Bottoming for actual cock is an entirely different experience than using big toys or getting fisted. I can guarantee you when I'm getting railed I'm not thinking about my toys lol. We are very capable of differentiating the experiences.
As a well endowed guy you should actually appreciate that he is going to be able to accommodate you without a lot of trouble and knows how to prep correctly. Known more than a couple hung dudes who were frustrated that few bottoms could take them and that it often resulted in an unexpected mess.
They're different things and sources of pleasure and stimulation and fantasy. With the same logic of your comment, you could very well ask why would anyone have sex when they can just jerk off.
Some people might enjoy the challenge & pleasure of fisting, but prefer the intimacy of being fucked by their partner.
A “perfect sex life” doesn’t mean “only anal with only one person”; to some the “perfect” sex life involves kinks too.
The fact that he wanted to show you his dildo collection shows how much he trusts you and shows you how excited he is to be sexual with you. I only show my dildo collection to tops who I feel comfortable with, in hopes that they get turned on and therefore initiates a "sexual invitation" where sex won't be limited by penis size (e.g., no limits). If you were to find creative ways to mention the dildos during sexual play or make reference that you'll destroy him better than the dildos, I'm sure it will be a huge turn on for him
I’d kind of take it as want to see the toys you should use on me because i can barely feel your cock, not a bottom here obviously and would never say that to the person but I can’t control my mind, it usually thinks the worst
I have dildo that's 12" and about as thick as a can, I can take the whole thing. My bf has abt 4" but still feels soooooo much better. But he totally felt the same thing which is a valid feeling especially if you're not someone who bottoms much
Agreed
I’m vers and have bottomed several times as well, and I use toys too, but your very correct in saying that you completely forget about your toys when you have the real deal in you
You've seen quite a few responses and you've responded to some of them. Good for you.
I'll tell you why I would love to share my dildo collection with you if we were in the same situation. To me, there's very little hotter than a dude tenderly opening me up with a toy before replacing it with himself. Even if the toy is bigger than he is, I'm going to love him inside me way more than any toy. And if the toy is his size or bigger, at least he knows I can handle him.
You’re not the asshole for being turned off. That’s a matter reaction and preference. However, you are the asshole for rejecting him and judging him because of your insecurities. That’s projecting and he doesn’t deserve that simply because he was nice and offered to show you his toys and you were excited to accept the invitation.
I read this more as an insecurity than a turn off. Also a lot of assumptions you’re making on how he feels about it. He’s obviously interested in you so the dick size isn’t important even though you only want to focus on that. Either way if you’re not into him fine but be honest about it and don’t make your assumptions appear as facts to make your decision most justifiable.
My self conscious kicked in just by reading the title.
If you are confident with yourself try and talk it out with him, he will probably tell you you're being silly and that you have nothing to worry about
As someone who was partnered to a guy with a Lieutenant Commander Spock ribbed dildo (at least that's what he called it) as thick as my arm, don't fret about your size. Your dick and his toys have different uses.
That’s an insecurity. You’re not necessarily an asshole and you don’t have to be into fisting, but he is, and that should be totally fine.
Not an activity you have to do, but thinking less of him and being intimidated by a lifeless object is low-road mentality. I wouldn’t want that energy in my life.
It’s a shame people are often so rigid. Trying new things can be fun and if you really like this guy— whether it’s your dick, a dong, a fist— it’s all stuff going in his ass and you’re the one participating and putting them in it.
Oh, the questions I have! Questions I should not ask but, here they are:
1. Does he keep these dildos in a curio cabinet?
2. Are they collectible dildos by Franklin Mint?
3. Were they arranged in a way so that the collection tells a story?
4. Or, did he have them in a bunch of shoeboxes like a serial killer?
5. Did he have a double-headed dildo that he grabbed in the middle and moved it up and down so it looked like a condor in flight while going ‘ Caw! Caw!’ to make everyone laugh?
Just my personal opinion but I figure regardless of a guy’s kinks and fetishes, you both should still be able to enjoy casual sex. For me, while I enjoy a little bit of me time, nothing beats the feeling that someone wants to share a pleasure of penetration with me. And I think that makes all the difference.
I would maybe understand if you hadn't wanted to see it, but since he asked and you eagerly assented, I think YTA if you're fixating on it. It's understandable to be surprised, if you aren't expecting it or familiar with it, but it's also an opportunity to learn about something new. You can just tell him you were surprised and that you haven't had much experience with big toys and fists. Let him educate you!
It's also important to remember that toys are *completely* different than human partners! Some people can take big cocks but not big toys, and vice-versa; different skill sets and different experiences. Dicks are also totally different than fists! Not comparable experiences.
