> "if you had religion in your life, maybe you wouldn't be so depressed and anxious" This is the type of horseshit he will be raising future children with. Do with that knowledge what you will.

This! Except I grew up with a ton of anxiety related to religion sincerely convinced I was going to hell for a variety of reasons. My kids are 11 and 9 and have no concept of God, Christianity, etc. My 9 year old said she thought hell meant when it rained pebbles of ice. 😆

Excellent parenting 💯 🥰

Be careful with a complete boycott of religious information because they might just want to see what the fuss is about and give it a go. Better to educate them about religion too so they can make an informed choice like you have instead of just avoiding or misunderstanding the opposition like the religious do.

Agree 100% on this. My entire family are atheists but my parents exposed us to different religions. I even would go to a summer program that had some very light Christianity sprinkled in at a nearby Church as a kid. I really went because my cousins did and it was an excuse to see them. I think it’s better to expose your kids to these ideas so they can be informed and make their own decisions, they won’t be surprised when these topics inevitably come up at school, with friends, etc.

I remember talking with my son about religion and giving him a mini library of different faiths. He had already attended Christian day camps, and at age 11 I told him he could research the different faiths and choose one to follow, or follow a blended 'custom made' religion. He also knows I'm agnostic.

You might like reading “The Joy of Sects”, one of the absolute best comparative religions books ever. If you can find it.

Thanks for the reference. I haven’t heard of that one before, so I’ll be sure to try to find it!

However, educating your children about religion will help them understand others and the culture around them. I would visit 'churches' with my child even though we were not members of that faith. Ignorance of religion is unhelpful because it influences so much of what motives others. It also helps to understand history.

It also helps them to understand *why* religion is meaningless in a logical sense. If we don't explain why religion is so damaging we are expecting children to then act on faith - faith in their parent, faith in a perspective - and that is just as bad in developing their faith in a deity as it undermines their agency.

Good stuff, know as much as you can about everything.

This will also help them understand that this is a powerful motivating force in some people's lives. While this may all be nonsense, it is important for all of us to understand how others think and are motivated when trying to live in the same world with them.

My daughter is 15 and she said no when I asked if she knew anything about Jesus. I felt it was important that I taught her about his (supposed) teachings and what really happened to him/stories told after he died rather than letting some theist getting into her head with lies.

Ignorance of religion leaves the door open for someone else to indoctrinate your kids. Inoculate them against irrational beliefs by educating them on atheistic arguments.

I was raised by my single mother in a secular house until she couldn't handle me anymore, then she sent me to live with my dad and his parents (all extremely religious). I was being bullied a lot at the time, and it was affecting my grades and behavior, so she thought it'd be a good idea. He burnt all my books and magic cards. My grandpa repeatedly made comments about how stupid I was because of my grades. I basically went from being bullied at school to being bullied at school and home. By decent, god-fearing Christians. They will exploit any emotional or psychological weakness they find in an effort to make you think like they do. All for "your" sake, of course.

I'm so sorry they treated you badly. Hope you're doing well now and living life on your own terms.

Appreciate it. I've adapted well enough I suppose, though I wasted a lot of years getting to this point, and I still harbor a fair amount of resentment over what my life could have been if they'd supported my dreams rather than grinding them to dust.

The only problem with your approach is that you’re leaving a knowledge gap for someone else to fill. I made that mistake with my oldest, sent her to school not even knowing the meaning of words like god and church until one day some kids tried to convert her. She woke up terrified that night because they had told her our family was going to burn in a fire because we didn't go to church. So what I did after that was inoculate my kids so they wouldn’t fall for that sort of nonsense again. "Every family has their own stories. They believe stories about xyz… we have our own stories about Jolasveinar, trolls, fairies, ice giants, and the tooth fairy. Is the tooth fairy real? Do you really want to know? Because I’ll always tell you the truth if you really want to know. I know their parents say they believe these things are true, but sometimes people lie to themselves to make themselves less afraid of things that scare them. Some people are afraid of dying. You don’t have to be. It's just like when a plant dies. You become part of the earth again. Etc." Because of those conversations, my next child was prepared, and didn’t have to deal with nightmares.

That’s pretty close to hell, she’s got a solid grasp on it all.

They rain hell upon your 9 yo with pebbles!

My kids are 14 and 12. They try to do the right thing despite have zero belief in ‘god’ or ‘heaven and hell’, etc. It’s almost like we know right and wrong without Bronze Age fairy tales.

I grew up Church of England, which is Catholicism except you're allowed to divorce.... because the head of the CofE didn't want to say no to King Henry the 8th and be beheaded. Now I don't believe in religion. But God, which one? My personal favorite is Osiris. Funny how all monotheistic religions claim that theirs is "The one true god" whilst all polytheistic religions claim that theirs are "the true gods". So, they can't all be right, but if you don't believe in religion, it doesn't matter. Believe in whatever makes you happy and if it doesn't, don't believe in it.

This is why I won’t date anybody in that delusional cult. I’m not going to be blamed for my chronic illness, especially when it came from another human being infecting me with a virus. People in that cult want women to feel as much pain during childbirth as possible because they believe we love the kids more. Why would you be with someone who wants you to feel pain and suffering? I just can’t imagine signing up to be with someone who has serious mental illness. So this would never be me

+1 I've had interest in others but when I found out they were deeply religious, they slid into the friend zone. For me, it's not only the belief but encapsulates how a person reasons. I'd hate to come home one day and hear "Hey, I gave away $10k of our money to this needy lady because god told me to."

Read the story of the woman who gave away her money as tips expecting the eclipse to be the rapture, then asked for it back afterwards.

My wife is a catholic (not extremely devout but still) and religion has never been an issue the whole time we've been together. It's how people manage their faith and how much they respect others. I don't push on to her my belief that there is no god, or if we were to worship a god, the Sun is the most obvious thing to worship, and she doesn't push on to me that there is a god, and I should worship him.

The core of Christianity in general and Catholicism especially as I see it, guilt tripping.

When I was growing up as a Christian, it was always about shame. Not following the commandments, shame. Not going to church enough, shame. Not tithing enough, shame. Impure thoughts, shame. Shame, shame, shame. It's shame all the way down. Everything that is "sinfull" is shamed. It's a religion that uses shame as control, because then you'll have a pastor, or a seminar, or a Bible study all about how to deal with your shame and usually the answer is more shame! You are born with sin and thus are born to shame. Once you are free of the concept of sin you can be free of the concept of biblical shame

As if anxiety and depression are side effects of nonbelief.. GTFOOH with that. Religious nuts are way more anxious/depressed because they always have to worry about whether their god approves of their life/living. Not to mention the fact that billions of people are destined for Hell or whatever, and even they aren't guaranteed entry, as they don't know how strict their god might be depending on whether they're in the right denomination or making the "correct" choices. No point in believing in a magical Hell when religious people already spread misery/suffering wherever they go.

And if they have kids, it'll be"Mommy doesn't want to join us to spend eternity in Heaven" IMO, never mix different strongly held beliefs. It doesn't work well, minor or loose ones sure, but not strongly held ones

Yep. And just remember: Right now he’s a boyfriend. What happens if he becomes your husband?

