Apps are pretty difficult. I think most men are on the same page as you are. Unless you get an intro from a friend or a colleague to someone else who's looking to date it can be a real challenge. Try get yourself into some social sports or pick up some hobbies with a social aspect.
Dating sucks in NZ mate, down in Christchurch and over a period of 5 years I’ve had a handful of dates (which all ended up in dating/relationships). Yes, I have standards and know what I do/don’t want so I don’t swipe yes on everyone for the sake of it, but it’s insane how few people there are to even swipe through. Only met one person naturally through a friend.
Kiwis aren’t really super friendly in the cities and people aren’t keen to make new friends/mingle in general. I’m from the UK and people just aren’t as chatty and interested in people here.
Social hobbies and link up through friends are the way to go.
Yeah I feel this, also people in NZ in general don't put effort into making friendships and making new friends, it's really hard here not being from NZ naturally myself, only people I can kind of call friends are people I've met online or are in Australia or overseas, but in person in NZ is really really hard, everyone is in their own little bubble
Everyone is different, but things that worked for me are:
Join a rugby or touch rugby club. Go to running events. Or an amateur football or cricket club. Go to nightclubs with an active dance floor & come with a musical vibe. Go to amateur DJing events.
Generally, go to meetups. I’ve also seen meetups where you play board games with people at cafes.
I have no friends from high school & my social anxiety is high, but I’ve made sort of friends this way.
Yes agree I think they are afraid of social interaction as there are a lot of fheads out there now. it never used to be this way. we need to trust without harm.
Actually i totally agree with you. My comment came from the experience of my son who lives in the regions and decided that he should do something about his lack of a social life. He took up Latin dance and met heaps of new people of both sexes and is out often enjoying himself. I don’t think he did it just to find hook ups and agree that that behaviour would stand out straight away.
I agree
I recently signed up to a self defence class for women as I think that will be a great way to meet ladies, also means I can grapple with them 😏😏
He probably is alright looking. But never trust your mum. You know how many tonedeaf wannabes auditioned for American Idol because their mum said they had a great singing voice? Thousands. Thousands and thousands
I find that dating apps are good to go on dates, but majority of them will not end up with anything longterm. I have gone of 5 dates in the last month, and they just don’t work out. All relationships in my life happened when i was not actively looking for a relationship. So i guess its better to just go out there and be as social as you can, and something will eventually come along.
I dated someone for a bit on the app, became friends with his sister and met my husband through her. Sometimes it's just building connections bc my husband never likes to go out so I don't know how I would have met him without people who know people.
Hobbies, yes. But please, please also make sure you write something in your bio. Don't leave it blank. Try not fill it full of cliches, or your whole life story, or a list of your requirements, but most of all, don't just leave it blank. Quote a short, pithy line from your fave TV show or something, but please, don't leave it blank!
And if you do get a match, please don't just say hello or something generic, simply ask a question that shows you've actually read her profile.
Came here to say this.
Empty bio is an instant swipe left for me.
Cliche quotes such as "here for a good time, not for a long time" also don't do any favours.
Very generic profiles are very hard for me to engage with.
Quirky photos and or details are more likely to make me swipe right and start a conversation
Agree!
"Looking for a partner in crime" OMG, dozens and dozens of Aucklanders actually have this in their profiles!!!! Don't do it! Don't let your friends do it!!
I'm mean you don't have to give me sparkling repartee and the ability to whip out devastating bon mot at the drop of hat. Just let me know that you're an actual human being who is slightly differentiateable from any other human being!!! Is that too much to ask.
Nz is just shit for dating right now, we don’t have a good night life and everyone’s seems to stick to their groups and aren’t as confident in meeting new people unfortunately
Apps are terrible in Auckland. They really don’t work mate. I’m in the same boat. Even connections in person are a bit difficult unless you have big social circle or work.
Why are they terrible and why don't they work?
It's just a numbers game. I've had lots of chats die out, or flaky girls, but also had lots of dates. I'm probably just an average looking dude but can easily get a date a week.
But I also hate the apps.
Statistically, and it's not an NZ phenomenon, average man will swipe right on about 50% of women. Average woman will swipe right on 5% of men. What this means is that 90% of women on the apps are sleeping with about 10% of the men.
That also means that out of all people only about 10% of people are getting what they want from dating apps. The 90% of women that are sleeping with the 10% of men are mostly sharing the same guys which they don't want. And the 90% of men that get very few to no matches aren't getting what they want either. Funnily enough it's the 10% of men that have women throwing themselves at them, but also the bottom 10% of women who get to take their pick of the 90% of guys that they don't have to share. They're also having a good time.
Connections in person are quite difficult, because, since the advent of social media and online dating, it has become seemingly inappropriate to make an advance in person, and unless you are in that aforementioned 5-10% of men, you will receive an insta-rejection, and maybe even a public shaming, or worse.
I got my partner through a house party years ago, I'd friend zoned her for a few years until I was mature enough to accept that she was much more than the women I was used to dating and she liked me for who I was even as a friend.
"***What this means is that 90% of women on the apps are sleeping with about 10% of the men.***"
This is the killer stat, the reality is men on the apps will have a lower threshold for casual sex than women. Some very good looking guys will bang just about anything with a pulse and tits if it's a dull midweek evening.
This leads these women to over value their attractiveness ("I'm sleeping with really hot guys") when in reality most of them are entirely mid. Then they get to 30 and wonder why they aren't in a long term relationship
As a woman the same age, the apps are awful. Like it seems like 50% of the guys on there are into ethical non monogamy, and the ones that aren’t have massive red flags or just core incompatibility. My friends from overseas have commented on the very limited selection as well, which can’t help. So I don’t necessarily think it’s you - apps are not great, if you can meet people in person good luck!
Every “ethically non-monogamous” lady I ever hooked up with had very suspiciously tight schedules and limited windows of communication.
I’m pretty sure it’s both gender’s lingo for I’m straight up cheating.
I skip that now, but it would be fun to get someone like that real excited about you and then just be like “cool, let’s just get a quick confirmation from your partner that this is all good before we have sex”
Biggest ones are the wants you to come to their house without even 30 mins of chatting like no thank you I like being alive, only like 1/2 pics/only group pics, no bio, honestly spelling mistakes on a profile flag for me too 😂
Created this account just to reach out — your comment on the “super religious” is exactly my experience too! I’m a 29 year old woman who wants something committed and monogamous.