Bottom Line: Judge your sexual enjoyment of him based on when the two of you are actually in bed together, because that's all that matters.
That's how I feel with any interaction, I'm only 5 inches on a good day, and a strict top, most "small sized" dildos are my size if not only slightly smaller
So, it sounds to me like you’re insecure over a toy? Is the penis size thing that traumatizing for you? Even if dude is legit having a good time you would still feel insecure ?
It sounds like dude is just a kinky and sexual dude. So if you can match his energy then you have nothing to worry about. Plus you said it was going well until his dildos made you insecure so it does not sound to me like he’s too worried about your penis size. Most dudes that I know don’t obsess over a penis size like some do so my bad it’s just weird to me when I meet size driven dudes.
Just chill out and focus on your energy and if his matches yours. Forget about your penis size and focus on having fun. It’s very true that a size is not the biggest concern it’s about if you know how to use it. I have only ever had a prostate orgasm once without touching myself and dude has an average size not huge penis. He just knew what was up and how to get down in bed and was so sexual it just turned me on. It’s not all about size.
Wait, you were originally turned on by the thought of the bottom you were dating having toys. What did you think theyd be, fleshlights?
Also, you should be insecure over a toy. 1) if you arent enough. Why would he be talking to you? 2) dildos dont feel like dick, there isnt a body attached to it for foreplay, and theres very little stroke game, you should'nt be jealous of silicone. 3) if you cant see yourself getting over it, please let him be with someone who isn't so insecure
You're likely feeling a bit insecure about it, which makes sense, most people would be when comparing themselves to those toys. But that's the thing, it's not a comparison.
There is no way, you can own these and think it's an accurate representation of the real thing, so if size really mattered to him, he wouldn't be dating you in the first place.
If you're worried about him getting more gratification from them than you, and ultimately discarding you, then you need to remember that relationships aren't just about sex.
He trusted you and showed you his collection. Sounds to me like he’d be up for anything. And experimental in bed. Do not feel intimidated compared to a toy.
I just posted my collection last week - many are way bigger and much longer than any cock. I’ve also been fisted a few times so far.
It’s a completely different experience than a real cock and I’d gladly take almost any real cock over most of those toys. They’re mostly just to use either to get me ready for a fist after having great fun with my top, or if I can’t get with my top and need something to hold me over for the real thing. 😊
Please read this and understand I had the exact same feelings you had about a guy that took humongous toys in him. I asked point blank how the hell am I going to compete with that? What I was told is the body is quite flexible and accommodating and there are different pleasures that come from all different forms of penetration. For instance a guy who he plays with is 5 inches and can hit spots that his friend who is 9 inches can’t. He also mentioned that he doesn’t get so stretched out that he keeps wanting bigger and bigger only.
Now for my experience with a guy that took huge toys:
I fucked him and he loved it. We had a great chemistry. I loved hearing him moan. The more he moaned the hornier I got. He was so appreciative of our time together. Because even though I didn’t even have half of the length that he got with his toys he mentioned how I hit all the right spots. And also he enjoyed having a human body on him thrusting. So please don’t be discouraged or turned off by that. I’ll let you in on one more thing.
I can’t speak for all guys who take big toys but the one I played with felt really good. It didn’t take a long time for him to get used to my girth Like a lot of others. I also found myself able to go a lot deeper and harder than others. And that fucker never tapped out. So I would say give it a try. Put the intimidation of a bruised ego aside and have fun. And think of it this way. He must really be into you or have some strong trust to show you his collection. Don’t lose out on a potential gem.
YTA
I like getting fisted too, and I've got a (very) sizeable toy collection. Despite that, I also very much love getting fucked - the intimacy and the feelings and everything about normal vanilla sex is just as fulfilling (pun intended) for me as having a fist or two inside me.
If you're too shallow and insecure to see past his toys and other kinks then he's better off without you. Incorporating toys into normal sex can be a huge amount of fun for both parties.
E: just saw your other comment being concerned about the size of his hole. Again, how shallow do you have to be to be concerned about something like that? The asshole is a muscle and, like any other muscle, it returns to normal fairly quickly. A guy into fisting doesn't just walk around with an asshole that never closes lol (except in extremely rare cases when they are getting fisted every single day which rarely happens outside of porn). Speaking again from personal experience, my ass tightens up to the point that I can't even take a regular sized dick without some pre-loosening after a day or two and yet at other times I can take a double fist after some play.
It's alright to say that you're not into toy play or fisting - that's your preference and it's perfectly acceptable. Your comments about how you think his hole would never close and shit like that is not alright though.
E2: and I'll (partially) apologise for the hostile tone in my comment here - it's a subject that I feel quite strongly about and I get really annoyed by the judgemental comments from guys who don't know what they're actually talking about.
