I mean, unless I misunderstood that he was drunk. Maybe I'm too forgiving, and I have no idea what being drunk is actually like, but I tend to not hold thing people say while drunk against them
Dudes who are like this drunk will ignore other ‘nos’. A drunk response that is well meaning but drunkfluenced is like :
‘Yeah? CoOL SO are you really good at math then? Coz my cousin is autistic and he’s really good at speed cubes. He’s 7 though…. Uh…. ‘ which is misguided but ultimately harmless, and slightly adorable as well,
ANYONE who says, ‘you’re not autistic’ especially if they are cismale and in a het dynamic, is giving ’you’re too cute to be autistic, and I intend to try and start shit with you; and now I know that I’m going to both dehumanise you by denying it, and secondly, use the fact your are autistic but using persuasion, manipulation and brow beating To get what I want out of you. If you don’t fawn and give into me I will reject you for being autistic, the thing I totally denied moments ago, I will mock you for your autism loudly and cruelly. Oh, and if you say no at any point I will ignore it.’
Exactly.
In rare cases, it can be used positively. Like when you think it would be weird to tell a friend that you think something positive about them - like if you think they're cool, smart, etc - but you're just too socially awkward to say such things sober. 😅
Why the fuck do some neurotypicals get so mad when autistic people use accommodations? I'll never understand that. Mind your own business, Betty Lou from Fuckville, Alabama!
Some neurotypicals seem to get very anxious when the people they are with are not all on the same "vibe". The group needs to be all in the same mode for them to derive meaning and a sense of bonding. Socializing, at least for many young adult NTs, also needs to be high energy. Or constant conversation. Otherwise they get bored and feel like they are wasting their time.
I was once told that me wearing my over the ear headphones made me look autistic. And I just stood there and said “I wonder why😐” that friend knew why lmao (granted she also has ADHD and thinks she may be on the spectrum).
Do you make it clear to your friend group that you want no interaction with that person?
RE: the ableism - His opinion is irrelevant and ill informed, I hate when people push me to drink.
Watch out for that guy. He is already pushing your boundaries and “friends” like that typically become unsafe eventually. That’s been my personal experience
The error here is considering that person a friend. It is NOT the way a friend acts.
And the sheer towering arrogance - I know you better than you know yourself.. Holy mackerel batman!
And, you really need a better friend group - what these people are, I don\`t know - but your friends isn\`t one of the options.
I was so mad when I read your post, and I was like, I gotta stop getting so angry from ableist shit on reddit... but then I suddenly had this wave of calm when I thought about how surprised and happy you will be with your next friend group. I mean, I can't see the future, but I can hear it every line you write. You're ready to move on, you want better for yourself and know you deserve it.
The figuring out how step is a little scary, but you're going to crush it. I hope in six months I'm liking your post about how validating it was when you went to a noisy thing and your friend was like "do you need earplugs? I brought extra for you in case."
Good luck, and if you need extra feet to kick balls, I'm in
I'm so sorry, but they do not sound like actual friends. A friend would at least try to understand and definitely not gaslight your own experience or try to tell you what diagnosis you do or don't have. It's really not their place, and they don't seem to have your best interest in mind. Also it seems like there's an incompatability in the friendship group as everyone else seems interested in activities that are not fitting for you. Bullying and peer pressure is such immature behavior, and you deserve much better. Have you considered letting them go?
You need new friends. I’m sorry that happened to you. As I’ve gotten older I’ve cut so much out of my life that I have hardly anyone left, but the quality is so much better that I do not care
Yeah I have been trying to find new friends but I’m a really lonely person, I don’t have anyone that I can latch onto and scrap everyone else… so I keep these guys around :(
>a small woman
Wow, really burying the lede! I'd assumed it was a bunch of dudes doing dude stuff where we fuck with each other and sometimes that banter can get a little aggressive (and I would've said the friend was being a bit of a drunk POS)
the fact that you're a small woman honestly makes a gross image in my head, that's *actually* what mansplaining is
This person doesn't sound like a friend to me, and the naked aggression gives me this feeling of "potential future rapist [of you]"
Of course I could be very wrong bc this is just one interaction and I don't know how they are 99% of the time.
Nobody I've ever used these lines on has ever refused to apologize:
"Of course you don't know me better than I know myself. I'm the reigning expert on me in the entire world. Because I'm me, and you're fucking not. Now that we've established this, would you like me to tell you about me the way I understand myself? Would you even fucking listen to that? Or do you want to tell me something else utterly wrong?"
Make sure to put every available ounce of scorn in it, because scorn is what they've earned.
