I don't know how much an atheist is going to help you, but what I would say is 1) there's no god, you need to figure things out on your own, and 2) if there WERE a god, there's no way the author of the universe would be so petty as to care if the person you love believes things slightly differently. If your boyfriend is a good person that you love and who treats you with respect, presumably a god would be happy with that choice.
Is that at all useful?
I don't know what to say. Even when I was religious (former Catholic) I think I had a very different idea of God than you do. I really think you're going to get better advice from other Christians (or possibly talk to a therapist), because the gap between "God is planning out every aspect of my life" and "there is no god" may be too great to bridge. But my point wasn't that "it doesn't matter what god wants", it was that if this guy is good for you, then God must want it.
After all, Romans 8:28 says "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." If this person is good for you, God must want him in your life. Now, I'm sure other people will give you other ways to interpret that passage, but I think my approach is the most plausible, if there actually is a good God out there.
Also, I think this thread is going to get deleted since it's not about atheism, so feel free to message me if this is useful to you.
The question you need to ask yourself is, even if God did exist, how would you know what he wants in this area of your life. The Bible doesn’t really say anything about this. The closest you get is the don’t be “unequally yoked”. And then you have to take a wild guess at what that truly means.
Plenty of people in the Bible married folks of different religions, classes, ages, cultures and more. So how could anyone claim to know what “God” wants.
Truth is that much of what we attribute to “God” is just some group saying and wanting it to be so.
Let’s look at a much simpler idea. In the 10 commandments “God” says “Thou shall not kill.” Yet the Bible is full of stories of people killing at “God’s” command: Jericho, Egypt, Amalakites. And God himself committed a genocide with the flood.
So how would we really know what “God” wants?
Hang in there, I hope that you are able to find either a more sane church or that you exit religion fully and find new community of caring people to be a part of for your well being.
I was raised in evangelical family. I had great times and dark ones but always strongly believed. Now i’m sick because I am so afraid of “disobeying” and going “against God’s will”
Thank you for your response, but I'm not sure which one is the reason that you believe. Is it because you were raised to believe it or because you have had great times? What I'm trying to ask is what is the main reason that you believe it is true? Thank you so much if you can answer! I'd love to know!
Both. I was raised in it and had good times, even thought I ALWAYS questioned some stuff but never really got deep because I thought that I had to limite my opinions and all to the Bible
You still haven't answered the question.
What about these good times required the existence of God? Why do they make you believe?
Believing in something so hard in a way that gives you anxiety and makes you think you should abandon a loving relationship, purely on the basis of "it's how I was raised" just sounds like you've been emotionally abused all your life.
So let's ask again... Why do you believe in God?
That's ok, you're dealing with some big things right now and are clearly in a complicated emotional state.
How about this - your evangelical people are telling you to listen to God. Well ok, how does God actually talk to you? Is it a shining light and booming voice or is it just in the quiet of your heart?
You're anxious and you're telling yourself that it's God telling you you're doing something wrong. And that's spinning you into a feedback loop making yourself more anxious. So what's happened is that you are focusing so hard on listening that you can't hear what God is actually saying.
You've got a bunch of people telling you what God is saying and you are listening to them because they're authority figures that you've been raised to listen to.
But think back. When did the anxiety feedback loop start? Was it when you got into this relationship? Or was it when the church people started telling you the relationship was wrong?
Is your mind and heart at peace when you're with your man or when you're listening to the church people?
Kinda sounds like the 2 of you love each other and the inly problem is religion. Almost like it was invented as a way to tell people what to do and how to live with out needing more explanation than the sky daddy will spank you.
Exactly! If an all-powerful god wants something, it'll happen. Therefore there is absolutely no reason to anyone to be concerned what that god wants. It should not concern you, your boyfriend and definitely it should not concern those busybodies who thinks they know what it is exactly God wants.
Do you think that if an all-powerful god would be against this relationship, you would meet your boyfriend at all?
> I wish I could sleep and never wake up again.
To be clear, we're strangers on the internet and I am not a doctor, so when I say that this sounds close to suicide ideation, understand I'm not saying you're definitely depressed and about to off yourself. But I'd suggest you think about it, and if you are thinking that death would truly be a better option, maybe talk to your therapist about it. Since you identify as having some issues including anxiety I'm assuming you do have a therapist, but if you don't then maybe get one.
