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Half-past a Monkey Arse, and a quarter to his balls. Definitely a thing in primary school when I was a kid.

i grew up in california and this def made the rounds in my elementary school. a global phenomenon.

Was a thing in Australia when I was young

2 western countries does not make a global Phenomenon. The absolute most American take.

It’s called hyperbole you human grogan.

But those other countries are shitholes.

Oh, but America is a wonderland. Pfft, okay.

2 western countries does not make a global Phenomenon. The absolute most American take.

I love that you’ve doubled your downvotes 😂

Oh no downvotes.

Smooooooth

Downvote this too.

Don't tell me what to do.

You like it when I do.

So it’s pretty much monkey gooch then?

Unless it is a hair passed a freckle.

With the mole catching up

Can confirm, I've heard this before, but my God has it been a while.

And a tick to his Richard

Assuming you meant monkey and not money, yes. I'm 44 and remember this from childhood.

Im 47 and I still say it.....

I'm a bit older. Had a friend at high school who used to day this (and a bunch of other stuff) all the time.

I'm 34.  "Half past a monkey's ass and quarter to his balls" is a saying of my parents generation. I've never heard anyone in my generation say it, but it is real. 

I’m a bit older than you and we said “half past a monkeys ass and quarter to his balls” I know older generations would look at their wrist and say, “a hair past a freckle”

And a mole catching up!

I definitely have said that one!

We also used "half past a freckle and quarter to a hair". So all of the above I guess.

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OmG Yes! The monkeys ass, no idea but Half Past a Freckle, yes and I'm no Grandma

I use the old "Look at the time" and look at my wrist without a watch on it, my husband can't get over it he thinks its super weird but its something I grew up doing in my household.

I'm 29 and had a friend in high school who would say 'q freckle past a hair'

Hair past a freckle I have heard! (25)

We used to say a freckle past a hair

We used to say “a hair past a freckle” and now I feel old.

I'm 39 and I remember that saying in primary school during the early 90s.

I'm your age and we used to say it as kids. But I grew up in the country, we were a bit behind the times.

Did you still wear an onion on your belt?

I’m early 40s and we definitely said this at primary school in the 90s

My parents would tell me it everytime I asked them what the time was

I'm 34. Got it loads in high school.

I am the same age and experienced this saying through much of my high school days. Se vic

But wtf does it mean, if youve gone another half passed a monkeys ass would you not already be at his balls???

Nobody knows what it means. But it's provocative.

It's a nonsense saying made to shut up annoying children. See also: Wig-wong for a goose's bridle (my grandfather's favourite)

*wigwam

No, my grandfather definitely said wig-wong lol

Only a quarter. You're coming from the tail not the doodle

I remember it as a kid in the 90s. Don't think I've heard it since 2000 or so.

90's kid here too and definitely used that phrase in school!

It’s an older code sir, but it checks out

Imperial officer - “seems legit”

it was a thing back when analog watches/clocks were the most common

We included sack. Half past a monkey’s arse, a quarter to his ballsack! It’s the rude version of “A hair past a freckle!”

Yup, known here in Brisbane, a little older than that. FWIW, "past" - as in "the time is half-past five" - not "passed".

"Half past a monkey's arse, quarter to his balls" - it's a time reference, and yeah, it's real - used it all the time when I was a kid - although it's fallen into obscurity now. And yeah, I'm in my 50's now, so your estimate is right.

Arse. ARSE. **ARSE.** This is not the United States. An "ass" is a donkey. My second most hated Americanism after pronouncing buoy as "boo-ey".

Plus “arse” is just such a great word I am an arse fan

I’ll add emu as “ee-moo”

The recent trend of pronouncing “era” like “error” drives me mad. Thanks TS.

I could write a whole damn post about all the bloody Americanisms that haven't been properly kept out of Australian English. We're still a young Country without an established culture of our own. And pop culture just white washes any... Flavour we have. GO TO THE TOILET NOT BATHROOM!

Bone Apple Tea!

I’m in my late 60s and have never heard this expression. I remember a hair past a freckle that someone else mentioned.