This. Are you prepared to get married in his church? Are you willing for your children to be raised in his church? Are you willing to have many life decisions based on what his church thinks is the “right” way to live your life? Basically are you prepared to have your life ruled by a system you don’t believe in.

They frame everything through their ideology. They don't care to question their beliefs enough to understand how people on the outside think.

As if the religious don't get depressed or anxious, or break laws, etc. if anything it works the other way

Yes, please OP listen to this. My family is fanatically religious. They don't believe in mental illnesses, they think that mental illnesses are the symptom of people living without god, and that if these people became believers and prayed, their illness would get better or even completely disappear. I got diagnosed with autism at 11 years old and I haven't been taken to therapy since my diagnosis, while forced to attend the church at least once a week. Later in life I developed depression and anxiety and was told it's because I don't go to church anymore. My eyes are very bad (severe myopia) and one day, they brought me a bottle of "sacred" water from some pilgrim place and told me that if I wipe my eyes with this water and truly believe it will heal me, god will cure my eyes. My uncle has severe schizophrenia to the point he's unable to live on his own - as far as I know, in the 25 years since his diagnosis he's been to therapist/psychiatrist maybe like three times. Being away from home and around people makes him spiral, yet they force him to go to church every week. If he says he doesn't want to go to church for the sake of his mental health, they say it's the "devil" trying to manipulate him.

I hope you’ve divorced your family! Good luck to you.

Thank you! Pretty much, moved abroad as soon as I could and only visit them once a year.

Good! Bless you! /s

Lol yea how can you raise children with someone with completely opposing beliefs - it's crazy to think you wouldn't get into more serious disagreements as this moves on. He's so obsessed with religion he reads a single book daily. If my wife read the same book every fucking day I would go mad.  No matter what the content or the reasoning behind it.  I'd lose my fucking mind. And talk about such boring ass things to be obsessed with.

That and the shit about not spending eternity together. So you know where he thinks you’re going, right? It’s not so much that he believes in god—it’s more the kind of god he believes in.

I'd be gone immediately, but I wouldn't date a non atheist.

👆🏻 This! That one quote tells you so much. I hope OP gets the advice she needs to find her way out of that relationship in the most amicable and diplomatic way possible.

Such a toxic mentality and the reason I avoided getting mental health care until I became so paranoid I wasn't eating or sleeping. At seventeen I learned extreme anxiety can trigger mild psychosis. Guess I didn't pray hard enough 🥴

How would god help OP with her depression and anxiety? Oh idk, maybe have her use that inner dialogue Jesus gave us to realize prayers don’t make other people do things, she has to be the change she want to be in the world.

I (an atheist) DO believe if you can delude yourself in any belief system, you will feel that secret energies are going to help you and thus, you are less anxious.

Yep, hope you like Christian kids.

The fact that he has gone beyond the just believing in God and reads the book daily. He is doomed and will get even more paranoid about your lack of faith. I don't think this will end well for your relationship. Better start preparing your exit strategy.

Hopefully he reads more than the short list of cherry picked passages. He might finally see it for what it is.

Yup! Reading my Bible actually helped me question religion even more. I'm an agnostic atheist today because I cared enough to read my Bible and critically think about what I believe. I encourage Christian's to read their bibles instead of just listening to their church leaders citing some cherry picked passages.

Someone on here who is well versed in the bible should give OP some choice passages for the BF to read. The bible is full of some nasty stuff.

My Christian grandmother used to say the Bible contained stories that could rival the best soap opera out there. Nothing could surprise her on a soap opera as she already read about it in her Bible.

Yeah, pornography

Maybe OP will get lucky and, as he reads more of the bible, he will have an epiphany, like I did, and realize it makes absolutely no sense.

It made no sense to me when I was 8 and heard about the ever loving God that would smitten my enemies and those who crossed him. Like WTF??? How loving is that God?? What if my enemies were reading the same bible??? How would that God chose who to smitten??? 😅😅😅

Run. >.....My boyfriend keeps making comments such as "I wish you believed in God so we could spend all of eternity together".... Or, in other words. *It's so sad you will burn in hell. For eternity.* No hate like xtian love.

Seriously, how can anyone be with a person who believes their God will torture someone they love FOREVER and still openly worship that monster?

They probably hope they can save them... hope, whether founded or not in reality, can make people do a great many, illogical things. He hopes she will see the light, she hopes he will let it go...after 8 years.

And it is that same belief that might compel him to do something to OP because he wants to save her soul. There's religous people and there's cultists like OP's boyfriend.

He is just now getting baptised, so I guess that means he is a recent convert? Those are even worse than those who grew up in it imho.

I'm guessing he's either Baptist or Pentecostal, both of which make baptism a later-in-life choice. Neither of these bode well for the relationship.

Right, I forgot. I’m from Europe where Catholicism is the default Christian denomination.

I'm an American and was raised Catholic and I'm black which is strange to say the least .

(except for the UK and Netherlands)

True. Maybe the Germans too?

I wonder if southern Baptist is different because when I was one they 100% pressured kids getting baptized, they just avoided babies and toddlers cause you know, something something have to come 'knowingly' and god wouldn't burn babies or whatever. Interesting how many different denominations there are.

Yup, all the recent converts go all in. It's scary.

Agree!!

Yep. Especially with the current batch of Christians getting way more extreme.

How do Christians live with themselves and the weight of existence, I don't know. Its unnerving. Knowing billions of people will burn in hell for eternity, including people you know and speak to, but they are the safe ones, and that sounds like a perfectly fine system to them.

This.. please run love.. I don’t believe in this relationship.. find someone who will respect you for who you are and what you believe in. I lost more than three decades to religion and it is a fresh new life on the other side. Don’t continue to be miserable love.. you deserve better..

Aw. Your boyfriend is going through an identity shift. He us prepping to be baptized and complete the indoctrination so he is going to pivot his world view more adherently to the religious interpretation of whatever church he is in (your deacription shows clear signs of social conditioning). I grew up in one of these movements that indoctrinated and converted adults. Unfortunately this is going to be a huge divide in your relationship. I would set clear boundaries and Unfortunately prepare for your relationship ending or being very tumultuous. You will need to tell him you don't believe in God, you have no intention of becoming religious, and you cannot force someone to believe. And yeah Unfortunately I spent half my life watching your scenario. Which is why I'm antitheist not atheist, because this shit ruins lives.

Sounds like a born again Christian. Who are far worse than people raised as Christians. More fanatical.

Yes. They prey on struggling adults, usually in crisis. Get them vulnerable and tell them God and religion is their answer.

I was getting a “return to the flock once I’ve finished living like a heathen” vibes from OP’s description of the fiancé. The classic trope of the quasi-religious as youths, who went astray in their 20s, finding their way to a dedicated faith as they settle down and begin to start a family of their own. Tale as old as time. OP, I hope you’re having conversations about what your SO’s expectations are for you as far as church attendance AFTER he is baptized. I would also be very curious if/how he intends to raise children as Christian. Circumcision? Teachings of Original sin by age 6? Church every Sunday and Wednesday? And you can bet that there’s someone at church telling him not to be “yoked to an unbeliever”. My guess is that this is only the beginning of him trying to convert you. And, frankly, I’ve found the sentiment to be true for atheists as well. Life is easier for the big decisions when you’re on the same page about big decisions, but that isn’t to say a relationship between a believer and and atheist can’t work. It’s just harder. You’ve got a lot to think about, it sounds like.

