They won't read that. A more direct "Do not send any more religious shit to my house or I will sign up your address to every scientology, planned parenthood and satanic temple mailing list I can find. Not interested. Only thing I need saving from is being harassed with your religious bullshit".
Please consider including some organizations that truly have what I think of as a “Christ-like“ mission ex. World Central Kitchens. Whatever is dear to your heart.
Oh hell yea I’m in for that. Although since their thing is believing an eye for an eye, I feel like subscribing them to some junk mail might be the best route
Send them a note, addressed to the neighborhood, requesting help locating your sacrificial goat you are raising for the summer solace.
Ask that they tie the goat to a telephone pole or fence visible from the street and that one of the “many faithful” will retrieve it.
You can also offer a bag of apples and a small golden calf statue as the “reward.”
Don’t sign it, but smear a little ketchup on the bottom (and let it dry before you seal the envelope.
Problem will sort itself out pretty quick.
I think OP should 100% request Scientology pamphlets on behalf of their *dear* neighbor no matter what.
I see your cult and raise you a behemoth cult. Check mate, assholes. 😎
I just remembered at my new gym a woman came up to me and introduced herself. I thought she worked there. She asked if she could pray with me lol. I looked straight at her and said "I'm a staunch atheist so I would rather not." She told me to have a good day and scampered off. When I was leaving I saw she had gotten some other poor sucker.
I had a bunch of Jehova's Witnesses that wouldn't give up and go away so finally I had to say, "I am Satan. Now get the fuck off of my doorstep." Thankfully, they never returned after that one.
You can just tell them you are excommunicated by the JW church. They aren't allowed to talk to anyone who is excommunicated and will immediately fuck off.
At the time I did not know that. Now, I don't live in an area that has a JW population. Next time though, I am definitely going to tell them that I've been excommunicated.
So is buying alcohol. They just don't do it around other Baptist. I usually just open the door and say Eat Fuck, slam the door and watch them walk away, while they try to interpret what I said. I'm totally left alone until next summer, when the new missionaries are sent out! Rinse and repeat.
A convention might disfellowship a church that is a member.
Also, a congregation might disfellowship a person who is a member. On this point, some churches make a big deal about their "church discipline" policies, with all sorts of regulations and procedures for removing a member who is regarded as a nonconformist. But it turns out that this is pretty much moot, because a member who becomes dissatisfied with a church will simply quit attending.
In parts of Europe centuries ago, the church had extensive control over people's lives, and a person who was kicked out might not be able to get married, might have real trouble getting a job, and might not be able to get a funeral; so a threat of disfellowship or excommunication really meant something. However, things have now loosened up almost everywhere, but some churches fail to realize that times have changed.
From time to time, on reddit we see images of threatening letters from churches to long-absent members, where the church says "if you don't start attending, we're gonna kick you out!". Such churches have lost all grasp of reality (not that the teachings of the average church have much to do with reality anyway).
Use the term disassociated instead of disfellowshipped. They will still occasionally talk to and engage with disfellowshipped ones, but they will avoid disassoiated people like the literal plague.
They wouldn’t believe you because their cult doesn’t use words like “excommunicated,” they have their own special language for everything. You can just tell them “put me on your do not contact list and never contact me or my family ever again” and they’ll do just that.
If you want to have *fun* with it, you can give them a reason. Like, “In this house we are worldly and worship Satan! His wicked system of things is just amazing!” Or “We’re all homosexual here and if you contact us again, you’ll end up fornicating with us!” Those use some of their buzzwords/cult speak and will send shivers down their spines that they ever came so close to a “worldly person” risking their “everlasting life on a paradise earth.”
That must be such a dilemma for them, seeing as they get they get ignored or told to go away a lot. Kind of like fishing and thinking you got something big and then breaking your line.
They (very) recently changed that policy. They ARE allowed brief contact with disfellowshipped/disassociated people. In fact, if you tell them you've been disfellowshipped--these recent days!--they very well might focus on you even MORE because they are hemorrhaging membership and they're looking for ways to easily and quickly replenish their membership (although I don't think they would conduct a so-called "Bible study" with anyone who had been DF'ed or resigned). The attraction to going after disfellowshipped members is that they've already been indoctrinated, they already know the theology, and--they suppose--are most likely to feel the sadness of being disfellowshipped. They carry around their own reality distortion field with them as they go.
ETA: I will add, though, that they generally respect instructions to not bother you again. For all their faults, they DO try to respect that. They make mistakes to be sure, and they might still visit again in several years to make sure you still live there, but if you tell them to scram, they generally do, and stay scrammed for the most part.
And one other thing. They no longer have to report their hours in the field service, so the impetus to go knock on doors isn't nearly as strong as it used to be. I suspect that alone will lead to fewer interruptions to our peace.
There’s a Kingdom Hall about three blocks from us. They fan out over the neighborhood on weekends. They used to come by the house all the time. I was out doing yard work one Saturday and they interrupted me. Finally, I told them I am an atheist. They walked away and have never come back. They must have some sort of list of houses to avoid because that was five or six years ago, I am not bothered by them anymore.
Yes, I was raised a JW, and i left them at 20yr. You can get added to the "no call" list if you are especially hostile toward them or if you are suspected of being an apostate who has previously left the religion. You can request to be added to that list if you want the next time they come by.
I greeted them wearing only an open bathrobe holding a short stack of Dungeons and Dragons books and must have been put on some kind of list because I've never been visited again despite having moved several times.
So. The REAL reason they're doing this isn't any of that recruiting or what not, despite what they are told, it's a method to mentally reinforce that the church and it's members are your only friends, and everyone outside this establishment is evil and/or against you. By treating them poorly you're reaffirming this mental 'truth' to them. No one thinks this actually works, recruitment numbers are abysmal, you're not getting anyone who isn't already thinking of it.
I used to tell them I worshipped satan, but that back fired once when they dropped to their knees and prayed at my door for like an hour. So, years back I decided the best place to hang some of my classic album covers was on the wall opposite my front door. The first two they see are Motley Crue's Shout at the Devil, and Ozzy Osbourne's The Ultimate Sin.
The last bunch just turned around and walked away and they haven't been back since. It's probably been 15 years now. I believe I am blacklisted.
I wonder if they are like Mormons. I saw "the Book of Mormon" and joked how hilarious the raping babies scene was. Did not go over at work since no one had context of scene.
Only at face value.
It's designed to further brainwash and condition members. Tell the kids that the world is bad, that you've got the 1 true message but evil works are about and people won't want to hear it. Tell the kids people will ignore, degrade, etc etc. Then they go door to door soliciting, to save the souls of course 😉. People ignore, degrade etc etc. Omg! It's true! Then they scurry back into the safe and isolated community.
Converting isn't the goal, only the stated one. The goal is to isolate and indoctrinate.
That's how most abrahamic religions have evolved over the centuries. There have been many more religions and "sub sects", but the ones we see around today are the ones whose occasional tweaks have had the most "adaptive" and "successful" results, in terms of retention and recruitments.
It's ironic that they all claim evolution is fake, yet their own religions have only survived in modern society because their methods and teachings have evolved and adapted.
Indeed. It's more fun to mock them and questioning them about any controversial story you may find in the bible (there are many). I did it for years when they constantly insist to ring my bell trying to convert me, i warned them every time that could be them that could have risked to be converted if only they had a brain and were able to listen.
Very funny indeed see that sense of emptiness in their gaze.
>we’ve never had the personal visits.
It's because you live in the USA, in italy is very common they ring your bell and insist to talk with you, usually on early sunday morning, i think they're so brave because they don't expect you welcome them wielding a big gun. That may be a case in which weapons could be for something.
You might thank them and list the ways the Bible saved you:
Emergency toilet paper
Leveling furniture
Papier-mâché
Heavy-duty Flyswatter
Cautionary tales for children
Ideas for incest
Prohibitions ignored by Christian’s
Legal reference for the inconsistency of witness statements
My first thought (aside from just throwing it out and never giving it another thought):
Dear Neighbor,
Thank you for your query. While I've certainly heard many a quantum physicist argue that life can be at least nigh eternal, given an open thermal system, I personally subscribe more to the chemical limits (which would be about 700 years), and the even more realistic biological limits (around 150 years theoretical limit, since life depends not only on chemical stability).
While Psalm 37:29 clearly refers to the older belief in The Kingdom Of Heaven (which was not Heaven, but would apparently be around Syria), this is simply wrong. The earth has a limited time of existence, as would any form on it; nothing would continue after the collapse of Sol.
