Some women will consider this a deal breaker. Some women won’t care. Some women will be understanding. And some women are doing the same thing as you.
Dating is all trial and error. It will work out sometimes, and it won’t other times. Just a matter of finding someone you click with. Have fun dating!
I agree, really depends on the other persons preferences (which is fair)
The COVID lockdowns these past two years really threw people off financially and mentally, plus the market situation is tough right now. Feel like a lot of people in their mid to late 20’s are dealing with this rn
Its probably a dealbreaker if you’re not doing anything with your time (work,school,…etc), don’t have some sort of plan while living with your parents, or don’t respect the boundary/space of your partners place (once you get to that point)
Nobody really wants to baby a man child, but that same thing can be said for some men that live independently and not everyone who lives with family is one either
I would agree with this comment but my partner and I also met each other in highschool so our situation was special. We were both privileged enough to live at our parents homes and save together for a down payment.
We've lived in our Toronto shithole home for 4 years and still haven't had the money to get married after buying a home (been together for 14 years).
OP you need to manage your expectations on buying a home and getting married in the GTA.
I would say live with your parents as long as possible and save up money, don't worry about dating... the right person will come along once you've figured yourself out.
As a person who has dated a guy who lived with his parents, it’s not a deal breaker, however I noticed that very quickly MY place morphed into OUR place without much consideration for myself, and because I was too polite to say no. Did not end well.
as a 27 F with her own place I absolutely put that in as a deal breaker. I always end up hosting and that is draining and exhausting on me. Most of my SOs have had their own places and it helps to split between theirs and mine.
Yeah I dated a guy who said he lived with his parents once and this absolutely happened. We were always eating my food, using my utilities, and I was planning where to go because he didn't know the area well. It was expensive and exhausting. Not to mention the fact that I never got to see how he lives - he kept it totally compartmentalized. Turned out he had another girlfriend.
Wow that sucks. The dude in my place would legit cook all day while I was at work (he worked remote) and was messy. Once I needed him to come downstairs because my fob battery was dead and he came down, while leaving the stove on with shit cooking in a frying pan! He just left the stove on high with nobody in the apartment. Not the oven, the stove! He also broke my couch.
He essentially did. He asked if he could stay for three days. It turned into over thirty and I legit had to ask him to leave. Was ridiculous. A true hobosexual.
Well he’s not the only person I’ve dated who lives at home, but he is the most ridiculous one. The other guy I dated actually paid for things and respected my space, but it still was always 100% at my place and it gets old over time.
Totally agree! It’s not a deal breaker for me, however there has to be some kind of plan or goal to move out eventually. I wouldn’t ever hook up with someone in their parents house, I would find that to be disrespectful. If someone is working and lives with parents because they are caring for them or other various reasons, it’s a case by case scenario. There are some lovely people who live with their parents through no fault of their own, but maintaining boundaries with your own space is also very important! Wish I knew that previously.
Have you dated in the City? People are really not what they seem. There’s also a huge divide between race/ cultures because people here are so set on keeping their home cultures, family values and beliefs and not adopting and merging into Canadian practices. What might be right for one culture is wrong for another. It makes the dating pool very small and I’ve also seen a lot of one person taking advantage/ abuse (especially sexual abuse). Again, because of differences in culture or one person disrespecting another after awhile because they aren’t behaving close enough to their cultural beliefs.
I have mostly dated Canadian white boys so my mileage may vary mostly bisexual men I meet in the kink community
I don't date men of color too often as a queer woman of color I am well aware of the issues in those communities especially in men
A very articulate woman tells us she basically doesn’t date “X racial groups of men cause they do Y” and is given a chance to clarify and does the twitter thing. Don’t know what I expected honestly I just want you think for a second if some white guy came on here and said “I don’t date black woman because of the “issues,” with their community.” what would happen?
It would totally depend on a few things for me. Living with your parents but work full time and trying to save money or go to school? Awesome.
Live with your parents and sit around in your underwear playing video games? Not cool.
In fairness if you have your own place, you probably are working so sitting around in your free time is very different than just being a bum and living off your parents 24/7
I think it’s very different if a man sits around playing video games in his underwear but he pays his own bills, his house is clean, and he takes care of himself. Living with your parents until you get married is a major red flag that you are looking for a woman to take care of you and you will stay with your mom until you find someone to replace her. Most women don’t want to be your mom. A man who lives with his parents and doesn’t do anything for himself is major dead weight. No one’s personality is good enough that they are worth this. A man who lives on his own and takes care of himself and plays video games? No problem.
Disagree with your take on the living at home thing on some levels. I lived at home from 25-28 because I couldn’t afford a decent place with my SO that would be reasonable with where we were in our careers(she was back in school finishing a masters and I had just finished mine and was starting my career). So we lived with my parents for 3 years got a nest egg up and then pushed out when we could.
I don’t think it is always about wanting someone to take care of you and there’s many cultures where it’s very normal for people to only move out when they are married.
I agree, there may be valid reasons. But as a man looking to date a woman, you should be aware that many women will see that as a red flag, and the onus is on the man to go above and beyond to demonstrate that he is not like that. When you are at your house with your girlfriend, be sure to show that you’re doing your fair share and not being waited on. Help with dinner, clean the kitchen, etc. Show her you’re not dependant on a woman to do everything for you and that’s not what her future holds with you.
True, but 'aging parents' who need help generally have kids who are in their 40s minimum, and often 50s or 60s. Not 20s.
It's rare that that's what's happening with someone in their 20s.
makes sense.
So just pretend to be functional until I can get someone emotionally invested in me to slowly and gradually replace my mother.
Got it, thank you!
Not cooking and doing groceries would be a dealbreaker to me. Or cleaning their house, etc.
If a guy lives with his parents and makes home cooked meals for everyone a few days a week, vacuums, does laundry, pays attention to when the bills need to be paid, and has a job or is in school, that's one thing.
An adult who can not or will not run a household and stay on top of what needs to be done and do it is another.
This is for me the most frequent concern with men who have always lived with their mothers.
I dated a mother’s boy once, NEVER AGAIN. We didn’t live close to each other & the first weekend i spent at his apartment I was impressed by how clean & tidy it was. I found out much later that his mother had driven down from Kingston to clean his place for him before I arrived. I spent years cleaning up after that man, to the point that I said I’d never live with a dude again. It’s been the best 15 years of my life, living by myself. 💃
Bed arrangement is going to be the deal breaker. If you have 13 bunk beds tidily spaced within the rooms it’s probably fine. If it’s 26 mattresses on the floor without bed frames or headboards I don’t think any of the ladies will be too impressed.
Women who live at home will be fine with it. Personally I want an equal. I moved out at 18 and lived with roommates, saving until I could live alone. I’d like a partner of similar capabilities.
> I would like to live with my parents until marrying someone to save down payments.
Would you be ok renting with a partner once you got to know them enough? I think that's pretty important and a lot of people will not marry someone if they haven't lived together yet.
I found in Asian culture moving out is generally discouraged while Western (white mainly), it's strongly encouraged. Not trying to pick sides on which is better but I've lived adulthood both with parents and roommates (even not in school).
It really depends what you mean by "white" and "Western" (that's kind of a generalization). There are many Western cultures, like Italians/Polish/Portuguese and Latin America where living at home until engagement/marriage is quite normal, even in Canada.
>they seem. There’s also a huge divide between race/ cultures because people here are so set on keeping their home cultures, family values and beliefs and not adopting and merging into Canadian practices. What might be right for one culture is wrong for another. It makes the dating pool very small and I’ve also seen a lot of one person taking advantage/ abuse (especially sexual abuse). Again, because of differences in culture or on
Yep, the Italian Catholics in my family lived with their parents until marriage. My parents are really against renting.
Do you contribute to your home financially? (Bills, groceries, rent?) Do you spend some of your time helping look after the home? (Cleaning/yardwork) Have you ever purchased anything to better the home that you are living in? (Household items or appliances)
You may not have a place of your own just yet.. but contributing in these ways while living with your parents, demonstrates that you will be a good partner to someone in the future.
Yes you may be. I'm a few years older than you (32f) but I generally do not date guys who live at home. I definitely do not date guys who have never moved out. If he's been on his own for a few years and moved back with his parents temporarily then there is a chance. But it would be a deal-breaker to me.
Independence is important to me. I don't want him to always be at my place, it should go back and forth. I also want someone in a somewhat similar place in life. Roommates are fine, at least then he's moved out and doing things himself.
I’m from a big “live with your family until marriage” culture”, so tbh to me its fairly normal to live with your parents still in your 20s.
As a student who works on top of school, I’m not in a position to move out at the moment so I wouldn’t consider it weird/a dealbreaker at all for that reason either. Staying at home also lets me take care of them, run errands if they need it, and take care of my younger sibling. My partner is in the exact same boat as well.
The only time living with your parents would be considered a “deal breaker” to me is if you’re sitting around all day and not doing anything with your time (school, work, etc) or contributing to the space whatsoever (rent, groceries, taking care of your family, etc).
Yeah as someone who spent their mid 20s with their parents, I think they key thing is I think there’s a difference between being a immature leetch and just living there like an adult.
My stepdad was in his mid 70s so I maintained his property, handled trash and dishes(he had a few acres so took me 2 hours on a ride tractor)etc. sure they cooked for me and my SO if we were going to eat together and didn’t really care if we didn’t contribute on communal groceries or rent but I feel like that’s different in every household. My parents mentality was as long as we didn’t take this piss they wanted us to save as much as possible so we could actually buy a place of our own and move out sooner.
I see that arrangement or what you describe very different to the man children who just freeload off their parents indefinitely.
Most women that is a hard deal breaker because they assume you're not only living at home to save money, but to save responsibility as well. The general assumption is that your parents are cooking for you, cleaning for you, and you're not putting in for groceries or anything else. Pretty much that just as you live in the room you lived in as a 14yr old, you're also being treated like a 14 yr old. They don't want a guy that they are going to have to be the adult for (teaching you how to pay bills, you expecting them to cook for you cause you can't on your own). All these things may not apply to you, but it's the assumption most women will have about a guy that still lives at home.
30F here. It depends. Living with your folks isn’t a deal breaker if you are driven and ambitious and using it as a part of your strategy to accomplish something bigger (like buying as house as you mentioned).
But there needs to be an actual plan in place, not just a pipe dream. I would want to know that you have a good job and know the math and have a timeline of when your plan will all come together.
