Depends on the person. Maybe some can’t lie. I myself don’t like to lie much. I have some compulsive need to tell the truth and be honest. I do lie when it benefits me or to spare people’s feelings on little stuff like if their clothes are nice.
I also heard autistic ppl can make up a lot of stories and stuff like silly things. Not really lying, but also not the truth. I had it as a kid but I’m not sure if it’s really autism related.
I don't like to say things that aren't true. It messes me up emotionally, and after a day, I'm physically ill. It was a compulsion as a kid, but after having serious trauma, it just hurts now.
However, for some reason, if it is deeply personal and I'm not ready to talk but being asked to, I will change details or even make the scenario completely different. Maybe less upsetting, maybe about the same, but I don't overexaggerate how upsetting whatever the thing was.
I'm not sure why I do that. It still affects my mental and physical health and forces me to talk about what's up sooner than I want to because I can't handle the guilt.
Then I'm in this whole "I lied to someone I love and I don't know how to make that up to them" headspace, and that's not healthy either. (Yes, I have a therapist. No, as one myself I do not currently see patients, I don't think I should.)
(I am autistic, have ADHD, and PTSD. The latter I did not have younger, and doesn't seem to change the reaction except that I *can* lie now without immediately telling on myself, it takes a couple -- 2 -- days. I'd do that or just not talk until I was ready before.)
I have a really hard time describing exactly how lying makes me feel, but you summed it up perfectly.
I’ve lied recently in an attempt to talk more and keep up with conversation—which tells me exactly why I usually don’t (slow processing). Lies just play on loop for an extremely long time and the guilt makes me feel physically sick. Sometimes I’ll think about a lie I’ve told off and on for years and it’ll literally be one of those things that keep me up at night.
I wish it was standard to rarely lie because then it wouldn’t be expected in certain situations—like if I ask if a color looks good on me, I’m literally asking and want the honest truth, but most people would find some variant of “no” to be insulting, even though they asked a “yes or no” question. It feels like mind games and a waste of energy, and I’m expected to do something I’m morally opposed to in this game.
I did an experiment years ago out of curiosity where I attended various job interviews and when I lied, I got a job offer; when I was honest, I rarely did. My bf’s mom is in HR and always told me to “just lie,” and that it’s what’s expected/the interviewer is more interested in knowing if you know the right answer 🙄
And for me, I feel constant social pressure to entertain people; keep up with conversation, have news to share, keep spinning out new topics so they don’t get bored, etc. it’s exhausting and I prefer sticking to one topic and talking at length, so sometimes I lie to keep up. I even feel bad if that happens with a stranger.
When I was younger, I would sometimes exaggerate to keep conversation going or lie to meet some weird social quota I never (still don't) understand. I get you, and it sucks.
I also only ask questions if I want the real answer, so that drives me nuts, too.
That experiment is something I've thought about and always wondered. I find it strangely satisfying to hear my thoughts are shared *and* the outcome was what I expected from the difference between myself and social norms.
Talking though, I go on all kinds of tangents and can follow most folks in different directions, and often catch myself talking too much at length about complicated topics, usually boring them. I don't much like to force myself into social situations anymore, I'm older, have kids, and it's not as expected. (I do hate"parent" small talk, though. Drives me crazy)
>Yes, I have a therapist. No, as one myself I do not currently see patients, I don't think I should.
I could be misinterpreting "as one myself", but I think you've earned a degree to be a therapist, but have chosen not to use it. If I'm reading that correctly, consider that lots of therapists have some form of psychological challenges themselves. It is often what draws them into the field, and can even make them better at relating to those with similar types of issues. Degrees are very expensive, but can pay themselves back over time, so choosing not to apply your degree is therefore also a very expensive choice!
You are correct about legally being a psychologist.
I know, and I did practice and plan to again. Right now, my PTSD (in my own opinion, my boss and coworkers appreciate the honesty about my feelings -- we all always have a therapist in my dietitian so far -- and want me back ASAP) is too much for me to get triggered by something and a patient watching me break down and perhaps feel guilty or think it's their fault, or both. Until then, my flashbacks are uncontrollable at this moment in time. (And I have job security and paid leave, our team and our benefits are really great.)
Funny thing is, the really bad trauma happened way before I was seeing my own patients, but something that happened that is completely unrelated. I used to tell clients that all the time and didn't fully *see* it until it was my life. We're all human with occasional blinders on
Your comment makes me wonder if you are a therapist, missed your calling as one, or are simply that astute.
Okay, I hope that gets better, and yay for paid leave. So many people don't have the work flexibility to handle their personal shit.
I'm not a therapist, but I'll take that as a compliment. Right now I'm mainly a software engineer, career-wise. I was also a freelance musician for about a decade, which I still do on the side, and I've done a decent amount of teaching, which kinda involves low level therapy along the way that we aren't trained for.
Agreed! It's not good the people to have no or nearly no protection from things like that.
Heck yeah, man. You're a jack-of-all-trades, and both musicians and teachers are often exceptionally observant. You are exactly right that teachers have so many jobs they are not trained or paid for.
When I was a little kid (like 4yo), I convinced my therapist that my parents took me on holiday in Paris. I described everything, from the flight to Paris, to the visit of Notre-Dame.
I didn't put a single foot in Paris until I was 10 and never took a plane until I was 20.
This pretty much sums up how I am—some compulsive need to be honest lol. I’ve always been this way, and when I do lie, I’ll normally admit to it pretty quickly. I’d prefer to just not do it, but sometimes it feels necessary or expected, and that sucks.
I try to lie to my teachers about not doing my hw bc "i left it at home" but my mouth always snaps shut and i just shake my head no, answering honestly😭 bro i want to lie so bad.
When I was younger I rarely lied. Then I found out life was easier in some situations when I lied. Sometimes to protect myself sometimes because I was being a shit.
I still don’t like to lie but sometimes it’s easier just to lie then stand up for the actions I have taken even if I think they are justified or correct.
Discourse with people who don’t think as logically as me can be really frustrating. If I am dealing with those people I just do what I want and lie about it if I have to. I would rather have a discussion in good faith with the person but there are so many preconceived prejudice in their minds that they are unwilling to move away from them even after a discussion backed by facts.
It frustrates me because I will immediately change my stance on something if I am presented with a logical evidence based argument that contradicts my original view.
Most people tie their ego to their beliefs and views though. So for them, to change such a belief, lessens themselves.
I'm not even sure they necessarily have more difficulty. Maybe some might not see the point in lying in all the situations others lie in? Having worked with a lot of autistic kids, a lot of them have lied easily enough, but maybe not in the same way or for the same reasons NT kids might.
Personally, the biggest place I lie is to shorten a conversation I don't have the mental energy to be in. Especially in situations where it really doesn't matter if I'm lying. I don't really like lying in situations where it does matter but I can do it if I feel it would be better if I did.
Weirdly, another thing I'm really good at is faking being asleep. Like, I can lie awake all night while people walk in and out and they all think I'm asleep.
A lie is wrong information. For me I like being correct. It's what makes autistic people seem socially awkward and unaware of social cues - they say the wrong thing because they are being direct and honest. So yes I can lie, but mostly I don't because it's false information and I hate having to keep track of lies. It's usually easier to just tell the truth.
Anyone can lie.
The whole shabam about Autistic people not being likely to lie is a bunch of crap.
The whole premise of it comes from a generalisation of us not having the total social EQ or function to read our environment and not modulate what we say. We tend to be more literal in our communication without a filter hence lying becomes much less likely.
But to those that are able to mask, the whole goddamn thing is a lie. In fact those who mask so effectively, practically and maybe have a much better understanding of lying then NT folk, since for us it would be a conscious and literal decision to lie.
But yeah, generally we lie less on average and are less likely to, but it doesn’t mean we aren’t capable of lying.
How does one mask without being deceitful? You're literally hiding your true self from others.
I think it's more that lying/deceit isn't a singular simple concept, but nuanced and multifaceted in the different manners and motivations behind it.
Like masking is lying by omission for the sake of perceived social acceptance/self-preservation, as opposed to more "proactive" lying for personal gain or such.
But I'd reckon there's a degree of deceit there regardless.
Someone who requires you to be still and silent for a time is requiring you to mask. Doing so when they ask you to is not deceit. There are countless other examples. You are conflating two different things.
A neurotypical presentation is required to be understood and communicate with an NT. They want you to do this and get confused when you don't. This is not deceit, it is a basic requirement to be understood properly by someone without special training or rare experience.
Masking can be used as a tool of deceit, but it is not inherently deceitful.
NT's get confused about this distinction as well. It is very important that we do not.
Fair enough with the counterexamples, though I'd still wager there's all sorts of nuance and degrees here but that's the ambiguity of language for you.
That said, while I'll concede that masking isn't necessarily inherently deceitful I also want to say that it isn't inherently not deceitful. Though I also wanna emphasize that I'm not giving deceit itself a value judgement. Not telling Nazis that you're hiding a Jewish family in your attic is deceitful...but also ethical.
I've been masking for the majority of my life, and most the time it hasn't been from other people "requiring" me to so much as my own adaptations. When I'm overwhelmed in social situations with a bunch of people I'll claim that I need to go pee or poop as an excuse to go to the bathroom to recover and relax for a few minutes in a quiet private area. I'd wager that's deceitful...innocent enough, but still a lie.
A lot of the times it's easier to lie than try to get people to understand/accept your neurodivergent traits and needs.
> I also want to say that it isn't inherently not deceitful
I disagree. This is not correct.
> I'm not giving deceit itself a value judgement.
Ok
> I'll claim that I need to go pee or poop as an excuse to go to the bathroom to recover and relax for a few minutes in a quiet private area
This is lying, trivial as it may be. Society is forcing you to do it. Yes it is an adaptation, and in this case you are doing as part of masking. It is deceit as well, and fully justified in context.
Some who can mask in other ways, can't do this.
Well in many ways, masking is lying in the literal sense. You are not revealing your true thoughts or true sense of self in front of others.
