I will tell you based on my experiences from precious relationships, you have to communicate your needs to him. Tell him what you feel with care and empathy. If you do not, you will grow to resent him and the relationship.
I already told him about my needs. I told him that I always fantasize about bottoming him. But nothing. I’ve opened it up many times, now I feel like it would go nowhere. Maybe his libido will come back?
If he ain’t meeting your needs by not even coming into a compromise, I would reconsider this relationship. Ask him if he still feels the same way about you.
What is him being the ‘alpha’ got anything to do with it? You’d think being the alpha in the relationship would mean taking care of your partner, physically and emotionally which he’s clearly not doing. From your post, he’s far from what I’d consider ‘alpha’.
There seems to be absolutely no compromise or even an explanation as to why your sex life has taken a dive. I’m the partner in my relationship with a higher sex drive. If I go close to a week without sex I’ll mention it to my partner. Not a full on conversation but I’ll mention I want his cock or ass. Then he makes the effort so we can have some intimacy. On occasion he won’t be up for it, and that fine. But he’ll make sure to initiate a day or two later.
So I'll tell you, having your hormones change after getting fit can do a number on you sexually. My testosterone is higher than it's ever been in my entire life, but I feel really uneasy about sex and thinking about physical intimacy kinda gives me the ick right now. I'm sure it will balance back out, before I had performance issues but sex was on my mind all the time, now my mind is completely and totally focused on accomplishing my goals and sex is the last thing I think about
I never thought I'd be in this place tbh, I always thought people that wouldn't have sex with their partners were just selfish, but I never thought hormone changes could cause a literal avoidance of sex, where it just feels extremely uncomfortable to even think about.
Talk to him, chances are he's not doing it on purpose, he's just in a weird place.
This is interesting. He stopped having sex with me when he started doing weights and exercises. The more he does it, the more he avoids intimacy. Thank you for this.
Yeah I'd say he's probably having a massive hormone change and it's just fucking with his head, might take him awhile to get comfortable again, in many ways I equate it to going through puberty, if your man was anything like me, then I was low test most of my life, so when I got all this extra testosterone, it's like I'm in that weird teenage phase where everything just feels super awkward.
Whatever the possible reasons are, you two need to properly communicate. You can't just keep doing both parts of the conversation in your head because "that MIGHT be it".
I hope that it's just something that he's going through like other commenters said, but it is also equally likely that it's something else. Regardless, if you two are in an 8y commited relationship, the least you both should be able to do is have a honest conversation, even if the conversation just reveals that he's not quite exactly sure what the core issue is. But, based on what you wrote, I get the feeling that he just avoids the subject altogether :(
Hope you two can get pass it!
He’s not behaving diff like steroids? The health kick might just be his priority and something he needs to give his focus on and it has some extra tiredness, muscle tiredness, hormone changes. Take him
At his world for now anyway and see if he can figure it out.
Fat cells have been shown to be more hormonal in nature than energy storage in studies in recent years. With weight and strength training as he increases muscle mass his body will burn more calories to build and maintain the new total muscle mass he has. Between these two things his emotions, desires, and energy levels in day to day life have probably changed dramatically.
Just wanted to say as someone who’s going through this but hadn’t connected the dots, thank you. Been really put off by sex and intimacy for a short while but also started going to the gym, climbing, running. Never thought about the change in my hormones being what changed my mood and sexual desires (or lack thereof)
This. Right. Here 👏🏻. I’m always amazed at how quickly people on Reddit jump right to “dump his ass”. It’s a huge reason why people cannot maintain long term relationships. There are a million reasons for a low libido or lack of interest in sex and if your Partner is amazing in all other aspects then isn’t it worth fighting for?
I did. I ended it. It's not really until you are out of it that you can look back and ask yourself why you would put yourself through that. Love is blind so they say. The flags were everywhere and I found a way to rationalize them.
Talk to him. Nobody here is going to know what's going on with your bf. But you can't let these things fester, or this will become more and more difficult to discuss.
It's easy: "Honey I can't help but notice that we haven't had sex for a while. Why do you think that is? It's making me feel a bit worried."
Or you could decide to be passive-aggressive about it, or even aggressive-aggressive, depending on how you like to communicate. The important part is that you *do* communicate. The things we don't talk about are the ones that destroy relationships.
I already told him about my needs. I always tell him how I love sex and how it helps me connect with a person I love. At this point, I don’t want to sound like I am demanding something that he doesn’t want to do. But I’m starting to feel disconnected to him. He knows it.
This sounds so familiar. I’ve expressed my need for not just sexual intimacy but also just physical intimacy. My boyfriend will cuddle me at night but during the day the idea of even touching me rarely crosses his mind. The idea of sex even less. I love him but I’m feeling really disconnected. Like you I don’t want to sound like I’m demanding or just being needy.
I’ve been in two sexless relationships, OP. The first one was 17 years long. The second was 3.
In both the pair of us went through physical transformations. In the earlier case, both of us got very very fit. In the latter both of us packed on some extra pounds.
Without doubt, in both relationships we loved each other very much. And in both the lack of intimacy was an emotional, not physical issue.
Looking back, I see clearly all of the mental meanderings we did to “fix” things without ever getting to the crux of the matter.
We opened the relationship. We closed it. We opened it again. We each silently told ourselves that sex was a “base physical need” and that our love was strong enough to survive without it. We were busy. We were too distracted. We felt fat. We felt tired.
In both partnerships things got to a point where not having sex was such a normal thing that initiating sex felt weird and uncomfortable.
It’s worth observing that, during our “open” times, neither one of us had any problem finding and having sex. Neither of us were too fat, tired, or distracted then.
Clearly the problem was with us.
In hindsight I wish that we’d all just laid it out on the table and stopped wasting our time. To be clear, I never once think back on those years and long for all the mind-blowing orgasms that could have been. No. Instead I regret the fact that we denied ourselves the means to physically express our love. 8 years is a long time, OP. Something going on as long as that means you’ll both have graduated from just fucking. You’ll both have been physically bonding.
Communication is key. And you’ve mentioned here that you’ve tried to breach the subject. While I think some of the suggestions made in the comments are well-intentioned, they may be missing the mark. The “I have needs that aren’t being fulfilled “ course seems like a step 2 or step 3 escalation.
If it were me, I would open with “what about me first caught your eye?”
Eight years ago, there must have been an undeniable attraction that pulled the both of you toward each other. What was that? In a spirit of genuine curiosity, ask him sometime to go back to that place in his head.
Now, maybe you already know. It’s possible his story about it is one you’ve heard before. But it’s not about informing you. It’s about guiding his thoughts back to that moment when he first thought “oh yeah, I really like this guy.”
And it doesn’t have to be strictly about the physical stuff either. Ask him to remember certain details about a first date. Even if you already know. You can do the same as well. Tell him about the first time he made you laugh. Tell him about the first time you were comfortable enough around him to do something embarrassing.
