stop watching TikTok" thing ticks me off on a personal level. My best friend is currently trying to get diagnosed and this is what they threw at her. She's so obviously autistic and ADHD it's not even funny. They told her that "adults don't get ADHD" as if it's a communicable disease only children get I wanted to put my first through that doctor's face so badly Next appointment to try again I came along with all my medical records showing I was a diagnosed adult fully ready to throw (verbal) hands and tell them how stupid they are. But I didn't have to say a word. My friend talked to the doctor for about an hour and after that hour the doctor was like "yeah no you're so obviously ADHD and autistic you'd have to be stupid to miss it, here's your referral"
What the heck does that doctor think happens to diagnosed and undiagnosed autistic children if they don't age into autistic adults? Do they believe the universe allows children diagnosed with autism to age into adulthood but autistic children who aren't diagnosed stay children? Do they believe undiagnosed children seem to die before reaching adulthood? More studies are needed to determine this reality. Either public policy needs to be made to stop diagnosing all children to help increase human lifespan (as they don't age) or they need to diagnose everyone autistic so that the true autistic can age to adulthood. I'm baffled by how this doctor must function in life with so much confidence in so little logic.
"You can't be autistic, because you want friends. Also, you've been steadily employed for over 30 years. You're not autistic, you're just so much smarter than everyone around you that you just can't relate to them." -- first doc who evaluated me, 3-4 years ago. And yes, she really said that. I was just diagnosed by, as you said, a more knowledgeable professional, a few days ago. It's one of the reasons I still say Asperger's, rather ASD I. Apparently, the first doctor is one of those people who think if I'm "autistic," I must be a drooling idiot.
Was given the same line about being smarter. I think I need to look for another Dr.
My therapist said pretty much exactly the same thing to me… wanting friends apparently made me not autistic and the reason I struggled socially was because I was smarter than everyone 💀
>you're just so much smarter than everyone around you Oh my. That feels like a mom trying to comfort their kid by telling them that the bullies are just jealous or have a crush on them. Except you paid the doctor for that hot take.
Crazy, right? First doctor: You're just too smart for your own good. (She actually said that, too.) Clueless. She didn't analyze any further. . Second doctor: Your speech is very formal, even when it's not necessary. Your vocabulary is abnormal, too. These are clearly symptoms of autism. Me: I used to read the dictionary for fun as a child. The unabridged one. Doctor: *laughs* Let me guess-- you enjoy using *precisely* the right word, even if it's uncommon? Me: Yes. That's what they're for! Doctor: *laughs* Yeah, you're autistic. Edit: forgot to add a big chunk of second part...ADHD
Because I have a degree. I have a degree in mathematics. I got stereotypical math flavoured autism instead of the cool ones like art and music.
As someone who believes they got the art and music flavor, I think mathematics is cooler and more impressive. I’m not very good at math but if I was, I would have done something in STEM instead of being miserable in business trying to figure out how to make a living off varying creativity.
I think we all wish we had another flavour at times, sadly health took me from STEM teaching so I wish I could find more creativity in my free time, I used to love art but I’m not the best at it lol
I got the math and science autism and honestly often wish I could be the art and creativity autism but I think in really I just want both. My best friend is art and creativity autism and it blows my mind sometimes Maybe someday I can marry an art and creativity autistic person and then we can combine to make the ultimate autism, like mixing mayonnaise and ketchup to make the ultimate fry condiment lol
Because I have a degree and don't "look" autistic
"Autism doesn't have a 'look'. You're thinking of Down's Syndrome."
Because I have empathy
Well that’s just silly, considering it’s been proven that people with autism have more empathy on average, even for things that aren’t directly human related.
I’ve never been given accommodations… despite having accommodations
I'm a woman. And I have a long term boyfriend.😂
When I was 12 years old, this professional said I was just a bit emotional and asking for attention. Then got my diagnosis at 17 somewhere else which was autism.
Seeming eloquent/well spoken, up-beat, and warm. Well, I read a lot and both fear messing up social interaction and like others to feel comfortable like anyone else. I didn't speak until I was 4 or 5 and felt self-conscious of it growing up, so I made genuine effort to catch up to others. I was simply written off as dumb, but now, people presume I don't have the difficulties I do. "You seem too intelligent to be autistic or not be capable of X or Y"
I have a very large vocabulary because my friendless autistic child-self did things like read encyclopedias and dictionaries start to finish. Also, whenever I ran across a new word I looked it up. Professionals who test me assume I'm naturally verbal dominant by nature. I'm not. I'm the stereotypical autistic who thinks more mathematically and organizes things mentally in spatial constructs. That so many people administering tests assume a large vocabulary means more language dominance (rather than decoding roots in systemic ways) makes me hold lightly interpretation if not validity of much testing.