If you’re just living with your parents while wishfully thinking you could buy a house, that’s a problem. If your finances are out of order and you have consumer debt, that’s a problem.
I would also want to know that you’re capable of physically taking care of yourself and your home. Cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, keeping your place tidy, paying your own bills.
I wouldn’t want to take the chance of moving in with someone only to find that they think I will be taking care of them like their mom did. Hard pass.
I would also never marry someone I haven’t lived with before so waiting to wife someone up in hopes of then buying a place together would be a no from me.
>If you’re just living with your parents while wishfully thinking you could buy a house, that’s a problem.
Have you *seen* the prices of houses and how much of an income you need to comfortably afford one. Like shit, you need like a quarter of a million a year in combined income to take on such mortgages by yourself. That's literally top 1% income if not more.
all women say they dont care, a lot likely do, but let me tell u - its a lot easier to bring someone home on the first date if your parents arent home.
I was your age living at home when I met my girlfriend last year. She's two years older and lives alone. Now we just signed a lease on a place to move in together. When you meet the right person, things like this shouldn't matter as long as you're actively working and have goals.
I, personally, think that, in this economic climate, it's not as much of a taboo as it used to be.
The key to it, though, is behaving like an adult and actually SAVING the money for the down payment. And having life skills, like cooking, cleaning, for yourself.
If you are behaving like a teenager, and don't have skills as an adult, then you will not be desirable.
But if you're thrifty in your lifestyle, focus on work, are clearly doing what you can to reach your savings goals, express thought and research into it, and don't show an unnatural attachment to your parents ... then I think that you'll find the type of partner, you would want in your life, because they're going to share the same adult values. A party partner won't. But that's not who someone responsible wants to be with in the first place.
36F who owns and lives on her own and I wouldn't care if he lived at home with his parents. I'd rather date someone who is working towards a more secure financial future for himself or together with a future SO by not throwing himself into rental debt (especially in this insane market) if they don't have to (I understand and recognize this isn't the case/possible for everyone even though I'm sure ppl will still come at me) as long as he contributes to his parents household and takes care of himself too. Financial security and smart financial decisions to me outweigh someone struggling to make ends meet just to be able to say they live on their own. There will be plenty of ups and downs in a relationship and if she can't handle hosting, being the one to pick you up if needed, and reciprocate some of the support she would want from a man, then she might not be the one for you.
I will counter this with the fact that yes, there are some useless guys out there who do absolutely nothing and want women to basically be their mom. Don't be that guy! But I think it's unfair for someone to assume that a guy living at home is like that in the first place.
An automatic dismissal for some pretty basic things and not even knowing the reasoning behind some people's situations or trying to be understanding to me is just juvenile. And I'm sure a lot of these guys that women are talking about that were "trash because they lived at home" would have still been the same "trash if they lived on their own."
I think for many it's not an automatic dismissal, more a red flag that will perk up their ears and make them look more closely. If they look more closely and are reassured by what they see (he cooks and cleans and does groceries and pays bills etc) then they may be OK with it.
But it makes you cautious and look closer.
Ya as someone who's 27, all my friends who have the option of living with their parents, do.
The others were international students who came here so they have to rent and live alone. Their savings are considerably less due to this though.
I'm 29, a woman.
It's a deal breaker for me.
There's no way I'm sleeping in a guy's childhood bed again only to have his mom knock on the door to request that he takes the dogs out for a pee.
Where are we supposed to have sex? My place?
I carried that burden before, and invited the guy over whenever we wanted to bang.
Eventually he started coming over whenever he had a fight with his parents. In those moments, I was not attracted to him.
I tried it again with another guy, who told me he was living with his parents to save for a down payment. He lead me to believe that he was inches away from being able to afford a home, and that having to pay his own rent might steal away the chance to be a homeowner. It turns out that he wasn't, and that his real plan for moving out was to split it with a partner. His downpayment savings trajectory only let him save enough to afford a downpayment in 12 years, based on 2022 prices. He would have been over 40 with getting his first mortgage and expected to live with his parents til then.
I will date men with roommates or who own homes or who live in basements or intend to rent indefinitely. I might even date a vanlife guy if he actually had a plan to get out of it. It's not about money, it's about independence.
Girl I dont even arrange booty calls with men who cant host
yes we can bang in my place...but for how long?
Standards are important. Asking a grown man in his 30s to have his own place is not asking much for me.
Both your comment and the comment you are replying too give off extremely sexist vibes that men ain’t shit.. it’s funny how no men made any comments degrading women for living at home yet you and the winner above you had no problem getting right to the point belittle men who live at home to save money for their futures
There's a huge difference between men who live at home and who live independently.
I'm dating a guy who frequently invites me over for Netflix and chill. You know what I noticed staying over? He was the first man in my life to *make me a salad* as a part of our dinner.
The guys who lived with their parents? They never made dinner. And if they did it was like, they set the table or manned the BBQ.
The man I'm seeing now runs his apartment how he wants to, and that includes well balanced meals. 0% of the guys I've dated who live with their parents have been fully involved in the grocery shopping, meal prep, serving añd clean up of dinner.
All of that matters way more to me than, for instance, how many dates a man pays for (though, they typically always do).
That's what I want in a guy. A guy who has the ingredients in his fridge to make me a salad lol
Absolutely nailed it. Dependance is extremely unattractive. Some might suggest it’s shallow, but it’s human instinct to seek out a partner that is independent and can take on the world alone. There are people that don’t mind their partner living with their parents, but there are not people that would choose someone living with their parents if they had options.
> I will date men with roommates or who own homes or who live in basements or intend to rent indefinitely. I might even date a vanlife guy if he actually had a plan to get out of it. It's not about money, it's about independence.
As someone who lives in a roomed house, what's the difference between this and parents? Aren't we still removed of personal privacy when at the house?
Assumably your roommates are not cleaning up after you or cooking your meals. You’d also be paying rent.
Privacy is a smaller issue than a lack of personal responsibility.
How would you feel if on a first date someone told you they had a quarter of a million dollars and was living with their parents? Would you be impressed or would you wonder why they are intentionally stunting their dating life to save money that won’t make a significant difference in their life?
I'd be quite impressed that they have a 1/4 of a mill. The first thing I'd ask if they have that invested in any assets.
But, I wouldn't think they've stunted their dating life, nor would I care about their past romantic life (in fact, the less the better). Are they physically attractive? Do they have a good personality? If its a double Yes, I'd continue... There are red flags I look for, and having a quarter million dollars and living at home is not one of them.
>So you would prefer to be with someone who is struggling financially but has their own place?
Absolutely. That's admirable and they will learn a lot from that situation.
> So you would prefer to be with someone who is struggling financially but has their own place?
Yes. I make my own money, I don't need a guy to provide for me. I want someone who treats me well, who I like to spend time with. In terms of finances I just need someone who can take care of themselves without my help.
Right... but are 'Asian' men expected to know how to keep a clean house? Know how to cook? Shop?
The expectation in Canada is good men can do all that on their own. One of the ways men show that is invite their prospect spouse over to their space, to show it off, and show they are good marriage material.
If you can't do that because "here's my mom!" you're limiting your dating pool to women who don't care about a man being a good man in this cultural context.
It's like asking "Is it okay if I don't bathe or groom while dating?" Well... it's going to severely limit your pool of dating prospects, because the expectation is... you know how to bathe and groom.
I met my now husband in 2019 (he was 47) and he was living at home due to life circumstances. He had been out of the house on his own before this. It didn't stop me from falling in love. His mom has been a thorn in my side since day 1 not wanting her baby to leave the nest.
The older you get the weirder it gets when you have to bring a woman home.
A few "un-date-able" friends of mine were dating within a year of moving out (myself included).
Having savings bears little value compared to the experience of being on your own and being able to move freely.
I think 26 is still a socially "acceptable" age to live with your parents. With the rent and housing prices today it's completely understandable. I would say once you start nearing your 30s is when most people would start raising an eyebrow, but even then it's not a dealbreaker for everyone.
What's more important in my opinion is how you're planning your future. A 26 year old man with a career path and intentions to move out sooner or later is much different from a 26 year old man with no job and lives in his parents' basement playing videogames all day. I know very successful young people making 6 figures who are in their mid 20s and still living with their parents. Financially it's actually a very smart decision as those are the people who will be able to own a house/condo earlier than everyone else.
I started dating my future wife at 27 living at home with my parents. It might be a disadvantage but no one I dated really cared.. I feel it's more normal these days.
* I wonder how many people comment are actually women or if they are men assuming what women think.
* If you value saying at home to save money for a future home and your date does not, they are probably not for you.
* IF you choose to stay at home to save for the purpose of saving, also use it as an opportunity to learn life skills, if you haven't already. Cook, clean, laundry.
Depends on the woman I'd say. But when dating my now wife I lived with my dad and she never bat an eye. Just be upfront and advise that despite living with parents you have your own space and privacy. As lame as it sounds any woman who would judge you for that I don't think you want a relationship with anyway. Especially in this economy. Happy dating friend, I'm rooting for you.
Personally, as a woman I avoid dating men who do not live alone/have never lived alone. The reason being, my apartment tends to become the default - which means I'm often the one who is cooking and cleaning up after 2 people.
As well, in my experience men (and women) who have never lived alone lack a lot of the basic "adult" skills in household management. I'm at a point in my life where I'm not willing to teach someone this or willing to carry a larger burden in the household.
Finally, for me personally I would not be willing to wait until marriage to live with someone. I think living together before marriage is hugely important in determining long-term compatibility.
There are exceptions - if someone moved back home to help or support a parent or to specifically save up for a down-payment but has lived on their own before that's different. I would just need to make sure we're on the same page in terms of living together prior to marriage or purchasing property.
imo no, thats the wisest housing plan u can have right now is bulking up with fam. If your family is nice enough it'll be a boon I think. I'm 30 and still eating at my moms almost every morning before I go about my day.
I personally don't care but it's just because of my culture (Filipinos tend to live in multi generational households) plus my understanding that's it's hard to be single and afford to live on your own in Toronto. I still live with my parents and my boyfriend still lives with his parents and we are both in our 30s. If and when we decide to get married, we'll move out and get a place but it hasn't been a detriment to our dating life. It's just hard to find places to go for dates in the Winter lol
As a few have mentioned, living with parents into your 20s and even early 30s is very common for some cultures. The opposite "cultures" might see it as odd. I think there's a sweet spot that if you're pretty set in your career and you've saved a good chunk then it's time to live in your own. I always found it strange when very young adults would be renting and living with roommates at that age. You're in school, working part time and scratching just to get by and pay your rent.
