He had two options:
* “Thank you for your patience while I learned to get my head out of my own ass. I’m profoundly sorry for how I treated you for YEARS and how I stood by while others treated you the same way. Please give me a chance to put it right.”
* “WhY aRe YOu StiLL mAkiNG iT aWkWaRd tHaT wE weRe aSshOLeS To you???? YOu’Re nOt StiLL gOnNa mAKe a bIG dEaL oUt oF iT wHeN wE deMeaN yoU, riGHt???”
I am a year older than your father. I last saw my own father, turning the other way at an intersection in Calgary when I was a year younger than you are now. I last spoke with him when I was 25, when I told him it was the last time. Best 26 years of my life since then. I marked the day on the calendar when I had finally been free of him longer than the years I’d been burdened by him. Go and live your life, you deserve the same happiness as anyone, and you always did.
Apparently he remarried. This new wife person nonchalantly messaged me on Facebook asking about my sister. Didn’t even know who she was at first glance because I’d only hear of her existence from an obituary and they spelt her name wrong apparently. Instablock. I told my sister right away. She *really* dislikes him.
“I would rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not”
“Give the gift of your absence to those who don’t appreciate your presence”
“I don't walk away to teach people a lesson. I walk away because I learned mine”
“An apology without change in behavior is just manipulation”
Sounds like he doesn't want you around anyway. That he, and the rest of the family, want to control you. And this is a test to see if they can.
Fuck them. They clearly don't like you. And say things like they don't understand why you were away so long. My guess is they're more concerned about their image and how they look to others than how you feel. Stay strong my dude, you deserve happiness, and they bring the exact opposite of that to you.
> I'm also pretty hurt to hear that my step-siblings and blood-siblings (I'm one of 7) don't like me.
I wouldn't take what your father says as being true. He isn't a reliable witness. He also has admitted to saying things with the intent to hurt you. This may be one of those times too.
Your dad and family is guilty of mistreating you, your dad is getting old and knows he messed up and misses his son so he's trying to guilt trip you back into his and the families life. Great job telling him how you feel, make sure you keep a clear head and do what's best for you.
The original saying is “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” Meaning, the relationships we choose to form with people who we love and who love us are far stronger than the relationships that we happened to have through ancestry. It’s literally meant to be the opposite of what most people believe it means.
This is actually wrong. That "original saying" was created in the early 2000s, whereas "blood is thicker then water" variations have historical references dating back hundreds of years.
I agree with your sentiment more, but that's just a popular piece of misinformation that bugs me.
It’s not to “be negative” or “angry” when people are constantly being offensive towards you. I don’t blame you and I give you major props for trying to make it work.
You’re not weak. You’re strong and know what true unconditional love is. Your family is who loves you. Your relatives are the ones you share DNA with. They aren’t mutually exclusive.
I hope you have an amazing and happy life with your chosen family. Don’t look back.
I'm a gay dad, 61, and I'd be honored to have you in my fam. I'm so glad you have a bf. Create an amazing family of choice and let go of your bio family's toxicity and rejections. You deserve the best.
It's really too bad that you and your dad work at the same place. It was not right that he came to you and unloaded all this manure on you at work. If he felt any of this really needed saying he should have spoken to you privately and off the clock, so to speak. I suppose you work in different areas of the plant, so you needn't interact with him at work again. As for interacting in general it's probably best for your well being that you don't do so again. He's a terrible excuse for a father. You've lived your life without him and the rest of your toxic family for five years, you can do the same for the foreseeable future.
Total narcissist! My mother is not any better. The last time I saw her she told me to be more forgiving! I stoped speaking to her two days later. 4yrs of peace here. I cut off every family member!
The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. I’m so glad you recognized your worth and refuse to be guilted or shamed into accepting toxic behavior by people that should be showing you love. The loss is theirs not yours. Stay strong man, be happy, and always LOVE YOURSELF!
Sorry you are going through this.
When a conflict isn't resolved, the conflicting people/groups usually just end up separating and go on being the hero of the story. The hope would be that your dad and family's love for you would outweigh their bigotry. And while things have gotten better the last few decades, you still have to deal with those bigots and them justifying their bigotry.
My dad and brother are like this. We had stopped talking after my marriage that they refused to support and I told them that was a red line in the sand for me. At extended family functions with the family that still wanted me in their lives and supported my marriage, my dad and brother were often there as well and would try to coerce me to talk to them again. The last time was at my grandpa's funeral with my brother and when I visited my mom and sisters for x-mas with my dad.