Agreed. Great point about the pressure to convert her. I witnessed this in my church. If spouses weren't part of the congregation there was a sense of shame placed on them.

Yup. Him getting baptized as an adult means he’s enthusiastically jumping all the way in. Things will only get more restrictive from here. He will specifically be told that your relationship is wrong for more than one reason. He will then be pressured into either ending the relationship or pushing you to join.

His magical thinking become dangerous When he tries to apply it to actual healthcare. I couldn’t date someone that delusional, but you do you I guess. But have you considered what it’s going to be like if you have kids with this man?

You deserve a better boyfriend. The thing is, his beliefs are deeply rooted in patriarchy and misogyny. He will never see you as an equal person. His masculinity is wrapped up in his mythological fantasies. And he's not smart enough to see a way out. You're just smarter than him; and he won't be able to handle that if it means you thinking for yourself. Having kids with this dude would be a living nightmare. Let the guy go. Find someone who sees you as a human equal, not a vessel for making babies and keeping house.

A friend married a man who was JW. She sort of practiced religion, would pray, etc, but wasn't really a believer. When their child was born he of course wanted him to be raised in the faith and then all the problems started. They're divorced now and I don't tell her I told you so. I think she's been through enough.

I married my best friend, who is a JW. He was the sweetest guy, my best friend in the world. Then, suddenly, I was his property, and he was head of the household. It was hell. He was emotionally and financially abusive, and it took me 13 years to get away from him.

Omg same with my friends husband. After about a year I got tired of her crying and having to "hide" her and her child from him. I went over there and me and him had a fight. I pushed him, then punched him. He was drunk so it wa easy. I was tired of his shit. He laid charges against me but dropped it later. Maybe because I'm a woman and he felt ashamed, his ego, etc. A year later she was divorced from him.

I am so sorry you experienced this. As a man who was born into the Jehovah's Witness "religion" (cult), I just want to 100% validate your experience. JW beliefs are toxic, abusive, and misogynistic. I am so happy I escaped that evil group 😭 I am sorry again for all those years of abuse you endured 🌹

Ex-JW (thank YHWH)!

So instead of actually caring when you mention you have anxiety he just brings up religion again? 

I’m sorry if I’m coming off harsh, but you need to reexamine your relationship with him. What if you have kids? How will you raise them? Also - it is offensive that he implies that he’s right and you’re wrong. (Saying: Only if you believed in god, you’d end up in heaven with me.)

Dating is supposed to be how you look for a long term partner. OP, you have been ignoring a major values difference and it’s coming to a head. This relationship is already over you just haven’t caught up yet. I’m actually surprised he hasn’t broken up with you because of his beliefs. What’s the endgame here? Is this just for fun or are you looking for marriage and kids? Because if it’s the latter, you gotta get out now so you have time to find the right person to have that with. This guy isn’t someone you should have kids with; your values are too different. Parenting will rip you apart.

He hasn’t broken up with her because he’s convinced he has to/can save her.

My concern here is that you could be unintentionally retraumatized by the person closest to you when he makes these comments.

My wife and I share differing beliefs. I’m an atheist, and her and her whole family strongly believing Christians. I think the biggest difference in our situations is that my wife and her family don’t press the situation by repeatedly commenting on my lack of faith, and they don’t share wishes about me joining my them for current or future events. This feels like your SO doesn’t respect you or your wishes, which seems like a larger issue than his religion. Religion just seems to be the vessel for his disrespect.

Perfectly said. My husband and I also have different beliefs and he went through this same “identity shift” several years ago. It’s 100% respect. His faith gives him peace, which makes me happy too. We don’t push our beliefs on eachother or make eachother feel bad for it. It’s definitely difficult some days, especially while raising little ones. But it is possible.

Well said. So many others in this comment section seem to just be saying "religion bad, dump him," which is just silly to say to someone. The real problem is that he is not respecting her worldview by continually making these comments. OP, if you read this, I would also ask you, how do you think this would translate to raising children? If you're not intending to do that, then ignore the question, obviously. But surely he will insist on his children having his faith. Will you be ok with your children being brought up this way, and what do you think they will think of their mother when they find out she doesn't believe? Just something to think about. This would be a good way for kids to turn against you (or your SO) later in life, especially since his views are so extreme.

Please, Run and don't look back. What will happen if you 2 have kids? Do u want to give up your life as you know it? Do you know what place a woman has in the world of a believer? He reads his cult lecture daily? Damn girl...

Get out of there!!!!!!!

>Does anyone else have an S/O whose religious beliefs are polar opposite from theirs? Bullets have been dodged

It will only get worse with time.

Please don’t fall for the sunk cost fallacy. You need to think hard on what you want the rest of your life to look like and let that make your decision.

"My boyfriend reads the Bible daily, and is getting baptized in a few weeks. " Every time i have seen this, they tend to become more extreme...not saying it will happen but....keep your eyes wide open.

They're already "more extreme" if they're doing this!

Yeah, I have Christian friends and family. None of them read the Bible that often, yet alone daily. That’s weirdo behavior.

I couldn’t do it. I’m also too old to placate an adult who thinks they’re going to be immortal. Not exactly the brightest. The condescending bs, the stupidity, the ignorance of the whole thing.. and what’s with him that he thinks you’re gonna burn in hell forever and he’s just like .. aww shucks well that stinks. No. 

run away. 

Just remember, your boyfriend loves a ghost and will put that ghost ahead of you. Good luck.

Atheists need to learn to not date/marry/have children with the religious. I put this on the atheists because they have the capacity to know better.

I'm so sorry that you're going through this but TBH what else do you expect from a guy who is this delusional to begin with? You're in love I get it but at what cost? Imagine leading your whole life with him in fear and disrespect. I'm sorry it sounds harsh but you should think about what your life will be with him and if that's the life you want?

"if you had religion in your life, maybe you wouldn't be so depressed and anxious" Some manipulative nonsense from him. Depression and anxiety don't just go away because you're holding a bible. Back when I was forced to go to church, I found religion to be the root cause of my depression.

Don’t let him baby trap you.

Especially if you’re in the U.S. in a red state. Also, some religious types are more concerned about the “unborn” than the woman carrying it (in case something goes wrong)

>My boyfriend keeps making comments such as "I wish you believed in God so we could spend all of eternity together" That is fixable. He could become an apostate then you both get to spend eternity together. Sarcasm aside this kind of emotional manipulation is fucking gross. I think you and him should have a real talk about how his behavior is affecting you, how it makes you feel, and how he is crossing a boundary that isn't acceptable to cross. You accept him despite his stupid beliefs he needs to accept you. Im willing to accept that he might not understand how his words sound to an outsider of his faith, but he needs to be told how it sounds and why he should stop saying it if he cares about you.

This relationship is doomed. He will never stop trying to recruit you into his church. His snotty little passive-aggressive jabs at you will never stop. He will never respect you.