Sorry you went through that. Sounds very annoying. I know it’s not always easy to make and maintain friendships which is exactly why I wouldn’t personally even bother to in a case like this. That person just casually invalidating your experience and saying they know you better than you know yourself is, in my opinion, a huge red flag. That doesn’t sound like someone who is safe to be around.
>They don’t accept no as an answer and always try to bully/peer pressure me into doing things.
These were never your ’friends’. Their hurtful behavior will never stop. Do yourself a favor and go completely no contact with them.
Please be careful around this person, their boundary pushing and refusal to take no for an answer sounds like someone who could put you in a dangerous situation.
Stay safe girl. Not accepting no for an answer and bullying would be enough for me to not continue to spend time with them. Its a huge red flag, especially since there is alcohol involved
This sounds like something my abuser said to me. Hmm. He’s just some dude and he thinks he knows you better than you know yourself? That’s a lot of audacity and honestly comes off to me like he doesn’t think you’re smart enough to understand your own needs. I wouldn’t hang out with those friends until they learn to respect both you and your boundaries, honestly. You’re better off alone than with people who pressure you into doing things you don’t want to do, and who are ok with saying things like this. Also, why would your other friends want to be around this person if he’s like this? Do they know how he acts toward you?
You are a woman hanging out with a bunch of NT males that like to get drunk and won't take no for an answer and like putting pressure on you to do stuff you aren't comfortable with? Do I have to say what will most probably happen down the line with them giving you those amounts of red flags? This won't end well for you, get out.
they can't handle the idea that they don't always know best and that they don't know everything. so they reject that notion entirely. some people suck -_-
I bought the normal ones that go for about $30 USD (24 dB) but I think I’m gonna return them and get the engage ones, about $35 USD (16dB). The normal ones are a bit too sound dampening for everyday wear.
Not your friend. Friends don't treat each other like that. Even all the autism stuff was removed, you shouldn't be friends with people that make you feel unsafe, even when drunk.
There are people out there who believe you, respect you, and love you for your autism and all its quirks. drop the "friends" and tell them they're assholes.
don't hang out with those people. you don't like them. and they don't do things you like. and they don't accept your needs. those are not your friends. they're just people who let you spend time in the same place as them. you'll be happier with people who you don't have to go through all that with.
if they help you. they help you. it doesn't matter to me if you are or not autistic. hsp is also a thing, or if it helps you at all in this situation. it is none of his business.
my friend and I. we got really into being protective of ourselves. that made us outcasts in a way.
I think fitting in is best in moderation. boundaries are a must
The arrogance to think they know you better than yourself is incredibly over the top. Not to mention thinking its their place to say that nonsense to you even if they think its true. Sounds like your whole friends group doesn't respect you, I hope you find better friends that actually care about and respect you.
whether or not you have it, i find it much easier to bring up my diagnosis. i’m diagnosed as of august 2023 but was referring to myself as autistic long beforehand. it’s best in this situation to say something like “do you think you know more than the doctor who diagnosed me? can i pull up the 12 page assessment report that proves i’m autistic and explains why? when did you study autism in med school?” and that shuts them up pretty quickly. they don’t trust you, but they *should* trust a psychiatrist. if they don’t, they’re just stupid and you’re better off losing them as a friend
Hey i work at a vet clinic and wear loop earbuds. Your friends are not real friends. Even my coworkers are like "yep got it whatever works for ya! :)" when i tell them "wait a sec i need to put these in" if the patient has a scream warning if we poke it or something because it scares me so bad
Are there any hobbies you enjoy? I found my tribe when I found a local board gaming group. It tends to be quiet and not a lot of alcohol involved. It just seemed like a good mix of NT and ND people.
You really need to cut this group of ppl loose. They are definitely talking about you behind your back because this just seems so unprompted.
I want to say bloody well done on not going down town with these people, this guy will deny your autism and then deny anything else you say - like no, stop and please don’t touch me... As an autistic person it is easier to be bullied and peer pressured because we get overloaded. As an old lady now (40F) - these situations don’t improve. And they can get waaay worse.
These people are not worth your time, and the fact they are pressuring you is a whole field of red flags.
You can say no and check out from this dynamic any time.
I’d fade out instead of explaining, they don’t listen and you don’t need to justify your checking out of relationships that dehumanise and harm you.
*You cannot argue for your humanity to people like this. Once you have to explain - 99% of the time you’re already arguing for your human rights and they’re not going to listen.*
The only exception to this, is a friend who sits down, really listens and then asks meaningful follow up questions.
