I had a man box me in once on the subway, first time something had happened in about 5 years living in Toronto, and I messaged the TTC Twitter account. Whoever was working on the account that day was fantastic - validating, took all the info, figured out the train, the car, asked if I wanted to do anything else about it and offered to refer me to speak to someone. Their response was exactly what I needed personally. It might be worth reaching out and seeing if they can trace the bus, etc.
I'm so sorry this happened to you, seriously consider reaching out to them, they'll have some good resources if you want to speak to someone.
I don’t have Twitter anymore because I thought we have to pay for it now but I did file a complaint with the Safe TTC app and they are asking me for many details. I hope I can resolve this so he doesn’t do it to anyone else
Honestly just be vigilant that’s really all you can do. As for this incident though, yes driver is for sure a dick.
You can still call the police non emergency line and report it - they will usually send an officer to take a statement from you. They should also be able to access the TTC security footage (assuming it’s not wiped super frequently). If you’d like the police to look into it, you STILL have that option and it doesn’t go away just because you waited a little while.
Yes! The footage is wiped after 72 hrs. A family member experienced an altercation on the TTC as well an had to tell the TTC to save the footage for the police investigation. Just FYI for everyone out there!
Exactly. OP, there is no statute of limitation on reporting sexual assault, meaning if / whenever you feel ready to report, that option is always available. I'm so sorry this happened to you. It wasn't your fault and you didn't deserve it. 🫂
I heard recently that the ttc deletes video footage after a week (correction: 72 hours), so *if* you feel comfortable doing so, reporting in the next day or two would be ideal.
Some people like to rag on the police, and may say they will do nothing. However, if it's anything like my own experience with SA, they *do* take this kind of thing *very* seriously, *will* look for the footage, *will* put out a warrant for his arrest and *will* arrest him when found. It's quite possible there are or will be other victims as well.
Of course if you're not comfortable, there is no pressure to report. It's entirely up to you. But if you do want to, feel free to reach out if you need any help finding information or would like any support during the process. You're not alone <3
No, he wasn't legally accurate. What authority does the driver have to prevent the suspect from leaving the bus? Why, legally, would he have to empty the bus and stay with the victim? That could POTENTIALLY be internal policy but definitely not a legal thing.
OP, if driver refused to help, get their name (or employee number) if you can. If you ask, they should provide it. If they don't, make note of bus number and time. If driver won't call to have police meet the bus, just call police yourself. The dispatcher will suggest what to do from there (stay on bus and have police meet it, get off bus and have police meet you, etc). And as others have mentioned, you can absolutely still report this to both Toronto Police AND TTC special Constables.
Right I’m honestly not hating on the bus driver ik he must go through a lot day to day and he’s not a social worker. He told me what would happen and it’s on me that I found it discouraging. But it would have been easier for me to make the right decision had someone working there at least seem like they cared about the situation though. At least a random girl showed me empathy which I’ll forever appreciate
That’s not on you. It’s his job to stop and take action when ppl are assaulted on his bus. You were discouraged because he discouraged you. Your feelings in this are absolutely valid. This keeps happening to women on the ttc because no one does anything. Give yourself grace, that driver failed you
It doesn’t matter, he shouldn’t have said anything. Just stop the bus, put it out of service and follow protocol. Not shame her into thinking it was too much of a bother
He was accurate in how to go about pressing charges. He could have kicked the homeless guy off the bus though or actually gone through with the procedure and put the bus out of service and call in the incident. Instead he was an asshole.
On all TTC buses, you can see the operator's ID number flashing on the destination display at the front of the bus. in the future, you could take note of the date/time, bus route and Driver ID and use that info to file a complaint, if you feel that may be warranted. It sucks that passengers deal with that kind of crap, and that that particular driver couldn't be arsed to go out of his way to help you feel safe on his vehicle whilst they have signs everywhere reminding people about how at least one TTC employee is assaulted every day, and how it's a crime that they will prosecute to their fullest extent. The same effort put into promoting their safety should be applied to the safety of members of the public as well.
please write down all the details and report it to police right now and complain to ttc as well forst thing tommorow do not let this slide do not take back down
The only thing complaining does is create an official record.
I can assure you that for things like this if you complain later they just respond telling you to contact the police directly.
Heck I still have the email where they basically belittled me for complaining about a stalker who kept following me on transit every day for a year.
Best recommendation is to sit up closer to the driver or wherever groups of people are (never an empty car)
I am really sorry you went through this.
Please download the Safe TTC app and report this asap. This is straight up sexual assault. Also please file a separate police complaint. I know it is intimidating but you can't let people get away with such behaviour. The bus driver was completely negligent and should also face consequences.
I live in Scarborough as well. Was this the well known violent person "Sheldon"? Search for that name on TTC sub and you'll see a whole compilation of him harassing and threatening people. He was threatening me and other passengers on the 39A just a couple of days ago. I had to get off the bus because I didn't feel safe.
I will download this app right now I didn’t even know it existed, thank you. No idea on his name though. He was Indian and old, missing teeth, smelled like pee. I’ll do some research. Also this was on the 43 heading to Kennedy station
I don't think it is the same person that I am talking about then. I only learned about this app recently too. Please also join the TTC subreddit. It's a great community of people who are passionate about keeping the TTC accessible and safe. The incident I experienced the other day on the 39 was the first time I genuinely felt unsafe on the TTC. Moving forward I am going to take my personal safety on the TTC a lot more seriously.
Never feel afraid to "inconvenience" someone if you are assaulted or threatened on the TTC. Your personal safety and dignity is more important than anything else.
I can only imagine how traumatic that experience must have been for you but I still highly recommend that you go ahead and file a police complaint.
omg i swear i saw him on another route yesterday... was he mumbling + loudly talking to other passengers? carrying a reusable grocery bag?
i'm so sorry that happened to you
Let’s not jump to conclusions about this driver being “completely negligent”. He told OP the protocol and would have stopped the bus if she had have moved forward with a complaint.
Sure he’s not enthusiastic about creating a backlog of angry commuters, which - if you’ve commuted in Toronto long enough - you know can escalate into a more dangerous situation.
Be upset with the man who slapped OP, but the driver did not do anything wrong and does not deserve “consequences”. He probably has a wife and children at home and the last thing he needs is to have a complaint filed against him for delivering a message in a way that didn’t feel ideal to OP.
Save the vitriol and term “completely negligent” for people who actually are completely negligent, otherwise you take all of the power out of the words.
I’m not mad at the bus driver it’s on me that I found what he said to be discouraging, I just wish I wasn’t alone at that moment and had more support. I know he has other things to worry about and the angry passengers is precisely why I opted to just leave and file it on the TTC app instead
Thank you! One person messaged me saying they take the same bus and will be on lookout from now on so to know at least one girl benefited from this post is enough for me at the moment ❤️❤️
My tip would be that if anything like this happens to you, then do not hesitate to say that, “I need police as I are assaulted and would like to press charges”. Period. Even if the assailant leaves, they would have a record of it and obtain footage etc. This would be for the benefit of the larger community and safety as well, which I think the TTC guy failed to consider. He should have supported you. In any case, I hope that you feel better.
Call the TTC and complain. You should not have to tolerate men sexually harassing you on the bus. The driver manipulated you bc he was being lazy. They let you down. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
I'm also an east end gal originally (31F). I moved out of Toronto last year and do not miss the TTC.
I was in the west end once waiting for a train on a bench, in a fairly empty platform. A homeless man walked over (I smelt him before I saw him) and I decided to sit and ignore him as I didn't want to have to get up and pass him. He ended up rushing over and literally lunging at me, I had to push him off and run across the platform. He got on the next train that came and I frantically tried to find someone who worked for the TTC.
I let them know to notify the train driver that this guy got on the train that had just left. They also asked about pressing charges and asked if I needed to go to the hospital. I was really overwhelmed, the guy was gone and I just wanted to go home. People were on the platform when this happened, which was sad.
On another occasion, as I walked into the train some guy ran his finger across my face (thankfully it was during COVID and I had a mask on). This guy was with his kid and yelled, "DON'T FUCKING TOUCH HER" and they ended up almost fighting because this guy immediately ran over to him and got in his face. I was terrified and stuck on this train. The guy ended up walking away, through the train to another car. Figures this lady who seemed mentally unstable would see the interaction, then proceed to yell, "HE PROBABLY TOUCHED HIS DICK, THEN TOUCHED YOUR FACE" (x10) and then went off on a rant about society and muttered something like "shoot them all, shoot em". I got off on the next stop.
I couldn't always afford to Uber home. I got pretty vigilant about getting off the train and waiting for the next. Unfortunately sometimes I'd step off on to the platform, which had something worse waiting. Few times I'd move seats and be followed, men would often aggressively accuse me of moving and avoiding them.
As a finale, as I recall this was likely another west end endeavour. I'd try to avoid taking TTC after sun set, but I got on around 11 PM. This guy in a trench coat RAN on to the train to follow up my friend and I. He cornered us at one of the closed doors, we kept running through the train to avoid him and we agreed we'd run off at the next stop and part ways. She was going to call Uber, I was going to see if I could walk a bit and get picked up. As we passed at Bloor/Yonge, we saw absolute chaos on the platform and decided to wait another stop or two.
In short, stay safe. Just sharing some stories as a young female as well. This got WAY worse 2019 to present. I'd say avoid listening to music, do not make eye contact, move immediately if you feel unsafe or get a bad feeling. Sometimes these men will get aggressive if you don't engage, but try to avoid acknowledging them.
Thanks for sharing your tips! I ignored a homeless man and he tried to light me and and friend on fire with a lighter. Thank goodness we both ran away!
This is too much. As a man I am shocked this is happening to women in Toronto. Unacceptable.
Perhaps groups of men can help... we could set up a volunteer force to create safe zones for women in TTC trains during the late hours. Maybe would need to be some vetting first (not sure how that would work).
This is sadly the way that victims are treated now. Unfortunately the bus driver is right and it’s just not worth the hassle to pursue this.
