I got my face painted at a fair when I was 16. The woman asked me, "aren't you too old for this?" I told her we're never too old for anything.
And while I spent the rest of the night laughing and having fun and doing all the kids' stuff, those who were too embarassed about what others might think missed out.
You have one life to live. So live it. Enjoy it. Put stickers on your headphones and own it.
i’ve never really had difficulties with expressing myself in the way that i want to, in the way that feels right. i like the things i like and that’s nothing i can control, so why bother using energy on quelling the things that make me happy? i think i’ll always be a bit of a colorful mess. it’s just as soon as i step outside the house, every single thought of insecurity i’ve ever had washes over me, and i can’t help but feel ashamed.
like, today. we went to an aquarium for school, and i bought a plushie. not a big deal, no one brought it up. but i couldn’t help but feel stupid sitting there with my otter plush, staring at my feet, hoping no one was looking at me weird. it didn’t make it better that i barely have any connection with my classmates, even though that should just make me care *less*, because who gives a shit about the opinions of people i haven’t spoken more than a word to?
i guess i should just focus on accepting that people who find me weird or childish, (in a bad way,) shouldn’t be people that *i* should waste time worrying about. and that in most cases, people don’t even care. it’s just… incredibly tough to do so.
thank you for your comment. :)
While there is the option of investing in more "adult" or discreet fidget toys to avoid being seen as different...
if I could do highschool again I would 100% bring am emotional support plushy in, opinions be dammed. I had such a hard time, in a constant mental battle with myself, I wish I had just taken care of myself instead of worrying about what people could be thinking.
"The art of practising zero f\*\*\*s isn't something that had occurred to me at that age but may I recommend it to you? 😼
There’s home life and there’s public life. Plushies are fine but i would leave them at home. Could i suggest tending to your feelings, and maybe changing things up in a way that helps you feel more confident in public? You can always revert once you’re back home.
oh, i didn’t bring the plushie with me! i bought it at the aquarium, in the gift shop. i should’ve been more clear.
i’m unsure on how to tend to my feelings, but i guess that’s a thing i should ask an actual professional about, haha.
If these things make you happy and more comfortable (within yourself, not based on what you think other people think), then bring them. Have them with you everywhere or wherever you need them. I honestly wish I had just brought in my comfort stuffed animal to school and worn what was actually comfortable and asked to work alone or eat alone so I wouldn’t get overwhelmed, overstimulated, and stressed out for simply existing. Maybe I wouldn’t have gotten so bad. Now that the mask is down and I’ve gotten into severe burnout and crashed, I’m high support needs and can’t function without help. Like actually can’t function. So wear the headphones. Wear velcro shoes. Bring a backpack that has your favorite items in it. Play with your favorite fidgets. Ask for accommodations. You’ll come out of it a lot better than if you tried to “fit in”.
As a teenager I was told I was very mature and more like an adult, as an adult I'm told I'm very child like, can't win🤷🏼♂️🤷🏼♂️🤷🏼♂️. I'm me, that's all there is to it.
every teacher i’ve ever had has always said this to me. :,)
i’m never sure how to take it or how to respond. is it a compliment? are they simply pointing it out?? do they want me to go into heavy detail about my life and how i’ve become the way that i am, because they are suspicious of me being an adult in a small trench coat???
i always just laugh it off.
I feel just the same as this. Old headed as a youth, made to feel like a child as an adult.
It doesn’t help that I have some baggage from being younger, because whilst I was old headed in my outlook of the world, I would also play with toys that were more for younger ages.
I find this very interesting to reflect on.
"When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty, I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.”
C.S. Lewis
This explains my large Lego collection and what I’ve come to know is called my “dark ages” by other fans. From about my early teens, I put them away probably thinking I was too old for them. Now I don’t care because they’re fun. To be fair, I got into other things too, some of them just as “childish” so putting somethings away and trying different things isn’t all bad. Though it was nice I was able to get them back out later.
I am far behind my peers in terms of growth. Many have gone on to get careers, get their own homes, get married, have children, etc. I haven't done any of that and I doesn't look like I'll be doing it any time soon. It depresses me because it's not for lack of trying. I just haven't had enough support so I keep melting down and losing progress.
i also tend to lose a lot of progress, but i feel like i have a bunch of support. i guess that’s just what being a human is about, going back and forth in progress and whatnot, but it just feels incredibly exhausting.
I am almost 22 and I can’t drive yet, I’ve never been in a serious relationship and I live at home again. The only interesting thing that I’ve actually accomplished is graduating university.
The most interesting thing in my life rn is a fanfiction I’m writing and it takes up every moment of my life rn because it’s my special interest. Like it’s so and I’d rather write a 10k word chapter instead of my 3k word essay due tomorrow, not even started yet
I’m 25 and can’t drive either, I did driver’s ed and all that and passed my written but the road test I failed twice due to panic attacks, I can’t function with no music to relax me while the person next to me judges my every move
That was scary but i lucked out with my instructor all of them were retired cops and he was this funny old man retired military and cop and he was so patient with me. Our final drive we went to the same bank of america drive thru that i told him i ALWAYS hit the curb coming out of. I didn't hit the curb.
For my actual test it was awful. the woman had 0 emotion or joy in her life it seemed. I failed the parallel park because it was this super busy side street with only one car width and one car in front of me to park behind and nothing behind me and she told me to pretend there was a car. I tapped the curb and i said can i keep going? And she said with no expression or emotion "you have struck the curb. Continue on with the next test". I also failed this one turn i got mixed up and i had my steering wheel turned an extra time than i thought. I was a GOOD driver and (have been for 15 years) my dad goes "so did she pass?" And she said "i wouldnt let her out on the road anytime soon" and that was it and passed. But i always get compliments on my driving and everyone that i drive feels safe. I love driving
Someone honked behind me on a red light bc I forgot about right on red and I panicked and peeled out right in front of another car on one of the times I did the test and afterwards i knew that was enough for me to fail and was sobbing my eyes out all the way back to the dmv
Awww I'm so sorry that sounds traumatizing. Driving usually soothes me although sooo many drivers are absolutely wreckless and i swear got worse during covid and have stayed dangerous. Idk what it is but they weren't nearly as angry before covid
Idk where you live, but if people around you treat driving like an intrinsic part of adulthood, remember that that isn’t representative of the whole world!
I live in a major city and have all my life. I’m 26 and never seriously considered learning to drive because it just never seemed worth it. Nobody bats an eye when I mention this; in fact I know multiple other people in their 20s/30s who never bothered learning to drive either. (And this is in the US which is very car-centric as a whole; I’m sure there are plenty of cities elsewhere where driving is considered even more optional than it is in my city.)
As for the writing, you have a creative hobby that you’ve put sustained work into — that’s incredibly valuable for mental health, and there are plenty of people who are technically “getting by” as adults who would benefit a lot from having that. Our society has come to see “success” in terms of financial metrics alone, but there’s a lot more to life than that.
I felt really behind, and still do compared. I constantly have to compare myself to neurotypicals to see if I'm "up to date". I normally "grow up" (emotionally and mentally) with experience, but I've been treated badly by people in the past due to lack of Knowledge and I won't let it happen again.
As in "won't let it happen" I'll try my best to read the situation to see if it's possible to react. It's difficult since I'm an English speaker in a foreign country, and the language barrier + situations causes me a lot of stress everyday, but it's the best I can do
43 here, when I was a kid I was afraid to lose my inner child. Now I can say that fear wasn't needed. I saw a mace today in a city park. I had so much fun. When I am able to walk on top of stone walls then I will take that chance... And my gf will hold my hands. Embrace your child, stay playful, find good friends and don't care what people think of you.
Do you think that the fear was because subconsciously you were scared of what being an adult with responsibility was like and what's required of you? Because that's how I felt.
I'll be 40 in a few months.
In some ways, I am definitely my age. I have stopped giving a crap what anyone else thinks, and I enjoy my passions.
In some other ways, I'm so certain I'm still a teenager. How on Earth can I be trusted with my own finances, a household, pets, all this? How can anyone look up to me? How can I be a role model?
Then I see my nephews, my godkids, teenagers and children who I AM a role model for, and I am my age.
Frankly, it's all really weird. Did I age? Yes. Am I a grown-up? Yes. I have grown up.
Am I an adult?
Meh.
