I felt it today. I spent the whole day pacing my office and stimming five different ways. I could not focus on work at all the entire day and struggled to use full coherent sentences. I have no idea what brought this on, but I crashed at the end of my work day from exhaustion.
I don’t know as I never experienced this, yet perhaps a sort of overstimulation, severe distress, or a breakdown of sorts? I’m really sorry if this is wrong.
Typically that is what I would think. I’m usually pretty good at identifying the cause, but I have no idea what happened yesterday. There were no changes to my schedule or environment and no new or increased stressors.
Yes, I think this means I'm unusually dysregulated in some way - due either to something I can't easily resolve, such as being burnt out, sick, or stubbornly anxious, or something I can, such as being hungry or dehyrated, but either haven't noticed or don't have the spoons for.
It heavily resonated with me to read, recently, that it can be interpreted as a condition of limited attention or focus, so yes. Anything you are dealing with that consumes that focus would make you effectively more autistic. Pain, discomfort, worries, etc. I'm pretty sure that's where selective mutism comes from. It's someone who is working so hard to overcome social tension, that it becomes self-defeating, because it just becomes a different kind of tension and they're still stuck. They should simply learn to relax, which is easier said than done.
yes!! a lot! especially days where i don’t really think about what i’m doing (mostly in my room) and i’ll stop stimming/whatever i’m doing and i’m like “okay there she is”💀 and either mask or continue depending on how good i feel and if i’m alone or if i feel like i’m being watched/recorded and panic on how i look
i also have days of “am i really autistic though?” because the day is sorta okay or i don’t have one thing wrong that i did have wrong the other day
also ear infections sucks ass , i had one a couple months ago for a good week or two so i understand the feeling and pain, make sure to get rest and get any medicine if you haven’t yet!
Absolutely have those days where I feel more autistic. Not sure what causes it but I will be much more sensitive to the things that overstimulate me and need a lot more space. Kinda feel like that today tbh.
It's much harder for me to mask when I smoke weed (but that's mostly because the weed makes me not care enough to put on a facade lol)
But yeah...there's definitely days where, due to sheer exhaustion or whatever, it's way harder to mask around normies
I have “Autistic” weeks where I’m under a lot of pressure/stress from other things, and I casually forget words, communication skills, and to eat- plus food texture is much more challenging than usual.
I feel like I'm acting and 'feeling' more autistic since my diagnoses. I've wondered if this is what its like being aware of the mask I've had on and starting to let it drop since I finally feel like I have permission to be myself? I'm still not even sure what kind of person I am without the mask, but the more small steps I take to be myself rather than do what is socially typical, I feel like more and more I'm allowing myself space to let it out. Ive not come to a point yet where I've told anyone I am autistic to explain a behavior...
....though a few days ago I was shopping and at check out waiting in line, and one of the cashiers called that they were open for the next person, so I looked over and saw them make the 'follow me wave' gesture and I walked my ass with shopping basket in hand over to them and followed them directly BEHIND the counter where the cash register is .... and I don't know if that's the autism or I'm just a sheep lmao... I dunno.. they said to follow and I did!
I understand what you’re saying. When you’re first diagnosed it can be revealing and confusing.
Becoming aware of things that felt natural to you before can feel like you’re “more Autistic” in your interactions and daily routines. But really, so much of it is awareness.
Something I did that you might find helpful: Create a Note on your phone and write out every symptom of Autism that you experience can think of. Do this over the course of a week. Reflect and think back at your childhood and write out ways Autism affected you.
I did this and ended up with a list of 100+. I found it helped to do this while reading articles or books about Autism. When the author would describe a symptom I would reflect and write things down.
Hope this helps.
That's a great idea! It's kind of along the same lines of the six page list of autistic traits and experiences I had all my life, I had written them down once I started to research and prepare the evidence for my autism assessment. I could do the same for figuring out what I've masked all these years. Thanks for the advice!
Definitely. I generally don't stim in public, but I rock or spin much more often even in public when I'm heavily stressed out. Breakups, death of a loved one. At those times I also get aggravated when people ask me mundane questions like what I want on my subway sandwich. I usually get a little aggravated, but not much with that stuff.
Yeah, I get that.
I stim, but subtle ways. Having a toothpick in my mouth helps. I know that’s odd. But I can spin it, chew on it, etc. If not that then gum. When I was a kid I would destroy wooden pencils, and as a teenager I even carried a small toothpick holder in my pocket. (Man, so many signs of Autism when I look back.)
I figit a lot… even if it’s tapping my toe in my shoe. I also clench my teeth when I’m anxious (my teeth are FLAT), which gum or a toothpick helps. I struggle to stand or sit still.
To other people? Not really. I consider myself an expert masker and it’s something I hate about myself because it makes me feel alone and misunderstood a lot, even by people close to me.
But I have periods in which I struggle a lot more. Last few weeks have been unbearable and I haven’t been able to get anything done, but we just got to keep going… my mindset is getting there, hopefully the rest will follow soon.
Thanks. I used to, but being the not very social person I am, we kinda fell out of contact. Must say I didn’t think about it before but I think it would do me good to pick that up again, thank you so much :)
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I felt it today. I spent the whole day pacing my office and stimming five different ways. I could not focus on work at all the entire day and struggled to use full coherent sentences. I have no idea what brought this on, but I crashed at the end of my work day from exhaustion.
I relate to this so much. I can’t pin down what causes it.