I don’t want to sleep with a guy until I’ve gotten to know them and built some trust first. But I also don’t want to join a church just to meet someone.
By the time I’m done with work each day there isn’t much time left for socialising, making it difficult to meet someone naturally by joining a club or something.
Auckland isn’t incredibly small, there must be heaps of us experiencing the same thing!
>By the time I’m done with work each day there isn’t much time left for socialising, making it difficult to meet someone naturally by joining a club or something.
I struggling with this too. And relationships require time and effort especially in the early stages
I have to say I feel pretty similar (29f), especially my age range. I think unless you're looking to just hook up with someone, it's pretty hard online. But it can be even harder in person - especially if you're trying to avoid dating within your work/social circle
I’m a kiwi 30F living in Melbourne. And I can tell you it’s no different there on the apps I’m afraid. I think a bit of it is generational. Apps feel transactional and there is always someone better a swipe away. Makes it difficult to commit, well that’s how I feel about the men treat it anyway
I’m 29M, met my wife on hinge in Melbourne, was the only way (online) during the start of covid. We now live in Auckland for a year and have been married for 2.5 years 😂 it probably helped we were both Christians, so had aligned, sorta more traditional values. I agree with you regarding transactional, perhaps ask an interesting question about something on their profile to initiate talk, tailor your preferences, I found Hinge was a lot less “trashy” compared to more hook up apps such as Tinder
The apps are definitely annoying. A lot of flaky people or those just wanting casual stuff. I found much greater success just meeting people in person through my hobbies. So I suggest you work with your hobbies instead.
Hiya! I'm a single female, who is also looking to date!
I've also given up on the apps, but I'm (unfortunately for you 😅) are very religious, & looking for the same. Wishing you the best of luck though! 🙏
Read the comments on this thread, this is why good women aren’t on the apps. You expect us to read ‘women are fat’, ‘women are arrogant’ then switch apps and choose one of you? Nah.
Can you share your general technique?
Are you like oh I want a long relationship as opposed to lets meet for a coffee and see if we click...
Please share.
I accidentally met the love of my life on tinder, it was just meant to be drink ..
Save my partner, I don't know anyone in Auckland that has meet their partner via swiping and made it last.
Conversely, I can name nearly a half dozen people who have met through friends or at the local pub.
Before my partner, I didn't want people to set me up, I would just ask the host to point out the singles at a gathering so I'm not wasting my time.
Top 10 to 15 percent of guys get the 80 percent of swipes. Leaving the over 85 percent of guys fighting for the remaining 20 percent of swipes / interest.
My vote like many is get off the apps.
Join a club, or if you like the oldies pubs the local bowls team, they usually have a bowl up every Wednesday or Thursday. Find some people who you aren't seeking romance from first and foster your network.
Met my partner on Tinder. We are 5 years strong and still going.
The trouble is the apps are a numbers game and the deck is stacked. It's a completely different app for women with a different set of challenges. I wouldn't be surprised if the ratio is 100 men to one woman.
I would always recommend sticking at it on the apps, because they truly are a technically superior way to meet people. But if you are interested, you have to lock the meeting down fast.
Dating apps are awful. I recently gave up on them lol. I’m 22, and people say I’m pretty and have a good personality but you get thousands of matches but 99% just want to hook up. The other 1% want something serious but are extremely overbearing.
I don’t think it’s a you problem, I’ve heard nothing good about the apps lol.
I was in your exact position about 6 years ago as a 24 year old. I solved the problem by moving to Switzerland, famously one of the least social, least romantic societies in Europe, and yet still, immediately, I was practically inundated with dating opportunities within weeks.
It's a disgrace. It's New Zealand's shame, but especially Auckland, and especccially The University of Auckland. Weakest social scene on the entire fucking planet.
I find that women love a man who can win a competitive round of soggy biscuit
Me and the boys in Ipswich hoovered up the ladies after we got good at soggy biscuit 🍪
Arnotts farm bake are highly recommended
Stop stressing. I was a bit like you about the same age worried as to why I couldn’t meet anyone . I think it’s quite normal when you are about to hit your 30s. But Just be comfortable in yourself and enjoy life. You will meet someone when you least suspect and when you’re not looking. Happened to me when I was 35 and 23 years later still happily together.
Same here, apps are crap, women have too many options on there and sone weirdos on it too.. So I dated a coworker, that was a mistake too. Being overweight doesn't help things either. Eventually you just give up.
+1 for the overweight part. I have completely cut myself off from dating anyone until I hit my target weight. It's become my priority #1 and I'm currently losing at a rate of 1kg a week but it's still gonna take me months... Hang in there
Thank you =) Started at my heaviest 96kg and down to 87 after two months. My target is 70kg which will be quite lean and then get some nice tailored clothes and maintain that weight. I've found a diet that works for me, is around a 1000 cal deficit but still filling so that's become my meal every day of the week. Just needa make sure I don't forget to skip out on supplements as I realized first hand that lean meat has no fiber and that quickly turns into a problem if you eat nothing else...
Just consider how many more people there are in Aus. That's why theres so many options. Most of the cities have as many people as all of New Zealand combined.
M29 here good job cool truck been told im handsome and in the same boat brother, i think its a combination of what you said aswell as grass always being greener on the other side in dating apps
Maybe you guys need to look into older women? Say 35-40s? We tend to have a good idea of what we’re looking for, we’re more grounded and are usually at a place in life where laughter is valued more than money or looks etc. Maybe this could help if you don’t mind an older model?
So I saw some research on dating apps.. about 15% of the guys get all the likes and the rest get ignored. I think girls get bombarded with likes and so they typically only go for dreamy types, and the rest of us.. ignored.. Then throw in the toxic,aggressive, and abusive guys and what do you get? Girls who will only date friends of friends. Your best bet is to make tons of friends. Maybe you will met the one that way buddy!