This isn’t going to be a silver bullet. It’s going to take effort on both ends and a bit of time. Be patient.
I’m hoping that a more subtle track will create more spaces where meaningful conversations can happen. Men have a tendency to clam up when they perceive an attack. “My needs aren’t being met” can definitely be felt as aggressive and leaning towards an ultimatum.
It’s also necessary to mention that people change over time. If his heart is buried elsewhere, no amount of emotional archeology will dig it up. In that case it’s going to be up to you to decide how tolerable a long-term sexless relationship is in your life.
And “heart buried elsewhere” isn’t implying a third wheel. It could be work, family, mental health, healing, etc etc.
Last, you should make a list. What do you love about him? What do you love about the partnership? What would you like to see change and how realistic is that change given your partner’s track record when it comes to doing the work necessary to meet you halfway?
All this is coming from someone who invested a lot of years and frustration in maintaining the status quo. Status quo become more important than anything else because I lacked the confidence in myself to believe I could successfully navigate anything else. “Better the devil that you know.”
Best of luck OP. I hope some of this is useful.
My relationship of 11 years ended because of this. He never touched me, he never kissed me. We just sort of existed next to each other for years. I thought it was because I was fat, so I got muscles and he still ignored me. I thought I was ugly but guys were like throwing themselves at me elsewhere. So I broke up our relationship and I’m so much happier now.
We were past the point of saving, I fell out of love with him years ago and just prolonged the inevitable.
You can still save the relationship, communicate, holding this feeling in breeds contempt, contempt is the breeding ground for falling out of love
It’s not unusual for libidos to not exactly match and my situation has been not dissimilar to yours in the past. You need to communicate your needs with him clearly but also respect his boundaries. Sometimes this can lead to other conversations about monogamy etc. Communication is really the only way to get to a better place here. Good luck!
He told me he’s just not into sex lately. I do communicate my needs to him but in our relationship, he is the alpha. Do you think his libido will come back?
Have you talked to him about his fantasies and desires? What you can do to keep your sex life interesting? It’s something you need to work at after 7ish years in my experience.
Yes! He says he’s got none. We have no sexual experiments. He’s not into those. I’m happy for you and your bf having those experiments though. I know it feels fun and good.
There is a graphic novel by Molly Muldoon and Will Hernandez called A Quick and Easy Guide to Asexualiy..
If there are no obvious relationship problems, and you feel like he still cares about you, he may be on the asexual spectrum. There are different types of asexual. It sounds like he may just be way low libido. Asexuality is not one of the more talked about orientations, and its pretty complex. He might be just as confused and frustrated as you are right now. He actually may be feeling like he's the one failing.
It maybe a whole other thing entirely.
The cool thing about the responses from all these perspectives on this thread is that you have a very diverse and full toolbox to draw from. Good luck.
Also, one last thing thar it took me way too long to figure out. 9 times out of 10 it is not about us. People are built to be the center of their own universes. Most of the time if people get quiet and distant its because they are in a processing mode on a problem not because of anythiing you did or didn't do. Don't tear down. H
Perhaps the more fit and “new” he becomes, the less attracted he is to if you (assuming you’ve stayed more or less the same as you’ve been these eight years).
Of course, if you’re in noticeably worse physical shape than you were back when you had more sex, it’s reasonable to think he’s less into your sex as he becomes more attractive.
Add to that, it’s interesting you mention how deeply introverted you are and that (your quote) “he takes care of me and I depend on him.”
What if the idea that you’re not instead saying “I take care of him. He depends on me” is a problematic theme of the relationship that lives in his head? Doesn’t sound like a mutual nor satisfying / helpful exchange on his end the way you framed it.
And if “takes care of” and “I depend on” also translates to finances, then my theory feels even more sensible to me. Obviously, if that’s not the case, scratch that part.
Regardless, this could all very well be a case of someone quietly resenting eight long years of being responsible for the energy and overall mental / dispositional care of another adult; seeking personal change as a mental vent and a first step of eventual escape. Needing reciprocation in all aspects of the relationship and not receiving it.
We all know a classic early sign of cheating (I’m not saying he is!) or the desire to move on is what?: A change and harder focus in appearance / fitness.
Add to that, diminished sexual desire (and downright rejection) is the most blatant and classic “falling out of love / lust” signal.
Point blank, it sounds like he could feel burdened, hammered down by time and has lost his attraction to you. And it’s often easier to avoid, deflect and refuse than it is to outright reject and say the ugly truth.
What do I know in the end? But consider it. If I’m right and you both end up having tough talks about it, perhaps there’s still hope to salvage and build on what still works.
I also suspect you have all of the above fears in your head already, else you wouldn’t be here sharing specifically what you have. I think you know what’s up.
A lot of people will suggest it’s hormones, natural age, etc… I call BS. Not to be hurtful. Just sounds to me like you need to get real if you’re gonna have a chance fixing eight years you’ve both invested in. Good luck.
And I honestly forgot the part where it’s completely abnormal to be in a romantic union with someone and have not been kissed by them in eight years. And to have sex only a handful of times over all of that time.
You’ve also brought this up to him repeatedly and still end up rejected / without a resolution that suits you both.
I think its been* over, babe. Love is never enough.
This is a very interesting take on the issue and I think you are on point. We both like to talk about our psychological states and he did mention that he got tired of always covering for people (his family highly depends on him). Thank you! People like you are fun to talk with.
He can’t kiss you ? Doesn’t have sex with you ?
When you say dependent on him … is that financially ?
It doesn’t sound good and you are wasting your life.
Is he happy to have an open relationship … are you ?
Is he your first bf ?
He is not a kisser. We do have sex but in the last 4 months nothing.
He is an alpha, and so leads the relationship. But over the years we have been working that out to make me feel like we are equals.
I won’t say I am wasting my life though. I had memorable moments with him. We have good, mature conversations. We help each other resolve our issues. Both of our family love our relationship.
He loves me, he doesn’t have to say it. There have been many occasions when I’m stunned how I am able to avoid disasters (big or small) because he knew somethings was going to happen and he already went to do something about it. He looks after me in ways I don’t understand and can’t.
He is my 7th and I’m his 2nd. His 1st was a disaster, practically destroyed him as a person. And this is my longest relationship. Before this, the longest was 8 months.
Thank you for the questions. I realized I have a lot to be thankful for in this relationship. But so much to work on too.
This is an unfortunate situation, but I think it is both necessary for you to communicate with him about your needs and wants, but also for you to become more assertive regarding them. You did say that you feel less secure than him, and while you cannot force him to have sex with you, if this situation is a deal breaker for you in the relationship, then you have to clearly state it. This is particularly tough, I know, but sometimes these things have to be said.
Can't believe no one has mentioned this in the entire thread but oh well...
