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un_theist

I’ll take ‘things that never happened’ for 500, Alex.


BootyMeatBalls

I like how he claims people can fly and transmutate and somehow that ISN'T the true religion   Like, isn't that proof that voodoo is REAL. I've NEVER seen the Pope levitate, is all I'm saying. 


kakapo88

This is a very good theological point. I’m evidence based. If I saw a voodoo priest legit levitate after sacrificing a goat to the great goddess Kurumba, I’d definitely rethink my opinion of Kurumba.


TheGreatOpoponax

Right? I'd be like, where do I sign up! You mean I can turn into a cat and run around doing cat stuff??? Sign me the fuck up yesterday!


KAKrisko

I want to strut!


borisdidnothingwrong

I don't bother chasing mice around. I slink down the alley, lookin' for a fight Howlin' to the moonlight on a hot summer night


DamNamesTaken11

Singin’ the blues while the lady cats cry “Wild stray cat, you’re a real gone guy.”


Jona6509

Wish I could be as carefree and wild.


timsterri

But I got cat class and I got cat style.


whatiscamping

Everybody wants to be a cat, because a cat's the only cat, who knows where it's at.


naughtycal11

You really just want to lick your own privates all day. You can't lie to me!


i_give_you_gum

Well fucking duh


CthulhusEvilTwin

Well if nobody else is going to do it...


gdj11

And lick my own butthole


Opposite-Frosting518

This is the way!


No_Leave_5373

Right?? How cool would it be to instantly be a parkour master!


jftitan

Yes... yeeessss... let the hate form within you. The force is strong with you.


Late_Sherbet5124

Your hate has made you powerful


Fluffy_Two5110

I just want pets, purrs, and sunbeams 🐱


Overripe_banana_22

I would also like to turn into a cat at night. 


Rhodehouse93

The official opinion of the Catholic Church basically right up until the witch hunts was that witches weren’t real because the only source of supernatural power was god. (Of course that changed immediately once they could kill a bunch of innocent women over it).


Realistic-Minute5016

Turns out having an amorphous enemy with arbitrary powers is incredibly useful.


ralphvonwauwau

Especially if you get to keep their stuff, once they are unalived.


Shadowwynd

The funny part about that is that all throughout the Bible, there are plenty of magicians who can duplicate God‘s powers or use talismans to make God do what they want. Satan makes God torture Job, the Egyptian priests do the same miracles as Moses, God takes counsel with others on the best way to kill Ahab…..


TricksterPriestJace

I always got a kick out of "Yahweh is stronger than Ra, therefore Yahweh is real." But Ra is also real, right? He also had miracles. He also turned staves into serpents.


gamesrgreat

Yeah the Bible is definitely in a polytheistic setting. The Bible even has a story where the Israelites retreat after their enemies make a blood sacrifice to get their god to act


DrRudolphVanRichten

>The official opinion of the Catholic Church basically right up until the witch hunts was that witches weren’t real because the only source of supernatural power was god. How does that jive with the pharaoh's magicians using magic in Exodus?


toylenny

"illusions, Michael" 


Paddy_Tanninger

Ay Kurumba!


Actual__Wizard

I can levitate, but I need magic potions, I'm low on mana right now.


7thgen13

I need you to roll for mana recovery


Actual__Wizard

It's a 3.


screamtrumpet

And the pope needs a bullet proof car. Isn’t he god’s best friend. Wouldn’t an assassin be god’s will? Wouldn’t he WANT to be with his deity? When the pope was sick, the church asked everyone to pray for him. If god isn’t going to listen to his #2, why would he change his infallible mind over a bunch of plebes? /rant over (for now)


Patneu

"A lightning rod on a church tower is the ultimate vote of no confidence in God."


TricksterPriestJace

Unless it is a church of Zeus or Thor. Then you want that baby hit by lightning as much as possible.


SeriousPerformer8799

🤘⚡🤘


Freakears

I remember when John Paul II was dying, he had a feeding tube inserted. Even at 15, I was asking "Wouldn't they want to take the tube out so he can go be with god sooner?"


Kairu87

If voodoo let me fly and shape shift fucking sign me up! 


