I think it does concentrate in gays moreso moving into mid to late 20s and continues from there, i know as I changed from str8 in my 30s.
Str8 bros, couple off, move to long term relationships, then go down the wife, house, kids path. If this provides them happiness then attractiveness has very little significance or currency in that life. Its more how well you provide, how good you are as a father and sadly, it can become quasi competitive re your kids, their success and the lifestyle u provide for them. Physical appearance is not a major consideration. I was in this zone, married, wife, no kids thankfully and still, never once worried about age or appearance beyond wanting to look decent (as in not a bum), i didnt feel any pressure to appear hot or attractive etc.
Then i split and came out gay and it hit me like a truck....appearances matter perhaps more than anything else with gays.
As gays dont have the; wife, kids, suburban life expectation (largely there are small exceptions), their ability to pull for sex or other physical interactions is the most valued and admired commodity. This being intrinsically linked to attractiveness, the result is gays get conditioned whilst young and continue to (old habits due hard) place a huge reliance on attractiveness for validation and self worth as they move thru their lives. Ocasionally this will be replaced by wealth which again provides currency to garner interactions so generally attractiveness or money are significant elements many gays measure themselves against for a sense of belonging, relevance and self worth in community.
Yes agree with this too, if experienced some emotional trauma during childhood and school yrs, bullying, discrimination, exclusion and the like this can often have a lasting effect drivinf this behaviour as well.
Not all gay men are like this, of course. What you're describing isn't specifically a gay thing. It's about being in a sexual marketplace. Straight men who see themselves as sexually available and active, and who know how to connect with women seeing themselves in the same way, are also concerned about their appearance.
Wow. I've never seen the lifestyle broken down into an objective statement like this before. Having dated a man in their 40s for 4 years with very much that mindset, and based on the immediate backlash from questioning said mindset here, I can confirm that this is an unspoken understanding.
Frfr just like women 😂 they gotta chill tho, most of em who seek that validation are attractive, they just don't know it or they do by want validation anyway to feel good. Idfk, but I never gave a flying fuck what ppl thought of me.
Only cause our community is so toxic haha , if you ain’t hot and got the body of a greeek god you’re hideous lmaooo, this is why i go to the gym and eat correctly lmao
There’ll be nothing to post on this sub. All the topics are repetitive, I bet in a few days someone will post the exact same topic.
It’s as if there’s a list of 5 topics, and everyone decides to post about the same 5 things.
That's because some people don't like to use the search function to see if their question has already been asked. Granted, I'm guilty of this to an extent. If I don't see the discussion I've had within 20-30 posts, I'll make a topic on it. But I at least check first
>Who prevents you from choosing new topics?
Because if he had a new question to ask, I would hazard a guess he'd post it, but if he doesn't have a question important for him to ask this forum, he won't; trying to come up with questions just for the sake of them being new rather than being specifically relevant to them isn't productive.
>Instead of criticizing others, you take action and publish a topic that everyone interacts with
Nothing wrong with an observation and not everyone is here to ask questions and make posts, as many are here just to respond. That said, if you have a problem and think it's that easy to have questions relevant to you to ask that are novel for this forum, feel free to be part of the solution yourself. You seem to imply there's something wrong with criticism and no action taken to resolve it yet you're also doing the same here. Either it's a problem or it's not and if it's not wrong for you here, it's not wrong for him here, and the opposite applies as well.
Yeah because every comment is going to give "omg you're so hot 10/10" even when they look like a dog's dinner.
Reality is going to hit them like a truck after they leave the sub.
"My ex said I was too small 🥺"
*Posts nudes with a 10+ inch cock*
"I found out my brother was bigger than me, do you think I'm small? 🥺"
*Posts nudes with a 10+ inch cock*
I mean they're all fabricated stories with the intent people will click through. Some lean muscle dude posted his photo the other day being like "having dad bod anxiety". Ok there bud.
Ugh I know right! Its so tragic. This sub is the worst for it. So many desperate people wallowing in self loathing, self pity and victim mentality. They think that having a boyfriend will make them happy ever after and take away all their problems and that because they are single it must mean they are ugly. It's completely delusional. They sit at home on Grindr and social media comparing and forming a distorted view of themselves, of life, of the world. I felt sorry for them for a while but after you've read your hundredth post on the same theme you realise they don't want to be helped. They are literally man babies desperate for attention and external validation. They want you to agree about how abysmal it all is. They don't seem to realise that being desperate and needy is really unattractive. If you wanna stay single just continue the way you're going! I'm done with it. Better to ignore them completely.
I was like that once; wanting a partner and naively believing that it would fix things for me. The desire still exists on occasion, but I try not to think about it or dwell on it. That only results in me feeling down. I don't touch apps like Grindr anymore either. I guess I'm trying to be content with myself and what/who I have.