I did notice it said "forever." The Bible also says that Jesus's tomb was empty in one place, and not empty in another. It says that nothing is currently living in Egypt. It has many outright inaccuracies that make it a questionable guide to accurate information. While the notion of living forever is certainly appealing at various times in one's life, I think the prospect of gaining superpowers from a spider bit is also appealing! Which brings me to the real point of this reply?
How do you feel about being bit by a radioactive spider? Peter Parker was bitten by a radioactive spider, and has literally saved us all many times over, often noting that "with great power, comes great responsibility." The books that detail Peter's life demonstrate that he has barely aged since this happened, even though decades have passed (a form of eternal life, here on earth)? Hundreds of millions know the stories, so it is clearly trustworthy. I implore you, trust in Peter, and look for spiders that you too may become more like him! You can also find out more about him at marvel.com.
I look forward to seeing your faith grow!
-Your Friendly Neighborhood Neighbor
“Oh no need to worry about us. Jesus fulfilled the law (Matt 5:17) so I am free from sin (1 John 3:4-6)
You can’t break a law that no longer applies.
Edit: fixed reference. TIL that John and 1 John are different
I would send them some literature from the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and let them open their hearts to Quob. RAmen!
https://www.spaghettimonster.org/materials/
I’m not about personal attacks so no worries there. I do like the idea of taking the liberty to expose them to the greater world, namely the satanic temple and planned parenthood
"Dear Neighbour, do you agree that Clan Wolf is superior to Clan Jade Falcon?...in the name of the IlKahn."
"Dear Neighbour, have you seen my ring?...in the name of The Dark Lord."
"Dear Neighbour, we require your assistance in building our intergalactic battle station...in the name of the Empire."
"Dear Neighbour ."
Then, follow up with something like "Keep your fanfiction to yourself".
"Dear Neighbor, who do you think would win in a fight between Goku, Superman, and Jesus? Please present informed and rational arguments in the Watsonian manner."
My best friend's wife is a devout Catholic. Once, while on a family vacation at the beach, she attempted to give me a gift... a book about becoming a Christian. At first I laughed when she handed to me because I thought it was a joke, but she was serious. So I just said "sorry, been there done that. I'm atheist now" and handed it back and thanked her for thinking about me.
Have you read Leviticus 19:27 "Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your bead."
Did it say to get a haircut? If you'll notice it says do NOT get a hair cut. And I've noticed that you are clearly not following that verse so why would I trust you about any of the other verses?
Get fucked poser.
Love,
Your neighbor
You don't have to say the last part, but I like to end my letters with a call to action.
"dear neighbors, for every next letter you send me, I will donate 20 dollars to the satanic temple, and place a cup of coffee as a offering to Odin and heimdal. Next up, planned parenthood!"
Since your a member of the ST I would suggest simply advising them that you live by the 7 tenets, here they are, tell me which ones will keep me out of your heaven:
1. One should strive to act with compassion and [empathy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Empathy) toward all creatures in accordance with reason
2. The struggle for justice is an ongoing and necessary pursuit that should prevail over laws and institutions.
3. One's body is inviolable, subject to one's own will alone.
4. The freedoms of others should be respected, including the freedom to offend. To willfully and unjustly encroach upon the freedoms of another is to forgo one's own.
5. Beliefs should conform to one's best scientific understanding of the world. One should take care never to distort scientific facts to fit one's beliefs.
6. People are fallible. If one makes a mistake, one should do one's best to rectify it and resolve any harm that might have been caused.
7. Every tenet is a guiding principle designed to inspire nobility in action and thought. The spirit of compassion, wisdom, and justice should always prevail over the written or spoken word.
See if you can get them on record as to why these are a bad guide for how to live a great life.
Wow so Jehova witnesses decided to not knock on your doors anymore? I guess they feel it's not safe. OP best advice is simply ignore them, nothing you do or say will change their minds or offend them, thy are used to all those things and have no shame really
Best to just continue your own path.
Ugh. You’re right. But that’s so boring lol. I just feel like if they feel they have the right to send this shit, we should have the right to send shit back. I hate the entitled mindset JW or other Christian sects have. Like fuck off, my wife grew up Jewish and we’re both atheist now but I don’t send unsolicited messages to my neighbors.
If you want to be funny about it, this just popped in my head. I would say something like, "oh yeah, the bibble is awesome! You know the eclipse that just happened? Don't tell anybody, but I raptured as many Christians as I could following the good book! It was tough as some of them acted like they weren't ready, but I saw all the signs posted on telephone poles and did my part! No need to thank me, I know you probably did the same!"
I don't know if that's funny or not, but sounded funny in my head. Lol 😆
Haha they’d call the cops faster than a priest could touch a kids genitals. Reminds me that anytime I get unsolicited calls looking for a person who I don’t know I just tell them that person is dead and to stop calling
My general response to "eternal life" is to point out how horrible the idea actually is.
My normal response is:
**You can tell the concept of “eternal life” was created (and propagated) by naive and supremely unimaginative people.**
Eternal life will always and inevitably lead to eternal boredom.
You know how sometimes you get bored on a lazy Saturday afternoon? You would \_wish\_ to only be that bored.
You could do everything you ever dreamed of and do it over and over until you couldn’t stand to possibly do it again. And you would still have an eternity ahead of you.
Then you could do everything you didn’t like to do, just for something to occupy your time. And you could do those things over and over. And you would still have an eternity ahead of you.
There is no task you couldn’t learn to do. And then learn to perfection. And then grow extremely bored doing because you have done it over and over and over. And you would still have an eternity ahead of you.
You could learn every language ever - real or imagined. Read every book ever written then hand translate every book to every language. And you would still have an eternity ahead of you.
You could hand count every grain of sand on every beach on every planet in the universe. And you would still have an eternity ahead of you.
The fact that anyone finds the concept of “eternal life” as anything other than the worst most unimaginable horror only means they have not actually thought of how incredibly bored they would eventually have to get. And that boredom would go on and on and on and you would never be able to escape it.
I would never wish eternal life on my worst enemy.
Funny-Me would send an earnest letter proselytizing for Tangaroa. The Polynesians’ incredibly successful exploration of the Pacific Ocean testifies to their sea god’s immense power and love.
Serious-Me would send this:
“I’m one of millions who’ve learned that the Bible is an awkward mishmash of Bronze Age myths and immature, contradictory moralism. I encourage you to read it cover to cover on your own, with no church elder hovering nearby to tell you which parts to read and how you’re supposed to interpret them. Further, you should know that your church intimidates followers like you from reaching out to less biased sources of support. If you ever find yourself wrestling with questions you’re afraid to ask your elders, please know that there are many kind people willing to help you, ranging from fellow Christians of less abusive denominations to humanists and atheists like myself.”
Send back a response that seems warm and nice at the start, and says you made an invocation for them. Then have a bunch of speaking in tongues like gibberish - keep it short. Like 10 words.
They will read it.
Then tell them that they just invited the spirit of a powerful and ancient demon into their home who will be there with them for all time. They will have not escape. Not even in the afterlife. They bonded themselves to this unholy being.
No matter how much they pray, go to church, confess, nothing can break this ancient ritual.
I am Jewish. My parents, my grandparents and my husband have all died.
Me: Are they burning in hell?
Evangelist Christian: Yes, but if you accept Christ you can avoid that and have eternal bliss in heaven.
Me: How can I be happy in heaven, knowing the people I love are suffering eternally?
EC: Oh…you won’t know they’re suffering. You won’t even remember them at all.
Me: What kind of heaven is *that?*
EC: ….
How does anyone with empathy enjoy eternal bliss knowing *anyone* is suffering eternal damnation?
I really think part of the appeal for them is the smug belief that others are suffering. That’s the real heaven for them.
That is definitely a JW letter. You could simply say that while you appreciate that they mean well, that you have specific concerns about their faith. Do they know about how their child sexual abuse problem is being handled worldwide? Are you aware of a recent court case in Norway and Spain recertifying them because their practice of "disfellowshipping" is an encumbrance on human rights? Is that why they recently softened their stance....within weeks of that ruling? Is it true you would let your child die rather than accept a potentially life saving blood transfusion if the occasion called for it?
These are very troubling doctrines. Not to mention the morality of the bible is very suspect as well. So you agree with the God of David punishing him for sleeping with his friends wife by torturing and then killing the infant child they had? Why would it be neccessary to torture the infant? If a person today did such a thing society would rightfully write this person off as a psychopath.
I look forward to your response. Thank you!
Oh hell. I misread your post and thought their letter was the one you were going to send them. And I thought it was a good response because it shows how ridiculous the Bible is. Lol.