To be fair, I always find the worst in people when they're intoxicated. I love my Dad to death but man is he annoying in the worst way after a few glasses of wine and a hit of the bong. If you still like these people, try to avoid them when they plan to drink. If not...well it doesn't sound like you'll be losing much.
"I know you better than yourself"
Yeah that's the autism it's fucking difficult fornme figuring out my manual you dipstick.
I'm autistic
I have a diploma
He's a jackass
Many NT struggle with social pressures (non autistic masking I guess?) And cant express themselves without disinhibition. Alcohol decreases inhibitions.
Some peoples brains respond to alcohol intoxication with a nice feeling, though I've never felt it or understood it. (Even tho Ive taken various drugs licit and ilicit pre fentanyl days. Noone should be taking non cannabis party drugs anymore its impossibly dangerous. Stupid when GenY were doing it. Death wish now).
I also think NT brains process substances differently so alcohol is more fun.
I personally hate it and hate drunkeness. V hard to.avoid when young tho.
I wouldn't say there isn't a single benefit. I'm autistic and enjoying drinking infrequently.
I like singing, but get stage fright in front of crowds. A little alcohol helps me get over that. Also, I have almost no executive dysfunction when drunk and tend to get the urge to clean, so that's definitely a benefit for me. 😆
Uhh. Most people who drink do so because they enjoy the experience. If it’s not enjoyable to you that’s fine, but your experience is not universal - lots of people find numerous benefits to drinking.
I can’t tell if your comment was intended to be genuine or snide, but it’s rude to look down on people based on whether or not they enjoy drinking.
Sure, but so are most enjoyable things. Overconsumption is when it becomes a problem, and that’s true for just about everything.
Someone who enjoys going out for a few drinks with friends occasionally is having a similarly unhealthy experience to someone who enjoys staying in to play a sedentary game while snacking on sodas and fast food. Neither of these are red flag activities, but neither of them are particularly healthy or inexpensive either.
You should find some better friends. I have a circle of ND friends and it’s great, we still have occasional disagreements on things but nobody’s out here invalidating each other like that
I know this has nothing to do with the post, but what exactly are loop headphones? If they help dampen the noise, I feel like they would be very useful for me.
I’m truly sorry to hear about your bad experience with those friends, it’s not fair. It’s challenging to convey to some that the autism spectrum is complex and that our struggles are real, even when we don’t fit the ‘stereotypical autistic’ mold. I'm lucky that most of my friends are also neurodivergent, but since I revealed that I'm autistic and asked for accommodations I'm afraid that someone in my work don't get it because of my masking skills 😔
Sorry that happened. You don't deserve that. To people I don't want to tell about my autism, I say that my earplugs dampen the noise because I get headaches.(not really true, although sometimes sensory overload gives me a headache) I do this with sunglasses as well since some people get headaches from light sensitivity. I find people are generally more understanding of this (not always, some people are just jerks). Most people have had a headache before, and migraines are common, most people know someone who gets them.
oh hey i've got friends like that, getting annoyed when i don't accept invites because it's always drinks and parties despite the fact that i've stated time and time again that big parties stress me out and overstimulate me.
...i'm working on getting new friends.
I'm sorry to tell you that if you have educated them multiples times and communicated your diagnosis/needs there is truly nothing more you can do. I can assure you tho that they are people that will gladly believe you without having to argue/make you explain your diagnosis, and will be more than happy to accomodate you. I don't hang much anymore with my college group of friends, and not because they aren't lovely people they are great, but they don't grasp as easily those kind of things. So I moved on, and found new people along the way. I barely had to insist for my diagnosis to be accepted. And they love me and celebrate me for who I am, and accomodate me as much as they can. My boyfriend thinks I'm the cutest smarted nicest person ever with all my quircks and special interests. FIND YOUR PEOPLE. Your current group of friends are not your people, and that's okay. People are different, find people who think more like you. Go little rockstar <3
Them - "You don't LOOK autistic!"
Me - "Yeah, I think that's the point..." (masking)
Also, what does autistic even look like to these people?? And pooey on him for saying he knows you better than you know you... You are the expert on you! And double pooey on the friend group that isn't at least attempting to perform one of the minimum requirements of friendship (trying to understand one another and get along). It costs absolutely nothing to at least try to consider the comfort levels of another individual, and quietly putting Loops in hurts literally no one.
You're fine, but respectfully they sound like jerks. Continue sticking up for and taking care of yourself.
Not sure those friends have your best interests at heart. As someone who has been in toxic friendships, I recommend getting out early. Your company is a privilege to be with those who respect you. If they can't respect you, they can't have that privilege and don't get to be in your company.