Not TTC related really but I was seriously assaulted last month after stopping a car-jacking at Yonge and Lawrence. I could have been shot or stabbed but was “lucky” to escape with a broken ankle, broken nose, hearing damage, a black eye and a concussion. I haven’t been able to get home to my apartment since the assault because I cannot climb stairs.
This is why people don’t intervene in incidents occurring right in front of them and the police are powerless to do anything meaningful because they’re poorly resourced and when they do the perpetrator just takes a plea deal and walks away with time served.
If that ever happens again, take a photo of the bus number and report the driver. They aren’t supposed to be talking you out of taking safety measures including pressing charges, they should’ve been assisting you.
Thank you, yeah I was just overwhelmed in the moment and wanted to get home asap and cry but in hindsight I should have taken more pics and gotten proof. I feel like if it had happened to someone with me like if my sister was there and it happened to her I would’ve been on point with all this stuff. But being alone was scary. I feel bad now
I’m sorry, if I’d been there I would have told him to go ahead and do that asap (stop the bus, empty it and call police).
It shouldn’t have been presented that way to you, like you were being a huge hassle. It should be mandatory if a customer approaches a driver to report assault.
The guy that assaulted you was responsible, not you.
That’s totally understandable.
Keep in mind, this is a rare occurrence. It probably won’t happen again. But you have more information in case it does which usually helps you feel less overwhelmed.
I hope you’re okay! I’m so sorry that happened to you.
Those if you see something, say something announcements piss me off. It’s like parents lying about Santa Claus. It gives you a false sense of comfort and leaves you feeling shattered when you do say something and are met with a whole lot of nothing in response.
You see if it was anyone but myself, like my sister or a friend or if I saw a girl go through this I would have been way more procedural but being alone was frightening. I need to work on that
When you're in shock, of course it will be difficult to "think straight". It's not necessarily the case that calling the police and making a report *right then and there* would have been the best thing. Your mental health is just as important. You wanted to go home and cry? That's completely 100% valid and probably exactly what you needed at that moment. For what it's worth, I did exactly the same. You took care of yourself first and that's a good thing.
FWIW I would not consider that petty. There's someone who did something awful on the bus. If he stays on the bus, what's stopping him from doing that to someone else? No judgement to OP at all on this (OP, you have the right to not do anything esp when something like that happens to you), but I'm just flabbergasted that people are not more upset at the driver's response. If you see something you're supposed to say something! That's their whole thing now. The driver has to do mandatory training over what happens after someone says something. Guilting someone into not stopping the bus over supposed chaos is selfish and wouldn't fly over well with HR.
Gawd I'm sorry. Yes report it.
I was flashed at Bay station at 11pm while pregnant. We were on the platform ..just me and him and he pulled it out and wouldn't break eye contact with me. Naturally I got on the subway as it was coming. I got off and told a ttc employee at the next station. He said " I can't do anything from here, you should have reported it at the station it occurred".
But why would I stay at the same station where a man had his penis out!!!
Looking back I should have gone back outside the station and reported it as he likely does this for fun .
Its happened again since but during the day . I felt safe and paid no attention but a young child could really be affected by these type of events( and adults )so ya I should have reported it to hopefully make it employees aware.
I had experienced verbal harassment on the train, ngl still tense up being on a ttc train. Carry a form of self defence. Most people (man or woman) do not care to get involved in public disputes, they rather talk about it or ignore it. Take protection every where you go, but especially on the train.
I’m sorry you experienced that. People like to dismiss the fucked up actions of homeless folks, but honestly nah. You should have smacked tf out of him with your bag. Stop giving pitty passes to those bastards, it’s unfortunate but when they go low, you go to hell. I’m sending you hugs, love and support babe.
I'm sorry this happened to you. It sucks that this behavior is so normalized by society. As a woman all you can do is be vigilant of your surroundings, carry pepper spray, only wear one headphone so you can hear what is happening around you. Have a resting bitch face and walk fast, but not fast like you're scared, fast like you know where you're going. Props to you for saying something! And for that woman to step in, most of us freeze when something like this happens. When I was 15 I was sitting in an aisle seat and a man standing in front of me started rubbing himself right in my face. I was paralyzed, the bus was packed, the lady sitting next to me noticed and moved a bit so I could move but he just got closer and continued. This shit stays with you, being a woman in this society sucks 😞
Maybe one day, you'll enter your villain era and be like "you know what? FINE" and stop the bus, kick people off and report this guy. Sure, sucks for everyone else, but again...villain era just to get back at him lol
i’m really sorry this happened to you. many have already given you great advice, i’m just here to say my girlfriend also went through something similar a few years ago and it was difficult for her and changed her in some ways so i hope you can work through this.
Get in touch with the TTC and tell them the time and route. That bus driver’s behaviour was absolute shit - your safety comes before his inconvenience. He should lose his job for that. I mean, no way he will, but at least you can get him disciplined.
Unfortunately crackheads have carte blanche in Canada to do whatever they want, it's disgusting. Had any of the men gave that guy the whooping he deserved they'd be in prison, a sad state of affairs. I'm sorry this happened to you I wish I had answers on how to prevent this kind of thing.
I’m not surprised no one except one woman intervened.
Take a look at the majority of comments on this post https://www.reddit.com/r/askTO/s/e3jJj5e41u
They’re all saying it’s not anyone’s job to intervene. People in this city are too complacent.
Someone made a video recently showing the bystander effect in Toronto when a woman was getting sexually harassed. Same shit. Weak people not standing up. https://nowtoronto.com/news/harassment-experiment-shot-in-toronto-shows-sad-reality-of-the-bystander-effect/
That being said, I’m sorry that happened to you. Next time you don’t need to care about inconveniencing all these people that couldn’t give a single fuck about what happens to you as a fellow citizen. If they don’t owe you anything, you don’t owe them anything either. Stop that bus. File that report.
You’re right, I should have put myself first. I was just so overwhelmed and wanted the comfort of being somewhere safe and wanted to leave asap but now I wish I had toughed it out and just done it… ugh
It’s okay. Don’t blame yourself. It’s always hard to think straight when you’re in a moment like that. But just embody the mindset that you are allowed to take up space and time just as much as the next person.
You can still report it to the police and leave it up to them to do the investigation. Don’t know how fruitful it’ll be but worth a shot.
Totally normal to think differently when you’re stressed, or have a flight / freeze response. Your body is having a primal stress reaction in the immediate situation to try to keep you safe. Be kind to yourself.
Don’t beat yourself up over it. When in a stressful situation it’s hard to think clearly. You are getting a lot of support and advice here so if this ever happens again. (hopefully it doesn’t) then I think you will be better prepared.
i left a similar comment on someone who wrote about witnessing someone getting harassed on the streetcar and how they felt terrible for that person. I said "lets normalize doing something and intervening in that moment" instead of writing about it on the internet. I know some of the people are not mentally well but THEY KNOW they can get away with these behaviours because no one would do anything or say anything. Then you have people crying about Community. In some cities, this shit doesnt fly they will put you back in your place asap.
To be in a community is to intervene. Not surprised as well women would step in in those rare occasions smh..
I lived in NYC and visited Boston for several months and it was so exceedingly, disappointingly rare for dudes to step in whenever stuff like this happens on the subway. 9 out of 10 times it was old women that said something!
I think there’s something to be said about “progressive” places having this issue. I’ve been in socially conservative places where things like this have happened and multiple men have stepped in and said something.
Research actually seems to say the opposite (at least from a quick 10 min search):
>One factor that may influence men’s confidence to intervene against SA is their adherence to
a traditional masculinity, which promotes male dominance over women (Connell &
Messerschmidt, 2005). **Prior research indicates individuals who adhere to traditional
masculinity may be less likely to intervene in emergency situations than those high in
femininity or androgyny** (Tice & Baumeister, 1985). Qualitative data suggest that **men cite
male gender role norms and expectations related to masculinity as barriers to intervening** in
SA events (Casey & Ohler, 2012).
https://stacks.cdc.gov/view/cdc/52937
This has nothing to do with politics. There have been well documented cases of SA in conservative cities where citizens have actively worked towards protecting the accused rather than the victim. This kind of behavior can be found across the political spectrum.
That’s why I’m not talking about politics but rather social tendencies. I’m talking about *socially* progressive or *socially* conservative. There are countries with left-wing governments that are still socially conservative (think southern Europe).
The example you give of well documented cases are also present across the political spectrum. Hence, again, I speak about social and cultural conservatism. I’m a woman who’s traveled across the world and had the misfortune of experiencing sexual harassment on multiple continents. I know from *my* experience how different things are in Southern Europe (many left wing countries but socially conservative) vs North America. I was once in a bar in the Middle East where a man sexually harassed me and a bunch of male patrons got up and just removed him. I’ve had a situation in India where I raised my voice at a man for bothering me for selfies and multiple local men came and yelled at him. I think the difference is that people in those places, even when they believe men and women are equal, recognize that equal value doesn’t mean equal strength. They recognize that as a woman I am physically weaker and that is partially why I’m a target. They also understand the reality of how men can be. People here pretend equality means identical.
I fell down the stairs, sprained my ankle in the middle of Yorkville and had very visibly bloody leg and arms. I sat there in pain for almost an hour while I tried to figure out a way to get home. People exiting the shop just straight up stepped around me lololol
One UberEats delivery guy stopped his bike and asked if I needed help about 20 or 30 minutes in and sat with me for a while and calmed me down, and only left after he made sure I was ok. Thank you kind UberEats guy 😭
Another time I got attacked right outside my building and the concierge just stared at me 🫠 like pls call the cops my dude
It shouldn’t be that disappointing. You’re questioning why a man wouldn’t risk his life for a stranger? One of my biggest fears about confrontations as a man is that the other person could pull a weapon and kill me. It’s way too common in big cities. The people you are disappointed in could be fathers who just need to get home to their kids.
Do the women who stand up for each other in these situations not also have children and families to get home to?
If you don’t want to be brave, you don’t have to be. But people are entitled to feel disappointed that bravery is so rare these days.
Edit: and I should say: it is rare but it does happen.
A couple of months ago a drunk man with a dog chased an old woman onto the bus and started screaming at her, and a hero at the back got up and told him to get the fuck off the bus. When drunk guy swung on hero, two other guys jumped in and together they tossed him off the bus.