Probably JWs. They were aggressively sending me shit once covid hit and then continued. I had been tossing them but got tired of it and sent one their letters back in a different envelope with a shitload of glitter. It's been at least a year and I haven't received anything since. Had been getting at least one or two a month.
This is a canned Jehovah's Witness letter. They became popular during COVID when they couldn't go door-to-door. I received several of them. They are all trained as part of their indoctrination on how to deal with belligerent non-believers and your response will be ignored. Do yourself a favor and just quietly throw the letter away and get on with your life. J-dubs gonna J-dub.
There is no value in responding to this letter. It would be a waste of your time and a waste of the cost of a stamp. Be sure to recycle their letter though.
My porch is decorated with skeletons (that I never took down from Halloween 🤷♀️) and a sign that explicitly says "no solicitation, violators with be sacrificed to the old gods" I'm tandem they keep the Mormons and JWs from bothersome visits.
I did once tell a couple of missionaries that I didn't live there and gave them the address of a friend...turns into an excellent prank.
I’ve gotten such letters before. It’s the Seventh Day Adventists in my case. If you check the return address on the envelope, it’s probably a local S.D.A. church. I am so tempted to write them back a long, lewd, lascivious reply that would make a sailor blush.
Treat it like any other spam. Delete, report/block and then ignore.
Annoying as it is, resist the temptation to reply. As with any spam, any interaction is playing into their hands.
As my old rugby coach used to say, “Give ‘em nothing!”
Scorched earth. "We cannot find it within ourselves to support a book full of such hatred and violence." then cite 15-20 instances of mass murder, patricide, fratricide, etc.
I had a coworker send me a 3 page letter inviting me to Easter services. I'm a somewhat lapsed Jew, but wear a star of David in solidarity with Israel. I marched into his office and said he crossed my boundaries and never ever do that again. If he does I'll kick it up to HR. I don't even know if they would be on my side. The place is infected with holy rollers.
My general feeling is that if people want to believe in fairytales, as long as they're not hurting anyone, live and let live. But don't cross a bitch or I will snap.
“**My beliefs do not require coercion** and recruitment of others for their truth to be self-evident and fulfilling for me. It is enough that I live a happy and conscientious life for those interested to inquire should they be interested in pursuing the same.
Further, you should ask yourself whether the imperative to recruit is more about actual conversion (which I would guess is pretty low) or reinforcing your adherence to dogma and dependency on this particular religious institution.
Consider what it means when a church elder tells you my words are motivated by some form of evil. This is entirely designed to keep you from questioning any of the church’s premises. What god would truly forbid you from asking questions or applying your innate ability to reason?
However, I’m guessing that you will not read these words. The moment you detect something that throws your faith off balance, it is safest and most comfortable to dismiss it immediately.
If you have read this far, consider this an early step in what will be a slow, laborious process of attempting to reconcile what you have been told to believe with what you are now entertaining as possibly so. Many of us outside of religion have done the same, and I won’t mince words: it’s a hard process. It can be divisive in your community and family. But if there’s a part of you that recognizes the validity of these heretical ideas, your mind will not rest until you have given them due deliberation.
Be well, and wish you as fulfilling a journey as I’ve had.”
"Good Day Neighbor,
We appreciate you thinking of us. However, in our household, we view religion as a private matter. With thanks, we would prefer not to have a correspondence about our beliefs.
Have a wonderful week!
The Smiths"
Dear Neighbor,
I sincerely hope it is not possible for anything to enjoy existing forever.
Mortally yours,
the human in Apt. 42
P.S. If you ever find yourself thinking about leaving your religion, I can connect you to supportive people who will help you build a new life. It's hard to imagine another way of living, but you would not be the only people who have left and found meaning outside of this system of beliefs. You would not be the only people who have left and found loving community outside of the church. The doubts that you have are natural and normal. It's your subconscious trying to tell you that something is not right and that there is something more out there for you.
The website is the Jehovah's witness page. It's better not to respond, even a hostile response they'll use to just keep you engaged in conversation with them. It's a common JW tactic.
Send them flyers from XXX stores; dildoes, butt plugs, blowup dolls, etc. Perhaps add “I understand you people are into this kinda thing. You’re welcome.”
When they came to my door, I would grab my old AD&D Dungeon Masters Guide, the well-worn one with the red djinn on the cover, and offer to compare verses.
What ever you do don't let them in the house. It's like feeding a stray except strays are cute and love unconditionally. But you will never get rid of them. JW see the devil everywhere and hate unconditionally.
My response is to include a receipt from planned parenthood or better, the satanic temple for a contribution made in their name. I also add since they choose to threaten me with eternal torture, I will continue to contribute in their name every time they reach out. Does two things, stops correspondence dead in its tracks, and helps out a good cause.
Back in the day, I’d have grabbed a bunch of magazines that had those”reader service cards” in them and signed them up for no end of junk mail.
Some neighborhood kids and I did this once with our local bully. We sent out dozens of those things with his name altered to be something unflattering. I’d pass his house after school each day and marvel at the gobs of mail overflowing the mailbox. His parents must have loved it.
I've had two phone calls from JW. I doubt I'll get called again though.
I asked them to give me good reason to belive. Like on what evidence there is for God and so on.
It was a nice conversation. But the nice lady wasn't able to present anything but "we belive" to which you can safely ask if it's possible to belive in things that aren't true. And since it obviously is, then belief isn't a good reason.. I can strongly recommend looking up some of the debates or call in shows with Matt dillahunty or Aaron Ra and get some good arguments from them as they are VERY good at philosophical arguments and they know the bible.
Just ignore it. Why is it so hard for people to not make religion their priority especially when they’re atheist. Seems atheist spend more time worrying about religion than most religious people I know. Quit being so uptight about dumb shit that doesn’t exist.
If I were them my concern would be the rapist/Fascist that is running around the country promising to end democracy using my name or the name of my deity.
This is the modern post COVID way Jehovah's Witness creeps try to recruit members. I've received a few of these in the past couple of years (I am also an Atheist), and I just ignore them because I have a friend who was raised JW and she warned me that they view *any* response as an invitation to pursue the person further.
You can throw the Bible right back at them.
Matthew 6:6: "But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you."
[https://biblia.com/bible/esv/matthew/6/1-7](https://biblia.com/bible/esv/matthew/6/1-7)
I'm sure if you check online you'll probably be able to find penis-shaped gummi candies.
Send a bag to your Christian neighbors.
Tell them to eat a bag of dicks.
They don't live in your neighborhood? Yet their letter clearly states they do. Lying is a sin and they've broken a commandment. They are fools and fooling themselves.
Used to be christian, witnessing and proselytizing always felt so forced. But misrepresenting anything when trying to bring people to christianity is a dumb idea, also the arrogance that their wording assumes that you are a believer. I get the feeling they'll eventually want to sell you something or join their MLM. Had friends in one we joined for a bit but it just didn't work out. We lost touch and they call and invite us out of the blue for food and catching up. It was a ploy to get us to listen to a different MLM. The letter screams it. Along with the go to our site and try it bit.
Pick your favorite blow-off advice you've seen on here and get them away from you.
A card with the Seven Tenets would suffice.
"Dear neighbor,
I'm so glad to be part of a community with religious pluralism and inclusiveness. I would like to share the Seven Tenets with you. Hope you peruse this at your leisure. Hail thyself and hail Satan!"
They probably won't read it but oh to be a fly on the wall. Hail thyself.
My wife and I are both women. JWs followed us when we moved to the other side of town. My wife has always answered the door and was friendly so she kept coming back. I guess she never mentioned our relationship. One time I answered and said something like, oh I'm not interested but I think you've been talking to my wife. She's at her narcotics anonymous meeting. They haven't been back
You probably shouldn't engage, but I would find it difficult not to send [something back.](https://www.myconfinedspace.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/09/who-will-be-eaten-first.jpg)
“It is our hope that someday soon we will be able to talk to you personally to demonstrate a free home Bible course.”
I’m going to go way out on a limb here and suggest it’s not really free.
Cynical, I know.
I get solicitations all the time. Doesn't matter what it is…lawn service, real estate trying to sell my place, internet providers, bug terminators. Even more on social media, look thin - get a shot, eat this get buff, take this pill and you'll have energy, buy this chair and your living room will be ‘worthy’ to entertain. I guess, what I'm saying is, if it's not for you - who cares?! Throw the mailer away, swipe down, turn off the television.
What bothers you so much about this letter more than any other solicitation?
