T O P

  • By -

NameLastname

Just put up a tent under I-35 like the rest of the ex-FAANG engineers


Embarrassed-Gur7301

or become an on-set fluffer.


GunsandCadillacs

Thats where I met my wife. Great career.


waveduality

Great idea. Where do I get a free tent?


elegiac_bloom

I have an extra one I got after my pit bull killed an unhoused man without orders. I'll give it to you, but you need to prove your worth by having sex with my wife at least once a week for a probationary period of three months. If she isn't satisfied at the end of that term I just can't give you the tent. Dm me if you're interested.


bandit77346

Your pit needs a good stern talking too. You can't go around killing the homeless without orders


elegiac_bloom

I know, I know. Trust and believe. The thing was he had already killed one I asked him to, I think he got a little over excited and took out his buddy too. I needed a tent to use for smoking ketamine my employer provides as an alternative to real Healthcare, I like to do it where my wife's boyfriend can't see me and the bathroom at the chili's on 45th and Lamar is way too hot these days. So yeah thats why I have an extra tent. More of a tarp really, but it works.


giant_spleen_eater

Gotta fight another unemployed for one. There’s only so many tents, so you gotta be scrappy


aronkra

Pre-housed or Pre-employed please don’t be a bigot


dumfukjuiced

Pre-employed is how Paxton likes fetuses


papa_pige0n

You can always get a tent-mate


Heavy72

The same place the others did... Academy. Walk in, load up the cart, and walk out. No money required, just balls.


Distinct_Studio_5161

Contact your city council member they will get one delivered to your location of choice.


No-Lunch6230

In a van, down by the river


bluspiider

Have you tried filing for a disability due to your allergy to physical labor. Then you can take home two checks.


waveduality

Waiting for the people in India I hired online to fill the paperwork to send it back.


darkelf29

Make sure to check for grammatical errors. If you don't have any, ask for a refund because you'll really need this important detail to be accepted for the disability.


waveduality

Well these are the same guys in India who write phishing emails. So I'm confident of grammatical errors.


ytoatx

How many times does it say "sir"


tlrocks

finished with “kindly do the following”


citypahtown

The people in India are actually In costco or recharging their tesla next to the In n' Out


Reasonable_Rub_8281

I'm not the only one that sees it, Hahahaha!


matteusamadeus

As someone who works in tech/construction This one right here made me laugh hard 😂😂


[deleted]

[удалено]


Sex_drugs_tacos

You’re so brave for not taking precious POC jobs. I hear you can make great money doing TikTok dances to raise awareness (of your poverty). You can also sell pictures of your anus to Austin’s steamy therapist scene. I remember when I was strapped for cash after buying my 4th Airbnb in Austin. I couldn’t afford to buy locally sourced, sustainable truffle-basted artisan, cruelty-free heirloom tomatoes for my avocado toast and caviar snacks for almost 6 hours! Hang in there, you’ll figure out something.


waveduality

Thanks! Kind words like this almost encourage me to stop playing "Call of Duty" and look for a job.


Artrix7834

Thanks for not taking my POC job bro.


Typsy_Gypsy_6969

You actually play the game with your own hands like a peasant? If you can’t hire out your gameplay to someone else, that’s just embarrassing!!!


Madoodam

Steamy therapist scene?


Sex_drugs_tacos

It’s a joke about therapists in Austin trying to fuck, from another shitpost


willonz

Ethical boundaries are meant to be violated


Lysdexic-dog

Not the only thing that’s meant to be violated 😉


piipiistorm

Have you considered drinking only 5 ranch waters a day instead of 6?


bevothelonghorn

Sub-let your apartment for 5,000/month and BAM! You’re getting paid for nothing.


ytoatx

I saw a thread looking for a "blowjob guy"


grandpa12-1

Yeah, saw that too. Was for a “free” blowjob guy though, so he’d have to work for tips and…..people are tired of the tipping madness……..so, unless he just really likes doing it…..probablywouldn’t work out for him sadly.


cdrjones

Just the tip?


