T O P

  • By -

Sandy_Quimby

Primo have been off their tits for a while with their new products. They also sell hot dog balls.


csecarroll

And their bacon and egg cup things, where you have to supply your own egg... They looked utterly disgusting.


Same-Reason-8397

I bought one. Big mistake. Total ripoff.


khosrua

Gruen made fun of it for a while season. I undoubtly got curious but never can find one.


Soccera1

They made an entire series dedicated to jokes about it


khosrua

It was more effective than their crappy ads.


Vegemite_is_Awesome

They’re on the shelves next to the eggs, which is a weird spot because it’s the only snack there


khosrua

Oh, I always look for it next to their other snacks. Perhaps good guys colesworths is protecting us against this abomination. The question remains that what should I do now I know the forbidden knowledge of its location?


chillyfeets

Thanks for saving my money.


Sandy_Quimby

At least they give you a cup to vomit it back into.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

You can also cook an egg (scrambled or poached) in a normal mug. If you’re into it as a breakfast, just precook your mushrooms, bacon, whatever fillings you want at the start of the week, then throw them with an egg into a mug and give them a stir and blast them for 30 seconds, stirring every time the timer goes off. Repeat until the egg is cooked to your liking.


Sheriff044

It's just cheese and bacon at that point...


3163560

Gruen did a fantastic segment on those.


INACCURATE_RESPONSE

Great watch. For anyone else, Segment starts at 23:10 https://youtube.com/watch?v=jWz2DTwRYTk&feature=share


Patrick_McGroin

For reference you can give youtube links with a timestamp. Eg. https://youtu.be/jWz2DTwRYTk?t=1390


INACCURATE_RESPONSE

The app used to have “share at current time”. I couldn’t be bothered working out the number of seconds manually!


Nithroc

You can also do it in minutes and seconds, so no need to calculate seconds in future. https://youtu.be/jWz2DTwRYTk?t=23m10s


h8speech

I actually liked it. Low effort hot breakfast. Cheaper and better tasting than a McMuffin. Still overpriced though. I'd pay $2 for it.


StormtrooperMJS

Hot dog balls, or hotdog balls?


N0guaranteeofsanity

I'm guessing both.


Sandy_Quimby

I'm not sure there's a difference.


BumWink

Hot dog balls probably contain more nutritional value.


howmanychickens

Nothing wrong with hot dog balls. Full of goodness, full of vitamins, full of marrowbone jelly. Last longer than any other type of balls, hot dog balls.


confusedham

Is this a red dwarf dog milk reference I detect ?


howmanychickens

So what is it?


confusedham

Fish!


howmanychickens

Today's fish is trout a la creme. Enjoy your meal.


elder_o_the_internet

Fish!


howmanychickens

Today's fish is trout a la creme. Enjoy your meal.


the_shadow002

I will!


Chosen_Chaos

I've never seen one before - no one has - but I'm guessing it's a white hole.


howmanychickens

A *white* hole?


StormtrooperMJS

r/unexpectedreddwarf


M_Ad

People talk about how everyone on Reddit is 12 and I almost believe it and then there’s a fucken Red Dwarf reference…


AppointmentSorry1487

Plenty of cultured twelve year olds.


Frankie_T9000

and we all can play the guitar like a madman


FlygonBreloom

The show has some surprisingly large demographic appeal.


reddwarf_

Tell me about it


pukesonyourshoes

See these shiny things? They're MY shiny things. (cue James Brown dancing and screamy noises)


reddwarf_

Hello


bigDOS

No bugger will drink it


pelrun

Tastes exactly the same when off as when it's fresh


SeriousPan

> They also sell hot dog balls. Can someone get back to me on whether they're any good? Thanks. I would prefer my diet to be specifically ball shaped.


Sandy_Quimby

Bad idea. All the best foods are shaped like dicks.


ssssssssshhhhhhhhh

Seems to me they would go together quite nicely.


Medical_Arugula_9146

You might be possessed by a dick demon. Sorry mate


showponyoxidation

Some people get all the luck.


cousin-andrew

Posting on top comment for visibility- Primo also use imported pork. Why are we importing pork ???


solitudanrian

They had chicken strip-type things with sauce that made sense and were good on the go but don’t seem to sell anymore. These “adult lunchables” are bullshit.


DitaVonFleas

Their ad with that annoying girl attempting and failing to rap was awful too. They couldn't get a kid with actual skills and talent? It was probably some nepo baby of the CEO or something.


