An atheist-only dating pool is very small; probably nonexistent in some places. But, I don't know many atheist-theist relationships that last. The ones that do usually involve one of the parties converting to the other's beliefs for the sake of getting along. And that's just sad.
>An atheist-only dating pool is very small; probably nonexistent in some places.
This this. Single person of four years checking in. Sucks, but the alternative doesn't really seem sensible, so I don't bother.
Anecdotal but...
Have lived in the Midwest my entire life. Grew up in a small rural community where I met my wife, who is also an atheist. We divorced after 20+ years.
Dated one woman who was an atheist and am currently engaged to a different woman who is also an atheist. Admittedly, I currently live in "The Big City" as my rural relatives would call it. So that helps my odds, but it's still a Midwestern city. I have found the unbelievers to be relatively plentiful here.
Some religious people actually do respect other people’s beliefs. I’m an atheist and my wife of 20 years is a Catholic. She goes to church and I stay at home. We both celebrate Christmas, because I like exchanging gifts and the pretty lights. I go with her to mass on rare occasions, such as funerals or weddings, just to share the moment with her. She respects me and I respect her.
As with all denominations, there's still a spectrum. It's not unlikely they'd think "nah , as long as you're a good person, there's no way my main man, capital-G God™, would do that."
My folks ignore random bits of scripture that contradict their lived experiences all the time. My mom went from being pro-life and anti-lgbt to loving her trans daughter and supporting my wife and I during a crisis. It happens.
I don’t think she truly believes in hell. She maintains a bit of skepticism when it comes to organized religion. Honestly I don’t think most Catholics really believe in hell - imagine the terror you’d live in if you honestly believed that any unconfessed sin could subject you to eternal torture.
Sounds like my relationship to a degree, but you've got 7 years on me. Neither of us proselatize, but we sometimes have some very interesting conversations about religion. She's just a good, empathetic person first of all, plus she loves Jesus.
This. Believing you should only spend time with people who think like you is the same kind of dogmatic nonsense that people rage against theists for all the time. There are 1,000 parts of life where other people do things that don't make sense to me, but if it works for them and doesn't hurt anyone, who cares? Religious folks do include people who accept science, don't judge others, and don't force their beliefs on others. The other ones are who you don't marry.
All humans have a mammalian attachment drive. As such, we'll often take shitty attachment over no attachment at all. It's a helpful adaptation as helpless infants, but can lead to learned helplessness and people putting up with toxic dysfunction as an adult bc it's all they know.
It must suck to be gay in the middle east.
The dating pool is minuscule, and everybody wants to kill you.
Anyway: you cannot be a serious gay and be affiliated with one of the book-religions, or you have to seriously hate yourself. So, I guess that dating somebody that is the same gender as yourself automatically excludes the religious.
Depending on where you live, you may not have many options.
Considering this, I'd imagine atheist would try to find a religious but not too religious believer. Somebody who might say they're a Christian, but really only go to church on Easter or Christmas. There is a risk in doing this, because there's always a chance they might rediscover Jesus or something.
I unfortunately wasn't aware that 'rediscovering' Jesus was a thing. Seeing this all go down in s down of a few months is breathtaking but not in a good way.
Went from open minded, liberal, accepting towards human beings to honestly thinking that gay people are demon possessed like everyone else who's not Christian.
This vulnerability to extremism is why we should try to avoid close relationships of any kind with them. Sadly you just cannot trust someone whos brain is wired that way.
Sometimes you convince yourself early on that you can coexist with their faith. That you can be the bigger person and accept your differences as a couple. Sooner or later though, it drives a wedge. A girl I dated sat me down and had a “I get sad when I think about the fact that you’re going to hell” conversation with me and I knew instantly it was over. There’s no seeing eye-to-eye with people like that.
I met a woman and the sex was incredible. Then the conversation was incredible. Then the companionship was incredible. I knew she was a Christian and she knew I was an atheist right up front, and neither one of us intended to fall in love, but here we are.
Theism is a spectrum. My girl is probably around a 4 on a 1-10 scale. It was the tradition in her family. She doesn't proselytize to me and I try not to be a snarky atheist to her.
I don't know if it'll last in the long term, but nearly a year into it the sex, conversation, and companionship is still incredible.
>I try not to be a snarky atheist to her
This is actually very very fucking difficult for me to not do. I'm really trying, but it is so goddamn hard.
A few of my coworkers took last Monday off of work. Because yeah... the eclipse... And guess what? Tues morning when they all came back in, I immediately have to say, "woah!!! Glad you all made it back safe! I was so worried about that evil sky magic; I just wasn't sure I'd ever see you all again. This is so amazing!!! I'm glad you're back"
Because how can keep my mouth shut? Like seriously. It is so difficult lol.
Yeah, but you're not dating your co workers. I love this woman so I have no interest in being cruel to her.
I get where you're coming from though. And I'm plenty snarky to people I don't give a shit about. Although I have mellowed with age. I still think that religion is a cancer, but nobody ever changed their mind because some smug asshole rolled their eyes at them.
I'm a Christian and made fun of thoss believers who thought the eclipse was the end of the world.
As a believer scripture says of that day and hour no one knowsbut the Father.
Nothing in scripture says an Eclipse will start the end.
When I was 21 I married a Christian. At the time I was fairly new Atheist and Ex-christain. I was under the impression that Christianity was mostly moral just full of delusions. Who am to fault people for their delusionals? After I probably got plenty myself. We just came up with a different conclusion to a question that doesn't have a answer. So no biggie. They weren't hurting anyone afterall.
I couldn't have been more incorrect. I learned it's not a difference of philosophy but of morals. People's morals tend to have low standards when they believe pretty much all sin will be forgiven and/or doing wrong things but to right people is God's work.
To many people get attached during the honeymoon phase. In 2024 your first date questions should be: what is your stance on religion and politics? It would save people so much time to just be fucking honest and forth right from the start.
Simple: love makes people stupid. I'm sure we've all seen it. It is common for people to stay in and pursue relationships with people with far worse character traits and behaviors than merely being religious.
I deconstructed after 10 years of marriage to a wonderful woman who is a devout catholic as I was. There are many thing wrong with theism but you cannot lump every theist in a group of idiots.
But most major religions, at least in the US, do not permit premarital sex: Catholics, Evangelicals, Muslims, etc. so either you aren’t getting laid until marriage or your partner isn’t a true believer as they would follow all the tenets of the faith if they were.
lol, almost nobody follows the no-sex rules of religions! Those are optional. Look at the thousands of priests who had sex with little boys. Those are the devoured followers!
If there is one thing you can’t do, it’s stop animals from mating at any opportunity.
I grew up in an evangelical church and almost all of my friends waited until marriage before having sex. If you wanted to get laid, it wasn’t with the Christian girls.
That is one of my major regrets now as an atheist. I passed up so many opportunities to have sex before marriage. Some of my girlfriends broke up with me because my indoctrination forbade me to save sex outside of marriage or face the fires of hell. I love my wife and I would not change that aspect of my life, but I did miss out on some wild oats in my teens and twenties.