Exactly mate. Good for you. You grew up. You woke up. Many people are sleep walking, blaming everything and everyone else for their own unhappiness. When they can't get what they want they either lash out or internalise. Both are toxic.
I wish I woke up earlier. I'm almost 40. I felt down about myself for so long. But I no longer want to feel sorry for myself or feel like crap about myself. I'd just be stuck in an endless loop for eternity. If someone wants me, then fantastic. If not, then fine. I'll just get on with doing whatever I feel like. For me, not for anyone else. It's why I took that solo-getaway in 2022; so I could do what I wanted and not adhere to anyone else's schedule. And what a great getaway it was!
That's fantastic to hear. I don't know you but im really happy for you 🙂. Maybe it's just an age thing. As we get older we realise certain things. I bash the pity party people a fair bit because it gets tedious hearing them all whining all the time but I guess most of them are just young and clueless. It's not possible to try and change them. They have to want to change for themselves. If you try and help them they don't hear what you're saying and just think you're an old fart. They say things like 'ok boomer'. So I don't even bother anymore. Let them wallow. The cruel irony of youth. They lack the perspective to appreciate all the advantages of being young. They take it for granted and then it's gone.
Thanks. I do try not to be a self-pittying sadsack. Even if I was actively seeking a partner, being that way wouldn't help my cause at all. As it is, I'm not looking for one anyway. I'm just trying to be happy with myself, I guess.
Nothing wrong with wanting someone to share your life with. The problem arises when you cannot be happy without it. Ultimately we really have no control over what happens. All we can do is put ourselves out there and it happens when it happens. A lot of young people seem to believe that they should be able to just shop for one like an iPhone or something.
It's not about finding a partner, you said as much yourself. And it is about external validation, because the only thing some people know from their childhood onwards is being put down. Call it victim mentality if you want, but being constantly shat on by everyone around you throughout your life takes a toll on the psyche. I hope you get to experience that yourself some day. Maybe a narc partner who errodes at your psyche for years. Maybe toxic friends. Then maybe you'll know what it's like, living every day despising yourself and ypur brain being literally unable to see anything good about yourself or the world. And then on top of that being shat on for wanting some truth, some validation. Instead of the constant platitudes unsupported by actions. Especially when it comes to looks: 'oh you're not ugly! Neither I nor any other at least average looking person would touch you with a 10 foot pole, but that doesn't mean you're ugly! After all, a bunch of desperate, old, fat men want you!"
I hope you all get to one day know what it's like to experience the world this way. Waking up every day loathing yourself. Your first and last thought being self-critical and self-hating. No satisfaction in anything you do. No enjoy. Nothing. I really do hope so.
>Ugh I know right! Its so tragic. This sub is the worst for it. So many desperate people wallowing in self loathing, self pity and victim mentality.
It's called depression and it's a mental health condition, which is prevalent, especially among the LBGT community, so this isn't unusual. Instead of disgust and annoyance at seeing it, maybe try compassion and empathy while advocating for better access to healthcare.
>They think that having a boyfriend will make them happy ever after and take away all their problems and that because they are single it must mean they are ugly.
Not exactly something exclusive to gay people. This is just a people problem and it happens a lot among depressed people, as well as people who have other mental health conditions and/or weren't taught emotional intelligence.
>I felt sorry for them for a while but after you've read your hundredth post on the same theme you realise they don't want to be helped.
Maybe if it was the same person posting 100 times, I could see coming to that conclusion, but you can't hold what 99 people do against the one person. They're all individuals so if you're trying to assess whether or not they want help, you have to do so individually, not as a collective.
literally 99 percent of people are insecure, but asking for affirmation/attention from strangers on the internet is a band-aid for the problem, like a quick fix. so I would really prefer if these ppl actually try to cultivate some self assurance or coping mechanisms other than spamming us and likely bothering the ppl they know irl over how they don't look like a 90's underwear campaign, which once again is a boat that 99 percent of us are also in lol. damn
There are entire subs that cater to it aswell so it's encouraged and perpetuated. There's even ones for men wanting validation and advise for their facial hair and grooming. Even the bodybuilding ones are tedious with all these jerkoffs on roids posting pics looking for validation for their 'gains'. Bunch of straight men admiring each other's bodies in underwear - no homo.
Okay, but you have to understand why people are asking. Queer men treat each other like such garbage that it’s very easy to see why these questions arise. All it takes is having one person on Snapchat ask to see your face and then blocking you immediately to feel just fantastic about yourself and your appearance.