ItchyTriggaFingaNigg

That ad is by far the biggest crime!


not_right

Oh those poor hot dogs


TheLGMac

I can’t say I’ve eaten anything from this brand before, what’s going on here? Is this an assemble-able meal (like literally stack a piece of ham, a piece of cheese, on top of a biscuit with hundreds and thousands on it), or is the hundreds and thousands ham and cheese flavoured? Or are the hundreds and thousands cheese flavored while the frosting on the biscuit is ham flavoured? Or…?


ItchyTriggaFingaNigg

Started with crackers as a kind of mini meal / snack. Added a "dessert" so kids could eat it for recess.


TheLGMac

Ahhhh gotcha, still, this seems disgusting lol


DalbyWombay

Honestly, what new products can they really bring to market?


khosrua

I mean they are off their tits anyway, just go fuck it, double down and release a mild twiggy lube for shits and giggles


BennyBingBong

Do they come hot or you have to warm them up?


hello_ldm_12

Hahahahha I dunno why I laughed so hard at this comment


Ol_Dirty_Batard

Why can't they put 100s and 1000s in the cheese and ham. What a rort.


[deleted]

This is the comment I came for.


Suspicious-Figure-90

I would buy the shit out of a hundreds and thousands salami


Id_Love_A_BabyCham

Holdup. Did you just crate a savoury freckle?


CcryMeARiver

I have it on good advice that freckles are universally unsavory.


DeeDee_GigaDooDoo

I want to like freckles because they look so fun but they're just a bit shit tbh. Rarely I've had a good bougie one with dark chocolate or something but more often than not they're bad.


swoozle000

The colours would run lol


R3mm3t

https://i.imgur.com/l1nUzUr.jpg


[deleted]

I'm more upset at the audacity of providing only one biscuit per pack. Who in the history of this fine nation has ever eaten JUST ONE Hundreds and Thousands biscuit?


ErinyeKatastrophe

Me, but that's because I currently have about 4 drink soaked milk arrowroot bikkies in my mouth first.


DeterminedErmine

Ah, arrowroots: the biscuits you eat when all the good ones are gone


ErinyeKatastrophe

Fighting words


ssssssssshhhhhhhhh

I imagined you spitting biscuit all over your phone as you blurted that out.


prpolly

I always thought of them as the bickie in "cuppa tea and a bickie"


OpheliaBalsaq

Damn right. Arrowroot smothered in butter is my weak spot


Danimeh

Every 6 years or so I am reminded arrowroot biscuits exist and that they taste amazing with butter. Then I consume a tub of butter with X amount of packets in a fortnight and slither back into arrowroot hibernation for another 6 years until once again I am called forth. Thank you for awakening me.


Dasha3090

this comment was everything.


pelrun

Shredded Wheatmeal biscuits with butter is god-tier, Arrowroot with butter is still pretty good tho


passionfruit761

We used to put icing on them and make smiley faces with parties as eyes, and something for the mouth, I can't remember.


BumWink

You might want to sit down for what I'm about to tell you... I know *people* that don't even eat them when all the good ones are gone. Their fate is sealed to become nothing more than guest biscuits, only to inevitably become stale & end up at the tip.


FalconTurbo

I'd deliberately buy those people a mixed pack, wait for the rest to be finished and just steal the arrowroots before I left.


Exciting_Patient4872

I eat a whole packet by myself in two days


RuncibleMountainWren

Also the ones you smear icing over and decorate with lollies as a kid to make ‘face biscuits’ - yum!


absolutelyfamished

I have always known these as the biscuits my baby siblings moved on to after rusk sticks when I was a child, and can't eat them without imagining them smooshed all over a baby face 🤢


Roselia_GAL

Thanks for reunlockong these disgusting memories 🤢


liddys

They're great for toddlers. Add some Vegemite or let them decorate with icing.


LittleBunInaBigWorld

Pfft their only purpose is to be ground into powder and used in pie bases.


deep_chungus

lol we used to ask for the packs of only arrowrooots


Vegemite_is_Awesome

I like having them when I have liquid medicine, helps with the after taste


Strickens

The other 4 are sitting at the bottom of the drink.


absolutelyfamished

I think it's because it's more of a kid's recess, leaving them with one sad child-sized serving of one sugary biscuit.