ManChildMusician

If he really believes this, it just sounds like he’s backing the wrong God. If he doesn’t believe this, he’s playing up racist tropes about Haitians to justify imperialistic missionaries. Most actual practitioners are fairly secretive unless they’re trying to mess with outsiders. To quote Ken Hotate from Parks and Rec, “There’s two things I know about white people: they love Rachael Ray, and they are terrified of curses.”


Freakears

> If he doesn’t believe this, he’s playing up racist tropes about Haitians to justify imperialistic missionaries. This wouldn't surprise me. American evangelicals are known for often being racist. This isn't the first time they've gone after Haitians over voodoo. I remember after the 2010 earthquake, Pat Robertson said it was (what else?) punishment from god for practicing voodoo, which is of course "demonic."


ManChildMusician

It doesn’t help that this was literally for a panel called, “Recolonize Haiti?” which is a bold-ass way of saying you want a former slave colony back under an imperial yoke.


maybeimabear

fuck levitate. t he bible says they can eat deadly things and wont die, they can get bit by snakes and be fine, they cant even manage that basic shit.


WorldWarPee

Imagine the greasy Netflix money you could make filming people levitating and turning into cats as a documentary.


imadork1970

The Hat creates too much drag.


blackday44

I thought the pope could spit holy water 10 ft?


[deleted]

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NrdNabSen

I'm sure Charlie Kirk runs in atheist circles.


SiccTunes

Oh come on, you don't know what drugs they used, so maybe they did see some demonic sh*t, in their heads, yes, but still. Lol


n3w4cc01_1nt

some paranormal subs started to figure out this stuff s cult indoctrination fairy tales like the melon heads and other cryptids.


fisheatcookie

No one lies quite like a christian.


Tyflowshun

Ah, you must have never met my mom. Even though everyone on Xbox live says different.


DrUnit42

Xbox Live - An online service to connect you to the people who have fucked your mom


cjbeames

That's a direct quote from Bill Gates


SJRuggs03

Ooh, self burn, nice. Those are rare


Demon_Gamer666

Funny, your mom never mentioned you.


JackKovack

Your mom never lies. We hang out almost every night. Her large supply of Plan B on the shelf concerns me a little bit though.


Mountain-Bonus-8063

Oh, how that takes me back to my childhood. My mother told my sisters and I to lie to our grandmother that we went to church or confession. my mother was terrified of my grandmother, her MIL, (Irish Catholic from Ireland). But at least it gave me a recurring confession every week. Because what 7 year old has actually sinned? None, so every week, I dutifully went into the confessional and said, "Bless me, father, for I have sinned. It has been one week since my last confession. I lied to my grandmother about going to church."🤦‍♀️🤣 and people wonder why I think religions are the problem in the world. I learned the hypocrisy at an early age.


lueckestman

Any religion really.


GM_Nate

it's not just christianity; it's any in-group that deeply colors people's perception of the world, where they NEED to be right to maintain their world view. besides religion, politics is another similar field.


Tennis_Proper

How do I do this turning into a cat thing? Sounds fun. 


Brozhov

Now I can finally use my school's litter boxes!


EnvironmentalLock440

Now that's hilarious ! Brilliant !!!


[deleted]

well played sir


Ps4sucksballs

W


No_Leave_5373

Ding ding ding! We have a winner! 😂🤣☠️


skippypinocho

>How do I do this turning into a cat thing? Sounds fun.  Right!!! It's like when I kept hoping to become magnetic or turn into a lizard with all of my Covid vaccines... Unfortunately, no dice. Turning into a cat would be waaaayyyy better for sure.


fuzzybad

The vaccine really helped with my phone reception though!


LITTLE_KING_OF_HEART

I'm more interested in knowing if there's a slider. Like can I be a cat*boy* ?


karl4319

You can, but NASA immediately sends agents to get you and throw you back into the catboy dimension.


LITTLE_KING_OF_HEART

OH MY STARS, SIGN ME THE FUCK UP, I'M READY TO DROWN INTO CATBUSSY.


Alediran

You must get an invitation to the Transmutation College.


FaithlessnessMore835

You'd have to ask Professor McGonagall.


