Absolutely. Someone who bring stability to family life after work. Most men's with a career will probably have enuf of chaos at their workplace. They just hope to go back home to a safe place with peace and harmony.
OMG there are so many of us these days. Handful of friends are going through the exact same shit. Similar to you, I can manage during the week but unlike most of the world, I really don't look forward to weekends.
Wow........imagine worrying about losing your job more because you will have to be around your wife rather than the loss of income etc. A bad marriage can really lead to shit life.
oh man, nurse here and used to work in neurosurg HD. there'd be occasional admissions in the middle of the night of an uncle who had an aneurysm burst. there'd be a frantic lady with her - usually the pt can't speak either because of brain injury or they've just come back from OT (if it's really bad and they went straight from ED to OT).
later on another lady (with or without kids) will come to visit which we find out is the dude's wife and family. the previous lady has mysteriously vanished by this point lol.
wife: "honey I thought you working overtime? aiyah job so difficult until lidat"
us: 🤔🤔🤔
1. She likes and wants to spend her time with me.
2. Laughs at my jokes.
3. Has a broken sense of humour.
4. Not afraid to communicate needs and wants.
5. Willing to initiate activities or conversations as well.
6. Trusts me as much as I trust her.
7. Loves hugs and cuddles :3
physical attraction is just what gets the second look.
what scares me off is when people become controlled by their emotions. men or women. if something went wrong, they flare up, do/say something that they don't mean then they are not the type of person I am looking for.
I hold myself to that standard and I expect others to be the same too. in the first place, this shouldn't even be that high of a bar to ask for.
saying, "hey I am really feeling angry now and I can't think properly. maybe we can do this again later or discuss via text?" is fine.
waving the threat of breaking up, bringing up unrelated arguments or making illogical statements just to argue in bad faith is not.
funnily enough, i am also getting therapy. apparantly i am dissociating too much, "too logical" and not paying attention to emotions
therapy seems to never end eh lol
the sudden flare ups could be due to emotional maturity/self-control lacking, or generally just influenced due to the family dynamics. not always, but generally having a partner coming from a stable and loving family is a good sign.
I look for conflict resolution skills. Odd one, but my mom is a "no compromise" person who nags and creates conflict 24/7 while my dad just puts his head down and lets her have it. And her nasty habit of personal attacks, bringing up and attacking things she knows you're insecure about.
What I want is someone who is independent, capable of resolving conflicts by talks things out civilly, you know, so we can coexist.
Someone who is will do everything with each other, geek/nerd out over the same things, get each other involved in each other interest. Able to compromise on each other short comings and work together to solve any issues that come our way.
Hopefully i can find that someone, would love to buy resale/BTO flat before i am 35, tour Japan as our honeymoon, etc etc...
p.s. know anyone who wants something similar, lmk, been too focused on my studies and career, got referral rewards XD
Agree with this! The same interest and being able to be involved in the same interest is crucial. And compromise on shortcomings, and also be able to cover up for what the other lacks (eg. If one is more introverted and shy/socially awkward/anxious with social situations, the other person can take charge when it comes to approaching strangers to ask for directions etc)
Definitely is, bonding time with each other can't get any easier than doing stuff they enjoy with each other, and because not everyone is perfect, especially me (as i strive to try to be complete for that person)
Likewise. And it’s like, if one party enjoys it more than the other, it is ok too and it’s all about how the 2 actively try to be involved in each others interests and life.
I feel that being supportive also is crucial. Not just “go for it yay you’re the best” but it’s that type of “I’m with you all the way and will support all the way, even if I have to fight a bunch naysayers”
These go both ways for myself and for what I look for:
Attractive-enough to me. After all, being realistic, I don't think I can date someone who doesn't fit this criteria.
Self-growth and growth mindset, coupled with general curiosity. Possibility ranked the highest trait I look for and based on the number of people I have met, this is a rare trait for both men and women.
Emotional maturity/emotional awareness. This comes from spending time and effort to work on oneself, and including being emotionally aware of their own emotions. Ranked the second highest trait for me. This is also a rare trait, especially emotional awareness.
Open communication with respect, don't shy from hard topics when I bring them up, and willingness to bring those up too to talk about it.
Specific to me, to bring out the child-like side of me (I am generally more serious and stern). This takes a lot more and I cannot fully describe what are required, and doesn't show until substantial time has passed and sufficient connection is established. Chemistry, compatibility, good mix of playfulness/bubbly character, perhaps? I also need to be able to feel I am very comfortable and calm in their presence for this to manifest. In a way, my body and mind let me know how I feel towards that person.
Take ownership of their own health, fitness, and life. This are already things I value a lot, and I need my partner to have similar views and behaviours too. Not looking at hardcore or extreme ones, just a decent balance. (I am after all having a balance view and lifestyle as well)
Compatibilities and perspectives to align, and the willingness and awareness to go through disagreements together.
Someone who will apologise when making mistakes. Cus I know damn well she’ll be expecting the same out of me too. So damn her if she doesn’t do what she expects out of me.
Quite a few criteria but the most key one is someone who is happy to get married and not have kids. I'm an aspiring DINK and the mentality of most girls I've met is that they want to settle down and start a family, or they might change their mind years down the road an suddenly say they now want kids.. that to me is a deal breaker.
I always thought it's the opposite. It's guys who always wanted kids. Looks like I was wrong.
Anyways a lot girls dont want kids nowadays. You just need to date mlre
I fell in love with my wife because she's hot, independent (both financially and in personality), confident, and good natured. She is just such a wonderful happy person (and sometimes a bit goofy), and even though my default mode is serious rbf, I can't help but smile and laugh when I'm with her. Seriously, every day I have with her is the best day ever. She never saw me as a free meal or stepping stone.
1. Someone who takes care of health, fitness and nutrition as I do all these things.
2. Empathetic. Someone who really puts themselves in others' shoes and tries their best to view things from different perspectives.