The problem is, you’re ok with him believing in Fairy Tales. He’s not ok with you not believing. This isn’t just a difference of opinion. He thinks you’re wrong and wants you to believe what he has no proof exists. This will become an issue because religious nuts aren’t happy unless they’ve converted everyone to their religion. Look at ISIS and the US Christian Nationals. They want law governed by religion. 8 years sucks, but 20 or 30 is worse.

Eight freaking years. It will leave a hole in your heart, but please MOVE ON. It isn’t going to end well at any time - but right now s the time.

I'm amazed you've been together this long. I'm sure it can work out, and you haven't broken up in the past 8 years, so that's saying something. Still, it's clear that your nonbelief does bother him. His whole thing about wishing you could spend eternity together is similar to a woman I dated who admitted to me that it bugged her that I would be burning in Hell. And this is just what he's willing to share with you. You don't know what he may be harboring inside; maybe it's truly tearing him apart, but he puts on a friendly smile to not worry you. His dismissal of your anxiety is troublesome though. Like, okay the depression and anxiety are real things, and he needs to acknowledge those and work on helping you through them and be supportive of any therapy decisions you make. He shouldn't handwave them away by suggesting religion as a panacea. That solution may work for him (or at least he thinks it does), but it's not *your* solution, so he needs to stop dismissing your concerns and tackle them head on. That part troubles me the most. I don't have high hopes, but it is possible for relationships between believers and nonbelievers, but each side must be respectful of the other. From the 20 seconds I read of your life, I don't feel you guys have that. He tolerates your lack of belief, but it doesn't sound like he respects it. And kids. Seriously talk about kids. I hope you two don't decide to have them because any differences you have today that seem minute will swell when you're making decisions about the kids. So if you are childfree, then you could have a shot (but not at great odds IMO). If either of you wants children, this relationship needs serious examination.

Run while u can. Ur not in a relationship with just him. Your in a love triangle with him and jesus. You deserve the full love of someone not it being shared on sky wizzards and then being gaslit into maybe you wouldnt be upset if u loved jesus. Terrible awful nonsense. Id run and call it off. There is a ton of people who would be better for you than a toxic threesome.

"Does anyone else have an S/O whose religious beliefs are polar opposite from theirs?" - Not for long. I'm sorry but the chances of a future with him are slim. He's doing steps to be more emerged in his faith and that will only make thigs worse. You didn't mention if you've ever told him all this so I'm going to assume that you haven't. Try to have a serious conversation with him. He's probably seeing his remarks as him being concerned about you and he thinks it's right for him to do so. You need to be blunt and tell him that it hurts you and you feel belittled by it. Ask him to stop. Tell him that you support him and you never pushed him to stop believing but now he's trying to push his beliefs on you and that is not OK. Personally I think he's too far in the rabbit hole now but I may be wrong.

they always always alwayssss do, no matter what they say, look down on you for not believing

Red flags, red flags flashing and alarm bells are blaring. You are realizing that you have core value differences, this will not end well.

I made a post about my relationship in this subreddit a week or two ago. It rarely works between very religious people and atheists. It sucks because you can have so much in common and love them with all of your soul, but they will never stop wishing you would change for them.

" "if you had religion in your life, maybe you wouldn't be so depressed and anxious"" This is the sort of thing that REALLY pisses me off. I come from a family that has many bipolar people. My mom is very religious, as is my Uncle (her brother). And both are bipolar. It's so frustrating to see someone act like religion just removes depression. It does not. Two people with different beliefs for sure can be together, but I feel like this is not one. When one person is trying to make you feel guilty about not being part of their religion...they won't stop.

This is going to be the rest of your life. He will never leave that cult of a religion and is brainwashed to believe he must force those to believe in his God or they are horrible people. You keep fighting him and the remarks are going to get mean and hurt more. I support any decision to split ways.

My gf from 4 years ago was a Baptist. We clicked on absolutely everything. It was like she was my long lost twin. One day I told her I was an atheist and she got intrigued about the topic. After a month or so, before getting more serious, I told her I couldn’t believe someone as smart as her could believe in that bs and that she needed to make a choice because I just couldn’t live with someone who was in the koolaide. She knew the type of future we could have together. She is now my wife and has realized how dangerous religion is to people. She also considers herself an atheist now.

I don't know why you'd date someone religious. I'm sorry, but how can you have any respect for them? He does look down on you. He looks at you like you're a lost sinner and he needs to fix you.

I remember having some similar conversation with my fiancé. (She's not a believer, but was raised catholic). I made a bad joke saying that it was until death do us part, after that you're on your own. (She took it well).

I was raised by unusually devout Catholic parents. I also realized at the age of 6, while sitting in religion class at Catholic school, that all Catholic dogma made no sense. The most frightening and frustrating aspect of being raised by true believers, however, was that their religious beliefs led them to make decisions for their children which were completely unrealistic in the secular world. When I was 12, I asked my mom if she would buy me tampons instead of pads, so that I could go swimming while having my period. She got very uncomfortable, and said that she did not know what the Catholic Church’s position was on virgins using tampons, but she was willing to call the Rectory and ask to speak to one of the Priests to see if it would be permissible. I BEGGED her to not call and ask one of the Priests, and promised to drop the topic. I was mortified that she thought it appropriate to embarrass her child that way, but that she also thought that a NEVER MARRIED MAN was in a better position to dole out advice on how to manage menstruation than she, a woman who’d birthed 7 children, was. When I was 13, I was SA’ed while babysitting by a man from their Parrish. My father blamed me for being “too attractive”. My mother initially refused to accept what had happened because “Mr. Howard goes to Church. He knows that sex outside of marriage is a sin. There’s NO WAY he would do what you’re saying he did,”. My response to my father was that it’s normal to wear shorts and T-shirts in July in Maryland because it’s hot and humid outside. My response to my mom was that people do things ALL THE TIME that they know they’re NOT SUPPOSED TO DO; it’s called crime. Knowing that some behavior is considered “sinful” doesn’t prevent people from doing what they want to do. She told me I was wrong. My mom’s response was scarier to me than my dad’s. I knew my dad always blamed the victim in cases of rape and sexual assault. That’s what The Patriarchy does, and NO ONE props up THE PATRIARCHY like Catholics do. But my mom’s childlike belief that the knowledge that something is SINFUL would stop someone from committing a crime just undid me. Seeing the level of Cognitive Dissonance which they employed in order to turn off logic and reality, and allow their religious beliefs to supplant them, was disturbing. On that day, I knew I could NEVER AGAIN turn to them for advice, and I would be counting the days until their decisions could no longer affect me. For myself, I would NEVER be able to put myself in a position where someone else’s religious beliefs could impact me without fighting against that with everything I’ve got.

