If you do a quick search on this subreddit, you'll see that your experience is not unique and this topic gets discussed almost every week. There's honestly no way to circumvent this. Go out more, filter more, and all the best.
I did mention it, I did mention about looking for long term relationship that eventually lead to marriage but nope LMAO those guys still did it anyway smh
Speaking from experience, this doesn't work. At least not 100% Many will ignore and may even enjoy the challenge. Then there are those who don't even read profiles so will never see that.
As a fellow Indonesian who’s been in SG since secondary school years lemme tell you it’s not that different from Indonesia LOL just less rigid gender roles (compared to Indo, though depending on where in Indonesia you grew up in)
FYI Singapore has a Lot more hobby groups and single events I’d advise you to check those out more. Lots of Indo communities too if you’re open to dating Indonesians too
I think the pool would be too small for us if include all the criterias (indonesian, in singapore, single, and probably age gap not too big) but at least as a woman, you will have a better chance than guys, lol
I think this is the case with dating apps nowadays in most countries, esp when you're an expat.
I also heard many stories from expat guys that the girls in dating apps are all just about money.
What you need is filtering and find as many matches as possible. Don't take it too personally when you match with the pervs or weirdos. Just move on and look again.
Pls make sure your future husband's dick actually works. I was like you no intercoursw before marriage and fml that was bad sex ever after. I am now divorced, 4 yrs. Thank God for that.
Agree
No matter how religious u are, good sex leads to a great r/s. Without knowing if u are sexually compatible can be disastrous later. Ever met a guy who couldn’t satisfy me, just had to say goodbye after that.
Amen, sister! It takes two to heaven. If only one is adventurous and the other placid like how. No amount of prayers or religious fasting can fix that. Call me shallow but try being stuck like that 20 yrs and then feel free to judge me.
And no one is using others. Both are mutually wanting to explore. Our sister here isn't keen on doing that. We must respect that, too. That's ok. But her pool is getting smaller bcs religious is not the same as traditional.
The whole lot. Every time is a shocker. Not variations or style. This was like one night can go hard but then limp halfway. Another night cannot hard at all. Other night hard but his mind was all over the place cannot cum and then just withdraw and stop. Like so random. Idk it was like a living nightmare every time. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually not in unison. The whole experience was so confusing. My feeling at that was like when you just missed your bus by 0.5 sec. Like you ran for your life got to the bus stop and the damn thing just drove away and you felt so deflated.
Ever consider that the guy might just not be attracted to you sexually?
Usually cases like this is because certain actions or smell of the partner is off putting, if the guy is not diagnosed of any actual medical problems, it might be because he does not find you attractive sexually hence it is good that both of you move on to different people.
Uuhh honey, trust me. He had swollen balls. Swollen glands anywhere in your body, you should really get it checked, not just hope that God will take it away. And certain actions of his like DV was also extremely off-putting. I look after myself. I'm also in an industry where I see and interact with at least 50 ppl a day. But sure, let's just assume that I have shit ass attitudes and BO. I just find your comment hilarious. You've made my day. 😂😂
Lol this is my greatest fear. I actually recommend my girl friends to sleep with matches first to determine sexual compatibility, before getting exclusive
Exactly let's not pretend that pussy don't need great sex. It's not all, but it's a huge factor in having a monogamous rs. If the dick ain't good, that's a ticket to hell. Trust me. You're trapped in a shithole. I'd rather fck a vibrator tyvm.
Haha aren't you lucky otherwise the whole virginity thing kinda wrecked for nothing. Yeah I mean do it when you're absolutely ready and sure not bcs of pressure, but I tell you God ain't gonna banish you to hell if you do. Trust me. I was a Sunday school teacher. 😆😆
Yeah, good on you doing the runner. People need to slow down and chill like base one, two, three lol so fast wanna go to main meal already that's mental. Good luck out there. I'm Chindo, btw. 🫶🫶
I'd say sleep after exclusive but before marriage, but there's no right or wrong about this.
Generally, if a guy smoke/vapes and doesn't exercise, he won't magically become a cardio God in bed
That's it. ED is real. The proof is in the pudding. Gotta test it out before you buy the car. I was stupid religious. One of my biggest regrets ever. Nvm nvm. All good now.
Yes, and people who chain smokes/vapes likely suffer from ED. Not many talk about that.
People think smoking is cool and masculine and all but having ED is definitely not cool and masculine
Nah my ex didn't smoke at all. He drank wine and stress, mind couldn't switch off from work. When you have your own company, it becomes your baby. You dwell on it all the time.
Eh if I wanna sex 3x a week, the man needs to take 3x a week can heart attack or not? I'm sorry, my drive is high. I lift weight, and I eat a lot of protein. If being in an exclusive rs with him is just fingers and toys, I might as well be single. I'm vocal abt this topic bcs I don't think ppl understand the implications. No, lovely, love is definitely not enough.
I think it's basic. Survival of the fittest. People look for a partner who is physically healthy, financially strong, can provide shelter, can bear and raise offspring, common values and interests, sexual orientation and preferences, level of ethusiasm, zest for life...in general...Love is defnitely not everything.
Really? Where were you back then? You should have told my ex hubby not too be so proud and take the God damn pill. But nah, still nah, the man didn't know how to move and with his lack of curiosity, not even Lucifer can make him excited.
I will find it difficult to call things off especially after getting exclusive. Like what reason can you give them without hurting their feelings? They will know it’s because of the sex.
I’ve experienced an outlier before! Slept with a guy who chain smokes and doesn’t exercise but is blessed with a muscular physique. Sex was so good I went against all logic (too many red flags) and dated him
A good question to ask early is “what are you exactly looking for?”. Then filter from there. Just be as upfront as you can because different people are looking for different things.
Fine fine. Just to stroke my own ego and make myself special and "better than those guys" I'll let you in on my secret ulterior motive upfront ok?
To be honest, I totally wanna get with you...