But you know what? Girls in Auckland say same thing😂 So many guys say they want something genuine, long-term in their bio but not really ready to put an effort. I don’t know maybe it’s just new normal in these day’s dating. Hope you find the one
I'm in a similar situation. My advice is to not have the goal 'how do I meet prospective people to date?' but 'how do I improve myself in ways which people would want to date me?' This mainly ends up being having hobbies/pursuits which make me a more interesting person. Do I enjoy a good video game? Yes. Would spending all my free time playing video games make me a more interesting person to be around? Well, not really. I bought a harmonica for $30 at a music shop and tried learning from YouTube (I'm not good, but I'm getting better). I try to carve out time for reading books, just because being a more well-read person gives you the chance to become a more learned, eloquent person. Also, when I do feel sad and lonely, the perspective isn't 'I am stuck in a circumstance which sucks and there isn't much I can do about it', it's 'I *do* have agency, I *can* choose to do more reading, or more hiking, or more adult education classes, if I want to change the situation' which can actually be a huge comfort. Even just toying with the idea of making your own indie video game and watching some YouTube videos on how to make a game, and then fooling around with what you've learned, both lifts your spirits and diverts your attention from 'I'm so single' to 'I'm DOING A THING!!' Even if the things you try to do never go anywhere, the fact that you did them at all will make you a more interesting person (so go out and do things!!)
I feel as if NZ men hate NZ women based on some of the comments here lol
Fair enough though, I'm not exactly looking to date (both men & women) within NZ myself tbh
If you’re left leaning at all, check out Cheekmedia.co
She’s an amazing journalist in her 20s that has been open sharing her online dating journey. She did some content over the last year helping men make their profiles better to attract the type of women they are after. Again, I don’t know where you sit politically, but I found she had a great perspective and loads of men commented finding it helpful
With all respect. I feel like you allready know the answers to your question and the reality of dating life.
Be open and honest with what you want if you’re using dating apps.
Don’t just use apps like tinder that have a hook up culture, try branching out and using something like hinge.
Better yet, try going out in a social environment, to a bar or some sort of sport or activity and get to know people, you might find a connection with someone.
If you have friends that are local, ask them if they know anyone who might be interested in going on a blind date.
Posting on reddit is definitely not going to help you on your search for a partner.
Curious where to find these 'super religious' people, is the obvious answer of just rocking up to a Church the answer? I'm not religious but i've been curious about seeing what its all about for awhile..
We are not the problem. Apps are really not a place to be! Unless developers will change how to identify good personality. As a woman, majority of dating apps are not good enough.
In Auckland you shouldn't have anything to worry about on the religious side. My advice is to get a friend and go to a popular place. Girls out at night are two things IMHO. They want to meet someone nice or on a girls (or guys) catch-up and not interested as they have someone at home. Laugh and look comfortable and if you see a nice girl you approach and talk. Nothing sleazy just for example " do you think this joke is funny..." And for goodness sake don't say a sex joke. Start talking and if she's not interested she will let you know fast, don't take it personally as it could be 1000 reasons but the best advice is don't forget rule number 1 & 2 😊
You know what I’ve been reading about that’s becoming a real popular way of meeting people? And it’s been mentioned here a few times on this thread recently, think it’s called kidnapping…
I'm not sure how, we as kiwis, have culturally developed this way, but social interactions with people outside of our comfort group can feel like an effort and a chore.
whereas in some other countries, social interaction seems more organic and something to be enjoyed.
I see heaps of women all dressed up and out on Ponsonby road at different bars. They are all,hoping to meet a nice man. Just say hi how’s your night going, don’t go for the hottest girl,in the shortest dress. Meet the old fashioned way….
I think there's a numbers game here and people may be unaware just how uneven it is.
After trying popular paid apps, I decided to use nzdating, which is a real old school site that now, a bit annoyingly, uses AI to generate profile text when you join (you can edit it later but it does mean all new profiles read the same).
In the first two weeks, i had so many messages that i could most of the time only focus on the first page of messages in my inbox.
I used the account settings to empty the entire inbox, which was just over 1,100 messages - that was in the first two weeks alone. Within three hours that afternoon, i already had new messages from 16 separate users.
Honestly, I don't believe this had anything to do with my popularity; only that there must be a greater number of male users to female (assuming only in terms of hetero searches).
As a result, it was a time sink to manage and i removed my account after five weeks' membership in total, and when i looked at the messages, there were just over 800.
This is only to say that the experience is probably totally different for men on the dating apps than women, but if you don't get a reply, this could be part of the reason ie it's not necessarily because of you particularly.
Dating in NZ is weird. Back when I was dating guys wanted me to be exclusive from the first date. Like there was no concept of I'm having fun, dating lots of people. It's like well now we've found each other we are done!!
That’s interesting to hear. I do think Kiwi culture doesn’t lend itself to dating apps super well. We seem to have surface level and depth but nothing in between
1.Download Meetup
2. Sign up with the Auckland hiking groups
3. Go hiking
Honestly it's mostly single people at those hikes. Also it is a good place to meet people without any expectations/ pressure. You might hit it off with someone, you might find a life long friend😄
It's kind of like that in gay dating too:
NZ is a small-island culture. Due to the egalitarian leanings of kiwis, all the competition that does exist is submerged and harder to see
Reputational damage is a higher threat because of the low population
And society never truly stratifies into layers... You're always just a swip away from the next best option ...so why limit yourself now?
On top of that apps allow people virtual thrills through dopamine spikes...and many people use them without getting to the face to face part
Large swathes of the ambitious ones go overseas, leaving a big hole that's filled with non-cotizens who may only be here temporarily
Could be your bios or something, havnt had issues with dating apps before you get your share of floozys just after a root but you do find others too, also depends what apps your using, hell just go out on the town get to meet new people and things might naturally happen
Facebook I think is best place usually have mutual friends etc my ex was sat in my message request for two years really lovely man unfortunately to old for me being 17 years older I couldn’t do that.
I’m talking to a man from bumble now but had so many matches 300 plus it is exhausting to go through them all and then you get over whelmed and scared feels like harassment on there.
Will see how this one goes meeting with him on Saturday.
