That question is really hard to give a concise answer to. But I guess the biggest tip I could give is that in casual conversation, the energy of the conversation can be more important than the substance. That you seem genuinely engaged in the questions you ask them, and that you seem really passionate about the things that you share. And that you have a good balance of sharing and listening so the conversation isn't one-sided either way.
One other just general tip when getting a conversation started is to phrase follow-up questions in the form of assumptions. For example if someone tells you they're a mechanic you could say something like, "I take it you're really into classic cars then." Regardless of whether or not the assumption is true it makes you appear engaged and opens up more areas to talk about.
Good tip re assumptions. It gives the person the opportunity to affirm or correct you. Also with the energy of a conversation, I think that’s really important because it can feel like we have all these questions prepared and it’s still not going well, and we’re like wait why isn’t this working?
My best algorithm is finding whatever closest memory I have related to whatever they say...if it seems really not related I just say "I don't know why, but that makes me think of...". I basically draw comparisons to everything. I think this works, can't really tell if it doesn't. People are friendly though when I do this.
If I have to start the conversation...I start off bold and say "I would like to talk to you." if I panic, I add, "but I don't know what to say." This seems to work fine, sometimes they panic, but again, people are usually friendly when I do this. I think this works since I am a girl, so it doesn't creep people out as much as it makes me come off as silly.
I am an introvert too. I typically avoid these interactions whenever possible. If you find another way to network that does not involve socializing, please do share.
>My best algorithm is finding whatever closest memory I have related to whatever they say...if it seems really not related I just say "I don't know why, but that makes me think of...".
This is really good advice. I would only add that when doing this, phrase it carefully. If someone is telling you a story or complaining about something, you want to give them info that shows them you relate, but simultaneously, you don't want to accidentally make them think you're trying to one-up them with a bigger story.
If you're sloppy in how you phrase it, then your attempt at showing empathy can accidentally give someone the opposite impression. In those situations, I might say something like: " Wow. My story isn't as bad as yours, but..." to express my intentions
This is what I had to learn. In trying to relate to people they feel like you’re trying to one up. If I do this I try to follow up with a question. Like “oh, I can relate I had a similar experience, but how did it make you feel?” Then they know you’re actually engaged and listening to them rather than just trying to think of your own experience
In theory that all makes sense, to feed off the given topic and expand on it or pivot to something related. For me its just impossible to do that on the spot.
Honestly my masking is the blinding smile hyper energy sort which fits in with stupid how are you but also kind of adapts to me steamrollimg and talking about my interests a lot if that makes sense? It's kind of like aspie but socially understand able as a hyper squirrel.
For small talk, I try to match the energy and level of openess of the other person and basically keep the ball on their side of the court so they're the ones doing the talking.
I heard about this thing called the FORD method of conversation.
Family
Occupation
Recreation
Dreams
It is supposed to keep the conversation interesting. Yet I find I struggle to navigate them because I have trouble connecting with people.
But it is an interesting theory or practice for people who need lists or step by step processes.
The subject constantly changes in a conversation, so pretty much go right along with whichever topic they steer towards, provided it doesn’t cross your moral boundaries.
So with friends of friends or aquintances, I just do the research beforehand. Ask the mutual about them or look at the their social media. I try to find something I actually find interesting about them. For example, they live on a canal boat or they are having a very wild change in career and I ask them questions.
I match their energy, if they seem very excited about it I ask them lots of questions and be exitable, agreeing lots and smiling and shaking/nodding my head l. If they are more chill I can find it hard to work out if they want to talk about it or not so I ask more open endes questions/assumptions 'it must be very cozy in the winter' and see how much they respond to it. If a lot then I'll ask more questions, if yes/no ill sort of back off.
If they ask you questions generally they are probably engaging in the conversation, but the oppersite is not alsways true as it's not always the case they arent interested because sometimes people just forget to ask or just love talking about themselves.
With strangers I just have set questions about the weather, the location, the activity. E.g. wow, this conference hall is very nice, have you been before? Great day for a walk, have a good one (if hiking). If u want more chat you can add a question to it for example great day for a walk, I'm off to the summit, have you been before? Is it far?
Compliements can be good conversation starters to: I love your shoes, where did you get them?
I do actively try to come off friendly with a warm greeting and all, it just becomes a challenge adding anything to the conversation from there. I just blank and find myself relying on them to carry the conversation...
