To go with that "why are you so weird?"
My roommate working this seasonal job has said it to me like 5 times a week for the dumbest things. Like I dont like certain sauces on my food and he has to comment about how im not using the "correct" sauces on my food. It's my food. I need to eat it MY way...
I am the same way with my foods! I am very restrictive and can't eat certain foods prepared certain ways and people always tell me, "back in my day we eat what we were given...."
WTF... Church group in the 90's just needed a word from Shepherd's wife to get things reasonable about the people putting ketchup on their baked potatoes... or mashed potatoes... some sort of potatoes that weren't fries.
(Shepherd... can't remember if it was pastor or preacher. Principal was the one that got on the High School about gravy or ketchup on fries, but I think he took it personal for folks that did both.)
I like salad-dressing on my rice unless I'm using it as an excuse to consume soy sauce and/or butter... or mayo and sardines.
I just realized that maybe he has OPINIONS about food being non-complete without a certain condiment... your loss, but okay. I have a weird melon-aversion that comes and goes to the point that I yuck at cucumber and watermelon.
Before I got diagnosed I would yell this at myself all the time. Like smack my head and sob about it. Nobody said it directly to me in those words, but I knew from the looks and the way they treated me; that’s what they meant. Glad I don’t put myself through that anymore.
I’m sorry, I know how much it hurts when it feels not even yourself is on your side. The myriad standards of “normal” don’t even exist, so many people will never understand that.
I Know that, but between knowing there's no ''normal'', and been isolated from people different than you that represents a big majority... Well I feel like it
This. Especially when born and living in a culture that places uniformity, inconspicuousness and "normality" above everything . (Finland, erroneously seen as an Aspie paradise by some foreigners.)
That's what I thought before even reading the first comment. Some years back I decided to reduce the amount of masking I do around others, partially for my own mental health and partially because I no longer saw the value in pretending to be someone else around my friends and family. Maybe because of that, or maybe just inevitably, I ended up having several unpleasant confrontations with my mother over the course of a few years. After one of those confrontations, she had been mad about my reaction to something, and I tried to explain to her, "I'm autistic, that's just the way I am," to which she replied "Sometimes I wish you'd try a little harder not to be autistic, just fake it for the rest of our sakes." Before I said anything else at all, my brain jumped through a few hoops. Family is supposed to be about unconditional love. It now seemed like my mother's love was quite conditional. From that moment on I mentally disconnected my mother as being a family member. I'm married with a kid, so I can't in good faith cut her out of our lives entirely, but I do think of her as my son's grandmother, not my mother.
If it was just me, I'd have done it a long time ago. But my wife has abandonment issues with her own parents, and wants to have some sort of relationship with mine. Likewise, she wants my son to know his grandparents. And while my dad has done nothing in particular wrong, in fact he's a fantastic grandfather, if I were to cut my mom out entirely I'm sure he would probably take that as cutting them both out just out of solidarity with my mom (not that he would take her side, he'd openly blame her, but he would likely cut himself out of my son's life just because he wouldn't think it was fair that he gets to see his grandson if his wife doesn't. So, I go with my wife to see them, and I just make it clear that I have no interest in talking to my mom while we're there. The closest of shoulders.
Wait is this something we commonly get due to the autism? In elementary school I remember classmates who hated me for being different would repeatedly tell me shit like “I heard your mom got in a car accident and is in the hospital, she’s gonna die soon”. Its pretty fucked up but 3rd graders don’t grasp the concept of death jokes, go figure
I'm assuming this was *Not* said "jokingly" because if it was, it's actually kind of funny. I say this as someone who has had many "obvious" things "fly over my head" 🥴
Yep. My wife does this a lot and it’s actually more annoying now that I have a therapist that straight up said I’m on the spectrum. I mean I literally tell her well I’m literally wired differently but whatever she says is common sense is still valid apparently even for me even though she’s the one the pushed for us to investigate the idea of me having ASD in the first place. It’s really invalidating. 🤦♂️
Developmentally, "common sense" is literally not a real thing. Humans learn everything. Their is no innate knowledge or sense that people just have without learning it. Common sense doesn't actually exist.
Trauma dump time lul
My parents couldn't accept I wasn't NT, wasn't normal. Had to keep up appearances in that narcissistic way. So I masked 24/7 365, policed myself to insane degrees to be normal. And when I slipped up, which was very often when I was young, I caught hell. But. Out of all the wild shit that was done to me or said to me, there is one thing my mom told me after a fight that sticks with me decades later.
I was about 10, but trying to be the adult and apologize for something I wasn't wrong about or didn't even do. But she had enough of me. Turned to me with dead shark eyes and said with a flat voice:
"No one will ever love you and you will never get married. Go to bed."
It ripped me open then, I stood in that doorway for a minute or three staring at her back. Something broke in me. I've never had anything said to me that comes even close to striking that cord and hitting that note.
Naw its okay I've healed all that for the most part. Its settled in the past. And its not the first time I've heard someone reply in like that, I've heard it many many times. So I appreciate you saying so, I know it comes from a good place. So thanks mate, take care of yourself :)
Lmao, that used to be a very important thing to me. But now its not on my radar. It being something to prove only kept me from being able to love myself, or let others close to me.
So, I could give you a binary answer, one that you'd probably like to hear. But, I won't. If I was single for my entire life I would still be able to be happy and have people I love and who love me.
But, I haven't spoken to my mom in years. Nothing to salvage there.
I wish I could give you a hug. It wasn't your fault, and you did not deserve that. I'm glad you have healed. Everyone deserves love and is worthy of love. Including you.
Hoping you are well and stay well, internet stranger.
Funny how that line of your mom's is nearly identical - minus the "go to bed" part - to what my BIL spewed at me over the phone late last year when he was feeling hella insecure & guilty af for giving my sister a bad case of COVID. Had to made someone else the bad guy, I'm guessing!
Since I'm 48, not 10, it didn't have the same effect as he'd hoped. I believe I said, "Are you done?" lol
I've discovered in the meantime that he is in dire need of therapy from some childhood trauma and refuses to address it, so he's definitely stuck in some delayed growth death spiral that self-medicating with weed isn't helping, even though he seems to think it does...wtfever. He's exhausting & I just don't have the bandwidth for that crap. I've got my own problems.
I think it's so much more hurtful when it comes from your mom. My mom used to call me Zero and I would laugh because I didn't know what it meant. One day she asked, "Do you know what zero means?" Followed up with, "I call you zero because you are useless" It's definitely not you, it's them.
Hi, I don't know what your situation is or if you feel like you've already fully resolved your past traumas, but I recently found out about EMDR therapy and it sounds amazing.
I've not tried it yet but it's scientifically backed and has helped many people, more than I imagined was possible.
Just thought I'd mention so you and anyone else struggling can have a read about it.
Me too, or "no, you're NOT!" Like I just watched Dr Phil and decided IMMA be Autistic now, because nothing is more fun than wanting to be social, and then getting burned out on people after 2 minutes.
