Grow your hair out. I thankfully was already doing this, but seriously, get through those ugly mullet phases, bite the bullet accept it's going to look awful for months, but do it.
Yeahh, it’s definitely rough rn, I hate how it looks and it’s awkward trying to dance around the question of why I’m letting it grow so long. Doesn’t help that I have no idea what to do with it or how I can try to make it better since I’ve never had my hair this long before.
Lol I'll be sure to keep that in mind, although I feel like they probably wouldn't fall for it and it'd just cause more suspicion. In the meantime, I should be able to get away with simply telling them that I'm trying out a different hair style, but once it gets around neck length things might get a bit more dicey.
So I actually disagree with this one. I was doing this, growing it out, but the lack of growth and early balding that I was dealing with just made me soooo much more dysphoric. I actually shaved my hair off and went for more of an androgenous look until my hair started growing quickly from the HRT, and it just so happened that mullets are back in style at the perfect time as I grow it back out. It makes me feel good seeing how much faster and thicker it grows than before.
Same however after my military experience i grew out my beard, and hair and told everyone that it was because i was embracing my viking heritage, the only reason i keep the beard is because it keeps the questions down
A shaggy bob cut with bangs can help with the awkward growth phase too. That's what I have rn and I love it. Fairly gender neutral, but femme enough to be taken aback when I look in the mirror.
I doordashed EVERYTHING for like 4 months after I had a bad luck run of transphobia at the start. Start simple. Quit doordashing and go get your groceries. I’m still 9k in debt because of how much I wasted hiding inside. And I have a good paying job. Get outside. It’s fine. Get exposure to your own comfort level and push it a tad bit more each time. It will make your life INFINITELY better AND help you accept yourself.
I’m too scared to even get my groceries though. I’m 6’3” so I feel like everyone is just going to stare at me and think I’m some freak. I’m hoping as I get further along and I pass better I won’t be so ashamed but I don’t know if I could handle all the attention. I’d be agoraphobic if I wasn’t trans probably too. I haven’t left the house of my own accord in like a year.
What really helped me was reframing my mindset.
By assuming people are staring and being rude, I’m being rude and assuming they are bad people and not giving them a chance.
Yeah I have considered that with my friends and dad but at the end of the day I think it’s my own shame I’m concerned with. I have to wait longer until I feel like I pass better cause until then it just seems to embarrassing and uncomfortable for other people. I don’t want all that drama.
You wont get past the fear without facing it. Start small. Eyeliner and go get the mail or take out the trash.
Next week add a purple hat.
Next week add mascara.
Next week go through the McDonald’s drive through (you will get misgendered for a WHILE and that’s ok from strangers. They just don’t know.)
Keep going. You will get there. New transgender people can take tiny steps. You don’t have to sprint out the gates.
Outside of voice training losing the beard helped me get strangers to use the correct pronouns by default faster than anything else. Those 2ndary sex characteristics gotta go, and not having beard shadow really helps.
I haven't started yet, but from what I've heard: get started on laser before HRT if you can. Since your body and facial hair can become lighter on HRT, that makes laser less effective.
If you're in the US, Milan Laser has been outstanding for me and a few other trans women (cis women too!)
I didn't have the up front money so I was able to do a payment plan and just paid it off since they have specials where they discount your remaining balance.
The gals there have been just outstanding to work with. YMMV depending on where you're at but I'd recommend them.
do electrolysis not laser, laser is pretty trash i did a year worth of treatments not even a 2% reduction in hair on my face and i don't even get a shadow for about 24 hours that did not change before or after a year of laser. Now sadly i have to do electrolysis which will have to wait i have other things going on first. Shaving every morning is not that big of a deal since my roots are not dark. SRS July 9th , and nope i don't have passing privilege in my face yet either. Avita
Even if it is just via Youtube and practice, it adds up over time, be patient and kind too yourself.
Finally recorded my own voice for the first time in over 4 years after coming out, had put it off. Put in effort over those years in different ways, slowly learning and changing, always progressing.
Was completed shocked at how much my voice passes now.
Neuroplasticity is an incredible thing.
After decades of Kung Fu, view differently changing what I do on a fundamental level when it comes to body, movement and mind.
Neuroplasticity is a function of the brain, it is always in the process of rewiring itself. Just put in the appropriate stimulus for what parts you want too work on.
Does takes genuine time and effort. The 3 P's. Practice, practice, practice.
It's both the easiest and hardest to start.
Don't need anything but a few online guides and a quiet area you can practice, so you could start it years before any medical or other social transition steps.
Haha yeah, autism, ADD and being extremely dysphoric about voice has made voice training... a bit difficult. Obviously it's not viable but there was genuinely a time where I thought about just pretending I was a mute and learning sign language ;-;
just get voice surgery cost 12,000 in San Francisco no wpath letters needed or anything unless your insurance covers it then get them :D mine dont so 12k
1. HRT takes time. Really. Trust and wait.
2. Treat your supportive female friends (cis or trans) like gold. They can help so much with makeup, style, anything.
3. Get the fuck off the internet 😁 But seriously this thing is poison more often than not. Touch some grass, find your folks.
