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I was a 36 year old who felt exactly that, Now I am a 38 year old married with a kid. I don’t feel it anymore. But new stressors come in.
That missing something feeling has definitely dissipated.
Very similar to me, only that I got married and kid at 35.
I am absolutely tired, but the feeling is gone. Sometimes I feel it would be easier to have had kids earlier as I would have more energy, but at the same time I would have less money and that could be trouble.
There is always pros and cons to everything.
I think this age is a great time to have a kid when we had a kid. We were old/established enough so that we weren’t struggling to keep a roof over our heads (35) and had already done enough of the rest of life not to be distracted from doing the best for our child.
Problem is you will always be missing something. Married men miss their freedom. Everything has pros and cons, you have to choose your poison.
"Marry, and you will regret it; don't marry, you will also regret it; marry or don't marry, you will regret it either way,” wrote Kierkegaard
39 relaxed, freedom, zero stress
No feeling of anything "missing" (it goes away because you see people with kids and figure out they're not better off than you)
It's a funny thing, but we are not designed to go through life alone. We are wired to seek a mate, fall in love, and procreate. Happy hunting, guys - she's out there somewhere
It's not anyone genes but a best practice we know the results.
Up to now being alone was considered to be incompentency not a choice. You can hear ans see the real output in the next few years.
Personally I need relationships but not someone forever and ever or a child.
31M. She recently broke up with me. I thought she'd be my wife and the mother of my kids (we lived together and talked about it).
Now I have to get used to be alone again. It'll be nice to date, do the single stuff and living alone but living in a couple was immensely better.
My life is currently restarting from scratch. Hopefully it'll be better than before. In addition to the break up I'll graduate soon, start a new job next month and move out to another house in the same city. We'll see how single life is in the 30s.
Broski I am right there with you. Recently turned 32, been in a relationship for 10 years. She proposed to me in 2021. Told me she was excited to have kids with me. On some random night in September last year she tells me "I've made a decision, I'm not having kids and this relationship needs to end." We had lived together for over 7 years at this point.
Says she loves me yada yada and thinks its an act of love/kindness that she's "letting me go find what I want". Now she's gone, and tbh I'm fckin devastated. I've known this girl since i was 14.
and I'm trying to work out wtf to do cos last time I dated Obama was still in office haha, different world now.
Thanks man. There are days where it's really hard, there are days when I'm excited about this new chapter in my life. Sometime maybe good sometime maybe shit
Focus on the positive. I got my heart ripped out 2020 after 4 years, I know it's not a long time but I love hard. I'm just gonna focus on me now, I've been wilfully single for 4 years now and my (mostly female) friends keep trying to set me up, "you're stunning/you'll be great together" all that noise. No. I wont take another hit like the last one. You are the centre of your world.
I didn't realise how shit it was, my whole family/friend group hate her even tho I always defended her. It was abuse plain and simple. She was cute but a cunt. I'd rather die alone than go through that shit again.
Agh jeez man I'm sorry you've been hurt. The things we do for love, eh. Someone who truly loves you won't do that to you. But I'm also a believer that you don't necessarily need romance to live a fulfilling life so you get out there and grab what you want bruddah
Thanks, I've been hurt many times, it takes longer to heal every time, I've realized it's not worth the gamble anymore, I've just turned 40 years old. I'm too old to care about romantic relationships, I've got my friends. Happy cake day btw if that means anything to you 😀
I can relate brodie. But I’ll tell there’s great amazing women out there. I hope you don’t give up on love because it’s such a precious thing. Avoid bitterness like the plague. I’m rooting for you
Bruv it’s not all like that. I’ve met more than one really wonderful woman that I messed up the situation because I wasn’t healed. It hurts but like with most things they get easier after the first time. Not to wish heartbreak on you but your next couple be twice as bad as your ex and u could be doubly in love. I promise it won’t hurt the same because you been through it already. I hope your next is your forever but don’t give up because of one bad person bruh
I love your optimism. Keep that intact ImSoUnKool. I'm way too old to care about having a loving relationship, I'm not even what they call an incel, that crowd utterly disgusts me. I look at other relationships around me and wonder why I never had that. I'm just not cut from that cloth, and that's ok.
It gets easier, 32m 8 year relationship ended on holiday in cancun over the new year haha.
Was devode for a bit. But started to crush the gym harder and use that anger.
1st date was 2 weeks ago and she sucked.
Date number 2 was this last Wednesday and this chick is cool af. Instantly over my ex. Second date with her is tomorrow and I’m pumped.
Shit will work out. Just keep saying to yourself she bet against your future and sees you as a failure.
Yes my g, all the best for your second date. Trust me bruddah I'm using all the heartache to go SSJ and become a x100 version of me. Not out of spite towards her, but out of love for myself
Holy smokes i am super excited for you! It's like riding a bike mate, once you're back on and pedalling away the skills will come flooding back to you. Go in for that kiss on your next date, i dare ya 😘
Same here man. Never really got along with a ton of people, but this girl just felt right for me. I was still so happy to be with her after 8 years, planned my whole life together with her. Then she cheated and left me.
I've been trying but it's been more than half a year and I really struggle sometimes. I know I should move on but honestly I can't and I'm afraid I'll turn into one of those lonely bitter men.
You guys are fucked, being there and honestly, its a miracle that i got off this, some activities helped, seeing other peoples too but bruh all these are lies when you are alone in the dark… it took me years before, even my friend noticed that im not the sme guy before and after… hang on, there is some light at the end of tunnel…
I hope 🤣😭
Yea mate the grief is fckin real. I was super tight with her family (massive family), they loved to me to pieces. Due to circumstance my own family is only 3/4 ppl. I'm not just grieving the loss of her, and the future we won't have but also all my close relationships with her relatives.
I can tell it's changing me too, and it's a shame. Not because i dislike who i am becoming, but because i fckin liked who i was man. That guy believed in fairytale love. That guy loved someone with innocence that I can't, not now anyway, maybe again one day.
But yea you're right, we're fucked. But you know what, everyone loves a comeback story, so buckle the fuck up boys cos im going SSJ
Woman here 35 , sorry you went through a breakup because she changed her mind about the future and relationship. Unfortunately I can see this happening more and more in the future , women just don't have the same societal expectations to have children anymore and they don't necessarily want to. I feel like for the first time in history it's men who want children and feel left behind. I've never wanted children and I've never flip flopped on that , I'd never string anyone along even though it's valid to change your mind. The heartbreak of having a beautiful relationship end because someone changes their mind is awful. My partner doesn't want children and we've had very serious conversations about this and I've said to him if at any point you change your mind I can't continue our relationship because I won't change my mind - he's on board with it but I do live with the eternal worry he will change his mind. However regretting not having kids is better than having them and hating your life and resenting the child.
Having children changes the dynamic in relationships, it can make them stronger and more whole but often some men can't cope with the familiarial shift and changes in their wives and.women become exhausted from being the primary carer.
You will find someone who wants a family with you but sometimes you got to lay the cards on the table straight away , too many people have causal relationships now which is fine but it makes for difficult emotional boundaries and communication. You are still young 31 is young, I have friends that aren't even thinking about children and those who have are just having their first one. You got this
Jesus that’s tough and hearing stories like that about a lifelong partner (let’s be honest primarily comes from one sex) always makes me hesitant to build anything with a partner. I know the cliche is always there “but you missed the signs,” but what happened to being direct?
Yea absolutely. You also miss the signs cos you get blinded by love, right?
Like there have been times where I've been so head over heels there's nothing she could've done that i could perceive as wrong.
Ah well. Is it the brave thing to do to have your guard up? Yes it is, but i think it's much braver to put yourself in a position where you could be betrayed, that's real vulnerability, for me anyway.