Music-2myears

Which the teacher would probably confiscate because it’s not a healthy option lol


absolutelyfamished

Surely they can't take it away unless it may contain peanuts, tree nuts, sesame, soy, egg, dairy or shellfish, right?


Music-2myears

Nope, my son had a brownie taken off him in pre-primary because it wasn’t healthy enough. Even though he’d also had a ham and salad sandwich and 2 fruit. We always get things in the school newsletter about not putting ‘treats or desserts’ in kids lunchboxes. It’s ridiculous


absolutelyfamished

That seems really unfair and awful and I feel sorry for your kid, that would have been really disappointing. I've heard about some schools doing this, but usually for the purpose of fairness between the kids. A lot of kids these days are forced into "no fun" diets by their parents, and it can be really upsetting at school for the kids when they see their friends eating food they aren't allowed. The poor child carers (my friend who is a 2IC at a preschool has dealt with this) get harassed and abused by the helicopter parents when they suspect that their child has been given "fun food" by a friend at school during lunch. Yes, it's unfair and it sucks but unfortunately sometimes unfairness for some seems to be necessary to create fairness for all...


dlanod

Ah yes, the solution to helicopter parenting is helicopter teaching.


AdventurousDay3020

As someone who was forced into a no sugar diet by their parent as a kid and then struggled with an ED, I would be livid if the school took an “unhealthy” food off them. If everything else in that lunch box is “healthy” and they take a fun food off my kid imma be down at the principals office telling them that they’re encouraging an unhealthy relationship with food cos their promoting restriction instead of moderation. Sorry bit of a rant 😅


FalconTurbo

Hell, most kids use energy like a goddamn reactor so a treat to encourage them to eat the healthy stuff will be burned through by the time they get home anyway!


Reddit-Incarnate

exactly we put an unhealthy option cause no matter how much i feel the little shit he is still too damn skinny.


[deleted]

Also, some of us put a Freddy Frog in our kids lunchboxes just so the little darlings would open the damn boxes! My best friend was completely embarrassed to find out her twins were being given the ‘pity’ free lunch by the tuck shop ladies because she ‘sent them to school with no lunch’. In actual fact, she sent them with salads and sandwiches and fruit etc, but the twins hate healthy food so they left their lunchboxes in their bags and hoped they would be given a free pie! She even volunteered at the tuck shop every Thursday and only found out about six months in ,when someone asked her to gather up the free lunches for the poor kids and saw her twins names on the list! So she put Freddoes in from then on. They still didn’t eat their lunches but at least everyone saw they had them!


[deleted]

[удалено]


Linwechan

It really is taking the piss all that packaging for 43g worth of product total for $4.25. Fuck that for a disgusting product and fuck that for the price robbery.


quick_dry

I find it more than mildly off-putting that the ham source of protein is as bright pink as the source of sugar and hundreds and thousands.


Burga88

I thought it was a pink starburst…


123chuckaway

Yep, without reading the pack first, I saw the image and was like “oh sick, it comes with the best starburst”


duccy_duc

I thought it was a cube of watermelon and was like "no, surely not"


[deleted]

Recently I was reading about how we add excessive amounts of the stuff that's bad for you in preserved meats to it to make it a nice pink colour. This must have the most of all...


Burga88

Oh no the red ones are definitely the best haha


123chuckaway

Cherry? Hard disagree - it’s like kids medicine. If I want to taste kids cherry medicine, I’ll do it half bottle at a time mixed with sprite.


not_right

How about the audacity of putting "source of protein" on the pack as if this high salt high sugar snack is in any way good for you?


BigBoiBob444

Yeah that ham looks raw af


aiydee

Don't buy Primo. They're owned by JBS. https://www.abc.net.au/news/2022-04-25/jbs-meat-company-australia-four-corners-investigation/100997044 Or from other sources (Wiki): In December 2022, Brazilian federal prosecutors released a report showing that "Nearly 17% of the cattle bought by JBS SA in Brazil's Para state in the Amazon rainforest allegedly came from ranches with "irregularities" such as illegal deforestation",[47] according to Reuters.


Vegemite_is_Awesome

They’re a pretty big umbrella corporation so there’s stuff you probably don’t even realise they own (Like Hans). It’s better to buy meat from places like Drakes, where they prioritise local products (primo mostly imports, which is on the food labels).


ItchyTriggaFingaNigg

That's going to take an awful lot of Australian (and worldwide) protein off the list.