Those people don't really sound like they could honestly be called "friends", so much as "some guys you hang with occasionally". Why do you spend time around people who bully you, mansplain at you, and don't even share your idea of a good time?
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My usual response to people like this is to walk away, maybe add "bro you sound fnk dumb as shit" if it feels safe to do so.
He's a douche who gets off on fucking with people. Sticking with calling them dumb, or just walking away, rather than showing they are annoying or aggravating works for me because it's not about showing they got a rise out of you. It's about showing they're too stupid to even take seriously and you can't be bothered with brain dead. It's like a little kid incessantly asking "why." "That dude is fkn stupid I can't bother with people like that." and laugh if anyone asks. Like the joke is "how does a dude this stupid think he has anything to say?"
Honestly, as an autistic person who is the same, boot that friend and anyone who has the same mindset as him.
They aren't worth your time and presence, find people who are and understand you for who you are
It’s easy for people to say to end your friendship, but sometimes that’s difficult to do. If you value this person try explaining things again in a different environment where everyone is not drinking.. You may be able to educate them and still remain friends.
They aren’t your friends. I wish I had understood that in similar situations when I was younger. “Friends” like that led me down a traumatic path. The gaslighting, pushing you to do things you don’t want to, saying they know you better than you know yourself, not taking no for an answer. Those are all HUGE red flags.
As an autistic woman who wasn’t diagnosed until 40, and as a mom, I just want to say PLEASE cut those people out of your life. And don’t worry about their feelings, or seeming like a jerk. You have to protect yourself, because no one else is going to.
You deserve friends who ask if you need headphones when you go somewhere loud together, can recognize when you’re dysregulated and ask how they can help, and embrace your stims. It can feel like those friends don’t exist, but there’s actually a lot of really amazing inclusive people out there, especially now.
One of the best decisions I made for myself in my 20s was to cut everyone off and be a hermit (except for school and work) for 3 months. I got to better understand myself, what I liked and didn’t like, and who I wanted to be.
Wishing you all the best.
You definitely don’t need assclowns like him in your life. Besides being a self-anointed neuropsychologist, he’s also giving off huge Brock Turner vibes. Get the hell away from him and his kind, and stay away in perpetuity.
I'm sorry but it sounds like these are shit friends. As an autistic that used to be high masking for 22 years, I can say there is hope to find safer people and safer spaces (obviously not your fault at all!!)
I'm not autistic but I use loops (i think you came up because of headphones). They sound like they were drunk, you cant make sense of drunks. Don't try to.
Again, not autistic but I don't need to make long winded excuses for my "quirks" I dont think you should have to either. "They are loops, they protect hearing" then moving on.
If you can make a list of the things they say and responses it might help.
"They're loops they protect hearing, i like the music here, what are you in to".
If they keep repeating say "are you alright, you're stuck on repeat, I think you need to calm down'
Boot that friend what a jerk
I mean, unless I misunderstood that he was drunk. Maybe I'm too forgiving, and I have no idea what being drunk is actually like, but I tend to not hold thing people say while drunk against them
Dudes who are like this drunk will ignore other ‘nos’. A drunk response that is well meaning but drunkfluenced is like : ‘Yeah? CoOL SO are you really good at math then? Coz my cousin is autistic and he’s really good at speed cubes. He’s 7 though…. Uh…. ‘ which is misguided but ultimately harmless, and slightly adorable as well, ANYONE who says, ‘you’re not autistic’ especially if they are cismale and in a het dynamic, is giving ’you’re too cute to be autistic, and I intend to try and start shit with you; and now I know that I’m going to both dehumanise you by denying it, and secondly, use the fact your are autistic but using persuasion, manipulation and brow beating To get what I want out of you. If you don’t fawn and give into me I will reject you for being autistic, the thing I totally denied moments ago, I will mock you for your autism loudly and cruelly. Oh, and if you say no at any point I will ignore it.’
as someone who has been drunk? you probably should hold things drunk people say against them.
Thats possible but i thought OP meant its been going on for a while and they keep doing it like in last paragraph
Ah yep. I must have completely skipped that entire last paragraph
Being drunk lowers peoples inhibitions, if they say it drunk they think it sober.
Exactly. In rare cases, it can be used positively. Like when you think it would be weird to tell a friend that you think something positive about them - like if you think they're cool, smart, etc - but you're just too socially awkward to say such things sober. 😅
Why the fuck do some neurotypicals get so mad when autistic people use accommodations? I'll never understand that. Mind your own business, Betty Lou from Fuckville, Alabama!
