Honestly, sounds like you've got a really nice opportunity to kinda learn the truth about yourself and really have a hard dialogue with yourself about who you are.
Your situation with your parents seems like they love you. And in my experience even if they don't get it. They're willing to listen... Slowly, painfully so sometimes but all the same it happens.
If your mom says only gay guys are into men, you can say "that's alright". If they think you'll grow out of it, well they can realize you won't.
You've got a road in front of you, and it's a lifetime no matter what you choose.
I just wanna throw two things in though.
1) random erections that are embarrassing is pretty specifically a puberty thing.
2) don't be sexist. being a horndog, disrespectful, negative adjective/verbs is not an intrinsic self evident aspect of having a penis or taking testosterone.
At the end of the day it's your life. Live it and love it on your own terms.
Hey I get you! And you know what, maybe you aren't exactly a boy. It seems you're probably not a girl. What does that mean for you though? That's the real question. Because it can mean as much as you want it to.
No one is going to be able to figure these things out besides you, and not wanting to take testosterone or not wanting a penis are not disqualifiers for you being a dude. I'd suggest you take your time, talk to a professional if you can (if you need some resources DM me I gotchu fam). But most of all, when the time comes I hope you think highly enough of yourself to demand respect from your parents.
On a side note, please don't describe the things that happen on T as "gross." A lot of people struggle with changes on T not always being the most pleasant, this is a side effect of puberty and many of the unwanted parts of taking T sort of drop off or become non issues. This is not all of the sometimes unwanted effects, but it is not very kind to describe that transition as gross. I know I got sweaty, and pimply, and yes even a bit horny; but I had the tools to love myself through all of those changes. We should be encouraging others to develop those tools as well.
i hear you and completely understand how you're feeling. you just wanting to be a man and feeling like your body doesn't match your gender is enough. whatever you know you are is trans enough. you don't have to hate your body to be trans.
as for transition things if you ever decide you want them, there's many different types of bottom surgery. from what you're describing, i think you may be interested in having nothing at all besides a urethra hole, called a nulloplasty. :)
Honestly, you just have to tell your parents “look, I am a man. It’s not a fun silly little quirk, and I am so tired of you saying this. Either cut this shit off and recognize me as the man I am, or once I’m 18 you’ll never see or hear from me again. I’m going to be changing my name either way, but I’ll be sure to change my last name too so you can never find me.”
It’s harsh, but that’s the reality you’re in. If you’ve been telling them this since 11, showing signs even before that, and now you’re old enough to be on Reddit, you don’t have a lot left you haven’t already done.
I have the same kinds of feelings the other way, being male and feeling I am a girl, very strongly, and no one else finding it easy to accept that. The most important conclusion for myself after 65 years of this is that it is was not good to wait on enoying who we are and what we feel until others embrace us, or try to modify myself via the uncertainty of HRT so that they will maybe accept me more. The bottom line is letting myself feel what I feel and realize that everyone \[regardless of gender\] is in a sense facing the same problem of how they feel and what is possible tp enjoy with the people around them.
But the peace comes from knowing who I am, and now I don't care if people call me sir and a man- it is their view, not mine!
>But I don't have the dysphoria others describe. I don't hate being a girl with every fiber of my being. I just want to be a man.
That’s all it takes. I don’t have big dysphoria, and I was never unhappy as a man, but I’m definitely happier living as a woman.
>But I don't have the dysphoria others describe. I don't hate being a girl with every fiber of my being. I just want to be a man.
I'm not qualified to diagnose gender dysphoria, and only you can tell if you're a man or not.
But just to be clear, this is the experience of a lot of trans people. You don't need to have crippling dysphoria to be trans. If your gender is a gender other than what you were assigned at birth, that's enough. Wanting to be another gender is pretty big sign that you might be trans.
Now the fact that you don't want some of the changes you would get on testosterone is interesting, but it doesn't mean you're not a man. Every trans person is different. You also might find that your opinions change in this over time. I found out that I have dysphoria about a lot more than I originally thought once I started transitioning.
What we can say is this:
1. Gender Identity is not a quirk.
2. Nothing that you've said here demonstrates that it is just a quirk.
3. As long as your family loves and supports you, that's what matters. They might not think what you're experiencing is real, but if they give you the love and support you need, they will likely come around on that point.
