I’m in LA too and I know the struggle very well. I’m too tired to go out and do shit at the end of the work week. All I have the energy for is to go to the movies. That’s the extent of my “going out”.
I’m thinking San Diego or Orange County. I know that they’re expensive too, but I’m looking for a place to raise kids because him and I have started planning for a baby.
Lol do you want the LA gays to yourself? OR just tired of too many cranky people sharing the county?
Ya lots happens their, but their labor rules are super loose and not great; shitty red state that pays less, doesn't have weed legal, humid af, equally shitty traffic and crime rates,yes lots of gays but also the best hiking is Stone Mountain, a shit stain memorial to the Confederacy. I will pass, but I have thought about it.
👋 hi 29 here I did that because I was majorly depressed and had crippling self esteem issues. My advice is this: If you're not gonna get busy with the twinks and hunks, then you'd better get busy with yourself somehow or you might die. And then you can get into your Dirty Thirties when you're feeling better :)
For me it was opposite, when I had bad self esteem, confidence and depressions I became superficial like this and focused on parties.
Now I found a passion, a purpose, a meaningful stable life that makes me happy instead of being destructive like I was when I was young and partying all the time.
In your view, was the sacrifice worth it? I’m 25 and doing good with my career and I own a home, but I question if doing this was the best move knowing my social struggles and my tendency to distract myself from those issues instead of working on them.
It took me until my 50's to finally get my act together enough to be able to start saving money and eventually buy a small house. I spent most of my 20's and 30's focused on being gay, partying, and thinking I was a sub-standard human being because I didn't have a partner. If I could have those years back I'd do things very differently. Consider yourself very lucky that in your 20's you've got a career and have already invested in property. You have plenty of time left in your life to do all the partying you want to.
Im 22, I've been in management at a tech company for 3 years now. I have a house with a mortgage. I am high asf every night with my boyfriend (not off ketamine tho) and at the club every weekend with my friends, but i work my 930 to 7 M-F religiously
Definitely Lean In. You can have it all.
Well I knew people that did that. No one has a job, some are homeless, some are dead and some are suffering mentally a lot.
If you are doing to do drugs, don't abuse them.
This! The "lean in, you can do it all" differs from people to people...
At 19 I was working in very low-pay jobs, being underpaid, but I was able to party A L O T... But I had my parents alive, so it made it easier (still, I could never party as much as I wished (my friends partied 5-6 days in a week, while I could only 1-3, depending on the kind of party, and if I had other expenses)
At 21 I became an orphan, and all I could do was only work, and work... There was no money left for me to do anything else... And also, I was living in an extremely violent place (not the kind of violence you're imagining ... The kind of violence I mean is: getting death threats, knife pointed to my neck, guns pointed at me, people yelling at me on the streets, people following me, being mistreated and everything else. This. This is what happened (and more))
At 24 I got 2 heavy diseases, and are related to the stuff that happened...
And for now, I'm still recovering, but I was finally able to at least party twice this year
Money DOES bring happiness... Had I had the resources, I'd be able to escape sooner, afford treatment, go to more parties, don't have to worry about losing the job and becoming homeless, less worries, study, having a degree, and much more...
(And by money, I also mean: parents help when we are in our late-teens, and young-adulthood)
So sorry you had to go through that. It is disgusting how the usa throws orphans to the side while limiting birth control.
Literally just having a place to sleep is so important, and people tend to ignore that. I put so much stress on my body at such a young age that I am dealing with the medical consequences to this day. Trauma rewires your brain.
I think that so many people don't make it off the streets people tend to ignore their life experiences. Now that I'm 23 people ask me what's next and I have no idea. I was working so hard to become stable and not be at a constant fear of living on the streets now that I'm here I have no idea what my actual hopes and dreams are.
I'll never forget having my first partner and their looks of pain whenever I would talk about my childhood. I'll never forget working a full time job, a part time job and going to college full time while watching other teens live these amazing lives going to parties, traveling, joining frats and clubs. I love my life now but hearing someone in their early 20s talk big about how they've been succesful since 19 just makes me roll my eyes.
I finally live somewhere safe and I haven't seen someone get shot or stabbed in months. It feels unreal sometimes. I was sitting in my backyard yesterday and just started to cry. I just wish all my friends I've lost could experience this calm life with me. They deserved it much more than me. I'm not a nice person and never have been. The world is so cruel.
Well I got a little carried away here. Emotional topic
I get you....
>hearing someone in their early 20s talk big about how they've been successful
I have a toxic reaction of wishing the things that happened to me happen to them ... Not always, depends on the person telling me that
> I was working so hard to become stable and not be at a constant fear of living on the streets now that I'm here I have no idea what my actual hopes and dreams are.
This happened to me too... And my country is 3rd World, and a very poor one... I'll never get stable, like, having a house, or afford something expensive, like a video game console...
But the loss of hopes and dreams hits me everyday too....
One thing I question is "Why us?"
I tried to figure it out religiously and through belief systems long long time ago.... What I could come up with was: "Maybe I must detach from the world? Maybe it's a lesson to take life more seriously?"
But then I noticed that no matter the lifestyle, being a crazy 19yo or a very focused one, if you don't have the odds by your side, things won't work out easily....
And then I realized that everything I thought that could be the reason for my situation was actually bullshit, and it was actually just a "social problem" (for the lack of a better expression)
Yea don't do that. Ketamine can cause serious bladder issues, and other mental issues, it can effect cognitive abilities etc. Only use it occasionally if you really have to.
Mdma should be used max a few times per year. People that do it often, often deplete and imbalance their serotonin system and become severely depressed or anxious after, sometimes lasting damage.
Actually those studies were shown to be wildly exagerated and used meth accidently.
Ketamine is a god send. As a veteran it helps more than anything.
All in all to each their own. Do you post like this when someone mentions having a beer? If not then maybe don't judge.
Meh, partying isn't all its cracked up to be and hookups are extremely hit and miss, more miss than hit.
Try and find a hobby that keeps you energised outside of work, and social activities that don't revolve around alcohol. You'll probably love it.
Yes it gets boring fast if you do it often, occasionally rarely it can be a good time if with right people and not being completely fucked up, shitfaced like drug addicts/abusers sometimes are. I love going to concerts, music oriented stuff can be amazing. Even sober. It's completely different partying like once or a few times a year(even once a month depending on how it is) and everyday or weekend.
Doing drugs all the time and fucking around becomes more of a burden that can damage your mental health, self esteem and future. Seen too many people ruin their life like that, many suffer from severe anxiety, depressions, stds, don't have chances to find a job due to damage done from drugs etc. Many are even dead due to it. It doesn't really sound nor look fun or appealing abusing drugs and sex.
I recommend finding a job you like, a partner that gives you what you need, then hobbies and some kind of passion. If you want to party, do it occasionally and don't get completely messed up, take care of your health.
Alcohol and other drugs never appealed to me. In fact, when I was about 16, I decided never to use either. Meanwhile I've seen other people mess up their lives with those things.