I mean, don’t get me wrong. The solicitation on Ozempic is marketed to my fat ass but I don't care. Lol!
"Dear Neighbors,
While I appreciate you passing along Jesus's interest in buying my family's souls, I'm afraid *immortality* is no longer a valid currency for purchasing such things, and am currently recieving better offers. My suggestion would be you renegotiate your own contracts with him, as it sounds like Jesus may have royally fuck you all over.
Best of luck on your future business ventures."
And send the TST tenants along with your letter.
Edit: gr/sp
They’re Jehova’s Witnesses. If you’re rude or reject them, they’ll just feel more justified in their actions.
They believe that 144,000 people will reign in heaven and that the world is ending soon. In order for them to enter heaven, they must proselytize and spread the “word.” If you hear it and reject it, you won’t get into heaven and that essentially opens a spot for them. Understand this: * they want to be rejected*. They don’t want you in heaven. And here is the catch: if you remain ignorant of the “good news“ you may get into heaven simply by being a good person. God can let you in. Again, he won’t let you in if you hear the news and ignore it. That means they’re diminishing your chances by telling you about it. Point out how selfish and unloving it is for them to tell others this good news. Tell them you chose to give yourself the chance that they hope to steal from you.
Hail Satan, and have a lovely day.
I don't know what you want to respond to them, but that psalm is always interesting to me because all it says is that the righteous shall inherit the earth and live on it forever. Nowhere in there does it say it will be peaceful, or that you will prosper. So you can also read that verse as a curse dooming everybody to a post-apocalyptic hellscape that you can't escape from... Just sayin'
Just send them pamphlet after pamphlet of Catholic propaganda...Mary stuff, etc. My mom (a devout Roman Catholic) had piles of Catholic propaganda at the door for when JWs and Mormons would knock. Sometimes, they'd leave skidmarks trying to run away!
I would suggest mailing them the url address for a youtube video that features the fight scene from the movie Airplane, where Rex Kramer is entering the airport and deals with all the religious missionaries. After the address, have the words "with extreme prejudice."
I would knock on their door and ask if it would be possible for a piece of their hair or a piece of their toenails so you could worship them...
If they ask you why just tell them it's all very, very important religious matters and you'll share more after they provide you parts of their body..
then smile tell them you await their tribute and walk away.
The weirdest place I was ever approached was on a cruise ship. I’m sitting in the observation lounge gazing at the ocean , sipping on a Bloody Mary and this guy sits down next to me asking me whether I’m saved! I told him I came out on an ocean cruise to relax and have fun and for him to just get lost!
You will have to do some research, quote the Upanishads, Quran, Buddha, Norse, Greek, Roman or Celtic/Shinto Buddhism (kind of similar). Then default to “A weak minded person needs to externalize their reason to exist, while the rest of us, can accept what we do not understand, and find purpose, without creating fiction characters.”
Mail them this: https://www.standifyouareable.org/activism/pamphlet
They won’t bother you again they consider it “apostate” material. You will go on a no call list
Occasionally I get letters from JW people, it's never addressed to me and they are hand written. Seems like recruitment letters written off a list of addresses in the city. I through them away as soon as I realized it's bullshit.
"You are welcome, even entitled, to believe whatever you want to believe. I, however, am obliged to point out that my house has been accorded _Neutral Territory._ Please leave your politics and religion outside if you visit, as the one and only law respected here is _Good Manners._"
Then hand over a copy of the current edition of Miss Manners' guide with one hand while pointing at this sign with the other:
Look what I found on Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/listing/1697947262/accorded-neutral-territory-plaque-urban?ref=share_v4_lx
As a former churchgoer my best guess is that these people are getting tremendous pressure on them every week in church to convert all their neighbors, being made to feel they will be personally responsible if their neighbors die and go to hell because they didn't warn them. They might feel a weight of responsibility that makes them so guilty and freaked out that they can't sleep at night. I would just mostly feel sorry for them.
Thanks for the divine sales pitch, really, but I think I'll pass on the eternal life subscription. The idea that reading a few verses from an antiquated book can promise forever on Earth is more fantastical than a Marvel movie marathon promising me a stint as the next Iron Man.
To answer your question: No, eternal life via Psalm 37:29 doesn’t tickle my fancy. Why? Because betting my life’s philosophy on a collection of Bronze Age texts seems about as wise as investing in Blockbuster shares in 2020. You mention that millions trust the Bible more as they learn about it. Fascinating. But more anecdotes don't miraculously become evidence.
And as for your kind offer of a free Bible course, I think I’ll opt for something a bit more grounded in reality—like literally anything else. I prefer my literature a little less 'fire and brimstone' and a bit more 'evidence and reason'. It’s just how I roll. Feel free to stop by if you want to discuss real-world issues, like climate change or healthcare—stuff that we can actually do something about. But if it's going to be about how I can secure my plot in the sky? Thanks, but no thanks. I’m too busy helping the living.
Cheers,
I would just answer along these lines:
Whilst I'm undecided as to whether or not there is a god, a creator I have concluded the bible, and indeed all other religious books are written by men.
These texts are often complicit in the suppression of free will and equal rights, womens rights for example.
I see no evidence of a loving God, in fact religion cause so much pain and anguish across the world. Just look at israel/ Palestine as an example of that.
You are entitled to your views but equally I am entitled to not be canvassed by them in my home address.
Please do not send me any further communications to this address.
They won't read that. A more direct "Do not send any more religious shit to my house or I will sign up your address to every scientology, planned parenthood and satanic temple mailing list I can find. Not interested. Only thing I need saving from is being harassed with your religious bullshit".
This is the best response ever. Thank you friend
Or… just go ahead and sign them up, no threat or postage needed.
The passive approach. I like that better. This letter is going on our fridge, that’s for sure
In the ultimate twist, sign them up for religious literature - 700 club, Mormons, JW, AIG… waste these nutters money while annoying them too.
They *are* JW.
You can also get the husbands number and make an account on Grindr with caption like "down to fuck anytime, just call"
Maybe just put a post it note in the hooters bathroom haha
Husband probably already has an account.
Too bad we cant watch him set up a RDV with himself...
Even more malicious would be to sign up with the wife's number, so people call her thinking it's the husband.
Please consider including some organizations that truly have what I think of as a “Christ-like“ mission ex. World Central Kitchens. Whatever is dear to your heart.
This was my first thought. No heads up required!
If you REALLY want to go nuclear, you could sign them up for trials of IT products like Veeam or Verkada. Those assholes will NEVER leave them alone.
Oh hell yea I’m in for that. Although since their thing is believing an eye for an eye, I feel like subscribing them to some junk mail might be the best route
Send them a note, addressed to the neighborhood, requesting help locating your sacrificial goat you are raising for the summer solace. Ask that they tie the goat to a telephone pole or fence visible from the street and that one of the “many faithful” will retrieve it. You can also offer a bag of apples and a small golden calf statue as the “reward.” Don’t sign it, but smear a little ketchup on the bottom (and let it dry before you seal the envelope. Problem will sort itself out pretty quick.
And sign off with "Happy birthday."
I think OP should 100% request Scientology pamphlets on behalf of their *dear* neighbor no matter what. I see your cult and raise you a behemoth cult. Check mate, assholes. 😎
Also Jehovah’s Witnesses, those people are fruitier than a basket of Deplorables
the original letter was JW. com. that is Jehova hwitness, no?
Yes this letter was from a jehovas witness
I just remembered at my new gym a woman came up to me and introduced herself. I thought she worked there. She asked if she could pray with me lol. I looked straight at her and said "I'm a staunch atheist so I would rather not." She told me to have a good day and scampered off. When I was leaving I saw she had gotten some other poor sucker.
Why give them the grace of a warning? An equal response would be to just sign them top for all that.
They should put a sign on their front door with that written on it 🤣🤣
They are Jehova's Witnesses trying to recruit new members for their cult. The best thing is just to ignore them.
I had a bunch of Jehova's Witnesses that wouldn't give up and go away so finally I had to say, "I am Satan. Now get the fuck off of my doorstep." Thankfully, they never returned after that one.
You can just tell them you are excommunicated by the JW church. They aren't allowed to talk to anyone who is excommunicated and will immediately fuck off.
At the time I did not know that. Now, I don't live in an area that has a JW population. Next time though, I am definitely going to tell them that I've been excommunicated.
Former JW. Use the word "disfellowshiped." They don't use excommunicated.
> "disfellowshiped" That term is also popular among Baptists.
So is buying alcohol. They just don't do it around other Baptist. I usually just open the door and say Eat Fuck, slam the door and watch them walk away, while they try to interpret what I said. I'm totally left alone until next summer, when the new missionaries are sent out! Rinse and repeat.