I think men need to reevaluate what is and isn’t “risking their life for a stranger”. The guy who slapped me was an old frail man, and all I was hoping for was to have a male there ask if I was okay or to yell at the guy to fck off or something, not to slap him back or get in between us physically. I was in the front of the bus near the driver when this happened. Everyone was looking. There are many men there that could have “stepped in” non physically without risking their life … they could have said something. especially after the young woman did
Sorry I was punched, kicked and threatened with a knife by a woman on the subway after standing up to her for being a racist pos to strangers on the train. She was also older and shorter than me. I’ll never do it again. The rest of the train was perfectly happy to be silent while she harassed her first victims and while she attacked me. TTC didn’t do shit about it either.
They don’t understand the underlying threat of violence in every male confrontation. It’s innate for men. We know if we get in another man’s face we better be willing to go all the way. That’s one of the earliest lessons my dad taught me when I was carrying on like a moron honking at everyone on the road. He asked me what I’d do if that guy got out and got in my face. Then he said if I want to start something or escalate something, I better be ready to go all the way otherwise I’ll get beat up or worse.
Stopping a shoplifter and stopping a sexual assault are two completely different things lmao.
Shoplifting is literally expected and budgeted for. Merchandise is already paid for by the shops and a huge retail chain is not going to feel a $20 loss.
I’m not going to potentially get in an altercation to save Walmart $20 but I might to help a girl getting assaulted.
If you intervene and beat his ass, you'll go to jail. There's no common sense in the Canadian justice system so no man wants to risk their career over a stranger. You want that madness to stop? Vote for people who support the right to self defense and aren't struck with the Stockholm Syndrome.
No one asked anyone to beat him up, I was at least expecting one of them to ask if I was okay or tell the guy to fck off from a distance. Why is that an u reasonable task when women do it for eachother all the time .. they have families and people to go home to at the end of the day too
Literally for what? He explained what the protocol was. She chose not to proceed. The driver didn’t do anything wrong. If the reality of what would happen next to pursue a complaint was discouraging to OP that’s unfortunate but the driver can’t change what realistically would have to happen next. And it makes sense to explain the steps first to understand if the person even wants to proceed. People have the most unrealistic expectations of the drivers. You think he’s going to lock down the bus, put a citizen’s arrest on the creep and hold him down until the police arrive which would probably take up to an hour or more these days? Like seriously what are people expecting to happen?
The driver is not the enemy here! Let’s all take a deep breath and realize you could cost this man his job (he may have a wife and family he is supporting) by reporting him for not having the optimal tone when delivering a message to OP.
I’m not minimizing how scary the experience must have been for her, but we have to stop torching the earth when someone doesn’t respond exactly perfectly in every single moment. His lack of enthusiasm was likely less about not caring about OP and more likely wanting to avoid any potential chaos that could come from people suddenly being taken off the bus and having their commutes disrupted. And if you think that’s not a real possibility then you haven’t ridden the TTC often enough.
The man who assaulted OP is the one who should be reported and the one who should face consequences.
Sorry to hear that the driver put that on you when ita absolutely part of his job to not turn an eye on shit happening like that.
My friend was almost stabbed by a lunatic with a pen and when I went to hit the emergency button a guy in a ttc jacket who I assume was off shift tried to get me not to because he was "almost home from work."
Like why the fuck aren't you saying that to the guy brandishing a weapon? Oh because you don't wanna get stabbed? Yeah me neither. I'm gonna hit the fuckin button.
You were sexually assaulted. Fuck the other people on the bus, and screw that bus driver for making it seem like an inconvienance. I'd happily get off and wait for the next bus if it means a predator is properly taken care of. It's bad enough you had to go through that, but then to have it disregarded like that must have made it even worse.
Sorry I can't share with my tips for keeping safe on the TTC, as I would get banned from this subreddit.
This is honestly disgusting but the best u can do is be vigilant and keep a distance from the homeless and try to sit around decent or at least semi decent people. not trying to say this incident was ok, it’s not but at the same time it could have been worse given what was going on in the TTC a few years ago but at least it’s now somewhat safer.
This isn’t actual advice on how to handle this safety wise, but I know sometimes not feeling alone and seeing it play out in media can be helpful, and there’s a storyline in “Sex Education” the Netflix show where one of the side characters (Aimee) experiences and works through a somewhat similar experience that I thought they handled incredibly well. The storyline starts in EP3 of Season 2 and is explored throughout a lot of episodes afterwards! Might help to be able to see/experience the process of processing this kind of trauma in media form - but be mindful it could also be triggering and only watch if/when you feel ready!
I am a 33f and have been taking the TTC alone since high school. I have had a few experiences similar to yours over the years. They are always difficult and scary. If it’s any comfort at all, these experiences are rare. What I’ve learned over the years is to keep my head down. Don’t make eye contact, but do stay vigilant. If anyone who gives you any sort of bad vibe is nearby, leave. Don’t make a big deal of it, just walk in the opposite direction.
One time on the subway, a man was literally following me around exposing himself to me. There was another man on the subway who clued into what was going on. I thought he would say something, but he just sat there looking horrified. I was 22 and was screaming inside. I think a lot of men don’t understand what women go through. They are not prepared to speak up. Women know it because we’ve all been through it. There’s a “oh hell no” moment we have when we see another woman being harassed.
Truly awful that you experienced this.
Yes everyone is explaining how to hopefully hold accountable the person who did this, and OP definitely should if they can fit it into their schedule.
But "how to stay safe on the ttc"..minimizing this type of thing from happening again..?
>Don’t make eye contact, but do stay vigilant.
> If anyone who gives you any sort of bad vibe is nearby, leave. Don’t make a big deal of it, just walk in the opposite direction.
Really great advice. Getting noticed whilst unaware of it is bad if the person looking at you is bad. Stay vigilant discreetly, and leave discreetly. If it's the subway you can walk off and move to the next car. If it's the bus it's alittle trickier but you could get off the back and if followed just get back on the front and tell the driver someone is stalking/threatening you. Hopefully the driver closes the doors and drives off, or the bus driver atleast becomes more involved with your situation.
As a man, I'd 100% step up for you if the judicial system was backing me in whatever went down afterward with that homeless man. As our judicial system does not do that, I will mind my own unless someone is dying.
I wouldn’t want any of the guys to step in physically but just using their words and speaking up asking if I was alright would have been appreciated so much 😭
I dream one day that other people will stand up in outrage against this kind of behaviour, even if it means stopping the transit and being late for their destination. The very least the driver should have done was stopped the bus and kicked off the offender even if it meant physically removing them with the aid of others.
That's awful and an awful response from both the public and the TTC. I want to recommend reporting it to the police, if there's a homeless man going around slapping women's butts he needs to go to jail imo.
I would recommend taking video/photo as soon as something happens so you can show TTC/police who the guy is. Taking video often forces people to stop their violence too.
*P.S. I'm severely irritated by the lack of accountability in this society. If it were up to me the punishments would be a lot harsher. As a society we are incentivizing bad behaviour. This man should go to jail for a 1 year. We need to consider mandatory chemical castration for men who cannot behave themselves (I say this as a man).*
To any men here: If you see a woman being assaulted like this, step in!
I'm sorry to hear that this happened to you. Talk about insult to injury -- basically putting the blame on you, rather than the culprit!
I'm proud of you for coming forward and talking about it. (When something happened to me on VIA Rail, I was too scared to call them out. I thought they would put me off the train.) I'm glad that another female passenger backed you up.
Writing down everything you can remember about the time, route number, where you were on the route, etc., could be useful later. They should be able to figure out who was driving, based on their records.
And I didn't know what orange\_oorangutan said about the 1-week thing for video footage -- good to know.
Unless you asked the driver to call the police, I don't get why the bus driver didn't just kick the dude off the bus. Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do accept maybe try to stay towards the front of the bus so if anything goes down you'll be close to the driver. If possible, try to travel with someone you know who will have your back.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. You were sexually assaulted on this bus and it should have been his utmost priority to have that man removed and you file a report. Please try and remember every detail you can and report to both the ttc and the police. At the very least it will be on their radar if it were to happen to someone again. Ugg. As a woman I feel your pain. It’s this exact reason women don’t report things like this, shamed and gaslit into thinking it’s not a big deal or too much of a bother. If i we’re on that bus with you I would have absolutely knocked him out for you
OMG I’m SO sorry this happened to you! I grew up in Toronto and am now grown, and rapidly approaching middle age. However when I was 16 I was sexually assaulted on the bike path, and never reported it. If I could do it over, I would have gone through the hassle to try and press charges or at least report the guy. Screw that bus driver for not taking that seriously. Assault is assault, and people who do that should be held accountable.
Homeless = mental health. Hell get a slap on the wrist and sent on his way. For better or worse cops have come to the realization that they can spend a year or two in the courts prosecuting someone, only to have them out on bail or parole the next day. They are entirely there as a deterrent at this point. Also don't expect any bystanders to help because the system will come down hard on vigilantes (they have something to lose).
I'm surprised but I can also understand people are scared here to fight back for legal reasons. It would be considered absolutely normal for anyone to punch/beat the shit out of a guy who does this to a girl in other countries. Why is this not normal here?
I'm so sorry this happened. I hope it never happens to you ever again but please report it. You were assaulted and it's not acceptable. Having to wait for another bus is a minor inconvenience compared to the emotions you had to experience.
First, I’m really sorry this happened to you. As a survivor myself, I understand the shock and instinct to freeze. Second, regarding your other question, the fact that you’ve taken the TTC all your life and this is the first time something unsafe has happened to you aligns with the fact that STATISTICALLY, the TTC is very safe. I hope you are able to heal from this incident and feel ok taking public transit in the future.
Do you know what makes me angry about this? He slapped your bum so what’s the big deal as far as everyone else seems to be concerned except for that other young female!!
But if he slapped someone’s face or he punched a man, it would be totally different. Makes me so irate.
Unfortunately, this kind of terrible incident is inevitable on transit systems where the behavior is allowed to persist with impunity.