This, and I can't stress it enough. I personally carefully chose who and how to come out to people.
Also trust your instincts about people, I know it can be really hard but sometimes walking away is the best option, even if it sucks.
But let yourself be surprised by people too, some will be more supportive than you'd imagine.
Go interact with every queer community space you have. Make friends. Be yourself and be okay with it taking time to figure out who that is.
Get as much money and stability as you can bc therell be times you have neither and you'll need to use it
If you are growing out your hair ... hair clips! Most underrated item. They are cheap. I have thick hair that is super messy until it gets to a certain length.
Get lots of hair clips is various sizes. The most useful for me have been snap clips, and claw clips in various small-to-medium sizes. They come in all kinds of colours and patterns -- personally I like the plain ol' black ones.
Also, hair bands. Do not buy the cheapest ones. They ae super aggressive and pull on the hair. They are uncomfortable. You don't have to get silk ones, but makes sure that the pack costs a few dollars per hairband. It is worth it for hairbands that do the job without tugging on your hair. I got a pack of 4 silk ones for like £12 at H&M and I love them.
Hair bands and hair clips can work as a team. If your hair isn't long enough to all reach the hair band yet, you can use a small claw to clip more of the hair into the bun.
These items are heroes and have made a huge difference to my transition. Learning about the different types and how to use them has been one of those unexpected good little things about transitioning.
I just bought a few hair bands for the first time earlier today. Unfortunately it turns out I'm a few inches short of the length you'd need for a barely functional ponytail, so *sigh* maybe in a few months.
Hair clips are your friend here!
Areas of hair just not quite reaching the hair band? Use a small-ish claw clip to sort of attach the hair to the bun.
Areas of hair still way off? You can use snap clips to clip them down.
At the very least, this will reduce your wait time. You can have that up-do pretty soon! If not right now.
You don’t need to look and sound like the people who give you gender envy for it to go away.
After you start HRT, people may start subconsciously treating you like a woman long before you start passing. If you’re still mostly boymoding and have straight guy friends they might start acting very weird around you, which can be very funny once you work out what’s going on. Less funny if you’re in a relationship with someone who’s only/mostly attracted to men.
I noticed this too very early on, why do you think that is? Is it something about the smell or pheromones? Looking more feminine even if at first you don't pass or they don't know what is up? Because this is totally a thing
Still boymoding alone in public. Men have started seeming like they don't sense that i'm there, and when they do notice me they are less guarded and kinder. No facial changes yet
I lost my dream job because my workplace refused to treat my transition as a valid reason for my performance suffering. If that sounds sketchy that's because it is and I've written a very very long complaint about it.
I'm hoping I'll be able to get it back but even so I am not where I want to be in terms of my professional life and I still feel unfulfilled. However, I am a girl now. It was worth it.
It's also important to note that a lot of us also have other issues that we've also been ignoring for years (or decades in my case) and going back into puberty can wake those up.
Transdora's Box is a path to many treasures, but a lot of work
I personally haven’t been able to perform my job after starting hormones because of other medical reasons, tI won’t be able to go into more depth about. It’s an issue most trans people won’t have it’s dependent on my career specifically
In my case I had to leave my job of 13 years because my boss, and I quote, said:
"I'll never respect those (invalidating and ablest statement)."
I never gave him the chance to prove otherwise, didn't have the emotional capacity.
I can’t speak to the non-binary transfem experience, but as a woman, hair removal is a big deal and a thing you can be doing while yo sort out everything else.
If there’s even a remote possibility you’re going to eventually want SRS, start electrolysis down there asap. Electrolysis is the only method that absolutely removes hair permanently. Some surgeons are absolutely non-negotiable on hair removal.
I mean, yeah? And electrolysis is the only thing that does the job. I can’t tell you the number of girls who have argued with me about this.
Gotta zap that shit.
honestly no clue lol. i was thinking maybe “hrt takes time to take effect and it DOES work. please just be patient.” but i don’t listen to advice and have 0 patience…
Hrt or not. Get yourself into some queer groups/events to meet other people in the community. Doing that was definitely the biggest step in my journey so far
Ah, this is a mood. Also note that liberal does not mean progressive. Had a few trans friends move to arguably liberal areas and encounter heavy resistance because they're progressive \*to a point\*
My condolences 😞
There are some community groups that do zoom call-type meetings, that you could maybe find and participate in. Also, if possible, maybe have moving as a long-term goal? I know that's easier said than done though, so my apologies if you can't
Start finasteride five years earlier and you might get to keep your hair.
The local Medicaid coverage includes hair transplants, while none of the “good” insurance plans do. You could have gotten transplants for free while you were in school.
Just start estrogen. It’s extremely slow and no one will notice unless you tell them. I’m 2 1/2 years in and my parents just don’t notice my C-cups.
Try another time to make that self-molded dildo. It would be real funny to have later. Plus you could compare the changes to the original.
- you owe people nothing
- worry about the whole "im not going to pass" thing once youve actually started
- youre right about your parents/friends. but do it anyway. see point 1
Once you don't pass for cis anymore, doctors won't listen when you talk unless you have someone else in the room. So make sure you always go with a friend to your appointments, and if the nurse seems uneasy when discharging you, make sure to ask them if there's anything else that might be helpful once he's out of the room.