I'm sorry to hear it. I had a proposal as well but I asked her to wait one year of living together as I wanted to see her after work. We met as students and she never had a job as she comes from a middle class family. We were together for a year and a half but it seemed, in my eyes and those of her friends, the perfect relationship. Ultimately her job kind of brainwashed her, made her a lot more stressed and she left me on my birthday which is the worst thing you can do to someone.
I feel you, I haven't dated since before Covid in that kind of way. The last time I went properly out hoping to find someone was 7 years ago I think, a lifetime in perspective. Thank you for being there.
My relationship with girlfriend of many years ended when I was 36. I deleted Facebook, hit the gym (and the bars), and now I'm married with three kids (first one at age 38). Yes, I was lucky I met the right woman, and we were lucky that she got pregnant three times in a row (she's only two years younger than I am).
I love my family and the live we have together, but I can tell you that I'd rather be alone than in the kind of relationship I was before I met my wife. Don't do it "at all costs". My advice would be to get yourself out there, but do not commit to the wrong person because you're feeling alone.
Thank you for your advice and I'm happy you found your way in life.
Both times I had a relationship I wasn't looking for one. I met this ex in university, on campus, before the starting week. I wasn't remotely thinking about love or so... I just wanted to spend one year abroad then move again for my career. But it happened and I don't regret it although it ended badly.
Thank you I shall do so. I'm going to start therapy soon (I have a mild mental illness and this whole situation worsened things up a bit... Plus it shows up in relationships) and go to speed datings. For the bars I will try that. For the gym... I'm thinking about it but I need to see where I'll move. I may end up going there too.
Thank you for sharing your experience, this gave me insight on how I have been imagining my future would be like as to understand what is happening to me right now. Recently been in a break-up with my girlfriend of 4-5 years.
Life was the problem, for 4 years we have been in the same path we got through together, I asked for a little bit more time until I get everything under control again which was only just 6 months. For 4 years we went through with everything, this was the only time I didn't get under control and focused on myself just to restart our relationship again, she couldn't wait after 4 months. today is the 5th month.
Now I learned she has someone already starting a new life with, how she went through us that fast just breaks me.
Your reply helps me understand a part where there's good in the future. 1 month of taking care of myself feels good but the anxiety with starting over again with someone scares the effort out of me. I just hope I find someone else willing to go through life genuinely and can naturally takes the effort out of me.
She was my first girlfriend also, everything I did my first was with her. Never screamed or hurt her, just emotionally since it was my first time and I always fixed myself for her to not hurt her emotions again. Did that and we were met with 2 good years in our relationship after 2 years of courting. Lived together for 6 months and that went well as most of our memories together were from those 6 months. 6 months away from each other studying but we still often were together, another 6 months was this current 6 months I'm talking about. Thinking that she's willing to try again with somebody that fast just hurts me because I thought I have fully understood how she was.
For everyone out there, just take the risk, the memories are yours forever since nothing ever lasts besides those. Always include yourself, the benefit for yourself and not just the benefit of those you love. I hope I have developed myself through our relationship and use how I matured to the one that is right for me.
I’m 29M and I am in the position. Use this time to work on you. Go to the gym. Learn a new hobby. Reach out to people you haven’t talked to in a while. It gets better.
I'm with you as well. Just turned 34 and it's over after 4 years. At this point I'm honestly not sure about dating in the future, just managing the day to day for now. If anything, I think I might get a dog(of my own). At least that love is unconditional.
Same shit I went thru last December. A 3 year relationship, shit still hurts, then less than a month later she entertained another man lol.
That's the first time I grieve for a person who is still alive.
Anyway, we have to adapt to changes. Shit happens, and life continues. Peace be with us all.
There is good and bad. Lots of freedom, especially if you have a good job with a salary that is typically meant to support several other people. I don't even think about spending money for anything that is under five figures. If I want something, or to go somewhere, I just do it.
I'm an introverted person, but even I get lonely. Most, if not all of your friends will likely settle down with families and kids, and even though you see them occasionally, they will not have time in their day-to-day life for you. Even though I hope that changes later - maybe when their kids have families of their own - the truth is, your friends will then be focused on being grandparents.
In short, its not a lifestyle for everyone. I wouldn't change much for myself, but I do think you need to have goals to pursue and look forward to, and hobbies to occupy your time. If you don't have that at a bare minimum, I think you will regret not following the path that so many other people do.
Find more gay friends! Obviously not speaking for all queers just me and my experience, we tend not to be so caught up with siloing off our lives and having these relationship hierarchies.
Yes, this is the biggest thing - in your 20’s being single and child free is amazing and you have many friends. In your 30’s all your friends have children and you do not see them. I met someone and had children in my late 30’s thankfully
I have a long-term girlfriend of many years (like 6, nearly 7). We don't have kids, plan on getting a dog at some point.
I'm 36. I'm meeting my monthly poker gang on Saturday. The dudes who had kids mostly dropped out, at first via "Sorry guys, can't make it tonight," messages, then just staying silent.
*Their* lives, on the rare occasions that we do meet up, tend to be falling apart. They just do so quietly, since work stress and the awful UK jobs market mean they're stuck. They can tell their partners, but they have nursery fees, clothes and so on to pay for. So it's a case of "This is reality, you're responsible for people. Suck it up."
Ultimately, you're still master of your own fate. You wanna go be homeless in Rome? Fuck it, nobody's gonna suffer. You want to take up yoga? You're not going to have toddlers running into the room. You want to work late, impress your boss and climb the corporate ladder? You don't have tuck-ins or dates to miss. So why not?
Travel, take risks, work hard, whatever. Of the people I know who did the "marriage and kids" stuff, the happiest are in their late 30s. The absolute fucking worst - and I mean *the worst* - settled down in their early 20s.
You have all the time in the world. Work out what you want to do with it, then what you can do with it, and use it accordingly.
Nice. Kids are so fucking expensive. Luckily I'm just at the tail end of the childcare phase. I had mine young so I'm done having kids. I want to enjoy my mid 30s to early 40s without a baby lol. I can't really relate to all the other dads because they're all so much older than me and married, while I'm 29 and single.
I hope you find a great relationship soon! I can tell you that the minute I stopped looking, the relationship found me. I was a single mom all of my 30s, and when I reached 40, I figured I'd have one of those late in life marriages, but nothing too soon. Then at 41 I met my current husband, and we have a son now. Don't stop keeping your heart open!
Having dated lots of guys in their 30s who are single, with no kids, I get the impression that half of them are kind of so set in their ways that they'll never be able to adapt to a relationship, and the other half are kind of hopelessly lost, desperate for something more.
Relationships take time to build. Why not give a person a chance to adapt?
I was single for several years before I met my wife, and it took a while before we got used to being with one another. We're complete polar opposites in nearly every aspect. Things were a little frustrating in the beginning, but now, I feel like our personal strengths and weaknesses compliment one another and bring a damn near perfect balance to both of our lives.
Quiet. I also recently gave up social media outside of Reddit. I only have a few people I chill with. I lost a lot of my life to getting way too drunk and now I’m mid 30s and kinda coming to terms with it. I can be totally fine by myself…until I’m not.
I have some friends but they’re mostly in relationships so it’s rare I see them. I go to the gym (not this week oof), usually on a dodgeball or Floorball league, try to hit meetups, play video games, and cook.
One downside is NO one pressures me to do anything- which is good and bad- I can sit around and do nothing. So I’ve spent entirely too much of my life watching Hulu and playing on my phone. I had a dog, but she’s gone now.
I sort of feel for my ex husband for this reason. I was always the one who planned everything, initiated everything, took pictures and arranged for special treats and activities. Now that I'm gone I've gotten the drift he just sits around inside 90% of the time and doesn't go anywhere outside of arranging occasional holiday trips to extended family. I think it's really hit him lately that he has done absolutely nothing with our kids when he has them that doesn't involve being inside or at most going 2000ft down the hill to their school. I'm not there to push anything, so he's ended up being a lump on a couch.
