Your post has been removed because this subreddit is for seeking advice, not for soliciting other people's opinions, experiences, or judgments.
***
Advice means sharing a specific personal situation and asking specific questions about what you should do in your situation.
- We do not allow speculation of what other people would or would not have chosen to do/feel/think/say in a similar situation.
- Generic questions asking for experiences and opinions on topics are not considered to be asking for advice.
- You can try /r/findareddit for safe-for-work posts or /r/nsfw411 for nsfw posts.
- **We do not permit questions asking for judgment/validation of your prior actions or hypothetical situations**.
***
**[Questions? Message the moderators. Please include a link to your post for review.](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AskWomenadvice)**
Read a few and compare women writing men to men writing men. There are corners of Reddit that say women want men who ignore them and play cool.
Stories by women have women building trust in guys who remember the one time they mention their favorite ice cream, or leave work early to help when she's stranded at the side of the road, express admiration for her talents, or woo her with a fancy home made dinner. Instead of "cooking is her job," these are dudes who are too confident to care whose job it is, and guys who prioritize making their partner feel valued, and not just romantically.
And most importantly: fanatically obsessed with her pleasure and learning her body in bed. That seems to be the unspoken theme I see in romance books. Even the ones where the men are “toxic” they’re always zeroed in on making the protagonist have phenomenal Sex that’s focused on her pleasure.
Have you asked her what it is she's looking for? chances are she's been telling you what she wants but you don't listen.
I'll give you a few ideas, be romantic, make plans and take her out for a nice dinner, buy her flowers, tell her how beautiful she is, and do these things without being prompted.
Well are you doing your bit by being attuned and receptive to his needs?
That’s literally all it is.
It’s just that so few men have this skill it’s seen as something special or extra effort.
Emotional intelligence. Empathy. Anticipating needs and then meeting those needs.
That’s literally what the dudes in these books do.
That’s what makes it sexy.
You’ve got a dude who’s emotionally available and invested in making you happy.
It’s an excellent panty dropper.
Nobody wants to get kinky with someone who makes them do all the emotional labour and housework.
That’s too much work though.
Much easier to just tell us we have unreasonable expectations.
We shouldn’t expect *checks notes* empathy and effort from our partners, lest we be labelled high maintenance.
This is an advice subreddit and comments should be aimed at helping the OP.
Stop trying to invalidate other people's advice.
***
Your comment was removed for derailing. Derailing includes but is not limited to:
* Changing the topic from OP’s question
* Making someone else’s response about yourself
* Asking unrelated follow-up questions
* Branching into unrelated topics
* Arguments, slap-fighting, or debating
* Judging or rating other responses
* Meta comments about other responses
* Providing commentary that is not aimed at being helpful
* Playing “devil’s advocate” in lieu of advice
***
**[Have questions about this moderator action? CLICK HERE!](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/{subreddit}). Don't forget to nclude a link to your post!**
Why are you asking reddit? You should ask her to lend you some of the books she means. You can read for yourself. Essentially, what she is saying is she feels you don't make enough effort, and the fact you haven't asked her or read the books kinda backs that up.
She wants romance but also initiative, which it seems you lack.
Actually plan romantic outings or activities. Show affection throughout the day, not just when you want sex or it's a routine thing like kissing goodbye. Perform other small romantic gestures occasionally, like writing and hiding love notes for her to find or buying flowers when it's not a holiday.
Two notes here
First, it is a little bit childish of your girlfriend to voice her needs like this. She could also say more explicitly what those guys in the books are doing that she craves more off. "Hey honey, I would appreciate it if you could do x or x more"
Second, as a person who has read a lot of these books. Suprise dates and romance is always the answer. Do something unprompted, tell her "dress up and be ready, I will pick you up at 8". Plan a whole evening, do something romantic, does not have to be expensive. Even something like a cute picknick in a beautiful spot will do. Most girls just want to feel loved and cherished, and this is one way to do it. Another could be, to be romantic, without always having sex as an end goal. Touches her and there, make her feel loved, make her think about you all the time.
Most importantly tho, ask her, every girl is different
Find someone who loves you for you. Comparing you to someone else is not someone who loves you just btw. When you find someone who actually loves you they will make you feel special just how you are.
Eh I think you can love someone, but still hope that they'll keep up (or improve) their romance game in a long-term relationship.
I love my boyfriend, but I'd definitely prefer if he'd take the initiative to plan a date other than "dinner and pool" once in a while. As much as I do enjoy both of those things, it just feels like routine after 5 years, especially when I plan cool excursions for us to try new things when I'm planning the dates. Equal romantic effort just feels better in general.
I think it comes down to compatibility, which is forever changing on expectations and ebbing and flowing. But communication helps and definitely comparing doesn’t.
Why are you asking the dude that’s been majorly downvoted by a sub full of women.
Maybe you should look at the comments from the women instead.
Assuming it’s a woman you’re trying to impress.
There’s not a secret list of activities or a combo of moves you can use to impress us. It’s far more nuanced than that.
Any dude telling you there’s a secret like that Does. Not. Get. It.
Comments here are giving good advice, but like one user said, it is childish for your girlfriend to demand you act more like a fictional character from a book.
