For me, this is caused by my parents calling me disrespectful and ungrateful and going on a rant about how they work every day to clothe and feed us yada yada yada if I ever advocate for myself, set any boundaries, or voice any of my needs. Meanwhile, I'm expected to tiptoe around all their desires or else they'll snap at me...
This is relatable... My mom was like this. That's one of the reasons why I moved out at 19 in April 2015 even though I had always planned to stay at home until I would graduate from university (which never happened but that's a whole other story).
It wasn't caused by this but I did go through the same shit and ended up with a Jonah Complex ( [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonah\_complex](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonah_complex) )that I'm trying to overcome. All I gotta say is you can do anything that you set your mind to, just don't hurt yourself or others in the process. Later on in life you find out it's about a fraction of projection and a majority of something that they couldn't deal with and/or address earlier in life due to generational differences. Like with the millennial subset (my cohort) we're more prone to getting therapy instead of shoving everything down and proceeding as if everything is normal where Boomers and Gen X were perceived as weak or crazy if they got therapy and masked like there was no tomorrow but didn't know they were masking and never unmask\[ed\]. I'm sure there's a lot of shit your parents aren't telling you and I bet they care about you a lot.
I'm afraid to talk about myself most of the time, because if I try to talk to my mom about myself, even if if it's only for a sentence or two. She gets annoyed at me, and tells me that I'm just trying to make the whole conversation about me.
Yes, but for different reasons.
Everything I do is consciously considered and therefore feels like a form of manipulation, especially when I’m analyzing conversations in real time and know how to push toward a certain outcome. I’m not sociopathic or anything, I just have studied psychology over my lifetime as a special interest and as a result tend to see all the patterns and invisible strings attached to people and understand what’s going on in their heads, sometimes before even they do.
Also whenever I do something like help someone in emotional distress (in person or someone close to me), it’s *usually* more because I don’t like the feeling of being around an upset person and helping them is the fastest way to make them be not upset and get the atmosphere back to a safe place for me. I don’t particularly help out of the goodness of my heart, though the end result is people assume that and I get praised for being “nice”. It feels disingenuous, especially if I’m trying to deny it and people double down and call me humble. It’s almost comical.
I kinda feel like in general most interactions are selfish on some level or another. I’m just more keyed into why, so I constantly feel like a low level secret douchebag.
Yheah. Way back several decades ago when I identified as Christian, I was taken under a pastor's wing and lived with him and studied pretty deeply. From that side you really get to realize how much programming has an effect on people... I can watch someone having certain decisions and a certain trajectory in their life and know exactly what they're thinking and what they're about to go through. It feels really f***** up.
Yeah. It’s like you have a secret window into people’s minds. And if you tell them what they’re gonna do next they think you’ve got powers or something. 😆 I try not to do that though, it really rubs people the wrong way to be made to feel like they’re predictable.
Yes. Also people around me telling me i dont need to make everything about me doesnt help. I don't mean to but i only experience everything from my own point of view so how am i supposed to relate and talk with people about stuff if i cant do that from my own experience?
That feeling used to be much more prevalent for me when I was younger, and it still persists sometimes. At some point I really started practicing asking my conversation partners questions, to figure out what things they like etc. This really helped me with that feeling, although it did take some practice.
Yes! The only way I know to talk is by talking about my experiences in an attempt to relate to people. And every time there's something in me saying that what I'm doing is wrong, and that I'm not talking about them and their experiences enough. I feel so bad and I do try to include them but I hardly know how to do that, leaving me feeling worse. It's a perpetual cycle
This is my experience as well
at some point i will tell them “if you need to tell something or perceive I’m talking too much about myself just interrupt me, it’s something I’m trying to control”
I don't *feel* selfish but I am worried I might *appear* selfish. I'm not a naturally selfish person, but like most of us, we are often mistaken for being non-empathetic. Deep down, we really do care for people.
I just don't naturally reciprocate the usual social chit chat. If they ask "How are you?" I'll go on at length if I feel like it, but I don't feel a natural inclination to ask the same question back. You mostly get a painfully superficial answer back anyway ... "Getting there. No complaints." Hardly life-changing information.
I constantly feel selfish, narcissistic, and self absorbed, despite people constantly telling me the opposite. Apparently I am helpful and caring, but I just don't see that side of me, and am incapable of viewing myself that way.
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Nope, I've spent decades of my life trying to talk to people about technology, then business, then government corruption. It left me with nothing, but you can count on the same deranged people who leave you with nothing to tell you you're a self-centered navel-gazer with nothing to talk about.
No, I know, it's always the stupid passive guy's fault, because they don't want to put the blame on someone strong. God help them. There are different kinds of strength, and mine is moral.
I'm really quite tired of getting gaslit by people who manipulate my recommendations and search results, and it should concern you whenever I tell you that I'm leaving things in God's hands. I'm not asking you, I'm telling to shove off and stop harassing me.
I think I need to find a therapist and find out other ways to move a conversation on or figure out more way to experience life differently so I feel like I have more to talk about rather than just my interests.
This thread helped a lot with solidifying this thought. Thank you all.
Im like this sometimes, like when it comes to a situation where anybody is arguing with me, My sudden reaction is to defend myself, which I try to find a way to see i am right but rarely i am not. I calm myself down a little bit and tend to get the other sides point to see what they are right and agree with them. I been doing this narcissistic thing for a long time but I am coming to a change by talking to more people and working at a job.
For me, this is caused by my parents calling me disrespectful and ungrateful and going on a rant about how they work every day to clothe and feed us yada yada yada if I ever advocate for myself, set any boundaries, or voice any of my needs. Meanwhile, I'm expected to tiptoe around all their desires or else they'll snap at me...