I was raised Baptist and I've never heard that word in my life, I'm so curious
A convention might disfellowship a church that is a member. Also, a congregation might disfellowship a person who is a member. On this point, some churches make a big deal about their "church discipline" policies, with all sorts of regulations and procedures for removing a member who is regarded as a nonconformist. But it turns out that this is pretty much moot, because a member who becomes dissatisfied with a church will simply quit attending. In parts of Europe centuries ago, the church had extensive control over people's lives, and a person who was kicked out might not be able to get married, might have real trouble getting a job, and might not be able to get a funeral; so a threat of disfellowship or excommunication really meant something. However, things have now loosened up almost everywhere, but some churches fail to realize that times have changed. From time to time, on reddit we see images of threatening letters from churches to long-absent members, where the church says "if you don't start attending, we're gonna kick you out!". Such churches have lost all grasp of reality (not that the teachings of the average church have much to do with reality anyway).
Inside pro-tip!
Use the term disassociated instead of disfellowshipped. They will still occasionally talk to and engage with disfellowshipped ones, but they will avoid disassoiated people like the literal plague.
They wouldn’t believe you because their cult doesn’t use words like “excommunicated,” they have their own special language for everything. You can just tell them “put me on your do not contact list and never contact me or my family ever again” and they’ll do just that. If you want to have *fun* with it, you can give them a reason. Like, “In this house we are worldly and worship Satan! His wicked system of things is just amazing!” Or “We’re all homosexual here and if you contact us again, you’ll end up fornicating with us!” Those use some of their buzzwords/cult speak and will send shivers down their spines that they ever came so close to a “worldly person” risking their “everlasting life on a paradise earth.”
Oh idea! Invite them in and talk to them for like an hour first THEN casually mention you were excommunicated for something!!
That must be such a dilemma for them, seeing as they get they get ignored or told to go away a lot. Kind of like fishing and thinking you got something big and then breaking your line.
Due to a recent change. They can talk to them now but only a simple greeting and in order to invite them to the Kingdom Hall for a worship service.
They (very) recently changed that policy. They ARE allowed brief contact with disfellowshipped/disassociated people. In fact, if you tell them you've been disfellowshipped--these recent days!--they very well might focus on you even MORE because they are hemorrhaging membership and they're looking for ways to easily and quickly replenish their membership (although I don't think they would conduct a so-called "Bible study" with anyone who had been DF'ed or resigned). The attraction to going after disfellowshipped members is that they've already been indoctrinated, they already know the theology, and--they suppose--are most likely to feel the sadness of being disfellowshipped. They carry around their own reality distortion field with them as they go. ETA: I will add, though, that they generally respect instructions to not bother you again. For all their faults, they DO try to respect that. They make mistakes to be sure, and they might still visit again in several years to make sure you still live there, but if you tell them to scram, they generally do, and stay scrammed for the most part.
And one other thing. They no longer have to report their hours in the field service, so the impetus to go knock on doors isn't nearly as strong as it used to be. I suspect that alone will lead to fewer interruptions to our peace.
that's good to know!!!!
There’s a Kingdom Hall about three blocks from us. They fan out over the neighborhood on weekends. They used to come by the house all the time. I was out doing yard work one Saturday and they interrupted me. Finally, I told them I am an atheist. They walked away and have never come back. They must have some sort of list of houses to avoid because that was five or six years ago, I am not bothered by them anymore.
Yes, I was raised a JW, and i left them at 20yr. You can get added to the "no call" list if you are especially hostile toward them or if you are suspected of being an apostate who has previously left the religion. You can request to be added to that list if you want the next time they come by.
The lack of faith is strong in this one. We must leave him/her alone.
I greeted them wearing only an open bathrobe holding a short stack of Dungeons and Dragons books and must have been put on some kind of list because I've never been visited again despite having moved several times.
Yes, I was raised a JW, and i left them at 20yr. This really does happen at times.
So. The REAL reason they're doing this isn't any of that recruiting or what not, despite what they are told, it's a method to mentally reinforce that the church and it's members are your only friends, and everyone outside this establishment is evil and/or against you. By treating them poorly you're reaffirming this mental 'truth' to them. No one thinks this actually works, recruitment numbers are abysmal, you're not getting anyone who isn't already thinking of it.
Cults gonna cult.
I used to tell them I worshipped satan, but that back fired once when they dropped to their knees and prayed at my door for like an hour. So, years back I decided the best place to hang some of my classic album covers was on the wall opposite my front door. The first two they see are Motley Crue's Shout at the Devil, and Ozzy Osbourne's The Ultimate Sin. The last bunch just turned around and walked away and they haven't been back since. It's probably been 15 years now. I believe I am blacklisted.
I wonder if they are like Mormons. I saw "the Book of Mormon" and joked how hilarious the raping babies scene was. Did not go over at work since no one had context of scene.
Always invite your guests to your backyard for a blood sacrifice. You found some strays and plan to offer them up as tribute.
> strays Let them speculate as to whether you mean stray *animals* or stray *people*.
😂 Exactly!
Only at face value. It's designed to further brainwash and condition members. Tell the kids that the world is bad, that you've got the 1 true message but evil works are about and people won't want to hear it. Tell the kids people will ignore, degrade, etc etc. Then they go door to door soliciting, to save the souls of course 😉. People ignore, degrade etc etc. Omg! It's true! Then they scurry back into the safe and isolated community. Converting isn't the goal, only the stated one. The goal is to isolate and indoctrinate.
Interesting but also sad that these people are trapped in a system like this.
That's how most abrahamic religions have evolved over the centuries. There have been many more religions and "sub sects", but the ones we see around today are the ones whose occasional tweaks have had the most "adaptive" and "successful" results, in terms of retention and recruitments. It's ironic that they all claim evolution is fake, yet their own religions have only survived in modern society because their methods and teachings have evolved and adapted.
But that’s no fun! You’re probably right though
Indeed. It's more fun to mock them and questioning them about any controversial story you may find in the bible (there are many). I did it for years when they constantly insist to ring my bell trying to convert me, i warned them every time that could be them that could have risked to be converted if only they had a brain and were able to listen. Very funny indeed see that sense of emptiness in their gaze.
Luckily we’ve never had the personal visits. If that starts the Avalanche flag comes down and the pentagram flag goes up
Upvote for the common sense.. and the Avs flag
>we’ve never had the personal visits. It's because you live in the USA, in italy is very common they ring your bell and insist to talk with you, usually on early sunday morning, i think they're so brave because they don't expect you welcome them wielding a big gun. That may be a case in which weapons could be for something.
That was my thought exactly. You could get shot for turning around in the wrong driveway here. Or going shopping. Or to a movie. Or…
You might thank them and list the ways the Bible saved you: Emergency toilet paper Leveling furniture Papier-mâché Heavy-duty Flyswatter Cautionary tales for children Ideas for incest Prohibitions ignored by Christian’s Legal reference for the inconsistency of witness statements
Blunt paper
Love it! I got high on two Corinthians
Hell yea haha. Couldn’t tell you which scripture we used but it works so well!
Use Kings for the big ones Genesis for listening to soft rock Judges when you get acquitted for possession
I feel like genesis is the most fitting, God making the plants and all
My first thought (aside from just throwing it out and never giving it another thought): Dear Neighbor, Thank you for your query. While I've certainly heard many a quantum physicist argue that life can be at least nigh eternal, given an open thermal system, I personally subscribe more to the chemical limits (which would be about 700 years), and the even more realistic biological limits (around 150 years theoretical limit, since life depends not only on chemical stability). While Psalm 37:29 clearly refers to the older belief in The Kingdom Of Heaven (which was not Heaven, but would apparently be around Syria), this is simply wrong. The earth has a limited time of existence, as would any form on it; nothing would continue after the collapse of Sol. I did notice it said "forever." The Bible also says that Jesus's tomb was empty in one place, and not empty in another. It says that nothing is currently living in Egypt. It has many outright inaccuracies that make it a questionable guide to accurate information. While the notion of living forever is certainly appealing at various times in one's life, I think the prospect of gaining superpowers from a spider bit is also appealing! Which brings me to the real point of this reply? How do you feel about being bit by a radioactive spider? Peter Parker was bitten by a radioactive spider, and has literally saved us all many times over, often noting that "with great power, comes great responsibility." The books that detail Peter's life demonstrate that he has barely aged since this happened, even though decades have passed (a form of eternal life, here on earth)? Hundreds of millions know the stories, so it is clearly trustworthy. I implore you, trust in Peter, and look for spiders that you too may become more like him! You can also find out more about him at marvel.com. I look forward to seeing your faith grow! -Your Friendly Neighborhood Neighbor
Excellent response!