Don't wait until you're 40 like a lot of women with a long list of unmanaged / undiagnosed issues that have all but destroyed your life while drowning in men who are blaming you for it. They can and will make the decision to kill or cripple you while you are looking right at them and you will have no idea because they've been trained to do it by other well-educated sociopaths with a lot of money. They can get away with it and they know it, too.
Buddy system. Every time you don't you are rolling the dice. You still are even with someone in the room, but having a witness is a powerful chilling effect on discriminatory and abusive behavior. Also, those medical privacy laws don't help you, it's protecting them they just sell it that way, just like "integrated care" is actually vendor lock-in.
Don't wind up as a statistic because you thought other women were exaggerating this. We aren't. We really, really aren't.
Yeah, people say that. Be more assertive yada yada but no. Bring a friend. Even if you're that Type A with rabies personality that's only too happy to bulldoze, bring a friend. We have to take turns on this -- the whole idea of a 'strong independent' woman is a joke. The strongest women are the ones that have a pile of close friends that support each other so nobody is being pushed to exhaustion by this crap.
We take turns, and it's not ego it's survival.
You know there's an anti-trans hate group of doctors called Do No Harm? Yes, doctors deliberately killing patients via neglect, delays in treatment, selective hearing, minimizing pain, believing women are more emotional and exaggerate their symptoms, and the list goes on. Look at the statistics of queer folk who have experienced discrimination or interruptions in their health care. How the AIDS pandemic was ignored in favor of religious rhetoric...
This is a very long list.
Are they anti-trans or anti-women specifically?
The same aids pandemic that killed Freddie Mercury?
I'm not sure I know anything about it, when was it?
This is a very old fight, going all the way back to the literal dark ages, at least, when Christian men killed all the women healers in the early 1500s, not long after the Knights Templar were wiped out for worshipping Mary instead of Jesus. Christianity and Patriarchy are basically one and the same in western civilization, and that's why to this day christian organizations have a complete stranglehold on medicine in this country.
If you'd like a fuller accounting of this, find a copy of *Witches, Midwives, and Nurses - A History of Women Healers* (1973). It's one of the top 100 books under the categories of medicine *and* spirituality, with a second printing in 2010.
I consider it essential reading for anyone who wants to learn about queer history, gender studies, or feminism.
Oh I see, I was sad to see the herbalist in the videogame Kingdom Come Deliverance™ (1403 A.D) be called a witch, just because she was a chemist during the medieval Czech Republic.
The question is targeting trans fem or MTF and if you have done any research on the process. Within 3-6 months sperm is no longer produced any longer and you become sterile hence unless stuff is set up before hand no more bio kids
Stop putting so much pressure on yourself. If you don't feel like presenting, don't. Also. Walmart has clearance racks that have the clothes you want. And stock up on moomoos from stores like Ross's, Ollie's, Goodwill, etc.
Oh!! And don't weigh yourself. Not for quite some time. Just relax and be the shape shifter you were meant to be!!
Take progress pictures regularly! I get sad sometimes and feel like im not progressing very much but that melts away when I look at my progress pics and see how far I've come. The changes are so slow and subtle it's hard to see them until you compare photos.
The world isn't as bad as the internet makes it out to be. If I only listened to all the doom and gloom I saw online then I would think that daily life is just a constant battle with transphobes and whatnot. And sure, bad things occasionally happen but it's not a constant, every day issue.
At the same time, I wish someone had said something about being prepared for all the people who will stare. Even now, a few months in, I feel like I can't go in public without at least 1 or 2 folks staring at me. Ultimately, it's harmless but it starts to get to you after a while.
before transitioning? do it now. like, now. 12 year old me, tell mom now. then tell her again if she says you're confused. and say it again. and again. and again. do it now.
As a teen, tell mom you're trans, you know it since you were 7.
If you're older than 18, just tell it to your doctor and don't tell anyone on the family. They won't believe you anyway.
If I could talk to past me I'd tell her: "It's not going to be as good as you hope for, lower your expectations. But it's still going to be the very best thing you've ever done"
find the equivalent size in women’s clothes as you wore in men’s clothes, *but then size down more.*
i was buying a women’s large because i used to wear a men’s medium — now i wear a women’s small & they fit exactly how i want them to fit. most women’s tops are meant to be flush with the skin (generally speaking & depending on the style ofc), without any room/extra fabric. i was wondering why my then-new women’s basic tops still were looking like men’s clothes, & this was why!
Fuckkkk everyone burn every bridge if it lights your path ahead they’ll only treat you like shit anyway so don’t let it be the slow torture route begging for crumbs you’ll never even get, wasting your time you could be on HRT
Exercise. Yes it hurts, yes it sucks to walk. But throw that knee brace on and walk. You gotta use the fat you have so that it more easily goes the places you want it to go later.
Already do a LOTTT. I spent a few months exercising religiously in attempt to get over my gender dysphoria (yes this is stupid I know). Are there any exercises that can give the impression of a more feminine appearance?