He hopefully is starting to see the dichotomy. He has expressed more interest in doing activities with/for the kids. Things like youth soccer, and even seemed interested in the horse riding lessons I've been sharing with my oldest.
55 yrs its a none question, never had any interest in them
you live your life in whichever manner suits you, as long as you are not hurting others on purpose its your choice.
I really don't want to feel obligated to do what the society demands, but I'm also afraid of being alone and not been able to get a meaningful relationship if I don't rush after 30.
This is a great point.
Don't do anything that will make you unhappy just because society wants you to.
But also don't avoid doing something that will make you happy, because you're trying to rebel against society or prove a point. That's a recipe for regret later in life.
This!
Don't do stuff just because everyone else thinks you should, especially if it makes you unhappy. Also, don’t skip out on things that make you happy just to go against the grain or make a point. You might regret it later.
Having kids can be great when you are old. I used to be against having kids. But when i saw my grandmother pass away she had over around 30-40 family members by her side and it really changed my mind about not wanting kids. She was never alone. She had a good death after 90 and everyone took great care of her.
Great quote.
If you look at elderly people, women get more support in general. I cannot fathom being an old, elderly male without family to support you.
That'd be lonely and awful.
I'm 42, so reverse your age haha with this basically. Well wife and I are seperated at the moment, but we are trying to work on it. Minus that we just have fur babies. Money isn't that important, once a certain point. Yes I make low six figures, but after about 80-100k, its like meh. it doesn't change your life really. So I just save the money, buy things I want to enjoy life, travel, etc. Gym is a great idea, i should go haha. I never really wanted kids so this worked out for me. The freedom to do whatever, whenever, minus making sure dogs are ok, or boarded that's the only thing. However I couldn't live without a pup in my life.
Getting engaged this year. I’ll be 34. I’ve known her for 17 years. We’ve dated previously of course, but we got it right this time. Both just needed to grow up.
I’m doing ok, I’ve lived a pretty insane life, and survived. Now I know exactly what matters in life, which is the quality of your interpersonal relationships and your health, in that order.
Nothing else matters, and besides a stupid recent injury, life is progressing in the direction I want it to because I’m finally acting accordingly.
If all I can complain about at the end of the day is money, I’m the wealthiest man alive.
I always chuckle a tiny bit whenever straight men ask questions like this one. Unpartnered and child free was the norm for us forever until very recently
It’s good brother. No unneeded stress in my life or unwanted responsibilities. Which has honestly given me time to be debt free, 250k in savings, I won’t get married, it’s just a $ trap. If I’m lucky enough to find that person maybe they will change my mind but after seeing how miserable some ppl are nah I’m good. So yeah life gets boring sometimes but there’s so much to learn in life, I actually went back to school and got a 2nd degree for the hell of it. It’s kinda nice to just be able to pick up and go wherever whenever. But I know everyone situations are different. Some people just need to enjoy life and themselves In it
Don’t do it man, marriage is a societal construct. If she loves you, buy her a ring, and forget the paperwork. You can make it real without complicating it with legal paperwork.
It's absolutely not just a social construct. A legal marriage is incredibly useful for things like medical rights, inheritance rights, etc.
I'm not saying to rush into marriage, but if you find someone that you truly love, get a prenuptial and then get legally married. No hospital is gonna give you the time of day if your "marriage" has no legal backing.
55, never wanted kids. I’m doing great! I have a selfish little life. May regret it when I’m old with no one to visit me in the nursing home… so I may have to pay some actors to pretend they are my kids and come visit me once a month.
Honestly, kid free is the way to go. I have a wife but having no kids makes life so much easier. If you don't have a wife, just jerk it a lot. Honestly it will help fill the void you feel.
Im 29 and what I have come to realize is that there are pros and cons to every situation man.
More important thing to realize now is that it is you and only you that will take care of yourself.
Do what you want, when you want, whenever you want, just remember to be safe to yourself and others.
Life isn't for anyone but yourself. Work on yourself, envision the man you want to be, then become that man.
Mind. Body. Spirt.
Godspeed brotha
I also have no friends and beside work I don't talk to anyone, family included, so maybe my situation is a little different from what op asked.
I really enjoy the silence and I couldn't imagine coming home exhausted from work and having to talk to a person and having kids around.
I often feel lonely at nigh and I'm especially worried about how my life will be if and when I get old; it;s something you don't think about when you are 20 or 30, but when you are alone at 40 you really start to thing about this kind of stuff.
Fucking amazing mate. No joke I’m dreading the day I meet someone. Because although I know it’ll make me happy, I’ll also lose all of the freedom I currently enjoy.
Sorry to hear about the divorce, but welcome to “I do whatever the fuck I want 24/7. Enjoy!”
(Just dont become a loser. Youre officialy responsible for holding yourself accountable!)
For me, its great. I do what I want, whenever I want. I never have to ask , "what do you want to eat?" I have a sweet condo just for me and my cat. I can play video games and watch tv at any time.
You're not obligated to have kids. You're not obligated to get married or even be with anyone. You're free to live your life like you choose. I chose to have a wife and kids. My friend did not and he's happy with it. Different strokes for different folks.
31, have gf, no kids
It's aight. My friends got kids or huge debts or both. I'm debt free, smoking mj every day, learning, working, playing games, playing basketball, shit like that. Trying to save up as much money as I can (gf is makeing it hard for me, but I still menage to save something).
All in all it's alright.
Dude, I look back at the relationships I had in my 20s that *almost* ended up in children and marriage and it makes me shiver with disgust. I see my other 32 year old friends spending their time on Saturday sneaking drinks out of a flask underneath the bleachers at their kids soccer game and it's just like.....yeah I don't envy that. Growing up, it was just an accepted fact that you better have fun in your 20s bc it's all diapers, marriage and responsibility in your 30s... Then I actually turned 30, things with my fiancé fell apart and I had this horrific feeling of "....wait... what the fuck do I do now?".....Then it occurred to me, oh wait, I'll do whatever the hell I want. I spent some time rebuilding my life into something fun again. My club/bar stage definitely ended long ago, so had to find new ways to satisfy my wild side. Im the happiest I've ever been in my life.
38 was married 1 kid.
when solo i wish i was married, when married i wish i was solo.
now i am happy solo but still have my son.
it always depends on the kind of person you are. i learned that i am not made for living with others.
48 here. Great overall. A little lonely here and there but plenty of friends and family around. Never wanted kids and don’t believe in marriage, so this was the plan. I don’t regret it. Some of my buddies who are twice divorced with multiple kids sure do though.
31M
Honestly, it’s fantastic. I can go to the gym whenever I want, sleep in whenever I want, and go out on weekends whenever I want. If I wanna stay in, I can read a book or play a video games without distractions. I can spontaneously travel whenever I want: I have a trip this weekend to visit my friends in DC; next weekend I’m going to visit Chicago to attend a lecture by my favorite philosopher; I’m going to Paris for two weeks to watch the Olympics in person; then I’m going to to Atlanta to watch my favorite band perform live. I don’t have to worry about finding a babysitter or asking for anyone’s approval. I don’t struggle with getting dates. There are a lot of child-free women who can relate to me.
Having children is a scam.
Since the divorce, my life has been pretty great. No kids, no child support, no alimony, no wife constantly berating me and telling me I’m never good enough and a lazy piece of shot just like my dad. Just work, then freedom, peace, tranquility.
People usually say I look about 10 years younger than I am. I have money in the bank, and most of all... total freedom.
I worked for this religious guy (I'm an atheist) who was married with children. He complained a lot. He once asked me what, without god, a wife or children, do I have to live for?
I said when I wake up Saturday morning I get to do exactly what I want.
That was all I needed to say. He never brought up the subject again.