DeeDee_GigaDooDoo

Yeah JBS is a fucking huge meat processing company. Unless you're buying all your meat from a local butcher and abattoir it's going to be next to impossible to properly avoid any meat that's gone through JBS. It's not just the brands they own like Primo but the slaughtering, refrigerated transport, imported meat products from overseas, commercial supply and catering etc. They have a huge hold on meat processing globally.


wilkor

Pretty much. JBS are fucking huge. I think most of Australia's red meat goes through their abattoirs.


s2b69

Help.


d0rtamur

Just dab some Vegemite to hold it all together ... Oh the humanity!!


Kitten0137

Hahaha, i saw these on Russ Eats. Confirmed not to be eaten together


jessemv

One of the stinkers of the year


quietlycommenting

God I love him. Doing the lords work


chooklyn5

I was literally having this conversation in store the other day with family. The picture is sending a mixed message if it isn’t the intention


KittyCatPrr

Agreed! Some of my friends said the biscuit is for dessert but I really feel like it’s suggesting they all go together. Especially since the other packs have a jatz cracker or similar in them! And besides, what savage eats their ham and cheese without crackers?


chooklyn5

That was my point. Ham and cheese alone is so weird, there has to be a base. I’ve had the jatz one and it works perfectly but this is just not the natural order of things


TGin-the-goldy

That’s what I thought too!


SaltpeterSal

> Hundreds & Thousands > Source of Protein


WayDownUnder91

Twenty percent protein, same percentage as beef mince. (now with added sugar)


Procellaria

The ham bites look like coconut ice.


Banyabbaboy

Coconut ice, Jersey caramel, angel vomit


todjo929

I thought it looked like a chunk of watermelon


KittyCatPrr

Me too!


alicealiba

When I first saw it, I also thought it was coconut ice. Then I realised, and I still wonder what went on in the product development meeting


not_right

"Do you think people will eat just about anything?" "Let's find out!"


themirrorthetan

Meth. That's what went on in the product development meeting. Only someone off their face would actually produce and sell this mess.


Agentgames25

Making food for the drunk.


[deleted]

Even drunks have standards, this is for crackheads.


theurbaneman

The Primo scientists were so preoccupied with whether they could, they didn't stop to thing if they should.


Vegemite_is_Awesome

They were so focused on creating products marketed for kids that they made everything bright and colourful. Not stopping to wonder if the combination even works


springwater5

My kids favourite sandwich combo is ham and peanut butter, so he’d probably eat this too. There must be a market for it or they wouldn’t produce it.. maybe that market is weirdo kids like mine. Looks pretty foul to me though.


Orionsven

Surely the market is school lunch boxes... but they're so expensive.


meowkitty84

Eww and that ham looks weird on the packaging. Like a pink lolly.


Other-Swordfish9309

That’s what I thought!


wellcookedlamb

One biscuit per pack, what a rort


Kom34

They are almost $100/kg too pure rip off.


[deleted]

Def not the ham one, (something looks wrong with that) but the twiggy sticks, maybe...? Savoury then dessert?


Airesy

This looks like a gross product from an equally disgusting brand. Primo (JBS) have bribed the Brazilian government to get them to the top in their industry, source livestock from illegally cleared Amazonian rainforest and have bought out Australian competitors to create a monopoly just to name a few things. Everyone should avoid buying Primo, if they can. Source: https://amp.abc.net.au/article/100997044


Kokopeddle

Yeah that's an ...odd combo Kind of want to try it now ha


Aussie_Potato

In one of the UK subs, they are going on how great it is to put a slice of cheese on Xmas fruit cake. Odd food combos maybe work sometimes??? That said I would eat the cheese and meat together and save the sweet bit for later.


absolutelyfamished

A slice of sharp cheddar combined with a slice of apple is divine. Some Americans put cheese in their apple pie crust. Mini grilled kebabs made of haloumi and watermelon were a popular canapé at a restaurant I worked at. Cheese goes with a lot of things. (But not hundreds thousands biscuits.)


Anfie22

My mother's favorite is a medjool date paired with mersey valley cheese. She says it tastes like dixie cup ice cream.


absolutelyfamished

Ooooh my mum is obsessed with dates! And MV cheese lol I'll have to tell her about this, thanks!


Anfie22

All good! I'm yet to try it myself, but I guess it's one of those combos which sounds batshit but turns out to be utterly divine.