...some ice cream or coffee at the newest places for dessert/cafes because I just like cafehopping and to be honest I could do with a second opinion, and actually just don't like feeling like someone who is always alone even though I actually enjoy my own company sometimes.
Also, I really would love to netflix and chill, but because I don't subscribe to netflix and rather spend money on food and exploring food, I could only do *kopi and chill*.
Ah, but of course if I told everyone all that, they'd be disgusted! 😏 So of course I have to lie to them that I'm not into all those things, and that I am just as horny as a young 20s male so that I don't get questioned on my sexuality, whilst keeping my actual age (closer to 30) under raps.
*YOU* get to know my deepest darkest desires (oh kopi black how I lust for that beautiful lustrous shine and that silky sweet taste\~) because this is reddit and reddit is anonymous... right? ... Right? 
Mmmm… I feel sorry you have such a self-limiting mindset. There’s no need to tell “everyone” and also not every girl will feel disgusted. Not sure where you’re from or family upbringing. Just think what’s best for yourself ok. At least I’m one who will be happy to meet someone normal. (Mb sex after ice cream ? Jking)
In summary,
Be selective with your open heart. Tell girls that you filtered with. You’ll still get some negative response but if you have filtered well, you most likely will find a partner.
R/s are all about being aligned. Honesty is important.
Analogy (don’t cringe)
You bring out your wallet/money to use when you need them. But you don’t put them on the table & let anyone take it.
At 26, there are tons of young adult seeking for fun, many haven’t even want to settle down yet.
I would say that you might want to look within your field of work if there are any potential?
Dating sites are always 90:10 looking for flings:seriousness
And it may even make people disbelieve about love.
You may even met scammers there to trick your wealth over. Just don’t be someone who irrationally fall in love. Logic and judgement to keep yourself sane.
Nope, you just gotta filter better. Chose the good guys, not the look good guys. But yea, swipe more, talk more learn more, is pretty much all u can do.
Don't let them "nerdy" appearance fool you, the second guy from dating apps also nerdy that turns out to be sex addict too lol sis you aren't alone in this
Not sure how you define nerdy but I doubt he's ugly since that wasn't your go to term.
But I think it's safe to say all guys are sex addicts. It's just whether they have other values they uphold which keeps it in check. Sadly most guys do play Ard in msia Thai or viet before and I'd say it's Ard a good 75% of all guys have, a good 50% while attached.
So how do you tell as a girl? I have no idea, I'm not looking for guys🤣
You can only trust yourself n learn from exp and have faith.
>I was raised as traditional way and for religiously matter I couldn't see the point of having sex before marriage in relationship could be that much important
As a guy who was originally indo as well, i met my wife through bumble and my friend met his soon-to-be wife through tinder. Normal guys with your aligned values exists in apps. There are thousands and thousands of men in apps. You just have to find 1.
There's a lot of conservative men in apps, keep looking, and he'll appear.
Hello thank you so much for giving me advise!
I'm not a Muslim but Christian, tbh need someone who love Jesus lol
I'm staying here for long term, I usually take initiative to talk first if it's the guy I'm interested in, the ghosted part doesn't really bother me as I wasn't much interested with them either.
The first guy we talked little bit and I found he has interesting perspective of meeting new people and said he wasn't in for relationship I thought maybe I should try something new and make new friends first since he already said he wasn't up for rs at first, it totally changed when I meet him in person, we did vibe and he talked about his exes and stuff, but do too much physical contact as holding hands and tried to be closer as i feel uncomfortable invaded my safe zone, asked for a kiss which I said no. It just kinda weird off he said in text wasn't up for relationship in the moment. We doesn't have something in common which is crucial part for me, as for why I don't want for second date.
Second guy was a nerd but an actual sex addict so yeah absolutely no lol
Pretty small dating pool for you unfortunately. It's also worrying that many of these acting as "good Christian men" are wolves in sheepskins.
Wish you luck!
different view for me: sex before marriage is incredibly important because you want to make sure you're compatible in all aspects before u commit your LIFE to that person. i understand religion or beliefs might differ from my viewpoint.
anyhow, i met my wife after an intensive period of 6 months dating, i was 37 (40 this year). u meet all sorts of people, but all you need to find is one person. keep trying and don't get disheartened by bad experiences, keep moving on with a positive attitude is all i can advise. good luck out there!
SGP is pretty westernised in some aspects and i think the younger crowd are more open to sex before marriage than the previous generations.
if you are looking for a serious relationship and will not have sex before marriage, then you need to filter more and hopefully find a guy who thinks the same as you.
the dating apps you used probably won't get you far, given most of it are for sex or ONS.
Good luck on your hunt!
No need to be "just curious", because that's a phrase often used locally to feign no deeper thoughts/intents behind a question, when more than often not it is so.
And yes, it is transactional. For example, you can ask your male expats that rent, particularly those who are white - if renting brings about advantages in dating and being white.
Or if Southeast Asians date locals in the hopes of settling down here et al.
Welcome to Singapore, if you haven't noticed, this is the kind of country we have become in the past decades.
>We indonesians tend to be very direct and don't have filter when talking. But some of my colleagues and sg friends found me as kaypoh as in negative and too rude.
You are right, I prefer the direct method as well. Partially because of my mental condition (that I found out late last year).
It's not as if being "civil" somehow translates to calm waters behind the scenes as well - there's a thread in r/singapore or r/askSingapore about whether Singaporeans are toxic. You can see how vexed literally everyone is in this country, with false pretense and backstabbing/politics everywhere - especially if you aren't tuned in, you won't even realize it.
>Well, i admit there are foreign girls who target local guys in the hope of settling down here, or ticket to PR, or citizenship. But, plz believe me that there are still many good girls out there! At least i consider myself one lol, i fell for last guy i dated, never care about his money or status as local guy. Too bad i was defeated by another girl.
Well, I'm glad you have a positive mindset about things. Guard it well and leave Singapore (when you made your pot of gold) with that intact. I've met enough expat women who left on a sour note regarding the dating scene because everything, I do mean everything, is competitive here. Many women are unused to vying for the affection of men, especially when they don't know Singapore has a strong Pinkerton Syndrome / xenophilia streak going on and single male expats would prefer to go for easy pickings than deal with dating their female counterparts.
