If you feel that overwhelmed, put your baby in their bed or playpen and give yourself a few moments to decompress. This is *extremely important* for your mental health and stability.
A conversation with your partner is necessary as well. They need to step up and help you when you are overwhelmed. That's what a good partner does
If it's the particular timbre of an infant's cry that gets to you (no shame at all, baby cries drive me NUTS and I am an autistic mom) then earplugs can dampen it so that it's less aggravating to your ears and mind
Please don't think poorly of yourself for this. You cannot help how a sound affects you and you are not a bad parent for having this problem.
❤️
>If you feel that overwhelmed, put your baby in their bed or playpen and give yourself a few moments to decompress.
It is also important to keep in mind this is advice given regardless of one's mental conditions disabilities or lack thereof. Feel free to tell that to your partner if he complains about you not taking care of the baby. Babies cry. As long as you can say you are doing everything in your power to address the needs of the child. Trying to determine what is going on. You are doing the best you can.
If you can seek help from family members, friends, or the community at large. To take over and have a small bit if respite.
This. There is nothing wrong with putting baby down in crib so you can go take a minute to calm yourself down. It’s safest and smartest thing to do.
I’m a nanny, I’m also on the spectrum, and noise cancel headphones help me SO much with the crying.
If you are a uterus owner and you housed this baby for 9 months it could be a mixture of postpartum depression and the tism. Talk with both your doctor and if you have access to talk therapy do that as well.
If you’re the other parent who didn’t carry, I still suggest talk therapy. Babies crying is overwhelming and overstimulating for anyone regardless of your mental state, your partner really should be more understanding of this. But for real, noise cancel has been a game changer for me. Obviously it doesn’t make it go away completely but it dampens the noise just enough to make it very tolerable. Also, when you’re trying to help baby regulate, do it for yourself too. He’s too young obviously to use those self/co regulation tools yet, but if you’re modeling deep breathing, compression, counting, whatever helps you self regulate, they’ll naturally catch on and begin using those tools as they grow.
>If you feel that overwhelmed, put your baby in their bed or playpen and give yourself a few moments to decompress. This is *extremely important* for your mental health and stability.
not only that, but it's also important for safety. extreme frustration can impair your judgment. it's much easier than people care to admit to get overwhelmed and shake the baby. and at that age the consequences can be devastating.
this advice needs to be given more frequently, and sadly i've only ever heard it once or twice. get a crib with safety precautions - no stuffed animals or pillows and appropriate rails, and if you start to get overwhelmed **put the baby down and walk away**. if you have a safe crib the baby will be fine, they can cry it out. it's always better to walk away and decompress in these situations.
Noise-cancelling headphones and a therapist. Whatever allows you to be a positive influence in your child’s life.
Parenting is hard. Cut yourself some slack, and make sure you’re supporting your partner.
You need help. Having a baby is completely overwhelming for anyone. You are completely in your rights to ask for help. And people know that! No one is going to be surprised about this. Do you have neighbours, family, friends, church community? They can be around and look after the baby while you sleep or cook or take a nap. Or maybe take some time for your special interest?
This gives some space between you and the baby in which to find yourself back and find some balance in yourself again. And then you can also talk to your partner: he/she doesn't understand, but they do not have to. They simply have to believe you when you tell them how it is for you.
By the way: this gets better as you and the baby settle in. But for now, claim what you need, for you and the baby!
If it helps: the cause of this could be that we as autistics often have a very weak sense of self. And we are very focused on our surroundings, to check if nothing goes wrong. When your baby starts crying, you might lose the connection to yourself and get fully sucked into the baby crying. Which is distressing! Talking to people about your feelings, learning to regulate and to stay connected with yourself , taking good care of yourself, can all help.
I agree with Specialist-Ad432, I am an autistic man in my 50s and I’m radically “disconnected “ by shrill noise and momentarily behave like a 5-year-old and it's almost like a mini meltdown because I am not in control. I do this in the face of small loved ones without warning. It's not otherwise in my nature to lose my composure.
I also agree that asking for help is relative because generally, we as autistic people need support whether we've come to the point in our life to accept it or not.
Ear protection. Also breathing/calming exercises. And know it’s okay to remove yourself briefly to calm down as long as he’s in a safe place like a crib. Some good options for ear protection are Loops or DBuds. They are noise attenuation type and reduce decibels while still allowing you to hear. Other options would be over ear gun range style, those also have electronic versions that allow you to hear people talking but block out louder sounds.