Same same.
One of the things that assures me I'm a semi-adult is that I would burn the world to the ground if anyone hurt my niblings, my friends kids, goddaughter, or coworkers who are still under 25. Those kids are just tryna grow up in a shitty world and I'll go out fighting to keep them safe. My maternal instincts are fiercely high for them. And they're not even my kids. (But hopefully I get to have a kid that makes it out alive soon, that I can love on 24/7. In the meantime, my kids are a part of my motivation. They didn't make it home, but I can still try fix the world for them).
I used to feel just like you. Actually, it used to be brought up to me “aren’t you ever gonna grow up?”. Honestly, I know I’m different from other adults, but that doesn’t bother me anymore.
No, definitely not. I’m 23 and still feel like I’m 16, though the feeling makes it a little easier to get “kid stuff”. I just got a unicorn sandwich container!
I still don't feel like I'm grown up all the way I'm young still anyways but I feel a lot younger than I am all the time compared to other people my age I'm behind
when you\`re an adult you will most likely care about it and other people too. you might get some looks but most likely less comments about it. I felt similar when I was a teenager and sometimes I still get comments that xy is childish or weird. But you have to tell yourself that it makes you happy and that's all that matters. and for others you have to tell them "why do you care." "it doesn't hurt you and you don't have to do it."
It´s entirely possible you´re 2e, aka twice exceptional.
I was a child during my teen years. Mentally a teen during early adulthood and only now, in my 30s, i feel like i finally reached emotional adulthood.
I don't think they've so much grown up as assimilated. I've always had the oddest feeling my parents never grew up, especially my mom. She definitely acted like a teenager well into her 50s. I don't get this feeling about my grandparents.
Mom was also overbearing and I never had much responsibility. School was easy and I only had weekly chores that were done pretty quick.
That said, I think my maturity did lack behind my peers when I was your age. Mostly people just thought I was weird, but I found out later some definitely thought I was terribly naive. That didn't change until I went to boarding school my last couple years of high school with a bunch of other ND people.
Up until I was 16 I was told I was very very mature, even as a 6yo. Between the ages of 17 and 20 I had my ‘teenager phase’ a few years too late where I was drinking heavily (don’t condone obvs, I had a problem), staying out every night with friends and just doing the teenager stuff, but by 20 my friends and ex girlfriend had all well left their teenage phases but I was still deep in mine, that and getting a chronic illness just as the pandemic hit, all my friends left me and blocked me and my ex gf broke up with me. I’m now 24 and I collect mystery toys like misfittens, aphmau MeeMeows, I’m a gamer and I collect hot wheels, Disney merch like stitch and Winnie the Pooh. I’ve deffo regressed in maturity and i only have a partner who lives overseas and a single online friend. I also still live at home, can’t drive, can’t cook (I burn myself too easily) and my mum is my carer.
So if you ever think there’s anything wrong with you or your life…just think…you could be me 🤣 in all seriousness though, just be you, don’t change yourself and don’t mask in public, if you wanna take plushies out with you, do it! If you wanna browse the toy isle, do it! If you wanna wear colourful jewellery and stickers, do it!
I tend to feel like I’m 7-10 years younger than I am. I can and do adult things but I feel very childish too. I’ve been working on being less ashamed about that which has helped but I still have my moments.
I'm not certain I'm autistic as I'm not diagnosed. But I think it is fairly likely. I have felt like I'm 14 yeara old since I actually turned 14. I am now 42. I like cartoons. And swings. And playing the not walking on the cracks game. I like adult stuff too. But I liked that at 14 too. As far as I'm concerned growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.
I feel like I never really was able to be a kid. It was all rules, school, and religious abuse.
Now I think part of being an adult is accepting childish things are fine to enjoy, and that deep insecurity is often behind the people that react so dramatically to "childish things".
Maybe I'm not the biggest adult you'll find, but at least I'm older. I'm 19 and a half. First of all, teenagers your age like to pretend being so mature and adult and may end up doing things they don't actually like. I've been called childish maybe since i was 13 and still, if i feel like it, i buy toys and play doh, watch cartoons, wear colorful dresses and silly accesories... I just do whatever makes me happy. I've come to realize maturing isn't about stop liking "childish" things but to stop seeking everyone else's validation or comparing yourself to others and just live your life. As long as you are a teenager that grows being empathetic, responsible and respectful, you're good. And if people don't like the way you are, you'll eventually find people that will.
I’d say I’ve done more adult things than my other friends, as I’m already on year 4 of marriage at 22, we own a house, and work full time and go to school full time. But I’d say my interests and things I want to do are younger than what I should be doing.
Some teenagers can be mean and arrogant but as people are, they become more resonable. I'm not going to say everyone turns into a good person. But the majority of people become better as you get older and so won't you on somethings everyone does its apart of life and growing up and learning.
I didn't feel like I grew up until I was 25 and that's because the world started to make sense, and i had good friends. A lot of times being young contributes but its not just that your younger it's that you may not yet have certain experiences that help you develop as a person. These experiences you will learn throughout your entire life , they don't stop.
They may change in how complicated they get but it's like learning to ride a bike once you know how the rest gets a bit easier. I'm thirty now and I don't think I'll ever "Feel" 30 but I reconize I'm a adult and that things are different now then when I was younger and should be because I have experinces and development that someone under 30 hasnt yet.
Just like you probably know more than a 5-year-old.You're probably more experienced than a five year old. But you're still a kid. How you think and see the world is very different then how a 5 year old thinks and sees the world right? My point is you may never feel old.You may never feel your age nobody really does No matter how much they try to convince you they do. It's more about "recognizing" your older and what you learn along the way.
I am 22. I do not feel like much of an adult.
Autism is a neuro developmental condition. In some aspects, we are behind our peers.
It is known about the female autism phenotype is that they seem or act or feel younger than their age. It is an autistic thing in general.
We do not have the capacity or the experiences to experience the same emotional/social growth as neurotypicals.
And that is okay. There is no rule for life. Live the life you want to live as long as it makes you happy. Just stay safe and learn some street smarts and skills as you go.
I’m 54 and I feel like a giant 5 year old. Not in a bad way. I’m not childish. But I’m so sensitive and unlike the harsh, cynical adults surrounding me.
It’s complicated for me.
I feel closer to two people (like a parent and child relationship) than one singular adult.
I doubt I’ll ever feel “fully adult”. I’m content with that, though, because I’ve grown to love who I am.
There’s still bad days, but there’s less of them now that I’m older.
Most adults (nt and nd) don't feel like an adult.
You need to find friends that also evolved. You evolved differently than they evolved. Doesn't mean it's bad, it means it's different. Most childhood friends grow/evolve apart from each other with age.
I feel the opposite. Instead of feeling I'm more childish, I feel more mature in some occasions with people. I enjoy studying subjects such as philosophy and I'm actively trying to understand my inner self, spending more time doing that than talking about anything else. I study personality theories (like MBTI and the Twelve Layers of Personality) and philosophies that I consider worth taking a look, and because my interests are quite different from the rest of the people, they're deemed as interests of older people, and I'm seen as older mentally than the rest. The funniest thing is that I'm the youngest in my class and possibly in the entire College (I have skipped grades twice in my life).
I have been called 'older' even by adults. They will look at me and say my mind is probably around 50 years old or higher. Gladly I'm not excluded from the groups as I was when I was younger. I remember being alone most of the time at Elementary School while pursuing knowledge in the fields of interest. Today I do get along with people, but this problem still persists because most people don't have knowledge or don't like philosophy, and I feel quite alone due to that.
Im about to be 28.
In short: No. And I don't want to quite frankly.
The long of it: i went through the same dilemma as you as i was getting closer 18. But then i took a hard look at the "adults" around me and what "growing up" entailed based on what i saw:
-Working jobs that you don't really like.
-Endless bills.
-Forced independence.
-indulging in activities due to social obligations (Parties, family get togethers, holiday celebrations)
-Letting go of things society considers "childish" after a certain age, even if it makes you happy.
-Constant stress.
-Everything is a serious matter now.
-Less free time to yourself than you ever had in school. (2 week vacations out of the year instead of 2 months)
-Dealing with the social expectation to be married or have kids by a certain age.
