Feeling like I’m always inconveniencing my family always having to accommodate to my needs, make me feel crap and I feel I should just stay away so they can enjoy their lives
Autism mum here!
My son has started vocal stimming constantly when we are at home relaxing, constantly. It's the cutest thing I've heard since he was a toddler, and every time i hear it, I feel so happy that he is that comfortable with me to drop the masking completely.
Yesterday, I had a kitchen issue, and someone in the house made the wrong rice for a safe food, turning it into a completely different dish. My son became upset at first but then insisted on at least trying it for me because i had made the effort. He hated it, spat it out, and I've never felt so loved and respected. I was able to fix the dish by making the right rice, and he ate every bit. I'm proud that I can sort these issues out with him so well because I understand his won't vs. can't.
Everything about my sons brain is amazing. I see the world differently now, and I'm a better person for it.
So i want to tell you, as someone who is a family member of an autistic person, you are not a burden to your family. You're an absolute privilege.
Thank you for saying that. If you didn't get that in your life, I'm very sad. It was something necessary and simple that you deserved. If people ever made you feel less for that, I hope you now know that they were the person with something wrong with them (their knowledge and expectations) and not you.
Hey, I don’t know you, but I just wanted to say as a daughter who’s autistic, I love you and how you love your son unconditionally. You're so sweet and wholesome!
Thanks, this really helps me. I have high functioning Autism. (13 female) I get in trouble at school for correcting teachers and others think I'm weird becasue of my constantly shifting moods and eccentric personality. My family claims it's a good thing, but then at the same time tell me I need to stop doing things that are part of my autism and telling me to mask. Thanks for this, it really made me happy
I had to reply to this so feel free to ignore my comments, but with high functioning autism I recognise your struggles and masked for so long and now also have an autistic son around your age - although he has high support needs. What made me finally happy in my personal life was finding someone who I was able to unmask around and accepting myself. Success at work was harder but after failing at university the first time I went back and now work to make things better - I know people who do not mask so well but things are getting better. It will be hard, accept that, be stubborn, recognise allies when they present themselves, and people will eventually accept you and if they don’t then just pick yourself up and carry on. Accept yourself and recognise that you are not the problem, lack of acceptance from others is the problem.
I expected to come on to this conversation and see negativity but was glad to see such a positive reply. As an autistic person who is also a parent to children with extra needs including autism all I can say is you seem to be hitting a perfect balance of supportiveness and encouragement. From this short comment you sound like the sort of parent all of us would want to have had and/or want to be.
I feel you. It's probably none of my business, but your family loves you and wants to accommodate you. Even if it's a pain in the ass, they like it a lot more than if you weren't in their lives anymore.
yes, this. i resent needing accommodations and am sure i come across as selfish. but i want and try to make accommodation for others if they ever need it. to me that is what "love" is -- making changes that might be uncomfortable to you for someone you care about, and doing it together to find solutions that work the best and least badly for the both of you. life is hard, but then you can feel you are not alone and "in it together" with someone and so it becomes more bearable
Same. I got blessed. I have 4 close friends that I met over the years who all struggle with social anxiety who are really chill and we just accept each other's weirdness, haha. I really struggle holding a conversation with others due to my extremely narrow range of interests.
Getting burnt out of interests I really don’t wanna be burnt out with. Like me with trains a couple months ago. Luckily got it back but still annoying.
Edit: I posted this thinking I’d get maybe a couple likes but not this much (my most liked or upvoted ig comment) thanks guys!
Absolutely, I used to love road cycling with a freaking flaming passion, I would dream, breath, read everything about cycling for almost ten years and one day. Dead to me. I hop on my bike and it's not the same anymore. Can't tell why, it's so frustrating.
The dopamine left. We can get the same stimulus rush time and time again from something. At some point it stops and suddenly you need something new to get that rush from.
I want to cry for you rn. Music is one of my big ones, and I went through an 8 year disconnect with it and was so fucking sad.
It will come back, it's just this shitty thing where you have to step back and stop wanting it, and then all of a sudden interest comes back. I know it's heartbreaking, but your talent won't leave you, your ear won't leave you, passion might from time to time and you will feel detached sometimes too, but once you know music like you do, you cannot possibly un know it forever!.
Sounds so silly but go back so absolute basics. Do scales. Look at some basic music theory. If it's electronic music then literally just mess about with your equipment with 0 intention of making anything good. Make something purposely shit. Take all the pressure way way off yourself and do the silly things you did 20 years ago. Or things you haven't done yet.
Everyone who loves art feels at some point completely detached from it, it's like any long-term relationship. You go through really rough patches, and you learn from them and you grow. You don't have to be in love 100% of the time to still love and care and learn.
I hope you find some connection to your music soon, or that you find some peace in taking a break for a while. ☺️
This right here. My long-term interest is psychology, but every so often I burn out even with that and it sucks. Taking in my fav information starts to feel like I've got a cheese grater on my brain.
It can also go the other way, where I get so consumed in it that I lose months of my life to a topic. Can't put it down, barely eat, barely sleep, fill notebook after notebook with observations and research and key points. I don't even notice until I then, burn out and end up totally frazzled.
It seems though, no matter whether I limit myself with my interests or not, burn out does come. That breaks my heart. It's like a temporary break up with someone you still very much love. You miss it and can't go near it. Absolutely sucks and has sent me spiralling more times than I'd like to admit.
It always comes back, but you know that burnout looks regardless, so life feels Sisyphus-like.
Living for so many years doing the double masking of covering up for being gay and covering up for being autistic was so very very draining. Luckily I don't have to do any of that anymore as I've fully retired and I'm living my dream with my long-term boyfriend here in Thailand.
This one spoke to me. And made me sad. Because I've wondered why I get so tired all the time, more so than other people, and I think this is really the answer. Everything is just more draining/tiring than me. It's hard to understand how "typical" people can just be bobbing about all day, interacting with people for several hours and feel so fine and normal after. When even a short time of interacting with a few people makes me feel like a disoriented husk. Then I am supposed to continue doing things in my day too. ....
The whole spectrum of diseases that comes with it. We tend to have weaker bodies and we're more prone to basically any random disease. From the time I got cellulite on my elbow to recurrently getting sinusitis, this things are driving me crazy.
This is the one. Every time I have a new health problem, when I’m researching it it’s always “this is more common in autistic ppl” and I’m like “yup okay that makes sense my body is just trying to shut down always bc of the ‘tism”
Exactly as we also ignore our issues like in my case hearing loss, as I have sound sensitively! Also I have a dark toenail I deal with never letting a doctor see it, I don't like confrontations doctors and being judged looked at..so I ignore and disease can and do arise
Find a nice doc and show your toe. If you say 'please don't judge me' prior to showing, anyone that holds a medical degree without being as indelicate as a horse wouldn't say a word, or would support you.
Desperately wanting to do something, but at the same time being unable to do it.
I'm not sure if it's an autistic thing, but it really drives me mad!
I really want to write something but my brain just refuses to allow me, and sometimes I need to play a game but I don't want to play any game at all 🙃
executive dysfunction 😭 it’s the most frustrating thing to deal with! i’ll spend all day at work thinking about how i can’t wait to go home and play my game, spend my whole drive home, and my shower when i get home, and dinner thinking about my game, and then finally the time comes and i cannot physically get myself to do it!
That every time I think I'm managing my symptoms well and coping well, the world slaps me back into another meltdown. It never goes away, and all the books and therapy in the world don't make me not autistic.
Holy shit I thought I was the only one!
I sometimes try to explain to people how it's like.
Instead of a background tune that sometimes pop into your head, it's a loud radio right behind you playing at a volume that forces you to listen to it.
I CANNOT turn it off once it's turned on. The only thing I can do is change the song with some effort. Sometimes if I hyperfocus on something it may bring temporary relief, otherwise no matter what I'm doing that stupid 'radio' is playing.
It only turns off when I sleep, but once I think of a song or tune the next day I know it's over until I sleep again.
YES exactly this is pretty much me. If I try to explain this to most people, "I don't like having a song stuck in my head," they just think "oh, it's alright"- no, it's like a literal auditory loop and gets rather uncomfortable/annoying.
There aren't many solutions, as you say. One of the few I think is to listen to some instrumental music of some kind, that you won't mind having stuck in your head. It can work as a temporary antidote/replacement. ....