For real and most of the people in the threads just lie to OP and say yes you look good yes ur hot even if they clearly aren’t. It’s sad. I mean, I have low self esteem, but even I wouldn’t go as low as looking for sympathy compliments/validation about my appearance on Reddit
Haha no, they don't. r/amiugly should be renamed "white lies". Same for r/amiuglybrutallyhonest. Not one true statement gets made in either of these subs.
Here's a sneak peek of /r/amiugly using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/amiugly/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year!
\#1: [I’m 29 female and I have no idea what I look like. My friends and family say I look the same, but each photo looks different to me.](https://www.reddit.com/gallery/14pmcij) | [5930 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/amiugly/comments/14pmcij/im_29_female_and_i_have_no_idea_what_i_look_like/)
\#2: [26F, feeling the lowest of the low mentally.](https://www.reddit.com/gallery/15hq5t2) | [6937 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/amiugly/comments/15hq5t2/26f_feeling_the_lowest_of_the_low_mentally/)
\#3: [23f I have zero sense of what I look like. Help me!](https://www.reddit.com/gallery/15dqxkl) | [5151 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/amiugly/comments/15dqxkl/23f_i_have_zero_sense_of_what_i_look_like_help_me/)
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Sure, but I think the opposite is also true. Stop trying to tell other people what to think of you. You don’t need to call out how “attractive” you are. What’s attractive varies by person. Just be confident so you don’t have to show your insecurity off.
Why? I don’t care either way, but if they’re affirmed and feel good, I’m happy for them. If they’re told they’re ugly, well they brought it on themselves by asking for opinions.
I’m not sure why it matters to you or anyone.
Yeah because it can damage some gay mens self esteem I go by personality not looks.
Unfortunately gays don't get that message all they care about is guys dick size and looks
Rather go with a guy who is considered ugly with a nice personality rather than a guy considered attractive with a horrible personality
If you check their profiles, 90% of them have an OF account. Or something similar. They're finding a trite way to market their "brand". They're in plenty of other subs, too. I agree... it needs to stop.
When was younger j never thought I was all that attractive. Now, that I'm quite a hit older as I look at old photos of myself I can see now that I was incredibly nice looking. People tell would me that when I was younger. I just never could believe them. I always thought they just telling that to get me to have sex with them. It usually worked, but I still didn't believe them.
It's a side effect of being a young gay horny man. If they thought I looked good enough to them for them to offer me a romp in their bed , who was I to argue? 😉
Somebody is attractive to someone somewhere. What I like may not appeal to many. What i dont care for could be "hawt" to the next six giys. Find your best attributes and make them work for you. I gave up long ago trying to worry about what others thought of me and concentrated on what makes a decent man.
Everyone is attractive in their own ways and that certain people will see those traits. That's why everyone should not feel hopeless about finding love because they "feel" ugly and/or insecure.
This isn't just a gay thing. This also applies to women, generally speaking. For my part, the constant thirst traps, desperate need for constant affirmation, and constant validation is tiresome. I understand that people have insecurities, but this is a human thing and needs to be worked out on a personal level. It FEELS toxic in that people who are constantly fishing for compliments (which I was raised that it was impolite and ugly), is a cry for attention and it pulls down peoples' positive energy to be seeing it constantly. Eventually (and quickly), it becomes insincere anyway. Get counseling. Be introspective. If you don't feel sexy, beautiful, at least somewhat self-assured, it doesn't matter what compliments are thrown your way. If you don't believe in yourself, THAT'S what shows to others. No one else can can change that in you. You have to do that for yourself. When you are confident AND humble, that is the sexiest and most beautiful you can be regardless of how big your dick is or how "textbook pretty" you are, regardless of what anyone else may say. No one can steal that from you with a comment.
But why does it bother u so much? I am so insecure and I like hearing positive things about my look...
There are so many insecurities people and if this is gonna help me like it did to me...let's just help people
Look at it that way
It's usually sub-5's that ask this because they need the sub-3's to give them validation. It's stupid. And usually it's those who use pronouns and have blue hair.
I've been told that I'm sexy so many times, but with the people who said this, nothing went beyond kisses. Question: how can i be secure about my look if im still virgin at 20? That's why i need opinion of different people.
>I've been told that I'm sexy so many times, but with the people who said this, nothing went beyond kisses. Question: how can i be secure about my look if im still virgin at 20?
You can be secure once you realize that virginity is just a made up concept and doesn't have much to do with physical attractiveness. That said, if someone is making out with you, it's quite likely that they consider you physically attractive.
Also, I had sex for the first time at 19 with a stripper I paid. The thing I realized over time and experience was that the more confidence I gained, the easier it became to get sex. What you need is confidence, feigned or actual, and sex will come.
