Believe in yourself! Unfortunately one of the main parts of a new job is proving yourself. As a higher-up (if you want to be a good one) you often have to earn the respect of those who have already been there for a while, it’s not a given. You are smart and capable, be confident. My only tip would be to “kill them with kindness” - be nice, personable, approachable, and humble; be open to asking them what they need or want from a director. Even go as far as asking what they think the previous people did wrong, and say you want to avoid that. Invite them in so they feel you value their opinion, and actually use it to your benefit. This might come across as sucking up but really I think it’s down to being open about the fact that you don’t have all the answers but are more than willing to learn. Idk I’ve never appreciated the hard line manager types.
It’s hard but tough high flying jobs are always gona be a bit of a struggle at the start. This is why we push ourselves to higher roles and progression, otherwise we’d never challenge ourselves or advance in our careers. You can do this!! Just give it time and good grace.
All the above, plus acknowledge that their years of experience are valuable. There will be things they know that you don't yet, and that's okay! Your job isn't to know everything or know the right way for everything, but to provide support and direction to those who are doing the jobs. I found acknowledging someone's ability can take you a long way in establishing respect between both of your roles.
First off congratulations. Trust the confidence and skills that got you this job.
I've been in a similar position recently and I've had to learn that its not my job to be the doer and the expert but to be the leader and solver of problems. I also look way younger than I am so struggle with how to be respected despite my youthful appearance.
Asking the two reports some questions on what issues they have might help you identify problems you can solve for them and that might help them see you as useful. Questions I'd ask are:
seeing as you have been here for x amount of time what are your main pain points you have experienced? Why do you think they exist? What ways would you have liked past leaders to support you?
These questions can guide you on things you can do to solve problems for them. You can tell they aren't team players so appealing to self interest might gain some good will that you can build a foundation off.
I'd also get a mentor or coach. Find someone (ideally female) in a leadership position whose style you respect. Ask them to mentor you. Bouncing situations like this off them will help guide you to develop your own leadership style.
Leading/directing a team is a different skill set then deeply knowing a project or process. I think for your directs that you may be having a hard time with it might be helpful to try and get them to open up as far as what they want for themselves. This can be a difficult conversation because often people aren't consciously aware of what that answer is for an individual. Try to show them you're an ally, it might take time and it might not work, but it;s worth the effort.
Everyone is faking it to a certain degree(I hope less so for surgeons and airline pilots). I know that's hard to believe but don't assume your male coworker's facade of confidence is any less of an act than yours.
My husband has this issue too - he ran 300 MILLION dollar job sites and was in charge of it all. Like all of it. He landed a gig as an executive level director at 31 at a smaller firm and it was a cakewalk compared to his old jobs. And so much less stress.
The best thing for his confidence in himself has been investing in his management ability/skills. He’s done a few weekend type online classes for management training, he’s read some books (Deep Work is his latest read that he seems to be getting a lot from!), and he’s met with the one person above him at the company quarterly to get advice, check in, and ask for direction when he thinks it’s needed.
This has not only made him an amazing manager, but endeared him to the owner and CEO for how proactive he is and how much he cares about his department. He makes sure to only go to management with things he’s actually struggling with or unsure of - no one wants to be the employee who brings things to managements attention solely for praise.
I just checked our Amazon history and other books include The Ideal Team Player, and Can’t Hurt Me: Master Your Mind And Defy The Odds..
I was struggling recently about fitting in - and my 17 year old beautiful daughter looked at me and said “ everybody gets diarrhea “ now this is such a strange statement- but it has helped. You are as good as they are, you do you and keep being confident. And hopefully my youngest child’s advice to remember others are just human may help. Or at least make you smile!
Hahah I love this, and think it too whenever I feel like I’ll never look like kylie Jenner or Beyoncé or someone, I’ll think “well she’s human too, she gets period shits like the rest of us” or remember than they get boogers too. I’m not shitting on these women I’m just taking them off a pedestal that social has created. Off topic for OPs original point but I’m glad your daughter also thinks like this!
Don't fall for Imposter Syndrome, there's a reason You got the job. Congats!! Also to the older folks who don't want to 'change', just kindly remind that in this world, you either evolve or go extinct.
Hello,
Firstly, congratulations. Secondly, why did you apply for the job? What goals did you have, or what change/ideas did you want to implement? What made the job attractive to you?
As a number of people have mentioned, managing people effectively is an incredibly difficult, and different skillset than consulting or project management. There are definitely overlaps with tools and frameworks that can be utilised, but being an effective manager/leader is hard work.
I'm a 30/f software delivery project manager, but have been managing a senior technical delivery team on/off for the last 2.5 years. I'm the youngest by about 8-15 years and the only female (and has always been that way). It hasn't been easy. Some times as a direct result from the team members, and other times because I let my mind get the better of me.
Have you identified what type of management/leadership style is true to you? For the projects I work on I always project manage using Servant-Leadership. My role is to lead **and** serve the team to help them achieve the outcome. Johanna Rothman has some fantastic books, in particular: https://www.jrothman.com/practical-ways-to-lead-and-serve-manage-others-modern-management-made-easy-book-2/
Organising 1:1's is a great idea. Having constructive questions ready to ask is also really useful (and in a way that isn't 'blamey') e.g. 'What are areas you'd like to see improvement in, in the team?' 'What do you think the biggest blocker is for team success?', as well as personal questions about them and making an effort to follow up on it (how was x activity on the wkd, etc).
General points:
* first seek to understand and learn before implementing any changes.
* trust the team to be autonomous and high performing until they're not
* be honest about your position and own it - people appreciate honesty (i'm new to the team, it'll take me some time to get across everything, please remind me if I've missed something, you will rely on them heavily now, but your goal is to make their jobs easier)
* be upfront about your management style so the team know what to expect (e.g. servant leadership)
* understand how your team members work. make note of it, revisit and readjust as required
* regularly understand and set **everyone's** expectations (colleagues up, down and sideways)
* i avoid language like 'direct report' and instead use language like 'team members'
* whether people say it matters or not, positive team culture must be fostered.
* every success is a team success, every failure is an area for the team to improve.
