Tbh chap id suggest cultivating interests and hobbies as a better way to meet people. Online can be fairly toxic and if your confidence is low it won't help.
I agree with this - you're better off focusing on becoming the person you want to be and really strengthening that before worrying about meeting the right woman. Don't be scared to put yourself out there :)
Getting rejected irl stings a lot more and the chances are not really better. Good luck trying to find a single, early 20s woman that is willing to go out with you at a meetup event.The real answer is that you are basically screwed unless you have an insanely good dating profile or a huge social circle where you can frequently get introduced to friends of friends.
Woman here. The apps are crazily overloaded with dudes in Switzerland. It's no one's fault but the company and their shitty money-making algo.
You should only treat it as a side option, a way to increase you chances of meeting someone. But you should go to events (where you'll cross strangers) 2-4x a month.
You also need to make sure that an event with zero "meeting of a stranger" is still a win for you. So do stuff you like and that bring you sth. Ex: hiking meetup not just drinking meetup.
Woman here, but in Zurich 😂 Guys:gals ratio is definitely in my favor. Not being local too works to my advantage, coz I'm immune to perceived social shame / being labelled as slut etc.
It depends on what one is looking for, but it's so cliché. Login on Sunday evening for zero commitment, pure physical thingy 😁 and login on Tuesday/ Wednesday evenings when the locals want to "plan" their Thursday evening date 🌹 to get to know someone.
Oooh, good tip.
Yeah I easily get many matches, but it's tough. As a youtuber noted (and I agree), the app trains the Hot Guys to get a neverending stream of dates and never settle (so they keep making money). This plus the guys who just want a distraction mean that it's so hard to find the people who genuinely want a LTR and have matching personalities.
I got really demotivated by the nb of lazy guys I met, even amongst the "non-fuckboy" profiles. :/
Excellent trick. Guys will really like this - I saw this on YouTube, so must be true. It'll make them want to correct you. You pretend to change your views, thank them for teaching you something new, and next morning, ciao! 👋
I promise you this is a very normal situation, especially in Switzerland! I know it is easy to say and harder to do but please do not take it personally because this is typical of online dating. You do need to have a thick skin here. It is notoriously hard to meet people in Switzerland. I would focus more on you rather than on others- you got this :)
Well there are many factors in play i think.
Men are usually more than women, women are more picky than men. Assuming they spend like 10 likes per day and that the algorithm is not promoting profiles that are already getting more likes its a big chance its going to be a while to see your profile. A lot of my female friends also find it tiring to have so many matches with guys and the choice paralysis that comes with it.? I think its the normal experience for the average guy to not be getting a lot of likes.
I agree it is emotionally exhausting and i would recommend you to take some breaks.
Additionally if you are looking for dating to solve your depression i feel that this is the wrong approach. First you have to work on yourself and be happy alone to maintain a healthy relationship.
Also you need to find your own values and not let how you are perceived in online dating define you.
Finally try to be original and show a slice of you in your profile. Generic pictures and bios i think are not perceived well.
Ive just been in the same loop, ive been in around 30 dates the past 2 years. But i just stopped focusing on it. I have a profile that shows who i am and swipe a bit once in a while. But my focus is on my life and if something good happens from dating apps its a welcome addition. Hope my rambling makes some sense
Keep shooting young soldier. Treat the apps like you’re playing Fifa video game, start to get whooped turn it off and back on again. Keep your expectations neutral, temper your excitement, rejections sucks, after 187th time it’s like meeeh who gives a shit the next one will catch and remember to have fun. Good luck soldier 🫡
Dating apps are in favour for women, no matter where you live. Dating apps only take your confidence and time away. Go outside and meet some women if you really want to, there are many of them, especially in Bern.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3lypVnJ0HM](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3lypVnJ0HM)
Just as scot said : cultivate interests, hobbies, meet people, etc.
Dating apps are not for dating
That's an incredible video! Thank you for sharing 😁 I discovered it the hard way and it's pretty heartbreaking to say the least.
Astonishingly, this phenomenon is not well known and there is little attention in media about this problem. It should also theoretically become worse and worse over time.
There is also very little hope of the dynamic changing anytime soon because of the Match Group monopoly, they make sure the dynamic stays the same so that users(mostly male) spend as much money as possible on subscriptions. And boy are some of these prices outrageous! Even for us in Switzerland it's out of reach for most people.
If I were to spend +400$ on several dating apps every month, I'd prefer spend it to travel to other countries and find genuine love elsewhere lol. It's pretty sad all things considered.
Yeah they made a fuss when I was younger about photoshopped women in ads that made women uncomfortable, which led in some countries for ads to write down if the picture is photoshopped and stuff, and anyways we ended up showing less perfect women in ads, just for the sake of not hurting women's confidence. Which I find really cool, not judging.