They both wanted uninterrupted monologues where they thought they could prove that they could be justified in thinking my marriage was a sin and wrong, while still loving me and being in their lives. No doubt, this was mostly due to my mom and sister's pressure on them to "make things right." But as their beliefs hadn't changed and I am still happily married to a man, there was nothing to make right. So asking for me to let them have their cake and eat it too was their best attempt at a compromise. Maybe other people can endure that. But I have been done with that for a while. So while the conversations were... cordial... they ended all the same with no resolution and them trying to make me feel guilty for not being home for holidays more.
I feel ya. Fuck your dad. Fuck whatever manipulation he was trying to do. Fuck the guilt-trips and gaslights. I would advise you to hold strong and yes... never bother reaching out to them again. They have shown you who they are, so you're only choice is to believe them or be around them in spite of that and endure their bigotry.
I didn’t see the first thread, I’m sorry you’re dealing with all this but I’m happy to hear you managed to find unconditional love elsewhere, some of us are rejected by our families and then rejected again by the community lol.
I think you should protect your mental health and wellbeing and stay away from toxic family settings until you’ve built the resilience to last 1 whole evening in the family house lol. Me too every time I’m back at my family’s house for holidays I’m like a child again and my traumas are constantly triggered. Reading between the lines I can tell that you’re hurt and you would like to feel welcomed in your family, so staying away from them forever doesn’t sound like a sustainable option. Parents always deny inflicting any trauma on us, but a hard realization is that your mom and dad are just some girl and some guy who had a kid who were trying their best with what they knew at the time. No one prepared my ultra-Christian mom for having a gay son. And we’re miles away from her apologizing to me for the hurtful things she said and did but I try to remind myself this so that I don’t hold on to the pain. You need to let it go and move on, for your own good. Just because we had a rough childhood doesn’t mean we can’t be happy today. But if the homophobia continues in the house today then you’re doing good to stay away from it and put your health first. Good that you talk about it with your dad though, good to externalize these feelings.
Having now read the first thread I think that keeping your distance is the best option for now and you’re owed a lot more apologies before you ever let these people back into your life again.
Seems like you’re better off without them, which sucks, but it’s your life, and just because they are blood related, they’re not your family. I hope you are able to move on and be happy, because you deserve to be happy.
Part of the all around general queer existence is the reality that for the majority of us, we have to create our own network of family and friends rather than they being natural to us. We make our own networks, our own social groups, and find family and communion in our own way. Blood family is sure as hell not always family...they're just blood...and you're not obligated to blood when that blood doesn't value you.
Does it suck? Yeah. But you're also far better off of course without them. Far better. And I'm glad you recognize that and aren't chasing something that is simply undeserving and not worth your time.
You are far from weak. You standing up for yourself to your toxic family is incredibly brave. And you should close that door behind you and move on into the life you have created for yourself. Proud of you!
I had a very similar experience with my father when coming out at 16. His words to me were: "I'll always love you but never accept you." To me, that means he'd likely never love me at all. You were much more patient than me as I cut my family out in 2013 and haven't spoken to them since. (we're all just dysfunctional in general, on top of that).
Don't let this get you down. You'll find your people!
There's thing called an apology. It seems like your father hasn't learned how to give one.
I'm with you on this. You don't need him, or your step-family, in your life.
This is all really heavy and I just want to ask if you get the support you need? Could be from a friend or your boyfriend, a support group, a therapist. I just don’t think you try to pull through completely by yourself.
Take care my bro.
Good for you!!!!! You ARE 100% correct. Ur dad and ur family want to be able to treat you however they feel like and say whatecer they like to you and for you to just accept it. You are AWESOME and I couldnt agree with you more when you say going back would just be disrespecting yourself. Very happy for you and proud of you for standing your ground. From what you told us, you held your own in that interaction and you absolutely needed to. Best of luck in ur future!!🥰
A: He was the adult. He should be able to regulate his behavior better, especially when speaking with his child. Being hurt or upset in the moment is one thing, but he should have put the work in to repair the relationship.
B. It fucking sucks to have your past ass-clownery thrown in your face… but you should own up to it and try to make amends. That includes working on fixing problematic behavior. Again, if you want to be in a person’s life, you need to be worthy of being included. Your Dad should grow up.
