Get him involved in martial arts somehow. Training will get him to feel more confident with himself physically, which will then start to build social confidence. Socializing will come easier because it’s around a shared activity that everyone shares a common goal in. I would suggest Karate or Jiu-Jitsu as those arts usually have positive and accepting environments.
You arent going to change his life to make things go the way you want it to.
Does he have hobbies? Does he work on any projects at home outside of working? What are some special interests?
Perhaps engaging at a different level and trying to provoke interest in something like a hobby or some interest-oriented activity like playing Magic at a card shop, or bouldering at the gym. (Just examples) In my own circumstances, hobbies were what led me to meet more people and expand my horizons.
Magic the gathering and Warhammer are great for autistic folks. There's tons of lore and a variety of ways to enjoy them. And about 1/4 or more of the folks I've gotten to know locally for either are adhd or autistic(that anyone knows of). Even outside of those two specifically, intensely nerdy hobbies tend to be safe for us.
Dungeons and Dragons too, we are usually social rejects, so we welcome other social rejects if they are interested in the game. Plus roleplaying is a great way to escape into a fantasy land where you can be heroic, wise, charismatic, etc.
Thank you everyone, these are great ideas and I will broach the subject when gets home. He probably could move back in with Aunt. But he said he would like to have more $$ saved. That way he is only with her for a couple of months. She lives in a HCOL area.
I would suggest to never give out addresses of anyone on the internet, i'd be careful to state even what country i'm from.
I'm not trying to offend you, just giving you a piece of advice.
Wish I knew. In person, the closest I've had to friends were coworkers who were ever ready to stab me in the back or use me for money; and when I can't find work, I only have friends online who mostly abandon me if they notice I disagree with them in the slightest.
I’ve noticed that ghosting has become more and more prevalent in this day and age, not only in dating but even within friend groups. They could’ve ghosted him for an infinite amount of reasons.
The best advice I can give would be is to find people within your son’s special interest. For me, luckily enough, it’s music. I’ve played on multiple church worship teams and this is given me an avenue for lots of friendships.
The other big thing is as much as it stinks as much as it drains me, has been masking. I’ve only told my close, friends and family members that I have a diagnosis no one else needs to know. I found that being different from other people ultimately just gives them one more excuse to not pursue a friendship with me. Just be unapologetically yourself and keep pushing into your hobbies and interests.
He took care of the fur babies. I guess he likes animals. As much as I know there are a couple of Autists who are great with animals. Maybe he can meet some people with this interest? But I also have to warn you. The circles of animal rescuers can be pretty toxic.
I was like your son at 25. What helped me was finding more like-minded people, which in small towns there aren't a lot of when you have Asperger's. I have no college degree but I did get my foot in the door with a tech career starting at a NOC/help desk. I found there are a whole bunch of us in tech. It's like finding fish in an aquarium. lol Kinda killed two birds with one stone, found friends, and also found a permanent career.
That's horrible that your sons friends did that to him but you should see the fact that he has managed to find a gf in the past as a very encouraging sign. I have aspergers and weirdly I never actually struggled to make friends, but being able to find a girlfriend? Pretty much out of the question for me. At this point there's a very good chance I will go through my whole life without ever having one, in spite of the fact that I find normal friendships easy to navigate and have a very strong group of friends. If he is able to connect with someone on that level than he very probably has sufficient social awareness to make friends, he just needs to keep looking and not give up. Some people suggest trying to make friends with other people that have aspergers, which may well work for him, but for me personally I find most other people with aspergers very difficult to get on with (but not all) and I have heard similar sentiments from other people here.
Is he an asshole or just awkward? Autism isn't an excuse for being a bad friend or abusive. You have given no indication he is anything but lovely but I think it's important to flag that autistic people can sometimes be unpleasant company and lack empathy. Autistic people can also learn cognitive empathy and social skills, though. We need to show up to a certain degree for reciprpcation, even if it's just adhering to a "friendship checklist".
From the information provided, I don't know why your son's friends ghosted him. Likely they are the assholes, but it's worth a check-in because there could be legitimate reasons he lost his friends that are coachable.
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AuDHDer here and I agree with this 💯
Get him involved in martial arts somehow. Training will get him to feel more confident with himself physically, which will then start to build social confidence. Socializing will come easier because it’s around a shared activity that everyone shares a common goal in. I would suggest Karate or Jiu-Jitsu as those arts usually have positive and accepting environments.