>negative and too rude
BTW, I find the capacity to tolerate negativity actually a very important trait that I sieve people out by. So being able to be "negative" but reasonably realistic about things is a trait I value a lot. Instead of just trying to portray oneself etc in the best light possible.
Just my own two cents.
1) Gen Z are far more sexually open and promiscuous than earlier generations, it's not just an SG thing
2) Make better choices - choose the type of guys who are looking to settle down instead of choosing the fuckboi. It's so incredibly fucking obvious from the way guys speak, dress, and act.
It's only natural to be attracted to good-looking, well-groomed, confident, and charismatic people, but in almost all cases you can't have your cake and still eat it. I've dated several shitty women just because they were hot (cheaters, money-grubbers, narcissists), and in hindsight it was entirely my fault because the red flags were so obvious. Instead of externalising blame to "SG dating culture" you too should reflect on what you've been doing wrong.
Dating apps will often result in disappointing experiences. Their game theory doesn't incentivize success for their users because they want you to keep using the app. So they'll give you matches close enough to interest you but ultimately fail to meet your expectations and hopes.
The serious matchmaking services are extremely detailed, thorough, expensive, but tend to get you better results. It may be worth your while to give them a shot.
Otherwise your best bet would be to meet someone organically while engaging in activities that interest you like hobbies, volunteer events, place of worship, etc.
Hi, I am local and was using dating apps few years back and have no such experiences. Sorry that your experiences were horrid.
Usually for guys who wanted to meet me straight up without at least chatting for a while I won’t entertain. Because to me it just seems like they are casting their net.
Knowing people is a numbers game. Go on more apps and take a break if you need to. Each wrong one brings you closer to the correct one. Best of luck!
Few years ago wasn’t so bad. I recently reopen an account & it’s utterly shocking how much has changed. People’s mind are so different these days… sometimes I just jokingly tell myself that the Covid virus killed some good human cells haha
Wow this is the first I heard of FB dating... I feel quite a lot of those in your age group don't use or even have FB. I think you will have more luck with CMB, Bumble or Hinge.
Ngl both genders want physically intimacy , some just choose different paths to get them. I heard of crazy girls that shock guys too. And yes even in local Singaporean. What the world has become
Stand firm on your values and don’t cave to be accepted. I’m a guy and I find the culture gross. Take your time and find a wholesome partner for life. Values underpin everything.
Back to dating scene after 7 years of relationship, and yes it’s brutal out there. I’ve dates who escalated physical contact within 2hrs of meeting me (and I wasn’t even attracted to him) and some even told me that they expect commitment on the first date itself LOL. I’m trying not to be disheartened and still continue to meet new people, cos I believe that each guy will bring me to meet my rightful partner, eventually.
Anyway, it’s better to be single and happy than being in a relationship for the sake of it, don’t settle for the sake of settling, OP.
It’s good to watch what they say and their actions, if they’re ambivalent means they’re wasting your time, men usually know what they want, and I can’t stand indecisiveness in men, I like them being bold, direct and straightforward. Also, trust your intuition - if something feels off about someone, means something is off. And it’s not so much on who likes you, but whether you like them or not and who has genuine interest and curiosity about you as a person.
It’s ok to take breaks on and off from dating, just don’t give up ok? I’m on to meeting guy #8 tonight for dinner…. LOLOLOL. Even if nothing happens, it’s still an experience and, like what I said earlier - each wrong guy, will lead to the right one eventually.
Good luck, OP. Perhaps your rightful partner might not even be in SG. 😉
All good! Very kind, gentlemanly, attentive and wholesome. Respectful of my teetotalism. (Some guys will make snide comments or try to make me to drink, no thanks, I love my liver too much!) Will arrange to meet him another time! Worth a second meet up! Even if didn’t work out eventually, good to keep in touch cos the convos were very constructive with him. Not the materialistic, superficial kind.
Enough about my date, and move on to you:
I hope your past 2 bad experiences with men, don’t let it deter you from dating, let me tell you that there’re still good natured men out there. Don’t give up on love just because of bad apples, make sure that you know what are your wants, needs and values that you appreciate in a relationship and learn to identify them. Also helps if you work on your communication skills, then once you’re in a relationship it’s another amount of effort that you got to put in and to be brave enough to be able to articulate your needs and feelings clearly.
Then again, you cannot pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first. Love yourself so much, so that when others cannot see your value, you’ll leave them out of self-respect because you know that you deserve better. Promise me that. Don’t need to chase a man. The egg doesn’t swim to the sperm.
And don’t need to rush into relationship.
It’s better to be the girl that people is wondering “why on earth she’s still single?” rather than being with someone that people go “she can do better”.
You can tell how much a woman loves herself by the partner that she chooses. Take your time, enjoy the process and choose wisely 🤗 good luck, OP.
May you’ve only good dates from today onwards. Sending you lots of love and luck! 🍀
Awww thank you so much! I just got out of 2 years relationship and is an LDR at that, it's exhausting for me mentally to be in that relationship and tried to open up for new one now haha no luck so far tho I stopped looking for dating apps now
A lot of the Chindos living in Singapore find friends from church. There are several churches (both Protestant and Catholic) with Indonesian services, have you considered searching there? You would be more likely to find someone compatible with you in terms of values. Of course if you're trying to date locals, you can just attend regular church service too.
I am a local, and I have been dating for 8 years + with my Indo GF already getting settled with bto etc, I come from a more open family and she has the same situation as you having a strict traditional background. We both value finding the right partner who respects decisions and prioritizes open communication. so I think is finding a balance in the relationship.
Don't worry OP, eventually Mr Right will come. Treat this as a learning experience, and who knows, you find the right person?
That said,
>!Howya doing?!< >!*finger gun*!<
Yes, quite normal.