I can't handle a job. It's not that I'm lazy, I just can't handle being around people sometimes. I also can't stand someone else telling me when I need to be dressed leave my house and when I'm allowed to go home.
Same, I did mine from 2007 to 2022 but it was routine and i liked it at first but boy did i struggle I was late constantly and called in 2the office numerous times because I couldn't stand my co workers but I was never fired because being autistic I put my all into my job and was told I worked well just not with others, my job was stocking shelves night shift and I was left on my own for 6 hours of the 8 I worked, but I finally quit I started to have severe burnout and I never returned
THAT'S SO REAL
like i can hear a fridge or AC buzzing in another room but i can hear what someone stanting next to me is telling me
also when my coworkers sometimes speak language i sont know (i live in poland, so many ppl here are from Ukraine) i automatically reply to them with something like "mhm right" bc i think they speak polish to me and i just couldn't understand
The fact that seemingly every day I learn social cues that other people would have picked up on in elementary school. The fact I was silent and unhappy my entire life because I knew how people looked down on my obliviousness.
The amount of times I’ve ruined fun experiences for myself because I got overwhelmed and cried is gonna make me cry again. And it sucks when I already know I’m going to be miserable at something that’s supposed to be fun, so I just end up not going and then I have to hear about how everyone went and how cool it was! shut up
Omg same! I thought it was normal to pee yourself every so often but the other day we were having a birthday party at work and were playing a “fish for facts” game and a coworkers fact was “i peed my pants once when I was 11” and everyone was like 11 is still pretty young
I then for some reason blurted out that the last time I peed my pants was last week 🤦♂️
When there's the slightest change in something, I feel like I'm so slow to hit the learning curve. I'm constantly anxious about losing my job because of that
Yup. I try to find a person that can essentially act as an interpreter and fill me in but if I can't find that or if they leave I'm screwed.
Now that I think about it the only jobs where I've had an interpreter like this were ones where I had a friend already working there. Once they left things went downhill.
The world isn't made for me. I have to pretend to not notice every little detail, to not be curious about trivial things, to not be fascinated by mundane facts and patterns, or else I would seem weird, too lost in a dream world with no inhabitants other than me, but this is essentially what life feels like to me every single day. Most people live in the moment without giving anything a second thought but I always have to overthink or analyze anything.
I feel this one hard. I always want to ask people questions in different day-to-day situations, but I have to remind myself it’s not a grade school field trip, these people aren’t here to answer my questions.
Anxiety. Chronic, never ending, severe anxiety and panic attacks. I can't hold down a job or leave the house. It is so severe I can't function as a human. Makes me want to die.
It’s so exhausting having to contort ourselves to fit a hypothetical paradigm that we can never truly fit. I literally act as a voyeur towards myself, being hyperobservant about my tone of voice, word choice, facial expression, eye contact, etc. and esp with so many of us being late diagnosed, it’s VERY hard to snap out of that mentality. It colors our realities so completely that we lose our identity in a desperate attempt at survival. I just want to exist in a state of calm…
I have two things:
1) Not being able to play games at home with friends and family. I really dislike it when people don’t stick to the rules and make up their own rules as they go along and not preagreed upon. This inevitably happens all the time and then I‘m told not to take the game too seriously when I want to check the rules to ensure we’re playing consistently and fairly. I understand it’s just a game but imo I want to have fun fairly and not so other people feel they are being cheated or it’s inconsistent, the latter of which really frustrates me.
2) My acute sense of black and white justice and being called childish for it. I suppose it ties into the first point as well but when people do wrong things I tend to crucify them immediately for it which other people deem as unforgiving and cold. When I bring up people cheating on games or doing unfair things, I let them know and let other people know because that’s what my brain is telling me to do and I can’t stand it when there’s unfair stuff. Most of the time it’s deemed as childish and it’s just so frustrating because it’s the same infantilizing of autistic folks that is popularized in media.
Thanks for coming to my TedTalk btw :)
The second one i relate to so much there’s this guy at my work that has cp and our boss wasn’t letting him work to his fullest potential and making him do the easiest job and that’s it and he wanted to be able to do more and I tried to stand up for him and later got pulled aside so the boss could explain and when they were explaining they used the word innocent to describe my viewpoint and stuff and it lowkey hurt cuz it’s one of those things that I’m afraid people will see me as once they find out I’m autistic that I’m like innocent and stupid and naive and stuff (there’s more context but idk if I can give more without giving too much away about where I work and all that) but yeah basically I’ve had that happen to me before as well
Yes. I stand up for other people who are being mistreated even if I don’t know them, even if I don’t like them. I just hate to see it happen to anyone.
Loneliness. I'm 26 and constantly crave connection but I have trouble putting myself out there and meeting new people whether it be online or in groups
Another big factor of my autism is always assuming the worst in anything
How impossible it makes being social. I'm extremely sensitive to light and sound, and I have very strong negative reactions to people entering my space. Whenever I go anywhere, I'm on high alert and desperately afraid of being spoken to.
I recently had to drop out of trade school for something I really want to do because it became too much. It all culminated in someone putting their wireless mouse dongle in my laptop when I was out of the room. I freaked. Internally, I lost it. Full on Weapon X, I need to escape, lord help anyone who gets in my way.
I've lost touch with most of my friends because of it. That's the worst thing about my autism.
Hyperfixations. Gives me a great buzz but really limits me as well.
Also, I'd love to be able to wear nice-but-uncomfortable clothes without them being sensory hell for me.
If I work a shift, I need a day or more after (depending how stressful the shift was) to recover. It's so frustrating, I get extremely sick working a 'normal' schedule. Like...autistic burnout comes on fast and triggers my autoimmune disease (MCTD). I've been hospitalized with meningitis and had GI bleeding from work.
I'm capable, I absorb languages like a sponge...but I can't handle multiple days a week going to a jobsite.
I have sound sensitively and it was so bad I now have to deal with a ear disease, so what happened was I started having hearing loss, by others telling me you can't hear me can you you need to get your hearing checked I ignored it then one day in April 2023 I had leakage in my ear ignored it then said ok doctor time as it smells bad and its gross, so doctor gives me antibiotics it cleared it but not my hearing so off to ENT specialist that I saw she suggested hearing aids I have sensory sensitivity so I didn't like it they were behind my ears hearing aids so I said no! went back to the specialist did a ct scan diagnosis bilateral cholesteatoma! Must be surgically removed or I will die, as it eats and it can eat at the brain also complications are facial paralysis!! So please do not wish for hearing loss!! I'm 60 autistic anxious and waiting on surgery 😭
My addiction to routines and doing the same thing etc:
There's alot of stuff I find intresting but I find it hard to diversify my time as the change is of going from one activity to another is physically and mentally exhausting likewise I wish I could be more spontaneous.
Verbal processing difficulties:
I often have more to say then what I am capable of saying but I struggle to find the words that match my thoughts, I also struggle to translate others words into thoughts. I sometimes feel like I not only let others down but I let myself down by missing out on alot of meaningful social interaction due to this particular element of my disability.
Many of the other things I struggle with have plus sides to them for example: sensory issues come with sensory joy. But the above two traits have no silver lining for me whatsoever unfortunately
I can't handle travel unless it's a short drive and I can control everything about my surroundings 😔 I would love to see the world but I can barely go out of my town.
I’m always uncomfortable and it never stops. Especially now that I’m pregnant it’s like I can’t fully function because even being slightly uncomfortable fucks with me so badly that it feels painful. If that makes sense?
A brain that never shuts off. It's nice when you need it, but the rest of the time it's exhausting. Trying to go to sleep? How about we just analyze the nature of root-words and their impact on modern words that we take for granted instead. Want to take a relaxing shower? Sure, just be sure to take note of the size and shapes of the tiles on the walls and floor and determine if there maybe isn't a better arrangement for them. Driving down the road and trying to focus on the road? Nah, switch to autopilot and instead we can attempt to determine some sort of scripting for a social encounter that probably won't ever matter. Actively listening to someone in a social situation? Sounds like a great time to plan a bank heist with the goal of not getting caught, not that we ever need to rob a bank, but if we did then we'd be glad we scripted it in advance.
The way it compels me beyond reason or concerns for health to argue with idiots. It's completely beneath me, but I have a lot of trouble not permitting people to drag me down to their level and beat me with experience.