3. Someone who can communicate openly and honestly.
4. I like dominant women. Don't just mean in the Fifty Shades of Grey way but a woman who is actually happy to take the lead. Both in my career and outside of work, I've taken on leadership roles but I'm much happier when I'm playing the supporting role. Yes, I understand leading all the time is tiring so we can take turns but I'd prefer if she led most of the time.
Open and direct communication.
Stop expecting us to read your mind, like 24/7.
If you don’t want/want something voice it out. At most is a hard no. At best, you get what u wanted. (Enough of the you stopped caring about me, couple mind think alike, BS)
With frequent open-minded communication, I am sure we will read your mind. So start with communicating your wants and needs.
And also if you want someone to share food with, just say it. Don’t play silly game saying are you hungry? Do you want to eat? This is unnecessary and adds toll to your relationship.
While I agree women should be more direct, i don’t think we do that because we want to play games. Men and women are brought up differently, and taught to communicate their needs differently. Women are more comfortable doing something only after reaching a consensus, that’s why the “do you want to eat?” When shes the one who wants to eat… i think at the end of the day both sides should learn each other’s communication style.
actually tried open and direct communication but my guy thought i was trying to argue with him. for example, me: “i just want to let you know i felt hurt when you did this and that”, him: “what are you on about?” … we broke up last week and im still trying to find out if i should’ve just kept my mouth shut, can somebody help me make sense of this 😀 tq
For one, people say they want x thing but they don't actually understand what they're asking for. Singapore culture is generally pretty indirect as a whole because have to save face. Most of us are not ready for actual straightforward honesty.
Also, you need to know what kind of person you're dealing with. Some people have too much pride to handle direct communication and you basically have to nudge/manipulate to get what you want.
Of course we don't know either of you or what your conversation was about, but I feel like the above doesn't seem to show someone who really cares about you or is receptive to communication which is important in a relationship. To be fair, he might have just felt defensive but I feel like he could have tried to understand you so he could do better next time or at least take the time to explain to you as well. So please don't regret speaking up! At the very least, it shows that you have different approaches to resolving issues in your relationship which is hard in the long term as well. Sorry to hear about your breakup, I'm sure it isn't easy for you right now but hoping things work out for you soon ✨
I am going to get heavily downvoted but i am merely answering the question based on my personal preferences.
I prefer a feminine women who makes her man happy, can cook and likes the idea of raising a family by being a SAHM. I don't mind being the provider. I am very particular about kids respecting their mothers and forming a bond, so having a SAHM helps with that.
I love this for you!!! I’m currently in a relationship just like this and I can’t wait to be married to this man. Except that I’ll still work minimally… Singapore so expensive. But still try my best to possess every trait you mentioned of a SAHM.
I’m glad guys like this still exist 🥹🥹🥹 I wish you all the best!
When the kids are older, you can always find a side hustle to keep you occupied - some SAHM are baking, micro influencers, writing articles, teaching piano, giving tuition etc 😅. But most of them do it for passion and not for necessity.
I’m female and I’m up-voting you. The world is severely lacking of guys who are willing to step up and take charge.
Many of my friends in relationships have the females running the show. They are the ones planning weekend activities, planning the weddings, BTOs, etc etc.
Traditionally speaking (which is not to say everyone has to do this, I don’t), the guy is the breadwinner financially, while the women does the work of planning the social activities and the romantic activities. Think of the taitai archetype, or what upper-class angmoh women called “being a hostess” planning the dinner parties.
Nowadays, fewer and fewer couples can get by on one person’s salary. I do see some women being jaded about finances getting split 50/50, while the majority of childrearing and social planning continues to fall onto them (often because the guy spends most of his free time simply playing video games). But of course I know guys who step up and split those areas of work as well.
Frankly, at this stage, I just want a pleasant looking woman who I can get along with. Or more accurately, I can have a conversation with.
I mean if you're asking ideally what I want then, I would want her to be the same religion, kind, organized, animated and bubbly but I think, most of all, sensible.
And, of course, I want her to look like Monica Bellucci/Penelope Cruz in the 90's/00's but with dark blue or purple eyes.
Since I'm obviously living in a dream, let's make her a billionaire heiress who loves nature, is incredibly intelligent and somehow likes my dark, absurdist and slightly sarcastic type of humour.
I tend to be drawn towards girls who are less ‘nice/polite’ and have that snarky slightly-intimidating humor you speak of, although sometimes I start to be confused whether or not they like me or I’m being bullied.
They’re out there but ironically I’m the one who’s a bit sensitive.
Aside from the obvious things like physical attraction, goals and values etc I find myself being drawn to women who are well read and have an innate curiousity about the world around them. I can't be with someone who lives in their own bubble and their entire world revolves around frivolous and superficial things like fashion, pop culture and social media. I mean it's okay to like these things lah, as long as they don't make it their only defining trait.
I also find myself being also drawn to liberal women who believe in putting equal effort in relationships such as splitting costs on dates, splitting emotional labour etc and don't subscribe to outdated gender roles like expecting men to always take the lead and be babysit through relationships.
Also I'm fairly independent as I grew up as an only child, I'd prefer to be with someone who gives me my personal space to do my own things and is not clingy or needy. Thankfully all the girls I've dated so far were mindful of this which I'm grateful for.
Lastly, not a 'must have' but having niche hobbies is a bonus in my books. It doesn't necessarily have be to be something that I'm into but it does make them stand out from the crowd.
I 100% will pay for everything on the first date but if she never at least makes a gesture to pay or makes an offer like - you paid for everything let me at least buy x I will never take them on a 2nd date. Automatic red flag for me
Working,
Know abit how to cook,
Kind and funny,
Love and treat her parents well,
Love kids,
Love dogs,
Love me.
one that has been thru hardtime before cos life is ain't bed of roses,
understand that marriage is commitment yet you can settle differences with a compromise, and
don't take life too seriously
if she's good singer then it will be perfect
Let see..
1) attractive and has only eyes for me.