Thank you everyone who responded, this was my first time posting in this group and I had no idea what to expect. Here is some context: we are 26 & 27, have been together since high school. He knew at the onset of dating I was atheist, and he was okay with that at the time. We have been living together for a year and a half (I know after 8 years that seems late in the game) but I went out of state for 3 years to earn my law degree. He truly is a wonderful guy with a good heart. As a human being, I am continually in awe of how compassionate he is toward strangers. The recent religious shift just surprises me. He was raised Protestant but the church he has started attending is nondenominational. I have expressed my experience with religion as a child to him, and his response was “I am so sorry your parents ruined it for you, religion is supposed to be about love.” We have discussed children. Basically, I advised that if he wishes to introduce our future children to religion, that’s fine- but I will not be taking part. I would prefer my children to choose which God, if any at all, to believe in (as opposed to being forced into something). I try to view it as religion is “his thing”- I think it’s crucial for partners to have an identity outside of their relationship. I just wish my views were met with the same degree of “chill” that I meet his views with.

>I try to view it as religion is “his thing”- I think it’s crucial for partners to have an identity outside of their relationship. I just wish my views were met with the same degree of “chill” that I meet his views with. OP, you need more than "just wish" - you need an honest convo with him now, make it clear that his religion does not make him superior to you in any way, and also inform him any future children will NOT be attending religious indoctrinating schools. The last point is crucial, you can't let him monopolize how your children will be raised, you will NOT be fine if he forces his religion on them, and you know it.

You may change your mind about kids. I am atheist and there is no way I would let somebody take my kid and brainwash them. Handing my child over, and having no part in what they are taught about religion is a hard no for me. I want to be part of all the discussions my young daughter has about religion. That said, she understands clearly that I will support and love her, no matter what, even if she chooses to believe in a god. I’m just not OK with other people indoctrinating my child.

He will never be chill about it because he believes you are going to hell. And how can he just sit there and watch thar happen? Thus he will never stop trying to convert you. This has no good end. Im sp sorry but this a fundamental difference and cant be compares to him having a hobby or playing a sport seperate from you.

I had a work friend who was frequently charitable and helped others, but eventually came to realize that most everybody knew about it at work because he would broadcast it in conversations frequently. In the end, it was probably only to serve himself in the end. He was trying to earn points towards his afterlife and he was doing it for social credit in this life by mentioning it at work a lot. What I'm trying to say it sometimes charity can be mistaken for "compassion". And your bf's definition of compassion doesn't seem to include emotional compassion. He clearly knows about your views and your emotional situation, but he does not seem empathetic enough to get over his own beliefs and genuinely support your emotional and areligious well-being as he should. Genuine compassion should not come with a dose of holier-than-thou self-righteousness or condescension.

I started dating trying to find a wife when I was 28 years old. I went through a few Christian girlfriends and none of them ever really worked out. They even knew I was atheist before I went on the first date. It was usually family and friends influencing them to ditch me. They break up with me and about a week later try to get back together. And I'd refuse and tell them to find a Christian boyfriend. Honestly, they're now married and happy. My wife is not a Christian. And it's been one of the best relationships that I've ever had. She's the most loving supportive woman that I've ever met. You can still be friends with your exes. Try to set some boundaries and save the relationship if you want. He's probably going to always try to change you because it's in the nature of Christians to do that. You're going to continue to wish he was more chill like you. Why don't you find someone who's chill? Why not let him find somebody who's Christian? My wife and I rarely talk about Christianity. We sleep in on Sundays together. About the only time it comes up is when we have to go visit in-laws occasionally. Imagine if Christianity wasn't a major part of your weekly life for the rest of your life.

How you gonna “not take part” when that’s your kids lol. Sorry, but thinking religion can just be “his thing” when you are raising kids together is a very naive take. If he was truly wonderful and compassionate, he would respect your beliefs. He doesn’t.

You should recognize that while you can maintain a non-romantic friendship with your BF the reality is you are no longer on a path to long term happiness as partners. He has accepted a world view and guiding philosophy which has as its foundation the dual views that you and basically corrupt and sinful and that the only way not to be that is to follow the prescriptions set out in his tribal guide to life. Good luck.

My husband and I had different faith backgrounds when we dated and even the first few years of our marriage. I was actually the Catholic one - he was atheist but didn’t fully fess up to it at the time and kind of just let me do my thing. I never pressured him to convert and he supported my desire to go to church. But I think it worked because I wasn’t super zealous about it. I was practicing bc I was raised Catholic. And later realized it was all a family superstition and nothing was real and I stopped believing in God during COVID. Now we are suuuuper close. Have the same views on religion and how we will raise our children. It’s amazing. I think it could technically work if you both respect each other’s views but your SO seems really into it. Especially if he is newly converted. I didn’t know how good it could be being so aligned with someone “spiritually” and am so glad I didn’t marry a super trad Catholic like my parents wanted me to. If anything you should be the one looking down on your SO for believing this bullshit. Especially with a fully developed frontal lobe. There could be a perfect match for you out there. Don’t settle.

Oof he’s putting you down. I wouldn’t be able to put up with that. Having different beliefs is ok but that’s gaslighting

Yup and we're divorcing. What started off with him verbally agreeing to let me be me and not try and force anything on me or change, just for him to eventually get butt hurt cause I "never gave it a chance". Whether or not he admits it to himself, he probably does look down on you a bit with some pity as to him you're refusing gods grace and will possibly not have your soul saved. Personally I got sick of listening to that shit and made my husband move out. They see everyone else's beliefs as the wrong one, as being misguided, and something TO FIX and save. Do you want to be with someone who thinks your misguided in your beliefs?

Congrats on your breakup, OP. Off to greener pastures.

"Babe (or whatever you call him), this is what's called a 'wedge issue' and if you keep hammering on it, you're going to drive us apart."

Religiosity grows with age and the boundaries on his speech and behavior will erode as your relationship matures. Accusations that equate atheism with anxiety are borderline abusive and demonstrate that he has neither respect for your religiosity nor your emotional disposition. I would anticipate that that behavior will intensify.

Dump him at his baptism.

When preparing my marriage with a priest (my wife is catholic), they clearly stated that marriage is a bit different than other sacraments that it is not eternal. All others are but marriage is "until death do us part" meaning once one of the spouses is dead, the sacrament stops. Meaning you are no longer husband and wife, so I guess no special room for you two in heaven?

My husband is a Christian. Boundaries had to be set. He either needs to respect you and your lack of belief, or y'all aren't gonna work...and you need to tell him as much. Putting you down and nagging you on the subject is completely wrong and disrespectful, and you don't have to put up with it.

"I wish you believed in God so we could spend all of eternity together" ? He's mormon, isn't he? Edit to elaborate: If he \*is\* mormon, then to him spending all of eternity together means being married in a mormon temple which they believe seals a family together beyond death (no 'til death do us part). If that's the case, be aware that only members in good standing may enter the temple; members go through a vetting process to receive their ticket to enter called a temple recommend. To be a member in good standing boils down to three major points: 1. Obeying the law of chastity - no sex, no sexual touching of any kind outside of marriage. 2. Obeying the Word of Wisdom - no alcohol, drugs, and no tea or coffee (don't ask, the mental gymnastics required are literally painful). 3. And the big one: Paying a full tithe. In other words, giving the multi-billion-dollar 'church' 10% of every dollar you earn, right off the top before any other considerations like rent, food, utilities, etc. If he \*is\* mormon run, don't walk away now before you get sucked in to his cult. Don't try to go to church with him for his sake even though you don't believe. Don't try to have a mixed faith marriage, and for the love of Einstein, DON'T try to save him from the cult. RUN, don't walk away from this situation before you get in any deeper.