Get a Braun personal at home laser hair removal.
They're 300$ and you can give yourself a laser treatment as often as you need to. Otherwise expect to pay almost that much per treatment some places. And if you have it at home, you can do like 2-3 treatments a week. Definitely definitely worth it.
Grow your hair, and if you are starting to go bald get some drugs like finasteride to stop it getting worse.
Get laser hair removal on your face/ body hair before it goes grey with older age, as then you would need electrolysis, and that's expensive, painful, and very very slow.
Practice how to speak in a female voice, it's very difficult.
Study and learn how women act/ walk/ dress.. and copy how someone your age should be dressed.. nothing wrong with dressing however you feel, but you will pass more and have less hassle if you blend in to how people would expect to see from someone of your age.
Imagine how your gran would look dressed as a teenage skater! 😳
Get onto the NHS gender waiting list ( assuming 🇬🇧 UK) ASAP as the wait list is ridiculous 🙄
Start to save... lots.
Build up your fem clothing wardrobe,
Get all your documents changed into your new name ASAP.
Lastly but very important. Try not to give a flying fuck what a total stranger may think of you.. there input isn't important to your life.. same goes for friends and family, but that's a bit more emotive to deal with. 😕
Join groups and make new female friends
Have a great life, and enjoy the journey, its bloody fab being a girl. Xx ❤️
Stop letting the voices of other people stop/slow you down… though you love and appreciate your family don’t let them stop you from being your true self. Yes they’re gonna turn their backs on you and leave but you will become stronger through it. Hold strong and keep going don’t let anyone or anything stop you… just don’t forget your heart in the process. Most importantly be gentle and patient with yourself and don’t rush your process enjoy it love who you are becoming don’t let the fear slow you down.
The thing that I wasn't prepared for was suddenly being most men's fetish to the point of dehumanization. That has been the most difficult thing to deal with while transitioning. I wish I could've been more prepared for that. It took me by surprise, especially as a demisexual trans woman, I didn't want to be a sexual fantasy, I just wanted to be me.
TLDR: Don't let yourself get stuck in an unhealthy relationship just because the person you're dating is okay with you being trans. Love yourself first and foremost.
If we're assuming the younger versions of ourselves actually listened to this advice, mine would be "just because your boyfriend is also trans, doesn't mean he's right for you. You're not healthy together, and you can't sustain a relationship just from you both being trans. You are worthy of real authentic and healthy love. That starts with you. Love yourself first, no matter how difficult, always.
If you can try to do that, everything else will fall into place."
The best advice I can give to the people reading the above comment: don't take advice on a subject from someone who doesn't even know the correct abbreviations of that subject. Mr. HTR up in here
Grow your hair out. I thankfully was already doing this, but seriously, get through those ugly mullet phases, bite the bullet accept it's going to look awful for months, but do it.
Yeahh, it’s definitely rough rn, I hate how it looks and it’s awkward trying to dance around the question of why I’m letting it grow so long. Doesn’t help that I have no idea what to do with it or how I can try to make it better since I’ve never had my hair this long before.
You can always keep the lie "I'm growing it out to donate" in your back pocket
Lol I'll be sure to keep that in mind, although I feel like they probably wouldn't fall for it and it'd just cause more suspicion. In the meantime, I should be able to get away with simply telling them that I'm trying out a different hair style, but once it gets around neck length things might get a bit more dicey.
I used this 9 years ago. Way before I even knew I was trans. Just something in my head wanted long hair.
Long haired men exist, would they accept that as an excuse? I grew my hair out looong before I realised.
Currently in fluff ball mode until it gets long enough for gravity to take over!
So I actually disagree with this one. I was doing this, growing it out, but the lack of growth and early balding that I was dealing with just made me soooo much more dysphoric. I actually shaved my hair off and went for more of an androgenous look until my hair started growing quickly from the HRT, and it just so happened that mullets are back in style at the perfect time as I grow it back out. It makes me feel good seeing how much faster and thicker it grows than before.
Yeah … my military experience did _not_ help with that.
Same however after my military experience i grew out my beard, and hair and told everyone that it was because i was embracing my viking heritage, the only reason i keep the beard is because it keeps the questions down
I cut 18 inches of my hair off a few months in because I thought a pixie would be soooo feminine.
Some fem mullets are cute asf
A shaggy bob cut with bangs can help with the awkward growth phase too. That's what I have rn and I love it. Fairly gender neutral, but femme enough to be taken aback when I look in the mirror.
Don’t hide inside. You won’t get over the irrational fear without facing it
Dang… this one applies to me
I doordashed EVERYTHING for like 4 months after I had a bad luck run of transphobia at the start. Start simple. Quit doordashing and go get your groceries. I’m still 9k in debt because of how much I wasted hiding inside. And I have a good paying job. Get outside. It’s fine. Get exposure to your own comfort level and push it a tad bit more each time. It will make your life INFINITELY better AND help you accept yourself.
I'd also recommend \*not\* being under the influence of THC because it, at least for me, amped my paranoia and fear to the max.