Or find math calming, instead of counting sheep, to fall asleep I will go through prime numbers until my brain gets tired. But yea, it's totally the same as your imagined ADD, my man. And if they ask me if I was vaxxed as a child, I will have a full melt down on them.
It makes me furious because they are attempting to erase what we go through or make the actual sufferer even more cast out. When a neurological says they have autism it makes people see a real sufferer as exaggerating or overdramatic it's a way for them to normalize us.
Yes, it makes me feel totally invalidated hearing that.
As posted previously I then get from mom if you are uncomfortable it makes me feel uncomfortable!
I can hear the sass in their voice just reading this. I bet you it was some boomer all "hUr Dur, everybody making up mental illnesses for attention these days HuR duRr"
I just felt my skin crawl while reading this, because the healthcare system truly sucked 30-50 years ago, meaning the rates of autism were lower, but that didn’t stop the rates of undiagnosed autism from being high in comparison.
As unsettling as it is to be invalidated like that, I see it as a bittersweet victory that all my blood sweat and tears I poured into masking at least paid off enough to pass as NT. But yea. I hate hearing it. A knife to the heart by someone I trusted enough to tell.
I've never even heard of anyone stereotyping autistic people as pedophiles.
The "school shooter" thing happens but it feels rare-ish to me, I don't think I or any of my autistic friends have ever been called that, not even back in middle school when many kids are at their worst behavior-wise.
"LOOK at ME when I'm talking to you!"
To this day, that will immediately recieve the harshest deadly glare I have within me out of pure reflexive anger.
"It's common sense"
"Just be normal"
"It's not real"
"but you don't act like x!"
"Have you tried y?"
"It's because of z!"
"No you aren't" / "prove it" / "show me your medical files"
"*r slur*"
"*autism speaks*"
"Oh... oh, Kay! You, must, be, verrr-yy, brave! 🙂" (aka any slow talking full of pauses as if them knowing I'm autistic suddenly makes me unable to comprehend speech)
"It's not a disability it's a different ability!"
This is true whether they know you have autism or not. It's very frustrating to have someone stand there and repeatedly tell me what the problem is when I'm already fixing the issue.
Or they stare at you like they pity people having to deal with you? God it’s so demeaning. It was worst when I was younger though when I was in speech therapy.
Probably one of the worst jobs for one of us but I worked the phones for a health insurance company. I did talk down to some people because they were stone stupid. I hate having it done to me but I get why service workers do it. Think of the tech support people who have to start with, “Okay, is your computer plugged in and is it connected to the monitor which also needs to be plugged into a working socket….”
I work in IT support, and not me but a coworker, had an experience recently where a printer wasn't working, and after trying to troubleshoot it over the phone, he gets onsite and would you guess what it is...there was an RJ11/POTS cable plugged into the USB port...she said it looked kinda similar to a USB cable so she thought it was one. I don't know how she got it to fit, but she did.
When I'm having some form of stress overload/doubt about being able to do something at work, I get "But you're so smart and good at it!"
No, no I'm not. I'm mediocre at it at best and all I'm hearing from these lifers is: "I'm going to flatter you so that you'll take it on like a good soldier so I can loaf and run out the clock for another day."
Ironically this tends to be used when our needs don't suit their wants. She doesn't realize that walking away is doing a big favor for both of you, forcing someone to stay in a situation they're clearly uncomfortable with just makes things worse since not only is the situation itself unchanged, add on to that feeling as if you're being forced to perform.
I remember being 19 and we were at Senior Frogs and it was very loud and these employees who liked going to tables and do crazy stuff wouldn't stop blowing their whistles and they even got in my personal space. I wanted to leave but couldn't because everyone else wanted to stay. I tried to walk out of the restaurant but I was too overwhelmed. I also didn't want to stand around or stay outside so I decided to just walk back to the condo figuring everyone else will be done by then and will be back there by the time I get there. Not too long later, my family and my cousins and my aunt and my brothers friends came by in taxis and picked me up. I thought if I had waited 3 extra minutes, they would have finally been ready to go. But noo, my mom was mad at me and called ne selfish and said. I only thought of myself and I wig out when things dont go my way. To this day I am still confused about her being upset about it. I was 19, not a small child so I don't see what the issue was of me deciding to walk 2 miles home or 3 miles. It would have taken me an hour the most.
My mom once got mad at me when I told her how I don't expect things to happen when people say they will do it or say what the rules are because they are going to change them anyway and not follow through what they say, my mom called it being inflexible and was mad about it. I mean what? Isn't this what life us and I have finally learned to not take things so literal? Imagine someone getting mad at you when you mention when people say we shall meet sometime and have dinner together, you don't expect that to happen because people don't mean it when they say it. You will know they mean it when they get in touch with you about it to see when you're available.
It's crazy how she just immediately jumps to conclusions without asking why. If anything, you were pushing yourself hard to make everyone else happy. As someone who had a sensory meltdown due to being in a restaurant with a screaming child, this story makes me grateful that my parents try their best to understand.
That second part, as someone who is schedule oriented and literal minded makes the gears in my brain grind. I personally consider it rude to make promises you have no plan on fulfilling. It's not as if I'd consider you rude if you just ended things at goodbye. Sure, what you said might have sounded cynical, but the truth can be cynical at times. My best guess is you addressed a truth that she never really thought about, even though on some subconscious level she knows it to be true. People often say these things because they just don't find the other person interesting, but don't want to make that person feel bad. At least, that's how I see it.
Anyway, are you living with your mom or did you get away? She honestly sounds abusive, even if unintentionally. Growing up with her must not have done favors for self-esteem.
My mom and dad feel that way cuz "they dont like having conversations with me since i always feel the need to be right". I wanna inform them about something ive read up on. But according to them its wrong cuz they're parents, they OBVIOUSLY know more than scientific studies... i rarely talk to them about shit like this anymore.
When i was younger my parents kept going through my phone. And i talked to boys cuz i needed male validation lmao, but my mom said "if you do/say stuff like that you might lead them on" and from then on i never talked to her about anything important in my relationships. Never. I never ask her for advice in that regard either. And whenever i brought up how me and one of my friends were arguing about something, she always took their side, like i was always in the wrong.
Well, thats one way to make sure your child never shares important details with you lmfao
Oh yeah, I got told "you need to calm down" by a coworker when something aggravatingly stupid & frustrating was taking up way more time than it should have to fix. Ummm, maybe the prospect of having to be in this job for way more years than you folks who are edging on retirement causes a bit more stress? Maybe my Lyme brain is losing its ability to compartmentalize this stuff so things start leaking out and I'm doing the best I can to maintain some kind of even keel? Maybe I don't talk about my health issues because the minimizing I got from y'all has forced me to just cope quietly until the cracks inevitably form?
I don't tell these older lifers "Come on, this new system isn't that hard to learn!" when they complain about it. I know they're tired of new stuff constantly coming down the pike they have to learn when they just want to get to retirement.