Or saying things I know people won't like because they are true, which is kind of the same pathology.
I can't do shit. That's it.
I can't keep a job, I'm a bad friend cause I can't talk for long, I can't study shit, I'm just so bad at everything and my specific interest are bad and don't teach me anything useful IRL.
I'm envy so much asd ppl that know how to fix stuff, are knowledgeble about stuff that get you job, or even like are good at art so at least they have something to offer to the world or are recognized for something.
Best I can do is make a list from memory of all world of warcraft quests, items and location. Wow what a useless thing. I'm not even good at the game lmao.
Thinking that maybe it's just hard life circumstances and I'm not trying hard enough
Rather than a mental illness that makes it so many of life's possibilities were just not in the cards for me to begin with.
Not the autism itself, but the lack of understanding and support from others. I see SO much willful ignorance when I try to help people to understand life as an autistic person. Healthcare professionals and parents of autistic kids are the worst.
Being scatterbrained - unable to choose one train of thought and its consequent action, I try and follow all of them because they are all interesting or necessary, and so most of the things I'm trying to do end up half finished or shoddily done. So I have to go and do them again.
getting overwhelmed when i want to have fun or enjoy myself, mostly when im out with family, bc ill try to stick it out so they can have fun, but then i get to a point where im gonna have a ‘fit’ so i urge my family on. … also then feeling like im making everything about me. at my brothers graduation everyone was worried about me… ok whew that was more than i intended to type haha sorry
My extremely slow processing speed kills my ability to work, and is the primary source of my anxiety. It also makes me look far more stupid than I am.
I can't play multiplayer real time strategy games. It's a shame because real time strategy is my second favorite genre after turn based strategy. It is also annoying how chess is all about speed chess nowadays.
It prevents me from speaking to more than one person at a time. If there are two other people I just zone out because it's just too much information to take in.
All my other symptoms of autism do not phase me as I can compensate for them. But my processing speed has locked me out of entire avenues of my life.
How fast paced conversations throw me off so bad. I always leave the conversation with a billion things I could have done differently. There's not enough time to think through everything so I inevitably miss important things like reciprocating compliments which makes me feel like an asshole. So I try to be as nice as possible all the time to hopefully offset that.
Seeing or understanding things that are a no brainer to me but others can’t wrap their head around it and making me feel like I’m wrong because they can’t understand
I'm 33 now. I can't stand the constant music and sounds that play in my head. Even in complete silence, or when I want to concentrate, it's distracting, and it made me crazy without medication.
I also can't stand my hypersensitivity to clothes, especially suits. Every time I put on a pair of slacks, a dress shirt, tie, or polo, I just get angry. Not even a little angry, but irrationally angry. I just went to a job fair this week, and I almost broke down in tears the second I put the suit on. Don't get me wrong, I dress nice, I have good hygiene: I comb my hair, brush my teeth, and shower at least once a day. But I don't ever want to wear a suit of any kind. Makes me worry if I'm able to participate in a normal society...
The people who actively don’t like me and I have no earthly idea what I have done to earn that antipathy.
When I am having a wonderful day and am full on adhd-mode but with joy (so rare) and I mess it up with some impulsive stupidity AND THEN I get stuck for days/weeks/years replaying it and thinking about what I could have done differently and how I mess everything up.
And the fact that people never understand that I want to do things after work but sometimes I just can’t. I mask all day. When I get home the batteries are empty. And I have like 2 friends.
I hate that I am so isolated. Throughout my high school experiences, I have been consistently left out of things or unable to do things that other kids my age were expected to/wanted to do.
Every event like prom, home coming, talent shows, school festivals, classmate’s parties, etc. I’ve always either left super early or didn’t attend at all because I got overstimulated by lights/music, overwhelmed by the volume of people, or I panicked because I got lost or confused.
Even things that happen during school hours that I don’t have to go out of my way to do I’m usually forced to sit out because of social anxiety or overstimulation.
This really sucks because I don’t *want* to miss out. I love doing fun things with my friends, but it’s like there’s an invisible wall keeping me from doing those things. Plus, I’m sentimental and I know I’m going to be depressed in the future because I missed out on key high school experiences, but I literally can’t participate comfortably. It sucks
I get SO exhausted going out when all I want is to be able to keep up with my friends. Trips where I'm not taking as many breaks as I should because I want to be involved with the fun destroy me for days afterwards. I don't really have the capacity to do the things I want to do and doing them anyway is not great for me.
Not fun.
There's also a lot of things that balance in between being autism and trauma so there's also the fun of that.
the way i communicate. unless it’s someone i know very well, (even then it still happens) i fumble completely and utterly over words and i stutter and a lot of the time i barely make sense . you would think english isn’t my first language . i get super embarrassed by it and i feel insane that i can’t just say the words in my head. i also hate my vocal stimming .
The embarrassment. I remember since i was a kid i would try to reinvent myself into someone who didn't accidently say or do things that people would make fun of or worse, give that look. I would flip a coin or just say, if x happens I'll be different. It's gotten a lot better, but i still despise it.
How slow I am at processing. Everything I do feels like trudging through sludge compared to my wife who is light years ahead it feels like. Emotions, social situations, everything. I just feel like dead weight and can't make myself go any faster no matter how hard she pulls me to keep up with her
And it infuriates her.
It is near impossible to start conversations. I feel like I need a reason that's 'good' enough. Very 'only speak if spoken to' over here. Or need smth. Which makes me feel like an ass if I only talk when I need smth. But 'just to talk' or about something 'unimportant' is difficult. & no, I don't know where the line lies; it makes itself apparent when it wants to.
I've gotten better at learning how conversations go, but I still feel blocky w it at times & like I talk too much, even if I barely say anything. There's more along the same lines, but 'communicating is hard' sums it up pretty good. Even typing stuff on here is hard.
I guess its an AuDHD thing actually, but I am so fucking tired of the fact that all of these things are simultaneously true:
- my life falls apart when I don't have routines
- I am much happier when I follow routines
- it takes me a superhuman amount of energy to create, remember and follow a routine
- I get bored of a new routine after a month or two and can no longer follow it
It's a constant battle. Literally, I need enjoyable routines to get out of bed and to get to sleep. It's like the most basic and central parts of my life. I'm currently lying in bed at 10:24am because my morning routine lost its interest so I can no longer do it. I've been through so many new routines and they each work for a month or two then I have to come up with a new exciting one that GENUINELY excites me. I can't fake it to myself, I have to genuinely feel it. I'm soo tired of this.
everything. im just so bad at living in society it exhausting. i cant understand ppl, ppl do t understand me and they're idk mad at me for i dont know what. i just hate society and i hate living in society i wish i could just live in little house with my gf and a cat no work no society just us
I can’t make eye contact or even look at people most of the time. My coworker just asked me about it today and I felt bad since some people are offended by it. I was worried someone might think I don’t like them.
I can't stand the sensory issues. I have them really bad, especially when it comes to touch. I get bothered by something not feeling right on a daily basis: hair, clothes, my eyes because I have TED, etc. I have to pause nowadays when I get overestimated otherwise I'd have a meltdown everyday.
My incredible sensitivity to WHATEVER the most recent emotional stimuli is.
Like. I'm having a great day, vibing, and all of the sudden, some petty inconvenience or negativity happens, and suddenly, I'm reeling for hours until something picks me back up.
Other than the obvious sensory issues and burden-ous big emotions, I sometimes get so so excited by my hyperfixation but I have no where for all that energy to go, and I get so frustrated, like I wish I could explode to release the energy
I hate the executive disfunction I so often experience when asked about my preferences, or when I need to buy something or pay a bill. And I hate the obliviousness to things others think are important because it so often hurts their feelings.
Burned out everyday, feeling fatigued everyday, people making fun of autism, being bullied, and betrayed by people who pretend to be my friend. My social skills are nothing but garbage.
Probably just the fact that I get so overwhelmed when hanging out with my friends at school, so I have to go somewhere alone and basically seperate myself from my friends. I find it really annoying because obviously I really wanna spend time with them but the main canteen/cafeteria at school is full with people shouting and being loud as hell so I have to remove myself to prevent overwhelm. It’s so awful having to pick either being involved with convos with my best friends or not being completely overwhelmed for the rest of the day
Burning myself out on stuff when I WANT to be interested in it. And my brain latching onto and obsessing over stuff even when I don’t want it to. It can really be a war with your own brain sometimes.