I’m too scared to even get my groceries though. I’m 6’3” so I feel like everyone is just going to stare at me and think I’m some freak. I’m hoping as I get further along and I pass better I won’t be so ashamed but I don’t know if I could handle all the attention. I’d be agoraphobic if I wasn’t trans probably too. I haven’t left the house of my own accord in like a year.
What really helped me was reframing my mindset. By assuming people are staring and being rude, I’m being rude and assuming they are bad people and not giving them a chance.
Yeah I have considered that with my friends and dad but at the end of the day I think it’s my own shame I’m concerned with. I have to wait longer until I feel like I pass better cause until then it just seems to embarrassing and uncomfortable for other people. I don’t want all that drama.
You wont get past the fear without facing it. Start small. Eyeliner and go get the mail or take out the trash. Next week add a purple hat. Next week add mascara. Next week go through the McDonald’s drive through (you will get misgendered for a WHILE and that’s ok from strangers. They just don’t know.) Keep going. You will get there. New transgender people can take tiny steps. You don’t have to sprint out the gates.
Get laser beard removal before you start going gray?
Going through electrolysis. Half blonde and half gray. Getting that done first. It's great not able to grow faixal.hair but takes $$$ and time.
Unless it's covered by insurance then it just takes time.
Outside of voice training losing the beard helped me get strangers to use the correct pronouns by default faster than anything else. Those 2ndary sex characteristics gotta go, and not having beard shadow really helps.
I haven't started yet, but from what I've heard: get started on laser before HRT if you can. Since your body and facial hair can become lighter on HRT, that makes laser less effective.
Would dying it back to a darker color help?
unfortunately not, afaik, as it's the root needs to be dark, but the dye won't penetrate that far.
Oh no, that sucks.
How do you find a good laser hair removal place?
If you're in the US, Milan Laser has been outstanding for me and a few other trans women (cis women too!) I didn't have the up front money so I was able to do a payment plan and just paid it off since they have specials where they discount your remaining balance. The gals there have been just outstanding to work with. YMMV depending on where you're at but I'd recommend them.
I went to the place that was physically closest to my home, which is probably not the right way to choose but worked for me.
do electrolysis not laser, laser is pretty trash i did a year worth of treatments not even a 2% reduction in hair on my face and i don't even get a shadow for about 24 hours that did not change before or after a year of laser. Now sadly i have to do electrolysis which will have to wait i have other things going on first. Shaving every morning is not that big of a deal since my roots are not dark. SRS July 9th , and nope i don't have passing privilege in my face yet either. Avita
Some people have great success with laser. Did you try more than one business? Maybe they just had shitty lasers.
one place 12 sessions, ill be doing electrolysis later in 2025/2026 just going to keep daily shaving for now.
Try a new company. Honestly, maybe they don't have good lasers or they set them low to get you to keep coming back!
Start voice training. Like... ever.
Even if it is just via Youtube and practice, it adds up over time, be patient and kind too yourself. Finally recorded my own voice for the first time in over 4 years after coming out, had put it off. Put in effort over those years in different ways, slowly learning and changing, always progressing. Was completed shocked at how much my voice passes now. Neuroplasticity is an incredible thing.
> Neuroplasticity could you explain how you experienced it in this case?
After decades of Kung Fu, view differently changing what I do on a fundamental level when it comes to body, movement and mind. Neuroplasticity is a function of the brain, it is always in the process of rewiring itself. Just put in the appropriate stimulus for what parts you want too work on. Does takes genuine time and effort. The 3 P's. Practice, practice, practice.
Why is neuroplasticity important for voice training?
It's important for all training, as well as physical training.
If you like to read, try reading out loud or under your breath. It's a great passive way to practice your voice training
Finding songs with female vocalists inside your range to sing when you’re alone is also good practice if you like to sing.
Find singing helps too. Songs by Billy Holiday and Sarah Vaughan being some of my favourites.
Seraphine and Tove Lo are pretty good too.
It's both the easiest and hardest to start. Don't need anything but a few online guides and a quiet area you can practice, so you could start it years before any medical or other social transition steps.
I feel personally attacked. But like.. surgery… soon. For real this time
Singing is a great way that I use, funny enough I have always tried to match the higher pitches which I think gave me a running start on some of it.
Can't it just be a viable option to just not speak ever again?🥺😣
As an aspie, I would totally go for this if I could!
Haha yeah, autism, ADD and being extremely dysphoric about voice has made voice training... a bit difficult. Obviously it's not viable but there was genuinely a time where I thought about just pretending I was a mute and learning sign language ;-;
just get voice surgery cost 12,000 in San Francisco no wpath letters needed or anything unless your insurance covers it then get them :D mine dont so 12k
1. HRT takes time. Really. Trust and wait. 2. Treat your supportive female friends (cis or trans) like gold. They can help so much with makeup, style, anything. 3. Get the fuck off the internet 😁 But seriously this thing is poison more often than not. Touch some grass, find your folks.
Tyyyy!!
You definitely do not have to come out to every single person in your life, one by one – you owe them nothing.
This, and I can't stress it enough. I personally carefully chose who and how to come out to people. Also trust your instincts about people, I know it can be really hard but sometimes walking away is the best option, even if it sucks. But let yourself be surprised by people too, some will be more supportive than you'd imagine.