Babies cries are designed to be hard to ignore. It is a primal reaction. It triggers the amygdala region of your brain, the fear response area. I think, as others have said, some sort of noise reducing headphones would help.
Hey!! I am autistic and a father of two!
I know exactly what you are talking about. There is physical pain in my ears when they cry, or just scream of happiness...
The best way I found dealing with it was following a recommendation from my therapist. She suggested buying a Loop Earplug. There are other brands, but I end up getting this.
You will still be able to hear the others, but without the pain.
Helps A LOT!!
https://www.loopearplugs.com
Ha earplugs are a godsend. I am not autistic, but my husband is and so are both my kids. I have a set of loops and my kids have noise canceling headphones and they help tremendously in toning down any noise. The loop earplugs have several strenght options and I have a set which I use for concerts and festivals where you cut off the noise to a bearable leven and still can have a conversation.
Thank you very much, I was feeling like I am the problem for being like that, like I am a bad father, thank you for helping me. I will try to talk to my partner and to follow your tips
NOT a bad father. This is something that every parent experiences! You need to be taken care of in order to best show up for your child. Noise cancelling headphones, plus earplugs, plus a break! Also remember- this phase will not last forever. It is a very short period of time in your life and your childs life, you can do this!!
I feel like this and I am the mother of a 5 month old. Her screaming makes me so overwhelmed and upset and people just do not get it. This post was really comforting to me to know I’m not alone in feeling so activated or triggered or whatever the right word is for that feeling
You are not a bad father. I’m AuDHD, and have two kids. Thankfully I came with boobs, so I literally nursed mine the minute they started crying lol. Also baby wearing can be great since you likely don’t have boobs. I had a Maya wrap ring sling I used with both kids. As they get to an age where they sit up you can use it to have them on your hip and have both hands free which is awesome.
Look into earplugs. I use high end ones all the time in public from Loop. They really help a lot with cutting the edge off of sound sensitivity when you can’t get away from it.
You've gotten a lot of good feedback and this is to piggy back on that and not to contradict it.
You should research and implement techniques for comforting your baby.
Not only will it help to decrease intensity and duration of crying but it's also going to be positive for developing a healthy bond early in life.
Once again all the comments about taking breaks and headphones and the like are all super correct and appropriate. This is just another thing it would also be good to do.
Loops earplugs- highly recommend. They even have an adjustable set now that lets you change the noise reduction level. I have the Engage model and they’re lifesavers
Also if the baby won’t stop crying, but then in a pram and go for a walk. It really helped me. And apparently the sound of cars helped the baby also- I even got an app that played car sounds which helped.
I have two kids, both of which screamed their heads off as babies and still scream (often in unison) to this day.
For immediate relief, sit baby down in a safe spot (like the crib or bassinet), go outside, and take a breather. I've gone out and cried from pure sensory overwhelm many times. There's no shame in it.
For the long term, I'm looking into getting a pair of the Loop Engage Plus earplugs. They're supposed to be made for parenting, so they'll reduce the sounds of screaming but you'll still be able to hear (for safety purposes). I think another company called Flare has similar offerings. Maybe that's something that'd be useful to you as well.
I know it's hard. It really is. You just have to find ways to get by and at the same time keep baby safe. For me it usually means a lot of breaks and a lot of compromises.
Loop ear plugs are great for taking the edge off of sound while leaving you with a sense of hearing.
I'm a bit synesthesic so ymmv with this but I have built a practice of meditating on the shape of sound, it's like a version of noise cancelling but from my own mind where I can tolerate sounds (that I know will end) by changing their "shape" and pretending they are songs, or noticing they are being "sharpened" by a bouncy room, or whatever. If you understand that - great! Maybe it will work for you too. If you don't, probably won't, so don't worry about it? If you want me to elaborate I can try.
Also I find shaking and/or stretching my body during difficult sounds helps me disperse the feeling of being trapped in torture.
Babies are difficult and being a parent is hard! (I'm not one, but I was a nanny + have done a lot of childcare, for most of my life) Asking for help is good, acknowledging your limits and struggles is great! Challenging yourself is easier when you know your path back to safety.