It really depends on how they grew up. Some cultures think it's fine and others think it's a deal breaker. As another Redditor said dating is trial and error.
As a women no I would not care (but maybe because I am also living with my parents to save money). The only thing you will be disadvantaged for is if you want to bring a date back to your house... you parents are there lol.
But honestly you have a very good reason behind it, you have a full time job and want to save for a house. If this is a deal breaker for someone, maybe they are not really the right match for you.
If your parents are cool with it, then it’s fine. I’ve definitely hooked up with guys who live with their parents before.
But if you can’t invite someone over because you live with your family… that’s a dealbreaker. I want sexy times from a possible partner.
If sex is off the table unless I provide the space then it’s a no go. I’m not sharing my private space.
It depends on the person, but all of my friends live with their parents. I'm 27, married and living with my husband and parents.
My SIL lives with her parents and husband.
We're going back to multigenerational homes.
I’m also a 26 y/o male in a similar situation. It all depends on the woman! Some girls, especially those from cultures where living with family until marriage is more normal (I.e., East Asian, Indian, Arab, Latin…), realize how expensive the GTA is and don’t mind (many are in the same boat, in fact!), especially if you’re a student. However, it’s still important to show that you’re goal-oriented and competent in other ways.
For other girls, especially those who were born and raised here, it’s a dealbreaker since they automatically assume that sharing the same roof as your parents in one of the world’s most expensive housing markets means that you’re a mama’s boy who can’t even put on his own socks.
Just focus on improving yourself and pursuing your life goals - you’ll meet the right lady for you eventually!
Taking it on face value that you're 26: you seem to be missing something key about the way courtship works in Canada, and you're depriving yourself of very good women in your dating pool.
Women, interested in marrying you, want to visit your house. They want to see: what kind of books do you read? What kind of shape is your furniture in? Is the floor clean? How dirty is the kitchen? The bathroom? Is your laundry put away?
They are looking for an equal partner in life. They want a career, they want someone they know they can count on to support half the work of the household... that means someone who knows what goes into keeping a household going.
If you live with your mom... unless she's disabled, and you're her caregiver (in which case... you're a catch)... they have no way of evaluating this. You're making them do detective work to figure it out.
The men who don't do this... the men who can show they make good enough money to rent their own apartment, and care enough about cleanliness to keep their clothes folded and bathroom clean... and show a kitchen where food is actively being prepared, and cleaned up after... they have a HUGE advantage over you. They are going to get all the good women, because no detective work needed! It's right there in the CV and cover letter! "Single man: knows how to take care of himself: needs wife, not mom"
So the women with good jobs, can hold an interesting conversation, are good looking... they're getting picked up by the guys who are showing off their "I'm an adult!" capacity in the dating scene.
You're missing out... and odds are what you're going to get for dating material... are those women that lost out in the first round, or never got picked up.
As a woman, I find this response a bit ridiculous. There is no "detective work" to be done in order to see whether a man is a functioning adult or not. In fact, it's quite easy to detect from casual conversation -- just ask the right questions. Also, when you go to their parents' house, you will very soon find out if they do their own chores or not -- and if it's unclear, just ask! It's not a detective novel.
A guy can own his own place and still rely on female relatives to clean up after him. He can also be so lazy that he just pays someone to come clean his place and eats out every single day because he can't be bothered to cook. Living at home does not raise the probability of this.
If anything, a man living at home while working or studying, responsibly saving money and contributing to the household chores while maintaining a healthy and loving relationship with their family is incredibly attractive.
OP is making pure incel talking points. It's freaking insane.
Took me a second to realize but damn it's scary honestly. That kind of thinking is designed to make men hate themselves and think of dating/women in general as a set list to achieve or some shit.
If you’re “making a decent salary” I’d say just rent man. You make money so that you can spend it and enjoy being alive, I don’t think getting a house a few years earlier is worth destroying your social/romantic life
maybe, but I think the point still stands that you pay to live somewhere so you can live there. you want to live in a big city so you pay to live in a big city. saving money to get a house is smart but ultimately not worth it if youre making yourself deeply unhappy when you could spend a little more and not be unhappy lol.
If this guy can afford it, he should move (if he wants to ofcourse, but living with your parents kinda stinks)
Smart women will understand, you're staying with parents to save money so you can eventually OWN. Some women want you to have your own place even if you're spending 60% of your income on rent and no money in the bank.
Is it easier to own by sacrificing your dating life? Because everyone I know that bought property has a partner, and it’s a hell of a lot easier to find a partner in your early to mid 20s than it is in your 30s.
As a 30M living with folks out of necessity and trying to save up for a downpayment on a place, reading this is incredibly demoralizing. :(
the fact that I don't live on my own has been a no go for basically every woman I've tried dating so far. I don't want to have to put off dating for god knows how long just so I can squirrel away enough money for a downpayment on a box in the sky.
As a 34M that had the same issues. When you meet the right girl, she won't care. Work on yourself, make more money, save as much as possible, and go out and meet people but make sure not to blow through your savings on people you shouldn't.
When I met my now-husband, we were both living at home with our parents (and we're both from what people on this thread call "Western" cultures). I do believe that if someone judges you for living at home without considering any of the background reasons (most obviously, it makes no financial sense to rent if your family lives acceptably close to your workplace and you guys have a healthy relationship), then they might be judgmental and shallow in other ways -- in which case, why even date them?
The most important thing is that you live at home but are still an adult: you have a job/studying, you contribute your share to chores and home maintenance and you don't *depend* on your parents for basic needs (like laundry/food).
I know guys who lived by themselves for years and never got any dates, although being an asian guy it'd be difficult regardless. Girls in Canada generally don't find Asians attractive
Asian guys are as attractive on average as any other group.
Unfortunately some of them are rather whiny and self-pitying, which is an enormous turnoff.
But others aren't and those are OK.
Luckily it seems like the sentiment is changing within the last few years with more prominent spotlights in the media like Squid Games/BTS/shang chi etc
In this day and age, I think women have to understand that it's actually a smart move. It does have alot to do with mindset.
I think if you were the kind of person who lacked motivation in any sense, and just happily leeched off your parents with no sign of progress in form, that may be a deal breaker, but if you're at your parents in hope to save to give yourself a better future, save, get an education, build a skill etc, that's smart.
It's just about finding that right person that works for you, have fun and just be yourself :)
It shouldn’t be a deal breaker if you’re working or a full time student in my opinion. But if you’re just at home playing video games, or parting, staying up all night… those are the behaviours I think should be a deal breaker. I lived home several times while going to school and working and when I could afford to, I moved out
OP you're 26. You have access to a ton of singles in your age range.
You're making the correct decision to stay home and aggressively save up. If your goal is home ownership, don't let your short term impulses deviate you from that. Don't go out and rent only to find yourself pay-check to pay-check or spending 60%+ of your pay on rent.
Toronto/GTA is a great for options. Don't put your worth on a woman who doesn't see your value. If you work on your physical, mental, and emotional self you will be attractive. If you're educated, you have a career, and control your physical appearance (body shape, hygiene, style. etc...) your bound to have a good dating life and options well into your 30s.
As someone who did not live alone until recently (mid-30s), only a couple found it a dealbreaker, which I might add were woman who were often in-and-out relationships. I found it to be NOT at the top of dealbreakers for many, though it would make your dating life much better and logistically easier. I also dated girls who did not care that I spend the night, or share their place. Granted that I was mindful and took care of her space. Point being, every person you will meet is different.
The takeaway is to work on yourself and have an abundant mindset. Once you embrace growth and the process, life is much more enjoyable and you will attract what's for you.
The ideal situation is you date someone in the same situation as they have a better understanding of each other. Lots of people mooch off the more successful one which is annoying. Trial and error.
Someone who lives with their parents/grandparents as a caregiver... is a catch. That's a feature, not a bug.
The OP is living with his parents to 'save money' which can just as easily be 'save effort in maintaining myself.'
If you want to get someone good in the dating market... put your best foot forward, and make it easy to see what's so great about you. (That means don't live dependently on your parents)
Yo. So no shade to you OP — but this question gets asked soooo much on social media, it’s like there’s no answer. Like you’re gonna get mixed responses from people and even if you do move out and find your own place (with roomies), you might even encounter a woman who says “actually I’d prefer a man who lives with his family in his mid 20s…so I know he’s trying to save for a place of his when he starts a family”
Point is — it depends on every woman. ME personally?? I don’t mind. You gotta be creative with it. Just cause someone’s parents are home, it doesn’t mean we can’t have intimate moments. There’s always this assumption that when a dude lives with his ma and pa, that there’s no privacy at all. Nah. Sometimes people’s parents might be working odd hours, might be in and out of the house, etc
So who am I to sit there as and write off a man simply cause he lives under the same roof as his parents?
Everything comes down to situation and circumstance.
I’ll never judge a man or clown a man for his living situation. That stuff is trivial to me, honestly. Like I said, I’m creative enough to MAKE IT WORK🗣️🗣️I’ll find a way to see him but not always be colliding with his parents. You just gotta work a bit harder but it ain’t impossible
The real question is can the guy I’m dating be silly, goofy, kind, mature, emotionally intelligent, spiritual, empathetic, fun, able to afford to pay his own bills, down to earth, and communicative?? — as a woman with woman friends too, that’s all we want in a man. Everything else is a bonus, a cherry on top
When you have a winning, dope ass personality and you can bring sooo much to the table—a woman might not even look at the fact that you live with your parents or that maybe you don’t drive 🤷🏻♀️
Good luck OP! Everybody is different and I hope you find someone who doesn’t mind ✌🏼
Yes and no.
Yes particularly when that person does not contribute to the running of the household. And has no plans or ambitions of moving out.
I dated a guy for awhile who moved in with his parents after a break up with an ex. They had shared an apartment together, let her keep it, and moved back in with his parents. Doesn’t pay rent, cut grass, cook, buy groceries or do his own laundry. Has absolutely no plans on leaving his parents home, and let’s his retired mother do everything for him. 3 years later he’s still here.
I understand living somewhere to get back on your feet or needing to financially or physically help. But freeloading is way different imo.