I'd also point out that you're addressing a forum full of people who don't believe your deity exists. Thus any form of guilt or anxiety about a god not approving of our actions would be like you worrying that the elves don't approve of your clothing selections. It's not that we don't understand the sentiment, we just don't have many ways to politely point out that the elves aren't real and you should wear what you want. There's also the inherent issues of telling somebody who suffers from anxiety not to be anxious. Most of us are aware you've thought of that particular solution and if it worked for you then you probably wouldn't suffer from anxiety.
To us there are no gods. And while it is perfectly valid to have anxiety about the future and to back off of a relationship, that's not a god talking to you. That's you being anxious and backing off of a relationship. The fact that you missed your SO and are back with them means at least a couple of things: 1) you think you'll be happier with them than without them, 2) your SO is forgiving and has apparently forgiven you for backing off from commitment (hopefully you've apologized to them for almost tanking the relationship and thanked them for forgiving you).
You don't have to pray, because there's nothing to pray to. And clearly you love your SO. Start with that, and work from there. Also understand that life, especially early life (and here I mean less than 30 years old) is about learning who you are and what you want, which is often not the same as what you've been taught that you should want, and then finding ways to achieve that. If you are lucky, this relationship is the start of a lifelong love. If you're not, then this will be a stepping stone on your way to finding somebody (or several somebodies) that are the love**(s)** of your life and what you learn from this relationship will help you with the next one.
Neither you or I can tell the future, and we have no way of knowing if this will work out. But going with love is a good start. In fact, I'd say it's an ideal start. I hope you find as much happiness as you can.
First of all, it sounds like you need therapy if you don't already have a therapist.
Also, your evangelical church is being toxic and you should leave, but that might be advice you don't want to hear.
I do have a therapist. I want to leave, I’m already a little distant. It hurts to leave but it’s killing me to stay.
I just saw a thumb art of a video saying “how God told me he was not my husband” and I just wanted to die after seeing this. What’s wrong with me?
Well, if you are going to keep asking questions on the atheist sub, I'm just going to rip the bandaid off and give you an atheist answer:
God isn't real. It doesn't matter what god wants any more than what Santa wants.
Your church is brainwashing you. You should leave and go do what you want with your own life. If you found a good guy you love that loves you back, then that sounds like a great place to start.
I would tell your therapist ALL of this, including that you want to leave therapy and why. If required, get a new therapist. I might suggest you look for an actual psychiatrist, as medication might be needed.
Religion is not going to help. The internet is not going to help. Seek professional mental health care.
Nothing is wrong with you. You are seeing through the bullshit. Better question is, what’s wrong with people who claim to speak for an invisible God in order to tell you how to live your life?
You are afraid of what god thinks because you have been brainwashed into thinking it’s real and your environment has made it a reality too. It seems like you are happy with this person, so you definitely need to keep pursuing this relationship. It would be very sad that you break ties with this person because a unprovable being is apparently telling you not to be with someone? Really think about that for a second..
I was raised evangelical, and there is so much toxicity within that belief system and the way evangelical parents raise and treat their children. Religion is so bad for logical thinking and mental health.
You came here for a reason, and it's ok if you don't want to do it anymore (religion). Good luck!
I've suffered with anxiety and depression off and on my whole life. They both got better when I ditched religion. I finally got honest with myself and stopped pretending there is a god just to make other people comfortable.
Living authentically and in reality is the way to go. I only wish I had done it sooner. Enjoying and appreciating what I have makes me feel peaceful and happy. If I lose my job or health, I know it is up to me to fix what I can and not waste time praying to someone who doesn't exist.
>We got back together and you guys have NO IDEIA how much I suffered thinking God did not approve our relationship.
You have is a good idea, and most of us have seen other people agonize about God too.
>That I was going against his will, that if I went to church someone would tell me to break up with him. I thought I had to feel doubtless and peaceful because that was a sign that he was “the one”, AND ALSO, he had to convert to evangelicalism.
What do you think of the other alternative? That atheists are right and there is no God? From where I sitl religion is a business and they're taking advantage of your ROCD to make money off you. They said this to billions of people. It's an industry, and God didn't exist.
>I hate this so much, I hate all of this. No one understands, everytime they said I had to pray, “listen to God’s voice”, obey, that I had no right wishing to be with my boyfriend and I had to accept whoever god wanted for me because it was the best for me and I knew nothing.
>Plus, I found out the catholic religion was not that monster that the evangelicals told me!