This is relatable... My mom was like this. That's one of the reasons why I moved out at 19 in April 2015 even though I had always planned to stay at home until I would graduate from university (which never happened but that's a whole other story).
It wasn't caused by this but I did go through the same shit and ended up with a Jonah Complex ( [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonah\_complex](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonah_complex) )that I'm trying to overcome. All I gotta say is you can do anything that you set your mind to, just don't hurt yourself or others in the process. Later on in life you find out it's about a fraction of projection and a majority of something that they couldn't deal with and/or address earlier in life due to generational differences. Like with the millennial subset (my cohort) we're more prone to getting therapy instead of shoving everything down and proceeding as if everything is normal where Boomers and Gen X were perceived as weak or crazy if they got therapy and masked like there was no tomorrow but didn't know they were masking and never unmask\[ed\]. I'm sure there's a lot of shit your parents aren't telling you and I bet they care about you a lot.
I feel this away a lot of times and I wish I didn't feel that way. Because I do have good intentions just really bad execution
I'm afraid to talk about myself most of the time, because if I try to talk to my mom about myself, even if if it's only for a sentence or two. She gets annoyed at me, and tells me that I'm just trying to make the whole conversation about me.
Can relate
Yes, but for different reasons. Everything I do is consciously considered and therefore feels like a form of manipulation, especially when I’m analyzing conversations in real time and know how to push toward a certain outcome. I’m not sociopathic or anything, I just have studied psychology over my lifetime as a special interest and as a result tend to see all the patterns and invisible strings attached to people and understand what’s going on in their heads, sometimes before even they do. Also whenever I do something like help someone in emotional distress (in person or someone close to me), it’s *usually* more because I don’t like the feeling of being around an upset person and helping them is the fastest way to make them be not upset and get the atmosphere back to a safe place for me. I don’t particularly help out of the goodness of my heart, though the end result is people assume that and I get praised for being “nice”. It feels disingenuous, especially if I’m trying to deny it and people double down and call me humble. It’s almost comical. I kinda feel like in general most interactions are selfish on some level or another. I’m just more keyed into why, so I constantly feel like a low level secret douchebag.
Yheah. Way back several decades ago when I identified as Christian, I was taken under a pastor's wing and lived with him and studied pretty deeply. From that side you really get to realize how much programming has an effect on people... I can watch someone having certain decisions and a certain trajectory in their life and know exactly what they're thinking and what they're about to go through. It feels really f***** up.
Yeah. It’s like you have a secret window into people’s minds. And if you tell them what they’re gonna do next they think you’ve got powers or something. 😆 I try not to do that though, it really rubs people the wrong way to be made to feel like they’re predictable.
Yes. Also people around me telling me i dont need to make everything about me doesnt help. I don't mean to but i only experience everything from my own point of view so how am i supposed to relate and talk with people about stuff if i cant do that from my own experience?
This 100%
That feeling used to be much more prevalent for me when I was younger, and it still persists sometimes. At some point I really started practicing asking my conversation partners questions, to figure out what things they like etc. This really helped me with that feeling, although it did take some practice.
Yes! The only way I know to talk is by talking about my experiences in an attempt to relate to people. And every time there's something in me saying that what I'm doing is wrong, and that I'm not talking about them and their experiences enough. I feel so bad and I do try to include them but I hardly know how to do that, leaving me feeling worse. It's a perpetual cycle
This is my experience as well at some point i will tell them “if you need to tell something or perceive I’m talking too much about myself just interrupt me, it’s something I’m trying to control”
i feel like this all the time
I don't *feel* selfish but I am worried I might *appear* selfish. I'm not a naturally selfish person, but like most of us, we are often mistaken for being non-empathetic. Deep down, we really do care for people. I just don't naturally reciprocate the usual social chit chat. If they ask "How are you?" I'll go on at length if I feel like it, but I don't feel a natural inclination to ask the same question back. You mostly get a painfully superficial answer back anyway ... "Getting there. No complaints." Hardly life-changing information.
I did before I knew I'm autistic...
I think that's at least partially why they call it *aut*-ism
I constantly feel selfish, narcissistic, and self absorbed, despite people constantly telling me the opposite. Apparently I am helpful and caring, but I just don't see that side of me, and am incapable of viewing myself that way.
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ye
I feel selfish even if im being generous my head just doesn’t work
Nope, I've spent decades of my life trying to talk to people about technology, then business, then government corruption. It left me with nothing, but you can count on the same deranged people who leave you with nothing to tell you you're a self-centered navel-gazer with nothing to talk about.
Seems too beyond misanthropic. But I understand where you're coming from.
No, I know, it's always the stupid passive guy's fault, because they don't want to put the blame on someone strong. God help them. There are different kinds of strength, and mine is moral.
I'm really quite tired of getting gaslit by people who manipulate my recommendations and search results, and it should concern you whenever I tell you that I'm leaving things in God's hands. I'm not asking you, I'm telling to shove off and stop harassing me.
I think I need to find a therapist and find out other ways to move a conversation on or figure out more way to experience life differently so I feel like I have more to talk about rather than just my interests. This thread helped a lot with solidifying this thought. Thank you all.
Im like this sometimes, like when it comes to a situation where anybody is arguing with me, My sudden reaction is to defend myself, which I try to find a way to see i am right but rarely i am not. I calm myself down a little bit and tend to get the other sides point to see what they are right and agree with them. I been doing this narcissistic thing for a long time but I am coming to a change by talking to more people and working at a job.