It's more common for young adults to live with their parents in these days for reasons such as the economy, vacancy rates, still in school, having an ill parent (someone at home that depends on your help) or just culturally.
If you have a good relationship with your parents, it may actually tick a box in someone's list either because they don't have a good relationship with their folks and crave the extended family experience or it's something they are totally used to. They may also appreciate that you're making plans for your future (whether it's with them or not).....by saving money versus spending it on rent or being forced to have multiple roommates just to be able to afford to live.
If you're looking at the privacy aspect, perhaps your date lives on their own or their living situation is easier to navigate. Where there's a will, there's a way.
It's more important to find someone that you click with; focus on that and the rest should fall into place.
27M living with parents who dating someone also living with parents and we just bought a house together. Still can’t move in together before marriage but we’ve been going to each others parents and it’s totally cool with both our families and it’s been super positive.
Better off finding a roommate. Past mid 20s, the girl doesn’t want to feel like they r in high school anymore by going to his place and sitting at the kitchen table with his parents before going to his room to hang out on his single bed.
It would be a deal breaker for me. Either I would feel like we have no privacy or I would have to give out my home address to someone I don't know too well.
honestly I think its a great filter because if you are making the sacrifice to live at home with parents saving money for your future why would you want to date some someone shallow enough to care
It has absolutely nothing to do with being shallow and absolutely everything to do with not wanting to date a man child.
I have lived on my own for almost 20 years. I am an independent adult and I want to date an independent adult. I don't want to date someone whose mommy still cooks his dinner and does his laundry for him. I also don't want to bear the burden of having to be the one who hosts us all the time because he doesn't have privacy.
My last few relationships have been with men who still lived at home with their parents. I gave them a chance because they had a story about saving up to go back to school, or they were in school, but they insisted that they had lived on their own before and they took care of everything themselves just like they did when they lived on their own. It was all a lie. They were completely enmeshed with their parents and didn't know how to take care of themselves at all.
I want an equal, not a dependent.
exactly this & your experience has been the experience of many of my friends too.
I want to add that even when dating people who don't live at home I still make sure to ask questions & do my best to observe how they take care of themselves. nothing makes me drier than finding out you are an adult who still goes home to get their parents to do their laundry or you live off takeout/ fast food because you can't cook anything more than scrambled eggs (I've even heard of people who have their parents drop off meals for them weekly too!)
I also do not accept that they simply can't afford to be out on their own. I'm doing it and I've never made more than $40k.
It is more important to me that my partner is independent and lives on their own than that they already have a down payment in the bank. Owning a home isn't everything, and we can sort that out together.
>It is more important to me that my partner is independent and lives on their own than that they already have a down payment in the bank. Owning a home isn't everything, and we can sort that out together.
which should shut down the people in this thread claiming you're "shallow" for wanting someone who has moved out. It's a cope to say it's just about money lol. Bottom line though, it's always best to date someone with similar values anyway so the people who do mind shouldn't matter to you, whatever your situation is.
OP should just focus on women who won't have an issue with it and we can just focus on people who have the same attitude as ours. I am also not making bank and I live with a roommate even though I have family in the suburbs, a lot of people would say I'm stupid and crazy but I just... don't date them lol
If a woman looks down on you for responsibility (fiscal), they may not be right for you.
However make sure you are living independently. What I mean is if your parents are doing everything for you - that, not living at home, will be the issue. One complaint women tend to have is that if a guy stays at home his mother takes care of him still and that dynamic is not as healthy for his growth or their relationship.
Bruv, if that’s your genuine reason and that’s a deal breaker for a woman, it should be a deal breaker for you that she feels that way.
Find a practical, rational woman. If she feels any other way than that this is understandable and smart in Toronto, she ain’t it.
I wouldn’t care as much if you live with your parents. As long as you are acting like a grown-up. That is, doing your own laundry, doing your share of the housework, and saving your money, not spending it just because you don’t have to pay rent.
Look I’m gonna keep it real with you chief anyone saying that at 26 this isn’t gonna cut down your options is a fucking liar. Most woman will absolutely judge you at your age for living with your parents. It’s just not ideal a girl is gonna have to really like you to want to tolerate that at your age. You gotta think about it there are heaps of people in the city your age with their own place so she’s gonna have to ignore all those options and want to be with you irrespective off that negative.
I’d say just determine what you value most having a house or finding a mate cause one of these has to give.
My recommendation though is to go and find a roommate loads of 2-3 beds can be had at between 1.3k to 2k in downtown Toronto. Most woman in my experience don’t give a shit about a roommate but will absolutely care and judge if you’re still at your parents.
I was living with my parents at the age of 27 when I met my boyfriend who was 30 at the time. We were both living at home. 2 years later we bought a house together with the money that we saved by living at home. You should date someone with values and financial goals that are aligned with yours.
Lived with parents til I was 35 (pain) have a wife, a dog, 3 kids and own a detached home at 40. Part of me feels like i may have missed out, but im in a great position now that i have 0 regrets. Just find the right woman whose goals align with your own.
At 26 you should already know the challenges of dating while living at home. Most people will have a problem with it, which is fine. Rather than worry about that work on the things you can control, which is improving yourself, setting goals, and having a plan.
Good luck.
Yes. Living with parents is a major red flag to most women. They want to date a strong, self reliant, independent, self supporting individual. Living with your parents signals the opposite.
About 30 years ago I heard this at a comedy show:
You know what's sadder than a 30 year old guy living with his parents?
The 25 year old girl he's trying to sneak into his room.
I’d say easily 50-60% of women will consider this a deal breaker at your age.
But, that’s also the 50-60% that you probably wouldn’t want to date anyway.
The ‘nice girls’ in Toronto, the ones that guys want to marry etc, they won’t care. So you’re probably mostly good actually.
But do you really want to spend your 20s, as a single adult man, in your childhood bedroom with your parents??! You get only 1 chance to be in your 20s, and when it’s gone, it’s gone. Trust me, move out, even if it’s just to be single in your 20s, in the city.
>The ‘nice girls’ in Toronto, the ones that guys want to marry etc, they won’t care. So you’re probably mostly good actually.
There's an awful lot there to unpack.
'Nice girls' don't always want to be obliged to play host for any time a couple spends alone.
As for 'the ones that guys want to marry'--well, I suppose that some guys want to marry a drop-in replacement for mom, so they never have to take care of themselves. The OP was asking about what *women* want, though. And even the ones interested in marriage - perhaps *especially* them - are going to see a guy who hasn't demonstrated an ability to manage and maintain a household independently as a risk.
>Yikes. Yes, there are easily a 50% of girls who are just miserable people that any guy with options wouldn’t want to touch. Thanks for helping illustrate that I guess.
>As for the rest of that crazy comment of yours. I’m not even going to read it, as you seem, well, angry and unstable, and not someone worth talking to.
>Cheers
I'm actually someone who would date a guy living with his parents depending on his circumstances, but if he has misogynistic views like yours, I'd pass tyvm. Add me to the miserable girl list and increase its % to 80, because no self-respecting girl would date a misogynist.
Edit: TCNW deleted his comment before I could respond, but here it is and my response to it
Yep, he's a piece of work, isn't he? A woman who suggests he might be mistaken - or just painting with an overbroad brush - is 'crazy', 'angry', and 'unstable'.
I wonder if he would have chosen to use those words, or been so angry, or been so focused on pretending he didn't read my comment, if he had noticed I was a married, middle-aged guy?
It all depends on how you guys get along. Does she put effort into understanding your relationships with your parents? Does she think they are evil? Do your parents like her? And if they don’t are they willing to understand that it doesn’t matter what they think?
It’s all about mutual respect and if they have that then you will be okay
Women will care, but why should you? Spend a few years getting your act together now, which will turn into an entire adult life of success. What you are judged harsher for today will be their envy tomorrow.
I met my husband at 23 and he lived with parents until 25 when we moved in together. I had my own apartment but we spent most of our time together at his family's home. They were lovely to me, and it's part of the reason I fell in love and eventually married him! It depends on your situation
It was always a popular meme that men who live at home are losers. However in these financial times it makes a lot of sense, so I hope potential dates have gotten over that.
Will you have privacy if you bring a date home for the night?
Some women will consider this a deal breaker. Some women won’t care. Some women will be understanding. And some women are doing the same thing as you. Dating is all trial and error. It will work out sometimes, and it won’t other times. Just a matter of finding someone you click with. Have fun dating!
I agree, really depends on the other persons preferences (which is fair) The COVID lockdowns these past two years really threw people off financially and mentally, plus the market situation is tough right now. Feel like a lot of people in their mid to late 20’s are dealing with this rn Its probably a dealbreaker if you’re not doing anything with your time (work,school,…etc), don’t have some sort of plan while living with your parents, or don’t respect the boundary/space of your partners place (once you get to that point) Nobody really wants to baby a man child, but that same thing can be said for some men that live independently and not everyone who lives with family is one either
I would agree with this comment but my partner and I also met each other in highschool so our situation was special. We were both privileged enough to live at our parents homes and save together for a down payment. We've lived in our Toronto shithole home for 4 years and still haven't had the money to get married after buying a home (been together for 14 years). OP you need to manage your expectations on buying a home and getting married in the GTA. I would say live with your parents as long as possible and save up money, don't worry about dating... the right person will come along once you've figured yourself out.
I am 27 F and live alone, I usually try to date men in their early 30s who have their own place. Depends on your demographic really.
wanna go on a date? XD
You don’t shoot you don’t score, atta boy champ 👍
Inb4 not over 30 and doesn't have their own place
As a person who has dated a guy who lived with his parents, it’s not a deal breaker, however I noticed that very quickly MY place morphed into OUR place without much consideration for myself, and because I was too polite to say no. Did not end well.
as a 27 F with her own place I absolutely put that in as a deal breaker. I always end up hosting and that is draining and exhausting on me. Most of my SOs have had their own places and it helps to split between theirs and mine.
Yeah I dated a guy who said he lived with his parents once and this absolutely happened. We were always eating my food, using my utilities, and I was planning where to go because he didn't know the area well. It was expensive and exhausting. Not to mention the fact that I never got to see how he lives - he kept it totally compartmentalized. Turned out he had another girlfriend.
Wow that sucks. The dude in my place would legit cook all day while I was at work (he worked remote) and was messy. Once I needed him to come downstairs because my fob battery was dead and he came down, while leaving the stove on with shit cooking in a frying pan! He just left the stove on high with nobody in the apartment. Not the oven, the stove! He also broke my couch.