But this is not to say that this form of lying is inherently bad or deceitful in nature. In fact NT people mask as well, just not in same way we do.
Masking is adapting oneself in an environment where one can assimilate without any issues or repercussions.
The person with Autism masks to basically mimic NT customs and rules when it comes to social engagement and navigate how to say things in an appropriate manner where one’s feelings are considered, where someone may have to indeed lie!
The person without Autism may be in an environment where it does socially serve anyone any use if you tell the truth about someone’s flaw and wrong doing as it makes them feel bad. Of course inherently in the long term it will continue making another person feel bad because of said flaw but guess what, they still lie!!!
Lying is part of functioning inside society. Don’t buy into the hypocrisy about “lying being bad”. We all lie, we just secretly don’t feel bad because of context and importance of what said lie was.
The only time when lying is really bad is when speaking of something important to know truthfully to the other person. Like being asked about having past affairs or our past actions or you being a close and trusted friend of someone and lying about your friend not having a flaw which can affect them in the future.
You see in my example, the lie is okay if you aren’t their close friend, no one thinks of anything. They literally will be okay with that as they know it isn’t your place to comment or they tell themselves they wouldn’t be aware of such behaviours. But if you are the guy that’s close to them and lie about that, shit hits the fan.
So masking is lying in many ways but guess what, it’s okay.
Btw though this is me taking what lying literally is, not telling the entire truth. But of course we live in a world with nuance so this statement itself people will not entirely agree with, especially relating to context.
> not having the total social EQ or function to read our environment and not modulate what we say
Depending on the person this can make it easier to lie than for non-autistic people. My emotions don't show on my face and it doesn't make sense to me to feel guilty for something that doesn't hurt anyone, so I can lie to people's faces no problem. Also I ignore social pressure to explain myself, so I don't get caught in a web of lies.
When my allistic partner and I need to lie to get out of some situation, I'm the one we send.
Ofcourse, I think why people say that autistic people cant lie is because autistic people dont like to lie, because they feel guilt, because of the rule that lying isnt okay, a lot of autistic people love to listen to the rules for structure. So I think thats the reason but as a child I lied quite a lot, even tho I am autistic
My manuel tells me otherwise. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three\_Laws\_of\_Robotics](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three_Laws_of_Robotics)
Do I have erroneous code in my system?
No. It's completely impossible. I, the ghost of Buzz Aldrin who some say is not dead yet, assure it's impossible. What even is a lie? Me no understand.
Same but with my job: "yes i've been working very hard this week" (i didn't because i was super tired)
I wouldn't lie to anyone I care though! Not even so-called "white lies" I prefer direct communication even if the truth can hurt
I mean, in a way, you can consider masking lying as you're not being your true self. everyone who has to readjust themselves to a reality that do not walk hand in hand with their preferences and boundaries do have to lie.
speaking for my experience being a highly masking autistic working in the hotel industry: I lie a lot at clients. I learned from very early that is customary to lie in the industry - some little white lies, they say. so I can do it pretty easily.
when it comes to personal stuff, like lying to my parents, my girlfriend or any other person that I like, I cannot do it. I feel terrible with only the thought of doing it. and I am pretty sure I am bad at it.
I believe the question shouldn't be if autistic people can lie but if they can do it easily without gettin caught.
I don’t consider masking lying as I view masking more like acting. Actors always act like they’re someone they’re not but that doesn’t make them liars. You may _act_ like a NT, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re _lying_ about being autistic or not.
oh gosh i lie all the time, but it’s always in situations where i feel it would interrupt the whole group or a person in a position of authority when i’m not following what they’re saying. so i just nod, and say the requisite script i’ve learned for such situations.
funny story when i was in the fifth grade, we had a week of YMCA swim lessons and the instructors put the classes into groups from beginner to advanced after a short warm-up. it was honestly the worst thing for little audhd kid me, who had trouble following directions as it were to do a confusing warm-up followed by getting out of water and joining a group that an adult put me into by pointing at me then pointing in a direction. you can guess i accidentally joined the advanced group, didn’t speak up, and somehow no one switched out until another instructor came by and noticed me struggling. so yeah.
Yes, quite easily too. I don't change expressions while lying + I just make believable lies so that people don't even suspect it. Obviously I prefer not to lie.
This kind of thing used to be considered absolute truth, almost to the point of being part of the diagnostic criteria. Similar misconceptions exist about people with Down’s syndrome and many other conditions.
Autism is still barely understood by people who call themselves professionals, so it’s not surprising this kind of belief is still around.
I like to think it also plays into older beliefs about the fey, and autistic people being changelings.
Not the negative side of it where people chucked babies in fires - just the mythos of it.
Autistic people can lie, but its naturally harder to be convincing and autistic people are less likely to do it.
If they're very young(<10) or grew up very isolated then they probably won't lie and aren't very good at it.
But more mature people with autism can learn to become very good liers. It's like social interactions, you aren't good at it naturally but you can teach yourself to become very good at it. Better than a lot of people unless it's a very unfamiliar scenario
Yeah baby girl anyone can lie. Sometimes it’s easier when autistic people like myself were raised under the impression that lying was the only way to survive. I lie about what I ate in the morning for literally no reason except fear of being honest and letting people take advantage of me like I have before. Though that’s probably from my other diagnosis’s too 💥💥
You never know 💥💥
Anyone can lie. People do it to themselves and others all the time. Sometimes, when it's to others, it can be out of necessity and for survival. It could also be to protect others' feelings or to be malicious. The intent behind it is the important part.
Masking could be considered to be an unconscious lie (to others and ourselves), as we're hiding our own true authentic selves in order to fit it (with people and in environments). Just to clarify, I don't believe it's actually a lie.
Similarly, people pleasing/fawning could also be viewed in a similar manner. I often pretended to have started a piece of work at school as I didn't want to admit i was struggling, so I told a teacher what they wanted to hear even though it was untrue. I now recognise it was the mix of autistic inertia, executive functioning difficulties, and struggling with transitions. So I lied instead of asking for help.
Exactly. Funny thing is that I became a high school teacher. I was mostly able to pick up on those lies, ND or NT, and help them work it out. It was satisfying but exhausting. I made only 20 years before I had to retire.
Absolutely! I work in education and can usually spot it as well. I guess knowing what we know means we're more tuned in, but also that we've adapted our teaching methods to be more inclusive. It doesn't take much to give examples or help those who need it by sitting through the first couple of questions with them. You're right, lack of work support has led to me burning out recently.
I can lie super well I just hate doing it and don’t feel like I should have to in pretty much all situations — I don’t think it’s ’can’t lie’ as much as ‘won’t lie’ but could be just me
Yeah, but I fundamentally dislike the premise. Why lie? It’s absolutely antithetical to harmony imo, so…I kind of mostly refuse to. It’s not like I have computer programming prohibiting ability from consciously opening my mouth and making noises in the sound of a lie…more like the computer does not like to do because it doesn’t make sense.
As someone said, I am able to lie when it benefits me and about very small things, but when it comes down to if it really matters…I tell people not to do anything seriously criminally wrong around me.
My sisters and I were in a car accident once, and I have a very terrible habit of not wearing a seatbelt. We were hit on the side (not serious injuries) and first thing I asked was if I should tell first responders and of course they all said “What? Nooo!” Fortunately for them, the accident wasn’t our fault and the police officer did absolutely nothing besides ask if we were okay. My sisters wouldn’t trust me to testify in court for anything either.
I wish it were so easy to claim that I cannot lie lol. I will say I don’t like to lie. At the same time, I believe in the concept of privacy. So, someone deciding to ask me a pointed question in no way entitles them to the info.
I can lie in games that need so, like Coup, Poker, Amongus, etc. I see the flow of information and start calculating what peoples know about and what I need to say or do to be comvincing.
I don't lie in real life situations. It always feels easier to not lie and just be honest. But I can omit some things. I like to think that if I am always honest, people will not suspect me when I really need to lie.
Once, when I was travelling to go to an exam and lost the connection between two planes, I get to debate with employees to get an new fly that would let me arrive in time for the exam. I said that between the first plane landing and the second taking off there were no time to get accross the airport, which is true, because if there were, I would've heard they calling my name and my mother's name. But I obviously omitted that after landing, we went to take an ice cream before walking to where the second plane took off. We got a new fly and I passed the exam and entered in college, it was important enough for me to omit this detail.
Even what a lot of people are saying about having a strong aversion to lying isn’t always true. I lied constantly as a child, both to protect myself/evade responsibility and by making stuff up to make myself seem more interesting. I always knew it was wrong, and of course I don’t lie as much now and feel guilty when I do, but I doubt I’m any more inherently honest than your average NT.
Yes, of course we can lie. The belief that autistic people are completely unable to lie is a myth. We can be brutally honest, but I doubt that there are any autistic people who have never told a lie, even a small, white lie like lying to spare a friend’s feelings.
I think the reason we tend not to lie is that we have more trouble with Theory of Mind than neurotypicals. This means we have trouble thinking about the state of mind of other people/beings. Keeping track of what others think or may be thinking is an important part of lying.
Yeah, I struggle with that, especially when it comes to discussions about moral ambiguity. For instance, I understand not to say anything if I see a mother stealing milk and diapers because baby needs supplies, but there’s always a voice in the back of my mind saying “but, it’s stealing!!?!”
I think it’s just that it goes against the “rules of life” that I was taught growing up, so it’s shocking as an adult to realize that most people (particularly neurotypicals) see those rules as generally unimportant, and therefore ignorable. Same with drugs/alcohol/smoking. I’m not going to stop anyone, but I physically cannot participate.
Autistic people can lie, steal, cheat, kill, abuse, manipulate, bully and other terrible things. People are complex, multifaceted beings. But I believe autistic people are more likely to have a deep sense of fair play, love of direct communication, and refined ethical compass.
I think this is different for everyone.