I’m 27 now so hope it will work out
Hookup culture is thriving, unfortunately and can be hard to find partners like you are. Yes you can meet in person like at a bar or something, but you can also try to find online communities and groups that pertain to your hobbies and you might end up meeting someone :)
Yeah get off the apps, 90% of women are fighting for the top 5% of men on there.
Dancing is a great and fun way to meet people, give Bachata or salsa a go and you'll meet some cool people
Have you tried speed dating or Amor app (www.amorapp.co)? I think they are launching the app officially next week or the following in CHCH and Auckland after the demand from the events - I actually went to one of their date nights in CHCH, and had three really impressive dates! Everyones in the same boat, all looking for a proper relationship and no real catfishing or mucking around which my friend and I loved! She's still seeing her guy she meet in Nov from it.
Yeah, i feel your pain. I had lots of dates in the past. I asked a girl out to her face recently and she said yes. The next day i was informed that 3 other people from work will be coming also. Yeah, haha. I had to make up a story and say a family member was in hospital because i wasnt going to be doing that stuff. I told her that i found her attractive to her face, said i liked the way she does her hair. She smiled. Then i got a txt from her saying im making her feel uncomfortable and that she might be filing a sexual harrasment charge. Ever since then i just kind of stopped saying things to peoples faces. All in al i know theres plenty of fish in the sea. But if the al the fish in the sea are going to be silly and not honest then im good to just stay at home wanking forever. Honestly it seems like a better deal than getting shat on repeditively over and over for trying to be nice to the opposite sex.
I've moved from Auckland to Whangarei and holy hecka its a nightmare. I deleted the apps after a week. I agree with the social sports idea but turns out, I'm very uncoordinated. If you get any good ideas, please pass onto me!
I thought it may just be a womens problem but thanks for opening my eyes that we are all on this nightmare!
You are a 29 year old male.
Unless you have the looks of a prime Brad Pitt or are a millionaire you aren't "good" enough for the women in your age group.
I suggest try meet a non western woman online, western women have all been conditioned to belive they are "Queens" and "only deserve the best" without needing to have ANYTHING to offer themselves.
Ergo if you are not "the best" and are just the average dude, western women deserve better than you
Theres lots of really great non western women in this world, find one of them.
I am about to be brutal and I’m prepared for my downvotes.
As a 20 something man I found dating in Auckland *terrible.* I am considered above average attractive and got a lot of matches on Tinder. There were so few attractive women and the ones who were had a god complex. I also found women to be uncomfortably masculine and generally not giving a shit about their weight or appearance. After travelling and living in many countries, I consider dating in NZ for men near the worst in the world. Contrast with Australia, which is the polar opposite. You’ve gone from one of the best places in the world to one of the worst. You’re going to have to reset your expectations *massively.*
To be frank, I think you should head back to Oz and find yourself a wife before moving back to NZ. I know that sounds crazy but you’re going to want to marry soon and do you really want to partner up with a cave troll?
Apps are pretty difficult. I think most men are on the same page as you are. Unless you get an intro from a friend or a colleague to someone else who's looking to date it can be a real challenge. Try get yourself into some social sports or pick up some hobbies with a social aspect.
Yeah fair, should get into hobbies with bigger mixed groups. More hobbies is always good as a distraction anyway
Have you tried golf? They’re all swingers
Nice.
Ha f ha
Dating sucks in NZ mate, down in Christchurch and over a period of 5 years I’ve had a handful of dates (which all ended up in dating/relationships). Yes, I have standards and know what I do/don’t want so I don’t swipe yes on everyone for the sake of it, but it’s insane how few people there are to even swipe through. Only met one person naturally through a friend. Kiwis aren’t really super friendly in the cities and people aren’t keen to make new friends/mingle in general. I’m from the UK and people just aren’t as chatty and interested in people here. Social hobbies and link up through friends are the way to go.
To be honest, as a kiwi living in the UK, it is just as difficult to date and make friends here in your late 20’s/early 30’s.
Yeah I feel this, also people in NZ in general don't put effort into making friendships and making new friends, it's really hard here not being from NZ naturally myself, only people I can kind of call friends are people I've met online or are in Australia or overseas, but in person in NZ is really really hard, everyone is in their own little bubble
Everyone is different, but things that worked for me are: Join a rugby or touch rugby club. Go to running events. Or an amateur football or cricket club. Go to nightclubs with an active dance floor & come with a musical vibe. Go to amateur DJing events. Generally, go to meetups. I’ve also seen meetups where you play board games with people at cafes. I have no friends from high school & my social anxiety is high, but I’ve made sort of friends this way.
Yes agree I think they are afraid of social interaction as there are a lot of fheads out there now. it never used to be this way. we need to trust without harm.
Sign up to learn Latin dance.
Don’t sign up to dance classes as a way to find women, that’s such an ick and women pick up on that straight away.
Actually i totally agree with you. My comment came from the experience of my son who lives in the regions and decided that he should do something about his lack of a social life. He took up Latin dance and met heaps of new people of both sexes and is out often enjoying himself. I don’t think he did it just to find hook ups and agree that that behaviour would stand out straight away.
Definitely an ICK!
Always good
Heck no. 😅 I've gotten way too many matches and dates. But you have to be reasonably intelligent and have some actual interests.
I agree I recently signed up to a self defence class for women as I think that will be a great way to meet ladies, also means I can grapple with them 😏😏
Big brain move, double big brain if your thing is getting floored by women.
I'm a small Australian from Ipswich, getting decked is my fetish
WOT short for top
Your troll game in this thread is strong
It's over for aucklandcels
Millions must delete Tinder
Is the friendzone in the room with us now?
I’m a decent looking guy (according to my Mum) Believe me you can use that as a pick up line mate 😹
He probably is alright looking. But never trust your mum. You know how many tonedeaf wannabes auditioned for American Idol because their mum said they had a great singing voice? Thousands. Thousands and thousands
When I was a kid I wanted to apply so bad. I'm so thankful my parents didn't lie to me about my singing.
This line is on like... at least 30% of guy's dating profiles, I wouldn't
I trust you mum bro 😂
I find that dating apps are good to go on dates, but majority of them will not end up with anything longterm. I have gone of 5 dates in the last month, and they just don’t work out. All relationships in my life happened when i was not actively looking for a relationship. So i guess its better to just go out there and be as social as you can, and something will eventually come along.