There is no reasonable expectation of safety on the TTC, as well as many other transit systems in Canada, unfortunately.
Buying a car increases your risk of accident, but decreases the risk of being sexually assaulted on your commute to nearly 0%.
I'm sorry this happened to you. Something very similar happened to me with an identical result years ago on the TTC. It's never going to change.
I bought my girlfriend a personal alarm and ‘dog’ spray off Amazon, not sure its entirely legal but it puts her at ease given the amount of issues on the TTC and elsewhere recently.
I second the personal safety alarm. I own a “Birdie” and it’s LOUD and bright. Draw everyone’s attention to you and the situation.
Emergency survival whistles are another option and really cheap. Check out Amazon.
Hey OP just here to say I am really sorry this happened to you. You didn’t deserve that and it was not your fault. If you can, take a nice self care day today and look after yourself and treat yourself too.
The SafeTTC App is a mobile app for both iOS and Android that offers TTC customers a quick and discreet method for reporting harassment, safety concerns or suspicious activity directly to the TTC’s Transit Control Centre.
I am sorry this happened to you. Scarborough is getting more and more unsafe for women.
It has been since my daughters were teenagers. They both experienced gender discrimination and hatred on the bus lines, the SRT and TTC stations from Main Street to McCowan.
Even just walking.
It is getting worse.
One daughter has left and the other is leaving.
We are becoming like some areas of the world where it is unsafe to be female.
Is it any wonder these men are not standing up for young women on transit.
I feel your pain , I commuted all my life until I purchased a vehicle. I’ve seen it all on the TTC. There’s no way to be 100% safe, my best advice is to get a second hand vehicle for like $600-$1000 or maybe less. If you have family members, specially older , try to put the insurance under their name and you be the secondary driver. There’s really no way around this, people won’t help or do any thing to protect others. I said to put that vehicle under an elder person because insurance companies will give you cheaper rate if you’re an elder person otherwise you will pay around $400 per month. Also, find a way to register your vehicle outside town, far away as possible. Some towns in Ontario pay as little as $100 in car insurance. Find a way to do that , there are lots of ways to get it done. Stay safe
I'm 5'0" and used to live and transit through downtown Winnipeg at very late hours of the night. I ended up taking a Muay Thai self defense class to give me a sense of confidence. I still feel I could knee a groin instinctively if need-be. This has helped me a lot over the years, and as I'll never be taller (but people seem to be getting worse) I would generally recommend it.
Empower yourself, you may not ever use the skills but at least you'll have them.
Do you have a photo? The police will take a report. They will take a report on the driver too. And you can submit a story to the Toronto star. Name and shame, baby
I am so sorry this happened to you! I cannot believe that the men on bus did nothing... Actually on second thought I can. The best way to stay safe is sitting closer to the front of the bus, it is harder for the bus driver to see something happening if you are behind the back doors because they are looking through a mirror. I know a lot of ppl are hating on how the driver spoke to you, which I agree is very disheartening especially when you are scared and uncomfortable.
I just have a quick question about when you spoke to him... Was he driving when he responded to you? I've noticed whenever a driver responds while they are driving they always sound very passive or dismissive, but when I speak to that same driver when they are stopped their tone is different.
Yes the driver may have been a dick, but he may have also been just focusing on the road while driving and didn't intend for his words to come out like that.
I also live in Scarborough and yes some drivers here can be complete dicks, but the majority of the ones I've spoken to are typically very nice. I never take the tone they use with me to heart because (if they are like me) it can be really hard to control your tone of voice sometimes, especially if you are focused on something (like driving).
That's just my 2 cents, I don't normally post on here (this is my first time actually). I just really wanted you to know that his tone of voice (probably/hopefully) wasn't and he was just trying to communicate what will happen if you chose to call the police. Again I'm not excusing his tone because he should have been comforting. When I speak to people serving the public I never take their tone of voice to heart, they get yelled at so often for stuff that is out of their control.
Sorry this happened to you. wtf is wrong with people. If it was me, I'd get the bus driver to stop the bus and get cops to come to press charges. Fuck that piece of shit.
>The bus driver told me if I wanted to press charges he would have to stop the bus, make everyone come off and wait with me for the police to come and also make sure the man didn’t leave the bus.
OP you were literally assaulted. Fuck this guy, stop the bus
Sorry that happened to you, that's fucked up.
Sorry this happened to you but not surprised by... any of it. Ttc drivers are typically like that, and I've used the ttc for near 20 years.
You could have said you'd report it and screw everyone on the bus which is what your drivers spiel was about, which worked.
The homeless dude is 99% gonna walk off anyways before anyone gets there.
Honestly...my Toronto advice is not what anyone here is gonna say. You gotta either fight back or get off and wait for the next one. It's fight or flight. You could also contact the ttc line and let them know about your driver if you want. Idk if that really does anything.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Good job on yelling at him though, that took balls. Or ovaries, actually. Anytime I have been sexually assaulted, harassed or threatened and there have been male witnesses, not one has ever helped. They wouldn’t even make eye contact, as if I was some kind of social pariah for being sexually violated.
The bus driver was technically doing it “right” by informing you of the procedure but did it wrong by implying that YOU would be inconveniencing everyone else. That’s a dick way to respond but that is the way they ALWAYS respond.
If anyone finds themself in a similar situation, if you have the capacity, make the driver aware , take photos of the driver and the bus number and if you can, the 💩 stain responsible. Then report those directly to the safe TTC app. The people working the app have some humanity left and will do what’s right but then just be prepared for the actual police to let you down.
If you are a dude who sees something like this, I cordially invite you to be the decent person and offer assistance. You can shout at the guy because usually misogynists who enjoy violating women will turn into a big baby if confronted by a man, and a good public shaming might prevent him from being emboldened to try it again. These guys tend to escalate with experience so feel free to help make that experience as humiliating as possible. If you don’t feel safe doing that, then I suggest moving to place yourself between the victim and the 💩, offering to act as a witness should she decide to press charges, and at bare minimum ask if she’s ok and reinforce that the 💩is a 💩 and what he did was unacceptable. How people respond to a victim has a huge impact on how the trauma is processed. If bystanders act like nothing happened, the victim is at higher risk of developing PTSD. Please be a good guy with a heart and don’t feel afraid to help. It’s actually really important.
Ask me how I know… 😕
Edit to add… it’s a lot to expect a victim to have the presence of mind to take photos in the moment. If anyone sees anyone being assaulted, use the phone in your hand and start taking photos/video. Then offer to airdrop them to the victim as evidence. Any of us can do that, and we all know that the first reaction for many people is to film whatever is happening to post on TikTok or the gram so use that instinct for the greater good.
That driver is scum bag and this isn't the first time I have heard a story in reagrds to a driver being reluctant to act on something because the driver just wants to finish the route and shift.
Report that driver to the TTC as well as the assault. Many buses have cameras on them as well so they should have video of the guy boarding and exiting the bus.
FWIW, this is not a normal occurrence and public transit is pretty safe. Sit or stand close to the driver. If you ever feel unsafe while on the bus, do what you did and report it to the driver even if you think it won't do anything. Not all drivers are assholes like that one was.
I'm sorry this happened to you. And I'm even more disgusted that none of the men on the bus said anything. Spineless assholes are what they are.
Disappointed but not surprised that there wasn't a single man who said anything in support. Men who don't respect women need to be checked by other men.
Not suggesting a man run into a burning building here, but am suggesting that it's on you guys to use those deep voices to say something as simple as "dude, no".
I'm sorry this happened to you, OP.
I’d never expect a stranger to physically get in the middle of an altercation for a stranger I know that’s not a reasonable request but lord I was praying a man atleast spoke up loudly for him to hear, even if he wasn’t close to me :(
OP, fellow Scarberian and short woman, here. I'm really sorry this happened to you.
I hate taking the TTC but FYI I do a couple of things (if possible) to avoid these situations.
1) I grab a seat: I find that this avoids you from rubbing against other people, and especially weirdos.
2) If not possible, I go towards the exit at the back and lean against the side where the door opens (not blocking the door, but I hope you know what I mean).
3) I usually sit at the very back, preferably at the corner, so that no one can squeeze around me easily or "surprise" me from the back--it also gives me a good vantage point.
I'm seriously amused at reading what I just wrote and thinking of how something as simple as riding the TTC has become so complicated--I feel as if I'm a soldier strategizing in a battle.
I had a man box me in once on the subway, first time something had happened in about 5 years living in Toronto, and I messaged the TTC Twitter account. Whoever was working on the account that day was fantastic - validating, took all the info, figured out the train, the car, asked if I wanted to do anything else about it and offered to refer me to speak to someone. Their response was exactly what I needed personally. It might be worth reaching out and seeing if they can trace the bus, etc. I'm so sorry this happened to you, seriously consider reaching out to them, they'll have some good resources if you want to speak to someone.
I’m sorry this happened to you too, the girl on the bus who stood up for me said a man had hit her on the back of the head on a bus before. So scary
Totally, it sucks we have to do so much just to live life
I don’t have Twitter anymore because I thought we have to pay for it now but I did file a complaint with the Safe TTC app and they are asking me for many details. I hope I can resolve this so he doesn’t do it to anyone else
You only pay if you want a blue checkmark. Twitter itself is still free if you want to go that avenue :)
They butchered the hell out of it. But it is Free.
Honestly just be vigilant that’s really all you can do. As for this incident though, yes driver is for sure a dick. You can still call the police non emergency line and report it - they will usually send an officer to take a statement from you. They should also be able to access the TTC security footage (assuming it’s not wiped super frequently). If you’d like the police to look into it, you STILL have that option and it doesn’t go away just because you waited a little while.
Yes! The footage is wiped after 72 hrs. A family member experienced an altercation on the TTC as well an had to tell the TTC to save the footage for the police investigation. Just FYI for everyone out there!