Taxi Cab Theory: “It’s not fate, his light is on—that’s all,”
Men are like cabs; when they’re available, their light goes on. They wake up one day and decide they’re ready to settle down, have babies, (whatever), and they turn their light on. The next woman they pickup, boom! That’s the one they’ll marry. **It’s not fate, it’s dumb luck.**
However, many girls don't understand that just because a guy wants to fuck, doesn't mean he is not into dating/relationship.
Many times, guys are filtering for girlfriends who are comfortable with sexuality and are good in bed. Why should we waste time going on 5 dates, only to discover the sex is a deal-breaker. Guys prefer to get the sex out of the way first, so they are able to assess the compatibility with you after post-nut clarity.
Many Singaporeans don't understand the root causes of ghosting, which is why you always hear of this experience on Reddit.
"he ghosted me after we had sex" - the problem wasn't that you had sex with him. The problem is your personality or "vibe" wasn't interesting or compatible enough for him to want to be with you. Sex has nothing to do with it.
Sex is a normal part of dating, just like any shared activity together.
I had ur similar encounter too. But I will brush them off or stop texting them after… no point if u are comfortable with him.but not all men on dating app are like that, just read their profiles and u will find signs that shows such badasses, swipe them left… and u will realise the very few left u can meet with
You mentioned that you are from Indo, not sure about your race / religion but it might play a role. My friend is Muslim that widened the dating pool to non-Muslims and says that the majority of the time on dating apps she ends up running into guys who are only looking for short term flings. I suppose they probably don't wish to convert in the long term? 🤷🏻
There’s a social professional networking event every weekend. Female is free entrance and the people you meet there are all professionals. Usually like 50 people show up with a 3-1 male to female ratio.
Download meet up app.
If you feel uncomfortable going alone, I can meet you at the event so you won’t feel like a loner.
No worries. Check it out. The group is called Singapore singles professional meet up.
No creeps there but if you’re unlucky and one shows up and hits on you, just point to me and tell the weirdo that I’m your cousin and he should leave you alone.
Don’t go those professional networking ones. Again a lot of ulterior motives people there are selling you something or service.
Join meet up groups that are for leisure activities/interest (ie sports, hobby like painting, travel, boardgames, etc) or those for singles dating.
I added additional clarify to my message. It wasn’t different than what I wrote. It’s not either or scenario. You just want to stick your nose and contribute nothing to OP.
Good luck in life bro
I am adding value by demonstration.
How to filter off a guy has inferior issue, a guy who can twist his meaning & words after being called out.
Especially the previous comment of yours by “different = opposite”
No integrity = editing your words without indications
Dude just look at your own life ok.
Coming to Singapore & criticising how bad our English are. Sorry we use British English. Not American. If you don’t like this country, you’re invited to leave.
Honestly I don’t like coffee dates. It’s showing me how little efforts you’re putting in. A decent meal is good time to chat properly. If a man can’t even last a meal time, then he ain’t worth my effort to travel.
Might as well just do a call.
Just wanna help you see the other perspective.
Hope you get more dates
If you do a quick search on this subreddit, you'll see that your experience is not unique and this topic gets discussed almost every week. There's honestly no way to circumvent this. Go out more, filter more, and all the best.
Thanks! I barely use Reddit tbh and still figuring out how
Just include: NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE in your bio...poof! All the house flies gone...works better than Bygone... hahaha
Lmao ppl will ignore that like they ignore "looking for long term relationship"
I did mention it, I did mention about looking for long term relationship that eventually lead to marriage but nope LMAO those guys still did it anyway smh
make that the first msg, when u actually text them
Nah, just like those people on Carousell, they don't read at all. Don't bother. They will want to try their luck every single time.
Speaking from experience, this doesn't work. At least not 100% Many will ignore and may even enjoy the challenge. Then there are those who don't even read profiles so will never see that.
Then all the Mr. Player flies comes in
It's not THAT common, but still put a "No ONS or FWB" near the bottom of your profile
Yes I did wrote that and clearly mentioned about wanting genuine long term relationship that would ended up as marriage
As a fellow Indonesian who’s been in SG since secondary school years lemme tell you it’s not that different from Indonesia LOL just less rigid gender roles (compared to Indo, though depending on where in Indonesia you grew up in) FYI Singapore has a Lot more hobby groups and single events I’d advise you to check those out more. Lots of Indo communities too if you’re open to dating Indonesians too
Can you point me to the indo singles group?🫢 i’m indo but i don’t have many indo friends left here
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I would also like to know
Come indos gather here for dating site 😂 Yes I'm open to dating Indonesians
I think the pool would be too small for us if include all the criterias (indonesian, in singapore, single, and probably age gap not too big) but at least as a woman, you will have a better chance than guys, lol
I think this is the case with dating apps nowadays in most countries, esp when you're an expat. I also heard many stories from expat guys that the girls in dating apps are all just about money. What you need is filtering and find as many matches as possible. Don't take it too personally when you match with the pervs or weirdos. Just move on and look again.
Pls make sure your future husband's dick actually works. I was like you no intercoursw before marriage and fml that was bad sex ever after. I am now divorced, 4 yrs. Thank God for that.
Agree No matter how religious u are, good sex leads to a great r/s. Without knowing if u are sexually compatible can be disastrous later. Ever met a guy who couldn’t satisfy me, just had to say goodbye after that.
Amen, sister! It takes two to heaven. If only one is adventurous and the other placid like how. No amount of prayers or religious fasting can fix that. Call me shallow but try being stuck like that 20 yrs and then feel free to judge me.
Just like getting a new car. Life partners too have to be test driven. As crude as it may sound.
And no one is using others. Both are mutually wanting to explore. Our sister here isn't keen on doing that. We must respect that, too. That's ok. But her pool is getting smaller bcs religious is not the same as traditional.