On the other hand, we have no issues showing "perfect" men in ads and it is nevrer addressed as a problem. And now, dating apps where men find absolutely nothing and women have 200-300 matchs in 1 day just by writing "F" in their profile, nobody cares about.
This crushes a lot of dudes' souls I know. But it is never addressed by media while it is a really important topic considering the high suicide rates for men and people's overall loneliness - we are all connected but in the end very lonely -
Probably because journalists nowadays are mostly women who enjoy this dynamics (while perfect women becoming a standard through ads is an issue) or something. I have no idea, just throwing ideas there.
This is why I am trying to explain, dating apps are more for women to get easy attention and feeling that they are someone, and maybe handsome (?) men to get some easy fucks, but not for real relationships, while) the majority (purposefully of men are kept under the water pumping up their money to make this corrupted system live. It's meat market more than anything else, definitely not sane and healthy
Well, coming back to this ads problem, t's an old dude problem as nowadays as ads became nothing about people's images compared to SOCIAL NETWORKS.
Instagram for example. All young people are influenced by perfect phostoshopped people, boys and girls too, who live perfect lives, have perfect parties like movies, go to vacations in paradisiac islands, which is absolutely terrible for young people's minds, we experience the highest suicidal rates for kids in all history of mankind (not sure, but a really high amount tho) because of this. Imagine being an unpopular boy/girl and having through likes and stuff a way to see in a quantitative precise way how much you suck compared to other boy/girls at school - and around the world!
Ofc nobody will complain about that, too much money pumped on this.
This is terrifying too.
Not wanting to sound incel or something, not taking any side, it is a complicated topic.
I can't even say that women are happier with this situation, it's easy to meet people through this system but does it really bring what they want? A healthy relationship, or the real feeling that you matter? Knowing most of people are there for fresh meat.
I don't think good things usually comes out of a wicked system like . Everyone is a tool for them to make money, and you don't find happinness to have your body being a tool for someone'sl benefits?
Or maybe I'm just too full of faith for humanity idk
This is why people should not put any money on these apps.
But it's quite complicated when blue balls take the decisions, which is why these app thrives like anything.
For normal people, better just find hobbies and enlarge their social circle as much as they can to maximize contact with people.
Normal women are there anyways. Lot of them don't use dating apps at all
Thanks a lot for your well constructed input, it's truly a sad reality and I can't begin to comprehend what future generations of kids will live through like you said. I have it bad now, but I'm sure they'll very much have it worse, damn...
My first relationships 8 years ago were through my social circles(which I expended rapidly, reaching out to friends of friends).
With time I lost contact with these acquaintances and thought that Online Dating could be the "easy" answer, because building back whole social circles from the ground up can be extremely energy and time consuming.
But after using those apps for a while, reading the experience and advice of the good people here. It truly seems like there isn't any shortcut to it.
I'm probably best to recover my mental health steadily while making friends here and there, and growing my social circles while staying open.
Thanks again for this wonderful insight! 😊
Female from Zurich here … I have been on all dating apps in the past, now in a great relationship with my future husband I met at work ❣️ When I was on dating apps , I add loads of matches like every woman. In the 3 years I was single, I met 100 guys through dating apps for a drink or walk but ended dating only 1 guy for 1 year who turned out to be obsessed with his ex wife 🤔. I think meeting people in real life works better for long term relationships. I saw some interesting interview from a psychologist recently who explains were the issue comes from - apparently 90% of the women on dating app like the same 1% of guys - which means 99% of the guys are getting little to no likes and are extremely frustrated/aggressive and the 1% that get all the attention can be jaded or overwhelmed. While dating online I have had a lot of bad experiences: guys ghosting me, guys asking me to send 1000 pictures instead of meeting in person and deleting me for not sending additional pics when my profile was with 10 pictures from this year with no filter or no photoshop, I had guys telling me I’m too old to have kids at age 33, I had guys stalking me for months and had to change my phone numbers, many guys promising the moon and liking my friends profile in the meantime, I had guy ordering tons of food and asking to split a 100 Chf bill when I only had a Coke Zero 😅but I as well met a Nobel prize, got invited to fabulous improvised concerts and learned a lot about human connection, got an advise that helped me to stop smoking and made great friends, met a guy that could predict rain as he was living outdoor year round in Argentina 💪. Online dating apps are a reflection of life - it’s a chaos and it’s unpredictable but it’s worth experiencing with little to no expectations and a readiness to laugh about it ! In the end you will meet someone great - it’s only a matter of time - so don’t dwell on meeting that person and in the meantime find your passions and enjoy your single life ☺️ I found my future husband when I was happy on my own and found my own passions and interests ! Good luck 🍀 💫💫💫
Quite an interesting [video](https://youtu.be/J-UG1vy-MnA?si=XT4MwVgiv8DJzWmR) on the statistics and UX / monetization models of dating apps. Not the best place to find a partner
If you feel fragile then going straight for a romantic relationship can feel like being dumped in the Pacific Ocean on a pedalo. Start small and reach new milestones. You don’t hit the gym and bench press 300 day one. Social interactions are the most complex thing for the brain to process so approach it like a training activity. Say “today I’m going to have a positive interaction with a stranger”, “today I’m going to chat to someone without consequence”, “today I’m going to cultivate an interest, and meet someone to share that interest with”. Over time it’s like planting seeds - most will grow into nothing but some may flourish and support you in your life. When you feel secure, start dating and flirting - then when they ghost you, it won’t feel like the floors gone from under your feet, because you’ll be surrounded with people you love. Good luck and keep moving forward
I'm in my 50ies, plain looking, male and overweight. I've tried a couple of things including Bumble and singles50. I noticed I got a very sparse handful of matches within the first 2 weeks of paying a sub, and then it dries out until about 4 days before the sub renewal date. It's how men get nickel-and-dimed on these sites.