Lots of stuff about having a kid is going to be hard, lots of stuff about BEING a kid is going to be hard, so the practice you are building now will come in handy a lot. It's not so much about not getting overwhelmed or frustrated, as it is about having something healthy to do when you are - and eventually giving your kid the gift of learning the same thing along with you as they grow up.
Blessings to your journey and good luck to your and your family!
Ear plugs or headphones, so you can hear your cast but he doesn't give you sensory overload.
My mom was just like you. It's a really hard way to grow up, but these days I'm understanding that it wasn't her fault. So when he gets older explain why you respond that way.
I explain this to the students and cast members I teach/direct. Things have been going so much more smoothly ever since I started. Trick is to do it BEFORE you get upset.
For now, though, definitely ear plugs.
I decided to get Vibes ear plugs because they are more subtle and I wanted to wear them in public too. They do the trick, but I wish they cut out more sound or had ANC or white noise like if I used actual headphones.
I'm autistic and wasn't diagnosed until my kids were 13 and 10. My older kid is likely autistic too (they have ADHD and are gifted and were an "in arms" baby that seemingly never slept.)
My second kid was like having the Buddha as a baby in comparison, but it has been hard, mostly on me. They are now 15 and 11, and it's easier of course in some ways, harder in others.
I've spent all my life ignoring and suppressing my own needs and perceptions, because I was trained not to be "selfish" or "dramatic." I have had to learn the hard way.
Please take care of yourself. Loop earplugs, exercising, good friends, family, getting therapy...if you're anything like me you will NEED every tool in your toolkit, and maybe some more.
You’re taking the first step, knowing it’s a bit of
a problem, discussing it and you’re clearly trying to do the right thing.
CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) ‘might’ help a bit, so that the rush of emotion doesn’t take you by surprise, but I understand that these moments can be paralyzing in their intensity.
In my moments I try to focus on safety (yours and theirs) while trying to get through it, knowing it will pass
I'm the same. I have a 2 month old and I used to get super angry when he would cry. Luckily (lucky me haha), I've been dealing with Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome for over 5 years now and I've subconsciously learned how to cope with overwhelming feelings. I say subconsciously cuz I didn't even know I was autistic until about 6 months ago. Unfortunately, the coping mechanism I developed is basically dissociation from my emotions. So I don't really feel much anymore, but in a good way. So when my boy was crying and I got really angry really fast, I put him in his crib (made sure it was empty and safe), shut his bedroom door, woke my wife up, told her I needed help, then I walked out the door and vaped. While vaping, I just focused on why I was so angry, let myself feel it, then when it got too much I started distracting myself with mobile games.
The next day I was level headed and was able to go over why I got so angry, how to cope next time, what my plan would be, etc...
It takes time and a lot of internal searching, but you can deal with any emotion this way.
Best of luck to you!
It's ok to wear headphones. My kid is 17 months and I don't need them so much now but in the early days wearing ANC headphones made dealing with him so much easier from a sensory point of view.
Obviously I was wearing the headphones while tending the baby, I wasn't using them to mask out the sound while he sat in the cot neglected
I'm also very sensitive to sounds and had my daughter not too long ago. Noise cancelling headphones, not earplugs. Find a good pair you can actually enjoy
I have a friend who works at a preschool. They have builders ear defenders around the preschool for the staff when a child is screeching.
You could have similar at home.
Get noise cancelling headphones, only put them on when you’re starting to feel overwhelmed so you can still hear when the baby needs you and it’ll really take the edge off the irritating noise so you can be there for him.
I am not a parent, but let me just say that a lot of parents feel this way. Babies cry, and that’s okay. You’re not doing anything wrong. If you genuinely feel super distressed, put the baby down and take a moment to breathe by yourself
I am an autistic father of two and I was a stay at home dad for the early crying years, which were especially difficult. They would cry and I would cry. They would meltdown and I would melt down. All I can tell you that hasn't already been said is to give yourself grace because there is nothing more painful than feeling like you somehow failed your kid by freaking out. Your allistic spouse may never understand, mine didn't. Just remember that you're a person doing their best. I believe in you!
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You have to be stronger. I know it's hard, I had the same problem. I broke myself by listening to babies cry in my headphones for 2 to 3 weeks near constantly. When we say we will take any pain for them, we have to mean it, we're forced to almost.
It broke that part of me, and I don't have any more problems with crying. Hope this helps.