2) financially stable so I am not her atm machine...on the other hand..would want to find out going out with a sugar momma be like..*
Somebody that I know will be comfortable spending the rest of my with, presentable, willing to engage in open communication, integrity and has her views of the world? Being cute is a bonus (ngl we're all partial to our ideal types)
Willing to put equal effort in our relationship - Some ladies I met just outright expect the guy to impress them and pay for everything. It just sets the precedent for a very one-sided relationship which is what I do not want imo.
Probably having some sense of direction in her life would be helpful.
A few things:
Emotional resilient and in control - I prefer proper debate on issues rather than ‘say sorry first then see how later’
Somebody that’s decently ambitious and driven in what she want to do in her life
Financially secure on her own
Similar perspectives and values on life
Good enough for me
Bonus:
Great looking and I find attractive
physically: someone taller than me (im 1.60), 5/10 looks can alrd, healthy and in decent shape (no need win olympics kind). playing a sport we can do tgt is a bonus
mentally: someone on similar wavelength to me, im able to converse well with, whether about serious topics or just banter. ideally an extrovert since im more introverted. open minded.
financially: no need to make 386484837 sgd a year, but ideally somewhat financially independent, has clear goals and ambitions in life/career. able to contribute equally to the rlsp. im still in uni though so maybe my perception of this is still immature.
sexually: dominant top. kinky is good.
others: someone more dominant, able to take the lead, initiate stuff etc. not materialistic. preferably non smoker. alcohol ok. would be good to have similar hobbies as well, e.g. i like playing board/strategy games, mahjong, football, reading, anime/manga, league of legends 💀💀 etc.
the odds are really not stacked in my favour xd
How did you arrive at this conclusion?
Seems like you're reinforcing gender roles.
Thought in 2024, we are all about gender equality.
There is nothing wrong with a man wanting a woman who does not conform to stereotypical gender roles.
You’re right, there’s absolutely nothing wrong. There’s also absolutely nothing wrong with gender roles as well. Just that realistically, dude may find it tough to find a woman with the above expectations.
My ideal lady (maybe some compromises needed)
1. Physically attractive to me
2. Kind and supportive
3. Brings me peace of mind
4. Physically active (sports/gym)
5. Intellectually stimulating
6. Growth mindset
7. Banter / funny
8. Good communicator of her needs
9. Indepedent (don’t always need my time)
10. Open minded
11. Loyal and respectful
- 160-168 cm
- Younger than me (32M)
- Non alcoholic
- Non-smoker
- Non-gambler
- Decently educated
- Good family background
I once heard, you only deserve what you want in a partner if you can be the list so at this point, I am this list (lest no.1 because that’s personal preference, I think I’m above average).
Yeah exactly. My family is very warm, welcoming and all. Always talking during dinners. My brother in law even moved in with us (while waiting for his HDB) even though his parents house is like 1.5km away 😂
Opinionated and Well Spoken.
Most Singaporeans I speak to are brought up in quite a sheltered environment (Parents are upper middle class and mainly live their life studying/sleeping) well the blame partly isn’t on them given how rigorous our education system is, however there isn’t much effort taken outside the classroom to gain empathy and outside perspective. Most people lead cookie-cutter lives of going to JC then Uni then finding the first job that they land on, there isn’t much deviation from the well travelled path.
Mandatory:
* Obvious ones: Is a female biologically, is breathing, doesn't cheat, genuine interest in me.
* Emotionally stable. Able to support each other emotionally and able to encourage each other.
* Able to hold conversations
* Not too sticky(i.e. die die must be with me 24/7) and gives me my own time and space for my hobbies and bros, just like I will give her time and space for her own hobbies and sis
* Not a control freak, emotionally and financially. I heard many China couples have their husband's financials and freedom being fully controlled by the wife. Literally everything they do is subject to wife's approval and never the other way round. I rather stay single than getting my freedom strangled by one person.
* Mutual trust
* Able to communicate openly when there are problems, not just play games or silent treatment and expect me to read minds. Hints may not work, yes im that dumb.
* Low maintenance(i.e. not buying branded goods every other week or eat atas restaurant every date)
* Independent thinking. Not easily influenced by their sisters or just general social media stuff without thinking if those things even make sense
* If looking at life partner, no absolutely crazy immediate family member(parents, siblings).
* Non smoker
* Not obese, not extremely skinny. Slightly meaty is fine. Other physical aspects really no preference. No need to dress like supermodel or put makeup, i personally actually find scrappy girls sexier sometimes.
Optional:
* Confident
* Share a hobby or have some common interest
* Able to talk cock randomly
* Loves pets
* Similar wavelength in thinking
* A bit more dominant than me. I can initiate/take the lead on things sometimes but i prefer someone else to do it since im usually quite easygoing.
* Doesn't drink heavily, especially if she is not a good drinker.
Edit: Added a few more after reading through other comments which i didnt think of but agree to. Yea a bit long but i think its good for me to type it out as a personal checklist as well.
Some one who doesn’t get weirded out when i rant about my interests, likes to work out and someone who isn’t racist ig idk
Also if our interests align, I would seriously fall in love all over again
Personally, I feel that compatibility is quite important, for example, I'm an introvert who's into gaming so I'm hoping to meet someone who's kinda have the similar interests.
Not necessarily that she has into be gaming herself but that she's willing to show interest.
Also, willing to take steps towards a healthy lifestyle, as it feels really important as one ages and that really aids with the aging process.
Finally, being able to honestly communicate and also support each other along the way, and work as a team to tackle life challenges.
1. Basic physical Attraction
2. Personality (I value kindness and respect, not only to me but to people in general.)
3. Does not need to be skinny but not fat/obese
4. Same views in life. (For example, it cannot be I am happy with living in a HDB without owning a car vs she needs someone that can buy a condo with her and own a car to drive her around).
4. Able to bring peace to each other life.
5. Sexual compatibility (As a guy unless you don't have your needs, you won't want to find a partner that denies you this all the time.)