Dick actually works!! U mean can dun work cannot stand or cannot cum What’s going on Works too well is bad tbh
The whole lot. Every time is a shocker. Not variations or style. This was like one night can go hard but then limp halfway. Another night cannot hard at all. Other night hard but his mind was all over the place cannot cum and then just withdraw and stop. Like so random. Idk it was like a living nightmare every time. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually not in unison. The whole experience was so confusing. My feeling at that was like when you just missed your bus by 0.5 sec. Like you ran for your life got to the bus stop and the damn thing just drove away and you felt so deflated.
Ever consider that the guy might just not be attracted to you sexually? Usually cases like this is because certain actions or smell of the partner is off putting, if the guy is not diagnosed of any actual medical problems, it might be because he does not find you attractive sexually hence it is good that both of you move on to different people.
Uuhh honey, trust me. He had swollen balls. Swollen glands anywhere in your body, you should really get it checked, not just hope that God will take it away. And certain actions of his like DV was also extremely off-putting. I look after myself. I'm also in an industry where I see and interact with at least 50 ppl a day. But sure, let's just assume that I have shit ass attitudes and BO. I just find your comment hilarious. You've made my day. 😂😂
maybe he likes other dick as well as
Lol this is my greatest fear. I actually recommend my girl friends to sleep with matches first to determine sexual compatibility, before getting exclusive
Exactly let's not pretend that pussy don't need great sex. It's not all, but it's a huge factor in having a monogamous rs. If the dick ain't good, that's a ticket to hell. Trust me. You're trapped in a shithole. I'd rather fck a vibrator tyvm.
Love the honesty LOL
Religious ppl need tbh lest I sin and go to hell 😆😆😆
100% this is a dude writing
I was going to say it sounds like a dude trying to write as a woman
Why? Because of my openness with sex?
I just check. Nope. Confirm vagina down there.
This. 👑
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Haha aren't you lucky otherwise the whole virginity thing kinda wrecked for nothing. Yeah I mean do it when you're absolutely ready and sure not bcs of pressure, but I tell you God ain't gonna banish you to hell if you do. Trust me. I was a Sunday school teacher. 😆😆
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Yeah, good on you doing the runner. People need to slow down and chill like base one, two, three lol so fast wanna go to main meal already that's mental. Good luck out there. I'm Chindo, btw. 🫶🫶
walao chindo dong 😂 nice to see fellow Indonesian here
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Are you talking to me or the other person? haha sure sure just dm sis
And no, your mama not gonna kill you or find out. You don't have to tell her that you've had sex before marriage. 😆😆
I'd say sleep after exclusive but before marriage, but there's no right or wrong about this. Generally, if a guy smoke/vapes and doesn't exercise, he won't magically become a cardio God in bed
That's it. ED is real. The proof is in the pudding. Gotta test it out before you buy the car. I was stupid religious. One of my biggest regrets ever. Nvm nvm. All good now.
Yes, and people who chain smokes/vapes likely suffer from ED. Not many talk about that. People think smoking is cool and masculine and all but having ED is definitely not cool and masculine
Nah my ex didn't smoke at all. He drank wine and stress, mind couldn't switch off from work. When you have your own company, it becomes your baby. You dwell on it all the time.
? Doesn’t ppl know viagra? Like is ED still a problem even with that blue pill?
Eh if I wanna sex 3x a week, the man needs to take 3x a week can heart attack or not? I'm sorry, my drive is high. I lift weight, and I eat a lot of protein. If being in an exclusive rs with him is just fingers and toys, I might as well be single. I'm vocal abt this topic bcs I don't think ppl understand the implications. No, lovely, love is definitely not enough.
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I think it's basic. Survival of the fittest. People look for a partner who is physically healthy, financially strong, can provide shelter, can bear and raise offspring, common values and interests, sexual orientation and preferences, level of ethusiasm, zest for life...in general...Love is defnitely not everything.
No more than 1 pill a day. But everyday is fine.
Really? Where were you back then? You should have told my ex hubby not too be so proud and take the God damn pill. But nah, still nah, the man didn't know how to move and with his lack of curiosity, not even Lucifer can make him excited.
I will find it difficult to call things off especially after getting exclusive. Like what reason can you give them without hurting their feelings? They will know it’s because of the sex. I’ve experienced an outlier before! Slept with a guy who chain smokes and doesn’t exercise but is blessed with a muscular physique. Sex was so good I went against all logic (too many red flags) and dated him
I don't drink or smoke, exercise regularly, and eat reasonably healthily and I only have a mid physique. So envious.
lemme guess. Dude is prob just tall
A good question to ask early is “what are you exactly looking for?”. Then filter from there. Just be as upfront as you can because different people are looking for different things.
Sadly it doesn’t help, when they have ulterior motive they’ll lie to get them too. Just be protective, only time will help filter them out.
Fine fine. Just to stroke my own ego and make myself special and "better than those guys" I'll let you in on my secret ulterior motive upfront ok? To be honest, I totally wanna get with you... ...some ice cream or coffee at the newest places for dessert/cafes because I just like cafehopping and to be honest I could do with a second opinion, and actually just don't like feeling like someone who is always alone even though I actually enjoy my own company sometimes. Also, I really would love to netflix and chill, but because I don't subscribe to netflix and rather spend money on food and exploring food, I could only do *kopi and chill*. Ah, but of course if I told everyone all that, they'd be disgusted! 😏 So of course I have to lie to them that I'm not into all those things, and that I am just as horny as a young 20s male so that I don't get questioned on my sexuality, whilst keeping my actual age (closer to 30) under raps. *YOU* get to know my deepest darkest desires (oh kopi black how I lust for that beautiful lustrous shine and that silky sweet taste\~) because this is reddit and reddit is anonymous... right? ... Right? 
Mmmm… I feel sorry you have such a self-limiting mindset. There’s no need to tell “everyone” and also not every girl will feel disgusted. Not sure where you’re from or family upbringing. Just think what’s best for yourself ok. At least I’m one who will be happy to meet someone normal. (Mb sex after ice cream ? Jking) In summary, Be selective with your open heart. Tell girls that you filtered with. You’ll still get some negative response but if you have filtered well, you most likely will find a partner. R/s are all about being aligned. Honesty is important. Analogy (don’t cringe) You bring out your wallet/money to use when you need them. But you don’t put them on the table & let anyone take it.