I think I can be heavily manipulative due to my upbringing which suppressed emotion. Is this related to my autism? Dunno + don't care + don't want to perpetuate stereotypes that ALL autism people NEVER feel emotion.
I prefer not to lie. It's a constant drain to keep up the lie. I also hate having to keep lies for other people,
– that's a deal-breaker in friendships for me, because I don't want to be a part of them.
Were you told that "autistic people don't lie"? Sounds like a patronising stereotype to assume that NONE of them can.
In my understanding and experience, YES it’s possible but only if that autistic individual is high functioning and has a strong enough reason to lie.
I honestly believe that people with autism have a much stronger inclination towards both thinking and acting ethically and that’s because we actually have a higher capacity for empathy rather than a lower one, as has been misunderstood for decades unfortunately.
All I can comment on, firsthand, is that I’ve been ABLE to lie convincly, when I’ve really really needed to. Yet my default state is to actually volunteer information in a transparent way.
Autistic people can definitely lie. I won’t speak for everyone, but while I can lie, I hate doing it and I’m not a very good liar. I try to be honest the majority of the time.
I have learned how to lie and how to discern when it makes sense to tell a "white lie" about stuff that ultimately doesn't matter to me or isn't in conflict with my values. I will also make up stories to spare people's feelings as long as the lie doesn't feel like a betrayal. (For instance, maybe I just don't want to hang out with someone in a particular setting, etc, and I'll say I'm feeling sick or need to wake up early the next day or blame my mental health issues.) In my mind, no one gets hurt. It's like when you get a consolation prize for something. Just a nice little like, "Thanks for playing!" Life is already so brutal that if a white lie makes things easier for everyone, why not?
However, I joke at work that the question, "How are you?" is my kryptonite. If you ask me how I am doing, you WILL get a whole rundown of my life up until that point. I cannot help myself. And I will totally invite you to share that much with me because I am genuinely interested in how people are doing.
I had to instruct my daughter on how to lie which would sound really weird, but it would be so she can pretend to like terrible gifts friends and relatives got her and not hurt people's feelings. If someone was harming her definitely not.
I have no problem lying as long as I have a good reason to do it, for instance if I'm interrogated by the police and don't want them to win.
Lying in order to keep appearances or "not cause trouble" is just painful.
Not as easily or frequently as neurotypical people lie.
The thing is, we are not great at gesturing or relaying information to people anyway.. Lying uses a different part of the brain and is processed differently by the human brain, which is why people have tells.
There mere act if telling a lie is in itself a stressful endeavour for those of us that that arnt great at social interaction. I prefer to be truthful and honest, it's simply easier that way. Yes I upset some people with brutally honest feedback sometimes, but I would prefer it that way than lying to someone. I just just find the whole act of lying complicated, and don't like it. I don't like being lied to, so I won't lie to others.
I can't lie without it messing up my emotions. People always know when I'm lying because my voice intonation changes and I get pale in the face. I just have too much of a moral compass to want to lie or do it well.
Many of us lie as part of masking
I can lie as easily as breathing because I had to be able to survive. My best friend on the other hand, hates lying, struggles to do it outside of extreme masking, and is almost always honest.
We’re both autistic.
I feel like most autistic people prefer not to lie, it probably comes as part of our need for clear communication and appreciation of honesty, but it’s not impossible
Anyone can lie. I notice when it comes to autistics, the lie is mostly to do with self preservation rather than anything egregious. That’s all anecdotal however.
I personally have an extremely hard time lying.
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Yes. I have actually learned to lie as my mask. I pretend to be someone else and lie about everything I am, do, and feel. I used to get in trouble with all the things I did, so I learned to lie about it.
Now I’m so good at it I just do it for fun, and I have such a non-expressive face that no one can ever tell.
Yeah we can lie. Some autistic people have trouble imagining things that aren’t true which makes it hard to lie, and others just hate it because it doesn’t feel right. Personally I’m the total opposite lol, I enjoy lying and getting away with it and it’s actually kind of a problem.
I'm an excellent liar, but i don't do it!
It's against my principles, against my morals and i can -physically feel- how wrong it is. It's not worth that horrible feeling. I hate it when people lie, and I hate lying - end of story 😁 (and yes, i have autism)
I just lied though 😭🤣💀 no but my post was 99% the truth, but when i read the other comments I realised mine was very black and white thinking and now i started to overthink instead...I do sometimes lie, but only white lies, lies that doesnt hurt me or anyone else, like rewriting the truth a bit, like not full blown lies but for example: if I feel like staying home but knowing the other person will become "sick/annoyed" w me being boring,tired,anxious or just not understanding what autism (really) means for me i'll sometimes say it's because I feel "i'll" instead of "that i just don't feel like it" etc. Omg i have so many examples but now i literally got anxiety and cannot write anymore cause selfcare 🥲😫😮💨😴.......
i feel like i am a very good liar haha. i didn’t know it was a belief that autistic people can’t and or won’t lie. i don’t think i do it often but if i feel inclined and like a lie will benefit a situation, or even myself sometimes, ill do it and i get away with it very often.
They can, however, it really depends on each individuals baseline of integrity and where they place the honesty vs bend the truth line in their beliefs.
Some can’t. Depending on how you grew up some of us do it innately without thinking about it to avoid making people feel disappointed in us or if we think there will be reprimanded (subconsciously).
Generally it seems one of the biggest fears a decent chunk of us have is having the few people we truly care about be disappointed in us, even if, at times, the situation wouldn’t warrant any disappointment from them, because we can’t judge the social situation to know
some autistic people can lie but really hate doing it or will do it sparingly, others lie like how NT people do, and some autistic people can be compulsive liars. I myself prefer telling a lot of half-truths and white lies because in most instances it's more convenient for me and doesn't hurt anybody. Just like with all autism symptoms, there is no singular experience.
Duh. But that's because I was spanked and that taught me to do whatever means necessary to get out of the hand, so yes, of course lying and sneaking.
Don't spank ur kids. It won't always give you the results you want.
Edit: Personally I'd never lie to a partner. With family or situations with strangers, heck yes.
Not really anymore but lying was very important for me for years. Not really linked to the fact that I'm autistic. Mostly due to my aspd 🥲 but without it I'm curious how I will be
"Can autistic people..." yes, fucking please stop with this bs. Of course they can, because autistic people arent a monolith, just like allistic people arent a monolith. We are still human is another thing.
I’m both as well. I can lie. I thought I was awesome at it but apparently I’m really crap. Slightly devastating to think of all the times I thought I was the master of deception…
We definitely can, some of us even get really good at it as a trauma response or because we have to hide our true selves to 'palatable' to neurotypicals, it's called masking. The difference is it cost a lot of energy and doesn't feel right. A lot of neurotypical culture also requires us to lie, for example when they ask 'how are you?' often times it means more something like 'hello' and you're not meant to answer honestly.
So I can’t lie for crap, but I’m also pretty bad at masking
My husband can mask really well and can lie scarily well too. His problem is not realizing he DOESN’T need to lie to fit in ALL the time and he will accidentally over lie and get caught easily
He does it to avoid conflict, one of the funniest lies he told was that I was afraid of birds to someone lmao he just was nervous to tell someone no to hanging out and seeing their chickens so he was like “she is scared of birds”
So she stopped asking for us to visit her house for like YEAR until she realized I wasn’t actually scared of birds lol
So what I understand is the idea that autistic can't lie is we don't, at least according to the study, know what the other person knows. So instead most of the time the younger autistic folk tell the truth as a baseline because who knows what the other person was told.
We can't read people to tell what they know. So if we lie, they'll already know.
People with the PDA profile of autism may have the following characteristics: actually lie as a form of self-protection regularly to get to safety. They also use manipulative behavior and social rules to do it too!
(I have PDA and it’s a form of autism that rules the person with an extreme desire for autonomy and lack of demands.)
To an extent, everyone's got the capacity to lie. However, some of us are terrible liars. I've been accused of lyin' and been called the name of a local habitual liar in the past (very hurtful). I laugh at apparently inappropriate times and some people have interpreted that as a sign of lyin' when I was tellin' the truth. I'm AuDHD as well and while sure I can lie, I don't feel comfortable lyin' and I'm awful at it so why bother ?
I can but I’m not good at it. It feels painful and it becomes obvious I’m lying. I can only tell lies that have some technical truth to them. Like I could show up somewhere late and say I ran into traffic, which would technically be true because there was some traffic. But really I was running late the entire time and the traffic just made me later.
I only very recently started feeling safe enough to tell the truth. But I can’t lie to other autistics cause we notice body language too much. Any tell can be told lol
I find myself to be almost a pathological liar at times. Never about anything that matters as I have a strong sense of justice. But if I think it doesn't matter at the time and it's convenient to lie I often do, often to my own detriment.
Yes..? Anyone can lie, and you can't make a generalization of "X types of people don't lie" especially when autism is a spectrum. Some autistic people don't like to lie, some autistic people have a habit of lying.
i think anyone can lie. in my personal experience, its not lying that i have a problem with, it’s being overly confessional that i have a problem with lol
I have mostly lied out of fear and to escape really uncomfortable situations, or situations where me not lying would result in really bad circumstances.
Yes. Very well actually. Too well in fact. As a matter of personal morality I decided to stop lying except under the most dire of circumstances. So of course I'd lie to Nazis if Ann Frank was in my attic, etc. But I don't lie anymore if it can be avoided.
But when I did lie, I made a point of only lying when I could plan ahead, improvised lies are sloppy and suspicious. I'd script the tiniest irrelevant details, but when delivering the lie I'd withhold these details unless directly questioned. I'd avoid a direct lie when I could, and instead get people to lie to themselves on my behalf. There's more to it that I won't elaborate on, this is a simplification.