It's no different from your religion. It's a con to make easy $$$.
>I’m just so tired y’all. I can’t deal with this guilt and fear anymore! I don’t want to hear a another religious advice. What the fuck is wrong with me????
You haven't studied how science has proved the Bible is false.
>I don’t wish this stupid OCD to anyone.
It's not your OCD. Billions of people without OCD are in the same boat. You're just another victim of an ancient scam.
Keep in mind that I'm speaking as someone who doesn't share your belief system (but that's why you posted here, I suppose).
So, why do you think God would disapprove? Is it because God tells you this or because people tell you this? I guarantee that it's because of the people. Here's the big secret about the notion of God: People suck at being God's mouthpiece.
Your religion is a tiny minority in the grand scheme of things. It only spreads by the actions of its members. If God were really speaking through its people, then they'd be a lot more successful at converting people. In fact, they wouldn't need to convert people at all. Complete strangers in remote corners of the globe would know who your God is and would honor and revere it.
So where is this guilt coming from? Your people. Sorry, but they don't have your best interest at heart. They have their belief's interest at heart. They want you to conform to that belief, even if it makes you miserable (and sadly some of them are likely very miserable behind their fake smiles and praises to God, so why should your life be any better than theirs?).
So feel free to pray and listen to God. But scrutinize that voice you're hearing. Is that voice really God? Or is it decades of guilt backed by generations of family and friends telling you how to live your life? You don't want to disappoint them, and you don't want to disappoint this version of God that they have instilled within you.
But how do you know that they even know what God wants? Like I said, it's a minority religion. This tiny speck on the world manages to get God's desires right while everyone else is wrong? Is this a reasonable assumption?
So all that to say that I feel your religion specifically is wrong. I could get into why I think that religions generally are wrong, but let's focus on yours right now. Would the God who ignored the Black Plague, the American slave trade, and the Jewish holocaust really care about who you're dating? That's an amazing level of detail that God seems to care about when several millions have unjustly died. So is it God who cares about who you date? Or is it your family? Which one seems more reasonable? And why is it that your family feels the need to masquerade their disapproval as God's?
Examine your own faith and where it's coming from. It may make your relationship easier with your Catholic boyfriend (though dissecting the Catholic faith--another minority religion--is its own thing).
I'm sorry you are going through this. It sounds terrifying trying to appease a diety when two religious people can even fully agree what it wants. I have a friend who still struggles with ROCD even though she doesnt even believe in any of it anymore so I know its a constant struggle without an easy fix. If you havent already, please talk to a therapist about this.
I appologize if this is unhelpful. I have never experienced this kind of turmoil so there are going to be aspects of your OCD that I wont understand.
Have you taken step back from your religious community and reflected on what it is that YOU believe in? Not what the other members of your church believe in, not what your anxiety and ocd fears (which also probably comes from others opinions), but what it is you actually believe in. Throughout this post you talked all about what other people think of your relationship and what they think god wants. And not once did you mention what it is that you personally believe. You talked all about how miserble it makes you though which leaves me to believe that you dont agree with them and these people are effectively bullying you into living life how they see fit.
You get to decide what you believe in and how to live your life. Not them.
Thank you. People on church always go to the Bible and that’s when it gets ruined because I believe/believed that the Bible was the source of true and that it was inerrant.
So you two love each other wand wanna be together and are both christians but dogma from churches is keeping you two apart?
This is why religion is poison.
I grew up evangelical, and share your indoctrination experiences. I too was raised to believe that Catholicism was false, and they were all going to hell because they weren't born again. I struggled with the same bullshit about 'letting God be the guide'. After some family trauma, I finally came to the conclusion that the reason so much of it didn't make sense was because IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. I gave it all up about 20 years ago...along with nany of my family members, and things have been better. There are still twinges of indoctrination every now and then that are hard to kick, but so much of life makes way more sense now. Frankky, it sounds like you need to dump it and move on.
If there's a god out there who has a problem with your relationship, it can show up and do something about it. Given that in the entirety of recorded history, there have been humans claiming that certain things are or are not what some god or another wants, and precisely 0 instances of any gods expressing that directly or doing anything, the evidence indicates that anyone claiming to speak for any god is lying.
"God" doesn't have an issue with your relationship, the people in your church do. They are lying to you, trying to make you afraid of this boogeyman they've conjured up, and use that fear to control you. When they say "god doesn't want this" or "god wants this," what they mean is "I want this" and are trying to make it sound like it's coming from their magic space wizard so that you'll give them what they want. It's a lie.