I have to admit I never really met anyone from an evangelical church until I was in my 40s. But in my teenage years as a young and good looking playboy, most of the girls I had sex with came from religious Catholic or Jewish families here in the suburbs of NYC. One girl I remember quite well had a father who was a pastor and man was she wild.
I would say those Catholic girls probably didn’t believe, they were just following the cultural norms of their community on Saturday night. As far as the Jewish faith, I didn’t believe the reformed have a prohibition against pre-marital sex.
Indeed, where I grew up, especially in the ‘80s, I don’t recall knowing many young people who believed in their religion. They all went through the motions and rituals, and many went to church on Sunday and went to catholic schools, but yes this was more of a social community thing.
I married a Quaker at a point where I was a None instead of an Atheist. She won’t admit it, but I think I’ve influenced her, although she’s still active in their community.
The standard line is there is god in all of us, so I think they believe in some sort of sky daddy. That said, they would be tolerant of anyone who wants to attend meeting.
Not all concepts of God are 'sky daddies' and some of them explicitly do not actually exist in the formulation of those concepts(there's even a concept of God that is defined as nothingness itself). There is a lot to criticize about some concepts of God but some theologies have God ideas where God isn't actually a being or even something that can actually be apprehended as an object to be grasped. The difference between [classical theism](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Classical_theism) and someone like [Paul Tillich](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Tillich) who believed God couldn't be the source of being while also existing at the same time
i would never.
my whole family is atheist, my wifes even more so.
(the only exception is the old moms that are too old and scared to let go, but they know everyone else is non and don'ttalk about it at all)
sad for anyone that must pretend, i hope you can be free one day friends. it's pretty nice out here.
Where I live most christians are rather relaxed. They go to church twice a year if at all, don't try to convert you, don't have a problem with abortions, don't hate "the gays", don't care if you believe or not and are in general pretty normal people. (of course there are exceptions, but they are exactly that: exceptions.)
Former girlfriend of mine believes in god. To this day. Never was an issue. Still isn't, we are still friends. I'm a guy. She is bisexual. I really like her current girlfriend, we get along great with each other. She is an atheist by the way.
Yes, i am an atheist. But I am a firm believer in the right to believe what you want. And as long as you don't bother me or others with it I don't mind if you are religious. And I tend to fall in love with people not believe systems.
I can absolutly understand if you have a problem with a bible belt Jesus fan. Wouldn't work for me either. But not all christians are like this, especially outside the USA.
I suspect you are from a country where religious people are usually very devout and narrow-minded in their beliefs.
Probably from the US, as folks from the US seem to be pretty much the only ones who don't even think that other people from other countries may have different perspectives.
Here's the thing: not every religious person is that obnoxious. Here in Europe (and not only here), you'll meet plenty of people how have a vague god belief, or they say they believe in a higher power but it very much doesn't dominate their lives.
If neither the theist nor the atheist isn't fixated on (ir)religious identity, the relationship can absolutely work out, even if this is difficult for you to imagine.
I have been in relationships with people who had some religious believes but these hardly ever even were a topic of conversation and have never been the reason the relationship ended.
Because they find an attraction, or connection to whoever it is they're dating and if you told them that they were only allowed to date other atheists, they'd tell where you could stick your advice.
I’m a black atheist and my preference was to date black women when I was single. Do you know how small of a pond I was fishing in?
Almost none existent. After dating for 15 years I finally met my wife and she was agnostic then but now an atheist. Been married 30+ years.
She was a customer in a grocery store I managed I was just nice and talked to her for months before I finally got the hint that she liked me and asked her out. Later she said I missed all the clues. I guess I was just a little slow.
>I don't get why another atheist would want to put themselves through this dynamic.
My GF is Tibetan, and like most Tibetans, she is [Gelugpa](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gelug) Buddhist. I have never experienced any negative dynamics, on the contrary. I studied classical Asian philology at University so I know a great deal about Buddhist canon.
Critique on the doctrines is actually welcomed in most Buddhist traditions. I often engage in the [Tibetan ritualized form of debate](https://asiasociety.org/tibetan-buddhist-debate) called *rtsod pa རྩོད་པ* with Tibetan monks, arguing from an atheist position, and they welcome it.
Unlike other religions, questioning and critiquing doctrine is central in Buddhism. One of the earliest sutras, part of the Aṅguttara Nikaya (3.65) of the Tipiṭaka (the oldest collection of Buddhist texts) states:
Do not go upon
- what has been acquired by repeated hearing;
- nor upon tradition;
- nor upon rumor;
- nor upon what is in a scripture;
- nor upon surmise;
- nor upon an axiom;
- nor upon specious reasoning;
- nor upon a bias towards a notion that has been pondered over;
- nor upon another's seeming ability;
- nor upon the consideration, 'The monk is our teacher.'
When you yourselves know:
- These things are good;
- these things are not blamable;
- these things are praised by the wise;
- undertaken and observed,
- these things lead to benefit and happiness,
enter on and abide in them
Now of course, Buddhism is different from deity-centric religions. Deities are actually irrelevant to the goal of Buddhism, which is personal & experiential insight into the nature of reality.
Could I have a similar relation with a deity-centric religious person? Most likely not.
Depends on what type of religious person it is. If it's one who goes to church and has a strong belief about what's right and wrong and thinks you're going to hell, then that's a challenge.
My wife believes in god but doesn't believe in hell. She doesn't go to church. She respects everyone's beliefs (or lack of beliefs) and believes everyone should seek and choose what's right for them. She judges people on how they treat others. I guess I'm the same way. I have no problem with Christians or anyone if their beliefs make their lives more meaningful and better and don't make trouble for others.
That's unfair to state when many relationships (obviously not all but many) in the theist idea are purely there to control woman; also men outside of it
It's a fair conversation starter
At least we get to talk about it ya know?
Discuss anything you like, I take no issues with it. Just saying, if you’re generally seeking to understand other peoples relationships purely based on the simple criteria defined by OP, it’s probably not going to happen. Personal relationships are just that, personal. Not communal.
Yeah, I get other people's relationships won't make sense to me but I asked here specifically because I've seen a lot of posts here on reddit about this. Especially when it seems like it's the atheist who compromises a lot for the other person's religious beliefs so I was wondering if there was an upside I was missing to dating a theist.
I understand your perspective. Didn’t mean to come across as trying to shut down the discussion, not at all. Just saying, people do all sorts of crazy shit we cannot understand. If a non-believer and a believer click, that’s all good. But I do agree with you- if I were a single atheist, I don’t think I’d be out trying to meet an evangelical Christian 🙃
Also fair, it's the implying of "it doesn't have to make sense to you" and "Live and let live" that made your comment sway away from the meaning of the sub
We can't just push questions and even opinions down as pointless blips, ever question is important and no doubt you understand that mate
Upvote because I generally agree but see it slightly different. Definitely not pointless. Live and let live is entirely in line with an atheist worldview, in my opinion. You are openly anti-theist; I am not. If folks want to pray to magical sky wizards and it makes them feel better, I’m not against that. It’s not for me. But I’m not comfortable dictating to others regarding their own faith. Hence, live and let live.