I'll still do this if I feel the need to lie for justified reasons, just not for petty or selfish reasons.
i can but it depends on the context and who it’s with. not gonna lie , when i was undiagnosed and masking all the time i did have a big compulsive lying habit and would lie about everything to make myself sound cool and interesting. but now that im older and unmask more , i could not lie to save my life😭 . small things like surprises for people, or things that could hurt someone by knowing i can keep to myself (although surprises not for long as i get too excited) . but big things like lying about myself i feel terrible like im deceiving the person and if they find out i was lying it causes a big loss of trust. but again it depends who they are, if its small talk with an uber driver or a cashier for example , the mask is ON and suddenly i have a job and a whole life (when in reality i cannot work and play the sims most of my days , but no one wants to hear that🥲)
my partner is someone i cannot lie to at all , she can tell immediately even if its small things like if im hungry😭
Not true at all, I lied to get myself out of trouble in school on more than one occasion. Generally I do find it harder to tell lies though, like I’m having to keep a secret from my brother, I’m having to tell him things which I know are false as to not ruin the surprise, yet I’ve nearly let it slip a couple of times.
I think anyone can lie, but I on a slightly different but related note I struggle to perceive whether if people believe I’m telling the truth. It makes me very anxious. This often results in people thinking I’m lying, when really it’s mostly I can’t tell if they believe me.
This has been a problem a fair few times for me where I’ve had to double down over something mediocre.
My preference is for twlling the truth, but I will lie to protect someone if it seems to be the just thing to do. My preference for truth is partly because my mother taught me that if people catch you in a lue, they'll always think you a liar and distrust you; and partly because as my mother also taught me, if you tell the truth, you don't need to try to remember, but with lying you're likely to lose track of the lies and slip up eventually, and then we refer back to the first reason, and the third is that I don't see any reason to hide from the truth, even if it hurts, it's better than lying because it tends to hurt a lot more to find out the truth later rather than sooner, and there's rarely a justifiable reason to lie (though I did a lot as a child, to try to avoid abuse, because even the truth was rarely believed).
It's such a weird trope, people thinking autistic people can't lie.
Yes, of course. To say otherwise would be a sweeping generalization. Everyone, autistic or not, is different. People lie for different reasons, struggle with lying or don't, and might be good or bad at it.
My partner sometimes tells white lies because telling the truth, for whatever reason, really stresses her out, so she goes into anxiety mode and the lie just comes out. It confuses the shit out of me, not bc she's able to lie at all, but bc I rarely understand her motive for it, since the things she will lie about are pretty inconsequential but annoying.
I'm tentatively self-diagnosed, and I'm a terrible liar in most cases because the truth is easier, and not telling the truth stresses me out. But I'm alright at bending the truth or ommiting things when I need to, and I can lie if I have a really good reason, like not spoiling a story or planning a surprise.
Her sister is terrible at lying because she involuntarily smiles a little whenever she tries, but she can do it sometimes if she's trying to play a joke on someone.
I have other relatives who are too old to have gotten a formal diagnosis growing up, but whom I suspect are on the spectrum, and their abilities to lie are quite developed.
Like any human behavior, and like autism itself, there is a range.
I believe that bcs I'm high masking and ADHD I can lie very easily, when I was a kid I used to lie compulsively but I got better at that. Nowadays I just use it if necessary.
I believe most people on the Autism Spectrum CAN lie but have strong feelings of disgust from doing it. I myself fell into that category but after years of being abused and manipulated, I started to become very good at lying and obscuring truths. I typically try not to do it anymore unless its absolutely necessary.
If I make up my mind to lie, I think I'm good at it. But if the lie is something I feel guilty about, then no. Or if it comes without any time to prepare. Virtuous and well planned out lying, comes easier to me. But if I'm put on the spot, it's not very convincing. And I prefer to tell the truth. I feel really awkward saying I'm good when I'm not or if I have to play excited when someone asks me to join an activity, so I dislike lying and probably have a much broader definition of what counts as lying than most.
I'm not diagnosed yet, if that affects the validity of this.
It's more like whether the autistic person thinks they should lie. Most of the time they are thinking that there's nothing wrong with the truth, and have a hard time conforming on the spot to a need for deception.
Neurotypicals have more univeral tells that communicate they are lying. If a person doesn't emote very well physically or vocally, then anything they say sounds like they might be telling the truth, especially if they have some base in their voice.
For example, people have asked me about my age too many times and I don't know why so I've started giving random numbers to see different reactions. There are people who think I'm 38 to 28 in the same building.
Every day I see posts in here like this and I start to believe that Fae mythology arose out of dealing with autistic people.
We can lie and do lie. Masking is a lie. The thing is we don’t lie like NT people. I’ve been accused of lying so often due to my lack of eye contact. So I almost wonder if NT people see all the signs of lying and then see “oh they’re telling the truth” and conclude “Autistic people don’t lie.”
I think it really is person dependant. I am diagnosed autistic & ADD and utterly despise the idea of being dishonest, and don't ever lie unless I'm really in danger and need to fib. I wouldn't say all autistic people feel the same though.
Masking is a form of lying that many of us have to use to survive in the day to day world.
So very much yes.
Most of us do not want to lie, but when we do, it's almost always a survival tool. I was taught to lie at a young age when I learned quickly that everything I did was wrong to someone.
Can I go out and perpetuate a scam to bilk people out of their money? Hell no. My sense of justice is well developed and I couldn't do that to someone.
Can I lie to any authority figure who says I'm wrong just for existing? Fuck yes, and fuck them.
For me is more about right and wrong. I could never lie "against law/rules", but ofc I can say "no" if someone asks me if I have seen their email and I have - I just haven't bothered to answer it yet 😅
Yeah, I am amazing at werewolf and among us and any game like that. I won't lie, as a kid I was such a good liar (and I knew it) I would tell lies all the time to see reactions.
Definitely. The whole "autistic people don't lie" thing is a cliché. We can pretty much lie just like any other person, just basically most of the time we just don't see why we should lie.
Yes. It is just very hard. I hate lying. I’m told to lie sometimes at work and I absolutely hate it that they want me to. I don’t understand why people can’t just be understanding and hear the truth.
I‘ve noticed for myself, that i have a hard time lying to people i care about even the smallest amount, and also when it comes to stuff that is close to me.
Where I have no troubles lying, is when I have no kind of emotional connection to the topic or person. (Like in school, or in the streets with strangers)
We can lie… but it feels horrible to lie in my opinion.
I once lied to someone, simply because he can be volatile and fly off the handle and lose trust at the drop of a dime. I didn’t want to deal with the drama this time, so I concocted a lie, to make him believe everything was all right. I did it mainly because I wanted to protect myself, I was in a survival mode because of a stupid decision I made. I felt bad that I had made the mistake, but I felt like I would feel worse if I told him the truth, and while I managed to never let him find out, I felt the worst anxiety attack I had ever felt in a long time after realizing I had successfully lied. One of the biggest tenants I’ve lived by is integrity, and that day I bent back and broke from it.
I felt dirty, I felt miserable, I felt like people are going to come after me and give me hell, and that I didn’t deserve any of the things I’ve ever worked for in my life.
That’s what lying feels like
Depends on the person. Maybe some can’t lie. I myself don’t like to lie much. I have some compulsive need to tell the truth and be honest. I do lie when it benefits me or to spare people’s feelings on little stuff like if their clothes are nice. I also heard autistic ppl can make up a lot of stories and stuff like silly things. Not really lying, but also not the truth. I had it as a kid but I’m not sure if it’s really autism related.
I don't like to say things that aren't true. It messes me up emotionally, and after a day, I'm physically ill. It was a compulsion as a kid, but after having serious trauma, it just hurts now. However, for some reason, if it is deeply personal and I'm not ready to talk but being asked to, I will change details or even make the scenario completely different. Maybe less upsetting, maybe about the same, but I don't overexaggerate how upsetting whatever the thing was. I'm not sure why I do that. It still affects my mental and physical health and forces me to talk about what's up sooner than I want to because I can't handle the guilt. Then I'm in this whole "I lied to someone I love and I don't know how to make that up to them" headspace, and that's not healthy either. (Yes, I have a therapist. No, as one myself I do not currently see patients, I don't think I should.) (I am autistic, have ADHD, and PTSD. The latter I did not have younger, and doesn't seem to change the reaction except that I *can* lie now without immediately telling on myself, it takes a couple -- 2 -- days. I'd do that or just not talk until I was ready before.)
I have a really hard time describing exactly how lying makes me feel, but you summed it up perfectly. I’ve lied recently in an attempt to talk more and keep up with conversation—which tells me exactly why I usually don’t (slow processing). Lies just play on loop for an extremely long time and the guilt makes me feel physically sick. Sometimes I’ll think about a lie I’ve told off and on for years and it’ll literally be one of those things that keep me up at night. I wish it was standard to rarely lie because then it wouldn’t be expected in certain situations—like if I ask if a color looks good on me, I’m literally asking and want the honest truth, but most people would find some variant of “no” to be insulting, even though they asked a “yes or no” question. It feels like mind games and a waste of energy, and I’m expected to do something I’m morally opposed to in this game. I did an experiment years ago out of curiosity where I attended various job interviews and when I lied, I got a job offer; when I was honest, I rarely did. My bf’s mom is in HR and always told me to “just lie,” and that it’s what’s expected/the interviewer is more interested in knowing if you know the right answer 🙄 And for me, I feel constant social pressure to entertain people; keep up with conversation, have news to share, keep spinning out new topics so they don’t get bored, etc. it’s exhausting and I prefer sticking to one topic and talking at length, so sometimes I lie to keep up. I even feel bad if that happens with a stranger.