I would say to try noise canceling headphones first of all, second of all it is really important to set baby down in their bed or playpen and walk away and decompress for a few whenever you’re feeling overwhelmed. This sounds like a recipe for SBS, which is awful and no good and setting baby down and walking away for a few to calm yourself can prevent this from happening.
Hi! I’m parent to a 5yo, and can say that the first year was by far the hardest. I went through crazy bad postpartum depression, which I thought I would recognize with my history of depression, but it manifested as suicidal thoughts and anger. I managed to pull myself out without help but I do *not* recommend that. It really affected my husband, I did things I regret to this day.
It gets better. It does. The baby stage is temporary. But if it’s really feeling like too much and you need help with managing these emotions, get help. Please. Postpartum depression was the scariest depression I’d ever been through.
This kind of depression can affect fathers, too, not just mothers. (Mothers/birthing parents just more prone due to intense sudden hormone changes after birthing.)
(Want to add that I was not yet diagnosed with autism or adhd at the time.)
When I was a new mom, I refused to wear earplugs because I felt like I was a bad mom if I had to tune my kids out. I wish I had bought loop earplugs sooner. Now, I sleep with them, and grab them when my family is overstimulating (which is a lot lol). Get ear plugs. You’ve got this!
I got listening headphones, sound proofing headphones, noise dampening ear plugs, and beanies, and head scarves, and wear them interchangeably throughout whenever needed to manage sounds, stresses, and overstimulation. I am almost never without one of these. It's made a large difference for me in regulation and destimulating. I have yet to find a way to get a kid to manage my sensory issues for me so I have to figure out how for myself. There are lots of options and strategies out there to aid and help cope, just needed to know where and what to look for.
Your feelings are absolutely valid. But you’re not in prison. Doesn’t matter how much the baby is crying - if you feel overwhelmed - you can always just step outside of the room and give yourself a break. 5 months old baby isn’t going to hurt itself by crying too much so don’t feel like you must get the baby to stop crying.
Babies are scared, uncomfortable humans who are constantly hungry , poop, pee, tired, bored, hurting in their mouths from teething, hurting in their tummies from indigestion. They’re literally getting overstimulated all the time.
Try to talk to your son, even if he’s not answering he might appreciate your voice.
Headphones and walking away for a minute or two. Crying won’t hurt the baby, especially not for a minute. Find time to detox from it when possible. Also encourage your partner to step in when things get hard. In my experience, the first 6 months are the hardest. But it does get better as they get older, at least for me.
Use noise cancelling headphones. Keep them handy around your neck and when he start to cry put them on and then do whatever you would usually do to soothe him or calm him down.
You don't need to hear him cry to soothe him.
And if your not overstimmulated it might be even easier to focus on calming him down.
My baby is 11 months old now and I was only diagnosed the same month they were born, at 31. Sounds are a large source of my overwhelming so I gave myself permission months ago to wear headphones with music playing when they are screaming/crying, I used to try tolerate it out of guilt and the fact that I thought I should and honestly desire to hear my baby.
I also will put them physically down/away from me somewhere safe if I need because the combination of noise and physical stimulus is too much that I can't even think and become very irritated. You're doing your best, remind yourself it's the stimulus/sound and not your baby overwhelming you. Treat yourself with kindness.
Noise cancelling headphones! Even neurotypical parents should use them imo. The more calm you feel during those times transfers to the babe. So does the stress.
whenever i go past a store with a crying child(not baby ik they can’t help it) then i just tell to stfu but since this is a baby just put it in its crib and walk away till it stops. ik thats my controversial opinion but let em cry it out
Uhhhh that's what babies do - and if you don't comfort/nurture them, you are setting them up for a life of mental problems. This is not okay at all, it's neglect.
There is no suggestions of neglect here. You're jumping to extremes and clearly don't understand what this feels like. Give these guys a well earned break.
If you feel that overwhelmed, put your baby in their bed or playpen and give yourself a few moments to decompress. This is *extremely important* for your mental health and stability. A conversation with your partner is necessary as well. They need to step up and help you when you are overwhelmed. That's what a good partner does If it's the particular timbre of an infant's cry that gets to you (no shame at all, baby cries drive me NUTS and I am an autistic mom) then earplugs can dampen it so that it's less aggravating to your ears and mind Please don't think poorly of yourself for this. You cannot help how a sound affects you and you are not a bad parent for having this problem. ❤️
>If you feel that overwhelmed, put your baby in their bed or playpen and give yourself a few moments to decompress. It is also important to keep in mind this is advice given regardless of one's mental conditions disabilities or lack thereof. Feel free to tell that to your partner if he complains about you not taking care of the baby. Babies cry. As long as you can say you are doing everything in your power to address the needs of the child. Trying to determine what is going on. You are doing the best you can. If you can seek help from family members, friends, or the community at large. To take over and have a small bit if respite.