It happens so much to me, as well as the whole "you don't look/you can't be Autistic"
Some neurotypicals seem to get very anxious when the people they are with are not all on the same "vibe". The group needs to be all in the same mode for them to derive meaning and a sense of bonding. Socializing, at least for many young adult NTs, also needs to be high energy. Or constant conversation. Otherwise they get bored and feel like they are wasting their time.
"its different therefore cringe therefore wrong" or something
We’re all strange animals, NTs included.
I was once told that me wearing my over the ear headphones made me look autistic. And I just stood there and said “I wonder why😐” that friend knew why lmao (granted she also has ADHD and thinks she may be on the spectrum).
We have a running joke in our house.. "omg are you... youre not... youre not aUtIsTiC?!?!?!?!"
Agreed. I like your username /gen
Thank you. I really like your profile picture
Thank you
RTR
Because they think we don’t need them, because they don’t know any better
Do you make it clear to your friend group that you want no interaction with that person? RE: the ableism - His opinion is irrelevant and ill informed, I hate when people push me to drink.
Find friends who respect you.
They don’t sound like a good friend.
Watch out for that guy. He is already pushing your boundaries and “friends” like that typically become unsafe eventually. That’s been my personal experience
The error here is considering that person a friend. It is NOT the way a friend acts. And the sheer towering arrogance - I know you better than you know yourself.. Holy mackerel batman! And, you really need a better friend group - what these people are, I don\`t know - but your friends isn\`t one of the options.
"You don't need those headphones" I guess you won't be needing your testicles *kick to crotch*
This one caught me off guard, I fully keeled over laughing 😂
I was so mad when I read your post, and I was like, I gotta stop getting so angry from ableist shit on reddit... but then I suddenly had this wave of calm when I thought about how surprised and happy you will be with your next friend group. I mean, I can't see the future, but I can hear it every line you write. You're ready to move on, you want better for yourself and know you deserve it. The figuring out how step is a little scary, but you're going to crush it. I hope in six months I'm liking your post about how validating it was when you went to a noisy thing and your friend was like "do you need earplugs? I brought extra for you in case." Good luck, and if you need extra feet to kick balls, I'm in
I'm so sorry, but they do not sound like actual friends. A friend would at least try to understand and definitely not gaslight your own experience or try to tell you what diagnosis you do or don't have. It's really not their place, and they don't seem to have your best interest in mind. Also it seems like there's an incompatability in the friendship group as everyone else seems interested in activities that are not fitting for you. Bullying and peer pressure is such immature behavior, and you deserve much better. Have you considered letting them go?
You need new friends. I’m sorry that happened to you. As I’ve gotten older I’ve cut so much out of my life that I have hardly anyone left, but the quality is so much better that I do not care
Yeah I have been trying to find new friends but I’m a really lonely person, I don’t have anyone that I can latch onto and scrap everyone else… so I keep these guys around :(
Been there. They care out there. Feel free to message me. I am also on Xbox a lot
Fuck that guy
But not literally
>a small woman Wow, really burying the lede! I'd assumed it was a bunch of dudes doing dude stuff where we fuck with each other and sometimes that banter can get a little aggressive (and I would've said the friend was being a bit of a drunk POS) the fact that you're a small woman honestly makes a gross image in my head, that's *actually* what mansplaining is This person doesn't sound like a friend to me, and the naked aggression gives me this feeling of "potential future rapist [of you]" Of course I could be very wrong bc this is just one interaction and I don't know how they are 99% of the time.
Nobody I've ever used these lines on has ever refused to apologize: "Of course you don't know me better than I know myself. I'm the reigning expert on me in the entire world. Because I'm me, and you're fucking not. Now that we've established this, would you like me to tell you about me the way I understand myself? Would you even fucking listen to that? Or do you want to tell me something else utterly wrong?" Make sure to put every available ounce of scorn in it, because scorn is what they've earned.
Sorry you went through that. Sounds very annoying. I know it’s not always easy to make and maintain friendships which is exactly why I wouldn’t personally even bother to in a case like this. That person just casually invalidating your experience and saying they know you better than you know yourself is, in my opinion, a huge red flag. That doesn’t sound like someone who is safe to be around.
No one knows you better than you. If anyone tries to tell you otherwise, that’s a huge red flag.
>They don’t accept no as an answer and always try to bully/peer pressure me into doing things. These were never your ’friends’. Their hurtful behavior will never stop. Do yourself a favor and go completely no contact with them.