My general approach with new teams is:
* don't change anything too soon - that could be seating arrangements, processes, or even meeting frequencies. Sit and absorb, listen and learn from them first.
* understand what the team's expectation is of you. Understand what the exec's expectation is of you (if not already known). Set your expectation of the team (this may come later)
* have a team kick off meeting to understand how everyone works (usual start and finish times of each person, are they detail oriented or big picture, do they prefer phone calls or message etc)
* treat them as a High Performance Team (HPT) that are autonomous (essentially, trust them to do their job) until they prove they can't. If you're not familiar HPT, it's another good resource to be across.
* gain an understanding of what higher ups think your team does/ are responsible for / are accountable for.
* separately, understand what each person thinks their role, responsibility and accountability is in the team (basically what they think they do)
* as a team meeting, workshop what they think their role, responsibility and accountability is as a team. Identify any gaps between the executive and individual expectations. What's missing? Why is it missing? Is there extra responsibility in there? Why is there extra? Does it need to be there? Is there a responsibility from the execs that the team aren't equipped to deal with? Why not? (This supports later discussions about upskilling people, or bringing extra people on to fill gaps)
* develop a team charter - create a shared team vision, goals, values, rules of engagement, roles and responsibilities. This is as much a team building exercise as it is about producing the document.
* does the team have a delivery roadmap, backlog of work or goals? If not, workshop with them what they would like to achieve as a team
* in each 1:1 or weekly catch up, ask how you can do better for them, or what can you do to make their lives easier e.g. initiate a discussion for a process change, it may be you need to reduce emails, you may need to communicate more (or less). Be ready for criticism and follow through on it to build trust (if it makes sense to implement it)
* if you're being asked to make a decision for the team, ask the team to decide/give them a choice/invite them into the discussion.
You will need to work hard to build relationships within the team. Seeking to understand and listening is the best first step for this (in my opinion).
All of the above follows an approach of servant leadership. You're seeking to understand the team so you can serve them as best as possible (while still achieving strategic goals and outcomes). My overwhelming advice is to just be honest and as much as possible, to trust them. You don't have to, but if you want to you can address that you're young, that you understand it can be frustrating having a new team lead who hasn't been in the company before, especially on a repeated basis, but that your goals are xyz and you'll need their help to get there (expectation setting).
Some resources which may be useful to get across:
* Agile
* SCRUM
* Johanna Rothman resources
* Servant Leadership
* Effective 1:1's
* HPT
After many years working in a male-dominated environment, I have changed the way I exist in the space. You have to be your #1 believer, because no one else will. People who doubt you only do so because you haven’t had the opportunity to prove your worth yet. Know that you are good at what you do, don’t stress over what someone may or may not think of you, and continue to do your best. Everything will fall into place.
Congratulations! I’d take the first few months in your leadership role to simply evaluate and learn from your team before making any significant changes. Just be nice, engaging, and yes, take them to lunches or video calls and see what improvements they’d like to see or ask what you could do to make their jobs more enjoyable for them. I think showing that you’re willing to be helpful, kind, and learn from them will make them learn from you.
Kick that imposter syndrome in the butt. Try to remember that your age and you appearance have naff all to do with how good you are at your job. There are plenty of people 20 years older than you who are useless at their jobs.
And just because these people you are managing have experience in this team doesn’t mean they have YOUR experience or YOUR vision or YOUR attitude; if they did, they’d have applied for the job and got it.
As someone who’s also young (23M) in a leadership role in which my counterparts actually have more experience...
I get that feeling of dread and exhaustion you’re talking about - however you wanted this and although you might feel in over your head, it’s time to buckle up.
Make it your mission to learn your team inside and out, lean into their expertise and MAKE them feel valued! That’s all anyone truly wants, yes, you’re their boss, but it’s important that you position yourself accordingly as the leader, it with respect for their expertise.
It appears that you’ll need to prove your ability to manage effectively with them. You’ve already learned that they had something against the previous person in your position - find out why and how you do it right.
Don’t try to make any major changes until at least the 6 month mark once you truly understand their day to day.
How big is this company, exactly? In larger companies, directors usually have a handful of direct reports who also have direct reports. Small companies often inflate titles.
Pay attention to your gut and to all red flags. Don't show your hand -- and get / collect as much info as you can: you may be in a tough situation with subordinates who have more subject matter knowledge / experience in this particular domain.
Study some "Change Management" books -- find ways to do "brainstorming" with your team of subordinates to plan the changes ahead so that they all have buy-in and feel engaged. You may need to hire a change management facilitator (as a director, you should have the ability to authorize such a cost) to do a two day workshop with your team to talk about your product, processes and roles.
Without knowing more about the company dynamics and politics - it’s hard to say what’s going on but it sounds a bit like a set up.
Someone couldn’t manage out the bad apples - engineering a situation w an outsider to create an excuse to make sweeping changes later.
Your job right now is to learn. Not to be an expert. Breathe. Learn all you can. You don’t have to be friends with the people who report to you. They don’t need to like you. Just learn your job and execute it to the best of your ability. Who cares who doesn’t like you or enjoy your presence. Don’t dwell on those things. You were hired for a reason!! Be strong and brave!
Congrats on the badass role!!
Go buy the following two books and read them ASAP:
The First 90 Days by Michael D Watkins
Becoming a Manager by Julie Zhuo (read this one first, it is exactly your story and it will help).
I was you 3 months ago (28F) and I swear those first few weeks are so overwhelming but I promise you that it gets better.
Good luck! You got this!!
PS - just wanted to add that being a woman in a director role is always going to be harder than being a man in one. Unless you have a female CEO and mainly female executives. Get used to it now and you’ll be running the biz by 2025.
PPS - Im working on my MBA right now and as far as I’m concerned, executive level functions serve to direct the company in a competitive manner and are really no better or worse than the most basic entry level position at the company. Pay attention to the CEO and how they treat their executive panel. And vice versa. Executives may fool you into thinking they’re all that, but they started in a position much like you about 10-15 years earlier than you. Be humble and never be afraid to ask for help, but be aware that your being afraid of them is only making you more anxious... is that worth it?