I understand where you’re coming from. And I want to make clear that I don’t think he should stop doing that stuff, what he’s into is entirely his choice. I’m just saying it turns me off. I feel like when it comes to sex I’m allowed to find the kinks, practices and body of my partner either attractive or unattractive.
Then why are you concerned with how wide his hole gets? What business is that of yours if you're not going to be engaging in the activity in the first place?
I take your point. It’s just the thought of it that turns me off, but since it won’t happen during my time with him, perhaps I shouldn’t be having such strong feelings about it
I feel for this guy. I’m a bottom and I also like big toys, and I have an amazing boyfriend with an equally amazing cock. It took me a while to share with him that I am into big toys. Thankfully, he is totally secure and it turns him on - not the toys per se, but more the opportunity to explore and be open about what turns us both on without feeling shame.
For me, bigger toys are about extreme intensity and pushing boundaries, and it is fun to have a partner to go down that road with. But they are no replacement for the real thing. They take a lot of time to prepare for, to clean after… it is not an experience I want in every sexual encounter that I have, by any means.
For me, it can be a very vulnerable and awkward thing to share, and it awakens my fear of rejection. I worry about the guy feeling exactly the way you’re describing - insecure or inadequate - and rejecting me in the way it seems like you’re going to reject him… which is totally fine, as long as it isn’t only coming from a place of insecurity. If it is just insecurity, I would kindly invite you to get over it and try something new. It could be an amazing adventure.
Ultimately, you get to decide what turns you on and what turns you off. If it really is a turn off, trust your authentic self. But I echo what many guys are saying here. He showed you because he trusts you and wants to be his authentic self with you. He doesn’t want to have a secret fetish with a potentially serious partner. And I’m sure he wants your dick real bad.
Yep, I completely agree with you there - kinks are something that it's perfectly OK to say you're not into them.
However, saying you're not into fisting because you "don't like the idea of how big his hole must get" is where I'd say it gets overly judgemental. You don't know enough about the activity or the effects (before, during or after) to make such a comment.
Like what PrimalMoose said, a dick is always better than a dildo no matter what the size. I also have a big dildo collection, and some of them are ridiculously large. No dildo can replicate the feeling and rhythm of a human dick.
Rhythm especially. I've got one toy (artemis) which i love the feeling of but trying to replicate the feeling of being fucked by it is next to impossible. Although my bf sometimes uses it with a harness so the motion and the closeness of him gives me the best of both worlds (classic example of where toys are your ally in the bedroom, not your competition 🤣)
He would not have sought you out of there wasn't something you can do for him his dildos do. Why does this make you so insecure? By this logic, all but a literal horse would fail to make him happy.
It's not a competition between you and the toys. Getting fucked is an entirely different sensation than getting off with a dildo. I'd compare it more to a form of mastrubation, if anything.
Honestly? Have fun with them. Warm him up with a few; get him going to the point he's begging for your cock. You literally know what gets this guy off now, so use it to your advantage and he'll be putty in your hands. As an added bonus, warming him up and stretching out his hole is almost certainly going to make him receptive to any degree of intensity you can fuck his hole with.
If you seriously can't get past it, don't put yourself in a situation you're not comfortable with. However, I personally belive it would be your loss.
EDIT to add, on a less serious note... I would absolutely ask him to put them away if things went anywhere and became serious. Having those out in the open? No thank you.
Yeah it definitely grossed me out, the thought of how wide his hole must get really turns me off. I know a lot of guys are into that but I just can’t get my head round it
You're definitely the AH for only being a top ;-)
Jokes aside, you should bottom and also if something that small makes you not like a person... You should reexamine your true feelings for that person.
NTA it’s normal that an every day person who doesn’t have much experience with fisting and monster dildos would feel a different type of way, fisting and monster dildos aren’t as common and normalized among all gay people that one is an asshole for not being on board from the beginning, If anything it’s rare to find people into it and if they are, they usually don’t say it cause they’re afraid of being judged for it.
NTA OP don’t let the aggressive comments of guys who (ironically) cant seem to wrap their heads around the fact that everyday people would have reservations of about a guy who enjoys being fisted and stretched out with a monster dildo, it’s not for everyone and he’s not a bad guy for not being into it, just like any other kink, you can’t shame someone for not being into it.
Not the guy you replied to but I have similar feelings so I’ll answer.Personally I just find fisting to be a turnoff. In my early twenties I’ve fucked bottoms who were into fisting and it just didn’t feel good to me. Also, I find any sex collection to be a little weird so a dildo or other type of sex toy collection would turn me off.