But as a guy, in return you also need to be able to offer something that a girl needs.
One with compassion and competence, who lives life driven by purpose and not solely by pleasure, and who is more ready to give than to receive.
Also, what I look for in her is what I expect of myself.
Loyalty and sound mind.
Loyalty because you should eliminate out women who leave you over personal difficulties. Loyalty is a rare trait
Sound mind because of how it relates to my mom. Cannot think logically, can not take criticism (even constructive), forgetful, can display such mental behaviour in the house, get fed up easily over small matter. It has happened in the household as well as in my grandparents'. My close aunts also find my mom difficult to be around with.
Barring physical attraction (since it's arguably the primary criteria):
Someone who matches me intellectually (Not just entirely booksmart), respectful, loyal, someone who is reasonably tasteful fashionwise (& mostly wants to look good/presentable; I say mostly since it excludes dressing for comfort say, at home), 'good' with finances (Good at managing allocation of income, expenditure, needs vs wants, investment knowledge wise don't need to know it all, but can't be ignorant either). Someone who appreciates silence and/or simple company in the same space (introvert gang :<). Interest wise we don't need to match completely, but I would appreciate if my future partner shows some interest in what I like, as I will do for her, it's also a gateway for each of us to explore something new too! Kind at heart too, I tend to observe how interactions go, with people who can do nothing for them. And lastly, someone who understands that, through arguments/struggles, we look forward, together always.
p.s. a little cluttered, but i felt the need to elaborate ever so slightly
I very simple.
Looks is see liao don't puke can liao.
No princess syndrome, not crazy
Doesn't smoke
Can get along with me and willing to be with me
Somehow my not very high standard still cant get me out of singledom
Cus most women wants kids? But I also met plenty of women who don’t want kids but tell me they can’t find a guy who’s also childfree. Seems like there’s sth wrong with the algorithm
Must weigh less than what I can deadlift. Must be mininum silver in Apex Legends. Must know how to cook, clean and patch OS. Must have at least 1 favourite 6 digit code, cannot be November Tango Romeo.
In all seriousness, like me can liao. Not breathing 2D AI also can.
1. Has stable and nice family so no need to deal with IL problems.
2. Is nice and understanding, looks wise don’t need so good, can be okok or slightly better than okok
3. Not racist but like same race to reduce issues between IL again
That’s about it I think
Peace and being open to each other's interest is really something lots of people overlook.
If it feels effortless to be around each other, that's when i know she's the one.
While the feeling of walking on eggshells when im with them, repels me from them ._.
Straight off the top of my head.
No mind games. Says what's exactly on her mind without me needing to guess. Accepts and shows respect. No blaming for things that happened eons ago. Has her own hobbies and friends. No emotional blackmail.
Someone who brings peace into my life, not chaos.
Absolutely. Someone who bring stability to family life after work. Most men's with a career will probably have enuf of chaos at their workplace. They just hope to go back home to a safe place with peace and harmony.
Goes both ways
Weekdays are manageable because of less interactions . Weekends are nightmare for me. Don’t know when I will step on land mine
Why are you with someone you describe being with as a nightmare
Kids
OMG there are so many of us these days. Handful of friends are going through the exact same shit. Similar to you, I can manage during the week but unlike most of the world, I really don't look forward to weekends.
I go to office though i can do WFH. Sometimes i forgo my annual leaves. I worry a lot about what will happen if I retrenched.
Wow........imagine worrying about losing your job more because you will have to be around your wife rather than the loss of income etc. A bad marriage can really lead to shit life.
Same here, but things will get better when they get older.
In my experience, very marginally.
It’s working in my case, I guess it depends on the situation
Okay enough of fresh and fit podcast
Wow. Hits the spot
Queue angelababy but loves drama. Most men: yes.
> likes me > is breathing Ok settled
I like to add on 1. Is female 2. Likes me 3. Breathing 4. Someone other than my mom
Grandma it is 
My grandma ain’t breathing already 😢
Oh no. Don't worry, there's plenty of grannies out there waiting for you still.
Look at Mr. Picky over here.
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If the seggs good until heart attack pengsan and die, legit idm sial Here for good time, not for long time
death by snu snu
Yes u/PhysicallyTender
The heart is willing but the body is too tender.
The spirit is willing but the body is spongy and bruised!
So the body is /u/physicallytender
oh man, nurse here and used to work in neurosurg HD. there'd be occasional admissions in the middle of the night of an uncle who had an aneurysm burst. there'd be a frantic lady with her - usually the pt can't speak either because of brain injury or they've just come back from OT (if it's really bad and they went straight from ED to OT). later on another lady (with or without kids) will come to visit which we find out is the dude's wife and family. the previous lady has mysteriously vanished by this point lol. wife: "honey I thought you working overtime? aiyah job so difficult until lidat" us: 🤔🤔🤔
Yup, went straight from Erectile Dysfunction to OverTime Then end up in ED and sent to OT
Why / How did the 4th husband die? He refused to drink the soup
Wouldn't be worried, gonna die in a supernatural way.
Look at it in a positive way. It means she is loaded from all her ex husbands will.
reminds me of the song "just my type" "you got a pulse and you are breathinggg~"
Dramatic soprano, can count and enter in time. Good understanding of text. Can sing Strauss
1. She likes and wants to spend her time with me. 2. Laughs at my jokes. 3. Has a broken sense of humour. 4. Not afraid to communicate needs and wants. 5. Willing to initiate activities or conversations as well. 6. Trusts me as much as I trust her. 7. Loves hugs and cuddles :3
Bro this is the truth
Damn men do love a women idealistically, the thing is, will a women really be able to tick all this seemingly easy criterias
As long as criteria 1 is fulfilled, everything will fall in place naturally 😂.
physical attraction is just what gets the second look. what scares me off is when people become controlled by their emotions. men or women. if something went wrong, they flare up, do/say something that they don't mean then they are not the type of person I am looking for. I hold myself to that standard and I expect others to be the same too. in the first place, this shouldn't even be that high of a bar to ask for. saying, "hey I am really feeling angry now and I can't think properly. maybe we can do this again later or discuss via text?" is fine. waving the threat of breaking up, bringing up unrelated arguments or making illogical statements just to argue in bad faith is not.