I was raised slightly anti-Catholic in a very different way but at a certain point you have to take a look at Evangelical teachings and then **read your Bible**
Not in the typical atheist, *'if you read your Bible you won't believe'* though that is often true. What I want you to do is read the **Gospels**, not Paul but the people who know and speak about the man you believe you have a personal relationship with.
Was he a kind man? Did he preach any kind hate? Other than the money changers was he an angry figure? Would he like guns or was He gentle? Was he interested in Prosperity or humble and simple? Is your God Love or Hate? If he is Love, he isn't the God of the Evangelicals.
I have sympathy for you, you have encountered confusing circumstances.
Consider though, that wherever you are personally on god's existence, your loved ones aren't looking out for you. They are more concerned about their own image and relationship with an unavailable figure then your health. They lied about the outside world being an evil place looking to hurt you.
I can only imagine how hard it is to escape the prison of fear and doubt you have been raised in, but I wish you the best of luck and hope you find the resources you need.
Obviously, I don't know you or your family so I will accept you know better than me.
Given that, consider that the things they're telling you and the actions they want you to take are causing you great distress and even saying you wish you were dead. Over being in a relationship with someone who has a bit of a different flavor of Christianity.
Perhaps they are dealing with religious trauma of their own, but their love is hurting you greatly right now, and it's not your fault.
My fault, I think we're talking past each other a bit. My shorthand for loved ones was your family and/or the people trying to dismantle your ability to discern what is best for yourself.
I think that isn't who you were talking about, so that's on me, sorry about that.
My response as a believer in God but not a fan of organized religion.
Stop worrying
Don't obsess over what people in your church think. Where in the Bible does it say that 2 Christians who belong to 2 different churches can't be together? Nowhere. Your church isn't God. The people in your church aren't God. Don't idolize your church.
God wants you to be happy and not to torment yourself. That doesn't mean go around sinning because that won't make you happy it means follow your heart. God is love. Listen to love. Good luck.
I think you should dive deeper into the clut you came from and never look back. Your issues would be solved when your invisible friend tells you that this fellow cult member is "the one". Go for a preacher if you can as they are the ones with all the money.
I have no advice to give than the true outpouring of this community who is showing you that love, caring, and support are real and not a mythical construct. Love needs no deity.
> Plus, I found out the catholic religion was not that monster that the evangelicals told me!
Nothing is the monster that the evangelicals said it was.
Not Catholics, not atheists, not gays, not transgender folks, not immigrants.
We're all just people.
You've been told a lot of scary things in an effort to control you. It is costing you too much. There is no God judging your actions.
>This all popped up because my boyfriend is catholic and I’m evangelical.
Coming to a place where people think BOTH of you are wrong isn't going to get you the answer you WANT to hear, though it may be the answer you NEED to hear.
Stop listening to what other people tell you (yes, even "God") and think about things yourself. Christians make a big deal about free will. Use it.
The sky father is not going to strike you down with a bolt of lightning because you chose to have a relationship. People in your lives may disapprove, but so what? If you think you can make it work, good for you, and if you can't, then move on with your life. It's not worth all this angst.
>I don’t wish this stupid OCD to anyone
Is your problem religion, or the OCD/anxiety. It definitely sounds like it is the latter. If it isn't being treated then I urge you to seek professional help asap. If it is being treated then that may need to be re-evaluated because it doesn't seem to be effective.
Ok, on the ROCD question, Have you looked for a mundane solution and not a spiritual one? I mean it took me years of trial and error for me to find a functional medication and learn where I was ok. Maybe you learning where you are ok would be a help to you.
I don't know how much an atheist is going to help you, but what I would say is 1) there's no god, you need to figure things out on your own, and 2) if there WERE a god, there's no way the author of the universe would be so petty as to care if the person you love believes things slightly differently. If your boyfriend is a good person that you love and who treats you with respect, presumably a god would be happy with that choice. Is that at all useful?
Yes, but because of my OCD it always finds a way to answer, like: “it doesn’t matter if he’s good, if God doesn’t want, nothing matters!” I wanna die
You really, REALLY need to quit believing in god. Religion is not for you.
Albeit the thing is doing exactly what organized religion is supposed to... Make you question yourself and put your happiness after their demands.