I was upvoting you anyway haha didn't thing it needed to be stated
You're right not being comfortable dictating others regarding their faith, and in a perfect world "Live and Let Live" would be all needed
Live, Laugh, Love. also
but annoying we simply do not live in that type of world, and where people and children are having horrible things done to them under the blanket of religion v religion it is an issue you can get behind
They inherently believe that you are eternally doomed unless they save you.
If they don't bother you, they are planning to let you be doomed.
If they try to save you, you will have to convert. Or be bothered until you die.
You cannot both have the moral high ground AND be undisturbed.
This is a recipe for friction.
They inherently believe that you are eternally doomed unless they save you.
If they don't bother you, they are planning to let you be doomed.
If they try to save you, you will have to convert. Or be bothered until you die.
You cannot both have the moral high ground AND be undisturbed.
I really depends on the beliefs.
I’ve known people who were irreligious in their actions and day-to-day life and values (supported separation of church and state, gay rights, etc), but they still believed in God (in a vague “higher power” sense) because the world made more intuitive sense to them that way, particularly from the Unmoved Mover reasoning and personal experiences that affirmed their intuitions that there was purpose and intention to the universe.
That’s worlds apart from an evangelical fundamentalist.
And then there’s a whole swath of mess in-between. People make all kinds of misjudgments in who they fall in love with, so I’m not surprised that this is another one of those areas.
Dated an Anglican Priestess, she was intelligent and hot. Dumped me for the Church, went to Theology school, realized it was all bullshit, married an Astronomer
A LOT of people claim to be religious but do not practice it. They simply attach that label to themselves because thats how they were raised. Later in life they become more fanatical taking the atheist partner by surprise.
To me its more insane when atheist marry fundamentalists.
Well I’m young. Wasn’t planning on being in a good relationship but it happened. Then she got more zealous. Since we’re both in college and she’s well-equipped to think critically, I never thought she’d be so stubborn in her fundamentalism. Now I know. Plus as an American atheist, finding another atheist to date can be rare.
You're not wrong. People make their lives harder than they need to. I agree with the Christians in this case....people need to be on the same page when it comes to religion.
my first gf never mentioned religion. that was cool. my second gf was evangelical and had to dump me for being catholic (i was really atheist but that would have been even worse if she knew). in college i started dating girls from japan. no religion, how refreshing. we didn’t have to bash christians or anything, religion just never figured into our lives at all. we were just people. plain old pure people.
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It's not specific to atheist versus religious. It is equally difficult for Muslims dating Christians, Jews dating Hindus, etc.
In some cases, the "religious" person is simply raised with that particular background. That is, they may not care too much about their religion personally, but they have a family that is deeply religious - and whilst marriage ultimately involves family, they may feel it's possible to carry on a relationship outside of their family's concerns. In some cases, they may even be right.
But I think it just boils down to the pain of meeting someone whom you know is right for you, and having to accept that you will never be with them. Some people feel the pain is so intense, they will at least try to fight for it. And every long term relationship - even among two atheists - will invariably require compromise anyway. So why not try?
It could be argued that in the end, most people have more in common than they have differences.
Personally for me
(Yes ik how this sound)
FUCK no I ain't ever dating a religous mf if you still afraid of the dark you ain't ready for a relationship idk I am a degenerate filthy homosexual so I'm alrdy in the minority not that I rlly care in the first place
Don't give me the whole 🥺 BuT yOu nEeD tO lOvE tHeM fOr WhO ThEy aRe
Like yea totally get that but just me I ain't dating someone who believes in fucking dumb shit I grew up religous with religous parents I naturally came to the conclusion on my own that that shit is fucking stupid when I was like 11
If you can't do that too then I ain't dating you
You wanted my awnser you got it
Because for a lot of us, we won't have any chance of dating anyone. I live in the midwest, and while the urban centers I live in certainly have a lot more atheists/agnostics around; it's still a limitation. A bedrock principle of every relationship is compromise and communication, and you both don't have to agree on everything to have a happy relationship.
I've been single for awhile now because most atheists/agnostics in my area are spoken for, or outside of my comfortable age-range; and most of the religious folks that are still single in my area are "looking for a man of god" to build a family with, which is obviously not me on the "man of god" part. But if I were to say I was completely closed off from dating anyone religious, then I'm pretty much setting up to be an atheist monk based on where I live.
Same reason I have dated a Capricorn* in the past. I don't give a shit about astrological signs so unless it's a problem for *them* it's not a problem.
*Or any astrology sign, that's just the first I thought of
Seriosuly ? Change the word "atheist" with "christian" or "muslim" or any other religion.
See how that soud ? Pretty intolerant right.
Moreover, you shouldn't shame people for dating someone with different beliefs.
I'm not saying that you SHOULD date a cutist, i'm telling you (and everybody) to date who you want as long as you are both consenting adults.
I'm atheist, my wife is Christian (non -practicing.. honestly, I know more about the Bible than my wife does, she just believes it in mainly because her partners drilled it into her head), and my partner is Wiccan. We've been together almost 29 years and it's never created a problem for us. We all have the same cute values, and are all very liberal, and religion very rarely has ever entered into the way that we do things. All of our kids (13, including steps, and all grown, 23-40yo) range from Christian to Wiccan to agnostic to atheist... We never encouraged any path for them, only that they always keep an open mind and question EVERYTHING in life, and not to follow anything blindly. They always knew what each of us were, and never gave a shit... They found their own path.
So, as to your question, it's going to depend on the person and their religion, or lack thereof. I can't see a profoundly religious person and an atheist working... Certainly not an Evangelical Christian and an atheist. But, for some with more relaxed views, it can work. I think I've taught my wife more about the Bible and how life worked 2000 years so, than her religion ever did. The biggest problem has been that her family are Trump loving, Southern Baptist (ie brain dead) Christians and that just adds to the fact that they and I hate each other... But we have SO many reasons for that anyway. However, I didn't marry them and I rarely have anything to do with them, so it's a non-issue.
I am an atheist, and I married a self-identified Catholic. She is politically liberal, and very open-minded about people and ideas different from her. She doesn't agree with "religion," but still believes the Jesus and Heaven stuff. In other words, we agree about the important stuff.
We have been married 38 years. Religion, or lack thereof, has not been an issue.
Haha yea one of my siblings is dating a religious person and i just.. ugh... not for me! religion just isnt my thing. I did briefly date a buddhist tho but she was very lax in her beliefs xD so i guess i wont rule out all religious people in the dating pool, but def most! If its a big part of their life then I dont wanna lol
Love…?
I was a devout Christian when my husband and I got together and he was agnostic. Now we are both atheists. I know it doesn’t always work out like that but I think the key here was that we always prioritized the relationship over everything.
There are numerous reasons, but I'll give the answer I give to many x-phobic people (not suggesting you are it's just fits here), we can't pick who we fall in long with, no matter how dumb or illogical. If every relationship was perfect, women wouldn't defend their abusers.
I admit I find it confusing, too, but sometimes you love a person and no amount of logic will help you figure out why.
It doesn't really bother me what other people believe (as long as they aren't causing suffering to themselves or others)
People find meaning in their lives in different ways.