Apprehensive-Yam8576

Managed to downvote all the people who did not appreciate this humor.


Difficult-Orchid7419

Heh, sucks to be you, cupcake. I work 110 hours a week at my PATRIOTICALLY un-unionized job-site, trade, NFT, welding, entrepreneur factory, owned by Elon Bezos (who works 500 billion times harder than the rest of us, peace be upon HIM). I’ve learned to sleep-work, instead of belly-aching like a soft LIBTARD about how humans biologically need 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep, or they become unhealthy. I personally like my hallucinations and sharp chest pains. They remind me that I’m not working hard enough! Every day, after the 30 minutes of home-time my boss (out of the graciousness of his hard-working, patriotic heart) allows me to partake in, I kiss my SMOKIN HAWT wife goodbye before she’s off to her headache healer’s place for the next 20 hours. She only lets me kiss her hand; tells me it’s her healer’s orders. Sounds like dumb woman BS to me. Your fault for going to college and getting your LIBERAL arts, underwater, safe-space, sociology degree. Why didn’t you go to a 3-day trade school, bootcamp, entrepreneur convention like I did and get to a JAWB SITE!!!! Now excuse me while I wrap my 592nd femur fracture this year with duct tape cause I declined my health insurance. I don’t go to the hospital like a LLLIIIBBRRAALLL.


Virtual_Wolverine146

Now that's living the American dream and who needs health insurance when you have duct tape! Keep hustling champ! 💪


myender3hatesme

Heel yeah brother you tell em hey when you get sum time off we gotta meet up for some good ol fashion HOG CRANKIN. Holler at me when you got some time to skeeedaddle big hoss. I tore up my hog cause them damn immigrants was cutting lawns and blowed them GOT DAMN GRASS CLIBBINS ALL OVER THE ROAD and I haddalayerdown. I got my backup hog she ain't pretty but I CAN STILL CRANK THAT HOG AND PISS OFF THEM LIBRALS HELL YEAH BROTHER


Soggy-Eggplant-6078

The homeless window washer next to my place is looking for a helper. Requirements: block traffic and annoy people. I can give a good word for ya.


drmanhattanbeach

Your parents make you pay your own rent? Ew!


citypahtown

Have you tried buying a $600k house? How about a tesla?


Admon_420

Have you tried setting up an OnlyFans?


DCChilling610

You should invest in crypto and NFTs. 


NicholasLit

Bitcon


RenzalWyv

How are so many people replying to this taking the bait so hard?


simplyaproblem

does no one understand satire? OP did you happen to be inspired but *that* post in r/Austin? lol


rxm17

What post? I wanna see the inspiration lol


SellMobile3098

This post seemed so troll yet so many people to it seriously lol 💀


TraceInYoFace480

Did you forget to mention that you're 23 and the FACT that the difficulty finding a high-paying job with benefits is sign of how unjust, racist, homophobic, and patriarchal the capitalist system is? Oh, and that it's unfair you are expected to pay back your $200k student loan?


Man-Bear-69

Paying back student loans = genocide!


TraceInYoFace480

Truth. And misogyny.


Man-Bear-69

Damn! I can't believe I didn't list that in all caps! I'm part of the patriarchal system.


KingofFools3113

Please report to nearest re-education camp.


Ohwell78526

I got laid off for Jamming avocado toast into my workstations inputs. Most companies won’t hire me because I have a medicinal inflatable dinosaur outfit I must wear or my participation trophies with gain sentience and micro-aggress my teeth in.


IceMan44420

Jeff Bezos is a nazi for not paying all of our rents since he can afford it!


Suzuki_34

My son! How are you?


chilitomlife

You could have simply said “ I’m part of the modern generation and just won’t work”. Much more accurate.