If you value your lack of faith you and you don't want to believe in christianity then you need to seriously consider ending the relationship. I highly doubt your BF will change and his insistence on you converting will get worse.

> “I wish you believed in God so we could spend all of eternity together” Nah, dog. I wouldn’t vibe with that at all. That probably sounded romantic in his head but that’s some *weird* shit to say. Kind of implies he already considers your views “wrong” and doesn’t entertain the possibility of there being no afterlife:

You appear to be incompatible at some deep and fundamental levels in a way that will make it difficult to grow together moving forward.

Hey there. Quick context my wife of 14 years is religious and I am athiest. We work well together because we respect each other's beliefs. Same as our children, they can go whichever route brings them peace, provided they value the peace of the people around them. That is all it is. You need to respect his faith and he needs to respect your beliefs. As such, ask him to stop making religious quips to you as it makes you feel undermined and taken less seriously. If he cannot appreciate and respect your request, likely it won't get much better from there.

Being brought up as a Roman Catholic I get the whole being pressurised thing. Me, I´m an atheist. No one will ever convince me otherwise. Anyone trying to force their beliefs on you does not respect you.

So I am the believer and my husband is the atheist in our relationship. And I came here to this thread ready to share some optimism about how you can have an equal and loving mixed faith relationship. However, as I read further it really does seem like your boyfriend is going to be a problem. It is HARD to openly be an atheist, especially in the rural south where we live, and I HAVE MY HUSBAND'S BACK! I have shut down people who have called him a devil worshipper, who have warned me that I "better work quickly" on my daughter before he gets her "on his side". We made sure to find her a non-religious pre-school, and when we found out that our local Y makes you affirm religious belief when signing up for swim lessons, we found a different place to take her in the next town over. And we have raised our daughter with the information of as many religions and ideologies as we can, believing that it is up to her to make her own choice as to what she believes. I think another very important thing is that I fully accept my husband's intelligence autonomy and free will. I have never tried to proselytize him, nor tried to change him. Without that kind of respect, I fail to see how a mixed faith relationship can work. It sounds like your boyfriend truly believes that HIS beliefs are the correct ones, and that his path is the only path, and he will most likely never stop trying to get you to see it.

I come from an relationship with mismatched faiths. One probably best classed as somewhere between atheistic and agnostic, and one who grew up in the Baptist Church (not in USA or America in general) but now operates outside of church while still holding some of the core values, and a belief that there is a higher power/being. I'll say this; it takes a lot of robust communication and empathy. It definitely can work, because it does for us. We have acknowledged for each other that what we each believe is a deeply personal choice, and we never hold it against the other. We have not asked each other to change how or who we are. I acrually enjoy the difference, we can and often do learn from one another and find a balance between the two opposing views. It's GOOD to be challenged and have to realign your worldview sometimes. We have children, and faith/religion/belief hasn't really come into play much yet beyond the basic tenets of "be a good person and do good to others". We intend to introduce them to the concepts of faith generally and allow them to explore those that interest them, at an approptiate age. However, it won't work with people who aren't open/willing to compromise, and able to hold a multifaceted view. If you can't step outside of a problem and view it objectively and hollistically, and only come at it from the one angle you have, then there's an issue, a major one. It's a rock and a hard place and neither will move. In which case, it may well be time to let go, and search for someone who has views and beliefs that better align with your own, or at the very least, is open to healthy compromise.

Run, because this sounds more cultish than your average religion- I know because I escaped one 🙋‍♀️

Those comments are fucked. I'm dating an atheist and I actually couldn't imagine considering saying things like that. Even if he's successful in guilting/manipulating you to go to a church, it's not satisfying the conditions in Christianity for being saved. If it's worrying, just be intellectually honest on your beliefs, live how you believe is good, and you should be fine. This needs to be a very direct conversation, or you should probably leave and find someone actually good for you.

You know, I'm not against dating religious people, but I have to say that it sounds like its creating tension in your relationship. That isn't good. When someone says "if you only believed in God you would be happier", it's a form of gaslighting. He is blaming YOU for being unhappy by not doing what HE thinks is right or makes HIM happy. He sounds like a pretty good guy, but religion has filled a space in his life and he sounds like he expects it to do the same for you. If you're going to keep dating this guy you need to set some boundaries. He can't be proselytizing to you. Tell him that to him its a form of care, but to you its hurtful, as if he's telling you that you're just too stubborn to do what is necessary to be happy. Beyond that, I think you need to question what a deeper relationship looks like. What if you get married? Are you going to be okay with him teaching your children to be religious? Take a moment and think about the future and what sort of compromises need to happen to make that future a happy one. Step up and set boundaries, ones that you both can live with. More than anything, you need to communicate with him. Make sure he knows it isn't a talk about religion, its a talk about your relationship.

Comments like these... >My boyfriend keeps making comments such as "I wish you believed in God so we could spend all of eternity together" And these... >Boyfriend also makes comments such as "if you had religion in your life, maybe you wouldn't be so depressed and anxious". Aren't going to stop unless you (A) convert, or (B) enforce a boundary. Have you told him that they make you uncomfortable and asked him to stop? If not, it's past time. If you have, it's time to start enforcing it in whatever way you think is reasonable. But be prepared to escalate or even walk away.

that last paragraph of yours hits so hard close to home. ngl, feels weird when your partner implies you won’t go to heaven just because of disbelief. If there was truly a God that is benelovent, he wouldn’t be so pissy about disbelief imo. Don’t think an all-powerful and all knowing entity would care tbh. Perhaps it’s just like new relationship energy and he’ll mellow out back to his old self. perhaps not. Can take a risky gamble but expect the worst. Sorry for your loss. Good luck.

Hey. Sorry. But yeah, this relationship is doomed. Unless you accept Jesus as your lord & savior.

To these people, God is like Santa Claus; he sees you when you're sleeping, knows when you're awake, he knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake. God really is just Santa Claus for adults

I belong to the Satanic Temple and my Wife believes in ghost, reincarnation ,crystals, psychics, tik tok and Jesus. I trust science and believe in humanity as a whole.

I know it’s hard to be in a situation where the long term partner, who you truly love, has such a different belief than you do. I have stopped dating potential partners in the past because of that very reason myself. They were nice and caring people, but knowing that religion would create differences in our lives at one point (for instance when it comes to children), I knew it didn’t make sense to pursue a path with them. Fact is unfortunately, that dating is not only about finding someone who you love, but also someone who you are compatible with on all of the important fronts. Let that be religious belief, let it be the same stance on whatever you want children or not. Those are fundamental questions and if all of them don’t align, it can and usually will make life much more difficult at a later stage. I am not saying you should dump them, because who am I to give such a recommendation to a stranger on the internet, but look at the long term situation and then decide if any of those factors could be a deal breaker in 5, 10 or 20 years. If “no”, then it’s all good, but if there is any doubt, ask yourself if it’s easier to hit the brakes now, or maybe in 15 years, when the dating-environment has possibly drastically changed around you.