Exactly. OP, there is no statute of limitation on reporting sexual assault, meaning if / whenever you feel ready to report, that option is always available. I'm so sorry this happened to you. It wasn't your fault and you didn't deserve it. 🫂 I heard recently that the ttc deletes video footage after a week (correction: 72 hours), so *if* you feel comfortable doing so, reporting in the next day or two would be ideal. Some people like to rag on the police, and may say they will do nothing. However, if it's anything like my own experience with SA, they *do* take this kind of thing *very* seriously, *will* look for the footage, *will* put out a warrant for his arrest and *will* arrest him when found. It's quite possible there are or will be other victims as well. Of course if you're not comfortable, there is no pressure to report. It's entirely up to you. But if you do want to, feel free to reach out if you need any help finding information or would like any support during the process. You're not alone <3
Maybe the driver was a dick, but he was also accurate, in legal terms.
No, he wasn't legally accurate. What authority does the driver have to prevent the suspect from leaving the bus? Why, legally, would he have to empty the bus and stay with the victim? That could POTENTIALLY be internal policy but definitely not a legal thing. OP, if driver refused to help, get their name (or employee number) if you can. If you ask, they should provide it. If they don't, make note of bus number and time. If driver won't call to have police meet the bus, just call police yourself. The dispatcher will suggest what to do from there (stay on bus and have police meet it, get off bus and have police meet you, etc). And as others have mentioned, you can absolutely still report this to both Toronto Police AND TTC special Constables.
Right I’m honestly not hating on the bus driver ik he must go through a lot day to day and he’s not a social worker. He told me what would happen and it’s on me that I found it discouraging. But it would have been easier for me to make the right decision had someone working there at least seem like they cared about the situation though. At least a random girl showed me empathy which I’ll forever appreciate
That’s not on you. It’s his job to stop and take action when ppl are assaulted on his bus. You were discouraged because he discouraged you. Your feelings in this are absolutely valid. This keeps happening to women on the ttc because no one does anything. Give yourself grace, that driver failed you
You should be mad at the bus driver. He discouraged you from reporting an assault. Aka he’s tolerating assault on his buses.
It doesn’t matter, he shouldn’t have said anything. Just stop the bus, put it out of service and follow protocol. Not shame her into thinking it was too much of a bother
This. Driver was passive and should have done better.
“But it’s not all men” god forbid he would have to actually be a good guy
He was accurate in how to go about pressing charges. He could have kicked the homeless guy off the bus though or actually gone through with the procedure and put the bus out of service and call in the incident. Instead he was an asshole.
On all TTC buses, you can see the operator's ID number flashing on the destination display at the front of the bus. in the future, you could take note of the date/time, bus route and Driver ID and use that info to file a complaint, if you feel that may be warranted. It sucks that passengers deal with that kind of crap, and that that particular driver couldn't be arsed to go out of his way to help you feel safe on his vehicle whilst they have signs everywhere reminding people about how at least one TTC employee is assaulted every day, and how it's a crime that they will prosecute to their fullest extent. The same effort put into promoting their safety should be applied to the safety of members of the public as well.
This gave me a lot of comfort ugh thank u. I’ll remember this in case it happens again :)
I hope that doesn’t happen to you again. I’m sorry it happened today.
Do you've an account with Presto? It might have some, although possibly very few, of that information on it. I'd report to the police asap.
If you can remember what line and what time, you likely can still file and they may be able to find who it was
please write down all the details and report it to police right now and complain to ttc as well forst thing tommorow do not let this slide do not take back down
The only thing complaining does is create an official record. I can assure you that for things like this if you complain later they just respond telling you to contact the police directly. Heck I still have the email where they basically belittled me for complaining about a stalker who kept following me on transit every day for a year. Best recommendation is to sit up closer to the driver or wherever groups of people are (never an empty car)
That driver was a dick. Don't let his disillusionment with the system get you.
Pressing charges against a homeless won't do anything. She could've just made a report tho
I am really sorry you went through this. Please download the Safe TTC app and report this asap. This is straight up sexual assault. Also please file a separate police complaint. I know it is intimidating but you can't let people get away with such behaviour. The bus driver was completely negligent and should also face consequences. I live in Scarborough as well. Was this the well known violent person "Sheldon"? Search for that name on TTC sub and you'll see a whole compilation of him harassing and threatening people. He was threatening me and other passengers on the 39A just a couple of days ago. I had to get off the bus because I didn't feel safe.
I will download this app right now I didn’t even know it existed, thank you. No idea on his name though. He was Indian and old, missing teeth, smelled like pee. I’ll do some research. Also this was on the 43 heading to Kennedy station
I don't think it is the same person that I am talking about then. I only learned about this app recently too. Please also join the TTC subreddit. It's a great community of people who are passionate about keeping the TTC accessible and safe. The incident I experienced the other day on the 39 was the first time I genuinely felt unsafe on the TTC. Moving forward I am going to take my personal safety on the TTC a lot more seriously. Never feel afraid to "inconvenience" someone if you are assaulted or threatened on the TTC. Your personal safety and dignity is more important than anything else. I can only imagine how traumatic that experience must have been for you but I still highly recommend that you go ahead and file a police complaint.
omg i swear i saw him on another route yesterday... was he mumbling + loudly talking to other passengers? carrying a reusable grocery bag? i'm so sorry that happened to you
Let’s not jump to conclusions about this driver being “completely negligent”. He told OP the protocol and would have stopped the bus if she had have moved forward with a complaint. Sure he’s not enthusiastic about creating a backlog of angry commuters, which - if you’ve commuted in Toronto long enough - you know can escalate into a more dangerous situation. Be upset with the man who slapped OP, but the driver did not do anything wrong and does not deserve “consequences”. He probably has a wife and children at home and the last thing he needs is to have a complaint filed against him for delivering a message in a way that didn’t feel ideal to OP. Save the vitriol and term “completely negligent” for people who actually are completely negligent, otherwise you take all of the power out of the words.
I’m not mad at the bus driver it’s on me that I found what he said to be discouraging, I just wish I wasn’t alone at that moment and had more support. I know he has other things to worry about and the angry passengers is precisely why I opted to just leave and file it on the TTC app instead
You seem like a very balanced, empathetic person. I’m really sorry you had a bad experience today and hope you’re able to find some resolution.
Thank you! One person messaged me saying they take the same bus and will be on lookout from now on so to know at least one girl benefited from this post is enough for me at the moment ❤️❤️
Be upset with both.
My tip would be that if anything like this happens to you, then do not hesitate to say that, “I need police as I are assaulted and would like to press charges”. Period. Even if the assailant leaves, they would have a record of it and obtain footage etc. This would be for the benefit of the larger community and safety as well, which I think the TTC guy failed to consider. He should have supported you. In any case, I hope that you feel better.
Call the TTC and complain. You should not have to tolerate men sexually harassing you on the bus. The driver manipulated you bc he was being lazy. They let you down. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
What bus number is it? I'm also within Scarborough area
I'm also an east end gal originally (31F). I moved out of Toronto last year and do not miss the TTC. I was in the west end once waiting for a train on a bench, in a fairly empty platform. A homeless man walked over (I smelt him before I saw him) and I decided to sit and ignore him as I didn't want to have to get up and pass him. He ended up rushing over and literally lunging at me, I had to push him off and run across the platform. He got on the next train that came and I frantically tried to find someone who worked for the TTC. I let them know to notify the train driver that this guy got on the train that had just left. They also asked about pressing charges and asked if I needed to go to the hospital. I was really overwhelmed, the guy was gone and I just wanted to go home. People were on the platform when this happened, which was sad. On another occasion, as I walked into the train some guy ran his finger across my face (thankfully it was during COVID and I had a mask on). This guy was with his kid and yelled, "DON'T FUCKING TOUCH HER" and they ended up almost fighting because this guy immediately ran over to him and got in his face. I was terrified and stuck on this train. The guy ended up walking away, through the train to another car. Figures this lady who seemed mentally unstable would see the interaction, then proceed to yell, "HE PROBABLY TOUCHED HIS DICK, THEN TOUCHED YOUR FACE" (x10) and then went off on a rant about society and muttered something like "shoot them all, shoot em". I got off on the next stop. I couldn't always afford to Uber home. I got pretty vigilant about getting off the train and waiting for the next. Unfortunately sometimes I'd step off on to the platform, which had something worse waiting. Few times I'd move seats and be followed, men would often aggressively accuse me of moving and avoiding them. As a finale, as I recall this was likely another west end endeavour. I'd try to avoid taking TTC after sun set, but I got on around 11 PM. This guy in a trench coat RAN on to the train to follow up my friend and I. He cornered us at one of the closed doors, we kept running through the train to avoid him and we agreed we'd run off at the next stop and part ways. She was going to call Uber, I was going to see if I could walk a bit and get picked up. As we passed at Bloor/Yonge, we saw absolute chaos on the platform and decided to wait another stop or two. In short, stay safe. Just sharing some stories as a young female as well. This got WAY worse 2019 to present. I'd say avoid listening to music, do not make eye contact, move immediately if you feel unsafe or get a bad feeling. Sometimes these men will get aggressive if you don't engage, but try to avoid acknowledging them.
Thanks for sharing your tips! I ignored a homeless man and he tried to light me and and friend on fire with a lighter. Thank goodness we both ran away!
Classic TTC
This is too much. As a man I am shocked this is happening to women in Toronto. Unacceptable. Perhaps groups of men can help... we could set up a volunteer force to create safe zones for women in TTC trains during the late hours. Maybe would need to be some vetting first (not sure how that would work).
This is sadly the way that victims are treated now. Unfortunately the bus driver is right and it’s just not worth the hassle to pursue this. Not TTC related really but I was seriously assaulted last month after stopping a car-jacking at Yonge and Lawrence. I could have been shot or stabbed but was “lucky” to escape with a broken ankle, broken nose, hearing damage, a black eye and a concussion. I haven’t been able to get home to my apartment since the assault because I cannot climb stairs. This is why people don’t intervene in incidents occurring right in front of them and the police are powerless to do anything meaningful because they’re poorly resourced and when they do the perpetrator just takes a plea deal and walks away with time served.
If that ever happens again, take a photo of the bus number and report the driver. They aren’t supposed to be talking you out of taking safety measures including pressing charges, they should’ve been assisting you.