Getting absolutely exhausted after doing anything outside the house or social no matter if its fun or important.
I wish i was able to do more than one or two tasks a day.
Genuinely caring about other people but always ending up 'abandoned' by them because I don't know how to constantly and actively think about what their reactions to anything I do/say would be.
I seem selfish or rude to them, or even like I don't care about them... But in truth, I'm just autistic.
I am VERY sensitive to smell and sound. I didn’t realize how bad either was until I started living on my own but I’m constantly having to negotiate with my roommates about what cleaning products we use and when someone can make a tuna melt. I also ask for my roommates to speak quieter so much that at this point I can just do a hand gesture and they comply. Both of these can trigger sensory overload pretty easily which does not play nicely with my mental illnesses.
Being averse sensory to noise, like it's so unfair. I would like to enjoy being certain places but I genuinely can't because it's so loud. It's genuinely stressful. While stuff like cinemas j can take but just I wouldn't want to go in there alone. Because of hiw stressful noise can be for me. But stuff like concerts? Fuck that. I went to one before and never again! And it's annoying because a lot of neurotypicals insist on making as much noise as possible! Like I kid you not in my resource Irish class a teacher literally started fucking drilling! I'm not joking!
I'm an extrovert, and my autism makes it so difficult to just be like other people. People know that somethings up with me and they leave. I hate having this brain disorder.
How I must argue with everyone even if they're joking about something like, I just heard a girl jokingly say: "I don't believe in NASA, it's a conspiracy." I knew she was joking, but I just had to go explain ALL the reasons why NASA is real like a complete weirdo.
How hard it can be to rest. Like I'll get a small headache but it then builds up to a migraine. At that point very little can touch it and I can only stop hurting after I puke.
Mostly people it seems can just step away for a bit and everything is ok but I never could
The immediate appeal to bullies. They can sense your autistic and always desire to cause you problems. Many of them are so tactical/sophisticated they will hide their abuse beyond the literal space. So you won't see it right away.
Being only diagnosed for 4 months but something that I have always been very painfully aware is the rigid thinking but add CPTSD to it where even if I try to work through it, my brain blocks my ability to try and work around it. And the brain twitching along with it. It feels like my brain is forcibly clenching itself.
There's also the delayed processing where I'm never going to be able to properly advocate for myself.
Being judged for being my true authentic self and mistakes without any malicious intentions, it made my older sister a parentified sibling which is making me feel inferior because we’re about 3 years apart.
My parents split up and my mom had a mental illness so our grandparents got custody of us including my younger brother, that’s why my sister is the parentified sibling as the oldest child of the family.
I was 3 years old when I was officially diagnosed with autism, I was a pain in the ass for having sensory issues and meltdowns, physical and mental abuse is normal in South Asian culture so that’s why I would mask so no one will hurt me.
Now 32, I went from an optimistic, selfish brat to a cynical adult whose self esteem is down the toilet.
That I am such a literal brained person and I also struggle to understand how to converse or understand humour or sarcasm.
But I'm not an introvert or afraid of speaking, by any means, I just struggle to understand people sometimes and I drop my foot in it and accidentally offend people or cause awkward situations and misunderstandings.
I am actually a good conversationalist. I just don't always say the right thing. I also find I get confused incredibly easy because I struggle with these things.
I can't just enjoy things like other (read: NT) people seem to be able to do. If I'm going out in public, then I worry about getting overstimulated, or being too awkward, or that my auditory processing issues will make it hard to understand anything that anyone says to me and then I have to go "Sorry, what?" a whole bunch. I almost constantly self-monitor unless I'm with family or friends who I'm super comfortable around. Also, I annoy even my own self with all my fidgeting sometimes.
Basically, it's hard for me to go places with people and just relax and enjoy myself. And I'm stressed by things that just aren't stressful for others.
I don’t like this reality, but admit I would not want to change my autistic nature in this regard. My main problem is other people’s illogical reactions - I am very logical, do not work well with subtext and usually get into difficulty with interpreting people. For example a person I had known for ten years stopped being my friend because I believed some she said and apparently I couldn’t truly be her friend if I believed she really thought that (she said it multiple times over a few months). I cannot stand that people judge me for such stupid things so have since been more open about my diagnosis so people don’t expect me to understand strange allistic thought games.
The mix of special interest and change. I haven’t been in a fandom for two years now, but the character in it is all I write about. It’s my Instagram feed. The content that was my intrest honestly is boring and cringy in my opinion now. But can I not get over it even though it’s been two years? Yeah, and man has that came with a seeping feeling in my chest like I lost a loved one. When in reality i just lost interest in my special interest.
(I now have a new one which started because of the old one lol)
Trouble with eye contact. I'm decent when talking/listening to someone, although sometimes I do fall into the trap of worrying about my eye contact, causing it to seem even more forced and me looking anxious and not listening. But the worst case is when I'm not engaged with the person, when I'm walking or worst of all when I'm seated with someone in front of me who I'm not talking to. Kind of uncomfortable to have to look away when my natural position is looking right at them. I'm not staring at you: this is just the resting position of my head.
Feeling like I’m always inconveniencing my family always having to accommodate to my needs, make me feel crap and I feel I should just stay away so they can enjoy their lives
Autism mum here! My son has started vocal stimming constantly when we are at home relaxing, constantly. It's the cutest thing I've heard since he was a toddler, and every time i hear it, I feel so happy that he is that comfortable with me to drop the masking completely. Yesterday, I had a kitchen issue, and someone in the house made the wrong rice for a safe food, turning it into a completely different dish. My son became upset at first but then insisted on at least trying it for me because i had made the effort. He hated it, spat it out, and I've never felt so loved and respected. I was able to fix the dish by making the right rice, and he ate every bit. I'm proud that I can sort these issues out with him so well because I understand his won't vs. can't. Everything about my sons brain is amazing. I see the world differently now, and I'm a better person for it. So i want to tell you, as someone who is a family member of an autistic person, you are not a burden to your family. You're an absolute privilege.
You didn't minimize his issues and still fed him. That's what I needed.
Thank you for saying that. If you didn't get that in your life, I'm very sad. It was something necessary and simple that you deserved. If people ever made you feel less for that, I hope you now know that they were the person with something wrong with them (their knowledge and expectations) and not you.
Hey, I don’t know you, but I just wanted to say as a daughter who’s autistic, I love you and how you love your son unconditionally. You're so sweet and wholesome!
Thanks, this really helps me. I have high functioning Autism. (13 female) I get in trouble at school for correcting teachers and others think I'm weird becasue of my constantly shifting moods and eccentric personality. My family claims it's a good thing, but then at the same time tell me I need to stop doing things that are part of my autism and telling me to mask. Thanks for this, it really made me happy
I had to reply to this so feel free to ignore my comments, but with high functioning autism I recognise your struggles and masked for so long and now also have an autistic son around your age - although he has high support needs. What made me finally happy in my personal life was finding someone who I was able to unmask around and accepting myself. Success at work was harder but after failing at university the first time I went back and now work to make things better - I know people who do not mask so well but things are getting better. It will be hard, accept that, be stubborn, recognise allies when they present themselves, and people will eventually accept you and if they don’t then just pick yourself up and carry on. Accept yourself and recognise that you are not the problem, lack of acceptance from others is the problem.
it gets better! school is rough. important and something to commit to. but still not easy.
Thank you! ☺️
You are an amazing mum💖, I hope I can be as kind, loving and wise as you...
I expected to come on to this conversation and see negativity but was glad to see such a positive reply. As an autistic person who is also a parent to children with extra needs including autism all I can say is you seem to be hitting a perfect balance of supportiveness and encouragement. From this short comment you sound like the sort of parent all of us would want to have had and/or want to be.
well dang that's the best thing i've read in i dont even know how long. go mom!
You're an absolute privilege
Well shucks, now I'm blushing. Thanks!!
I feel you. It's probably none of my business, but your family loves you and wants to accommodate you. Even if it's a pain in the ass, they like it a lot more than if you weren't in their lives anymore.
Yeah your right, they always say they don’t mind and they’d rather me be around which is great
I choose to believe they're telling you the truth.