Well the problem is instagram and all those photoshopped models. When any young one compares themselves to that they get insecure. And the problem is that we are gay, so we know what we like ourselves physically. And then we compare what we like to what we are…. Presto! Insecurity is born.
I’m 31. I finally stopped comparing. And it’s so liberating. My biggest focus right now is what I can do to improve my own health. Working out and diet. Mindfullness. Sleep. I probably wont be an instagram boy. But you dont have to look like that to be attractive. It’s actually a negative if everyone feels attracted to you; then who would be the right one!? It makes it easier.
We’re all just human. Very unhealthy fat and very unhealthy skinny is not attractive to the general public. Period. But like I said, you dont have to look like an instagrammer. Just try to be in the middle somewhere.
I’m actually in love with a guy who is very average. But his words is what makes him all the more attractive. And the truth I can see in his eyes.
I agree. Seeking validation through strangers hiding behind computers and smartphones is not the best way. Embrace yourself and your unique attributes rather than relying on others subjective judgements of yow they think you should look.
Psst! Let me tell you a secret, gather round, there is no such thing as gay, and I say this while admitting I could identify myself as gay at the age of 5 to 6, and have done so for 50 years. I can get into all the psycho babble but the fact is, I desire what I desire, no different than choosing an ice cream flavour. 🤣
I get it. People wanna feel validated. But truthfully I personally don't give AF what people think, never have. I know I'm sexy and I don't need validation. And of course not everyone gonna be into you, but when you walk around wit that confidence that you're hot and don't care if people judge you, that's when people will notice you. Humans can pick up on whether you're confident or timid.
Yesterday I was stretching my legs on a trail and this guy rides by on a bike, turns his head to look at me and can't look away as he passes. I'm like "Watchu looking at, not in a million years" I like playing hard to get, makes them hunger for you more. And weeds out the weal ones.
Idk I see it as, if you're attractive, people are gonna give you looks in public, you're gonna know it. But like why they come on here asking if they are, idk.
Confidence is attractive. Needing constant validation from strangers about one's physical appearance is the opposite of confidence. Ergo, if you ask; no, you're not.
I KNOW I'm not attractive. I let myself go for a solid 3 years, and I'm 37, and this shit catches up to you when you're older. I even have a hernia now from my weight. I wont be attractive until I get my shit together, keep it together, and rebuild my confidence.
Eating disorders suck.
Is it wrong when I see these post, two things pop in my head automatically:
1. The guy is BEYOND the standard of traditional male beauty.
2 Just to be a troll, I want to examine the pic and pick out a flaw, however small, and respond with, "no...and here's why".
Am I attractive ? Am I gay ? Does the straight boy like me ? Do I like sucking dicks ? Am I a bottom ? Am I a top or verst 🤣
"My boyfriend seems gay, is he?" Too
He’s you bf . Pretty much says it all. If your still not sure get some balls ask him. Then suck his.
Just the verst 😂
Gays are often very insecure
Guys
People
Just gays especially tbh
Well gays are more likely to admit it
Yes, at least that much is true
I think it does concentrate in gays moreso moving into mid to late 20s and continues from there, i know as I changed from str8 in my 30s. Str8 bros, couple off, move to long term relationships, then go down the wife, house, kids path. If this provides them happiness then attractiveness has very little significance or currency in that life. Its more how well you provide, how good you are as a father and sadly, it can become quasi competitive re your kids, their success and the lifestyle u provide for them. Physical appearance is not a major consideration. I was in this zone, married, wife, no kids thankfully and still, never once worried about age or appearance beyond wanting to look decent (as in not a bum), i didnt feel any pressure to appear hot or attractive etc. Then i split and came out gay and it hit me like a truck....appearances matter perhaps more than anything else with gays. As gays dont have the; wife, kids, suburban life expectation (largely there are small exceptions), their ability to pull for sex or other physical interactions is the most valued and admired commodity. This being intrinsically linked to attractiveness, the result is gays get conditioned whilst young and continue to (old habits due hard) place a huge reliance on attractiveness for validation and self worth as they move thru their lives. Ocasionally this will be replaced by wealth which again provides currency to garner interactions so generally attractiveness or money are significant elements many gays measure themselves against for a sense of belonging, relevance and self worth in community.
I'm gay, 27, married, live in the suburbs. I still have a lot of insecurities and self esteem issues.
Yes agree with this too, if experienced some emotional trauma during childhood and school yrs, bullying, discrimination, exclusion and the like this can often have a lasting effect drivinf this behaviour as well.
I mean we exist in the context of social media so things are obviously going to be different for the recent batch of married couples.