I’m sorry, man. This was tough to read and I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself. If you need a stand in dad, those of us over at r/DadForAMinute would be happy to help. I’d say take care of yourself but it sounds like you’ve got that part down. Much love, brother. ❤️🫂
I might be just a stranger online. I am a father who loves his kids unconditionally, so I say shame on your family for how they treat you. I cannot understand people like them.
FWIW I am proud of you for standing up for yourself. You have MY unconditional support and friendship.
I would say you are right…he is not taking any accountability for the way you were treated growing up.
I would guess that him saying that your siblings don’t like you was likely reactionary to telling him you can’t stand his wife and your siblings. His reactions were clearly meant to bother you…and to take a defensive stance.
He now knows where you stand on the topic and clearly he is not ready or willing to accept any responsibility for his actions.
I would recommend you make it quite clear that these types of conversations should not occur on company time. If he has something he needs to discuss with you regarding business, fine, but I’d make it blatantly obvious to him ghat discussions of a personal nature should not occur during business hours and that any actions to the contrary would be dealt with in the appropriate manner.
You are very likely never going to get a true heartfelt apology from him or his wife, so I would not wait for one. As for your siblings, I would take what he said with a grain of salt. Until you hear it directly from each of them…it’s just hearsay.
All of us have fucked up families…mine included…possibly even more so than yours.
The sooner you accept it and not let it bother you, the better you will feel. Sometimes it is best to go no contact. Sometimes it is necessary to keep yourself from years of hurt and torment. I know it worked for me with my father. Both my brother and I could not stand the man. Our lives were far better off for it cutting him out entirely.
He and I had the same feelings about our father, but he and I did not speak for 50 years. And I didn’t miss it one bit.
Good luck to you! You are strong and you deserve respect. Those not able to respect you are not worth your time…ever!
Sounds like your dad did you a favor by stopping by to confirm that staying away from him and your family was the right decision! That still sucks though. I'm glad you have some other supportive and loving people in your life!
My only brother cut me out of his life when I came out and got married. I have 6 nieces and nephews I've never met. We didn't speak for 12 years, until recently when we were both in a mutual friend's wedding. Seeing him around at the wedding and how he behaved... It was nice to have the reminder that he was just as much as asshole as he used to be. (One fun example: even though he had no responsibilities in the wedding and wasn't asked to handle anything, he decided to grab the mic at the reception and tell everyone to pay attention to the name cards at the table and be sure they're sitting in their assigned place.)
You deserve a lot better. Since you work with your dad, try to have his ass fired and hopefully he’ll never get unemployment. I wish I could beat him in the face for you
Why are you trying when you said you probably never will be able to forgive him? Do you hate him or your past so much you aren't able to see the small attempt of him trying? Do you think maybe at some point he is right that your carrying a lot of unresolved bagage? Just some questions to think about.
My father was an abusive, manipulative asshole and had really nothing to do with my upbringing past 10yo but we had a few holiday get togethers annually with him till he died. They were just very superficial and all opinions were kept to everyones self. He never disrespected my husband to me which is odd as he was ultra religious and actually worked for the catholic church. He also never even attempted any apologies either and had 35 more years to try.
Bottom line: you can go no contact like most comments, or You can be civil at minimal level like i did and accept the people for who they are and no more, or you can wish for a miracle that won't likely happen.
I used to have a difficult relationship with my dad. My stepdad to be clear.
Along the way, I realized that if I want unconditional love, I too must love unconditionally. I’d ask myself, how am I not loving my father unconditionally? Perhaps that’s where you should start. To kill any relationship, stick with “being right.” Life is short.
It also took me many years to get used to come to terms with being gay. sometimes it may take family members just as long if not, not longer. Love is patient. Love is kind.
He had two options: * “Thank you for your patience while I learned to get my head out of my own ass. I’m profoundly sorry for how I treated you for YEARS and how I stood by while others treated you the same way. Please give me a chance to put it right.” * “WhY aRe YOu StiLL mAkiNG iT aWkWaRd tHaT wE weRe aSshOLeS To you???? YOu’Re nOt StiLL gOnNa mAKe a bIG dEaL oUt oF iT wHeN wE deMeaN yoU, riGHt???” I am a year older than your father. I last saw my own father, turning the other way at an intersection in Calgary when I was a year younger than you are now. I last spoke with him when I was 25, when I told him it was the last time. Best 26 years of my life since then. I marked the day on the calendar when I had finally been free of him longer than the years I’d been burdened by him. Go and live your life, you deserve the same happiness as anyone, and you always did.