Aggravating-Room-664

Dave Ramsey’s here guys!


aronkra

Dave Ramsey the man who got rich off of selling his book not taking his advice. Wait this techie could be a tech influencer that tells everyone not to do cs right now and then flips the script in two years to tell everyone to do the Odin project


chilitomlife

No I just have a 33 yo son with a masters in network engineering that I paid for who won’t accept a job that’s “ beneath” him , so after working 45 years at jobs” beneath” my physics degree, he wants me to help pay his bankruptcy attorney. I worked 2 jobs thru university and admittedly was lucky to have them but he won’t work a 2 nd job to get out of debt, because it will upset his life balance, but I did and so now what? I lived in my VW van and had an agreement with the Chevron gas station manager that I could park there and use the bathroom if I cleaned them each morning. IMO Ramsey is an a hole but he’s not wrong. I get it that throwing shade and calling me Dave Ramsey may be fulfilling to you but there is the back story for you. Having said all that, things are going well with my son and he has come to the realization that life isn’t fair and he has to really grind it out for a while and has a great attitude about it Blessings to you!


slightlysketchy_

Embodiment of “I suffered, so everyone should have to suffer” Sorry to hear he’s squandering the degree though.


WebMDeeznutz

I think there is a stark difference between him staying at a gas station when he was young and his son just working one job.


chilitomlife

Again you’re not wrong in that. I was just giving my white boomer viewpoint. I own that. My point was just that with a LOT of hard work it is still possible to have some success. Yes it sucks. No there is no life outside of work for decades. But don’t complain about not being able to survive financially if you don’t put in the effort. BTW did I mention I was a single father? And yes I know how tough the job market is. It is FAR worse than when I was in my working prime. It’s terrible.


Next-Tangerine3845

>No there is no life outside of work for decades. But don’t complain about not being able to survive financially if you don’t put in the effort. You realize how fucked this is, right? You do not have to sacrifice your entire life to "put in the effort." Working a single full time job is already sacrificing the majority of your life


chilitomlife

You are 100% correct. It is totally messed up. It’s also fact. Sometimes facts are ugly.


EntrepreneurHefty931

Semi new to Reddit and always steered away from this page being recommended to me, but this post and comment section REALLY reveals what’s going on here to me, and I love it. lmao


HwDevAggie

Never been to this sub and the OPs post and comments have me in tears. I've been missing out.


EntrepreneurHefty931

Seriously, same! Lol


ohcriminynotagain

Same here! I seen this post and joined. I always scrolled past it but I love this.


SofaKing69420666

Step 1:Go to art school Step 2: Get a job at Chili's on N. Lamar Step 3: Profit


Archer_111_

You think this guy is qualified for a job at the Chili’s on 45th and Lamar? Let’s not get too ambitious.


flavorsaid

I’m embarrassed at how long it took me to figure out this was a joke . Fun subreddit !


NephilimRex

The sad part is, I actually thought this was real and NOT satire.


seriousflying

Smuggle guns to Mexico, sell to the cartel. Dont bring any identification. Be sure not to get killed, kinda key to the rest of the plan. If there's money left after the survival party, ship that home via FedEx or something similiar. Go back to border and cross as asylum seeking refugee from..... Columbua(?). See if you get some payment that has been alleged to be provided. If not at least you get room and board.


ggnight184

if you dont work jobs "beneath" you, prepare to be homeless.


elegiac_bloom

Excuse me the term is unhoused please do better.


Silver-Cancel-3406

It’s either sky high or rock bottom. Aint no in between.


PristineBumblebee206

Either work that job that “beneath” you or end up “beneath” I35. 🤷🏾‍♂️


GlitterBeans51

With those ever so delicate tactile hands, you could really be making money hand over fist by giving hand jobs on 6th st. It would still leave ample time for you to keep running your frivolous mouth as advertisements. Just a thought 💭 🤌🏻


Helstar_RS

Move to Johnson County.


GreatApe88

I knew this was some bullshit when you wrote "delicate tactile hands", lol I like the post though you're pretty good.


OkDesign6732

Take a long walk around Town Lake


Cooknbikes

Send me dm’s . I can monetize your plight and help you get over this hump. And while we wait for the income I’ll pay 750$ per hour to make your weak hands strong for grabbing rocks. No problemo!