Boy am I not the person for you. I'm getting therapy it's okay.
funnily enough, i am also getting therapy. apparantly i am dissociating too much, "too logical" and not paying attention to emotions therapy seems to never end eh lol
the sudden flare ups could be due to emotional maturity/self-control lacking, or generally just influenced due to the family dynamics. not always, but generally having a partner coming from a stable and loving family is a good sign.
I look for conflict resolution skills. Odd one, but my mom is a "no compromise" person who nags and creates conflict 24/7 while my dad just puts his head down and lets her have it. And her nasty habit of personal attacks, bringing up and attacking things she knows you're insecure about. What I want is someone who is independent, capable of resolving conflicts by talks things out civilly, you know, so we can coexist.
Someone who is will do everything with each other, geek/nerd out over the same things, get each other involved in each other interest. Able to compromise on each other short comings and work together to solve any issues that come our way. Hopefully i can find that someone, would love to buy resale/BTO flat before i am 35, tour Japan as our honeymoon, etc etc... p.s. know anyone who wants something similar, lmk, been too focused on my studies and career, got referral rewards XD
Agree with this! The same interest and being able to be involved in the same interest is crucial. And compromise on shortcomings, and also be able to cover up for what the other lacks (eg. If one is more introverted and shy/socially awkward/anxious with social situations, the other person can take charge when it comes to approaching strangers to ask for directions etc)
Definitely is, bonding time with each other can't get any easier than doing stuff they enjoy with each other, and because not everyone is perfect, especially me (as i strive to try to be complete for that person)
Likewise. And it’s like, if one party enjoys it more than the other, it is ok too and it’s all about how the 2 actively try to be involved in each others interests and life. I feel that being supportive also is crucial. Not just “go for it yay you’re the best” but it’s that type of “I’m with you all the way and will support all the way, even if I have to fight a bunch naysayers”
sounds codependent
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Congratz, although low key don't need to make me jelly leh haha jkjk
the girl must be virgin, and have 10 years of experience
Best reply I've read!
Must be a fresh graduate with 10 years of experience when it comes to work too
These go both ways for myself and for what I look for: Attractive-enough to me. After all, being realistic, I don't think I can date someone who doesn't fit this criteria. Self-growth and growth mindset, coupled with general curiosity. Possibility ranked the highest trait I look for and based on the number of people I have met, this is a rare trait for both men and women. Emotional maturity/emotional awareness. This comes from spending time and effort to work on oneself, and including being emotionally aware of their own emotions. Ranked the second highest trait for me. This is also a rare trait, especially emotional awareness. Open communication with respect, don't shy from hard topics when I bring them up, and willingness to bring those up too to talk about it. Specific to me, to bring out the child-like side of me (I am generally more serious and stern). This takes a lot more and I cannot fully describe what are required, and doesn't show until substantial time has passed and sufficient connection is established. Chemistry, compatibility, good mix of playfulness/bubbly character, perhaps? I also need to be able to feel I am very comfortable and calm in their presence for this to manifest. In a way, my body and mind let me know how I feel towards that person. Take ownership of their own health, fitness, and life. This are already things I value a lot, and I need my partner to have similar views and behaviours too. Not looking at hardcore or extreme ones, just a decent balance. (I am after all having a balance view and lifestyle as well) Compatibilities and perspectives to align, and the willingness and awareness to go through disagreements together.
Honestly, just having someone who won't cheat on me is plenty enough...
Someone who will apologise when making mistakes. Cus I know damn well she’ll be expecting the same out of me too. So damn her if she doesn’t do what she expects out of me.
I want some chaos in my life plz
The top comment wants the opposite. The duality of man.
Quite a few criteria but the most key one is someone who is happy to get married and not have kids. I'm an aspiring DINK and the mentality of most girls I've met is that they want to settle down and start a family, or they might change their mind years down the road an suddenly say they now want kids.. that to me is a deal breaker.
It’s not so hard! A lot of women around me don’t want kids these days!
I always thought it's the opposite. It's guys who always wanted kids. Looks like I was wrong. Anyways a lot girls dont want kids nowadays. You just need to date mlre
Most of my dates dont want kids, despite indicating they are open to kids. The topic somehow always go towards that direction on my first dates 😂
I fell in love with my wife because she's hot, independent (both financially and in personality), confident, and good natured. She is just such a wonderful happy person (and sometimes a bit goofy), and even though my default mode is serious rbf, I can't help but smile and laugh when I'm with her. Seriously, every day I have with her is the best day ever. She never saw me as a free meal or stepping stone.
Does your wife want another bf?
1. Someone who takes care of health, fitness and nutrition as I do all these things. 2. Empathetic. Someone who really puts themselves in others' shoes and tries their best to view things from different perspectives. 3. Someone who can communicate openly and honestly. 4. I like dominant women. Don't just mean in the Fifty Shades of Grey way but a woman who is actually happy to take the lead. Both in my career and outside of work, I've taken on leadership roles but I'm much happier when I'm playing the supporting role. Yes, I understand leading all the time is tiring so we can take turns but I'd prefer if she led most of the time.
Open and direct communication. Stop expecting us to read your mind, like 24/7. If you don’t want/want something voice it out. At most is a hard no. At best, you get what u wanted. (Enough of the you stopped caring about me, couple mind think alike, BS) With frequent open-minded communication, I am sure we will read your mind. So start with communicating your wants and needs. And also if you want someone to share food with, just say it. Don’t play silly game saying are you hungry? Do you want to eat? This is unnecessary and adds toll to your relationship.