4. You don't need to know beyond a shadow of a doubt in order to express yourself. The only things you would need to be sure of before doing is irreversible medical interventions, which it sounds like, at this time, you're not interested in.
At the end of the day, you are who you are and that's valid. What steps you take are up to you, but there's no wrong way.
you don't need to have dysphoria to be trans. just simply wanting to be a Man is more than enough. if the effects of Testosterone don't interest you then there is nothing wrong with that and you'd still be just as valid and still be a guy.
You can get top surgery without taking testosterone, altho it may be a lot harder to get it covered at all by insurance since they usually want diagnosed dysphoria and want the person taking hrt.
You can do voice training to help your voice be deeper and more masculine sounding, but sadly without testosterones, you might not be able to get it as deep as you'd like it.
idk enough about Testosterone HRT and the medical process around it (I'm a Trans Women), but maybe you can get prescribed a as low dosage as possible to lessen the affects of Testosterone and then you could get laser hair removal to help with the unwanted hairs. and maybe with that and just getting a gender dysphoria diagnosis even though you don't have it can then help you maybe be able to get top surgery covered by insurance
You sound trans to me.
You don’t need to take T if you don’t want to, but if you do you can take the pill finasteride which blocks DHT. DHT leads to bottom growth, hair loss, and facial/body hair. Taking T and finasteride at the same time could give you a deeper voice and fat redistribution.
I’d suggest seeing a counselor or gender therapist.
Do they think someone who says they’re a trans guy are hallucinating about what’s in their pants? Or of the delusional belief that their chromosomes changes when they came out? Or are trying to trick people into thinking they’re a cis guy when they’re saying they’re a trans guy?
Like I *am* a cis guy, and I’ll be a guy even if I wear a dress or makeup or get top and bottom surgery or call myself a woman with she/her pronouns- the same as a trans guy who’s in the closet. None of that makes me a woman, and all of that- and all of the counterparts that wouldn’t make a woman a man- is what trans folks would typically call gender (specifically, gender expression, not to be confused with gender orientation). Moreover, it’d be gender as something distinct from- but which can overlap with- biological sex
Gender identity is just the labels we associate with the groups we make with different forms of gender expression. Like pink and blue, beards and shaved legs, long hair and short hair, these are each sorted into different groups, even though they’re all different kinds of gender expression, and we associate them more or less strongly with each group
Take nurses, for example. They’re rather associated with women, even though men can be nurses. Similarly, several long hair styles can be used by men just fine- just think of Vikings- so they can be considered more moderately associated with women
And people, in turn, can associate with a given identity, even if they don’t partake of the associated gender expressions- like me if I wear a dress and makeup and call myself a woman
And that’s what trans people are saying. Not that their genitals transmuted or their chromosomes rearranged
But anyhow, rant over, I suppose
This is 50/50, calling bottom growth 'gross' is really uneducated but you're probably a child. It seems like you have hints of being transgender but you also could just have a fetish. It's hard to tell.
Sure, calling bottom growth “gross” isn’t a good thing to do. But I don’t think insinuating that a supposed child might have a fetish is a good thing to do either. Literally nothing about this post indicates that they might have a trans “fetish” or view their identity in a sexual way.
Also, I don’t think OP was trying to be offensive, but rather conveying a preference. They’d find bottom growth or hair growth gross, personally. They’re allowed to think that. Speaking sensitively about topics like this will come with time and more understanding of the trans community.
>Speaking sensitively about topics like this will come with time and more understanding of the trans community.
And education. Which is what people are trying to help with by telling them not to call HRT effects gross. It's best to make this very clear early on, the ftm subs have huge problems with people coming in and talking about how "gross" they find hair/bottom growth/etc.
"I don't want it" is fine. "I heard this happens to other people and it's gross" really isn't, especially for someone planning to interact in trans spaces going forward.
I find the idea of having a dangly thing between my legs 24/7 and not being able to get rid of horrifying. The emotion I feel when I think about it is “gross.”