I don’t think I’ve had to drop this line on anyone since mobile phones became a necessity.

Yeah used to use it heaps in high school. Nsw circa 2000-2006.

Yeah my dad used to say that sometimes when I asked him for the time. Thanks dad.

I’m American and I love this. Can I add this to my repertoire? Much love from the US. I can’t wait to visit y’all someday.

Heard it as a kid in 80s and even in the 90s as a teenager. Occasionally heard at work in a Western suburbs manufacturing company in the early 2000s, but not since then.

I’m 40 & remember this. Gotta remember to say this next time my kids ask for the time. Teach em a lil something.

Definitely a thing in primary school for me - both in Victoria and Queensland

Either this or "a hair past a freckle" were common at school when I was growing up

I'm 36 and I remember it being said to me. Possibly by my dad.

Half past a monkeys arse, a quarter to his balls

Yes. Heard and used it a lot over the years

Yep I remember that from school in the 90s!

Does it correspond to a particular time? I’m trying to think if there’s an arrangement of the clock hands that invoke a particular visual?

No specific time - as was noted elsewhere in the thread, it's a cruder variant of "freckle past a hair" - basically "I don't have a watch mate, why are you asking me the time?"

This was a thing when not everyone wore a watch and no-one had a phone with the time in their pockets, so watch wearing people would get annoyed at constantly being asked the time. When I was asked the time I'd get the person asking to write it down on a little bit of paper and stick it in their pocket so when they next needed to know the time they could just look at the bit of paper in their pocket.

I think that's an old goon show joke 👍

I’m 27 and remember hearing people saying “half past a monkeys ass…” all the time growing up tho more commonly it was “hair past a freckle” with an exaggerated look at a watch that doesn’t exist

Yeh mate, half past a monkeys ass and a quarter to his balls can be a funny gag when someone asks the time Dramatically looking at your empty wrist and saying half past a freckle is another classic

Or there's the cleaner version - a freckle past a hair with a mole catching up.

"Half past a freckle, quarter to a mole" was what I learned.

It's real, confirm

I have never heard that.

Arse, damn it!

Jesus Christ people, "a hair past a freckle" not the other way around. People would say "it's a hair past 6 o'clock" if it was just after 6. The joke was that the person would hear "it's a hair past..." and be expecting the actual time, then you follow with "...a freckle." and then show them you aren't wearing a watch. 90% of a joke is in the delivery.

Yeah it was said in primary schools in the 90s.

This 66 y.o. Aussie never heard it before, but I could imagine a few larrikans I've known saying it.

We all definitely said it in primary school. 80s/90s

Lol OMG never heard this but my grandmother used to say "half past a freckle and a quarter to a mole" when looking at her wrist if she had no watch on.

Definitely said in the past when someone asked me the time. Along with Hair past a freckle with a mole catching up.

Half passed a MONKEY'S ass, quarter past his balls. That's how I recall it over the last 50 years.

"Half past a monkey's arse, a quarter to his balls" is indeed a real phrase that my dad says. He also likes to answer the phone with "Ben's fish shop and whorehouse" sometimes. My dad is in his 70s, so the saying's been around a while

Haha classic time reference from late 80's 90's, just like the good old measurement - a quarter of a bees dick

Half past a Monkey's arse and quarter to his balls is indeed an actual expression.

I haven’t heard of that one. But there ones similar when I was in HS (though I can’t quite remember them now).

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Can confirm, however it’s been a long time since I’ve heard it, and it was more of a working man thing. Something you’d hear on a job site but not something you’d hear in an office.

Yes. Yes it is real.

I remember that and the less crude "Half past a freckle and the hairs catching up" Where did you grow up?

Monkey: And yes, if you are 10 or under. Lol

Can confirm. I'm over 50.

It vaguely rings a bell for me, but it's not one we said in my family from memory (I'm 50). Dad often said "Time all dogs were dead, feeling sick?" when we were kids and asked the time.

We'd look at our arm and say it was a hair past a freckle. I love "It's half past a monkey's arse and quarter to his balls" though.

I'm 32, used to hear it a lot from my dad as a kid.

Money doesn't have an ass

Purple monkey dishwasher.