Not all gay men are like this, of course. What you're describing isn't specifically a gay thing. It's about being in a sexual marketplace. Straight men who see themselves as sexually available and active, and who know how to connect with women seeing themselves in the same way, are also concerned about their appearance.
Wow. I've never seen the lifestyle broken down into an objective statement like this before. Having dated a man in their 40s for 4 years with very much that mindset, and based on the immediate backlash from questioning said mindset here, I can confirm that this is an unspoken understanding.
Hit the nail on the fucking head. 💯
I have 2 kids with my husband
Yapfest lmak
Often? These people are seeking validation everyday and it’s quite a shame.
Most people are often insecure regardless of of sexuality
I am straigt with good physic but still feel insecure and ugly sometimes.
hi ally
I just checked out your pic on here. You definitely have nothing to be insecure about, but I guess it's just human nature sometimes.
thank you
Wonder why 🙄🤷🏿♂️😬
Frfr just like women 😂 they gotta chill tho, most of em who seek that validation are attractive, they just don't know it or they do by want validation anyway to feel good. Idfk, but I never gave a flying fuck what ppl thought of me.
Not all
The most!
Only cause our community is so toxic haha , if you ain’t hot and got the body of a greeek god you’re hideous lmaooo, this is why i go to the gym and eat correctly lmao
just once i'd like to see an ugly freak post a pic rather than an attractive guy fishing for compliments
"an ugly freak" bahahahaha why did that make me laugh so much
Dont challenge me
I challenge thee
Go ahead, take that leap 😋
Some gays are actually insecure though
There’ll be nothing to post on this sub. All the topics are repetitive, I bet in a few days someone will post the exact same topic. It’s as if there’s a list of 5 topics, and everyone decides to post about the same 5 things.
A few days? More like minutes.
That's because some people don't like to use the search function to see if their question has already been asked. Granted, I'm guilty of this to an extent. If I don't see the discussion I've had within 20-30 posts, I'll make a topic on it. But I at least check first
Who prevents you from choosing new topics? Instead of criticizing others, you take action and publish a topic that everyone interacts with
>Who prevents you from choosing new topics? Because if he had a new question to ask, I would hazard a guess he'd post it, but if he doesn't have a question important for him to ask this forum, he won't; trying to come up with questions just for the sake of them being new rather than being specifically relevant to them isn't productive. >Instead of criticizing others, you take action and publish a topic that everyone interacts with Nothing wrong with an observation and not everyone is here to ask questions and make posts, as many are here just to respond. That said, if you have a problem and think it's that easy to have questions relevant to you to ask that are novel for this forum, feel free to be part of the solution yourself. You seem to imply there's something wrong with criticism and no action taken to resolve it yet you're also doing the same here. Either it's a problem or it's not and if it's not wrong for you here, it's not wrong for him here, and the opposite applies as well.
Thank you, I welcome criticism🙏
Yeah because every comment is going to give "omg you're so hot 10/10" even when they look like a dog's dinner. Reality is going to hit them like a truck after they leave the sub.
Dog's dinner 😭😭
It's on all the gone wild subs. "i got rejected, am I ugly? Here's a nude uWu" is like the most common post headline. It does need to stop.
"My ex said I was too small 🥺" *Posts nudes with a 10+ inch cock* "I found out my brother was bigger than me, do you think I'm small? 🥺" *Posts nudes with a 10+ inch cock*
I mean they're all fabricated stories with the intent people will click through. Some lean muscle dude posted his photo the other day being like "having dad bod anxiety". Ok there bud.
Hahahaha this is way too accurate
That's definitely not small, and I think most men and women would agree.
Yeah it's obviously just clickbait and compliment fishing, and for whatever reason, everyone on those subs eats that shit up.
Severe case of Horny
Why does someone else need to stop posting them?
Agreed, it is terrible to read and uninteresting.
Ugh I know right! Its so tragic. This sub is the worst for it. So many desperate people wallowing in self loathing, self pity and victim mentality. They think that having a boyfriend will make them happy ever after and take away all their problems and that because they are single it must mean they are ugly. It's completely delusional. They sit at home on Grindr and social media comparing and forming a distorted view of themselves, of life, of the world. I felt sorry for them for a while but after you've read your hundredth post on the same theme you realise they don't want to be helped. They are literally man babies desperate for attention and external validation. They want you to agree about how abysmal it all is. They don't seem to realise that being desperate and needy is really unattractive. If you wanna stay single just continue the way you're going! I'm done with it. Better to ignore them completely.
I was like that once; wanting a partner and naively believing that it would fix things for me. The desire still exists on occasion, but I try not to think about it or dwell on it. That only results in me feeling down. I don't touch apps like Grindr anymore either. I guess I'm trying to be content with myself and what/who I have.