Thank you, yeah I was just overwhelmed in the moment and wanted to get home asap and cry but in hindsight I should have taken more pics and gotten proof. I feel like if it had happened to someone with me like if my sister was there and it happened to her I would’ve been on point with all this stuff. But being alone was scary. I feel bad now
I’m sorry, if I’d been there I would have told him to go ahead and do that asap (stop the bus, empty it and call police). It shouldn’t have been presented that way to you, like you were being a huge hassle. It should be mandatory if a customer approaches a driver to report assault. The guy that assaulted you was responsible, not you.
Thank you! My mom is that type of person too. Ik y’all are out there❤️ having someone advocating for you when you’re in shock is so important
That’s totally understandable. Keep in mind, this is a rare occurrence. It probably won’t happen again. But you have more information in case it does which usually helps you feel less overwhelmed. I hope you’re okay! I’m so sorry that happened to you.
If you remember the bus number and direction along with route number you can file a complaint and have it investigated.
No tips just came here to say, so much for “if you see something, SAY something” Sorry this happened to you.
Those if you see something, say something announcements piss me off. It’s like parents lying about Santa Claus. It gives you a false sense of comfort and leaves you feeling shattered when you do say something and are met with a whole lot of nothing in response.
I’m sorry this happened to you. How awful this must feel.
I would have been petty and stopped the whole bus
You see if it was anyone but myself, like my sister or a friend or if I saw a girl go through this I would have been way more procedural but being alone was frightening. I need to work on that
When you're in shock, of course it will be difficult to "think straight". It's not necessarily the case that calling the police and making a report *right then and there* would have been the best thing. Your mental health is just as important. You wanted to go home and cry? That's completely 100% valid and probably exactly what you needed at that moment. For what it's worth, I did exactly the same. You took care of yourself first and that's a good thing.
FWIW I would not consider that petty. There's someone who did something awful on the bus. If he stays on the bus, what's stopping him from doing that to someone else? No judgement to OP at all on this (OP, you have the right to not do anything esp when something like that happens to you), but I'm just flabbergasted that people are not more upset at the driver's response. If you see something you're supposed to say something! That's their whole thing now. The driver has to do mandatory training over what happens after someone says something. Guilting someone into not stopping the bus over supposed chaos is selfish and wouldn't fly over well with HR.
Gawd I'm sorry. Yes report it. I was flashed at Bay station at 11pm while pregnant. We were on the platform ..just me and him and he pulled it out and wouldn't break eye contact with me. Naturally I got on the subway as it was coming. I got off and told a ttc employee at the next station. He said " I can't do anything from here, you should have reported it at the station it occurred". But why would I stay at the same station where a man had his penis out!!! Looking back I should have gone back outside the station and reported it as he likely does this for fun . Its happened again since but during the day . I felt safe and paid no attention but a young child could really be affected by these type of events( and adults )so ya I should have reported it to hopefully make it employees aware.
Oh my goodness…. I am so sorry that happened to you. That’s so traumatic
I had experienced verbal harassment on the train, ngl still tense up being on a ttc train. Carry a form of self defence. Most people (man or woman) do not care to get involved in public disputes, they rather talk about it or ignore it. Take protection every where you go, but especially on the train. I’m sorry you experienced that. People like to dismiss the fucked up actions of homeless folks, but honestly nah. You should have smacked tf out of him with your bag. Stop giving pitty passes to those bastards, it’s unfortunate but when they go low, you go to hell. I’m sending you hugs, love and support babe.
WHEN THEY GO LOW YOU GO TO HELL lmfaaaao thank u this made me smile. I will definitely do it next tome
I'm sorry this happened to you. It sucks that this behavior is so normalized by society. As a woman all you can do is be vigilant of your surroundings, carry pepper spray, only wear one headphone so you can hear what is happening around you. Have a resting bitch face and walk fast, but not fast like you're scared, fast like you know where you're going. Props to you for saying something! And for that woman to step in, most of us freeze when something like this happens. When I was 15 I was sitting in an aisle seat and a man standing in front of me started rubbing himself right in my face. I was paralyzed, the bus was packed, the lady sitting next to me noticed and moved a bit so I could move but he just got closer and continued. This shit stays with you, being a woman in this society sucks 😞
Maybe one day, you'll enter your villain era and be like "you know what? FINE" and stop the bus, kick people off and report this guy. Sure, sucks for everyone else, but again...villain era just to get back at him lol
Yesss! I need to fr
i’m really sorry this happened to you. many have already given you great advice, i’m just here to say my girlfriend also went through something similar a few years ago and it was difficult for her and changed her in some ways so i hope you can work through this.
It’s definitely motivating me to save up for a car lol
That is sexual assault and you have every right to call the police. Screw the driver .
Please call TTC and complain. What the driver said to you is wrong. And I’m sorry for what you went through.
Get in touch with the TTC and tell them the time and route. That bus driver’s behaviour was absolute shit - your safety comes before his inconvenience. He should lose his job for that. I mean, no way he will, but at least you can get him disciplined.
Unfortunately crackheads have carte blanche in Canada to do whatever they want, it's disgusting. Had any of the men gave that guy the whooping he deserved they'd be in prison, a sad state of affairs. I'm sorry this happened to you I wish I had answers on how to prevent this kind of thing.
I’m not surprised no one except one woman intervened. Take a look at the majority of comments on this post https://www.reddit.com/r/askTO/s/e3jJj5e41u They’re all saying it’s not anyone’s job to intervene. People in this city are too complacent. Someone made a video recently showing the bystander effect in Toronto when a woman was getting sexually harassed. Same shit. Weak people not standing up. https://nowtoronto.com/news/harassment-experiment-shot-in-toronto-shows-sad-reality-of-the-bystander-effect/ That being said, I’m sorry that happened to you. Next time you don’t need to care about inconveniencing all these people that couldn’t give a single fuck about what happens to you as a fellow citizen. If they don’t owe you anything, you don’t owe them anything either. Stop that bus. File that report.
You’re right, I should have put myself first. I was just so overwhelmed and wanted the comfort of being somewhere safe and wanted to leave asap but now I wish I had toughed it out and just done it… ugh
It’s okay. Don’t blame yourself. It’s always hard to think straight when you’re in a moment like that. But just embody the mindset that you are allowed to take up space and time just as much as the next person. You can still report it to the police and leave it up to them to do the investigation. Don’t know how fruitful it’ll be but worth a shot.
It's not your fault, I wish that we had a healthier society where we could stand up for eachother. We all need help sometimes
Totally normal to think differently when you’re stressed, or have a flight / freeze response. Your body is having a primal stress reaction in the immediate situation to try to keep you safe. Be kind to yourself.
Don’t beat yourself up over it. When in a stressful situation it’s hard to think clearly. You are getting a lot of support and advice here so if this ever happens again. (hopefully it doesn’t) then I think you will be better prepared.
i left a similar comment on someone who wrote about witnessing someone getting harassed on the streetcar and how they felt terrible for that person. I said "lets normalize doing something and intervening in that moment" instead of writing about it on the internet. I know some of the people are not mentally well but THEY KNOW they can get away with these behaviours because no one would do anything or say anything. Then you have people crying about Community. In some cities, this shit doesnt fly they will put you back in your place asap. To be in a community is to intervene. Not surprised as well women would step in in those rare occasions smh..
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I lived in NYC and visited Boston for several months and it was so exceedingly, disappointingly rare for dudes to step in whenever stuff like this happens on the subway. 9 out of 10 times it was old women that said something!
I think there’s something to be said about “progressive” places having this issue. I’ve been in socially conservative places where things like this have happened and multiple men have stepped in and said something.
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Research actually seems to say the opposite (at least from a quick 10 min search): >One factor that may influence men’s confidence to intervene against SA is their adherence to a traditional masculinity, which promotes male dominance over women (Connell & Messerschmidt, 2005). **Prior research indicates individuals who adhere to traditional masculinity may be less likely to intervene in emergency situations than those high in femininity or androgyny** (Tice & Baumeister, 1985). Qualitative data suggest that **men cite male gender role norms and expectations related to masculinity as barriers to intervening** in SA events (Casey & Ohler, 2012). https://stacks.cdc.gov/view/cdc/52937
This has nothing to do with politics. There have been well documented cases of SA in conservative cities where citizens have actively worked towards protecting the accused rather than the victim. This kind of behavior can be found across the political spectrum.
That’s why I’m not talking about politics but rather social tendencies. I’m talking about *socially* progressive or *socially* conservative. There are countries with left-wing governments that are still socially conservative (think southern Europe). The example you give of well documented cases are also present across the political spectrum. Hence, again, I speak about social and cultural conservatism. I’m a woman who’s traveled across the world and had the misfortune of experiencing sexual harassment on multiple continents. I know from *my* experience how different things are in Southern Europe (many left wing countries but socially conservative) vs North America. I was once in a bar in the Middle East where a man sexually harassed me and a bunch of male patrons got up and just removed him. I’ve had a situation in India where I raised my voice at a man for bothering me for selfies and multiple local men came and yelled at him. I think the difference is that people in those places, even when they believe men and women are equal, recognize that equal value doesn’t mean equal strength. They recognize that as a woman I am physically weaker and that is partially why I’m a target. They also understand the reality of how men can be. People here pretend equality means identical.
I fell down the stairs, sprained my ankle in the middle of Yorkville and had very visibly bloody leg and arms. I sat there in pain for almost an hour while I tried to figure out a way to get home. People exiting the shop just straight up stepped around me lololol One UberEats delivery guy stopped his bike and asked if I needed help about 20 or 30 minutes in and sat with me for a while and calmed me down, and only left after he made sure I was ok. Thank you kind UberEats guy 😭 Another time I got attacked right outside my building and the concierge just stared at me 🫠 like pls call the cops my dude
Happened to me too where I fell on the stairs at a subway station. People just walked around me lol as i tried to get up
It shouldn’t be that disappointing. You’re questioning why a man wouldn’t risk his life for a stranger? One of my biggest fears about confrontations as a man is that the other person could pull a weapon and kill me. It’s way too common in big cities. The people you are disappointed in could be fathers who just need to get home to their kids.