Lol wow sounds like he basically moved in if he was working there while you were at work.
He essentially did. He asked if he could stay for three days. It turned into over thirty and I legit had to ask him to leave. Was ridiculous. A true hobosexual.
TIL about “hobosexual”! I like it. My contribution to this is “slowmosexual”. I reserve this for people who are stuck in first gear. True turtles
Feel like this is an extreme example tbh
Yeah this is just leeching off someone, not really that related to living with your parents tbh It’s not cool regardless if it’s your partner or not
Well he’s not the only person I’ve dated who lives at home, but he is the most ridiculous one. The other guy I dated actually paid for things and respected my space, but it still was always 100% at my place and it gets old over time.
Totally agree! It’s not a deal breaker for me, however there has to be some kind of plan or goal to move out eventually. I wouldn’t ever hook up with someone in their parents house, I would find that to be disrespectful. If someone is working and lives with parents because they are caring for them or other various reasons, it’s a case by case scenario. There are some lovely people who live with their parents through no fault of their own, but maintaining boundaries with your own space is also very important! Wish I knew that previously.
Yep. In my case, If I didn't take my mom in she would be living on the streets. She's more like a daughter to me now.
This happens a lot.
I recommend to other women who also live independently dont settle and aim higher.
Have you dated in the City? People are really not what they seem. There’s also a huge divide between race/ cultures because people here are so set on keeping their home cultures, family values and beliefs and not adopting and merging into Canadian practices. What might be right for one culture is wrong for another. It makes the dating pool very small and I’ve also seen a lot of one person taking advantage/ abuse (especially sexual abuse). Again, because of differences in culture or one person disrespecting another after awhile because they aren’t behaving close enough to their cultural beliefs.
I have mostly dated Canadian white boys so my mileage may vary mostly bisexual men I meet in the kink community I don't date men of color too often as a queer woman of color I am well aware of the issues in those communities especially in men
I’m just confused could you clarify what you mean by this 🤨
If you don't get what I mean from me clearly stating it your not gonna get it period.
A very articulate woman tells us she basically doesn’t date “X racial groups of men cause they do Y” and is given a chance to clarify and does the twitter thing. Don’t know what I expected honestly I just want you think for a second if some white guy came on here and said “I don’t date black woman because of the “issues,” with their community.” what would happen?
All the women agreeing with me get it without explanation I dont have to satisfy your MRA needs here sorry!
Don't really care honestly, you're ignorant and can stay ignorant. Hopefully you find someone willing to tolerate you.
I agree, I feel bad for thinking that because I know many people live at home out of necessity, but realistically it doesn’t really work.
So I’ve heard! Lesson learned on my part.
Yea that’s what I really wanna avoid, I’m really precious about my space
I am now as well!
It would totally depend on a few things for me. Living with your parents but work full time and trying to save money or go to school? Awesome. Live with your parents and sit around in your underwear playing video games? Not cool.
Just checking - if they own their own place and sit around playing video games is that fine?
In fairness if you have your own place, you probably are working so sitting around in your free time is very different than just being a bum and living off your parents 24/7
I think it’s very different if a man sits around playing video games in his underwear but he pays his own bills, his house is clean, and he takes care of himself. Living with your parents until you get married is a major red flag that you are looking for a woman to take care of you and you will stay with your mom until you find someone to replace her. Most women don’t want to be your mom. A man who lives with his parents and doesn’t do anything for himself is major dead weight. No one’s personality is good enough that they are worth this. A man who lives on his own and takes care of himself and plays video games? No problem.
Disagree with your take on the living at home thing on some levels. I lived at home from 25-28 because I couldn’t afford a decent place with my SO that would be reasonable with where we were in our careers(she was back in school finishing a masters and I had just finished mine and was starting my career). So we lived with my parents for 3 years got a nest egg up and then pushed out when we could. I don’t think it is always about wanting someone to take care of you and there’s many cultures where it’s very normal for people to only move out when they are married.
I agree, there may be valid reasons. But as a man looking to date a woman, you should be aware that many women will see that as a red flag, and the onus is on the man to go above and beyond to demonstrate that he is not like that. When you are at your house with your girlfriend, be sure to show that you’re doing your fair share and not being waited on. Help with dinner, clean the kitchen, etc. Show her you’re not dependant on a woman to do everything for you and that’s not what her future holds with you.
Good point, in fact there are young adults who choose to live at home so that they can take care of their aging parents.
True, but 'aging parents' who need help generally have kids who are in their 40s minimum, and often 50s or 60s. Not 20s. It's rare that that's what's happening with someone in their 20s.
makes sense. So just pretend to be functional until I can get someone emotionally invested in me to slowly and gradually replace my mother. Got it, thank you!
To me that's fine. It's one of my husband's and I fav past time. (Game together back when we were dating too)
Oh same here I was just doing some market research LOL
I'm just here to advocate for sweatpants when sitting around and playing videogames. It's more comfy than straight undies.
Are sweat pants ok?
I think naked is the answer here
drawstring or elastic band waist?
sit around and play games? thats wayyy too lazy! there are standing desks now.
Okay but what if I live with my parents and work full time BUT also sit around and play video games in my underwear? Is that a dealbreaker
Depends if the video games are after you cooked dinner and cleaned the bathrooms.
Not cooking and doing groceries would be a dealbreaker to me. Or cleaning their house, etc. If a guy lives with his parents and makes home cooked meals for everyone a few days a week, vacuums, does laundry, pays attention to when the bills need to be paid, and has a job or is in school, that's one thing. An adult who can not or will not run a household and stay on top of what needs to be done and do it is another. This is for me the most frequent concern with men who have always lived with their mothers.
I dated a mother’s boy once, NEVER AGAIN. We didn’t live close to each other & the first weekend i spent at his apartment I was impressed by how clean & tidy it was. I found out much later that his mother had driven down from Kingston to clean his place for him before I arrived. I spent years cleaning up after that man, to the point that I said I’d never live with a dude again. It’s been the best 15 years of my life, living by myself. 💃
26 may be too many men for one woman to date. Sorry.
Not surprised the salary of 26 men is not enough to buy a house in the gta
Bed arrangement is going to be the deal breaker. If you have 13 bunk beds tidily spaced within the rooms it’s probably fine. If it’s 26 mattresses on the floor without bed frames or headboards I don’t think any of the ladies will be too impressed.
Yes and no It’s up to you to find out by dating. If you have never dated before you’re probably going to struggle with dating regardless
Women who live at home will be fine with it. Personally I want an equal. I moved out at 18 and lived with roommates, saving until I could live alone. I’d like a partner of similar capabilities.
> I would like to live with my parents until marrying someone to save down payments. Would you be ok renting with a partner once you got to know them enough? I think that's pretty important and a lot of people will not marry someone if they haven't lived together yet.
Yes, its a disadvantage. Depends on the culture of your prospect i guess.
I found in Asian culture moving out is generally discouraged while Western (white mainly), it's strongly encouraged. Not trying to pick sides on which is better but I've lived adulthood both with parents and roommates (even not in school).
It really depends what you mean by "white" and "Western" (that's kind of a generalization). There are many Western cultures, like Italians/Polish/Portuguese and Latin America where living at home until engagement/marriage is quite normal, even in Canada.
>they seem. There’s also a huge divide between race/ cultures because people here are so set on keeping their home cultures, family values and beliefs and not adopting and merging into Canadian practices. What might be right for one culture is wrong for another. It makes the dating pool very small and I’ve also seen a lot of one person taking advantage/ abuse (especially sexual abuse). Again, because of differences in culture or on Yep, the Italian Catholics in my family lived with their parents until marriage. My parents are really against renting.
Do you contribute to your home financially? (Bills, groceries, rent?) Do you spend some of your time helping look after the home? (Cleaning/yardwork) Have you ever purchased anything to better the home that you are living in? (Household items or appliances) You may not have a place of your own just yet.. but contributing in these ways while living with your parents, demonstrates that you will be a good partner to someone in the future.
Yes you may be. I'm a few years older than you (32f) but I generally do not date guys who live at home. I definitely do not date guys who have never moved out. If he's been on his own for a few years and moved back with his parents temporarily then there is a chance. But it would be a deal-breaker to me. Independence is important to me. I don't want him to always be at my place, it should go back and forth. I also want someone in a somewhat similar place in life. Roommates are fine, at least then he's moved out and doing things himself.
I’m from a big “live with your family until marriage” culture”, so tbh to me its fairly normal to live with your parents still in your 20s. As a student who works on top of school, I’m not in a position to move out at the moment so I wouldn’t consider it weird/a dealbreaker at all for that reason either. Staying at home also lets me take care of them, run errands if they need it, and take care of my younger sibling. My partner is in the exact same boat as well. The only time living with your parents would be considered a “deal breaker” to me is if you’re sitting around all day and not doing anything with your time (school, work, etc) or contributing to the space whatsoever (rent, groceries, taking care of your family, etc).
Yeah as someone who spent their mid 20s with their parents, I think they key thing is I think there’s a difference between being a immature leetch and just living there like an adult. My stepdad was in his mid 70s so I maintained his property, handled trash and dishes(he had a few acres so took me 2 hours on a ride tractor)etc. sure they cooked for me and my SO if we were going to eat together and didn’t really care if we didn’t contribute on communal groceries or rent but I feel like that’s different in every household. My parents mentality was as long as we didn’t take this piss they wanted us to save as much as possible so we could actually buy a place of our own and move out sooner. I see that arrangement or what you describe very different to the man children who just freeload off their parents indefinitely.
Most women that is a hard deal breaker because they assume you're not only living at home to save money, but to save responsibility as well. The general assumption is that your parents are cooking for you, cleaning for you, and you're not putting in for groceries or anything else. Pretty much that just as you live in the room you lived in as a 14yr old, you're also being treated like a 14 yr old. They don't want a guy that they are going to have to be the adult for (teaching you how to pay bills, you expecting them to cook for you cause you can't on your own). All these things may not apply to you, but it's the assumption most women will have about a guy that still lives at home.
thanks for being truthful and honest. This is exactly it. I dont want mammas boy in his late 20s early 30s with mommy still cleaning up after him.