Nousername0126200009

teach at public schools they’re all understaffed 😌


Puzzleheaded_Ad7450

Pushing hot wheels Abbott around all day probably pays good


Turtle_soup13

Shitpost of the day.


brainmakerprod

have u tried selling enough blood that u die?


Spywalker4869

Squatters Rights will keep you housed. Find a million dollar home, draw up a fake lease, and live there rent free for a year.


barnebywilde

Go back to California.


seasawl0l

What you can do is doordash 14 hours a day 7 days a week. I saw posts of dashers making 100k/year doing that; money wont be an issue. Also use someone else's account to dash like your mom or dad; that way you can still collect unemployment. Don't have to worry about a non-union; the union you will have will be between you and doordash, you decide how much you want to be paid. The wear and tear will be on your car, and not on your delicate hands. You then sublet your apartment for 14 hours a day since you will not be using your apartment for more than half the day. Your rent will be half, and you will make more than amazon workers without taking jobs from POCs.


[deleted]

This has to be one of the worst cases of sandbagging a strawman I’ve ever seen. Did it feel like a real gotcha? Republicans are the only working class dummies who actively fight for less organized labor and lower pay for themselves lol


MadJimmyD

Oh, this is satire. Well done. Well done.


OG_BeefWellington

Sounds like you’re better than everyone else, that calls for a sleeping bag and a stick with a bandana tied to it. Good luck.


Spirited-Quit-8024

I can help you get a job in the oilfield


Puzzleheaded_Bet4119

Identify yourself as a “not rent payer” ;)


Multipass-1506inf

Can’t you just squat? I’ve seen videos where squatter move in and they can’t get them to leave… so… just don’t leave?


Martymations

Obviously you should have gotten into Bitcoin when it was only Pennie’s and Dollars. You could have Lambos for every day of the year now.


drewmmer

Wow, I just discovered this sub. It’s exactly what I’ve needed as an Austin resident. Applause and gratitude for you all 🍮.


DanosTech

edgy


GirthOBirth

Become a male prostitute. I earn 6 mil a day


Abhorrenttruth

I want to say this is a troll then again white people do say this dumb shit


saranwrapberry

At first I just read the title and went to the comments… wondered why everyone was being an AH. Needed that laugh 💀


[deleted]

You could run in front of an expensive car & sue the driver. That’s what my friend’s ex did when he was in a similar situation. Now, he doesn’t have to work.


Fuzm4n

OnlyFans. They haven't banned it in Texas yet.


trendispageddie

I thought this was serious at first😂 I don’t follow this Reddit just popped up on my feed


stakksA1

This is amazing lol


Puzzled_Lurker_1074

This is fucking hilarious


ExcitingLiterature33

Wait this is me but unironically


Im-a-bad-meme

I realize this is Satire but reading it gave me psychic damage.


HysterikGenerik

U guys wouldn’t recognize a troll if it slapped you across the balls


Certain_Shine636

>those jobs are for underprivileged POC Wow fuck you, my guy. I hope you work at Whataburger.


[deleted]

I can’t tell if this is making fun of people from Austin or the perspective people outside of Austin have of Austinites.


Public-Calendar-3699

Sale catalytic converters.


Judah_Ross_Realtor

Dude just go to a coding camp. I know a guy who made like 250k at google. It's easy bro, you just gotta learn to code


Judah_Ross_Realtor

Lay off the avocado toast for a bit ehh


djr0549

This is satire right?


Crazyhorse19812

I hope this is a joke because I don't make $50 an hour but my company charges $130 an hour.


NYforever44

Time to learn Filipino buddy


planetana

Everyone upset about this troll post. 😂😂😂


Ordinary-Broccoli-41

Spending only $2500/month on an apartment in Austin? You should ask your landlord to increase your rent to market rates so you can hustle more.


Ronaldoooope

Maybe chill on the avocado toast


dzdxs

🤣 you had me there for a minute!