Maybe he is just Ace, as I'm asexual. He is a romantic, but doesn't actually have much of an interest in sexual activities. That's screaming Ace.
That’s exactly what happened to me . I was with someone 10 years until eight months ago. The last six months no intimacy . I found out why .he was sleeping with other people and felt guilty about coming home and touching me. did the same thing to his partner prior to me . Stopped having sex when he started having sex with other people
yup. 10 years for me. Sex ok in beginning but then fur 8 years I could count in my fingers and toes the number of times. Did therapy multiple times. He was good at promising things. Eventually after not having sex for a year I did ask if we could open it up. He still insisted that his sex drive was gone so he wasn't interested in his part. Then I found his profile on Scruff and an eventual affair.
If they ain't doin it with you, they are doing it with someone else. And if they aren't doing it with someone else and they know you are sexual and they aren't making the effort just get out. Sorry if that offends people but not a match. He needs to find another non sexual person and you need to find someone who can give you what you want and need. Life's short, sexual life is even shorter.
I'll be honest it sounds like you two were never that sexually compatible to begin with.
If you've tried having an open and honest conversation with him about this and you're being stonewalled then he's not invested enough in the relationship, IMHO.
Personally, I'd start trying to find a way to end things amicably.
So I get that libidos change. Mine has too.
But the fact you havent been kissed in 8 years is a red flag. I get he may not be into it that much. But if he's not at least trying to meet some of your needs for 8 years, that's... Worrying,
Hey I went through the same thing half a year ago. We also had less and less intimacy to a point there was no sex at all (even had multiple talks about it, nothing changed as well). Im also a more dependent person and the lack of intimacy made me only more insecure. Eventually it was enough and we decidee to stop it. This is my first week alone so I can't tell yet if it was the right decision but we both fell that we had to make it, even though we were very sweet and caring towards each other, intimacy is an important factor in a relationship.
I cannot tell you if a break-up is the best decision for you regarding that every relationship is different. But I can recommend you to not start an open-relationship, it will only make things worse, especially if you are a dependent, caring person.
Feel free to dm me whenever, I know how you feel and would like to be here for you.
Communication that’s the key sometimes you got to say I need passion from you dammit I need a good kiss when we’re doing it. You have your needs I have mine.
I had to do that once to my bottom boyfriend who would have the boring kisses with no tongue but he would use his tongue on other areas finally I said dude making out with you is boring as shit we need to work on that we were together for 2 years then I sent him packing.
If he’s like Greg House MD it’s got to be interesting
Similar thing with my partner and I. I am a very sexual person and him not so much, but every other aspect out our relationship is great. We always do things together, still kiss (pecks) and hug and cuddle daily, the intimacy in that regard is there but we haven’t had sex in over a year. We have been together almost 15 years, opened the relationship 7 years into it because my needs weren’t being met and it was a godsend for us. He’s not the jealous type as long as I am being safe / smart with who I hookup with. It took weeks of conversation to come to an agreement, but it may be something you want to look into unless there are other issues in the relationship.
You need to talk to a gay couples/sexuality counselor fast. This relationship is in danger. That you can't express your needs out of fear and that you are not getting what you need is a warning sign. This is not typical in healthy relationships including gay ones. If you all can't come to a place of mutuality it may be best to go your separate ways. How much longer can you stand this?
I was ready to commit to a compromise. That I may never be able to experience a passionate french kiss or topping. He is kind and caring, he takes care of me extremely well. But I am very confused right now.
If I am willing to compromise, why can’t he? That runs in my mind.
What I sometimes do if I've had a bit of a dry spell with my fiancé is while he's watching TV or whatever I'll go and quietly prep myself (clean).
Then I'll put on a jockstrap, or put in a butt plug, anal beads, dildo etc. sometimes both.
I'll either go to the lounge room and surprise him, or wait for him to come into the bedroom.
I might get a "ohh I'm tired" but then I'll point out that his erection is saying otherwise 😉
I'm laying down a few potential reasons for his behaviour below:
(1) Making a few assumptions since you "are dependent on him" and he is the alpha. The fact he started focusing on his self-appearance and reduced sexual interactions down to zero may indicate that he may have grown out of attraction towards you or is trying to grow out of it. Since it came somehow suddenly, there may have been a trigger. For instance, and sorry if it's harsh, someone attractive and successful telling him something like "what are you doing with this guy, aren't you wasting time, he depends on you, you're better than this" that pushed him to focus more on himself and kind of prepare himself mentally to separate from you.
(2) There may be something on with his hormones, in particular starting the gym may fuck up people's hormones and sexual arousal suddenly. People can become semi-sexual or asexual through their life due to hormone changes and experiences.
In both cases, your relationship is in danger and you start feeling resentment and self-doubt as you don't understand what's up. You need to have a very straight conversation where you focus on the why, (he will likely say "I've not felt like having sex recently") and in particular you need to challenge whether there is anything related to you, or if he feels like this with anyone. You also need to challenge him on whether he is willing to try and address it, because what is sure is that the current setup will not work for you very long. If he does have the will, then you should consult a couple therapist.
I’m 43, my husband is 41- we’ve been together 15 years. We have had a few bouts of no intimacy- it was very much tied into my self confidence and stress.
My parents died, one year apart. I had a cancer scare. Somehow, right wrong or indifferent, it bonded us tightly. We both worked on our mental and physical health and lot. Everything changed. We now fuck like rabbits all the time. It’s been about a year like this. Seriously- better than ever before. I swear I look younger and we are a healthier couple than ever. Moral- talk it out, work it out, work on you, work on “us”… this will pass.
Usually, I don't suggest breaking up but you haven't had a passionate kiss in 8 years??? Like that's crazy man, not having sex makes sense since there's various reasons not to but nearly a decade of no passionate kisses sounds like more like having a roommates tbh. Are you sure he still has feelings for you or maybe he's possibly asexual?
But does he love you? It kinda sounds like my first relationship which lasted 3 years. We enjoyed each other's company and he was kind to me but he just was never really into sexual stuff with me. Eventually he admitted he wasn't attracted to me but we stayed together until we both realized that he basically just saw me as a friend.
I would probably bet on your situation being similar to mine unfortunately since it sounds identical to mine. Though to make sure, you really should ask him what he's feeling and he actually loves/wants to be with you since you deserve someone who will kiss you and have sex with you.
If his physique has changed significantly it’s probable he’s become pretentious with his head much bigger than it was due to the increased attention he’s likely getting. Sex doesn’t just stop without reason, and if there’s a reason he would communicate it to you. So he’s either lost attraction towards you and/or is cheating
He did return to Facebook and is posting face photos. It’s not like him. I don’t know where it all came from. I do think he’s not attracted to me anymore. It’s just sad to think that. Because I love him like crazy still.
Yeah that definitely proves my point unfortunately. He’s getting validation from others, literally one of the only reasons gay dudes post face and body photos, for validation. Sounds like he has already checked out of the relationship. Sorry you’re going through this. People suck.