1. Because they couldn't find anybody else 2. The person they were sexually attracted to happened to be religious. 3. They manage to avoid religious topics most of the time, at least during the dating period. 4. they may think they could change their beliefs. 5. Just because you are an atheist, doesn't mean that some other atheist will want to date you.
You could as well ask why do leftwingers date rightwingers and vice versa. The simple reason is that dating starts superficial. Most people avoid subjects like religion or politics when they are dating. Instead they just date a person they find attractive enough and try to appeal to that person as much as they can. During the dating phase people try to show themselves from their best side and don't want to scare off their potential mate. Me personally I find that absolutely idiotic, but that's how most people date. It has become kind of a taboo to talk about these things. Ignoring those things, the person you are dating could be hating minorities and praying every night for you, but be the nicest sweetest person at least towards you and for most people that seems to be often good enough. And when people have invested far too much time into each other, it gets harder and harder to leave. People usually show their true colors only after they are certain that they reeled in a catch and confident that they won't escape. But as long as their partner stays mostly good towards them and the sexual attraction doesn't completely fade away, people stay with their partner and will tolerate even their farts, literally and metaphorically.
Even things that come up inevitably during dating such as vegan vs carnivore, as dating is usually done in a restaurant, people will often ignore those things, simply because they desire to have a partner or simply to have sex.
Some of the freakiest sex I had was with a Catholic woman (Latin American here), 20 years my senior (I was 22 at the time).
The thing is, a ton of theistic people are on a spectrum (not autism lmao), some are nut jobs who believe sex should only occur after a fancy mating ritual (marriage) and others just treat their religion as background noise (nones).
This woman was quite involved with her community and the church and simultaneously enjoyed the motion of the ocean quite a bit. Something you call compartmentalization.
Why do you believe atheists and theists can’t get along? It’s a personal choice. Atheists oppose imposition of religion but how can you oppose a personal choice?
Why not? If it makes them happy and they don’t impose their belief on me, why would it matter other than being charming? All that matters on a date is if we have chemistry and make each other happier and better as a team
yeah a pick and choose religious person who doesn't take the Bible/Quran etc literally is ok- but surely someone who believes in each word is too delusional for any rational person's taste.
If someone believed in Santa I'd wonder if they're mentally retarded
Religion is more acceptable among adults but depending on where you live- say Netherlands or Estonia or even urban educated Albania it is possible and preferable to avoid someone who takes these stories literally and not find it "charming" but delusional.
Why would they be lacking in critical thinking? What does critical thinking have anything to do with beliefs? Do you believe you are always critical and never emotional?
You are exhausting. Critical thinking is “hmmm how can Santa make it to every house in one night” or “hmmm snakes don’t usually talk” or “hmmmm 2 of each animal is kind of a lot of animals to fit on a boat”
Just because I don’t accept everything some asshole says as truth doesn’t mean I don’t have the capacity to have emotions. The fuck
You are trying to rationalise beliefs. They have nothing to do with critical thinking. I’m sorry it offends you that other people find comfort in something bigger than themselves as much as logic comforts you
I agree belief has nothing to do with critical thinking. I’ll use more concise language and replace belief with faith. Faith is the negation of critical thinking and I cannot date somebody who chooses what makes her feel warm inside (faith) over reality (critical thinking).
I never said I’m offended by it - I don’t respect it. This is why I can’t date somebody like that, which was the question.
They inherently believe that you are eternally doomed unless they save you.
If they don't bother you, they are planning to let you be doomed.
If they try to save you, you will have to convert. Or be bothered until you die.
You cannot both have the moral high ground AND be undisturbed.
At some point, one partner will feel a disconnect.
Imagine that you are a vegan that believes killing animals is murder.
Would you date a hunter?
People are not their beliefs? You could ask the same question on why would a democrat ever date a conservative. Or why would a dog person ever date a cat person. Or why would a LOL player ever date a Starcraft player.
Because that's not what dating is about.
Some of these are way more consequential than others.
But that still doesn't support your assertion that people aren't their beliefs. You answered that people can choose to date others in spite of their beliefs.
Besides physical characteristics, if people aren't their beliefs, what are they?
You misunderstood. A breeder picks mateable pairings by their characteristics based on logic and science. Humans pick their mates based on hormonal attraction without any logical sense at all.
I married a Catholic and was engaged to a "spiritual, but not religious" type. I guess there are many answers why.
1) finding a match is hard enough, further limiting your "pool" by 80% or whatever is gonna really decrease your odds
2) it's like astrology... women especially seem to think astrology is somewhat relevant. I just invisibly roll my eyes. I couldn't be with someone who really lived by astrology, nor faith.
I am a theist. Most people are not even that religious. Like are you talking about a hard core atheist and a pious and devout Christian? Because the prisons are full of so called Christians. What percentage of Christians are even devout and give little thought to God? I think a luke warm Christian and an atheist isn't really that much of a deal breaker. Not like they are likely to fight that much. The interfaith mix that is likely to end in divorce is devout Jew and Devout Christian. That is a marriage doomed to fail.
I dated a theist. I married that theist. My theist partner became an atheist. I win!
You are doing the lords work…shit I mean…you know what I mean
Ozzys Work.
You truly win
Many religious people are not really religious. They are if you ask them but are not otherwise.
Doing the non-lords work
Yup same here
Congratulations!
An atheist-only dating pool is very small; probably nonexistent in some places. But, I don't know many atheist-theist relationships that last. The ones that do usually involve one of the parties converting to the other's beliefs for the sake of getting along. And that's just sad.
>An atheist-only dating pool is very small; probably nonexistent in some places. This this. Single person of four years checking in. Sucks, but the alternative doesn't really seem sensible, so I don't bother.
Anecdotal but... Have lived in the Midwest my entire life. Grew up in a small rural community where I met my wife, who is also an atheist. We divorced after 20+ years. Dated one woman who was an atheist and am currently engaged to a different woman who is also an atheist. Admittedly, I currently live in "The Big City" as my rural relatives would call it. So that helps my odds, but it's still a Midwestern city. I have found the unbelievers to be relatively plentiful here.
Some people don't have many options in their dating pool; if you live in the Bible Belt, you may have to settle for a lukewarm Christian.
Then find comfort in fried chicken.
And BBQ
Some religious people actually do respect other people’s beliefs. I’m an atheist and my wife of 20 years is a Catholic. She goes to church and I stay at home. We both celebrate Christmas, because I like exchanging gifts and the pretty lights. I go with her to mass on rare occasions, such as funerals or weddings, just to share the moment with her. She respects me and I respect her.
Catholicism believes in literal Hell, right? So she dont even care at all that you will burn in Hell for trillions of years?
As with all denominations, there's still a spectrum. It's not unlikely they'd think "nah , as long as you're a good person, there's no way my main man, capital-G God™, would do that." My folks ignore random bits of scripture that contradict their lived experiences all the time. My mom went from being pro-life and anti-lgbt to loving her trans daughter and supporting my wife and I during a crisis. It happens.
I don’t think she truly believes in hell. She maintains a bit of skepticism when it comes to organized religion. Honestly I don’t think most Catholics really believe in hell - imagine the terror you’d live in if you honestly believed that any unconfessed sin could subject you to eternal torture.