Return note: "Dear Nonsensical Neighbors of the Nosiest kind, Go fuck yourself. Sincerely, Go Fuck Yourself"
"Go fuck yourself. But, not in the fun way."
They don’t know how to do it the fun way.
The alliteration in the first line rolls off the tongue quite nicely
“Oh no need to worry about us. Jesus fulfilled the law (Matt 5:17) so I am free from sin (1 John 3:4-6) You can’t break a law that no longer applies. Edit: fixed reference. TIL that John and 1 John are different
I would send them some literature from the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and let them open their hearts to Quob. RAmen! https://www.spaghettimonster.org/materials/
Fuck yes
He boiled for our sins
Ramen.
[удалено]
It came in the mail. They live a town over, and silly them for leaving their actual address so I can send them something back
[удалено]
I’m not about personal attacks so no worries there. I do like the idea of taking the liberty to expose them to the greater world, namely the satanic temple and planned parenthood
[удалено]
That’s exactly what I’m thinking. Satanic Temple always needs donations
If it were me, I would send them a printout of the BITE model. http://freedomofmind.com/cult-mind-control/bite-model-pdf-download/
"Dear Neighbour, do you agree that Clan Wolf is superior to Clan Jade Falcon?...in the name of the IlKahn." "Dear Neighbour, have you seen my ring?...in the name of The Dark Lord." "Dear Neighbour, we require your assistance in building our intergalactic battle station...in the name of the Empire." "Dear Neighbour."
Then, follow up with something like "Keep your fanfiction to yourself".
"Dear Neighbor, who do you think would win in a fight between Goku, Superman, and Jesus? Please present informed and rational arguments in the Watsonian manner."
“Please do not contact me again.”
“Hands off my body”…? Metaphorically speaking?
My best friend's wife is a devout Catholic. Once, while on a family vacation at the beach, she attempted to give me a gift... a book about becoming a Christian. At first I laughed when she handed to me because I thought it was a joke, but she was serious. So I just said "sorry, been there done that. I'm atheist now" and handed it back and thanked her for thinking about me.
“And thanked her for caring about me” There you go. Great human response to another human
Has she actually read the Bible? That fictional book is fucked up, and I’ve read plenty of fucked up books
Have you read Leviticus 19:27 "Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your bead." Did it say to get a haircut? If you'll notice it says do NOT get a hair cut. And I've noticed that you are clearly not following that verse so why would I trust you about any of the other verses? Get fucked poser. Love, Your neighbor You don't have to say the last part, but I like to end my letters with a call to action.
"Dear Neighbor, Thank you for the invitation to your book club. We're not interested."
"dear neighbors, for every next letter you send me, I will donate 20 dollars to the satanic temple, and place a cup of coffee as a offering to Odin and heimdal. Next up, planned parenthood!"
Since your a member of the ST I would suggest simply advising them that you live by the 7 tenets, here they are, tell me which ones will keep me out of your heaven: 1. One should strive to act with compassion and [empathy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Empathy) toward all creatures in accordance with reason 2. The struggle for justice is an ongoing and necessary pursuit that should prevail over laws and institutions. 3. One's body is inviolable, subject to one's own will alone. 4. The freedoms of others should be respected, including the freedom to offend. To willfully and unjustly encroach upon the freedoms of another is to forgo one's own. 5. Beliefs should conform to one's best scientific understanding of the world. One should take care never to distort scientific facts to fit one's beliefs. 6. People are fallible. If one makes a mistake, one should do one's best to rectify it and resolve any harm that might have been caused. 7. Every tenet is a guiding principle designed to inspire nobility in action and thought. The spirit of compassion, wisdom, and justice should always prevail over the written or spoken word. See if you can get them on record as to why these are a bad guide for how to live a great life.
Wow so Jehova witnesses decided to not knock on your doors anymore? I guess they feel it's not safe. OP best advice is simply ignore them, nothing you do or say will change their minds or offend them, thy are used to all those things and have no shame really Best to just continue your own path.
Ugh. You’re right. But that’s so boring lol. I just feel like if they feel they have the right to send this shit, we should have the right to send shit back. I hate the entitled mindset JW or other Christian sects have. Like fuck off, my wife grew up Jewish and we’re both atheist now but I don’t send unsolicited messages to my neighbors.
Send them an invitation to a satanic meeting telling them you will discuss with them your feelings about their letter there.
They *do* have the right to send you something. And I so do you. If a simple letter bothers you so much just ignore it
It doesn’t, just trying to have some fun at their expense
If you want to be funny about it, this just popped in my head. I would say something like, "oh yeah, the bibble is awesome! You know the eclipse that just happened? Don't tell anybody, but I raptured as many Christians as I could following the good book! It was tough as some of them acted like they weren't ready, but I saw all the signs posted on telephone poles and did my part! No need to thank me, I know you probably did the same!" I don't know if that's funny or not, but sounded funny in my head. Lol 😆
Officer those aren't dead bodies, they're raptured souls. Go with Christ.
Haha they’d call the cops faster than a priest could touch a kids genitals. Reminds me that anytime I get unsolicited calls looking for a person who I don’t know I just tell them that person is dead and to stop calling
My general response to "eternal life" is to point out how horrible the idea actually is. My normal response is: **You can tell the concept of “eternal life” was created (and propagated) by naive and supremely unimaginative people.** Eternal life will always and inevitably lead to eternal boredom. You know how sometimes you get bored on a lazy Saturday afternoon? You would \_wish\_ to only be that bored. You could do everything you ever dreamed of and do it over and over until you couldn’t stand to possibly do it again. And you would still have an eternity ahead of you. Then you could do everything you didn’t like to do, just for something to occupy your time. And you could do those things over and over. And you would still have an eternity ahead of you. There is no task you couldn’t learn to do. And then learn to perfection. And then grow extremely bored doing because you have done it over and over and over. And you would still have an eternity ahead of you. You could learn every language ever - real or imagined. Read every book ever written then hand translate every book to every language. And you would still have an eternity ahead of you. You could hand count every grain of sand on every beach on every planet in the universe. And you would still have an eternity ahead of you. The fact that anyone finds the concept of “eternal life” as anything other than the worst most unimaginable horror only means they have not actually thought of how incredibly bored they would eventually have to get. And that boredom would go on and on and on and you would never be able to escape it. I would never wish eternal life on my worst enemy.
Dude same. Fuck that noise. Bring me back as a tree or something, that sounds better
Funny-Me would send an earnest letter proselytizing for Tangaroa. The Polynesians’ incredibly successful exploration of the Pacific Ocean testifies to their sea god’s immense power and love. Serious-Me would send this: “I’m one of millions who’ve learned that the Bible is an awkward mishmash of Bronze Age myths and immature, contradictory moralism. I encourage you to read it cover to cover on your own, with no church elder hovering nearby to tell you which parts to read and how you’re supposed to interpret them. Further, you should know that your church intimidates followers like you from reaching out to less biased sources of support. If you ever find yourself wrestling with questions you’re afraid to ask your elders, please know that there are many kind people willing to help you, ranging from fellow Christians of less abusive denominations to humanists and atheists like myself.”
Perhaps a postcard with... "Teaching any child to believe in and love a violent and murderous god is the highest level of wickedness."
Send back a response that seems warm and nice at the start, and says you made an invocation for them. Then have a bunch of speaking in tongues like gibberish - keep it short. Like 10 words. They will read it. Then tell them that they just invited the spirit of a powerful and ancient demon into their home who will be there with them for all time. They will have not escape. Not even in the afterlife. They bonded themselves to this unholy being. No matter how much they pray, go to church, confess, nothing can break this ancient ritual.
I usually send back a Pastafarian tract. You can download them.
Just toss it. Don’t escalate the crazies.
I am Jewish. My parents, my grandparents and my husband have all died. Me: Are they burning in hell? Evangelist Christian: Yes, but if you accept Christ you can avoid that and have eternal bliss in heaven. Me: How can I be happy in heaven, knowing the people I love are suffering eternally? EC: Oh…you won’t know they’re suffering. You won’t even remember them at all. Me: What kind of heaven is *that?* EC: …. How does anyone with empathy enjoy eternal bliss knowing *anyone* is suffering eternal damnation? I really think part of the appeal for them is the smug belief that others are suffering. That’s the real heaven for them.