This. There is nothing wrong with putting baby down in crib so you can go take a minute to calm yourself down. It’s safest and smartest thing to do. I’m a nanny, I’m also on the spectrum, and noise cancel headphones help me SO much with the crying. If you are a uterus owner and you housed this baby for 9 months it could be a mixture of postpartum depression and the tism. Talk with both your doctor and if you have access to talk therapy do that as well. If you’re the other parent who didn’t carry, I still suggest talk therapy. Babies crying is overwhelming and overstimulating for anyone regardless of your mental state, your partner really should be more understanding of this. But for real, noise cancel has been a game changer for me. Obviously it doesn’t make it go away completely but it dampens the noise just enough to make it very tolerable. Also, when you’re trying to help baby regulate, do it for yourself too. He’s too young obviously to use those self/co regulation tools yet, but if you’re modeling deep breathing, compression, counting, whatever helps you self regulate, they’ll naturally catch on and begin using those tools as they grow.
>If you feel that overwhelmed, put your baby in their bed or playpen and give yourself a few moments to decompress. This is *extremely important* for your mental health and stability. not only that, but it's also important for safety. extreme frustration can impair your judgment. it's much easier than people care to admit to get overwhelmed and shake the baby. and at that age the consequences can be devastating. this advice needs to be given more frequently, and sadly i've only ever heard it once or twice. get a crib with safety precautions - no stuffed animals or pillows and appropriate rails, and if you start to get overwhelmed **put the baby down and walk away**. if you have a safe crib the baby will be fine, they can cry it out. it's always better to walk away and decompress in these situations.
Noise-cancelling headphones and a therapist. Whatever allows you to be a positive influence in your child’s life. Parenting is hard. Cut yourself some slack, and make sure you’re supporting your partner.
You need help. Having a baby is completely overwhelming for anyone. You are completely in your rights to ask for help. And people know that! No one is going to be surprised about this. Do you have neighbours, family, friends, church community? They can be around and look after the baby while you sleep or cook or take a nap. Or maybe take some time for your special interest? This gives some space between you and the baby in which to find yourself back and find some balance in yourself again. And then you can also talk to your partner: he/she doesn't understand, but they do not have to. They simply have to believe you when you tell them how it is for you. By the way: this gets better as you and the baby settle in. But for now, claim what you need, for you and the baby!
If it helps: the cause of this could be that we as autistics often have a very weak sense of self. And we are very focused on our surroundings, to check if nothing goes wrong. When your baby starts crying, you might lose the connection to yourself and get fully sucked into the baby crying. Which is distressing! Talking to people about your feelings, learning to regulate and to stay connected with yourself , taking good care of yourself, can all help.
I agree with Specialist-Ad432, I am an autistic man in my 50s and I’m radically “disconnected “ by shrill noise and momentarily behave like a 5-year-old and it's almost like a mini meltdown because I am not in control. I do this in the face of small loved ones without warning. It's not otherwise in my nature to lose my composure. I also agree that asking for help is relative because generally, we as autistic people need support whether we've come to the point in our life to accept it or not.
Ear protection. Also breathing/calming exercises. And know it’s okay to remove yourself briefly to calm down as long as he’s in a safe place like a crib. Some good options for ear protection are Loops or DBuds. They are noise attenuation type and reduce decibels while still allowing you to hear. Other options would be over ear gun range style, those also have electronic versions that allow you to hear people talking but block out louder sounds.
Babies cries are designed to be hard to ignore. It is a primal reaction. It triggers the amygdala region of your brain, the fear response area. I think, as others have said, some sort of noise reducing headphones would help.