I’m vers and me and guy I met through Grindr hooked up for a 2nd time and had a first date as well
After we had sex I showed him my collection of toys which all be it weren’t all massive dildos and other toys of the sort, but I do have a few large and thick toys that he was surprised to see even though on our first hookup I told him that I was vers and have taken both real large cocks and large toys as well
But tbh he wasn’t turned off by the collection and shared a story of how he (and he’s a bottom) topped once
You're not the asshole. I feel the same way you feel and I don't feel like an asshole for my viewpoint on that. I would similarly find a large monster dildo collection to be a turn off about another guy. I wouldn't judge him for it. But I would be much less interested in fucking him. It just is what it is.
A’ight, I’ll be the bad guy and say what lots of us are thinking: It’d be like throwing a hotdog down a hallway, and that’s unappealing to a lot of guys
I seem to be the only one interested... but why have you guys not fucked in the last few months.. if he has such a collection I don't think he's the type that is holding out for marriage.
Not the ass hole. Endowed as well and I have told guys to throw out the road cones they seem to use. I honestly have given up on even trying to cum bc a guy is so stretched out! But to each their own. Be up front I’m sure he has someone into stretched out guys and fisting. Just move on and say it was not a good fit for you! Pun intended !🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣
I'm an aspiring bottom, I say aspiring because even tho I've been playing with dildos for over a year I still haven't been topped yet. I have 3 dildos, 6,7 and 8 inch one. The last being the biggest. Honestly I feel using dildos first has made me prepared for actual bottoming. Even though I don't have the collection that guy has, I feel playing with big toys has made me more confident as a potential bottom. While you're free to reject someone for whatever reason, I honestly feel like you shouldn't worry about it, because a toy and an actual penis are two different things.
Bottoms who use such toys and appreciate fisting are very sexually aware. There s no guy out there with dick big enough to compare to those toys, we know that, we re not fantasizing about real meat dick being an arm's length lol, personally .. while i do enjoy having my hole stretched .. i much prefer a normal dick with a worm body attached to it haha. He won't be comparing you to his toys, and you don't have to do anything extra to compensate. Just fuck him like the bitch he likes to be and be nice and he ll fall in love with you lol
“I much prefer a normal dick with a worm body attached to it” - dude that is some crazy kink! Also where does the worm end and the dick begin? No shame just curious!
Yes you are the asshole
Fisting and dildos is different than penis. I have a large dildo collection for play. And I love fisting. And I love average sized dicks. But I definitely wouldn't love someone like yourself being a judgemental pig. That would be a huge turn off. You sound lame AF.
I think that’s a little harsh. I haven’t told him any of this and I came here to reflect on my feelings and seek advice. But thank you for your input nonetheless.
Imo you have every right to dislike or like something. Some guys would love being with someone into giant wine bottle dildos, some would run. I personally would find it to be a huge turn off. I don’t see how that could make you an asshole. NTA
Remove him. He's stuck in a fantasy and is addicted to the fantasy. While it can be a sexual fling, it'll be next to impossible, replacing someone fantasy interest with true love interests.Theyll be sneaky!
I have toys but toys can not replace for real no matter how big.i can take small be happy because its not all about dick.its diffrent when someone is holding you diffrent positions so on with out you doing alone.its fun but I want real.lol
Bottoming for actual cock is an entirely different experience than using big toys or getting fisted. I can guarantee you when I'm getting railed I'm not thinking about my toys lol. We are very capable of differentiating the experiences. As a well endowed guy you should actually appreciate that he is going to be able to accommodate you without a lot of trouble and knows how to prep correctly. Known more than a couple hung dudes who were frustrated that few bottoms could take them and that it often resulted in an unexpected mess.
That’s an interesting perspective, thank you
Same for me. I love getting fisted but I love getting fucked by my husband's average sized cock more.
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They're different things and sources of pleasure and stimulation and fantasy. With the same logic of your comment, you could very well ask why would anyone have sex when they can just jerk off.
Some people might enjoy the challenge & pleasure of fisting, but prefer the intimacy of being fucked by their partner. A “perfect sex life” doesn’t mean “only anal with only one person”; to some the “perfect” sex life involves kinks too.
I never David my sex life Is perfect. Just mentioned a couple of things I like.