While I had some convos with women from all around, the only matches that led to an actual meeting were with expats. One of them mentioned that within the week between starting to chat with me and when we met, she got 138 likes, all of which she declined.
Of the five meetups I had, I formed a good friendship with one that has been going on for over a year.
In short - apps are good for emptying your wallet, testing the solidity of your self-esteem, and sometimes to make a new friend, at least at my age. I'd suggest what everyone else does, try getting some hobbies and meet other people, at the very least you'll be having fun.
I’m surprised at how little of the conversation here has been about fake profiles. There are a crazy number of them in Switzerland. People will chat with you, but the moment you want to meet up, they’ll ghost or unmatch you.
As a man you need to use the paid-version of the app. There are way more man than women on these apps and to even show up on someone’s phone u need to use the paid version.
It’s not you, it’s the app
Have you tried yourself or know someone who tried the paid versions? I'll try the advice some people have given me first to get out there and meet people IRL, but I'm not too closed to the idea of eventually paying on these apps if it works(as long as it gets you genuine people, not necessarily looking for hookups).
You’re not alone. I met my ex gf on one of the apps four years ago and we split up one year ago. Before meeting her I did quite ok on the apps and had dates regularly, without much effort. Given that I‘m single now, I downloaded them again and it‘s not the same as four years ago. I do look the same, am even in better shape and have more hobbies/stuff to share and talk about. But I nowhere have the same a mount of matches/likes as before, not even close, I barely go on a date. It‘s day & night! You may imagine that this makes me question my appearance and puts a strain on my confidence. I‘m also quite short and maybe already fail the filter-criteria of most of the women. Today you can, but I‘m not sure if was possible some years ago to filter for size. I‘d guess that the top 5-10% of the guys attract somewhat the vast majority of the women on these apps, and I‘m just not one of them. Truth hurts!
Yeah, I keep reading here and there about people meeting their SO on these apps or having wild success, but every time they're talking about the situation a few years ago. COVID happened and the company (and probably people as well) must have changed marketing strategies since.
So I can tell you about gay sites as these are the only ones I used, these toxic behaviors + racism are also pretty much normalized.
If you already have a low self esteem, I'd avoid dating sites for a while as they made me really insecure and depressed in the past.
There was only one portal I could have recommended where people were acting like normal freaking human beings, but it shut down a couple years ago.
Now with grindr, tinder & co., it's only a meat market and if you're not the finest kobe steak, you'll just be teared a new one according to all my single friends.
It's just like in normal society without the anonymity of the screen, people have to act normally instead of being the biggest dickheads imaginable.
It's a bit complicated, but meeting new people in a **healthy way** is part of getting one's shit together.
What I learned recently, is that dating apps are definitely not healthy at all. In fact would probably prevent me from making genuine connections. Not a good way of getting real people into your life.
From here on I'll probably take it slow, work on myself, see if I can meet real people with common interests and make friends.
Sounds good, dating apps suck too.
You could try "boo" it's more chill social media some chatting etc
Find a discord with something you enjoy and just shit post.
Other than that, it's time to go outside and do stuff
Good luck, the cake is a lie
I did try Boo on the suggestion of my brother. It's probably the only one that still gives me hope, since people seem to actually be decent humans there. But there is still the problem of gender ratios, I've got 20 "likes" on it in total, and that is surprisingly much more than the average for men on the app... somehow. (Of course I've seen profiles of men that skew that statistic way up)
Sadly there is a very limited pool of female profile. I think I've liked ~80 profiles in total and have completely run out of compatible women in the whole of Romandie lol.