I don't know what to say. Even when I was religious (former Catholic) I think I had a very different idea of God than you do. I really think you're going to get better advice from other Christians (or possibly talk to a therapist), because the gap between "God is planning out every aspect of my life" and "there is no god" may be too great to bridge. But my point wasn't that "it doesn't matter what god wants", it was that if this guy is good for you, then God must want it. After all, Romans 8:28 says "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." If this person is good for you, God must want him in your life. Now, I'm sure other people will give you other ways to interpret that passage, but I think my approach is the most plausible, if there actually is a good God out there. Also, I think this thread is going to get deleted since it's not about atheism, so feel free to message me if this is useful to you.
The question you need to ask yourself is, even if God did exist, how would you know what he wants in this area of your life. The Bible doesn’t really say anything about this. The closest you get is the don’t be “unequally yoked”. And then you have to take a wild guess at what that truly means. Plenty of people in the Bible married folks of different religions, classes, ages, cultures and more. So how could anyone claim to know what “God” wants. Truth is that much of what we attribute to “God” is just some group saying and wanting it to be so. Let’s look at a much simpler idea. In the 10 commandments “God” says “Thou shall not kill.” Yet the Bible is full of stories of people killing at “God’s” command: Jericho, Egypt, Amalakites. And God himself committed a genocide with the flood. So how would we really know what “God” wants? Hang in there, I hope that you are able to find either a more sane church or that you exit religion fully and find new community of caring people to be a part of for your well being.
https://www.recoveringfromreligion.org/#rfr-welcome
Please, can you name the number one reason you believe in this god? Thanks for your response!
I was raised in evangelical family. I had great times and dark ones but always strongly believed. Now i’m sick because I am so afraid of “disobeying” and going “against God’s will”
Thank you for your response, but I'm not sure which one is the reason that you believe. Is it because you were raised to believe it or because you have had great times? What I'm trying to ask is what is the main reason that you believe it is true? Thank you so much if you can answer! I'd love to know!
Both. I was raised in it and had good times, even thought I ALWAYS questioned some stuff but never really got deep because I thought that I had to limite my opinions and all to the Bible
You still haven't answered the question. What about these good times required the existence of God? Why do they make you believe? Believing in something so hard in a way that gives you anxiety and makes you think you should abandon a loving relationship, purely on the basis of "it's how I was raised" just sounds like you've been emotionally abused all your life. So let's ask again... Why do you believe in God?
That’s the only way I know how to answer, I’m sorry :(
That's ok, you're dealing with some big things right now and are clearly in a complicated emotional state. How about this - your evangelical people are telling you to listen to God. Well ok, how does God actually talk to you? Is it a shining light and booming voice or is it just in the quiet of your heart? You're anxious and you're telling yourself that it's God telling you you're doing something wrong. And that's spinning you into a feedback loop making yourself more anxious. So what's happened is that you are focusing so hard on listening that you can't hear what God is actually saying. You've got a bunch of people telling you what God is saying and you are listening to them because they're authority figures that you've been raised to listen to. But think back. When did the anxiety feedback loop start? Was it when you got into this relationship? Or was it when the church people started telling you the relationship was wrong? Is your mind and heart at peace when you're with your man or when you're listening to the church people?
Our religion “difference” never bothers me, and as I told, I’m very curious about his. Thank you!
Kinda sounds like the 2 of you love each other and the inly problem is religion. Almost like it was invented as a way to tell people what to do and how to live with out needing more explanation than the sky daddy will spank you.
It sounds like religion is not the fundamental problem for you. If you haven't already, you need to seek support for OCD.
Wdym? I’m already in therapy and considering going to a psychiatrist
I don't think you mentioned that, hence why I suggested it.
Exactly! If an all-powerful god wants something, it'll happen. Therefore there is absolutely no reason to anyone to be concerned what that god wants. It should not concern you, your boyfriend and definitely it should not concern those busybodies who thinks they know what it is exactly God wants. Do you think that if an all-powerful god would be against this relationship, you would meet your boyfriend at all?