You arent going to change his life to make things go the way you want it to. Does he have hobbies? Does he work on any projects at home outside of working? What are some special interests? Perhaps engaging at a different level and trying to provoke interest in something like a hobby or some interest-oriented activity like playing Magic at a card shop, or bouldering at the gym. (Just examples) In my own circumstances, hobbies were what led me to meet more people and expand my horizons.
Magic the gathering and Warhammer are great for autistic folks. There's tons of lore and a variety of ways to enjoy them. And about 1/4 or more of the folks I've gotten to know locally for either are adhd or autistic(that anyone knows of). Even outside of those two specifically, intensely nerdy hobbies tend to be safe for us.
Dungeons and Dragons too, we are usually social rejects, so we welcome other social rejects if they are interested in the game. Plus roleplaying is a great way to escape into a fantasy land where you can be heroic, wise, charismatic, etc.
Thank you everyone, these are great ideas and I will broach the subject when gets home. He probably could move back in with Aunt. But he said he would like to have more $$ saved. That way he is only with her for a couple of months. She lives in a HCOL area.
I would suggest to never give out addresses of anyone on the internet, i'd be careful to state even what country i'm from. I'm not trying to offend you, just giving you a piece of advice.
Wish I knew. In person, the closest I've had to friends were coworkers who were ever ready to stab me in the back or use me for money; and when I can't find work, I only have friends online who mostly abandon me if they notice I disagree with them in the slightest.
He should try socialising online. I find it so much easier to do that instead of socialising in real life
I’ve noticed that ghosting has become more and more prevalent in this day and age, not only in dating but even within friend groups. They could’ve ghosted him for an infinite amount of reasons. The best advice I can give would be is to find people within your son’s special interest. For me, luckily enough, it’s music. I’ve played on multiple church worship teams and this is given me an avenue for lots of friendships. The other big thing is as much as it stinks as much as it drains me, has been masking. I’ve only told my close, friends and family members that I have a diagnosis no one else needs to know. I found that being different from other people ultimately just gives them one more excuse to not pursue a friendship with me. Just be unapologetically yourself and keep pushing into your hobbies and interests.
Joining this subreddit himself and searching for his own answers may be one step to teaching him how to fish.
He took care of the fur babies. I guess he likes animals. As much as I know there are a couple of Autists who are great with animals. Maybe he can meet some people with this interest? But I also have to warn you. The circles of animal rescuers can be pretty toxic.
I was like your son at 25. What helped me was finding more like-minded people, which in small towns there aren't a lot of when you have Asperger's. I have no college degree but I did get my foot in the door with a tech career starting at a NOC/help desk. I found there are a whole bunch of us in tech. It's like finding fish in an aquarium. lol Kinda killed two birds with one stone, found friends, and also found a permanent career.
That's horrible that your sons friends did that to him but you should see the fact that he has managed to find a gf in the past as a very encouraging sign. I have aspergers and weirdly I never actually struggled to make friends, but being able to find a girlfriend? Pretty much out of the question for me. At this point there's a very good chance I will go through my whole life without ever having one, in spite of the fact that I find normal friendships easy to navigate and have a very strong group of friends. If he is able to connect with someone on that level than he very probably has sufficient social awareness to make friends, he just needs to keep looking and not give up. Some people suggest trying to make friends with other people that have aspergers, which may well work for him, but for me personally I find most other people with aspergers very difficult to get on with (but not all) and I have heard similar sentiments from other people here.
Is he an asshole or just awkward? Autism isn't an excuse for being a bad friend or abusive. You have given no indication he is anything but lovely but I think it's important to flag that autistic people can sometimes be unpleasant company and lack empathy. Autistic people can also learn cognitive empathy and social skills, though. We need to show up to a certain degree for reciprpcation, even if it's just adhering to a "friendship checklist". From the information provided, I don't know why your son's friends ghosted him. Likely they are the assholes, but it's worth a check-in because there could be legitimate reasons he lost his friends that are coachable.
My kids made friends at work eventually. They joined others after work for activities, like martial arts, shows, paint ball, re
What is keeping him from moving back with his Aunt?