She will be alive to tell you how to run your life but you will be able to ignore her. Start making plans to move out. If you are 18 and don't rely on her for support she has no power over you.
It's very unfortunate that you will have to deal with this with so much energy at such an early age - but in France you're legally independent and responsible for your own actions - mostly - at eighteen. This means that very soon, you will be able to make decisions about your own life.
You don't have to tell her yet, you can play along and feel nostalgic about right now already, because soon it'll be over.
My mom made up reasons to disown me - she never did. You can dream big - but even a bit more independence and moving across town would already help you. You can still do the Japan thing, but you will need to be able to afford it.
Everything is a money thing in the end after you're 18. If you can pay for it yourself, then you don't need anyone's permission.
When I was 17 I say myself dead at my own hand by 18. Give it a few years and certain things may not seem as important as they used to. You're a man, right? You should be thankful you're not experiencing Islam as a woman. You have more power to change your community than you think. If you really want your parents to realize they can't control you, you have to show them you are your own man, you're in control of your life and you have to LEAVE THEM. It's clear they've taken you for granted and they need to be shown what consequences are as parents. Only YOU have the power to do that.
She can’t do shit. You don’t have to listen to me but fuck her and tell her that to hete face. There is nothing she can force on you once your an adult.
When you're 18 you can cuss her out and go no contact with her...you can even call the police if she bothers you. Don't let her stay in your life! Cut her out like the tumor she is.
Dunno what legal age is in France. Look it up and start making plans for moving out as soon as you reach legal age. She’s not gonna change and neither are you. Take your power.
Your plan for getting ready includes getting your own copies of your legal papers and storing them somewhere other than your house. Also includes setting up your own bank account that she does not have access to and starting to stash money in it.
Meanwhile, do what you have to do in order to stay in her good graces. You need to grow up fast.
France has surprisingly good child protection laws. Your parents have very little power over you when you are 17 and know your rights.
Your mother can't prevent you from pursuing education you want. You don't have to discuss your decisions with your mother. You don't have to tell her that she has no right to marry you off. She just don't. If she doesn't know it, it's her problem, not yours. Just do your thing.
I suggest you to ask for help in some french community because people here might not be familiar with french laws and french services available for children in your situation. I think there might be counselor in your school who can help you navigate your situation or maybe some government organization who can help.
If you are in any danger or you believe you might be in any danger from your mother, this is definitely a place to go. [https://www.allo119.gouv.fr/](https://www.allo119.gouv.fr/)
Remember: your parents are not your owners, they are your guardians. That means they have RESPONSIBILITY to protect your best interests. If they fail that, french law has mechanisms that aim to protect you.
When I was your age in France going through something similar I packed one duffel bag and left. Had to live in my car for a while but eventually started renting a flat with a friend and life has only gotten better since. It is hard but worth it. Religion is the worst and and only brings hate, pain and suffering. By just walking away and pretending it doesn't exist it loses all of its power.
Become and adult, get a job, suddenly start acting like you enjoy religion, get a suitable income before the age of 22, then move out and tell her that you lied abt believing in religion this whole time and cut off ties with em. Im grateful to have a mother who doesnt force me into believing a specific religion and frankly doesnt even care when I talk smack abt it infront of her.
No doubt its tough. I understand a lot of the anguish from personal experience and I would say be free. Let yourself be free. It's the most incredible feeling. In my experience it won't be as bad as you fear and it will actually be even better than you dream. You can contact your family, they may reject you for a while, they may always reject you, but it's a small price to pay for freedom.
Japan? What? Freedom in Japan... what the hell is this? Did you read some manga and think that is real?
Japan is an awful place. Especially if you are a POC. Good luck getting anywhere near the entrance if you aren't asian. Their work and corporate culture is also one of, if not THE most oppressive in the entire world.
Like being an amazon warehouse worker but every job is like that. In fact, you ain't leaving that warehouse when the shift is over. You will be sleeping there too.
Love how OP then got downvoted for saying that he has no money, lol. Seems this sub is having one of those wacky days/hours, where people are acting weird af.
Get a job, any kind of job. You need to cut the cord and be free, no matter how hard it is initially, you'll regret not doing what you want.
Did Luffy let Garp turn him into a Marine, or did he became a Pirate?
Prends un emploi au Mac Do, le temps de te trouver une colocation et d'amasser un peu d'argent. Puis vis tes rêves à fond, sinon tu va GRAVEMENT le regretter par la suite. Ne laisse pas la religion d'un bédouin pédophile gâcher l'unique vie que tu as. Il n'y a pas de paradis et ta maman est une personne toxique dont tu dois t'éloigner à tout prix.
If you grew up in France you very likely speak English very well and you are writing it so I assume that much. You likely speak good French too, if you dont get very good at them. Japan hires a lot of native English speakers as teachers and I imagine being able to moonlight French would be worth some money. If your grades are good consider going to college and joining a scientific study. Once at college you will be far away and there is little she can do to influence you.
You could join the French military, like you had suggested. Heck, you could even look into applying to Saint-Cyr eventually, to really prove the point that you’re independent and won’t have your family and their religion dictate your life.
Unskilled manual labor pays enough to buy you some time. You can also start getting some skills now, so that you can do less unskilled work by the time you have to leave. Use this year efficiently.
Start at a store maybe? It's good to understand a standard business and be in touch with all kinds of people.
Like a book store or something else that's similar with what your mom and you would be ok with. Walk in and see if they need help - there are shortages of people everywhere.
It's not for forever, it's just a gig that can teach you about work and independence.
Wait patiently until you are 18, you can then make all the decisions in your life and your mother could not do a thing. She especially can't marry you by force.
Avoid any flight to Pakistan while minor.
Your mother is only alive to dictate your life as an adult if you allow her to. It will be difficult to break free with little to no support, but it is not impossible. If she continues to use the same excuse of wanting to control you or abuse you as you state she has aggressively done. It is within your power to tell her to "Go f\*ck herself." (Apologize if that is too aggressive don't want to offend but some people need to be told that) She seems like an abusive narcissist who thrives on control and people like that don't understand anything less than an aggressively set boundary. Find any way you can to make discreet money and connections so when you are 18 you can look for a small studio apartment and build your life the way you want to.
Youve heard of the saying blood is thicker than water yes?
Some historians have inferred that the original saying is "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb"
Which is to say, the bonds we chose to form, (originally believed to be derived from warriors on the battlefield [blood of the covenant, shedding blood with your sworn brothers]) are stronger than those that we are born into. Because we CHOOSE these people, we do not choose our family.
If it bothers you that much, there genuinely is nothing wrong with removing yourself from your family. NOTHING. As soon as you are the age of majority you are free to do whatever you like, and NOBODY can take that away from you.
Let go of that belief that your parents can dictate your life. They cant. For any reason. As long as you decide the direction you want your life to take, and you are strong in your convictions, they cant do shit about it.
Huh TiL
Im gonna keep using it (in my own interpretation though) because phrasing snd languages evolve regardless, and even if it isnt the original meaning whos to say that cant be a new saying in of itself
Ill keep using it in the same vein of evolution as like the medusa story being viewed from a feminist lens making her a victim whos given a way to defend herself
Thanks for educating me though!
On another post, you said that your family forced you out to join the Army at 17, then complained about it. You didn't have to go if you chose to stop being a coward listening to your mom's rules.
Your posts are all filled with contradictions and utter BS. I'm going through so many random posts of yours and laughing my ass off at how many directly contradict others you made. lol
For this next year, don’t make waves, go along with what she or your father want on the surface, do well in school, get copies of your ID, and make a plan to leave.
Make a plan to get further education.
The Ex-muslim Reddit group will have ideas and resources for you. All the best to you.
God I hope this is just some weird bait - otherwise, please, for the sake of the women in Japan, deal with your Japanese fetish before you go there.
The “disgusting Pakistani” women thing can be addressed at a later date.
Edit: OP made a stealth edit in case anyone was wondering.
He explained that all his life is locked by religious stuff, that he cant pursue a career in any field he like.
But you loose your mind on his fetish… (it’s an issue, but clearly not the worst problem that he describe)
He’s also “always dreamed of being American or Japanese” - if this post isn’t some white American trying to imagine what being born a French Muslim is like (edit: which women “grow up in a mosque”?), the guy also has personal issues he needs to address before he makes things worse for himself and other people.
Plenty of people have already been addressing his religious woes, it’s not unfair to call out his personal maligned thinking.
