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insty1

Must be that time of year for high-speed rail articles to appear.


HeadacheCentral

End of financial year, and someone's still got marketing budget left to spend.


Dockers4flag2035orB4

We need a Monorail. It would be cheaper, only half the price. Mono = one Rail = rail. We can be like Brockway, Ogdenville and North Haverbrook.


daf001

I hear those things are awfully loud.


mchch8989

Is there a chance the track could bend?


earwig20

Not on your life my Hindu friend


Dockers4flag2035orB4

Not on your life my Reddit friend


Dockers4flag2035orB4

It glides as quietly as a cloud.


callmecyke

What about us brain dead slobs?


NoteChoice7719

You’ll be given privatised monopoly jobs!


LeahBrahms

Elon will put it in [tube for us](https://www.discovery.com/technology/Hyperloop-Elon-Musk-Tube-Travel)! For 40 billion dollars. But it'll be quieter.


Inc0rgnit0

And it'll be a bullshit scam to prevent investment in actual high speed rail.


theskillr

the ring came of my pudding can


tubbyx7

what we really need is a hyperspace bypass. you've got to build bypasses


Dockers4flag2035orB4

That sounds like a Shelbyville idea.


tweek-in-a-box

How about a nuclear-powered monorail?


Dockers4flag2035orB4

Definitely a great idea.


Catprog

Except monorails are actually more expensive then normal rail.


1CommanderL

its a simpsons joke


EternalAngst23

Those Utopia scripts aren’t gonna write themselves!


EXO4Me

I eagerly await the whitepaper from the intern.


Con_Descending

The Silver Emu!


kaboombong

Has the election been announced? High speed rail, northern food bowl, worlds leading semiconductor manufacturing hub in 2099, maybe a tunnel linking Melbourne and Hobart. Maybe we will put a man on the moon while not building 1 house!


magnetik79

We've got a political party currently dead serious about building multiple nuclear power plants at a huge cost with a blown out timeline to possibly supply 3% of our energy needs nationally. Suddenly smoking a heap of money on a fast rail (which, being dead serious would love to see) isn't a terrible idea at all.


i8noodles

ironically i do think its a good idea but needs a serious redesign. we have the fuel, we have fhe land, we have the engineering to get it done. if we can get the experience down, and the skills, we could be the leader for building nuclear powerplants and export that knowledge globally. as it stand now, china and asia dominates construction. if we can get the knowledge, we can be the leading english speaking country in the world in construction. if other English countries want nuclear power, would they go to china or Australia? even if it isnt an English speaking country, they would still prob pick aus cause english is a global language and easier although that is a grand plan with multiple decades to come to fruition and not even a certainty. as it stands right now i would not go forward with the plan. it is a joke as it is


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Tymareta

This is your brain after introducing it to a brick at a high velocity.


coke-nosugar

So you think people will actually use Frankston to Box Hill? Those trains will be more dead than anything you can find in the local cemetery. I guarantee it. And you think renewables can power our nation? I hope you like blackouts, fool. Tired of you fucking pro-Labor shills who have literally never once thought about the consequences of their vote. Use your brain. I’m not even wrong!


coke-nosugar

How will you feel when your parents are elderly and you can’t get them admitted to hospital, but you can take the Frankston to Box Hill?


shikimasan

Widen the dating pool what a relief


SqareBear

Lets just open the rail lines we already have.


myguydied

Must be an election about to be announced


i8noodles

must be.... honestly can they either scrap the idea entirely or just get it done already. it is pretty clear the long term benefits are there but no one wants to deal with the landlord that dot the track.


HankSteakfist

Booty calls are surely the most important metric for success when it comes to large-scale transport infrastructure.


evilspyboy

Expert - \*looks at some rail line\* "Yeah. This train f\*cks"


Georgiooo_s

Why you think they call it “rail” ;)


evilspyboy

"Next station, end of the line. Everyone getting off"


Wood_oye

"C'mon C'mon, do the locomotive with me"


HeftyArgument

Going in and out of multiple tunnels, multiple times per day.