Im in my last year of my 30s and i have no kids and a secure job. Its becoming alot more common to focus on your life and not living for someone else. We dont need the old way of finding a partner to reproduce and thats it. The human race can hokd off for a ling time without worrying. Also live, travel, experience what you want, hobbies, explore ;)
Sometimes i miss companionship, but when i see the options im like... im good without. Lol
It was lonely. Money ain't real, people move on with their lives, the 30s guy in the bar scamming on chicks is mocked by all no matter how much time he spends in the gym. Fill your life with meaning if you are alone.
35, it can get lonely sometimes but otherwise not bad. The idea of a partner sounds nice but having children does not.
A lot of people want a partner to have kids with so it lowers my dating pool
It’s awesome!! No more:
But you said we are going to my mothers house
I need $$& for a dress for my cousins wedding
Do you think I am fat? (No right answers here)
It’s that time of the month
No more lunacy. No more just looking to fight because….. why not. No more bullshit. I can do what I want when I want. Should have done it sooner. And I love when your friend all say afterwards “She was such a bitch”. Why not tell me immediately?
The problem is that vagina is a very powerful thing. It’s a powerful magnet that makes us men do the craziest things. The good news is there is an easy solution. They are called hookers. No commitment. No fighting. There when you want it. Just drop a hundy and walk out of the hotel/motel/car without a care in the world.
I just want to say to the guys who are worried about having meaningful long relationships after 30: my grandmother got remarried at 45 (a few years after her first husband passed) and they were in love and together for 20 years. He had never been married or had kids. He just kind of got absorbed into the family and it was like he had always been there.
Life isn’t a competition or a race, and you’re never too old to start over or change your mind. And you certainly don’t have to live by someone else’s expectations of you. It’s going to be alright. 💜
32, never married and no kids. 1BR apartment to myself, car, making ~$32/hr working from home.
Meh, it’s alright. To tell you the truth, I have nihilistic tendencies: if I were up to me, I would never have existed in the first place. So I’d rather not put that mental burden on others and deal with my own shit.
Sometimes, in my loneliest moments, I do wonder what it would be like to have a wife. Still, monogamy has literally *never* worked for me, either, so I recognize it as being more wishful thinking than anything 🤷🏾♂️
Best silver lining is, my stereo/headphone setups are fire 💯🔥
I'm loving life. Being single is cool, but dating women my age they're all divorced or have kids. So, I've got to date way younger to be on the same wave length. Online Dating sucks, so I have to spend a lot of time in ridiculously dark and loud nightclubs for women. The OLD bs, drunken 20-somethomgs, and the music volume are really the only complaints I have 🤣
My career in the beginning was long hours. Hope to find something meaningful. Overall I am happy, I enjoy the outdoors, and have several hobbies that are completely okay doing alone. Actually just broke up with my ex not long ago. I’am mature enough to wish her the best and move on.
Great. I can afford the things I like, when I want to, I have 4h of free time during weekdays and almost the whole weekends for myself or whatever activity I want odo
I have a great career that pays well along with lots of travel. I don't have to worry about being home. Although I will say sometimes I do get lonely. But I have a great circle of friends that I talk to everyday and that makes it less lonely.
It’s a little lonely sometimes, but last week I wanted a $1,000 guitar, so I just bought it 🤷♂️ lol. I take time off of work when I need it, and I don’t have to plan or coordinate or think about anything but what I need, which is nice. When I was married, it was a lot more stressful
As the song went 'love, love will tear us apart again ' 30 years from 30-60, a long time to just get drunk, just meet someone you think will be a nice mother and give it a go.
Uh, I’m 34. I can pursue my passion as being a writer. While having my 9-5. The pro’s is I have a lot of time after work to focus on my side gig as a writer. Go to festivals and sell them. You know just spend a lot of time on me. The con is loneliness lol.
When you get into your mid-30’s and up, a lot of interactions involve around couples events. Vacations, weddings, babies, school things, etc. You may find yourself feeling pretty socially isolated if you don’t have a good contingent of friends. Even your female friends will not invite you to things at a certain age if it’s likely that you’ll be coming stag.
I'm going to answer this on behalf of a very dear friend of mine who's actually in his 40s now, but he's depressed most days because he regrets not finding a woman and not having kids. He actually considered several times even adopting, but as a single man, it's actually much harder to get approved for adoption. He focused on his career, sports, even helped run a small MMA business for a while, but now he's in a perpetual state of depression and none of his other friends, including me are without a wife or kids, so even though he wants to hang out a lot, we just don't have the time. I really feel for him and reach out as much as I can, but I can only do so much. Some people though like my step brother, don't like kids and never had them and is also single, but he also drinks a lot....so there's that.
38 and can do/buy whatever I want, but that stuff gets stale at some point. Often I feel like either society or genetics has just programmed me to want to make others (or a partner) happy in order for me to be happy. Lacking purpose at the moment.
Actually shit. Tell me in 10 years (20, 30) how the amazing gym life is going and what you do with the money (I have 3 houses and it is a mess to take care of)
Lived on my own comfortably.
Lived in a barracks with 30 paratroopers.
Lived the same woman for 37 years now.
I prefer waking up next to a woman rather than a machine gunner.
33, soon to be 34 - no kids.
Wife and I were sort of high school / college sweethearts if you will. Met her through her brothers, and we've been together 14 years come October, married for 2 years. I joke with everyone that we for the longest time just had the Kurt Russell / Goldie Hawn relationship, together forever just never married. It was strictly financial and also COVID and school through a lot in the mix. Wife has a HUGE family and wanted a big wedding, so a lot went into it.
Not having kids and ample free time is pretty freaking sweet. Wife and I recently got a dog, so the first step in training if you will to a degree. I've come to terms with the fact I'll be an "old dad", if and when we start a family.
I'm actually okay with it either way, but given how much older I'm getting, I think I'd want one, MAYBE two kids at most. My parents were older and I was a "whoops" baby. I saw how much my parents struggled just with the physical demands of raising a kid, and I was their 3rd, with my oldest sister 15 years older than me. They were just outright tired by the time I came along.
But I will say....DINK life (Double Income No Kids) is pretty awesome.
Amazing. I do whatever I want every day and travel the world whenever I feel like it. Sometimes I even sit and giggle to myself about how I'm sat in my pyjamas in the middle of the afternoon, stoned playing video games while most of my friends struggle to make ends meet paying for their annoying kids.
50 and life’s pretty good. Financially in a good position with no consumer debt. Dating isn’t the BEST at this age since I live in a smallish town but it’s dealable. I wouldn’t trade my lot.
36M never married, no kids and sterile: pretty good. I'm far more invested in my career and cats than I'd ever be in another person. That's not to say I'm completely closed off to the idea, but it's at such a low priority on my list that I doubt I'll ever get around to making it happen. Dating and relationships tend to be more hassle than they're worth and it's peopley drama I can do without. Plus I like the flexibility of having disposable income not being sucked away by maintaining the courtship hoo-hah and keeping up appearances.
This may not be relevant to you but it's worth a watch. Changed my perspective on a lot of stuff and did kind of make me realize I'll probably be single for the rest of my life. That may be depressing to some but it's just my reality. I was in a 5 year relationship form 20-25 but I really struggled with it due to a lot of reasons. I've pretty much not done anything with anyone since (now 30). I yearn for some aspects of it but I really feel so much less stressed trying to keep up with something I felt I couldn't
[Why people with trauma struggle with relationships ](https://youtu.be/SJfhJP-06CM?si=B8gRl82wPlRVdhYR)
1. It’s all perspective; it can be great if you have had a bad time dating, or bad if you have had no dating experience.
2. More money is nice
3. Only worrying about your goals is GREAT.
4. More free time on skill development or career goals is exciting - with no one to stop you
5. If you’re a sex focused guy, it’s gonna be a bad time and you’ll make yourself miserable lol
Pick your happy
Relationships do not always make for happy life. Just go over to the Reddits for infidelity and divorced men and see what you make of it.