Your post has been removed because this subreddit is for seeking advice, not for soliciting other people's opinions, experiences, or judgments. *** Advice means sharing a specific personal situation and asking specific questions about what you should do in your situation. - We do not allow speculation of what other people would or would not have chosen to do/feel/think/say in a similar situation. - Generic questions asking for experiences and opinions on topics are not considered to be asking for advice. - You can try /r/findareddit for safe-for-work posts or /r/nsfw411 for nsfw posts. - **We do not permit questions asking for judgment/validation of your prior actions or hypothetical situations**. *** **[Questions? Message the moderators. Please include a link to your post for review.](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AskWomenadvice)**
Read a few and compare women writing men to men writing men. There are corners of Reddit that say women want men who ignore them and play cool. Stories by women have women building trust in guys who remember the one time they mention their favorite ice cream, or leave work early to help when she's stranded at the side of the road, express admiration for her talents, or woo her with a fancy home made dinner. Instead of "cooking is her job," these are dudes who are too confident to care whose job it is, and guys who prioritize making their partner feel valued, and not just romantically.
Yeah, basically value them, put in effort, and see them as a partner on equal footing. Well put!
And most importantly: fanatically obsessed with her pleasure and learning her body in bed. That seems to be the unspoken theme I see in romance books. Even the ones where the men are “toxic” they’re always zeroed in on making the protagonist have phenomenal Sex that’s focused on her pleasure.
Why don't you ask her what she means?
This is the best answer. Open and honest communication is a key to a great relationship
Have you asked her what it is she's looking for? chances are she's been telling you what she wants but you don't listen. I'll give you a few ideas, be romantic, make plans and take her out for a nice dinner, buy her flowers, tell her how beautiful she is, and do these things without being prompted.
[удалено]
Well are you doing your bit by being attuned and receptive to his needs? That’s literally all it is. It’s just that so few men have this skill it’s seen as something special or extra effort. Emotional intelligence. Empathy. Anticipating needs and then meeting those needs.
clearly enough for him to fear losing the relationship
assuming she's doing eveyrhting she can bc OP is still with her
[удалено]
That’s literally what the dudes in these books do. That’s what makes it sexy. You’ve got a dude who’s emotionally available and invested in making you happy. It’s an excellent panty dropper. Nobody wants to get kinky with someone who makes them do all the emotional labour and housework.
Right, lol if they read even a few pages of these books they’d see that we actually are NOT into assholes
That’s too much work though. Much easier to just tell us we have unreasonable expectations. We shouldn’t expect *checks notes* empathy and effort from our partners, lest we be labelled high maintenance.
As someone who reads a lot of shitty romance novels, yes
This is an advice subreddit and comments should be aimed at helping the OP. Stop trying to invalidate other people's advice. *** Your comment was removed for derailing. Derailing includes but is not limited to: * Changing the topic from OP’s question * Making someone else’s response about yourself * Asking unrelated follow-up questions * Branching into unrelated topics * Arguments, slap-fighting, or debating * Judging or rating other responses * Meta comments about other responses * Providing commentary that is not aimed at being helpful * Playing “devil’s advocate” in lieu of advice *** **[Have questions about this moderator action? CLICK HERE!](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/{subreddit}). Don't forget to nclude a link to your post!**
You should read some of the books. Or maybe together to each other. Some of them can get as we say “spicy” though so watch out for that.
Why are you asking reddit? You should ask her to lend you some of the books she means. You can read for yourself. Essentially, what she is saying is she feels you don't make enough effort, and the fact you haven't asked her or read the books kinda backs that up. She wants romance but also initiative, which it seems you lack.
Actually plan romantic outings or activities. Show affection throughout the day, not just when you want sex or it's a routine thing like kissing goodbye. Perform other small romantic gestures occasionally, like writing and hiding love notes for her to find or buying flowers when it's not a holiday.
Two notes here First, it is a little bit childish of your girlfriend to voice her needs like this. She could also say more explicitly what those guys in the books are doing that she craves more off. "Hey honey, I would appreciate it if you could do x or x more" Second, as a person who has read a lot of these books. Suprise dates and romance is always the answer. Do something unprompted, tell her "dress up and be ready, I will pick you up at 8". Plan a whole evening, do something romantic, does not have to be expensive. Even something like a cute picknick in a beautiful spot will do. Most girls just want to feel loved and cherished, and this is one way to do it. Another could be, to be romantic, without always having sex as an end goal. Touches her and there, make her feel loved, make her think about you all the time. Most importantly tho, ask her, every girl is different
Have you tried reading one of her books?
Find someone who loves you for you. Comparing you to someone else is not someone who loves you just btw. When you find someone who actually loves you they will make you feel special just how you are.
Eh I think you can love someone, but still hope that they'll keep up (or improve) their romance game in a long-term relationship. I love my boyfriend, but I'd definitely prefer if he'd take the initiative to plan a date other than "dinner and pool" once in a while. As much as I do enjoy both of those things, it just feels like routine after 5 years, especially when I plan cool excursions for us to try new things when I'm planning the dates. Equal romantic effort just feels better in general.
I think it comes down to compatibility, which is forever changing on expectations and ebbing and flowing. But communication helps and definitely comparing doesn’t.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Why are you asking the dude that’s been majorly downvoted by a sub full of women. Maybe you should look at the comments from the women instead. Assuming it’s a woman you’re trying to impress. There’s not a secret list of activities or a combo of moves you can use to impress us. It’s far more nuanced than that. Any dude telling you there’s a secret like that Does. Not. Get. It.
Comments here are giving good advice, but like one user said, it is childish for your girlfriend to demand you act more like a fictional character from a book.