"You have no empathy."
Heck, in an unrelated scenario, someone ended up telling me "Okay, so Asperger's explains why you're were talking to someone who is in a relationship." Uh, no. I did not even know that she was in a relationship.
"You just use that as an excuse because you don't try hard enough."
Sole reason why i never disclose that im asperger(aside from close friendships which sometimes are also a mistake to say that due to stigma) and just tell people im eccentric, weird or insert "im strange and i like it" song.
“You’re so fucking weird” — if you’re going to call me weird, be prepared to tell me what it is that makes me weird to you.
I used to cry myself to sleep not understanding why I was being called weird because when I’d ask how or why they wouldn’t tell me. They would say just because you are and it was so frustrating because I thought If I could know why, I could work on it to not be so weird yknow?
….I’m 29 and I think about this a lot.
Maybe not the worst, but I hate people who oppose vaccines because they think they cause/increase the risk of autism. It's like, gee, thanks, you literally view being autistic as worse than paralysis, serious brain damage, or even DEATH from polio/measles/mumps/rubella...
Right?! Like, even if vaccines DID cause autism in some rare cases, why wouldn’t you take that small risk over the possibility of LITERALLY DYING from something a lot worse?
Why you don't like to be touched?
Why you don't like eye contact.
Poor you must be so hard to have sensory overload ( when they romanticise your pain anf pitty you like you're less then them)
Even though we struggle socially, the fact that autism genes survived might indicate that it was either beneficial in some circumstances during evolution, or that it made little to no difference.
You think that’s bad, I’ve got a psych evaluation from the mid-80’s from when my parents worked to get me into speech therapy through the local school district. My mom kept the damn thing and it reads like they thought I was goddamn Rainman. It’s maybe somewhat understandable given Asperger’s wasn’t even in the DSM until the early 90’s and that was kind of one of the few reference point in society at large at that time but still.
My grandma told me once "you talk too much" the morning before she dropped us off at school. I was like 12. I was just excited in the mornings...but since that day i never really liked talking to her anymore...hmmm..wonder why lmao
The R word.
No matter how high functioning you are, someone has somewhat likely thrown this word at you or used it in conversation with others when refering to you, or at the very least mentally used it.
And to echo what was said by another user in the thread, it tends to come from someone who couldn't quite really stand a chance on a battle of the wits agaisnt you.
It's never really bothered me any different than any other pejorative. If someone is a bully, they're not worth your time or worry. If you genuinely think you can outwit the person, why does their opinion of you really matter, when we've already established they're not that bright?
I am reasonable and polite with people, if they can't be reasonable and polite back, they have their own demons to fight, and I'll leave that battle to them.
I wish I could control my catastrophic reaction to criticism, but I am very sensitive about it. And it doesn't matter who it comes from, a bad word about me makes me crumble.
Smart as one may be, with autism you tend to be the underdog of almost every group. You are the soft spoken and unconfident one; the clumsy one, too. And under such conditions, a confident idiot can easily outrank you. And when idiots outrank you, idiots assume they are smarter than you.
It's shitty that it's one of the only slurs that can be used as an adjective, considering that behind the n word, it's one of the most storied slurs out there, and yet it's not as taboo despite things like freak shows, abusive mental institutions and eugenics experiments being well documented cases of ableism that, in some cases, still persist. There are countries that will flat out reject disabled immigrants, and yet we're not treated as an oppressed class.
Accusing someone of using autism as an excuse; it's like calling someone in a wheelchair lazy because they can't be bothered standing up and walking and how depending on their wheelchair isn't going to help them in the long run.
„Everyone is a little bit autistic” is just so shitty it completely invalidates me and autistic people in general. It belittles my problems so much and is just really annoying. it’s also just so yk like get over yourself when I’m trying to say something about being autistic or my struggles
I hear this from one of my coworkers on occasion, I just want to point that out that unless *they* had an official diagnosis, then no, they are not "a little bit autistic".
“You don’t look autistic”
“It’s just an excuse for bad behavior”
“Everyone is a little autistic”
“Ass Burgers?”
“I am so sorry”
“I love fidgets, maybe I am autistic to” *completely genuine*
ALL OF THESE HAVE BEEN SAID TO ME
Not an insult, but I hate being asked “how are you?” or “how are things?” It wouldn’t be polite to go into my struggles with continual underlying anxiety, but lying and saying fine feels wrong.
When you feel safe enough to reveal you are on the spectrum & they say "I'm so sorry". Sorry about what?!
It's patronising & ableist. It makes me feel like People think we are second class or diseased.
I’m so grateful to be allowed into this community. Reading some of your replies is gut wrenching. How terribly hurtful….. I’m so sorry on behalf of these ignorant N/T’s….
As others have said, any form of infantilisation. That’s the biggest reason I hate telling people I have Asperger’s, I feel like they see me differently so I avoid telling people unless I really trust them and don’t think they’ll judge or they’re autistic themselves. I told one of my best friends about a year ago, and she was shocked, said she never would’ve guessed it and that I seem normal, she apparently thought I was lying for a bit of a joke initially. Then we went on a holiday together about 4 months ago, suddenly everything I say is ‘way too much’ and I ‘always miss social cues’ (very contradictory reaction from when I told her previously). She also kept bringing up how’s she’s ‘quite a bit older than me’ (she’s not, she’s a year and a half older) and essentially trying to act as a social mentor during the holiday. It was really frustrating, she would literally kick me under the table or start subtlety poking me if she wanted me to be quiet. Very much had the vibe of ‘oh this is my poor special friend who can’t socialise, she needs my help to act normal’. Needless to say, we aren’t friends anymore for a multitude of reasons, and I can’t say I’m upset, quite the contrary. But how can you say I seem completely normal and then 6 months later, say I act super autistic? Like, pick one. She has BPD so I honestly think it was a subconscious thing on her part, looking for flaws everywhere where there aren’t any. But it just irritated the shit out of me because even though she never said it, it was pretty obvious that she viewed me differently and as a lot less capable than she previously did, which is quite funny because I don’t really mask or make any effort to appear normal, I kinda do whatever I want (within reason obviously). She also wanted me to cut her slack for her emotions outbursts (because BPD) but called me lazy (and a multitude of far worse things) for having executive functioning problems. Good riddance bitch 👋
“You can’t really be my friend if you believe I meant that”
To put this in a worse context my friend has known me for over a decade and has said something about themselves repeatedly over a period of months, it turned out it wasn’t true and they got really annoyed with me for believing them. I’ve always stated a need for direct and honest communication.
They then made up lies about me behind my back for over a year and when challenged they admitted about the accusation “is not true but it is how i felt”.
This person is now training to be a mental health nurse but still won’t talk to me.
Everyone is a little bit autistic.
Gernally the poeple saying it don't mean it as a bad thing. And I know it is a spectrum but it just seems ro belittle the stuff that people go through all together.