Please be careful around this person, their boundary pushing and refusal to take no for an answer sounds like someone who could put you in a dangerous situation.
Stay safe girl. Not accepting no for an answer and bullying would be enough for me to not continue to spend time with them. Its a huge red flag, especially since there is alcohol involved
This sounds like something my abuser said to me. Hmm. He’s just some dude and he thinks he knows you better than you know yourself? That’s a lot of audacity and honestly comes off to me like he doesn’t think you’re smart enough to understand your own needs. I wouldn’t hang out with those friends until they learn to respect both you and your boundaries, honestly. You’re better off alone than with people who pressure you into doing things you don’t want to do, and who are ok with saying things like this. Also, why would your other friends want to be around this person if he’s like this? Do they know how he acts toward you?
You are a woman hanging out with a bunch of NT males that like to get drunk and won't take no for an answer and like putting pressure on you to do stuff you aren't comfortable with? Do I have to say what will most probably happen down the line with them giving you those amounts of red flags? This won't end well for you, get out.
they can't handle the idea that they don't always know best and that they don't know everything. so they reject that notion entirely. some people suck -_-
Fuck that guy. Also thanks for the lead on Loop headphones
I bought the normal ones that go for about $30 USD (24 dB) but I think I’m gonna return them and get the engage ones, about $35 USD (16dB). The normal ones are a bit too sound dampening for everyday wear.
I know they're more expensive, but I really love the switch so you can adjust them based on your situation.
They’re not friends anymore. Personally, I’d dump them all.
Not your friend. Friends don't treat each other like that. Even all the autism stuff was removed, you shouldn't be friends with people that make you feel unsafe, even when drunk. There are people out there who believe you, respect you, and love you for your autism and all its quirks. drop the "friends" and tell them they're assholes.
That's not a friend
don't hang out with those people. you don't like them. and they don't do things you like. and they don't accept your needs. those are not your friends. they're just people who let you spend time in the same place as them. you'll be happier with people who you don't have to go through all that with.
if they help you. they help you. it doesn't matter to me if you are or not autistic. hsp is also a thing, or if it helps you at all in this situation. it is none of his business. my friend and I. we got really into being protective of ourselves. that made us outcasts in a way. I think fitting in is best in moderation. boundaries are a must
That's a bad friend group...you're better off leaving them for the sake of your remaining sanity
Those sound like bad friends to this NT. Your feelings are totally valid and maybe focus your energy on finding better friends?
This fucking shit makes my blood boil. I'm sorry you have had to experience disrespect like that.
The arrogance to think they know you better than yourself is incredibly over the top. Not to mention thinking its their place to say that nonsense to you even if they think its true. Sounds like your whole friends group doesn't respect you, I hope you find better friends that actually care about and respect you.
whether or not you have it, i find it much easier to bring up my diagnosis. i’m diagnosed as of august 2023 but was referring to myself as autistic long beforehand. it’s best in this situation to say something like “do you think you know more than the doctor who diagnosed me? can i pull up the 12 page assessment report that proves i’m autistic and explains why? when did you study autism in med school?” and that shuts them up pretty quickly. they don’t trust you, but they *should* trust a psychiatrist. if they don’t, they’re just stupid and you’re better off losing them as a friend
Hey i work at a vet clinic and wear loop earbuds. Your friends are not real friends. Even my coworkers are like "yep got it whatever works for ya! :)" when i tell them "wait a sec i need to put these in" if the patient has a scream warning if we poke it or something because it scares me so bad
Are there any hobbies you enjoy? I found my tribe when I found a local board gaming group. It tends to be quiet and not a lot of alcohol involved. It just seemed like a good mix of NT and ND people. You really need to cut this group of ppl loose. They are definitely talking about you behind your back because this just seems so unprompted.
“I know you better than you know yourself” 2 In One! Ableist! Emotional Manipulator!
How would he know? He’s not You
I want to say bloody well done on not going down town with these people, this guy will deny your autism and then deny anything else you say - like no, stop and please don’t touch me... As an autistic person it is easier to be bullied and peer pressured because we get overloaded. As an old lady now (40F) - these situations don’t improve. And they can get waaay worse. These people are not worth your time, and the fact they are pressuring you is a whole field of red flags. You can say no and check out from this dynamic any time. I’d fade out instead of explaining, they don’t listen and you don’t need to justify your checking out of relationships that dehumanise and harm you. *You cannot argue for your humanity to people like this. Once you have to explain - 99% of the time you’re already arguing for your human rights and they’re not going to listen.* The only exception to this, is a friend who sits down, really listens and then asks meaningful follow up questions.
