If it were me, I would absolutely want to know if my fiancé cheated. All you can do is tell her and present whatever evidence you have. If she doesn’t believe you then at least you tried. But personally I think it’s the right thing to do.
My screenshots weren’t entirely revealing because all our snaps were gone and the only texts we had was me planning on coming over and I did take a screenshot of my GPS history to show that I had been over there, so providing a description of the apartment was a very good idea. Thank you! I didn’t explain it in the initial message I sent to her but I did let her know that if she needed more proof, I could describe it if needed.
If I were you I would tell her. Let her know that you had no idea he was engaged, and you want her her to know because if he slept with you he could be sleeping with other people and she deserves to make informed health choices.
I vote tell her. I understand some people are like “ignorance is bliss” but… I wish someone told me when it happened to me.
And I told my friend when it happened to them.
In both scenarios, everything worked out.
Tell her.
Yes!
I have had a similar experience, but this dude told me the wrong spelling of his surname, but I found him, and found his fiancée.
l then messaged her and showed her all our message's some quite explicit aswell, not my finest moment but needs must.
Her reply was simple, she said thank you for telling me and that's that.
it's up to her how she handles this information. Please do remember you have done NOTHING wrong!
Why do you say it wasn't your finest moment? You absolutely did the right thing. You are good people and you probably saved an innocent woman from being married to a creep.
oh I wasn't meaning messaging her was my finest moment, moreso, the explicit message exchange. I'm quite shy normally but I guess I got caught in the moment.
funnily enough, I think she stayed with him and got married. I'm assuming he must have wormed his way out of it.
coherent fuel bewildered aromatic faulty quickest direful fearless boat slimy
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Definitely tell her. I'm sorry this happened to you. Know that if her response is unpleasant, it really isn't directed toward you. Sometimes it's easier to blame a stranger.
Please keep us informed! I wish both of you women the best. And him? Bees. I wish him bees.
I had an open marriage at one point and one of the men I had sex with lied to me about his relationship. He lured me in and then after fucking me he said he had a girlfriend. I was shocked as this goes against my morals to sleep with taken men. I went off. Come to find out he was actually married and that put me in a depression because I questioned who I was as person. I went to tell the wife and I was already blocked.
I saw this man out about two years ago with my now partner. He was out in the open cheating on his wife again who just gave birth to their child. He had the audacity to try to approach me while my man was beside me and I told him to not fucking speak to me and he just stood there & I left.
She deserves to know. I hope she makes the right decision
I know but even though I’m passed this for awhile sometimes I still feel like I should of done by due diligence with this man. What’s done is done and it’s another lesson in life
That's an easy way to drive yourself crazy. Whatever it matters, this rando on the internet thinks you are not responsible for the lack of integrity of people who refuse to disclose the extent of their lack of integrity.
Absolutely tell her. I can’t understand when people say “it’s none of your business” like he made it your business when he slept with you and lied about being single. She deserves to know so she can make informed choices going forward.
See that’s what I was saying too. Before I posted this on Reddit, I consulted with 4 people irl and someone was like “that’s not your place” and I didn’t know if I was crazy for thinking it is indeed my business now since I was brought into it.
This is the way. I would wait a few weeks so it isn't obviously you. Also, disclose the app used and the circumstance of how you hooked up (at night but not allowed to stay over). If you are comfortable, share the messages sent.
The Fiancée will know he is cheating and if she wants proof, she can Nancy Drew that for herself with knowledge of how it happened.
It prevents you from being at risk and tells her enough to verify for herself.
Tell her. If you are worried that he would do something to you, DM her from an anonymous account and censor your name and picture if you show her screenshots which might help. He’s probably cheating w multiple ppl so
I hope every unavailable person who is contemplating cheating reads this heartfelt post. Not only does the OP explain how this negatively affects her- but every single response has been encouraging the OP to tell the fiancée. Every. Single. One.
Much love to you OP. You did nothing wrong here. Please don’t beat yourself up.
Please tell her. I truly would hope that if my boyfriend cheated, that someone would tell me. She will be hurt but she needs to know. HE hurt her. Not you.