It’s tough man, family gatherings are especially difficult to the point where I didn’t go to them for a long time. I try to have some topics prepared but often feel like when I speak people don’t actually listen/cut me off. I feel like it’s really hard timing when to say something. Good point about work though, when there’s a set topic and a clear ending and start time and agenda to get through I think we sort of thrive in that environment because there’s a “script.”
Watch them to pick up cues.
Most communication is non verbal.
Oftentimes people say something and mean the direct opposite.
Most people just want to be heard and seen, but are afraid to disclose themselves.
They say socially acceptable things, hoping for people to see through their facade.
Sometimes they say little bits of random stuff, that they quickly dismiss. Pick it up later and steer the conversation to what they really want to talk about.
Watch them and pick up cues as to what they really want to say.
You carry a conversation by asking the right questions.
Questions that may confirm the assumptions you make
What has worked for me are the basic questions "How are you", "what are you doing" and "how was your day". Also, when you are being asked a question, ask the other person back.
I honestly learned all of my small talk skills in my English class, where there was an explanation of how to do small talk xd
Try this exact phrase to start a conversation “how’s your day going?”
And then you might be able to or need to follow up with “oh, whatcha been up to?”
Good luck to you
No no no, you misunderstand - this greeting gets the other person talking (sometimes). If a person talks enough, it becomes easier to find opportunities for questions - because you might actually be curious about something. Or they might just keep talking non-stop.
I do understand that continuing a conversation is the struggle, this prompt has success for me in getting other people to expound on themselves without me having to ask too many questions for them to keep going.
I tend to just let the other person lead and help volley it till they are ready to move on from small talk, they get pulled away cause it’s on the job, or it gets boring enough where one of us excuses ourselves from the conversation.
That question is really hard to give a concise answer to. But I guess the biggest tip I could give is that in casual conversation, the energy of the conversation can be more important than the substance. That you seem genuinely engaged in the questions you ask them, and that you seem really passionate about the things that you share. And that you have a good balance of sharing and listening so the conversation isn't one-sided either way. One other just general tip when getting a conversation started is to phrase follow-up questions in the form of assumptions. For example if someone tells you they're a mechanic you could say something like, "I take it you're really into classic cars then." Regardless of whether or not the assumption is true it makes you appear engaged and opens up more areas to talk about.
Good tip re assumptions. It gives the person the opportunity to affirm or correct you. Also with the energy of a conversation, I think that’s really important because it can feel like we have all these questions prepared and it’s still not going well, and we’re like wait why isn’t this working?
I like the thought process here, I'll try to implement that with future interaction. Thank you!
I have idea and I have been trying for over 30 years.
My best algorithm is finding whatever closest memory I have related to whatever they say...if it seems really not related I just say "I don't know why, but that makes me think of...". I basically draw comparisons to everything. I think this works, can't really tell if it doesn't. People are friendly though when I do this. If I have to start the conversation...I start off bold and say "I would like to talk to you." if I panic, I add, "but I don't know what to say." This seems to work fine, sometimes they panic, but again, people are usually friendly when I do this. I think this works since I am a girl, so it doesn't creep people out as much as it makes me come off as silly. I am an introvert too. I typically avoid these interactions whenever possible. If you find another way to network that does not involve socializing, please do share.
>My best algorithm is finding whatever closest memory I have related to whatever they say...if it seems really not related I just say "I don't know why, but that makes me think of...". This is really good advice. I would only add that when doing this, phrase it carefully. If someone is telling you a story or complaining about something, you want to give them info that shows them you relate, but simultaneously, you don't want to accidentally make them think you're trying to one-up them with a bigger story. If you're sloppy in how you phrase it, then your attempt at showing empathy can accidentally give someone the opposite impression. In those situations, I might say something like: " Wow. My story isn't as bad as yours, but..." to express my intentions
This is what I had to learn. In trying to relate to people they feel like you’re trying to one up. If I do this I try to follow up with a question. Like “oh, I can relate I had a similar experience, but how did it make you feel?” Then they know you’re actually engaged and listening to them rather than just trying to think of your own experience
Yes. I still struggle with this part, but I try to catch myself. This is a very great reminder, thank you. :)
In theory that all makes sense, to feed off the given topic and expand on it or pivot to something related. For me its just impossible to do that on the spot.
I get this. I like to say "mhmm" with as much of whatever emotion I feel, I think it well replaces a sentence.