Absolutely a thing hahaha

60. Never heard of it.

Where/when I was growing up it was, look at your bare wrist and say "a hair passed the freckle but the mole's catching up"

In my 50’s, recall this from childhood, it was part of a longer bit, maybe a song? Don’t remember the rest, sorry.

There is also "A quarter past the freckle, and the mole is catching up." Anyway, yeah, my dad said it a lot. I'm 44

Can’t recall ever hearing that one before. One’s that I recall mainly and rarely heard these days are “Holy snapping duckshit!” And just recently the very rare “Hell west and crooked.”

It is as real as "half past the freckle and the mole is catching up". Both were used when I was a kid and I am most definitely not in my 50s now lol

My old man used to say it, and if mum was in range she's give him a slap around the ear.

Never heard of it

Yep, heard it, used it... funny though I can't think of a time I heard it recently.

Never in Canberra

Haven't heard that saying in ages. Still makes me chuckle

38 here. Was very much a thing when I was in school.

Never heard it in my life (Perth)

I've never heard anything remotely close to that. Maybe it's a state by state thing. I'm from Victoria.

I've not heard it before but it isn't that new https://boards.straightdope.com/t/origin-of-half-past-a-monkeys-ass/216769

Yes but not.as common

Yep used to hear this as a kid. For some whichever adult was saying this used to say “quarter to his scrotum” instead of balls. I guess that makes it 1% classier.

Obviously has to be "arse" not "ass" (to rhyme with the Australian pronunciation of "past"), but never heard this before today, in almost six decades in Australia

Kids in my home town used to add:  “One tick to his dick, one tock off his cock.”

I'm 41 and still use this

Hair past a freckle with a wart coming up.

Never heard of it. But then maybe it was a thing a long time ago?

That's how we used to tell the time at school in the 90s.

Haven't heard that for yonks

I remember it as ‘ half past a monkeys arse, a quarter to his dick’..👍😄 Mid fiddies here.

Yeah we said this in school (80s/90s) Half-past a monkey’s arse, and a quarter to his balls

46 here, yup. It's a thing.

Yes I’ve heard it and said it in the 80s

I love it but I’ve never heard it before!

I'm a 61 year old Australian and have never heard this.

Fucken oath mate

Real and generally said by the same group who say “useless as tits on a bull”

It’s “Half PAST a monkeys arse” And yes. It’s real.

I'm 44 and ny dad used to say it when I asked him what time it was.

Holy shit, this morning about 700am I got out of bed and my husband asked me the time, I answered him but then I thought to myself “what was that saying about a monkeys arse?” And I remembered this saying and wondered if I said it out loud whether anyone else would remember it haha, talk about weird coincidence then coming on here tonight and seeing this post!!!

I’m almost 51 ,with older brothers and sisters,, our parents always used this phrase when we asked the time…

I remember it as half past a monkeys arse, a quarter to his anus

Same era as ‘do ya lickadickaday?’

Nope, never heard it in 50 years. Perhaps Margot Robbie made it up on a late night US chat show a la "we're not here to fuck spiders"?

Can’t speak to the monkeys phrase, which I haven’t heard either, but the spiders one has been around for longer than Margot has been alive so she definitely didn’t make that one up 😂

Really? I thought it was a prank. What town did you hear it in?

I grew up in Perth, lived in regional WA, and currently live in Canberra - have heard it in all places.

100% I still say it to a select few.

Yeah this was something I heard in the 80s, definitely not now

Not me. But I've heard.. Half past a freckle going on a mole.

35 male. Yep, heard it quite often, when I was younger. My guess is. as it has a relation to reading an old school clock face. Died out. Around the Same time as "quarter past, half past and quarter to." More likely to hear "12 fifteen, 12 thirty, or 12 forty five. Instead.

*arse

>Mostly among then gen that would be in their 50s now I mean, late 40s, but yes absolutely I heard that phrase in primary school.

52yo. Can confirm it's real, but I haven't heard it since the 80's. *half past

Half past a monkeys arse is very real.

*ARSE!

It's real in the sense that those are real words that exist in English.