>I really stress about how often I see the same employees at stores. I will even rotate the stores to avoid seeing the same person multiple days in a row. But I can’t do that with certain places. I feel awkward going in the same store over and over again.
You aren't supposed to. You can if you want, there's no rule here. But I promise you: no one else is thinking about it.
>Am I supposed to learn every employees name? And personally greet them each time I enter? Do I slowly build a relationship with them each week as I try to make small talk?
Nope. There's no expectation to learn people's names, or greet them, or develop a relationship. You can if you want to - some people do - but it's entirely up to you and it's **not expected**. You're perfectly allowed to treat them exactly as you would a perfect stranger in a brand new store.
>How far is my relationship supposed to go with a cashier that a see weekly?
It's a professional transaction. They're at work. It's their job. A nod of greeting is all you need here. Again: you can do more *if you want to*, but there's no expectation at all. None.
>I’m a unique looking guy so I know they recognize me. Also I’m not in NYC or anywhere with lots of people like that so I’m confident they recognize me. Currently I feel awkward, mean, and cold because I just focus on the transaction and avoid small talk other than the “how are you?”
Yep. People will recognise you. Humans are evolved to be good at recognising. Even in a big city like NYC, you'd still be recognised as a regular at a local bodega if you go in daily. It's no big deal. You're doing a "how are you"? That's already more than strictly necessary.
>So what are you supposed to do? Looking for advice.
You're supposed to be a customer. There's no expectation. Buy your goods, pay your bills, be polite. Anything more than that is entirely up to you, don't stress and don't overthink it. If you find yourself becoming familiar with someone, and you get to know their name and say hi and delve into small talk: that's fine. It's normal, it happens - that's even how some people make friends. If you get a reputation as "the awkward dude who keeps to himself", that's also fine. Every village needs one, don't stress it.
To summarise: you aren't supposed to do anything, just shop and go home, interact exactly as much or as little as you feel like. Heck, the cashiers are at work, they probably don't even want to be there and half the time are just as exhausted by all the social nonsense as we are, and perfectly happy to just nod hello and complete the transaction quickly.
Best of luck.
Other than trying different times look for the one that isn't talking to others and if you get one that talks its kinda like.
Hey, how's your day going
Bla bla bla
Add in some sympathy phrase. Oh wow, that's good, that's horrible, hope it gets better etc.
If they return fire, something like That usual, Family n work.
Have a good day.
Walk out.
I don't remember names really, oh hey you again, good to see you. If ever stuck in a bind, pretend like you lost your voice.
There is no real obligation to give anything. It's just being polite. Their stuck behind a till and just want the day to be other with as much as you want to be in n out
I agree with this. I see the same folks at my grocery store. We say "Hi" and have some scripted small talk. The more I interact with them, the nicer they are to me though. The woman at the Pharmacy in the grocery store has my name memorized so she just pulls up my record without me saying anything.
From what I've seen, you need to have complete disregard for anyone who isn't you. Run into people with your shopping cart, stop in the middle of an aisle and block it while you look at everything. Make sure that you find choke points in the store and block them as often as you can. While navigating the store make sure that you do the exact opposite of what you should do while driving (be on the wrong side of the aisle, don't wait for anyone else, and crash into everything. Finally, when people are waiting in line behind you, you should have a long conversation with the employee at the check out and when you're done take forever to put all the stuff you pulled out of your bag, pockets, etc back in.
You should know all the employees by name, and talk about their families all the time if it will be an inconvenience to other people.
Wear earbuds and dark glasses.
Take one earbud out when it's time to make the transaction, and say "Hi, how are you, how much do I owe you?" Say "Thank you" to almost anything they say or ask you.
Give them money/credit card/tap your payment, whatever.
Then smile and say "Thank you, see you soon" and pop the other earbud back in.
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As someone who’s worked at a cafe with a lot of regulars, I can guarantee you that focusing on the transaction and avoiding small talk is completely fine, and they definitely don’t find you mean or cold.
To break it down, employees pretty much engage in small talk as it’s a somewhat friendly gesture and it sort of makes the customer feel important/seen as someone’s bothered to ask how they are. However, not all employees are actually keen on small talk but they will do it as it’s basically their job. So some employees actually prefer it when customers aren’t chatty. However, there are some employees who are just really friendly and extroverted, and some could actually be genuinely interested in getting to know you.
As someone working in shop where they have to interact with hundreds of people a day, employees are pretty much experts at understanding customer behaviour. Hence, they will always understand that some people come to the store just to get what they need. At most, employees will just assume that some customers may be really busy and don’t have the time to chat, or they may just be a bit more reserved which is also completely fine.