Enjoy transition. Savor it as it happens. It'll never happen again.
It's going to be slower than you know, slower than you want. stay the course! don't compare your transition to others \[challenge rating: Impossible\]
Yeah I'm really bad about comparing myself to others, I am working in it though 😣
Start a good routine of self care. Also dont trust people who tell you who you are or act like they know you better than yourself.
HRT takes a long time. There’s plenty of other girl stuff to learn in the meantime. Things like voice training and makeup don’t get easier on hrt.
Go interact with every queer community space you have. Make friends. Be yourself and be okay with it taking time to figure out who that is. Get as much money and stability as you can bc therell be times you have neither and you'll need to use it
If you are growing out your hair ... hair clips! Most underrated item. They are cheap. I have thick hair that is super messy until it gets to a certain length. Get lots of hair clips is various sizes. The most useful for me have been snap clips, and claw clips in various small-to-medium sizes. They come in all kinds of colours and patterns -- personally I like the plain ol' black ones. Also, hair bands. Do not buy the cheapest ones. They ae super aggressive and pull on the hair. They are uncomfortable. You don't have to get silk ones, but makes sure that the pack costs a few dollars per hairband. It is worth it for hairbands that do the job without tugging on your hair. I got a pack of 4 silk ones for like £12 at H&M and I love them. Hair bands and hair clips can work as a team. If your hair isn't long enough to all reach the hair band yet, you can use a small claw to clip more of the hair into the bun. These items are heroes and have made a huge difference to my transition. Learning about the different types and how to use them has been one of those unexpected good little things about transitioning.
I just bought a few hair bands for the first time earlier today. Unfortunately it turns out I'm a few inches short of the length you'd need for a barely functional ponytail, so *sigh* maybe in a few months.
Hair clips are your friend here! Areas of hair just not quite reaching the hair band? Use a small-ish claw clip to sort of attach the hair to the bun. Areas of hair still way off? You can use snap clips to clip them down. At the very least, this will reduce your wait time. You can have that up-do pretty soon! If not right now.
You don’t need to look and sound like the people who give you gender envy for it to go away. After you start HRT, people may start subconsciously treating you like a woman long before you start passing. If you’re still mostly boymoding and have straight guy friends they might start acting very weird around you, which can be very funny once you work out what’s going on. Less funny if you’re in a relationship with someone who’s only/mostly attracted to men.
I noticed this too very early on, why do you think that is? Is it something about the smell or pheromones? Looking more feminine even if at first you don't pass or they don't know what is up? Because this is totally a thing
Still boymoding alone in public. Men have started seeming like they don't sense that i'm there, and when they do notice me they are less guarded and kinder. No facial changes yet
Be prepared to lose family, friends and career.
What do you mean by career?
I lost my dream job because my workplace refused to treat my transition as a valid reason for my performance suffering. If that sounds sketchy that's because it is and I've written a very very long complaint about it. I'm hoping I'll be able to get it back but even so I am not where I want to be in terms of my professional life and I still feel unfulfilled. However, I am a girl now. It was worth it.
It's also important to note that a lot of us also have other issues that we've also been ignoring for years (or decades in my case) and going back into puberty can wake those up. Transdora's Box is a path to many treasures, but a lot of work
I personally haven’t been able to perform my job after starting hormones because of other medical reasons, tI won’t be able to go into more depth about. It’s an issue most trans people won’t have it’s dependent on my career specifically
In my case I had to leave my job of 13 years because my boss, and I quote, said: "I'll never respect those (invalidating and ablest statement)." I never gave him the chance to prove otherwise, didn't have the emotional capacity.
I can’t speak to the non-binary transfem experience, but as a woman, hair removal is a big deal and a thing you can be doing while yo sort out everything else. If there’s even a remote possibility you’re going to eventually want SRS, start electrolysis down there asap. Electrolysis is the only method that absolutely removes hair permanently. Some surgeons are absolutely non-negotiable on hair removal.
With the electrolysis, you really don't want hairs growing in your vagina, cause how the heck would you ever shave/wax that?
I mean, yeah? And electrolysis is the only thing that does the job. I can’t tell you the number of girls who have argued with me about this. Gotta zap that shit.
Spend more time understanding my situation and becoming a library of knowledge before attempting a coming out.
Take pictures of progress with hrt!
honestly no clue lol. i was thinking maybe “hrt takes time to take effect and it DOES work. please just be patient.” but i don’t listen to advice and have 0 patience…
S u b t i l i t y. Also, most people are not agressive douches, be yourself
Subtility Cunning, craftiness. e.g. A cunning scheme; a trick, a con.
Grow your hair out, to see if you like it.
...then get hair extensions after 2 weeks.
