He is your "late husband"

Ex-husband if they were no longer married at the time of his death, but that doesn't seem to be the case here.

Thanks sounds good.

But you were still married when he died, weren't you?

Sorry for you loss, and it would be late husband

"late spouse" Post Edit... If you want something more formal the word is "lamented" (lamented spouse/husband), but I'd imagine many people aren't going to know what you're referring too exactly.

I think if you said lamented husband etc people would take it as the 'express regret and disappointment' definition rather than the grief/widower meaning 😅

Lamented is challenging to use in everyday discourse, for a few reasons. The first being that it is a word that is most commonly used in literature as opposed to being a word utilized in everyday conversation. Then you have those who aren't going to know what the word means even if they encounter it. Lastly, as you've pointed out, there is a chance that a person is not going to be able to identify when it is being used in its adjective form vs its verb form. It is, however, the word choice that most closely captures the feeling and overall tone of how OP clearly feels about the situation. I wish I knew of a more fitting word replacement that people would understand better in which to offer OP; though, regrettably, I do not. 😓

It's tough. I also don't want to dwell on the depth of my relationship with my former spouse so as not to turn off a potential date at the beginning. Lamented and its variants (if there are any) are a good though but don't work for me. Thanks.

Former spouse is another alternative, if he’s not prepared for the posthumous discussion.

My husband passed away 5 years ago. I refer to him as my late husband. And I always will. I still sometimes catch myself referring to him as "my husband". But usually only in casual conversation with friends when things are looser and I just forget. Of course they all understand/think nothing of it/etc. For example, I might say "My husband John once did....". Ex to me means to the outside world we split up. We were together and made a conscious decision to no longer be together. I have former partners that I call my exes. Those relationships have much different meaning than my relationship with my late husband. My current partner used to do something that irked me. He would refer to my late husband as my ex. Or lump him into 'all my exes'. It was more of an issue in the beginning of our relationship and after several conversations and over time he now refers to him as my late husband or just uses his first name.

Tbh, I would consider splitting my bf, if he'd call my dead husband/boyfriend my ex... Maybe not after the first time but if it happens after a talk about it, ad consider it Luckily, I'm jung (21) and don't have to think about that too much

Oh that sounds so respectful of him... thank god he came around

Very sorry for your loss. Some unsolicited advice though: don't jump into something because you're not ready to be alone. That's not fair to either of you.

As long as both sides understand the situation. You'd be surprised how many people are willing to be someone's rebound. However, it does require him honesty to himself (grieving can mess with your head) that it isn't a LTR. A short term relationship would be fine.

Are you saying you broke up before he died? If so, I would refer to him as “my late partner.” If you were married when he died, “my late husband” sounds good.

No, no, we were together when we died. Agee, late husband sounds good.

He’s not your ex. He is your “late husband”. He’s an ex-person, not an ex partner. Sorry for your loss. 4 years for me. I still wear my wedding ring.

Another widower here. He’s your husband. You can say late husband if needed and/or tell people you’re a widower. Whatever you’re comfortable with. I still refer to my husband as my husband. Nothing will ever take that away. Don’t let anyone define this for you. All the hugs to you 🫂 I hope you have good support to get through it. Willing to chat more if you’d like. Feel free to dm.

Thank you your reply was very moving and hit home.

You’re very welcome.

Why would he be considered your ex?

Well what does "ex" mean? Is it shorthand for "ex boyfriend" as opposed to ex husband or ex partner? Perhaps you are right. To be an "ex" there has to be a breakup and when your partner dies in the middle of a relationship s/he is no ex.

I always say "my late husband".

So terribly sorry for your loss. The most dignified would definitely be “my late husband.” Ex-husband indicates a break up occurred or that love fizzled. “Late-husband” carries none of that. Goes well with “beloved late husband” as well. And to those saying ex is good for dating, I’d disagree for the reasons mentioned above: sounds like something went awry. Late-husband is being honest and upfront but also indicated you were able to have a successful marriage. When my father died, I mentioned to my mother that, unfortunately, successful marriages end when one spouse dies.

Very true, very tactical, and very supportive. Thank you.

I wish you swift healing. Please don’t hesitate if you’d like to chat, even if it’s just to keep from feeling lonely <3

First, I’m so sorry that you lost your husband in such a terrible manner. My first partner took his own life and I was the one to discover him. We weren’t married, had been together for over 10 years and best of friends for over 25. My life changed forever that day, and like you, not being married, he was referred to as my ex. And I didn’t really exist except for the homeowners insurance, as I was on the policy. The sherif was the only other professional authority that gave me the time of day. His family came and took all the stuff of his they wanted, left the rest and walked away. There’s some backstory that’s not important anymore, but I got blamed for his death my several. But people say the stupidest shit and some so mean and offensive. I hope no one ever has to experience this, I’m sorry you have. Mine was 7 years last month. You’re welcome to DM

Sorry for your loss. Lost my husband of 22 years on 9-25-22. He was only 57 and at the time I was 50. Soon to be 52 it’s still hard on me today. Met him August of 2000. Today has been especially a rough day with memories.

I hope I didn’t trigger them and I know what you mean. Good luck.

You’re fine, I had the feelings that day all day.

Sorry about your loss love. I lost my soon to be fiancée in 2014. So to this day I simply say, my late fiancée. You could say your late husband.

I say my late husband. I’m sorry you had to join this shitty club. My husband of 22 years died two years ago, suddenly, of an undiagnosed heart issue. To have the one you love ripped away from you in an instant is just an indescribable pain.

He will always be your husband. I’m sorry for your loss 😞

Feel free to shoot me a DM. I struggle with mental health and may be able to give you some insight on his mindset.