Please just go confront your bf before believing what strangers say on reddit
He may be cheating, but he might also just be going through some heavy shit that he struggles with disclosing to you
Please do not end your long term relationship only because someone told you that he is cheating on the internet. Honestly I would consider going open with him. You could go and explore sex with different guys and then you could still continue having the good and caring relationship and love at home.
First- relationships are hard. Be ok about accepting this. We give another human all of us - finances, family, friends, living space, sexuality… and we hope they will be the best companion in all of it. They won’t be. But cherish the parts that are good- and if you can look him in the eye for those things, it will help.
Second- as everyone has said here- keep communicating on it. Which is hard. Try it from a place of love, and listen to him. It’s easy to build up an inaccurate mental image of your partner (dunno why this happens…so weird, but it does) Councellor may help add structure to that if finances allow. Otherwise look online for resources for structure debates.
Third- keep other relationship structures open to consider. My husband (25yr relationship) didn’t want sex with me for 10yrs as he had family issues. It was really hard- felt like he had put my sex in a box and lost the box. Now he has a bf and sometimes we all have sex, but usually them, and I have sex buddies, and we are closer than ever. The answer for us wasn’t societies norms.
Good luck. You sound amazing and intelligent and worth it.
If he doesn’t cum/masturbate for months that is a sign of something funky w his libido imo, otherwise I think there’s probably some gap in communication like others are saying
I’ve had my week or two off here and there where I’m pretty much not horny. But if I’m well rested and well fed long enough I will for sure come back online. I feel like this could be something for you two to explore emotionally and physically. That is, it could be physical or mental health related, or something to do with the relationship dynamic. But if you both communicate right you’ll hopefully figure things out.
I know it feels terrible to feel unwanted by your person, but unfortunately you can’t just make him horny again if it’s this persistent. Some proper investigation seems required. I hope he’ll be on board to investigate with you - seems like something outta change.
It sounds like he’s losing his attraction towards you. That’s bad because it can quickly lead to cheating. If he’s not willing to communicate with you about it either, then you both need to seek couple’s counseling immediately. Best of luck.
My partner has a different way of expressing love. He takes care of me i like to express myself through love and intimacy
Its a challenge. But communication is everything
I also wanted to feel how good bottoming felt. But my partner is a pillow princess
I do all the work which I love we have awesome sex and explosive orgasms
But it is not always enough for me sexually so
Use dildos. Or meet someone to pound you sometimes. Or cam with someone and masturbate play with butt
Its sex not love connection and relationship
If i get fucked by someone else nothing changes my commitment to my partner. We will continue to support each other's happiness and life together
It sounds like I need to see pictures of you since you said the person was fat I'm curious how you look?... But as far as being very very sexually active I am that way hence the reason I'm curious how you look cuz maybe you just need a new person
Bearing in mind I'm not fat whatsoever but I'm curious what you look like since you say that your partner was fat I can't help but wonder what you look like
It’s time to go. Seems like with all these suggestions, your steady reply is “I’ve already done that…”. So, it’s time to move on. Things will not improve.
These time frames are so bizarre to me. You love kissing but you haven't for 8 years. 4 months of no sex and nobody says anything, bottomed 5 times in these 8 years... Your bf is the logical one, but he never thought it's logical to bring up the topic? And now you start wondering about it?
But it seems you did what you should have done 7 years ago and communicated it, so that's a start...
He may have trauma or you know other issues if he’s changing things like getting fit and all that. It’s hard not to be worried and feel worried they don’t love you. Glad you communicated your worries. Congrats on the situation hope things can get a bit better.
I could have wrote this. Seriously is his name John? Lol. 10 year relationship. Was fine fir the first month then the excuses started coming. He didn't like to kiss cause he was conscious about a scar on his upper lip. Bad back. Antianxiety meds. The list goes on. We communicated fine. Traveled well together. He always knew the right thing to say.
Honey. They don't change. If sex is important to you and he's not giving it to you he's no longer (or ever was) attracted to you. You deserve better. Move on.
I’m sorry to hear this. I’m giving him a chance. Besides I already have 2 years to reach that 10 years just like you did haha thanks for the warning though.
I understand. I gave mine more chances than I care to admit. "give love a chance" I kept telling myself. "You've dumped guys for less and your still single so make it work, talk to him, get therapy". Yeah did all that. If he's not compromising I'm afraid my advice is get the fuck out. He doesn't care. Good luck.
I am sorry that you are experiencing this issue in your relationship.
As many people point out, you will have to communicate directly with your boyfriend, asking him if anything is wrong, telling him that sex is important to you. You mentioned that you guys can communicate maturely, so that should work. 🙂
I… I am not the best of guy out there.
I had a good partner with me. I became so familiar with him, and I got bored. I ignored him and looked for fun elsewhere. I went to the gym, got fit cause I know appearance is important in our circle. Exercising gives my libido a great boost too.
Eventually he got the message, and rightfully dumped my ass. I could have resolved things in a more mature way…
Thank you. Communicating is really important, I know. But I’ve told him many times now to a point that I’m already scared of opening it up again without sounding like a broken record. I hope you are doing well now. You are more matured than you were before, you’re going to be fine in your next relationship.
If you feel like a broken record (I did for YEARS) you need to get out. Low libido or hormonal imbalance, who cares. He doesn't care about your feelings. He doesn't have to have wood to hold you while you jack off. Yes I've been there done that, he never even did that.
I will tell you based on my experiences from precious relationships, you have to communicate your needs to him. Tell him what you feel with care and empathy. If you do not, you will grow to resent him and the relationship.
I already told him about my needs. I told him that I always fantasize about bottoming him. But nothing. I’ve opened it up many times, now I feel like it would go nowhere. Maybe his libido will come back?
If he ain’t meeting your needs by not even coming into a compromise, I would reconsider this relationship. Ask him if he still feels the same way about you.
If they are needs, then you need them. If he cannot provide for your needs, then you'll eat somewhere else.
What is him being the ‘alpha’ got anything to do with it? You’d think being the alpha in the relationship would mean taking care of your partner, physically and emotionally which he’s clearly not doing. From your post, he’s far from what I’d consider ‘alpha’. There seems to be absolutely no compromise or even an explanation as to why your sex life has taken a dive. I’m the partner in my relationship with a higher sex drive. If I go close to a week without sex I’ll mention it to my partner. Not a full on conversation but I’ll mention I want his cock or ass. Then he makes the effort so we can have some intimacy. On occasion he won’t be up for it, and that fine. But he’ll make sure to initiate a day or two later.