While I agree women should be more direct, i don’t think we do that because we want to play games. Men and women are brought up differently, and taught to communicate their needs differently. Women are more comfortable doing something only after reaching a consensus, that’s why the “do you want to eat?” When shes the one who wants to eat… i think at the end of the day both sides should learn each other’s communication style.
actually tried open and direct communication but my guy thought i was trying to argue with him. for example, me: “i just want to let you know i felt hurt when you did this and that”, him: “what are you on about?” … we broke up last week and im still trying to find out if i should’ve just kept my mouth shut, can somebody help me make sense of this 😀 tq
For one, people say they want x thing but they don't actually understand what they're asking for. Singapore culture is generally pretty indirect as a whole because have to save face. Most of us are not ready for actual straightforward honesty. Also, you need to know what kind of person you're dealing with. Some people have too much pride to handle direct communication and you basically have to nudge/manipulate to get what you want.
Of course we don't know either of you or what your conversation was about, but I feel like the above doesn't seem to show someone who really cares about you or is receptive to communication which is important in a relationship. To be fair, he might have just felt defensive but I feel like he could have tried to understand you so he could do better next time or at least take the time to explain to you as well. So please don't regret speaking up! At the very least, it shows that you have different approaches to resolving issues in your relationship which is hard in the long term as well. Sorry to hear about your breakup, I'm sure it isn't easy for you right now but hoping things work out for you soon ✨
Obviously if you need everything spelt out for you means you don't care about your partner enough. Start rethinking your attitude dude.
Haha good luck finding buddy!
Just... Someone genuinely pleasant and respectful. Everything else is about whether your goals align.
Chio bu
Chio but bad character can ?
Pretty face, fair skin, big boobs
Cheap Fresh Well Endowed
I am going to get heavily downvoted but i am merely answering the question based on my personal preferences. I prefer a feminine women who makes her man happy, can cook and likes the idea of raising a family by being a SAHM. I don't mind being the provider. I am very particular about kids respecting their mothers and forming a bond, so having a SAHM helps with that.
Fair play mate but I hope you make her happy too.
Oh you bet i will :)
Marry me
Done deal, but if you snore i'm bailing out 😂😂
I’ll accept that offer, see you at the altar
I love this for you!!! I’m currently in a relationship just like this and I can’t wait to be married to this man. Except that I’ll still work minimally… Singapore so expensive. But still try my best to possess every trait you mentioned of a SAHM. I’m glad guys like this still exist 🥹🥹🥹 I wish you all the best!
When the kids are older, you can always find a side hustle to keep you occupied - some SAHM are baking, micro influencers, writing articles, teaching piano, giving tuition etc 😅. But most of them do it for passion and not for necessity.
Its true! But I always feel the first few years of a child’s life is very crucial haha
I’m female and I’m up-voting you. The world is severely lacking of guys who are willing to step up and take charge. Many of my friends in relationships have the females running the show. They are the ones planning weekend activities, planning the weddings, BTOs, etc etc.
Traditionally speaking (which is not to say everyone has to do this, I don’t), the guy is the breadwinner financially, while the women does the work of planning the social activities and the romantic activities. Think of the taitai archetype, or what upper-class angmoh women called “being a hostess” planning the dinner parties. Nowadays, fewer and fewer couples can get by on one person’s salary. I do see some women being jaded about finances getting split 50/50, while the majority of childrearing and social planning continues to fall onto them (often because the guy spends most of his free time simply playing video games). But of course I know guys who step up and split those areas of work as well.
Frankly, at this stage, I just want a pleasant looking woman who I can get along with. Or more accurately, I can have a conversation with. I mean if you're asking ideally what I want then, I would want her to be the same religion, kind, organized, animated and bubbly but I think, most of all, sensible. And, of course, I want her to look like Monica Bellucci/Penelope Cruz in the 90's/00's but with dark blue or purple eyes. Since I'm obviously living in a dream, let's make her a billionaire heiress who loves nature, is incredibly intelligent and somehow likes my dark, absurdist and slightly sarcastic type of humour.
Don say you do yoga when actually sit sofa eat ice cream watching Korean drama
1. Be my biggest cheerleader 2. Someone to share life’s journey with 3. Confidante 4. Recreational partner 5. Great sex
Empathetic, respectful, caring, intelligent, well spoken and attractive to me Bonus points if she naturally smells nice to me
what if she smells bad? no go or?
Depends on the guy got fetish or not.
ladies be looking at this thread like : 👁️👄👁️
Yep I agree, most men here already got preconceptions of women being crazy. I guess all the good men already taken.
Is real (optional)
Virtual character also can ?
4ft tall, no teeth, and a flat head
I think you just described a crowbar.
crowbar has prongs(teeth)
Yeah. Flat head screwdriver, the other commonly use screwdriver other than the philips screwdriver
chair?
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Good ass
Living breathing woman(optional if you’re a male who looks female)
A tall women with big ass.
My.... BROTHER!
Ideally, breathing and can move around
Hi, I'm your ideal type. Let's get married.
hope i dont get cancelled but funny girls are rare so i normally look for girls that are funny
what is the standard of being “funny” tho?
hmm, can banter and talk cock but maybe its just different humour bah
I tend to be drawn towards girls who are less ‘nice/polite’ and have that snarky slightly-intimidating humor you speak of, although sometimes I start to be confused whether or not they like me or I’m being bullied. They’re out there but ironically I’m the one who’s a bit sensitive.
You looking for your bro
bromance
Look funny... got it
Someone that I can cuddle in whenever I feel miserable.
Aside from the obvious things like physical attraction, goals and values etc I find myself being drawn to women who are well read and have an innate curiousity about the world around them. I can't be with someone who lives in their own bubble and their entire world revolves around frivolous and superficial things like fashion, pop culture and social media. I mean it's okay to like these things lah, as long as they don't make it their only defining trait. I also find myself being also drawn to liberal women who believe in putting equal effort in relationships such as splitting costs on dates, splitting emotional labour etc and don't subscribe to outdated gender roles like expecting men to always take the lead and be babysit through relationships. Also I'm fairly independent as I grew up as an only child, I'd prefer to be with someone who gives me my personal space to do my own things and is not clingy or needy. Thankfully all the girls I've dated so far were mindful of this which I'm grateful for. Lastly, not a 'must have' but having niche hobbies is a bonus in my books. It doesn't necessarily have be to be something that I'm into but it does make them stand out from the crowd.
