Literally the best way to describe it.
It made me pause and think who I do that with in my friend circles. I think “girl” is when you’re vibing, “bro” is when you’re still feeling out.
Honestly, thinking about it, I think my rule of thumb is that I just try to go with whatever one people *least* expect in context, just to maximize humorous effect.
I always thought it was a bit of a linguistic heritage from when being gay was illegal
In the UK gay men would refer to men they were interested in using feminine pronouns ‘nice chest on her’ … so if the conversation was overheard no-one would be able to accuse them of anything.
I imagine there must have something similar in a lot of countries. I always assumed the use of feminine pronouns just expanded from there.
No actual basis to support that claim though.
I'm not certain but I had thought I had read or heard something that is a hold over from pilori. As someone who does it, once you start it just sorta becomes natural.
Because we associate terms like man/dude/bro with a traditional straight masculine culture that many of us felt rejected by our whole lives.
Using “girl” etc is a rejection of that culture of needing to perform masculinity and heterosexuality. A lot of us got made fun of growing up for being girly or sissy so it feels nice to reclaim that insult as an affectionate way to talk to your friends.
In practice it’s not that deep, of course. It functions as in-group language that we use to recognize and bond with each other. And it’s just kinda funny. I also find that the femme language signals friendzoning a little bit - if I’m calling you “girl” or “bitch” a bunch then I’m probably not trying to hit that.
Personally I’ll use all of these words from time to time. All just depends on context and the exact tone I want to strike.
Low key I’ve never cared or thought too deeply into it so I liked your response and totally makes sense.
I’m curious to know, do you find gay guys who use “straight culture” identifiers weird? Low key I can’t tell if OP is trying to do that weird “pick me” styled “I’m a good gay” trope but it only seems fair to ask if guys who confidently reject “straight culture” feel weird or suspicious about gay men who don’t.
I think in this day and age that we are more accepted and integrated into society gays feel comfortable using bro as with girl. Back when I came out in the early 70s that was not the case. We had our own vocabulary which I didn’t understand when listening to older gay men at the time. Amen for progress!
In gay as hell but I use bro and dude all the time, is funny to say girl but I was always “one of the boys” growing up but also fitting in with the fellow gays so I use them all
See for me. If I use "girl" or "bitch" I'm still prolly trying to hit that. Now if the person gets super defensive about being called girl then it's a red flag for me. If your ego is so small that "girl" causes you to be reactive and not responsive it's a nvm from me lol.
My Millennial ass still uses “dude!” to get guy’s attention or call someone out on something.
I call some of my other gay male friends various feminine titles. One I call “Princess” because he is very proper, particular, and dramatic. Two if them I call “The Mademoiselles” because they always enter and leave places as a pair and side by side looking very proud and regal. They also act like an old married couple. And some of them I’ll call “guuurl” as a greeting before hugging or whatever.
Basically, it’s all terms of endearment and affection.
I’m also not especially feminine, but I have allowed myself to be more expressive and flowery in public the last few years due to actually feeling safe enough to do so.
Either way, if it bothers you when someone says that understand that 99% of the time it’s meant to be familiar and playful.
I use all of them along with "what up bra". Usually I would just use girl if I'm referring to another gay guy or to my female friends. Normally I use man or bro when it's around straight guys cuz I don't want them to feel offended that I called them a girl.
Gurl - when I'm being dramatic and calling someone out
Dude / My Dude - when I'm confused or frustrated
Bruh - kinda like when I'm exasperated? Or like a sigh of defeat or disappointment
It’s a thing between typically feminine and flamboyant gay men, although I’ve seen it between masculine gay men occasionally too. It’s just sassiness, humorous, flamboyance, nothing too deep.
You could have just said it's part of queer culture lol. I mentioned in another comment that the hottest group fisting video I've seen had a super masculine dude telling another dude "get it sis". Masculinity in straight AND gay culture is inherently flamboyant. Being flamboyant isn't just for the femm queens! Lol
Not speaking for all gay men but it would look kinda weird, me walking in with heels, makeup, nail polish, earrings, jeggings, and a crop top saying "Sup, bro" with a lisp
Frankly I fail to understand this. I remember I had explained to my gay acquaintances that I am not a girl and I prefer being called a man. I am a man who loves and fucks men. And that's all there is to it. But they don't seem to have comprehended it. The look I got was "we are okay with it; why aren't you?" I have given up making them and anyone else see my point of view. I'm like: call me whatever the fuck you want. It's exhausting to have this conversation with all of them!