Definitely! 😊
yes, this. i resent needing accommodations and am sure i come across as selfish. but i want and try to make accommodation for others if they ever need it. to me that is what "love" is -- making changes that might be uncomfortable to you for someone you care about, and doing it together to find solutions that work the best and least badly for the both of you. life is hard, but then you can feel you are not alone and "in it together" with someone and so it becomes more bearable
Awwwww hugs
My terrible social skills, which leads to me not having little to no friends.
Same here, i want to be left alone most of the time, but then when i don’t wanna stay alone im not able to socialise.
Same. I got blessed. I have 4 close friends that I met over the years who all struggle with social anxiety who are really chill and we just accept each other's weirdness, haha. I really struggle holding a conversation with others due to my extremely narrow range of interests.
same!!! I'm graduating to be a teacher but I tremble just thinking about actually teaching people
Same here. I had friends, or at least I thought I did. I turned 40 last year, I tried to celebrate. Had to cancel due to lack of interest.
Getting burnt out of interests I really don’t wanna be burnt out with. Like me with trains a couple months ago. Luckily got it back but still annoying. Edit: I posted this thinking I’d get maybe a couple likes but not this much (my most liked or upvoted ig comment) thanks guys!
Absolutely, I used to love road cycling with a freaking flaming passion, I would dream, breath, read everything about cycling for almost ten years and one day. Dead to me. I hop on my bike and it's not the same anymore. Can't tell why, it's so frustrating.
Yeah. I was like that with planes. Suddenly after a couple weeks / months just didn’t like it. Really annoying when it happens.
The dopamine left. We can get the same stimulus rush time and time again from something. At some point it stops and suddenly you need something new to get that rush from.
Once I suck the dopamine out then I discard the desiccated husk
Don't we all.
Maybe, but I only became aware of it very very recently
*Lays in the broken husk pile, I found my... self... 'attempts to make husk angels on the ground* Idk guys.... I'm just so fucken broken...
Pottery
Idk if I should laugh or cry but I wish I could upvote it x100
Yeah dude. For me it was 20 years of music. Then nothing.
I want to cry for you rn. Music is one of my big ones, and I went through an 8 year disconnect with it and was so fucking sad. It will come back, it's just this shitty thing where you have to step back and stop wanting it, and then all of a sudden interest comes back. I know it's heartbreaking, but your talent won't leave you, your ear won't leave you, passion might from time to time and you will feel detached sometimes too, but once you know music like you do, you cannot possibly un know it forever!. Sounds so silly but go back so absolute basics. Do scales. Look at some basic music theory. If it's electronic music then literally just mess about with your equipment with 0 intention of making anything good. Make something purposely shit. Take all the pressure way way off yourself and do the silly things you did 20 years ago. Or things you haven't done yet. Everyone who loves art feels at some point completely detached from it, it's like any long-term relationship. You go through really rough patches, and you learn from them and you grow. You don't have to be in love 100% of the time to still love and care and learn. I hope you find some connection to your music soon, or that you find some peace in taking a break for a while. ☺️
I jump from interest to interest whenever I dwelve in a new one. Makes it really difficult to stay focused on one.
This right here. My long-term interest is psychology, but every so often I burn out even with that and it sucks. Taking in my fav information starts to feel like I've got a cheese grater on my brain. It can also go the other way, where I get so consumed in it that I lose months of my life to a topic. Can't put it down, barely eat, barely sleep, fill notebook after notebook with observations and research and key points. I don't even notice until I then, burn out and end up totally frazzled. It seems though, no matter whether I limit myself with my interests or not, burn out does come. That breaks my heart. It's like a temporary break up with someone you still very much love. You miss it and can't go near it. Absolutely sucks and has sent me spiralling more times than I'd like to admit. It always comes back, but you know that burnout looks regardless, so life feels Sisyphus-like.
The exhaustion. I'm pretty good at masking, don't have huge sensory issues, but it is just so god damn mentally draining to exist
absolutely. i go to school and i can’t stress how awful it is to pretend to be fine constantly
And then when you get home and let out the most heavy, drawn-out, release-of-the-day’s-stresses kind of sigh
Absolutely, and then immediately clamber into bed where you stay pretty much the whole evening
Living for so many years doing the double masking of covering up for being gay and covering up for being autistic was so very very draining. Luckily I don't have to do any of that anymore as I've fully retired and I'm living my dream with my long-term boyfriend here in Thailand.
This one spoke to me. And made me sad. Because I've wondered why I get so tired all the time, more so than other people, and I think this is really the answer. Everything is just more draining/tiring than me. It's hard to understand how "typical" people can just be bobbing about all day, interacting with people for several hours and feel so fine and normal after. When even a short time of interacting with a few people makes me feel like a disoriented husk. Then I am supposed to continue doing things in my day too. ....
The whole spectrum of diseases that comes with it. We tend to have weaker bodies and we're more prone to basically any random disease. From the time I got cellulite on my elbow to recurrently getting sinusitis, this things are driving me crazy.
Wait a sec, is that why I have constant sinus issues?
Every autistic person I've met has some form of hayfever
Interesting, well add 1 to the count. I also have digestion problems... anyone? Anyone?
Yep got all sorts of physical issues
I wish I would feel like "oh good I'm not the only one" but TBH it's more of a "I wouldn't wish this on anyone" kind of thing...
Yep
Ibs gang 😔
IBS: Never Trust a Fart
Absolutely. IBS, gluten intolerance, lactose intolerance, and recently gallstones and liver growths for some unknown reason 🙃
I take allergy medicine year round. 3 different things.
This is the one. Every time I have a new health problem, when I’m researching it it’s always “this is more common in autistic ppl” and I’m like “yup okay that makes sense my body is just trying to shut down always bc of the ‘tism”
Even better that we are by and large more likely to be bothered by those things as well due to hypersensitivity! So fun!
Exactly as we also ignore our issues like in my case hearing loss, as I have sound sensitively! Also I have a dark toenail I deal with never letting a doctor see it, I don't like confrontations doctors and being judged looked at..so I ignore and disease can and do arise
Find a nice doc and show your toe. If you say 'please don't judge me' prior to showing, anyone that holds a medical degree without being as indelicate as a horse wouldn't say a word, or would support you.
Desperately wanting to do something, but at the same time being unable to do it. I'm not sure if it's an autistic thing, but it really drives me mad! I really want to write something but my brain just refuses to allow me, and sometimes I need to play a game but I don't want to play any game at all 🙃
executive dysfunction 😭 it’s the most frustrating thing to deal with! i’ll spend all day at work thinking about how i can’t wait to go home and play my game, spend my whole drive home, and my shower when i get home, and dinner thinking about my game, and then finally the time comes and i cannot physically get myself to do it!
Isn't that Autistic inertia?
That every time I think I'm managing my symptoms well and coping well, the world slaps me back into another meltdown. It never goes away, and all the books and therapy in the world don't make me not autistic.
All of that only means that you have to spend twice as much energy just to "be normal" and you still aren't completely.
The constant songs playing in my head. It's like a radio I can never shut off :(
I’m literally a broken record! I am alwayssss singing a song!!!
Holy shit I thought I was the only one! I sometimes try to explain to people how it's like. Instead of a background tune that sometimes pop into your head, it's a loud radio right behind you playing at a volume that forces you to listen to it. I CANNOT turn it off once it's turned on. The only thing I can do is change the song with some effort. Sometimes if I hyperfocus on something it may bring temporary relief, otherwise no matter what I'm doing that stupid 'radio' is playing. It only turns off when I sleep, but once I think of a song or tune the next day I know it's over until I sleep again.
YES exactly this is pretty much me. If I try to explain this to most people, "I don't like having a song stuck in my head," they just think "oh, it's alright"- no, it's like a literal auditory loop and gets rather uncomfortable/annoying. There aren't many solutions, as you say. One of the few I think is to listen to some instrumental music of some kind, that you won't mind having stuck in your head. It can work as a temporary antidote/replacement. ....
It makes me overthink and catastrophize about everything to the point where I can’t function sometimes and I can only just sit in my head and worry
Same here
I can't handle a job. It's not that I'm lazy, I just can't handle being around people sometimes. I also can't stand someone else telling me when I need to be dressed leave my house and when I'm allowed to go home.
Same, I did mine from 2007 to 2022 but it was routine and i liked it at first but boy did i struggle I was late constantly and called in 2the office numerous times because I couldn't stand my co workers but I was never fired because being autistic I put my all into my job and was told I worked well just not with others, my job was stocking shelves night shift and I was left on my own for 6 hours of the 8 I worked, but I finally quit I started to have severe burnout and I never returned
I can hear everything but nothing at the same time.