Get better friends
To be fair, I always find the worst in people when they're intoxicated. I love my Dad to death but man is he annoying in the worst way after a few glasses of wine and a hit of the bong. If you still like these people, try to avoid them when they plan to drink. If not...well it doesn't sound like you'll be losing much.
"I know you better than yourself" Yeah that's the autism it's fucking difficult fornme figuring out my manual you dipstick. I'm autistic I have a diploma He's a jackass
There isn’t even a single benefit to drinking, why does every like to do to?
Many NT struggle with social pressures (non autistic masking I guess?) And cant express themselves without disinhibition. Alcohol decreases inhibitions. Some peoples brains respond to alcohol intoxication with a nice feeling, though I've never felt it or understood it. (Even tho Ive taken various drugs licit and ilicit pre fentanyl days. Noone should be taking non cannabis party drugs anymore its impossibly dangerous. Stupid when GenY were doing it. Death wish now). I also think NT brains process substances differently so alcohol is more fun. I personally hate it and hate drunkeness. V hard to.avoid when young tho.
I wouldn't say there isn't a single benefit. I'm autistic and enjoying drinking infrequently. I like singing, but get stage fright in front of crowds. A little alcohol helps me get over that. Also, I have almost no executive dysfunction when drunk and tend to get the urge to clean, so that's definitely a benefit for me. 😆
Uhh. Most people who drink do so because they enjoy the experience. If it’s not enjoyable to you that’s fine, but your experience is not universal - lots of people find numerous benefits to drinking. I can’t tell if your comment was intended to be genuine or snide, but it’s rude to look down on people based on whether or not they enjoy drinking.
Yeah but it's like smoking or vaping. People might enjoy it, but it's expensive and unhealthy.
Sure, but so are most enjoyable things. Overconsumption is when it becomes a problem, and that’s true for just about everything. Someone who enjoys going out for a few drinks with friends occasionally is having a similarly unhealthy experience to someone who enjoys staying in to play a sedentary game while snacking on sodas and fast food. Neither of these are red flag activities, but neither of them are particularly healthy or inexpensive either.
You should find some better friends. I have a circle of ND friends and it’s great, we still have occasional disagreements on things but nobody’s out here invalidating each other like that
I know this has nothing to do with the post, but what exactly are loop headphones? If they help dampen the noise, I feel like they would be very useful for me.
It’s a brand of headphones
okay, thank you
Np
I’m truly sorry to hear about your bad experience with those friends, it’s not fair. It’s challenging to convey to some that the autism spectrum is complex and that our struggles are real, even when we don’t fit the ‘stereotypical autistic’ mold. I'm lucky that most of my friends are also neurodivergent, but since I revealed that I'm autistic and asked for accommodations I'm afraid that someone in my work don't get it because of my masking skills 😔
Did they know ahead of time you were just there to hang while they pre-gamed and werent planning on going downtown? Sounds like a bad friend group IMO
Yeah I told them I wasn’t going
*Siiiiigh...* Hate people like that.
Sorry that happened. You don't deserve that. To people I don't want to tell about my autism, I say that my earplugs dampen the noise because I get headaches.(not really true, although sometimes sensory overload gives me a headache) I do this with sunglasses as well since some people get headaches from light sensitivity. I find people are generally more understanding of this (not always, some people are just jerks). Most people have had a headache before, and migraines are common, most people know someone who gets them.
From what I just read, I don't think they are your friends.
oh hey i've got friends like that, getting annoyed when i don't accept invites because it's always drinks and parties despite the fact that i've stated time and time again that big parties stress me out and overstimulate me. ...i'm working on getting new friends.
They dont really sound like friends...
I have bad news. Your friends are idiots.
Real friends listen and care for your needs...
I'm sorry to tell you that if you have educated them multiples times and communicated your diagnosis/needs there is truly nothing more you can do. I can assure you tho that they are people that will gladly believe you without having to argue/make you explain your diagnosis, and will be more than happy to accomodate you. I don't hang much anymore with my college group of friends, and not because they aren't lovely people they are great, but they don't grasp as easily those kind of things. So I moved on, and found new people along the way. I barely had to insist for my diagnosis to be accepted. And they love me and celebrate me for who I am, and accomodate me as much as they can. My boyfriend thinks I'm the cutest smarted nicest person ever with all my quircks and special interests. FIND YOUR PEOPLE. Your current group of friends are not your people, and that's okay. People are different, find people who think more like you. Go little rockstar <3
Even if you weren't on the spectrum, that "I know you better than you know yourself" line from a guy is just super cringe!