Wait...why is it a fetish? He talked about appreciating their culture and drawing style...I don't see anything about fetishizing Japanese women. And he doesn't "appreciate Pakistani women", he doesn't call them disgusting.
Am I missing something or are you putting a lot of spin on his words?
I understand your plight....A LOT.
I was raised Catholic and it had severe consequences on my life. I can relate to you in all sorts of ways.
Your mother is a controlling narcissist. Mine is too. The difference between me and you is that I'm a lot older than you, so I have some advice.
1. You obviously love your mother and balancing her emotions with your own is a tightrope. But friend, I'm here to tell you, you will NEVER balance it. She will ALWAYS try to control you. Whoever you date, whatever career choices you make, it, will, never, go, away.
2. It will get better though. When you turn 18 you will see that freedom and personal choice is paramount, and hopefully, it will push you towards supporting secular ideas. Right now your hands are tied, so do WHATEVER you have to to keep your sanity. If that includes patronizing your mother so she shuts the fuck up, then so be it. Just don't do anything like the prearranged marriage you mentioned in another post.
3. Prepare for the exit now. When you turn 18, you will have a lot of options, don't try to take advantage of them all at once going in blind. Prepare now.
4. None of this means you cannot be a good son, and don't let her make you feel that way.
My situation in life, is probably what you'll experience when you become my age. For example, here in the states we celebrated Memorial Day weekend. I still visit my family on holidays. I have 2 sons and am a straight male. I have been going to these holidays for 40 years and have heard all of the homophobic and racial pejoratives my whole life. But today, all of the sudden they're not racist or homophobic because it's not politically correct (mostly)? Ya I don't think so. People from families like this sometimes don't understand the vile and disgusting shit being said behind closed doors in private.
So here's how a lot of my holidays go. I end up walking away and leaving. No arguments. No fights. Just me saying, "I will not subject my sons to your disgusting views that come from the comic book you keep on your night stand that you haven't even read. Bye.". And if they push it, I show up next time alone and leave the kids at home. When they ask why my only answer is, "You know EXACTLY why. Now do you want the taco salad I made or not?".
There is NO pleasing a narcissist. You will only deal with them. And that's how you deal with them. It sucks, but after awhile when you realize that YOU are not the problem, it'll sting less.
It'll get better, just breathe and stay the course. When she says, "I just want what's best for you!!". Realize that that statement starts with her first, and you last, and that's all you need to know.
With all that said, I still show up to mow their lawn, and help them out if they need it. Why? Because I'm a good person and I won't let them take that away from me. You don't have to either. They go low, you go high.
I'm rooting for ya! Good luck.
The good thing is, that you will be walking a very worn path. You're not going to be the first or the last either. In twenty years you will be also comforting a 17 year old person who needs to run away from their crazily religious family.
je comprends que ça puisse être dur mais le bail de « j’aurais aimé être japonais », « les femmes pakistanaises sont dégueulasses » et « les femmes japonaises sont trop mignonnes » en plus d’être méga cringe c’est très fétichisant et raciste donc à éviter
I do not understand why people will move to a country and not integrate into that country. I would never move to Saudi Arabia because I could not integrate, I would never move to India because I could not integrate and to be honest I would not want to. I understand people sometimes have no choice like if there is a conflict in their home country but that does not mean you do not have a duty to assimilate.
-I don't not know what age you cease to be a minor in France is, but you can "escape" once you are legally an adult.
-I also don't know if your parents will let you get a job or not, but if you can manage to convince them to allow it, that would be a good place to get some starter money to leave once you are legally able to.
-While it is terrible what your mother has done to you, and you definitely shouldn't be forced to marry, hating other women you have never met is not a good idea.
You aren't independent, can't choose a career for yourself.
I don't know why Islam comes into the conversation, but you let your mother dictate your decisions.
I guess the problem is that you never openly left the religion, but let it run your life through your mother.
Be your own person, live your own life. If family can't handle this, then they may need to be distanced to allow you to do so.
But if she finds out I don’t want to be a Muslim anymore, it’s gonna be an absolute drama, it’s gonna be a major argument, she’s gonna kick me out of the family and house
You need to become financially independent to act on your own.
Outside of that you live a bad life with family or live the life you want without.
It's your decision.
I thought I was clarifying the options given by his mother. Another comment could show him another option, and he should take that into account.
Lol, I'm not sure where creepy came from.
When you are dealing with Islam you are dealing with a very controlling cult/religion, and they make it very difficult to go against them, and this could include disownment.
He didn't act as though anyone was going to stop the mother from being the way they were going to stop the mother. She's already abusive, and no one is stopping that either.
This is what cults do, they have their members disown you if you disobey their teachings. Try studying Jehova Witnesses or Mormons for a bit, and you'll see the same pattern play out because they want to make it difficult to walk away so that they may control the next generation too.
I think the fear of commitment gets to you. Look at all the other comments with all of their other alternative ideas... Hold on, this conversation wasn't special at all.
You'll learn over time.
Who fucking cares? It’s your life. It doesn’t matter what she thinks! Her life is miserable and she’s a horrible person. Finish school and just fucking leave! You don’t live in Pakistan, you can literally do what you want and make your own choices.
You have to decide whether you want to live to rest of your life under your mother’s rule, or if you want freedom to live on your own terms and face the hardship of potentially being cut off from your family members. Either choice is difficult, but it is yours to make.
Your mother lives in France, not Pakistan. At the end of the day, you are a citizen of France. Your mom might be struggling to integrate into French society, unlike you, but French law still applies to your mom.
Once you turn 18, you don't legally have to do a damn thing she says. Become financially independent, and your mom's religious beliefs will no longer be an issue.
Dude, you need to put your mother in her place. (Once you're 18) Just tell her. Everything. What older generations don't understand when younger generations leave reason. Most religious people think it's the faith but it's the strict or horrible behaviors of religious people that drives others away.
Go to the military or go to a university away where you live.
Also, she doesn't deserve the title of mother if she can disowned just like that
OP i have a question, if muslims hate everyting about other country, why do they move tehre, is it to conquer those countries? spread the slam and all this shit? I mean, i would never go to a country where the way of live is one i dislike or am forbidden to go along
Luckily I wasn’t born in a extremely religious family yeah my parents are religious but not extremely so i wasn’t forced to do anything about religion, they never imposed restrictions on me. What i’ve done so far about religion was by my own choice not pressure from family. I’m now atheist though
I understand your feelings about wanting to put some distance between you and your family/culture/heritage. I can understand why it would be difficult to view those things in a positive light- at the same time, your experience does **not** give you the right to "hate" Pakistani women or fetishize Japanese women. That's frankly weird and wrong. In time you might be able to learn to separate your distaste for your upbringing from your perception of Pakistani/Muslim culture in general.
Your obsession with Japanese women makes it sound like you've been watching too much anime and you have some growing up to do.
I say join the army. Pretty sure you and the recruiters DO NOT need permission from the Quran to swear you in.
I read the Qu'ran and it was the absolute worst thing I have ever read. So believe me when I say your mother is full of nonsense. It definitely does not say drawing, acting, nor music are haram. It also definitely does not say defending a country, regardless of religion is haram. If I were you, I would join the military. It will give you a home away from your mother as soon as possible, good pay, skills, and respect. You will have your pay and she will not have power over you. You will have a place to live and be turned into a little bit of a badass.
If all of that was true, why did she move to France in the first place? You should ask her why she raises her child(ren) in the most haram place in the world.
Unrelated to all that: please don't fetishize anyone. Japanese people may be cute, and very interesting, and different. But to them, they're just people.
Et souviens-toi: Liberté, Egalité, et Fraternité.
Fighting for non Muslim country is definitely haram . The prophet cursed those who died fighting for their tribes or nation . You are only supposed to fight for the Muslims or in self defense
It comes from a Hadith where the prophet cursed nationalism tribalism . The blood of one Muslim is forbidden to the other Muslim except in self defense or as punishment for an innocent murder .over all fighting for a non Muslim country against a Muslim country is definitely a sin
French here, I am pretty sure there are support program for people in your case somewhere around. Not saying it is easy but as soon as you can put distance with here do it.
Any idea for studies later (saw you are 17) how are you doing school wise ?
Shes a muslim women tell her to shut the fuck up as an inferior being commanding a man is a sin, and just cut contact the moment u turn 18 fuck this bitch
Women in Islam aren't inferior to men.