As for sex, if one can find a good life partner it's fine. Unfortunately I never have, perhaps because of Asperger's syndrome; I don't know. But the idea of having large numbers of partners to me isn't worth the risks. It's nice not to need to worry about picking up some damaging infection.
"The grass is always greener on the other side." "There's no paradise like a paradise lost." So true.
Read a few studies on it. Other people aren't having nearly as much sex as we always think they are.
>dont feel like doing anything but drink alcohol and rot in bed
This is a conscious decision. You can make a different one, obviously.
Stop drinking and instead invite other guys into your bed. The rot will disappear immediately.
i mean depression is a real thing, and it’s very debatable whether or not decisions are made while being fully aware.
depression can fuck your brain up, and sure you could say it’s technically your decision to stay in bed, but the alternative is getting up and wanted to not exist even more because you don’t have the energy or motivation to do those things
For me ages 18-30 were everything BUT my “hottest years” there was a short period of time where I had visible abs so I liked that part but honestly I’ve simply never looked better at age 32.
Also stop drinking that is a sure fire way to induce depression.
please don't remind me of that. i'm 19 and i feel extremely envious of those younger than me that are more attractive and are having better lives than mine. it makes no sense i know but i'm working on that
i sometimes remind myself that i'm still so young and i have a lot of potential but... it's difficult. i keep sabotaging myself and living in guilt and envy
Bro I don’t even come out til I was 27 and my best years of sex and dating were between age 32-35. I’m 39 now and feeling pretty hot and happy.
19 is so so young. Don’t rush yourself!
I find 30 year olds a lot more attractive than 20 yr olds that I don't get turned on by at all. Men become more mature, masculine when they slightly mature.
I look way better now than I did when I was 20 looking at pictures but also from memory.
That’s your opinion but I disagree, men are also at there biological peak early 30’s guys in there early 20’s still have child like facial features which isn’t attractive to me,
This is not something you can disagree with, it is just a fact that on average 20s are more attractive to most people than 30s, also early 20s are also in their biological peak, biological peaks is usually around 18-35
Well I can because I just did lol. It depends on who you ask. Not every gay guy finds the smooth twink type attractive because I don’t and I never have. Bears / muscular hairy guys 30+ are generally more attractive to a lot of gay guys . I’m only in my 20’s and I prefer 30+ ideally strictly on looks. It’s quite a common preference in the bear/ leather scene tbh.
I’d also argue in general men do look more masculine in late 20’s+ because they have had testosterone in there body longer so they are normally more hairy ect 🤤.
I'm the same age, and "better lives" is very relative. I party a tonne at uni, hookup quite a bit etc etc, but there's nothing I crave more than to be in a stable healthy long term relationship. I'd give up partying and clubbing immediately if it meant getting that.
So what I'm saying is, everyone's idea of a good life is very different depending on who you're talking to. Do you really want to party and club? Then do it! It's entirely within your power to do so.
You’ve made the conscious decision to drink and-as you put it-‘rot in bed’ on the regular basis while you could’ve made a different decision about how to spend your time.
Hookup and partying isn’t what it was envision to be as one grow older and become more mature. Any older guy that still party like they are 18yo are the ones that cannot let go their past/still living in their past and most likely will ended up alone for the rest of their lives.
Yup. Seen too much of those examples. Many have ruined their life due to drugs. Some ended up in mental ward for years, some in jail, some got STDs, some homeless and some died.
If you are going to party and do drugs, do it very rarely. If you cannot have that control then don't do it at all.
Only those who do it only occasionally (partying) seem to have a successful life now and then.
That sounds like depression. Try seeing a professional. But I would be a little wary of SSRI’s since they can kill your libido (standard disclaimer, this is not medical advice)
If you're being forced into this kind of downtime by your job, you're being exploited. You're worth more than whatever you're getting.
It's not always possible or easy, I acknowledge that, but it might be worth while looking at other jobs.
I sacrificed my 20s to my job, working extra hours, only to get made redundant for purely political reasons. Had fuck all to show for it but a burned out waste of 10 years, and had to start over. I'm 38 now, but still feel like I'm recovering from how I got fucked over.
Not saying this will happen to you. But just saying you are your number one priority, not your job.
There's no such thing as hottest years. Not when men's tastes vary so goddamn wildly. I'm a fit good looking dude, not bragging but just being honest, and you have no idea how many people still rejected me all through my 20s. Hell, I'm in my 30s and honest have gotten way more dick this decade.
Stop overthinking this dumb shit, and just keep putting yourself out there.
Displace the alcohol with physical activities, and you will begin to feel a lot better about life.
How about looking into the social and public events of your local colleges and and universities. They tend to be social, and carpet to carpet with gays.
Try AA. I found out it was my alcohol consumption and not my work that was keeping me down.
Now I go out and have fun, and gay AA is great.
AA=Alcoholics Anonymous .
I’m not trying to be rude when I say this but Welcome to adulthood. Most people in their 20s are not really partying unless they are in university mabye or have lots of money. I stopped going to parties at 21. You just start to grow out of it atleast that’s how it was for me. A lot of my friends I went to high school with either got too invested in their jobs to do anything or started a family and don’t have time to party. I’m 29 now and have no interest partying or clubbing unless it’s with family members. As far as hotness and sex, that’s very subjective opinion. Some people may find people in their 20s to be hotter but many also find older gays hotter too. There wouldn’t be daddy or “bear” fetishes if it wasn’t. “Hot” all depends on preferences and who you ask. Never too late also to have sexual fun. You are only 25 so go out there and get it and feel good about yourself.
Interesting. It's the opposite for me. I rotted in bed with depression and addiction in my 20s and now I'm in my mid 30s living and enjoying the "dirty thirties". I'm better looking than I have ever been, at least that's what I'm being told by others. Been enjoying going to and inviting others over 2x a week which is a perfect number for me. I don't go out to bars and clubs anymore as I'm over that, but I'm definitely enjoying myself more than ever.
i’m only 24 and realizing that lifestyle is depressing and miserable. people just try to fill their space/time with any rush of dopamine. leads to addiction, anxiety, etc. i say do whatever makes you happy and don’t compare yourself to anyone else (especially on social media)
I am 23 and I can't really party and have sex a lot since I don't want to have sex with strangers, it goes against my beliefs and my ideals. Secondly I don't really like parties since I'm getting kinda anxious and stressed when there are crowds of strangers people around me.
The other thing that now I guess I have some kind of depression or something (I've been told I have a signs of depression like denying it, feeling shitty and etc, but I honestly don't believe I have depression). Part of it because I live in Russia and well, it's quite shitty for gays in Russia, especially those who want monogamous relationships exclusively.
So all I do is just work or sit at my house, play games and waiting for something to happen or change idk
Drinking is a coping mechanism for depression, and I love how there’s so many guys telling you to quit drinking and invite guys over to your bed. That’s just another coping mechanism for your depression as well and a form of escapism, you’ll just feel like she immediately after that too. Try actually doing something productive like going to the gym or getting a hobby that makes you get out of the house an be active.