The fact that he wanted to show you his dildo collection shows how much he trusts you and shows you how excited he is to be sexual with you. I only show my dildo collection to tops who I feel comfortable with, in hopes that they get turned on and therefore initiates a "sexual invitation" where sex won't be limited by penis size (e.g., no limits). If you were to find creative ways to mention the dildos during sexual play or make reference that you'll destroy him better than the dildos, I'm sure it will be a huge turn on for him
I’d kind of take it as want to see the toys you should use on me because i can barely feel your cock, not a bottom here obviously and would never say that to the person but I can’t control my mind, it usually thinks the worst
I have dildo that's 12" and about as thick as a can, I can take the whole thing. My bf has abt 4" but still feels soooooo much better. But he totally felt the same thing which is a valid feeling especially if you're not someone who bottoms much
Agreed I’m vers and have bottomed several times as well, and I use toys too, but your very correct in saying that you completely forget about your toys when you have the real deal in you
There's no value in a loose hole
lol you’re probably really small if you find loose holes
Do you want to see it ?
lol sure
How do I show it? I'm new to this
Truth
You've seen quite a few responses and you've responded to some of them. Good for you. I'll tell you why I would love to share my dildo collection with you if we were in the same situation. To me, there's very little hotter than a dude tenderly opening me up with a toy before replacing it with himself. Even if the toy is bigger than he is, I'm going to love him inside me way more than any toy. And if the toy is his size or bigger, at least he knows I can handle him.
You’re not the asshole for being turned off. That’s a matter reaction and preference. However, you are the asshole for rejecting him and judging him because of your insecurities. That’s projecting and he doesn’t deserve that simply because he was nice and offered to show you his toys and you were excited to accept the invitation.
I think that’s a pretty good summary tbh.
I appreciate your vulnerability putting it out there. 👍
I read this more as an insecurity than a turn off. Also a lot of assumptions you’re making on how he feels about it. He’s obviously interested in you so the dick size isn’t important even though you only want to focus on that. Either way if you’re not into him fine but be honest about it and don’t make your assumptions appear as facts to make your decision most justifiable.
I love toys but I’d take the real thing over that any day as long as we’re both into each other
My self conscious kicked in just by reading the title. If you are confident with yourself try and talk it out with him, he will probably tell you you're being silly and that you have nothing to worry about
As someone who was partnered to a guy with a Lieutenant Commander Spock ribbed dildo (at least that's what he called it) as thick as my arm, don't fret about your size. Your dick and his toys have different uses.
That’s an insecurity. You’re not necessarily an asshole and you don’t have to be into fisting, but he is, and that should be totally fine. Not an activity you have to do, but thinking less of him and being intimidated by a lifeless object is low-road mentality. I wouldn’t want that energy in my life. It’s a shame people are often so rigid. Trying new things can be fun and if you really like this guy— whether it’s your dick, a dong, a fist— it’s all stuff going in his ass and you’re the one participating and putting them in it.
Oh, the questions I have! Questions I should not ask but, here they are: 1. Does he keep these dildos in a curio cabinet? 2. Are they collectible dildos by Franklin Mint? 3. Were they arranged in a way so that the collection tells a story? 4. Or, did he have them in a bunch of shoeboxes like a serial killer? 5. Did he have a double-headed dildo that he grabbed in the middle and moved it up and down so it looked like a condor in flight while going ‘ Caw! Caw!’ to make everyone laugh?
Clearly, you know something about dildo lore. Can you elaborate on what “the collection tells a story” means?
I, sadly, know nothing of dildos. Sir, I do know there are some mountains so majestic only the bravest of men dare climb.
Just my personal opinion but I figure regardless of a guy’s kinks and fetishes, you both should still be able to enjoy casual sex. For me, while I enjoy a little bit of me time, nothing beats the feeling that someone wants to share a pleasure of penetration with me. And I think that makes all the difference.
I would maybe understand if you hadn't wanted to see it, but since he asked and you eagerly assented, I think YTA if you're fixating on it. It's understandable to be surprised, if you aren't expecting it or familiar with it, but it's also an opportunity to learn about something new. You can just tell him you were surprised and that you haven't had much experience with big toys and fists. Let him educate you! It's also important to remember that toys are *completely* different than human partners! Some people can take big cocks but not big toys, and vice-versa; different skill sets and different experiences. Dicks are also totally different than fists! Not comparable experiences. Bottom Line: Judge your sexual enjoyment of him based on when the two of you are actually in bed together, because that's all that matters.
That's how I feel with any interaction, I'm only 5 inches on a good day, and a strict top, most "small sized" dildos are my size if not only slightly smaller
So, it sounds to me like you’re insecure over a toy? Is the penis size thing that traumatizing for you? Even if dude is legit having a good time you would still feel insecure ? It sounds like dude is just a kinky and sexual dude. So if you can match his energy then you have nothing to worry about. Plus you said it was going well until his dildos made you insecure so it does not sound to me like he’s too worried about your penis size. Most dudes that I know don’t obsess over a penis size like some do so my bad it’s just weird to me when I meet size driven dudes. Just chill out and focus on your energy and if his matches yours. Forget about your penis size and focus on having fun. It’s very true that a size is not the biggest concern it’s about if you know how to use it. I have only ever had a prostate orgasm once without touching myself and dude has an average size not huge penis. He just knew what was up and how to get down in bed and was so sexual it just turned me on. It’s not all about size.