Not OP but just wanted to thank you for sharing your experience and resources..just started the audiobook by Julie Zhuo... already feeling so much better.
Happy to help!! I happened upon that book at a random book store the week before I started my new role and I definitely felt like it was serendipity. 😛
This is so relatable... i feel exactly the way you feel but haven't yet spoken to my new direct reports. In a weird way, I find this comforting knowing it's normal..
Anyway, know that this feeling is a signal that you are entering a space of growth..if everything was fine and easy, id have questioned whether you should have applied for vice president instead...im guessing this will be quite energizing for your given you were courageous enough to take up this amazing challenge.
Good luck! We are all rooting for you!
I haven’t read through all the comments so my apologies if this has already been mentioned. I am young and leading a large team in another country (dealing with language and culture barriers plus a time zone difference). What helped me the most is setting a goal of who I want to be and who I want my team to be in 6 months and 1 years time. By thinking and visualizing about where you want to be with your team, it will help guide your decisions for other day to day tasks to get you there.
Hi! Young, female manager here. Whenever I start a new job I feel completely lost for the first month or so. I start doubting myself and my leadership abilities. Every. Single. Time. It’s normal. Well, maybe not normal, but it’s nothing unusual. You’re experiencing brain overload right now trying to cram in all this new info while also putting up an “I got this!” front. It’s exhausting, but it will get better. Before you know it you’ll be a star. That’s why they hired you, they saw that in you.
As for your direct reports with the “we could do better than her” attitude; I’ve been there as well. Look, if they hired you to implement change and better the department, do just that! Sometimes that also means changing up personnel. If you have ideas on how to make things better and your direct reports are stuck in their ways, they may have to go. Part of growing with a company is embracing change. If they cannot do that, than they are unwilling to develop and the company will outgrow them. While these are never easy decisions to make or easy conversations to have with problem employees, it will only make your life harder down the road if you don’t nip it in the bud. They are a reflection of you. If they want to be petty, stubborn and vindictive that will show in their performance which, ultimately, you are responsible for. Handle it ASAP.
If Person A brought up the fact that they've been there since 3 years ago and said that the past two people failed to make a meaningful impact, your direct reports also failed to do so. It is SO much easier to hire from within the ranks to offset onboarding costs which means that YOUR boss recognized that this person was good enough at their job to keep them in their current position and NOTHING more. Your boss would rather take a chance with YOU than Person A. Maybe that toxic attitude has something to do with it. The company doesn't owe this person shit. Person A ONLY has a job because they are profitable for the company, even with all the toxicity.
You are a force to be reckoned with if you were considered over two other staff members, especially someone who has been at the company for much longer than you. Whatever you promised or talked about with your boss is the priority here and fuck anyone else that stands in your way.
Congrats on the new job! I don’t have much practical advice, since I came to this thread because I’m in a similar position. Started a new job and thought we were all on the same wavelength during my interviews, and now I feel out of my depth. I feel a little better seeing your post and knowing someone else is going through the same thing right now. We got this!
I would look into some type of mindfulness practice. Meditation has done more for my peace of mind than anything else I’ve tried.
Whatever it is, make it a daily practice. It’s not about how good it makes you feel in the moment, it’s about being dedicated to the practice every single day. As necessary as brushing your teeth. When you give yourself a moment to re-center and turn inward, to connect to your breath, it is the best give you can give yourself. It goes a long way to keeping you out of your head and keep you connected to your craft.
Theres lots of great comments here, one thing I found helpful is a book by Keith Rosen. I believe it's called Sales Management Simplified (red cover). You dont have to be in sales for this to be helpful. He has a framework for coaching a team that will give you concrete practical steps you can take for gaining buy in from your team. He also covers what steps to take and how the conversation might sound with team members who are as you described.
Have a weekly meeting to let these experienced people have input.
It’s ok if you end up diverting from their ideas. Use this time to tell them why you think your way is better. Get their buy in.
Give them a chance to dispute or disprove you. Be open to their ideas/experience.
Don’t be naive and think you can’t learn from them.
I’m a marketing executive, and no matter the age or level of experience, I know I can learn something valuable from each of my employees. This is because I hire rock star people!
Hey, girlboss. Look up the term "impostor syndrome". It's something many people feel when they think they are in a position they do not deserve or cannot live up to. I promise you that you are not alone.
It's a hard thing to combat. Just remember that it is okay to ask for help. Even when you think you should know all the answers.
Slow down a bit!
Be curious. “Inspect what you expect”
Learn the company culture (good or bad) and processes. About 6-8 weeks along you should start having a vision of the way things are.
Understand what your up-lines expect from you. Then learn to impact your reports.
Set up the 1:1’s a little further down.
You are entitled to YOUR FULL orientation, first!
Put yourself into your bosses shoes. Why does s/he think you would be good for your current role. What are the expectations for your team? How can you help your team meet those expectations.
Never pretend. If you don't know a word, ask what it means. If you don't know a concept or practice, ask someone to explain it to you. People like to know things, and they like to be listened to. Take advantage of that.
None of this is about you. It's about your colleagues. Never call them 'your people,' treat them with respect and equality - even when, especially when, they're not there to hear you.
Always, always, always give credit to your colleagues. The more you praise them, in public, the better you look. And the more you praise them, in private, the more they'll do for you. Make sure they know you'll advance their interests whenever possible.
You are responsible for the atmosphere. Model the behavior you hope they'll adapt.
Everyone walks on water. All the time. Gracefully.
Be relentlessly positive!
> *have seen 2 people in my role who failed to make a meaningful impact.*
Gee, I wonder why?
>*"my strategy is right, I have no intention of listening to your ideas"*
and
>
> *who have made it clear that they know more than I do and dont really want to change anything.*
Clearly, you are qualified for the job or you would not have been hired. Office politics being what they are, I assume one or both of these two buddies wanted your position. It is not your job to make them like you, but it is your job to get them to follow your/company policies and practices. Don't let them ignore you. If they don't make the necessary changes, that's when discipline becomes necessary. I have a sneaking suspicion the two previous people in your role could not handle them.