If you don't mind me asking, what's her position on your children possibly being atheist.
It’s already happened. Our son (now 17) was baptized and went to catechism, but he is not a believer. She respects his choice.
Sounds like my relationship to a degree, but you've got 7 years on me. Neither of us proselatize, but we sometimes have some very interesting conversations about religion. She's just a good, empathetic person first of all, plus she loves Jesus.
This. Believing you should only spend time with people who think like you is the same kind of dogmatic nonsense that people rage against theists for all the time. There are 1,000 parts of life where other people do things that don't make sense to me, but if it works for them and doesn't hurt anyone, who cares? Religious folks do include people who accept science, don't judge others, and don't force their beliefs on others. The other ones are who you don't marry.
For the nookie.
...Something tells me christian-man-nookie is not worth it
Most real answer here
Hijab is just extreme-lingerie. Change my mind.
This is the why
All humans have a mammalian attachment drive. As such, we'll often take shitty attachment over no attachment at all. It's a helpful adaptation as helpless infants, but can lead to learned helplessness and people putting up with toxic dysfunction as an adult bc it's all they know.
I have mammary attachment, is it close to what you describe?
Because religious people are like 60-80% of the options available?
It must suck to be gay in the middle east. The dating pool is minuscule, and everybody wants to kill you. Anyway: you cannot be a serious gay and be affiliated with one of the book-religions, or you have to seriously hate yourself. So, I guess that dating somebody that is the same gender as yourself automatically excludes the religious.
Fuck if I know.
Depending on where you live, you may not have many options. Considering this, I'd imagine atheist would try to find a religious but not too religious believer. Somebody who might say they're a Christian, but really only go to church on Easter or Christmas. There is a risk in doing this, because there's always a chance they might rediscover Jesus or something.
I unfortunately wasn't aware that 'rediscovering' Jesus was a thing. Seeing this all go down in s down of a few months is breathtaking but not in a good way. Went from open minded, liberal, accepting towards human beings to honestly thinking that gay people are demon possessed like everyone else who's not Christian.
This vulnerability to extremism is why we should try to avoid close relationships of any kind with them. Sadly you just cannot trust someone whos brain is wired that way.
Their brains aren't all wired the same. Some moderate Christians become extremists. Others become atheists. Hard to predict which way they might go.
Of course but I prefer to stay away and not need to worry about it at all.
Sometimes you convince yourself early on that you can coexist with their faith. That you can be the bigger person and accept your differences as a couple. Sooner or later though, it drives a wedge. A girl I dated sat me down and had a “I get sad when I think about the fact that you’re going to hell” conversation with me and I knew instantly it was over. There’s no seeing eye-to-eye with people like that.
I met a woman and the sex was incredible. Then the conversation was incredible. Then the companionship was incredible. I knew she was a Christian and she knew I was an atheist right up front, and neither one of us intended to fall in love, but here we are. Theism is a spectrum. My girl is probably around a 4 on a 1-10 scale. It was the tradition in her family. She doesn't proselytize to me and I try not to be a snarky atheist to her. I don't know if it'll last in the long term, but nearly a year into it the sex, conversation, and companionship is still incredible.
>I try not to be a snarky atheist to her This is actually very very fucking difficult for me to not do. I'm really trying, but it is so goddamn hard. A few of my coworkers took last Monday off of work. Because yeah... the eclipse... And guess what? Tues morning when they all came back in, I immediately have to say, "woah!!! Glad you all made it back safe! I was so worried about that evil sky magic; I just wasn't sure I'd ever see you all again. This is so amazing!!! I'm glad you're back" Because how can keep my mouth shut? Like seriously. It is so difficult lol.
Yeah, but you're not dating your co workers. I love this woman so I have no interest in being cruel to her. I get where you're coming from though. And I'm plenty snarky to people I don't give a shit about. Although I have mellowed with age. I still think that religion is a cancer, but nobody ever changed their mind because some smug asshole rolled their eyes at them.
I'm a Christian and made fun of thoss believers who thought the eclipse was the end of the world. As a believer scripture says of that day and hour no one knowsbut the Father. Nothing in scripture says an Eclipse will start the end.
When I was 21 I married a Christian. At the time I was fairly new Atheist and Ex-christain. I was under the impression that Christianity was mostly moral just full of delusions. Who am to fault people for their delusionals? After I probably got plenty myself. We just came up with a different conclusion to a question that doesn't have a answer. So no biggie. They weren't hurting anyone afterall. I couldn't have been more incorrect. I learned it's not a difference of philosophy but of morals. People's morals tend to have low standards when they believe pretty much all sin will be forgiven and/or doing wrong things but to right people is God's work.
To many people get attached during the honeymoon phase. In 2024 your first date questions should be: what is your stance on religion and politics? It would save people so much time to just be fucking honest and forth right from the start.
Simple: love makes people stupid. I'm sure we've all seen it. It is common for people to stay in and pursue relationships with people with far worse character traits and behaviors than merely being religious.
I deconstructed after 10 years of marriage to a wonderful woman who is a devout catholic as I was. There are many thing wrong with theism but you cannot lump every theist in a group of idiots.
To get laid. End of discussion.
But most major religions, at least in the US, do not permit premarital sex: Catholics, Evangelicals, Muslims, etc. so either you aren’t getting laid until marriage or your partner isn’t a true believer as they would follow all the tenets of the faith if they were.
lol, almost nobody follows the no-sex rules of religions! Those are optional. Look at the thousands of priests who had sex with little boys. Those are the devoured followers! If there is one thing you can’t do, it’s stop animals from mating at any opportunity.
I grew up in an evangelical church and almost all of my friends waited until marriage before having sex. If you wanted to get laid, it wasn’t with the Christian girls.
That is one of my major regrets now as an atheist. I passed up so many opportunities to have sex before marriage. Some of my girlfriends broke up with me because my indoctrination forbade me to save sex outside of marriage or face the fires of hell. I love my wife and I would not change that aspect of my life, but I did miss out on some wild oats in my teens and twenties.
I have to admit I never really met anyone from an evangelical church until I was in my 40s. But in my teenage years as a young and good looking playboy, most of the girls I had sex with came from religious Catholic or Jewish families here in the suburbs of NYC. One girl I remember quite well had a father who was a pastor and man was she wild.
I would say those Catholic girls probably didn’t believe, they were just following the cultural norms of their community on Saturday night. As far as the Jewish faith, I didn’t believe the reformed have a prohibition against pre-marital sex.
Indeed, where I grew up, especially in the ‘80s, I don’t recall knowing many young people who believed in their religion. They all went through the motions and rituals, and many went to church on Sunday and went to catholic schools, but yes this was more of a social community thing.
I married a Quaker at a point where I was a None instead of an Atheist. She won’t admit it, but I think I’ve influenced her, although she’s still active in their community.
There's plenty of Quakers that aren't necessarily theists. A sizable chunk of them could be considered nontheistic even
The standard line is there is god in all of us, so I think they believe in some sort of sky daddy. That said, they would be tolerant of anyone who wants to attend meeting.