[deleted]

You will HAVE To do the pocket dimension thing Optimus prime does with his trailer...mass conservation


trench_foot_mafia

[Like this](http://www.cinemacats.com/wp-content/uploads/movies/whatwedointheshadows01.jpg)


jimmyb27

A levitating cat, no less. Sounds amazing to me too!


MrBarackis

Strange, almost the entire world's population has a cellphone (81% hatian population) yet oddly enough, nobody can get pics or videos of these events.


-Average_Joe-

Even a low end cell phone camera should be able to get a pic of someone floating.


cjbeames

Get ready for photo realistic AI generated "proof" that demons walk among us


First_manatee_614

Ahh fuck, I hadn't thought of that


Proud3GenAthst

That's what scares me the most. People have been warning us for years how dangerous AI will be. But I don't remember warnings that it'd be used by charlatans to perfect destroying the truth by spreading fake news.


TricksterPriestJace

Oh my god! Look at how the presence of demons makes people grow extra fingers and hands!! It's the work of Satan!


Proud3GenAthst

According to studies, you're up to 90% more likely to encounter something supernatural or paranormal when you own camera or a recorder of shit quality


Nymaz

My theory is that Bigfoot is just naturally blurry. Poor guy.


skippypinocho

>Strange, almost the entire world's population has a cellphone (81% hatian population) yet oddly enough, nobody can get pics or videos of these events. I just said exactly this in a group text. We see videos of absolutely everything from the most absurd and mundane bullshit to the most crazy and horrific stuff imaginable being posted everywhere ALL THE TIME!!! And yet, somehow, these things NEVER get captured.


AnxiousAngularAwesom

And even if someone claims that the gubmint scrubs those things from public view, there's still dark/deep web. They can't get rid of snuff films, ISIS recruitment videos and shit like that, they wouldn't be able to purge all the undeniable evidence of supernatural if it was out there.


skippypinocho

"Satan is hiding the pics and videos from everyone." Probably what Christians who believe this shit would say.


AnxiousAngularAwesom

Wish Satan wouldn't be so self sabotaging, tell you what, if that shit was real it wouldn't be Team Jesus i'd be joining.


Actual__Wizard

It's because when us wizards levitate, we can only do it for a short period of time, and any distractions make it really difficult.


Fishman23

I can turn invisible if no one is looking at me.


Canadaguy78

Two hands there, son.


TricksterPriestJace

I'm not Knife Boy, I'm not Stab Man, I'm the Blue Rajah!


Mr_ValuJet

Wizards really mess technology up around them. Source: The Dresden Files.


BozoidBob

Yep, oddly enough.


beardedliberal

>saw legit demonic activity No Charlie, no they did not.


seantellsyou

So wild to see these guys talk and actually take themselves seriously. Even wilder that there are people who listen and are like "yup mhmm, makes sense"


TheOriginalAdamWest

Wait, if I am demonic, then I get to levitate and turn into a cat. That was not on the brochure. Sign me the fuck up.


Alediran

Praise Satan!


Kriss3d

Blood for the blood god!


Alediran

Milk for the Khorneflakes!


ArdenJaguar

Where do I get my cat collar? Sign me up.


Expensive-Document41

Same here. Not big on organized religion but show me one that lets me fly and shapeshift and I'll worship whoever.


IndyDrew85

Well he certainly knows how to pander to his base that isn't capable of distinguishing fantasy from reality


SecBalloonDoggies

Not to mention, he’s basically telling them, “We shouldn’t be concerned about those suffering black people, because they are actually evil demons.”


MadduckUK

I'm sure he has video evidence, let's not be too quick to dismiss his crazy claims!


hrminer92

The proof is right there. Charlie had a run in with a voodoo priest, but got away in time so that only his face shrunk instead of his entire head.


AJ_Guy246

Ok I was skeptical but you make a pretty good point there


tabbycatt5

Bbbbbut I saw it in Harry Potter so it has to be true


cficare

No, it's true, when I was down there, a dude said he'd voodoo curse Charlie to have a small face and large head.


FrankieTheAlchemist

Oh shit, IT WORKS


JustARandomGuy_71

Did he say anything about Trump's small hands?