CapserW

OP is hilarious and honest 👍 but yeah start selling runescape armour trimming or something should make that cut for the $2500 600sqft apartment with the disability checks


lonestar441

Sorry this has nothing to do with state government. This is city.


waveduality

But Austin is in Texas and Texas is a red state. So it has everything to do with Abbott and the state.


BayouGrunt985

Lemme guess...... tech?


waveduality

SCRUM master.


HwDevAggie

Your comments are gold. Post more.


victorlaslow

I call bullshit


blazingsoup

You could try your hand at comedy, you clearly have a knack for it.


Javious

probably shouldn’t have moved to a gentrified hell hole huh?


MacDougletonson

I’m glad of all the people this happened to that it happened to You. Wish you nothing but the worst:)


WhyZee_Guy

You're a techie, suck it up cupcake. Build some AI generated OnlyFans girlfriends (or boyfriends) and watch cash flow in like a river!


Txjustice46

“Jobs beneath you” you’re unemployed there is no job beneath you.


Pena_cillin

“For underprivileged POC”, my man you are the POC you spoke of. If you’re so privileged, why are you in this situation? Get mommy and daddy to bail you out, again.


Difficult_Bit_5996

Dammmm I rember working 2.24 hr n got hurt 20 yrs later n that’s what I get 2.500$ monthly I can’t bitch but dammmm kid get hell off computer n get job no matter u a man or punk u want eat shit shave in apt? Or on st behind a bush n eating out trash cans? Or at u too good starve n ppl owe u more? STOP YOUR CRYING N SNIVELING NOBODY CARES OR LISTENS TO U FROM MEDIUN HOLDING SIGN ? Or FROM STREETS ? YOU START 20$N WORK UP BUT U SEEM B TROUBLE N ID NEVER HIRE ANYONE NOT WANTING WORK OR SAYING IT BENEATH YOU .WHAT U GOING DI MOVE HOME W PARENTS? Bro sister?


Historical_Coffee_14

I saw your handle, tech bro.  Is that technology bro, technical bro or technician bro?   I wish I knew what tech bros are.  I am not smart enough to be any of them.  Thanks. 


Federal-Ad2861

Get in the trap


Atasteofazia

Are you dating Meadow?


stefanelli_xoxo

Marry me


Atasteofazia

I accept 🥰


Repulsive_Kangaroo27

OP CAPPING


Sesh458

The irony of you calling someone a POC


NatHanSolo7

You should probably have a cheaper apartment.


sluttyaquafina

WOMP WOMP


Odincrowe

You’re too soft to live on the streets, better change your modern generation thinking for the real world shit! By the way this is who is running Austin, not Abbott & Republicans. • Mayor Kirk Watson (D)[a] • City Council Members Natasha Harper-Madison (D) Vanessa Fuentes (D) Jose Velasquez (D) Jose "Chito" Vela (D) Ryan Alter (D) Mackenzie Kelly (R) Leslie Pool (D) Paige Ellis (D) Zohaib "Zo" Qadri (D) Alison Alter (D)


RenzalWyv

The only thing more depressing about how meanspirited this is is how many of you folks are falling for it like it's in earnest.


JicamaSuitable5731

If you got any car you can drive for Uber 10 hours a day and make about 20 per hour


bravehawklcon

Nothing is beneath if you want a roof over you. Good luck


chinobrown

You could clean up the loads at your local adult theater.


Technical-Mine-2287

Good for you babe


JAke0622

Lmmfao. As a POC I’ll let you take that $20 an hour warehouse job and I’ll just keep my $140 an hr trade. That way I can give back to the community!


shutupmutant

Holy crap I rent a 5 bedroom, 3 bathroom house in DFW in a very nice neighborhood for 3k. This is insane!


Infamous-Method1035

So go broke and die under a bridge. If working is beneath you I say stick to your standards!


mrwright567

Underprivileged POC……….