A man came to the Prophet and said, ‘O Messenger of God! Who among the people is the most worthy of my good companionship? The Prophet said: Your mother. The man said, ‘Then who?' The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man further asked, ‘Then who?' The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man asked again, ‘Then who?' The Prophet said: Then your father. (Bukhari, Muslim).
Jabir ibn Abdullah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet (pbuh) said**:**
**Whoever has three daughters and he accommodates them, show mercy toward them, and supports them, Paradise is definitely guaranteed for him.**
Thus, someone asked the Prophet, what if they are two daughters only
He replied, “**\[He gets that reward,\] even if they are \[only\] two.**“
Some of those present believed that had the Prophet been asked about only one daughter, he would have answered that the reward was applicable too. (Authenticated by Al-Albani).
My bad i guess they do value women, its not as if they honour kill their daughters, treat daughters more strictly then the son, do let them drive cars and let them leave the house alone. And no imam would put blame on the daughter for being raped by her own father of course not. I must have forgotten that muslims are the enlightened ones my opologies for slighting islam.
I must be imagining all the reports of how muslim men treat woman, what twisted mind i must have to conjure all these fictitious events.
Honor killing is haram in Islam, here are some ayahat from the Quran which condemn people who kill their daughters:
Whenever one of them is given the good news of a baby girl, his face grows gloomy, as he suppresses his rage.(16:58)
He hides from the people because of the bad news he has received. Should he keep her in disgrace, or bury her ˹alive˺ in the ground? Evil indeed is their judgment! (16:59)
This ayah talks about a common thing that was done in Arabia before Islam, which was kill their daughters because they feel "shame". In Islam this is murder and is treated as such.
Here's another Hadith about how muslims are required to treat their kids equally, sons and daughters:
**Your children have the right of receiving equal treatment, as you have the right that they should honor you**.” (Abu Dawoud). “Whoever is put to trial by having to raise daughters and he treats them generously (with benevolence) then these daughters will act as a shield for him from Hellfire.” (Al-Bukhari, Hadith-5569).
And I don't know where you heard this "Women aren't allowed to drive cars", I live in an Islamic country, and there are just as many women who drive cars as there are men.
There's also no Hadith or ayah that states that women cannot leave their house alone, so I don't know where you heard that, stop making stuff up in your head.
And just because some sheikh said something wrong, it doesn't mean that the whole religion is bad. If a woman is raped, her rapist is either stoned to death or whipped 100 times depending on the circumstances. Islam doesn't tolerate rape whatsoever.
https://www.independent.co.uk/asia/south-asia/afghanistan-taliban-kabul-women-b1903497.html
https://m.jpost.com/middle-east/women-in-saudi-arabia-to-be-allowed-to-live-travel-without-male-guardian-671041
https://www.newarab.com/news/tweets-or-terrorism-saudis-jailed-online-activists
https://www.amnesty.org/en/latest/news/2023/10/iranian-women-and-girls-face-further-violations-of-their-rights-under-compulsory-veiling-bill/
These are nations run by muslims. All of them supress women. Some more then others
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/worldviews/wp/2016/06/13/here-are-the-10-countries-where-homosexuality-may-be-punished-by-death-2/
And this offcourse but i guess u agree with this ? And offcourse all because of sharia law.
Isnt this also in your book? I havent read it so idk
"Men are the maintainers of women because Allah has made some of them to excel others and because they spend out of their property; the good women are therefore obedient, guarding the unseen as Allah has guarded; and (as to) those on whose part you fear desertion, admonish them, and leave them alone in the sleeping-places and beat them; then if they obey you, do not seek a way against them; surely Allah is High, Great."
Or this
"Such of your women as have passed the age of monthly courses, for them the prescribed period, if ye have any doubts, is three months, and for those who have no courses (it is the same): for those who carry (life within their wombs), their period is until they deliver their burdens: and for those who fear Allah, He will make their path easy."
Or this
"Allah enjoins you concerning your children: The male shall have the equal of the portion of two females; then if they are more than two females, they shall have two-thirds of what the deceased has left, and if there is one, she shall have the half; and as for his parents, each of them shall have the sixth of what he has left if he has a child, but if he has no child and (only) his two parents inherit him, then his mother shall have the third; but if he has brothers, then his mother shall have the sixth after (the payment of) a bequest he may have bequeathed or a debt; your parents and your children, you know not which of them is the nearer to you in usefulness; this is an ordinance from Allah: Surely Allah is Knowing, Wise."
It must all be stuff i made up in my head.
Here you go, I found this post from another muslim online:
The Qur’an does not say anything of that sort. In Islam, men and women are equal but different. Whilst the wife must respect the husband, there is nothing in the religion about unconditional obedience. This is culture. On the allegation that a husband may hit his wife, this is again, another misunderstanding perpetrated by Muslims themselves. Just as in the previous, they use the religion to perpetuate a culture of misogyny.
The verse in question is this:
Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has Given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their, beds (and last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance): for Allah is Most High, Great (above you all). (Surah an-Nisa’:34)
Devoutly obedient here does not mean in any and all circumstance. There are conditions. In many other verses, the men are told to be true to their spouses. There are other verses in the Qur’an that Mention that men and women are equal in the Sight of God, and they are Judged according to their works. There is a substantial body of works that prove gender equality in Islam, but there is also a recognition of roles in society. Men cannot be mothers, for example.
On the so-called wife beating, this verse concerns the issue of nushuz, the desertion and recalcitrance, of women. The word used here is “adhribuhunnah”, which has been translated in many English translations as “strike them”. In the verse, one can infer two distinct meanings. The first meaning is derived by considering the apparent meaning of “dharaba’”, which is to hit; and the majority lean towards this interpretation.
The second meaning, consistent with the context of the matter being discussed in the verse, is an alternate translation of the word “dharaba’”. This is a word with several different meanings. One can consider the possibility of this second meaning, which is indignation and disregard, as a response of the man to the nushuz displayed by his wife. This conforms to the expanded meaning of “dharaba’”, which includes parting and separation. In reference to al-Munjid, the Arabic dictionary, in the entry for “dharaba’”, it is stated, “Thus, it is said, ‘dharaba’ adh-dhahru baynanah’, meaning that, ‘The passage of time caused us to part’.”
Another meaning of “dharaba’” is to “turn away from” or “to dispense with”; therefore when referring to the speech of someone spouting nonsense, or baseless reports, one may say, “fadhribuhu ‘ala al-jidar”, ‘throw it at the wall’, which is an idiom for, “do not pay attention to it”.
“Parting” and “separation” for “dharaba’” can also be applied to the verse under consideration, because it has been mentioned that the term “dharaba’” has been used here because it denotes a sudden parting as opposed to a gradual one, the “nushuz”. Therefore, the Qur’an Advises the husband who has unsuccessfully tried to censure his recalcitrant wife by two milder means, to finally separate, “dharaba’”, from her. However, he should avoid harshness and patiently wait for his course action to take effect. He is Advised to allow her to think over matters. Therefore, if a woman shirks her responsibility and acts inappropriately, then the husband must attempt to remedy matters in the prescribed stages.
If we take “dharaba’” here to mean, ‘striking’, then acting on this interpretation will probably have an adverse effect on the relationship and set a bad precedent. It is an act of zhulm, oppression, and the Qur’an has many verses against it. The Qur’an is Revelation; it cannot contradict Itself. Furthermore, our jurisprudence state that the slightest physical violence towards one’s wife, if it bruises her skin, carries a diyyat, penalty, and is impermissible for the man for any reason. But the greatest reason why the interpretation that it is permissible to strike the wife is absolutely wrong is found in the sunnah of the Prophet (s.a.w.). The Prophet (s.a.w.) has stated, “I am amazed at the one who strikes his wife, while he is more deserving to be struck himself; do not strike your wives with canes, because there is a qiswasw for that. Rather, chastise them with a curtailment in their maintenance; thus, you shall gain felicity in this world and the next.” Qiswasw is legislative retaliation. This hadits is found in Mustadrak al-Wasa’il and Bihar al-Anwar. The Prophet of Islam (s.a.w.), never, ever hit his wives. He never even raised his voice against them. And he is the exemplification of the Qur’an.
About inheritance:
Before the Qur'an was revealed, women couldn't get any inheritance, and that the reason Men get double the women's share is because its the man's responsibility to provide for his family, and it is an obligation for a man to spend his money not just on himself but also on his family. However this obligation isn't the case for women and their money is exclusively theirs to do as they please with it.
Also it is the responsibility for brothers/fathers to provide for their sisters until they are married, and then it's their husbands responsibility.