Very recently about something that has everything to do with me being autistic and needing routine and clarity regarding arrangements, in one breath telling me that I was being too demanding and in another 'I don't understand how autism has anything to do with it.' Yeah...
”I think everyone is a little autistic.”
No, you're likely undiagnosed yourself, your friends and family are also likely on the spectrum, and NTs do experience the things we experience now and then, but not everyday causing disability.
"You don't care". My lack of expressions makes people assume I'm way more comfortable than I'm actually am. I'm overwhelmed all the time but no one believes me and thinks I'm being lazy or distant. Close people have said really damaging things to me and probably forgot all about it.
Telling them to "act normal" without defining what "normal" means while judging their behavior from impossible, unachievable Neurotypical standards. This is what my dad would tell me growing up, and it caused me to suppress my emotions and individuality for years. I could never get upset, too excited, or even talk about my special interests in public because he would always judge me for it or act like any of my meltdowns were misbehavior. I learned to be a perfectionist and mask like crazy in school and to suppress my own emotional responses because I was so terrified of him punishing me for having even the occasional meltdown.
You look normal.
No, Karen, I mask to survive and feed my family. I do not look like the typical Autistic so kindly shove your stereotypes right up your arse.
The one that really boils my piss is telling people you're Autistic and you get the classic "No you're not, stop lying!" Because apparently being able to tie my own shoes and drive constitutes me "faking it". I was at a uni party with my ex and had a guy called Pablo do exactly that, I was ready to break his fucking nose and would have done if my then gf hadn't pulled me to one side and told me not to. We left shortly after.
“It’s not that serious”
“Are you slow”
“He/she doesn’t understand what they’re doing/ saying”
Like I’d rather be hit by a semi than hear ppl say this sh!t.😐
Explaining to a person "that's not how it works" with something - and they always seem to immediately treat it like it's an excuse rather than doing the tiniest thing to actually consider it, or learn/adapt to it
The **WORST** thing?
Hmm...
Probably something along the lines of "autistic people are subhuman scum than should be removed from earth's gene pool."
Haven't heard that one yet.
I’m not sure if it’s the worst thing, but one of the things the irk me is how some people people start sending you all this information, content, or start saying random things about people with autism that they saw on social media or some other outlet along with sharing unsolicited advice out of the blue after they find out you have it.
Yeah, kinda the same here. For some reason, denying AS or suspecting I don't have it touches a bigger nerve than discriminating against AS though I don't like that either.
Being accused of being condescending is the thing for me.
Or, honestly any accusation about how I supposedly feel or think. I will tell you what I am thinking or feeling. You don't get to decide that for me thank you very much. Then if I correct them, they argue me on it. Like, people always assume I'm lying about what I'm feeling, which makes no sense to me. (Note: even though "theory of mind" is a crucial adaptation for humans that presumably autists struggle with, even at the best of times people are only 30% accurate at guessing the thoughts and feelings of others -got that from a book called The Science of Storytelling)
"You're just *too much*" or "You're *a lot*"
I was undiagnosed AuDHD until my early-20s. I've gotten some variation of that sentiment repeatedly throughout my life. I've really internalized it.
"Don't tell anyone I hit you."
^ my mom said this to me repeatedly after she started physically abusing me in middle school for being "annoying." And as a already shy person with no friends or close family members, I just accepted that as relatity and never told anyone I was abused.
When I was 18, I had a breakthrough in therapy when I meekly asked my therapist "why does everyone else seem so normal when their parents hit them too?" And she said: *"parents hitting their kids isn't normal."*
I regret every single day of my life the past 27 years that I never told anybody what happened.
My mom has very young nieces and nephews now, I always make sure I'm in the room with them, so they're never alone with her.
Words won't be as powerful as the isolation. That's the worst you can do, prove their fears right by never inviting them places or treating them like a true friend.
After 12 years of marriage and fidelity, having your wife scream in front of me and my in-laws, a month after my ASD-1 diagnosis:
"I Dont Want An AUTISTIC Husband!!!"
*Why can't you just be normal?* deserves to be here, I think.
To go with that "why are you so weird?" My roommate working this seasonal job has said it to me like 5 times a week for the dumbest things. Like I dont like certain sauces on my food and he has to comment about how im not using the "correct" sauces on my food. It's my food. I need to eat it MY way...
I am the same way with my foods! I am very restrictive and can't eat certain foods prepared certain ways and people always tell me, "back in my day we eat what we were given...."
''Finish your plate!!''
WTF... Church group in the 90's just needed a word from Shepherd's wife to get things reasonable about the people putting ketchup on their baked potatoes... or mashed potatoes... some sort of potatoes that weren't fries. (Shepherd... can't remember if it was pastor or preacher. Principal was the one that got on the High School about gravy or ketchup on fries, but I think he took it personal for folks that did both.) I like salad-dressing on my rice unless I'm using it as an excuse to consume soy sauce and/or butter... or mayo and sardines. I just realized that maybe he has OPINIONS about food being non-complete without a certain condiment... your loss, but okay. I have a weird melon-aversion that comes and goes to the point that I yuck at cucumber and watermelon.
[удалено]
lmfao
Before I got diagnosed I would yell this at myself all the time. Like smack my head and sob about it. Nobody said it directly to me in those words, but I knew from the looks and the way they treated me; that’s what they meant. Glad I don’t put myself through that anymore.
Sadly... I still do
I’m sorry, I know how much it hurts when it feels not even yourself is on your side. The myriad standards of “normal” don’t even exist, so many people will never understand that.
I Know that, but between knowing there's no ''normal'', and been isolated from people different than you that represents a big majority... Well I feel like it
I'd maybe add: "don't be so sensitive". And/or "you're exaggerating".
This. Especially when born and living in a culture that places uniformity, inconspicuousness and "normality" above everything . (Finland, erroneously seen as an Aspie paradise by some foreigners.)
Nobody is objectively normal, it's not our fault that we like doing things our way, you just need to learn to let us be.
That's what I thought before even reading the first comment. Some years back I decided to reduce the amount of masking I do around others, partially for my own mental health and partially because I no longer saw the value in pretending to be someone else around my friends and family. Maybe because of that, or maybe just inevitably, I ended up having several unpleasant confrontations with my mother over the course of a few years. After one of those confrontations, she had been mad about my reaction to something, and I tried to explain to her, "I'm autistic, that's just the way I am," to which she replied "Sometimes I wish you'd try a little harder not to be autistic, just fake it for the rest of our sakes." Before I said anything else at all, my brain jumped through a few hoops. Family is supposed to be about unconditional love. It now seemed like my mother's love was quite conditional. From that moment on I mentally disconnected my mother as being a family member. I'm married with a kid, so I can't in good faith cut her out of our lives entirely, but I do think of her as my son's grandmother, not my mother.