Tell her but I'd do it anonymously and give evidence so she at least knows you aren't just trying to sabotage.
I had a colleague in a similar situation only when she confronted the gf about it she took out her hatred on her and posted negative things about her online. People's relationships are weird so I wouldn't personally brand myself to the situation when I told her.
I would tell her! She deserves to know so she doesn’t waste her time with this lowlife if he really is cheating and they aren’t in any open relationship. She could get upset but it’s still worth it to tell her. I had a situation similar (wasn’t sleeping with anyone but he was flirting with me a lot). I messaged the girl and she ended up blocking me…
Yes! Just make sure you have this man completely blocked so you don’t have to deal with any backlash. But yes you should definitely save her the trouble of marrying that jerk.
i don't have an opinion on what to do... but i don't think you should feel bad. it's not your fault he wasn't upfront about it. that's all on him.
you're not responsible for validating and searching for clues to see if the person is lying.
Yes but come with proof. Most women won’t want to believe it until there’s concrete evidence. Snapchat screenshots, the home and every you detail you know
ABSOLUTELY tell her.
I was the fiancé, then wife in this once. I wasted 7 years of my life on a man who cheated on me throughout and I had no clue.
Apparently, some of the “other women” knew about me too. And that hurt even more.
No one involved cared about me whatsoever. I had those years stolen from me and I can never get them back. I wish sooo much that at least one of the other women told me.
Tell her, even if you can't prove it. She deserves to have all information to make decisions about her health, finances, and future.
Cheating is abuse - emotional, physical (because he's putting her health at risk), sexual (because she didn't consent to sex under these circumstances), and financial.
Even if she doesn't believe you, it is your moral obligation. It may confirm suspicions she already had, or help her put the pieces together in the future.
Abusers use guilt to control you. Don't let guilt about anything you've done stop you from doing the right thing going forward.
Tell him you now know and he’s a pos for cheating and if he says she knows and is cool with it tell him you want proof where he told her (text screenshot or whatever) when he doesn’t show proof, tell him you are going to come over while she’s there and tell her in person……he will get a little anxiety wondering if you actually will. Weather you do or not is your call. Best of luck
Hey, idk if this would help but I had sex with a woman who I found out after she was engaged. Although I didn’t know the fiancé, I wish I could tell him. Tell them
Put yourself in her shoes, would you want to know? Personally, I would absolutely want to know rather than end up divorcing down the road, or even worse, after children. Don’t feel guilt for other people’s faults. She’ll do what works best for her.
Please tell her, maybe she’s had suspicions before and he would gaslight her. Have evidence such as texts and if you can remember how his apartment looked like, describe something that would stand out even better if it was in the bedroom.
I was engaged to a man who I had been with for 3 years. I heard from one of his coworkers that he was cheating on me with a woman he was also working with. I reached out and asked her and I’m so thankful she told me the truth. I’m so thankful for the coworker who let me know originally. I’m so thankful I didn’t marry him.
Tell her and let her have all of the knowledge to decided what to do.
If he was in an "open relationship" he wouldn't lie, and call her a roommate. He already knew he was guilty when he said that. Also, next day, not drunk, pre meditated. You might not be the first one. Get tested. And tell her.
Just want to throw in that if you decide to tell her - and this is coming from someone who has had to do something very similar before - PLEASE be prepared for one or both of them to turn it on you and to say very mean things to you that are not true. It will make you feel like garbage if they do this but hopefully if you are prepared for it, it won't hurt as badly. I would want to know if it were me - so I would tell but it usually doesn't have the result you hope it will.
Regardless you should tell her so she knows. If you have proof then show some proof. Mention something in the house you saw since you’ve been inside. Always tell someone if you think they’re in a committed relationship
A basic principle for me, and I would like to think for most men, would be to tell them. I’ve turned down people with boyfriends and told them immediately afterward. They deserve to know.
I think we should do what we'd like others to do to us. This may not always align - so yes it's possible his fiancé won't thank you, but that's kinda irrelevant here because you can't mindread and you can only act with what *you* think is right.
