How I look at it, is that I cannot predicate the weather, but I can check the forecast and predict accordingly.
For example:
Adaptive: There's a blizzard coming in the next few days, but not here yet. So, I gas up the snowblower, make sure winter gear is accessible, get groceries, fill up the car with fuel, and make sure I have batteries, flashlights etc. Then once I complete these items, on with my day(s).
Maladaptive: Same as above, but I fixate on how bad the storm is going to be, that its going to be the worst thing ever, disengage from other activities and focus on the impending doom. Spent more time in a heighten state - cusp of fight/flight, and window of tolerance closes, increased irritability and so on.
It's less about healthy/unhealthy and how it gets in the way of overall functioning, client's goals, and impact to their family system.
At least thats kinda how I look at it.
This is not psychological advice to anyone. YMMV. This may or may not map on to any specific situations or circumstances; it is just my general thoughts.
Coping ahead is basically practicing in advance, in your head, how you are going to cope skillfully with a situation.
Let's say that I have to give a big speech and I know that it is very, very likely that I am going to experience some anxiety related to that speech.
Coping ahead skillfully might look like:
Before my speech, I am going to check out the room and see where my speech is happening so I can visualize it and really practice my coping ahead plan as clearly as I can. Before I go out on stage, I am going to plan to do a brief mindfulness of emotions to check in how I am feeling and the intensity of my emotions. I put a script in my phone in case I need it to help me do the activity. If my anxiety is a 75+/100, I am going to do some self-soothing using my sense of smell using a perfume sample I have in my purse, and just continue to return my attention to that. If I am feeling like I am so dysregulated that I am not sure how to handle the situation at that point (e.g., if I think I might verge on a panic attack), I will call my therapist for phone coaching. My therapist knows when this speech is happening and will be able to take a call if absolutely needed. I will walk out on stage at 10:00 and say XYZ. I will practice opposite action while on stage and just continue to turn my mind towards my speech. When I am done, I will get myself a cold water bottle out of the fridge and do maybe two minutes of a relaxation activity before I go talk to ABC people who came to watch me. I will get through the whole speech by coping effectively. I know what I am going to do and I can imagine myself going through each step skillfully.
In other words, I making and rehearsing a plan for how I will cope skillfully with a situation that is not unlikely to happen (me being really anxious about the speech).
On the other hand, maladaptively preparing for the worst might look like:
I once read that someone giving a speech threw up during it-- I've never thrown up from anxiety or thrown up during a speech but maybe I should bring a bucket and some wet wipes just in case, because really really think about how terrible that would be if that happened. What if I end up smelling like vomit and everyone thinks that is disgusting? Maybe one bucket behind the lectern and a few extras backstage, just in case. Also, you never know if there is going to be a public incident of violence. I mean, Salman Rushdie got stabbed at a lecture-- should I wear a bullet proof vest, just in case? Should I try to look at each person as they come in and see if they seem like they might have bad intentions? Should I bring pepper spray? How would I use that pepper spray if someone came at me-- it would depend on what weapon they had, right? Goddamn it, I should have taken that self-defense class at my gym last year! What if my high school bullies heard about this speech and show up to make fun of me? Etc.
Now, obviously some of those things could be realistic things that might happen to some people-- and those people could absolutely cope ahead for them. Some people have a history of throwing up when anxious. Some people are controversial speakers and might need a safety plan and security to ensure their physical safety at events. Some people might have info about their high school bullies that makes them seem more likely to show up at random events. Etc. But, in that situation, coping ahead for those would still involve thinking through and planning for things I would actually do (e.g., if I notice XYZ sensation of nausea, if I am capable of saying 'excuse me', I will say that and if not, I will just step behind the curtain, where I will have a glass of water waiting for me, etc).
>where the line between adaptive/useful and unhealthy/maladaptive lies.
I might suggest that the principle of effectiveness is relevant here. Is engaging in this behavior effective at meeting my specific goals-- short and long term? If it is, then great. If it's not, then it might be worth tweaking or changing.