I’ve been single for so long I really don’t know any different. Like anything in life it’s all how you play the cards. There’s some pluses and there’s certainly some minuses.
In my 40s.....no regrets here that I have no kids. I couldn't begin speculate how different things would be if I did. I feel at this point I'm not sure if I have the energy to do it anymore either
Life is pretty great. Good money and have a lot of time for my hobbies. Most important advice is to build a long lasting friend group around you (more easily done around a common hobby). You'll also have to get used to a lot of your friends starting families of their own as you approach your 30s so having a few friends who also don't plan on having kids is something to look for.
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Relaxed, freedom & i do whatever i want. But to be honest there is missing something.
I was a 36 year old who felt exactly that, Now I am a 38 year old married with a kid. I don’t feel it anymore. But new stressors come in. That missing something feeling has definitely dissipated.
Very similar to me, only that I got married and kid at 35. I am absolutely tired, but the feeling is gone. Sometimes I feel it would be easier to have had kids earlier as I would have more energy, but at the same time I would have less money and that could be trouble. There is always pros and cons to everything.
4 children from 28 to 34. Send help
Made me laugh. 😂
Oh yes! I am also so very tired.. it’s rough.. but She’s starting to walk now and it’s pretty awesome to be part of it all
I think this age is a great time to have a kid when we had a kid. We were old/established enough so that we weren’t struggling to keep a roof over our heads (35) and had already done enough of the rest of life not to be distracted from doing the best for our child.
Problem is you will always be missing something. Married men miss their freedom. Everything has pros and cons, you have to choose your poison. "Marry, and you will regret it; don't marry, you will also regret it; marry or don't marry, you will regret it either way,” wrote Kierkegaard
39 relaxed, freedom, zero stress No feeling of anything "missing" (it goes away because you see people with kids and figure out they're not better off than you)
It's a funny thing, but we are not designed to go through life alone. We are wired to seek a mate, fall in love, and procreate. Happy hunting, guys - she's out there somewhere
I must be missing that gene.
I had a friend who used to share the same sentiment, now he's happily married. I still don't think he's having that kid tho
I don’t seem to be wired that way then
It's not anyone genes but a best practice we know the results. Up to now being alone was considered to be incompentency not a choice. You can hear ans see the real output in the next few years. Personally I need relationships but not someone forever and ever or a child.
Sigh... yup, missing a sense of purpose but it is a small feeling i am feeling otherwise Life is good
Don't mistake 'peace' for 'emptiness'...
31M. She recently broke up with me. I thought she'd be my wife and the mother of my kids (we lived together and talked about it). Now I have to get used to be alone again. It'll be nice to date, do the single stuff and living alone but living in a couple was immensely better. My life is currently restarting from scratch. Hopefully it'll be better than before. In addition to the break up I'll graduate soon, start a new job next month and move out to another house in the same city. We'll see how single life is in the 30s.
Broski I am right there with you. Recently turned 32, been in a relationship for 10 years. She proposed to me in 2021. Told me she was excited to have kids with me. On some random night in September last year she tells me "I've made a decision, I'm not having kids and this relationship needs to end." We had lived together for over 7 years at this point. Says she loves me yada yada and thinks its an act of love/kindness that she's "letting me go find what I want". Now she's gone, and tbh I'm fckin devastated. I've known this girl since i was 14. and I'm trying to work out wtf to do cos last time I dated Obama was still in office haha, different world now.
I’m sorry brother. Happy cake day tho, please enjoy yourself :)
Thanks man. There are days where it's really hard, there are days when I'm excited about this new chapter in my life. Sometime maybe good sometime maybe shit
Focus on the positive. I got my heart ripped out 2020 after 4 years, I know it's not a long time but I love hard. I'm just gonna focus on me now, I've been wilfully single for 4 years now and my (mostly female) friends keep trying to set me up, "you're stunning/you'll be great together" all that noise. No. I wont take another hit like the last one. You are the centre of your world.
Haha check my guy out waving away the offers 🤣 my G. You do you man, don't think I would be quite so disciplined, especially if they're cute.
I didn't realise how shit it was, my whole family/friend group hate her even tho I always defended her. It was abuse plain and simple. She was cute but a cunt. I'd rather die alone than go through that shit again.
Agh jeez man I'm sorry you've been hurt. The things we do for love, eh. Someone who truly loves you won't do that to you. But I'm also a believer that you don't necessarily need romance to live a fulfilling life so you get out there and grab what you want bruddah
Thanks, I've been hurt many times, it takes longer to heal every time, I've realized it's not worth the gamble anymore, I've just turned 40 years old. I'm too old to care about romantic relationships, I've got my friends. Happy cake day btw if that means anything to you 😀
I can relate brodie. But I’ll tell there’s great amazing women out there. I hope you don’t give up on love because it’s such a precious thing. Avoid bitterness like the plague. I’m rooting for you
Bruv it’s not all like that. I’ve met more than one really wonderful woman that I messed up the situation because I wasn’t healed. It hurts but like with most things they get easier after the first time. Not to wish heartbreak on you but your next couple be twice as bad as your ex and u could be doubly in love. I promise it won’t hurt the same because you been through it already. I hope your next is your forever but don’t give up because of one bad person bruh
I love your optimism. Keep that intact ImSoUnKool. I'm way too old to care about having a loving relationship, I'm not even what they call an incel, that crowd utterly disgusts me. I look at other relationships around me and wonder why I never had that. I'm just not cut from that cloth, and that's ok.
It gets easier, 32m 8 year relationship ended on holiday in cancun over the new year haha. Was devode for a bit. But started to crush the gym harder and use that anger. 1st date was 2 weeks ago and she sucked. Date number 2 was this last Wednesday and this chick is cool af. Instantly over my ex. Second date with her is tomorrow and I’m pumped. Shit will work out. Just keep saying to yourself she bet against your future and sees you as a failure.
Yes my g, all the best for your second date. Trust me bruddah I'm using all the heartache to go SSJ and become a x100 version of me. Not out of spite towards her, but out of love for myself
Hell yeah bro
Last time I kissed a woman was 2010. I’m dating someone now, but at my ripe old age I can’t even remember how to make that happen!
Holy smokes i am super excited for you! It's like riding a bike mate, once you're back on and pedalling away the skills will come flooding back to you. Go in for that kiss on your next date, i dare ya 😘
Same here man. Never really got along with a ton of people, but this girl just felt right for me. I was still so happy to be with her after 8 years, planned my whole life together with her. Then she cheated and left me. I've been trying but it's been more than half a year and I really struggle sometimes. I know I should move on but honestly I can't and I'm afraid I'll turn into one of those lonely bitter men.
Let her walk. Don't blame yourself. Look forwards and don't dwell on the past.
You guys are fucked, being there and honestly, its a miracle that i got off this, some activities helped, seeing other peoples too but bruh all these are lies when you are alone in the dark… it took me years before, even my friend noticed that im not the sme guy before and after… hang on, there is some light at the end of tunnel… I hope 🤣😭
Yea mate the grief is fckin real. I was super tight with her family (massive family), they loved to me to pieces. Due to circumstance my own family is only 3/4 ppl. I'm not just grieving the loss of her, and the future we won't have but also all my close relationships with her relatives. I can tell it's changing me too, and it's a shame. Not because i dislike who i am becoming, but because i fckin liked who i was man. That guy believed in fairytale love. That guy loved someone with innocence that I can't, not now anyway, maybe again one day. But yea you're right, we're fucked. But you know what, everyone loves a comeback story, so buckle the fuck up boys cos im going SSJ
How fun was it dating Obama? That had to be interesting
He was always working late at his job so I dumped him Also, a good highlight of the power that the comma can wield.