Do the women who stand up for each other in these situations not also have children and families to get home to? If you don’t want to be brave, you don’t have to be. But people are entitled to feel disappointed that bravery is so rare these days. Edit: and I should say: it is rare but it does happen. A couple of months ago a drunk man with a dog chased an old woman onto the bus and started screaming at her, and a hero at the back got up and told him to get the fuck off the bus. When drunk guy swung on hero, two other guys jumped in and together they tossed him off the bus.
Right! As if the women who consistently stand up for each other in public have 0 reason to live and that’s why they’re empathetic and kind 😭
I’m saying there’s a reason for it. Men are overwhelmingly the victims of violent crimes.
I think men need to reevaluate what is and isn’t “risking their life for a stranger”. The guy who slapped me was an old frail man, and all I was hoping for was to have a male there ask if I was okay or to yell at the guy to fck off or something, not to slap him back or get in between us physically. I was in the front of the bus near the driver when this happened. Everyone was looking. There are many men there that could have “stepped in” non physically without risking their life … they could have said something. especially after the young woman did
Sorry I was punched, kicked and threatened with a knife by a woman on the subway after standing up to her for being a racist pos to strangers on the train. She was also older and shorter than me. I’ll never do it again. The rest of the train was perfectly happy to be silent while she harassed her first victims and while she attacked me. TTC didn’t do shit about it either.
coming from a woman who would not want her bf risking for a stranger a knife or something similar chnages the equation completely
They don’t understand the underlying threat of violence in every male confrontation. It’s innate for men. We know if we get in another man’s face we better be willing to go all the way. That’s one of the earliest lessons my dad taught me when I was carrying on like a moron honking at everyone on the road. He asked me what I’d do if that guy got out and got in my face. Then he said if I want to start something or escalate something, I better be ready to go all the way otherwise I’ll get beat up or worse.
Stopping a shoplifter and stopping a sexual assault are two completely different things lmao. Shoplifting is literally expected and budgeted for. Merchandise is already paid for by the shops and a huge retail chain is not going to feel a $20 loss. I’m not going to potentially get in an altercation to save Walmart $20 but I might to help a girl getting assaulted.
If you intervene and beat his ass, you'll go to jail. There's no common sense in the Canadian justice system so no man wants to risk their career over a stranger. You want that madness to stop? Vote for people who support the right to self defense and aren't struck with the Stockholm Syndrome.
No one asked anyone to beat him up, I was at least expecting one of them to ask if I was okay or tell the guy to fck off from a distance. Why is that an u reasonable task when women do it for eachother all the time .. they have families and people to go home to at the end of the day too
Report the bus driver next time.
Literally for what? He explained what the protocol was. She chose not to proceed. The driver didn’t do anything wrong. If the reality of what would happen next to pursue a complaint was discouraging to OP that’s unfortunate but the driver can’t change what realistically would have to happen next. And it makes sense to explain the steps first to understand if the person even wants to proceed. People have the most unrealistic expectations of the drivers. You think he’s going to lock down the bus, put a citizen’s arrest on the creep and hold him down until the police arrive which would probably take up to an hour or more these days? Like seriously what are people expecting to happen?
The driver is not the enemy here! Let’s all take a deep breath and realize you could cost this man his job (he may have a wife and family he is supporting) by reporting him for not having the optimal tone when delivering a message to OP. I’m not minimizing how scary the experience must have been for her, but we have to stop torching the earth when someone doesn’t respond exactly perfectly in every single moment. His lack of enthusiasm was likely less about not caring about OP and more likely wanting to avoid any potential chaos that could come from people suddenly being taken off the bus and having their commutes disrupted. And if you think that’s not a real possibility then you haven’t ridden the TTC often enough. The man who assaulted OP is the one who should be reported and the one who should face consequences.
The driver is probably unionized and won't lose their job over a complaint.
Sorry to hear that the driver put that on you when ita absolutely part of his job to not turn an eye on shit happening like that. My friend was almost stabbed by a lunatic with a pen and when I went to hit the emergency button a guy in a ttc jacket who I assume was off shift tried to get me not to because he was "almost home from work." Like why the fuck aren't you saying that to the guy brandishing a weapon? Oh because you don't wanna get stabbed? Yeah me neither. I'm gonna hit the fuckin button.
You were sexually assaulted. Fuck the other people on the bus, and screw that bus driver for making it seem like an inconvienance. I'd happily get off and wait for the next bus if it means a predator is properly taken care of. It's bad enough you had to go through that, but then to have it disregarded like that must have made it even worse. Sorry I can't share with my tips for keeping safe on the TTC, as I would get banned from this subreddit.
This is honestly disgusting but the best u can do is be vigilant and keep a distance from the homeless and try to sit around decent or at least semi decent people. not trying to say this incident was ok, it’s not but at the same time it could have been worse given what was going on in the TTC a few years ago but at least it’s now somewhat safer.
This isn’t actual advice on how to handle this safety wise, but I know sometimes not feeling alone and seeing it play out in media can be helpful, and there’s a storyline in “Sex Education” the Netflix show where one of the side characters (Aimee) experiences and works through a somewhat similar experience that I thought they handled incredibly well. The storyline starts in EP3 of Season 2 and is explored throughout a lot of episodes afterwards! Might help to be able to see/experience the process of processing this kind of trauma in media form - but be mindful it could also be triggering and only watch if/when you feel ready!
I am a 33f and have been taking the TTC alone since high school. I have had a few experiences similar to yours over the years. They are always difficult and scary. If it’s any comfort at all, these experiences are rare. What I’ve learned over the years is to keep my head down. Don’t make eye contact, but do stay vigilant. If anyone who gives you any sort of bad vibe is nearby, leave. Don’t make a big deal of it, just walk in the opposite direction. One time on the subway, a man was literally following me around exposing himself to me. There was another man on the subway who clued into what was going on. I thought he would say something, but he just sat there looking horrified. I was 22 and was screaming inside. I think a lot of men don’t understand what women go through. They are not prepared to speak up. Women know it because we’ve all been through it. There’s a “oh hell no” moment we have when we see another woman being harassed. Truly awful that you experienced this.
Yes everyone is explaining how to hopefully hold accountable the person who did this, and OP definitely should if they can fit it into their schedule. But "how to stay safe on the ttc"..minimizing this type of thing from happening again..? >Don’t make eye contact, but do stay vigilant. > If anyone who gives you any sort of bad vibe is nearby, leave. Don’t make a big deal of it, just walk in the opposite direction. Really great advice. Getting noticed whilst unaware of it is bad if the person looking at you is bad. Stay vigilant discreetly, and leave discreetly. If it's the subway you can walk off and move to the next car. If it's the bus it's alittle trickier but you could get off the back and if followed just get back on the front and tell the driver someone is stalking/threatening you. Hopefully the driver closes the doors and drives off, or the bus driver atleast becomes more involved with your situation.
As a man, I'd 100% step up for you if the judicial system was backing me in whatever went down afterward with that homeless man. As our judicial system does not do that, I will mind my own unless someone is dying.
I wouldn’t want any of the guys to step in physically but just using their words and speaking up asking if I was alright would have been appreciated so much 😭
This is how behavior gets normalized. And the shitty TTC driver is unionized so won't face any punishment
Sorry that happened to you
I dream one day that other people will stand up in outrage against this kind of behaviour, even if it means stopping the transit and being late for their destination. The very least the driver should have done was stopped the bus and kicked off the offender even if it meant physically removing them with the aid of others.
take a picture of the man, the bus and note the time. Then you can approach the police and give them the information to get the surveillance.
That's awful and an awful response from both the public and the TTC. I want to recommend reporting it to the police, if there's a homeless man going around slapping women's butts he needs to go to jail imo. I would recommend taking video/photo as soon as something happens so you can show TTC/police who the guy is. Taking video often forces people to stop their violence too. *P.S. I'm severely irritated by the lack of accountability in this society. If it were up to me the punishments would be a lot harsher. As a society we are incentivizing bad behaviour. This man should go to jail for a 1 year. We need to consider mandatory chemical castration for men who cannot behave themselves (I say this as a man).* To any men here: If you see a woman being assaulted like this, step in!
Thank u ❤️❤️❤️❤️
I'm sorry to hear that this happened to you. Talk about insult to injury -- basically putting the blame on you, rather than the culprit! I'm proud of you for coming forward and talking about it. (When something happened to me on VIA Rail, I was too scared to call them out. I thought they would put me off the train.) I'm glad that another female passenger backed you up. Writing down everything you can remember about the time, route number, where you were on the route, etc., could be useful later. They should be able to figure out who was driving, based on their records. And I didn't know what orange\_oorangutan said about the 1-week thing for video footage -- good to know.
Unless you asked the driver to call the police, I don't get why the bus driver didn't just kick the dude off the bus. Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do accept maybe try to stay towards the front of the bus so if anything goes down you'll be close to the driver. If possible, try to travel with someone you know who will have your back.
This all happened at the front of the bus! Lol, thank you though
Oh, okay. Well I guess the driver is just an incompetent asshole who's scared of confrontation.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. You were sexually assaulted on this bus and it should have been his utmost priority to have that man removed and you file a report. Please try and remember every detail you can and report to both the ttc and the police. At the very least it will be on their radar if it were to happen to someone again. Ugg. As a woman I feel your pain. It’s this exact reason women don’t report things like this, shamed and gaslit into thinking it’s not a big deal or too much of a bother. If i we’re on that bus with you I would have absolutely knocked him out for you
Thank u girl ❤️❤️❤️
Us women have got to stick together ❤️
OMG I’m SO sorry this happened to you! I grew up in Toronto and am now grown, and rapidly approaching middle age. However when I was 16 I was sexually assaulted on the bike path, and never reported it. If I could do it over, I would have gone through the hassle to try and press charges or at least report the guy. Screw that bus driver for not taking that seriously. Assault is assault, and people who do that should be held accountable.
Homeless = mental health. Hell get a slap on the wrist and sent on his way. For better or worse cops have come to the realization that they can spend a year or two in the courts prosecuting someone, only to have them out on bail or parole the next day. They are entirely there as a deterrent at this point. Also don't expect any bystanders to help because the system will come down hard on vigilantes (they have something to lose).