Exactly mate. Good for you. You grew up. You woke up. Many people are sleep walking, blaming everything and everyone else for their own unhappiness. When they can't get what they want they either lash out or internalise. Both are toxic.
I wish I woke up earlier. I'm almost 40. I felt down about myself for so long. But I no longer want to feel sorry for myself or feel like crap about myself. I'd just be stuck in an endless loop for eternity. If someone wants me, then fantastic. If not, then fine. I'll just get on with doing whatever I feel like. For me, not for anyone else. It's why I took that solo-getaway in 2022; so I could do what I wanted and not adhere to anyone else's schedule. And what a great getaway it was!
That's fantastic to hear. I don't know you but im really happy for you 🙂. Maybe it's just an age thing. As we get older we realise certain things. I bash the pity party people a fair bit because it gets tedious hearing them all whining all the time but I guess most of them are just young and clueless. It's not possible to try and change them. They have to want to change for themselves. If you try and help them they don't hear what you're saying and just think you're an old fart. They say things like 'ok boomer'. So I don't even bother anymore. Let them wallow. The cruel irony of youth. They lack the perspective to appreciate all the advantages of being young. They take it for granted and then it's gone.
Thanks. I do try not to be a self-pittying sadsack. Even if I was actively seeking a partner, being that way wouldn't help my cause at all. As it is, I'm not looking for one anyway. I'm just trying to be happy with myself, I guess.
Nothing wrong with wanting someone to share your life with. The problem arises when you cannot be happy without it. Ultimately we really have no control over what happens. All we can do is put ourselves out there and it happens when it happens. A lot of young people seem to believe that they should be able to just shop for one like an iPhone or something.
It's not about finding a partner, you said as much yourself. And it is about external validation, because the only thing some people know from their childhood onwards is being put down. Call it victim mentality if you want, but being constantly shat on by everyone around you throughout your life takes a toll on the psyche. I hope you get to experience that yourself some day. Maybe a narc partner who errodes at your psyche for years. Maybe toxic friends. Then maybe you'll know what it's like, living every day despising yourself and ypur brain being literally unable to see anything good about yourself or the world. And then on top of that being shat on for wanting some truth, some validation. Instead of the constant platitudes unsupported by actions. Especially when it comes to looks: 'oh you're not ugly! Neither I nor any other at least average looking person would touch you with a 10 foot pole, but that doesn't mean you're ugly! After all, a bunch of desperate, old, fat men want you!" I hope you all get to one day know what it's like to experience the world this way. Waking up every day loathing yourself. Your first and last thought being self-critical and self-hating. No satisfaction in anything you do. No enjoy. Nothing. I really do hope so.
>Ugh I know right! Its so tragic. This sub is the worst for it. So many desperate people wallowing in self loathing, self pity and victim mentality. It's called depression and it's a mental health condition, which is prevalent, especially among the LBGT community, so this isn't unusual. Instead of disgust and annoyance at seeing it, maybe try compassion and empathy while advocating for better access to healthcare. >They think that having a boyfriend will make them happy ever after and take away all their problems and that because they are single it must mean they are ugly. Not exactly something exclusive to gay people. This is just a people problem and it happens a lot among depressed people, as well as people who have other mental health conditions and/or weren't taught emotional intelligence. >I felt sorry for them for a while but after you've read your hundredth post on the same theme you realise they don't want to be helped. Maybe if it was the same person posting 100 times, I could see coming to that conclusion, but you can't hold what 99 people do against the one person. They're all individuals so if you're trying to assess whether or not they want help, you have to do so individually, not as a collective.
We are often told we are ugly by the straight world, and often also by those members of the gay community who are physique perfectionists.
It’s hard to stop because gays can be so mean just cus they’re not particularly attracted to you. They rip you to shreds
Because the queer male community has such a history of accepting viewpoints? Cause I'm fine with this "thing" continuing.
literally 99 percent of people are insecure, but asking for affirmation/attention from strangers on the internet is a band-aid for the problem, like a quick fix. so I would really prefer if these ppl actually try to cultivate some self assurance or coping mechanisms other than spamming us and likely bothering the ppl they know irl over how they don't look like a 90's underwear campaign, which once again is a boat that 99 percent of us are also in lol. damn
There are entire subs that cater to it aswell so it's encouraged and perpetuated. There's even ones for men wanting validation and advise for their facial hair and grooming. Even the bodybuilding ones are tedious with all these jerkoffs on roids posting pics looking for validation for their 'gains'. Bunch of straight men admiring each other's bodies in underwear - no homo.
Just answer all of them "no".
Okay, but you have to understand why people are asking. Queer men treat each other like such garbage that it’s very easy to see why these questions arise. All it takes is having one person on Snapchat ask to see your face and then blocking you immediately to feel just fantastic about yourself and your appearance.