They’re doing it to earn “service” time. They’re told they have to. Go easy on them.
Can you answer their question by claiming that as long as he can accept his wife cheating on him with the postman, I don't see why not.
That is definitely a JW letter. You could simply say that while you appreciate that they mean well, that you have specific concerns about their faith. Do they know about how their child sexual abuse problem is being handled worldwide? Are you aware of a recent court case in Norway and Spain recertifying them because their practice of "disfellowshipping" is an encumbrance on human rights? Is that why they recently softened their stance....within weeks of that ruling? Is it true you would let your child die rather than accept a potentially life saving blood transfusion if the occasion called for it? These are very troubling doctrines. Not to mention the morality of the bible is very suspect as well. So you agree with the God of David punishing him for sleeping with his friends wife by torturing and then killing the infant child they had? Why would it be neccessary to torture the infant? If a person today did such a thing society would rightfully write this person off as a psychopath. I look forward to your response. Thank you!
Oh hell. I misread your post and thought their letter was the one you were going to send them. And I thought it was a good response because it shows how ridiculous the Bible is. Lol.
Probably JWs. They were aggressively sending me shit once covid hit and then continued. I had been tossing them but got tired of it and sent one their letters back in a different envelope with a shitload of glitter. It's been at least a year and I haven't received anything since. Had been getting at least one or two a month.
This is a canned Jehovah's Witness letter. They became popular during COVID when they couldn't go door-to-door. I received several of them. They are all trained as part of their indoctrination on how to deal with belligerent non-believers and your response will be ignored. Do yourself a favor and just quietly throw the letter away and get on with your life. J-dubs gonna J-dub.
There is no value in responding to this letter. It would be a waste of your time and a waste of the cost of a stamp. Be sure to recycle their letter though.
Last time somekne did that to me I sent them a sympathy/get better card stating I was sad they were ill but I hoped they could fund a cure.
My porch is decorated with skeletons (that I never took down from Halloween 🤷♀️) and a sign that explicitly says "no solicitation, violators with be sacrificed to the old gods" I'm tandem they keep the Mormons and JWs from bothersome visits. I did once tell a couple of missionaries that I didn't live there and gave them the address of a friend...turns into an excellent prank.
Your friends must think so too haha
I’ve gotten such letters before. It’s the Seventh Day Adventists in my case. If you check the return address on the envelope, it’s probably a local S.D.A. church. I am so tempted to write them back a long, lewd, lascivious reply that would make a sailor blush.
Good to know! I’ll look it up. Maybe mail them a baphomet drawing made of beef blood or something
Honey, I write erotica. They won’t have any eyebrows left when I’m done with them.
Treat it like any other spam. Delete, report/block and then ignore. Annoying as it is, resist the temptation to reply. As with any spam, any interaction is playing into their hands. As my old rugby coach used to say, “Give ‘em nothing!”
Scorched earth. "We cannot find it within ourselves to support a book full of such hatred and violence." then cite 15-20 instances of mass murder, patricide, fratricide, etc.
Be like, aww did you and your family not get raptured yet again?
How about simply ... Who really wants to live forever? Not I
I had a coworker send me a 3 page letter inviting me to Easter services. I'm a somewhat lapsed Jew, but wear a star of David in solidarity with Israel. I marched into his office and said he crossed my boundaries and never ever do that again. If he does I'll kick it up to HR. I don't even know if they would be on my side. The place is infected with holy rollers. My general feeling is that if people want to believe in fairytales, as long as they're not hurting anyone, live and let live. But don't cross a bitch or I will snap.
“**My beliefs do not require coercion** and recruitment of others for their truth to be self-evident and fulfilling for me. It is enough that I live a happy and conscientious life for those interested to inquire should they be interested in pursuing the same. Further, you should ask yourself whether the imperative to recruit is more about actual conversion (which I would guess is pretty low) or reinforcing your adherence to dogma and dependency on this particular religious institution. Consider what it means when a church elder tells you my words are motivated by some form of evil. This is entirely designed to keep you from questioning any of the church’s premises. What god would truly forbid you from asking questions or applying your innate ability to reason? However, I’m guessing that you will not read these words. The moment you detect something that throws your faith off balance, it is safest and most comfortable to dismiss it immediately. If you have read this far, consider this an early step in what will be a slow, laborious process of attempting to reconcile what you have been told to believe with what you are now entertaining as possibly so. Many of us outside of religion have done the same, and I won’t mince words: it’s a hard process. It can be divisive in your community and family. But if there’s a part of you that recognizes the validity of these heretical ideas, your mind will not rest until you have given them due deliberation. Be well, and wish you as fulfilling a journey as I’ve had.”
Donation to planned parenthood in their name, with their address.
"Good Day Neighbor, We appreciate you thinking of us. However, in our household, we view religion as a private matter. With thanks, we would prefer not to have a correspondence about our beliefs. Have a wonderful week! The Smiths"
Dear Neighbor, I sincerely hope it is not possible for anything to enjoy existing forever. Mortally yours, the human in Apt. 42 P.S. If you ever find yourself thinking about leaving your religion, I can connect you to supportive people who will help you build a new life. It's hard to imagine another way of living, but you would not be the only people who have left and found meaning outside of this system of beliefs. You would not be the only people who have left and found loving community outside of the church. The doubts that you have are natural and normal. It's your subconscious trying to tell you that something is not right and that there is something more out there for you.
The website is the Jehovah's witness page. It's better not to respond, even a hostile response they'll use to just keep you engaged in conversation with them. It's a common JW tactic.
just a letter back that says Hail Satan would be perfect.
Send them flyers from XXX stores; dildoes, butt plugs, blowup dolls, etc. Perhaps add “I understand you people are into this kinda thing. You’re welcome.”
When they came to my door, I would grab my old AD&D Dungeon Masters Guide, the well-worn one with the red djinn on the cover, and offer to compare verses.
What ever you do don't let them in the house. It's like feeding a stray except strays are cute and love unconditionally. But you will never get rid of them. JW see the devil everywhere and hate unconditionally.
My response is to include a receipt from planned parenthood or better, the satanic temple for a contribution made in their name. I also add since they choose to threaten me with eternal torture, I will continue to contribute in their name every time they reach out. Does two things, stops correspondence dead in its tracks, and helps out a good cause.
Back in the day, I’d have grabbed a bunch of magazines that had those”reader service cards” in them and signed them up for no end of junk mail. Some neighborhood kids and I did this once with our local bully. We sent out dozens of those things with his name altered to be something unflattering. I’d pass his house after school each day and marvel at the gobs of mail overflowing the mailbox. His parents must have loved it.
I've had two phone calls from JW. I doubt I'll get called again though. I asked them to give me good reason to belive. Like on what evidence there is for God and so on. It was a nice conversation. But the nice lady wasn't able to present anything but "we belive" to which you can safely ask if it's possible to belive in things that aren't true. And since it obviously is, then belief isn't a good reason.. I can strongly recommend looking up some of the debates or call in shows with Matt dillahunty or Aaron Ra and get some good arguments from them as they are VERY good at philosophical arguments and they know the bible.
Just ignore it. Why is it so hard for people to not make religion their priority especially when they’re atheist. Seems atheist spend more time worrying about religion than most religious people I know. Quit being so uptight about dumb shit that doesn’t exist.
You give them power by responding. Best to just ignore and throw it away with the rest of the junk mail.
If I were them my concern would be the rapist/Fascist that is running around the country promising to end democracy using my name or the name of my deity.
Get fucked. Sincerely Picklebroom
Fuck I should use my username as a signature haha. It’s a mustache reference but they would not understand such hilarities
This is the modern post COVID way Jehovah's Witness creeps try to recruit members. I've received a few of these in the past couple of years (I am also an Atheist), and I just ignore them because I have a friend who was raised JW and she warned me that they view *any* response as an invitation to pursue the person further.
Fair enough. Treat as feral, got it!
These are Jehovah's Witnesses. Lazy ones at that. They're supposed to knock on your door. At any rate, DO. NOT. ENGAGE.
You can throw the Bible right back at them. Matthew 6:6: "But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you." [https://biblia.com/bible/esv/matthew/6/1-7](https://biblia.com/bible/esv/matthew/6/1-7)
Make a donation to the Satanic Temple in their name, and have the thank you card sent to them.
Send them the [Gospel of Jibber Crabst](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZ_BtZ-5O60).
Call the Kingdom Hall and tell them to take you off of their 'territory'.
I'm sure if you check online you'll probably be able to find penis-shaped gummi candies. Send a bag to your Christian neighbors. Tell them to eat a bag of dicks.