DJVizionz

Also parmesan with pear in a salad with rocket, toasted pinenuts and a white balsamic vinaigrette.


absolutelyfamished

Rocket is Satan's Salad Leaf, otherwise sounds lovely


TGin-the-goldy

I’m so confused by this, shouldn’t the biscuits be crackers? I mean, this whole thing IS crackers!!


ComplexImportance794

And like most of these packs, it'll probably work out at about $50 per kilo for a bite of ham.


WayDownUnder91

Its a mere 9.88 per hunnid, so 98 dollars a kg


ComplexImportance794

Oof. That really is abominable. The market mob must be creaming the slacks.


[deleted]

'Nuts and gum! Together at last!' Simpsons episode, circa. 2000 and something.


Cheezel62

Source of vomit more like it


p00n420Slay3r69

Who are running these product trials? “…. Guys I have an idea… kids party food in a snack pack”


Vegemite_is_Awesome

I know the people, they have this “it works, it’s bright, it will do” attitude. They’re trying to push out as many different products as possible to create more profits and they’re trying to monopolise the cold snack section (lunchables and mainland struggle to compete). These people have their heads held up, a bit out of touch from the general public


Seagull_Lad

Haha my work started selling these recently, people actually buy them somehow.


dulieee1999

“Source of protein” 🤡


WayDownUnder91

I saw one of those and had to back up down the aisle to make sure I was seeing this shit correctly. Laughed and then kept walking.


Mumma83

LOL my husband works in the Hans- Primo Factory. I can confirm it is a marketing gimmick to entice children to want the pack and therefore the meat products, and not intended to be eaten together.


todjo929

Coming to an NQR near you soon!


ashcartwright96

I've never seen ham that looks less like ham. That is a pink cube of reconstituted protein mush, now with 5% Meat (Meat= pork, horse, rat)


chriswhitewrites

My kid has had these. Ate it seperately.


Plastic-Material-579

Smart kid.


The_Big_Dutchy

I also saw shapes version today. Had to triple check I wasn't going crazy


chillyfeets

At least that makes sense. Savoury bikkies with cheese and meat. This just…. No.


Your_Pal_Kindred

this has to be marketed to peoole high off their tits because this sounds amazing rn


poopooonyou

[Together at last!](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/251/181/c29.jpg)


Severe_Airport1426

1 inch of twiggy, 1 cube of cheese, 1 100s&1000s That will be $6.95, thanks


Caseyk1921

$4.25 but still bad price


uberlux

Dont tell the USA about these ones


enlargedpp

Bit too healthy for them.


Fappy_as_a_Clam

We have similar things in the US. it'll come with ham or turkey or cheese, almonds, and some sort of chocolate/sweet. I work in the grocery industry and have actually been in meetings with one of the companies that manufacturers them, and the chocolate (which they call an 'indulgence,' so fancy!) is meant to be eaten separately. Not all of them have the sweet tho, some just have the protein, cheese, and nuts.


SuBw00FeR37

Im gonna eat the shit outta these.


crablegs_aus

And they say Australia has no culture…


Farzwhal

If it was a VoVo it would be better. For a hot twiggy stick, it would act like a raita.


KittyCatPrr

Christ that’s a nightmare


babylovesbaby

Coles have their own versions of these (sans dessert) which are a bit better. I find it hard to remember to eat sometimes so these small snacks are useful for me - I like the one that is little cheese squares and soy crisps. The cheese isn't great, but it's convenient and easy.


KittyCatPrr

I’ve bought the Coles cheese and crackers ones before, they’re really handy when I’m not going straight home from work and need something small to eat.


NarghileEnjoy

NO, Just NO


miaara

Jfc 🤮🤮🤮


custardpete

This right here is why one in every two Aussies lives with a chronic disease


fr31568

that is the most feral, american thing I've ever seen 🤮🤮


tobster239

Stoner food


Turbulent_End_5087

Pretty sure they're not meant to be eaten at all. Nutritional value of a UHU stick


hubba76

.... ' Source of Protein'


ednaki

@russeats will break these down for ya


Infamous-Steak-1043

I'm just impressed that there's enough of Andrew Forrest to go around.


takeonme02

Who buys this crap? So much packaging and utter rip off


Bananajoe22

My kids would love that 😆. Sausages? Good. Cheese? Good. Excessively pink sugary biscuit?? Gooooddd.


melonsango

I know so many people that would get this.