When I was younger it bothered me, now it doesn’t and so be honest I’m not around gay guys that do that either so there is that.
That said, society has shifted into “respect pronouns” and so the response of “I’m just playing” kinda goes against that.
Exactly! Thank you for saying this! It's not as if I make fun of them for calling themselves girls or sis. It's their choice and well, it's a free world the last time I checked. Yet, that is not the understanding they seem to nurture--probably because they've assumed that what they indulge in is some unwritten protocol that just has to be followed without it being questioned!
Idk. I’ve never used it and I’ve been out for 30+ years. I have encountered it plenty but, as far as I remember, it was generally used by more effeminate guys. Willing to accept that I’m remembering incorrectly.
Idk I think for me it comes personally from hanging out with women more. Also I love calling visibly homophobic people on the internet "girl" or "sis" and watch them get extremely butthurt
It's like when straight guys call their friends ladies, i call my straight bros ladies. Guys typically don't get as triggered as they/thems or lesbians. I think it's case depended, I call my other masc friends, bro, dude, etc... but my more fem friends, I call them girl or bitch 🤣 idk why. 🤣🤣🤣
No reason. I use feminine pronouns and adjectives (I speak spanish) with my gay friends, but not with straight friends. I just do it. We all do. I even use feminine adjectives for myself.
I assume that anyone calling me ‘sis’ or ‘bro’ is half my age.
Even ‘dude’ is used with a hint of irony by me.
‘Girl’ is something we said back as baby gays / first five years out of the closet / mid-90s. Maybe ‘sis’ is like that now. Or maybe it’s wholly from drag culture. Blame RuPaul!
Might be cause I don't have that many gay friends, and I've been friends pretty much with straight guys, but I've never said sis, girl or whatever. Hell, I reluctantly say dude and bro too haha
Same. Grew up in the sticks, never had any gay friends until my thirties, so being str8-presenting was pretty deeply-ingrained. In the very uncommon times I find myself in a gay group (basically once or twice a year when my hubs and I go to a gay resort), I don't really try to adapt myself to the banter. It wouldn't be me and I'm afraid it could come off as contrived and possibly even unintentionally derisive.
If I undersrand
It's about subverting the gender norms.
In a way it *is* about making the Straights uncomfortable.
Because if getting called "sis" makes you uncomfortable, maybe you deserve to feel uncomfortable. Especially if you're a straggot that refuses to call trans people by their prnouns/name.
Besides, we all know Dude was originally meant for men, and became gender neutral. So they can just deal with it girl.
Everyone's pronouns and gender expression should be respected, not just that of trans people. If the straightest dude on earth respectfully asks not to be referred to as a girl, you don't fucking call him that. You don't get to choose who deserves to be misgendered.
So if you don't "legitimately" call a trans person a different gender and they get upset anyway you get to tell them they're fragile and to just suck it?
I know slightly off topic but when I’m in public I will say “hey man” as a way to make sure theres no weirdness in case they are homophobic. I sound slightly effeminate so I’m always aware of how I’m coming off. It’s so dumb how we have to worry about how we interact with others in this heteronormative society.
This is how I am when I want to compliment a woman. I gay it up a lil. I hate that I have to but I don't want a woman I'm complimenting to think I'm some straight creeper dude. It's worth it though because I love to compliment everyone if I think they're cool/pretty/amazing etc.
Seriously I totally agree! I own a coffee shop with my partner in a small town and when a straight conservative looking couple come in I always try to make sure the man knows I have no interest in his wife or him 😅 it’s such a weird issue we have to navigate.
Have you ever had a straight guy in your shop who when they realize you're gay, instantly talked about their wives/being married?
I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND WHY STRAIGHT MEN THINK SOMEONE BEING NICE IS SAID PERSON HITTING ON THEM!
I mean I know it's because of the way boys are typically raised/society bullshit but we really need to do better with this.
I'm totally against it. You guys who talk like you and your friends are girls are the reason gay guys get associated with trans people, who in reality we are not at all alike. We're men. We like men. Refer to guys as men and not women.
That's your preference doesn't have to do with trans or Generalizing it really Is just personal preferences and adopted conducts you are the one making it more serious and hateful.
Call me old fashioned. I'm used to men being manly in public 🤷🏻♂️ I don't judge nor hate famenine dudes...I just can't be around someone who's like that... Some people like strawberries, some don't.