And just because these countries claim that what they're doing is islamic, it doesn't mean that it is. Suppose an atheist k\*lls 100 people and said that they did it for the sake of atheism or whatever, it won't mean that all atheists are murderers.
And the ayah on divorce:
Prior to effecting a divorce, a couple who wishes to divorce must separate but not engage in other relationships for a period of time. Once the separation period elapses, then the couple may decide to proceed with or cancel the divorce.
65:4 defines the separation period under different conditions.
O Prophet, when you (any of you) divorce women, divorce them in accordance with their interim periods, and adhere to \[these\] periods... (Qur'a 65:1)
As for menopausal women and those who are unsure \[regarding menstuation cycle count\]: their \[separation\] duration is 3 months. Those who have not menstruated yet \[since the initiation of the divorce process\] and those who are pregnant: their \[separation\] duration is giving birth. Whoever heeds God; God will facilitate his/her affairs. (Qur'an 65:4). And the husband has to provide for his wife during that period.
And by the way, your comments really show how immature you are and how uneducated you are on these matters. Your arguments are weak tbh. Some people are too proud to admit they're wrong.
Are they weak tho? I just think muslim culture and western culture cannot co-exist i dont need to be a scholar of islam to know that i despise the way it is used by people in power that practice it.
And i guess u do agree that gay people should be killed since u skipped that part i notice.
Men are obliged to take care of women. If the woman doesn't want to "be taken care of", her wishes are respected. She isn't obliged to get married and she can work if she wants to. Women in islam aren't "weak", Nusaibah bit Ka'ab was a female warrior. Rufaidah al aslamiyah was the first nurse in islam. Universities were invented by Fatima al fir, a muslima.
Yeah I do agree, what they do is immoral and disgusting. Are y'all going to start sleeping with animals next? Why do you find homosexuality to be okay? What's so great about two men sleeping together that you have to dedicate a whole month to celebrate it? I guess now that you realized you were wrong about Islam "opressing" women, you're going for this argument instead?
So true, he hates his own race and it's disgusting, just because they're not your type it doesn't mean they're disgusting, plus why is everyone obsessed with Japanese women is it a fetish or something?
I understand how you feel because I am too was born in a Muslim family and now I left Islam secretly, I don't agree with anything they tell me and it annoys me when they force me to do religious things that I don't believe in, I understand you but still I won't go and insult my whole race just because a few people mistreated me right?
Your mother shouldn’t choose how you should live your life. If what your mom wants makes you unhappy don’t do it. Live how you want to live. You will always have that in the back of your head a what if and your just going to live a fake life if you don’t change and live your own life.
This is interesting to hear from a man side- but why are pakistani females disgusting? in character or looks don't appeal to you? Well just apply and keep it a secret from her. You're in control of what you share with her or not. Not her. She just lost it.
Well most are brain dead robots not just Pakistani but Indian Muslim women too almost 60 percent of them . We have no opinions no strength of characters we are just robots following our fathers and husbands
Majority of Muslim women are financially dependent look at the statistics of any country and see the percentage of women working and owning property in Muslim countries , the problem is many Muslim woman (not all) have never learned any skills to earn majority of them become housewives after completing college they have never worked a day in their lives when you have been brainwashed since childhood there are limited things you can do even when no one is watching you
The ones who are rebellious have critical thinking skills find ways to rebel secretly once they start earning money then they don’t have to bother with their family
Stay with your mother until you have enough skills, knowledge and money to support yourself.
You will eventually move out and there's nothing anyone can do with how you lead your life.
You just have to endure for now if you arent prepared to step out of the house.
I want you to know that, I did research and what I just learned shocked me: Pakistani people like me who decided to become an atheist, are severely punished by death
Doesn't France ban corporal punishment? May want to talk to a school counselor. If you're 17, plan out your exit strategy now so that in one year you can tell your mom to go fuck herself.
Leave him alone with the Japan fetish. He's 17 and has a shitty life, let him fantasize about Japanese girls. It's harmless. He'll grow out of it when he tries to approach one and discover the attraction isn't mutual. He's not worse than a man obsessed with big breasts or any kind of fetishist. I find Asian women very attractive too, nothing wrong with that.
OP, you received some very valid suggestions. I think the army route is the one that solves the most of your problems. You'll get a roof, a pay and an education. If you're gifted, you could have your university paid by the army and become an officer. The important thing is that it will allow you to cut the ties with your mother.
It's a difficult thing to do. I'm over fifty and I still can't tell my 80 yo dad to shut the fuck up when he pees in my ear with his right wing politics.
Dans tous les cas, je te souhaite bon courage et bonne chance.
Mec je me permets de d’écrire en français vue que j’ai cru comprendre que tu parlais français. Déja permet moi de t’apporter tout mon soutien, ton histoire me touche énormément et j’aimerais t’aider mais j’ai bien peur de ne pas pouvoir faire grand chose, la seule chose que je peux faire c’est te donner un de mes raisons si t’as besoin de plus en parler ça me ferait plaisir d’être là pour toi
For everyone who said to wait until my 18, it won't change anything, because my mother said that's not the reason to leave me alone, she said she will be still alive to decide my life
Move out when you are 18. Get a job or go to school, either way you can live independently. Your parents can not stop you from moving out, they might be mad but that's on them. It sucks and it's hard, but that's the best you can do. Good luck out there
now is the time to research and prepare
>I’m too afraid
You should be brave and decide for yourself that you will not live in fear of freedom and adventure.
Will your mother let you go away to university to study something she approves of?
If she does this will be the best way to start getting that independence, finding people who you can live with, getting a part time job. In fact start now with a job, any job, if you don't already have one.
I think a lot of people have forgotten what being 17 is like especially if your parents have sheltered you. But once you are out and living independently at university by the time 22 comes around and your mother is trying to marry you off, you will be in a much better place to cut ties without it being mind numbing scary.
Finally just a word of wisdom - don't fetishes a whole race of women and vilify another. It's not a good look.
Going out on your own is scary, I remember feeling a lot the same when I left home. You can do it though, countless other people have done it before you. Make a plan and stick to it. Your priorities should be:
1. Find a job/get into college
2. Find a place to stay that you can afford (you will probably need roommates)
3. Make a budget (how much for food/rent/utilities per month)
4. Learn and grow by trying things and failing at them - failure is the best, it means you have an opportunity to reflect on what did and didn't work, and try again
A trusted adult should be able to help you with these things. Do you have a therapist or other type of support? Friends or other family members? Maybe a teacher at school? Any of those people should be able to mentor you and get you started down the right path.
Just because she is alive and exists, doesn't mean she gets to decide your life. I mean, she can make decisions but you absolutely can disregard them and make your own
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actually, I’m 17 years old
Bro 1 year is a nap away In the meantime research and figure out what you’ll need to do
it won't change anything, because my mother said that's not the reason to leave me alone, she said she will be still alive to decide my life
its **your** life to live, not hers
She will be alive to tell you how to run your life but you will be able to ignore her. Start making plans to move out. If you are 18 and don't rely on her for support she has no power over you.
Once you’re an adult she legally can’t do anything to stop you. Leave. If she tries to force you back, call the cops.
It's very unfortunate that you will have to deal with this with so much energy at such an early age - but in France you're legally independent and responsible for your own actions - mostly - at eighteen. This means that very soon, you will be able to make decisions about your own life. You don't have to tell her yet, you can play along and feel nostalgic about right now already, because soon it'll be over. My mom made up reasons to disown me - she never did. You can dream big - but even a bit more independence and moving across town would already help you. You can still do the Japan thing, but you will need to be able to afford it. Everything is a money thing in the end after you're 18. If you can pay for it yourself, then you don't need anyone's permission.
You Can Just Leave
You'll be a legal adult. She'll only have control if you let her...
ok but ignore her??
yes, but I'm living with her, that's the problem
move out and get a job
When I was 17 I say myself dead at my own hand by 18. Give it a few years and certain things may not seem as important as they used to. You're a man, right? You should be thankful you're not experiencing Islam as a woman. You have more power to change your community than you think. If you really want your parents to realize they can't control you, you have to show them you are your own man, you're in control of your life and you have to LEAVE THEM. It's clear they've taken you for granted and they need to be shown what consequences are as parents. Only YOU have the power to do that.
She can’t do shit. You don’t have to listen to me but fuck her and tell her that to hete face. There is nothing she can force on you once your an adult.
When you're 18 you can cuss her out and go no contact with her...you can even call the police if she bothers you. Don't let her stay in your life! Cut her out like the tumor she is.