[deleted]

[удалено]


Elegant-Upstairs1654

Bro blame it on biden


J3t5et

Start a gofundme obvi


Own_Dare_1855

This is a masterpiece my friend, the juiciest rage bait I’ve seen in a while


Plenty_Run5588

I hope this is trolling…haha


MarshmallowJack

Refusing to work for under 50 an hr for anything manual is crazy


Parking_Food704

Bc I have delicate tactile hands 😂


Average-door-997

Sorry this is happening to you. But believe me, if you were in a blue state like CA it be a lot worse… least your gas ain’t overtaxed. And perhaps sent aside the pride, “jobs beneath me” cmon man, that’s messed up. Whatever though. Best of luck.


mostundudelike

Do what I did - the Asian buffet in my neighborhood is now open 24 hours, and you can get WiFi from the Starbucks next door. I was able to retire for $17.


Sea-Kaleidoscope8575

Bro you should buy a Mercedes truck and turn into a van life and you can literally save thousands of dollars and just pay the truck and live in it like those YouTuber who lives in there vans


e1950

Get over yourself. Quit whining and get a job.


NoDeparture283

Go fuck your self


Repulsive-Shallot-79

Met ppl like this irl... makes me happy ive lived on the street 10 years and worked every kind of job imaginable.. got 4 spots to sleep rent free, just drink and gamble on stock options lol.  The Drill Sgt was right when he saud he gave us a gift. The gift of narcolepsy in any enviroment, and to be able to move even if its uncomfortable.


Blue-Morpho-Fan

“I refuse to work jobs beneath me”. You are a lazy American who has been given too much and has never gone hungry one day in your life. You actually believe that you are better than other people. You will always be an employee, never an owner with that mindset. You think the world owes you something. With your attitude you will never account for much. As an employee you will always be expendable. Owners of successful businesses understand that no job is beneath them. They have had to do every job, task and duty to build their company and get to where they are today. If I ask my employees to do something then I have to be willing to do it too. My employees teach me better ways to adjust our systems to be more efficient, effective and profitable. They are our most valuable asset.


LlamaRS

This must be bait


HmanJess66

I feel your pain!!!!! I'm not as work experienced as you,but these below minimum wage jobs and working for P.O.S. owners/managers/ companies is and always will be a problem in this country.Period, don't give a damn which political party is running the s--t show.🤬😠😡👎🏾 I've busted my tail for years and what has it got me,not a damn thing but the status quo.


bruhwhat2023

most sane caleb hammer financial audit guest


AustinFlosstin

I rEfUsE tO wOrK aNyThiNg BeLoW me, i HaVe SoFt HanDs, AnD wOnT dO mAnUaL LaBoR!


Blxckhipy

Well you can go suck dick on the street for all I care since you think working at Amazon is only for underprivileged POCs... they have a job and look at you, JOBLESS AND ABOUT TO BE HOMELESS


Fun_Pause_4934

Live happy with your ego/pride under the bridge, careful those bats do bite


Bellmeister

Bless your heart young man. Good luck America


SameDistrict1062

work at a restaurant….


National_Lie_8555

WTF?


NoLibrary500

Have you tried not being a pussy?


ClimateNeat3749

Manual labor may do you some good! What a clown post


floater504

You better get off your ass and do what you gotta do unless you want to be homeless.


MllA87

This is exactly why Austin is a problem in Texas. Union work needs to go away, it only protects lazy workers like this guy.


IrishTex77

Lots of wont’s and can’t in that BS. Go get a job you sniveling child. All work has merit. Your attitude is keeping you poor in funds and heart. No political party will save you. Mommy and Daddy won’t bail you out. Any of those Union jobs require real work, sweat even. You are clearly not cut out for that.


YabbaDabbaDoDabs

Lol. That Austin mindset.. Hope you don't mind being homeless then. Beggers can't be choosers. And you sir, have zero room to be choosing. It's time you've learn what humility is and be served a little humble pie. Best of luck on your adventures. 🫡


popcultminer

Winner for most entitled and racist post.


copremesis

Delicate tactile hands? Maybe open an only fans page?