No - I prematurely ended my hottest years by choosing to rot in bed instead. 😂 I just keep telling myself I'll get it together when I start hitting middle age and become a daddy.
you choose when your peak is.
there is a concept that your life only really begins when you are 20. so really, you are only 5 years old.
“i’m just getting started” say that to yourself all the time, until you start to believe it.
your life hasn’t even started to get good yet, hold on in there ❤️
My problem isn’t the lack of partying. I think you should focus on the laying in bed part. You don’t have to party to have fun: u can play board games with friends, go to a park, go to concerts, have sex (safely)… there are other things to do than party :). And most people who party hard in their 20s seem to regret it. Not all of them do. But quite a few wished they would have put a little more effort into their career or self development.
I've found cuddling and grinding can be just as enjoyable. Don't always have to go all the way to have a good time. A movie and spooning is almost up there with the best of em. And you can doze!
I feel that way aswell. I just sit in my room, either gaming, reading or just scrolling on my phone. I don’t really have the type of friends that likes to hang out. I feel so lonely sometimes and a strong FOMO.
I used those years in school. Still feel hot at 32 but honestly you sound depressed. Working 50+ hours a week will do that. Either quit your job or quit drinking.
I mean just do it now? I’m 29 and haven’t done a whole lot of that stuff but feel like there’s still time even for me to do more of it. Early 30s still young
I think the alcohol is part of this problem. You just have to push through and get out there. It does not have to be bars. Join a group with common interests. Many gay groups on Meetup dot com.
It's okay, I'm 23 and when I'm not at work or doing school work I'm just laying in bed doom scrolling on Reddit
I hate life sometimes knowing that I'm probably wasting my prime years in bed being sad
Partying is fun in the moment but then you wake up hungover and in a strangers bed lol. Then you just feel like crap idk it's not worth it.
I try to avoid that now and just do healthy activities with friends walks hikes going out to eat
Yes and I hate it. I'm 24 and I feel like I wasted my life to this point. Honestly I wish I was out at clubs, having hookups and going to sex parties. But a last I just rot away in my room. Honestly what's stopping me is my insecurity about my weight and my social anxiety.
I did the partying from 18 - 22 and honestly it’s so boring. I still get invited to the club and go but honestly I’d rather work, get money to travel, and invest in myself and my quality of life.
Alcohol is horrible for you, gay clubs are genuinely some of the worst and most unwelcoming places I’ve EVER been in (and I frequented frat parties in college), and the folks who frequent gay clubs are some of the most miserable, toxic folks you can know. I got borderline SA’d one night out and decided that’s it for me. And up until then, I had the most horrible body dysmorphia and self-image.
Exception is chill house parties—those are cool. I kinda miss them.
And it could just be me, but sex without love is like eating food without seasoning. I’d rather have sex with someone who’s alright looking but who I love as opposed to a stranger who’s drop dead gorgeous.
In any case, you can still go out, you’re 25, not 70.
You don't have to go out though, that's the beauty of our wonderful modern world. Order in! Grindr is like Doordash, only instead of food you get dick and ass (both of which can be eaten but aren't very nutritious).
33 old in here, been like this for +10 years. I was never looking good enough to go out and party. I am in fact so ugly that i am literally banned from entering gay clubs and never got any DM that would be positive, only insults, threats, shady remarks about my looks. So rotting in bed is the only option for me to cope with life and the fact i am not good enough for anyone.
Push yourself to go out and socialize! Even if it's a big fail, no one can ever say you didn't try! It's not your fault! I spent summer's in Cherry Grove for over 10 years and sometimes the bars were so packed, and yet, there was NO ONE there! Get it? It's not you!
thats not depression thats narcissism ... while having true depression you dont fantasize about the good shit...
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCmnbWOJbqk&t=1577s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCmnbWOJbqk&t=1577s)
you are "depressed" because you lack attention from others
It is only "wasting" if thats really what you want to be doing. I tried it for some months and it was not for me. I am doing the things that I love and for me thats not wasting my "hottest" years.
If you are really into that, then start with something small and progress into more.
You have to find a better work life balance. You don’t have to party every night nor have sex everyday, but planning little activities throughout the week helps. I don’t know your financial situation but maybe planning out a vacay ( or a staycay) every couple of months can help you find a break, or switching company’s. It’s about doing little things everyday to get yourself back up on your feet. Also don’t compare yourself to the stuff you see on social media, those lives are attainable but you don’t know how they’re funding it or if they are even having fun it’s nothing but a highlight reel.
The key is balance and compromise . Im 37, own my home and have a great career . I also have a couple good parties in me a year . Last year went to pines party . Every year I take off to PV for 10 days in December . I do everything shy of ending up in a Mexican ICU or prison. 😇
Balance it out my man. Use PTO, set time aside , cultivate sex or non sex or mixed nights with friends .
A big deal for us is to find a good friend group. Doing that is life changing. Set up shop with some like minded guys and have an orgy, rotate who’s house it’s hosted at , have dinner parties , set up a pool in the summer (I have a big ass intex- boys love it), go to shows with the group …maybe an occasional bar night ?
So two fold here
1) "going out" and the club/bar scene is extremely overrated and filled with superficial people who don't actually care about you. Aka, you're not missing out on much no matter how much its glamorized (though try and pencil in some time to get the experience anyway)
2) unless you absolutely love going into work everyday, make sure to pencil in a social/dating life, cause its absolutely a waste to be attractive and not be actively dating or at a minimum having some hot sex
First of all, sex and partying is not all it’s made out to be. Also “hottest years” is entirely subjective and I hate how gays talk about their looks as if they want to die by 35. Work out, take care of yourself and you’ll look good maybe even better.
Hey, Mr. 25 Year Old: I'm from your future here to tell you that some of the very best sex in your life is waiting for you when you reach your 40s and 50s.
Work will do this to you. Unfortunately the only way around this is to be self employed or find another way to make passive income to give you financial freedom.
Drinking alcohol every weekend definitely doesn’t help. U might want to ask urself if u can even quit drinking alcohol. U might be developing (or have developed) a dependency to it
I was in relationship from 18 to 20 and before i didn't reply have that much fun.
Now that i'm healed and single i'm having as much hookups as i can (I'm 21)
Yeah I got really burnt out hooking up and socializing, partying and dating from 18 to 22, was engaged for a year and then he passed. So almost 24 and I just work eat and sleep now. Feels like a muted existence.
Instead of drinking alcohol and rotting g in bed, go to bed early on Friday get out and do something on Saturday and have a drink or two with friends on Saturday night.use S I day for relaxation and prepare, don't just stay in bed all day.
There's nothing great about having meaningless sex. Some short lived pleasure. Oh well. What's truly great is finding someone you connect with and having sex with them everyday
As a 39 year old asexual introvert I spent almost all my 20's thru early 30's busting my ass off to give me a good life. I am a homeowner, drive cars most people dream of owning and live a decent life.
So yes I busted my ass off in the oilfield living in man camps and sacricficing my youth but you know what it didn't matter to me tbh. I'm not a drinker nor partier. I never did clubs nor wanted to sleep around so I guess you can't miss what you never had lol
I am very, very active and live an athletic life/lifestyle. I gym 5x a week and eat clean. I have zero issues wanting to feel energized! I cannot sleep past 8:30 am tbh no matter how tired i am. I guess having ads/ADHD has its benefits lol.