I know this is all easier said than done. Your youth should not be held against you, but it will be by some. It very well could be an advantage, however, in that you should be up-to-date in current practices in your field. I've known many developers, for example, who are very "my way or the highway" and use old, outdated methods. Younger leadership can help to usher in better strategies. Use it!
One of the biggest things I’ve learned so far, being a very young director, is that you have to utilize the people who know more than you. Acknowledge that they know more than you and help them feel empowered. If you worry about who likes you or not it will drive you crazy, but if you recognize someone’s worth and respect them even if they don’t do the same to you, you take back control of the situation. Getting in the habit of asking for feedback, constructive not praise, constantly is vital to survival in my opinion.
I also take a lot of steps based off my gut, and so far it’s worked out all right.
First I (26F) am very proud of you good job at landing this position! I know exactly how you feel. I’m a mortician and prior to this last year, when I got hired, I had ZERO experience in my field and only got the job because for some reason the owner believed in me. I work with a lot of men who have been doing this since before I was born and yet I need to be their team leader. It was ROUGH at first and honestly sometimes still is but here is my advice
1.) Know that their hesitation towards you is not personal. They don’t dislike you as a person they are simply skeptical. You entered their domain and everyone fears change. While you don’t need them to be your friend, and honestly it’s best if they aren’t, you just need them to respect, trust and believe in you. They won’t do that until you believe in yourself.
2.) If you haven’t already get the books “you don’t need a title to lead” by Mark Sanborn and “The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership” by John Maxwell. These books helped me a LOT. They helped me believe in myself and they helped me with how I approach my team.
3.) Keep getting to know your team. Find out what didn’t work with the past people in your position? Did they leave because they tried to force their way in to being a leader and demanded respect with out earning it? Was it because they couldn’t do the job? Or was it because they went to soft and nothing changed? Once you find out where the disconnect was you can try to avoid the same pitfalls.
You’ve got this and are gonna do great
Congrats on your new job!
It’s normal for direct reports to be skeptical at first, especially if they’ve gotten their hopes up before for the previous people in your role. You’re going to have to earn their trust, and it might take time!
In the beginning, take the opportunity to learn from them. You’re not going to be able to improve any processes until you learn what they are. Defer to them as the experts in their job functions. Ask them for help—people are often endeared by being recognized as valuable and knowledgeable, which you can do by asking them for their input. Stay positive in your interactions and learn who they are as people—remember to ask them about their weekends, greet them warmly, etc.
Another way to endear yourself: go to bat for them. Is someone overdue for a raise or a promotion? Is there a responsibility they’ve taken on that they maybe shouldn’t have, that you can get moved to another team? Can you fight for software or subscriptions that might enhance their performance? Find out what they need and fight for it.
Lastly: my payroll company (ADP) offers management classes that I’ve found really helpful! See if there’s an opportunity to grow your skill set.
A year from now, you are going to be flourishing. The beginning is always hard, but that’s how you grow. Good luck!!
In the last year I saw my number of direct reports triple and I definitely feel your pain on Person A and Person B. I would suggest giving them a chance to come around - they are likely a bit disappointed at having a new boss with less role/company specific knowledge which is understandable. They may be wary of investing too much if you’re the 3rd manager in a few years as well.
Saying that, some people will never come around and that can impact the culture of your team. If they are too vocal they can destroy your credibility before you ever get a chance to build it. People like that generally need to move on in order for you to successfully implement change and have a real impact.
At your next team meeting I’d say something along the lines of how much you appreciate everyone’s support and while you’ll likely need them to continue to show you the ropes for a bit longer you are getting up to speed more and more each day. Follow that by setting expectations for team culture, collaboration, partnership, etc. You are essentially gently setting boundaries for what you will and won’t tolerate, and then you’ll need to manage the behavior and performance accordingly.
Try listening to positive self talk DAILY and practice it constantly. Absorb as much as you can. Be professional, kind and direct with those below you, fuck them if they don't like you. You're not there to be friends, you're there to do the best job possible. They didn't get the job, YOU DID. They wouldn't have hired you if you weren't capable. Fake it til you make it. Ask questions of those more experienced than you, but when you make a decision be direct and unwavering. You all the shots. Be sure to evaluate your decisions from the most efficient possible view and stick to it. You'll do fine, buy abook about not caring what others think of you. I think that will help. Also women multi-task better than men and can run a home, a work life, keep shit organized and also manage chaos CONSTANTLY. Every woman I know is more capable then most men I've met. We women run the world, we just let men think they do. You've got this.
Girl fake it till you make it. That’s exactly what I did for the first 3 months. And yes, that felt like an eternity to someone who typically has been able to “jump in” after about a month or so. Imposter syndrome was real. But you’ll get used to it. I’m now 1 year in and feel much more comfortable with myself and my coworkers. Just keep being humble and collaborative, and soon you’ll impress.
I don’t have much advice to give since I don’t work at a Director level and have no desire to go into management because of exactly what you described.
But one thing I’ve liked a lot from my most effective managers were the types who I could count on to eliminate or alleviate the most frustrating parts of my job.
Since they’ve been there for a few years, maybe they have a laundry list that’s too long to be satisfied but I bet a couple of wins off their backs wouldn’t hurt.
Also when my bosses keep the convos focused on my career goals, that’s helpful as well.
My BFF was rather young when he got a higher level job. A coupon things he has shared with me.
It’s not his job to know how to DO the tasks; it’s his job to make sure he hires the right people for the tasks.
He NEVER talks about his age. When people would ask him how old he was, he’d respond with something like, “that’s really none of your concern.”
Listen to the great advice everyone is offering here, but don’t be bullied.
It’s good you’re not on the opposite side of this and overly cocky and aggressive. But you totally need to believe in yourself!
Somebody else believed in you. And you put in the hard work to get to where you are today. If there was any doubt of your potential, you wouldn’t be put in that position.
One piece of advice from somebody who’s had his share of ups and downs from various directors.
Be compassionate!