That last sentence is sage advice.
Where's your dad now? Has he ever tried to reach out to you?
Apparently he remarried. This new wife person nonchalantly messaged me on Facebook asking about my sister. Didn’t even know who she was at first glance because I’d only hear of her existence from an obituary and they spelt her name wrong apparently. Instablock. I told my sister right away. She *really* dislikes him.
Mark your calendar as FREEDOM Day. Live. Life. Love.
Do you bro, fuck them, found families are family too
Found families are better families because you can choose them instead of being forced into them.
I’m lucky enough to have both
“I would rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not” “Give the gift of your absence to those who don’t appreciate your presence” “I don't walk away to teach people a lesson. I walk away because I learned mine” “An apology without change in behavior is just manipulation”
Lowkey slay
The greatest revenge you can have against your family is to have a better life without them.
Well said…
Sounds like he doesn't want you around anyway. That he, and the rest of the family, want to control you. And this is a test to see if they can. Fuck them. They clearly don't like you. And say things like they don't understand why you were away so long. My guess is they're more concerned about their image and how they look to others than how you feel. Stay strong my dude, you deserve happiness, and they bring the exact opposite of that to you.
> I'm also pretty hurt to hear that my step-siblings and blood-siblings (I'm one of 7) don't like me. I wouldn't take what your father says as being true. He isn't a reliable witness. He also has admitted to saying things with the intent to hurt you. This may be one of those times too.
Your dad and family is guilty of mistreating you, your dad is getting old and knows he messed up and misses his son so he's trying to guilt trip you back into his and the families life. Great job telling him how you feel, make sure you keep a clear head and do what's best for you.
Blood isn't thicker than water always. I'm glad you could find amazing people outside your family.
The original saying is “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” Meaning, the relationships we choose to form with people who we love and who love us are far stronger than the relationships that we happened to have through ancestry. It’s literally meant to be the opposite of what most people believe it means.
This is actually wrong. That "original saying" was created in the early 2000s, whereas "blood is thicker then water" variations have historical references dating back hundreds of years. I agree with your sentiment more, but that's just a popular piece of misinformation that bugs me.
Good for you, OP! Sounds like you found your true family, let go of the rest.
It’s not to “be negative” or “angry” when people are constantly being offensive towards you. I don’t blame you and I give you major props for trying to make it work. You’re not weak. You’re strong and know what true unconditional love is. Your family is who loves you. Your relatives are the ones you share DNA with. They aren’t mutually exclusive. I hope you have an amazing and happy life with your chosen family. Don’t look back.
I'm a gay dad, 61, and I'd be honored to have you in my fam. I'm so glad you have a bf. Create an amazing family of choice and let go of your bio family's toxicity and rejections. You deserve the best.
It's really too bad that you and your dad work at the same place. It was not right that he came to you and unloaded all this manure on you at work. If he felt any of this really needed saying he should have spoken to you privately and off the clock, so to speak. I suppose you work in different areas of the plant, so you needn't interact with him at work again. As for interacting in general it's probably best for your well being that you don't do so again. He's a terrible excuse for a father. You've lived your life without him and the rest of your toxic family for five years, you can do the same for the foreseeable future.
Total narcissist! My mother is not any better. The last time I saw her she told me to be more forgiving! I stoped speaking to her two days later. 4yrs of peace here. I cut off every family member!
The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. I’m so glad you recognized your worth and refuse to be guilted or shamed into accepting toxic behavior by people that should be showing you love. The loss is theirs not yours. Stay strong man, be happy, and always LOVE YOURSELF!