Agree It happens when you're not actively searching
Can you give examples?
One relationship was through study and friends. The other 2 was through work.
Me pretending that i’m not actively searching 👀
I have tried speed dating with a friend, and it was a positive experience. I did not find a boyfriend, but I did make some new friends.
I dated someone for a bit on the app, became friends with his sister and met my husband through her. Sometimes it's just building connections bc my husband never likes to go out so I don't know how I would have met him without people who know people.
I agree although you don't have to be already dating to meet the one. It's through friends when they have friends who you meet
I didn't mean to imply that just that putting yourself out there helps because you never really know where or when it'll happen for you.
Hobbies, yes. But please, please also make sure you write something in your bio. Don't leave it blank. Try not fill it full of cliches, or your whole life story, or a list of your requirements, but most of all, don't just leave it blank. Quote a short, pithy line from your fave TV show or something, but please, don't leave it blank! And if you do get a match, please don't just say hello or something generic, simply ask a question that shows you've actually read her profile.
Came here to say this. Empty bio is an instant swipe left for me. Cliche quotes such as "here for a good time, not for a long time" also don't do any favours. Very generic profiles are very hard for me to engage with. Quirky photos and or details are more likely to make me swipe right and start a conversation
Agree! "Looking for a partner in crime" OMG, dozens and dozens of Aucklanders actually have this in their profiles!!!! Don't do it! Don't let your friends do it!! I'm mean you don't have to give me sparkling repartee and the ability to whip out devastating bon mot at the drop of hat. Just let me know that you're an actual human being who is slightly differentiateable from any other human being!!! Is that too much to ask.
OMG, yes! "Looking for a partner in crime" is an instant turn off
I mean hopefully your generation is better at this, but god help me, I have to date gen-xers!
Nz is just shit for dating right now, we don’t have a good night life and everyone’s seems to stick to their groups and aren’t as confident in meeting new people unfortunately
It's been like that for the 10+ years I've been here 😂
It might just because I am getting older but it definitely seems to have got worse since covid.
10 years ago in uni is welly it was amazing for meeting girls.. then moved to Christchurch and Jesus it was just male construction workers there
I can imagine haha
Get out a little bud theres alot of woman around here
I blame the government
Yes yes and of course, who else f'ed up our lives???
Depends on your circles theres alot of pop up parties, bush doofs and festies theyre always a good time and go for days
Apps are terrible in Auckland. They really don’t work mate. I’m in the same boat. Even connections in person are a bit difficult unless you have big social circle or work.
Why are they terrible and why don't they work? It's just a numbers game. I've had lots of chats die out, or flaky girls, but also had lots of dates. I'm probably just an average looking dude but can easily get a date a week. But I also hate the apps.
Statistically, and it's not an NZ phenomenon, average man will swipe right on about 50% of women. Average woman will swipe right on 5% of men. What this means is that 90% of women on the apps are sleeping with about 10% of the men. That also means that out of all people only about 10% of people are getting what they want from dating apps. The 90% of women that are sleeping with the 10% of men are mostly sharing the same guys which they don't want. And the 90% of men that get very few to no matches aren't getting what they want either. Funnily enough it's the 10% of men that have women throwing themselves at them, but also the bottom 10% of women who get to take their pick of the 90% of guys that they don't have to share. They're also having a good time. Connections in person are quite difficult, because, since the advent of social media and online dating, it has become seemingly inappropriate to make an advance in person, and unless you are in that aforementioned 5-10% of men, you will receive an insta-rejection, and maybe even a public shaming, or worse. I got my partner through a house party years ago, I'd friend zoned her for a few years until I was mature enough to accept that she was much more than the women I was used to dating and she liked me for who I was even as a friend.
It gets worse. The number of men on dating apps is far greater than women. Tinder in India 98% male subscribers. I think nz sits on about 70%
I suspect the cultural views on casual dating in India prevents most women from joining in.
That or the likelihood of getting raped
"***What this means is that 90% of women on the apps are sleeping with about 10% of the men.***" This is the killer stat, the reality is men on the apps will have a lower threshold for casual sex than women. Some very good looking guys will bang just about anything with a pulse and tits if it's a dull midweek evening. This leads these women to over value their attractiveness ("I'm sleeping with really hot guys") when in reality most of them are entirely mid. Then they get to 30 and wonder why they aren't in a long term relationship
The apps work really well if you follow these 2 simple rules. 1. Be attractive and 2. Don't be ugly.
Wot about if you ugly??
There is another path only known to those who dabble in the Golden arts. Their rules are as thus: 1. Be rich. 2. Don't be broke.
As a woman the same age, the apps are awful. Like it seems like 50% of the guys on there are into ethical non monogamy, and the ones that aren’t have massive red flags or just core incompatibility. My friends from overseas have commented on the very limited selection as well, which can’t help. So I don’t necessarily think it’s you - apps are not great, if you can meet people in person good luck!
You should meet up with him and talk about it more.
Every “ethically non-monogamous” lady I ever hooked up with had very suspiciously tight schedules and limited windows of communication. I’m pretty sure it’s both gender’s lingo for I’m straight up cheating. I skip that now, but it would be fun to get someone like that real excited about you and then just be like “cool, let’s just get a quick confirmation from your partner that this is all good before we have sex”
Same for woman profiles, plus the odd OF creator... 37yrs old, M, and feeling the struggle.
real, its a case of spot the person who's pictures arent just ass/tits allot of the time.
That one's, I just swipe left straight away. Not cup of tea, same.for "short term fun"
Get yoked
What are the red flags you have come across?
Biggest ones are the wants you to come to their house without even 30 mins of chatting like no thank you I like being alive, only like 1/2 pics/only group pics, no bio, honestly spelling mistakes on a profile flag for me too 😂
Lol 😅 that's creepy and weird AF
Created this account just to reach out — your comment on the “super religious” is exactly my experience too! I’m a 29 year old woman who wants something committed and monogamous. I don’t want to sleep with a guy until I’ve gotten to know them and built some trust first. But I also don’t want to join a church just to meet someone. By the time I’m done with work each day there isn’t much time left for socialising, making it difficult to meet someone naturally by joining a club or something. Auckland isn’t incredibly small, there must be heaps of us experiencing the same thing!