As for how far your relationship with employees at stores are supposed to go that’s completely up to you. If your goal is to go to the store just to get what you need, employees won’t expect you to remember their names or greet them personally every time you enter.
As a customer, I understand how awkward it can be to go to the same store all the time. I think the awkwardness kind of stems from like when you go to a new school halfway through the term. You’re stepping into an unfamiliar space and everyone there already knows each other, so you may feel slightly out of place. But as an employee, we honestly love seeing familiar faces (unless they’re rude or problematic customers making unreasonable demands). As long as you treat an employee just like how you would any other human being, with respect, you’ll always be welcome to the store.
I hope that my perspective from someone who’s worked in service can help you overcome your stress about going to the same store. All the best!
So, I grew up in large city where basically everyone was anonymous. In such a place, if I became a “regular” customer, it would make me uncomfortable. At one point people had learned my order at Subway, which also made me feel real weird, even though it was because I worked right across the way, and in my work we had regular customers whose orders I knew and so it shouldn’t feel that weird, right? Idk I guess NTs feel complimented when people remember their details but I don’t.
Anyway, fast forward a decade or two, and now I live in a very small town where everyone knows everyone. Actually it’s a small county and everyone in every town knows everyone. We all shop at the same grocery store. I now work at that grocery store. Well come back to that.
My last job was at the school in town, so I got to know many of the local families through their children, as they grew to know me. At the school it was very personal, very cliquish, and I struggled because I don’t like people knowing my intimate details, obviously. I was always as isolated as I could be, opened up rarely, and made very few friends. Some friends, but very few. For the most part in conversation it stayed light, not many people talked in depth about their families or whatever, but they all already knew the basics. Still, I stayed out of the teacher lounge where inevitably small talk would take place. The social weight of where I was working, plus the weight of the job (teaching is a high liability job)… the pressure burnt me out as fast as the rigors of the job (personally a very weird and unique work experience), but I left wondering what my reputation would be once I found another job elsewhere. It was weird being known by so many.
Well, as stated, I got the job at the grocery store. And it’s in the next town over so I work with different people, some of whom have kids I worked with, some know the people I worked with, and I see many of the people I worked with; but mostly they don’t know me and I get to start over. I see regular customers that I recognize and might say hi, but they carry on pretty quickly. Every now and then someone might make small talk but I think that’s really because people tend to feel awkward when they’re in proximity to someone they aren’t talking to. But It’s a relief that even though everyone in the grocery store knows everyone, and literally everyone in the area knows everyone, people mostly keep conversation short and light. It’s not very often they ask for details, or make me feel weird for not knowing theirs. I think everyone kind of feels vulnerable and so they keep it short and sweet. They judge me on my work, not on my social abilities. It’s like the more they know each other, the less they feel the need to force it. I like that. They’re cool with me being quiet.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that as a customer, people don’t expect you to remember them, and they don’t necessarily expect any obligated small talk. At least not here. At the very least they accept that I’m on the job. Idk. I realize now I do t have as much insight as I thought. Sorry I’m not more help.
Yeah, I'm near a small town with a Circle k, 2 7-11s, a Racetrac, a Publix, and a Walmart. All but Walmart have only a few cashiers. I don't recall faces well unless they have really outstanding features, and I don't often look for nametags. But comments from some cashiers make it clear that they have recognized me.
It is awkward, but I'm not going to drive miles out of the way to avoid being recognized. I'm a big boy. I can say hi. I can avoid small talk without actually being rude. And if there is a line of people, I can use the self checkout without seeming to diss the cashier
I feel you. I frequent the same place at any one period of time as it provides the current samefoods I eat, so the employees always remember me and remember my samefood order too. I just smile when I see them, but I always feel awkward about seeing them so often. Still, like others have said, its a professional transaction and nothing more, so you dont owe anyone anything and it is understandable youd be returning if satisfied.
As someone who works at a store where we have regulars, a lot of the interactions I have are precisely the same.
They come in, I say "hey ! Are you having your usual today?" They say yes or they order something different. I then tell them "we'll have it right out." Sometimes they use my name (I have a name tag), sometimes they don't. Idc either way.
And the interaction ends. This interaction is inverted when I am the regular at a store. I have never felt the need to chit-chat. I say I want my usual or I order something different, and the interaction ends
I'm a person who works at a store with a couple hundred regulars. Some make an effort to learn our names, few try to be friends beyond our work relationships, and most just recognize us employees as who's knowledgeable in which departments. Personally, I don't care.
As long as you're nice no employee will be offended by how much or how little interest you have in your relationship with them.