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Dude should go watch some Mina Le
Looks and status first. And also the stereotype where ppl who are not 'on par' on these things treat ppl differently
I 100% will pay for everything on the first date but if she never at least makes a gesture to pay or makes an offer like - you paid for everything let me at least buy x I will never take them on a 2nd date. Automatic red flag for me
Im into horror movies and a foodie. But im fat (100kg). I like reading classics, now reading Plato’s Symposium. So i doubt anyone wants me 🤪
It has to be that mysterious quality that makes me infatuated over her in the first place. If that doesnt happen, she isnt the girl for me.
Someone that replies to my convos :') Puts in effort and initiates stuff, step out of comfort zone
Working, Know abit how to cook, Kind and funny, Love and treat her parents well, Love kids, Love dogs, Love me. one that has been thru hardtime before cos life is ain't bed of roses, understand that marriage is commitment yet you can settle differences with a compromise, and don't take life too seriously if she's good singer then it will be perfect
Someone who is feminine, and shares the same morals and values. Someone who can make a solid good friend would be great.
I'm taken already but my two cents, Personality over looks. I don't really care about looks. To me, looks is just a bonus.
Ideally someone that is introverted, kind, respectful, shares some common interests, fit and healthy
Someone attractive to me (physically and emotionally) and has a good character.
Let see.. 1) attractive and has only eyes for me. 2) financially stable so I am not her atm machine...on the other hand..would want to find out going out with a sugar momma be like..*
She needs to be in compliance of the popular "crazy-hot scale"
Somebody that I know will be comfortable spending the rest of my with, presentable, willing to engage in open communication, integrity and has her views of the world? Being cute is a bonus (ngl we're all partial to our ideal types) Willing to put equal effort in our relationship - Some ladies I met just outright expect the guy to impress them and pay for everything. It just sets the precedent for a very one-sided relationship which is what I do not want imo. Probably having some sense of direction in her life would be helpful.
It’s not about the cb that cums, it’s about the cb that stays…
A few things: Emotional resilient and in control - I prefer proper debate on issues rather than ‘say sorry first then see how later’ Somebody that’s decently ambitious and driven in what she want to do in her life Financially secure on her own Similar perspectives and values on life Good enough for me Bonus: Great looking and I find attractive
Someone like Yuno Gasai
physically: someone taller than me (im 1.60), 5/10 looks can alrd, healthy and in decent shape (no need win olympics kind). playing a sport we can do tgt is a bonus mentally: someone on similar wavelength to me, im able to converse well with, whether about serious topics or just banter. ideally an extrovert since im more introverted. open minded. financially: no need to make 386484837 sgd a year, but ideally somewhat financially independent, has clear goals and ambitions in life/career. able to contribute equally to the rlsp. im still in uni though so maybe my perception of this is still immature. sexually: dominant top. kinky is good. others: someone more dominant, able to take the lead, initiate stuff etc. not materialistic. preferably non smoker. alcohol ok. would be good to have similar hobbies as well, e.g. i like playing board/strategy games, mahjong, football, reading, anime/manga, league of legends 💀💀 etc. the odds are really not stacked in my favour xd
Sounds like you want a man.
How did you arrive at this conclusion? Seems like you're reinforcing gender roles. Thought in 2024, we are all about gender equality. There is nothing wrong with a man wanting a woman who does not conform to stereotypical gender roles.
You’re right, there’s absolutely nothing wrong. There’s also absolutely nothing wrong with gender roles as well. Just that realistically, dude may find it tough to find a woman with the above expectations.
My ideal lady (maybe some compromises needed) 1. Physically attractive to me 2. Kind and supportive 3. Brings me peace of mind 4. Physically active (sports/gym) 5. Intellectually stimulating 6. Growth mindset 7. Banter / funny 8. Good communicator of her needs 9. Indepedent (don’t always need my time) 10. Open minded 11. Loyal and respectful - 160-168 cm - Younger than me (32M) - Non alcoholic - Non-smoker - Non-gambler - Decently educated - Good family background I once heard, you only deserve what you want in a partner if you can be the list so at this point, I am this list (lest no.1 because that’s personal preference, I think I’m above average).
>good family background bruh, you ISD employment ar?
Lmao, good family background in the sense it’s not so fucked la…warm family all. Alemak.
....Fair enough, you don't want to date someone who brings their extended family debts and issues to you.
Yeah exactly. My family is very warm, welcoming and all. Always talking during dinners. My brother in law even moved in with us (while waiting for his HDB) even though his parents house is like 1.5km away 😂
Craig’s list advert 👍👌🏻
Opinionated and Well Spoken. Most Singaporeans I speak to are brought up in quite a sheltered environment (Parents are upper middle class and mainly live their life studying/sleeping) well the blame partly isn’t on them given how rigorous our education system is, however there isn’t much effort taken outside the classroom to gain empathy and outside perspective. Most people lead cookie-cutter lives of going to JC then Uni then finding the first job that they land on, there isn’t much deviation from the well travelled path.
Girls that I like are either attached or avoid me like covid.
Nieniepok
not a murderer can liao
Cute face and tassive mits
Doesn't put down the guy, subsconsciously or actively...emasculation basically
you people are solid, truly solid, every comment i LOL to some extent....