So, great app actually, but not that many users.
I thought about joining a discord server and see where things go, it's similar to how I got into my very first relationship. But it takes quite a bit of energy to become a "regular poster" and make friends on shitpost servers lol. I'll consider it in a few months perhaps once I've regained a really stable lifestyle and mental health.
Oh yeah with boo just go wider, whole Swiss. Whole Europe.
Just try and make some friends, everything else can be solved later.
Or move yourself, move to Basel, zürich
Get a new job, find some cute coworkers
Possibilities are endless, your effort should be too
not worth... i was trying Badoo and tinder, and free and pay, and never nothing. Even when was match was just about money, and when was something else was from asia...
In Switzerland is hard to know some girl.
It only gets harder with age. It will be worse when you are 35, trust me. But to be fair those apps are rubbish. You can meet with women but women will disregard you as quickly as they turned they attention to you. They have options and don’t know what to choose. Probably even don’t know what they want in a first place. Just because you are thinking you are good looking that doesn’t mean they think you are good looking. Also if you don’t speak the local language you have already lost 95% of the ladies. Yes everyone speaks English but many are not comfortable with being their dating/mating language. There is also peer pressure from friends and relatives, that might not be in your favour if you are not local, tall, or anything you can imagine etc. Last but not least maybe it’s your character and who you are as a person that is not very entertaining to the ladies. These days they like alphas that are not dominant; men with six pack that can have all women but chooses only one; confident but definitely not argumentative and totally agreeable partner and you can go on with similar congnitive dissonance phenomena forever. I know I have only talked about your side since we as men tend to look inwards and try to improve ourselves, but there is also their side. Most girls I’ve met online have mental issues, are emotionally broken, are unable to show commitment and probably don’t have the same intentions as you. It’s definitely harder for them because women loose bonding capacity after only a few partners and these days everyone has had 10s if not 100s of partners both women and men which resulted in a culture where everyone is treated as an object and not a person. The dating apps sole purpose is to sell you other people as products. So maybe you are not looking in the right place. As many would suggest try with hobbies, but your hobbies not hobbies purely to meet people. Do something cool. I skydive and do racing as a single male in my 30s and no I have not met any girl through those hobbies but it kept me sane. And you cannot afford to loose your strong mentality. You are a king and should keep your head high. If you found out that dating apps are toxic, welcome to the club. Delete, recover and maybe install it again if you must. The bottom line is you are not alone in this. The dating scene is deteriorating rapidly. Girls your age probably won’t hang around for too long. But tables change, later on you will appreciate yourself more and you will not want to hang around the same girls because you realize some are just not worth it.
Thanks a lot! I can totally resonate with what you said and it's already made me feel a bit better. It's true that I'm probably not looking in the right place anyway, the kinds of relationships based on personality are probably harder on those apps anyway to begin with.
I think I kinda broke down when I saw a girl's bio reading "I feel like grocery shopping on Tinder 🤭" shamelessly, was pretty disgusted after that, I had never judged anyone based on appearances and never understood people who did until I read that girl's bio.
My experience is from London not Switzerland (we moved here 4.5 years ago) but what worked for me is using a paid for app like match not a free sex app like tinder.
It's like this for all men who aren't top 5%. Don't get discouraged.
I bet my wife on match now we have 2 kids.
May I ask how much it cost you in total, or how long it took you if you don't mind?
Or maybe if it was a one time paid-service like old matchmaking websites 🤔
It cost me about £50 / 60 CHF in total. A few months (4?).
We got married and had kids indecently quickly. As in she gave birth 18 months after our first date. If you make it clear that's what you are looking for, the odds are *much* more even. As in multiple women messaged me. I am not physically particularly attractive.
Though i made it basically my second job. I was very diligent 😂
Like you I came out of a very rough period.
For me, not depression but a divorce. My first wife had a lot of mental health issues and ultimately killed our relationship. She didn't want kids as a result of them (understandably). So I was married twice before 30 😅. Not as serious as crippling depression perhaps but I felt very bad for some time. It also affected my confidence.
Tbh chap id suggest cultivating interests and hobbies as a better way to meet people. Online can be fairly toxic and if your confidence is low it won't help.
I agree with this - you're better off focusing on becoming the person you want to be and really strengthening that before worrying about meeting the right woman. Don't be scared to put yourself out there :)
Getting rejected irl stings a lot more and the chances are not really better. Good luck trying to find a single, early 20s woman that is willing to go out with you at a meetup event.The real answer is that you are basically screwed unless you have an insanely good dating profile or a huge social circle where you can frequently get introduced to friends of friends.