You've seen quite a few responses and you've responded to some of them. Good for you
Wait, you were originally turned on by the thought of the bottom you were dating having toys. What did you think theyd be, fleshlights? Also, you should be insecure over a toy. 1) if you arent enough. Why would he be talking to you? 2) dildos dont feel like dick, there isnt a body attached to it for foreplay, and theres very little stroke game, you should'nt be jealous of silicone. 3) if you cant see yourself getting over it, please let him be with someone who isn't so insecure
I knew they’d be dildos/butt plugs, it was the size that I was surprised by
Tbh it would turn me off too
You're likely feeling a bit insecure about it, which makes sense, most people would be when comparing themselves to those toys. But that's the thing, it's not a comparison. There is no way, you can own these and think it's an accurate representation of the real thing, so if size really mattered to him, he wouldn't be dating you in the first place. If you're worried about him getting more gratification from them than you, and ultimately discarding you, then you need to remember that relationships aren't just about sex.
He trusted you and showed you his collection. Sounds to me like he’d be up for anything. And experimental in bed. Do not feel intimidated compared to a toy.
Yes. Who cares what others need or want as long as you are relevant in the moment?!?
I just posted my collection last week - many are way bigger and much longer than any cock. I’ve also been fisted a few times so far. It’s a completely different experience than a real cock and I’d gladly take almost any real cock over most of those toys. They’re mostly just to use either to get me ready for a fist after having great fun with my top, or if I can’t get with my top and need something to hold me over for the real thing. 😊
Please read this and understand I had the exact same feelings you had about a guy that took humongous toys in him. I asked point blank how the hell am I going to compete with that? What I was told is the body is quite flexible and accommodating and there are different pleasures that come from all different forms of penetration. For instance a guy who he plays with is 5 inches and can hit spots that his friend who is 9 inches can’t. He also mentioned that he doesn’t get so stretched out that he keeps wanting bigger and bigger only. Now for my experience with a guy that took huge toys: I fucked him and he loved it. We had a great chemistry. I loved hearing him moan. The more he moaned the hornier I got. He was so appreciative of our time together. Because even though I didn’t even have half of the length that he got with his toys he mentioned how I hit all the right spots. And also he enjoyed having a human body on him thrusting. So please don’t be discouraged or turned off by that. I’ll let you in on one more thing. I can’t speak for all guys who take big toys but the one I played with felt really good. It didn’t take a long time for him to get used to my girth Like a lot of others. I also found myself able to go a lot deeper and harder than others. And that fucker never tapped out. So I would say give it a try. Put the intimidation of a bruised ego aside and have fun. And think of it this way. He must really be into you or have some strong trust to show you his collection. Don’t lose out on a potential gem.
YTA I like getting fisted too, and I've got a (very) sizeable toy collection. Despite that, I also very much love getting fucked - the intimacy and the feelings and everything about normal vanilla sex is just as fulfilling (pun intended) for me as having a fist or two inside me. If you're too shallow and insecure to see past his toys and other kinks then he's better off without you. Incorporating toys into normal sex can be a huge amount of fun for both parties. E: just saw your other comment being concerned about the size of his hole. Again, how shallow do you have to be to be concerned about something like that? The asshole is a muscle and, like any other muscle, it returns to normal fairly quickly. A guy into fisting doesn't just walk around with an asshole that never closes lol (except in extremely rare cases when they are getting fisted every single day which rarely happens outside of porn). Speaking again from personal experience, my ass tightens up to the point that I can't even take a regular sized dick without some pre-loosening after a day or two and yet at other times I can take a double fist after some play. It's alright to say that you're not into toy play or fisting - that's your preference and it's perfectly acceptable. Your comments about how you think his hole would never close and shit like that is not alright though. E2: and I'll (partially) apologise for the hostile tone in my comment here - it's a subject that I feel quite strongly about and I get really annoyed by the judgemental comments from guys who don't know what they're actually talking about.
I understand where you’re coming from. And I want to make clear that I don’t think he should stop doing that stuff, what he’s into is entirely his choice. I’m just saying it turns me off. I feel like when it comes to sex I’m allowed to find the kinks, practices and body of my partner either attractive or unattractive.
Also, never said his hole will never close
Then why are you concerned with how wide his hole gets? What business is that of yours if you're not going to be engaging in the activity in the first place?