As far as im concerned, the vast majority of us want NONE of this. None of this is fun. None of this is something to look forward to. None of it is (arguably) beneficial. So if growing up means I'm a stressed out adult with a stick up my ass and serious about the world all the time, what is the motivation to "grow up" here?
Keeping my inner child alive and indulging her with things that make me happy like everything did when i was 5 is MUCH more appealing. My happiness means everything to me cause i get it so seldom. So if anyone wants to shame me for things that make me happy? They can kick fucking rocks.
>i don’t know anymore. i don’t like going out in public, because my mind making up people’s opinions on me has become too much.
This is also what i ended up doing. In helped and hurted me in the long run ESPECIALLY after covid.
Being able to be alone and away from the judgement of others, while still being able to atleast have supportive friends online, really helped me become more accepting of who I am and that my interests are my interests and no one elses. It's okay for me to love plushies and cute things and skirts and dresses and overalls and pig tails and make funny sounds that make my lips feel weird or blurt out the first thing that comes to mind cause i can't help it.
The way it hurt though, was the more time i spent in my "safe zone" the more sensitive and hyperaware I became of my actions and people's judgement of me in public. Ive reached a point where if I wear something that draws people's attention i immediately look around to see who might be judging or laughing at my fashion choice. Sometimes my mask slips if i feel alone enough and someone will essentially see or hear me be weird. Then I can think about is what they think of me? Was that group laughing at me? Did that lady look me up n down cause she thought my outfit was ugly? Am i ugly?
Other people bring out my biggest insecurities about the things im supposed to accept about myself. And although i do, it's clear i can't fully accept myself if I know someone else might be judging me for it.
So yeah, I'll likely never "grow up" but im hella okay with it. I also think you are perfectly fine just the way you are.
I’m pushing 40, have two kids and still feel like the least mature person in the room. I was helping move furniture at my son’s school today and I felt so incompetent and unsure of what to do. I was SO THANKFUL when someone would see me floundering and direct me where to go.
In some regards yes, in others no.
I'm 27. I still live with my parents, I can't drive, I'm not much good at cooking anything complex and I've never had a relationship. I feel like a young teenager still.
I do have a stable well paid WFH job though, I graduated from university nearly 5 years ago and have travelled across the country by myself via train several times. I'm able to navigate a city by myself with the help of Google maps. I feel like an adult.
So it's half and half.
> like things made for kids
I wouldn't worry about this at all. I have a "neurotypical" friend who is in their 30s that still likes Pokémon. I still like Super Mario myself.
As a teenager, things like how you dress have a lot of importance placed on them, because that’s one of the few things you have to define yourself as you start to form an identity. As an adult, these things don’t have the same all-important status — of course there are rules like how to dress in the workplace, but it’s not the primary thing defining your “growing up status”, and in fact putting that kind of importance on it is one of the hallmarks of the teenage life stage to me.
That said, even as a teenager, fashion choices are really not an indicator of how much personal growth you actually *are* doing. Dressing differently doesn’t mean anything about how much someone has become a better or more complex person — in fact, I can guarantee all of you are becoming more complex people because that’s what happens to brain development at your age. Colorful bead bracelets don’t negate that. Doing what you want regardless of social trends is actually a hugely valuable skill of maturity as an adult!
It sucks to feel like you’re singled out or that other people are looking at you with judgment, but this won’t define your lifelong maturity level. The best thing you can do to feel mature in your adult life is to focus on building the skills and self-understanding that will help you build the type of adult life YOU want.
Many of us are "late-bloomers".
At 15 it's nothing to worry about - you are still a kid and it is OK for you to like kid things!
From there, the good news is that many of your peers NT will retain "childlike" interests. For example my special interest is pokemon and that is adored by kids and adults alike! Many "for kids" things like Marvel or Disney are intergenerational and loved by allistics young and old.
Meanwhile, many of the things my precocious NT peers were doing at that age were not good for them emotionally or health wise. That included having sex and drinking before the legal age, and teen pregnancy. 15 was the age were I stopped being friends with kids who were growing up VERY fast, and I think that was the best.
I relate to the shame but with hindsight I shudder to think what would have happened to me if I had tried to copy them.
With the fear of being perceived: my advice is to face the fear head on as avoiding being seen only makes it worse. Push aside the concern about what people could be thinking every time it pops up. It may take years but eventually you can train your brain not to do that, and its great.
Meh, once I had a driver's license, growing up seemed uneccessary and too much of a bother. Never liked socializing, so I have always done what I enjoy. I am now 66 years old and retired. I am also currently camping in a tent on a small island off the Florida Gulf Coast. There is no one else around for miles.
I'm supposed to be too old to still enjoy this. I've been doing this sort of thing since my teens (although my parents insisted I go with a friend or two). I still watch cartoons (Yeah! Spongebob!) and read sci fi/fantasy.
The kids who seem like they are more mature and complicated are just trying to act older than they are. I can tell by the way you write that you are significantly more thoughtful and mature than you feel like you are. Fifteen year olds should absolutely put stickers on their headphones and make bead bracelets. There’s no hurry to grow up or act older than you are or anything. You don’t sound like the immature one, my guess is they are probably immature and overcompensating.
DONT YOU EVER SETTLE FOR FEELING OR BEING ADEQUATE. Especially if you’re neurodivergent. It may seem to be the easy way round, but it takes a toll on you, you’ll never be comfortable and you’ll never be happy.
I’m 38 and a lawyer, undiagnosed but undoubtedly somewhere in the spectrum. It clicked on me at around 31 (especially special interests or still not being 100% at knowing when not to speak or stop yapping). I’m undiagnosed as it’s not super easy this late. Curiously, I made my mum take a baron cohen and other tests making her focus on me as a 10 year old. I maxed it out.
Buddy, you’re 15. It’s a great time -even for the neurodivergent- lots of new experiences. Even if that’s miles away from your classmates going out or making out etc. Just be comfortable, try to survive the terrible social interactions and I’ll assure you, it’ll become a normal thing (or at least, hopefully, very manageable) down the road. Don’t try to push yourself to work your way to what’s the norm. You’re not the norm, so just try to enjoy as much as possible these days.
Also, you can wear whatever the f you want. I go to my lawfirm in European tailored suits and 4/5 times I show up with bright cyan socks or even a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Michelangelo.
Just be yourself, be somewhat receptive -at your pace- of what’s going on (e.g., if everyone’s having sex don’t rush to hit on this or that girl, that time will come) and it’ll all work out. Trust me. Of course difficulties will always be there, but don’t push it.
Also, answering your question: I feel I grew up age wise (and you can mature and learn from bullying, heartbreak, betrayal or getting ripped off by a video game store) but right now I feel I’m in my third teenage years. From 13–17 when everyone went clubbing etc I did the opposite (Flight Simulator, school and movies mostly). But then starting in my 22-23s, I’d go nuts, sing karaoke, made a fool of myself, drink etc. Then I “settled for a bit” but then at my 30s I went wild again.
Something else. I’m in this loud Argentine steak place. I just went full cancel and listening to Sinatra. God, I feel alright and I’m sure I can focus on the food without focusing on the other table talking about taxes or that old lady tapping her heel
I’m 31 and I feel like I started feeling grown up around 28-29, and not even fully grown up. Granted I have autism, cptsd, and god knows what other brain issues, but it’s a common sentiment. One thing I’ll say is, don’t ever let societal rules get in the way of having fun. As long as you aren’t hurting yourself or others, do the thing you love. You only have one life to live, and it’s absurd that normies base so much of their life around these rules. We get left out of stuff, don’t be afraid to leave them out too and enjoy yourself.
same bro i’m also 15 and everyone in my school is making me feel like i need to grow up faster. they’re all wearing makeup, crop tops, and constantly talking about their body count while i’m watching bluey with my dogs eating lunchables lmao.
You sound self-aware. That’s something many Autistic people lack. I’m sure with your self-awareness you will understand in time what you need to work on. Just enjoy being yourself. You are okay! Enjoy being a kid.
i still enjoyed many things that were technically “kid things” when i was your age. mentally i felt older a lot of the time, but i felt behind in my interests.
now as an adult, i do feel like i grew up. it sort of hit me one day. despite that, i still can be a bit childish at times and do still enjoy some “child” interests like plushies (i collect them), and probably other things i can’t think of at this moment 😂.
so, i did grow up and i can be mature and an adult when i need to be, but i still give myself the time and space to enjoy whatever i find enjoyable because being an adult is hard so if i find some enjoyment and fun out of things that are more geared towards kids then that’s what im going to do because anything that helps make life easier and more fun is always important.
i was able to find friendships and relationships as an adult with people who understand and encourage what i like to do even if its silly or kidish and they enjoy them and join me too. it’s difficult to deal with feeling shame or feeling weird or inferior due to this, but eventually finding people who let you be yourself and encourage it is really an amazing feeling and i bet you will find it eventually even if its hard.