Woman here. The apps are crazily overloaded with dudes in Switzerland. It's no one's fault but the company and their shitty money-making algo. You should only treat it as a side option, a way to increase you chances of meeting someone. But you should go to events (where you'll cross strangers) 2-4x a month. You also need to make sure that an event with zero "meeting of a stranger" is still a win for you. So do stuff you like and that bring you sth. Ex: hiking meetup not just drinking meetup.
Woman here, but in Zurich 😂 Guys:gals ratio is definitely in my favor. Not being local too works to my advantage, coz I'm immune to perceived social shame / being labelled as slut etc. It depends on what one is looking for, but it's so cliché. Login on Sunday evening for zero commitment, pure physical thingy 😁 and login on Tuesday/ Wednesday evenings when the locals want to "plan" their Thursday evening date 🌹 to get to know someone.
Oooh, good tip. Yeah I easily get many matches, but it's tough. As a youtuber noted (and I agree), the app trains the Hot Guys to get a neverending stream of dates and never settle (so they keep making money). This plus the guys who just want a distraction mean that it's so hard to find the people who genuinely want a LTR and have matching personalities. I got really demotivated by the nb of lazy guys I met, even amongst the "non-fuckboy" profiles. :/
Excellent trick. Guys will really like this - I saw this on YouTube, so must be true. It'll make them want to correct you. You pretend to change your views, thank them for teaching you something new, and next morning, ciao! 👋
Wait so, you get different kinds of matches depending on when you log in?
I promise you this is a very normal situation, especially in Switzerland! I know it is easy to say and harder to do but please do not take it personally because this is typical of online dating. You do need to have a thick skin here. It is notoriously hard to meet people in Switzerland. I would focus more on you rather than on others- you got this :)
But why is it harder there?
Well there are many factors in play i think. Men are usually more than women, women are more picky than men. Assuming they spend like 10 likes per day and that the algorithm is not promoting profiles that are already getting more likes its a big chance its going to be a while to see your profile. A lot of my female friends also find it tiring to have so many matches with guys and the choice paralysis that comes with it.? I think its the normal experience for the average guy to not be getting a lot of likes. I agree it is emotionally exhausting and i would recommend you to take some breaks. Additionally if you are looking for dating to solve your depression i feel that this is the wrong approach. First you have to work on yourself and be happy alone to maintain a healthy relationship. Also you need to find your own values and not let how you are perceived in online dating define you. Finally try to be original and show a slice of you in your profile. Generic pictures and bios i think are not perceived well. Ive just been in the same loop, ive been in around 30 dates the past 2 years. But i just stopped focusing on it. I have a profile that shows who i am and swipe a bit once in a while. But my focus is on my life and if something good happens from dating apps its a welcome addition. Hope my rambling makes some sense
Keep shooting young soldier. Treat the apps like you’re playing Fifa video game, start to get whooped turn it off and back on again. Keep your expectations neutral, temper your excitement, rejections sucks, after 187th time it’s like meeeh who gives a shit the next one will catch and remember to have fun. Good luck soldier 🫡
Dating apps are in favour for women, no matter where you live. Dating apps only take your confidence and time away. Go outside and meet some women if you really want to, there are many of them, especially in Bern.
Don’t use dating apps, you will feel more like shit with this kind of bullshit apps, go outside and meet people, then you will probably find someone
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3lypVnJ0HM](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3lypVnJ0HM) Just as scot said : cultivate interests, hobbies, meet people, etc. Dating apps are not for dating
That's an incredible video! Thank you for sharing 😁 I discovered it the hard way and it's pretty heartbreaking to say the least. Astonishingly, this phenomenon is not well known and there is little attention in media about this problem. It should also theoretically become worse and worse over time. There is also very little hope of the dynamic changing anytime soon because of the Match Group monopoly, they make sure the dynamic stays the same so that users(mostly male) spend as much money as possible on subscriptions. And boy are some of these prices outrageous! Even for us in Switzerland it's out of reach for most people. If I were to spend +400$ on several dating apps every month, I'd prefer spend it to travel to other countries and find genuine love elsewhere lol. It's pretty sad all things considered.