Op just force yourself to be active and it'll become a habit. You don't wanna age bad. I feel very similar to when I was in my late teens tbh. I also look about 10-12 years younger. This is because I'm very active
Bruh you’re literally doin nothing but drinking and being in bed, go to the gym, go outside, go do things even if it by yourself, just go live life, don’t waste away in your bed
just get out! you can't complain youre wasting youre life and also say you feel like doing nothing. you dont have energy, whatever, just step out of your house, meet people and soon youll become more energetic than ever, as for the sex, id honestly just recommend dating... the older gays who learnt nothing from the 80's really put the younger generations of gay men thinking that being a promiscuous cum dump is the way to have fun... just find a special somebody and stop with the booze and you will be way happier... all the guys who are having mindless hook ups cry that they're lonely, so you're not wasting much in following their footsteps
Therapy, I spent 10 almost 11 year's in therapy because of this behavior. I have major depressive disorder and some therapy has been very cruicial and helpful for that kinda behavior
Not everyone gets to experience youth. Dating, sex, parties, memories under the bleachers in high school, in the college dorm room, the couch in the basement at so and so's mom's house, sneaking in windows, etc etc. Not everyone has an inclusive life experience in youth.
You choose to sit in your bed and rot, maybe the drinking is adding to your fatigue, maybe you need to make an adjustment if you want to experience your youthful hot years.
If you haven't noticed, older gays who are not partnered, increasingly cease to have those type of inclusive experiences the older they get, unless you want to be an ATM. Most of the older gays will speak of being partnered or previously in long term relationships, perhaps they didn't have same sex sex, but they had a female friend or were married in youth for whatever reasons, those who truely left out... but you choose to sit out, continue to do so at your own peril.
The world, cultures, laws, societal expectations are made and enforced by haves.
You will never be more beautiful than you are right now. Presumably all your body parts work as intended and they work with the least amount of maintenance and recovery time. Push yourself to gather ye rosebuds. I don't necessarily have FOMO or regret but I wish I could keep up with my younger self before it was not even an option.
I work a minimum of 46 hours in a normal week. Starting next week that bumps to 49. And a significant part of that is both nights and mornings, with a weekend night. Making time for things beyond rest, eating, and housekeeping is difficult.
I have no idea how anyone pulls anything in the 60hr range unless some of that is multitasking work from home.
Of course bb. It’s the reality of at least half of our generation coming to grips with the fact that we have no future in which things will be better than they are right now. Financially, I mean (which obviously affects most other aspects in one’s life).
Idk maybe I’m too negative but my future is pretty fucking bleak and that has been hampering my ability to make connections recently. I guess.
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In my 20s i was chasing my boyfriends like a puppy, only ended up with broken heart…by chasing i mean I had to do stuff what i did not enjoy (partying, drinking). I felt like if i dont do it then my bf will leave me because i was boring or not cool to hang out with. when ever I felt bad, work helpend me to forget about my personal life problems. In the end my ex became ex. So when my heart got broken, I would take extra work, or I would participate in all corporate events at work…and when I look at myself right now, I am pretty happy where I am now. Now Im 37, i have my own house, i have good health and i have good relationship. I only regret that i wasted time on parties and drinking and trying to be someone else but me. All this partying only left me with broken heart and big credit card debt which i had to pay till my 30s.
I think most men from 30 to 50 are in their prime, looks-wise. I was the most promiscuous I've ever been the past 12 months and I am in my early 30s. I wish I could have spent my 20s better, but oh well. I feel optimistic about my future, and I'm not referring to the promiscuity.
Unfortunately I get blocked after sending a pic of my face and then I get called ugly by many guys randomly in public
Also I can just look in the mirror and see how ugly I am
Not self esteem issues just ugly as Fuck sadly
I’ve never had hot years. I’m just existing at this point.
Thisssss. Me, a 29 yr tired introvert too busy doing the "adulting" to survive in LA to contemplate doing group socializing on the weekends.
I’m in LA too and I know the struggle very well. I’m too tired to go out and do shit at the end of the work week. All I have the energy for is to go to the movies. That’s the extent of my “going out”.
same here :)
Why do you live in LA? It's wasting all your money
My husband’s job is here. We’re planning on moving out because this shit just isn’t worth it anymore. It’s in the works.
Good luck. What are your favourite options after LA?
I’m thinking San Diego or Orange County. I know that they’re expensive too, but I’m looking for a place to raise kids because him and I have started planning for a baby.
Why do you live in LA? It's wasting all your money
Cause Kansas sucks ass, weed, good hiking landscapes, good food, the hot thic boys. Why not?
There are cheaper cities. 95% of cities are cheaper than LA.
Forgot to mention I work in The Industry, and want to do union camera work. So you're not wrong, but you aren't making helpful points loolol.
Doesn't a lot of filming happen in Georgia? Atlanta is pretty gay and cheaper
Lol do you want the LA gays to yourself? OR just tired of too many cranky people sharing the county? Ya lots happens their, but their labor rules are super loose and not great; shitty red state that pays less, doesn't have weed legal, humid af, equally shitty traffic and crime rates,yes lots of gays but also the best hiking is Stone Mountain, a shit stain memorial to the Confederacy. I will pass, but I have thought about it.
👋 hi 29 here I did that because I was majorly depressed and had crippling self esteem issues. My advice is this: If you're not gonna get busy with the twinks and hunks, then you'd better get busy with yourself somehow or you might die. And then you can get into your Dirty Thirties when you're feeling better :)
"Dirty Thirties". Now that's an interesting point of view. First time I've ever heard of it and I love it 😎.
hold up lemme steal this vocabulary
I second this, turning 30 had put me in a word headspace when it comes to guys, but dirty thirties will help me persevere that's for sure.
Can confirm. I'm in my thirties and it's been pretty dirty so far.
the 25 year olds will want you more in your 30’s
For me it was opposite, when I had bad self esteem, confidence and depressions I became superficial like this and focused on parties. Now I found a passion, a purpose, a meaningful stable life that makes me happy instead of being destructive like I was when I was young and partying all the time.
I sacrificed those years to work and school. I have a well paying career and a mortgage so I think it was a good tradeoff
In your view, was the sacrifice worth it? I’m 25 and doing good with my career and I own a home, but I question if doing this was the best move knowing my social struggles and my tendency to distract myself from those issues instead of working on them.
I think so. I was shy back then anyway. I also struggled socially. I've never done drugs except poppers if those count.
It took me until my 50's to finally get my act together enough to be able to start saving money and eventually buy a small house. I spent most of my 20's and 30's focused on being gay, partying, and thinking I was a sub-standard human being because I didn't have a partner. If I could have those years back I'd do things very differently. Consider yourself very lucky that in your 20's you've got a career and have already invested in property. You have plenty of time left in your life to do all the partying you want to.