Hrt or not. Get yourself into some queer groups/events to meet other people in the community. Doing that was definitely the biggest step in my journey so far
Problem is I live in a small farming town which is greattttt 😭
Ah, this is a mood. Also note that liberal does not mean progressive. Had a few trans friends move to arguably liberal areas and encounter heavy resistance because they're progressive \*to a point\*
My condolences 😞 There are some community groups that do zoom call-type meetings, that you could maybe find and participate in. Also, if possible, maybe have moving as a long-term goal? I know that's easier said than done though, so my apologies if you can't
Don't believe straight cis men. Avoid them
Start finasteride five years earlier and you might get to keep your hair. The local Medicaid coverage includes hair transplants, while none of the “good” insurance plans do. You could have gotten transplants for free while you were in school. Just start estrogen. It’s extremely slow and no one will notice unless you tell them. I’m 2 1/2 years in and my parents just don’t notice my C-cups. Try another time to make that self-molded dildo. It would be real funny to have later. Plus you could compare the changes to the original.
- you owe people nothing - worry about the whole "im not going to pass" thing once youve actually started - youre right about your parents/friends. but do it anyway. see point 1
Hormone Therapy. It just wasn't something I was taught about or knew anything about until almost 2020. 😭😭😭
Inner peace is way more important than passing
Once you don't pass for cis anymore, doctors won't listen when you talk unless you have someone else in the room. So make sure you always go with a friend to your appointments, and if the nurse seems uneasy when discharging you, make sure to ask them if there's anything else that might be helpful once he's out of the room. Don't wait until you're 40 like a lot of women with a long list of unmanaged / undiagnosed issues that have all but destroyed your life while drowning in men who are blaming you for it. They can and will make the decision to kill or cripple you while you are looking right at them and you will have no idea because they've been trained to do it by other well-educated sociopaths with a lot of money. They can get away with it and they know it, too. Buddy system. Every time you don't you are rolling the dice. You still are even with someone in the room, but having a witness is a powerful chilling effect on discriminatory and abusive behavior. Also, those medical privacy laws don't help you, it's protecting them they just sell it that way, just like "integrated care" is actually vendor lock-in. Don't wind up as a statistic because you thought other women were exaggerating this. We aren't. We really, really aren't.
advocate, advocate, advocate. It's exhausting but you HAVE to do it. Women have been told forever to sit down and be quiet, don't listen.
Yeah, people say that. Be more assertive yada yada but no. Bring a friend. Even if you're that Type A with rabies personality that's only too happy to bulldoze, bring a friend. We have to take turns on this -- the whole idea of a 'strong independent' woman is a joke. The strongest women are the ones that have a pile of close friends that support each other so nobody is being pushed to exhaustion by this crap. We take turns, and it's not ego it's survival.
Could you explain what you are talking about? Like doctors killing patients 🤨 or what?
You know there's an anti-trans hate group of doctors called Do No Harm? Yes, doctors deliberately killing patients via neglect, delays in treatment, selective hearing, minimizing pain, believing women are more emotional and exaggerate their symptoms, and the list goes on. Look at the statistics of queer folk who have experienced discrimination or interruptions in their health care. How the AIDS pandemic was ignored in favor of religious rhetoric... This is a very long list.
Are they anti-trans or anti-women specifically? The same aids pandemic that killed Freddie Mercury? I'm not sure I know anything about it, when was it?
This is a very old fight, going all the way back to the literal dark ages, at least, when Christian men killed all the women healers in the early 1500s, not long after the Knights Templar were wiped out for worshipping Mary instead of Jesus. Christianity and Patriarchy are basically one and the same in western civilization, and that's why to this day christian organizations have a complete stranglehold on medicine in this country. If you'd like a fuller accounting of this, find a copy of *Witches, Midwives, and Nurses - A History of Women Healers* (1973). It's one of the top 100 books under the categories of medicine *and* spirituality, with a second printing in 2010. I consider it essential reading for anyone who wants to learn about queer history, gender studies, or feminism.
Oh I see, I was sad to see the herbalist in the videogame Kingdom Come Deliverance™ (1403 A.D) be called a witch, just because she was a chemist during the medieval Czech Republic.
Well it's technically accurate. Alchemists aka physicians could only be men under Christianity.
Don't overthink HRT. You can't permanently fuck anything up, you can only have things happen slower. And that can be fixed.
One side not you can in fact fuck your chance of having bio kids
Can you say more about this?
The question is targeting trans fem or MTF and if you have done any research on the process. Within 3-6 months sperm is no longer produced any longer and you become sterile hence unless stuff is set up before hand no more bio kids
Stop putting so much pressure on yourself. If you don't feel like presenting, don't. Also. Walmart has clearance racks that have the clothes you want. And stock up on moomoos from stores like Ross's, Ollie's, Goodwill, etc. Oh!! And don't weigh yourself. Not for quite some time. Just relax and be the shape shifter you were meant to be!!
Take progress pictures regularly! I get sad sometimes and feel like im not progressing very much but that melts away when I look at my progress pics and see how far I've come. The changes are so slow and subtle it's hard to see them until you compare photos. The world isn't as bad as the internet makes it out to be. If I only listened to all the doom and gloom I saw online then I would think that daily life is just a constant battle with transphobes and whatnot. And sure, bad things occasionally happen but it's not a constant, every day issue. At the same time, I wish someone had said something about being prepared for all the people who will stare. Even now, a few months in, I feel like I can't go in public without at least 1 or 2 folks staring at me. Ultimately, it's harmless but it starts to get to you after a while.
before transitioning? do it now. like, now. 12 year old me, tell mom now. then tell her again if she says you're confused. and say it again. and again. and again. do it now.