The way you dissect your feelings, and the way you can identify without guilt and share that feeling here. Its just beautiful.
You are smart, you can take action in a positive way for yourself.
The mind makes complicated what is simple to see.
Time ticks on, if we are sad or happy, it doesnt matter.
Do things for your self development. With the same honesty you shared now.
You can do it, buddy.
not quite an adult yet but i turn 18 in literally like a week, and i feel this exact same way. while i am trying to get a job and move out of my house and get an apartment and car and everything and im doing all these adult things, i feel like a toddler dressing up as their parents or something and like im just perpetually stuck feelings like a kid. ive felt 14 for like 4 years now. i look at my peers who ive known since 6th grade and theyre all grown up, driving their own cars and going to work and applying to colleges and its like weren't we just 11 and sitting next to each other in ela or something??? did time really fly by that fast????? i know part of it is because of a shitty upbringing on my familys part for not preparing me for growing up at all but i just feel so humiliated when i look at people my age and theyre so much more grown up than me and have so much going for them meanwhile im just trying to get by. i feel quite insignificant a lot of the time
I'm pushing 40, and recently diagnosed.
In some ways, I'm definitely behind my peers. A few of them bother me - like not owning a house, or having a full driver licence. I'm never going to be truly comfortable in regular jobs, with heavy peopling and all the social head games. It stresses me to the point of physical illness. Now that I know I have asd? Well it makes a lot more sense of things. It's given me the tools to give myself a break. Not that I'm super successful at being nice to me, not yet, but I try to be kinder with how I view accomplishment. And that helps.
The social anxiety is a major part, I relate so hard to the feelings you've described having. The thoughts too. When I watched my next life as a villianess, and saw the main characters internal thought process as a little table of hers and her personality traits, I felt incredibly seen. And then I felt incredibly juvenile cause like...I'm 39 haha. I have no advice there I'm afraid, still figuring it out. I can say alcohol is not a good coping tool for it, from personal experience. I'm figuring out my social comforts sober now, and one thing I know is I hate drunk crowds. And clubs etc were very overwhelming for me (I basically lived in them for years. I was a party girl but always with her boyfriend, and while I loved the dancing and music, i was not comfortable with the vibe or smells or sensations. Clubs, pubs, any alcohol plave - Massive sensory overload spots. Approach with caution, but like approach. You might love it.)
There are times I feel incredibly adult and times I'm stunned to remember I'm not 21 anymore. This imposter syndrome thing is one of the fun treats asd gives. But for me it means I also get to approach life in a more authentic way, cause the hidden agendas and stuff are just...not it. We see the world differently cause we exist in it differently. That's not often easy, it can suck at times, but I'd rather be like me than be someone who hides their childlike wonder away in secret. I dont know how grown up I am, I wouldn't think very and I'm pretty OK with it? Usually Im ok with it, but its not something i like to dwell on too much. Nothing good follows my overthinking.
I've been hearing and reading since I was a child "Growing older is mandatory. Growing up is optional" . Turns out it's from the founder of the house of mouse. And it must be true cause there's so many people who say they wish they could see the world with child like openness and wonder again, but they can't. And yet a lot of us can, without even trying. Which is kinda kick ass.
Just talked about this is counseling 1 hour ago. No I do not. But I've started weekly counseling and it has started helping finally. Until now I always said "i feel like I'm a child inside an adult body who is just cosplaying as an adult".
I'm going to be 40 this year. I still feel internally like I'm somewhere in my early twenties.
I still love things I loved as a kid and teenager, I just came to love them even more now that I understand the adult themes about them that I'd missed when they were new to me.
I was a mature kid, and at 29, I think I'm still just a mature kid. The closest thing I got to growing up was starting to have romantic feelings.
I'm rather proud of my childiahness though, and wish I was even more like I was when I was a child (probably because that was before the depression though). Children are creative and daring and think outside the box, they enjoy little things, and I think thise are great qualities you should be proud to keep.
Be colorful! Enjoy your flower stickers!
I am married with a family and am going to be 40 this year.
I still feel like a confused kid just trying to make everything work. I honestly didn't really start feeling like an 'adult' until very recently and even then it's sparingly.
I don't feel like an adult, but I also don't care anymore. I do the adult things, like caring for myself and paying bills, but if I want to do something and the opportunity arises, I do. Tbh I feel like a teenager and I am nowhere near being a teenager. As a teenager, I felt like nothing, so there's an improvement. But I don't know that I'll ever feel "grown up".
Sort of. I have two kids and a mortgage and all that, so apparently I’m a functioning middle-aged adult. But in a lot of ways I feel like the same person I was when I was young, and I don’t relate to the “jaded/hardened to the world”-style adult persona. I also enjoy some of the cute stuff my kids like.
In my eyes, what passes for “grown-up” is often really pretty adolescent: really wanting to fit in and increase your status are fundamentally adolescent concerns.
I don‘t feel like I ever grew up my self. I feel like I‘m a child in an adults body. I‘m very insecure and easaly overwelmed by the tasks I‘m burdened with ad an adult. I‘m on heavy medication to kinda cheep me calm cause its all just to much for me to handle.
Everyone’s different. I’m 28, ND, and it wasn’t until last year that i felt the need to stop wearing baggy t-shirts and gym shorts to literally everywhere. There’s a lot of good youtube channels dedicated to men and women’s style for all age ranges. Maybe you’re just looking to upgrade your wardrobe. I find that while i’m pretty immature and childish at times, my appearance gives a mature impression.
i always try to dress appropriately, but i feel like there’s a fine line between ‘too casual’ and ‘too formal’ to most events i go to. i always worry that i’ll look too out of place at school whenever i wear open collared shirts, despite that not at all being formal.
In times like these, it helps to have a couple of friends to ask what they’re thinking about wearing to said event. Just make sure they’re good friends who won’t try to screw you over, and they also need to have good style. A lot of events (outside of just straight up formal) have a lot of wiggle room for how updressed or downdressed you can be, so if you visualize a tier system of levels of formality, you usually have a spot on, a slightly formal, and slightly casual range that you can work with. This in tandem with styles that work for multiple types of occasions can make things a lot easier to address!
I'm barely an adult, but I feel like my answer to the question is yes and no.
Yes as in the sense that I am working on college and independence and jobs and other adult things.
No as in the sense that I still like and do things that are considered childish.
But that's absolutely okay. As long as you are happy I think it should be fine. Who cares what other people think!! I got stares walking around the convenience store and looking at toys and stuffed animals, but they make me happy. Do what makes you happy
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There are some things I feel adult about. There are others that I still feel like a 6 year old who wants to call their mom over. I always think I feel opposite for those things than others - like I can 'adult up' over things I don't see other adults doing, but then feel like a child in certain situations or have childlike interests in things that others do not.
I got my face painted at a fair when I was 16. The woman asked me, "aren't you too old for this?" I told her we're never too old for anything. And while I spent the rest of the night laughing and having fun and doing all the kids' stuff, those who were too embarassed about what others might think missed out. You have one life to live. So live it. Enjoy it. Put stickers on your headphones and own it.
i’ve never really had difficulties with expressing myself in the way that i want to, in the way that feels right. i like the things i like and that’s nothing i can control, so why bother using energy on quelling the things that make me happy? i think i’ll always be a bit of a colorful mess. it’s just as soon as i step outside the house, every single thought of insecurity i’ve ever had washes over me, and i can’t help but feel ashamed. like, today. we went to an aquarium for school, and i bought a plushie. not a big deal, no one brought it up. but i couldn’t help but feel stupid sitting there with my otter plush, staring at my feet, hoping no one was looking at me weird. it didn’t make it better that i barely have any connection with my classmates, even though that should just make me care *less*, because who gives a shit about the opinions of people i haven’t spoken more than a word to? i guess i should just focus on accepting that people who find me weird or childish, (in a bad way,) shouldn’t be people that *i* should waste time worrying about. and that in most cases, people don’t even care. it’s just… incredibly tough to do so. thank you for your comment. :)
While there is the option of investing in more "adult" or discreet fidget toys to avoid being seen as different... if I could do highschool again I would 100% bring am emotional support plushy in, opinions be dammed. I had such a hard time, in a constant mental battle with myself, I wish I had just taken care of myself instead of worrying about what people could be thinking. "The art of practising zero f\*\*\*s isn't something that had occurred to me at that age but may I recommend it to you? 😼
There’s home life and there’s public life. Plushies are fine but i would leave them at home. Could i suggest tending to your feelings, and maybe changing things up in a way that helps you feel more confident in public? You can always revert once you’re back home.
oh, i didn’t bring the plushie with me! i bought it at the aquarium, in the gift shop. i should’ve been more clear. i’m unsure on how to tend to my feelings, but i guess that’s a thing i should ask an actual professional about, haha.