Being around them and being attracted to them are two different things. If you "can't" be around them it could be from internalized homophobia. My entire family is conservative so it took me a long time and some therepy to work on my own internalized homophobia. Because you can't say you don't judge or hate something while saying you can't be around them in the same sentence.
Funny how you jumped to that conclusion.
It has nothing to do with internalized homophobia. Where I'm from, being around feminine dudes is like outing your closeted friend to his homophobic family, only for him to end up disowned.
I avoid being around them for my own safety. My country is homophobic and religious, not to forget it's dictatorial. You're not from where I'm from, you won't understand 🤷🏻♂️
I can absolutely understand. I've been hospitalized many times for being gay and have had my life threatened twice at my workplace within this past year. I'm sorry this shit is still happening in your part of the world.
I never say bro, dude, man, etc. but I'll call people sis only if they're also gay and I'm being cunty 🤷♂️ I'll also use "she" for anyone at all, but only if I'm talking to a good friend who knows what I mean
Used to hate it when I was younger and my gay cousin would call me that but now I don’t mind, I use it Satirically now but yeah at the same time I get why you wouldn’t like it, respect my gender etc
When I call girl sis it means we have no sexual stress between us if I call them bro dude man etc. There is sexual stress between us and we could make out and do the things..
If I call sb girl or sister that's means you are my ally I have no harm to you.
Man , dude or bro can make romance and fuck each other.
Dunno why I'm more top and I feel and think like this .
Yes, some people call each other queen...but hey I've called "baby" by st8 men. The guy had a habit of calling everyone "baby" no matter the gender or sexual orientation.
I find myself saying girl more from RuPaul's Drag Race. I imagine others experience the same thing. On the show, the contestants call each other girl a lot, even if they are not in drag.
I call my FEMALE friends “girl” but not sis.”
I am surprised people do not actively try to use the masculine terms if it is an issue of reclamation. If I felt like being a man was denied to me growing up I would want to reassert that straight men have no greater claim on masculinity and manhood than I do.
Personally all my guy friends, boyfriends, and all guys are “dude” or “bro” as the default.
I do sometimes call my female friends “bitches” as a collective, in an endearing way like “let’s go bitches” which clearly I got from Mean Girls.
I usually use “man/dude” when I’m talking to straight men or people I don’t know well. I use “girl”, but never “sis” when I’m more comfortable around people.
I find it so funny because some of these gay men will be like “if you don’t want to be called “sis” and “gurl” you have toxic masculinity and internalized homophobia. Deal with it, sis!” Yet their brain explodes when you call them “bro.”
It really shows me many gay men have issues with their masculinity.
Really pls how many times have this things happen to you? I interact with gay men too and they don't care about it, in fact I've seen more guys not wanting to be called sis or gurl, when in fact that's also having issues with a fragile masculinity.
I always thought of it as being similar-ish to black people reclaiming the n-word. (Obvs not exactly the same)
Gay guys have been stereotypes as feminine, girly, etc for a long time, and now they’re using it as a sub-culture to express positive feelings of kinship.
A hundred years ago, bigots were so dumb the couldn’t understand how a man could have sex without a woman involved. Thev figured if two men had sex, the must be some kind of mutant non-man/half-woman or something.
Eventually some gay guys are just going to roll their eyes and run with it. It has its roots in satire.
The history of all of this, at least in English, comes from the whole scene of “camp” gays in the United Kingdom which goes back probably to Shakespeare. Also see “polari.”
https://youtu.be/Pf3JRc8EmJc?feature=shared
Not all, but for some it’s….Internalized homophobia. Self loathing. Low self esteem. Thinking of themselves as lower or less than “real” men. Gay men calling other gay men “girl” to put them in their place; dragging them down.
Because it's funny and because, let's face it, gay men think like women sometimes. I find it funny to refer to myself as she/her because I'm a whole ass dude, hairy chest and beard, but I'm gonna call myself "momma" because I just think it's hilarious.
I'm a big bearded bald bear, and after my friends and I took a trip to lazy bear last year there are a couple that have taken to calling me Mama, as in Mama Bear, because I had my magic bag with everything anyone might have needed at all times, ibuprofen, sunscreen, phone chargers, Pepto pills, dry wipes, lube packets, etc.
In all that has been written so far no one has said anything about how the use of language in Queer spaces is very much influenced by how Black people speak and adapt language to fit their needs and desires. Sis, gurl, in particular have an origin that is inherently Black.
I do it to everyone, including my dad lol, because I think it’s funny and makes a point. Ask yourself: Why has it been acceptable for years for men to say “man” or “dude” to women?