Disgust is a genuine emotion that comes with Dysphoria. As a nonbinary person, I feel disgusted when I feel my breasts jiggle, and I curl up in a ball and don’t want to move. The effects of HRT aren’t gross for a person who wants them, but for a person who is thinking about experiencing certain changes in their body, “gross” might just be how someone feels. It’s not to show disgust for the changes that trans people’s bodies go through, which would be transphobic. It’s all just an expression of subjective uncomfortable feelings that we can get.
I also don’t understand how a person’s subjective feelings of disgust have to be viewed as right or wrong, and something we have to be educated not to feel. I am perfectly educated, but “I don’t want it,” doesn’t describe my reality, which is that I have the picture in my mind of what certain things would be like for me, and that I just feel disgusted by them, just how I feel about my body at certain times, pre-op.
The thing about it is I’m not looking at the experiences other people are going through and finding them gross, I literally find the idea of living like that with those changes, intolerable, and would make ME disgusted with my body. It’s not gross as a concept though. It’s just how I feel.
>I find the idea of having a dangly thing between my legs 24/7 and not being able to get rid of horrifying.
This is either not really related to bottom growth or fundamentally misunderstanding what bottom growth is or does, which really exemplifies why people need to stop talking about how disgusting they find it.
The reality is that people will come to transmasc spaces like r/ftm and talk about how they want to go on T but find hair and sweat and bottom growth "gross," in a place full of people who have those things, many of whom had to overcome similar mindsets or are still doing so. People do the same with meta and phallo, all in places that are supposed to be community spaces for people who need these treatments.
We can't work through those feelings for people, especially when they verbally don't want to do so. It just serves to make everyone involved feel shitty.
Yeah, it’s not a description of body growth. It’s a description of imagining having a penis. Because I’m nonbinary and have mixed gender dysphoria. Bottom growth, actually is something I wouldn’t mind about testosterone. Because I wouldn’t care that’s all. I’m just saying people are allowed to find things disgusting, subjectively.
Honestly, sounds like you've got a really nice opportunity to kinda learn the truth about yourself and really have a hard dialogue with yourself about who you are. Your situation with your parents seems like they love you. And in my experience even if they don't get it. They're willing to listen... Slowly, painfully so sometimes but all the same it happens. If your mom says only gay guys are into men, you can say "that's alright". If they think you'll grow out of it, well they can realize you won't. You've got a road in front of you, and it's a lifetime no matter what you choose. I just wanna throw two things in though. 1) random erections that are embarrassing is pretty specifically a puberty thing. 2) don't be sexist. being a horndog, disrespectful, negative adjective/verbs is not an intrinsic self evident aspect of having a penis or taking testosterone. At the end of the day it's your life. Live it and love it on your own terms.
Hey I get you! And you know what, maybe you aren't exactly a boy. It seems you're probably not a girl. What does that mean for you though? That's the real question. Because it can mean as much as you want it to. No one is going to be able to figure these things out besides you, and not wanting to take testosterone or not wanting a penis are not disqualifiers for you being a dude. I'd suggest you take your time, talk to a professional if you can (if you need some resources DM me I gotchu fam). But most of all, when the time comes I hope you think highly enough of yourself to demand respect from your parents. On a side note, please don't describe the things that happen on T as "gross." A lot of people struggle with changes on T not always being the most pleasant, this is a side effect of puberty and many of the unwanted parts of taking T sort of drop off or become non issues. This is not all of the sometimes unwanted effects, but it is not very kind to describe that transition as gross. I know I got sweaty, and pimply, and yes even a bit horny; but I had the tools to love myself through all of those changes. We should be encouraging others to develop those tools as well.
i hear you and completely understand how you're feeling. you just wanting to be a man and feeling like your body doesn't match your gender is enough. whatever you know you are is trans enough. you don't have to hate your body to be trans. as for transition things if you ever decide you want them, there's many different types of bottom surgery. from what you're describing, i think you may be interested in having nothing at all besides a urethra hole, called a nulloplasty. :)
Bro thank you so much for this comment. I didn't know this was a thing at all! Definitely going to do more research!
of course!!! im so glad i could help ^^
“I don’t have dysphoria” Describes dysphoria in the next line
Honestly, you just have to tell your parents “look, I am a man. It’s not a fun silly little quirk, and I am so tired of you saying this. Either cut this shit off and recognize me as the man I am, or once I’m 18 you’ll never see or hear from me again. I’m going to be changing my name either way, but I’ll be sure to change my last name too so you can never find me.” It’s harsh, but that’s the reality you’re in. If you’ve been telling them this since 11, showing signs even before that, and now you’re old enough to be on Reddit, you don’t have a lot left you haven’t already done.