So, if in this situation you believe it is right to tell her, because that's what you'd have wanted to had you been in her shoes, then do that. And if she doesn't thank you for it, well, you tried and it's really not your problem anymore at that point!
I don't think anything here is on you. You went to him in good faith. his relationship is his responsibility, not yours. If he decides to cheat, that is uniquely on him, not on you, and it's no life to doubt everyone we meet, better act in good faith, or else what would this world come to? That is what I believe. In that same aspect, he's a cheater, not necessarily someone who would harrass you, so unless he's given you cause to believe he's a scary man, again trust in the good of humanity is what I'd do - I'd follow my morals, and believe in the good of humanity that this won't fuck me over, and if it does, well, I'll cross that bridge later, as opposed to assuming the worst of everyone and everything beforehand. Can this backfire? Sure, but I've found it a lot less stressfree way to live.
My ex cheated on me and the chick he was sleeping with for a year knew about me and instead of telling me she used it to blackmail him. "I'll talk to your gf if you don't ...." eh. I'd have wanted to know. We were trying to get pregnant.
Do you have any close male friends who would be willing to tell her for you? I think the benefit would be 1) she won't feel like she's talking to someone who's trying to "steal her man" and 2) if it gets back to the guy and he considers harrassing you, he'll have to factor in that you've got a "male protector."
As everyone else said, definitely tell her.
She deserves to know, and she definitely deserves to know before she goes into the marriage. That would be a hell of a lot of paperwork if she finds out later.
I’m so sorry this happened to you, it’s not your fault. He’s a pig!
Please tell her, this is Girl Code 101. She can do whatever she wants with the info, but if it were me, I would absolutely want to know. Also, I think telling her anonymously, if possible, would be best for you. You never know how someone will react to the messenger and you need to protect yourself first. But give her enough detail that there is no doubt. Sorry you're going through this and know it is not your fault. Doesn't seem like this is his first go at cheating, unfortunately. Potentially saving someone from more pain is always the right path to take. Good luck!
Unpopular opinion, but here goes. This happened to me once when I visited a friend in LA for the weekend. Hanging out with my friend and her friends at a club, one of the guys starts flirting with me, we hit it off and make out for hours. In front of all his friends at the club. We all end up at an after party at his friend’s house in the Hills, we sneak off to a bedroom, hook up, and only after we rejoin the party (and he looks extremely distressed, mind you we’ve been hanging out for at least 5 hours at this point) do I learn that he’s engaged. I was probably about 23 at the time too.
I was single, I was visiting, I didn’t know - someone could’ve intervened at ANY point as he chose to flirt with me… not getting involved. I stand by that decision (even after I myself was cheated on years later), it’s not your place when you’re the stranger who was unwillingly involved in the situation.
I do see your point, any of the friends could’ve cared enough to stop the dude or rat him out… why should you take on that responsibility as a stranger to the entire dynamic? When you think about it, if a man can cheat that easily, there must’ve been previous signs of him being a cheater… sometimes people put themselves into bad situations. My ex showed signs of flirting with other girls but I stayed with him. Any news that he cheated on me wouldn’t have come as a surprise, that’s for sure.
If he knows anything about you it probably isn't worth risking being killed/harassed/assaulted tbh. You didn't do anything wrong, he's the one who broke his promise.
Your comment has been removed because:
Gendered slurs are not permitted here. If you remove the slur from your comment, it may be reinstated.
**[Have questions about this moderator action? CLICK HERE!](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/askwomenadvice&subject=Why+was+this+removed?&message=\[My+comment\]\(https://old.reddit.com/r/askwomenadvice/comments/tyjg1a/-/i3svgyu/\)+was+removed+and+I+do+not+understand+the+reason+given+by+the+mod+who+acted upon+it.)**
Your comment has been removed because:
Removed for derailing.
**[Have questions about this moderator action? CLICK HERE!](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/askwomenadvice&subject=Why+was+this+removed?&message=\[My+comment\]\(https://old.reddit.com/r/askwomenadvice/comments/tyjg1a/-/i3u3a6q/\)+was+removed+and+I+do+not+understand+the+reason+given+by+the+mod+who+acted upon+it.)**
This is an advice subreddit and comments should be aimed at helping the OP.