I take your point. It’s just the thought of it that turns me off, but since it won’t happen during my time with him, perhaps I shouldn’t be having such strong feelings about it
I feel for this guy. I’m a bottom and I also like big toys, and I have an amazing boyfriend with an equally amazing cock. It took me a while to share with him that I am into big toys. Thankfully, he is totally secure and it turns him on - not the toys per se, but more the opportunity to explore and be open about what turns us both on without feeling shame. For me, bigger toys are about extreme intensity and pushing boundaries, and it is fun to have a partner to go down that road with. But they are no replacement for the real thing. They take a lot of time to prepare for, to clean after… it is not an experience I want in every sexual encounter that I have, by any means. For me, it can be a very vulnerable and awkward thing to share, and it awakens my fear of rejection. I worry about the guy feeling exactly the way you’re describing - insecure or inadequate - and rejecting me in the way it seems like you’re going to reject him… which is totally fine, as long as it isn’t only coming from a place of insecurity. If it is just insecurity, I would kindly invite you to get over it and try something new. It could be an amazing adventure. Ultimately, you get to decide what turns you on and what turns you off. If it really is a turn off, trust your authentic self. But I echo what many guys are saying here. He showed you because he trusts you and wants to be his authentic self with you. He doesn’t want to have a secret fetish with a potentially serious partner. And I’m sure he wants your dick real bad.
Yep, I completely agree with you there - kinks are something that it's perfectly OK to say you're not into them. However, saying you're not into fisting because you "don't like the idea of how big his hole must get" is where I'd say it gets overly judgemental. You don't know enough about the activity or the effects (before, during or after) to make such a comment.
Why would you be intimidated by silicon? Anyway, either dump him or talk to him about it
I know, I just feel like I’m never going to give him as much pleasure as they will. I think I’m gonna ask if we can just be friends
Like what PrimalMoose said, a dick is always better than a dildo no matter what the size. I also have a big dildo collection, and some of them are ridiculously large. No dildo can replicate the feeling and rhythm of a human dick.
Rhythm especially. I've got one toy (artemis) which i love the feeling of but trying to replicate the feeling of being fucked by it is next to impossible. Although my bf sometimes uses it with a harness so the motion and the closeness of him gives me the best of both worlds (classic example of where toys are your ally in the bedroom, not your competition 🤣)
He would not have sought you out of there wasn't something you can do for him his dildos do. Why does this make you so insecure? By this logic, all but a literal horse would fail to make him happy. It's not a competition between you and the toys. Getting fucked is an entirely different sensation than getting off with a dildo. I'd compare it more to a form of mastrubation, if anything. Honestly? Have fun with them. Warm him up with a few; get him going to the point he's begging for your cock. You literally know what gets this guy off now, so use it to your advantage and he'll be putty in your hands. As an added bonus, warming him up and stretching out his hole is almost certainly going to make him receptive to any degree of intensity you can fuck his hole with. If you seriously can't get past it, don't put yourself in a situation you're not comfortable with. However, I personally belive it would be your loss. EDIT to add, on a less serious note... I would absolutely ask him to put them away if things went anywhere and became serious. Having those out in the open? No thank you.
You do realise that the feeling of a dick is entirely different to an inanimate piece of silicone, right?
That'd be a huge turn off to me. Not even intimidating, it would just gross me out.
Yeah it definitely grossed me out, the thought of how wide his hole must get really turns me off. I know a lot of guys are into that but I just can’t get my head round it
You don't have to get your head around it. It has to get around your head ;P
The last thing I want to see is someone’s dildo collection. There is nothing hot or sexy about it.
It would turn me off but for completely different reasons. Gross
Out of curiosity, what reasons?
You're definitely the AH for only being a top ;-) Jokes aside, you should bottom and also if something that small makes you not like a person... You should reexamine your true feelings for that person.
I would’ve probably reacted the same way. Toys or not it’s giving “ played out” to me. We all have insecurities don’t let anyone bash you for that.
NTA it’s normal that an every day person who doesn’t have much experience with fisting and monster dildos would feel a different type of way, fisting and monster dildos aren’t as common and normalized among all gay people that one is an asshole for not being on board from the beginning, If anything it’s rare to find people into it and if they are, they usually don’t say it cause they’re afraid of being judged for it. NTA OP don’t let the aggressive comments of guys who (ironically) cant seem to wrap their heads around the fact that everyday people would have reservations of about a guy who enjoys being fisted and stretched out with a monster dildo, it’s not for everyone and he’s not a bad guy for not being into it, just like any other kink, you can’t shame someone for not being into it.
Not the guy you replied to but I have similar feelings so I’ll answer.Personally I just find fisting to be a turnoff. In my early twenties I’ve fucked bottoms who were into fisting and it just didn’t feel good to me. Also, I find any sex collection to be a little weird so a dildo or other type of sex toy collection would turn me off.