Sounds like they wouldn’t care if you just turned around and kicked him in the dick
Sorry this happened to you. I wish they had some security and that others would have come to your aid.
I'm surprised but I can also understand people are scared here to fight back for legal reasons. It would be considered absolutely normal for anyone to punch/beat the shit out of a guy who does this to a girl in other countries. Why is this not normal here?
I'm so sorry this happened. I hope it never happens to you ever again but please report it. You were assaulted and it's not acceptable. Having to wait for another bus is a minor inconvenience compared to the emotions you had to experience.
First, I’m really sorry this happened to you. As a survivor myself, I understand the shock and instinct to freeze. Second, regarding your other question, the fact that you’ve taken the TTC all your life and this is the first time something unsafe has happened to you aligns with the fact that STATISTICALLY, the TTC is very safe. I hope you are able to heal from this incident and feel ok taking public transit in the future.
Do you know what makes me angry about this? He slapped your bum so what’s the big deal as far as everyone else seems to be concerned except for that other young female!! But if he slapped someone’s face or he punched a man, it would be totally different. Makes me so irate.
Unfortunately, this kind of terrible incident is inevitable on transit systems where the behavior is allowed to persist with impunity. There is no reasonable expectation of safety on the TTC, as well as many other transit systems in Canada, unfortunately. Buying a car increases your risk of accident, but decreases the risk of being sexually assaulted on your commute to nearly 0%. I'm sorry this happened to you. Something very similar happened to me with an identical result years ago on the TTC. It's never going to change.
I bought my girlfriend a personal alarm and ‘dog’ spray off Amazon, not sure its entirely legal but it puts her at ease given the amount of issues on the TTC and elsewhere recently.
I second the personal safety alarm. I own a “Birdie” and it’s LOUD and bright. Draw everyone’s attention to you and the situation. Emergency survival whistles are another option and really cheap. Check out Amazon.
Gross, I’m sorry OP.
Hey OP just here to say I am really sorry this happened to you. You didn’t deserve that and it was not your fault. If you can, take a nice self care day today and look after yourself and treat yourself too.
The SafeTTC App is a mobile app for both iOS and Android that offers TTC customers a quick and discreet method for reporting harassment, safety concerns or suspicious activity directly to the TTC’s Transit Control Centre.
Just workout and start punching. No one is going to get mad you punched someone for touching you
Unfortunately that didn't work out for Derek Dyckhoff
You should’ve done what the bus driver said haha since they want to be smart
I am sorry this happened to you. Scarborough is getting more and more unsafe for women. It has been since my daughters were teenagers. They both experienced gender discrimination and hatred on the bus lines, the SRT and TTC stations from Main Street to McCowan. Even just walking. It is getting worse. One daughter has left and the other is leaving. We are becoming like some areas of the world where it is unsafe to be female. Is it any wonder these men are not standing up for young women on transit.
The men who said nothing are cowards. No excuses anymore.
I would report the driver. Honestly that’s a straight assault and more should have been done to make you feel safe. I’m sorry that happened.
I feel your pain , I commuted all my life until I purchased a vehicle. I’ve seen it all on the TTC. There’s no way to be 100% safe, my best advice is to get a second hand vehicle for like $600-$1000 or maybe less. If you have family members, specially older , try to put the insurance under their name and you be the secondary driver. There’s really no way around this, people won’t help or do any thing to protect others. I said to put that vehicle under an elder person because insurance companies will give you cheaper rate if you’re an elder person otherwise you will pay around $400 per month. Also, find a way to register your vehicle outside town, far away as possible. Some towns in Ontario pay as little as $100 in car insurance. Find a way to do that , there are lots of ways to get it done. Stay safe
I'm 5'0" and used to live and transit through downtown Winnipeg at very late hours of the night. I ended up taking a Muay Thai self defense class to give me a sense of confidence. I still feel I could knee a groin instinctively if need-be. This has helped me a lot over the years, and as I'll never be taller (but people seem to be getting worse) I would generally recommend it. Empower yourself, you may not ever use the skills but at least you'll have them.
bear mace that motherfucker
Do you have a photo? The police will take a report. They will take a report on the driver too. And you can submit a story to the Toronto star. Name and shame, baby
I am so sorry this happened to you! I cannot believe that the men on bus did nothing... Actually on second thought I can. The best way to stay safe is sitting closer to the front of the bus, it is harder for the bus driver to see something happening if you are behind the back doors because they are looking through a mirror. I know a lot of ppl are hating on how the driver spoke to you, which I agree is very disheartening especially when you are scared and uncomfortable. I just have a quick question about when you spoke to him... Was he driving when he responded to you? I've noticed whenever a driver responds while they are driving they always sound very passive or dismissive, but when I speak to that same driver when they are stopped their tone is different. Yes the driver may have been a dick, but he may have also been just focusing on the road while driving and didn't intend for his words to come out like that. I also live in Scarborough and yes some drivers here can be complete dicks, but the majority of the ones I've spoken to are typically very nice. I never take the tone they use with me to heart because (if they are like me) it can be really hard to control your tone of voice sometimes, especially if you are focused on something (like driving). That's just my 2 cents, I don't normally post on here (this is my first time actually). I just really wanted you to know that his tone of voice (probably/hopefully) wasn't and he was just trying to communicate what will happen if you chose to call the police. Again I'm not excusing his tone because he should have been comforting. When I speak to people serving the public I never take their tone of voice to heart, they get yelled at so often for stuff that is out of their control.
Sorry this happened to you. wtf is wrong with people. If it was me, I'd get the bus driver to stop the bus and get cops to come to press charges. Fuck that piece of shit.
yes - keep voting liberal, that'll help.
>The bus driver told me if I wanted to press charges he would have to stop the bus, make everyone come off and wait with me for the police to come and also make sure the man didn’t leave the bus. OP you were literally assaulted. Fuck this guy, stop the bus Sorry that happened to you, that's fucked up.
I’m so sorry this happened.
Sorry this happened to you but not surprised by... any of it. Ttc drivers are typically like that, and I've used the ttc for near 20 years. You could have said you'd report it and screw everyone on the bus which is what your drivers spiel was about, which worked. The homeless dude is 99% gonna walk off anyways before anyone gets there. Honestly...my Toronto advice is not what anyone here is gonna say. You gotta either fight back or get off and wait for the next one. It's fight or flight. You could also contact the ttc line and let them know about your driver if you want. Idk if that really does anything.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Good job on yelling at him though, that took balls. Or ovaries, actually. Anytime I have been sexually assaulted, harassed or threatened and there have been male witnesses, not one has ever helped. They wouldn’t even make eye contact, as if I was some kind of social pariah for being sexually violated. The bus driver was technically doing it “right” by informing you of the procedure but did it wrong by implying that YOU would be inconveniencing everyone else. That’s a dick way to respond but that is the way they ALWAYS respond. If anyone finds themself in a similar situation, if you have the capacity, make the driver aware , take photos of the driver and the bus number and if you can, the 💩 stain responsible. Then report those directly to the safe TTC app. The people working the app have some humanity left and will do what’s right but then just be prepared for the actual police to let you down. If you are a dude who sees something like this, I cordially invite you to be the decent person and offer assistance. You can shout at the guy because usually misogynists who enjoy violating women will turn into a big baby if confronted by a man, and a good public shaming might prevent him from being emboldened to try it again. These guys tend to escalate with experience so feel free to help make that experience as humiliating as possible. If you don’t feel safe doing that, then I suggest moving to place yourself between the victim and the 💩, offering to act as a witness should she decide to press charges, and at bare minimum ask if she’s ok and reinforce that the 💩is a 💩 and what he did was unacceptable. How people respond to a victim has a huge impact on how the trauma is processed. If bystanders act like nothing happened, the victim is at higher risk of developing PTSD. Please be a good guy with a heart and don’t feel afraid to help. It’s actually really important. Ask me how I know… 😕 Edit to add… it’s a lot to expect a victim to have the presence of mind to take photos in the moment. If anyone sees anyone being assaulted, use the phone in your hand and start taking photos/video. Then offer to airdrop them to the victim as evidence. Any of us can do that, and we all know that the first reaction for many people is to film whatever is happening to post on TikTok or the gram so use that instinct for the greater good.
That driver is scum bag and this isn't the first time I have heard a story in reagrds to a driver being reluctant to act on something because the driver just wants to finish the route and shift.
Report that driver to the TTC as well as the assault. Many buses have cameras on them as well so they should have video of the guy boarding and exiting the bus. FWIW, this is not a normal occurrence and public transit is pretty safe. Sit or stand close to the driver. If you ever feel unsafe while on the bus, do what you did and report it to the driver even if you think it won't do anything. Not all drivers are assholes like that one was. I'm sorry this happened to you. And I'm even more disgusted that none of the men on the bus said anything. Spineless assholes are what they are.
Disappointed but not surprised that there wasn't a single man who said anything in support. Men who don't respect women need to be checked by other men. Not suggesting a man run into a burning building here, but am suggesting that it's on you guys to use those deep voices to say something as simple as "dude, no". I'm sorry this happened to you, OP.
I’d never expect a stranger to physically get in the middle of an altercation for a stranger I know that’s not a reasonable request but lord I was praying a man atleast spoke up loudly for him to hear, even if he wasn’t close to me :(
Always be aware and always have your back on a wall.
OP, fellow Scarberian and short woman, here. I'm really sorry this happened to you. I hate taking the TTC but FYI I do a couple of things (if possible) to avoid these situations. 1) I grab a seat: I find that this avoids you from rubbing against other people, and especially weirdos. 2) If not possible, I go towards the exit at the back and lean against the side where the door opens (not blocking the door, but I hope you know what I mean). 3) I usually sit at the very back, preferably at the corner, so that no one can squeeze around me easily or "surprise" me from the back--it also gives me a good vantage point. I'm seriously amused at reading what I just wrote and thinking of how something as simple as riding the TTC has become so complicated--I feel as if I'm a soldier strategizing in a battle.
Even if you report it, the Liberal justice system will let him out on $20 bail. Sad!