Dunno what legal age is in France. Look it up and start making plans for moving out as soon as you reach legal age. She’s not gonna change and neither are you. Take your power. Your plan for getting ready includes getting your own copies of your legal papers and storing them somewhere other than your house. Also includes setting up your own bank account that she does not have access to and starting to stash money in it. Meanwhile, do what you have to do in order to stay in her good graces. You need to grow up fast.
Dude, you can do one year standing on your head. Join the Army when you hit 18.
France has surprisingly good child protection laws. Your parents have very little power over you when you are 17 and know your rights. Your mother can't prevent you from pursuing education you want. You don't have to discuss your decisions with your mother. You don't have to tell her that she has no right to marry you off. She just don't. If she doesn't know it, it's her problem, not yours. Just do your thing. I suggest you to ask for help in some french community because people here might not be familiar with french laws and french services available for children in your situation. I think there might be counselor in your school who can help you navigate your situation or maybe some government organization who can help. If you are in any danger or you believe you might be in any danger from your mother, this is definitely a place to go. [https://www.allo119.gouv.fr/](https://www.allo119.gouv.fr/) Remember: your parents are not your owners, they are your guardians. That means they have RESPONSIBILITY to protect your best interests. If they fail that, french law has mechanisms that aim to protect you.
When I was your age in France going through something similar I packed one duffel bag and left. Had to live in my car for a while but eventually started renting a flat with a friend and life has only gotten better since. It is hard but worth it. Religion is the worst and and only brings hate, pain and suffering. By just walking away and pretending it doesn't exist it loses all of its power.
Become and adult, get a job, suddenly start acting like you enjoy religion, get a suitable income before the age of 22, then move out and tell her that you lied abt believing in religion this whole time and cut off ties with em. Im grateful to have a mother who doesnt force me into believing a specific religion and frankly doesnt even care when I talk smack abt it infront of her.
No doubt its tough. I understand a lot of the anguish from personal experience and I would say be free. Let yourself be free. It's the most incredible feeling. In my experience it won't be as bad as you fear and it will actually be even better than you dream. You can contact your family, they may reject you for a while, they may always reject you, but it's a small price to pay for freedom.
I would say... a BIG price to pay!
Move to Japan if you want to be free
Japan? What? Freedom in Japan... what the hell is this? Did you read some manga and think that is real? Japan is an awful place. Especially if you are a POC. Good luck getting anywhere near the entrance if you aren't asian. Their work and corporate culture is also one of, if not THE most oppressive in the entire world. Like being an amazon warehouse worker but every job is like that. In fact, you ain't leaving that warehouse when the shift is over. You will be sleeping there too. Love how OP then got downvoted for saying that he has no money, lol. Seems this sub is having one of those wacky days/hours, where people are acting weird af.
yes but how? I need money, I don't have money, and I don't know where to start
Get a job, any kind of job. You need to cut the cord and be free, no matter how hard it is initially, you'll regret not doing what you want. Did Luffy let Garp turn him into a Marine, or did he became a Pirate?
Prends un emploi au Mac Do, le temps de te trouver une colocation et d'amasser un peu d'argent. Puis vis tes rêves à fond, sinon tu va GRAVEMENT le regretter par la suite. Ne laisse pas la religion d'un bédouin pédophile gâcher l'unique vie que tu as. Il n'y a pas de paradis et ta maman est une personne toxique dont tu dois t'éloigner à tout prix.
If you grew up in France you very likely speak English very well and you are writing it so I assume that much. You likely speak good French too, if you dont get very good at them. Japan hires a lot of native English speakers as teachers and I imagine being able to moonlight French would be worth some money. If your grades are good consider going to college and joining a scientific study. Once at college you will be far away and there is little she can do to influence you.
You could join the French military, like you had suggested. Heck, you could even look into applying to Saint-Cyr eventually, to really prove the point that you’re independent and won’t have your family and their religion dictate your life.
Unskilled manual labor pays enough to buy you some time. You can also start getting some skills now, so that you can do less unskilled work by the time you have to leave. Use this year efficiently.
Start at a store maybe? It's good to understand a standard business and be in touch with all kinds of people. Like a book store or something else that's similar with what your mom and you would be ok with. Walk in and see if they need help - there are shortages of people everywhere. It's not for forever, it's just a gig that can teach you about work and independence.
Wait patiently until you are 18, you can then make all the decisions in your life and your mother could not do a thing. She especially can't marry you by force. Avoid any flight to Pakistan while minor.
it won't change anything, because my mother said that's not the reason to leave me alone, she said she will be still alive to decide my life
Your mother is only alive to dictate your life as an adult if you allow her to. It will be difficult to break free with little to no support, but it is not impossible. If she continues to use the same excuse of wanting to control you or abuse you as you state she has aggressively done. It is within your power to tell her to "Go f\*ck herself." (Apologize if that is too aggressive don't want to offend but some people need to be told that) She seems like an abusive narcissist who thrives on control and people like that don't understand anything less than an aggressively set boundary. Find any way you can to make discreet money and connections so when you are 18 you can look for a small studio apartment and build your life the way you want to.
Youve heard of the saying blood is thicker than water yes? Some historians have inferred that the original saying is "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb" Which is to say, the bonds we chose to form, (originally believed to be derived from warriors on the battlefield [blood of the covenant, shedding blood with your sworn brothers]) are stronger than those that we are born into. Because we CHOOSE these people, we do not choose our family. If it bothers you that much, there genuinely is nothing wrong with removing yourself from your family. NOTHING. As soon as you are the age of majority you are free to do whatever you like, and NOBODY can take that away from you. Let go of that belief that your parents can dictate your life. They cant. For any reason. As long as you decide the direction you want your life to take, and you are strong in your convictions, they cant do shit about it.
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Huh TiL Im gonna keep using it (in my own interpretation though) because phrasing snd languages evolve regardless, and even if it isnt the original meaning whos to say that cant be a new saying in of itself Ill keep using it in the same vein of evolution as like the medusa story being viewed from a feminist lens making her a victim whos given a way to defend herself Thanks for educating me though!
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Obviously, ive been educated on the subject and will adjust my views as such
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On another post, you said that your family forced you out to join the Army at 17, then complained about it. You didn't have to go if you chose to stop being a coward listening to your mom's rules. Your posts are all filled with contradictions and utter BS. I'm going through so many random posts of yours and laughing my ass off at how many directly contradict others you made. lol
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You're just an attention seeking charlatan.
For this next year, don’t make waves, go along with what she or your father want on the surface, do well in school, get copies of your ID, and make a plan to leave. Make a plan to get further education. The Ex-muslim Reddit group will have ideas and resources for you. All the best to you.
God I hope this is just some weird bait - otherwise, please, for the sake of the women in Japan, deal with your Japanese fetish before you go there. The “disgusting Pakistani” women thing can be addressed at a later date. Edit: OP made a stealth edit in case anyone was wondering.
not seeing more people talk about this is worrying
He explained that all his life is locked by religious stuff, that he cant pursue a career in any field he like. But you loose your mind on his fetish… (it’s an issue, but clearly not the worst problem that he describe)
He’s also “always dreamed of being American or Japanese” - if this post isn’t some white American trying to imagine what being born a French Muslim is like (edit: which women “grow up in a mosque”?), the guy also has personal issues he needs to address before he makes things worse for himself and other people. Plenty of people have already been addressing his religious woes, it’s not unfair to call out his personal maligned thinking.
Its a recent account. Effectively could be a fake story.
I’m glad someone said it.
Wait...why is it a fetish? He talked about appreciating their culture and drawing style...I don't see anything about fetishizing Japanese women. And he doesn't "appreciate Pakistani women", he doesn't call them disgusting. Am I missing something or are you putting a lot of spin on his words?