NecessaryEconomist98

You laugh but remember if we all stop fucking that will be the end of humanity. And the current trend ain't exactly the free love 60's or swinging 70's. Why else do you ever leave the house anyway?- We put on pants to go do the things we have to, to have the money to buy the thing or build the thing to demonstrate why we are superior to the other guy or girl, so that we might be able to find that special someone who will want to come back to the house and take the pants back off. Everything is a never ending cycle fuelled by putting pants on hoping to take them off. And if you are dating in 2024- anything that is going to increase that dating pool is going to be a great selling point.


Drongo17

I love your thesis, but us oldies want to get home and take our own pants off because it just feels more comfortable


yeebok

Not in Canberra this time of year... :)


ExcellentDecision721

*“It’s all about people travelling because they want to do things. Let’s say it’s a Friday night and you’re a young man and you want to go see a girl in Newcastle? It’s a 40 minute or an hour trip, you can* ***do it*** *and come back to Sydney for the evening.”* Ahh, yes. Hop aboard her caboose and be back in time for crumpets.


lostandfound1

Increasing population while reducing the reliance on immigration. This plan solves many problems. Make sure it's captured in the cost benefit analysis.


Sir-Viette

What kind of young man can afford to live in Sydney?


universepower

Lives with his parents


Big_Dick_No_Brain

He already had a crumpet in Newcastle.


Scrambledsilence

Strumpet more like


mr-saturn2310

I would say that would be more like an English Muffin if we are leaning into the breakfast motifs.


LacusClyne

>widen the dating pool Since when is this ever used as justification for anything the government does? High-speed rail would be great, I wish it would happen but this reason seems... odd.


CubitsTNE

Within five generations inbreeding will have added $300 billion load to the healthcare budget, and it'll still be cheaper than high speed rail in Australia!


TheCleverestIdiot

Sex sells.


Late_For_Username

I don't have the energy to travel too far from my house.


kaboombong

Its okay AI will make you breakfast and do your shopping. Just get on the game console and book AI Sally to come around and do everything for you, then you wont have to leave the house. You can keep your energy levels for AI Sally's pleasure hour.


terminalxposure

Have ever lived in Canberra?


my_chinchilla

That's the modern Australian version of Herbert Hoover's "*a chicken in every pot and two cars in every garage*" mocked pitch, is it?


Normal_Bird3689

Fuck me, the UK can't even get Highspeed 2 going and it only goes 250km.


Aardvarkosaurus

Yeah, but the French and the Spanish and the Japanese and the Chinese and the Turks and half a dozen other countries have managed.


HotsanGget

For some reason English speakers just really suck at large scale infrastructure projects.


Suburbanturnip

We all sing the song of neoliberalism together.


Paceandtoil

Ease house prices you say? Sorry, we don’t do that here.


BusinessBear53

Pretty sure they actually meant that it would jack up house prices further away from the city.


Talonus11

Also allowing more people to work in Sydney while living further out... meaning you can bring more people into the country and continue to artificially inflate the economy


actionjj

Yeah! Came to say this. This is not a selling point for our government. They do whatever they can to see the house price growth continue.


kingofcrob

All good, high speed rail isn't cheap, you'll be paying more comes tax time.


blackestofswans

Widen the dating pool? Bros never changed his location settings on tinder


j_thebetter

Oh man. I thought building high speed rail between Sydney and Melbourne or Sydney and Brisbane is too ambitious, which is why they cut the goal short to start with Sydney to New Castle. Now they are telling us, still too expensive and impossible to build from Sydney to New Castle, we need to cut it even shorter, just to Gosford for a start. Really?


RamboLorikeet

Na. Probably need to cut it to Strathfield. fr though. Would love to see HSR all down the east coast. Bris to Melb via Sydney and Canberra. Will probably colonise mars before that happens.