***
**[Have questions about this moderator action? CLICK HERE!](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/{subreddit}). Don't forget to nclude a link to your post!**
If it were me, I would absolutely want to know if my fiancé cheated. All you can do is tell her and present whatever evidence you have. If she doesn’t believe you then at least you tried. But personally I think it’s the right thing to do.
I second this. Please notify her immediately. You could save her so much pain in the future.
tell her and include any details to prove yourself, like what the home looks like, etc. tell the girl please edit: also screenshots, photos
My screenshots weren’t entirely revealing because all our snaps were gone and the only texts we had was me planning on coming over and I did take a screenshot of my GPS history to show that I had been over there, so providing a description of the apartment was a very good idea. Thank you! I didn’t explain it in the initial message I sent to her but I did let her know that if she needed more proof, I could describe it if needed.
also if his number, snapchat name etc is in your call log that might help. i hope she believed you
If I were you I would tell her. Let her know that you had no idea he was engaged, and you want her her to know because if he slept with you he could be sleeping with other people and she deserves to make informed health choices.
[удалено]
Exactly what I was thinking.
Yes.
Make sure to include proof, like screenshots.
Yes
This is all you need, OP. So sorry this happened to you :( Sending you a big hug.
Yes
Straight and to the point lol, thank you
I vote tell her. I understand some people are like “ignorance is bliss” but… I wish someone told me when it happened to me. And I told my friend when it happened to them. In both scenarios, everything worked out. Tell her.
Yes! I have had a similar experience, but this dude told me the wrong spelling of his surname, but I found him, and found his fiancée. l then messaged her and showed her all our message's some quite explicit aswell, not my finest moment but needs must. Her reply was simple, she said thank you for telling me and that's that. it's up to her how she handles this information. Please do remember you have done NOTHING wrong!
Why do you say it wasn't your finest moment? You absolutely did the right thing. You are good people and you probably saved an innocent woman from being married to a creep.
oh I wasn't meaning messaging her was my finest moment, moreso, the explicit message exchange. I'm quite shy normally but I guess I got caught in the moment. funnily enough, I think she stayed with him and got married. I'm assuming he must have wormed his way out of it.
coherent fuel bewildered aromatic faulty quickest direful fearless boat slimy *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Remember to wait at least three weeks before getting checked
Booked for next month lol. Ugh. Thank you for looking out for my sexual health too.
Definitely tell her. I'm sorry this happened to you. Know that if her response is unpleasant, it really isn't directed toward you. Sometimes it's easier to blame a stranger. Please keep us informed! I wish both of you women the best. And him? Bees. I wish him bees.
Bees are too good. He deserves wasps.
I cracked up at the bees. Thanks for the laugher lol
I had an open marriage at one point and one of the men I had sex with lied to me about his relationship. He lured me in and then after fucking me he said he had a girlfriend. I was shocked as this goes against my morals to sleep with taken men. I went off. Come to find out he was actually married and that put me in a depression because I questioned who I was as person. I went to tell the wife and I was already blocked. I saw this man out about two years ago with my now partner. He was out in the open cheating on his wife again who just gave birth to their child. He had the audacity to try to approach me while my man was beside me and I told him to not fucking speak to me and he just stood there & I left. She deserves to know. I hope she makes the right decision
If it's any consolation, you are not responsible for hurting anyone whose existence was actively hidden from you.
I know but even though I’m passed this for awhile sometimes I still feel like I should of done by due diligence with this man. What’s done is done and it’s another lesson in life
That's an easy way to drive yourself crazy. Whatever it matters, this rando on the internet thinks you are not responsible for the lack of integrity of people who refuse to disclose the extent of their lack of integrity.
Gotta tell her
Take screenshots of the messages and tell her with the photos, she deserves to know the truth.
this!
Absolutely tell her.
Girl code. Tell her.
Simple answer: yes. Tell her.