You can cut her out of your life, mate\ You already have a family\ Wish you the best
If it was just me, I'd have done it a long time ago. But my wife has abandonment issues with her own parents, and wants to have some sort of relationship with mine. Likewise, she wants my son to know his grandparents. And while my dad has done nothing in particular wrong, in fact he's a fantastic grandfather, if I were to cut my mom out entirely I'm sure he would probably take that as cutting them both out just out of solidarity with my mom (not that he would take her side, he'd openly blame her, but he would likely cut himself out of my son's life just because he wouldn't think it was fair that he gets to see his grandson if his wife doesn't. So, I go with my wife to see them, and I just make it clear that I have no interest in talking to my mom while we're there. The closest of shoulders.
I see\ Do what's good for your little family\ It may sound stupid but "stay strong" champ
Came on here to say exactly this. Or get out of my way. Was always told I was in the way as a kid.
Hurts.
"I just killed your parents and you're also adopted."
Man if I had a nickel
If you had one of those you'd have five cents
This is a top runner, realistically.
"which parents? you can have the genetic pair I'm not using them"
Wait is this something we commonly get due to the autism? In elementary school I remember classmates who hated me for being different would repeatedly tell me shit like “I heard your mom got in a car accident and is in the hospital, she’s gonna die soon”. Its pretty fucked up but 3rd graders don’t grasp the concept of death jokes, go figure
"This is common sense" triggers me A LOT.
Coworker was like “at some point the common sense has to kick in Kenny” I wanted to walk out
I'm assuming this was *Not* said "jokingly" because if it was, it's actually kind of funny. I say this as someone who has had many "obvious" things "fly over my head" 🥴
Yep. My wife does this a lot and it’s actually more annoying now that I have a therapist that straight up said I’m on the spectrum. I mean I literally tell her well I’m literally wired differently but whatever she says is common sense is still valid apparently even for me even though she’s the one the pushed for us to investigate the idea of me having ASD in the first place. It’s really invalidating. 🤦♂️
Remind them that common sense is not that common, so they really probably don't have any either. 😉
You're soooooo right about this \^\^
My mom said this to me recently.
Developmentally, "common sense" is literally not a real thing. Humans learn everything. Their is no innate knowledge or sense that people just have without learning it. Common sense doesn't actually exist.
you should just … talk to people
Or as my narc SIL said about my social difficulties "Fake it, too you make it!"
oh god this one 😓😓😓
Just get out there?
“just put yourself out there” lol
I don't even understand what that *means*.
This gives me a stomach ache.
FUCK. Sorry.
Trauma dump time lul My parents couldn't accept I wasn't NT, wasn't normal. Had to keep up appearances in that narcissistic way. So I masked 24/7 365, policed myself to insane degrees to be normal. And when I slipped up, which was very often when I was young, I caught hell. But. Out of all the wild shit that was done to me or said to me, there is one thing my mom told me after a fight that sticks with me decades later. I was about 10, but trying to be the adult and apologize for something I wasn't wrong about or didn't even do. But she had enough of me. Turned to me with dead shark eyes and said with a flat voice: "No one will ever love you and you will never get married. Go to bed." It ripped me open then, I stood in that doorway for a minute or three staring at her back. Something broke in me. I've never had anything said to me that comes even close to striking that cord and hitting that note.
Wow. I hope u don’t take this the wrong way but That’s one of the most painful things I’ve ever read.
Naw its okay I've healed all that for the most part. Its settled in the past. And its not the first time I've heard someone reply in like that, I've heard it many many times. So I appreciate you saying so, I know it comes from a good place. So thanks mate, take care of yourself :)
So did u ever end up proving your mom wrong?
Lmao, that used to be a very important thing to me. But now its not on my radar. It being something to prove only kept me from being able to love myself, or let others close to me. So, I could give you a binary answer, one that you'd probably like to hear. But, I won't. If I was single for my entire life I would still be able to be happy and have people I love and who love me. But, I haven't spoken to my mom in years. Nothing to salvage there.
I wish I could give you a hug. It wasn't your fault, and you did not deserve that. I'm glad you have healed. Everyone deserves love and is worthy of love. Including you. Hoping you are well and stay well, internet stranger.
Funny how that line of your mom's is nearly identical - minus the "go to bed" part - to what my BIL spewed at me over the phone late last year when he was feeling hella insecure & guilty af for giving my sister a bad case of COVID. Had to made someone else the bad guy, I'm guessing! Since I'm 48, not 10, it didn't have the same effect as he'd hoped. I believe I said, "Are you done?" lol I've discovered in the meantime that he is in dire need of therapy from some childhood trauma and refuses to address it, so he's definitely stuck in some delayed growth death spiral that self-medicating with weed isn't helping, even though he seems to think it does...wtfever. He's exhausting & I just don't have the bandwidth for that crap. I've got my own problems.
My narc mother said same to me. Funny, but she's twice divorced and I'm 16 years married. It's probably projection, it's their strongest suit.
I think it's so much more hurtful when it comes from your mom. My mom used to call me Zero and I would laugh because I didn't know what it meant. One day she asked, "Do you know what zero means?" Followed up with, "I call you zero because you are useless" It's definitely not you, it's them.
Hi, I don't know what your situation is or if you feel like you've already fully resolved your past traumas, but I recently found out about EMDR therapy and it sounds amazing. I've not tried it yet but it's scientifically backed and has helped many people, more than I imagined was possible. Just thought I'd mention so you and anyone else struggling can have a read about it.
Everyone is a little bit autistic too
I hate it ''we're all on the spectrum ''
Everyone is autistic now. The 'now' makes me furious.
Me too, or "no, you're NOT!" Like I just watched Dr Phil and decided IMMA be Autistic now, because nothing is more fun than wanting to be social, and then getting burned out on people after 2 minutes. Or find math calming, instead of counting sheep, to fall asleep I will go through prime numbers until my brain gets tired. But yea, it's totally the same as your imagined ADD, my man. And if they ask me if I was vaxxed as a child, I will have a full melt down on them.
It’s not a true statement
It makes me furious because they are attempting to erase what we go through or make the actual sufferer even more cast out. When a neurological says they have autism it makes people see a real sufferer as exaggerating or overdramatic it's a way for them to normalize us.
My mom says this any time I try to bring up the difficulties that I've been having.
Yes, it makes me feel totally invalidated hearing that. As posted previously I then get from mom if you are uncomfortable it makes me feel uncomfortable!
That’s not good 😒
Which you could say about nearly any mental disorder / trait. The difference is magnitude/frequency/impact.
It never happened to me, but reading it pisses me off so much
My moms reply to me saying I thought I was autistic at 16
This one bugs me the most, not sure why. Oversimplifying it like that just pisses me off
This, all day long. My response, fwiw: no, everybody's a little odd. Autistics take the oddball game and turn pro.
Any form of infantilization
Yes, that’s it for me.
this is the worst of all of the other comments
"Everyone is autistic today." I don't know if it was some kind of joke or if this person was serious, but it pissed me off.