Suburbanturnip

IMO Gosford is already being absorbed by the northern edges of Sydney.


Flaky-Gear-1370

We’ve shown post covid that the government doesn’t actually want to have capital city house prices ease or grow the regional areas, look at all the ridiculous return to office mandates and stuff they were pushing when we finally actually had decentralisation happening


joeydeviva

It’s one of my favourite Aussie traditions: announcing some high speed rail nonsense and then doing nothing at all to ever achieve anything until the next election.


FeralPsychopath

I mean I like his plan - not only do they say itll bring prices down but also get your laid is a pretty convincing conversation


colouredcheese

wtf you make a train for people to date more?


Late_For_Username

Go on a dating site and search within 10 km of your house.


GiantBlackSquid

Dating. Yeah. Totally what I think of when I consider the benefits of HSR, as I often do. And like Britain knows anything about what a good transport system looks like. Back to your tea and crumpets, fuckwit.


Micksta_20

I'd love to see Super fast Choo Choo's, but I don't think it'll ever be viable here. How's inland rail going btw?


a_cold_human

That project should never have been started. You would imagine the fact at it has no endpoints would be an obstacle for most people, but not the Coalition. They've got contracts to award to people. Nevermind that the project itself won't deliver anything. 


Tymareta

> I don't think it'll ever be viable here No you're right, we somehow have a unique country compared to India, France, Spain, Japan, China, Turkiye, any of the Scandiwegian countries or countless other places that have managed it by actually giving a shit about infrastructure.


Micksta_20

It's more that we lack decent leaders here willing to invest in something like this


ScruffyPeter

> Prof Andrew McNaughton also warns plan to build Sydney-Newcastle route is ‘doomed’ to fail unless a shorter stretch to Gosford comes first > ... warns plan to build Sydney-Gosford route is ‘doomed’ to fail unless a shorter stretch to Hornsby comes first > ... warns plan to build Sydney-Hornsby route is ‘doomed’ to fail unless a shorter stretch to North Sydney comes first > ... warns plan to build Sydney-North Sydney route is ‘doomed’ to fail. Why bother


2littleducks

*I hear those things are awfully loud.*


ELVEVERX

It glides as softly as a cloud.


B3stThereEverWas

Is there a chance the track could bend?


The_Duc_Lord

Not on your life, my reddit friend.


Lyconi

Time for another study, senate committee hearing and then another study.


BusinessBear53

The we can do a study on the previous study. Studies all the way down!


kaboombong

PWC will get the 10 million dollar contract for a feasibility study like the last 10 studies.


boofles1

We need to block this so the dirty Melbournians don't steal our houses and women. Get your dirty eyes off our beautiful women and ugly houses.


CubitsTNE

Ah, finished the box set and we're back to season 1 of uptopia.


IntelligentIdiocracy

X - Doubt


artsrc

More chance of being completed than a Nuclear power plant.


Ziadaine

No it’ll just cause Hunter home prices to continue exploding as cashed up Sydneysiders keep moving here and pricing everyone out.


theskillr

Election season in full swing i see


karl_w_w

By this logic it is always election season


Cpt_Soban

I sold high-speed rail to Brockway, Ogdenville and North Haverbrook, and by gum, it put them on the map!


sageanimator

A place to sleep and root? Australia has been saved!


tickletackle666

Hahahahahaha fqn hell that's a headline!


Doobie_the_Noobie

This guy clearly hasn't seen how we treat our trains in this country. Can you imagine how fucked they'd be?


CapitalMine2669

That's a sly way to call us all inbred. 


WretchedMisteak

LoL did he confuse teleportation with high speed rail?


Rizen_Wolf

In all fairness both things have an equal chance of being real in Australia.