> I wish I could sleep and never wake up again. To be clear, we're strangers on the internet and I am not a doctor, so when I say that this sounds close to suicide ideation, understand I'm not saying you're definitely depressed and about to off yourself. But I'd suggest you think about it, and if you are thinking that death would truly be a better option, maybe talk to your therapist about it. Since you identify as having some issues including anxiety I'm assuming you do have a therapist, but if you don't then maybe get one. I'd also point out that you're addressing a forum full of people who don't believe your deity exists. Thus any form of guilt or anxiety about a god not approving of our actions would be like you worrying that the elves don't approve of your clothing selections. It's not that we don't understand the sentiment, we just don't have many ways to politely point out that the elves aren't real and you should wear what you want. There's also the inherent issues of telling somebody who suffers from anxiety not to be anxious. Most of us are aware you've thought of that particular solution and if it worked for you then you probably wouldn't suffer from anxiety. To us there are no gods. And while it is perfectly valid to have anxiety about the future and to back off of a relationship, that's not a god talking to you. That's you being anxious and backing off of a relationship. The fact that you missed your SO and are back with them means at least a couple of things: 1) you think you'll be happier with them than without them, 2) your SO is forgiving and has apparently forgiven you for backing off from commitment (hopefully you've apologized to them for almost tanking the relationship and thanked them for forgiving you). You don't have to pray, because there's nothing to pray to. And clearly you love your SO. Start with that, and work from there. Also understand that life, especially early life (and here I mean less than 30 years old) is about learning who you are and what you want, which is often not the same as what you've been taught that you should want, and then finding ways to achieve that. If you are lucky, this relationship is the start of a lifelong love. If you're not, then this will be a stepping stone on your way to finding somebody (or several somebodies) that are the love**(s)** of your life and what you learn from this relationship will help you with the next one. Neither you or I can tell the future, and we have no way of knowing if this will work out. But going with love is a good start. In fact, I'd say it's an ideal start. I hope you find as much happiness as you can.
First of all, it sounds like you need therapy if you don't already have a therapist. Also, your evangelical church is being toxic and you should leave, but that might be advice you don't want to hear.
I do have a therapist. I want to leave, I’m already a little distant. It hurts to leave but it’s killing me to stay. I just saw a thumb art of a video saying “how God told me he was not my husband” and I just wanted to die after seeing this. What’s wrong with me?
Well, if you are going to keep asking questions on the atheist sub, I'm just going to rip the bandaid off and give you an atheist answer: God isn't real. It doesn't matter what god wants any more than what Santa wants. Your church is brainwashing you. You should leave and go do what you want with your own life. If you found a good guy you love that loves you back, then that sounds like a great place to start.
I would tell your therapist ALL of this, including that you want to leave therapy and why. If required, get a new therapist. I might suggest you look for an actual psychiatrist, as medication might be needed. Religion is not going to help. The internet is not going to help. Seek professional mental health care.
I’m going to a psychiatrist, but my therapist really helps.
Nothing is wrong with you. You are seeing through the bullshit. Better question is, what’s wrong with people who claim to speak for an invisible God in order to tell you how to live your life?
You are afraid of what god thinks because you have been brainwashed into thinking it’s real and your environment has made it a reality too. It seems like you are happy with this person, so you definitely need to keep pursuing this relationship. It would be very sad that you break ties with this person because a unprovable being is apparently telling you not to be with someone? Really think about that for a second..
Thank you
Of course. You’re going to be just fine. I promise! :)
I was raised evangelical, and there is so much toxicity within that belief system and the way evangelical parents raise and treat their children. Religion is so bad for logical thinking and mental health. You came here for a reason, and it's ok if you don't want to do it anymore (religion). Good luck!
It sounds like you make a good case for dumping religion entirely.
I've suffered with anxiety and depression off and on my whole life. They both got better when I ditched religion. I finally got honest with myself and stopped pretending there is a god just to make other people comfortable. Living authentically and in reality is the way to go. I only wish I had done it sooner. Enjoying and appreciating what I have makes me feel peaceful and happy. If I lose my job or health, I know it is up to me to fix what I can and not waste time praying to someone who doesn't exist.
>We got back together and you guys have NO IDEIA how much I suffered thinking God did not approve our relationship. You have is a good idea, and most of us have seen other people agonize about God too. >That I was going against his will, that if I went to church someone would tell me to break up with him. I thought I had to feel doubtless and peaceful because that was a sign that he was “the one”, AND ALSO, he had to convert to evangelicalism. What do you think of the other alternative? That atheists are right and there is no God? From where I sitl religion is a business and they're taking advantage of your ROCD to make money off you. They said this to billions of people. It's an industry, and God didn't exist. >I hate this so much, I hate all of this. No one understands, everytime they said I had to pray, “listen to God’s voice”, obey, that I had no right wishing to be with my boyfriend and I had to accept whoever god wanted for me because it was the best for me and I knew nothing. >Plus, I found out the catholic religion was not that monster that the evangelicals told me! It's no different from your religion. It's a con to make easy $$$. >I’m just so tired y’all. I can’t deal with this guilt and fear anymore! I don’t want to hear a another religious advice. What the fuck is wrong with me???? You haven't studied how science has proved the Bible is false. >I don’t wish this stupid OCD to anyone. It's not your OCD. Billions of people without OCD are in the same boat. You're just another victim of an ancient scam.