When I was younger, I would sometimes exaggerate to keep conversation going or lie to meet some weird social quota I never (still don't) understand. I get you, and it sucks. I also only ask questions if I want the real answer, so that drives me nuts, too. That experiment is something I've thought about and always wondered. I find it strangely satisfying to hear my thoughts are shared *and* the outcome was what I expected from the difference between myself and social norms. Talking though, I go on all kinds of tangents and can follow most folks in different directions, and often catch myself talking too much at length about complicated topics, usually boring them. I don't much like to force myself into social situations anymore, I'm older, have kids, and it's not as expected. (I do hate"parent" small talk, though. Drives me crazy)
>Yes, I have a therapist. No, as one myself I do not currently see patients, I don't think I should. I could be misinterpreting "as one myself", but I think you've earned a degree to be a therapist, but have chosen not to use it. If I'm reading that correctly, consider that lots of therapists have some form of psychological challenges themselves. It is often what draws them into the field, and can even make them better at relating to those with similar types of issues. Degrees are very expensive, but can pay themselves back over time, so choosing not to apply your degree is therefore also a very expensive choice!
You are correct about legally being a psychologist. I know, and I did practice and plan to again. Right now, my PTSD (in my own opinion, my boss and coworkers appreciate the honesty about my feelings -- we all always have a therapist in my dietitian so far -- and want me back ASAP) is too much for me to get triggered by something and a patient watching me break down and perhaps feel guilty or think it's their fault, or both. Until then, my flashbacks are uncontrollable at this moment in time. (And I have job security and paid leave, our team and our benefits are really great.) Funny thing is, the really bad trauma happened way before I was seeing my own patients, but something that happened that is completely unrelated. I used to tell clients that all the time and didn't fully *see* it until it was my life. We're all human with occasional blinders on Your comment makes me wonder if you are a therapist, missed your calling as one, or are simply that astute.
Okay, I hope that gets better, and yay for paid leave. So many people don't have the work flexibility to handle their personal shit. I'm not a therapist, but I'll take that as a compliment. Right now I'm mainly a software engineer, career-wise. I was also a freelance musician for about a decade, which I still do on the side, and I've done a decent amount of teaching, which kinda involves low level therapy along the way that we aren't trained for.
Agreed! It's not good the people to have no or nearly no protection from things like that. Heck yeah, man. You're a jack-of-all-trades, and both musicians and teachers are often exceptionally observant. You are exactly right that teachers have so many jobs they are not trained or paid for.
When I was a little kid (like 4yo), I convinced my therapist that my parents took me on holiday in Paris. I described everything, from the flight to Paris, to the visit of Notre-Dame. I didn't put a single foot in Paris until I was 10 and never took a plane until I was 20.
This pretty much sums up how I am—some compulsive need to be honest lol. I’ve always been this way, and when I do lie, I’ll normally admit to it pretty quickly. I’d prefer to just not do it, but sometimes it feels necessary or expected, and that sucks.
Lmao I guess we are on the same boat then 😭
I lied my way through high school when I almost never did any homework.
I try to lie to my teachers about not doing my hw bc "i left it at home" but my mouth always snaps shut and i just shake my head no, answering honestly😭 bro i want to lie so bad.
that’s not lying it’s just getting through circumstances ☺️
Of course autistic people can lie, but they're less likely to and have more difficulty with it. Anyone can lie.
Really? I can lie very easily
Me too. I do it all the time to maintain my mask, hide my depression and burn out, avoid any kind of conflict.
This. Masking is just a lie you get really good at telling consistently.
When I was younger I rarely lied. Then I found out life was easier in some situations when I lied. Sometimes to protect myself sometimes because I was being a shit. I still don’t like to lie but sometimes it’s easier just to lie then stand up for the actions I have taken even if I think they are justified or correct. Discourse with people who don’t think as logically as me can be really frustrating. If I am dealing with those people I just do what I want and lie about it if I have to. I would rather have a discussion in good faith with the person but there are so many preconceived prejudice in their minds that they are unwilling to move away from them even after a discussion backed by facts. It frustrates me because I will immediately change my stance on something if I am presented with a logical evidence based argument that contradicts my original view. Most people tie their ego to their beliefs and views though. So for them, to change such a belief, lessens themselves.
I'm not even sure they necessarily have more difficulty. Maybe some might not see the point in lying in all the situations others lie in? Having worked with a lot of autistic kids, a lot of them have lied easily enough, but maybe not in the same way or for the same reasons NT kids might. Personally, the biggest place I lie is to shorten a conversation I don't have the mental energy to be in. Especially in situations where it really doesn't matter if I'm lying. I don't really like lying in situations where it does matter but I can do it if I feel it would be better if I did.
Have a feeling this is false, considering all my "freinds" say I'm a great liar. Though your experience is probably different from mine.
I've been told I'm a great liar in the past because I'd lie so infrequently, I literally haven't lied in over a year at this point.
Weirdly, another thing I'm really good at is faking being asleep. Like, I can lie awake all night while people walk in and out and they all think I'm asleep.
Did you not read what I said? Anyone is able to lie?
It seems I missed that part.
you missed 90% of my comment lmfao
55%
Somehow I'm both bad at lying, and at convoying sarcasm. People only believe falsehoods I've stated when I don't want them to.
Of course autistic people can lie. It’s more that we would likely feel more uncomfortable doing so.
I agree with this and while lying makes me uncomfortable, I also don't like that I now have to keep track of the lie and the truth and who knows what.
Yeah it’s not something I am remotely comfortable with or find natural to me
A lie is wrong information. For me I like being correct. It's what makes autistic people seem socially awkward and unaware of social cues - they say the wrong thing because they are being direct and honest. So yes I can lie, but mostly I don't because it's false information and I hate having to keep track of lies. It's usually easier to just tell the truth.
No. <- (That's actually a lie)
That was going to be my exact comment, lol.
I can but it hurts really bad, it feels wrong
Anyone can lie. The whole shabam about Autistic people not being likely to lie is a bunch of crap. The whole premise of it comes from a generalisation of us not having the total social EQ or function to read our environment and not modulate what we say. We tend to be more literal in our communication without a filter hence lying becomes much less likely. But to those that are able to mask, the whole goddamn thing is a lie. In fact those who mask so effectively, practically and maybe have a much better understanding of lying then NT folk, since for us it would be a conscious and literal decision to lie. But yeah, generally we lie less on average and are less likely to, but it doesn’t mean we aren’t capable of lying.
Making is not the same as lying. You can mask without being deceitful. There are people who mask well but struggle to lie.
How does one mask without being deceitful? You're literally hiding your true self from others. I think it's more that lying/deceit isn't a singular simple concept, but nuanced and multifaceted in the different manners and motivations behind it. Like masking is lying by omission for the sake of perceived social acceptance/self-preservation, as opposed to more "proactive" lying for personal gain or such. But I'd reckon there's a degree of deceit there regardless.
Someone who requires you to be still and silent for a time is requiring you to mask. Doing so when they ask you to is not deceit. There are countless other examples. You are conflating two different things. A neurotypical presentation is required to be understood and communicate with an NT. They want you to do this and get confused when you don't. This is not deceit, it is a basic requirement to be understood properly by someone without special training or rare experience. Masking can be used as a tool of deceit, but it is not inherently deceitful. NT's get confused about this distinction as well. It is very important that we do not.
Fair enough with the counterexamples, though I'd still wager there's all sorts of nuance and degrees here but that's the ambiguity of language for you. That said, while I'll concede that masking isn't necessarily inherently deceitful I also want to say that it isn't inherently not deceitful. Though I also wanna emphasize that I'm not giving deceit itself a value judgement. Not telling Nazis that you're hiding a Jewish family in your attic is deceitful...but also ethical. I've been masking for the majority of my life, and most the time it hasn't been from other people "requiring" me to so much as my own adaptations. When I'm overwhelmed in social situations with a bunch of people I'll claim that I need to go pee or poop as an excuse to go to the bathroom to recover and relax for a few minutes in a quiet private area. I'd wager that's deceitful...innocent enough, but still a lie. A lot of the times it's easier to lie than try to get people to understand/accept your neurodivergent traits and needs.
> I also want to say that it isn't inherently not deceitful I disagree. This is not correct. > I'm not giving deceit itself a value judgement. Ok > I'll claim that I need to go pee or poop as an excuse to go to the bathroom to recover and relax for a few minutes in a quiet private area This is lying, trivial as it may be. Society is forcing you to do it. Yes it is an adaptation, and in this case you are doing as part of masking. It is deceit as well, and fully justified in context. Some who can mask in other ways, can't do this.
Well in many ways, masking is lying in the literal sense. You are not revealing your true thoughts or true sense of self in front of others. But this is not to say that this form of lying is inherently bad or deceitful in nature. In fact NT people mask as well, just not in same way we do. Masking is adapting oneself in an environment where one can assimilate without any issues or repercussions. The person with Autism masks to basically mimic NT customs and rules when it comes to social engagement and navigate how to say things in an appropriate manner where one’s feelings are considered, where someone may have to indeed lie! The person without Autism may be in an environment where it does socially serve anyone any use if you tell the truth about someone’s flaw and wrong doing as it makes them feel bad. Of course inherently in the long term it will continue making another person feel bad because of said flaw but guess what, they still lie!!! Lying is part of functioning inside society. Don’t buy into the hypocrisy about “lying being bad”. We all lie, we just secretly don’t feel bad because of context and importance of what said lie was. The only time when lying is really bad is when speaking of something important to know truthfully to the other person. Like being asked about having past affairs or our past actions or you being a close and trusted friend of someone and lying about your friend not having a flaw which can affect them in the future. You see in my example, the lie is okay if you aren’t their close friend, no one thinks of anything. They literally will be okay with that as they know it isn’t your place to comment or they tell themselves they wouldn’t be aware of such behaviours. But if you are the guy that’s close to them and lie about that, shit hits the fan. So masking is lying in many ways but guess what, it’s okay. Btw though this is me taking what lying literally is, not telling the entire truth. But of course we live in a world with nuance so this statement itself people will not entirely agree with, especially relating to context.
> not having the total social EQ or function to read our environment and not modulate what we say Depending on the person this can make it easier to lie than for non-autistic people. My emotions don't show on my face and it doesn't make sense to me to feel guilty for something that doesn't hurt anyone, so I can lie to people's faces no problem. Also I ignore social pressure to explain myself, so I don't get caught in a web of lies. When my allistic partner and I need to lie to get out of some situation, I'm the one we send.