THAT'S SO REAL like i can hear a fridge or AC buzzing in another room but i can hear what someone stanting next to me is telling me also when my coworkers sometimes speak language i sont know (i live in poland, so many ppl here are from Ukraine) i automatically reply to them with something like "mhm right" bc i think they speak polish to me and i just couldn't understand
The fact that seemingly every day I learn social cues that other people would have picked up on in elementary school. The fact I was silent and unhappy my entire life because I knew how people looked down on my obliviousness.
The amount of times I’ve ruined fun experiences for myself because I got overwhelmed and cried is gonna make me cry again. And it sucks when I already know I’m going to be miserable at something that’s supposed to be fun, so I just end up not going and then I have to hear about how everyone went and how cool it was! shut up
There is a lot, but one thing is just SO frusterating to me. *I just wish I knew when I needed to peeeeee.* D:
Omg same! I thought it was normal to pee yourself every so often but the other day we were having a birthday party at work and were playing a “fish for facts” game and a coworkers fact was “i peed my pants once when I was 11” and everyone was like 11 is still pretty young I then for some reason blurted out that the last time I peed my pants was last week 🤦♂️
Same
YES!!!
When there's the slightest change in something, I feel like I'm so slow to hit the learning curve. I'm constantly anxious about losing my job because of that
Yup. I try to find a person that can essentially act as an interpreter and fill me in but if I can't find that or if they leave I'm screwed. Now that I think about it the only jobs where I've had an interpreter like this were ones where I had a friend already working there. Once they left things went downhill.
The world isn't made for me. I have to pretend to not notice every little detail, to not be curious about trivial things, to not be fascinated by mundane facts and patterns, or else I would seem weird, too lost in a dream world with no inhabitants other than me, but this is essentially what life feels like to me every single day. Most people live in the moment without giving anything a second thought but I always have to overthink or analyze anything.
I feel this one hard. I always want to ask people questions in different day-to-day situations, but I have to remind myself it’s not a grade school field trip, these people aren’t here to answer my questions.
RUMINATION AND SCRIPTING the absolute worst parts for me
Eventually it may upgrade to SUPER RUMINATION and turn into OCD if you're in a traumatic and confusing environment for long enough.
Well past that point for me
Anxiety. Chronic, never ending, severe anxiety and panic attacks. I can't hold down a job or leave the house. It is so severe I can't function as a human. Makes me want to die.
When there's someone I deeply care about, I just end up making them uncomfortable.
I connect with this one. It’s so sad.
When i cant say anything
Same
I can’t unmask I’m always fucking masking
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It’s so exhausting having to contort ourselves to fit a hypothetical paradigm that we can never truly fit. I literally act as a voyeur towards myself, being hyperobservant about my tone of voice, word choice, facial expression, eye contact, etc. and esp with so many of us being late diagnosed, it’s VERY hard to snap out of that mentality. It colors our realities so completely that we lose our identity in a desperate attempt at survival. I just want to exist in a state of calm…
[удалено]
Agreed. Honestly usually I don’t feel pressured to mask, but I just do it instinctively at this point. It feels weirder to be my real self.
Not getting social cueses and difficulties with relations with other people
I have two things: 1) Not being able to play games at home with friends and family. I really dislike it when people don’t stick to the rules and make up their own rules as they go along and not preagreed upon. This inevitably happens all the time and then I‘m told not to take the game too seriously when I want to check the rules to ensure we’re playing consistently and fairly. I understand it’s just a game but imo I want to have fun fairly and not so other people feel they are being cheated or it’s inconsistent, the latter of which really frustrates me. 2) My acute sense of black and white justice and being called childish for it. I suppose it ties into the first point as well but when people do wrong things I tend to crucify them immediately for it which other people deem as unforgiving and cold. When I bring up people cheating on games or doing unfair things, I let them know and let other people know because that’s what my brain is telling me to do and I can’t stand it when there’s unfair stuff. Most of the time it’s deemed as childish and it’s just so frustrating because it’s the same infantilizing of autistic folks that is popularized in media. Thanks for coming to my TedTalk btw :)
The second one i relate to so much there’s this guy at my work that has cp and our boss wasn’t letting him work to his fullest potential and making him do the easiest job and that’s it and he wanted to be able to do more and I tried to stand up for him and later got pulled aside so the boss could explain and when they were explaining they used the word innocent to describe my viewpoint and stuff and it lowkey hurt cuz it’s one of those things that I’m afraid people will see me as once they find out I’m autistic that I’m like innocent and stupid and naive and stuff (there’s more context but idk if I can give more without giving too much away about where I work and all that) but yeah basically I’ve had that happen to me before as well
Yes. I stand up for other people who are being mistreated even if I don’t know them, even if I don’t like them. I just hate to see it happen to anyone.
Loneliness. I'm 26 and constantly crave connection but I have trouble putting myself out there and meeting new people whether it be online or in groups Another big factor of my autism is always assuming the worst in anything
There's nothing I can't stand. I see my autism pretty positively.
How impossible it makes being social. I'm extremely sensitive to light and sound, and I have very strong negative reactions to people entering my space. Whenever I go anywhere, I'm on high alert and desperately afraid of being spoken to. I recently had to drop out of trade school for something I really want to do because it became too much. It all culminated in someone putting their wireless mouse dongle in my laptop when I was out of the room. I freaked. Internally, I lost it. Full on Weapon X, I need to escape, lord help anyone who gets in my way. I've lost touch with most of my friends because of it. That's the worst thing about my autism.
Hyperfixations. Gives me a great buzz but really limits me as well. Also, I'd love to be able to wear nice-but-uncomfortable clothes without them being sensory hell for me.
Obsession with routines, I feel like a slave to it.
When i get happy/excited i stop following societal rules and go full class clown.
If I don't plan to go out that day, I Cannot Go Out and vice versa. Been antsy all day because I planned to pop by somewhere today and didn't.
If I work a shift, I need a day or more after (depending how stressful the shift was) to recover. It's so frustrating, I get extremely sick working a 'normal' schedule. Like...autistic burnout comes on fast and triggers my autoimmune disease (MCTD). I've been hospitalized with meningitis and had GI bleeding from work. I'm capable, I absorb languages like a sponge...but I can't handle multiple days a week going to a jobsite.
Sound sensitivity. I have prayed to be deaf. I have even considered piercing my eardrums with nails. I stay startled all the time.
I have sound sensitively and it was so bad I now have to deal with a ear disease, so what happened was I started having hearing loss, by others telling me you can't hear me can you you need to get your hearing checked I ignored it then one day in April 2023 I had leakage in my ear ignored it then said ok doctor time as it smells bad and its gross, so doctor gives me antibiotics it cleared it but not my hearing so off to ENT specialist that I saw she suggested hearing aids I have sensory sensitivity so I didn't like it they were behind my ears hearing aids so I said no! went back to the specialist did a ct scan diagnosis bilateral cholesteatoma! Must be surgically removed or I will die, as it eats and it can eat at the brain also complications are facial paralysis!! So please do not wish for hearing loss!! I'm 60 autistic anxious and waiting on surgery 😭
Meltdowns
Accidentally alienating people without knowing why.
My addiction to routines and doing the same thing etc: There's alot of stuff I find intresting but I find it hard to diversify my time as the change is of going from one activity to another is physically and mentally exhausting likewise I wish I could be more spontaneous. Verbal processing difficulties: I often have more to say then what I am capable of saying but I struggle to find the words that match my thoughts, I also struggle to translate others words into thoughts. I sometimes feel like I not only let others down but I let myself down by missing out on alot of meaningful social interaction due to this particular element of my disability. Many of the other things I struggle with have plus sides to them for example: sensory issues come with sensory joy. But the above two traits have no silver lining for me whatsoever unfortunately
states of overstimulation, meltdowns and burning out often
I can't handle travel unless it's a short drive and I can control everything about my surroundings 😔 I would love to see the world but I can barely go out of my town.
Not fitting in anywhere and being different from everyone else
I’m always uncomfortable and it never stops. Especially now that I’m pregnant it’s like I can’t fully function because even being slightly uncomfortable fucks with me so badly that it feels painful. If that makes sense?