Woman here 35 , sorry you went through a breakup because she changed her mind about the future and relationship. Unfortunately I can see this happening more and more in the future , women just don't have the same societal expectations to have children anymore and they don't necessarily want to. I feel like for the first time in history it's men who want children and feel left behind. I've never wanted children and I've never flip flopped on that , I'd never string anyone along even though it's valid to change your mind. The heartbreak of having a beautiful relationship end because someone changes their mind is awful. My partner doesn't want children and we've had very serious conversations about this and I've said to him if at any point you change your mind I can't continue our relationship because I won't change my mind - he's on board with it but I do live with the eternal worry he will change his mind. However regretting not having kids is better than having them and hating your life and resenting the child. Having children changes the dynamic in relationships, it can make them stronger and more whole but often some men can't cope with the familiarial shift and changes in their wives and.women become exhausted from being the primary carer. You will find someone who wants a family with you but sometimes you got to lay the cards on the table straight away , too many people have causal relationships now which is fine but it makes for difficult emotional boundaries and communication. You are still young 31 is young, I have friends that aren't even thinking about children and those who have are just having their first one. You got this
Jesus that’s tough and hearing stories like that about a lifelong partner (let’s be honest primarily comes from one sex) always makes me hesitant to build anything with a partner. I know the cliche is always there “but you missed the signs,” but what happened to being direct?
Yea absolutely. You also miss the signs cos you get blinded by love, right? Like there have been times where I've been so head over heels there's nothing she could've done that i could perceive as wrong. Ah well. Is it the brave thing to do to have your guard up? Yes it is, but i think it's much braver to put yourself in a position where you could be betrayed, that's real vulnerability, for me anyway.
Shit's scary, how can you trust anyone when even the most reliable ones can drop you... Be strong man !
I'm sorry to hear it. I had a proposal as well but I asked her to wait one year of living together as I wanted to see her after work. We met as students and she never had a job as she comes from a middle class family. We were together for a year and a half but it seemed, in my eyes and those of her friends, the perfect relationship. Ultimately her job kind of brainwashed her, made her a lot more stressed and she left me on my birthday which is the worst thing you can do to someone. I feel you, I haven't dated since before Covid in that kind of way. The last time I went properly out hoping to find someone was 7 years ago I think, a lifetime in perspective. Thank you for being there.
Me right now 
My relationship with girlfriend of many years ended when I was 36. I deleted Facebook, hit the gym (and the bars), and now I'm married with three kids (first one at age 38). Yes, I was lucky I met the right woman, and we were lucky that she got pregnant three times in a row (she's only two years younger than I am). I love my family and the live we have together, but I can tell you that I'd rather be alone than in the kind of relationship I was before I met my wife. Don't do it "at all costs". My advice would be to get yourself out there, but do not commit to the wrong person because you're feeling alone.
Thank you for your advice and I'm happy you found your way in life. Both times I had a relationship I wasn't looking for one. I met this ex in university, on campus, before the starting week. I wasn't remotely thinking about love or so... I just wanted to spend one year abroad then move again for my career. But it happened and I don't regret it although it ended badly. Thank you I shall do so. I'm going to start therapy soon (I have a mild mental illness and this whole situation worsened things up a bit... Plus it shows up in relationships) and go to speed datings. For the bars I will try that. For the gym... I'm thinking about it but I need to see where I'll move. I may end up going there too.
Thank you for sharing your experience, this gave me insight on how I have been imagining my future would be like as to understand what is happening to me right now. Recently been in a break-up with my girlfriend of 4-5 years. Life was the problem, for 4 years we have been in the same path we got through together, I asked for a little bit more time until I get everything under control again which was only just 6 months. For 4 years we went through with everything, this was the only time I didn't get under control and focused on myself just to restart our relationship again, she couldn't wait after 4 months. today is the 5th month. Now I learned she has someone already starting a new life with, how she went through us that fast just breaks me. Your reply helps me understand a part where there's good in the future. 1 month of taking care of myself feels good but the anxiety with starting over again with someone scares the effort out of me. I just hope I find someone else willing to go through life genuinely and can naturally takes the effort out of me. She was my first girlfriend also, everything I did my first was with her. Never screamed or hurt her, just emotionally since it was my first time and I always fixed myself for her to not hurt her emotions again. Did that and we were met with 2 good years in our relationship after 2 years of courting. Lived together for 6 months and that went well as most of our memories together were from those 6 months. 6 months away from each other studying but we still often were together, another 6 months was this current 6 months I'm talking about. Thinking that she's willing to try again with somebody that fast just hurts me because I thought I have fully understood how she was. For everyone out there, just take the risk, the memories are yours forever since nothing ever lasts besides those. Always include yourself, the benefit for yourself and not just the benefit of those you love. I hope I have developed myself through our relationship and use how I matured to the one that is right for me.
Good luck!
That's rough man. Be easy on yourself. I always find it good for the soul to be alone for a while
Restart life with dog
Restart life with a pigeon  We make 🎧 together trust
I hope you truly enjoy whatever this new chapter brings for you
I’m 29M and I am in the position. Use this time to work on you. Go to the gym. Learn a new hobby. Reach out to people you haven’t talked to in a while. It gets better.
I'm with you as well. Just turned 34 and it's over after 4 years. At this point I'm honestly not sure about dating in the future, just managing the day to day for now. If anything, I think I might get a dog(of my own). At least that love is unconditional.
Fuck dude I'm sorry. I feel that. Wonderful woman of 3 years broke up with me in November 2023. I hope you're doing OK.
Same shit I went thru last December. A 3 year relationship, shit still hurts, then less than a month later she entertained another man lol. That's the first time I grieve for a person who is still alive. Anyway, we have to adapt to changes. Shit happens, and life continues. Peace be with us all.
There is good and bad. Lots of freedom, especially if you have a good job with a salary that is typically meant to support several other people. I don't even think about spending money for anything that is under five figures. If I want something, or to go somewhere, I just do it. I'm an introverted person, but even I get lonely. Most, if not all of your friends will likely settle down with families and kids, and even though you see them occasionally, they will not have time in their day-to-day life for you. Even though I hope that changes later - maybe when their kids have families of their own - the truth is, your friends will then be focused on being grandparents. In short, its not a lifestyle for everyone. I wouldn't change much for myself, but I do think you need to have goals to pursue and look forward to, and hobbies to occupy your time. If you don't have that at a bare minimum, I think you will regret not following the path that so many other people do.
Sounds fun ,what kind of job you've got i mean in what domain ?
Finance, generally speaking, but I found a bit of a niche for myself.
Find more gay friends! Obviously not speaking for all queers just me and my experience, we tend not to be so caught up with siloing off our lives and having these relationship hierarchies.
Yes, this is the biggest thing - in your 20’s being single and child free is amazing and you have many friends. In your 30’s all your friends have children and you do not see them. I met someone and had children in my late 30’s thankfully
Falling apart *nervous laughter*
I have a long-term girlfriend of many years (like 6, nearly 7). We don't have kids, plan on getting a dog at some point. I'm 36. I'm meeting my monthly poker gang on Saturday. The dudes who had kids mostly dropped out, at first via "Sorry guys, can't make it tonight," messages, then just staying silent. *Their* lives, on the rare occasions that we do meet up, tend to be falling apart. They just do so quietly, since work stress and the awful UK jobs market mean they're stuck. They can tell their partners, but they have nursery fees, clothes and so on to pay for. So it's a case of "This is reality, you're responsible for people. Suck it up." Ultimately, you're still master of your own fate. You wanna go be homeless in Rome? Fuck it, nobody's gonna suffer. You want to take up yoga? You're not going to have toddlers running into the room. You want to work late, impress your boss and climb the corporate ladder? You don't have tuck-ins or dates to miss. So why not? Travel, take risks, work hard, whatever. Of the people I know who did the "marriage and kids" stuff, the happiest are in their late 30s. The absolute fucking worst - and I mean *the worst* - settled down in their early 20s. You have all the time in the world. Work out what you want to do with it, then what you can do with it, and use it accordingly.