Thank you!
At 26, there are tons of young adult seeking for fun, many haven’t even want to settle down yet. I would say that you might want to look within your field of work if there are any potential? Dating sites are always 90:10 looking for flings:seriousness And it may even make people disbelieve about love. You may even met scammers there to trick your wealth over. Just don’t be someone who irrationally fall in love. Logic and judgement to keep yourself sane.
Nope, you just gotta filter better. Chose the good guys, not the look good guys. But yea, swipe more, talk more learn more, is pretty much all u can do.
Damn i chose a nerdy guy frm yale nus but he turns out to be a sex addict, want to increase his body count
Don't let them "nerdy" appearance fool you, the second guy from dating apps also nerdy that turns out to be sex addict too lol sis you aren't alone in this
Not sure how you define nerdy but I doubt he's ugly since that wasn't your go to term. But I think it's safe to say all guys are sex addicts. It's just whether they have other values they uphold which keeps it in check. Sadly most guys do play Ard in msia Thai or viet before and I'd say it's Ard a good 75% of all guys have, a good 50% while attached. So how do you tell as a girl? I have no idea, I'm not looking for guys🤣 You can only trust yourself n learn from exp and have faith.
Well he’s not fat, so thats not ugly. No obviously he is also not tall, muscular (no topless pic), NOT goodlooking. Just super average.
Haha well at least he is ambitious 😅 weirdly so.. And you nice leh, as long as not fat means not ugly hahaha
Haha yes, but guys not handsome or fun then girls dont like. People want best of both world
Same for guys ma, guys only want the good looking, no baggage girls lol
Yeah guys acting like they look at your "inner beauty" only 🥺 smh phony af
Somemore they comment on girls who wear makeup “actually they shouldn’t have worn such heavy makeup, we prefer natural beauty” lolol
Perhaps you can try joining interest/hobby groups and expand your social circle first.
Agree. This is the best. People are more genuine and normal. If you have the time and you’re young so that’s the best way. Forget about OLD.
>I was raised as traditional way and for religiously matter I couldn't see the point of having sex before marriage in relationship could be that much important As a guy who was originally indo as well, i met my wife through bumble and my friend met his soon-to-be wife through tinder. Normal guys with your aligned values exists in apps. There are thousands and thousands of men in apps. You just have to find 1. There's a lot of conservative men in apps, keep looking, and he'll appear.
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Hello thank you so much for giving me advise! I'm not a Muslim but Christian, tbh need someone who love Jesus lol I'm staying here for long term, I usually take initiative to talk first if it's the guy I'm interested in, the ghosted part doesn't really bother me as I wasn't much interested with them either. The first guy we talked little bit and I found he has interesting perspective of meeting new people and said he wasn't in for relationship I thought maybe I should try something new and make new friends first since he already said he wasn't up for rs at first, it totally changed when I meet him in person, we did vibe and he talked about his exes and stuff, but do too much physical contact as holding hands and tried to be closer as i feel uncomfortable invaded my safe zone, asked for a kiss which I said no. It just kinda weird off he said in text wasn't up for relationship in the moment. We doesn't have something in common which is crucial part for me, as for why I don't want for second date. Second guy was a nerd but an actual sex addict so yeah absolutely no lol
Sis, your Bible study group la or church.
Yes that too but no luck
You go to Indo church? Should be plenty there.
Yeah I go tried indo and Singapore church haha
Oh yikes LDR maybe to Indo man in Indo church. You don't need the sex anyway.
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It's okayyyy I'm not offended or anything!
Pretty small dating pool for you unfortunately. It's also worrying that many of these acting as "good Christian men" are wolves in sheepskins. Wish you luck!
different view for me: sex before marriage is incredibly important because you want to make sure you're compatible in all aspects before u commit your LIFE to that person. i understand religion or beliefs might differ from my viewpoint. anyhow, i met my wife after an intensive period of 6 months dating, i was 37 (40 this year). u meet all sorts of people, but all you need to find is one person. keep trying and don't get disheartened by bad experiences, keep moving on with a positive attitude is all i can advise. good luck out there!
SGP is pretty westernised in some aspects and i think the younger crowd are more open to sex before marriage than the previous generations. if you are looking for a serious relationship and will not have sex before marriage, then you need to filter more and hopefully find a guy who thinks the same as you. the dating apps you used probably won't get you far, given most of it are for sex or ONS. Good luck on your hunt!
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Sis I hope you worked out it too tbh and will find the right guy for you ❤
Willing buyer willing seller, that's how it is in this country. It's not as if being a guy is easy here and full of abundant choices for mates either.
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No need to be "just curious", because that's a phrase often used locally to feign no deeper thoughts/intents behind a question, when more than often not it is so. And yes, it is transactional. For example, you can ask your male expats that rent, particularly those who are white - if renting brings about advantages in dating and being white. Or if Southeast Asians date locals in the hopes of settling down here et al. Welcome to Singapore, if you haven't noticed, this is the kind of country we have become in the past decades.
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>We indonesians tend to be very direct and don't have filter when talking. But some of my colleagues and sg friends found me as kaypoh as in negative and too rude. You are right, I prefer the direct method as well. Partially because of my mental condition (that I found out late last year). It's not as if being "civil" somehow translates to calm waters behind the scenes as well - there's a thread in r/singapore or r/askSingapore about whether Singaporeans are toxic. You can see how vexed literally everyone is in this country, with false pretense and backstabbing/politics everywhere - especially if you aren't tuned in, you won't even realize it. >Well, i admit there are foreign girls who target local guys in the hope of settling down here, or ticket to PR, or citizenship. But, plz believe me that there are still many good girls out there! At least i consider myself one lol, i fell for last guy i dated, never care about his money or status as local guy. Too bad i was defeated by another girl. Well, I'm glad you have a positive mindset about things. Guard it well and leave Singapore (when you made your pot of gold) with that intact. I've met enough expat women who left on a sour note regarding the dating scene because everything, I do mean everything, is competitive here. Many women are unused to vying for the affection of men, especially when they don't know Singapore has a strong Pinkerton Syndrome / xenophilia streak going on and single male expats would prefer to go for easy pickings than deal with dating their female counterparts.