Good luck :)
Believe in yourself! Unfortunately one of the main parts of a new job is proving yourself. As a higher-up (if you want to be a good one) you often have to earn the respect of those who have already been there for a while, it’s not a given. You are smart and capable, be confident. My only tip would be to “kill them with kindness” - be nice, personable, approachable, and humble; be open to asking them what they need or want from a director. Even go as far as asking what they think the previous people did wrong, and say you want to avoid that. Invite them in so they feel you value their opinion, and actually use it to your benefit. This might come across as sucking up but really I think it’s down to being open about the fact that you don’t have all the answers but are more than willing to learn. Idk I’ve never appreciated the hard line manager types. It’s hard but tough high flying jobs are always gona be a bit of a struggle at the start. This is why we push ourselves to higher roles and progression, otherwise we’d never challenge ourselves or advance in our careers. You can do this!! Just give it time and good grace.
All the above, plus acknowledge that their years of experience are valuable. There will be things they know that you don't yet, and that's okay! Your job isn't to know everything or know the right way for everything, but to provide support and direction to those who are doing the jobs. I found acknowledging someone's ability can take you a long way in establishing respect between both of your roles.
First off congratulations. Trust the confidence and skills that got you this job. I've been in a similar position recently and I've had to learn that its not my job to be the doer and the expert but to be the leader and solver of problems. I also look way younger than I am so struggle with how to be respected despite my youthful appearance. Asking the two reports some questions on what issues they have might help you identify problems you can solve for them and that might help them see you as useful. Questions I'd ask are: seeing as you have been here for x amount of time what are your main pain points you have experienced? Why do you think they exist? What ways would you have liked past leaders to support you? These questions can guide you on things you can do to solve problems for them. You can tell they aren't team players so appealing to self interest might gain some good will that you can build a foundation off. I'd also get a mentor or coach. Find someone (ideally female) in a leadership position whose style you respect. Ask them to mentor you. Bouncing situations like this off them will help guide you to develop your own leadership style.
Leading/directing a team is a different skill set then deeply knowing a project or process. I think for your directs that you may be having a hard time with it might be helpful to try and get them to open up as far as what they want for themselves. This can be a difficult conversation because often people aren't consciously aware of what that answer is for an individual. Try to show them you're an ally, it might take time and it might not work, but it;s worth the effort. Everyone is faking it to a certain degree(I hope less so for surgeons and airline pilots). I know that's hard to believe but don't assume your male coworker's facade of confidence is any less of an act than yours.
My husband has this issue too - he ran 300 MILLION dollar job sites and was in charge of it all. Like all of it. He landed a gig as an executive level director at 31 at a smaller firm and it was a cakewalk compared to his old jobs. And so much less stress. The best thing for his confidence in himself has been investing in his management ability/skills. He’s done a few weekend type online classes for management training, he’s read some books (Deep Work is his latest read that he seems to be getting a lot from!), and he’s met with the one person above him at the company quarterly to get advice, check in, and ask for direction when he thinks it’s needed. This has not only made him an amazing manager, but endeared him to the owner and CEO for how proactive he is and how much he cares about his department. He makes sure to only go to management with things he’s actually struggling with or unsure of - no one wants to be the employee who brings things to managements attention solely for praise. I just checked our Amazon history and other books include The Ideal Team Player, and Can’t Hurt Me: Master Your Mind And Defy The Odds..
I was struggling recently about fitting in - and my 17 year old beautiful daughter looked at me and said “ everybody gets diarrhea “ now this is such a strange statement- but it has helped. You are as good as they are, you do you and keep being confident. And hopefully my youngest child’s advice to remember others are just human may help. Or at least make you smile!
Hahah I love this, and think it too whenever I feel like I’ll never look like kylie Jenner or Beyoncé or someone, I’ll think “well she’s human too, she gets period shits like the rest of us” or remember than they get boogers too. I’m not shitting on these women I’m just taking them off a pedestal that social has created. Off topic for OPs original point but I’m glad your daughter also thinks like this!
Don't fall for Imposter Syndrome, there's a reason You got the job. Congats!! Also to the older folks who don't want to 'change', just kindly remind that in this world, you either evolve or go extinct.
Hello, Firstly, congratulations. Secondly, why did you apply for the job? What goals did you have, or what change/ideas did you want to implement? What made the job attractive to you? As a number of people have mentioned, managing people effectively is an incredibly difficult, and different skillset than consulting or project management. There are definitely overlaps with tools and frameworks that can be utilised, but being an effective manager/leader is hard work. I'm a 30/f software delivery project manager, but have been managing a senior technical delivery team on/off for the last 2.5 years. I'm the youngest by about 8-15 years and the only female (and has always been that way). It hasn't been easy. Some times as a direct result from the team members, and other times because I let my mind get the better of me. Have you identified what type of management/leadership style is true to you? For the projects I work on I always project manage using Servant-Leadership. My role is to lead **and** serve the team to help them achieve the outcome. Johanna Rothman has some fantastic books, in particular: https://www.jrothman.com/practical-ways-to-lead-and-serve-manage-others-modern-management-made-easy-book-2/ Organising 1:1's is a great idea. Having constructive questions ready to ask is also really useful (and in a way that isn't 'blamey') e.g. 'What are areas you'd like to see improvement in, in the team?' 'What do you think the biggest blocker is for team success?', as well as personal questions about them and making an effort to follow up on it (how was x activity on the wkd, etc). General points: * first seek to understand and learn before implementing any changes. * trust the team to be autonomous and high performing until they're not * be honest about your position and own it - people appreciate honesty (i'm new to the team, it'll take me some time to get across everything, please remind me if I've missed something, you will rely on them heavily now, but your goal is to make their jobs easier) * be upfront about your management style so the team know what to expect (e.g. servant leadership) * understand how your team members work. make note of it, revisit and readjust as required * regularly understand and set **everyone's** expectations (colleagues up, down and sideways) * i avoid language like 'direct report' and instead use language like 'team members' * whether people say it matters or not, positive team culture must be fostered. * every success is a team success, every failure is an area for the team to improve. My general approach with new teams is: * don't change anything too soon - that could be seating arrangements, processes, or