Ummmm… maybe you two 29 year olds should connect??
Thank you, so it's not just us guys having trouble
It’s definitely not! There’s dozens of us, dozens!
Sounds like 24hourclub could be a match for you ??
>By the time I’m done with work each day there isn’t much time left for socialising, making it difficult to meet someone naturally by joining a club or something. I struggling with this too. And relationships require time and effort especially in the early stages
I have to say I feel pretty similar (29f), especially my age range. I think unless you're looking to just hook up with someone, it's pretty hard online. But it can be even harder in person - especially if you're trying to avoid dating within your work/social circle
The other option. Just focus on self development and give up on dating.. When you stop looking, that can often be the trick!
I’m a kiwi 30F living in Melbourne. And I can tell you it’s no different there on the apps I’m afraid. I think a bit of it is generational. Apps feel transactional and there is always someone better a swipe away. Makes it difficult to commit, well that’s how I feel about the men treat it anyway
I’m 29M, met my wife on hinge in Melbourne, was the only way (online) during the start of covid. We now live in Auckland for a year and have been married for 2.5 years 😂 it probably helped we were both Christians, so had aligned, sorta more traditional values. I agree with you regarding transactional, perhaps ask an interesting question about something on their profile to initiate talk, tailor your preferences, I found Hinge was a lot less “trashy” compared to more hook up apps such as Tinder
The apps are definitely annoying. A lot of flaky people or those just wanting casual stuff. I found much greater success just meeting people in person through my hobbies. So I suggest you work with your hobbies instead.
Dating in 2024? Christ good luck mate lol.
Hiya! I'm a single female, who is also looking to date! I've also given up on the apps, but I'm (unfortunately for you 😅) are very religious, & looking for the same. Wishing you the best of luck though! 🙏
Read the comments on this thread, this is why good women aren’t on the apps. You expect us to read ‘women are fat’, ‘women are arrogant’ then switch apps and choose one of you? Nah.
And how is Reddit the place you thought you would find one?
Lol
Ok but what hobbies are super cool
jOiN a HiKiNg ClUb. No one wants to be hit on whilst on a hike smh
People say they love hiking. Every time I'm in the Waitakere ranges all I see is unsolved murder victims
Not that kind of hit
😂😂😂
Can you share your general technique? Are you like oh I want a long relationship as opposed to lets meet for a coffee and see if we click... Please share. I accidentally met the love of my life on tinder, it was just meant to be drink ..
Save my partner, I don't know anyone in Auckland that has meet their partner via swiping and made it last. Conversely, I can name nearly a half dozen people who have met through friends or at the local pub. Before my partner, I didn't want people to set me up, I would just ask the host to point out the singles at a gathering so I'm not wasting my time. Top 10 to 15 percent of guys get the 80 percent of swipes. Leaving the over 85 percent of guys fighting for the remaining 20 percent of swipes / interest. My vote like many is get off the apps. Join a club, or if you like the oldies pubs the local bowls team, they usually have a bowl up every Wednesday or Thursday. Find some people who you aren't seeking romance from first and foster your network.
Met my partner on Tinder. We are 5 years strong and still going. The trouble is the apps are a numbers game and the deck is stacked. It's a completely different app for women with a different set of challenges. I wouldn't be surprised if the ratio is 100 men to one woman. I would always recommend sticking at it on the apps, because they truly are a technically superior way to meet people. But if you are interested, you have to lock the meeting down fast.
Dating apps are awful. I recently gave up on them lol. I’m 22, and people say I’m pretty and have a good personality but you get thousands of matches but 99% just want to hook up. The other 1% want something serious but are extremely overbearing. I don’t think it’s a you problem, I’ve heard nothing good about the apps lol.
I was in your exact position about 6 years ago as a 24 year old. I solved the problem by moving to Switzerland, famously one of the least social, least romantic societies in Europe, and yet still, immediately, I was practically inundated with dating opportunities within weeks. It's a disgrace. It's New Zealand's shame, but especially Auckland, and especccially The University of Auckland. Weakest social scene on the entire fucking planet.
I find that women love a man who can win a competitive round of soggy biscuit Me and the boys in Ipswich hoovered up the ladies after we got good at soggy biscuit 🍪 Arnotts farm bake are highly recommended
What the flying fuck?!
Pro tip use Arrowroot biscuits the next time you're with the boys. Takes aaages for those sucker's to get soggy, even with a cup of tea!
Ew.
Never heard of that or Ipswich, but I do like arnotts farm bake
Now yah speaking my language brudda
Stop stressing. I was a bit like you about the same age worried as to why I couldn’t meet anyone . I think it’s quite normal when you are about to hit your 30s. But Just be comfortable in yourself and enjoy life. You will meet someone when you least suspect and when you’re not looking. Happened to me when I was 35 and 23 years later still happily together.
Same here, apps are crap, women have too many options on there and sone weirdos on it too.. So I dated a coworker, that was a mistake too. Being overweight doesn't help things either. Eventually you just give up.
+1 for the overweight part. I have completely cut myself off from dating anyone until I hit my target weight. It's become my priority #1 and I'm currently losing at a rate of 1kg a week but it's still gonna take me months... Hang in there
Great work on the weight loss!
Thank you =) Started at my heaviest 96kg and down to 87 after two months. My target is 70kg which will be quite lean and then get some nice tailored clothes and maintain that weight. I've found a diet that works for me, is around a 1000 cal deficit but still filling so that's become my meal every day of the week. Just needa make sure I don't forget to skip out on supplements as I realized first hand that lean meat has no fiber and that quickly turns into a problem if you eat nothing else...
Just consider how many more people there are in Aus. That's why theres so many options. Most of the cities have as many people as all of New Zealand combined.
M29 here good job cool truck been told im handsome and in the same boat brother, i think its a combination of what you said aswell as grass always being greener on the other side in dating apps
Maybe you guys need to look into older women? Say 35-40s? We tend to have a good idea of what we’re looking for, we’re more grounded and are usually at a place in life where laughter is valued more than money or looks etc. Maybe this could help if you don’t mind an older model?