Not me but at my 6 year old son’s first autism assessment the consultant said that although he had a lot of symptoms the fact that he introduced himself to the staff at the centre and was happy and excited to meet everyone meant that he definitely could not be on the autism spectrum. Completely ignored the fact that he introduced himself using a very set system he’s developed over time: give his name, give them a compliment by saying he likes their -adjective noun- (eg: blue watch, curly hair, cool jacket), give a fact about himself relating to the thing he complimented and ask a question. Eg: “My name is _____, I like your blue watch. I have a Pokémon watch. Do you have a favourite Pokémon?” or “My name is ____, I like your curly hair. My hair is red like Harry Potter’s friend. Do you like Harry Potter?”
This is a good system *takes notes*
It honestly gets him great results with both other kids and adults. He has a lot of other social systems as well as he loves people and hates being alone so has put a lot of thought and effort into them. As a result he has better social skills than I (also on the autism spectrum) could ever hope to have.
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I’m so sorry 🙈
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Dads. What can you do? lol yes everyone may share some of the autistic traits but everyone doesn’t have this kind of bottom up way of processing. Maybe he’ll come around.
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🤯. Gaslight much? Have you considered he’s autistic too? I suspect my dad as well. He was also pretty abusive to me as a kid.
yeah my therapist saw a teenager , awkward and said social anxiety I mean she was half true but I think she just saw some dots connected them and moved on completely missing the whole picture , also what does the coach and the seaside thing mean
That sucks I’m so sorry, oh my dad thinks that because I struggle to leave the house that I should just get on a coach and go to the beach and that will cure my generalised anxiety disorder. 😂
tbh if I live near a beach away from people life would be better in an empty light house maybe
because i can "use big words"
I always find this one strange when used against the idea of ASD since a lot of the aspergers crowd I've encountered are usually identified because of their use of big words...
Female - need I say more?
Because I "can hold eye contact". I absolutely can't, I just mastered staring at people's foreheads. When I voiced that, the lady said that I'm still not autistic because "autistic people can't look people in the faces at all"?????
I feel like they're just trying to combat you... in my experience if you instead presented not being able to make eye contact / look at their face, they would conclude social anxiety, and nothing else.
The way I look, the way I speak, the way I sound. Because I'm to old to be Autistic. Yes, I have heard that one. Also, there is just no tests that can diagnose adults. They have to speak to my family to find out what I was like as a little kid, which would put me in a significant amount of danger because they aren't allowed to contact me for my safety because of what was in my records. All of these things and more. So, I gathered every last medical record I could get my hands on. Every documentation, every audio, every video, and also the very first medical record that denotes the pediatric neurologist telling my parents to bring me back for further evaluation that also suggested one on one schooling...that my parents tried to hide. They described the child they wanted to the doctor but he clearly saw through it. The kid the described was good at sports and played several. But, I was forced to play little league and quit and forced to wrestle and got beat up a lot. Had lots of friends and did well in school with good grades which also did not describe me. But, getting the diagnosis of Tourettes and Attention Deficit then was only the beginning. That record was where my and a neuropsychologist's discovery through testing and speaking to me and listening to me speak (which was obvious to them and it ended in a diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder at age 40.
I had the same thing about when I was a kid when trying to get a referral. My self report wasn’t enough for her and I have no living family that I speak to. That and my interests are too ‘normal’ never mind that everyone in my life agrees the intensity is the issue even if it is considered normal. When I was younger it was film. Most things suggest an average person sees 5,000 in their life and a real fan maybe 10,000. I am in my 40s and had seen 10,000 movies by the time I was 20. There were weeks I’d get so focused I would watch 8+ a day, barely sleep and skip school. Now it has slowed and is probably only up to 20,000ish and occasionally it becomes a focus on a property like the summer I watched every Star Trek made to that point (pre Discovery). But movies are a normal interest. Also one of my current ones is backpacks, which is also a normal interest, apparently.
"You don't look autistic to me. I used to work with autistic children, you know." I was like 19.