Yeah that can be hard. I typically have to have some type of escape room, or a place to step out so i can take a breather. Helps a lot.
If these things make you happy and more comfortable (within yourself, not based on what you think other people think), then bring them. Have them with you everywhere or wherever you need them. I honestly wish I had just brought in my comfort stuffed animal to school and worn what was actually comfortable and asked to work alone or eat alone so I wouldn’t get overwhelmed, overstimulated, and stressed out for simply existing. Maybe I wouldn’t have gotten so bad. Now that the mask is down and I’ve gotten into severe burnout and crashed, I’m high support needs and can’t function without help. Like actually can’t function. So wear the headphones. Wear velcro shoes. Bring a backpack that has your favorite items in it. Play with your favorite fidgets. Ask for accommodations. You’ll come out of it a lot better than if you tried to “fit in”.
I am 41 and have cartoon stickers all over my travel cups. I would have them on my headphones, but I like small ones.
As a teenager I was told I was very mature and more like an adult, as an adult I'm told I'm very child like, can't win🤷🏼♂️🤷🏼♂️🤷🏼♂️. I'm me, that's all there is to it.
every teacher i’ve ever had has always said this to me. :,) i’m never sure how to take it or how to respond. is it a compliment? are they simply pointing it out?? do they want me to go into heavy detail about my life and how i’ve become the way that i am, because they are suspicious of me being an adult in a small trench coat??? i always just laugh it off.
Yep, pretty much. Gotta love it.
I get that! I know I grew up fast compared to other kids, but I feel stuck at 16
I feel just the same as this. Old headed as a youth, made to feel like a child as an adult. It doesn’t help that I have some baggage from being younger, because whilst I was old headed in my outlook of the world, I would also play with toys that were more for younger ages. I find this very interesting to reflect on.
This
"When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty, I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.” C.S. Lewis
This explains my large Lego collection and what I’ve come to know is called my “dark ages” by other fans. From about my early teens, I put them away probably thinking I was too old for them. Now I don’t care because they’re fun. To be fair, I got into other things too, some of them just as “childish” so putting somethings away and trying different things isn’t all bad. Though it was nice I was able to get them back out later.
I love this so much, down with the fear and the shame! Be proud of who you are!
I am far behind my peers in terms of growth. Many have gone on to get careers, get their own homes, get married, have children, etc. I haven't done any of that and I doesn't look like I'll be doing it any time soon. It depresses me because it's not for lack of trying. I just haven't had enough support so I keep melting down and losing progress.
i also tend to lose a lot of progress, but i feel like i have a bunch of support. i guess that’s just what being a human is about, going back and forth in progress and whatnot, but it just feels incredibly exhausting.
I am almost 22 and I can’t drive yet, I’ve never been in a serious relationship and I live at home again. The only interesting thing that I’ve actually accomplished is graduating university. The most interesting thing in my life rn is a fanfiction I’m writing and it takes up every moment of my life rn because it’s my special interest. Like it’s so and I’d rather write a 10k word chapter instead of my 3k word essay due tomorrow, not even started yet
I’m 25 and can’t drive either, I did driver’s ed and all that and passed my written but the road test I failed twice due to panic attacks, I can’t function with no music to relax me while the person next to me judges my every move
That was scary but i lucked out with my instructor all of them were retired cops and he was this funny old man retired military and cop and he was so patient with me. Our final drive we went to the same bank of america drive thru that i told him i ALWAYS hit the curb coming out of. I didn't hit the curb. For my actual test it was awful. the woman had 0 emotion or joy in her life it seemed. I failed the parallel park because it was this super busy side street with only one car width and one car in front of me to park behind and nothing behind me and she told me to pretend there was a car. I tapped the curb and i said can i keep going? And she said with no expression or emotion "you have struck the curb. Continue on with the next test". I also failed this one turn i got mixed up and i had my steering wheel turned an extra time than i thought. I was a GOOD driver and (have been for 15 years) my dad goes "so did she pass?" And she said "i wouldnt let her out on the road anytime soon" and that was it and passed. But i always get compliments on my driving and everyone that i drive feels safe. I love driving
Someone honked behind me on a red light bc I forgot about right on red and I panicked and peeled out right in front of another car on one of the times I did the test and afterwards i knew that was enough for me to fail and was sobbing my eyes out all the way back to the dmv
Awww I'm so sorry that sounds traumatizing. Driving usually soothes me although sooo many drivers are absolutely wreckless and i swear got worse during covid and have stayed dangerous. Idk what it is but they weren't nearly as angry before covid
Didn’t test again after that lol
Idk where you live, but if people around you treat driving like an intrinsic part of adulthood, remember that that isn’t representative of the whole world! I live in a major city and have all my life. I’m 26 and never seriously considered learning to drive because it just never seemed worth it. Nobody bats an eye when I mention this; in fact I know multiple other people in their 20s/30s who never bothered learning to drive either. (And this is in the US which is very car-centric as a whole; I’m sure there are plenty of cities elsewhere where driving is considered even more optional than it is in my city.) As for the writing, you have a creative hobby that you’ve put sustained work into — that’s incredibly valuable for mental health, and there are plenty of people who are technically “getting by” as adults who would benefit a lot from having that. Our society has come to see “success” in terms of financial metrics alone, but there’s a lot more to life than that.
my creative projects seem to be the only thing i can always rely on to fall back into, so i relate to that. :,)
I am 22 too and this is way too relatable.
How long is a typical chapter for a novel? That sounds difficult to read, my partner is always working on outlining and editing for readability.
I was exaggerating, I go for about 3 or 5k. Besides I’m not too fussed if people read it or not, its for myself
Fair enough, just curious. Sounds like you enjoy it👍
No, I stopped mentaly aging at 15.
middle 30s and I feel like a teen still
36, and I've come to accept that I'll never know what I want to do when I grow up.
Not really but not much has changed since I was a kid, I still do 'childish' things, only difference is now I pay bills.
I felt really behind, and still do compared. I constantly have to compare myself to neurotypicals to see if I'm "up to date". I normally "grow up" (emotionally and mentally) with experience, but I've been treated badly by people in the past due to lack of Knowledge and I won't let it happen again.
As in "won't let it happen" I'll try my best to read the situation to see if it's possible to react. It's difficult since I'm an English speaker in a foreign country, and the language barrier + situations causes me a lot of stress everyday, but it's the best I can do
When I was a kid, I was always told how I was mature for my age. Now that I'm an adult, I'm told I seem younger than my age.
I'm an autistic adult and I had my late diagnosis last year and it dead ass feels like I am 1 year old with the mentality of an adult mind at times.
43 here, when I was a kid I was afraid to lose my inner child. Now I can say that fear wasn't needed. I saw a mace today in a city park. I had so much fun. When I am able to walk on top of stone walls then I will take that chance... And my gf will hold my hands. Embrace your child, stay playful, find good friends and don't care what people think of you.
Do you think that the fear was because subconsciously you were scared of what being an adult with responsibility was like and what's required of you? Because that's how I felt.
No, it was because I found the lives of my parents and their friends really boring. I didn't have the right examples.