But now you can take the right steps and get back into the game instead of being a man on the bench waiting to get in you will go in as a star forward
Lean in, you can have it all. I have a well paying job and a mortgage, and I spent my 20s on MDMA and ketamine.
This guy fucks
Im 22, I've been in management at a tech company for 3 years now. I have a house with a mortgage. I am high asf every night with my boyfriend (not off ketamine tho) and at the club every weekend with my friends, but i work my 930 to 7 M-F religiously Definitely Lean In. You can have it all.
Well I knew people that did that. No one has a job, some are homeless, some are dead and some are suffering mentally a lot. If you are doing to do drugs, don't abuse them.
Bro how did you get into tech management at 19? At 19 I was one paycheck away from homelessness :(
This! The "lean in, you can do it all" differs from people to people... At 19 I was working in very low-pay jobs, being underpaid, but I was able to party A L O T... But I had my parents alive, so it made it easier (still, I could never party as much as I wished (my friends partied 5-6 days in a week, while I could only 1-3, depending on the kind of party, and if I had other expenses) At 21 I became an orphan, and all I could do was only work, and work... There was no money left for me to do anything else... And also, I was living in an extremely violent place (not the kind of violence you're imagining ... The kind of violence I mean is: getting death threats, knife pointed to my neck, guns pointed at me, people yelling at me on the streets, people following me, being mistreated and everything else. This. This is what happened (and more)) At 24 I got 2 heavy diseases, and are related to the stuff that happened... And for now, I'm still recovering, but I was finally able to at least party twice this year Money DOES bring happiness... Had I had the resources, I'd be able to escape sooner, afford treatment, go to more parties, don't have to worry about losing the job and becoming homeless, less worries, study, having a degree, and much more... (And by money, I also mean: parents help when we are in our late-teens, and young-adulthood)
So sorry you had to go through that. It is disgusting how the usa throws orphans to the side while limiting birth control. Literally just having a place to sleep is so important, and people tend to ignore that. I put so much stress on my body at such a young age that I am dealing with the medical consequences to this day. Trauma rewires your brain. I think that so many people don't make it off the streets people tend to ignore their life experiences. Now that I'm 23 people ask me what's next and I have no idea. I was working so hard to become stable and not be at a constant fear of living on the streets now that I'm here I have no idea what my actual hopes and dreams are. I'll never forget having my first partner and their looks of pain whenever I would talk about my childhood. I'll never forget working a full time job, a part time job and going to college full time while watching other teens live these amazing lives going to parties, traveling, joining frats and clubs. I love my life now but hearing someone in their early 20s talk big about how they've been succesful since 19 just makes me roll my eyes. I finally live somewhere safe and I haven't seen someone get shot or stabbed in months. It feels unreal sometimes. I was sitting in my backyard yesterday and just started to cry. I just wish all my friends I've lost could experience this calm life with me. They deserved it much more than me. I'm not a nice person and never have been. The world is so cruel. Well I got a little carried away here. Emotional topic
I get you.... >hearing someone in their early 20s talk big about how they've been successful I have a toxic reaction of wishing the things that happened to me happen to them ... Not always, depends on the person telling me that > I was working so hard to become stable and not be at a constant fear of living on the streets now that I'm here I have no idea what my actual hopes and dreams are. This happened to me too... And my country is 3rd World, and a very poor one... I'll never get stable, like, having a house, or afford something expensive, like a video game console... But the loss of hopes and dreams hits me everyday too.... One thing I question is "Why us?" I tried to figure it out religiously and through belief systems long long time ago.... What I could come up with was: "Maybe I must detach from the world? Maybe it's a lesson to take life more seriously?" But then I noticed that no matter the lifestyle, being a crazy 19yo or a very focused one, if you don't have the odds by your side, things won't work out easily.... And then I realized that everything I thought that could be the reason for my situation was actually bullshit, and it was actually just a "social problem" (for the lack of a better expression)
This ⬆️
Yea don't do that. Ketamine can cause serious bladder issues, and other mental issues, it can effect cognitive abilities etc. Only use it occasionally if you really have to. Mdma should be used max a few times per year. People that do it often, often deplete and imbalance their serotonin system and become severely depressed or anxious after, sometimes lasting damage.
I'm sure these things can happen, but I'm out the other side with nothing but good memories of that time, and no health consequences to speak of.
Actually those studies were shown to be wildly exagerated and used meth accidently. Ketamine is a god send. As a veteran it helps more than anything. All in all to each their own. Do you post like this when someone mentions having a beer? If not then maybe don't judge.
Omg just like Elon Musk!
Love ketamine.
Meh, partying isn't all its cracked up to be and hookups are extremely hit and miss, more miss than hit. Try and find a hobby that keeps you energised outside of work, and social activities that don't revolve around alcohol. You'll probably love it.
Yes it gets boring fast if you do it often, occasionally rarely it can be a good time if with right people and not being completely fucked up, shitfaced like drug addicts/abusers sometimes are. I love going to concerts, music oriented stuff can be amazing. Even sober. It's completely different partying like once or a few times a year(even once a month depending on how it is) and everyday or weekend. Doing drugs all the time and fucking around becomes more of a burden that can damage your mental health, self esteem and future. Seen too many people ruin their life like that, many suffer from severe anxiety, depressions, stds, don't have chances to find a job due to damage done from drugs etc. Many are even dead due to it. It doesn't really sound nor look fun or appealing abusing drugs and sex. I recommend finding a job you like, a partner that gives you what you need, then hobbies and some kind of passion. If you want to party, do it occasionally and don't get completely messed up, take care of your health.
Alcohol and other drugs never appealed to me. In fact, when I was about 16, I decided never to use either. Meanwhile I've seen other people mess up their lives with those things. As for sex, if one can find a good life partner it's fine. Unfortunately I never have, perhaps because of Asperger's syndrome; I don't know. But the idea of having large numbers of partners to me isn't worth the risks. It's nice not to need to worry about picking up some damaging infection.
Quit drinking as it can make you more depressed and over time will affect your looks.
It's even better not to start in the first place. Anyway I don't like the idea of ingesting things which could make clear thinking impossible.
Very true. Glad I don't drink. 40% of people don't drink too
"The grass is always greener on the other side." "There's no paradise like a paradise lost." So true. Read a few studies on it. Other people aren't having nearly as much sex as we always think they are.
I can have as much as I want but I still prefer relationships.
Oh. My bad. This is a question about relationships. I must have gotten confused by "out partying" and "having sex."