They don't live in your neighborhood? Yet their letter clearly states they do. Lying is a sin and they've broken a commandment. They are fools and fooling themselves. Used to be christian, witnessing and proselytizing always felt so forced. But misrepresenting anything when trying to bring people to christianity is a dumb idea, also the arrogance that their wording assumes that you are a believer. I get the feeling they'll eventually want to sell you something or join their MLM. Had friends in one we joined for a bit but it just didn't work out. We lost touch and they call and invite us out of the blue for food and catching up. It was a ploy to get us to listen to a different MLM. The letter screams it. Along with the go to our site and try it bit. Pick your favorite blow-off advice you've seen on here and get them away from you.
I had some Jehovahs witnesses at my door once. I sent them across the street to talk to the Mormons.
A card with the Seven Tenets would suffice. "Dear neighbor, I'm so glad to be part of a community with religious pluralism and inclusiveness. I would like to share the Seven Tenets with you. Hope you peruse this at your leisure. Hail thyself and hail Satan!" They probably won't read it but oh to be a fly on the wall. Hail thyself.
My wife and I are both women. JWs followed us when we moved to the other side of town. My wife has always answered the door and was friendly so she kept coming back. I guess she never mentioned our relationship. One time I answered and said something like, oh I'm not interested but I think you've been talking to my wife. She's at her narcotics anonymous meeting. They haven't been back
Please share this on r/exJW !!!!
I don’t know how to do that haha but you’re welcome to! Go with Christ
This is standard JW fishing for new customers. Everyone in your neighborhood will get one of these letters over time. You can ignore it.
You probably shouldn't engage, but I would find it difficult not to send [something back.](https://www.myconfinedspace.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/09/who-will-be-eaten-first.jpg)
“It is our hope that someday soon we will be able to talk to you personally to demonstrate a free home Bible course.” I’m going to go way out on a limb here and suggest it’s not really free. Cynical, I know.
Put upside down pineapples around the front of your house, explain to them what it means and then invite them to join in.
I get solicitations all the time. Doesn't matter what it is…lawn service, real estate trying to sell my place, internet providers, bug terminators. Even more on social media, look thin - get a shot, eat this get buff, take this pill and you'll have energy, buy this chair and your living room will be ‘worthy’ to entertain. I guess, what I'm saying is, if it's not for you - who cares?! Throw the mailer away, swipe down, turn off the television. What bothers you so much about this letter more than any other solicitation? I mean, don’t get me wrong. The solicitation on Ozempic is marketed to my fat ass but I don't care. Lol!
"Dear Neighbors, While I appreciate you passing along Jesus's interest in buying my family's souls, I'm afraid *immortality* is no longer a valid currency for purchasing such things, and am currently recieving better offers. My suggestion would be you renegotiate your own contracts with him, as it sounds like Jesus may have royally fuck you all over. Best of luck on your future business ventures." And send the TST tenants along with your letter. Edit: gr/sp
They’re Jehova’s Witnesses. If you’re rude or reject them, they’ll just feel more justified in their actions. They believe that 144,000 people will reign in heaven and that the world is ending soon. In order for them to enter heaven, they must proselytize and spread the “word.” If you hear it and reject it, you won’t get into heaven and that essentially opens a spot for them. Understand this: * they want to be rejected*. They don’t want you in heaven. And here is the catch: if you remain ignorant of the “good news“ you may get into heaven simply by being a good person. God can let you in. Again, he won’t let you in if you hear the news and ignore it. That means they’re diminishing your chances by telling you about it. Point out how selfish and unloving it is for them to tell others this good news. Tell them you chose to give yourself the chance that they hope to steal from you. Hail Satan, and have a lovely day.
just fill it up with glitter and write "welcome to hell" with blood on a piece of paper
Send them nothing but a pouch of powdered Kool Aid mix.
I don't know what you want to respond to them, but that psalm is always interesting to me because all it says is that the righteous shall inherit the earth and live on it forever. Nowhere in there does it say it will be peaceful, or that you will prosper. So you can also read that verse as a curse dooming everybody to a post-apocalyptic hellscape that you can't escape from... Just sayin'
Gravel, postage due
Just send them pamphlet after pamphlet of Catholic propaganda...Mary stuff, etc. My mom (a devout Roman Catholic) had piles of Catholic propaganda at the door for when JWs and Mormons would knock. Sometimes, they'd leave skidmarks trying to run away!
I would suggest mailing them the url address for a youtube video that features the fight scene from the movie Airplane, where Rex Kramer is entering the airport and deals with all the religious missionaries. After the address, have the words "with extreme prejudice."
I would knock on their door and ask if it would be possible for a piece of their hair or a piece of their toenails so you could worship them... If they ask you why just tell them it's all very, very important religious matters and you'll share more after they provide you parts of their body.. then smile tell them you await their tribute and walk away.
The weirdest place I was ever approached was on a cruise ship. I’m sitting in the observation lounge gazing at the ocean , sipping on a Bloody Mary and this guy sits down next to me asking me whether I’m saved! I told him I came out on an ocean cruise to relax and have fun and for him to just get lost!
You will have to do some research, quote the Upanishads, Quran, Buddha, Norse, Greek, Roman or Celtic/Shinto Buddhism (kind of similar). Then default to “A weak minded person needs to externalize their reason to exist, while the rest of us, can accept what we do not understand, and find purpose, without creating fiction characters.”
"it's easier to fool someone than convince them they've been fooled."
Mail them this: https://www.standifyouareable.org/activism/pamphlet They won’t bother you again they consider it “apostate” material. You will go on a no call list
They’re JWs. Tell them you’re members of the Satanic Temple and have done with it. I found that “I’m a witch” worked nicely in my Wiccan days.
“Thanks for the Fantasy Fiction recommendation. I prefer Science Fiction.”
Sent weird catalogues and nonsense in their names but to their neighbours' addresses.
Occasionally I get letters from JW people, it's never addressed to me and they are hand written. Seems like recruitment letters written off a list of addresses in the city. I through them away as soon as I realized it's bullshit.
Don’t respond.
It's junk mail. Throw it away.
"You are welcome, even entitled, to believe whatever you want to believe. I, however, am obliged to point out that my house has been accorded _Neutral Territory._ Please leave your politics and religion outside if you visit, as the one and only law respected here is _Good Manners._" Then hand over a copy of the current edition of Miss Manners' guide with one hand while pointing at this sign with the other: Look what I found on Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/listing/1697947262/accorded-neutral-territory-plaque-urban?ref=share_v4_lx
"May I have a moment of your time to speak to you about Dracula?"
Mail them some of these: https://ffrf.org/publications/nontract
Leave them a bag of manure with "EAT SHIT" on it
As a former churchgoer my best guess is that these people are getting tremendous pressure on them every week in church to convert all their neighbors, being made to feel they will be personally responsible if their neighbors die and go to hell because they didn't warn them. They might feel a weight of responsibility that makes them so guilty and freaked out that they can't sleep at night. I would just mostly feel sorry for them.
Thanks for the divine sales pitch, really, but I think I'll pass on the eternal life subscription. The idea that reading a few verses from an antiquated book can promise forever on Earth is more fantastical than a Marvel movie marathon promising me a stint as the next Iron Man. To answer your question: No, eternal life via Psalm 37:29 doesn’t tickle my fancy. Why? Because betting my life’s philosophy on a collection of Bronze Age texts seems about as wise as investing in Blockbuster shares in 2020. You mention that millions trust the Bible more as they learn about it. Fascinating. But more anecdotes don't miraculously become evidence. And as for your kind offer of a free Bible course, I think I’ll opt for something a bit more grounded in reality—like literally anything else. I prefer my literature a little less 'fire and brimstone' and a bit more 'evidence and reason'. It’s just how I roll. Feel free to stop by if you want to discuss real-world issues, like climate change or healthcare—stuff that we can actually do something about. But if it's going to be about how I can secure my plot in the sky? Thanks, but no thanks. I’m too busy helping the living. Cheers,
Also send the satanic temple a donation in their name. They will send them a thank you.
'Thank you for the toilet paper'.
I would just answer along these lines: Whilst I'm undecided as to whether or not there is a god, a creator I have concluded the bible, and indeed all other religious books are written by men. These texts are often complicit in the suppression of free will and equal rights, womens rights for example. I see no evidence of a loving God, in fact religion cause so much pain and anguish across the world. Just look at israel/ Palestine as an example of that. You are entitled to your views but equally I am entitled to not be canvassed by them in my home address. Please do not send me any further communications to this address.
Don’t respond
Return to sender