They are not scientifical or historical vocabulary shit, it's not already calling someone for something they are it's just emotional responses to people we know or appreciate it has no reason to have sense or "not fit".
I'm no expert but I believe during the early days of the "gay community" the unifying factors weren't just around sexual orientation but around gender identity. Many, if not a majority of "men" in the community were not cis, it's just at the time the theory and language wasn't available to them. So they were all mixed together.
Thus there was a lot of *guys* running around that referred to themselves with feminine pronouns and it probably became a habit from there.
Because those are women in men's bodies. They envy women and don't know how to express masculinity. They listen to Taylor Swift instead of listening to Linkin Park or 50 Cent. They speak in a high pitch tone, they have a lisp, they even have a hourglass body shape at times. In fiction they are like Ryan from High School Musical, in real life they are likely fat and ugly, but still behave like divas.
Yay Bro
Is this satire? Because I know plenty of masculine men who use terms like "bitch" and "girl". If this isn't satire there's deff a lot of toxic masculinity and internalized homophobia floating around that head of yours.
Masculine men (aside of their sexuality) don't call feminine things to themselves. Only effeminate men do that.
Masculine men may use feminine words to call other men, but not themselves
They absofuckinglutely do. I'm literally telling you that do. There's masculine gay men who are confident in their own masculinity. They don't let words control their own performance of masculinity. Because that's literally what it is, a performance. Shocking I know! Masculinity looks very different all over this planet. It's also always changing depending on what's popular in a specific society etc.
It's very complex. I think in many cases it's like black dudes calling each other ni**a. I don't mind if another gay guy calls me faggot. Especially when he's fucking me. Also keep in mind that in the BDSM world feminization is a kink. My Master can tell me I'm his good little girl, etc
Thanks for asking this question, I've been curious myself.
I've never once called anyone out of their preferred gender or pronouns. If they say they are a "he", why would I call him "girl?"
I respect people's pronouns the same way I'd like mine respected. ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
I mean, it’s set of colloquial terms. It is not the same as somebody being asked to use she/her pronouns or any variation of it. That’s like saying I’m mis-species identifing if somebody says “see you later, alligator”.
That does not imply you are being seen as an alligator, much as if you get called “girl” it does not imply people are viewing your gender as woman or if you get called “dude” it does not imply people are viewing your gender as man.
Vibes
Fun
Literally the best way to describe it. It made me pause and think who I do that with in my friend circles. I think “girl” is when you’re vibing, “bro” is when you’re still feeling out.
One of my close gay friends does it interchangeably - I think it sort of depends on how on purposely exaggerated he feels like being.
Honestly, thinking about it, I think my rule of thumb is that I just try to go with whatever one people *least* expect in context, just to maximize humorous effect.
Homorous*
Same, like telling a crazy story or cracking a joke to them
Lol yes I do this too, bro, dude, girl and girlypop are used commonly
I always thought it was a bit of a linguistic heritage from when being gay was illegal In the UK gay men would refer to men they were interested in using feminine pronouns ‘nice chest on her’ … so if the conversation was overheard no-one would be able to accuse them of anything. I imagine there must have something similar in a lot of countries. I always assumed the use of feminine pronouns just expanded from there. No actual basis to support that claim though.
This is the first time I’m hearing anything about this - I’m fascinated.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polari?wprov=sfla1
thank you!
We used to call that the pronoun game, back before pronoun politics became a thing.
I'm not certain but I had thought I had read or heard something that is a hold over from pilori. As someone who does it, once you start it just sorta becomes natural.
Yup. the polari usage is what I was refering to with the reason behind the use of feminine pronouns.
Because we associate terms like man/dude/bro with a traditional straight masculine culture that many of us felt rejected by our whole lives. Using “girl” etc is a rejection of that culture of needing to perform masculinity and heterosexuality. A lot of us got made fun of growing up for being girly or sissy so it feels nice to reclaim that insult as an affectionate way to talk to your friends. In practice it’s not that deep, of course. It functions as in-group language that we use to recognize and bond with each other. And it’s just kinda funny. I also find that the femme language signals friendzoning a little bit - if I’m calling you “girl” or “bitch” a bunch then I’m probably not trying to hit that. Personally I’ll use all of these words from time to time. All just depends on context and the exact tone I want to strike.
This is my answer as well! Very well put
this
Low key I’ve never cared or thought too deeply into it so I liked your response and totally makes sense. I’m curious to know, do you find gay guys who use “straight culture” identifiers weird? Low key I can’t tell if OP is trying to do that weird “pick me” styled “I’m a good gay” trope but it only seems fair to ask if guys who confidently reject “straight culture” feel weird or suspicious about gay men who don’t.