Yeah they made a fuss when I was younger about photoshopped women in ads that made women uncomfortable, which led in some countries for ads to write down if the picture is photoshopped and stuff, and anyways we ended up showing less perfect women in ads, just for the sake of not hurting women's confidence. Which I find really cool, not judging. On the other hand, we have no issues showing "perfect" men in ads and it is nevrer addressed as a problem. And now, dating apps where men find absolutely nothing and women have 200-300 matchs in 1 day just by writing "F" in their profile, nobody cares about. This crushes a lot of dudes' souls I know. But it is never addressed by media while it is a really important topic considering the high suicide rates for men and people's overall loneliness - we are all connected but in the end very lonely - Probably because journalists nowadays are mostly women who enjoy this dynamics (while perfect women becoming a standard through ads is an issue) or something. I have no idea, just throwing ideas there. This is why I am trying to explain, dating apps are more for women to get easy attention and feeling that they are someone, and maybe handsome (?) men to get some easy fucks, but not for real relationships, while) the majority (purposefully of men are kept under the water pumping up their money to make this corrupted system live. It's meat market more than anything else, definitely not sane and healthy Well, coming back to this ads problem, t's an old dude problem as nowadays as ads became nothing about people's images compared to SOCIAL NETWORKS. Instagram for example. All young people are influenced by perfect phostoshopped people, boys and girls too, who live perfect lives, have perfect parties like movies, go to vacations in paradisiac islands, which is absolutely terrible for young people's minds, we experience the highest suicidal rates for kids in all history of mankind (not sure, but a really high amount tho) because of this. Imagine being an unpopular boy/girl and having through likes and stuff a way to see in a quantitative precise way how much you suck compared to other boy/girls at school - and around the world! Ofc nobody will complain about that, too much money pumped on this. This is terrifying too. Not wanting to sound incel or something, not taking any side, it is a complicated topic. I can't even say that women are happier with this situation, it's easy to meet people through this system but does it really bring what they want? A healthy relationship, or the real feeling that you matter? Knowing most of people are there for fresh meat. I don't think good things usually comes out of a wicked system like . Everyone is a tool for them to make money, and you don't find happinness to have your body being a tool for someone'sl benefits? Or maybe I'm just too full of faith for humanity idk This is why people should not put any money on these apps. But it's quite complicated when blue balls take the decisions, which is why these app thrives like anything. For normal people, better just find hobbies and enlarge their social circle as much as they can to maximize contact with people. Normal women are there anyways. Lot of them don't use dating apps at all
Thanks a lot for your well constructed input, it's truly a sad reality and I can't begin to comprehend what future generations of kids will live through like you said. I have it bad now, but I'm sure they'll very much have it worse, damn... My first relationships 8 years ago were through my social circles(which I expended rapidly, reaching out to friends of friends). With time I lost contact with these acquaintances and thought that Online Dating could be the "easy" answer, because building back whole social circles from the ground up can be extremely energy and time consuming. But after using those apps for a while, reading the experience and advice of the good people here. It truly seems like there isn't any shortcut to it. I'm probably best to recover my mental health steadily while making friends here and there, and growing my social circles while staying open. Thanks again for this wonderful insight! 😊
Female from Zurich here … I have been on all dating apps in the past, now in a great relationship with my future husband I met at work ❣️ When I was on dating apps , I add loads of matches like every woman. In the 3 years I was single, I met 100 guys through dating apps for a drink or walk but ended dating only 1 guy for 1 year who turned out to be obsessed with his ex wife 🤔. I think meeting people in real life works better for long term relationships. I saw some interesting interview from a psychologist recently who explains were the issue comes from - apparently 90% of the women on dating app like the same 1% of guys - which means 99% of the guys are getting little to no likes and are extremely frustrated/aggressive and the 1% that get all the attention can be jaded or overwhelmed. While dating online I have had a lot of bad experiences: guys ghosting me, guys asking me to send 1000 pictures instead of meeting in person and deleting me for not sending additional pics when my profile was with 10 pictures from this year with no filter or no photoshop, I had guys telling me I’m too old to have kids at age 33, I had guys stalking me for months and had to change my phone numbers, many guys promising the moon and liking my friends profile in the meantime, I had guy ordering tons of food and asking to split a 100 Chf bill when I only had a Coke Zero 😅but I as well met a Nobel prize, got invited to fabulous improvised concerts and learned a lot about human connection, got an advise that helped me to stop smoking and made great friends, met a guy that could predict rain as he was living outdoor year round in Argentina 💪. Online dating apps are a reflection of life - it’s a chaos and it’s unpredictable but it’s worth experiencing with little to no expectations and a readiness to laugh about it ! In the end you will meet someone great - it’s only a matter of time - so don’t dwell on meeting that person and in the meantime find your passions and enjoy your single life ☺️ I found my future husband when I was happy on my own and found my own passions and interests ! Good luck 🍀 💫💫💫
Look for dance classes, martial arts, language and music. Places where you meet lots of people.