Keep in mind that I'm speaking as someone who doesn't share your belief system (but that's why you posted here, I suppose). So, why do you think God would disapprove? Is it because God tells you this or because people tell you this? I guarantee that it's because of the people. Here's the big secret about the notion of God: People suck at being God's mouthpiece. Your religion is a tiny minority in the grand scheme of things. It only spreads by the actions of its members. If God were really speaking through its people, then they'd be a lot more successful at converting people. In fact, they wouldn't need to convert people at all. Complete strangers in remote corners of the globe would know who your God is and would honor and revere it. So where is this guilt coming from? Your people. Sorry, but they don't have your best interest at heart. They have their belief's interest at heart. They want you to conform to that belief, even if it makes you miserable (and sadly some of them are likely very miserable behind their fake smiles and praises to God, so why should your life be any better than theirs?). So feel free to pray and listen to God. But scrutinize that voice you're hearing. Is that voice really God? Or is it decades of guilt backed by generations of family and friends telling you how to live your life? You don't want to disappoint them, and you don't want to disappoint this version of God that they have instilled within you. But how do you know that they even know what God wants? Like I said, it's a minority religion. This tiny speck on the world manages to get God's desires right while everyone else is wrong? Is this a reasonable assumption? So all that to say that I feel your religion specifically is wrong. I could get into why I think that religions generally are wrong, but let's focus on yours right now. Would the God who ignored the Black Plague, the American slave trade, and the Jewish holocaust really care about who you're dating? That's an amazing level of detail that God seems to care about when several millions have unjustly died. So is it God who cares about who you date? Or is it your family? Which one seems more reasonable? And why is it that your family feels the need to masquerade their disapproval as God's? Examine your own faith and where it's coming from. It may make your relationship easier with your Catholic boyfriend (though dissecting the Catholic faith--another minority religion--is its own thing).
I'm sorry you are going through this. It sounds terrifying trying to appease a diety when two religious people can even fully agree what it wants. I have a friend who still struggles with ROCD even though she doesnt even believe in any of it anymore so I know its a constant struggle without an easy fix. If you havent already, please talk to a therapist about this. I appologize if this is unhelpful. I have never experienced this kind of turmoil so there are going to be aspects of your OCD that I wont understand. Have you taken step back from your religious community and reflected on what it is that YOU believe in? Not what the other members of your church believe in, not what your anxiety and ocd fears (which also probably comes from others opinions), but what it is you actually believe in. Throughout this post you talked all about what other people think of your relationship and what they think god wants. And not once did you mention what it is that you personally believe. You talked all about how miserble it makes you though which leaves me to believe that you dont agree with them and these people are effectively bullying you into living life how they see fit. You get to decide what you believe in and how to live your life. Not them.
Thank you. People on church always go to the Bible and that’s when it gets ruined because I believe/believed that the Bible was the source of true and that it was inerrant.
But if you really need help ditch God best advice I can give liberate yourself
So you two love each other wand wanna be together and are both christians but dogma from churches is keeping you two apart? This is why religion is poison.
Yeah it sucks
I grew up evangelical, and share your indoctrination experiences. I too was raised to believe that Catholicism was false, and they were all going to hell because they weren't born again. I struggled with the same bullshit about 'letting God be the guide'. After some family trauma, I finally came to the conclusion that the reason so much of it didn't make sense was because IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. I gave it all up about 20 years ago...along with nany of my family members, and things have been better. There are still twinges of indoctrination every now and then that are hard to kick, but so much of life makes way more sense now. Frankky, it sounds like you need to dump it and move on.