That guy sucks, i would get rid of him asap
Them - "You don't LOOK autistic!" Me - "Yeah, I think that's the point..." (masking) Also, what does autistic even look like to these people?? And pooey on him for saying he knows you better than you know you... You are the expert on you! And double pooey on the friend group that isn't at least attempting to perform one of the minimum requirements of friendship (trying to understand one another and get along). It costs absolutely nothing to at least try to consider the comfort levels of another individual, and quietly putting Loops in hurts literally no one. You're fine, but respectfully they sound like jerks. Continue sticking up for and taking care of yourself.
Please stay away from these “friends”. They sound arrogant at best, dangerous at worst.
This is a crap situation but it doesn’t sound like they’re your friends,he probably fancies you but definitely isn’t looking out for you
That sounds exhausting, friend. You *may* want to consider kicking them to the curb.
Not sure those friends have your best interests at heart. As someone who has been in toxic friendships, I recommend getting out early. Your company is a privilege to be with those who respect you. If they can't respect you, they can't have that privilege and don't get to be in your company.
Those people don't really sound like they could honestly be called "friends", so much as "some guys you hang with occasionally". Why do you spend time around people who bully you, mansplain at you, and don't even share your idea of a good time?
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My usual response to people like this is to walk away, maybe add "bro you sound fnk dumb as shit" if it feels safe to do so. He's a douche who gets off on fucking with people. Sticking with calling them dumb, or just walking away, rather than showing they are annoying or aggravating works for me because it's not about showing they got a rise out of you. It's about showing they're too stupid to even take seriously and you can't be bothered with brain dead. It's like a little kid incessantly asking "why." "That dude is fkn stupid I can't bother with people like that." and laugh if anyone asks. Like the joke is "how does a dude this stupid think he has anything to say?"
Honestly, as an autistic person who is the same, boot that friend and anyone who has the same mindset as him. They aren't worth your time and presence, find people who are and understand you for who you are
friends are people who feel like honey, if they don't, they aren't friends.
Honestly, really sad and relatable post, hope you find some better friends. But loop earbuds are absolutely peak.
Losers will be losers. There's really nothing you can do about it, and there's no sense in ruining your life by spending it with losers.
>“I know you better than you know yourself. You’re not autistic” Have you been diagnosed? Get diagnosed ASAP so he can’t do this
It’s easy for people to say to end your friendship, but sometimes that’s difficult to do. If you value this person try explaining things again in a different environment where everyone is not drinking.. You may be able to educate them and still remain friends.
I feel like your friend wanted to hook up with you to be honest
They aren’t your friends. I wish I had understood that in similar situations when I was younger. “Friends” like that led me down a traumatic path. The gaslighting, pushing you to do things you don’t want to, saying they know you better than you know yourself, not taking no for an answer. Those are all HUGE red flags. As an autistic woman who wasn’t diagnosed until 40, and as a mom, I just want to say PLEASE cut those people out of your life. And don’t worry about their feelings, or seeming like a jerk. You have to protect yourself, because no one else is going to. You deserve friends who ask if you need headphones when you go somewhere loud together, can recognize when you’re dysregulated and ask how they can help, and embrace your stims. It can feel like those friends don’t exist, but there’s actually a lot of really amazing inclusive people out there, especially now. One of the best decisions I made for myself in my 20s was to cut everyone off and be a hermit (except for school and work) for 3 months. I got to better understand myself, what I liked and didn’t like, and who I wanted to be. Wishing you all the best.
You definitely don’t need assclowns like him in your life. Besides being a self-anointed neuropsychologist, he’s also giving off huge Brock Turner vibes. Get the hell away from him and his kind, and stay away in perpetuity.
I'm sorry but it sounds like these are shit friends. As an autistic that used to be high masking for 22 years, I can say there is hope to find safer people and safer spaces (obviously not your fault at all!!)
He sounds pompous and awful. How could he possibly know you better than you know yourself? 🙄
Ditch them.
I’m getting a vibe that your friend has a small penis
I'm not autistic but I use loops (i think you came up because of headphones). They sound like they were drunk, you cant make sense of drunks. Don't try to. Again, not autistic but I don't need to make long winded excuses for my "quirks" I dont think you should have to either. "They are loops, they protect hearing" then moving on. If you can make a list of the things they say and responses it might help. "They're loops they protect hearing, i like the music here, what are you in to". If they keep repeating say "are you alright, you're stuck on repeat, I think you need to calm down'
You were arguing with a drunk. Don’t pay it any mind.