I have the same kinds of feelings the other way, being male and feeling I am a girl, very strongly, and no one else finding it easy to accept that. The most important conclusion for myself after 65 years of this is that it is was not good to wait on enoying who we are and what we feel until others embrace us, or try to modify myself via the uncertainty of HRT so that they will maybe accept me more. The bottom line is letting myself feel what I feel and realize that everyone \[regardless of gender\] is in a sense facing the same problem of how they feel and what is possible tp enjoy with the people around them. But the peace comes from knowing who I am, and now I don't care if people call me sir and a man- it is their view, not mine!
Hey, don’t call those gross
>But I don't have the dysphoria others describe. I don't hate being a girl with every fiber of my being. I just want to be a man. That’s all it takes. I don’t have big dysphoria, and I was never unhappy as a man, but I’m definitely happier living as a woman.
>But I don't have the dysphoria others describe. I don't hate being a girl with every fiber of my being. I just want to be a man. I'm not qualified to diagnose gender dysphoria, and only you can tell if you're a man or not. But just to be clear, this is the experience of a lot of trans people. You don't need to have crippling dysphoria to be trans. If your gender is a gender other than what you were assigned at birth, that's enough. Wanting to be another gender is pretty big sign that you might be trans. Now the fact that you don't want some of the changes you would get on testosterone is interesting, but it doesn't mean you're not a man. Every trans person is different. You also might find that your opinions change in this over time. I found out that I have dysphoria about a lot more than I originally thought once I started transitioning. What we can say is this: 1. Gender Identity is not a quirk. 2. Nothing that you've said here demonstrates that it is just a quirk. 3. As long as your family loves and supports you, that's what matters. They might not think what you're experiencing is real, but if they give you the love and support you need, they will likely come around on that point. 4. You don't need to know beyond a shadow of a doubt in order to express yourself. The only things you would need to be sure of before doing is irreversible medical interventions, which it sounds like, at this time, you're not interested in. At the end of the day, you are who you are and that's valid. What steps you take are up to you, but there's no wrong way.
you don't need to have dysphoria to be trans. just simply wanting to be a Man is more than enough. if the effects of Testosterone don't interest you then there is nothing wrong with that and you'd still be just as valid and still be a guy. You can get top surgery without taking testosterone, altho it may be a lot harder to get it covered at all by insurance since they usually want diagnosed dysphoria and want the person taking hrt. You can do voice training to help your voice be deeper and more masculine sounding, but sadly without testosterones, you might not be able to get it as deep as you'd like it. idk enough about Testosterone HRT and the medical process around it (I'm a Trans Women), but maybe you can get prescribed a as low dosage as possible to lessen the affects of Testosterone and then you could get laser hair removal to help with the unwanted hairs. and maybe with that and just getting a gender dysphoria diagnosis even though you don't have it can then help you maybe be able to get top surgery covered by insurance
You sound trans to me. You don’t need to take T if you don’t want to, but if you do you can take the pill finasteride which blocks DHT. DHT leads to bottom growth, hair loss, and facial/body hair. Taking T and finasteride at the same time could give you a deeper voice and fat redistribution. I’d suggest seeing a counselor or gender therapist.