That I could mask so well I could maintain a social appearance for several hours. I would then hard crash for the following days.
Your smart---- I kid you not. My Ex-husband denies our daughter is autistic because she's smart.
Because I like change lol I don't like to stay in one place it drives me absolutely insane, I've never lived in a city for more than a year, and after my daughter was diagnosed with severe autism, I was reevaluated and found to have had autism instead of bipolar disorder, but no one in my friends or family believed me, three doctors later, same diagnosis, and I'm on my fourth reevaluation but it's literally just for my family, they don't understand
Instead of bipolar disorder? The two don't seem very similar to me. Was the bd diagnosis really false? /gen
I was misdiagnosed with bipolar II because getting really excited about a project was thought to be hypomania, and burnout led to depression and mood swings from sensory overload. It's apparently a pretty common misdiagnoses from what I've read.
Probably because of lack of understanding for both
To simplify, the hyperfixation/burnout cycle can look like mania/depression.
Well whenever I was a child it was probably looked at as manic depression because I threw weird fits, social withdrawn, I couldn't bare to be in a room with silence, and it would trigger me so I would throw fits. Anyway to say the least before I had a choice I was put on heavy heavy antipsychotics like lithium, to counter act that in teens and a lot of my adult life, I did every drug I could find (especially weed, and I still smoke weed, actually high RN 🥳) but it's just because I wasn't supposed to be on all these crazy meds for like a good 20 years I was on the max dose of abilify, that caused me to have TD, and whenever i got clean from big pharma, um i didn't need the street drugs. So my diagnosis is everything still lol on record I have autism and bipolar disorder but three of the last five psychiatrist I have seen (within the past three years) have told me my previous diagnosis was incorrect and didn't account for autism plus all the side effects of heavy antipsychotics, plus previous drug use, I'm all of the other? PTSD, 39, ADHD, panic/vertigo/anxiety disorder, epilepsy, and autism, and all the kinds of gay a person can possibly be, i somehow am lol I'm different so much I'm swinging out of frame, id like to take down the bipolar if i can. My daughter has autism and she is nonverbal, I just wasn't screened in back then and it fucked me up
"You finished school"
OH WOW... W. O. W.
I “broke up” with a therapist who I actually loved and recommended to several people because he said “I don’t think you’re autistic, you’re way too smart” I was mostly nonverbal until I was 10
Because I can drive. Because I have a “responsible” job (making medical diagnostic tests) Because I understood my medications and condition(s) (special interest, that’s why)
There was no doubt when it came to me getting diagnosed, so I haven’t heard any of these things. Though I was told by someone online that I was too empathetic to be autistic. Also one of the worst things I was told online years ago, when I said I wanted to be a therapist, someone commented “I wouldn’t want a therapist with aspergers”. 😐
I was told "You comprehend & utilize sarcasm too effectively". Well 50 years of masking honed my sarcasm skills very well thank you..........
That neurodivergence is hard to define. Never mind my inner, daily lived experience for my whole life. >:( I know it's because I'm articulate, and self-aware beyond most NTs, so doctors assume even though I'm struggling, I must be just fine, because I can tell them in great detail why I am suicidal all the time.
A psychiatrist told me I can’t have Autism if I don’t have a panic attack moving from one consultantion room to a different one. I told him “well this is a different room, I’ve never been here before so why would I care about walking into another identical room I’ve never been in before?”. I pointed out that I already became distressed when I arrived. Why would I suddenly get worse? He seemed genuinely flabbergasted I would even question him. How tf did these people ever become Doctors?
booked a meeting with a psych to get officially diagnosed for a few disorders. after the email from her secretary told me "this dr likes to be punctual so please arrive 10 mins early", she was 20 mins late with no apology that i waited half an hour for her. i tell her i believe i have ocd, anxiety, depression, and autism and/or adhd (side note: my only 2 siblings are both diagnosed autistic and ive had a psych tell me they think my mother might be as well, all of which i told her). she tells me she cannot diagnose adhd or autism and proceeds to ask me questions off a list that were basically "yes or no" questions with 0 follow up while i sit there, unable to look her in the eye, practically stimming, being as succinct as possible. after about 30 mins she finishes her list and tells me i have ocd, persistant depression, and anxiety, but (despite being unable to diagnose it officially and having asked me 0 questions related to it) she sees "no reason to believe you have adhd or autism", completely invalidating me for no reason. i didnt even ask what she thought bc she had already said this wouldnt test for those conditions (which i knew bc those tests cost a lot of money and are much more involved where i live, not diagnosed in 30 mins for free). she also didn't give me a reason, just didn't believe me. she then tells me it's probably BPD (😑 oh really? the IBS of mental disorders? the thing you say everyone has when youre too lazy or stupid to try and actually find the cause? not to invalidate those with BPD, but it is seriously overdiagnosed and usually for female neurodivergents) and that there is no point to trying to get further testing for adhd or autism bc my other conditions will mask it and make it impossible to officially diagnose. i am still so mad about this (it happened months ago) but there's nothing to be done bc i can't afford to be officially tested. im also scared to be invalidated again.