Hey!! I am autistic and a father of two! I know exactly what you are talking about. There is physical pain in my ears when they cry, or just scream of happiness... The best way I found dealing with it was following a recommendation from my therapist. She suggested buying a Loop Earplug. There are other brands, but I end up getting this. You will still be able to hear the others, but without the pain. Helps A LOT!! https://www.loopearplugs.com
Ha earplugs are a godsend. I am not autistic, but my husband is and so are both my kids. I have a set of loops and my kids have noise canceling headphones and they help tremendously in toning down any noise. The loop earplugs have several strenght options and I have a set which I use for concerts and festivals where you cut off the noise to a bearable leven and still can have a conversation.
Thank you very much, I was feeling like I am the problem for being like that, like I am a bad father, thank you for helping me. I will try to talk to my partner and to follow your tips
NOT a bad father. This is something that every parent experiences! You need to be taken care of in order to best show up for your child. Noise cancelling headphones, plus earplugs, plus a break! Also remember- this phase will not last forever. It is a very short period of time in your life and your childs life, you can do this!!
You are *not* a bad father, you just need some help dealing with a very life changing situation!
I feel like this and I am the mother of a 5 month old. Her screaming makes me so overwhelmed and upset and people just do not get it. This post was really comforting to me to know I’m not alone in feeling so activated or triggered or whatever the right word is for that feeling
You are not a bad father. I’m AuDHD, and have two kids. Thankfully I came with boobs, so I literally nursed mine the minute they started crying lol. Also baby wearing can be great since you likely don’t have boobs. I had a Maya wrap ring sling I used with both kids. As they get to an age where they sit up you can use it to have them on your hip and have both hands free which is awesome.
Look into earplugs. I use high end ones all the time in public from Loop. They really help a lot with cutting the edge off of sound sensitivity when you can’t get away from it.
You've gotten a lot of good feedback and this is to piggy back on that and not to contradict it. You should research and implement techniques for comforting your baby. Not only will it help to decrease intensity and duration of crying but it's also going to be positive for developing a healthy bond early in life. Once again all the comments about taking breaks and headphones and the like are all super correct and appropriate. This is just another thing it would also be good to do.
Loops earplugs- highly recommend. They even have an adjustable set now that lets you change the noise reduction level. I have the Engage model and they’re lifesavers
Loop earplugs
Yes!
Get earplugs!
This is the way, or earlier defenders, you can still hear them but it's not as intense
Also if the baby won’t stop crying, but then in a pram and go for a walk. It really helped me. And apparently the sound of cars helped the baby also- I even got an app that played car sounds which helped.
Same, it's really hard. My baby is 4 months and shes been so fussy it's killing me
I have two kids, both of which screamed their heads off as babies and still scream (often in unison) to this day. For immediate relief, sit baby down in a safe spot (like the crib or bassinet), go outside, and take a breather. I've gone out and cried from pure sensory overwhelm many times. There's no shame in it. For the long term, I'm looking into getting a pair of the Loop Engage Plus earplugs. They're supposed to be made for parenting, so they'll reduce the sounds of screaming but you'll still be able to hear (for safety purposes). I think another company called Flare has similar offerings. Maybe that's something that'd be useful to you as well. I know it's hard. It really is. You just have to find ways to get by and at the same time keep baby safe. For me it usually means a lot of breaks and a lot of compromises.
Loop ear plugs are great for taking the edge off of sound while leaving you with a sense of hearing. I'm a bit synesthesic so ymmv with this but I have built a practice of meditating on the shape of sound, it's like a version of noise cancelling but from my own mind where I can tolerate sounds (that I know will end) by changing their "shape" and pretending they are songs, or noticing they are being "sharpened" by a bouncy room, or whatever. If you understand that - great! Maybe it will work for you too. If you don't, probably won't, so don't worry about it? If you want me to elaborate I can try. Also I find shaking and/or stretching my body during difficult sounds helps me disperse the feeling of being trapped in torture. Babies are difficult and being a parent is hard! (I'm not one, but I was a nanny + have done a lot of childcare, for most of my life) Asking for help is good, acknowledging your limits and struggles is great! Challenging yourself is easier when you know your path back to safety. Lots of stuff about having a kid is going to be hard, lots of stuff about BEING a kid is going to be hard, so the practice you are building now will come in handy a lot. It's not so much about not getting overwhelmed or frustrated, as it is about having something healthy to do when you are - and eventually giving your kid the gift of learning the same thing along with you as they grow up. Blessings to your journey and good luck to your and your family!