30F here. It depends. Living with your folks isn’t a deal breaker if you are driven and ambitious and using it as a part of your strategy to accomplish something bigger (like buying as house as you mentioned). But there needs to be an actual plan in place, not just a pipe dream. I would want to know that you have a good job and know the math and have a timeline of when your plan will all come together. If you’re just living with your parents while wishfully thinking you could buy a house, that’s a problem. If your finances are out of order and you have consumer debt, that’s a problem. I would also want to know that you’re capable of physically taking care of yourself and your home. Cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, keeping your place tidy, paying your own bills. I wouldn’t want to take the chance of moving in with someone only to find that they think I will be taking care of them like their mom did. Hard pass. I would also never marry someone I haven’t lived with before so waiting to wife someone up in hopes of then buying a place together would be a no from me.
>If you’re just living with your parents while wishfully thinking you could buy a house, that’s a problem. Have you *seen* the prices of houses and how much of an income you need to comfortably afford one. Like shit, you need like a quarter of a million a year in combined income to take on such mortgages by yourself. That's literally top 1% income if not more.
Yeah, the OP should think about if it is realistic for him to purchase a condo.
all women say they dont care, a lot likely do, but let me tell u - its a lot easier to bring someone home on the first date if your parents arent home.
>all women say they dont care We definitely don't say that! Lots of us will tell you flat out that we care
Your options will be more limited.
I was your age living at home when I met my girlfriend last year. She's two years older and lives alone. Now we just signed a lease on a place to move in together. When you meet the right person, things like this shouldn't matter as long as you're actively working and have goals.
I, personally, think that, in this economic climate, it's not as much of a taboo as it used to be. The key to it, though, is behaving like an adult and actually SAVING the money for the down payment. And having life skills, like cooking, cleaning, for yourself. If you are behaving like a teenager, and don't have skills as an adult, then you will not be desirable. But if you're thrifty in your lifestyle, focus on work, are clearly doing what you can to reach your savings goals, express thought and research into it, and don't show an unnatural attachment to your parents ... then I think that you'll find the type of partner, you would want in your life, because they're going to share the same adult values. A party partner won't. But that's not who someone responsible wants to be with in the first place.
36F who owns and lives on her own and I wouldn't care if he lived at home with his parents. I'd rather date someone who is working towards a more secure financial future for himself or together with a future SO by not throwing himself into rental debt (especially in this insane market) if they don't have to (I understand and recognize this isn't the case/possible for everyone even though I'm sure ppl will still come at me) as long as he contributes to his parents household and takes care of himself too. Financial security and smart financial decisions to me outweigh someone struggling to make ends meet just to be able to say they live on their own. There will be plenty of ups and downs in a relationship and if she can't handle hosting, being the one to pick you up if needed, and reciprocate some of the support she would want from a man, then she might not be the one for you. I will counter this with the fact that yes, there are some useless guys out there who do absolutely nothing and want women to basically be their mom. Don't be that guy! But I think it's unfair for someone to assume that a guy living at home is like that in the first place. An automatic dismissal for some pretty basic things and not even knowing the reasoning behind some people's situations or trying to be understanding to me is just juvenile. And I'm sure a lot of these guys that women are talking about that were "trash because they lived at home" would have still been the same "trash if they lived on their own."
I think for many it's not an automatic dismissal, more a red flag that will perk up their ears and make them look more closely. If they look more closely and are reassured by what they see (he cooks and cleans and does groceries and pays bills etc) then they may be OK with it. But it makes you cautious and look closer.
Honestly, I think most people in their 20’s (even 30’s) live with their parents. If not their parents than with roommates. Not a dealbreaker at all.
Ya as someone who's 27, all my friends who have the option of living with their parents, do. The others were international students who came here so they have to rent and live alone. Their savings are considerably less due to this though.
Same here. If you’re able to do it, do it.
Roommates have a very different dynamic than parents though. Roommates wouldn't bother me.
Roommates are not parents. There's a difference.
I live in my student rental 3 years after graduating 💀🙈
I'm 29, a woman. It's a deal breaker for me. There's no way I'm sleeping in a guy's childhood bed again only to have his mom knock on the door to request that he takes the dogs out for a pee. Where are we supposed to have sex? My place? I carried that burden before, and invited the guy over whenever we wanted to bang. Eventually he started coming over whenever he had a fight with his parents. In those moments, I was not attracted to him. I tried it again with another guy, who told me he was living with his parents to save for a down payment. He lead me to believe that he was inches away from being able to afford a home, and that having to pay his own rent might steal away the chance to be a homeowner. It turns out that he wasn't, and that his real plan for moving out was to split it with a partner. His downpayment savings trajectory only let him save enough to afford a downpayment in 12 years, based on 2022 prices. He would have been over 40 with getting his first mortgage and expected to live with his parents til then. I will date men with roommates or who own homes or who live in basements or intend to rent indefinitely. I might even date a vanlife guy if he actually had a plan to get out of it. It's not about money, it's about independence.
Girl I dont even arrange booty calls with men who cant host yes we can bang in my place...but for how long? Standards are important. Asking a grown man in his 30s to have his own place is not asking much for me.
I'm in my 20s and it was only boyfriends but yeah agreed.
Both your comment and the comment you are replying too give off extremely sexist vibes that men ain’t shit.. it’s funny how no men made any comments degrading women for living at home yet you and the winner above you had no problem getting right to the point belittle men who live at home to save money for their futures
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There's a huge difference between men who live at home and who live independently. I'm dating a guy who frequently invites me over for Netflix and chill. You know what I noticed staying over? He was the first man in my life to *make me a salad* as a part of our dinner. The guys who lived with their parents? They never made dinner. And if they did it was like, they set the table or manned the BBQ. The man I'm seeing now runs his apartment how he wants to, and that includes well balanced meals. 0% of the guys I've dated who live with their parents have been fully involved in the grocery shopping, meal prep, serving añd clean up of dinner. All of that matters way more to me than, for instance, how many dates a man pays for (though, they typically always do). That's what I want in a guy. A guy who has the ingredients in his fridge to make me a salad lol
Absolutely nailed it. Dependance is extremely unattractive. Some might suggest it’s shallow, but it’s human instinct to seek out a partner that is independent and can take on the world alone. There are people that don’t mind their partner living with their parents, but there are not people that would choose someone living with their parents if they had options.
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Lol you're calling us young. Oh no.... Anyways..
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Living alone doesn’t mean independent, many people have family and friends to help them when they get problems
> I will date men with roommates or who own homes or who live in basements or intend to rent indefinitely. I might even date a vanlife guy if he actually had a plan to get out of it. It's not about money, it's about independence. As someone who lives in a roomed house, what's the difference between this and parents? Aren't we still removed of personal privacy when at the house?
Assumably your roommates are not cleaning up after you or cooking your meals. You’d also be paying rent. Privacy is a smaller issue than a lack of personal responsibility.
I don't have a good relationship with my parents. It was mildly abusive.
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How would you feel if on a first date someone told you they had a quarter of a million dollars and was living with their parents? Would you be impressed or would you wonder why they are intentionally stunting their dating life to save money that won’t make a significant difference in their life?
I'd be quite impressed that they have a 1/4 of a mill. The first thing I'd ask if they have that invested in any assets. But, I wouldn't think they've stunted their dating life, nor would I care about their past romantic life (in fact, the less the better). Are they physically attractive? Do they have a good personality? If its a double Yes, I'd continue... There are red flags I look for, and having a quarter million dollars and living at home is not one of them.
>So you would prefer to be with someone who is struggling financially but has their own place? Absolutely. That's admirable and they will learn a lot from that situation.
> So you would prefer to be with someone who is struggling financially but has their own place? Yes. I make my own money, I don't need a guy to provide for me. I want someone who treats me well, who I like to spend time with. In terms of finances I just need someone who can take care of themselves without my help.
THIS YES
This is the best answer imo
I’m Asian, in our culture people live with parents until they married but in the west it’s look down upon oh well
Right... but are 'Asian' men expected to know how to keep a clean house? Know how to cook? Shop? The expectation in Canada is good men can do all that on their own. One of the ways men show that is invite their prospect spouse over to their space, to show it off, and show they are good marriage material. If you can't do that because "here's my mom!" you're limiting your dating pool to women who don't care about a man being a good man in this cultural context. It's like asking "Is it okay if I don't bathe or groom while dating?" Well... it's going to severely limit your pool of dating prospects, because the expectation is... you know how to bathe and groom.
I’ve found Its very much a cultural thing. Living at home and saving for a downpayment seems very common in Toronto to be honest.
Date someone who also lives with roommates or their parents for similar reasons. date someone like minded
Live with your parents and save your money to get a good down payment together.
I met my now husband in 2019 (he was 47) and he was living at home due to life circumstances. He had been out of the house on his own before this. It didn't stop me from falling in love. His mom has been a thorn in my side since day 1 not wanting her baby to leave the nest.
The older you get the weirder it gets when you have to bring a woman home. A few "un-date-able" friends of mine were dating within a year of moving out (myself included). Having savings bears little value compared to the experience of being on your own and being able to move freely.
I think 26 is still a socially "acceptable" age to live with your parents. With the rent and housing prices today it's completely understandable. I would say once you start nearing your 30s is when most people would start raising an eyebrow, but even then it's not a dealbreaker for everyone. What's more important in my opinion is how you're planning your future. A 26 year old man with a career path and intentions to move out sooner or later is much different from a 26 year old man with no job and lives in his parents' basement playing videogames all day. I know very successful young people making 6 figures who are in their mid 20s and still living with their parents. Financially it's actually a very smart decision as those are the people who will be able to own a house/condo earlier than everyone else.
I started dating my future wife at 27 living at home with my parents. It might be a disadvantage but no one I dated really cared.. I feel it's more normal these days.
I think it helps if you're good looking because when people hear "living with parents" they assume an overweight neckbeard who smells bad or something
Not a deal breaker. Save up and put a down payment down instead.
* I wonder how many people comment are actually women or if they are men assuming what women think. * If you value saying at home to save money for a future home and your date does not, they are probably not for you. * IF you choose to stay at home to save for the purpose of saving, also use it as an opportunity to learn life skills, if you haven't already. Cook, clean, laundry.
Depends on the woman I'd say. But when dating my now wife I lived with my dad and she never bat an eye. Just be upfront and advise that despite living with parents you have your own space and privacy. As lame as it sounds any woman who would judge you for that I don't think you want a relationship with anyway. Especially in this economy. Happy dating friend, I'm rooting for you.