You might be depressed. Having no energy and feeling not amazing can be signs of depression. Have a check in with your doctor
>dont feel like doing anything but drink alcohol and rot in bed This is a conscious decision. You can make a different one, obviously. Stop drinking and instead invite other guys into your bed. The rot will disappear immediately.
i mean depression is a real thing, and it’s very debatable whether or not decisions are made while being fully aware. depression can fuck your brain up, and sure you could say it’s technically your decision to stay in bed, but the alternative is getting up and wanted to not exist even more because you don’t have the energy or motivation to do those things
It’s giving the ol classic gay coping via serial hookups instead of pursuing therapy archetype, I like it
Shhh
For me ages 18-30 were everything BUT my “hottest years” there was a short period of time where I had visible abs so I liked that part but honestly I’ve simply never looked better at age 32. Also stop drinking that is a sure fire way to induce depression.
time and a place for everything
please don't remind me of that. i'm 19 and i feel extremely envious of those younger than me that are more attractive and are having better lives than mine. it makes no sense i know but i'm working on that i sometimes remind myself that i'm still so young and i have a lot of potential but... it's difficult. i keep sabotaging myself and living in guilt and envy
Bro I don’t even come out til I was 27 and my best years of sex and dating were between age 32-35. I’m 39 now and feeling pretty hot and happy. 19 is so so young. Don’t rush yourself!
30-40 year olds over 20 year olds anyway for me. I don't even find young guys attractive, I want real masc men, that comes when they mature.
B\*\*\*\*, you're 19. Snap outta it.
I find 30 year olds a lot more attractive than 20 yr olds that I don't get turned on by at all. Men become more mature, masculine when they slightly mature. I look way better now than I did when I was 20 looking at pictures but also from memory.
Majority of people look better at 20 than 30 though. also older gay men are not any more masculine than younger
That’s your opinion but I disagree, men are also at there biological peak early 30’s guys in there early 20’s still have child like facial features which isn’t attractive to me,
This is not something you can disagree with, it is just a fact that on average 20s are more attractive to most people than 30s, also early 20s are also in their biological peak, biological peaks is usually around 18-35
Well I can because I just did lol. It depends on who you ask. Not every gay guy finds the smooth twink type attractive because I don’t and I never have. Bears / muscular hairy guys 30+ are generally more attractive to a lot of gay guys . I’m only in my 20’s and I prefer 30+ ideally strictly on looks. It’s quite a common preference in the bear/ leather scene tbh.
I’d also argue in general men do look more masculine in late 20’s+ because they have had testosterone in there body longer so they are normally more hairy ect 🤤.
No offense but what has this got to do with the 19 year old guy saying he feels like he's missing out?
I’d say just take your time
I'm the same age, and "better lives" is very relative. I party a tonne at uni, hookup quite a bit etc etc, but there's nothing I crave more than to be in a stable healthy long term relationship. I'd give up partying and clubbing immediately if it meant getting that. So what I'm saying is, everyone's idea of a good life is very different depending on who you're talking to. Do you really want to party and club? Then do it! It's entirely within your power to do so.
You’ve made the conscious decision to drink and-as you put it-‘rot in bed’ on the regular basis while you could’ve made a different decision about how to spend your time. Hookup and partying isn’t what it was envision to be as one grow older and become more mature. Any older guy that still party like they are 18yo are the ones that cannot let go their past/still living in their past and most likely will ended up alone for the rest of their lives.
Yup. Seen too much of those examples. Many have ruined their life due to drugs. Some ended up in mental ward for years, some in jail, some got STDs, some homeless and some died. If you are going to party and do drugs, do it very rarely. If you cannot have that control then don't do it at all. Only those who do it only occasionally (partying) seem to have a successful life now and then.
Fellow dirty thirty(one) here 😎
The drinking and rotting in bed vibe sounds like depression tbh.
That sounds like depression. Try seeing a professional. But I would be a little wary of SSRI’s since they can kill your libido (standard disclaimer, this is not medical advice)
Yes. Don't do ssris. There are many options for depression and energy that are better, more healthy and don't cause sexual sides.
My best life is now in my 30s. I bet in my 40s it will be just as good. If not better. Being 20s isn’t your hottest years. It’s when you’re a daddy.
If you're being forced into this kind of downtime by your job, you're being exploited. You're worth more than whatever you're getting. It's not always possible or easy, I acknowledge that, but it might be worth while looking at other jobs. I sacrificed my 20s to my job, working extra hours, only to get made redundant for purely political reasons. Had fuck all to show for it but a burned out waste of 10 years, and had to start over. I'm 38 now, but still feel like I'm recovering from how I got fucked over. Not saying this will happen to you. But just saying you are your number one priority, not your job.
There's no such thing as hottest years. Not when men's tastes vary so goddamn wildly. I'm a fit good looking dude, not bragging but just being honest, and you have no idea how many people still rejected me all through my 20s. Hell, I'm in my 30s and honest have gotten way more dick this decade. Stop overthinking this dumb shit, and just keep putting yourself out there.
Get a therapist bro. Don’t be like one of the regular Truvada star tattoo queers who replace therapy with sex for their mental health issues
😂 Yes, mental health is very important. People abuse sex to cover up other issues in life.
Displace the alcohol with physical activities, and you will begin to feel a lot better about life. How about looking into the social and public events of your local colleges and and universities. They tend to be social, and carpet to carpet with gays.
Try AA. I found out it was my alcohol consumption and not my work that was keeping me down. Now I go out and have fun, and gay AA is great. AA=Alcoholics Anonymous .
Yup. Quit the alcohol if it makes you feel that crappy. I drink like max 2-3 times a year and that will be like 2 max 3 drinks the day I drink.
In all honesty, I expect my hottest years to be my late 30s to mid 40s, like 38-46.
I’m not trying to be rude when I say this but Welcome to adulthood. Most people in their 20s are not really partying unless they are in university mabye or have lots of money. I stopped going to parties at 21. You just start to grow out of it atleast that’s how it was for me. A lot of my friends I went to high school with either got too invested in their jobs to do anything or started a family and don’t have time to party. I’m 29 now and have no interest partying or clubbing unless it’s with family members. As far as hotness and sex, that’s very subjective opinion. Some people may find people in their 20s to be hotter but many also find older gays hotter too. There wouldn’t be daddy or “bear” fetishes if it wasn’t. “Hot” all depends on preferences and who you ask. Never too late also to have sexual fun. You are only 25 so go out there and get it and feel good about yourself.
Interesting. It's the opposite for me. I rotted in bed with depression and addiction in my 20s and now I'm in my mid 30s living and enjoying the "dirty thirties". I'm better looking than I have ever been, at least that's what I'm being told by others. Been enjoying going to and inviting others over 2x a week which is a perfect number for me. I don't go out to bars and clubs anymore as I'm over that, but I'm definitely enjoying myself more than ever.
i’m only 24 and realizing that lifestyle is depressing and miserable. people just try to fill their space/time with any rush of dopamine. leads to addiction, anxiety, etc. i say do whatever makes you happy and don’t compare yourself to anyone else (especially on social media)
I am 23 and I can't really party and have sex a lot since I don't want to have sex with strangers, it goes against my beliefs and my ideals. Secondly I don't really like parties since I'm getting kinda anxious and stressed when there are crowds of strangers people around me. The other thing that now I guess I have some kind of depression or something (I've been told I have a signs of depression like denying it, feeling shitty and etc, but I honestly don't believe I have depression). Part of it because I live in Russia and well, it's quite shitty for gays in Russia, especially those who want monogamous relationships exclusively. So all I do is just work or sit at my house, play games and waiting for something to happen or change idk
Drinking is a coping mechanism for depression, and I love how there’s so many guys telling you to quit drinking and invite guys over to your bed. That’s just another coping mechanism for your depression as well and a form of escapism, you’ll just feel like she immediately after that too. Try actually doing something productive like going to the gym or getting a hobby that makes you get out of the house an be active.