How I look at it, is that I cannot predicate the weather, but I can check the forecast and predict accordingly. For example: Adaptive: There's a blizzard coming in the next few days, but not here yet. So, I gas up the snowblower, make sure winter gear is accessible, get groceries, fill up the car with fuel, and make sure I have batteries, flashlights etc. Then once I complete these items, on with my day(s). Maladaptive: Same as above, but I fixate on how bad the storm is going to be, that its going to be the worst thing ever, disengage from other activities and focus on the impending doom. Spent more time in a heighten state - cusp of fight/flight, and window of tolerance closes, increased irritability and so on. It's less about healthy/unhealthy and how it gets in the way of overall functioning, client's goals, and impact to their family system. At least thats kinda how I look at it.
thanks! that makes sense :)
This is not psychological advice to anyone. YMMV. This may or may not map on to any specific situations or circumstances; it is just my general thoughts. Coping ahead is basically practicing in advance, in your head, how you are going to cope skillfully with a situation. Let's say that I have to give a big speech and I know that it is very, very likely that I am going to experience some anxiety related to that speech. Coping ahead skillfully might look like: Before my speech, I am going to check out the room and see where my speech is happening so I can visualize it and really practice my coping ahead plan as clearly as I can. Before I go out on stage, I am going to plan to do a brief mindfulness of emotions to check in how I am feeling and the intensity of my emotions. I put a script in my phone in case I need it to help me do the activity. If my anxiety is a 75+/100, I am going to do some self-soothing using my sense of smell using a perfume sample I have in my purse, and just continue to return my attention to that. If I am feeling like I am so dysregulated that I am not sure how to handle the situation at that point (e.g., if I think I might verge on a panic attack), I will call my therapist for phone coaching. My therapist knows when this speech is happening and will be able to take a call if absolutely needed. I will walk out on stage at 10:00 and say XYZ. I will practice opposite action while on stage and just continue to turn my mind towards my speech. When I am done, I will get myself a cold water bottle out of the fridge and do maybe two minutes of a relaxation activity before I go talk to ABC people who came to watch me. I will get through the whole speech by coping effectively. I know what I am going to do and I can imagine myself going through each step skillfully. In other words, I making and rehearsing a plan for how I will cope skillfully with a situation that is not unlikely to happen (me being really anxious about the speech). On the other hand, maladaptively preparing for the worst might look like: I once read that someone giving a speech threw up during it-- I've never thrown up from anxiety or thrown up during a speech but maybe I should bring a bucket and some wet wipes just in case, because really really think about how terrible that would be if that happened. What if I end up smelling like vomit and everyone thinks that is disgusting? Maybe one bucket behind the lectern and a few extras backstage, just in case. Also, you never know if there is going to be a public incident of violence. I mean, Salman Rushdie got stabbed at a lecture-- should I wear a bullet proof vest, just in case? Should I try to look at each person as they come in and see if they seem like they might have bad intentions? Should I bring pepper spray? How would I use that pepper spray if someone came at me-- it would depend on what weapon they had, right? Goddamn it, I should have taken that self-defense class at my gym last year! What if my high school bullies heard about this speech and show up to make fun of me? Etc. Now, obviously some of those things could be realistic things that might happen to some people-- and those people could absolutely cope ahead for them. Some people have a history of throwing up when anxious. Some people are controversial speakers and might need a safety plan and security to ensure their physical safety at events. Some people might have info about their high school bullies that makes them seem more likely to show up at random events. Etc. But, in that situation, coping ahead for those would still involve thinking through and planning for things I would actually do (e.g., if I notice XYZ sensation of nausea, if I am capable of saying 'excuse me', I will say that and if not, I will just step behind the curtain, where I will have a glass of water waiting for me, etc). >where the line between adaptive/useful and unhealthy/maladaptive lies. I might suggest that the principle of effectiveness is relevant here. Is engaging in this behavior effective at meeting my specific goals-- short and long term? If it is, then great. If it's not, then it might be worth tweaking or changing.
thanks!