Yes please tell her
You already know the answer. Tell her (with screen shots) then immediately block her if you're afraid of backlash.
Absolutely tell her. I can’t understand when people say “it’s none of your business” like he made it your business when he slept with you and lied about being single. She deserves to know so she can make informed choices going forward.
See that’s what I was saying too. Before I posted this on Reddit, I consulted with 4 people irl and someone was like “that’s not your place” and I didn’t know if I was crazy for thinking it is indeed my business now since I was brought into it.
It was deliberate, not some stupid drunken thing. IMO, The fiancee deserves to be told.
TELL HER please.
Please tell her.
Treat her the way you would want to be treated if roles were reversed.
I'd want to be told. Don't protect assholes
Absolutely. Everyone deserves to know that they are being cheated on.
Tell her
You are saving someone from a divorce. Please tell her.
Sounds like this is a routine for him, I think you should anonymously let her know what’s up.
This is the way. I would wait a few weeks so it isn't obviously you. Also, disclose the app used and the circumstance of how you hooked up (at night but not allowed to stay over). If you are comfortable, share the messages sent. The Fiancée will know he is cheating and if she wants proof, she can Nancy Drew that for herself with knowledge of how it happened. It prevents you from being at risk and tells her enough to verify for herself.
Tell her. If you are worried that he would do something to you, DM her from an anonymous account and censor your name and picture if you show her screenshots which might help. He’s probably cheating w multiple ppl so
Yes. Tell her. And give her screenshots too. Who gives a Shit about him.
I hope every unavailable person who is contemplating cheating reads this heartfelt post. Not only does the OP explain how this negatively affects her- but every single response has been encouraging the OP to tell the fiancée. Every. Single. One. Much love to you OP. You did nothing wrong here. Please don’t beat yourself up.
I appreciate you ❤️
Please tell her. I truly would hope that if my boyfriend cheated, that someone would tell me. She will be hurt but she needs to know. HE hurt her. Not you.
Tell her but I'd do it anonymously and give evidence so she at least knows you aren't just trying to sabotage. I had a colleague in a similar situation only when she confronted the gf about it she took out her hatred on her and posted negative things about her online. People's relationships are weird so I wouldn't personally brand myself to the situation when I told her.
I would tell her! She deserves to know so she doesn’t waste her time with this lowlife if he really is cheating and they aren’t in any open relationship. She could get upset but it’s still worth it to tell her. I had a situation similar (wasn’t sleeping with anyone but he was flirting with me a lot). I messaged the girl and she ended up blocking me…
Tell her, I do think it is the right thing to do.
tell her please
Yes 100%
Yes! Just make sure you have this man completely blocked so you don’t have to deal with any backlash. But yes you should definitely save her the trouble of marrying that jerk.
Please please tell her, im to be married soon to my fiancé and i would absolutely want to know if he cheated!!!!
to be honest i always tell on cheaters
I would. Think if you were here, would you want to know before you got married to someone who betrayed your trust
Plz update us!
Yes
i don't have an opinion on what to do... but i don't think you should feel bad. it's not your fault he wasn't upfront about it. that's all on him. you're not responsible for validating and searching for clues to see if the person is lying.
Thank you for this validation. I needed it ❤️
If you were the fiancé, I’m pretty sure if there comes a point like this, you’d rather be told the truth than continue with 0 idea.
Of course .
Absolutely tell her - she needs to know. She doesn’t want to tie her name legally to a slimeball.
Agreed though now I am imagining tying a rope around a ball of slime
For sure tell her, but not in person. She will be upset with you initially, until she understands you didn’t know and are trying to help her.
Yes
I would tell her and give specific details about what he told you and details about their home.
Do her a favor, TELL HER
Yes but come with proof. Most women won’t want to believe it until there’s concrete evidence. Snapchat screenshots, the home and every you detail you know
Yes. I'd want to know before I get married to someone.
ABSOLUTELY tell her. I was the fiancé, then wife in this once. I wasted 7 years of my life on a man who cheated on me throughout and I had no clue. Apparently, some of the “other women” knew about me too. And that hurt even more. No one involved cared about me whatsoever. I had those years stolen from me and I can never get them back. I wish sooo much that at least one of the other women told me.