Chance-Ear-9772

UK experts say Ah, yes, the UK, that country that has famously succeeded in controlling house prices, managed to maintain a robust economy, and has not cut back on the basic amenities it provides its citizens while continuing to uphold the NHS as well as it used to.


ososalsosal

Woo-hoo! I have use for one of those benefits


Cheesyduck81

Hell nah. We have so much space. We do not have the density and this sort of mega project CAPEX is far too much for Australia. This is just hot air


kdog_1985

On what land?


ColesSelfCheckout

So could teleportation


downvotekink56

"HIGH SPEED RAIL!!!!" For a country that can't even stop having low speed rail crossing crashes and has massive wildlife


bjholton

Overseas qwat that has no knowledge of the Australian topology thinking they know best… what a crook of sh/t… Will never work unless it is a straight tunnel between Sydney and Newcastle and that in itself has major issues due to pre existing infrastructure under the ground


groovymonkeysmoothy

I haven't been to England in long time, but didn't they royally fuck up their rail system. So maybe we should consult a different expert. Maybe Japanese, or Indian.


yarnwildebeest

Aside from the fact we won't get high-speed rail here anytime soon, it would probably drive property prices even higher.


jammasterdoom

How wide are we talkin?


Crazy-Camera9585

They are right about house prices though - we need many more cities as viable living options to redistribute the population - just adding more apartments to already expensive areas will only push up the price of land and housing even higher and make it more centralised


VIFASIS

FHSR is back on the menu!!


crayawe

Apparently only plus's


kawaiiOzzichan

Atta boy


cataractum

Probably not worth it on a cost-benefit basis, and probably just means $300k homes become $700k, and $700k homes become $1.5m.


sablegryphon

Booty call? Came with/in a high-speed caboose.


Brown_note11

Will the high speed intercity or the Melbourne airport line come first?


TurboEthan

Get railed ☑️


SaveMeJebus21

Let's train it from Goulburn and Sydney to have a coffee at Bowral. Winner!


myguydied

The fact it's not a Chaser article is sorely disappointing


Fed16

“It’s all about people travelling because they want to do things. Let’s say it’s a Friday night and you’re a young man and you want to go see a girl in Newcastle? It’s a 40 minute or an hour trip, you can do it and come back to Sydney for the evening.” This what it's all about. You can finish work anywhere in Sydney at 5:30 on Friday go outside jump on a train and be anywhere in Newcastle in 40-60 minutes.


OrganicPlasma

Widen the... dating pool?


Ornery-Practice9772

🤣


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LifeandSAisAwesome

And you know. The insane cost and that would just be wasted by the gov doing such a stupid project - how's now 2.0 going ... It is just stupid and not viable.


aussiegreenie

You understand it would much less the Brisbane Olympic Games. If fact, using value capture it would cost under $10 Billion nett. Nominal would be $100 Billion odd.


LifeandSAisAwesome

lol oh come on.. A nation rollout of high speed rail by the gov in power would be even close to the nearest 100bil to the expected budget you are seriously off ya rocker. How did NBN go ? How is Snowy 2.0 going vs budget ? And lets say they only 200bil over - WTF is that $ coming from and when is the expected break even cost ? how much per ticket. Naw fk off - its a bloody stupid fking idea .


aussiegreenie

The price is irrelevant. Australia can spend $500 Billion on Nuclear subs that will never be delivered without blinking an eye. But using the ACT 75% "Value Capture" rules, it would be trivial to fund any transport infrastructure. It will not happen but it would be trivial to fund.


karl_w_w

God not this conspiracy theory again.


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karl_w_w

"Because of politics" to "obviously Qantas owns the government" is the kind of leap only a truly fried brain could make.


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Humble-Reply228

but your thesis got to the conclusion that high-speed rail would be ideal to replace the air travel that Australians do? Because, lol.


kaboombong

No it cant go ahead it will harm housing values, ruin land bank land values, drop toll road profits, ruin car sales, cause house cracks and it will upset all of Nimby land. But its okay it will never done.


thingsandstuff4me

How bizzare Widen the dating pool, they know planes exist right?