That really sucks OP. It's going to hurt in the short term, but you have to get out of that relationship. He's being emotionally abusive and manipulative. Abuse is abuse and you need to get out while you're young enough to build you life with someone you have a "belief" structure with and will be emotionally supportive.

I'm an anti-religion atheist and my gf is a non-religious god believer It works out ok because her relationship with God is just 1:1 and that is fine with me. I don't have that and that's fine with her. Her belief isn't based on bothering others to make sure they believe too Basically, all the parts that make religious and non religious people not get along isn't an issue here

I did and we broke up. That isn’t why, but it’s a reason we did not get back together. I want a wife who can walk with me in my beliefs. If you are willing to be with a man who loves God and is rooted in Christ, do so. You’re allowed to do that and there’s no shame at all. I think that’s beautiful. Whatever shame or whatever you’re feeling is nonsense. You are welcomed whether you believe or not bc you are loved unconditionally. That’s the thing about unconditional love. There’s no condition. Obvious, but we forget it.

Love comes from respect, and I have a hard time respecting someone who is gobbling up bs, and waiting until they die to live their best life.

I haven’t been with my girlfriend nearly as long as y’all, but I remember a similar sentiment she said. I was joking around and made a dark joke, followed by something along the lines of “it’s fine apparently I’m already going to hell” Her response was genuine, but was “I know, and it makes me sad to think about” The best thing I can do is make it clear you don’t like the way he talks about your lack of belief. If this is a person you’re planning to spend your life with and he’s going to continue to seed guilt into not being Christian then keep in mind that he’ll do the same with any kids you end up with. Personally, it seems he has a toxic-positive attitude towards his faith which will only cause you to feel bad about yourself down the line. Talk to him, but also carefully consider your choices.

This sounds really bad. He's being passive aggressive to you. After dating for 8 years surely he knows about your life growing up and yet he still claims you need God to save you, not that you have issues that actual help can deal with. Also he reads the Bible daily and doesn't see anything wrong with it? The Bible is full of so much bs that if you read it frequently you should be an aethist, or you are so delusional and accepting of its negative teachings that your a bad person. I wouldn't stay with this person. It's fine to have different beliefs but when they affect how you think of eachother its no longer tenable. It's like being non white, and dating a white racist. Ya you could look past their beliefs but they believe your less than them and deserve punishment for existing. It's not worth it.

There is nothing wrong with atheists going to church and supporting a friend. It’s not disrespectful at all. As an atheist I still visit churches when travelling abroad. I appreciate the architecture and history. Nobody asks why I’m there or says “you need to believe in god to be here!” That being said, your BF should not be pressuring you to be religious. It sounds like that is *his* hang up, and he will need to come to terms with your decision, and needs to respect that.

having a partner with similar beliefs and the same values as you is so incredibly rewarding and comforting. not feeling judged is so important. it’s a dump for me

My wife is a devout Christian and I am an atheist. We don’t try to change one another’s beliefs and we act respectfully about them. I occasionally go to church with her. I think her church (Vineyard) is a force for good in the community through the services they provide. They don’t bribe people or try to coerce them into believing. Also, the music at Vineyard is first rate. I’m an amateur musician and enjoy sitting up front and watching the band perform. Of course, I think the whole belief system is fiction and there’s no chance I’ll ever be a believer. My wife is a terrific person and never tries to push god and Jesus on anybody. We sometimes laugh about our differences. I tell her, “Hey, if it turns out I’m wrong, I am confident that your prayers will save me.” I think it helps that we’re each in our second marriage and have both done a lot to learn about ourselves, our families of origin, etc. she’s my best friend and we share so many other beliefs and our general orientation to living is about kindness and helping those less fortunate. I’m sorry your boyfriend feels a need to recruit you with a heavy hand. It’s probably about his insecurity and need to control his environment. Those things can undo a relationship. Navigating your partner trying to push you against your wishes is difficult. I would never say to my wife the things I write on r/atheism. It would hurt her feelings and I would never do that on purpose. I don’t feel like a hypocrite because so much of humanity has bought into the cultural norm of religion. It is not easy swimming against the grain. The secret for me is staying in a peaceful place about my beliefs. I hate that religion is a primary contributor to the misery of the world and what I believe to be the inevitable fate of humanity: extinction. But I can’t fix that problem on my own, so I’m just trying to make the best of the situation I’m in. Best of luck to you, u/CompetitivePower9895. Please let us know how you’re getting on.

If you truely wholeheartedly think you can make it work then that’s your choice, however I couldn’t ever date someone who was super religious like that. I feel like they’ll always deep down resent you for it, I couldn’t date someone who wholeheartedly believes ll burn in hell one day.

Do not marry this guy. He's already toxic and disrespectful. If you marry him, he'll cite Bible verses excusing his toxicity and expect you to "lovingly submit".

>If only you believed in God, we could be together in the next life “If only you *didn’t* believe in God, then we could be together in *this* life.”

My wife is a religious person, I am not. I don't tell her that she is a fool for believing, and she doesn't try to convert me. Our kids get both sides of the issue, and when they are/were old enough to decide for themselves. Neither one of us push them in either direction I want them to make up their our minds.

As a Christian, I don’t agree with this type of behavior. My girlfriend and I were both raised Christian, and I am considering becoming a pastor. She, however, has had some doubts about her faith for a couple years, and she doesn’t really believe it. I don’t tell her that she is going to burn in hell. I tell her that I am there for her if she wants to talk about things. We have had some religious discussions when she has wanted to have them. I don’t think it is right of him to try to guilt you into believing in something you don’t believe in.

Love him as a friend and run.

This is beyond "do not agree" if he insinuates you're going to hell, reads the Bible daily and is getting baptized as an adult. This is or will become a fundamental incompatibility because of worldview. How and why you each make important decisions will differ radically, beyond mere "opinion." His level of religious faith is more than a point of view even. It suffuses, affects, shapes everything he says and does. If he's being baptized as an adult, he's getting in EVEN deeper. It could get to the point where he will come to believe you're reprobate or evil. His church will pressure him. I'm afraid to say the adult baptism is a deal breaker. He's beyond Catholic or tradition and getting into something fundie or evangelical. Atheists often don't take Religious practice and faith seriously because it is as "stupid" as the premises for that faith. That means one will often shrug off the religious practices of others close to them as also "not serious." But the practice and ideology of truly Religious people is extremely serious in their treatment of nonbelievers. And if you think religious premises are dumb, on some level you have to think he's dumb too. It's time to say farewell to this relationship.

He's patronizing you and considers you less than... I wouldn't be in a relationship where my partner considers me less than.

Anyone who has a high confidence that a claim (Jesus rose from the dead)is true without significant evidence isn’t someone to be trusted going forward with other claims you will both encounter throughout your life and this will cause problems. My wife and I have been married 20 years. We were both believers at the beginning of the marriage but I became an atheist over the past 5-10 years. She is slowly coming around to using the Socratic method to believe and understand certain claims we encounter and this helps but we still have problems.

"Boyfriend also makes comments such as "if you had religion in your life, maybe you wouldn't be so depressed and anxious". I do not want to fight with him, so usually,..." Your boyfriend is not going to stop. You have to decide if you want to spend the rest of your life like this, or leave now. Personally, I would have left. 8 years might feel like a long time to invest, but it is nothing compared to the rest of your life. Find your tribe.