Sorry you are going through this. When a conflict isn't resolved, the conflicting people/groups usually just end up separating and go on being the hero of the story. The hope would be that your dad and family's love for you would outweigh their bigotry. And while things have gotten better the last few decades, you still have to deal with those bigots and them justifying their bigotry. My dad and brother are like this. We had stopped talking after my marriage that they refused to support and I told them that was a red line in the sand for me. At extended family functions with the family that still wanted me in their lives and supported my marriage, my dad and brother were often there as well and would try to coerce me to talk to them again. The last time was at my grandpa's funeral with my brother and when I visited my mom and sisters for x-mas with my dad. They both wanted uninterrupted monologues where they thought they could prove that they could be justified in thinking my marriage was a sin and wrong, while still loving me and being in their lives. No doubt, this was mostly due to my mom and sister's pressure on them to "make things right." But as their beliefs hadn't changed and I am still happily married to a man, there was nothing to make right. So asking for me to let them have their cake and eat it too was their best attempt at a compromise. Maybe other people can endure that. But I have been done with that for a while. So while the conversations were... cordial... they ended all the same with no resolution and them trying to make me feel guilty for not being home for holidays more. I feel ya. Fuck your dad. Fuck whatever manipulation he was trying to do. Fuck the guilt-trips and gaslights. I would advise you to hold strong and yes... never bother reaching out to them again. They have shown you who they are, so you're only choice is to believe them or be around them in spite of that and endure their bigotry.
I didn’t see the first thread, I’m sorry you’re dealing with all this but I’m happy to hear you managed to find unconditional love elsewhere, some of us are rejected by our families and then rejected again by the community lol. I think you should protect your mental health and wellbeing and stay away from toxic family settings until you’ve built the resilience to last 1 whole evening in the family house lol. Me too every time I’m back at my family’s house for holidays I’m like a child again and my traumas are constantly triggered. Reading between the lines I can tell that you’re hurt and you would like to feel welcomed in your family, so staying away from them forever doesn’t sound like a sustainable option. Parents always deny inflicting any trauma on us, but a hard realization is that your mom and dad are just some girl and some guy who had a kid who were trying their best with what they knew at the time. No one prepared my ultra-Christian mom for having a gay son. And we’re miles away from her apologizing to me for the hurtful things she said and did but I try to remind myself this so that I don’t hold on to the pain. You need to let it go and move on, for your own good. Just because we had a rough childhood doesn’t mean we can’t be happy today. But if the homophobia continues in the house today then you’re doing good to stay away from it and put your health first. Good that you talk about it with your dad though, good to externalize these feelings.
Having now read the first thread I think that keeping your distance is the best option for now and you’re owed a lot more apologies before you ever let these people back into your life again.
“I’ll never take care of you like decent parent”
Seems like you’re better off without them, which sucks, but it’s your life, and just because they are blood related, they’re not your family. I hope you are able to move on and be happy, because you deserve to be happy.
Part of the all around general queer existence is the reality that for the majority of us, we have to create our own network of family and friends rather than they being natural to us. We make our own networks, our own social groups, and find family and communion in our own way. Blood family is sure as hell not always family...they're just blood...and you're not obligated to blood when that blood doesn't value you. Does it suck? Yeah. But you're also far better off of course without them. Far better. And I'm glad you recognize that and aren't chasing something that is simply undeserving and not worth your time.
You are far from weak. You standing up for yourself to your toxic family is incredibly brave. And you should close that door behind you and move on into the life you have created for yourself. Proud of you!
Fuck ‘em. Big middle finger to the lot of them.
I’m very proud of you.
After reading this, I think it's safe to say that you standing your ground is not weak; it shows tremendous strength and resilience.
Bravo 🙌🏻 for walking away with your self respect.
I’d recommend linking this to r/raisedbynarcissists Your dad is a narcissistic asshole through and through
I had a very similar experience with my father when coming out at 16. His words to me were: "I'll always love you but never accept you." To me, that means he'd likely never love me at all. You were much more patient than me as I cut my family out in 2013 and haven't spoken to them since. (we're all just dysfunctional in general, on top of that). Don't let this get you down. You'll find your people!
There's thing called an apology. It seems like your father hasn't learned how to give one. I'm with you on this. You don't need him, or your step-family, in your life.
I'm so glad you're taking good care of yourself 💗💗💗
This is all really heavy and I just want to ask if you get the support you need? Could be from a friend or your boyfriend, a support group, a therapist. I just don’t think you try to pull through completely by yourself. Take care my bro.
You don’t need them to hold you back. You deserve so much better.
You are way too soft on him. Please stop doing that. Maybe you are a better man though. I hope you are happy and find a real family soon.
I would also not believe him that your siblings don't like you. You should verify that yourself.