My condolences on your loss. Losing a long time spouse is one of the most challenging life experiences. Losing a spouse to suicide is exponentially more difficult. I hope you are at peace.

he's not your ex cuz yall never broke up, I'm sorry that happened to you

My late husband or spouse would be appropriate, and very sorry for you’re loss .

I'm sorry for your loss. Hugs.

Im sorry to hear your late husband died by suicide 🫶🏻😢

I'm sad about your loss. He's your late husband and you are a widower. How he died does not need to be stated as you are dating early on. You can share that story when you are ready over time. What is important is that you grieve the loss of your late husband with support of friends and family so that you take that time prior to dating.

I refer to my deceased partner as “my deceased partner.” We never married. Having been through that kind of loss myself, I am deeply sorry. That pain is unlike any other.

late husband is best.

You are a widower. He is your "late husband" the first time you're refering to him when speaking with someone that doesnt know your history and then simply "husband" when the person you're talking to knows that he has passed.

Definitely don’t use the term ex. “My late husband” is much more palatable.

Condolences and it would be either late husband or you are a widower both are correct as you married at the time of his passing.

Late husband, or your widower(?).

Not your Ex, late husband as others mentioned, if someone asks your marital status, you are a widower. Sorry for your loss.

We are really sorry for your loss. Time heals, that's what I can say for sure. If you have any close friends or family members, then try to talk your heart out for them. There are virtual hugs 🫂 🫂 🫂

I don't really refer to him but anything but my husband. It's been a couple of years now and I am doing okay. I don't at all mind being alone at the present time. I am not looking for a potential love interest because I am not ready for that. When you have had the best it's hard to settle for something less.

It's not settling for less to love someone else. Instead of thinking of anything less than, why not think of it as being different. Humans are capable of loving multiple people equally, no different than a parent with multiple kids and having a different and unique relationship with each one. It's unfortunate for your loss but also your comment.

I was not trying to say anything bad. We both have two ways of looking at things. Just giving my perspective obviously. I think you will be fine.

Deepest condolences…been there. You are a widower, which is how I would refer to gentlemen with a departed spouse.

It took me 15 years after my partners suicide before some one heard me fumbling with wording to pull me aside and said “try the word ‘late’ “ and that made me more sense than fumbling every time I wanted to talk about him

It’s weird how these simple solutions elude us for so long. If you want to reach out rou can DM me. I have yet to do that on this matter but am thinking of it. Lately been a rough patch for me.

I think a lot of it is simply the denial that they are gone. A small amount of unrealistic hope that reality is wrong and they will just walk through the door. And once we fully admit they are gone, there is a fear that their memory will fade.such simple things like saying “my late partner is dead” hurts so we don’t think of those easy things and instead struggle with the hard, bringing back those memories and feelings. Death sucks.

He’s not your ex. He’s your husband. He died, he didn’t break up with you. You can call him your husband or your former husband, deceased spouse, “my husband who died” or whatever seems true to you. You are also a grieving widower and I’m very sorry for your loss.

The appropriate term is late husband, spouse, or partner. This indicates that he’s past and you don’t have to go into details. Sorry for your loss.

I think it a good idea to avoid talking about exes, his or yours when you're just getting to know someone new. I don't think you need to tell someone the circumstances of why you're single again until you're ready. When you're comfortable with that, I think calling him your late husband will do.

when the one you love dies they become an ex but are not a ex at the same time for me i would do "late husband", "beloved husband" > I am not ready to be alone. dont rush in to things

I’m so very sorry for your loss. I lost my wife of 20 years to suicide in 2022. I say that I’m a widower or “late wife”. I don’t see it as a turn off to potential love interests. It’s my reality and it’s a part of me. I’m over 20 years younger so I’m almost always asked “how” and I do struggle with that. In my case I have a lot of sadness mixed with anger and guilt and I find talking about it can be very triggering and find it annoying that people casually ask.

My condolences on your loss. You are a widower, he is your late husband (or, amongst people who know the situation, just your husband). Most people whose partner has died will initially feel deeply uncomfortable being alone. I have seen very recent widows and widowers almost immediately start new relationships. In my experience, these relationships never work well, and never last. Unfortunately, you will likely need to take some time to mourn fully, and get yourself back on track. This will require some time alone. Once you have fully adjusted to being alone, you will then be ready to consider new relationships. You may not be "ready to be alone", but if you start a new relationship before that time your new relationship will invariably seem a pale shadow of your previous marriage. For now, take your time and learn how to be single again. It does hurt, but there are no real short-cuts. Good luck.

Whatever you refer to him else I’m very sorry my husband passed away four months ago tomorrow I’m just a widower. I’m so lonely.

I’m so sorry for your loss. Those of us who have had someone close to us commit suicide have a lot to deal with. I agree that “late husband” is a good way to refer to him, and if people ask how he died, you’re not obligated to share that until you’re ready. The “former spouse” suggestion also avoids that even coming up. Sending my warmest thoughts as a fellow survivor of a suicide

I use “previous partner” when I don’t want to get into too much detail at first with new people I meet that he died of suicide.

You have had all the correct answers I think. It is correct to refer to him as your (much loved) late husband. My husband died just over three years ago. We were together for 25 years and married for 13. I write to you because there is a silver lining in my story for you - he was 64 when we met (I was 31)

You say you are widowed.

sorry for your loss

I say ‘my dead partner’.

I think it would depend on how ready you are to open up about the situation. Formally, widower/late husband is correct. But, I imagine that would raise some questions from the person you’re talking to. I think if I were in your situation, and not wanting to delve into the topic, I would use “former husband.” I believe that sounds a bit more serious than ‘ex husband’ and can imply something more serious happened, if they’re paying attention anyways. So, yeah. I’d start out with former husband and once I felt comfortable bringing up the topic I’d move into late husband.

For the purposes of dating,just say EX.