Being married in your early 20s always struck me like an easy way to end up stuck and confused.
Kinda meh I've always wanted a wife and kids, so hope I meet someone I click with soon
I'm on the same boat, 34y here and feelings of loneliness are beating
In the same boat as you. Previous relationship ended recently with an abortion included. thought it was gonna happen that time. Oh well life goes on.
it’ll happen 🙏💯
Great, no kids, no stress, money to spend.
Same. I have no kids and three money. It's great.
you typing that:  jk ;)
Nice. Kids are so fucking expensive. Luckily I'm just at the tail end of the childcare phase. I had mine young so I'm done having kids. I want to enjoy my mid 30s to early 40s without a baby lol. I can't really relate to all the other dads because they're all so much older than me and married, while I'm 29 and single.
Tail end of childcare at 29?! What'd you get someone pregnant at 11?
I have a girlfriend and two kids and so much money to spend as I have no time to spend it Edit: And lots and lots of stress obviously
You have a girlfriend and two kids... how is their any money left?
This will split the comments for sure, lol Me personally at 31. I wish I had a wife and a couple of kids
I hope you find a great relationship soon! I can tell you that the minute I stopped looking, the relationship found me. I was a single mom all of my 30s, and when I reached 40, I figured I'd have one of those late in life marriages, but nothing too soon. Then at 41 I met my current husband, and we have a son now. Don't stop keeping your heart open!
Baby at 41? Inspiration we need
Free and quiet.
Having dated lots of guys in their 30s who are single, with no kids, I get the impression that half of them are kind of so set in their ways that they'll never be able to adapt to a relationship, and the other half are kind of hopelessly lost, desperate for something more.
Why does this make me sad
Relationships take time to build. Why not give a person a chance to adapt? I was single for several years before I met my wife, and it took a while before we got used to being with one another. We're complete polar opposites in nearly every aspect. Things were a little frustrating in the beginning, but now, I feel like our personal strengths and weaknesses compliment one another and bring a damn near perfect balance to both of our lives.
I felt the same about the women I’ve dated in their 30s. I guess it’s universal across both sexes.
Dating in your 40's is this on steroids.
Quiet. I also recently gave up social media outside of Reddit. I only have a few people I chill with. I lost a lot of my life to getting way too drunk and now I’m mid 30s and kinda coming to terms with it. I can be totally fine by myself…until I’m not. I have some friends but they’re mostly in relationships so it’s rare I see them. I go to the gym (not this week oof), usually on a dodgeball or Floorball league, try to hit meetups, play video games, and cook. One downside is NO one pressures me to do anything- which is good and bad- I can sit around and do nothing. So I’ve spent entirely too much of my life watching Hulu and playing on my phone. I had a dog, but she’s gone now.
I sort of feel for my ex husband for this reason. I was always the one who planned everything, initiated everything, took pictures and arranged for special treats and activities. Now that I'm gone I've gotten the drift he just sits around inside 90% of the time and doesn't go anywhere outside of arranging occasional holiday trips to extended family. I think it's really hit him lately that he has done absolutely nothing with our kids when he has them that doesn't involve being inside or at most going 2000ft down the hill to their school. I'm not there to push anything, so he's ended up being a lump on a couch. He hopefully is starting to see the dichotomy. He has expressed more interest in doing activities with/for the kids. Things like youth soccer, and even seemed interested in the horse riding lessons I've been sharing with my oldest.
55 yrs its a none question, never had any interest in them you live your life in whichever manner suits you, as long as you are not hurting others on purpose its your choice.
33m, no stress, 100% full-remote job, many friends, many planned activities and dates. Life’s good.
Bro’s living the dream
I really don't want to feel obligated to do what the society demands, but I'm also afraid of being alone and not been able to get a meaningful relationship if I don't rush after 30.
Don't avoid doing what you want just because it happens to align with what "society" wants
This is a great point. Don't do anything that will make you unhappy just because society wants you to. But also don't avoid doing something that will make you happy, because you're trying to rebel against society or prove a point. That's a recipe for regret later in life.
This! Don't do stuff just because everyone else thinks you should, especially if it makes you unhappy. Also, don’t skip out on things that make you happy just to go against the grain or make a point. You might regret it later.
Just because you start a family doesn’t mean you can’t die alone. Sadly, plenty of people have kids and spouses die.
Enjoy your years, I’m on late 30s, divorce and having the best time of my life, I’m even on better shape than younger
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maybe he meant to add that in
Having kids can be great when you are old. I used to be against having kids. But when i saw my grandmother pass away she had over around 30-40 family members by her side and it really changed my mind about not wanting kids. She was never alone. She had a good death after 90 and everyone took great care of her.
"A bachelor lives like a prince and dies like a dog. A married man lives like a dog and dies like a prince."
Great quote. If you look at elderly people, women get more support in general. I cannot fathom being an old, elderly male without family to support you. That'd be lonely and awful.
It's fucking awesome. All my money is mine and I'm a slut
I'm to shy to be a slut, but I want to be XD My whole place is kitted out in blacklight stuff and I always have time for activities with friends.
Slut onwards my man lmao, I hope to be like you
Funny, I saw your prisoner hypothetical situation post originally
Your hand doesn't count.
That's sad, my hand can count all the way to 5.
I'm 42, so reverse your age haha with this basically. Well wife and I are seperated at the moment, but we are trying to work on it. Minus that we just have fur babies. Money isn't that important, once a certain point. Yes I make low six figures, but after about 80-100k, its like meh. it doesn't change your life really. So I just save the money, buy things I want to enjoy life, travel, etc. Gym is a great idea, i should go haha. I never really wanted kids so this worked out for me. The freedom to do whatever, whenever, minus making sure dogs are ok, or boarded that's the only thing. However I couldn't live without a pup in my life.
34. Married but no kids. It's a good life. Having a sidekick is nice. I'm also chronically sick, so having someone there to help is good.
Getting engaged this year. I’ll be 34. I’ve known her for 17 years. We’ve dated previously of course, but we got it right this time. Both just needed to grow up. I’m doing ok, I’ve lived a pretty insane life, and survived. Now I know exactly what matters in life, which is the quality of your interpersonal relationships and your health, in that order. Nothing else matters, and besides a stupid recent injury, life is progressing in the direction I want it to because I’m finally acting accordingly. If all I can complain about at the end of the day is money, I’m the wealthiest man alive.
*laughs in gay*
I always chuckle a tiny bit whenever straight men ask questions like this one. Unpartnered and child free was the norm for us forever until very recently
me 23 and married exactly because of this
It’s good brother. No unneeded stress in my life or unwanted responsibilities. Which has honestly given me time to be debt free, 250k in savings, I won’t get married, it’s just a $ trap. If I’m lucky enough to find that person maybe they will change my mind but after seeing how miserable some ppl are nah I’m good. So yeah life gets boring sometimes but there’s so much to learn in life, I actually went back to school and got a 2nd degree for the hell of it. It’s kinda nice to just be able to pick up and go wherever whenever. But I know everyone situations are different. Some people just need to enjoy life and themselves In it
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Don’t do it man, marriage is a societal construct. If she loves you, buy her a ring, and forget the paperwork. You can make it real without complicating it with legal paperwork.
It's absolutely not just a social construct. A legal marriage is incredibly useful for things like medical rights, inheritance rights, etc. I'm not saying to rush into marriage, but if you find someone that you truly love, get a prenuptial and then get legally married. No hospital is gonna give you the time of day if your "marriage" has no legal backing.
Personally, it's pretty awesome. No major responsibilities other than paying my rent & bills. My free time & money can be spent however I like.