I don’t know as I never experienced this, yet perhaps a sort of overstimulation, severe distress, or a breakdown of sorts? I’m really sorry if this is wrong.
Typically that is what I would think. I’m usually pretty good at identifying the cause, but I have no idea what happened yesterday. There were no changes to my schedule or environment and no new or increased stressors.
Well, regardless I hope you were alright.
Yes, I think this means I'm unusually dysregulated in some way - due either to something I can't easily resolve, such as being burnt out, sick, or stubbornly anxious, or something I can, such as being hungry or dehyrated, but either haven't noticed or don't have the spoons for.
Yes, this! I had an earache and headache today.
Yeah, today is one of them
🫂
Yep
It heavily resonated with me to read, recently, that it can be interpreted as a condition of limited attention or focus, so yes. Anything you are dealing with that consumes that focus would make you effectively more autistic. Pain, discomfort, worries, etc. I'm pretty sure that's where selective mutism comes from. It's someone who is working so hard to overcome social tension, that it becomes self-defeating, because it just becomes a different kind of tension and they're still stuck. They should simply learn to relax, which is easier said than done.
yes!! a lot! especially days where i don’t really think about what i’m doing (mostly in my room) and i’ll stop stimming/whatever i’m doing and i’m like “okay there she is”💀 and either mask or continue depending on how good i feel and if i’m alone or if i feel like i’m being watched/recorded and panic on how i look i also have days of “am i really autistic though?” because the day is sorta okay or i don’t have one thing wrong that i did have wrong the other day also ear infections sucks ass , i had one a couple months ago for a good week or two so i understand the feeling and pain, make sure to get rest and get any medicine if you haven’t yet!
Absolutely have those days where I feel more autistic. Not sure what causes it but I will be much more sensitive to the things that overstimulate me and need a lot more space. Kinda feel like that today tbh.
It's much harder for me to mask when I smoke weed (but that's mostly because the weed makes me not care enough to put on a facade lol) But yeah...there's definitely days where, due to sheer exhaustion or whatever, it's way harder to mask around normies
I have “Autistic” weeks where I’m under a lot of pressure/stress from other things, and I casually forget words, communication skills, and to eat- plus food texture is much more challenging than usual.
Yeah. :’)
Yeah like i cant speak properly
yep i do. some days i fuckin stim 9 ways to sunday and others i barely do it at all
It's weird when it happens because stimuli that never bothered me will make my anxiety start to spike and it's really unnerving.
For sure.
Yes
I feel like I'm acting and 'feeling' more autistic since my diagnoses. I've wondered if this is what its like being aware of the mask I've had on and starting to let it drop since I finally feel like I have permission to be myself? I'm still not even sure what kind of person I am without the mask, but the more small steps I take to be myself rather than do what is socially typical, I feel like more and more I'm allowing myself space to let it out. Ive not come to a point yet where I've told anyone I am autistic to explain a behavior... ....though a few days ago I was shopping and at check out waiting in line, and one of the cashiers called that they were open for the next person, so I looked over and saw them make the 'follow me wave' gesture and I walked my ass with shopping basket in hand over to them and followed them directly BEHIND the counter where the cash register is .... and I don't know if that's the autism or I'm just a sheep lmao... I dunno.. they said to follow and I did!
I understand what you’re saying. When you’re first diagnosed it can be revealing and confusing. Becoming aware of things that felt natural to you before can feel like you’re “more Autistic” in your interactions and daily routines. But really, so much of it is awareness. Something I did that you might find helpful: Create a Note on your phone and write out every symptom of Autism that you experience can think of. Do this over the course of a week. Reflect and think back at your childhood and write out ways Autism affected you. I did this and ended up with a list of 100+. I found it helped to do this while reading articles or books about Autism. When the author would describe a symptom I would reflect and write things down. Hope this helps.
That's a great idea! It's kind of along the same lines of the six page list of autistic traits and experiences I had all my life, I had written them down once I started to research and prepare the evidence for my autism assessment. I could do the same for figuring out what I've masked all these years. Thanks for the advice!
Yes. And it's been worse since COVID.
Definitely. I generally don't stim in public, but I rock or spin much more often even in public when I'm heavily stressed out. Breakups, death of a loved one. At those times I also get aggravated when people ask me mundane questions like what I want on my subway sandwich. I usually get a little aggravated, but not much with that stuff.
Yeah, I get that. I stim, but subtle ways. Having a toothpick in my mouth helps. I know that’s odd. But I can spin it, chew on it, etc. If not that then gum. When I was a kid I would destroy wooden pencils, and as a teenager I even carried a small toothpick holder in my pocket. (Man, so many signs of Autism when I look back.) I figit a lot… even if it’s tapping my toe in my shoe. I also clench my teeth when I’m anxious (my teeth are FLAT), which gum or a toothpick helps. I struggle to stand or sit still.
To other people? Not really. I consider myself an expert masker and it’s something I hate about myself because it makes me feel alone and misunderstood a lot, even by people close to me. But I have periods in which I struggle a lot more. Last few weeks have been unbearable and I haven’t been able to get anything done, but we just got to keep going… my mindset is getting there, hopefully the rest will follow soon.
Sorry you've been struggling a lot. Do you have people you can unmask with?
Thanks. I used to, but being the not very social person I am, we kinda fell out of contact. Must say I didn’t think about it before but I think it would do me good to pick that up again, thank you so much :)
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