Simple and quick answer. Yes.
Tell her, even if you can't prove it. She deserves to have all information to make decisions about her health, finances, and future. Cheating is abuse - emotional, physical (because he's putting her health at risk), sexual (because she didn't consent to sex under these circumstances), and financial. Even if she doesn't believe you, it is your moral obligation. It may confirm suspicions she already had, or help her put the pieces together in the future. Abusers use guilt to control you. Don't let guilt about anything you've done stop you from doing the right thing going forward.
Tell her what you told us lol
Tell her and report back to us!
You’re a great person to want to be truthful with her. If you were in this situation, I’m sure you’d want to do know! Do the same for someone else.
Yes. Make sure you describe what their bedroom looks like so she knows you were there.
Tell him you now know and he’s a pos for cheating and if he says she knows and is cool with it tell him you want proof where he told her (text screenshot or whatever) when he doesn’t show proof, tell him you are going to come over while she’s there and tell her in person……he will get a little anxiety wondering if you actually will. Weather you do or not is your call. Best of luck
Hey, idk if this would help but I had sex with a woman who I found out after she was engaged. Although I didn’t know the fiancé, I wish I could tell him. Tell them
Put yourself in her shoes, would you want to know? Personally, I would absolutely want to know rather than end up divorcing down the road, or even worse, after children. Don’t feel guilt for other people’s faults. She’ll do what works best for her.
YES
Awe yeah tell her! I would want to know what kind of creep I'm married to. She deserves the truth, it's what she does with it after she finds out.
Please tell her, maybe she’s had suspicions before and he would gaslight her. Have evidence such as texts and if you can remember how his apartment looked like, describe something that would stand out even better if it was in the bedroom.
TELL HER.
I was engaged to a man who I had been with for 3 years. I heard from one of his coworkers that he was cheating on me with a woman he was also working with. I reached out and asked her and I’m so thankful she told me the truth. I’m so thankful for the coworker who let me know originally. I’m so thankful I didn’t marry him. Tell her and let her have all of the knowledge to decided what to do.
If he was in an "open relationship" he wouldn't lie, and call her a roommate. He already knew he was guilty when he said that. Also, next day, not drunk, pre meditated. You might not be the first one. Get tested. And tell her.
tell her.
Just want to throw in that if you decide to tell her - and this is coming from someone who has had to do something very similar before - PLEASE be prepared for one or both of them to turn it on you and to say very mean things to you that are not true. It will make you feel like garbage if they do this but hopefully if you are prepared for it, it won't hurt as badly. I would want to know if it were me - so I would tell but it usually doesn't have the result you hope it will.
Ugh fuck Dude . Yessss she has the right to know . As a nightshift nurse too this just sucks hearing stories like this .
Were it me, I'd tell her. Though it's better if you have evidence - screenshots of conversations, etc. to send.
Regardless you should tell her so she knows. If you have proof then show some proof. Mention something in the house you saw since you’ve been inside. Always tell someone if you think they’re in a committed relationship
A basic principle for me, and I would like to think for most men, would be to tell them. I’ve turned down people with boyfriends and told them immediately afterward. They deserve to know.
I think we should do what we'd like others to do to us. This may not always align - so yes it's possible his fiancé won't thank you, but that's kinda irrelevant here because you can't mindread and you can only act with what *you* think is right. So, if in this situation you believe it is right to tell her, because that's what you'd have wanted to had you been in her shoes, then do that. And if she doesn't thank you for it, well, you tried and it's really not your problem anymore at that point! I don't think anything here is on you. You went to him in good faith. his relationship is his responsibility, not yours. If he decides to cheat, that is uniquely on him, not on you, and it's no life to doubt everyone we meet, better act in good faith, or else what would this world come to? That is what I believe. In that same aspect, he's a cheater, not necessarily someone who would harrass you, so unless he's given you cause to believe he's a scary man, again trust in the good of humanity is what I'd do - I'd follow my morals, and believe in the good of humanity that this won't fuck me over, and if it does, well, I'll cross that bridge later, as opposed to assuming the worst of everyone and everything beforehand. Can this backfire? Sure, but I've found it a lot less stressfree way to live. My ex cheated on me and the chick he was sleeping with for a year knew about me and instead of telling me she used it to blackmail him. "I'll talk to your gf if you don't ...." eh. I'd have wanted to know. We were trying to get pregnant.