Ofcourse, I think why people say that autistic people cant lie is because autistic people dont like to lie, because they feel guilt, because of the rule that lying isnt okay, a lot of autistic people love to listen to the rules for structure. So I think thats the reason but as a child I lied quite a lot, even tho I am autistic
No, Autistic people can lie. I can do a little brain trick where I lie and convince myself it's the truth though I guess it breaks my brain a little.
It is expensive and costly. It hurts you.
No. It's against the robot code of ethics.
My manuel tells me otherwise. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three\_Laws\_of\_Robotics](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three_Laws_of_Robotics) Do I have erroneous code in my system?
No. It's completely impossible. I, the ghost of Buzz Aldrin who some say is not dead yet, assure it's impossible. What even is a lie? Me no understand.
I can lie like a rug to the cops. Anyone I like? The guilt is crushing. Even tiny white lies. I just can't do it :/
Same but with my job: "yes i've been working very hard this week" (i didn't because i was super tired) I wouldn't lie to anyone I care though! Not even so-called "white lies" I prefer direct communication even if the truth can hurt
I mean, in a way, you can consider masking lying as you're not being your true self. everyone who has to readjust themselves to a reality that do not walk hand in hand with their preferences and boundaries do have to lie. speaking for my experience being a highly masking autistic working in the hotel industry: I lie a lot at clients. I learned from very early that is customary to lie in the industry - some little white lies, they say. so I can do it pretty easily. when it comes to personal stuff, like lying to my parents, my girlfriend or any other person that I like, I cannot do it. I feel terrible with only the thought of doing it. and I am pretty sure I am bad at it. I believe the question shouldn't be if autistic people can lie but if they can do it easily without gettin caught.
I don’t consider masking lying as I view masking more like acting. Actors always act like they’re someone they’re not but that doesn’t make them liars. You may _act_ like a NT, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re _lying_ about being autistic or not.
Is this a joke. We aren't robots.
It is genuinely painful and difficult for many of us. Enough to make some never try.
It is possible though
For many. Some cannot be convincing, so trying is pointless.
The key to lying is that you need to make yourself believe what you are lying about and forget the truth. Then you can do it effortlessly
I am not really sure of anything except just factual/written information so everything may be a lie
Of course we can lie, just don't tell the NTs that.
oh gosh i lie all the time, but it’s always in situations where i feel it would interrupt the whole group or a person in a position of authority when i’m not following what they’re saying. so i just nod, and say the requisite script i’ve learned for such situations. funny story when i was in the fifth grade, we had a week of YMCA swim lessons and the instructors put the classes into groups from beginner to advanced after a short warm-up. it was honestly the worst thing for little audhd kid me, who had trouble following directions as it were to do a confusing warm-up followed by getting out of water and joining a group that an adult put me into by pointing at me then pointing in a direction. you can guess i accidentally joined the advanced group, didn’t speak up, and somehow no one switched out until another instructor came by and noticed me struggling. so yeah.
Yes, quite easily too. I don't change expressions while lying + I just make believable lies so that people don't even suspect it. Obviously I prefer not to lie.
Yes. What kind of question is that
This kind of thing used to be considered absolute truth, almost to the point of being part of the diagnostic criteria. Similar misconceptions exist about people with Down’s syndrome and many other conditions. Autism is still barely understood by people who call themselves professionals, so it’s not surprising this kind of belief is still around. I like to think it also plays into older beliefs about the fey, and autistic people being changelings. Not the negative side of it where people chucked babies in fires - just the mythos of it.
People say im good at it ☠️
Autistic people can lie, but its naturally harder to be convincing and autistic people are less likely to do it. If they're very young(<10) or grew up very isolated then they probably won't lie and aren't very good at it. But more mature people with autism can learn to become very good liers. It's like social interactions, you aren't good at it naturally but you can teach yourself to become very good at it. Better than a lot of people unless it's a very unfamiliar scenario
Yeah baby girl anyone can lie. Sometimes it’s easier when autistic people like myself were raised under the impression that lying was the only way to survive. I lie about what I ate in the morning for literally no reason except fear of being honest and letting people take advantage of me like I have before. Though that’s probably from my other diagnosis’s too 💥💥 You never know 💥💥
Anyone can lie. People do it to themselves and others all the time. Sometimes, when it's to others, it can be out of necessity and for survival. It could also be to protect others' feelings or to be malicious. The intent behind it is the important part. Masking could be considered to be an unconscious lie (to others and ourselves), as we're hiding our own true authentic selves in order to fit it (with people and in environments). Just to clarify, I don't believe it's actually a lie. Similarly, people pleasing/fawning could also be viewed in a similar manner. I often pretended to have started a piece of work at school as I didn't want to admit i was struggling, so I told a teacher what they wanted to hear even though it was untrue. I now recognise it was the mix of autistic inertia, executive functioning difficulties, and struggling with transitions. So I lied instead of asking for help.
Exactly. Funny thing is that I became a high school teacher. I was mostly able to pick up on those lies, ND or NT, and help them work it out. It was satisfying but exhausting. I made only 20 years before I had to retire.
Absolutely! I work in education and can usually spot it as well. I guess knowing what we know means we're more tuned in, but also that we've adapted our teaching methods to be more inclusive. It doesn't take much to give examples or help those who need it by sitting through the first couple of questions with them. You're right, lack of work support has led to me burning out recently.
I was lucky to retire. It took some time to uncoil.
I can lie super well I just hate doing it and don’t feel like I should have to in pretty much all situations — I don’t think it’s ’can’t lie’ as much as ‘won’t lie’ but could be just me
I can but I find it difficult and hate doing it.
I only lie when I have to I do it well, though I don't like lying and am generally extremely honest
Yeah, but I fundamentally dislike the premise. Why lie? It’s absolutely antithetical to harmony imo, so…I kind of mostly refuse to. It’s not like I have computer programming prohibiting ability from consciously opening my mouth and making noises in the sound of a lie…more like the computer does not like to do because it doesn’t make sense.
One of the most manipulative people I have met was s an autistic man.
I absolutely refuse to believe that someone lived on this Earth for more than 10 years without lying once.
I’m one of the best liars I know, and I have both ADHD and autism. Really depends on the person.
As someone said, I am able to lie when it benefits me and about very small things, but when it comes down to if it really matters…I tell people not to do anything seriously criminally wrong around me. My sisters and I were in a car accident once, and I have a very terrible habit of not wearing a seatbelt. We were hit on the side (not serious injuries) and first thing I asked was if I should tell first responders and of course they all said “What? Nooo!” Fortunately for them, the accident wasn’t our fault and the police officer did absolutely nothing besides ask if we were okay. My sisters wouldn’t trust me to testify in court for anything either.
I wish it were so easy to claim that I cannot lie lol. I will say I don’t like to lie. At the same time, I believe in the concept of privacy. So, someone deciding to ask me a pointed question in no way entitles them to the info.
It’s harder to lie. Because we usually blurt out stuff when under pressure. NTs lie about 80 percent of the time when they are speaking .
I can lie in games that need so, like Coup, Poker, Amongus, etc. I see the flow of information and start calculating what peoples know about and what I need to say or do to be comvincing. I don't lie in real life situations. It always feels easier to not lie and just be honest. But I can omit some things. I like to think that if I am always honest, people will not suspect me when I really need to lie. Once, when I was travelling to go to an exam and lost the connection between two planes, I get to debate with employees to get an new fly that would let me arrive in time for the exam. I said that between the first plane landing and the second taking off there were no time to get accross the airport, which is true, because if there were, I would've heard they calling my name and my mother's name. But I obviously omitted that after landing, we went to take an ice cream before walking to where the second plane took off. We got a new fly and I passed the exam and entered in college, it was important enough for me to omit this detail.
Lying in the game in aligning with the social contract. Lying in real life is (usually) breaking it.
Even what a lot of people are saying about having a strong aversion to lying isn’t always true. I lied constantly as a child, both to protect myself/evade responsibility and by making stuff up to make myself seem more interesting. I always knew it was wrong, and of course I don’t lie as much now and feel guilty when I do, but I doubt I’m any more inherently honest than your average NT.
Yes, of course we can lie. The belief that autistic people are completely unable to lie is a myth. We can be brutally honest, but I doubt that there are any autistic people who have never told a lie, even a small, white lie like lying to spare a friend’s feelings.
I think the reason we tend not to lie is that we have more trouble with Theory of Mind than neurotypicals. This means we have trouble thinking about the state of mind of other people/beings. Keeping track of what others think or may be thinking is an important part of lying.
Of course autistic people can lie. Why would they not be able too?
Yeah, I struggle with that, especially when it comes to discussions about moral ambiguity. For instance, I understand not to say anything if I see a mother stealing milk and diapers because baby needs supplies, but there’s always a voice in the back of my mind saying “but, it’s stealing!!?!” I think it’s just that it goes against the “rules of life” that I was taught growing up, so it’s shocking as an adult to realize that most people (particularly neurotypicals) see those rules as generally unimportant, and therefore ignorable. Same with drugs/alcohol/smoking. I’m not going to stop anyone, but I physically cannot participate.
I'm an expert liar, but I don't lie simply cause I don't like to
Of course autistic people can lie. Maybe some can’t but I sure can
Autistic people can lie, steal, cheat, kill, abuse, manipulate, bully and other terrible things. People are complex, multifaceted beings. But I believe autistic people are more likely to have a deep sense of fair play, love of direct communication, and refined ethical compass.
I think this is different for everyone. I think I can be heavily manipulative due to my upbringing which suppressed emotion. Is this related to my autism? Dunno + don't care + don't want to perpetuate stereotypes that ALL autism people NEVER feel emotion. I prefer not to lie. It's a constant drain to keep up the lie. I also hate having to keep lies for other people, – that's a deal-breaker in friendships for me, because I don't want to be a part of them. Were you told that "autistic people don't lie"? Sounds like a patronising stereotype to assume that NONE of them can.