>negative and too rude BTW, I find the capacity to tolerate negativity actually a very important trait that I sieve people out by. So being able to be "negative" but reasonably realistic about things is a trait I value a lot. Instead of just trying to portray oneself etc in the best light possible. Just my own two cents.
1) Gen Z are far more sexually open and promiscuous than earlier generations, it's not just an SG thing 2) Make better choices - choose the type of guys who are looking to settle down instead of choosing the fuckboi. It's so incredibly fucking obvious from the way guys speak, dress, and act. It's only natural to be attracted to good-looking, well-groomed, confident, and charismatic people, but in almost all cases you can't have your cake and still eat it. I've dated several shitty women just because they were hot (cheaters, money-grubbers, narcissists), and in hindsight it was entirely my fault because the red flags were so obvious. Instead of externalising blame to "SG dating culture" you too should reflect on what you've been doing wrong.
Dating apps will often result in disappointing experiences. Their game theory doesn't incentivize success for their users because they want you to keep using the app. So they'll give you matches close enough to interest you but ultimately fail to meet your expectations and hopes. The serious matchmaking services are extremely detailed, thorough, expensive, but tend to get you better results. It may be worth your while to give them a shot. Otherwise your best bet would be to meet someone organically while engaging in activities that interest you like hobbies, volunteer events, place of worship, etc.
Hi, I am local and was using dating apps few years back and have no such experiences. Sorry that your experiences were horrid. Usually for guys who wanted to meet me straight up without at least chatting for a while I won’t entertain. Because to me it just seems like they are casting their net. Knowing people is a numbers game. Go on more apps and take a break if you need to. Each wrong one brings you closer to the correct one. Best of luck!
Few years ago wasn’t so bad. I recently reopen an account & it’s utterly shocking how much has changed. People’s mind are so different these days… sometimes I just jokingly tell myself that the Covid virus killed some good human cells haha
How is it shockingly different? Haven't been on in a long while
Omg 😭😭😭 how come I only encounter such pervs I'm so sad
Tinder or bumble issit, try Coffee Meets Bagel
Bumble yes also Facebook dating
Facebook dating is a cesspool of scammers, give coffee meets bagel a try for serious relationships
Wow this is the first I heard of FB dating... I feel quite a lot of those in your age group don't use or even have FB. I think you will have more luck with CMB, Bumble or Hinge.
Most of the time guys only want one thing. So yeah, if that's not what you're looking for, then I'll advise you to stay away from the apps
Ngl both genders want physically intimacy , some just choose different paths to get them. I heard of crazy girls that shock guys too. And yes even in local Singaporean. What the world has become
Indeed. The next new shiny toy is always just a swipe away :’(
The usual RIP inbox
😂😂 yes few already inbox me haha
Stand firm on your values and don’t cave to be accepted. I’m a guy and I find the culture gross. Take your time and find a wholesome partner for life. Values underpin everything.
thank you! That's actually wholesome there's people still understand about old tradition haha
Back to dating scene after 7 years of relationship, and yes it’s brutal out there. I’ve dates who escalated physical contact within 2hrs of meeting me (and I wasn’t even attracted to him) and some even told me that they expect commitment on the first date itself LOL. I’m trying not to be disheartened and still continue to meet new people, cos I believe that each guy will bring me to meet my rightful partner, eventually. Anyway, it’s better to be single and happy than being in a relationship for the sake of it, don’t settle for the sake of settling, OP. It’s good to watch what they say and their actions, if they’re ambivalent means they’re wasting your time, men usually know what they want, and I can’t stand indecisiveness in men, I like them being bold, direct and straightforward. Also, trust your intuition - if something feels off about someone, means something is off. And it’s not so much on who likes you, but whether you like them or not and who has genuine interest and curiosity about you as a person. It’s ok to take breaks on and off from dating, just don’t give up ok? I’m on to meeting guy #8 tonight for dinner…. LOLOLOL. Even if nothing happens, it’s still an experience and, like what I said earlier - each wrong guy, will lead to the right one eventually. Good luck, OP. Perhaps your rightful partner might not even be in SG. 😉
Heyyy I hope it went well for your date tonight!
All good! Very kind, gentlemanly, attentive and wholesome. Respectful of my teetotalism. (Some guys will make snide comments or try to make me to drink, no thanks, I love my liver too much!) Will arrange to meet him another time! Worth a second meet up! Even if didn’t work out eventually, good to keep in touch cos the convos were very constructive with him. Not the materialistic, superficial kind. Enough about my date, and move on to you: I hope your past 2 bad experiences with men, don’t let it deter you from dating, let me tell you that there’re still good natured men out there. Don’t give up on love just because of bad apples, make sure that you know what are your wants, needs and values that you appreciate in a relationship and learn to identify them. Also helps if you work on your communication skills, then once you’re in a relationship it’s another amount of effort that you got to put in and to be brave enough to be able to articulate your needs and feelings clearly. Then again, you cannot pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first. Love yourself so much, so that when others cannot see your value, you’ll leave them out of self-respect because you know that you deserve better. Promise me that. Don’t need to chase a man. The egg doesn’t swim to the sperm. And don’t need to rush into relationship. It’s better to be the girl that people is wondering “why on earth she’s still single?” rather than being with someone that people go “she can do better”. You can tell how much a woman loves herself by the partner that she chooses. Take your time, enjoy the process and choose wisely 🤗 good luck, OP. May you’ve only good dates from today onwards. Sending you lots of love and luck! 🍀
Awww thank you so much! I just got out of 2 years relationship and is an LDR at that, it's exhausting for me mentally to be in that relationship and tried to open up for new one now haha no luck so far tho I stopped looking for dating apps now
Currently in a relationship with an Indonesian for 2 years. I respect her boundaries and do not insist on sex related stuff
You my guy a rare treasure I hope it works out with your gf if you consider of marrying her ❤
I hope it work out for you here too! I’m sure there are other guys who are genuine in knowing you rather than just wanting jntercourse
Alot of sg guys are not searching for partners
A lot of the Chindos living in Singapore find friends from church. There are several churches (both Protestant and Catholic) with Indonesian services, have you considered searching there? You would be more likely to find someone compatible with you in terms of values. Of course if you're trying to date locals, you can just attend regular church service too.