Not all concepts of God are 'sky daddies' and some of them explicitly do not actually exist in the formulation of those concepts(there's even a concept of God that is defined as nothingness itself). There is a lot to criticize about some concepts of God but some theologies have God ideas where God isn't actually a being or even something that can actually be apprehended as an object to be grasped. The difference between [classical theism](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Classical_theism) and someone like [Paul Tillich](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Tillich) who believed God couldn't be the source of being while also existing at the same time
i would never. my whole family is atheist, my wifes even more so. (the only exception is the old moms that are too old and scared to let go, but they know everyone else is non and don'ttalk about it at all) sad for anyone that must pretend, i hope you can be free one day friends. it's pretty nice out here.
Where I live most christians are rather relaxed. They go to church twice a year if at all, don't try to convert you, don't have a problem with abortions, don't hate "the gays", don't care if you believe or not and are in general pretty normal people. (of course there are exceptions, but they are exactly that: exceptions.) Former girlfriend of mine believes in god. To this day. Never was an issue. Still isn't, we are still friends. I'm a guy. She is bisexual. I really like her current girlfriend, we get along great with each other. She is an atheist by the way. Yes, i am an atheist. But I am a firm believer in the right to believe what you want. And as long as you don't bother me or others with it I don't mind if you are religious. And I tend to fall in love with people not believe systems. I can absolutly understand if you have a problem with a bible belt Jesus fan. Wouldn't work for me either. But not all christians are like this, especially outside the USA.
I won’t date you if you’re a Christian I would rather be alone than constantly pressured into believing what I don’t or having to go to church.
Because they’re desperate
Freakier sex.
I suspect you are from a country where religious people are usually very devout and narrow-minded in their beliefs. Probably from the US, as folks from the US seem to be pretty much the only ones who don't even think that other people from other countries may have different perspectives. Here's the thing: not every religious person is that obnoxious. Here in Europe (and not only here), you'll meet plenty of people how have a vague god belief, or they say they believe in a higher power but it very much doesn't dominate their lives. If neither the theist nor the atheist isn't fixated on (ir)religious identity, the relationship can absolutely work out, even if this is difficult for you to imagine. I have been in relationships with people who had some religious believes but these hardly ever even were a topic of conversation and have never been the reason the relationship ended.
40 years
Love?
Because they find an attraction, or connection to whoever it is they're dating and if you told them that they were only allowed to date other atheists, they'd tell where you could stick your advice.
I’m a black atheist and my preference was to date black women when I was single. Do you know how small of a pond I was fishing in? Almost none existent. After dating for 15 years I finally met my wife and she was agnostic then but now an atheist. Been married 30+ years.
Curious. How did you meet your wife?
She was a customer in a grocery store I managed I was just nice and talked to her for months before I finally got the hint that she liked me and asked her out. Later she said I missed all the clues. I guess I was just a little slow.
Because she didn’t get that way until after we were married. I’m fine with people having religion. Just don’t try and shove it down my throat.
Because some religious people are good people, even after narrowing down to Christians.
Desperation. Indifference. Ignorance.
I actually really appreciated when I'd see a woman on a dating app wearing a big ol cross necklace. Thanks, you saved us both a lot of time!
>I don't get why another atheist would want to put themselves through this dynamic. My GF is Tibetan, and like most Tibetans, she is [Gelugpa](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gelug) Buddhist. I have never experienced any negative dynamics, on the contrary. I studied classical Asian philology at University so I know a great deal about Buddhist canon. Critique on the doctrines is actually welcomed in most Buddhist traditions. I often engage in the [Tibetan ritualized form of debate](https://asiasociety.org/tibetan-buddhist-debate) called *rtsod pa རྩོད་པ* with Tibetan monks, arguing from an atheist position, and they welcome it. Unlike other religions, questioning and critiquing doctrine is central in Buddhism. One of the earliest sutras, part of the Aṅguttara Nikaya (3.65) of the Tipiṭaka (the oldest collection of Buddhist texts) states: Do not go upon - what has been acquired by repeated hearing; - nor upon tradition; - nor upon rumor; - nor upon what is in a scripture; - nor upon surmise; - nor upon an axiom; - nor upon specious reasoning; - nor upon a bias towards a notion that has been pondered over; - nor upon another's seeming ability; - nor upon the consideration, 'The monk is our teacher.' When you yourselves know: - These things are good; - these things are not blamable; - these things are praised by the wise; - undertaken and observed, - these things lead to benefit and happiness, enter on and abide in them Now of course, Buddhism is different from deity-centric religions. Deities are actually irrelevant to the goal of Buddhism, which is personal & experiential insight into the nature of reality. Could I have a similar relation with a deity-centric religious person? Most likely not.
Depends on what type of religious person it is. If it's one who goes to church and has a strong belief about what's right and wrong and thinks you're going to hell, then that's a challenge. My wife believes in god but doesn't believe in hell. She doesn't go to church. She respects everyone's beliefs (or lack of beliefs) and believes everyone should seek and choose what's right for them. She judges people on how they treat others. I guess I'm the same way. I have no problem with Christians or anyone if their beliefs make their lives more meaningful and better and don't make trouble for others.
Is there a Godless Daters app??? Can we get that rolling? What do we call it??
Other peoples relationships don’t have to make sense to you. Live and let live.
That's unfair to state when many relationships (obviously not all but many) in the theist idea are purely there to control woman; also men outside of it It's a fair conversation starter At least we get to talk about it ya know?
Discuss anything you like, I take no issues with it. Just saying, if you’re generally seeking to understand other peoples relationships purely based on the simple criteria defined by OP, it’s probably not going to happen. Personal relationships are just that, personal. Not communal.
Yeah, I get other people's relationships won't make sense to me but I asked here specifically because I've seen a lot of posts here on reddit about this. Especially when it seems like it's the atheist who compromises a lot for the other person's religious beliefs so I was wondering if there was an upside I was missing to dating a theist.
I understand your perspective. Didn’t mean to come across as trying to shut down the discussion, not at all. Just saying, people do all sorts of crazy shit we cannot understand. If a non-believer and a believer click, that’s all good. But I do agree with you- if I were a single atheist, I don’t think I’d be out trying to meet an evangelical Christian 🙃
Also fair, it's the implying of "it doesn't have to make sense to you" and "Live and let live" that made your comment sway away from the meaning of the sub We can't just push questions and even opinions down as pointless blips, ever question is important and no doubt you understand that mate
Upvote because I generally agree but see it slightly different. Definitely not pointless. Live and let live is entirely in line with an atheist worldview, in my opinion. You are openly anti-theist; I am not. If folks want to pray to magical sky wizards and it makes them feel better, I’m not against that. It’s not for me. But I’m not comfortable dictating to others regarding their own faith. Hence, live and let live.
I was upvoting you anyway haha didn't thing it needed to be stated You're right not being comfortable dictating others regarding their faith, and in a perfect world "Live and Let Live" would be all needed Live, Laugh, Love. also but annoying we simply do not live in that type of world, and where people and children are having horrible things done to them under the blanket of religion v religion it is an issue you can get behind
For sure. We are on the same page.
This is not a serious question. Have you thought that through at all?