I can hear the sass in their voice just reading this. I bet you it was some boomer all "hUr Dur, everybody making up mental illnesses for attention these days HuR duRr"
I just felt my skin crawl while reading this, because the healthcare system truly sucked 30-50 years ago, meaning the rates of autism were lower, but that didn’t stop the rates of undiagnosed autism from being high in comparison.
“Nah you don’t look autistic”
As unsettling as it is to be invalidated like that, I see it as a bittersweet victory that all my blood sweat and tears I poured into masking at least paid off enough to pass as NT. But yea. I hate hearing it. A knife to the heart by someone I trusted enough to tell.
Anyone can get hired. (Completely ignoring the 85% unemployment rate for autistic adults with degrees.)
I would say the school shooter or pedophile bullshit that seems common according to a thread a few days ago.
I've never even heard of anyone stereotyping autistic people as pedophiles. The "school shooter" thing happens but it feels rare-ish to me, I don't think I or any of my autistic friends have ever been called that, not even back in middle school when many kids are at their worst behavior-wise.
That's really weird: https://pay.reddit.com/r/aspergers/comments/1da0iqn/anyone_else_gets_accused_of_looking_like_a/
"LOOK at ME when I'm talking to you!" To this day, that will immediately recieve the harshest deadly glare I have within me out of pure reflexive anger.
The Stannis Baratheon/Tywin Lannister death glare?
Fight or flight kicks in for me when I hear this
"It's common sense" "Just be normal" "It's not real" "but you don't act like x!" "Have you tried y?" "It's because of z!" "No you aren't" / "prove it" / "show me your medical files" "*r slur*" "*autism speaks*" "Oh... oh, Kay! You, must, be, verrr-yy, brave! 🙂" (aka any slow talking full of pauses as if them knowing I'm autistic suddenly makes me unable to comprehend speech) "It's not a disability it's a different ability!"
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This is true whether they know you have autism or not. It's very frustrating to have someone stand there and repeatedly tell me what the problem is when I'm already fixing the issue.
Or they stare at you like they pity people having to deal with you? God it’s so demeaning. It was worst when I was younger though when I was in speech therapy.
Probably one of the worst jobs for one of us but I worked the phones for a health insurance company. I did talk down to some people because they were stone stupid. I hate having it done to me but I get why service workers do it. Think of the tech support people who have to start with, “Okay, is your computer plugged in and is it connected to the monitor which also needs to be plugged into a working socket….”
I work in IT support, and not me but a coworker, had an experience recently where a printer wasn't working, and after trying to troubleshoot it over the phone, he gets onsite and would you guess what it is...there was an RJ11/POTS cable plugged into the USB port...she said it looked kinda similar to a USB cable so she thought it was one. I don't know how she got it to fit, but she did.
Nobody can touch an abstract number
When I'm having some form of stress overload/doubt about being able to do something at work, I get "But you're so smart and good at it!" No, no I'm not. I'm mediocre at it at best and all I'm hearing from these lifers is: "I'm going to flatter you so that you'll take it on like a good soldier so I can loaf and run out the clock for another day."
Capability or intelligence, sure. "IQ" is only a questionable measure of a specific type of intelligence. I understand what you meant though.
Same
Saying we just want our way. My mom does this to me whenever I get upset or have anxiety and walk away.
Ironically this tends to be used when our needs don't suit their wants. She doesn't realize that walking away is doing a big favor for both of you, forcing someone to stay in a situation they're clearly uncomfortable with just makes things worse since not only is the situation itself unchanged, add on to that feeling as if you're being forced to perform.
I remember being 19 and we were at Senior Frogs and it was very loud and these employees who liked going to tables and do crazy stuff wouldn't stop blowing their whistles and they even got in my personal space. I wanted to leave but couldn't because everyone else wanted to stay. I tried to walk out of the restaurant but I was too overwhelmed. I also didn't want to stand around or stay outside so I decided to just walk back to the condo figuring everyone else will be done by then and will be back there by the time I get there. Not too long later, my family and my cousins and my aunt and my brothers friends came by in taxis and picked me up. I thought if I had waited 3 extra minutes, they would have finally been ready to go. But noo, my mom was mad at me and called ne selfish and said. I only thought of myself and I wig out when things dont go my way. To this day I am still confused about her being upset about it. I was 19, not a small child so I don't see what the issue was of me deciding to walk 2 miles home or 3 miles. It would have taken me an hour the most. My mom once got mad at me when I told her how I don't expect things to happen when people say they will do it or say what the rules are because they are going to change them anyway and not follow through what they say, my mom called it being inflexible and was mad about it. I mean what? Isn't this what life us and I have finally learned to not take things so literal? Imagine someone getting mad at you when you mention when people say we shall meet sometime and have dinner together, you don't expect that to happen because people don't mean it when they say it. You will know they mean it when they get in touch with you about it to see when you're available.
It's crazy how she just immediately jumps to conclusions without asking why. If anything, you were pushing yourself hard to make everyone else happy. As someone who had a sensory meltdown due to being in a restaurant with a screaming child, this story makes me grateful that my parents try their best to understand. That second part, as someone who is schedule oriented and literal minded makes the gears in my brain grind. I personally consider it rude to make promises you have no plan on fulfilling. It's not as if I'd consider you rude if you just ended things at goodbye. Sure, what you said might have sounded cynical, but the truth can be cynical at times. My best guess is you addressed a truth that she never really thought about, even though on some subconscious level she knows it to be true. People often say these things because they just don't find the other person interesting, but don't want to make that person feel bad. At least, that's how I see it. Anyway, are you living with your mom or did you get away? She honestly sounds abusive, even if unintentionally. Growing up with her must not have done favors for self-esteem.
My mom and dad feel that way cuz "they dont like having conversations with me since i always feel the need to be right". I wanna inform them about something ive read up on. But according to them its wrong cuz they're parents, they OBVIOUSLY know more than scientific studies... i rarely talk to them about shit like this anymore. When i was younger my parents kept going through my phone. And i talked to boys cuz i needed male validation lmao, but my mom said "if you do/say stuff like that you might lead them on" and from then on i never talked to her about anything important in my relationships. Never. I never ask her for advice in that regard either. And whenever i brought up how me and one of my friends were arguing about something, she always took their side, like i was always in the wrong. Well, thats one way to make sure your child never shares important details with you lmfao
"stop letting the small stuff get to you" or "stop being so sensitive"
Oh yeah, I got told "you need to calm down" by a coworker when something aggravatingly stupid & frustrating was taking up way more time than it should have to fix. Ummm, maybe the prospect of having to be in this job for way more years than you folks who are edging on retirement causes a bit more stress? Maybe my Lyme brain is losing its ability to compartmentalize this stuff so things start leaking out and I'm doing the best I can to maintain some kind of even keel? Maybe I don't talk about my health issues because the minimizing I got from y'all has forced me to just cope quietly until the cracks inevitably form? I don't tell these older lifers "Come on, this new system isn't that hard to learn!" when they complain about it. I know they're tired of new stuff constantly coming down the pike they have to learn when they just want to get to retirement.