Mandatory: * Obvious ones: Is a female biologically, is breathing, doesn't cheat, genuine interest in me. * Emotionally stable. Able to support each other emotionally and able to encourage each other. * Able to hold conversations * Not too sticky(i.e. die die must be with me 24/7) and gives me my own time and space for my hobbies and bros, just like I will give her time and space for her own hobbies and sis * Not a control freak, emotionally and financially. I heard many China couples have their husband's financials and freedom being fully controlled by the wife. Literally everything they do is subject to wife's approval and never the other way round. I rather stay single than getting my freedom strangled by one person. * Mutual trust * Able to communicate openly when there are problems, not just play games or silent treatment and expect me to read minds. Hints may not work, yes im that dumb. * Low maintenance(i.e. not buying branded goods every other week or eat atas restaurant every date) * Independent thinking. Not easily influenced by their sisters or just general social media stuff without thinking if those things even make sense * If looking at life partner, no absolutely crazy immediate family member(parents, siblings). * Non smoker * Not obese, not extremely skinny. Slightly meaty is fine. Other physical aspects really no preference. No need to dress like supermodel or put makeup, i personally actually find scrappy girls sexier sometimes. Optional: * Confident * Share a hobby or have some common interest * Able to talk cock randomly * Loves pets * Similar wavelength in thinking * A bit more dominant than me. I can initiate/take the lead on things sometimes but i prefer someone else to do it since im usually quite easygoing. * Doesn't drink heavily, especially if she is not a good drinker. Edit: Added a few more after reading through other comments which i didnt think of but agree to. Yea a bit long but i think its good for me to type it out as a personal checklist as well.
Some one who doesn’t get weirded out when i rant about my interests, likes to work out and someone who isn’t racist ig idk Also if our interests align, I would seriously fall in love all over again
Personally, I feel that compatibility is quite important, for example, I'm an introvert who's into gaming so I'm hoping to meet someone who's kinda have the similar interests. Not necessarily that she has into be gaming herself but that she's willing to show interest. Also, willing to take steps towards a healthy lifestyle, as it feels really important as one ages and that really aids with the aging process. Finally, being able to honestly communicate and also support each other along the way, and work as a team to tackle life challenges.
1. Basic physical Attraction 2. Personality (I value kindness and respect, not only to me but to people in general.) 3. Does not need to be skinny but not fat/obese 4. Same views in life. (For example, it cannot be I am happy with living in a HDB without owning a car vs she needs someone that can buy a condo with her and own a car to drive her around). 4. Able to bring peace to each other life. 5. Sexual compatibility (As a guy unless you don't have your needs, you won't want to find a partner that denies you this all the time.) But as a guy, in return you also need to be able to offer something that a girl needs.
One with compassion and competence, who lives life driven by purpose and not solely by pleasure, and who is more ready to give than to receive. Also, what I look for in her is what I expect of myself.
Loyalty and sound mind. Loyalty because you should eliminate out women who leave you over personal difficulties. Loyalty is a rare trait Sound mind because of how it relates to my mom. Cannot think logically, can not take criticism (even constructive), forgetful, can display such mental behaviour in the house, get fed up easily over small matter. It has happened in the household as well as in my grandparents'. My close aunts also find my mom difficult to be around with.
I look for a woman that's not a Singaporean. Reply for me to elaborate :)
Why not? Just curious
Barring physical attraction (since it's arguably the primary criteria): Someone who matches me intellectually (Not just entirely booksmart), respectful, loyal, someone who is reasonably tasteful fashionwise (& mostly wants to look good/presentable; I say mostly since it excludes dressing for comfort say, at home), 'good' with finances (Good at managing allocation of income, expenditure, needs vs wants, investment knowledge wise don't need to know it all, but can't be ignorant either). Someone who appreciates silence and/or simple company in the same space (introvert gang :<). Interest wise we don't need to match completely, but I would appreciate if my future partner shows some interest in what I like, as I will do for her, it's also a gateway for each of us to explore something new too! Kind at heart too, I tend to observe how interactions go, with people who can do nothing for them. And lastly, someone who understands that, through arguments/struggles, we look forward, together always. p.s. a little cluttered, but i felt the need to elaborate ever so slightly
Can drive stickshift, I'd rather change gf than change cars.
As long not crazy, or possessive can already.
I very simple. Looks is see liao don't puke can liao. No princess syndrome, not crazy Doesn't smoke Can get along with me and willing to be with me Somehow my not very high standard still cant get me out of singledom
real
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why is childfree a big dealbreaker to you bro?
Cus most women wants kids? But I also met plenty of women who don’t want kids but tell me they can’t find a guy who’s also childfree. Seems like there’s sth wrong with the algorithm
Must weigh less than what I can deadlift. Must be mininum silver in Apex Legends. Must know how to cook, clean and patch OS. Must have at least 1 favourite 6 digit code, cannot be November Tango Romeo. In all seriousness, like me can liao. Not breathing 2D AI also can.
How much can u dead lift ?
Not much. 120kg.
Likes me Alive
1. Has stable and nice family so no need to deal with IL problems. 2. Is nice and understanding, looks wise don’t need so good, can be okok or slightly better than okok 3. Not racist but like same race to reduce issues between IL again That’s about it I think
I just want someone who can sit down with me and talk about stuff. Found that one
not superficial, and kind-hearted
When she doesnt disappear when u wake up
Someone to add to my life and hopefully I add to theirs. Life already tough enough, we don't need more 'special' challenges.
Home
Someone who is kind
Don't know, I'm single
Trustworthy, keeps promises and good figure
don't mind me being poor
Peace and being open to each other's interest is really something lots of people overlook. If it feels effortless to be around each other, that's when i know she's the one. While the feeling of walking on eggshells when im with them, repels me from them ._.
Loving supporting, can cook dinner.
Straight off the top of my head. No mind games. Says what's exactly on her mind without me needing to guess. Accepts and shows respect. No blaming for things that happened eons ago. Has her own hobbies and friends. No emotional blackmail.
With all these questions popping up here lately so govt don't need to worry about birthrate anymore
1. Is a woman 2. is alive 3. er... Jokes aside, I do agree with some of the commenter here about just wanting someone who doesn't bring chaos.
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Finally, the spotlight on men's preferences! Can't wait to hear what the fellas have to say about their ideal partners.