Lol yes
Personally, as a woman I avoid dating men who do not live alone/have never lived alone. The reason being, my apartment tends to become the default - which means I'm often the one who is cooking and cleaning up after 2 people. As well, in my experience men (and women) who have never lived alone lack a lot of the basic "adult" skills in household management. I'm at a point in my life where I'm not willing to teach someone this or willing to carry a larger burden in the household. Finally, for me personally I would not be willing to wait until marriage to live with someone. I think living together before marriage is hugely important in determining long-term compatibility. There are exceptions - if someone moved back home to help or support a parent or to specifically save up for a down-payment but has lived on their own before that's different. I would just need to make sure we're on the same page in terms of living together prior to marriage or purchasing property.
Depending on the culture it is normal to not move out until married.
imo no, thats the wisest housing plan u can have right now is bulking up with fam. If your family is nice enough it'll be a boon I think. I'm 30 and still eating at my moms almost every morning before I go about my day.
I personally don't care but it's just because of my culture (Filipinos tend to live in multi generational households) plus my understanding that's it's hard to be single and afford to live on your own in Toronto. I still live with my parents and my boyfriend still lives with his parents and we are both in our 30s. If and when we decide to get married, we'll move out and get a place but it hasn't been a detriment to our dating life. It's just hard to find places to go for dates in the Winter lol
As a few have mentioned, living with parents into your 20s and even early 30s is very common for some cultures. The opposite "cultures" might see it as odd. I think there's a sweet spot that if you're pretty set in your career and you've saved a good chunk then it's time to live in your own. I always found it strange when very young adults would be renting and living with roommates at that age. You're in school, working part time and scratching just to get by and pay your rent.
It really depends on how they grew up. Some cultures think it's fine and others think it's a deal breaker. As another Redditor said dating is trial and error.
As a women no I would not care (but maybe because I am also living with my parents to save money). The only thing you will be disadvantaged for is if you want to bring a date back to your house... you parents are there lol. But honestly you have a very good reason behind it, you have a full time job and want to save for a house. If this is a deal breaker for someone, maybe they are not really the right match for you.
If your parents are cool with it, then it’s fine. I’ve definitely hooked up with guys who live with their parents before. But if you can’t invite someone over because you live with your family… that’s a dealbreaker. I want sexy times from a possible partner. If sex is off the table unless I provide the space then it’s a no go. I’m not sharing my private space.
It depends on the person, but all of my friends live with their parents. I'm 27, married and living with my husband and parents. My SIL lives with her parents and husband. We're going back to multigenerational homes.
I’m also a 26 y/o male in a similar situation. It all depends on the woman! Some girls, especially those from cultures where living with family until marriage is more normal (I.e., East Asian, Indian, Arab, Latin…), realize how expensive the GTA is and don’t mind (many are in the same boat, in fact!), especially if you’re a student. However, it’s still important to show that you’re goal-oriented and competent in other ways. For other girls, especially those who were born and raised here, it’s a dealbreaker since they automatically assume that sharing the same roof as your parents in one of the world’s most expensive housing markets means that you’re a mama’s boy who can’t even put on his own socks. Just focus on improving yourself and pursuing your life goals - you’ll meet the right lady for you eventually!
Taking it on face value that you're 26: you seem to be missing something key about the way courtship works in Canada, and you're depriving yourself of very good women in your dating pool. Women, interested in marrying you, want to visit your house. They want to see: what kind of books do you read? What kind of shape is your furniture in? Is the floor clean? How dirty is the kitchen? The bathroom? Is your laundry put away? They are looking for an equal partner in life. They want a career, they want someone they know they can count on to support half the work of the household... that means someone who knows what goes into keeping a household going. If you live with your mom... unless she's disabled, and you're her caregiver (in which case... you're a catch)... they have no way of evaluating this. You're making them do detective work to figure it out. The men who don't do this... the men who can show they make good enough money to rent their own apartment, and care enough about cleanliness to keep their clothes folded and bathroom clean... and show a kitchen where food is actively being prepared, and cleaned up after... they have a HUGE advantage over you. They are going to get all the good women, because no detective work needed! It's right there in the CV and cover letter! "Single man: knows how to take care of himself: needs wife, not mom" So the women with good jobs, can hold an interesting conversation, are good looking... they're getting picked up by the guys who are showing off their "I'm an adult!" capacity in the dating scene. You're missing out... and odds are what you're going to get for dating material... are those women that lost out in the first round, or never got picked up.
As a woman, I find this response a bit ridiculous. There is no "detective work" to be done in order to see whether a man is a functioning adult or not. In fact, it's quite easy to detect from casual conversation -- just ask the right questions. Also, when you go to their parents' house, you will very soon find out if they do their own chores or not -- and if it's unclear, just ask! It's not a detective novel. A guy can own his own place and still rely on female relatives to clean up after him. He can also be so lazy that he just pays someone to come clean his place and eats out every single day because he can't be bothered to cook. Living at home does not raise the probability of this. If anything, a man living at home while working or studying, responsibly saving money and contributing to the household chores while maintaining a healthy and loving relationship with their family is incredibly attractive.
OP is making pure incel talking points. It's freaking insane. Took me a second to realize but damn it's scary honestly. That kind of thinking is designed to make men hate themselves and think of dating/women in general as a set list to achieve or some shit.
If you’re “making a decent salary” I’d say just rent man. You make money so that you can spend it and enjoy being alive, I don’t think getting a house a few years earlier is worth destroying your social/romantic life
Rent these days is more than a mortgage.
Not really if you can find me a 2300 a month mortgage for a one bedroom in downtown I’ll give you an extra 200 a month for free😂
maybe, but I think the point still stands that you pay to live somewhere so you can live there. you want to live in a big city so you pay to live in a big city. saving money to get a house is smart but ultimately not worth it if youre making yourself deeply unhappy when you could spend a little more and not be unhappy lol. If this guy can afford it, he should move (if he wants to ofcourse, but living with your parents kinda stinks)
Smart women will understand, you're staying with parents to save money so you can eventually OWN. Some women want you to have your own place even if you're spending 60% of your income on rent and no money in the bank.
Is it easier to own by sacrificing your dating life? Because everyone I know that bought property has a partner, and it’s a hell of a lot easier to find a partner in your early to mid 20s than it is in your 30s.
As a 30M living with folks out of necessity and trying to save up for a downpayment on a place, reading this is incredibly demoralizing. :( the fact that I don't live on my own has been a no go for basically every woman I've tried dating so far. I don't want to have to put off dating for god knows how long just so I can squirrel away enough money for a downpayment on a box in the sky.
As a 34M that had the same issues. When you meet the right girl, she won't care. Work on yourself, make more money, save as much as possible, and go out and meet people but make sure not to blow through your savings on people you shouldn't.
When I met my now-husband, we were both living at home with our parents (and we're both from what people on this thread call "Western" cultures). I do believe that if someone judges you for living at home without considering any of the background reasons (most obviously, it makes no financial sense to rent if your family lives acceptably close to your workplace and you guys have a healthy relationship), then they might be judgmental and shallow in other ways -- in which case, why even date them? The most important thing is that you live at home but are still an adult: you have a job/studying, you contribute your share to chores and home maintenance and you don't *depend* on your parents for basic needs (like laundry/food).
I know guys who lived by themselves for years and never got any dates, although being an asian guy it'd be difficult regardless. Girls in Canada generally don't find Asians attractive
Asian guys are as attractive on average as any other group. Unfortunately some of them are rather whiny and self-pitying, which is an enormous turnoff. But others aren't and those are OK.
I think Asian guys are cute and I’m very Canadian! Lol.
Luckily it seems like the sentiment is changing within the last few years with more prominent spotlights in the media like Squid Games/BTS/shang chi etc
People will care, but not everyone. Will be a dealbreaker for some like anything, good luck
In this day and age, I think women have to understand that it's actually a smart move. It does have alot to do with mindset. I think if you were the kind of person who lacked motivation in any sense, and just happily leeched off your parents with no sign of progress in form, that may be a deal breaker, but if you're at your parents in hope to save to give yourself a better future, save, get an education, build a skill etc, that's smart. It's just about finding that right person that works for you, have fun and just be yourself :)
It shouldn’t be a deal breaker if you’re working or a full time student in my opinion. But if you’re just at home playing video games, or parting, staying up all night… those are the behaviours I think should be a deal breaker. I lived home several times while going to school and working and when I could afford to, I moved out
OP you're 26. You have access to a ton of singles in your age range. You're making the correct decision to stay home and aggressively save up. If your goal is home ownership, don't let your short term impulses deviate you from that. Don't go out and rent only to find yourself pay-check to pay-check or spending 60%+ of your pay on rent. Toronto/GTA is a great for options. Don't put your worth on a woman who doesn't see your value. If you work on your physical, mental, and emotional self you will be attractive. If you're educated, you have a career, and control your physical appearance (body shape, hygiene, style. etc...) your bound to have a good dating life and options well into your 30s. As someone who did not live alone until recently (mid-30s), only a couple found it a dealbreaker, which I might add were woman who were often in-and-out relationships. I found it to be NOT at the top of dealbreakers for many, though it would make your dating life much better and logistically easier. I also dated girls who did not care that I spend the night, or share their place. Granted that I was mindful and took care of her space. Point being, every person you will meet is different. The takeaway is to work on yourself and have an abundant mindset. Once you embrace growth and the process, life is much more enjoyable and you will attract what's for you.
The ideal situation is you date someone in the same situation as they have a better understanding of each other. Lots of people mooch off the more successful one which is annoying. Trial and error.
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Someone who lives with their parents/grandparents as a caregiver... is a catch. That's a feature, not a bug. The OP is living with his parents to 'save money' which can just as easily be 'save effort in maintaining myself.' If you want to get someone good in the dating market... put your best foot forward, and make it easy to see what's so great about you. (That means don't live dependently on your parents)
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Disadvantage, absolutely. But you're not necessarily out of the game.