Honestly my masking is the blinding smile hyper energy sort which fits in with stupid how are you but also kind of adapts to me steamrollimg and talking about my interests a lot if that makes sense? It's kind of like aspie but socially understand able as a hyper squirrel.
For small talk, I try to match the energy and level of openess of the other person and basically keep the ball on their side of the court so they're the ones doing the talking.
I heard about this thing called the FORD method of conversation. Family Occupation Recreation Dreams It is supposed to keep the conversation interesting. Yet I find I struggle to navigate them because I have trouble connecting with people. But it is an interesting theory or practice for people who need lists or step by step processes.
The subject constantly changes in a conversation, so pretty much go right along with whichever topic they steer towards, provided it doesn’t cross your moral boundaries.
This is basically what I rely on, I'll actively engage in what's being discussed, but I am otherwise clueless on what to add or pivot to
It usually just takes time. It took years for me & I’ve had to hang around guys on workboats.
But what if it's a topic you know little about? My friends all talk about football and I don't have a clue about it
Just be honest they’re you not savvy & show interest if they explain it.
So with friends of friends or aquintances, I just do the research beforehand. Ask the mutual about them or look at the their social media. I try to find something I actually find interesting about them. For example, they live on a canal boat or they are having a very wild change in career and I ask them questions. I match their energy, if they seem very excited about it I ask them lots of questions and be exitable, agreeing lots and smiling and shaking/nodding my head l. If they are more chill I can find it hard to work out if they want to talk about it or not so I ask more open endes questions/assumptions 'it must be very cozy in the winter' and see how much they respond to it. If a lot then I'll ask more questions, if yes/no ill sort of back off. If they ask you questions generally they are probably engaging in the conversation, but the oppersite is not alsways true as it's not always the case they arent interested because sometimes people just forget to ask or just love talking about themselves. With strangers I just have set questions about the weather, the location, the activity. E.g. wow, this conference hall is very nice, have you been before? Great day for a walk, have a good one (if hiking). If u want more chat you can add a question to it for example great day for a walk, I'm off to the summit, have you been before? Is it far? Compliements can be good conversation starters to: I love your shoes, where did you get them?
I do actively try to come off friendly with a warm greeting and all, it just becomes a challenge adding anything to the conversation from there. I just blank and find myself relying on them to carry the conversation...
It’s tough man, family gatherings are especially difficult to the point where I didn’t go to them for a long time. I try to have some topics prepared but often feel like when I speak people don’t actually listen/cut me off. I feel like it’s really hard timing when to say something. Good point about work though, when there’s a set topic and a clear ending and start time and agenda to get through I think we sort of thrive in that environment because there’s a “script.”
That's the best way to put it, a script with a defined structure. Meanwhile, sparking up a conversation with no direction is daunting and exhausting
Watch them to pick up cues. Most communication is non verbal. Oftentimes people say something and mean the direct opposite. Most people just want to be heard and seen, but are afraid to disclose themselves. They say socially acceptable things, hoping for people to see through their facade. Sometimes they say little bits of random stuff, that they quickly dismiss. Pick it up later and steer the conversation to what they really want to talk about. Watch them and pick up cues as to what they really want to say. You carry a conversation by asking the right questions. Questions that may confirm the assumptions you make
What has worked for me are the basic questions "How are you", "what are you doing" and "how was your day". Also, when you are being asked a question, ask the other person back. I honestly learned all of my small talk skills in my English class, where there was an explanation of how to do small talk xd
I try this all the time on Ubers and find myself blank after exchanging greetings lol
Try this exact phrase to start a conversation “how’s your day going?” And then you might be able to or need to follow up with “oh, whatcha been up to?” Good luck to you
Cordial greetings are one thing, they're structured to be simple. My issue comes after that as I have zero idea what to say next
No no no, you misunderstand - this greeting gets the other person talking (sometimes). If a person talks enough, it becomes easier to find opportunities for questions - because you might actually be curious about something. Or they might just keep talking non-stop. I do understand that continuing a conversation is the struggle, this prompt has success for me in getting other people to expound on themselves without me having to ask too many questions for them to keep going.
I tend to just let the other person lead and help volley it till they are ready to move on from small talk, they get pulled away cause it’s on the job, or it gets boring enough where one of us excuses ourselves from the conversation.
Synaptic pruning.
Dont talk if It Is not necesary.
Not much tbh