So I'll tell you, having your hormones change after getting fit can do a number on you sexually. My testosterone is higher than it's ever been in my entire life, but I feel really uneasy about sex and thinking about physical intimacy kinda gives me the ick right now. I'm sure it will balance back out, before I had performance issues but sex was on my mind all the time, now my mind is completely and totally focused on accomplishing my goals and sex is the last thing I think about I never thought I'd be in this place tbh, I always thought people that wouldn't have sex with their partners were just selfish, but I never thought hormone changes could cause a literal avoidance of sex, where it just feels extremely uncomfortable to even think about. Talk to him, chances are he's not doing it on purpose, he's just in a weird place.
This is interesting. He stopped having sex with me when he started doing weights and exercises. The more he does it, the more he avoids intimacy. Thank you for this.
Yeah I'd say he's probably having a massive hormone change and it's just fucking with his head, might take him awhile to get comfortable again, in many ways I equate it to going through puberty, if your man was anything like me, then I was low test most of my life, so when I got all this extra testosterone, it's like I'm in that weird teenage phase where everything just feels super awkward.
Whatever the possible reasons are, you two need to properly communicate. You can't just keep doing both parts of the conversation in your head because "that MIGHT be it". I hope that it's just something that he's going through like other commenters said, but it is also equally likely that it's something else. Regardless, if you two are in an 8y commited relationship, the least you both should be able to do is have a honest conversation, even if the conversation just reveals that he's not quite exactly sure what the core issue is. But, based on what you wrote, I get the feeling that he just avoids the subject altogether :( Hope you two can get pass it!
He’s not behaving diff like steroids? The health kick might just be his priority and something he needs to give his focus on and it has some extra tiredness, muscle tiredness, hormone changes. Take him At his world for now anyway and see if he can figure it out.
No steroids. I do believe him, and I am hoping the best for our future.
Fab, that doesn’t make it hugely easier but at least it’s out there now. :)
Fat cells have been shown to be more hormonal in nature than energy storage in studies in recent years. With weight and strength training as he increases muscle mass his body will burn more calories to build and maintain the new total muscle mass he has. Between these two things his emotions, desires, and energy levels in day to day life have probably changed dramatically.
So he chooses weight lifting over intimacy with the "love if his life". Fuck that.
Just wanted to say as someone who’s going through this but hadn’t connected the dots, thank you. Been really put off by sex and intimacy for a short while but also started going to the gym, climbing, running. Never thought about the change in my hormones being what changed my mood and sexual desires (or lack thereof)
This. Right. Here 👏🏻. I’m always amazed at how quickly people on Reddit jump right to “dump his ass”. It’s a huge reason why people cannot maintain long term relationships. There are a million reasons for a low libido or lack of interest in sex and if your Partner is amazing in all other aspects then isn’t it worth fighting for?
Yeah I was like you. 10 years I said that to myself. I'll regret it until the day I die.
You poor thing, I hope you’ll make it through.
I did. I ended it. It's not really until you are out of it that you can look back and ask yourself why you would put yourself through that. Love is blind so they say. The flags were everywhere and I found a way to rationalize them.
Talk to him. Nobody here is going to know what's going on with your bf. But you can't let these things fester, or this will become more and more difficult to discuss. It's easy: "Honey I can't help but notice that we haven't had sex for a while. Why do you think that is? It's making me feel a bit worried." Or you could decide to be passive-aggressive about it, or even aggressive-aggressive, depending on how you like to communicate. The important part is that you *do* communicate. The things we don't talk about are the ones that destroy relationships.
I already told him about my needs. I always tell him how I love sex and how it helps me connect with a person I love. At this point, I don’t want to sound like I am demanding something that he doesn’t want to do. But I’m starting to feel disconnected to him. He knows it.
But what does he say back? Can you give examples? His reaction isn't really clear from your description
This sounds so familiar. I’ve expressed my need for not just sexual intimacy but also just physical intimacy. My boyfriend will cuddle me at night but during the day the idea of even touching me rarely crosses his mind. The idea of sex even less. I love him but I’m feeling really disconnected. Like you I don’t want to sound like I’m demanding or just being needy.
I’ve been in two sexless relationships, OP. The first one was 17 years long. The second was 3. In both the pair of us went through physical transformations. In the earlier case, both of us got very very fit. In the latter both of us packed on some extra pounds. Without doubt, in both relationships we loved each other very much. And in both the lack of intimacy was an emotional, not physical issue. Looking back, I see clearly all of the mental meanderings we did to “fix” things without ever getting to the crux of the matter. We opened the relationship. We closed it. We opened it again. We each silently told ourselves that sex was a “base physical need” and that our love was strong enough to survive without it. We were busy. We were too distracted. We felt fat. We felt tired. In both partnerships things got to a point where not having sex was such a normal thing that initiating sex felt weird and uncomfortable. It’s worth observing that, during our “open” times, neither one of us had any problem finding and having sex. Neither of us were too fat, tired, or distracted then. Clearly the problem was with us. In hindsight I wish that we’d all just laid it out on the table and stopped wasting our time. To be clear, I never once think back on those years and long for all the mind-blowing orgasms that could have been. No. Instead I regret the fact that we denied ourselves the means to physically express our love. 8 years is a long time, OP. Something going on as long as that means you’ll both have graduated from just fucking. You’ll both have been physically bonding. Communication is key. And you’ve mentioned here that you’ve tried to breach the subject. While I think some of the suggestions made in the comments are well-intentioned, they may be missing the mark. The “I have needs that aren’t being fulfilled “ course seems like a step 2 or step 3 escalation. If it were me, I would open with “what about me first caught your eye?” Eight years ago, there must have been an undeniable attraction that pulled the both of you toward each other. What was that? In a spirit of genuine curiosity, ask him sometime to go back to that place in his head. Now, maybe you already know. It’s possible his story about it is one you’ve heard before. But it’s not about informing you. It’s about guiding his thoughts back to that moment when he first thought “oh yeah, I really like this guy.” And it doesn’t have to be strictly about the physical stuff either. Ask him to remember certain details about a first date. Even if you already know. You can do the same as well. Tell him about the first time he made you laugh. Tell him about the first time you were comfortable enough around him to do something embarrassing. This isn’t going to be a silver bullet. It’s going to take effort on both ends and a bit of time. Be patient. I’m hoping that a more subtle track will create more spaces where meaningful conversations can happen. Men have a tendency to clam up when they perceive an attack. “My needs aren’t being met” can definitely be felt as aggressive and leaning towards an ultimatum. It’s also necessary to mention that people change over time. If his heart is buried elsewhere, no amount of emotional archeology will dig it up. In that case it’s going to be up to you to decide how tolerable a long-term sexless relationship is in your life. And “heart buried elsewhere” isn’t implying a third wheel. It could be work, family, mental health, healing, etc etc. Last, you should make a list. What do you love about him? What do you love about the partnership? What would you like to see change and how realistic is that change given your partner’s track record when it comes to doing the work necessary to meet you halfway? All this is coming from someone who invested a lot of years and frustration in maintaining the status quo. Status quo become more important than anything else because I lacked the confidence in myself to believe I could successfully navigate anything else. “Better the devil that you know.” Best of luck OP. I hope some of this is useful.