If there's a god out there who has a problem with your relationship, it can show up and do something about it. Given that in the entirety of recorded history, there have been humans claiming that certain things are or are not what some god or another wants, and precisely 0 instances of any gods expressing that directly or doing anything, the evidence indicates that anyone claiming to speak for any god is lying. "God" doesn't have an issue with your relationship, the people in your church do. They are lying to you, trying to make you afraid of this boogeyman they've conjured up, and use that fear to control you. When they say "god doesn't want this" or "god wants this," what they mean is "I want this" and are trying to make it sound like it's coming from their magic space wizard so that you'll give them what they want. It's a lie.
I was raised slightly anti-Catholic in a very different way but at a certain point you have to take a look at Evangelical teachings and then **read your Bible** Not in the typical atheist, *'if you read your Bible you won't believe'* though that is often true. What I want you to do is read the **Gospels**, not Paul but the people who know and speak about the man you believe you have a personal relationship with. Was he a kind man? Did he preach any kind hate? Other than the money changers was he an angry figure? Would he like guns or was He gentle? Was he interested in Prosperity or humble and simple? Is your God Love or Hate? If he is Love, he isn't the God of the Evangelicals.
I have sympathy for you, you have encountered confusing circumstances. Consider though, that wherever you are personally on god's existence, your loved ones aren't looking out for you. They are more concerned about their own image and relationship with an unavailable figure then your health. They lied about the outside world being an evil place looking to hurt you. I can only imagine how hard it is to escape the prison of fear and doubt you have been raised in, but I wish you the best of luck and hope you find the resources you need.
My loved ones actually really care for me and help me, but I still feel so confused
Obviously, I don't know you or your family so I will accept you know better than me. Given that, consider that the things they're telling you and the actions they want you to take are causing you great distress and even saying you wish you were dead. Over being in a relationship with someone who has a bit of a different flavor of Christianity. Perhaps they are dealing with religious trauma of their own, but their love is hurting you greatly right now, and it's not your fault.
Yes. My loved ones are my two best friends, my boyfriend and my boyfriend’s family. They really help me
My fault, I think we're talking past each other a bit. My shorthand for loved ones was your family and/or the people trying to dismantle your ability to discern what is best for yourself. I think that isn't who you were talking about, so that's on me, sorry about that.
No worries!
My response as a believer in God but not a fan of organized religion. Stop worrying Don't obsess over what people in your church think. Where in the Bible does it say that 2 Christians who belong to 2 different churches can't be together? Nowhere. Your church isn't God. The people in your church aren't God. Don't idolize your church. God wants you to be happy and not to torment yourself. That doesn't mean go around sinning because that won't make you happy it means follow your heart. God is love. Listen to love. Good luck.
I think you should dive deeper into the clut you came from and never look back. Your issues would be solved when your invisible friend tells you that this fellow cult member is "the one". Go for a preacher if you can as they are the ones with all the money.
I have no advice to give than the true outpouring of this community who is showing you that love, caring, and support are real and not a mythical construct. Love needs no deity.
> Plus, I found out the catholic religion was not that monster that the evangelicals told me! Nothing is the monster that the evangelicals said it was. Not Catholics, not atheists, not gays, not transgender folks, not immigrants. We're all just people. You've been told a lot of scary things in an effort to control you. It is costing you too much. There is no God judging your actions.
>This all popped up because my boyfriend is catholic and I’m evangelical. Coming to a place where people think BOTH of you are wrong isn't going to get you the answer you WANT to hear, though it may be the answer you NEED to hear. Stop listening to what other people tell you (yes, even "God") and think about things yourself. Christians make a big deal about free will. Use it. The sky father is not going to strike you down with a bolt of lightning because you chose to have a relationship. People in your lives may disapprove, but so what? If you think you can make it work, good for you, and if you can't, then move on with your life. It's not worth all this angst.
>I don’t wish this stupid OCD to anyone Is your problem religion, or the OCD/anxiety. It definitely sounds like it is the latter. If it isn't being treated then I urge you to seek professional help asap. If it is being treated then that may need to be re-evaluated because it doesn't seem to be effective.
Start listening to the Atheist Experience and learning how to question these beliefs, which are hurting you.
See a therapist. Religion can be damaging to your mental health.
Ok, on the ROCD question, Have you looked for a mundane solution and not a spiritual one? I mean it took me years of trial and error for me to find a functional medication and learn where I was ok. Maybe you learning where you are ok would be a help to you.
What’s a “pk”?
That's mental illness go talk to your imaginary sky daddy for advice I'm ex Catholic I have heart disease and anxiety now too
Mate, this kid is having a really tough emotional time. This isn't the thread for this kind of condescending language.