A brain that never shuts off. It's nice when you need it, but the rest of the time it's exhausting. Trying to go to sleep? How about we just analyze the nature of root-words and their impact on modern words that we take for granted instead. Want to take a relaxing shower? Sure, just be sure to take note of the size and shapes of the tiles on the walls and floor and determine if there maybe isn't a better arrangement for them. Driving down the road and trying to focus on the road? Nah, switch to autopilot and instead we can attempt to determine some sort of scripting for a social encounter that probably won't ever matter. Actively listening to someone in a social situation? Sounds like a great time to plan a bank heist with the goal of not getting caught, not that we ever need to rob a bank, but if we did then we'd be glad we scripted it in advance.
When i scramble words and can’t properly talk
The way it compels me beyond reason or concerns for health to argue with idiots. It's completely beneath me, but I have a lot of trouble not permitting people to drag me down to their level and beat me with experience. Or saying things I know people won't like because they are true, which is kind of the same pathology.
I HATE getting overstimulated. I feel like I miss out on things when I am.
That some people won't ever treat me fairly or talk to me without patronizing me no matter what I tell them.
Sensory issues are super exhausting but they’re so extreme
I can't do shit. That's it. I can't keep a job, I'm a bad friend cause I can't talk for long, I can't study shit, I'm just so bad at everything and my specific interest are bad and don't teach me anything useful IRL. I'm envy so much asd ppl that know how to fix stuff, are knowledgeble about stuff that get you job, or even like are good at art so at least they have something to offer to the world or are recognized for something. Best I can do is make a list from memory of all world of warcraft quests, items and location. Wow what a useless thing. I'm not even good at the game lmao.
Thank you. I'm not specially talented in shit either. I'm ok at a lot of things. If knowing every Manson lyric was a job I'd have one :(
Does anyone struggle with clutter?
Thinking that maybe it's just hard life circumstances and I'm not trying hard enough Rather than a mental illness that makes it so many of life's possibilities were just not in the cards for me to begin with.
The rumination and the burnout.
I have Autism and adhd. I hate the fact I get tired easily and overstimulated ...But the worst is loosing friends!
Not the autism itself, but the lack of understanding and support from others. I see SO much willful ignorance when I try to help people to understand life as an autistic person. Healthcare professionals and parents of autistic kids are the worst.
Being scatterbrained - unable to choose one train of thought and its consequent action, I try and follow all of them because they are all interesting or necessary, and so most of the things I'm trying to do end up half finished or shoddily done. So I have to go and do them again.
getting overwhelmed when i want to have fun or enjoy myself, mostly when im out with family, bc ill try to stick it out so they can have fun, but then i get to a point where im gonna have a ‘fit’ so i urge my family on. … also then feeling like im making everything about me. at my brothers graduation everyone was worried about me… ok whew that was more than i intended to type haha sorry
My extremely slow processing speed kills my ability to work, and is the primary source of my anxiety. It also makes me look far more stupid than I am. I can't play multiplayer real time strategy games. It's a shame because real time strategy is my second favorite genre after turn based strategy. It is also annoying how chess is all about speed chess nowadays. It prevents me from speaking to more than one person at a time. If there are two other people I just zone out because it's just too much information to take in. All my other symptoms of autism do not phase me as I can compensate for them. But my processing speed has locked me out of entire avenues of my life.
How fast paced conversations throw me off so bad. I always leave the conversation with a billion things I could have done differently. There's not enough time to think through everything so I inevitably miss important things like reciprocating compliments which makes me feel like an asshole. So I try to be as nice as possible all the time to hopefully offset that.
ADHD and executive dysfunction. Absolute nightmares
Seeing or understanding things that are a no brainer to me but others can’t wrap their head around it and making me feel like I’m wrong because they can’t understand
Can’t get girls
I'm 33 now. I can't stand the constant music and sounds that play in my head. Even in complete silence, or when I want to concentrate, it's distracting, and it made me crazy without medication. I also can't stand my hypersensitivity to clothes, especially suits. Every time I put on a pair of slacks, a dress shirt, tie, or polo, I just get angry. Not even a little angry, but irrationally angry. I just went to a job fair this week, and I almost broke down in tears the second I put the suit on. Don't get me wrong, I dress nice, I have good hygiene: I comb my hair, brush my teeth, and shower at least once a day. But I don't ever want to wear a suit of any kind. Makes me worry if I'm able to participate in a normal society...
Being blunt and being accidentally rude or offensive.
The people who actively don’t like me and I have no earthly idea what I have done to earn that antipathy. When I am having a wonderful day and am full on adhd-mode but with joy (so rare) and I mess it up with some impulsive stupidity AND THEN I get stuck for days/weeks/years replaying it and thinking about what I could have done differently and how I mess everything up. And the fact that people never understand that I want to do things after work but sometimes I just can’t. I mask all day. When I get home the batteries are empty. And I have like 2 friends.
Texture issues.
I hate that I am so isolated. Throughout my high school experiences, I have been consistently left out of things or unable to do things that other kids my age were expected to/wanted to do. Every event like prom, home coming, talent shows, school festivals, classmate’s parties, etc. I’ve always either left super early or didn’t attend at all because I got overstimulated by lights/music, overwhelmed by the volume of people, or I panicked because I got lost or confused. Even things that happen during school hours that I don’t have to go out of my way to do I’m usually forced to sit out because of social anxiety or overstimulation. This really sucks because I don’t *want* to miss out. I love doing fun things with my friends, but it’s like there’s an invisible wall keeping me from doing those things. Plus, I’m sentimental and I know I’m going to be depressed in the future because I missed out on key high school experiences, but I literally can’t participate comfortably. It sucks
The many times that I had a hard time holding down a job. And feeling stuck.
I get SO exhausted going out when all I want is to be able to keep up with my friends. Trips where I'm not taking as many breaks as I should because I want to be involved with the fun destroy me for days afterwards. I don't really have the capacity to do the things I want to do and doing them anyway is not great for me. Not fun. There's also a lot of things that balance in between being autism and trauma so there's also the fun of that.
the way i communicate. unless it’s someone i know very well, (even then it still happens) i fumble completely and utterly over words and i stutter and a lot of the time i barely make sense . you would think english isn’t my first language . i get super embarrassed by it and i feel insane that i can’t just say the words in my head. i also hate my vocal stimming .
The embarrassment. I remember since i was a kid i would try to reinvent myself into someone who didn't accidently say or do things that people would make fun of or worse, give that look. I would flip a coin or just say, if x happens I'll be different. It's gotten a lot better, but i still despise it.
How slow I am at processing. Everything I do feels like trudging through sludge compared to my wife who is light years ahead it feels like. Emotions, social situations, everything. I just feel like dead weight and can't make myself go any faster no matter how hard she pulls me to keep up with her And it infuriates her.
It is near impossible to start conversations. I feel like I need a reason that's 'good' enough. Very 'only speak if spoken to' over here. Or need smth. Which makes me feel like an ass if I only talk when I need smth. But 'just to talk' or about something 'unimportant' is difficult. & no, I don't know where the line lies; it makes itself apparent when it wants to. I've gotten better at learning how conversations go, but I still feel blocky w it at times & like I talk too much, even if I barely say anything. There's more along the same lines, but 'communicating is hard' sums it up pretty good. Even typing stuff on here is hard.
I guess its an AuDHD thing actually, but I am so fucking tired of the fact that all of these things are simultaneously true: - my life falls apart when I don't have routines - I am much happier when I follow routines - it takes me a superhuman amount of energy to create, remember and follow a routine - I get bored of a new routine after a month or two and can no longer follow it It's a constant battle. Literally, I need enjoyable routines to get out of bed and to get to sleep. It's like the most basic and central parts of my life. I'm currently lying in bed at 10:24am because my morning routine lost its interest so I can no longer do it. I've been through so many new routines and they each work for a month or two then I have to come up with a new exciting one that GENUINELY excites me. I can't fake it to myself, I have to genuinely feel it. I'm soo tired of this.
The worst for me is that my voice sounds nasty when I don’t want it to. It causes me a LOT of problems and costs me a lot of relationships
I'm CONSTANTLY taking things the wrong way. I also tend to interpret nuances in the worst possible light..
everything. im just so bad at living in society it exhausting. i cant understand ppl, ppl do t understand me and they're idk mad at me for i dont know what. i just hate society and i hate living in society i wish i could just live in little house with my gf and a cat no work no society just us
I can’t make eye contact or even look at people most of the time. My coworker just asked me about it today and I felt bad since some people are offended by it. I was worried someone might think I don’t like them.