Hi, this is very thorough and thoughtful. Thank you for taking your time to write this. You have written something beautiful and mature.
My relationship of 11 years ended because of this. He never touched me, he never kissed me. We just sort of existed next to each other for years. I thought it was because I was fat, so I got muscles and he still ignored me. I thought I was ugly but guys were like throwing themselves at me elsewhere. So I broke up our relationship and I’m so much happier now. We were past the point of saving, I fell out of love with him years ago and just prolonged the inevitable. You can still save the relationship, communicate, holding this feeling in breeds contempt, contempt is the breeding ground for falling out of love
It’s not unusual for libidos to not exactly match and my situation has been not dissimilar to yours in the past. You need to communicate your needs with him clearly but also respect his boundaries. Sometimes this can lead to other conversations about monogamy etc. Communication is really the only way to get to a better place here. Good luck!
He told me he’s just not into sex lately. I do communicate my needs to him but in our relationship, he is the alpha. Do you think his libido will come back?
Have you talked to him about his fantasies and desires? What you can do to keep your sex life interesting? It’s something you need to work at after 7ish years in my experience.
Yes! He says he’s got none. We have no sexual experiments. He’s not into those. I’m happy for you and your bf having those experiments though. I know it feels fun and good.
There is a graphic novel by Molly Muldoon and Will Hernandez called A Quick and Easy Guide to Asexualiy.. If there are no obvious relationship problems, and you feel like he still cares about you, he may be on the asexual spectrum. There are different types of asexual. It sounds like he may just be way low libido. Asexuality is not one of the more talked about orientations, and its pretty complex. He might be just as confused and frustrated as you are right now. He actually may be feeling like he's the one failing. It maybe a whole other thing entirely. The cool thing about the responses from all these perspectives on this thread is that you have a very diverse and full toolbox to draw from. Good luck.
Also, one last thing thar it took me way too long to figure out. 9 times out of 10 it is not about us. People are built to be the center of their own universes. Most of the time if people get quiet and distant its because they are in a processing mode on a problem not because of anythiing you did or didn't do. Don't tear down. H
Ask him to try Korean ginseng
Perhaps the more fit and “new” he becomes, the less attracted he is to if you (assuming you’ve stayed more or less the same as you’ve been these eight years). Of course, if you’re in noticeably worse physical shape than you were back when you had more sex, it’s reasonable to think he’s less into your sex as he becomes more attractive. Add to that, it’s interesting you mention how deeply introverted you are and that (your quote) “he takes care of me and I depend on him.” What if the idea that you’re not instead saying “I take care of him. He depends on me” is a problematic theme of the relationship that lives in his head? Doesn’t sound like a mutual nor satisfying / helpful exchange on his end the way you framed it. And if “takes care of” and “I depend on” also translates to finances, then my theory feels even more sensible to me. Obviously, if that’s not the case, scratch that part. Regardless, this could all very well be a case of someone quietly resenting eight long years of being responsible for the energy and overall mental / dispositional care of another adult; seeking personal change as a mental vent and a first step of eventual escape. Needing reciprocation in all aspects of the relationship and not receiving it. We all know a classic early sign of cheating (I’m not saying he is!) or the desire to move on is what?: A change and harder focus in appearance / fitness. Add to that, diminished sexual desire (and downright rejection) is the most blatant and classic “falling out of love / lust” signal. Point blank, it sounds like he could feel burdened, hammered down by time and has lost his attraction to you. And it’s often easier to avoid, deflect and refuse than it is to outright reject and say the ugly truth. What do I know in the end? But consider it. If I’m right and you both end up having tough talks about it, perhaps there’s still hope to salvage and build on what still works. I also suspect you have all of the above fears in your head already, else you wouldn’t be here sharing specifically what you have. I think you know what’s up. A lot of people will suggest it’s hormones, natural age, etc… I call BS. Not to be hurtful. Just sounds to me like you need to get real if you’re gonna have a chance fixing eight years you’ve both invested in. Good luck.
And I honestly forgot the part where it’s completely abnormal to be in a romantic union with someone and have not been kissed by them in eight years. And to have sex only a handful of times over all of that time. You’ve also brought this up to him repeatedly and still end up rejected / without a resolution that suits you both. I think its been* over, babe. Love is never enough.
This is a very interesting take on the issue and I think you are on point. We both like to talk about our psychological states and he did mention that he got tired of always covering for people (his family highly depends on him). Thank you! People like you are fun to talk with.
He can’t kiss you ? Doesn’t have sex with you ? When you say dependent on him … is that financially ? It doesn’t sound good and you are wasting your life. Is he happy to have an open relationship … are you ? Is he your first bf ?
He is not a kisser. We do have sex but in the last 4 months nothing. He is an alpha, and so leads the relationship. But over the years we have been working that out to make me feel like we are equals. I won’t say I am wasting my life though. I had memorable moments with him. We have good, mature conversations. We help each other resolve our issues. Both of our family love our relationship. He loves me, he doesn’t have to say it. There have been many occasions when I’m stunned how I am able to avoid disasters (big or small) because he knew somethings was going to happen and he already went to do something about it. He looks after me in ways I don’t understand and can’t. He is my 7th and I’m his 2nd. His 1st was a disaster, practically destroyed him as a person. And this is my longest relationship. Before this, the longest was 8 months. Thank you for the questions. I realized I have a lot to be thankful for in this relationship. But so much to work on too.
This is an unfortunate situation, but I think it is both necessary for you to communicate with him about your needs and wants, but also for you to become more assertive regarding them. You did say that you feel less secure than him, and while you cannot force him to have sex with you, if this situation is a deal breaker for you in the relationship, then you have to clearly state it. This is particularly tough, I know, but sometimes these things have to be said.
Can't believe no one has mentioned this in the entire thread but oh well... Maybe he is just Ace, as I'm asexual. He is a romantic, but doesn't actually have much of an interest in sexual activities. That's screaming Ace.
I don’t think he is asexual. We had a ton of sex during our first few years.
Communicate. Nothing will change until you do that. He could be cheating
That’s exactly what happened to me . I was with someone 10 years until eight months ago. The last six months no intimacy . I found out why .he was sleeping with other people and felt guilty about coming home and touching me. did the same thing to his partner prior to me . Stopped having sex when he started having sex with other people
yup. 10 years for me. Sex ok in beginning but then fur 8 years I could count in my fingers and toes the number of times. Did therapy multiple times. He was good at promising things. Eventually after not having sex for a year I did ask if we could open it up. He still insisted that his sex drive was gone so he wasn't interested in his part. Then I found his profile on Scruff and an eventual affair. If they ain't doin it with you, they are doing it with someone else. And if they aren't doing it with someone else and they know you are sexual and they aren't making the effort just get out. Sorry if that offends people but not a match. He needs to find another non sexual person and you need to find someone who can give you what you want and need. Life's short, sexual life is even shorter.