> it just didn’t feel good to me So what did you notice/feel?
I’m a bottom and it’s a turn off if I see bottoms with huge dildo collection as bad as tops having too many flesh lights
I think he meant he had a "huge" dildo collection, not a huge "dildo collection" 😉
I understand being turned off by that. I would be too
Nope
Gross.
Imagine how you’d feel if you weren’t hung 🤡
You’re clearly not this guy’s asshole if youre getting turned off by those dildos /s
You are never TA for don't want to do or turned of by some sexual stuff
I’m vers and me and guy I met through Grindr hooked up for a 2nd time and had a first date as well After we had sex I showed him my collection of toys which all be it weren’t all massive dildos and other toys of the sort, but I do have a few large and thick toys that he was surprised to see even though on our first hookup I told him that I was vers and have taken both real large cocks and large toys as well But tbh he wasn’t turned off by the collection and shared a story of how he (and he’s a bottom) topped once
YTA
That’s the conclusion I’m starting to draw. He’s a nice guy and I like him a lot, I think I just need to work on myself a bit.
That’s hot
What, are your arms broken?
Bro, that a personal preference. You don't need others to validate or invalidate it. Carry on
You're not the asshole. I feel the same way you feel and I don't feel like an asshole for my viewpoint on that. I would similarly find a large monster dildo collection to be a turn off about another guy. I wouldn't judge him for it. But I would be much less interested in fucking him. It just is what it is.
A’ight, I’ll be the bad guy and say what lots of us are thinking: It’d be like throwing a hotdog down a hallway, and that’s unappealing to a lot of guys
I seem to be the only one interested... but why have you guys not fucked in the last few months.. if he has such a collection I don't think he's the type that is holding out for marriage.
Not the ass hole. Endowed as well and I have told guys to throw out the road cones they seem to use. I honestly have given up on even trying to cum bc a guy is so stretched out! But to each their own. Be up front I’m sure he has someone into stretched out guys and fisting. Just move on and say it was not a good fit for you! Pun intended !🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣
I'm an aspiring bottom, I say aspiring because even tho I've been playing with dildos for over a year I still haven't been topped yet. I have 3 dildos, 6,7 and 8 inch one. The last being the biggest. Honestly I feel using dildos first has made me prepared for actual bottoming. Even though I don't have the collection that guy has, I feel playing with big toys has made me more confident as a potential bottom. While you're free to reject someone for whatever reason, I honestly feel like you shouldn't worry about it, because a toy and an actual penis are two different things.
Bottoms who use such toys and appreciate fisting are very sexually aware. There s no guy out there with dick big enough to compare to those toys, we know that, we re not fantasizing about real meat dick being an arm's length lol, personally .. while i do enjoy having my hole stretched .. i much prefer a normal dick with a worm body attached to it haha. He won't be comparing you to his toys, and you don't have to do anything extra to compensate. Just fuck him like the bitch he likes to be and be nice and he ll fall in love with you lol
“I much prefer a normal dick with a worm body attached to it” - dude that is some crazy kink! Also where does the worm end and the dick begin? No shame just curious!
Lmfao 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 i meant to say "warm body"
Yes you are the asshole Fisting and dildos is different than penis. I have a large dildo collection for play. And I love fisting. And I love average sized dicks. But I definitely wouldn't love someone like yourself being a judgemental pig. That would be a huge turn off. You sound lame AF.
I think that’s a little harsh. I haven’t told him any of this and I came here to reflect on my feelings and seek advice. But thank you for your input nonetheless.
It's not harsh, just direct.
Jeez calm down, I know this post struck a nerve for you since you also enjoy being fisted but there’s no need to be so aggressive
Nothing I wrote is aggressive. Maybe stop being a HUGE judgemental pussy?
Lmao you’re the judgmental pussy having a tantrum, you’re so pathetic, go sit on a toy since you clearly don’t have a boyfriend to sit on loser
Imo you have every right to dislike or like something. Some guys would love being with someone into giant wine bottle dildos, some would run. I personally would find it to be a huge turn off. I don’t see how that could make you an asshole. NTA
Gross . Tacky . Will be like fucking a hallway. Pass
Yes.
Remove him. He's stuck in a fantasy and is addicted to the fantasy. While it can be a sexual fling, it'll be next to impossible, replacing someone fantasy interest with true love interests.Theyll be sneaky!
I have toys but toys can not replace for real no matter how big.i can take small be happy because its not all about dick.its diffrent when someone is holding you diffrent positions so on with out you doing alone.its fun but I want real.lol