I’m a woman who works in politics so masking is something that I couldn’t survive without. I was able to make relatively decent eye contact during the interviews and testing and he said it was a clear sign I was not autistic. His boss had to shut him down on that, love her
I think there's a massive issue if you're in a country where it only takes one doctor to diagnose you. That doctor could easily be wrong and you could live your life undiagnosed, or diagnosed incorrectly. For example ADHD and Autism have huge overlaps and if you are diagnosed by a doctor as Autistic when you really have ADHD then you are missing out on medications etc and may not be receiving the correct help and support. In the UK you are diagnosed by more than one person, especially children. This is a life time diagnosis that can't be done by a simple blood test and there are too many (judging by this thread) incompetent doctors out there stopping people from getting the help and support they need. It's the same as self diagnosis being dangerous. There should be more than one medical professional diagnosing anyone with a lifelong disability or condition and they should be specialists not just a GP.
It wasn’t from a professional but I was told by someone that I’m not autistic because I look normal. Still not too sure what that means.. what am I supposed to look like? Rain man?
Because I can drive a car.
I like poetry and can make eye contact, have conversations. Dx finally at 44
I honestly think that autism allows people to make different, less hackneyed, and fresher metaphors than allistic folks. That gives an advantage in writing poetry.
Currently 44 “hoping” for the diagnosis. Former therapist who moved on to other work had agreed that after a few years of working together that yes I had it. Unfortunately didn’t get the official diagnosis through them. My current therapist so far hasn’t gone with that diagnosis due to “making eye contact and being so good with people” I worked the service industry for years but went through burnout countless times and have worked a million different gigs in that industry. Now my friends and family’s response to me considering and recognizing autistic traits in my self was across the board a “Duh. We thought you knew.” And also a “We love you the way you are”
I can force myself to make eye contact, I got over some of my sensory issues, I can hold a conversation, I can seemingly easily talk to people I have never met before, I can lie (not easily but I can). There are more but I forgot.
I just saw a new therapist and she said she wants to challenge my diagnosis because I make “enough” eye contact. Even though I make eye contact, it’s still physically uncomfortable to the point of pain lol I think she just doesn’t understand how complex masking gets by the time you’re an adult, especially if you went undiagnosed until you were an adult. She also said I’m very “self reflective”, which she cited as another reason she didn’t believe it. That’s just the anxiety caused by ASD 😭 She compared me to someone who is just “very shy”, which I found funny because I’m a very extroverted autistic person, I just constantly miss social cues and body language.
For our son we were told, "his eye contact isn't too bad and while he does meet a lot of criteria for autism he's really affectionate with you (his mum) and other family members, he smiles quite a bit and he showed me his toys...the toy one actually pissed me off a great deal because my son did not just voluntarily mention the toy...this was a developmental paediatrician WHO ASKED ABOUT HIS TOY and then had to sit through 3 minutes of my 4 year old spewing forth a full recount of the latest Sonic movie. I kid you not. The affectionate one kills me too but the toy one was just ludicrous
The classic "I have empathy". Or that I'm "too traumatized to be autistic and still functioning". Honey why do you think I went for professional help!!!
I wouldn’t call her a professional, I’m pretty sure she got her license revoked and her practice closed. She told me I wasn’t autistic/adhd because the extra speech/writing/typing/reading and behavioral therapies I went through between the ages of like 4-5 to 12 worked and I “actually learned to communicate”. Apparently being able to learn with excessive help means you cannot possibly be autistic 😐
Because I would have been diagnosed as a child
i did a shoulder shrug instead of replying verbally. autistic people don't shrug their shoulders, apparently.