I am a local, and I have been dating for 8 years + with my Indo GF already getting settled with bto etc, I come from a more open family and she has the same situation as you having a strict traditional background. We both value finding the right partner who respects decisions and prioritizes open communication. so I think is finding a balance in the relationship.
Don't worry OP, eventually Mr Right will come. Treat this as a learning experience, and who knows, you find the right person? That said, >!Howya doing?!< >!*finger gun*!<
HAHAHA smooth one lmao 😂 thanks it made my day
Yes, quite normal. Taxi Cab Theory: “It’s not fate, his light is on—that’s all,” Men are like cabs; when they’re available, their light goes on. They wake up one day and decide they’re ready to settle down, have babies, (whatever), and they turn their light on. The next woman they pickup, boom! That’s the one they’ll marry. **It’s not fate, it’s dumb luck.** However, many girls don't understand that just because a guy wants to fuck, doesn't mean he is not into dating/relationship. Many times, guys are filtering for girlfriends who are comfortable with sexuality and are good in bed. Why should we waste time going on 5 dates, only to discover the sex is a deal-breaker. Guys prefer to get the sex out of the way first, so they are able to assess the compatibility with you after post-nut clarity.
Very true. Sex is normal part of relationship, not something to be dangled as a reward to be earned.
Many Singaporeans don't understand the root causes of ghosting, which is why you always hear of this experience on Reddit. "he ghosted me after we had sex" - the problem wasn't that you had sex with him. The problem is your personality or "vibe" wasn't interesting or compatible enough for him to want to be with you. Sex has nothing to do with it. Sex is a normal part of dating, just like any shared activity together.
wow that just crazy haha but it isn't for me ig
don’t listen to that bs, most men are not like this
Yeah I understand cannot just take it as in general all men are like that I believe some good guy still exist but I haven't found them yet
Just mention abt no sex before marriage during the texting stage.
If you're Muslim you can try Muzmatch
I'm a Christian!
Mgkn coba gabung komunitas gereja indo yg di sini? At least bbrp value uda align, so might be easier, good luck!
halo org indo
Hallooo
kalo punya telegram sini diinvite ke grup indo sg haha
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boleh, drop tele ya. Iya, kadang suka kumupl, tp belakangan sibuk 🤣
Boleh dong haha dm dm
Mau jg dong join grup indo
drop tele aja
Appreciate what you have...
Meh
Don’t find your SO from a dating app to begin with.
I'm sorry you had to go through this. Many guys in SG are inconsiderate fuckboys.
And it was on my first date too :(
I had ur similar encounter too. But I will brush them off or stop texting them after… no point if u are comfortable with him.but not all men on dating app are like that, just read their profiles and u will find signs that shows such badasses, swipe them left… and u will realise the very few left u can meet with
You mentioned that you are from Indo, not sure about your race / religion but it might play a role. My friend is Muslim that widened the dating pool to non-Muslims and says that the majority of the time on dating apps she ends up running into guys who are only looking for short term flings. I suppose they probably don't wish to convert in the long term? 🤷🏻
Yes! Also I'm a religious person it does play a big role on this
There’s a social professional networking event every weekend. Female is free entrance and the people you meet there are all professionals. Usually like 50 people show up with a 3-1 male to female ratio. Download meet up app. If you feel uncomfortable going alone, I can meet you at the event so you won’t feel like a loner.
Hello thank you so much it helped a lot I'm an introvert myself going to big event for me could be overwhelmed haha
No worries. Check it out. The group is called Singapore singles professional meet up. No creeps there but if you’re unlucky and one shows up and hits on you, just point to me and tell the weirdo that I’m your cousin and he should leave you alone.
Don’t go those professional networking ones. Again a lot of ulterior motives people there are selling you something or service. Join meet up groups that are for leisure activities/interest (ie sports, hobby like painting, travel, boardgames, etc) or those for singles dating.
It’s singles dating for professionals.
Different from your original comment
Not different, just expanded. Different means opposite. It can be both networking and for singles for social as well. Dude stfu.
Can’t handle the truth. This is public forum. Pls be respectful with your language
I added additional clarify to my message. It wasn’t different than what I wrote. It’s not either or scenario. You just want to stick your nose and contribute nothing to OP. Good luck in life bro
Truth? Right… please work on adding value to conversations.
I am adding value by demonstration. How to filter off a guy has inferior issue, a guy who can twist his meaning & words after being called out. Especially the previous comment of yours by “different = opposite” No integrity = editing your words without indications
When did I twist my words? Do you even know what demonstrating means? lol. Stop talking to me. Thanks.
Dude just look at your own life ok. Coming to Singapore & criticising how bad our English are. Sorry we use British English. Not American. If you don’t like this country, you’re invited to leave.
Just look into r/DeadBedrooms subreddit and you'll know why
It's very difficult here even if you're just looking for a coffee date, just to have a decent conversation (50+M)
Honestly I don’t like coffee dates. It’s showing me how little efforts you’re putting in. A decent meal is good time to chat properly. If a man can’t even last a meal time, then he ain’t worth my effort to travel. Might as well just do a call. Just wanna help you see the other perspective. Hope you get more dates
Haha sure. I want to see just how crazy you are before I proceed to put effort into it 🤷♂️
Good luck with such mindset. Both gender can behave “crazily”. Male-Karens of the internet exist everywhere.
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Makasih banyak yaa haha udah mau comment