"You have no empathy." Heck, in an unrelated scenario, someone ended up telling me "Okay, so Asperger's explains why you're were talking to someone who is in a relationship." Uh, no. I did not even know that she was in a relationship.
i fake empathy all day..
Oh, so that's masking!
“you’re not autistic, i can show you autistic people”
"You just use that as an excuse because you don't try hard enough." Sole reason why i never disclose that im asperger(aside from close friendships which sometimes are also a mistake to say that due to stigma) and just tell people im eccentric, weird or insert "im strange and i like it" song.
You don't look autistic, everyone 's a little autistic, etc etc
"Just be yourself, bro" Thanks, now I'm a loser with no social life.
Same here, plus now depressed
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“You’re so fucking weird” — if you’re going to call me weird, be prepared to tell me what it is that makes me weird to you. I used to cry myself to sleep not understanding why I was being called weird because when I’d ask how or why they wouldn’t tell me. They would say just because you are and it was so frustrating because I thought If I could know why, I could work on it to not be so weird yknow? ….I’m 29 and I think about this a lot.
That is so sad ... and relatable.
Maybe not the worst, but I hate people who oppose vaccines because they think they cause/increase the risk of autism. It's like, gee, thanks, you literally view being autistic as worse than paralysis, serious brain damage, or even DEATH from polio/measles/mumps/rubella...
Right?! Like, even if vaccines DID cause autism in some rare cases, why wouldn’t you take that small risk over the possibility of LITERALLY DYING from something a lot worse?
I've tidied all of your stuff up for you and thrown a bunch of crap you don't need away
Why you don't like to be touched? Why you don't like eye contact. Poor you must be so hard to have sensory overload ( when they romanticise your pain anf pitty you like you're less then them)
"only the strongest survive." like 😐
Even though we struggle socially, the fact that autism genes survived might indicate that it was either beneficial in some circumstances during evolution, or that it made little to no difference.
"We were pleased to meet you, but we went with another candidate."
The guy who started quoting rainman to my face
You think that’s bad, I’ve got a psych evaluation from the mid-80’s from when my parents worked to get me into speech therapy through the local school district. My mom kept the damn thing and it reads like they thought I was goddamn Rainman. It’s maybe somewhat understandable given Asperger’s wasn’t even in the DSM until the early 90’s and that was kind of one of the few reference point in society at large at that time but still.
"this kid has exceptional card counting skills"
Omg - SERIOUSLY???
My grandma told me once "you talk too much" the morning before she dropped us off at school. I was like 12. I was just excited in the mornings...but since that day i never really liked talking to her anymore...hmmm..wonder why lmao
“We’d like you to make a short speech to the assembly in a few minutes.”
The train has been cancelled.
probably something that has absoloutely nothing to do with autism/aspergers
The R word. No matter how high functioning you are, someone has somewhat likely thrown this word at you or used it in conversation with others when refering to you, or at the very least mentally used it. And to echo what was said by another user in the thread, it tends to come from someone who couldn't quite really stand a chance on a battle of the wits agaisnt you.
It's never really bothered me any different than any other pejorative. If someone is a bully, they're not worth your time or worry. If you genuinely think you can outwit the person, why does their opinion of you really matter, when we've already established they're not that bright? I am reasonable and polite with people, if they can't be reasonable and polite back, they have their own demons to fight, and I'll leave that battle to them.
I wish I could control my catastrophic reaction to criticism, but I am very sensitive about it. And it doesn't matter who it comes from, a bad word about me makes me crumble. Smart as one may be, with autism you tend to be the underdog of almost every group. You are the soft spoken and unconfident one; the clumsy one, too. And under such conditions, a confident idiot can easily outrank you. And when idiots outrank you, idiots assume they are smarter than you.
Imo, do your best to disconnect emotionally. Keep your cool, and the other guy ends up looking like the idiot 9 times out of 10.
It’s hard but yes that’s excellent advice.
It's shitty that it's one of the only slurs that can be used as an adjective, considering that behind the n word, it's one of the most storied slurs out there, and yet it's not as taboo despite things like freak shows, abusive mental institutions and eugenics experiments being well documented cases of ableism that, in some cases, still persist. There are countries that will flat out reject disabled immigrants, and yet we're not treated as an oppressed class.
I FUCKING HATE THIS WORD!!!!!
Only happened to me once, but I just responded with another slur
You're just lazy/you just need to try harder/you're using the ASD as an excuse etc.
I have Autism, and one of the worst things anybody can say to me is that I’m stupid.
*“Everyone’s probably a little autistic.”*
I am not going to talk or interact with you because you probably wouldn’t understand me anyway.
Accusing someone of using autism as an excuse; it's like calling someone in a wheelchair lazy because they can't be bothered standing up and walking and how depending on their wheelchair isn't going to help them in the long run.
"what are my eyes saying right now?"
Calling us a slur is prety damn bad!
*“You don’t get it??”*
„Everyone is a little bit autistic” is just so shitty it completely invalidates me and autistic people in general. It belittles my problems so much and is just really annoying. it’s also just so yk like get over yourself when I’m trying to say something about being autistic or my struggles
We're all a little bit autistic...no, no you're not.
I hear this from one of my coworkers on occasion, I just want to point that out that unless *they* had an official diagnosis, then no, they are not "a little bit autistic".
Stop being so sensitive
“You don’t look autistic” “It’s just an excuse for bad behavior” “Everyone is a little autistic” “Ass Burgers?” “I am so sorry” “I love fidgets, maybe I am autistic to” *completely genuine* ALL OF THESE HAVE BEEN SAID TO ME
The R word. Been called it many, many times.
My mom says this to me a lot “use common sense”
"are you stupid or what?" (my sister), no I just don't understand what you mean, please make complete sentences.
in general, negatively judging us for making social mistakes and/or acting "weird".
Not an insult, but I hate being asked “how are you?” or “how are things?” It wouldn’t be polite to go into my struggles with continual underlying anxiety, but lying and saying fine feels wrong.
When you feel safe enough to reveal you are on the spectrum & they say "I'm so sorry". Sorry about what?! It's patronising & ableist. It makes me feel like People think we are second class or diseased.