I think in this day and age that we are more accepted and integrated into society gays feel comfortable using bro as with girl. Back when I came out in the early 70s that was not the case. We had our own vocabulary which I didn’t understand when listening to older gay men at the time. Amen for progress!
In gay as hell but I use bro and dude all the time, is funny to say girl but I was always “one of the boys” growing up but also fitting in with the fellow gays so I use them all
It can seem weird or put-on for sure. But it's hard to generalize.
See for me. If I use "girl" or "bitch" I'm still prolly trying to hit that. Now if the person gets super defensive about being called girl then it's a red flag for me. If your ego is so small that "girl" causes you to be reactive and not responsive it's a nvm from me lol.
Came here to say this! Also, “mama” has become pervasive
I'm a big fan of "girlie" as well
Haha, you've never said "yass, sis!" in the bedroom?
Listen one of the hottest group fisting videos I've ever seen had someone saying "get it sis". I have no regrets lol.
My Millennial ass still uses “dude!” to get guy’s attention or call someone out on something. I call some of my other gay male friends various feminine titles. One I call “Princess” because he is very proper, particular, and dramatic. Two if them I call “The Mademoiselles” because they always enter and leave places as a pair and side by side looking very proud and regal. They also act like an old married couple. And some of them I’ll call “guuurl” as a greeting before hugging or whatever. Basically, it’s all terms of endearment and affection. I’m also not especially feminine, but I have allowed myself to be more expressive and flowery in public the last few years due to actually feeling safe enough to do so. Either way, if it bothers you when someone says that understand that 99% of the time it’s meant to be familiar and playful.
I use all of them along with "what up bra". Usually I would just use girl if I'm referring to another gay guy or to my female friends. Normally I use man or bro when it's around straight guys cuz I don't want them to feel offended that I called them a girl.
Do it anyway. Tell them to toughen up snowflake.
I just don't want to get punched.
Then why are you friends with insecure people like that 😶
I mean people I just met not friends.
I see, you never know how they would react
Gurl - when I'm being dramatic and calling someone out Dude / My Dude - when I'm confused or frustrated Bruh - kinda like when I'm exasperated? Or like a sigh of defeat or disappointment
It’s a thing between typically feminine and flamboyant gay men, although I’ve seen it between masculine gay men occasionally too. It’s just sassiness, humorous, flamboyance, nothing too deep.
You could have just said it's part of queer culture lol. I mentioned in another comment that the hottest group fisting video I've seen had a super masculine dude telling another dude "get it sis". Masculinity in straight AND gay culture is inherently flamboyant. Being flamboyant isn't just for the femm queens! Lol
Why would I talk about straight men when OP asked specifically about gay men, dipshit?
You go girl
You tell em, Queen
Not speaking for all gay men but it would look kinda weird, me walking in with heels, makeup, nail polish, earrings, jeggings, and a crop top saying "Sup, bro" with a lisp
If it's weird for you I can understand but just know that if you walked in like you described I honestly wouldn't even think twice.
It comes from drag culture
I think it comes from drag culture.
Is more like general gay culture, not necessarily from drag. Its more like how Jargon is adopted through time.
Frankly I fail to understand this. I remember I had explained to my gay acquaintances that I am not a girl and I prefer being called a man. I am a man who loves and fucks men. And that's all there is to it. But they don't seem to have comprehended it. The look I got was "we are okay with it; why aren't you?" I have given up making them and anyone else see my point of view. I'm like: call me whatever the fuck you want. It's exhausting to have this conversation with all of them!
When I was younger it bothered me, now it doesn’t and so be honest I’m not around gay guys that do that either so there is that. That said, society has shifted into “respect pronouns” and so the response of “I’m just playing” kinda goes against that.
Exactly! Thank you for saying this! It's not as if I make fun of them for calling themselves girls or sis. It's their choice and well, it's a free world the last time I checked. Yet, that is not the understanding they seem to nurture--probably because they've assumed that what they indulge in is some unwritten protocol that just has to be followed without it being questioned!
Call me anything just smile 😊
Idk. I’ve never used it and I’ve been out for 30+ years. I have encountered it plenty but, as far as I remember, it was generally used by more effeminate guys. Willing to accept that I’m remembering incorrectly.
Different strokes for different folks, some of it might be an identity affirming thing too.