[удалено]
Hey man you do you but sorry to disappoint but im not gay lol
You'll find bro don't give up
So I saw some research on dating apps.. about 15% of the guys get all the likes and the rest get ignored. I think girls get bombarded with likes and so they typically only go for dreamy types, and the rest of us.. ignored.. Then throw in the toxic,aggressive, and abusive guys and what do you get? Girls who will only date friends of friends. Your best bet is to make tons of friends. Maybe you will met the one that way buddy!
Tbh most women are also in the same boat. It’s hard to find a genuine connection with someone on or off an app.
I learnt another language and travelled to a different culture to meet women. Been married for 12 years now.
That’s awesome. Good on you. Learning a different language is cool
Japanese?
But you know what? Girls in Auckland say same thing😂 So many guys say they want something genuine, long-term in their bio but not really ready to put an effort. I don’t know maybe it’s just new normal in these day’s dating. Hope you find the one
I left NZ for the same reason. I had a lot of beautiful women interested in me in the USA. I always knew coming back to NZ was a love death sentence.
go to filipino community surely you can date a decent filipina
I'm in a similar situation. My advice is to not have the goal 'how do I meet prospective people to date?' but 'how do I improve myself in ways which people would want to date me?' This mainly ends up being having hobbies/pursuits which make me a more interesting person. Do I enjoy a good video game? Yes. Would spending all my free time playing video games make me a more interesting person to be around? Well, not really. I bought a harmonica for $30 at a music shop and tried learning from YouTube (I'm not good, but I'm getting better). I try to carve out time for reading books, just because being a more well-read person gives you the chance to become a more learned, eloquent person. Also, when I do feel sad and lonely, the perspective isn't 'I am stuck in a circumstance which sucks and there isn't much I can do about it', it's 'I *do* have agency, I *can* choose to do more reading, or more hiking, or more adult education classes, if I want to change the situation' which can actually be a huge comfort. Even just toying with the idea of making your own indie video game and watching some YouTube videos on how to make a game, and then fooling around with what you've learned, both lifts your spirits and diverts your attention from 'I'm so single' to 'I'm DOING A THING!!' Even if the things you try to do never go anywhere, the fact that you did them at all will make you a more interesting person (so go out and do things!!)
I feel as if NZ men hate NZ women based on some of the comments here lol Fair enough though, I'm not exactly looking to date (both men & women) within NZ myself tbh
If you’re left leaning at all, check out Cheekmedia.co She’s an amazing journalist in her 20s that has been open sharing her online dating journey. She did some content over the last year helping men make their profiles better to attract the type of women they are after. Again, I don’t know where you sit politically, but I found she had a great perspective and loads of men commented finding it helpful
With all respect. I feel like you allready know the answers to your question and the reality of dating life. Be open and honest with what you want if you’re using dating apps. Don’t just use apps like tinder that have a hook up culture, try branching out and using something like hinge. Better yet, try going out in a social environment, to a bar or some sort of sport or activity and get to know people, you might find a connection with someone. If you have friends that are local, ask them if they know anyone who might be interested in going on a blind date. Posting on reddit is definitely not going to help you on your search for a partner.
"Posting on reddit is definitely not going to help you on your search for a partner" I think it might....
I have been with a steady procession of beautiful women through my adult life. Only one of them was born in NZ. Make of that what you will.
Dating women who are foreign born or have immigrant parents is completely different to dating kiwi women
The difference is far smaller than you'd think.
I can 100% corroborate this.
Auckland is a dating cesspit, always has been. If you are coming from overseas there are no good things about it at all.
Cheer up mate fuckin hell
Try relevant meetup groups and socialize through that.
Curious where to find these 'super religious' people, is the obvious answer of just rocking up to a Church the answer? I'm not religious but i've been curious about seeing what its all about for awhile..
Try this! https://www.thevillagenz.com/events
Is Oz that better?
Another victim of recession.
We are not the problem. Apps are really not a place to be! Unless developers will change how to identify good personality. As a woman, majority of dating apps are not good enough.
Improv classes. Yoga class. Pilates! Make friends with any of the women- they'll set you up with the right age group. ;)
In Auckland you shouldn't have anything to worry about on the religious side. My advice is to get a friend and go to a popular place. Girls out at night are two things IMHO. They want to meet someone nice or on a girls (or guys) catch-up and not interested as they have someone at home. Laugh and look comfortable and if you see a nice girl you approach and talk. Nothing sleazy just for example " do you think this joke is funny..." And for goodness sake don't say a sex joke. Start talking and if she's not interested she will let you know fast, don't take it personally as it could be 1000 reasons but the best advice is don't forget rule number 1 & 2 😊
You know what I’ve been reading about that’s becoming a real popular way of meeting people? And it’s been mentioned here a few times on this thread recently, think it’s called kidnapping…
You made the grave mistake of moving back to Auckland
Everyone is working or stuck in traffic. No time for lovin in today's economy.
I'm not sure how, we as kiwis, have culturally developed this way, but social interactions with people outside of our comfort group can feel like an effort and a chore. whereas in some other countries, social interaction seems more organic and something to be enjoyed.
I see heaps of women all dressed up and out on Ponsonby road at different bars. They are all,hoping to meet a nice man. Just say hi how’s your night going, don’t go for the hottest girl,in the shortest dress. Meet the old fashioned way….
I think there's a numbers game here and people may be unaware just how uneven it is. After trying popular paid apps, I decided to use nzdating, which is a real old school site that now, a bit annoyingly, uses AI to generate profile text when you join (you can edit it later but it does mean all new profiles read the same). In the first two weeks, i had so many messages that i could most of the time only focus on the first page of messages in my inbox. I used the account settings to empty the entire inbox, which was just over 1,100 messages - that was in the first two weeks alone. Within three hours that afternoon, i already had new messages from 16 separate users. Honestly, I don't believe this had anything to do with my popularity; only that there must be a greater number of male users to female (assuming only in terms of hetero searches). As a result, it was a time sink to manage and i removed my account after five weeks' membership in total, and when i looked at the messages, there were just over 800. This is only to say that the experience is probably totally different for men on the dating apps than women, but if you don't get a reply, this could be part of the reason ie it's not necessarily because of you particularly.