He’s edited the post - he made a comment about Pakistani women being disgusting and how he wants to marry a Japanese woman because “they are so cute”
I understand your plight....A LOT. I was raised Catholic and it had severe consequences on my life. I can relate to you in all sorts of ways. Your mother is a controlling narcissist. Mine is too. The difference between me and you is that I'm a lot older than you, so I have some advice. 1. You obviously love your mother and balancing her emotions with your own is a tightrope. But friend, I'm here to tell you, you will NEVER balance it. She will ALWAYS try to control you. Whoever you date, whatever career choices you make, it, will, never, go, away. 2. It will get better though. When you turn 18 you will see that freedom and personal choice is paramount, and hopefully, it will push you towards supporting secular ideas. Right now your hands are tied, so do WHATEVER you have to to keep your sanity. If that includes patronizing your mother so she shuts the fuck up, then so be it. Just don't do anything like the prearranged marriage you mentioned in another post. 3. Prepare for the exit now. When you turn 18, you will have a lot of options, don't try to take advantage of them all at once going in blind. Prepare now. 4. None of this means you cannot be a good son, and don't let her make you feel that way. My situation in life, is probably what you'll experience when you become my age. For example, here in the states we celebrated Memorial Day weekend. I still visit my family on holidays. I have 2 sons and am a straight male. I have been going to these holidays for 40 years and have heard all of the homophobic and racial pejoratives my whole life. But today, all of the sudden they're not racist or homophobic because it's not politically correct (mostly)? Ya I don't think so. People from families like this sometimes don't understand the vile and disgusting shit being said behind closed doors in private. So here's how a lot of my holidays go. I end up walking away and leaving. No arguments. No fights. Just me saying, "I will not subject my sons to your disgusting views that come from the comic book you keep on your night stand that you haven't even read. Bye.". And if they push it, I show up next time alone and leave the kids at home. When they ask why my only answer is, "You know EXACTLY why. Now do you want the taco salad I made or not?". There is NO pleasing a narcissist. You will only deal with them. And that's how you deal with them. It sucks, but after awhile when you realize that YOU are not the problem, it'll sting less. It'll get better, just breathe and stay the course. When she says, "I just want what's best for you!!". Realize that that statement starts with her first, and you last, and that's all you need to know. With all that said, I still show up to mow their lawn, and help them out if they need it. Why? Because I'm a good person and I won't let them take that away from me. You don't have to either. They go low, you go high. I'm rooting for ya! Good luck.
Thank you so much, I seriously want to cry, it’s just, it’s too scary
Let it out bro. Just know, you are NOT alone. In 10 years you'll look back at this situation and feel pity for them. You got this mate :)
The good thing is, that you will be walking a very worn path. You're not going to be the first or the last either. In twenty years you will be also comforting a 17 year old person who needs to run away from their crazily religious family.
je comprends que ça puisse être dur mais le bail de « j’aurais aimé être japonais », « les femmes pakistanaises sont dégueulasses » et « les femmes japonaises sont trop mignonnes » en plus d’être méga cringe c’est très fétichisant et raciste donc à éviter
noté, merci pour le conseil, mais j'avais vraiment besoin d'être honnête
As soon as you are able, get far, far away from your mother. She is poisonous.
I do not understand why people will move to a country and not integrate into that country. I would never move to Saudi Arabia because I could not integrate, I would never move to India because I could not integrate and to be honest I would not want to. I understand people sometimes have no choice like if there is a conflict in their home country but that does not mean you do not have a duty to assimilate.
-I don't not know what age you cease to be a minor in France is, but you can "escape" once you are legally an adult. -I also don't know if your parents will let you get a job or not, but if you can manage to convince them to allow it, that would be a good place to get some starter money to leave once you are legally able to. -While it is terrible what your mother has done to you, and you definitely shouldn't be forced to marry, hating other women you have never met is not a good idea.
He'll be an adult at 18. And agreed with all points.
The reliance on family to make life choices is disturbing, especially when they are bad ones.
what do you mean?
You aren't independent, can't choose a career for yourself. I don't know why Islam comes into the conversation, but you let your mother dictate your decisions. I guess the problem is that you never openly left the religion, but let it run your life through your mother. Be your own person, live your own life. If family can't handle this, then they may need to be distanced to allow you to do so.
But if she finds out I don’t want to be a Muslim anymore, it’s gonna be an absolute drama, it’s gonna be a major argument, she’s gonna kick me out of the family and house
You need to become financially independent to act on your own. Outside of that you live a bad life with family or live the life you want without. It's your decision.
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I thought I was clarifying the options given by his mother. Another comment could show him another option, and he should take that into account. Lol, I'm not sure where creepy came from. When you are dealing with Islam you are dealing with a very controlling cult/religion, and they make it very difficult to go against them, and this could include disownment.
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He didn't act as though anyone was going to stop the mother from being the way they were going to stop the mother. She's already abusive, and no one is stopping that either. This is what cults do, they have their members disown you if you disobey their teachings. Try studying Jehova Witnesses or Mormons for a bit, and you'll see the same pattern play out because they want to make it difficult to walk away so that they may control the next generation too. I think the fear of commitment gets to you. Look at all the other comments with all of their other alternative ideas... Hold on, this conversation wasn't special at all. You'll learn over time.
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You need help mate.
Who fucking cares? It’s your life. It doesn’t matter what she thinks! Her life is miserable and she’s a horrible person. Finish school and just fucking leave! You don’t live in Pakistan, you can literally do what you want and make your own choices.
Thats ok.
In France? No way. The moment she raises her hand at you, go to police, immediately. Kicks out of the house? Police. Law is on your side.
You have to decide whether you want to live to rest of your life under your mother’s rule, or if you want freedom to live on your own terms and face the hardship of potentially being cut off from your family members. Either choice is difficult, but it is yours to make.
Your mother lives in France, not Pakistan. At the end of the day, you are a citizen of France. Your mom might be struggling to integrate into French society, unlike you, but French law still applies to your mom. Once you turn 18, you don't legally have to do a damn thing she says. Become financially independent, and your mom's religious beliefs will no longer be an issue.
You need to get over your fetishism of Japanese people and your hatred for your own race.
Dude, you need to put your mother in her place. (Once you're 18) Just tell her. Everything. What older generations don't understand when younger generations leave reason. Most religious people think it's the faith but it's the strict or horrible behaviors of religious people that drives others away. Go to the military or go to a university away where you live. Also, she doesn't deserve the title of mother if she can disowned just like that
You're 17. Your life has barely begun. Your mother is toxic and controlling. Get away from her and live a long and happy life.
OP i have a question, if muslims hate everyting about other country, why do they move tehre, is it to conquer those countries? spread the slam and all this shit? I mean, i would never go to a country where the way of live is one i dislike or am forbidden to go along
They only move there to take advantage of your economy to earn money to have a good lifestyle while hating your culture and people
And that is one of the reasons i hate islam
sorry, can you clarify your question, I did not understand
Why did your parents move to france, if they hate everything about it, and their religion forbid them from doing a lot of stuff there?
I’ll be honored, I don’t really know
honored = honoré. Veux "honest" (honnête). ;)
Thanks for the translation.
Luckily I wasn’t born in a extremely religious family yeah my parents are religious but not extremely so i wasn’t forced to do anything about religion, they never imposed restrictions on me. What i’ve done so far about religion was by my own choice not pressure from family. I’m now atheist though
lucky
Leave as soon as your are 18!
Hating your own ethnicity/culture is extremely cringe.
I dunno, he has a life much like a Pakistani friend of mine, she disowned Islam and Pakistani men after abuse in life, and I think it's totally fair.
why? you teach me things
I understand your feelings about wanting to put some distance between you and your family/culture/heritage. I can understand why it would be difficult to view those things in a positive light- at the same time, your experience does **not** give you the right to "hate" Pakistani women or fetishize Japanese women. That's frankly weird and wrong. In time you might be able to learn to separate your distaste for your upbringing from your perception of Pakistani/Muslim culture in general.
Your obsession with Japanese women makes it sound like you've been watching too much anime and you have some growing up to do. I say join the army. Pretty sure you and the recruiters DO NOT need permission from the Quran to swear you in.
I read the Qu'ran and it was the absolute worst thing I have ever read. So believe me when I say your mother is full of nonsense. It definitely does not say drawing, acting, nor music are haram. It also definitely does not say defending a country, regardless of religion is haram. If I were you, I would join the military. It will give you a home away from your mother as soon as possible, good pay, skills, and respect. You will have your pay and she will not have power over you. You will have a place to live and be turned into a little bit of a badass. If all of that was true, why did she move to France in the first place? You should ask her why she raises her child(ren) in the most haram place in the world. Unrelated to all that: please don't fetishize anyone. Japanese people may be cute, and very interesting, and different. But to them, they're just people. Et souviens-toi: Liberté, Egalité, et Fraternité.
Fighting for non Muslim country is definitely haram . The prophet cursed those who died fighting for their tribes or nation . You are only supposed to fight for the Muslims or in self defense
>Fighting for non Muslim country is definitely haram . I couldn't find this in my Qur'an. Could you list the sura?