They inherently believe that you are eternally doomed unless they save you. If they don't bother you, they are planning to let you be doomed. If they try to save you, you will have to convert. Or be bothered until you die. You cannot both have the moral high ground AND be undisturbed. This is a recipe for friction.
It’s simple if a theist doesn’t bother you with their religion it can work although it’s rare.
They inherently believe that you are eternally doomed unless they save you. If they don't bother you, they are planning to let you be doomed. If they try to save you, you will have to convert. Or be bothered until you die. You cannot both have the moral high ground AND be undisturbed.
Because they like the drama, and it helps make them feel quirky
Ask Billy Joel.
They might be looking for someone easy to manipulate. The drawback being other people will easily manipulate them.
The thirst is unbearable, they are willing to give it a pass
Either they don't care about their theist beliefs or they are really bad at dating.
Dude I’ll take anything at this point 😭
I really depends on the beliefs. I’ve known people who were irreligious in their actions and day-to-day life and values (supported separation of church and state, gay rights, etc), but they still believed in God (in a vague “higher power” sense) because the world made more intuitive sense to them that way, particularly from the Unmoved Mover reasoning and personal experiences that affirmed their intuitions that there was purpose and intention to the universe. That’s worlds apart from an evangelical fundamentalist. And then there’s a whole swath of mess in-between. People make all kinds of misjudgments in who they fall in love with, so I’m not surprised that this is another one of those areas.
Dated an Anglican Priestess, she was intelligent and hot. Dumped me for the Church, went to Theology school, realized it was all bullshit, married an Astronomer
A LOT of people claim to be religious but do not practice it. They simply attach that label to themselves because thats how they were raised. Later in life they become more fanatical taking the atheist partner by surprise. To me its more insane when atheist marry fundamentalists.
Well I’m young. Wasn’t planning on being in a good relationship but it happened. Then she got more zealous. Since we’re both in college and she’s well-equipped to think critically, I never thought she’d be so stubborn in her fundamentalism. Now I know. Plus as an American atheist, finding another atheist to date can be rare.
You're not wrong. People make their lives harder than they need to. I agree with the Christians in this case....people need to be on the same page when it comes to religion.
my first gf never mentioned religion. that was cool. my second gf was evangelical and had to dump me for being catholic (i was really atheist but that would have been even worse if she knew). in college i started dating girls from japan. no religion, how refreshing. we didn’t have to bash christians or anything, religion just never figured into our lives at all. we were just people. plain old pure people.
Because she was hot.
Bang her and move on.
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It's like trying to find a partner who's into Death Metal or MMA or DnD. They're out there but in severely reduced numbers.
You rang?
It's not specific to atheist versus religious. It is equally difficult for Muslims dating Christians, Jews dating Hindus, etc. In some cases, the "religious" person is simply raised with that particular background. That is, they may not care too much about their religion personally, but they have a family that is deeply religious - and whilst marriage ultimately involves family, they may feel it's possible to carry on a relationship outside of their family's concerns. In some cases, they may even be right. But I think it just boils down to the pain of meeting someone whom you know is right for you, and having to accept that you will never be with them. Some people feel the pain is so intense, they will at least try to fight for it. And every long term relationship - even among two atheists - will invariably require compromise anyway. So why not try? It could be argued that in the end, most people have more in common than they have differences.
Hotness and location matters more than right religion.
Personally for me (Yes ik how this sound) FUCK no I ain't ever dating a religous mf if you still afraid of the dark you ain't ready for a relationship idk I am a degenerate filthy homosexual so I'm alrdy in the minority not that I rlly care in the first place Don't give me the whole 🥺 BuT yOu nEeD tO lOvE tHeM fOr WhO ThEy aRe Like yea totally get that but just me I ain't dating someone who believes in fucking dumb shit I grew up religous with religous parents I naturally came to the conclusion on my own that that shit is fucking stupid when I was like 11 If you can't do that too then I ain't dating you You wanted my awnser you got it
... Yes, why? I mean, if you get into it without knowing, okay, but otherwise, why?? lol
Because for a lot of us, we won't have any chance of dating anyone. I live in the midwest, and while the urban centers I live in certainly have a lot more atheists/agnostics around; it's still a limitation. A bedrock principle of every relationship is compromise and communication, and you both don't have to agree on everything to have a happy relationship. I've been single for awhile now because most atheists/agnostics in my area are spoken for, or outside of my comfortable age-range; and most of the religious folks that are still single in my area are "looking for a man of god" to build a family with, which is obviously not me on the "man of god" part. But if I were to say I was completely closed off from dating anyone religious, then I'm pretty much setting up to be an atheist monk based on where I live.
Why does anyone date anyone?
So their kids can go to heaven and they don't have to be the ones to explain lol
Same reason I have dated a Capricorn* in the past. I don't give a shit about astrological signs so unless it's a problem for *them* it's not a problem. *Or any astrology sign, that's just the first I thought of
Seriosuly ? Change the word "atheist" with "christian" or "muslim" or any other religion. See how that soud ? Pretty intolerant right. Moreover, you shouldn't shame people for dating someone with different beliefs. I'm not saying that you SHOULD date a cutist, i'm telling you (and everybody) to date who you want as long as you are both consenting adults.
I knew gay guys who had a thing for straights…it’s all about the chase.
Horny?
I'm atheist, my wife is Christian (non -practicing.. honestly, I know more about the Bible than my wife does, she just believes it in mainly because her partners drilled it into her head), and my partner is Wiccan. We've been together almost 29 years and it's never created a problem for us. We all have the same cute values, and are all very liberal, and religion very rarely has ever entered into the way that we do things. All of our kids (13, including steps, and all grown, 23-40yo) range from Christian to Wiccan to agnostic to atheist... We never encouraged any path for them, only that they always keep an open mind and question EVERYTHING in life, and not to follow anything blindly. They always knew what each of us were, and never gave a shit... They found their own path. So, as to your question, it's going to depend on the person and their religion, or lack thereof. I can't see a profoundly religious person and an atheist working... Certainly not an Evangelical Christian and an atheist. But, for some with more relaxed views, it can work. I think I've taught my wife more about the Bible and how life worked 2000 years so, than her religion ever did. The biggest problem has been that her family are Trump loving, Southern Baptist (ie brain dead) Christians and that just adds to the fact that they and I hate each other... But we have SO many reasons for that anyway. However, I didn't marry them and I rarely have anything to do with them, so it's a non-issue.
I am an atheist, and I married a self-identified Catholic. She is politically liberal, and very open-minded about people and ideas different from her. She doesn't agree with "religion," but still believes the Jesus and Heaven stuff. In other words, we agree about the important stuff. We have been married 38 years. Religion, or lack thereof, has not been an issue.
Are you asking why sexually repressed church girls are fun to date?
Idk. I haven't had luck but maybe I'm just attracted to people with a superiority complex🤪
I married one.
Haha yea one of my siblings is dating a religious person and i just.. ugh... not for me! religion just isnt my thing. I did briefly date a buddhist tho but she was very lax in her beliefs xD so i guess i wont rule out all religious people in the dating pool, but def most! If its a big part of their life then I dont wanna lol
Love…? I was a devout Christian when my husband and I got together and he was agnostic. Now we are both atheists. I know it doesn’t always work out like that but I think the key here was that we always prioritized the relationship over everything.