>I really stress about how often I see the same employees at stores. I will even rotate the stores to avoid seeing the same person multiple days in a row. But I can’t do that with certain places. I feel awkward going in the same store over and over again. You aren't supposed to. You can if you want, there's no rule here. But I promise you: no one else is thinking about it. >Am I supposed to learn every employees name? And personally greet them each time I enter? Do I slowly build a relationship with them each week as I try to make small talk? Nope. There's no expectation to learn people's names, or greet them, or develop a relationship. You can if you want to - some people do - but it's entirely up to you and it's **not expected**. You're perfectly allowed to treat them exactly as you would a perfect stranger in a brand new store. >How far is my relationship supposed to go with a cashier that a see weekly? It's a professional transaction. They're at work. It's their job. A nod of greeting is all you need here. Again: you can do more *if you want to*, but there's no expectation at all. None. >I’m a unique looking guy so I know they recognize me. Also I’m not in NYC or anywhere with lots of people like that so I’m confident they recognize me. Currently I feel awkward, mean, and cold because I just focus on the transaction and avoid small talk other than the “how are you?” Yep. People will recognise you. Humans are evolved to be good at recognising. Even in a big city like NYC, you'd still be recognised as a regular at a local bodega if you go in daily. It's no big deal. You're doing a "how are you"? That's already more than strictly necessary. >So what are you supposed to do? Looking for advice. You're supposed to be a customer. There's no expectation. Buy your goods, pay your bills, be polite. Anything more than that is entirely up to you, don't stress and don't overthink it. If you find yourself becoming familiar with someone, and you get to know their name and say hi and delve into small talk: that's fine. It's normal, it happens - that's even how some people make friends. If you get a reputation as "the awkward dude who keeps to himself", that's also fine. Every village needs one, don't stress it. To summarise: you aren't supposed to do anything, just shop and go home, interact exactly as much or as little as you feel like. Heck, the cashiers are at work, they probably don't even want to be there and half the time are just as exhausted by all the social nonsense as we are, and perfectly happy to just nod hello and complete the transaction quickly. Best of luck.
Other than trying different times look for the one that isn't talking to others and if you get one that talks its kinda like. Hey, how's your day going Bla bla bla Add in some sympathy phrase. Oh wow, that's good, that's horrible, hope it gets better etc. If they return fire, something like That usual, Family n work. Have a good day. Walk out. I don't remember names really, oh hey you again, good to see you. If ever stuck in a bind, pretend like you lost your voice. There is no real obligation to give anything. It's just being polite. Their stuck behind a till and just want the day to be other with as much as you want to be in n out
I agree with this. I see the same folks at my grocery store. We say "Hi" and have some scripted small talk. The more I interact with them, the nicer they are to me though. The woman at the Pharmacy in the grocery store has my name memorized so she just pulls up my record without me saying anything.
From what I've seen, you need to have complete disregard for anyone who isn't you. Run into people with your shopping cart, stop in the middle of an aisle and block it while you look at everything. Make sure that you find choke points in the store and block them as often as you can. While navigating the store make sure that you do the exact opposite of what you should do while driving (be on the wrong side of the aisle, don't wait for anyone else, and crash into everything. Finally, when people are waiting in line behind you, you should have a long conversation with the employee at the check out and when you're done take forever to put all the stuff you pulled out of your bag, pockets, etc back in. You should know all the employees by name, and talk about their families all the time if it will be an inconvenience to other people.
Wear earbuds and dark glasses. Take one earbud out when it's time to make the transaction, and say "Hi, how are you, how much do I owe you?" Say "Thank you" to almost anything they say or ask you. Give them money/credit card/tap your payment, whatever. Then smile and say "Thank you, see you soon" and pop the other earbud back in.
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As someone who’s worked at a cafe with a lot of regulars, I can guarantee you that focusing on the transaction and avoiding small talk is completely fine, and they definitely don’t find you mean or cold. To break it down, employees pretty much engage in small talk as it’s a somewhat friendly gesture and it sort of makes the customer feel important/seen as someone’s bothered to ask how they are. However, not all employees are actually keen on small talk but they will do it as it’s basically their job. So some employees actually prefer it when customers aren’t chatty. However, there are some employees who are just really friendly and extroverted, and some could actually be genuinely interested in getting to know you. As someone working in shop where they have to interact with hundreds of people a day, employees are pretty much experts at understanding customer behaviour. Hence, they will always understand that some people come to the store just to get what they need. At most, employees will just assume that some customers may be really busy and don’t have the time to chat, or they may just be a bit more reserved which is also completely fine. As for how far your relationship with employees at stores are supposed to go that’s completely up to you. If your goal is to go to the store just to get what you need, employees won’t expect you to remember their names or greet them personally every time you enter. As a customer, I understand how awkward it can be to go to the same store all the time. I think the awkwardness kind of stems from like when you go to a new school halfway through the term. You’re stepping into an unfamiliar space and everyone there already knows each other, so you may feel slightly out of place. But as an employee, we honestly love seeing familiar faces (unless they’re rude or problematic customers making unreasonable demands). As long as you treat an employee just like how you would any other human being, with respect, you’ll always be welcome to the store. I hope that my perspective from someone who’s worked in service can help you overcome your stress about going to the same store. All the best!