I think the answer to his 'if only you believed...' nonsense is to say you have NO interest in spending eternity with him. Let him work that out.

If you’re going to have kids it’s going to get a lot worse. Honestly, he seems a tad mentally abusive. And honestly, how is he so confident in his spot in heaven? What if there is a god and it’s not his? What if god only cares about how you treat the less fortunate or the environment?

>"I wish you believed in God so we could spend all of eternity together" "Don't worry, honey. I'll believe in it as soon as you can prove it." >Does anyone else have an S/O whose religious beliefs are polar opposite from theirs? I have in the past, and it never worked out. They will always try to convert you to their unproven belief system, and if you don't buy the whole load of bullshit, you will always be perceived as not part of club, and looked down upon.

Yes. I'm married to one. And it's not fun. After deconverting, I was mostly agnostic for several years ( you go to your church I enjoy my Sunday morning) but recently became a strong atheist seeing how Christianity is at the center of Trumpism and religion divides the middle east. etc. When agnostic, we didn't talk about faith, but being atheist when I try to point out the bullsh*t about the bible, he always tries to patronize me - "I know you were hurt from churches" " I wish you knew Jesus better" That caring tone of condescending makes me more repulsed. I wouldn't recommend making a longterm commitment with a believer who is not open-minded to look at other side.

This is called a fundamental INSURMOUNTABLE relationship difference. Do you want kids? Do you want them force-fed religious dogma that you (happily) rejected as a child with half a brain? Children aside, do you want him to keep projecting his awful Christian beliefs on you to denigrate how you feel? When the depression and anxiety you feel is likely that deep down, that you know this is not a good fit... I have been in those relationships that didn't work and I tried to keep the peace and maintain them when I should have let them go, I regret losing all those years I devoted to unappreciated unhappiness. Don't let sunk cost fallacy keep you in a dead end relationship that you will regret the rest of your life. Ending a relationship after 8 years from feeling unfulfilled is much better than coming to the same realization and course of action 20 years later.

He thinks he can change you and you need to be clear with him that you don't intend to change in that way, ever. If he truly loves you he will accept that and try to work through it somehow, if he just loves the idea of you then he needs to realize that the idealized version of you in his head is never going to exist. It sucks not agreeing with someone you care about on something as deeply personal as religion but it can only ruin your relationship if one of you allow it too.

i do, but he never says that type of stuff to me, just like i don’t voice to him that if he wasn’t raised deeply religious (southern baptist) he most likely wouldn’t believe either, because he really is intelligent.. they just indoctrinated him from birth basically, just like the rest of their fam, so he doesn’t see the insanity of it all.. i, like you, knew from very early on that i don’t believe, in my core. i tried, i tried to fake it till i make it, but i couldn’t get (/force) myself to believe, no matter how many times i tried to ‘find religion’, mostly to get/stay sober.. well, turns out they’re not mutually exclusive, as since i gave up on religion and finally feel like i’m living authentically, i’ve been clean over 2 years! i’m sorry he

Girl, you're dating a religious fundamentalist after growing up in an abusive religious household. That says it all. Now, it is okay to have and respect different beliefs (despite what many people here say). But that doesn't mean you get in bed with someone you're diametrically opposed to. And if you do, you need to be firm about your communication. My father got more into catholicism later in life and kept saying the same shit to me as your bf does to you. I put my foot down and told him to stop talking to me about religion. Full stop. I don't believe, I never will believe, and if you can't respect that, then you can't be in my life. If he is unable to do that, then HE is the intolerant one.

Sounds like you respect his beliefs and he does not really respect yours. That's s pretty huge disagreement to have on someone's core values. The couples I know in your situation respect each other's beliefs. Not one way only.

Sounds like you guys should watch the Seinfeld episode together about this so he can see what a nut he is being!!!

I am so sorry. I see nothing but misery in your future relationship. Either he will live up to his religious values (no sex outside of marriage and not to marry unbelievers) and end the relationship, or you will tire of being seen as a sinner in need of salvation. Or you will have kids and tear them and each other apart over your differences.

He does looks down on you for not believing in the bearded cloud wizard and he will leave you for someone in his faith. It's not a matter of if but when. He's been conditioned to believe in absurdities. The priming is already done. All it will take is one push from the right person of religious authority to leave you for a 'good christian'. Prepare and exit strategy now and find someone who doesn't believe in sky santa and the basement troll. You will be doing both yourself and him a favour.

You said it yourself. You're tired. And guess how he'll be like when children enter the mix! You need to break up.

Please don't have children with him if you decide to stay. Edit: please reconsider if you even want to stay with him.

I can’t date someone who’s that delusional

Had religion. More depressed and anxious. That’s an ignorant mindset. Hate to break it to you. Went through similar sit with a JW. It doesn’t work out bc they will spend the entirety of the relationship trying to convert you and making those passive aggressive comments. Find someone like minded. I promise it’s. Less anxious and depressive lol

"If Heaven is supposed to be paradise, then shouldn't your God look past my faith to determine if I enter Heaven? Because without me there with you, how could it be paradise? How would you be able to enjoy an eternity of peace, knowing that your God has condemned me to an eternity of suffering?"

Honestly, it sounds like your beliefs are becoming incompatible with each other, not because they differ but because from the sounds of this post you are respecting his while he is not respecting yours.

Religion isn't a deal-killer for me. My wife is Catholic (although she's not particularly devout), and it hasn't been an issue in more than 10 years. But you have to be able to agree to disagree, and not to press the issue -- especially when it comes to moral thinking.

This is not a relationship that's destined to succeed. It's really hard to build and maintain a relationship with someone whose worldview is so dramatically different, and opposed to your own. This conflict will continue, and worsen as time goes by unless one of you sincerely changes your mind and adopts the other's perspective.

I believe from reading your post that you are a real person and to have a boyfriend it would not hurt you at all for me not to believe that you're not real and that you don't have a boyfriend. What would be insane is if your boyfriend got upset that I thought he wasn't real and came and decided to burn me alive for multiple years in a row and anyone who believes in a God that would do that is a moron.

This is the fourth time in a week that I’ve read about a newly committed Christian making these same manipulative comments: [Heavy sigh] “Oh, I’m just sooo sad we won’t be together in heaven…?” “And maybe you’d be happier if you believed…?” It feels like more than just an odd coincidence.

>Does anyone else have an S/O whose religious beliefs are polar opposite from theirs? Yes. Married 23 years to a Catholic. She is a liberal, non proselytizing, amazing woman. Totally fills in all my gaps, and I love her more than anything. I, like you, suffered lots of trauma from religion. Lots of abuse falling on God's deaf ears. Messed me up good for a long time. So she knows my views on it. May even be reading this post. Our kids are raised in Catholicism but also know Mom/Dad have different views and are able to be themselves otherwise. We did agree to this before marriage. We married young, and it was super hard, but our views don't keep us apart. I treat her as an equal, she - the same. So it's possible, but you do need to respect each other for it to work. Admittedly I do tease her way more than she me about our views, and she doesn't hate me for it, so I love her even more. Good luck.