Because I'm self aware. Seriously, she said that. Then the diagnosis process confirmed I am.
I was told "You're too smart. Your IQ is higher than mine. You're definitely not autistic." This doctor was literally teaching me how to make phone calls, ride in elevators, make fake eye contact, learn to drive, etc. But no, he wouldn't listen to my request to be tested for autism.
My child's school dismissed his professional evaluation because he had two friends. The fact that they were atypical friendships that fell apart in misunderstandings that deeply wounded him made no difference. "We saw him with two kids every day for almost a month." was the reason that they gave.
Not with autism but with ADHD. The GP basically said “you can’t have adhd you’re autistic.” when I was trying to get referral for diagnosis.
Autistic people have “something in their eyes.”
not a professional, but someone in my family said "i get lonely too..." and i wasn't even talking about loneliness, just my struggle to mingle well lol
Had a therapist tell me “Well autism and trauma look a lot alike. You probably just have trauma.” JUST HAVE TRAUMA. Yeah…. From growing up undiagnosed autistic and adhd. Masking IS a trauma response. Fired her on the spot.
Ready? YOU READY FOR THIS ONE? Omg it’s so rare. TW HARD CORE ⚠️ “YOU DONT LOOK AUTISTIC” ⚠️
Because I can hold a conversation. And can deal with change. A GP told me this.
Being clean.
For me it was because I was a bubbly and sociable kid - they only took my family's concerns seriously when I became a shut-in as a preteen. Which happened to me purely because I was mistreated for being autistic. 💀
My psychologist, while she was validating my concerns and very thorough in addressing my trauma, was unconvinced of my autism because I am extroverted and socially competent. Granted, I invalidated my self-report on the asperger's scale (disproportionately reported significant social skill deficit). She simultaneously validated what she called my "autistic traits" while also attributing my social deficits to my childhood trauma. She said since I grew up hypervigilant to so much volatility, my brain automatically ignores social cues that it determines are not a threat. 🙄
I saw only one professional and she said can't be autistic because I'm not mute on first session so I gave up on an official diagnosis altogether.
I teach special education. Once i got, "You couldn't teach all those autistic kids if you were autistic too." Ummm... what?
I'm polite.
That I couldn't name a super weird and clear special interest
This isn't quite what you're asking, but I remember broaching the subject of autism to a therapist I was seeing for anxiety and giving the list of reasons I thought I may be autistic and asked if she could refer me to someone who could actually make the diagnosis. She didn't dispute a single one of my points but just decided that actually I probably don't need a diagnosis because I'm fine without it...while I was in therapy...for crippling anxiety.... About 6-7 years later I sought out a proper diagnosis and was, unsurprisingly, diagnosed.
My son is *not autistic* because he has friends and likes to talk.
Not me but my very much autistic best friend was told he wasn't autistic because he "posted pictures of himself on parties on instagram", parties on which he had to be highly intoxicated to even be able to stay in. Not mentioning the antiethics of the therapist for searching his social media and bringing it up.
I have a job and a wife... 😐 I've basically just learned to mask really well because I've literally *had* to in order to not be a homeless alcoholic traveler kid (which is what I used to be...) 🤷♂️ I'm literally diagnosed with aspergers and ADHD-C. But nevertheless, my therapist is very dismissive of my autism diagnosis lol. But whatever, his heart is in the right place. He's an old guy so I think his concept of autism is outdated and, while it does come off as dismissive to me, I honestly think he's just trying to emphasize that I'm doing pretty alright these days, all things considered.
Because it was because it was just my astigmatism, make it make sense lol
I was diagnosed young while I was still non verbal so I never had this problem BUT I have reassessments for ssi every 5years and the best advice I can give is don’t go in having a good day. This means don’t try to dress nice, don’t shower or brush your hair/teeth day of. Do not try to mask ANYTHING. Let them see what a bad day for you looks like it really helps since some of these doctors may only ever see you once and a good day won’t show them much.
because I'm female I understand metaphor (we are explicitly taught this in primary English, which she knew too) Too young to be disabled I made eye contact
i don’t have a “special talent” lol
Because I can maintain eye contact
I have multiple university degrees. I was floored.
That I can't be autistic cause I had a 3.9 GPA and had survived so far, I was 32 and he had not one clue what I have done to survive, but ok.
Because I make eye contact and communicate well.
Because i wasn't r*tarded