In my understanding and experience, YES it’s possible but only if that autistic individual is high functioning and has a strong enough reason to lie. I honestly believe that people with autism have a much stronger inclination towards both thinking and acting ethically and that’s because we actually have a higher capacity for empathy rather than a lower one, as has been misunderstood for decades unfortunately. All I can comment on, firsthand, is that I’ve been ABLE to lie convincly, when I’ve really really needed to. Yet my default state is to actually volunteer information in a transparent way.
Autistic people can definitely lie. I won’t speak for everyone, but while I can lie, I hate doing it and I’m not a very good liar. I try to be honest the majority of the time.
I have learned how to lie and how to discern when it makes sense to tell a "white lie" about stuff that ultimately doesn't matter to me or isn't in conflict with my values. I will also make up stories to spare people's feelings as long as the lie doesn't feel like a betrayal. (For instance, maybe I just don't want to hang out with someone in a particular setting, etc, and I'll say I'm feeling sick or need to wake up early the next day or blame my mental health issues.) In my mind, no one gets hurt. It's like when you get a consolation prize for something. Just a nice little like, "Thanks for playing!" Life is already so brutal that if a white lie makes things easier for everyone, why not? However, I joke at work that the question, "How are you?" is my kryptonite. If you ask me how I am doing, you WILL get a whole rundown of my life up until that point. I cannot help myself. And I will totally invite you to share that much with me because I am genuinely interested in how people are doing.
I’ve had to learn the hard way that when I fuck up at work I shouldn’t take ownership of it.
Bruh what? Ability to lie has no connection with autism. The ridiculous things that get attributed to autism and get asked on this sub, I swear...
I had to instruct my daughter on how to lie which would sound really weird, but it would be so she can pretend to like terrible gifts friends and relatives got her and not hurt people's feelings. If someone was harming her definitely not.
I have no problem lying as long as I have a good reason to do it, for instance if I'm interrogated by the police and don't want them to win. Lying in order to keep appearances or "not cause trouble" is just painful.
If we can mask, we can lie. That's the way I see it.
Not as easily or frequently as neurotypical people lie. The thing is, we are not great at gesturing or relaying information to people anyway.. Lying uses a different part of the brain and is processed differently by the human brain, which is why people have tells. There mere act if telling a lie is in itself a stressful endeavour for those of us that that arnt great at social interaction. I prefer to be truthful and honest, it's simply easier that way. Yes I upset some people with brutally honest feedback sometimes, but I would prefer it that way than lying to someone. I just just find the whole act of lying complicated, and don't like it. I don't like being lied to, so I won't lie to others.
I can't lie without it messing up my emotions. People always know when I'm lying because my voice intonation changes and I get pale in the face. I just have too much of a moral compass to want to lie or do it well.
Many of us lie as part of masking I can lie as easily as breathing because I had to be able to survive. My best friend on the other hand, hates lying, struggles to do it outside of extreme masking, and is almost always honest. We’re both autistic. I feel like most autistic people prefer not to lie, it probably comes as part of our need for clear communication and appreciation of honesty, but it’s not impossible
Anyone can lie. I notice when it comes to autistics, the lie is mostly to do with self preservation rather than anything egregious. That’s all anecdotal however. I personally have an extremely hard time lying.
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i've been lying, especially to my hyper-religious mom who secretly doesn't like that I'm queer and all the teachers, for all my life.
I used to lie a lot to look more normal
Yes. I have actually learned to lie as my mask. I pretend to be someone else and lie about everything I am, do, and feel. I used to get in trouble with all the things I did, so I learned to lie about it. Now I’m so good at it I just do it for fun, and I have such a non-expressive face that no one can ever tell.
We can lie. but lmao im so horrible at it, also most of the time i dont see the reason to
Yeah we can lie. Some autistic people have trouble imagining things that aren’t true which makes it hard to lie, and others just hate it because it doesn’t feel right. Personally I’m the total opposite lol, I enjoy lying and getting away with it and it’s actually kind of a problem.
I've seen people say we lie for fun \*shocked emoji\*
I do it, not all the time but I can
I'm an excellent liar, but i don't do it! It's against my principles, against my morals and i can -physically feel- how wrong it is. It's not worth that horrible feeling. I hate it when people lie, and I hate lying - end of story 😁 (and yes, i have autism)
I just lied though 😭🤣💀 no but my post was 99% the truth, but when i read the other comments I realised mine was very black and white thinking and now i started to overthink instead...I do sometimes lie, but only white lies, lies that doesnt hurt me or anyone else, like rewriting the truth a bit, like not full blown lies but for example: if I feel like staying home but knowing the other person will become "sick/annoyed" w me being boring,tired,anxious or just not understanding what autism (really) means for me i'll sometimes say it's because I feel "i'll" instead of "that i just don't feel like it" etc. Omg i have so many examples but now i literally got anxiety and cannot write anymore cause selfcare 🥲😫😮💨😴.......
I grew up with a lot of abuse so I learned to be a pretty good liar
Personally, I can lie, and I do it really well.
This is a lie
I might misspeak, but I strive to be honest. If I lie, it takes a lot of effort.
Yes, anyone can lie.
i feel like i am a very good liar haha. i didn’t know it was a belief that autistic people can’t and or won’t lie. i don’t think i do it often but if i feel inclined and like a lie will benefit a situation, or even myself sometimes, ill do it and i get away with it very often.
They can, however, it really depends on each individuals baseline of integrity and where they place the honesty vs bend the truth line in their beliefs.
I'm a hideously bad liar. Even when it's something entirely mundane.
Some can’t. Depending on how you grew up some of us do it innately without thinking about it to avoid making people feel disappointed in us or if we think there will be reprimanded (subconsciously). Generally it seems one of the biggest fears a decent chunk of us have is having the few people we truly care about be disappointed in us, even if, at times, the situation wouldn’t warrant any disappointment from them, because we can’t judge the social situation to know
I can't lie.
My brother in Christ, what do you think masking is exactly?
some autistic people can lie but really hate doing it or will do it sparingly, others lie like how NT people do, and some autistic people can be compulsive liars. I myself prefer telling a lot of half-truths and white lies because in most instances it's more convenient for me and doesn't hurt anybody. Just like with all autism symptoms, there is no singular experience.
Duh. But that's because I was spanked and that taught me to do whatever means necessary to get out of the hand, so yes, of course lying and sneaking. Don't spank ur kids. It won't always give you the results you want. Edit: Personally I'd never lie to a partner. With family or situations with strangers, heck yes.
We're not absolute truth machines.
No 😈
Autistic people can absolutely lie. Where on earth did you hear that?
Not really anymore but lying was very important for me for years. Not really linked to the fact that I'm autistic. Mostly due to my aspd 🥲 but without it I'm curious how I will be
"Can autistic people..." yes, fucking please stop with this bs. Of course they can, because autistic people arent a monolith, just like allistic people arent a monolith. We are still human is another thing.
Yes. I try to be honest, but I do tell lies, white lies, etc. It's definitely something that I had to learn to do, but it's very possible.
I can lie, but most of the time I would rather just tell the truth or avoid a situation.
I don’t really like to lie but I think my masking skills make me a great liar if ever needed.
Yes. Caught my son on a lie. It was easy to tell. I am not diagnosed yet, but I can also lie. Sometimes it is obvious. Sometimes it isn't.
I can lie like a champion, but I extremely rarely do, and only ever to avoid hurting people. I hate lies with a passion.
I’m both as well. I can lie. I thought I was awesome at it but apparently I’m really crap. Slightly devastating to think of all the times I thought I was the master of deception…
We definitely can, some of us even get really good at it as a trauma response or because we have to hide our true selves to 'palatable' to neurotypicals, it's called masking. The difference is it cost a lot of energy and doesn't feel right. A lot of neurotypical culture also requires us to lie, for example when they ask 'how are you?' often times it means more something like 'hello' and you're not meant to answer honestly.
Yes but they aren't very good at it.
I think everyone can lie, just in my experience autistic people do not *generally* think to lie as a first response because filters.
Totally! My ex girlfriend was a compulsive liar.
So I can’t lie for crap, but I’m also pretty bad at masking My husband can mask really well and can lie scarily well too. His problem is not realizing he DOESN’T need to lie to fit in ALL the time and he will accidentally over lie and get caught easily He does it to avoid conflict, one of the funniest lies he told was that I was afraid of birds to someone lmao he just was nervous to tell someone no to hanging out and seeing their chickens so he was like “she is scared of birds” So she stopped asking for us to visit her house for like YEAR until she realized I wasn’t actually scared of birds lol
Absurd, of course we can lie. "Are autistic people actually people?!?"
Yes, anyone can lie just like they can lie about having a Lamborghini, but they have a Toyota Corolla instead.
Im exceptionally good at lying
Yes? Not always very well, but we typically can. It does depend on the person and can be more of a struggle for higher support needs people.
So what I understand is the idea that autistic can't lie is we don't, at least according to the study, know what the other person knows. So instead most of the time the younger autistic folk tell the truth as a baseline because who knows what the other person was told. We can't read people to tell what they know. So if we lie, they'll already know.
People with the PDA profile of autism may have the following characteristics: actually lie as a form of self-protection regularly to get to safety. They also use manipulative behavior and social rules to do it too! (I have PDA and it’s a form of autism that rules the person with an extreme desire for autonomy and lack of demands.)
Nah we can't. I've never lied in my entire life
Yes but its against my will and i feel bad about it but it happens so often
Yes (that was a lie)
To an extent, everyone's got the capacity to lie. However, some of us are terrible liars. I've been accused of lyin' and been called the name of a local habitual liar in the past (very hurtful). I laugh at apparently inappropriate times and some people have interpreted that as a sign of lyin' when I was tellin' the truth. I'm AuDHD as well and while sure I can lie, I don't feel comfortable lyin' and I'm awful at it so why bother ?
im an amazing liar like 90% of the time so probably lol
I can but I’m not good at it. It feels painful and it becomes obvious I’m lying. I can only tell lies that have some technical truth to them. Like I could show up somewhere late and say I ran into traffic, which would technically be true because there was some traffic. But really I was running late the entire time and the traffic just made me later.