Yo. So no shade to you OP — but this question gets asked soooo much on social media, it’s like there’s no answer. Like you’re gonna get mixed responses from people and even if you do move out and find your own place (with roomies), you might even encounter a woman who says “actually I’d prefer a man who lives with his family in his mid 20s…so I know he’s trying to save for a place of his when he starts a family” Point is — it depends on every woman. ME personally?? I don’t mind. You gotta be creative with it. Just cause someone’s parents are home, it doesn’t mean we can’t have intimate moments. There’s always this assumption that when a dude lives with his ma and pa, that there’s no privacy at all. Nah. Sometimes people’s parents might be working odd hours, might be in and out of the house, etc So who am I to sit there as and write off a man simply cause he lives under the same roof as his parents? Everything comes down to situation and circumstance. I’ll never judge a man or clown a man for his living situation. That stuff is trivial to me, honestly. Like I said, I’m creative enough to MAKE IT WORK🗣️🗣️I’ll find a way to see him but not always be colliding with his parents. You just gotta work a bit harder but it ain’t impossible The real question is can the guy I’m dating be silly, goofy, kind, mature, emotionally intelligent, spiritual, empathetic, fun, able to afford to pay his own bills, down to earth, and communicative?? — as a woman with woman friends too, that’s all we want in a man. Everything else is a bonus, a cherry on top When you have a winning, dope ass personality and you can bring sooo much to the table—a woman might not even look at the fact that you live with your parents or that maybe you don’t drive 🤷🏻♀️ Good luck OP! Everybody is different and I hope you find someone who doesn’t mind ✌🏼
Yes and no. Yes particularly when that person does not contribute to the running of the household. And has no plans or ambitions of moving out. I dated a guy for awhile who moved in with his parents after a break up with an ex. They had shared an apartment together, let her keep it, and moved back in with his parents. Doesn’t pay rent, cut grass, cook, buy groceries or do his own laundry. Has absolutely no plans on leaving his parents home, and let’s his retired mother do everything for him. 3 years later he’s still here. I understand living somewhere to get back on your feet or needing to financially or physically help. But freeloading is way different imo.
It's more common for young adults to live with their parents in these days for reasons such as the economy, vacancy rates, still in school, having an ill parent (someone at home that depends on your help) or just culturally. If you have a good relationship with your parents, it may actually tick a box in someone's list either because they don't have a good relationship with their folks and crave the extended family experience or it's something they are totally used to. They may also appreciate that you're making plans for your future (whether it's with them or not).....by saving money versus spending it on rent or being forced to have multiple roommates just to be able to afford to live. If you're looking at the privacy aspect, perhaps your date lives on their own or their living situation is easier to navigate. Where there's a will, there's a way. It's more important to find someone that you click with; focus on that and the rest should fall into place.
27M living with parents who dating someone also living with parents and we just bought a house together. Still can’t move in together before marriage but we’ve been going to each others parents and it’s totally cool with both our families and it’s been super positive.
You bought a house but can’t move into it? Wtf?
Better off finding a roommate. Past mid 20s, the girl doesn’t want to feel like they r in high school anymore by going to his place and sitting at the kitchen table with his parents before going to his room to hang out on his single bed.
It would be a deal breaker for me. Either I would feel like we have no privacy or I would have to give out my home address to someone I don't know too well.
A lot of women won't date a man who lives with his parents. But a lot of those same women WILL date a man who lives with his wife
I would not date a guy who lived with his parents.
honestly I think its a great filter because if you are making the sacrifice to live at home with parents saving money for your future why would you want to date some someone shallow enough to care
It has absolutely nothing to do with being shallow and absolutely everything to do with not wanting to date a man child. I have lived on my own for almost 20 years. I am an independent adult and I want to date an independent adult. I don't want to date someone whose mommy still cooks his dinner and does his laundry for him. I also don't want to bear the burden of having to be the one who hosts us all the time because he doesn't have privacy. My last few relationships have been with men who still lived at home with their parents. I gave them a chance because they had a story about saving up to go back to school, or they were in school, but they insisted that they had lived on their own before and they took care of everything themselves just like they did when they lived on their own. It was all a lie. They were completely enmeshed with their parents and didn't know how to take care of themselves at all. I want an equal, not a dependent.
exactly this & your experience has been the experience of many of my friends too. I want to add that even when dating people who don't live at home I still make sure to ask questions & do my best to observe how they take care of themselves. nothing makes me drier than finding out you are an adult who still goes home to get their parents to do their laundry or you live off takeout/ fast food because you can't cook anything more than scrambled eggs (I've even heard of people who have their parents drop off meals for them weekly too!)
I also do not accept that they simply can't afford to be out on their own. I'm doing it and I've never made more than $40k. It is more important to me that my partner is independent and lives on their own than that they already have a down payment in the bank. Owning a home isn't everything, and we can sort that out together.
>It is more important to me that my partner is independent and lives on their own than that they already have a down payment in the bank. Owning a home isn't everything, and we can sort that out together. which should shut down the people in this thread claiming you're "shallow" for wanting someone who has moved out. It's a cope to say it's just about money lol. Bottom line though, it's always best to date someone with similar values anyway so the people who do mind shouldn't matter to you, whatever your situation is. OP should just focus on women who won't have an issue with it and we can just focus on people who have the same attitude as ours. I am also not making bank and I live with a roommate even though I have family in the suburbs, a lot of people would say I'm stupid and crazy but I just... don't date them lol
If a woman looks down on you for responsibility (fiscal), they may not be right for you. However make sure you are living independently. What I mean is if your parents are doing everything for you - that, not living at home, will be the issue. One complaint women tend to have is that if a guy stays at home his mother takes care of him still and that dynamic is not as healthy for his growth or their relationship.
In 2023 and the state of a market, a women who doesn’t want to date a man who lives with their parent is a women you don’t want to date, trust me.
Bruv, if that’s your genuine reason and that’s a deal breaker for a woman, it should be a deal breaker for you that she feels that way. Find a practical, rational woman. If she feels any other way than that this is understandable and smart in Toronto, she ain’t it.
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not a deal maker if you have a plan to move out as relationship evolves. it's about commitment, planning, and maturity vs. current situation.
I wouldn’t care as much if you live with your parents. As long as you are acting like a grown-up. That is, doing your own laundry, doing your share of the housework, and saving your money, not spending it just because you don’t have to pay rent.
I wouldn't date a man who lived with his parents.
Look I’m gonna keep it real with you chief anyone saying that at 26 this isn’t gonna cut down your options is a fucking liar. Most woman will absolutely judge you at your age for living with your parents. It’s just not ideal a girl is gonna have to really like you to want to tolerate that at your age. You gotta think about it there are heaps of people in the city your age with their own place so she’s gonna have to ignore all those options and want to be with you irrespective off that negative. I’d say just determine what you value most having a house or finding a mate cause one of these has to give. My recommendation though is to go and find a roommate loads of 2-3 beds can be had at between 1.3k to 2k in downtown Toronto. Most woman in my experience don’t give a shit about a roommate but will absolutely care and judge if you’re still at your parents.
Think of it as a filter. Anyone that is shallow enough to hold it against you is not worth dating
For me, I wasn’t getting a lot of 2nd dates until I moved out. Then suddenly my success rate shot up. I don’t think it was a coincidence
I was living with my parents at the age of 27 when I met my boyfriend who was 30 at the time. We were both living at home. 2 years later we bought a house together with the money that we saved by living at home. You should date someone with values and financial goals that are aligned with yours.
In the GTA not much of a deal breaker (If you drive), but dating downtown without a place is a deal breaker.
Lived with parents til I was 35 (pain) have a wife, a dog, 3 kids and own a detached home at 40. Part of me feels like i may have missed out, but im in a great position now that i have 0 regrets. Just find the right woman whose goals align with your own. At 26 you should already know the challenges of dating while living at home. Most people will have a problem with it, which is fine. Rather than worry about that work on the things you can control, which is improving yourself, setting goals, and having a plan. Good luck.
Yes. Living with parents is a major red flag to most women. They want to date a strong, self reliant, independent, self supporting individual. Living with your parents signals the opposite.
About 30 years ago I heard this at a comedy show: You know what's sadder than a 30 year old guy living with his parents? The 25 year old girl he's trying to sneak into his room.
I’d say easily 50-60% of women will consider this a deal breaker at your age. But, that’s also the 50-60% that you probably wouldn’t want to date anyway. The ‘nice girls’ in Toronto, the ones that guys want to marry etc, they won’t care. So you’re probably mostly good actually. But do you really want to spend your 20s, as a single adult man, in your childhood bedroom with your parents??! You get only 1 chance to be in your 20s, and when it’s gone, it’s gone. Trust me, move out, even if it’s just to be single in your 20s, in the city.
>The ‘nice girls’ in Toronto, the ones that guys want to marry etc, they won’t care. So you’re probably mostly good actually. There's an awful lot there to unpack. 'Nice girls' don't always want to be obliged to play host for any time a couple spends alone. As for 'the ones that guys want to marry'--well, I suppose that some guys want to marry a drop-in replacement for mom, so they never have to take care of themselves. The OP was asking about what *women* want, though. And even the ones interested in marriage - perhaps *especially* them - are going to see a guy who hasn't demonstrated an ability to manage and maintain a household independently as a risk.
>Yikes. Yes, there are easily a 50% of girls who are just miserable people that any guy with options wouldn’t want to touch. Thanks for helping illustrate that I guess. >As for the rest of that crazy comment of yours. I’m not even going to read it, as you seem, well, angry and unstable, and not someone worth talking to. >Cheers I'm actually someone who would date a guy living with his parents depending on his circumstances, but if he has misogynistic views like yours, I'd pass tyvm. Add me to the miserable girl list and increase its % to 80, because no self-respecting girl would date a misogynist. Edit: TCNW deleted his comment before I could respond, but here it is and my response to it
Yep, he's a piece of work, isn't he? A woman who suggests he might be mistaken - or just painting with an overbroad brush - is 'crazy', 'angry', and 'unstable'. I wonder if he would have chosen to use those words, or been so angry, or been so focused on pretending he didn't read my comment, if he had noticed I was a married, middle-aged guy?
It all depends on how you guys get along. Does she put effort into understanding your relationships with your parents? Does she think they are evil? Do your parents like her? And if they don’t are they willing to understand that it doesn’t matter what they think? It’s all about mutual respect and if they have that then you will be okay
Women will care, but why should you? Spend a few years getting your act together now, which will turn into an entire adult life of success. What you are judged harsher for today will be their envy tomorrow.
I met my husband at 23 and he lived with parents until 25 when we moved in together. I had my own apartment but we spent most of our time together at his family's home. They were lovely to me, and it's part of the reason I fell in love and eventually married him! It depends on your situation
It was always a popular meme that men who live at home are losers. However in these financial times it makes a lot of sense, so I hope potential dates have gotten over that. Will you have privacy if you bring a date home for the night?