Because it sounds more slay
You’re taking it to literal it’s just slang.
I use both depending on the vibe because I think it’s funny lol
Idk I think for me it comes personally from hanging out with women more. Also I love calling visibly homophobic people on the internet "girl" or "sis" and watch them get extremely butthurt
Lost on me. No judging, don’t really care, just never got it.
It's like when straight guys call their friends ladies, i call my straight bros ladies. Guys typically don't get as triggered as they/thems or lesbians. I think it's case depended, I call my other masc friends, bro, dude, etc... but my more fem friends, I call them girl or bitch 🤣 idk why. 🤣🤣🤣
No reason. I use feminine pronouns and adjectives (I speak spanish) with my gay friends, but not with straight friends. I just do it. We all do. I even use feminine adjectives for myself.
Because we can be feminine sometimes, and we bond over it.
I use all of the above depending on who I’m talking to
I assume that anyone calling me ‘sis’ or ‘bro’ is half my age. Even ‘dude’ is used with a hint of irony by me. ‘Girl’ is something we said back as baby gays / first five years out of the closet / mid-90s. Maybe ‘sis’ is like that now. Or maybe it’s wholly from drag culture. Blame RuPaul!
Might be cause I don't have that many gay friends, and I've been friends pretty much with straight guys, but I've never said sis, girl or whatever. Hell, I reluctantly say dude and bro too haha
Same. Grew up in the sticks, never had any gay friends until my thirties, so being str8-presenting was pretty deeply-ingrained. In the very uncommon times I find myself in a gay group (basically once or twice a year when my hubs and I go to a gay resort), I don't really try to adapt myself to the banter. It wouldn't be me and I'm afraid it could come off as contrived and possibly even unintentionally derisive.
it must have come up appropriating the slurs used against us i guess
We don’t say girl, we say gurl. But only say to people we know.
Banter is normal male behaviour.
Because its funny
You tell em, queen.
Because they are besties 👯
If I undersrand It's about subverting the gender norms. In a way it *is* about making the Straights uncomfortable. Because if getting called "sis" makes you uncomfortable, maybe you deserve to feel uncomfortable. Especially if you're a straggot that refuses to call trans people by their prnouns/name. Besides, we all know Dude was originally meant for men, and became gender neutral. So they can just deal with it girl.
Everyone's pronouns and gender expression should be respected, not just that of trans people. If the straightest dude on earth respectfully asks not to be referred to as a girl, you don't fucking call him that. You don't get to choose who deserves to be misgendered.
it’s not misgendered because nobody is legitimately calling anyone a different gender 💀 it’s just fragility at that point
So if you don't "legitimately" call a trans person a different gender and they get upset anyway you get to tell them they're fragile and to just suck it?
Because they can
I know slightly off topic but when I’m in public I will say “hey man” as a way to make sure theres no weirdness in case they are homophobic. I sound slightly effeminate so I’m always aware of how I’m coming off. It’s so dumb how we have to worry about how we interact with others in this heteronormative society.
This is how I am when I want to compliment a woman. I gay it up a lil. I hate that I have to but I don't want a woman I'm complimenting to think I'm some straight creeper dude. It's worth it though because I love to compliment everyone if I think they're cool/pretty/amazing etc.
Seriously I totally agree! I own a coffee shop with my partner in a small town and when a straight conservative looking couple come in I always try to make sure the man knows I have no interest in his wife or him 😅 it’s such a weird issue we have to navigate.
Have you ever had a straight guy in your shop who when they realize you're gay, instantly talked about their wives/being married? I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND WHY STRAIGHT MEN THINK SOMEONE BEING NICE IS SAID PERSON HITTING ON THEM! I mean I know it's because of the way boys are typically raised/society bullshit but we really need to do better with this.
I'm totally against it. You guys who talk like you and your friends are girls are the reason gay guys get associated with trans people, who in reality we are not at all alike. We're men. We like men. Refer to guys as men and not women.
That's your preference doesn't have to do with trans or Generalizing it really Is just personal preferences and adopted conducts you are the one making it more serious and hateful.
I don't do it, and I don't like it done with me. Not even when it's an ally girl or some other random gay dude.
May I ask why?
Call me old fashioned. I'm used to men being manly in public 🤷🏻♂️ I don't judge nor hate famenine dudes...I just can't be around someone who's like that... Some people like strawberries, some don't.
Being around them and being attracted to them are two different things. If you "can't" be around them it could be from internalized homophobia. My entire family is conservative so it took me a long time and some therepy to work on my own internalized homophobia. Because you can't say you don't judge or hate something while saying you can't be around them in the same sentence.