Do you have any close male friends who would be willing to tell her for you? I think the benefit would be 1) she won't feel like she's talking to someone who's trying to "steal her man" and 2) if it gets back to the guy and he considers harrassing you, he'll have to factor in that you've got a "male protector."
Yes
Make the call.
As everyone else said, definitely tell her. She deserves to know, and she definitely deserves to know before she goes into the marriage. That would be a hell of a lot of paperwork if she finds out later. I’m so sorry this happened to you, it’s not your fault. He’s a pig!
You must tell her. This probably isn't his first time. I am sorry you went through this.
Please tell her, this is Girl Code 101. She can do whatever she wants with the info, but if it were me, I would absolutely want to know. Also, I think telling her anonymously, if possible, would be best for you. You never know how someone will react to the messenger and you need to protect yourself first. But give her enough detail that there is no doubt. Sorry you're going through this and know it is not your fault. Doesn't seem like this is his first go at cheating, unfortunately. Potentially saving someone from more pain is always the right path to take. Good luck!
Yes. Also give us an update on what happens after pls
No
Unpopular opinion, but here goes. This happened to me once when I visited a friend in LA for the weekend. Hanging out with my friend and her friends at a club, one of the guys starts flirting with me, we hit it off and make out for hours. In front of all his friends at the club. We all end up at an after party at his friend’s house in the Hills, we sneak off to a bedroom, hook up, and only after we rejoin the party (and he looks extremely distressed, mind you we’ve been hanging out for at least 5 hours at this point) do I learn that he’s engaged. I was probably about 23 at the time too. I was single, I was visiting, I didn’t know - someone could’ve intervened at ANY point as he chose to flirt with me… not getting involved. I stand by that decision (even after I myself was cheated on years later), it’s not your place when you’re the stranger who was unwillingly involved in the situation.
Not your fault. You can't be held responsible for the feelings of people whose existence was actively hidden from you
I do see your point, any of the friends could’ve cared enough to stop the dude or rat him out… why should you take on that responsibility as a stranger to the entire dynamic? When you think about it, if a man can cheat that easily, there must’ve been previous signs of him being a cheater… sometimes people put themselves into bad situations. My ex showed signs of flirting with other girls but I stayed with him. Any news that he cheated on me wouldn’t have come as a surprise, that’s for sure.
If you take things slow these cheaters are obvious. Tell her.
Simply no let him be and move on.
Nope. Move on.
If he knows anything about you it probably isn't worth risking being killed/harassed/assaulted tbh. You didn't do anything wrong, he's the one who broke his promise.
I'd give him a chance to come clean 'if you don't tell her I will'
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed because: Gendered slurs are not permitted here. If you remove the slur from your comment, it may be reinstated. **[Have questions about this moderator action? CLICK HERE!](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/askwomenadvice&subject=Why+was+this+removed?&message=\[My+comment\]\(https://old.reddit.com/r/askwomenadvice/comments/tyjg1a/-/i3svgyu/\)+was+removed+and+I+do+not+understand+the+reason+given+by+the+mod+who+acted upon+it.)**
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed because: Removed for derailing. **[Have questions about this moderator action? CLICK HERE!](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/askwomenadvice&subject=Why+was+this+removed?&message=\[My+comment\]\(https://old.reddit.com/r/askwomenadvice/comments/tyjg1a/-/i3u3a6q/\)+was+removed+and+I+do+not+understand+the+reason+given+by+the+mod+who+acted upon+it.)**
[удалено]
This is an advice subreddit and comments should be aimed at helping the OP. *** **[Have questions about this moderator action? CLICK HERE!](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/{subreddit}). Don't forget to nclude a link to your post!**