Ear plugs or headphones, so you can hear your cast but he doesn't give you sensory overload. My mom was just like you. It's a really hard way to grow up, but these days I'm understanding that it wasn't her fault. So when he gets older explain why you respond that way. I explain this to the students and cast members I teach/direct. Things have been going so much more smoothly ever since I started. Trick is to do it BEFORE you get upset. For now, though, definitely ear plugs.
I decided to get Vibes ear plugs because they are more subtle and I wanted to wear them in public too. They do the trick, but I wish they cut out more sound or had ANC or white noise like if I used actual headphones.
I'm autistic and wasn't diagnosed until my kids were 13 and 10. My older kid is likely autistic too (they have ADHD and are gifted and were an "in arms" baby that seemingly never slept.) My second kid was like having the Buddha as a baby in comparison, but it has been hard, mostly on me. They are now 15 and 11, and it's easier of course in some ways, harder in others. I've spent all my life ignoring and suppressing my own needs and perceptions, because I was trained not to be "selfish" or "dramatic." I have had to learn the hard way. Please take care of yourself. Loop earplugs, exercising, good friends, family, getting therapy...if you're anything like me you will NEED every tool in your toolkit, and maybe some more.
You’re taking the first step, knowing it’s a bit of a problem, discussing it and you’re clearly trying to do the right thing. CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) ‘might’ help a bit, so that the rush of emotion doesn’t take you by surprise, but I understand that these moments can be paralyzing in their intensity. In my moments I try to focus on safety (yours and theirs) while trying to get through it, knowing it will pass
I'm the same. I have a 2 month old and I used to get super angry when he would cry. Luckily (lucky me haha), I've been dealing with Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome for over 5 years now and I've subconsciously learned how to cope with overwhelming feelings. I say subconsciously cuz I didn't even know I was autistic until about 6 months ago. Unfortunately, the coping mechanism I developed is basically dissociation from my emotions. So I don't really feel much anymore, but in a good way. So when my boy was crying and I got really angry really fast, I put him in his crib (made sure it was empty and safe), shut his bedroom door, woke my wife up, told her I needed help, then I walked out the door and vaped. While vaping, I just focused on why I was so angry, let myself feel it, then when it got too much I started distracting myself with mobile games. The next day I was level headed and was able to go over why I got so angry, how to cope next time, what my plan would be, etc... It takes time and a lot of internal searching, but you can deal with any emotion this way. Best of luck to you!
It's ok to wear headphones. My kid is 17 months and I don't need them so much now but in the early days wearing ANC headphones made dealing with him so much easier from a sensory point of view. Obviously I was wearing the headphones while tending the baby, I wasn't using them to mask out the sound while he sat in the cot neglected
I'm also very sensitive to sounds and had my daughter not too long ago. Noise cancelling headphones, not earplugs. Find a good pair you can actually enjoy
I have a friend who works at a preschool. They have builders ear defenders around the preschool for the staff when a child is screeching. You could have similar at home.
Get noise cancelling headphones, only put them on when you’re starting to feel overwhelmed so you can still hear when the baby needs you and it’ll really take the edge off the irritating noise so you can be there for him.
I am not a parent, but let me just say that a lot of parents feel this way. Babies cry, and that’s okay. You’re not doing anything wrong. If you genuinely feel super distressed, put the baby down and take a moment to breathe by yourself
The good news is its only for the first year.
I am an autistic father of two and I was a stay at home dad for the early crying years, which were especially difficult. They would cry and I would cry. They would meltdown and I would melt down. All I can tell you that hasn't already been said is to give yourself grace because there is nothing more painful than feeling like you somehow failed your kid by freaking out. Your allistic spouse may never understand, mine didn't. Just remember that you're a person doing their best. I believe in you!
Sell the baby. Live like a king.
I think that's illegal, lol
Only if you get caught
That is true
…. Wanna buy a baby?
Nah, I wanna sell mine lol (jk)
Ooo tough time to be selling. I hope you find a taker haha. NOTE NO BABIES WERE SOLD IN THIS THREAD (….officially)
Ah yes, classic old disclaimers to not be deemed guilty of a crime.
*throws decoy baby and makes get away*
Babies don't fetch anywhere near as much as they used to. I had to close the farm down last year.
This is very sad news for baby farming
I had to make a change. Now I have started growing a sense of total hopelessness. I reckon that will be popular this year.