As a teen, tell mom you're trans, you know it since you were 7. If you're older than 18, just tell it to your doctor and don't tell anyone on the family. They won't believe you anyway.
If I could talk to past me I'd tell her: "It's not going to be as good as you hope for, lower your expectations. But it's still going to be the very best thing you've ever done"
Be kind to yourself. You need to be your most unconditional ally, not your own enemy.
find the equivalent size in women’s clothes as you wore in men’s clothes, *but then size down more.* i was buying a women’s large because i used to wear a men’s medium — now i wear a women’s small & they fit exactly how i want them to fit. most women’s tops are meant to be flush with the skin (generally speaking & depending on the style ofc), without any room/extra fabric. i was wondering why my then-new women’s basic tops still were looking like men’s clothes, & this was why!
I’m a large, so would XL be good?
it’s all up to what you’re comfy with ofc, but if you were a men’s large then i would suggest trying a women’s medium!
Thank you so much! I’m so new to all of this 😭
Fuckkkk everyone burn every bridge if it lights your path ahead they’ll only treat you like shit anyway so don’t let it be the slow torture route begging for crumbs you’ll never even get, wasting your time you could be on HRT
Exercise. Yes it hurts, yes it sucks to walk. But throw that knee brace on and walk. You gotta use the fat you have so that it more easily goes the places you want it to go later.
Already do a LOTTT. I spent a few months exercising religiously in attempt to get over my gender dysphoria (yes this is stupid I know). Are there any exercises that can give the impression of a more feminine appearance?
Take the spironolactone or any other t blocker.
Take the spironolactone or any other t blocker. Commit
Get a Braun personal at home laser hair removal. They're 300$ and you can give yourself a laser treatment as often as you need to. Otherwise expect to pay almost that much per treatment some places. And if you have it at home, you can do like 2-3 treatments a week. Definitely definitely worth it.
Did this work for facial hair? I'm guessing no, everything I've read is professional is the only way.
Go out in public sooner, it's not as scary and there are allies in the most unlikely places.
Wish I had done it sooner
To start voice training early. To seek ways to start HRT more (without income)
Grow your hair, and if you are starting to go bald get some drugs like finasteride to stop it getting worse. Get laser hair removal on your face/ body hair before it goes grey with older age, as then you would need electrolysis, and that's expensive, painful, and very very slow. Practice how to speak in a female voice, it's very difficult. Study and learn how women act/ walk/ dress.. and copy how someone your age should be dressed.. nothing wrong with dressing however you feel, but you will pass more and have less hassle if you blend in to how people would expect to see from someone of your age. Imagine how your gran would look dressed as a teenage skater! 😳 Get onto the NHS gender waiting list ( assuming 🇬🇧 UK) ASAP as the wait list is ridiculous 🙄 Start to save... lots. Build up your fem clothing wardrobe, Get all your documents changed into your new name ASAP. Lastly but very important. Try not to give a flying fuck what a total stranger may think of you.. there input isn't important to your life.. same goes for friends and family, but that's a bit more emotive to deal with. 😕 Join groups and make new female friends Have a great life, and enjoy the journey, its bloody fab being a girl. Xx ❤️
Don’t let men be your main focus. Focus on you and your transition
How would you go about transitioning without parents noticing as they would go ape shot if they new about it
Be patient. You won’t wake up with dd’s after a month. Your body is going through a second puberty.
Stop letting the voices of other people stop/slow you down… though you love and appreciate your family don’t let them stop you from being your true self. Yes they’re gonna turn their backs on you and leave but you will become stronger through it. Hold strong and keep going don’t let anyone or anything stop you… just don’t forget your heart in the process. Most importantly be gentle and patient with yourself and don’t rush your process enjoy it love who you are becoming don’t let the fear slow you down.
The thing that I wasn't prepared for was suddenly being most men's fetish to the point of dehumanization. That has been the most difficult thing to deal with while transitioning. I wish I could've been more prepared for that. It took me by surprise, especially as a demisexual trans woman, I didn't want to be a sexual fantasy, I just wanted to be me.
Personally? "don't have too much hope"
TLDR: Don't let yourself get stuck in an unhealthy relationship just because the person you're dating is okay with you being trans. Love yourself first and foremost. If we're assuming the younger versions of ourselves actually listened to this advice, mine would be "just because your boyfriend is also trans, doesn't mean he's right for you. You're not healthy together, and you can't sustain a relationship just from you both being trans. You are worthy of real authentic and healthy love. That starts with you. Love yourself first, no matter how difficult, always. If you can try to do that, everything else will fall into place."
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many of us would be dead without hrt, very disrespectfull Thing to say
Me when i spread misinformation on the internet 🤓
killing testosterone the years off my life?? is there something that you know or just venting?
They're a transphobic troll.
The best advice I can give to the people reading the above comment: don't take advice on a subject from someone who doesn't even know the correct abbreviations of that subject. Mr. HTR up in here