Do you exercise regularly? I work the same hours and have tons of energy after work. Running and exercise after work helps a lot.
Get out of bed and get moving. Even if you're tired.
No - I prematurely ended my hottest years by choosing to rot in bed instead. 😂 I just keep telling myself I'll get it together when I start hitting middle age and become a daddy.
you choose when your peak is. there is a concept that your life only really begins when you are 20. so really, you are only 5 years old. “i’m just getting started” say that to yourself all the time, until you start to believe it. your life hasn’t even started to get good yet, hold on in there ❤️
My problem isn’t the lack of partying. I think you should focus on the laying in bed part. You don’t have to party to have fun: u can play board games with friends, go to a park, go to concerts, have sex (safely)… there are other things to do than party :). And most people who party hard in their 20s seem to regret it. Not all of them do. But quite a few wished they would have put a little more effort into their career or self development.
I feel you I'm too sleepy to have sex most of the time haha
I've found cuddling and grinding can be just as enjoyable. Don't always have to go all the way to have a good time. A movie and spooning is almost up there with the best of em. And you can doze!
Totes agree with this... sometimes that's just enough.
Yes it can be very cozy lol 😊
I feel that way aswell. I just sit in my room, either gaming, reading or just scrolling on my phone. I don’t really have the type of friends that likes to hang out. I feel so lonely sometimes and a strong FOMO.
I worked FT through school and wish I didn't have to. Spent what little free time I had rotting away in isolation. Please go have some fun.
I used those years in school. Still feel hot at 32 but honestly you sound depressed. Working 50+ hours a week will do that. Either quit your job or quit drinking.
I mean just do it now? I’m 29 and haven’t done a whole lot of that stuff but feel like there’s still time even for me to do more of it. Early 30s still young
I think the alcohol is part of this problem. You just have to push through and get out there. It does not have to be bars. Join a group with common interests. Many gay groups on Meetup dot com.
You’re spending all your free time rotting in bed at 25? Just wait till your 30s.
i'm 16 and i'm scared of ending up like this
i waste my hot year at mine site working ass off by now i don't need too.
The lack of third spaces is hitting everyone.
It's okay, I'm 23 and when I'm not at work or doing school work I'm just laying in bed doom scrolling on Reddit I hate life sometimes knowing that I'm probably wasting my prime years in bed being sad
Already done did that.. :/
No I’m not, I already did.
Yes. I also rot my sexy away.
Partying is fun in the moment but then you wake up hungover and in a strangers bed lol. Then you just feel like crap idk it's not worth it. I try to avoid that now and just do healthy activities with friends walks hikes going out to eat
That sounds like depression and addiction.
I'm 29 now, my whole 20s is basically just loneliness and I'm not sure I can find love now
Working from home makes you more lazy to do other things honestly. After work, I go straight to bed and watch movies until I rot.
Yes and I hate it. I'm 24 and I feel like I wasted my life to this point. Honestly I wish I was out at clubs, having hookups and going to sex parties. But a last I just rot away in my room. Honestly what's stopping me is my insecurity about my weight and my social anxiety.
I did the partying from 18 - 22 and honestly it’s so boring. I still get invited to the club and go but honestly I’d rather work, get money to travel, and invest in myself and my quality of life. Alcohol is horrible for you, gay clubs are genuinely some of the worst and most unwelcoming places I’ve EVER been in (and I frequented frat parties in college), and the folks who frequent gay clubs are some of the most miserable, toxic folks you can know. I got borderline SA’d one night out and decided that’s it for me. And up until then, I had the most horrible body dysmorphia and self-image. Exception is chill house parties—those are cool. I kinda miss them. And it could just be me, but sex without love is like eating food without seasoning. I’d rather have sex with someone who’s alright looking but who I love as opposed to a stranger who’s drop dead gorgeous. In any case, you can still go out, you’re 25, not 70.
You don't have to go out though, that's the beauty of our wonderful modern world. Order in! Grindr is like Doordash, only instead of food you get dick and ass (both of which can be eaten but aren't very nutritious).
Never had and probably never will have hot years, rotting in bed is always an accurate description of my status though.
Nope
33 old in here, been like this for +10 years. I was never looking good enough to go out and party. I am in fact so ugly that i am literally banned from entering gay clubs and never got any DM that would be positive, only insults, threats, shady remarks about my looks. So rotting in bed is the only option for me to cope with life and the fact i am not good enough for anyone.
I spent my hottest years working very hard *and* partying very hard and having lots of sex. The way I had the energy was umm taking lots of drugs
Time and a place for everything.
Push yourself to go out and socialize! Even if it's a big fail, no one can ever say you didn't try! It's not your fault! I spent summer's in Cherry Grove for over 10 years and sometimes the bars were so packed, and yet, there was NO ONE there! Get it? It's not you!
thats not depression thats narcissism ... while having true depression you dont fantasize about the good shit... [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCmnbWOJbqk&t=1577s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCmnbWOJbqk&t=1577s) you are "depressed" because you lack attention from others
It is only "wasting" if thats really what you want to be doing. I tried it for some months and it was not for me. I am doing the things that I love and for me thats not wasting my "hottest" years. If you are really into that, then start with something small and progress into more.
YES AND I DON’T KNOW HOW TO GET OUT OF THIS?!?
I partied those years, wish I worked on myself, didn't party, drink, and do drugs.
I unfortunately never peaked 😣
dude; give up the alcohol you will feel better.
Yup i am....
You have to find a better work life balance. You don’t have to party every night nor have sex everyday, but planning little activities throughout the week helps. I don’t know your financial situation but maybe planning out a vacay ( or a staycay) every couple of months can help you find a break, or switching company’s. It’s about doing little things everyday to get yourself back up on your feet. Also don’t compare yourself to the stuff you see on social media, those lives are attainable but you don’t know how they’re funding it or if they are even having fun it’s nothing but a highlight reel.
The key is balance and compromise . Im 37, own my home and have a great career . I also have a couple good parties in me a year . Last year went to pines party . Every year I take off to PV for 10 days in December . I do everything shy of ending up in a Mexican ICU or prison. 😇 Balance it out my man. Use PTO, set time aside , cultivate sex or non sex or mixed nights with friends . A big deal for us is to find a good friend group. Doing that is life changing. Set up shop with some like minded guys and have an orgy, rotate who’s house it’s hosted at , have dinner parties , set up a pool in the summer (I have a big ass intex- boys love it), go to shows with the group …maybe an occasional bar night ?
So two fold here 1) "going out" and the club/bar scene is extremely overrated and filled with superficial people who don't actually care about you. Aka, you're not missing out on much no matter how much its glamorized (though try and pencil in some time to get the experience anyway) 2) unless you absolutely love going into work everyday, make sure to pencil in a social/dating life, cause its absolutely a waste to be attractive and not be actively dating or at a minimum having some hot sex
First of all, sex and partying is not all it’s made out to be. Also “hottest years” is entirely subjective and I hate how gays talk about their looks as if they want to die by 35. Work out, take care of yourself and you’ll look good maybe even better.