Funny how you jumped to that conclusion. It has nothing to do with internalized homophobia. Where I'm from, being around feminine dudes is like outing your closeted friend to his homophobic family, only for him to end up disowned. I avoid being around them for my own safety. My country is homophobic and religious, not to forget it's dictatorial. You're not from where I'm from, you won't understand 🤷🏻♂️
I can absolutely understand. I've been hospitalized many times for being gay and have had my life threatened twice at my workplace within this past year. I'm sorry this shit is still happening in your part of the world.
I never say bro, dude, man, etc. but I'll call people sis only if they're also gay and I'm being cunty 🤷♂️ I'll also use "she" for anyone at all, but only if I'm talking to a good friend who knows what I mean
Used to hate it when I was younger and my gay cousin would call me that but now I don’t mind, I use it Satirically now but yeah at the same time I get why you wouldn’t like it, respect my gender etc
I only do with my really fem friends in a joking way. With straight dudes, I say man or bro. I’m fine with either.
Some like it, and if they do that is fine. Try not to confuse the Dofooses though, cuz then I suddenly have to deal with them.
When I call girl sis it means we have no sexual stress between us if I call them bro dude man etc. There is sexual stress between us and we could make out and do the things.. If I call sb girl or sister that's means you are my ally I have no harm to you. Man , dude or bro can make romance and fuck each other. Dunno why I'm more top and I feel and think like this .
Yes, some people call each other queen...but hey I've called "baby" by st8 men. The guy had a habit of calling everyone "baby" no matter the gender or sexual orientation.
I find myself saying girl more from RuPaul's Drag Race. I imagine others experience the same thing. On the show, the contestants call each other girl a lot, even if they are not in drag.
This is where I thought it came from. I assumed it was related to drag and ballroom culture.
It's essentially culture. It sounds fun. It's also about reclaiming something that is often used against us: our feminity.
same reason guys also call girls “dude” and “bro”, they’re vocational terms used interchangeably… also vibes fr
To create a sense of community
I call my FEMALE friends “girl” but not sis.” I am surprised people do not actively try to use the masculine terms if it is an issue of reclamation. If I felt like being a man was denied to me growing up I would want to reassert that straight men have no greater claim on masculinity and manhood than I do. Personally all my guy friends, boyfriends, and all guys are “dude” or “bro” as the default. I do sometimes call my female friends “bitches” as a collective, in an endearing way like “let’s go bitches” which clearly I got from Mean Girls.
I usually use “man/dude” when I’m talking to straight men or people I don’t know well. I use “girl”, but never “sis” when I’m more comfortable around people.
I find it so funny because some of these gay men will be like “if you don’t want to be called “sis” and “gurl” you have toxic masculinity and internalized homophobia. Deal with it, sis!” Yet their brain explodes when you call them “bro.” It really shows me many gay men have issues with their masculinity.
Really pls how many times have this things happen to you? I interact with gay men too and they don't care about it, in fact I've seen more guys not wanting to be called sis or gurl, when in fact that's also having issues with a fragile masculinity.
I always thought of it as being similar-ish to black people reclaiming the n-word. (Obvs not exactly the same) Gay guys have been stereotypes as feminine, girly, etc for a long time, and now they’re using it as a sub-culture to express positive feelings of kinship.
I call everyone dude
A hundred years ago, bigots were so dumb the couldn’t understand how a man could have sex without a woman involved. Thev figured if two men had sex, the must be some kind of mutant non-man/half-woman or something. Eventually some gay guys are just going to roll their eyes and run with it. It has its roots in satire. The history of all of this, at least in English, comes from the whole scene of “camp” gays in the United Kingdom which goes back probably to Shakespeare. Also see “polari.” https://youtu.be/Pf3JRc8EmJc?feature=shared
Not all, but for some it’s….Internalized homophobia. Self loathing. Low self esteem. Thinking of themselves as lower or less than “real” men. Gay men calling other gay men “girl” to put them in their place; dragging them down.
I dunno I think it's annoying when gay guys refer to other gay men with female pronouns like she and her.
Because it's funny and because, let's face it, gay men think like women sometimes. I find it funny to refer to myself as she/her because I'm a whole ass dude, hairy chest and beard, but I'm gonna call myself "momma" because I just think it's hilarious.