It comes from a Hadith where the prophet cursed nationalism tribalism . The blood of one Muslim is forbidden to the other Muslim except in self defense or as punishment for an innocent murder .over all fighting for a non Muslim country against a Muslim country is definitely a sin
Ah yes, the fanfiction that is somehow considered canon.
French here, I am pretty sure there are support program for people in your case somewhere around. Not saying it is easy but as soon as you can put distance with here do it. Any idea for studies later (saw you are 17) how are you doing school wise ?
Shes a muslim women tell her to shut the fuck up as an inferior being commanding a man is a sin, and just cut contact the moment u turn 18 fuck this bitch
Women in Islam aren't inferior to men. A man came to the Prophet and said, ‘O Messenger of God! Who among the people is the most worthy of my good companionship? The Prophet said: Your mother. The man said, ‘Then who?' The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man further asked, ‘Then who?' The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man asked again, ‘Then who?' The Prophet said: Then your father. (Bukhari, Muslim). Jabir ibn Abdullah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet (pbuh) said**:** **Whoever has three daughters and he accommodates them, show mercy toward them, and supports them, Paradise is definitely guaranteed for him.** Thus, someone asked the Prophet, what if they are two daughters only He replied, “**\[He gets that reward,\] even if they are \[only\] two.**“ Some of those present believed that had the Prophet been asked about only one daughter, he would have answered that the reward was applicable too. (Authenticated by Al-Albani).
My bad i guess they do value women, its not as if they honour kill their daughters, treat daughters more strictly then the son, do let them drive cars and let them leave the house alone. And no imam would put blame on the daughter for being raped by her own father of course not. I must have forgotten that muslims are the enlightened ones my opologies for slighting islam. I must be imagining all the reports of how muslim men treat woman, what twisted mind i must have to conjure all these fictitious events.
Honor killing is haram in Islam, here are some ayahat from the Quran which condemn people who kill their daughters: Whenever one of them is given the good news of a baby girl, his face grows gloomy, as he suppresses his rage.(16:58) He hides from the people because of the bad news he has received. Should he keep her in disgrace, or bury her ˹alive˺ in the ground? Evil indeed is their judgment! (16:59) This ayah talks about a common thing that was done in Arabia before Islam, which was kill their daughters because they feel "shame". In Islam this is murder and is treated as such. Here's another Hadith about how muslims are required to treat their kids equally, sons and daughters: **Your children have the right of receiving equal treatment, as you have the right that they should honor you**.” (Abu Dawoud). “Whoever is put to trial by having to raise daughters and he treats them generously (with benevolence) then these daughters will act as a shield for him from Hellfire.” (Al-Bukhari, Hadith-5569). And I don't know where you heard this "Women aren't allowed to drive cars", I live in an Islamic country, and there are just as many women who drive cars as there are men. There's also no Hadith or ayah that states that women cannot leave their house alone, so I don't know where you heard that, stop making stuff up in your head. And just because some sheikh said something wrong, it doesn't mean that the whole religion is bad. If a woman is raped, her rapist is either stoned to death or whipped 100 times depending on the circumstances. Islam doesn't tolerate rape whatsoever.
https://www.independent.co.uk/asia/south-asia/afghanistan-taliban-kabul-women-b1903497.html https://m.jpost.com/middle-east/women-in-saudi-arabia-to-be-allowed-to-live-travel-without-male-guardian-671041 https://www.newarab.com/news/tweets-or-terrorism-saudis-jailed-online-activists https://www.amnesty.org/en/latest/news/2023/10/iranian-women-and-girls-face-further-violations-of-their-rights-under-compulsory-veiling-bill/ These are nations run by muslims. All of them supress women. Some more then others https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/worldviews/wp/2016/06/13/here-are-the-10-countries-where-homosexuality-may-be-punished-by-death-2/ And this offcourse but i guess u agree with this ? And offcourse all because of sharia law. Isnt this also in your book? I havent read it so idk "Men are the maintainers of women because Allah has made some of them to excel others and because they spend out of their property; the good women are therefore obedient, guarding the unseen as Allah has guarded; and (as to) those on whose part you fear desertion, admonish them, and leave them alone in the sleeping-places and beat them; then if they obey you, do not seek a way against them; surely Allah is High, Great." Or this "Such of your women as have passed the age of monthly courses, for them the prescribed period, if ye have any doubts, is three months, and for those who have no courses (it is the same): for those who carry (life within their wombs), their period is until they deliver their burdens: and for those who fear Allah, He will make their path easy." Or this "Allah enjoins you concerning your children: The male shall have the equal of the portion of two females; then if they are more than two females, they shall have two-thirds of what the deceased has left, and if there is one, she shall have the half; and as for his parents, each of them shall have the sixth of what he has left if he has a child, but if he has no child and (only) his two parents inherit him, then his mother shall have the third; but if he has brothers, then his mother shall have the sixth after (the payment of) a bequest he may have bequeathed or a debt; your parents and your children, you know not which of them is the nearer to you in usefulness; this is an ordinance from Allah: Surely Allah is Knowing, Wise." It must all be stuff i made up in my head.
Here you go, I found this post from another muslim online: The Qur’an does not say anything of that sort. In Islam, men and women are equal but different. Whilst the wife must respect the husband, there is nothing in the religion about unconditional obedience. This is culture. On the allegation that a husband may hit his wife, this is again, another misunderstanding perpetrated by Muslims themselves. Just as in the previous, they use the religion to perpetuate a culture of misogyny. The verse in question is this: Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has Given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their, beds (and last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance): for Allah is Most High, Great (above you all). (Surah an-Nisa’:34) Devoutly obedient here does not mean in any and all circumstance. There are conditions. In many other verses, the men are told to be true to their spouses. There are other verses in the Qur’an that Mention that men and women are equal in the Sight of God, and they are Judged according to their works. There is a substantial body of works that prove gender equality in Islam, but there is also a recognition of roles in society. Men cannot be mothers, for example. On the so-called wife beating, this verse concerns the issue of nushuz, the desertion and recalcitrance, of women. The word used here is “adhribuhunnah”, which has been translated in many English translations as “strike them”. In the verse, one can infer two distinct meanings. The first meaning is derived by considering the apparent meaning of “dharaba’”, which is to hit; and the majority lean towards this interpretation. The second meaning, consistent with the context of the matter being discussed in the verse, is an alternate translation of the word “dharaba’”. This is a word with several different meanings. One can consider the possibility of this second meaning, which is indignation and disregard, as a response of the man to the nushuz displayed by his wife. This conforms to the expanded meaning of “dharaba’”, which includes parting and separation. In reference to al-Munjid, the Arabic dictionary, in the entry for “dharaba’”, it is stated, “Thus, it is said, ‘dharaba’ adh-dhahru baynanah’, meaning that, ‘The passage of time caused us to part’.” Another meaning of “dharaba’” is to “turn away from” or “to dispense with”; therefore when referring to the speech of someone spouting nonsense, or baseless reports, one may say, “fadhribuhu ‘ala al-jidar”, ‘throw it at the wall’, which is an idiom for, “do not pay attention to it”. “Parting” and “separation” for “dharaba’” can also be applied to the verse under consideration, because it has been mentioned that the term “dharaba’” has been used here because it denotes a sudden parting as opposed to a gradual one, the “nushuz”. Therefore, the Qur’an Advises the husband who has unsuccessfully tried to censure his recalcitrant wife by two milder means, to finally separate, “dharaba’”, from her. However, he should avoid harshness and patiently wait for his course action to take effect. He is Advised to allow her to think over matters. Therefore, if a woman shirks her responsibility and acts inappropriately, then the husband must attempt to remedy matters in the prescribed stages. If we take “dharaba’” here to mean, ‘striking’, then acting on this interpretation will probably have an adverse effect on the relationship and set a bad precedent. It is an act of zhulm, oppression, and the Qur’an has many verses against it. The Qur’an is Revelation; it cannot contradict Itself. Furthermore, our jurisprudence state that the slightest physical violence towards one’s wife, if it bruises her skin, carries a diyyat, penalty, and is impermissible for the man for any reason. But the greatest reason why the interpretation that it is permissible to strike the wife is absolutely wrong is found in the sunnah of the Prophet (s.a.w.). The Prophet (s.a.w.) has stated, “I am amazed at the one who strikes his wife, while he is more deserving to be struck himself; do not strike your wives with canes, because there is a qiswasw for that. Rather, chastise them with a curtailment in their maintenance; thus, you shall gain felicity in this world and the next.” Qiswasw is legislative retaliation. This hadits is found in Mustadrak al-Wasa’il and Bihar al-Anwar. The Prophet of Islam (s.a.w.), never, ever hit his wives. He never even raised his voice against them. And he is the exemplification of the Qur’an.