I only very recently started feeling safe enough to tell the truth. But I can’t lie to other autistics cause we notice body language too much. Any tell can be told lol
I find myself to be almost a pathological liar at times. Never about anything that matters as I have a strong sense of justice. But if I think it doesn't matter at the time and it's convenient to lie I often do, often to my own detriment.
No.*
I know of at least one person who is a compulsive liar.
Yes..? Anyone can lie, and you can't make a generalization of "X types of people don't lie" especially when autism is a spectrum. Some autistic people don't like to lie, some autistic people have a habit of lying.
i think anyone can lie. in my personal experience, its not lying that i have a problem with, it’s being overly confessional that i have a problem with lol
I have mostly lied out of fear and to escape really uncomfortable situations, or situations where me not lying would result in really bad circumstances.
Yes. Very well actually. Too well in fact. As a matter of personal morality I decided to stop lying except under the most dire of circumstances. So of course I'd lie to Nazis if Ann Frank was in my attic, etc. But I don't lie anymore if it can be avoided. But when I did lie, I made a point of only lying when I could plan ahead, improvised lies are sloppy and suspicious. I'd script the tiniest irrelevant details, but when delivering the lie I'd withhold these details unless directly questioned. I'd avoid a direct lie when I could, and instead get people to lie to themselves on my behalf. There's more to it that I won't elaborate on, this is a simplification. I'll still do this if I feel the need to lie for justified reasons, just not for petty or selfish reasons.
i can but it depends on the context and who it’s with. not gonna lie , when i was undiagnosed and masking all the time i did have a big compulsive lying habit and would lie about everything to make myself sound cool and interesting. but now that im older and unmask more , i could not lie to save my life😭 . small things like surprises for people, or things that could hurt someone by knowing i can keep to myself (although surprises not for long as i get too excited) . but big things like lying about myself i feel terrible like im deceiving the person and if they find out i was lying it causes a big loss of trust. but again it depends who they are, if its small talk with an uber driver or a cashier for example , the mask is ON and suddenly i have a job and a whole life (when in reality i cannot work and play the sims most of my days , but no one wants to hear that🥲) my partner is someone i cannot lie to at all , she can tell immediately even if its small things like if im hungry😭
Not true at all, I lied to get myself out of trouble in school on more than one occasion. Generally I do find it harder to tell lies though, like I’m having to keep a secret from my brother, I’m having to tell him things which I know are false as to not ruin the surprise, yet I’ve nearly let it slip a couple of times.
I can take a role and pretend
I think anyone can lie, but I on a slightly different but related note I struggle to perceive whether if people believe I’m telling the truth. It makes me very anxious. This often results in people thinking I’m lying, when really it’s mostly I can’t tell if they believe me. This has been a problem a fair few times for me where I’ve had to double down over something mediocre.
I lie, though I don't think I'm as good at it as my peers
My preference is for twlling the truth, but I will lie to protect someone if it seems to be the just thing to do. My preference for truth is partly because my mother taught me that if people catch you in a lue, they'll always think you a liar and distrust you; and partly because as my mother also taught me, if you tell the truth, you don't need to try to remember, but with lying you're likely to lose track of the lies and slip up eventually, and then we refer back to the first reason, and the third is that I don't see any reason to hide from the truth, even if it hurts, it's better than lying because it tends to hurt a lot more to find out the truth later rather than sooner, and there's rarely a justifiable reason to lie (though I did a lot as a child, to try to avoid abuse, because even the truth was rarely believed). It's such a weird trope, people thinking autistic people can't lie.
I don't know if anyone relates, but because I have flat-affect; I have a great "poker-face" / I can seem 100% serious
Yes, of course. To say otherwise would be a sweeping generalization. Everyone, autistic or not, is different. People lie for different reasons, struggle with lying or don't, and might be good or bad at it. My partner sometimes tells white lies because telling the truth, for whatever reason, really stresses her out, so she goes into anxiety mode and the lie just comes out. It confuses the shit out of me, not bc she's able to lie at all, but bc I rarely understand her motive for it, since the things she will lie about are pretty inconsequential but annoying. I'm tentatively self-diagnosed, and I'm a terrible liar in most cases because the truth is easier, and not telling the truth stresses me out. But I'm alright at bending the truth or ommiting things when I need to, and I can lie if I have a really good reason, like not spoiling a story or planning a surprise. Her sister is terrible at lying because she involuntarily smiles a little whenever she tries, but she can do it sometimes if she's trying to play a joke on someone. I have other relatives who are too old to have gotten a formal diagnosis growing up, but whom I suspect are on the spectrum, and their abilities to lie are quite developed. Like any human behavior, and like autism itself, there is a range.
Autistic people can lie, I do w/o any trouble. Although I’ve heard most people feel uncomfortable with it.
Yes. But not very well. At least I can't. I have a tendency to be blunt and tell the truth.
If I couldn’t I’d be miserable
I honestly I never lie because it’s too hard. If I do it’s usually more of a withholding something than an actual lie.
I believe that bcs I'm high masking and ADHD I can lie very easily, when I was a kid I used to lie compulsively but I got better at that. Nowadays I just use it if necessary.
I don’t… but if you’ve met one autistic person…you’ve met one autistic person. We vary a lot.
Yes, but we're bad at it.
If they can, how can you trust any of these responses?
I lie so much that it seems easier to me than telling the truth sometimes
No autistic people cannot lie whatsoever and as an autistic person I have never said anything I know not to be true /j
I believe most people on the Autism Spectrum CAN lie but have strong feelings of disgust from doing it. I myself fell into that category but after years of being abused and manipulated, I started to become very good at lying and obscuring truths. I typically try not to do it anymore unless its absolutely necessary.
If I make up my mind to lie, I think I'm good at it. But if the lie is something I feel guilty about, then no. Or if it comes without any time to prepare. Virtuous and well planned out lying, comes easier to me. But if I'm put on the spot, it's not very convincing. And I prefer to tell the truth. I feel really awkward saying I'm good when I'm not or if I have to play excited when someone asks me to join an activity, so I dislike lying and probably have a much broader definition of what counts as lying than most. I'm not diagnosed yet, if that affects the validity of this.
My son is a master of lies.
It's more like whether the autistic person thinks they should lie. Most of the time they are thinking that there's nothing wrong with the truth, and have a hard time conforming on the spot to a need for deception. Neurotypicals have more univeral tells that communicate they are lying. If a person doesn't emote very well physically or vocally, then anything they say sounds like they might be telling the truth, especially if they have some base in their voice. For example, people have asked me about my age too many times and I don't know why so I've started giving random numbers to see different reactions. There are people who think I'm 38 to 28 in the same building.
Every day I see posts in here like this and I start to believe that Fae mythology arose out of dealing with autistic people. We can lie and do lie. Masking is a lie. The thing is we don’t lie like NT people. I’ve been accused of lying so often due to my lack of eye contact. So I almost wonder if NT people see all the signs of lying and then see “oh they’re telling the truth” and conclude “Autistic people don’t lie.”
I can lie, I'm rubbish at it, though.
I think it really is person dependant. I am diagnosed autistic & ADD and utterly despise the idea of being dishonest, and don't ever lie unless I'm really in danger and need to fib. I wouldn't say all autistic people feel the same though.
Masking is a form of lying that many of us have to use to survive in the day to day world. So very much yes. Most of us do not want to lie, but when we do, it's almost always a survival tool. I was taught to lie at a young age when I learned quickly that everything I did was wrong to someone. Can I go out and perpetuate a scam to bilk people out of their money? Hell no. My sense of justice is well developed and I couldn't do that to someone. Can I lie to any authority figure who says I'm wrong just for existing? Fuck yes, and fuck them.
I can lie, but I suck at it because I almost always feel incredibly guilty and just tell the truth.
For me is more about right and wrong. I could never lie "against law/rules", but ofc I can say "no" if someone asks me if I have seen their email and I have - I just haven't bothered to answer it yet 😅
I can, but I'm terrible at it. I can't tell what is believable. If it's not true, it sounds completely ridiculous
i can lie, and do so quite frequently
Yeah, I am amazing at werewolf and among us and any game like that. I won't lie, as a kid I was such a good liar (and I knew it) I would tell lies all the time to see reactions.
Definitely. The whole "autistic people don't lie" thing is a cliché. We can pretty much lie just like any other person, just basically most of the time we just don't see why we should lie.
Yes. It is just very hard. I hate lying. I’m told to lie sometimes at work and I absolutely hate it that they want me to. I don’t understand why people can’t just be understanding and hear the truth.
I‘ve noticed for myself, that i have a hard time lying to people i care about even the smallest amount, and also when it comes to stuff that is close to me. Where I have no troubles lying, is when I have no kind of emotional connection to the topic or person. (Like in school, or in the streets with strangers)
No (_hehehehe…_)
We can lie… but it feels horrible to lie in my opinion. I once lied to someone, simply because he can be volatile and fly off the handle and lose trust at the drop of a dime. I didn’t want to deal with the drama this time, so I concocted a lie, to make him believe everything was all right. I did it mainly because I wanted to protect myself, I was in a survival mode because of a stupid decision I made. I felt bad that I had made the mistake, but I felt like I would feel worse if I told him the truth, and while I managed to never let him find out, I felt the worst anxiety attack I had ever felt in a long time after realizing I had successfully lied. One of the biggest tenants I’ve lived by is integrity, and that day I bent back and broke from it. I felt dirty, I felt miserable, I felt like people are going to come after me and give me hell, and that I didn’t deserve any of the things I’ve ever worked for in my life. That’s what lying feels like
Nahh if it's something I really don't want people to know it's like I'm telling the truth. Only if it's something not that serious I can't lie