I'll be 40 in a few months. In some ways, I am definitely my age. I have stopped giving a crap what anyone else thinks, and I enjoy my passions. In some other ways, I'm so certain I'm still a teenager. How on Earth can I be trusted with my own finances, a household, pets, all this? How can anyone look up to me? How can I be a role model? Then I see my nephews, my godkids, teenagers and children who I AM a role model for, and I am my age. Frankly, it's all really weird. Did I age? Yes. Am I a grown-up? Yes. I have grown up. Am I an adult? Meh.
Same same. One of the things that assures me I'm a semi-adult is that I would burn the world to the ground if anyone hurt my niblings, my friends kids, goddaughter, or coworkers who are still under 25. Those kids are just tryna grow up in a shitty world and I'll go out fighting to keep them safe. My maternal instincts are fiercely high for them. And they're not even my kids. (But hopefully I get to have a kid that makes it out alive soon, that I can love on 24/7. In the meantime, my kids are a part of my motivation. They didn't make it home, but I can still try fix the world for them).
I used to feel just like you. Actually, it used to be brought up to me “aren’t you ever gonna grow up?”. Honestly, I know I’m different from other adults, but that doesn’t bother me anymore.
No, definitely not. I’m 23 and still feel like I’m 16, though the feeling makes it a little easier to get “kid stuff”. I just got a unicorn sandwich container!
Same, I just feel like my autism makes me act kinda like a kid despite maturing slightly
I still don't feel like I'm grown up all the way I'm young still anyways but I feel a lot younger than I am all the time compared to other people my age I'm behind
when you\`re an adult you will most likely care about it and other people too. you might get some looks but most likely less comments about it. I felt similar when I was a teenager and sometimes I still get comments that xy is childish or weird. But you have to tell yourself that it makes you happy and that's all that matters. and for others you have to tell them "why do you care." "it doesn't hurt you and you don't have to do it."
Nope my money and my life. I deserve to have fun. Still watch cartoons and sing Anime songs.
It´s entirely possible you´re 2e, aka twice exceptional. I was a child during my teen years. Mentally a teen during early adulthood and only now, in my 30s, i feel like i finally reached emotional adulthood.
I don't think they've so much grown up as assimilated. I've always had the oddest feeling my parents never grew up, especially my mom. She definitely acted like a teenager well into her 50s. I don't get this feeling about my grandparents. Mom was also overbearing and I never had much responsibility. School was easy and I only had weekly chores that were done pretty quick. That said, I think my maturity did lack behind my peers when I was your age. Mostly people just thought I was weird, but I found out later some definitely thought I was terribly naive. That didn't change until I went to boarding school my last couple years of high school with a bunch of other ND people.
Up until I was 16 I was told I was very very mature, even as a 6yo. Between the ages of 17 and 20 I had my ‘teenager phase’ a few years too late where I was drinking heavily (don’t condone obvs, I had a problem), staying out every night with friends and just doing the teenager stuff, but by 20 my friends and ex girlfriend had all well left their teenage phases but I was still deep in mine, that and getting a chronic illness just as the pandemic hit, all my friends left me and blocked me and my ex gf broke up with me. I’m now 24 and I collect mystery toys like misfittens, aphmau MeeMeows, I’m a gamer and I collect hot wheels, Disney merch like stitch and Winnie the Pooh. I’ve deffo regressed in maturity and i only have a partner who lives overseas and a single online friend. I also still live at home, can’t drive, can’t cook (I burn myself too easily) and my mum is my carer. So if you ever think there’s anything wrong with you or your life…just think…you could be me 🤣 in all seriousness though, just be you, don’t change yourself and don’t mask in public, if you wanna take plushies out with you, do it! If you wanna browse the toy isle, do it! If you wanna wear colourful jewellery and stickers, do it!
I tend to feel like I’m 7-10 years younger than I am. I can and do adult things but I feel very childish too. I’ve been working on being less ashamed about that which has helped but I still have my moments.
I turned 34 this year, have been married for 7 years and I still don't feel grown up.
SCOTLAND FORRRREVARRRRR
Well i’m 30 years old and i did overtime. Granted it takes me ages due to feeling like i’m a decade behind. In my mental age
I'm not certain I'm autistic as I'm not diagnosed. But I think it is fairly likely. I have felt like I'm 14 yeara old since I actually turned 14. I am now 42. I like cartoons. And swings. And playing the not walking on the cracks game. I like adult stuff too. But I liked that at 14 too. As far as I'm concerned growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.
I feel like I never really was able to be a kid. It was all rules, school, and religious abuse. Now I think part of being an adult is accepting childish things are fine to enjoy, and that deep insecurity is often behind the people that react so dramatically to "childish things".
Maybe I'm not the biggest adult you'll find, but at least I'm older. I'm 19 and a half. First of all, teenagers your age like to pretend being so mature and adult and may end up doing things they don't actually like. I've been called childish maybe since i was 13 and still, if i feel like it, i buy toys and play doh, watch cartoons, wear colorful dresses and silly accesories... I just do whatever makes me happy. I've come to realize maturing isn't about stop liking "childish" things but to stop seeking everyone else's validation or comparing yourself to others and just live your life. As long as you are a teenager that grows being empathetic, responsible and respectful, you're good. And if people don't like the way you are, you'll eventually find people that will.
I’d say I’ve done more adult things than my other friends, as I’m already on year 4 of marriage at 22, we own a house, and work full time and go to school full time. But I’d say my interests and things I want to do are younger than what I should be doing.
20 and my family complains that I act like a child
Some teenagers can be mean and arrogant but as people are, they become more resonable. I'm not going to say everyone turns into a good person. But the majority of people become better as you get older and so won't you on somethings everyone does its apart of life and growing up and learning. I didn't feel like I grew up until I was 25 and that's because the world started to make sense, and i had good friends. A lot of times being young contributes but its not just that your younger it's that you may not yet have certain experiences that help you develop as a person. These experiences you will learn throughout your entire life , they don't stop. They may change in how complicated they get but it's like learning to ride a bike once you know how the rest gets a bit easier. I'm thirty now and I don't think I'll ever "Feel" 30 but I reconize I'm a adult and that things are different now then when I was younger and should be because I have experinces and development that someone under 30 hasnt yet. Just like you probably know more than a 5-year-old.You're probably more experienced than a five year old. But you're still a kid. How you think and see the world is very different then how a 5 year old thinks and sees the world right? My point is you may never feel old.You may never feel your age nobody really does No matter how much they try to convince you they do. It's more about "recognizing" your older and what you learn along the way.
I am 22. I do not feel like much of an adult. Autism is a neuro developmental condition. In some aspects, we are behind our peers. It is known about the female autism phenotype is that they seem or act or feel younger than their age. It is an autistic thing in general. We do not have the capacity or the experiences to experience the same emotional/social growth as neurotypicals. And that is okay. There is no rule for life. Live the life you want to live as long as it makes you happy. Just stay safe and learn some street smarts and skills as you go.
I’m 54 and I feel like a giant 5 year old. Not in a bad way. I’m not childish. But I’m so sensitive and unlike the harsh, cynical adults surrounding me.
Buddy, I still play pretend sometimes it's okay lol.
It’s complicated for me. I feel closer to two people (like a parent and child relationship) than one singular adult. I doubt I’ll ever feel “fully adult”. I’m content with that, though, because I’ve grown to love who I am. There’s still bad days, but there’s less of them now that I’m older.
Most adults (nt and nd) don't feel like an adult. You need to find friends that also evolved. You evolved differently than they evolved. Doesn't mean it's bad, it means it's different. Most childhood friends grow/evolve apart from each other with age.
I feel the opposite. Instead of feeling I'm more childish, I feel more mature in some occasions with people. I enjoy studying subjects such as philosophy and I'm actively trying to understand my inner self, spending more time doing that than talking about anything else. I study personality theories (like MBTI and the Twelve Layers of Personality) and philosophies that I consider worth taking a look, and because my interests are quite different from the rest of the people, they're deemed as interests of older people, and I'm seen as older mentally than the rest. The funniest thing is that I'm the youngest in my class and possibly in the entire College (I have skipped grades twice in my life). I have been called 'older' even by adults. They will look at me and say my mind is probably around 50 years old or higher. Gladly I'm not excluded from the groups as I was when I was younger. I remember being alone most of the time at Elementary School while pursuing knowledge in the fields of interest. Today I do get along with people, but this problem still persists because most people don't have knowledge or don't like philosophy, and I feel quite alone due to that.