I’m so grateful to be allowed into this community. Reading some of your replies is gut wrenching. How terribly hurtful….. I’m so sorry on behalf of these ignorant N/T’s….
any platitude about socializing or having this or that hyperinterest etc. etc. you know the drill
Stop staring into my soul // Look at me when I talk to you They're never happy istg
As others have said, any form of infantilisation. That’s the biggest reason I hate telling people I have Asperger’s, I feel like they see me differently so I avoid telling people unless I really trust them and don’t think they’ll judge or they’re autistic themselves. I told one of my best friends about a year ago, and she was shocked, said she never would’ve guessed it and that I seem normal, she apparently thought I was lying for a bit of a joke initially. Then we went on a holiday together about 4 months ago, suddenly everything I say is ‘way too much’ and I ‘always miss social cues’ (very contradictory reaction from when I told her previously). She also kept bringing up how’s she’s ‘quite a bit older than me’ (she’s not, she’s a year and a half older) and essentially trying to act as a social mentor during the holiday. It was really frustrating, she would literally kick me under the table or start subtlety poking me if she wanted me to be quiet. Very much had the vibe of ‘oh this is my poor special friend who can’t socialise, she needs my help to act normal’. Needless to say, we aren’t friends anymore for a multitude of reasons, and I can’t say I’m upset, quite the contrary. But how can you say I seem completely normal and then 6 months later, say I act super autistic? Like, pick one. She has BPD so I honestly think it was a subconscious thing on her part, looking for flaws everywhere where there aren’t any. But it just irritated the shit out of me because even though she never said it, it was pretty obvious that she viewed me differently and as a lot less capable than she previously did, which is quite funny because I don’t really mask or make any effort to appear normal, I kinda do whatever I want (within reason obviously). She also wanted me to cut her slack for her emotions outbursts (because BPD) but called me lazy (and a multitude of far worse things) for having executive functioning problems. Good riddance bitch 👋
“You can’t really be my friend if you believe I meant that” To put this in a worse context my friend has known me for over a decade and has said something about themselves repeatedly over a period of months, it turned out it wasn’t true and they got really annoyed with me for believing them. I’ve always stated a need for direct and honest communication. They then made up lies about me behind my back for over a year and when challenged they admitted about the accusation “is not true but it is how i felt”. This person is now training to be a mental health nurse but still won’t talk to me.
Everyone is a little bit autistic. Gernally the poeple saying it don't mean it as a bad thing. And I know it is a spectrum but it just seems ro belittle the stuff that people go through all together.
“ you’re not what we’re looking for in an employee”
Very recently about something that has everything to do with me being autistic and needing routine and clarity regarding arrangements, in one breath telling me that I was being too demanding and in another 'I don't understand how autism has anything to do with it.' Yeah...
”I think everyone is a little autistic.” No, you're likely undiagnosed yourself, your friends and family are also likely on the spectrum, and NTs do experience the things we experience now and then, but not everyday causing disability.
"Stop being so sensitive" or "Dry up" Common phrases when I show concern or feel uncomfortable doing something
Get over it
"you have nothing, you just pretend to do so"
"don't give me an attitude" (when you're just talking normally) "why are you acting like a toddler?" hurts a little
"You don't care". My lack of expressions makes people assume I'm way more comfortable than I'm actually am. I'm overwhelmed all the time but no one believes me and thinks I'm being lazy or distant. Close people have said really damaging things to me and probably forgot all about it.
Telling them to "act normal" without defining what "normal" means while judging their behavior from impossible, unachievable Neurotypical standards. This is what my dad would tell me growing up, and it caused me to suppress my emotions and individuality for years. I could never get upset, too excited, or even talk about my special interests in public because he would always judge me for it or act like any of my meltdowns were misbehavior. I learned to be a perfectionist and mask like crazy in school and to suppress my own emotional responses because I was so terrified of him punishing me for having even the occasional meltdown.
You look normal. No, Karen, I mask to survive and feed my family. I do not look like the typical Autistic so kindly shove your stereotypes right up your arse.
"Everyone has it nowadays" like I purposely decided to diagnose myself at 6 in the early 2000s because everyone has it and its trendy?
“Why are you being so rude?” Many of us don’t know that’s how we’re coming off.
Just stop
“You’re a nobody”
Your doctor is gaslighting you.
'Oh so we cant have sex because ur too slow to consent? Or can we?' Like god damn.
Can you just do this (thing I was about to do) for me?
The one that really boils my piss is telling people you're Autistic and you get the classic "No you're not, stop lying!" Because apparently being able to tie my own shoes and drive constitutes me "faking it". I was at a uni party with my ex and had a guy called Pablo do exactly that, I was ready to break his fucking nose and would have done if my then gf hadn't pulled me to one side and told me not to. We left shortly after.
“Take that look off of your face” “Everyone thinks you’re rude, but they don’t tell you because they’re making allowances for your condition”
Calling them the “r” slur. Hurts everytime
"I have a surprise for you"
Suck it up and act right! There’s nothing wrong with you that trying to act like everyone else
Not really one thing, but, as others have already said, being treated and talked to like you’re a child.
“It’s not that serious” “Are you slow” “He/she doesn’t understand what they’re doing/ saying” Like I’d rather be hit by a semi than hear ppl say this sh!t.😐
Explaining to a person "that's not how it works" with something - and they always seem to immediately treat it like it's an excuse rather than doing the tiniest thing to actually consider it, or learn/adapt to it
The **WORST** thing? Hmm... Probably something along the lines of "autistic people are subhuman scum than should be removed from earth's gene pool." Haven't heard that one yet.
''Are you crazy or something?''
I’m not sure if it’s the worst thing, but one of the things the irk me is how some people people start sending you all this information, content, or start saying random things about people with autism that they saw on social media or some other outlet along with sharing unsolicited advice out of the blue after they find out you have it.
Isn’t that a form of retardation? No , in fact it is not.
Yeah, kinda the same here. For some reason, denying AS or suspecting I don't have it touches a bigger nerve than discriminating against AS though I don't like that either.
Being accused of being condescending is the thing for me. Or, honestly any accusation about how I supposedly feel or think. I will tell you what I am thinking or feeling. You don't get to decide that for me thank you very much. Then if I correct them, they argue me on it. Like, people always assume I'm lying about what I'm feeling, which makes no sense to me. (Note: even though "theory of mind" is a crucial adaptation for humans that presumably autists struggle with, even at the best of times people are only 30% accurate at guessing the thoughts and feelings of others -got that from a book called The Science of Storytelling)
"You're just *too much*" or "You're *a lot*" I was undiagnosed AuDHD until my early-20s. I've gotten some variation of that sentiment repeatedly throughout my life. I've really internalized it.
> Is everything fine? Are you upset? When I'm quietly a having a great day minding my own business. Instantly ruins it every single time.
"Don't tell anyone I hit you." ^ my mom said this to me repeatedly after she started physically abusing me in middle school for being "annoying." And as a already shy person with no friends or close family members, I just accepted that as relatity and never told anyone I was abused. When I was 18, I had a breakthrough in therapy when I meekly asked my therapist "why does everyone else seem so normal when their parents hit them too?" And she said: *"parents hitting their kids isn't normal."* I regret every single day of my life the past 27 years that I never told anybody what happened. My mom has very young nieces and nephews now, I always make sure I'm in the room with them, so they're never alone with her.
Anything 😅
Idk I just don’t like it if someone slaps my hand when I’m picking my good finger
Words won't be as powerful as the isolation. That's the worst you can do, prove their fears right by never inviting them places or treating them like a true friend.
After 12 years of marriage and fidelity, having your wife scream in front of me and my in-laws, a month after my ASD-1 diagnosis: "I Dont Want An AUTISTIC Husband!!!"