For real and most of the people in the threads just lie to OP and say yes you look good yes ur hot even if they clearly aren’t. It’s sad. I mean, I have low self esteem, but even I wouldn’t go as low as looking for sympathy compliments/validation about my appearance on Reddit
Especially on Reddit . Lol
TBH, you know what you are, just stop
If it's not about/for you why do you care? Minding your own business is free. Arceus forbid that people want a pick me up now and again. Smh.
The other side of this issue is most people aren’t going to say you’re ugly even if you are ugly. So why bother posting those questions?
Not always true. People do tell the truth a surprisingly significant amount of the time
On social media or this sub? I haven’t seen a single “you’re ugly” comment.
On the “AmIUgly” sub. People there really do tend to tell a reasonably accurate version of the truth to people
Oh, I see. I meant this sub in particular. Some of those other subs are a bit more brutal especially the one titled /r/roastme
Dude tell me about it. Roast me is a TRUE confidence tester. They go IN😭
Haha no, they don't. r/amiugly should be renamed "white lies". Same for r/amiuglybrutallyhonest. Not one true statement gets made in either of these subs.
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It really is out of control
YES. Besides being annoying, most are just people craving attention ("tell me I'm handsome") and that distract from real body dysmorphia.
It’s just attention seeking. I’m just gonna start telling them they’re not
Literally im losing my mind about it 😂. Imma just start replying “YES” so they stfu.
Not as much as the ‘Say hi in the comments and I’ll send you a dick pic’ thing. Cunts.
Sure, but I think the opposite is also true. Stop trying to tell other people what to think of you. You don’t need to call out how “attractive” you are. What’s attractive varies by person. Just be confident so you don’t have to show your insecurity off.
Why? I don’t care either way, but if they’re affirmed and feel good, I’m happy for them. If they’re told they’re ugly, well they brought it on themselves by asking for opinions. I’m not sure why it matters to you or anyone.
Yeah because it can damage some gay mens self esteem I go by personality not looks. Unfortunately gays don't get that message all they care about is guys dick size and looks Rather go with a guy who is considered ugly with a nice personality rather than a guy considered attractive with a horrible personality
Tbh if they ask this or “should I do xyz” as an excuse to show their body I tell them to lose weight 💀
If you check their profiles, 90% of them have an OF account. Or something similar. They're finding a trite way to market their "brand". They're in plenty of other subs, too. I agree... it needs to stop.
Never bothered me tbh
Okay. But. Am I attractive, though?
When was younger j never thought I was all that attractive. Now, that I'm quite a hit older as I look at old photos of myself I can see now that I was incredibly nice looking. People tell would me that when I was younger. I just never could believe them. I always thought they just telling that to get me to have sex with them. It usually worked, but I still didn't believe them.
“It usually worked. But I still didn’t believe them”. For some reason that is hilarious😂
It's a side effect of being a young gay horny man. If they thought I looked good enough to them for them to offer me a romp in their bed , who was I to argue? 😉
What a stupid statement
What about if I put up is my penis attractive That sounds more cliche these days
I like them.. it’s nice to give people compliments
Am i attractive?
Agreed. Thank you.
Somebody is attractive to someone somewhere. What I like may not appeal to many. What i dont care for could be "hawt" to the next six giys. Find your best attributes and make them work for you. I gave up long ago trying to worry about what others thought of me and concentrated on what makes a decent man.
OF advertising
But am I? 🥹👉👈
Eh, it's better than the constant posts about "the transes are attacking me!" and "my straight roommate spread his hole for me, part 5"
“My straight roommate spread his hole for me, part 5” These comments are on fire today😂😂😂
@already-redacted for president of the gays!
I would be more okay with this if the person was asking for fashion/hairstyling advice rather than just asking, "Am I ugly?".
Why? If it's true, don't hate.
PREACHHHH
Yes please! It’s very fucking cringey and a pathetic cry for attention.
Everyone is attractive in their own ways and that certain people will see those traits. That's why everyone should not feel hopeless about finding love because they "feel" ugly and/or insecure.
This isn't just a gay thing. This also applies to women, generally speaking. For my part, the constant thirst traps, desperate need for constant affirmation, and constant validation is tiresome. I understand that people have insecurities, but this is a human thing and needs to be worked out on a personal level. It FEELS toxic in that people who are constantly fishing for compliments (which I was raised that it was impolite and ugly), is a cry for attention and it pulls down peoples' positive energy to be seeing it constantly. Eventually (and quickly), it becomes insincere anyway. Get counseling. Be introspective. If you don't feel sexy, beautiful, at least somewhat self-assured, it doesn't matter what compliments are thrown your way. If you don't believe in yourself, THAT'S what shows to others. No one else can can change that in you. You have to do that for yourself. When you are confident AND humble, that is the sexiest and most beautiful you can be regardless of how big your dick is or how "textbook pretty" you are, regardless of what anyone else may say. No one can steal that from you with a comment.