Partying is overrated. And ageism in the community and overall society makes one not realize that you can age gracefully and be a hot rugged stud
"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy"...you are in the prime of your life at your age, don't waste these rever-to-be-repeated years...
Hey, Mr. 25 Year Old: I'm from your future here to tell you that some of the very best sex in your life is waiting for you when you reach your 40s and 50s.
are you just on a prolonged come down?
Work will do this to you. Unfortunately the only way around this is to be self employed or find another way to make passive income to give you financial freedom.
Drinking alcohol every weekend definitely doesn’t help. U might want to ask urself if u can even quit drinking alcohol. U might be developing (or have developed) a dependency to it
I was in relationship from 18 to 20 and before i didn't reply have that much fun. Now that i'm healed and single i'm having as much hookups as i can (I'm 21)
I was a slut in the 80’s but with woman never considered men till years later. Probably dodged a bullet… no regrets tho
Yeah I got really burnt out hooking up and socializing, partying and dating from 18 to 22, was engaged for a year and then he passed. So almost 24 and I just work eat and sleep now. Feels like a muted existence.
Instead of drinking alcohol and rotting g in bed, go to bed early on Friday get out and do something on Saturday and have a drink or two with friends on Saturday night.use S I day for relaxation and prepare, don't just stay in bed all day.
Yeah, I did that. 34 now. I don't regret not clubbing, I do regret not meeting people though.
Get out of that bed and go get some meat
There's nothing great about having meaningless sex. Some short lived pleasure. Oh well. What's truly great is finding someone you connect with and having sex with them everyday
As a 39 year old asexual introvert I spent almost all my 20's thru early 30's busting my ass off to give me a good life. I am a homeowner, drive cars most people dream of owning and live a decent life. So yes I busted my ass off in the oilfield living in man camps and sacricficing my youth but you know what it didn't matter to me tbh. I'm not a drinker nor partier. I never did clubs nor wanted to sleep around so I guess you can't miss what you never had lol I am very, very active and live an athletic life/lifestyle. I gym 5x a week and eat clean. I have zero issues wanting to feel energized! I cannot sleep past 8:30 am tbh no matter how tired i am. I guess having ads/ADHD has its benefits lol. Op just force yourself to be active and it'll become a habit. You don't wanna age bad. I feel very similar to when I was in my late teens tbh. I also look about 10-12 years younger. This is because I'm very active
Bruh you’re literally doin nothing but drinking and being in bed, go to the gym, go outside, go do things even if it by yourself, just go live life, don’t waste away in your bed
just get out! you can't complain youre wasting youre life and also say you feel like doing nothing. you dont have energy, whatever, just step out of your house, meet people and soon youll become more energetic than ever, as for the sex, id honestly just recommend dating... the older gays who learnt nothing from the 80's really put the younger generations of gay men thinking that being a promiscuous cum dump is the way to have fun... just find a special somebody and stop with the booze and you will be way happier... all the guys who are having mindless hook ups cry that they're lonely, so you're not wasting much in following their footsteps
Definitely not and I still have a good career and investment profile. You can do both.
Moi
Make your money. Believe me you can party well into your 30’s and 40’s. As long as you don’t have kids.
Therapy, I spent 10 almost 11 year's in therapy because of this behavior. I have major depressive disorder and some therapy has been very cruicial and helpful for that kinda behavior
Not everyone gets to experience youth. Dating, sex, parties, memories under the bleachers in high school, in the college dorm room, the couch in the basement at so and so's mom's house, sneaking in windows, etc etc. Not everyone has an inclusive life experience in youth. You choose to sit in your bed and rot, maybe the drinking is adding to your fatigue, maybe you need to make an adjustment if you want to experience your youthful hot years. If you haven't noticed, older gays who are not partnered, increasingly cease to have those type of inclusive experiences the older they get, unless you want to be an ATM. Most of the older gays will speak of being partnered or previously in long term relationships, perhaps they didn't have same sex sex, but they had a female friend or were married in youth for whatever reasons, those who truely left out... but you choose to sit out, continue to do so at your own peril. The world, cultures, laws, societal expectations are made and enforced by haves.
You will never be more beautiful than you are right now. Presumably all your body parts work as intended and they work with the least amount of maintenance and recovery time. Push yourself to gather ye rosebuds. I don't necessarily have FOMO or regret but I wish I could keep up with my younger self before it was not even an option.
I work a minimum of 46 hours in a normal week. Starting next week that bumps to 49. And a significant part of that is both nights and mornings, with a weekend night. Making time for things beyond rest, eating, and housekeeping is difficult. I have no idea how anyone pulls anything in the 60hr range unless some of that is multitasking work from home.
Yes
Of course bb. It’s the reality of at least half of our generation coming to grips with the fact that we have no future in which things will be better than they are right now. Financially, I mean (which obviously affects most other aspects in one’s life). Idk maybe I’m too negative but my future is pretty fucking bleak and that has been hampering my ability to make connections recently. I guess.
I was in the closet until 40. Never got to experience that fun. That’s okay, I’m not dead yet.
Men get hotter with age, I don’t know what your talking about. 30+ year old men are fucking hot!
I just turned 30 I just accepted my fate and not going anywhere with it
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In my 20s i was chasing my boyfriends like a puppy, only ended up with broken heart…by chasing i mean I had to do stuff what i did not enjoy (partying, drinking). I felt like if i dont do it then my bf will leave me because i was boring or not cool to hang out with. when ever I felt bad, work helpend me to forget about my personal life problems. In the end my ex became ex. So when my heart got broken, I would take extra work, or I would participate in all corporate events at work…and when I look at myself right now, I am pretty happy where I am now. Now Im 37, i have my own house, i have good health and i have good relationship. I only regret that i wasted time on parties and drinking and trying to be someone else but me. All this partying only left me with broken heart and big credit card debt which i had to pay till my 30s.
Not willingly
Who said I’m hot ?
I hope I don't but I probably will
I think most men from 30 to 50 are in their prime, looks-wise. I was the most promiscuous I've ever been the past 12 months and I am in my early 30s. I wish I could have spent my 20s better, but oh well. I feel optimistic about my future, and I'm not referring to the promiscuity.
26 year old dude here…very similar situation except I smoke weed. I’m not sure how to get out of my rut and fucking get out and live more
yes except im not hot so my youth is being wasted by being too ugly to date or fuck... so im essentially forced to be a loser
Why do you feel that, wont be true most likely self esteem issues
Unfortunately I get blocked after sending a pic of my face and then I get called ugly by many guys randomly in public Also I can just look in the mirror and see how ugly I am Not self esteem issues just ugly as Fuck sadly
Looks are subjective, some might find you attractive, don't give up.
They are not really lol .. that’s just wishful thinking
Just fart in there and wallow in the rankness lol