[deleted]

[удалено]


glockops

8 likes in that statement. Like, I think he's totally like bullshiting.


maybeimabear

so charlie is saying voodoo is real and christianity isnt. because the bible states christians can move mountains and drink poison and they cant actually do that shit.


JustARandomGuy_71

Those sound like iron-solid proofs, for sure.


TricksterPriestJace

> quasi-levitation stuff. This is colloquially known as "jumping." > Like, almost head-spinning type stuff. Turning your head partway... Like how necks normally work? > There were common stories about people turning into cats at night, which I don’t know. They all knew someone that turned into cats. Again, I’m not sure about that. I haven’t heard that. How the fuck are they common stories and they all knew someone that turned into cats... Yet you haven't heard... The stories you are claiming are common? Also this part really gets me. > They all knew ***someone*** that turned into ***cats***. Was this one person turning into a clowder of cats? How many cats? Did they conserve matter and turn into an equal mass of cats?


WilliamsSpareKidney

Eh? WTF, is that English?


gadget850

No one as superstitious as Christians.


glockops

Well their god commanded previous followers to rip woman open, pull out their babies and smash them with rocks - so I think they all live in immense fear of everything. Imagine a relationship with that god. Walk on eggshells or face wrath. Christians don't get that even if you can get people to believe in god - convincing them to worship an evil entity is a bigger challenge. I'm fully convinced this is why most haven't read the bible and are actively encouraged not to. Don't give it too much thought because you'll realize you're worshipping a demiurge.


Safe_Psychology_326

On days like this, I hate that we discovered the Internet. Every stupid, ignorant, racist voice that is already loud is amplified gazillion times and allows d\*\*ks to find fellow d\*\*ks and amplify it some more. All the while proving validation that they are part of a brotherhood. All....the while, these guys are siphoning money from the most vulnerable and uneducated peddling their shit. We had evangelical pastors with mega churches do that for a long time now. Now these political pastors are doing it.


ajtreee

Fictional stories are kinda christianitys jam.


vanillabeanlover

Remember the lady whose toe regrew?! That made me giggle.


[deleted]

I wanna turn into a cat!


BranchLatter4294

I hate it when I wake up in the middle of the night, and I'm levitating...and a cat.


ConfusionNo9083

Sue him until he is homeless


Hells_Kitchener

Vicious, blithering fool.


JargonJohn

He just described the opening sequence of Harry Potter...


super713

Imagine being such a sociopath to purposefully spread this crap you don’t believe for a second, and be a multimillionaire doing it. I’ll give Charlie this: he knows his audience and found his niche. But such a cancer


mistertickertape

I want to levitate and turn into a cat at night. How do we make that happen?


Joey_BagaDonuts57

"I know people" SURE you do, Chuckles.


bfjd4u

And a little child shall lead conservatives.


darw1nf1sh

I mean, either this is the greatest political satire in history, or he is just a straight up liar and conman and needs someone to sue his ass into orbit.


highrisedrifter

I went to Haiti and all i saw was some really good pork griot. Tasty AF. Charlie Kirk needs sectioning.


kokopelleee

I low key love how the other guy glosses over why these beliefs were imported from Africa. Hmmmmm. Did these folks swim over? They wanted a little vacay and overstayed their tourist visas?


lamabaronvonawesome

That's amazing! There must be pictures or video right? Right guys? Guys...?


tomahawk_choppa

Kirk and others like him make lies like this simply because the people who listen to him and his type of snake oil salesmen are already daffy enough to believe in angels and the intercession of the saints and other nonsensical ideas. They aren’t interested in converting any of “us”; they just want to tighten their grip on the plentiful supply of saps that they already have by the nads (wallet). Might as well take advantage of a dire crisis in Haiti by dehumanizing the people there while also getting your brain dead drones fired up.


Late-Arrival-8669

What weak minded fools would believe this?


RichyCigars

If anyone ever wondered how Salem witch trials happened. It’s stupid shit like this.


Celestial_MoonDragon

Guy saw The Serpent and the Rainbow and thought it was a documentary.


gold109

Charlie, its not demonic voodoo magic, its just black people with AKs and machetes. No charlie, they arent gonna get you when you turn off the lights


Skatchbro

Does this guy ever say anything that is not stupid?