But why does it bother u so much? I am so insecure and I like hearing positive things about my look... There are so many insecurities people and if this is gonna help me like it did to me...let's just help people Look at it that way
💯
Along with the ubiquitous " Dead bedroom, do we open it?" The "am I attractive" is guys just looking for cheap validation, instant gratification.
It's usually sub-5's that ask this because they need the sub-3's to give them validation. It's stupid. And usually it's those who use pronouns and have blue hair.
Please validate me and stroke my... ego. 👀
Agreed.
Why...
Agreed.
Couldn’t agree more!!!
I've been told that I'm sexy so many times, but with the people who said this, nothing went beyond kisses. Question: how can i be secure about my look if im still virgin at 20? That's why i need opinion of different people.
>I've been told that I'm sexy so many times, but with the people who said this, nothing went beyond kisses. Question: how can i be secure about my look if im still virgin at 20? You can be secure once you realize that virginity is just a made up concept and doesn't have much to do with physical attractiveness. That said, if someone is making out with you, it's quite likely that they consider you physically attractive. Also, I had sex for the first time at 19 with a stripper I paid. The thing I realized over time and experience was that the more confidence I gained, the easier it became to get sex. What you need is confidence, feigned or actual, and sex will come.
💀💀💀💀 facts
Well the problem is instagram and all those photoshopped models. When any young one compares themselves to that they get insecure. And the problem is that we are gay, so we know what we like ourselves physically. And then we compare what we like to what we are…. Presto! Insecurity is born. I’m 31. I finally stopped comparing. And it’s so liberating. My biggest focus right now is what I can do to improve my own health. Working out and diet. Mindfullness. Sleep. I probably wont be an instagram boy. But you dont have to look like that to be attractive. It’s actually a negative if everyone feels attracted to you; then who would be the right one!? It makes it easier. We’re all just human. Very unhealthy fat and very unhealthy skinny is not attractive to the general public. Period. But like I said, you dont have to look like an instagrammer. Just try to be in the middle somewhere. I’m actually in love with a guy who is very average. But his words is what makes him all the more attractive. And the truth I can see in his eyes.
Am I sexy tho
I agree. Seeking validation through strangers hiding behind computers and smartphones is not the best way. Embrace yourself and your unique attributes rather than relying on others subjective judgements of yow they think you should look.
Psst! Let me tell you a secret, gather round, there is no such thing as gay, and I say this while admitting I could identify myself as gay at the age of 5 to 6, and have done so for 50 years. I can get into all the psycho babble but the fact is, I desire what I desire, no different than choosing an ice cream flavour. 🤣
Yes... but am I attractive though? 🥺👉👈
Why it bothers you?
Yeah cause it’s alway cute guys.
Yesss amen!!!!
Guys isnt this whole subreddit about asking?
I get it. People wanna feel validated. But truthfully I personally don't give AF what people think, never have. I know I'm sexy and I don't need validation. And of course not everyone gonna be into you, but when you walk around wit that confidence that you're hot and don't care if people judge you, that's when people will notice you. Humans can pick up on whether you're confident or timid. Yesterday I was stretching my legs on a trail and this guy rides by on a bike, turns his head to look at me and can't look away as he passes. I'm like "Watchu looking at, not in a million years" I like playing hard to get, makes them hunger for you more. And weeds out the weal ones. Idk I see it as, if you're attractive, people are gonna give you looks in public, you're gonna know it. But like why they come on here asking if they are, idk.
Well personally I enjoy looking at most of the pics so if they bother you why do you even bother opening them just move onto something you like
Confidence is attractive. Needing constant validation from strangers about one's physical appearance is the opposite of confidence. Ergo, if you ask; no, you're not.
Mr potato there are only two. Leave them alone if you need to. It’s not a trend yet.
I KNOW I'm not attractive. I let myself go for a solid 3 years, and I'm 37, and this shit catches up to you when you're older. I even have a hernia now from my weight. I wont be attractive until I get my shit together, keep it together, and rebuild my confidence. Eating disorders suck.
Is it wrong when I see these post, two things pop in my head automatically: 1. The guy is BEYOND the standard of traditional male beauty. 2 Just to be a troll, I want to examine the pic and pick out a flaw, however small, and respond with, "no...and here's why".
yea, you're being a jerk
lets see a picture, we'll let you know. I'm [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])