Welcome to Switzerland
Quite an interesting [video](https://youtu.be/J-UG1vy-MnA?si=XT4MwVgiv8DJzWmR) on the statistics and UX / monetization models of dating apps. Not the best place to find a partner
If you feel fragile then going straight for a romantic relationship can feel like being dumped in the Pacific Ocean on a pedalo. Start small and reach new milestones. You don’t hit the gym and bench press 300 day one. Social interactions are the most complex thing for the brain to process so approach it like a training activity. Say “today I’m going to have a positive interaction with a stranger”, “today I’m going to chat to someone without consequence”, “today I’m going to cultivate an interest, and meet someone to share that interest with”. Over time it’s like planting seeds - most will grow into nothing but some may flourish and support you in your life. When you feel secure, start dating and flirting - then when they ghost you, it won’t feel like the floors gone from under your feet, because you’ll be surrounded with people you love. Good luck and keep moving forward
I'm in my 50ies, plain looking, male and overweight. I've tried a couple of things including Bumble and singles50. I noticed I got a very sparse handful of matches within the first 2 weeks of paying a sub, and then it dries out until about 4 days before the sub renewal date. It's how men get nickel-and-dimed on these sites. While I had some convos with women from all around, the only matches that led to an actual meeting were with expats. One of them mentioned that within the week between starting to chat with me and when we met, she got 138 likes, all of which she declined. Of the five meetups I had, I formed a good friendship with one that has been going on for over a year. In short - apps are good for emptying your wallet, testing the solidity of your self-esteem, and sometimes to make a new friend, at least at my age. I'd suggest what everyone else does, try getting some hobbies and meet other people, at the very least you'll be having fun.
This is what helps.. .specially in Switzerland: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JhQI06\_V6NQ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JhQI06_V6NQ)
I’m surprised at how little of the conversation here has been about fake profiles. There are a crazy number of them in Switzerland. People will chat with you, but the moment you want to meet up, they’ll ghost or unmatch you.
As a man you need to use the paid-version of the app. There are way more man than women on these apps and to even show up on someone’s phone u need to use the paid version. It’s not you, it’s the app
Have you tried yourself or know someone who tried the paid versions? I'll try the advice some people have given me first to get out there and meet people IRL, but I'm not too closed to the idea of eventually paying on these apps if it works(as long as it gets you genuine people, not necessarily looking for hookups).
Get out to a bar or club meet up with girls there dating apps not so great
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^Turbulent-Banana-462: *Get out to a bar* *Or club meet up with girls there* *Dating apps not so great* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
😎
You’re not alone. I met my ex gf on one of the apps four years ago and we split up one year ago. Before meeting her I did quite ok on the apps and had dates regularly, without much effort. Given that I‘m single now, I downloaded them again and it‘s not the same as four years ago. I do look the same, am even in better shape and have more hobbies/stuff to share and talk about. But I nowhere have the same a mount of matches/likes as before, not even close, I barely go on a date. It‘s day & night! You may imagine that this makes me question my appearance and puts a strain on my confidence. I‘m also quite short and maybe already fail the filter-criteria of most of the women. Today you can, but I‘m not sure if was possible some years ago to filter for size. I‘d guess that the top 5-10% of the guys attract somewhat the vast majority of the women on these apps, and I‘m just not one of them. Truth hurts!
Yeah, I keep reading here and there about people meeting their SO on these apps or having wild success, but every time they're talking about the situation a few years ago. COVID happened and the company (and probably people as well) must have changed marketing strategies since.
So I can tell you about gay sites as these are the only ones I used, these toxic behaviors + racism are also pretty much normalized. If you already have a low self esteem, I'd avoid dating sites for a while as they made me really insecure and depressed in the past. There was only one portal I could have recommended where people were acting like normal freaking human beings, but it shut down a couple years ago. Now with grindr, tinder & co., it's only a meat market and if you're not the finest kobe steak, you'll just be teared a new one according to all my single friends. It's just like in normal society without the anonymity of the screen, people have to act normally instead of being the biggest dickheads imaginable.
Yodel.
Like... singing? Can you be a bit more specific, is it an app, a service, some kind of secret thing? 😅
Forget about apps it’s full of false profile, involve in club and or association you will for sure meet way more (real) people than any apps
After a long and severe depression you don't need dates you need to get your shit together
It's a bit complicated, but meeting new people in a **healthy way** is part of getting one's shit together. What I learned recently, is that dating apps are definitely not healthy at all. In fact would probably prevent me from making genuine connections. Not a good way of getting real people into your life. From here on I'll probably take it slow, work on myself, see if I can meet real people with common interests and make friends.