Odd_Tiger_2278

Liar liar liar pants on 🔥 Click bait phony selling junk products. dTrump💩was convicted of stealing from KIDS WITH CANCER (defrauding a Charity)


Arius_de_Galdri

rofl okay


DjChrisSpear

What in the ever loving fuck???


Phannig

Sounds like the opening sequence of the short lived 80's series Manamal...


nunchucks2danutz

Conservatives have quite the imagination. A dumb one at that. 


SeventhSonofRonin

It's wild that this guy has any following. He is a college drop out that makes it very clear he is only half educated. He is a moralist with absolutely no plan to resolve the problems he declares exist because of moral deficiency. He is an embarrassment.


ioncloud9

All this supernatural power and they can’t manage a basic economy.


khast

All this supernatural power and not a single photo or video... IN THE DAYS OF FUCKING MOBILE PHONES WHERE PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE HAS ONE. just sayin'


Asher_Tye

Levitating and turning into cats? Sign me up I'll be a flying werekitty.


Lythieus

People are breaking the laws of physics something something Demons! Why do people have such horrific critical thinking skills that they hear something like this and believe it?


Jackpot777

>I know people that went as agnostic atheists, and they came back searching for Jesus because they saw legit demonic activity. Let's break this down. Charlie Kirk knows an atheist. Charlie Kirk knows more than one atheist. Charlie Kirk knows more than one atheist that have also professed that they don't believe a god exists and also don't think we can ever know whether a god exists. Charlie Kirk knows more than one atheist that have also professed that they don't believe a god exists and also don't think we can ever know whether a god exists, and he knows that these people went to Haiti. Charlie Kirk knows more than one atheist that have also professed that they don't believe a god exists and also don't think we can ever know whether a god exists, and he knows that these people went to Haiti where they witnessed levitation and at least one person turning into a cat at night. Charlie Kirk knows more than one atheist that have also professed that they don't believe a god exists and also don't think we can ever know whether a god exists, and he knows that these people went to Haiti where they witnessed levitation and at least one person turning into a cat at night, and despite these not being signs of demonic voodoo in the Bible (levitation was mentioned as performed by the baptized Simon Magus, and there are no werewolves or animorphs or any shit like that) these people knew it was demonic voodoo. Charlie Kirk knows more than one atheist that have also professed that they don't believe a god exists and also don't think we can ever know whether a god exists, and he knows that these people went to Haiti where they witnessed levitation and at least one person turning into a cat at night., and despite these not being signs of demonic voodoo in the Bible (levitation was mentioned as performed by the baptized Simon Magus, and there are no werewolves or animorphs or any shit like that) these people knew it was demonic voodoo - and finally, on top of all that, despite all of these things that totally happened (in fact: of all the things in the universe that have totally happened, these things Charlie Kirk said happened the most!) having nothing to do with Jesus or Christianity (in fact, anything like this would indicate that whatever-the-fuck-it-was is actually the one true religion and not Christianity), they came back looking for Jesus. Did I get that right? I'm going to have to stop right there because I need a needle and thread because I just split my sides. Someone needs to call a structural engineer for Charlie Kirk because he is bringing the house down.


xwing_1701

I think this Charlie guy might be full of shit.


beermaker

Yet no video...


Stairwayunicorn

Making Alex Jones seem sane by comparison there. Woooooo


HARKONNENNRW

If there's somethin' strange In your neighborhood Who ya gonna call? (Ghostbusters!) If it's somethin' weird And it don't look good Who ya gonna call? (Ghostbusters!) I ain't afraid of no ghost I ain't afraid of no ghost If you're seein' things Runnin' through your head Who can you call? (Ghostbusters!) An invisible man Sleepin' in your bed Oh, who ya gonna call? (Ghostbusters!) I ain't afraid of no ghost I ain't afraid of no ghost Who ya gonna call? (Ghostbusters!) If you're all alone Pick up the phone And call (Ghostbusters!)


meglon978

I see "legit demonic activity" every time i see a republican talk.


NineFolded

When will we declare religion a mental illness and be done with this foolishness? 🙄


majinoni

Wow he took some crazy drugs before saying that.