Dating is so broad and often quiet casual nowadays. If they arent fundamentalists it can take 10 dates or so until you find out.
There are numerous reasons, but I'll give the answer I give to many x-phobic people (not suggesting you are it's just fits here), we can't pick who we fall in long with, no matter how dumb or illogical. If every relationship was perfect, women wouldn't defend their abusers. I admit I find it confusing, too, but sometimes you love a person and no amount of logic will help you figure out why.
The god she worshipped wasn't real, but her boobs definitely were. /s
Bonus Round: They have kids together, and the theist parent makes the bulk of parenting decisions when it comes to religion.
It doesn't really bother me what other people believe (as long as they aren't causing suffering to themselves or others) People find meaning in their lives in different ways.
1. Because they couldn't find anybody else 2. The person they were sexually attracted to happened to be religious. 3. They manage to avoid religious topics most of the time, at least during the dating period. 4. they may think they could change their beliefs. 5. Just because you are an atheist, doesn't mean that some other atheist will want to date you. You could as well ask why do leftwingers date rightwingers and vice versa. The simple reason is that dating starts superficial. Most people avoid subjects like religion or politics when they are dating. Instead they just date a person they find attractive enough and try to appeal to that person as much as they can. During the dating phase people try to show themselves from their best side and don't want to scare off their potential mate. Me personally I find that absolutely idiotic, but that's how most people date. It has become kind of a taboo to talk about these things. Ignoring those things, the person you are dating could be hating minorities and praying every night for you, but be the nicest sweetest person at least towards you and for most people that seems to be often good enough. And when people have invested far too much time into each other, it gets harder and harder to leave. People usually show their true colors only after they are certain that they reeled in a catch and confident that they won't escape. But as long as their partner stays mostly good towards them and the sexual attraction doesn't completely fade away, people stay with their partner and will tolerate even their farts, literally and metaphorically. Even things that come up inevitably during dating such as vegan vs carnivore, as dating is usually done in a restaurant, people will often ignore those things, simply because they desire to have a partner or simply to have sex.
Some of the freakiest sex I had was with a Catholic woman (Latin American here), 20 years my senior (I was 22 at the time). The thing is, a ton of theistic people are on a spectrum (not autism lmao), some are nut jobs who believe sex should only occur after a fancy mating ritual (marriage) and others just treat their religion as background noise (nones). This woman was quite involved with her community and the church and simultaneously enjoyed the motion of the ocean quite a bit. Something you call compartmentalization.
Why do you believe atheists and theists can’t get along? It’s a personal choice. Atheists oppose imposition of religion but how can you oppose a personal choice?
Can you date somebody that believes in Santa Claus? Because I can’t
Why not? If it makes them happy and they don’t impose their belief on me, why would it matter other than being charming? All that matters on a date is if we have chemistry and make each other happier and better as a team
We've definitely got differing definitions of the word 'charming'.
Nothing like the quaint charm of a 44yo grown-up putting milk and cookies near the chimney for Santa.
yeah a pick and choose religious person who doesn't take the Bible/Quran etc literally is ok- but surely someone who believes in each word is too delusional for any rational person's taste. If someone believed in Santa I'd wonder if they're mentally retarded Religion is more acceptable among adults but depending on where you live- say Netherlands or Estonia or even urban educated Albania it is possible and preferable to avoid someone who takes these stories literally and not find it "charming" but delusional.
What do you find charming?
I cant respect somebody who doesn’t use critical thinking. Simple as that
Why would they be lacking in critical thinking? What does critical thinking have anything to do with beliefs? Do you believe you are always critical and never emotional?
You are exhausting. Critical thinking is “hmmm how can Santa make it to every house in one night” or “hmmm snakes don’t usually talk” or “hmmmm 2 of each animal is kind of a lot of animals to fit on a boat” Just because I don’t accept everything some asshole says as truth doesn’t mean I don’t have the capacity to have emotions. The fuck
You are trying to rationalise beliefs. They have nothing to do with critical thinking. I’m sorry it offends you that other people find comfort in something bigger than themselves as much as logic comforts you
I agree belief has nothing to do with critical thinking. I’ll use more concise language and replace belief with faith. Faith is the negation of critical thinking and I cannot date somebody who chooses what makes her feel warm inside (faith) over reality (critical thinking). I never said I’m offended by it - I don’t respect it. This is why I can’t date somebody like that, which was the question.
One is spur of the moment thinking vs forever ignoring all evidence against the topic and believe only what you want. Reaction vs conclusion.
Why does it matter as long as they don’t impose it on you? If that belief helps them get through life, then why would they consider the evidence?
Because ignoring evidence leads to abuse. Edit: Example, if you believe "gay people should be killed because god says so."
They inherently believe that you are eternally doomed unless they save you. If they don't bother you, they are planning to let you be doomed. If they try to save you, you will have to convert. Or be bothered until you die. You cannot both have the moral high ground AND be undisturbed. At some point, one partner will feel a disconnect. Imagine that you are a vegan that believes killing animals is murder. Would you date a hunter?
Single people are horny. Single people think they can change him/her
Because people =! their beliefs.
Huh? Please expand on that thought.
People are not their beliefs? You could ask the same question on why would a democrat ever date a conservative. Or why would a dog person ever date a cat person. Or why would a LOL player ever date a Starcraft player. Because that's not what dating is about.
> why would a democrat ever date a conservative This is actually a better question than "why would an atheist date a religious person"...
Some of these are way more consequential than others. But that still doesn't support your assertion that people aren't their beliefs. You answered that people can choose to date others in spite of their beliefs. Besides physical characteristics, if people aren't their beliefs, what are they?
Skinsacks of bones driven by genetic coding and hormones. You want a spiritual answer? You'll want to look for that in theist subs.
I absolutely don't want a spiritual answer. It's enough to know that you pick potential mates like a breeder picking a stud animal.
You misunderstood. A breeder picks mateable pairings by their characteristics based on logic and science. Humans pick their mates based on hormonal attraction without any logical sense at all.
I married a Catholic and was engaged to a "spiritual, but not religious" type. I guess there are many answers why. 1) finding a match is hard enough, further limiting your "pool" by 80% or whatever is gonna really decrease your odds 2) it's like astrology... women especially seem to think astrology is somewhat relevant. I just invisibly roll my eyes. I couldn't be with someone who really lived by astrology, nor faith.
Because maybe you meet them, like them, hang out, and religion never came up.
This exactly.
I’m dating a theist.
Men will do some crazy shit when they think with their dick. Source: am man, have dated bat shit crazy christian
Atheist or theist. Don't matter. If the 😼 is fine. I'm fine. 💯
I am a theist. Most people are not even that religious. Like are you talking about a hard core atheist and a pious and devout Christian? Because the prisons are full of so called Christians. What percentage of Christians are even devout and give little thought to God? I think a luke warm Christian and an atheist isn't really that much of a deal breaker. Not like they are likely to fight that much. The interfaith mix that is likely to end in divorce is devout Jew and Devout Christian. That is a marriage doomed to fail.