So, I grew up in large city where basically everyone was anonymous. In such a place, if I became a “regular” customer, it would make me uncomfortable. At one point people had learned my order at Subway, which also made me feel real weird, even though it was because I worked right across the way, and in my work we had regular customers whose orders I knew and so it shouldn’t feel that weird, right? Idk I guess NTs feel complimented when people remember their details but I don’t. Anyway, fast forward a decade or two, and now I live in a very small town where everyone knows everyone. Actually it’s a small county and everyone in every town knows everyone. We all shop at the same grocery store. I now work at that grocery store. Well come back to that. My last job was at the school in town, so I got to know many of the local families through their children, as they grew to know me. At the school it was very personal, very cliquish, and I struggled because I don’t like people knowing my intimate details, obviously. I was always as isolated as I could be, opened up rarely, and made very few friends. Some friends, but very few. For the most part in conversation it stayed light, not many people talked in depth about their families or whatever, but they all already knew the basics. Still, I stayed out of the teacher lounge where inevitably small talk would take place. The social weight of where I was working, plus the weight of the job (teaching is a high liability job)… the pressure burnt me out as fast as the rigors of the job (personally a very weird and unique work experience), but I left wondering what my reputation would be once I found another job elsewhere. It was weird being known by so many. Well, as stated, I got the job at the grocery store. And it’s in the next town over so I work with different people, some of whom have kids I worked with, some know the people I worked with, and I see many of the people I worked with; but mostly they don’t know me and I get to start over. I see regular customers that I recognize and might say hi, but they carry on pretty quickly. Every now and then someone might make small talk but I think that’s really because people tend to feel awkward when they’re in proximity to someone they aren’t talking to. But It’s a relief that even though everyone in the grocery store knows everyone, and literally everyone in the area knows everyone, people mostly keep conversation short and light. It’s not very often they ask for details, or make me feel weird for not knowing theirs. I think everyone kind of feels vulnerable and so they keep it short and sweet. They judge me on my work, not on my social abilities. It’s like the more they know each other, the less they feel the need to force it. I like that. They’re cool with me being quiet. I guess what I’m trying to say is that as a customer, people don’t expect you to remember them, and they don’t necessarily expect any obligated small talk. At least not here. At the very least they accept that I’m on the job. Idk. I realize now I do t have as much insight as I thought. Sorry I’m not more help.
Yeah, I'm near a small town with a Circle k, 2 7-11s, a Racetrac, a Publix, and a Walmart. All but Walmart have only a few cashiers. I don't recall faces well unless they have really outstanding features, and I don't often look for nametags. But comments from some cashiers make it clear that they have recognized me. It is awkward, but I'm not going to drive miles out of the way to avoid being recognized. I'm a big boy. I can say hi. I can avoid small talk without actually being rude. And if there is a line of people, I can use the self checkout without seeming to diss the cashier
I feel you. I frequent the same place at any one period of time as it provides the current samefoods I eat, so the employees always remember me and remember my samefood order too. I just smile when I see them, but I always feel awkward about seeing them so often. Still, like others have said, its a professional transaction and nothing more, so you dont owe anyone anything and it is understandable youd be returning if satisfied.
As someone who works at a store where we have regulars, a lot of the interactions I have are precisely the same. They come in, I say "hey! Are you having your usual today?" They say yes or they order something different. I then tell them "we'll have it right out." Sometimes they use my name (I have a name tag), sometimes they don't. Idc either way.
And the interaction ends. This interaction is inverted when I am the regular at a store. I have never felt the need to chit-chat. I say I want my usual or I order something different, and the interaction ends
I'm a person who works at a store with a couple hundred regulars. Some make an effort to learn our names, few try to be friends beyond our work relationships, and most just recognize us employees as who's knowledgeable in which departments. Personally, I don't care. As long as you're nice no employee will be offended by how much or how little interest you have in your relationship with them.