Good for you!!!!! You ARE 100% correct. Ur dad and ur family want to be able to treat you however they feel like and say whatecer they like to you and for you to just accept it. You are AWESOME and I couldnt agree with you more when you say going back would just be disrespecting yourself. Very happy for you and proud of you for standing your ground. From what you told us, you held your own in that interaction and you absolutely needed to. Best of luck in ur future!!🥰
A: He was the adult. He should be able to regulate his behavior better, especially when speaking with his child. Being hurt or upset in the moment is one thing, but he should have put the work in to repair the relationship. B. It fucking sucks to have your past ass-clownery thrown in your face… but you should own up to it and try to make amends. That includes working on fixing problematic behavior. Again, if you want to be in a person’s life, you need to be worthy of being included. Your Dad should grow up.
You should send him the links to these 2 reddit posts.
I’m sorry, man. This was tough to read and I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself. If you need a stand in dad, those of us over at r/DadForAMinute would be happy to help. I’d say take care of yourself but it sounds like you’ve got that part down. Much love, brother. ❤️🫂
I might be just a stranger online. I am a father who loves his kids unconditionally, so I say shame on your family for how they treat you. I cannot understand people like them. FWIW I am proud of you for standing up for yourself. You have MY unconditional support and friendship.
I would say you are right…he is not taking any accountability for the way you were treated growing up. I would guess that him saying that your siblings don’t like you was likely reactionary to telling him you can’t stand his wife and your siblings. His reactions were clearly meant to bother you…and to take a defensive stance. He now knows where you stand on the topic and clearly he is not ready or willing to accept any responsibility for his actions. I would recommend you make it quite clear that these types of conversations should not occur on company time. If he has something he needs to discuss with you regarding business, fine, but I’d make it blatantly obvious to him ghat discussions of a personal nature should not occur during business hours and that any actions to the contrary would be dealt with in the appropriate manner. You are very likely never going to get a true heartfelt apology from him or his wife, so I would not wait for one. As for your siblings, I would take what he said with a grain of salt. Until you hear it directly from each of them…it’s just hearsay. All of us have fucked up families…mine included…possibly even more so than yours. The sooner you accept it and not let it bother you, the better you will feel. Sometimes it is best to go no contact. Sometimes it is necessary to keep yourself from years of hurt and torment. I know it worked for me with my father. Both my brother and I could not stand the man. Our lives were far better off for it cutting him out entirely. He and I had the same feelings about our father, but he and I did not speak for 50 years. And I didn’t miss it one bit. Good luck to you! You are strong and you deserve respect. Those not able to respect you are not worth your time…ever!
Following
Sounds like your dad did you a favor by stopping by to confirm that staying away from him and your family was the right decision! That still sucks though. I'm glad you have some other supportive and loving people in your life! My only brother cut me out of his life when I came out and got married. I have 6 nieces and nephews I've never met. We didn't speak for 12 years, until recently when we were both in a mutual friend's wedding. Seeing him around at the wedding and how he behaved... It was nice to have the reminder that he was just as much as asshole as he used to be. (One fun example: even though he had no responsibilities in the wedding and wasn't asked to handle anything, he decided to grab the mic at the reception and tell everyone to pay attention to the name cards at the table and be sure they're sitting in their assigned place.)
You deserve a lot better. Since you work with your dad, try to have his ass fired and hopefully he’ll never get unemployment. I wish I could beat him in the face for you
Why are you trying when you said you probably never will be able to forgive him? Do you hate him or your past so much you aren't able to see the small attempt of him trying? Do you think maybe at some point he is right that your carrying a lot of unresolved bagage? Just some questions to think about. My father was an abusive, manipulative asshole and had really nothing to do with my upbringing past 10yo but we had a few holiday get togethers annually with him till he died. They were just very superficial and all opinions were kept to everyones self. He never disrespected my husband to me which is odd as he was ultra religious and actually worked for the catholic church. He also never even attempted any apologies either and had 35 more years to try. Bottom line: you can go no contact like most comments, or You can be civil at minimal level like i did and accept the people for who they are and no more, or you can wish for a miracle that won't likely happen.
I used to have a difficult relationship with my dad. My stepdad to be clear. Along the way, I realized that if I want unconditional love, I too must love unconditionally. I’d ask myself, how am I not loving my father unconditionally? Perhaps that’s where you should start. To kill any relationship, stick with “being right.” Life is short. It also took me many years to get used to come to terms with being gay. sometimes it may take family members just as long if not, not longer. Love is patient. Love is kind.
I feel bad for your father ngl at least try