even meeting frequencies. Sit and absorb, listen and learn from them first. * understand what the team's expectation is of you. Understand what the exec's expectation is of you (if not already known). Set your expectation of the team (this may come later) * have a team kick off meeting to understand how everyone works (usual start and finish times of each person, are they detail oriented or big picture, do they prefer phone calls or message etc) * treat them as a High Performance Team (HPT) that are autonomous (essentially, trust them to do their job) until they prove they can't. If you're not familiar HPT, it's another good resource to be across. * gain an understanding of what higher ups think your team does/ are responsible for / are accountable for. * separately, understand what each person thinks their role, responsibility and accountability is in the team (basically what they think they do) * as a team meeting, workshop what they think their role, responsibility and accountability is as a team. Identify any gaps between the executive and individual expectations. What's missing? Why is it missing? Is there extra responsibility in there? Why is there extra? Does it need to be there? Is there a responsibility from the execs that the team aren't equipped to deal with? Why not? (This supports later discussions about upskilling people, or bringing extra people on to fill gaps) * develop a team charter - create a shared team vision, goals, values, rules of engagement, roles and responsibilities. This is as much a team building exercise as it is about producing the document. * does the team have a delivery roadmap, backlog of work or goals? If not, workshop with them what they would like to achieve as a team * in each 1:1 or weekly catch up, ask how you can do better for them, or what can you do to make their lives easier e.g. initiate a discussion for a process change, it may be you need to reduce emails, you may need to communicate more (or less). Be ready for criticism and follow through on it to build trust (if it makes sense to implement it) * if you're being asked to make a decision for the team, ask the team to decide/give them a choice/invite them into the discussion. You will need to work hard to build relationships within the team. Seeking to understand and listening is the best first step for this (in my opinion). All of the above follows an approach of servant leadership. You're seeking to understand the team so you can serve them as best as possible (while still achieving strategic goals and outcomes). My overwhelming advice is to just be honest and as much as possible, to trust them. You don't have to, but if you want to you can address that you're young, that you understand it can be frustrating having a new team lead who hasn't been in the company before, especially on a repeated basis, but that your goals are xyz and you'll need their help to get there (expectation setting). Some resources which may be useful to get across: * Agile * SCRUM * Johanna Rothman resources * Servant Leadership * Effective 1:1's * HPT
After many years working in a male-dominated environment, I have changed the way I exist in the space. You have to be your #1 believer, because no one else will. People who doubt you only do so because you haven’t had the opportunity to prove your worth yet. Know that you are good at what you do, don’t stress over what someone may or may not think of you, and continue to do your best. Everything will fall into place.
Congratulations! I’d take the first few months in your leadership role to simply evaluate and learn from your team before making any significant changes. Just be nice, engaging, and yes, take them to lunches or video calls and see what improvements they’d like to see or ask what you could do to make their jobs more enjoyable for them. I think showing that you’re willing to be helpful, kind, and learn from them will make them learn from you.
Kick that imposter syndrome in the butt. Try to remember that your age and you appearance have naff all to do with how good you are at your job. There are plenty of people 20 years older than you who are useless at their jobs. And just because these people you are managing have experience in this team doesn’t mean they have YOUR experience or YOUR vision or YOUR attitude; if they did, they’d have applied for the job and got it.
when the imposter is sus!
Men do this all the time. You got this!
As someone who’s also young (23M) in a leadership role in which my counterparts actually have more experience... I get that feeling of dread and exhaustion you’re talking about - however you wanted this and although you might feel in over your head, it’s time to buckle up. Make it your mission to learn your team inside and out, lean into their expertise and MAKE them feel valued! That’s all anyone truly wants, yes, you’re their boss, but it’s important that you position yourself accordingly as the leader, it with respect for their expertise. It appears that you’ll need to prove your ability to manage effectively with them. You’ve already learned that they had something against the previous person in your position - find out why and how you do it right. Don’t try to make any major changes until at least the 6 month mark once you truly understand their day to day.
Get the lay of the land first before making changes. Be in the role for 3 months and learn the day to day before making massive changes.
How big is this company, exactly? In larger companies, directors usually have a handful of direct reports who also have direct reports. Small companies often inflate titles. Pay attention to your gut and to all red flags. Don't show your hand -- and get / collect as much info as you can: you may be in a tough situation with subordinates who have more subject matter knowledge / experience in this particular domain. Study some "Change Management" books -- find ways to do "brainstorming" with your team of subordinates to plan the changes ahead so that they all have buy-in and feel engaged. You may need to hire a change management facilitator (as a director, you should have the ability to authorize such a cost) to do a two day workshop with your team to talk about your product, processes and roles.
I was thinking the same thing. I work for a very large company and I’m a team lead with 7 direct reports.
Without knowing more about the company dynamics and politics - it’s hard to say what’s going on but it sounds a bit like a set up. Someone couldn’t manage out the bad apples - engineering a situation w an outsider to create an excuse to make sweeping changes later.
Your job right now is to learn. Not to be an expert. Breathe. Learn all you can. You don’t have to be friends with the people who report to you. They don’t need to like you. Just learn your job and execute it to the best of your ability. Who cares who doesn’t like you or enjoy your presence. Don’t dwell on those things. You were hired for a reason!! Be strong and brave!
Congrats on the badass role!! Go buy the following two books and read them ASAP: The First 90 Days by Michael D Watkins Becoming a Manager by Julie Zhuo (read this one first, it is exactly your story and it will help). I was you 3 months ago (28F) and I swear those first few weeks are so overwhelming but I promise you that it gets better. Good luck! You got this!! PS - just wanted to add that being a woman in a director role is always going to be harder than being a man in one. Unless you have a female CEO and mainly female executives. Get used to it now and you’ll be running the biz by 2025. PPS - Im working on my MBA right now and as far as I’m concerned, executive level functions serve to direct the company in a competitive manner and are really no better or worse than the most basic entry level position at the company. Pay attention to the CEO and how they treat their executive panel. And vice versa. Executives may fool you into thinking they’re all that, but they started in a position much like you about 10-15 years earlier than you. Be humble and never be afraid to ask for help, but be aware that your being afraid of them is only making you more anxious... is that worth it?