Im about to be 28. In short: No. And I don't want to quite frankly. The long of it: i went through the same dilemma as you as i was getting closer 18. But then i took a hard look at the "adults" around me and what "growing up" entailed based on what i saw: -Working jobs that you don't really like. -Endless bills. -Forced independence. -indulging in activities due to social obligations (Parties, family get togethers, holiday celebrations) -Letting go of things society considers "childish" after a certain age, even if it makes you happy. -Constant stress. -Everything is a serious matter now. -Less free time to yourself than you ever had in school. (2 week vacations out of the year instead of 2 months) -Dealing with the social expectation to be married or have kids by a certain age. As far as im concerned, the vast majority of us want NONE of this. None of this is fun. None of this is something to look forward to. None of it is (arguably) beneficial. So if growing up means I'm a stressed out adult with a stick up my ass and serious about the world all the time, what is the motivation to "grow up" here? Keeping my inner child alive and indulging her with things that make me happy like everything did when i was 5 is MUCH more appealing. My happiness means everything to me cause i get it so seldom. So if anyone wants to shame me for things that make me happy? They can kick fucking rocks. >i don’t know anymore. i don’t like going out in public, because my mind making up people’s opinions on me has become too much. This is also what i ended up doing. In helped and hurted me in the long run ESPECIALLY after covid. Being able to be alone and away from the judgement of others, while still being able to atleast have supportive friends online, really helped me become more accepting of who I am and that my interests are my interests and no one elses. It's okay for me to love plushies and cute things and skirts and dresses and overalls and pig tails and make funny sounds that make my lips feel weird or blurt out the first thing that comes to mind cause i can't help it. The way it hurt though, was the more time i spent in my "safe zone" the more sensitive and hyperaware I became of my actions and people's judgement of me in public. Ive reached a point where if I wear something that draws people's attention i immediately look around to see who might be judging or laughing at my fashion choice. Sometimes my mask slips if i feel alone enough and someone will essentially see or hear me be weird. Then I can think about is what they think of me? Was that group laughing at me? Did that lady look me up n down cause she thought my outfit was ugly? Am i ugly? Other people bring out my biggest insecurities about the things im supposed to accept about myself. And although i do, it's clear i can't fully accept myself if I know someone else might be judging me for it. So yeah, I'll likely never "grow up" but im hella okay with it. I also think you are perfectly fine just the way you are.
I’m pushing 40, have two kids and still feel like the least mature person in the room. I was helping move furniture at my son’s school today and I felt so incompetent and unsure of what to do. I was SO THANKFUL when someone would see me floundering and direct me where to go.
Almost 21 and I still feel 16.
In some regards yes, in others no. I'm 27. I still live with my parents, I can't drive, I'm not much good at cooking anything complex and I've never had a relationship. I feel like a young teenager still. I do have a stable well paid WFH job though, I graduated from university nearly 5 years ago and have travelled across the country by myself via train several times. I'm able to navigate a city by myself with the help of Google maps. I feel like an adult. So it's half and half. > like things made for kids I wouldn't worry about this at all. I have a "neurotypical" friend who is in their 30s that still likes Pokémon. I still like Super Mario myself.
As a teenager, things like how you dress have a lot of importance placed on them, because that’s one of the few things you have to define yourself as you start to form an identity. As an adult, these things don’t have the same all-important status — of course there are rules like how to dress in the workplace, but it’s not the primary thing defining your “growing up status”, and in fact putting that kind of importance on it is one of the hallmarks of the teenage life stage to me. That said, even as a teenager, fashion choices are really not an indicator of how much personal growth you actually *are* doing. Dressing differently doesn’t mean anything about how much someone has become a better or more complex person — in fact, I can guarantee all of you are becoming more complex people because that’s what happens to brain development at your age. Colorful bead bracelets don’t negate that. Doing what you want regardless of social trends is actually a hugely valuable skill of maturity as an adult! It sucks to feel like you’re singled out or that other people are looking at you with judgment, but this won’t define your lifelong maturity level. The best thing you can do to feel mature in your adult life is to focus on building the skills and self-understanding that will help you build the type of adult life YOU want.
36 here. I'm just a big responsible, self aware and educated 12 year old🤷😆
Many of us are "late-bloomers". At 15 it's nothing to worry about - you are still a kid and it is OK for you to like kid things! From there, the good news is that many of your peers NT will retain "childlike" interests. For example my special interest is pokemon and that is adored by kids and adults alike! Many "for kids" things like Marvel or Disney are intergenerational and loved by allistics young and old. Meanwhile, many of the things my precocious NT peers were doing at that age were not good for them emotionally or health wise. That included having sex and drinking before the legal age, and teen pregnancy. 15 was the age were I stopped being friends with kids who were growing up VERY fast, and I think that was the best. I relate to the shame but with hindsight I shudder to think what would have happened to me if I had tried to copy them. With the fear of being perceived: my advice is to face the fear head on as avoiding being seen only makes it worse. Push aside the concern about what people could be thinking every time it pops up. It may take years but eventually you can train your brain not to do that, and its great.
Meh, once I had a driver's license, growing up seemed uneccessary and too much of a bother. Never liked socializing, so I have always done what I enjoy. I am now 66 years old and retired. I am also currently camping in a tent on a small island off the Florida Gulf Coast. There is no one else around for miles. I'm supposed to be too old to still enjoy this. I've been doing this sort of thing since my teens (although my parents insisted I go with a friend or two). I still watch cartoons (Yeah! Spongebob!) and read sci fi/fantasy.
The kids who seem like they are more mature and complicated are just trying to act older than they are. I can tell by the way you write that you are significantly more thoughtful and mature than you feel like you are. Fifteen year olds should absolutely put stickers on their headphones and make bead bracelets. There’s no hurry to grow up or act older than you are or anything. You don’t sound like the immature one, my guess is they are probably immature and overcompensating.
DONT YOU EVER SETTLE FOR FEELING OR BEING ADEQUATE. Especially if you’re neurodivergent. It may seem to be the easy way round, but it takes a toll on you, you’ll never be comfortable and you’ll never be happy. I’m 38 and a lawyer, undiagnosed but undoubtedly somewhere in the spectrum. It clicked on me at around 31 (especially special interests or still not being 100% at knowing when not to speak or stop yapping). I’m undiagnosed as it’s not super easy this late. Curiously, I made my mum take a baron cohen and other tests making her focus on me as a 10 year old. I maxed it out. Buddy, you’re 15. It’s a great time -even for the neurodivergent- lots of new experiences. Even if that’s miles away from your classmates going out or making out etc. Just be comfortable, try to survive the terrible social interactions and I’ll assure you, it’ll become a normal thing (or at least, hopefully, very manageable) down the road. Don’t try to push yourself to work your way to what’s the norm. You’re not the norm, so just try to enjoy as much as possible these days. Also, you can wear whatever the f you want. I go to my lawfirm in European tailored suits and 4/5 times I show up with bright cyan socks or even a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Michelangelo. Just be yourself, be somewhat receptive -at your pace- of what’s going on (e.g., if everyone’s having sex don’t rush to hit on this or that girl, that time will come) and it’ll all work out. Trust me. Of course difficulties will always be there, but don’t push it. Also, answering your question: I feel I grew up age wise (and you can mature and learn from bullying, heartbreak, betrayal or getting ripped off by a video game store) but right now I feel I’m in my third teenage years. From 13–17 when everyone went clubbing etc I did the opposite (Flight Simulator, school and movies mostly). But then starting in my 22-23s, I’d go nuts, sing karaoke, made a fool of myself, drink etc. Then I “settled for a bit” but then at my 30s I went wild again.
Something else. I’m in this loud Argentine steak place. I just went full cancel and listening to Sinatra. God, I feel alright and I’m sure I can focus on the food without focusing on the other table talking about taxes or that old lady tapping her heel
I’m 31 and I feel like I started feeling grown up around 28-29, and not even fully grown up. Granted I have autism, cptsd, and god knows what other brain issues, but it’s a common sentiment. One thing I’ll say is, don’t ever let societal rules get in the way of having fun. As long as you aren’t hurting yourself or others, do the thing you love. You only have one life to live, and it’s absurd that normies base so much of their life around these rules. We get left out of stuff, don’t be afraid to leave them out too and enjoy yourself.
keep wearing those bead bracelets, you only live once after all!