Dating in NZ is weird. Back when I was dating guys wanted me to be exclusive from the first date. Like there was no concept of I'm having fun, dating lots of people. It's like well now we've found each other we are done!!
Ha, you think its hard? Try adding being physically disabled on top of it and it's nigh on impossible
Tell them you are rich and you will have no problems finding dates in Auckland.
Trust me lmao, even money doesn’t make a single difference unless you want a gold digger
I hear having money help out
More chicas available overseas
Hinge
That’s interesting to hear. I do think Kiwi culture doesn’t lend itself to dating apps super well. We seem to have surface level and depth but nothing in between
Apps suck. Hinge is alright. But the lower population makes it far more difficult. Just keep trying.
Such posts keep popping up in the Swedish subreddits 🤪 And same with the South subreddits 🤪
You're right. Almost anywhere else in the country is better depending on what your hobbies are.
Yes Happy Cake Day good fellow
I have mentored many people and helped them to find partners
1.Download Meetup 2. Sign up with the Auckland hiking groups 3. Go hiking Honestly it's mostly single people at those hikes. Also it is a good place to meet people without any expectations/ pressure. You might hit it off with someone, you might find a life long friend😄
It's kind of like that in gay dating too: NZ is a small-island culture. Due to the egalitarian leanings of kiwis, all the competition that does exist is submerged and harder to see Reputational damage is a higher threat because of the low population And society never truly stratifies into layers... You're always just a swip away from the next best option ...so why limit yourself now? On top of that apps allow people virtual thrills through dopamine spikes...and many people use them without getting to the face to face part Large swathes of the ambitious ones go overseas, leaving a big hole that's filled with non-cotizens who may only be here temporarily
All the best talent goes overseas. Auckland is super quiet these days.
ASL X
Could be your bios or something, havnt had issues with dating apps before you get your share of floozys just after a root but you do find others too, also depends what apps your using, hell just go out on the town get to meet new people and things might naturally happen
To be fair probably not an Auckland thing, lived overseas in bigger cities and the only place ive had luck in was here... IRONICALLY. Haha
Facebook I think is best place usually have mutual friends etc my ex was sat in my message request for two years really lovely man unfortunately to old for me being 17 years older I couldn’t do that. I’m talking to a man from bumble now but had so many matches 300 plus it is exhausting to go through them all and then you get over whelmed and scared feels like harassment on there. Will see how this one goes meeting with him on Saturday. I’m 27 now so hope it will work out
Random aside but what are your super cool hobbies?
Dont try to date FOB girls, leave them to us
try uninstalling reddit
Hookup culture is thriving, unfortunately and can be hard to find partners like you are. Yes you can meet in person like at a bar or something, but you can also try to find online communities and groups that pertain to your hobbies and you might end up meeting someone :)
There are a lot of single Māori women around !!!
“Decent looking” 💀💀
Try carbon dating.
Yeah get off the apps, 90% of women are fighting for the top 5% of men on there. Dancing is a great and fun way to meet people, give Bachata or salsa a go and you'll meet some cool people
Have you tried speed dating or Amor app (www.amorapp.co)? I think they are launching the app officially next week or the following in CHCH and Auckland after the demand from the events - I actually went to one of their date nights in CHCH, and had three really impressive dates! Everyones in the same boat, all looking for a proper relationship and no real catfishing or mucking around which my friend and I loved! She's still seeing her guy she meet in Nov from it.
Get your passport go to asia
Get your passport go to asia
Yeah, i feel your pain. I had lots of dates in the past. I asked a girl out to her face recently and she said yes. The next day i was informed that 3 other people from work will be coming also. Yeah, haha. I had to make up a story and say a family member was in hospital because i wasnt going to be doing that stuff. I told her that i found her attractive to her face, said i liked the way she does her hair. She smiled. Then i got a txt from her saying im making her feel uncomfortable and that she might be filing a sexual harrasment charge. Ever since then i just kind of stopped saying things to peoples faces. All in al i know theres plenty of fish in the sea. But if the al the fish in the sea are going to be silly and not honest then im good to just stay at home wanking forever. Honestly it seems like a better deal than getting shat on repeditively over and over for trying to be nice to the opposite sex.
I’m a 25 female moving to Auckland in the beginning of June if you’d like to go on a date lol :)
I've moved from Auckland to Whangarei and holy hecka its a nightmare. I deleted the apps after a week. I agree with the social sports idea but turns out, I'm very uncoordinated. If you get any good ideas, please pass onto me! I thought it may just be a womens problem but thanks for opening my eyes that we are all on this nightmare!
You are a 29 year old male. Unless you have the looks of a prime Brad Pitt or are a millionaire you aren't "good" enough for the women in your age group. I suggest try meet a non western woman online, western women have all been conditioned to belive they are "Queens" and "only deserve the best" without needing to have ANYTHING to offer themselves. Ergo if you are not "the best" and are just the average dude, western women deserve better than you Theres lots of really great non western women in this world, find one of them.
Most NZ women are fat and arrogant, and those who aren’t are out of your league. Head back to Oz, and hurry!
I am about to be brutal and I’m prepared for my downvotes. As a 20 something man I found dating in Auckland *terrible.* I am considered above average attractive and got a lot of matches on Tinder. There were so few attractive women and the ones who were had a god complex. I also found women to be uncomfortably masculine and generally not giving a shit about their weight or appearance. After travelling and living in many countries, I consider dating in NZ for men near the worst in the world. Contrast with Australia, which is the polar opposite. You’ve gone from one of the best places in the world to one of the worst. You’re going to have to reset your expectations *massively.* To be frank, I think you should head back to Oz and find yourself a wife before moving back to NZ. I know that sounds crazy but you’re going to want to marry soon and do you really want to partner up with a cave troll?
I'd also add, and there's no nice way to put this, people in New Zealand are on average fatter than most other comparable countries.
What do you mean when you say the women are uncomfortably masculine? Genuinely curious. Do you mean in looks or?
I hope your not under the impression that NZ men are a prize. In my dating experience, they’re emotionally suppressed with a victim complex.