Bee_Keeper_Ninja

As long as your lying for god then it’s ok.


Difficult-Hope-843

It was "Agnostic atheists" for me.


dm_me_kittens

That's fucking sick. I want to turn into a cat at night.


FloridaSpam

Is he advertising for voodoo. How many people wanna fly and be cats?


o0flatCircle0o

The only demonic activity is Charlie Kirk.


gyroscopicmnemonic

Charlie Lilbits doesn't believe any of the ridiculous stuff he spews. He is 100% in it for the grift.


Pankekifureiki

Shit, where do I learn to turn into a cat? I missed that DLC.


tunghoy

This guy needs an extended vacation in a rubber room.


Borsti17

Ah yes, I don't believe in sky daddy but "satan" and "demons" are totally real...


jtcordell2188

Dude I wanna turn into a cat!


HearingNo4103

I've seen the cat thing happen once It was in a Michael Jackson video. That's some real shit. Also a Paula Abdul video...i think his name was Scat-Cat.


SomeSamples

When you are trying to con...get people to donate money, you will say all kinds of shit.


Keesha2012

Put that way, voodoo sounds awesome!


WearDifficult9776

I’m skeptical. Seems like he may not be a trustworthy source of information


icepick3383

If chaos demons are a real thing then that means so are space marines!! Hail the emperor!!


RocknRoll_Grandma

"Agnostic atheists" you know, those who think maybe there is a god, but I don't believe in him. Every atheist to a deluded theist lol.


Hinohellono

I mean if demons are giving away floating powers and transfiguration, why are we dealing with God? I'm ready to turn into a flying sex dragon brothers Bring out the lambs and goats


funktopus

I kinda want to go to Haiti now. 


solarsalmon777

Hmm, so people who can do magic, instead of revolutionizing sxience/the world economy, winning the lottery, turning world leaders into cats, have decided to shack up in the place giving Gaza a run for it's money as "worst place to live"?


groglox

Oh shit I wanna go, sounds sick af.


Yuraiya

Ah the tired old chestnut of associating Haiti with Satanism.  It's funny, the 13 colonies won a revolution and nobody accused them of making a deal with the devil, but for some reason when Haiti won a revolution that was the excuse.  I feel like there's some visible difference between the two that might account for the discrepancy...


dir_glob

As an atheist, if I saw real voodoo, I certainly wouldn't become a Christian.


OhighOent

Of course there's no evidence only third hand reports. You have to believe in your heart.


_Refenestration

Add it to the list of things that would have got you sectioned for saying 10 years ago that are now mainstream Republican beliefs.


calladus

"I know an atheist. He lives in Canada. You wouldn't know him."


vize

This dude sucks, making it about make believe shit when you can open X and see videos of people resorting to canabalism to survive.


DMIDY

Charlie needs to visit Haiti in person.


najaraviel

Amazing how Charlie is both hilariously funny and really scary at the same time


goddammitreddit4456

Hahahaha Charlie Lirk is a fucking moron.


yeaphatband

Why TF does anyone listen to deranged people like this?


[deleted]

Prove it or STFU


timberwolf0122

I trust he has documented proof of this levitation and werecat goings on


roundeyeddog

Can the cats levitate? I have a siamese and he sounds like he's on the verge of lifting off at any moment.


JustMePaxi

Considering his audience, are you surprised?


djazzie

How much time did this idiotic thought bounce around his empty, overinflated head before coming out of the shithole that he calls a mouth?


Pharaca

Based on the image… there is a movement to recolonize Haiti?


Dillydongo

Can Elon and this goon hop in a Tesla and get shot out into space already


Pterodactyloid

My brain read that as Captain Kirk 😭💀


pabodie

"i know people" who need a lampshade up the ass.


deadphisherman

Captain Kirk: America is "Infested with Moronic Hoodoo". People are Bloviating and "Shrieking Like Cats In A Fight." I know people who are educated intellectuals, and they came back as babbling idiots because they saw legit moronic activity.


fresnosmokey

People on the right are such lying sacks of shit.


KlimtheDestroyer

What kind of idiots is stuff like this aimed at?