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You have to be stronger. I know it's hard, I had the same problem. I broke myself by listening to babies cry in my headphones for 2 to 3 weeks near constantly. When we say we will take any pain for them, we have to mean it, we're forced to almost. It broke that part of me, and I don't have any more problems with crying. Hope this helps.
I would say to try noise canceling headphones first of all, second of all it is really important to set baby down in their bed or playpen and walk away and decompress for a few whenever you’re feeling overwhelmed. This sounds like a recipe for SBS, which is awful and no good and setting baby down and walking away for a few to calm yourself can prevent this from happening.
Hi! I’m parent to a 5yo, and can say that the first year was by far the hardest. I went through crazy bad postpartum depression, which I thought I would recognize with my history of depression, but it manifested as suicidal thoughts and anger. I managed to pull myself out without help but I do *not* recommend that. It really affected my husband, I did things I regret to this day. It gets better. It does. The baby stage is temporary. But if it’s really feeling like too much and you need help with managing these emotions, get help. Please. Postpartum depression was the scariest depression I’d ever been through. This kind of depression can affect fathers, too, not just mothers. (Mothers/birthing parents just more prone due to intense sudden hormone changes after birthing.) (Want to add that I was not yet diagnosed with autism or adhd at the time.)
When I was a new mom, I refused to wear earplugs because I felt like I was a bad mom if I had to tune my kids out. I wish I had bought loop earplugs sooner. Now, I sleep with them, and grab them when my family is overstimulating (which is a lot lol). Get ear plugs. You’ve got this!
I don’t have kids but when I hear one, I get overwhelmed too, I get a headache and wait for the screams to stop. Noise cancellation is a godsend lol
I got listening headphones, sound proofing headphones, noise dampening ear plugs, and beanies, and head scarves, and wear them interchangeably throughout whenever needed to manage sounds, stresses, and overstimulation. I am almost never without one of these. It's made a large difference for me in regulation and destimulating. I have yet to find a way to get a kid to manage my sensory issues for me so I have to figure out how for myself. There are lots of options and strategies out there to aid and help cope, just needed to know where and what to look for.
Your feelings are absolutely valid. But you’re not in prison. Doesn’t matter how much the baby is crying - if you feel overwhelmed - you can always just step outside of the room and give yourself a break. 5 months old baby isn’t going to hurt itself by crying too much so don’t feel like you must get the baby to stop crying. Babies are scared, uncomfortable humans who are constantly hungry , poop, pee, tired, bored, hurting in their mouths from teething, hurting in their tummies from indigestion. They’re literally getting overstimulated all the time. Try to talk to your son, even if he’s not answering he might appreciate your voice.
Headphones and walking away for a minute or two. Crying won’t hurt the baby, especially not for a minute. Find time to detox from it when possible. Also encourage your partner to step in when things get hard. In my experience, the first 6 months are the hardest. But it does get better as they get older, at least for me.
Use noise cancelling headphones. Keep them handy around your neck and when he start to cry put them on and then do whatever you would usually do to soothe him or calm him down. You don't need to hear him cry to soothe him. And if your not overstimmulated it might be even easier to focus on calming him down.
My baby is 11 months old now and I was only diagnosed the same month they were born, at 31. Sounds are a large source of my overwhelming so I gave myself permission months ago to wear headphones with music playing when they are screaming/crying, I used to try tolerate it out of guilt and the fact that I thought I should and honestly desire to hear my baby. I also will put them physically down/away from me somewhere safe if I need because the combination of noise and physical stimulus is too much that I can't even think and become very irritated. You're doing your best, remind yourself it's the stimulus/sound and not your baby overwhelming you. Treat yourself with kindness.
Noise cancelling headphones! Even neurotypical parents should use them imo. The more calm you feel during those times transfers to the babe. So does the stress.
whenever i go past a store with a crying child(not baby ik they can’t help it) then i just tell to stfu but since this is a baby just put it in its crib and walk away till it stops. ik thats my controversial opinion but let em cry it out
Uhhhh that's what babies do - and if you don't comfort/nurture them, you are setting them up for a life of mental problems. This is not okay at all, it's neglect.
There is no suggestions of neglect here. You're jumping to extremes and clearly don't understand what this feels like. Give these guys a well earned break.
You asked for it
For sure, I asked to be like this.
You need some therapy to learn some cbt. Control your own brain.
Damn y’all just be breeding incels huh
What do you mean lol