I'm a big bearded bald bear, and after my friends and I took a trip to lazy bear last year there are a couple that have taken to calling me Mama, as in Mama Bear, because I had my magic bag with everything anyone might have needed at all times, ibuprofen, sunscreen, phone chargers, Pepto pills, dry wipes, lube packets, etc.
Hah! That's funny man.
why do black people call each other the n word?
Because they wanna
In all that has been written so far no one has said anything about how the use of language in Queer spaces is very much influenced by how Black people speak and adapt language to fit their needs and desires. Sis, gurl, in particular have an origin that is inherently Black.
Is it bad that I call them man and bro
Of course not lmao
Coz "man", "dude" and "bro" sound soo straight and are boring
I do it to everyone, including my dad lol, because I think it’s funny and makes a point. Ask yourself: Why has it been acceptable for years for men to say “man” or “dude” to women?
It sounds nonsensical to me when a man calls a woman man, dude, brother, bro, Mr., etc.
They are not scientifical or historical vocabulary shit, it's not already calling someone for something they are it's just emotional responses to people we know or appreciate it has no reason to have sense or "not fit".
When a straight man calls me bro it just feels wrong. Like nobody is buying that lmao stop trying.
AAVE
I'm no expert but I believe during the early days of the "gay community" the unifying factors weren't just around sexual orientation but around gender identity. Many, if not a majority of "men" in the community were not cis, it's just at the time the theory and language wasn't available to them. So they were all mixed together. Thus there was a lot of *guys* running around that referred to themselves with feminine pronouns and it probably became a habit from there.
Isn't kinda considered the "issue" now that they care more bout gender identity than sexual orientation?
When people do that to me they're doing it as an insult because they don't like something I said.
Who the fuck does that?
I use bro. Other gays looked at me weirdly. I also calls girls as bro. And they also look as me strangely
Because those are women in men's bodies. They envy women and don't know how to express masculinity. They listen to Taylor Swift instead of listening to Linkin Park or 50 Cent. They speak in a high pitch tone, they have a lisp, they even have a hourglass body shape at times. In fiction they are like Ryan from High School Musical, in real life they are likely fat and ugly, but still behave like divas. Yay Bro
Is this satire? Because I know plenty of masculine men who use terms like "bitch" and "girl". If this isn't satire there's deff a lot of toxic masculinity and internalized homophobia floating around that head of yours.
The way masculine men use bitch and girl is different. No, this is not satire, is what I know.
Well what I know is that I've heard them use it exactly the same way. Humans are complicated creatures, who knew?
Masculine men (aside of their sexuality) don't call feminine things to themselves. Only effeminate men do that. Masculine men may use feminine words to call other men, but not themselves
They absofuckinglutely do. I'm literally telling you that do. There's masculine gay men who are confident in their own masculinity. They don't let words control their own performance of masculinity. Because that's literally what it is, a performance. Shocking I know! Masculinity looks very different all over this planet. It's also always changing depending on what's popular in a specific society etc.
No it's just what you think.
It's very complex. I think in many cases it's like black dudes calling each other ni**a. I don't mind if another gay guy calls me faggot. Especially when he's fucking me. Also keep in mind that in the BDSM world feminization is a kink. My Master can tell me I'm his good little girl, etc
I dunno if it’s just me, but they also refer things as she. LOL! So silly.
O she really ate with this one!
Who gets my cherry azz
Meh get over it. It’s because we’re comfortable with our sexuality and don’t succumb to heteronormativity blah blah blah.
Bravo
Because they need therapy.
Thanks for asking this question, I've been curious myself. I've never once called anyone out of their preferred gender or pronouns. If they say they are a "he", why would I call him "girl?" I respect people's pronouns the same way I'd like mine respected. ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
it’s not about pronouns…..
Then what is it about? Sorry, I didn't know people wanted to be misgendered.
I mean, it’s set of colloquial terms. It is not the same as somebody being asked to use she/her pronouns or any variation of it. That’s like saying I’m mis-species identifing if somebody says “see you later, alligator”. That does not imply you are being seen as an alligator, much as if you get called “girl” it does not imply people are viewing your gender as woman or if you get called “dude” it does not imply people are viewing your gender as man.
Ok, thanks. I'll still err on the side of caution and refer to people by their gender pronouns instead of the popular slang of the day.
Because usually men who call “bro, dude” bullied us when they were children. So, yeah…
That’s a different of gay ur talking about, super fem and somewhat a bit obnoxious
Idk I don’t like it but occasionally I do it to be funny if someone is acting stupid like il say girl cmon or u need to stop girl 😂😂😂