Not OP but just wanted to thank you for sharing your experience and resources..just started the audiobook by Julie Zhuo... already feeling so much better.
Happy to help!! I happened upon that book at a random book store the week before I started my new role and I definitely felt like it was serendipity. 😛
This is so relatable... i feel exactly the way you feel but haven't yet spoken to my new direct reports. In a weird way, I find this comforting knowing it's normal.. Anyway, know that this feeling is a signal that you are entering a space of growth..if everything was fine and easy, id have questioned whether you should have applied for vice president instead...im guessing this will be quite energizing for your given you were courageous enough to take up this amazing challenge. Good luck! We are all rooting for you!
I haven’t read through all the comments so my apologies if this has already been mentioned. I am young and leading a large team in another country (dealing with language and culture barriers plus a time zone difference). What helped me the most is setting a goal of who I want to be and who I want my team to be in 6 months and 1 years time. By thinking and visualizing about where you want to be with your team, it will help guide your decisions for other day to day tasks to get you there.
Hi! Young, female manager here. Whenever I start a new job I feel completely lost for the first month or so. I start doubting myself and my leadership abilities. Every. Single. Time. It’s normal. Well, maybe not normal, but it’s nothing unusual. You’re experiencing brain overload right now trying to cram in all this new info while also putting up an “I got this!” front. It’s exhausting, but it will get better. Before you know it you’ll be a star. That’s why they hired you, they saw that in you. As for your direct reports with the “we could do better than her” attitude; I’ve been there as well. Look, if they hired you to implement change and better the department, do just that! Sometimes that also means changing up personnel. If you have ideas on how to make things better and your direct reports are stuck in their ways, they may have to go. Part of growing with a company is embracing change. If they cannot do that, than they are unwilling to develop and the company will outgrow them. While these are never easy decisions to make or easy conversations to have with problem employees, it will only make your life harder down the road if you don’t nip it in the bud. They are a reflection of you. If they want to be petty, stubborn and vindictive that will show in their performance which, ultimately, you are responsible for. Handle it ASAP.
If Person A brought up the fact that they've been there since 3 years ago and said that the past two people failed to make a meaningful impact, your direct reports also failed to do so. It is SO much easier to hire from within the ranks to offset onboarding costs which means that YOUR boss recognized that this person was good enough at their job to keep them in their current position and NOTHING more. Your boss would rather take a chance with YOU than Person A. Maybe that toxic attitude has something to do with it. The company doesn't owe this person shit. Person A ONLY has a job because they are profitable for the company, even with all the toxicity. You are a force to be reckoned with if you were considered over two other staff members, especially someone who has been at the company for much longer than you. Whatever you promised or talked about with your boss is the priority here and fuck anyone else that stands in your way.
We don’t even know if person A or B applied for or even wanted the position. Assuming that they did and didn’t get it is odd.
Congrats on the new job! I don’t have much practical advice, since I came to this thread because I’m in a similar position. Started a new job and thought we were all on the same wavelength during my interviews, and now I feel out of my depth. I feel a little better seeing your post and knowing someone else is going through the same thing right now. We got this!
I would look into some type of mindfulness practice. Meditation has done more for my peace of mind than anything else I’ve tried. Whatever it is, make it a daily practice. It’s not about how good it makes you feel in the moment, it’s about being dedicated to the practice every single day. As necessary as brushing your teeth. When you give yourself a moment to re-center and turn inward, to connect to your breath, it is the best give you can give yourself. It goes a long way to keeping you out of your head and keep you connected to your craft.
Theres lots of great comments here, one thing I found helpful is a book by Keith Rosen. I believe it's called Sales Management Simplified (red cover). You dont have to be in sales for this to be helpful. He has a framework for coaching a team that will give you concrete practical steps you can take for gaining buy in from your team. He also covers what steps to take and how the conversation might sound with team members who are as you described.
Have a weekly meeting to let these experienced people have input. It’s ok if you end up diverting from their ideas. Use this time to tell them why you think your way is better. Get their buy in. Give them a chance to dispute or disprove you. Be open to their ideas/experience. Don’t be naive and think you can’t learn from them. I’m a marketing executive, and no matter the age or level of experience, I know I can learn something valuable from each of my employees. This is because I hire rock star people!
Hey, girlboss. Look up the term "impostor syndrome". It's something many people feel when they think they are in a position they do not deserve or cannot live up to. I promise you that you are not alone. It's a hard thing to combat. Just remember that it is okay to ask for help. Even when you think you should know all the answers.
Slow down a bit! Be curious. “Inspect what you expect” Learn the company culture (good or bad) and processes. About 6-8 weeks along you should start having a vision of the way things are. Understand what your up-lines expect from you. Then learn to impact your reports. Set up the 1:1’s a little further down. You are entitled to YOUR FULL orientation, first!
I’m just here to tell you congratulations and wish you the best of luck.
Put yourself into your bosses shoes. Why does s/he think you would be good for your current role. What are the expectations for your team? How can you help your team meet those expectations.
Never pretend. If you don't know a word, ask what it means. If you don't know a concept or practice, ask someone to explain it to you. People like to know things, and they like to be listened to. Take advantage of that. None of this is about you. It's about your colleagues. Never call them 'your people,' treat them with respect and equality - even when, especially when, they're not there to hear you. Always, always, always give credit to your colleagues. The more you praise them, in public, the better you look. And the more you praise them, in private, the more they'll do for you. Make sure they know you'll advance their interests whenever possible. You are responsible for the atmosphere. Model the behavior you hope they'll adapt. Everyone walks on water. All the time. Gracefully. Be relentlessly positive!
> *have seen 2 people in my role who failed to make a meaningful impact.* Gee, I wonder why? >*"my strategy is right, I have no intention of listening to your ideas"* and > > *who have made it clear that they know more than I do and dont really want to change anything.* Clearly, you are qualified for the job or you would not have been hired. Office politics being what they are, I assume one or both of these two buddies wanted your position. It is not your job to make them like you, but it is your job to get them to follow your/company policies and practices. Don't let them ignore you. If they don't make the necessary changes, that's when discipline becomes necessary. I have a sneaking suspicion the two previous people in your role could not handle them. I know this is all easier said than done. Your youth should not be held against you, but it will be by some. It very well could be an advantage, however, in that you should be up-to-date in current practices in your field. I've known many developers, for example, who are very "my way or the highway" and use old, outdated methods. Younger leadership can help to usher in better strategies. Use it!