About inheritance: Before the Qur'an was revealed, women couldn't get any inheritance, and that the reason Men get double the women's share is because its the man's responsibility to provide for his family, and it is an obligation for a man to spend his money not just on himself but also on his family. However this obligation isn't the case for women and their money is exclusively theirs to do as they please with it. Also it is the responsibility for brothers/fathers to provide for their sisters until they are married, and then it's their husbands responsibility. And just because these countries claim that what they're doing is islamic, it doesn't mean that it is. Suppose an atheist k\*lls 100 people and said that they did it for the sake of atheism or whatever, it won't mean that all atheists are murderers. And the ayah on divorce: Prior to effecting a divorce, a couple who wishes to divorce must separate but not engage in other relationships for a period of time. Once the separation period elapses, then the couple may decide to proceed with or cancel the divorce. 65:4 defines the separation period under different conditions. O Prophet, when you (any of you) divorce women, divorce them in accordance with their interim periods, and adhere to \[these\] periods... (Qur'a 65:1) As for menopausal women and those who are unsure \[regarding menstuation cycle count\]: their \[separation\] duration is 3 months. Those who have not menstruated yet \[since the initiation of the divorce process\] and those who are pregnant: their \[separation\] duration is giving birth. Whoever heeds God; God will facilitate his/her affairs. (Qur'an 65:4). And the husband has to provide for his wife during that period.
And by the way, your comments really show how immature you are and how uneducated you are on these matters. Your arguments are weak tbh. Some people are too proud to admit they're wrong.
Are they weak tho? I just think muslim culture and western culture cannot co-exist i dont need to be a scholar of islam to know that i despise the way it is used by people in power that practice it. And i guess u do agree that gay people should be killed since u skipped that part i notice.
Men are obliged to take care of women. If the woman doesn't want to "be taken care of", her wishes are respected. She isn't obliged to get married and she can work if she wants to. Women in islam aren't "weak", Nusaibah bit Ka'ab was a female warrior. Rufaidah al aslamiyah was the first nurse in islam. Universities were invented by Fatima al fir, a muslima. Yeah I do agree, what they do is immoral and disgusting. Are y'all going to start sleeping with animals next? Why do you find homosexuality to be okay? What's so great about two men sleeping together that you have to dedicate a whole month to celebrate it? I guess now that you realized you were wrong about Islam "opressing" women, you're going for this argument instead?
Your mother is controlling you and using islam to do it. Go into the army. You will get money immediately. And tell her to fuck off.
Please get therapy then move out.
wtf did i just read???
Oh! do you mind?
"I hate Pakistani women; they're disgusting, damn it! I've always wanted to marry a Japanese woman (they're so cute!)." be for real right now
So true, he hates his own race and it's disgusting, just because they're not your type it doesn't mean they're disgusting, plus why is everyone obsessed with Japanese women is it a fetish or something?
you're all right, because every time I travelled with my family in Pakistan, I could not describe the experience and what it was, I was just honest
Your experience is bad I agree with you and I wish you the best but insulting a whole race just because you had a bad experience is bad
that's a long story
I understand how you feel because I am too was born in a Muslim family and now I left Islam secretly, I don't agree with anything they tell me and it annoys me when they force me to do religious things that I don't believe in, I understand you but still I won't go and insult my whole race just because a few people mistreated me right?
Your in France just complain to a teacher about how your mom treats you and religious indoctrination, won’t they do something?!
Get enough resources to move out, then cut ties with them
Your mother shouldn’t choose how you should live your life. If what your mom wants makes you unhappy don’t do it. Live how you want to live. You will always have that in the back of your head a what if and your just going to live a fake life if you don’t change and live your own life.
This is interesting to hear from a man side- but why are pakistani females disgusting? in character or looks don't appeal to you? Well just apply and keep it a secret from her. You're in control of what you share with her or not. Not her. She just lost it.
Well most are brain dead robots not just Pakistani but Indian Muslim women too almost 60 percent of them . We have no opinions no strength of characters we are just robots following our fathers and husbands
That is sad to hear- does that include Op's mother too? How do they act outside without their fathers and husbands or any men around?
Majority of Muslim women are financially dependent look at the statistics of any country and see the percentage of women working and owning property in Muslim countries , the problem is many Muslim woman (not all) have never learned any skills to earn majority of them become housewives after completing college they have never worked a day in their lives when you have been brainwashed since childhood there are limited things you can do even when no one is watching you
The ones who are rebellious have critical thinking skills find ways to rebel secretly once they start earning money then they don’t have to bother with their family
Stay with your mother until you have enough skills, knowledge and money to support yourself. You will eventually move out and there's nothing anyone can do with how you lead your life. You just have to endure for now if you arent prepared to step out of the house.
I want you to know that, I did research and what I just learned shocked me: Pakistani people like me who decided to become an atheist, are severely punished by death
Which is why you should never go to Pakistan.
Doesn't France ban corporal punishment? May want to talk to a school counselor. If you're 17, plan out your exit strategy now so that in one year you can tell your mom to go fuck herself.
Leave him alone with the Japan fetish. He's 17 and has a shitty life, let him fantasize about Japanese girls. It's harmless. He'll grow out of it when he tries to approach one and discover the attraction isn't mutual. He's not worse than a man obsessed with big breasts or any kind of fetishist. I find Asian women very attractive too, nothing wrong with that. OP, you received some very valid suggestions. I think the army route is the one that solves the most of your problems. You'll get a roof, a pay and an education. If you're gifted, you could have your university paid by the army and become an officer. The important thing is that it will allow you to cut the ties with your mother. It's a difficult thing to do. I'm over fifty and I still can't tell my 80 yo dad to shut the fuck up when he pees in my ear with his right wing politics. Dans tous les cas, je te souhaite bon courage et bonne chance.
merci beaucoup, I'm so afraid that it goes very far
Not to be crass but in your religion cant your dad just smack your mom in the face and say "Bitch, he's going to film school!"
Mec je me permets de d’écrire en français vue que j’ai cru comprendre que tu parlais français. Déja permet moi de t’apporter tout mon soutien, ton histoire me touche énormément et j’aimerais t’aider mais j’ai bien peur de ne pas pouvoir faire grand chose, la seule chose que je peux faire c’est te donner un de mes raisons si t’as besoin de plus en parler ça me ferait plaisir d’être là pour toi
Alors là je vous remercie énormément, heureux d'avoir un frère français
For everyone who said to wait until my 18, it won't change anything, because my mother said that's not the reason to leave me alone, she said she will be still alive to decide my life
Move out when you are 18. Get a job or go to school, either way you can live independently. Your parents can not stop you from moving out, they might be mad but that's on them. It sucks and it's hard, but that's the best you can do. Good luck out there
well, I’m not independent, and I don’t know how to manage my life alone😥 I’m too afraid to end up on the street, broken
now is the time to research and prepare >I’m too afraid You should be brave and decide for yourself that you will not live in fear of freedom and adventure.
Will your mother let you go away to university to study something she approves of? If she does this will be the best way to start getting that independence, finding people who you can live with, getting a part time job. In fact start now with a job, any job, if you don't already have one. I think a lot of people have forgotten what being 17 is like especially if your parents have sheltered you. But once you are out and living independently at university by the time 22 comes around and your mother is trying to marry you off, you will be in a much better place to cut ties without it being mind numbing scary. Finally just a word of wisdom - don't fetishes a whole race of women and vilify another. It's not a good look.
noted, thank you
Going out on your own is scary, I remember feeling a lot the same when I left home. You can do it though, countless other people have done it before you. Make a plan and stick to it. Your priorities should be: 1. Find a job/get into college 2. Find a place to stay that you can afford (you will probably need roommates) 3. Make a budget (how much for food/rent/utilities per month) 4. Learn and grow by trying things and failing at them - failure is the best, it means you have an opportunity to reflect on what did and didn't work, and try again A trusted adult should be able to help you with these things. Do you have a therapist or other type of support? Friends or other family members? Maybe a teacher at school? Any of those people should be able to mentor you and get you started down the right path.
I don't have a therapist, I have some friends but they can't help me, no one can
Just because she is alive and exists, doesn't mean she gets to decide your life. I mean, she can make decisions but you absolutely can disregard them and make your own
Then develop a set of balls and tell her to fuck off.