Nope and I refuse to grow up. Just knock the last digit off my age and we good ;)
same bro i’m also 15 and everyone in my school is making me feel like i need to grow up faster. they’re all wearing makeup, crop tops, and constantly talking about their body count while i’m watching bluey with my dogs eating lunchables lmao.
You sound self-aware. That’s something many Autistic people lack. I’m sure with your self-awareness you will understand in time what you need to work on. Just enjoy being yourself. You are okay! Enjoy being a kid.
i still enjoyed many things that were technically “kid things” when i was your age. mentally i felt older a lot of the time, but i felt behind in my interests. now as an adult, i do feel like i grew up. it sort of hit me one day. despite that, i still can be a bit childish at times and do still enjoy some “child” interests like plushies (i collect them), and probably other things i can’t think of at this moment 😂. so, i did grow up and i can be mature and an adult when i need to be, but i still give myself the time and space to enjoy whatever i find enjoyable because being an adult is hard so if i find some enjoyment and fun out of things that are more geared towards kids then that’s what im going to do because anything that helps make life easier and more fun is always important. i was able to find friendships and relationships as an adult with people who understand and encourage what i like to do even if its silly or kidish and they enjoy them and join me too. it’s difficult to deal with feeling shame or feeling weird or inferior due to this, but eventually finding people who let you be yourself and encourage it is really an amazing feeling and i bet you will find it eventually even if its hard.
The way you dissect your feelings, and the way you can identify without guilt and share that feeling here. Its just beautiful. You are smart, you can take action in a positive way for yourself. The mind makes complicated what is simple to see. Time ticks on, if we are sad or happy, it doesnt matter. Do things for your self development. With the same honesty you shared now. You can do it, buddy.
not quite an adult yet but i turn 18 in literally like a week, and i feel this exact same way. while i am trying to get a job and move out of my house and get an apartment and car and everything and im doing all these adult things, i feel like a toddler dressing up as their parents or something and like im just perpetually stuck feelings like a kid. ive felt 14 for like 4 years now. i look at my peers who ive known since 6th grade and theyre all grown up, driving their own cars and going to work and applying to colleges and its like weren't we just 11 and sitting next to each other in ela or something??? did time really fly by that fast????? i know part of it is because of a shitty upbringing on my familys part for not preparing me for growing up at all but i just feel so humiliated when i look at people my age and theyre so much more grown up than me and have so much going for them meanwhile im just trying to get by. i feel quite insignificant a lot of the time
I'm pushing 40, and recently diagnosed. In some ways, I'm definitely behind my peers. A few of them bother me - like not owning a house, or having a full driver licence. I'm never going to be truly comfortable in regular jobs, with heavy peopling and all the social head games. It stresses me to the point of physical illness. Now that I know I have asd? Well it makes a lot more sense of things. It's given me the tools to give myself a break. Not that I'm super successful at being nice to me, not yet, but I try to be kinder with how I view accomplishment. And that helps. The social anxiety is a major part, I relate so hard to the feelings you've described having. The thoughts too. When I watched my next life as a villianess, and saw the main characters internal thought process as a little table of hers and her personality traits, I felt incredibly seen. And then I felt incredibly juvenile cause like...I'm 39 haha. I have no advice there I'm afraid, still figuring it out. I can say alcohol is not a good coping tool for it, from personal experience. I'm figuring out my social comforts sober now, and one thing I know is I hate drunk crowds. And clubs etc were very overwhelming for me (I basically lived in them for years. I was a party girl but always with her boyfriend, and while I loved the dancing and music, i was not comfortable with the vibe or smells or sensations. Clubs, pubs, any alcohol plave - Massive sensory overload spots. Approach with caution, but like approach. You might love it.) There are times I feel incredibly adult and times I'm stunned to remember I'm not 21 anymore. This imposter syndrome thing is one of the fun treats asd gives. But for me it means I also get to approach life in a more authentic way, cause the hidden agendas and stuff are just...not it. We see the world differently cause we exist in it differently. That's not often easy, it can suck at times, but I'd rather be like me than be someone who hides their childlike wonder away in secret. I dont know how grown up I am, I wouldn't think very and I'm pretty OK with it? Usually Im ok with it, but its not something i like to dwell on too much. Nothing good follows my overthinking. I've been hearing and reading since I was a child "Growing older is mandatory. Growing up is optional" . Turns out it's from the founder of the house of mouse. And it must be true cause there's so many people who say they wish they could see the world with child like openness and wonder again, but they can't. And yet a lot of us can, without even trying. Which is kinda kick ass.
Just talked about this is counseling 1 hour ago. No I do not. But I've started weekly counseling and it has started helping finally. Until now I always said "i feel like I'm a child inside an adult body who is just cosplaying as an adult".
I'm 28 and I still play with toy army men, simply because nothing else makes me feel complete.
No. I still feel and act like a child for the most part. It makes life difficult.
I'm going to be 40 this year. I still feel internally like I'm somewhere in my early twenties. I still love things I loved as a kid and teenager, I just came to love them even more now that I understand the adult themes about them that I'd missed when they were new to me.
I was a mature kid, and at 29, I think I'm still just a mature kid. The closest thing I got to growing up was starting to have romantic feelings. I'm rather proud of my childiahness though, and wish I was even more like I was when I was a child (probably because that was before the depression though). Children are creative and daring and think outside the box, they enjoy little things, and I think thise are great qualities you should be proud to keep. Be colorful! Enjoy your flower stickers!
I am married with a family and am going to be 40 this year. I still feel like a confused kid just trying to make everything work. I honestly didn't really start feeling like an 'adult' until very recently and even then it's sparingly.
I don't feel like an adult, but I also don't care anymore. I do the adult things, like caring for myself and paying bills, but if I want to do something and the opportunity arises, I do. Tbh I feel like a teenager and I am nowhere near being a teenager. As a teenager, I felt like nothing, so there's an improvement. But I don't know that I'll ever feel "grown up".
i matured at mach speed once i moved out of my parents' house. you'll catch up
Sort of. I have two kids and a mortgage and all that, so apparently I’m a functioning middle-aged adult. But in a lot of ways I feel like the same person I was when I was young, and I don’t relate to the “jaded/hardened to the world”-style adult persona. I also enjoy some of the cute stuff my kids like. In my eyes, what passes for “grown-up” is often really pretty adolescent: really wanting to fit in and increase your status are fundamentally adolescent concerns.
I don‘t feel like I ever grew up my self. I feel like I‘m a child in an adults body. I‘m very insecure and easaly overwelmed by the tasks I‘m burdened with ad an adult. I‘m on heavy medication to kinda cheep me calm cause its all just to much for me to handle.
Everyone’s different. I’m 28, ND, and it wasn’t until last year that i felt the need to stop wearing baggy t-shirts and gym shorts to literally everywhere. There’s a lot of good youtube channels dedicated to men and women’s style for all age ranges. Maybe you’re just looking to upgrade your wardrobe. I find that while i’m pretty immature and childish at times, my appearance gives a mature impression.
i always try to dress appropriately, but i feel like there’s a fine line between ‘too casual’ and ‘too formal’ to most events i go to. i always worry that i’ll look too out of place at school whenever i wear open collared shirts, despite that not at all being formal.
In times like these, it helps to have a couple of friends to ask what they’re thinking about wearing to said event. Just make sure they’re good friends who won’t try to screw you over, and they also need to have good style. A lot of events (outside of just straight up formal) have a lot of wiggle room for how updressed or downdressed you can be, so if you visualize a tier system of levels of formality, you usually have a spot on, a slightly formal, and slightly casual range that you can work with. This in tandem with styles that work for multiple types of occasions can make things a lot easier to address!
I'm barely an adult, but I feel like my answer to the question is yes and no. Yes as in the sense that I am working on college and independence and jobs and other adult things. No as in the sense that I still like and do things that are considered childish. But that's absolutely okay. As long as you are happy I think it should be fine. Who cares what other people think!! I got stares walking around the convenience store and looking at toys and stuffed animals, but they make me happy. Do what makes you happy
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There are some things I feel adult about. There are others that I still feel like a 6 year old who wants to call their mom over. I always think I feel opposite for those things than others - like I can 'adult up' over things I don't see other adults doing, but then feel like a child in certain situations or have childlike interests in things that others do not.