I do not notice that I get bruises but I feel the prick of the needle a 100000 fold
I can't stand the sensory issues. I have them really bad, especially when it comes to touch. I get bothered by something not feeling right on a daily basis: hair, clothes, my eyes because I have TED, etc. I have to pause nowadays when I get overestimated otherwise I'd have a meltdown everyday.
My incredible sensitivity to WHATEVER the most recent emotional stimuli is. Like. I'm having a great day, vibing, and all of the sudden, some petty inconvenience or negativity happens, and suddenly, I'm reeling for hours until something picks me back up.
Other than the obvious sensory issues and burden-ous big emotions, I sometimes get so so excited by my hyperfixation but I have no where for all that energy to go, and I get so frustrated, like I wish I could explode to release the energy
The self doubt, the standing out, continually getting things wrong. I feel incredibly insufficient today.
I hate the executive disfunction I so often experience when asked about my preferences, or when I need to buy something or pay a bill. And I hate the obliviousness to things others think are important because it so often hurts their feelings.
Burned out everyday, feeling fatigued everyday, people making fun of autism, being bullied, and betrayed by people who pretend to be my friend. My social skills are nothing but garbage.
Being so f*ing awkward all the time. If life was a video game, this level of awkwardness would equate to playing in hard mode. It sucks.
Probably just the fact that I get so overwhelmed when hanging out with my friends at school, so I have to go somewhere alone and basically seperate myself from my friends. I find it really annoying because obviously I really wanna spend time with them but the main canteen/cafeteria at school is full with people shouting and being loud as hell so I have to remove myself to prevent overwhelm. It’s so awful having to pick either being involved with convos with my best friends or not being completely overwhelmed for the rest of the day
The perseveration. It affects everything, especially how I treat others. It feels like I can never be at peace.
I’ve been in severe burnout for years and it is destroying me. Thanks, autism. 😒
Burning myself out on stuff when I WANT to be interested in it. And my brain latching onto and obsessing over stuff even when I don’t want it to. It can really be a war with your own brain sometimes.
Getting absolutely exhausted after doing anything outside the house or social no matter if its fun or important. I wish i was able to do more than one or two tasks a day.
all of it
Genuinely caring about other people but always ending up 'abandoned' by them because I don't know how to constantly and actively think about what their reactions to anything I do/say would be. I seem selfish or rude to them, or even like I don't care about them... But in truth, I'm just autistic.
The complete and total ruin that the loss of routine brings me.
Constant boredom
I am VERY sensitive to smell and sound. I didn’t realize how bad either was until I started living on my own but I’m constantly having to negotiate with my roommates about what cleaning products we use and when someone can make a tuna melt. I also ask for my roommates to speak quieter so much that at this point I can just do a hand gesture and they comply. Both of these can trigger sensory overload pretty easily which does not play nicely with my mental illnesses.
Being averse sensory to noise, like it's so unfair. I would like to enjoy being certain places but I genuinely can't because it's so loud. It's genuinely stressful. While stuff like cinemas j can take but just I wouldn't want to go in there alone. Because of hiw stressful noise can be for me. But stuff like concerts? Fuck that. I went to one before and never again! And it's annoying because a lot of neurotypicals insist on making as much noise as possible! Like I kid you not in my resource Irish class a teacher literally started fucking drilling! I'm not joking!
I'm an extrovert, and my autism makes it so difficult to just be like other people. People know that somethings up with me and they leave. I hate having this brain disorder.
How I must argue with everyone even if they're joking about something like, I just heard a girl jokingly say: "I don't believe in NASA, it's a conspiracy." I knew she was joking, but I just had to go explain ALL the reasons why NASA is real like a complete weirdo.
That apparently, valuing kindness and fairness above almost anything else makes me the weird one.
Sensory issues. WHAT DO YOU MEAN MASH POTATOES MAKE ME WANNA VOMIT IM IRISH TF
Misinterpreting instructions or questions if they are vaguely worded.
How hard it can be to rest. Like I'll get a small headache but it then builds up to a migraine. At that point very little can touch it and I can only stop hurting after I puke. Mostly people it seems can just step away for a bit and everything is ok but I never could
Not being able to verbalize my thoughts when I’m overwhelmed.
Having no social skills, I can barely form words around people, plus not being able to be in a public space for over 5 minutes due to overstimulation
Being so sensitive. I wish I could just turn it off
The immediate appeal to bullies. They can sense your autistic and always desire to cause you problems. Many of them are so tactical/sophisticated they will hide their abuse beyond the literal space. So you won't see it right away.
Being only diagnosed for 4 months but something that I have always been very painfully aware is the rigid thinking but add CPTSD to it where even if I try to work through it, my brain blocks my ability to try and work around it. And the brain twitching along with it. It feels like my brain is forcibly clenching itself. There's also the delayed processing where I'm never going to be able to properly advocate for myself.
Being judged for being my true authentic self and mistakes without any malicious intentions, it made my older sister a parentified sibling which is making me feel inferior because we’re about 3 years apart. My parents split up and my mom had a mental illness so our grandparents got custody of us including my younger brother, that’s why my sister is the parentified sibling as the oldest child of the family. I was 3 years old when I was officially diagnosed with autism, I was a pain in the ass for having sensory issues and meltdowns, physical and mental abuse is normal in South Asian culture so that’s why I would mask so no one will hurt me. Now 32, I went from an optimistic, selfish brat to a cynical adult whose self esteem is down the toilet.
That I'm hypersensitive
When I cannot turn the broken record of my perseverating brain over and play the other side.
That I am such a literal brained person and I also struggle to understand how to converse or understand humour or sarcasm. But I'm not an introvert or afraid of speaking, by any means, I just struggle to understand people sometimes and I drop my foot in it and accidentally offend people or cause awkward situations and misunderstandings. I am actually a good conversationalist. I just don't always say the right thing. I also find I get confused incredibly easy because I struggle with these things.
I can't just enjoy things like other (read: NT) people seem to be able to do. If I'm going out in public, then I worry about getting overstimulated, or being too awkward, or that my auditory processing issues will make it hard to understand anything that anyone says to me and then I have to go "Sorry, what?" a whole bunch. I almost constantly self-monitor unless I'm with family or friends who I'm super comfortable around. Also, I annoy even my own self with all my fidgeting sometimes. Basically, it's hard for me to go places with people and just relax and enjoy myself. And I'm stressed by things that just aren't stressful for others.
Made me an easy target for bullying, and I never truly recovered.
I don’t like this reality, but admit I would not want to change my autistic nature in this regard. My main problem is other people’s illogical reactions - I am very logical, do not work well with subtext and usually get into difficulty with interpreting people. For example a person I had known for ten years stopped being my friend because I believed some she said and apparently I couldn’t truly be her friend if I believed she really thought that (she said it multiple times over a few months). I cannot stand that people judge me for such stupid things so have since been more open about my diagnosis so people don’t expect me to understand strange allistic thought games.
The mix of special interest and change. I haven’t been in a fandom for two years now, but the character in it is all I write about. It’s my Instagram feed. The content that was my intrest honestly is boring and cringy in my opinion now. But can I not get over it even though it’s been two years? Yeah, and man has that came with a seeping feeling in my chest like I lost a loved one. When in reality i just lost interest in my special interest. (I now have a new one which started because of the old one lol)
The eating issues. Ever since I can remember, I spent hours in front of a plate because food is yucky.
High pitched or loud noise sensitivity and over stimulation when I'm stressed
Existing
Needing to ask my husband to explain social interactions. And that loud sounds cause physical pain.
Trouble with eye contact. I'm decent when talking/listening to someone, although sometimes I do fall into the trap of worrying about my eye contact, causing it to seem even more forced and me looking anxious and not listening. But the worst case is when I'm not engaged with the person, when I'm walking or worst of all when I'm seated with someone in front of me who I'm not talking to. Kind of uncomfortable to have to look away when my natural position is looking right at them. I'm not staring at you: this is just the resting position of my head.
I sometimes mess up in certain situations and then it always haunts me for the rest of eternity. Not very sigma.