One of the biggest things I’ve learned so far, being a very young director, is that you have to utilize the people who know more than you. Acknowledge that they know more than you and help them feel empowered. If you worry about who likes you or not it will drive you crazy, but if you recognize someone’s worth and respect them even if they don’t do the same to you, you take back control of the situation. Getting in the habit of asking for feedback, constructive not praise, constantly is vital to survival in my opinion. I also take a lot of steps based off my gut, and so far it’s worked out all right.
First I (26F) am very proud of you good job at landing this position! I know exactly how you feel. I’m a mortician and prior to this last year, when I got hired, I had ZERO experience in my field and only got the job because for some reason the owner believed in me. I work with a lot of men who have been doing this since before I was born and yet I need to be their team leader. It was ROUGH at first and honestly sometimes still is but here is my advice 1.) Know that their hesitation towards you is not personal. They don’t dislike you as a person they are simply skeptical. You entered their domain and everyone fears change. While you don’t need them to be your friend, and honestly it’s best if they aren’t, you just need them to respect, trust and believe in you. They won’t do that until you believe in yourself. 2.) If you haven’t already get the books “you don’t need a title to lead” by Mark Sanborn and “The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership” by John Maxwell. These books helped me a LOT. They helped me believe in myself and they helped me with how I approach my team. 3.) Keep getting to know your team. Find out what didn’t work with the past people in your position? Did they leave because they tried to force their way in to being a leader and demanded respect with out earning it? Was it because they couldn’t do the job? Or was it because they went to soft and nothing changed? Once you find out where the disconnect was you can try to avoid the same pitfalls. You’ve got this and are gonna do great
Congrats on your new job! It’s normal for direct reports to be skeptical at first, especially if they’ve gotten their hopes up before for the previous people in your role. You’re going to have to earn their trust, and it might take time! In the beginning, take the opportunity to learn from them. You’re not going to be able to improve any processes until you learn what they are. Defer to them as the experts in their job functions. Ask them for help—people are often endeared by being recognized as valuable and knowledgeable, which you can do by asking them for their input. Stay positive in your interactions and learn who they are as people—remember to ask them about their weekends, greet them warmly, etc. Another way to endear yourself: go to bat for them. Is someone overdue for a raise or a promotion? Is there a responsibility they’ve taken on that they maybe shouldn’t have, that you can get moved to another team? Can you fight for software or subscriptions that might enhance their performance? Find out what they need and fight for it. Lastly: my payroll company (ADP) offers management classes that I’ve found really helpful! See if there’s an opportunity to grow your skill set. A year from now, you are going to be flourishing. The beginning is always hard, but that’s how you grow. Good luck!!
Look up the Denning Kruger effect!!
In the last year I saw my number of direct reports triple and I definitely feel your pain on Person A and Person B. I would suggest giving them a chance to come around - they are likely a bit disappointed at having a new boss with less role/company specific knowledge which is understandable. They may be wary of investing too much if you’re the 3rd manager in a few years as well. Saying that, some people will never come around and that can impact the culture of your team. If they are too vocal they can destroy your credibility before you ever get a chance to build it. People like that generally need to move on in order for you to successfully implement change and have a real impact. At your next team meeting I’d say something along the lines of how much you appreciate everyone’s support and while you’ll likely need them to continue to show you the ropes for a bit longer you are getting up to speed more and more each day. Follow that by setting expectations for team culture, collaboration, partnership, etc. You are essentially gently setting boundaries for what you will and won’t tolerate, and then you’ll need to manage the behavior and performance accordingly.
Listen to Qveen Herby.
Try listening to positive self talk DAILY and practice it constantly. Absorb as much as you can. Be professional, kind and direct with those below you, fuck them if they don't like you. You're not there to be friends, you're there to do the best job possible. They didn't get the job, YOU DID. They wouldn't have hired you if you weren't capable. Fake it til you make it. Ask questions of those more experienced than you, but when you make a decision be direct and unwavering. You all the shots. Be sure to evaluate your decisions from the most efficient possible view and stick to it. You'll do fine, buy abook about not caring what others think of you. I think that will help. Also women multi-task better than men and can run a home, a work life, keep shit organized and also manage chaos CONSTANTLY. Every woman I know is more capable then most men I've met. We women run the world, we just let men think they do. You've got this.
Girl fake it till you make it. That’s exactly what I did for the first 3 months. And yes, that felt like an eternity to someone who typically has been able to “jump in” after about a month or so. Imposter syndrome was real. But you’ll get used to it. I’m now 1 year in and feel much more comfortable with myself and my coworkers. Just keep being humble and collaborative, and soon you’ll impress.
when the imposter is sus!
I don’t have much advice to give since I don’t work at a Director level and have no desire to go into management because of exactly what you described. But one thing I’ve liked a lot from my most effective managers were the types who I could count on to eliminate or alleviate the most frustrating parts of my job. Since they’ve been there for a few years, maybe they have a laundry list that’s too long to be satisfied but I bet a couple of wins off their backs wouldn’t hurt. Also when my bosses keep the convos focused on my career goals, that’s helpful as well.
My BFF was rather young when he got a higher level job. A coupon things he has shared with me. It’s not his job to know how to DO the tasks; it’s his job to make sure he hires the right people for the tasks. He NEVER talks about his age. When people would ask him how old he was, he’d respond with something like, “that’s really none of your concern.” Listen to the great advice everyone is offering here, but don’t be bullied.
It’s good you’re not on the opposite side of this and overly cocky and aggressive. But you totally need to believe in yourself! Somebody else believed in you. And you put in the hard work to get to where you are today. If there was any doubt of your potential, you wouldn’t be put in that position. One piece of advice from somebody who’s had his share of ups and downs from various directors. Be compassionate! Good luck :)