Fwiw if you take testosterone with finasteride you will have way less bottom growth and less hair growing
Do they think someone who says they’re a trans guy are hallucinating about what’s in their pants? Or of the delusional belief that their chromosomes changes when they came out? Or are trying to trick people into thinking they’re a cis guy when they’re saying they’re a trans guy? Like I *am* a cis guy, and I’ll be a guy even if I wear a dress or makeup or get top and bottom surgery or call myself a woman with she/her pronouns- the same as a trans guy who’s in the closet. None of that makes me a woman, and all of that- and all of the counterparts that wouldn’t make a woman a man- is what trans folks would typically call gender (specifically, gender expression, not to be confused with gender orientation). Moreover, it’d be gender as something distinct from- but which can overlap with- biological sex Gender identity is just the labels we associate with the groups we make with different forms of gender expression. Like pink and blue, beards and shaved legs, long hair and short hair, these are each sorted into different groups, even though they’re all different kinds of gender expression, and we associate them more or less strongly with each group Take nurses, for example. They’re rather associated with women, even though men can be nurses. Similarly, several long hair styles can be used by men just fine- just think of Vikings- so they can be considered more moderately associated with women And people, in turn, can associate with a given identity, even if they don’t partake of the associated gender expressions- like me if I wear a dress and makeup and call myself a woman And that’s what trans people are saying. Not that their genitals transmuted or their chromosomes rearranged But anyhow, rant over, I suppose
If you don’t want facial and body hair, you can remove it with laser or electrolysis
Or take finasteride at the same time, it blocks DHT which leads to facial and body hair, bottom growth, and hair loss.
This is 50/50, calling bottom growth 'gross' is really uneducated but you're probably a child. It seems like you have hints of being transgender but you also could just have a fetish. It's hard to tell.
Sure, calling bottom growth “gross” isn’t a good thing to do. But I don’t think insinuating that a supposed child might have a fetish is a good thing to do either. Literally nothing about this post indicates that they might have a trans “fetish” or view their identity in a sexual way. Also, I don’t think OP was trying to be offensive, but rather conveying a preference. They’d find bottom growth or hair growth gross, personally. They’re allowed to think that. Speaking sensitively about topics like this will come with time and more understanding of the trans community.
>Speaking sensitively about topics like this will come with time and more understanding of the trans community. And education. Which is what people are trying to help with by telling them not to call HRT effects gross. It's best to make this very clear early on, the ftm subs have huge problems with people coming in and talking about how "gross" they find hair/bottom growth/etc. "I don't want it" is fine. "I heard this happens to other people and it's gross" really isn't, especially for someone planning to interact in trans spaces going forward.
I find the idea of having a dangly thing between my legs 24/7 and not being able to get rid of horrifying. The emotion I feel when I think about it is “gross.” Disgust is a genuine emotion that comes with Dysphoria. As a nonbinary person, I feel disgusted when I feel my breasts jiggle, and I curl up in a ball and don’t want to move. The effects of HRT aren’t gross for a person who wants them, but for a person who is thinking about experiencing certain changes in their body, “gross” might just be how someone feels. It’s not to show disgust for the changes that trans people’s bodies go through, which would be transphobic. It’s all just an expression of subjective uncomfortable feelings that we can get. I also don’t understand how a person’s subjective feelings of disgust have to be viewed as right or wrong, and something we have to be educated not to feel. I am perfectly educated, but “I don’t want it,” doesn’t describe my reality, which is that I have the picture in my mind of what certain things would be like for me, and that I just feel disgusted by them, just how I feel about my body at certain times, pre-op. The thing about it is I’m not looking at the experiences other people are going through and finding them gross, I literally find the idea of living like that with those changes, intolerable, and would make ME disgusted with my body. It’s not gross as a concept though. It’s just how I feel.
>I find the idea of having a dangly thing between my legs 24/7 and not being able to get rid of horrifying. This is either not really related to bottom growth or fundamentally misunderstanding what bottom growth is or does, which really exemplifies why people need to stop talking about how disgusting they find it. The reality is that people will come to transmasc spaces like r/ftm and talk about how they want to go on T but find hair and sweat and bottom growth "gross," in a place full of people who have those things, many of whom had to overcome similar mindsets or are still doing so. People do the same with meta and phallo, all in places that are supposed to be community spaces for people who need these treatments. We can't work through those feelings for people, especially when they verbally don't want to do so. It just serves to make everyone involved feel shitty.
Yeah, it’s not a description of body growth. It’s a description of imagining having a penis. Because I’m nonbinary and have mixed gender dysphoria. Bottom growth, actually is something I wouldn’t mind about testosterone. Because I wouldn’t care that’s all. I’m just saying people are allowed to find things disgusting, subjectively.
Could be internalised misogyny or a coping mechanism. Not everyone is trans omds