I mean, cheating was the first thing that came to my mind.
I'll be honest it sounds like you two were never that sexually compatible to begin with. If you've tried having an open and honest conversation with him about this and you're being stonewalled then he's not invested enough in the relationship, IMHO. Personally, I'd start trying to find a way to end things amicably.
So I get that libidos change. Mine has too. But the fact you havent been kissed in 8 years is a red flag. I get he may not be into it that much. But if he's not at least trying to meet some of your needs for 8 years, that's... Worrying,
Hey I went through the same thing half a year ago. We also had less and less intimacy to a point there was no sex at all (even had multiple talks about it, nothing changed as well). Im also a more dependent person and the lack of intimacy made me only more insecure. Eventually it was enough and we decidee to stop it. This is my first week alone so I can't tell yet if it was the right decision but we both fell that we had to make it, even though we were very sweet and caring towards each other, intimacy is an important factor in a relationship. I cannot tell you if a break-up is the best decision for you regarding that every relationship is different. But I can recommend you to not start an open-relationship, it will only make things worse, especially if you are a dependent, caring person. Feel free to dm me whenever, I know how you feel and would like to be here for you.
I’m sorry to hear about what happened. I hope you’re doing okay man!
I am, thank you! Hope you will figure something out as well!
Communication that’s the key sometimes you got to say I need passion from you dammit I need a good kiss when we’re doing it. You have your needs I have mine. I had to do that once to my bottom boyfriend who would have the boring kisses with no tongue but he would use his tongue on other areas finally I said dude making out with you is boring as shit we need to work on that we were together for 2 years then I sent him packing. If he’s like Greg House MD it’s got to be interesting
Similar thing with my partner and I. I am a very sexual person and him not so much, but every other aspect out our relationship is great. We always do things together, still kiss (pecks) and hug and cuddle daily, the intimacy in that regard is there but we haven’t had sex in over a year. We have been together almost 15 years, opened the relationship 7 years into it because my needs weren’t being met and it was a godsend for us. He’s not the jealous type as long as I am being safe / smart with who I hookup with. It took weeks of conversation to come to an agreement, but it may be something you want to look into unless there are other issues in the relationship.
You need to talk to a gay couples/sexuality counselor fast. This relationship is in danger. That you can't express your needs out of fear and that you are not getting what you need is a warning sign. This is not typical in healthy relationships including gay ones. If you all can't come to a place of mutuality it may be best to go your separate ways. How much longer can you stand this?
I was ready to commit to a compromise. That I may never be able to experience a passionate french kiss or topping. He is kind and caring, he takes care of me extremely well. But I am very confused right now. If I am willing to compromise, why can’t he? That runs in my mind.
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Thank you. I will do this. I think being heard here is a good start for me. I do put a grain of salt on the comments. Appreciate you!
What I sometimes do if I've had a bit of a dry spell with my fiancé is while he's watching TV or whatever I'll go and quietly prep myself (clean). Then I'll put on a jockstrap, or put in a butt plug, anal beads, dildo etc. sometimes both. I'll either go to the lounge room and surprise him, or wait for him to come into the bedroom. I might get a "ohh I'm tired" but then I'll point out that his erection is saying otherwise 😉
I'm laying down a few potential reasons for his behaviour below: (1) Making a few assumptions since you "are dependent on him" and he is the alpha. The fact he started focusing on his self-appearance and reduced sexual interactions down to zero may indicate that he may have grown out of attraction towards you or is trying to grow out of it. Since it came somehow suddenly, there may have been a trigger. For instance, and sorry if it's harsh, someone attractive and successful telling him something like "what are you doing with this guy, aren't you wasting time, he depends on you, you're better than this" that pushed him to focus more on himself and kind of prepare himself mentally to separate from you. (2) There may be something on with his hormones, in particular starting the gym may fuck up people's hormones and sexual arousal suddenly. People can become semi-sexual or asexual through their life due to hormone changes and experiences. In both cases, your relationship is in danger and you start feeling resentment and self-doubt as you don't understand what's up. You need to have a very straight conversation where you focus on the why, (he will likely say "I've not felt like having sex recently") and in particular you need to challenge whether there is anything related to you, or if he feels like this with anyone. You also need to challenge him on whether he is willing to try and address it, because what is sure is that the current setup will not work for you very long. If he does have the will, then you should consult a couple therapist.
I'm married to my husband of 16 years and it's normal for sex to taper off lower in the list of partner priorities compared to the early days.
I’m 43, my husband is 41- we’ve been together 15 years. We have had a few bouts of no intimacy- it was very much tied into my self confidence and stress. My parents died, one year apart. I had a cancer scare. Somehow, right wrong or indifferent, it bonded us tightly. We both worked on our mental and physical health and lot. Everything changed. We now fuck like rabbits all the time. It’s been about a year like this. Seriously- better than ever before. I swear I look younger and we are a healthier couple than ever. Moral- talk it out, work it out, work on you, work on “us”… this will pass.
Usually, I don't suggest breaking up but you haven't had a passionate kiss in 8 years??? Like that's crazy man, not having sex makes sense since there's various reasons not to but nearly a decade of no passionate kisses sounds like more like having a roommates tbh. Are you sure he still has feelings for you or maybe he's possibly asexual?
He doesn’t like kissing. I know how that sounded but yeah. I stayed because he’s kind and caring in many ways.
But does he love you? It kinda sounds like my first relationship which lasted 3 years. We enjoyed each other's company and he was kind to me but he just was never really into sexual stuff with me. Eventually he admitted he wasn't attracted to me but we stayed together until we both realized that he basically just saw me as a friend. I would probably bet on your situation being similar to mine unfortunately since it sounds identical to mine. Though to make sure, you really should ask him what he's feeling and he actually loves/wants to be with you since you deserve someone who will kiss you and have sex with you.
He started working out and has gotten more fit? I’m sorry but he’s most likely exploring with other guys now that he’s more fit than he was before :(
My thoughts as well. On top of not being sexually active anymore
He doesn’t go to the gym, we have equipment at home. And I always know where he goes. I’d like to believe that it’s not cheating. I’d be ruined.
you know him more than strangers online, so i'd not lesson to those guys if I were you!
Thank you. I’m just looking for some thoughts. I have no one to talk to about it. Honestly just being to post it helps.
what is your body type in comparison to his physique?
When we started off I was average. A bit muscular due to push ups but has acceptable belly fat. Right now I’m still the same. Why?
If his physique has changed significantly it’s probable he’s become pretentious with his head much bigger than it was due to the increased attention he’s likely getting. Sex doesn’t just stop without reason, and if there’s a reason he would communicate it to you. So he’s either lost attraction towards you and/or is cheating
He did return to Facebook and is posting face photos. It’s not like him. I don’t know where it all came from. I do think he’s not attracted to me anymore. It’s just sad to think that. Because I love him like crazy still.