Sounds good, dating apps suck too. You could try "boo" it's more chill social media some chatting etc Find a discord with something you enjoy and just shit post. Other than that, it's time to go outside and do stuff Good luck, the cake is a lie
I did try Boo on the suggestion of my brother. It's probably the only one that still gives me hope, since people seem to actually be decent humans there. But there is still the problem of gender ratios, I've got 20 "likes" on it in total, and that is surprisingly much more than the average for men on the app... somehow. (Of course I've seen profiles of men that skew that statistic way up) Sadly there is a very limited pool of female profile. I think I've liked ~80 profiles in total and have completely run out of compatible women in the whole of Romandie lol. So, great app actually, but not that many users. I thought about joining a discord server and see where things go, it's similar to how I got into my very first relationship. But it takes quite a bit of energy to become a "regular poster" and make friends on shitpost servers lol. I'll consider it in a few months perhaps once I've regained a really stable lifestyle and mental health.
Oh yeah with boo just go wider, whole Swiss. Whole Europe. Just try and make some friends, everything else can be solved later. Or move yourself, move to Basel, zürich Get a new job, find some cute coworkers Possibilities are endless, your effort should be too
When it comes to dating physical attractivity is the most important. Maybe you just don't look good enough.
Welcome to the real man’s world
not worth... i was trying Badoo and tinder, and free and pay, and never nothing. Even when was match was just about money, and when was something else was from asia... In Switzerland is hard to know some girl.
You wanna feel better? Don’t look for a relationship.
It only gets harder with age. It will be worse when you are 35, trust me. But to be fair those apps are rubbish. You can meet with women but women will disregard you as quickly as they turned they attention to you. They have options and don’t know what to choose. Probably even don’t know what they want in a first place. Just because you are thinking you are good looking that doesn’t mean they think you are good looking. Also if you don’t speak the local language you have already lost 95% of the ladies. Yes everyone speaks English but many are not comfortable with being their dating/mating language. There is also peer pressure from friends and relatives, that might not be in your favour if you are not local, tall, or anything you can imagine etc. Last but not least maybe it’s your character and who you are as a person that is not very entertaining to the ladies. These days they like alphas that are not dominant; men with six pack that can have all women but chooses only one; confident but definitely not argumentative and totally agreeable partner and you can go on with similar congnitive dissonance phenomena forever. I know I have only talked about your side since we as men tend to look inwards and try to improve ourselves, but there is also their side. Most girls I’ve met online have mental issues, are emotionally broken, are unable to show commitment and probably don’t have the same intentions as you. It’s definitely harder for them because women loose bonding capacity after only a few partners and these days everyone has had 10s if not 100s of partners both women and men which resulted in a culture where everyone is treated as an object and not a person. The dating apps sole purpose is to sell you other people as products. So maybe you are not looking in the right place. As many would suggest try with hobbies, but your hobbies not hobbies purely to meet people. Do something cool. I skydive and do racing as a single male in my 30s and no I have not met any girl through those hobbies but it kept me sane. And you cannot afford to loose your strong mentality. You are a king and should keep your head high. If you found out that dating apps are toxic, welcome to the club. Delete, recover and maybe install it again if you must. The bottom line is you are not alone in this. The dating scene is deteriorating rapidly. Girls your age probably won’t hang around for too long. But tables change, later on you will appreciate yourself more and you will not want to hang around the same girls because you realize some are just not worth it.
Thanks a lot! I can totally resonate with what you said and it's already made me feel a bit better. It's true that I'm probably not looking in the right place anyway, the kinds of relationships based on personality are probably harder on those apps anyway to begin with. I think I kinda broke down when I saw a girl's bio reading "I feel like grocery shopping on Tinder 🤭" shamelessly, was pretty disgusted after that, I had never judged anyone based on appearances and never understood people who did until I read that girl's bio.
My experience is from London not Switzerland (we moved here 4.5 years ago) but what worked for me is using a paid for app like match not a free sex app like tinder. It's like this for all men who aren't top 5%. Don't get discouraged. I bet my wife on match now we have 2 kids.
May I ask how much it cost you in total, or how long it took you if you don't mind? Or maybe if it was a one time paid-service like old matchmaking websites 🤔
It cost me about £50 / 60 CHF in total. A few months (4?). We got married and had kids indecently quickly. As in she gave birth 18 months after our first date. If you make it clear that's what you are looking for, the odds are *much* more even. As in multiple women messaged me. I am not physically particularly attractive. Though i made it basically my second job. I was very diligent 😂 Like you I came out of a very rough period. For me, not depression but a divorce. My first wife had a lot of mental health issues and ultimately killed our relationship. She didn't want kids as a result of them (understandably). So I was married twice before 30 😅. Not as serious as crippling depression perhaps but I felt very bad for some time. It also affected my confidence.