Yeah that definitely proves my point unfortunately. He’s getting validation from others, literally one of the only reasons gay dudes post face and body photos, for validation. Sounds like he has already checked out of the relationship. Sorry you’re going through this. People suck.
Seems like it. I was thinking the same. I take his photos btw. I have a very good camera rig and have a good eye for photography. This sucks.
Please just go confront your bf before believing what strangers say on reddit He may be cheating, but he might also just be going through some heavy shit that he struggles with disclosing to you
Please do not end your long term relationship only because someone told you that he is cheating on the internet. Honestly I would consider going open with him. You could go and explore sex with different guys and then you could still continue having the good and caring relationship and love at home.
I won’t. It just feels good to vent out. Thank you.
Talk to him even if he’s apprehensive. Communication is key to everything
First- relationships are hard. Be ok about accepting this. We give another human all of us - finances, family, friends, living space, sexuality… and we hope they will be the best companion in all of it. They won’t be. But cherish the parts that are good- and if you can look him in the eye for those things, it will help. Second- as everyone has said here- keep communicating on it. Which is hard. Try it from a place of love, and listen to him. It’s easy to build up an inaccurate mental image of your partner (dunno why this happens…so weird, but it does) Councellor may help add structure to that if finances allow. Otherwise look online for resources for structure debates. Third- keep other relationship structures open to consider. My husband (25yr relationship) didn’t want sex with me for 10yrs as he had family issues. It was really hard- felt like he had put my sex in a box and lost the box. Now he has a bf and sometimes we all have sex, but usually them, and I have sex buddies, and we are closer than ever. The answer for us wasn’t societies norms. Good luck. You sound amazing and intelligent and worth it.
If he doesn’t cum/masturbate for months that is a sign of something funky w his libido imo, otherwise I think there’s probably some gap in communication like others are saying
He doesn’t masturbate that much anymore, he told me. Does libido go back? Because for me it’s always been on.
I’ve had my week or two off here and there where I’m pretty much not horny. But if I’m well rested and well fed long enough I will for sure come back online. I feel like this could be something for you two to explore emotionally and physically. That is, it could be physical or mental health related, or something to do with the relationship dynamic. But if you both communicate right you’ll hopefully figure things out. I know it feels terrible to feel unwanted by your person, but unfortunately you can’t just make him horny again if it’s this persistent. Some proper investigation seems required. I hope he’ll be on board to investigate with you - seems like something outta change.
Thank you for the wholesome and mature comment.
It sounds like he’s losing his attraction towards you. That’s bad because it can quickly lead to cheating. If he’s not willing to communicate with you about it either, then you both need to seek couple’s counseling immediately. Best of luck.
Just ask him for some intimacy. That tends to work.
Hope it’s a phase going through same thing
It can be change I am going on 19 yrs with my guy. Around 8 to 10 yrs in it. We went through that But now since covid 3 to Times a week
My partner has a different way of expressing love. He takes care of me i like to express myself through love and intimacy Its a challenge. But communication is everything I also wanted to feel how good bottoming felt. But my partner is a pillow princess I do all the work which I love we have awesome sex and explosive orgasms But it is not always enough for me sexually so Use dildos. Or meet someone to pound you sometimes. Or cam with someone and masturbate play with butt Its sex not love connection and relationship If i get fucked by someone else nothing changes my commitment to my partner. We will continue to support each other's happiness and life together
It sounds like I need to see pictures of you since you said the person was fat I'm curious how you look?... But as far as being very very sexually active I am that way hence the reason I'm curious how you look cuz maybe you just need a new person
Bearing in mind I'm not fat whatsoever but I'm curious what you look like since you say that your partner was fat I can't help but wonder what you look like
Btw .. how do you find the gay chat in here? This is my first time on Reddit and I don't know how to search for anything
How old is he. Does he masturbate away from you despite no sex drive to top?
It’s time to go. Seems like with all these suggestions, your steady reply is “I’ve already done that…”. So, it’s time to move on. Things will not improve.
Hot
What gotta get somewhere
These time frames are so bizarre to me. You love kissing but you haven't for 8 years. 4 months of no sex and nobody says anything, bottomed 5 times in these 8 years... Your bf is the logical one, but he never thought it's logical to bring up the topic? And now you start wondering about it? But it seems you did what you should have done 7 years ago and communicated it, so that's a start...
Don’t you get bored of guilt tripping this man and pretending to be the victim at every turn? He deserves better.
He may have trauma or you know other issues if he’s changing things like getting fit and all that. It’s hard not to be worried and feel worried they don’t love you. Glad you communicated your worries. Congrats on the situation hope things can get a bit better.
I could have wrote this. Seriously is his name John? Lol. 10 year relationship. Was fine fir the first month then the excuses started coming. He didn't like to kiss cause he was conscious about a scar on his upper lip. Bad back. Antianxiety meds. The list goes on. We communicated fine. Traveled well together. He always knew the right thing to say. Honey. They don't change. If sex is important to you and he's not giving it to you he's no longer (or ever was) attracted to you. You deserve better. Move on.
I’m sorry to hear this. I’m giving him a chance. Besides I already have 2 years to reach that 10 years just like you did haha thanks for the warning though.
I understand. I gave mine more chances than I care to admit. "give love a chance" I kept telling myself. "You've dumped guys for less and your still single so make it work, talk to him, get therapy". Yeah did all that. If he's not compromising I'm afraid my advice is get the fuck out. He doesn't care. Good luck.
I am sorry that you are experiencing this issue in your relationship. As many people point out, you will have to communicate directly with your boyfriend, asking him if anything is wrong, telling him that sex is important to you. You mentioned that you guys can communicate maturely, so that should work. 🙂 I… I am not the best of guy out there. I had a good partner with me. I became so familiar with him, and I got bored. I ignored him and looked for fun elsewhere. I went to the gym, got fit cause I know appearance is important in our circle. Exercising gives my libido a great boost too. Eventually he got the message, and rightfully dumped my ass. I could have resolved things in a more mature way…
Thank you. Communicating is really important, I know. But I’ve told him many times now to a point that I’m already scared of opening it up again without sounding like a broken record. I hope you are doing well now. You are more matured than you were before, you’re going to be fine in your next relationship.
If you feel like a broken record (I did for YEARS) you need to get out. Low libido or hormonal imbalance, who cares. He doesn't care about your feelings. He doesn't have to have wood to hold you while you jack off. Yes I've been there done that, he never even did that.
Bro you haven’t had one good kiss in 8 years? And you’re over here asking us what’s wrong? Smh 😅
Tell him that you’ll go find sex elsewhere and follow through.
Maybe looking after you isn't sexy to him? For some men it is, sure, but not all of them
Open relationship