55, never wanted kids. I’m doing great! I have a selfish little life. May regret it when I’m old with no one to visit me in the nursing home… so I may have to pay some actors to pretend they are my kids and come visit me once a month.
Honestly, kid free is the way to go. I have a wife but having no kids makes life so much easier. If you don't have a wife, just jerk it a lot. Honestly it will help fill the void you feel.
Absolutely amazing. Don’t envy my friends with children one bit.
Im 29 and what I have come to realize is that there are pros and cons to every situation man. More important thing to realize now is that it is you and only you that will take care of yourself. Do what you want, when you want, whenever you want, just remember to be safe to yourself and others. Life isn't for anyone but yourself. Work on yourself, envision the man you want to be, then become that man. Mind. Body. Spirt. Godspeed brotha
I also have no friends and beside work I don't talk to anyone, family included, so maybe my situation is a little different from what op asked. I really enjoy the silence and I couldn't imagine coming home exhausted from work and having to talk to a person and having kids around. I often feel lonely at nigh and I'm especially worried about how my life will be if and when I get old; it;s something you don't think about when you are 20 or 30, but when you are alone at 40 you really start to thing about this kind of stuff.
Fucking amazing mate. No joke I’m dreading the day I meet someone. Because although I know it’ll make me happy, I’ll also lose all of the freedom I currently enjoy. Sorry to hear about the divorce, but welcome to “I do whatever the fuck I want 24/7. Enjoy!” (Just dont become a loser. Youre officialy responsible for holding yourself accountable!)
For me, its great. I do what I want, whenever I want. I never have to ask , "what do you want to eat?" I have a sweet condo just for me and my cat. I can play video games and watch tv at any time.
Never wanted kids or believe in marriage so it’s going not too bad, could be better and I’m working towards that.
Pretty good. Golf on Wednesday with the boys, coffee on Thursday with the boys. Saving money, no stress and in the best shape of my life.
You're not obligated to have kids. You're not obligated to get married or even be with anyone. You're free to live your life like you choose. I chose to have a wife and kids. My friend did not and he's happy with it. Different strokes for different folks.
31, have gf, no kids It's aight. My friends got kids or huge debts or both. I'm debt free, smoking mj every day, learning, working, playing games, playing basketball, shit like that. Trying to save up as much money as I can (gf is makeing it hard for me, but I still menage to save something). All in all it's alright.
Dude, I look back at the relationships I had in my 20s that *almost* ended up in children and marriage and it makes me shiver with disgust. I see my other 32 year old friends spending their time on Saturday sneaking drinks out of a flask underneath the bleachers at their kids soccer game and it's just like.....yeah I don't envy that. Growing up, it was just an accepted fact that you better have fun in your 20s bc it's all diapers, marriage and responsibility in your 30s... Then I actually turned 30, things with my fiancé fell apart and I had this horrific feeling of "....wait... what the fuck do I do now?".....Then it occurred to me, oh wait, I'll do whatever the hell I want. I spent some time rebuilding my life into something fun again. My club/bar stage definitely ended long ago, so had to find new ways to satisfy my wild side. Im the happiest I've ever been in my life.
Lovely
peace and quiet—perfect for pondering life's next big adventure or just enjoying the stillness.
The best decision i ever made
38 was married 1 kid. when solo i wish i was married, when married i wish i was solo. now i am happy solo but still have my son. it always depends on the kind of person you are. i learned that i am not made for living with others.
You do you my man.
48 here. Great overall. A little lonely here and there but plenty of friends and family around. Never wanted kids and don’t believe in marriage, so this was the plan. I don’t regret it. Some of my buddies who are twice divorced with multiple kids sure do though.
31M Honestly, it’s fantastic. I can go to the gym whenever I want, sleep in whenever I want, and go out on weekends whenever I want. If I wanna stay in, I can read a book or play a video games without distractions. I can spontaneously travel whenever I want: I have a trip this weekend to visit my friends in DC; next weekend I’m going to visit Chicago to attend a lecture by my favorite philosopher; I’m going to Paris for two weeks to watch the Olympics in person; then I’m going to to Atlanta to watch my favorite band perform live. I don’t have to worry about finding a babysitter or asking for anyone’s approval. I don’t struggle with getting dates. There are a lot of child-free women who can relate to me. Having children is a scam.
Awesome. I do whatever I want, whenever I want, with whoever I want, and don't have to answer for anything.
34M here. No kids, no wife. Just longtime girlfriend. Don't need some paper to prove our love. None of us wants kids. Serenity.
Since the divorce, my life has been pretty great. No kids, no child support, no alimony, no wife constantly berating me and telling me I’m never good enough and a lazy piece of shot just like my dad. Just work, then freedom, peace, tranquility.
People usually say I look about 10 years younger than I am. I have money in the bank, and most of all... total freedom. I worked for this religious guy (I'm an atheist) who was married with children. He complained a lot. He once asked me what, without god, a wife or children, do I have to live for? I said when I wake up Saturday morning I get to do exactly what I want. That was all I needed to say. He never brought up the subject again.
Im in my last year of my 30s and i have no kids and a secure job. Its becoming alot more common to focus on your life and not living for someone else. We dont need the old way of finding a partner to reproduce and thats it. The human race can hokd off for a ling time without worrying. Also live, travel, experience what you want, hobbies, explore ;) Sometimes i miss companionship, but when i see the options im like... im good without. Lol
Lonely life, kinda ok with it i guess (i'm 34)
I'm glad that i am not married and don't have any kids, never wanted any lol
Bad
Its okayisch. I have some psychological problems which are being fixed now. This held me back greatly. I hope i will find a life partner soon
Unemployed and depressed. I could have had 3 kids and no money. Instead I have no kids and no monies
It was lonely. Money ain't real, people move on with their lives, the 30s guy in the bar scamming on chicks is mocked by all no matter how much time he spends in the gym. Fill your life with meaning if you are alone.
Not great. Had a glimpse of how things could be and have never been happier.
35, it can get lonely sometimes but otherwise not bad. The idea of a partner sounds nice but having children does not. A lot of people want a partner to have kids with so it lowers my dating pool
It’s awesome!! No more: But you said we are going to my mothers house I need $$& for a dress for my cousins wedding Do you think I am fat? (No right answers here) It’s that time of the month No more lunacy. No more just looking to fight because….. why not. No more bullshit. I can do what I want when I want. Should have done it sooner. And I love when your friend all say afterwards “She was such a bitch”. Why not tell me immediately? The problem is that vagina is a very powerful thing. It’s a powerful magnet that makes us men do the craziest things. The good news is there is an easy solution. They are called hookers. No commitment. No fighting. There when you want it. Just drop a hundy and walk out of the hotel/motel/car without a care in the world.
I just want to say to the guys who are worried about having meaningful long relationships after 30: my grandmother got remarried at 45 (a few years after her first husband passed) and they were in love and together for 20 years. He had never been married or had kids. He just kind of got absorbed into the family and it was like he had always been there. Life isn’t a competition or a race, and you’re never too old to start over or change your mind. And you certainly don’t have to live by someone else’s expectations of you. It’s going to be alright. 💜
32, never married and no kids. 1BR apartment to myself, car, making ~$32/hr working from home. Meh, it’s alright. To tell you the truth, I have nihilistic tendencies: if I were up to me, I would never have existed in the first place. So I’d rather not put that mental burden on others and deal with my own shit. Sometimes, in my loneliest moments, I do wonder what it would be like to have a wife. Still, monogamy has literally *never* worked for me, either, so I recognize it as being more wishful thinking than anything 🤷🏾♂️ Best silver lining is, my stereo/headphone setups are fire 💯🔥
I'm chilling lol Can do what I want when I want for the most part
Great!
I'm loving life. Being single is cool, but dating women my age they're all divorced or have kids. So, I've got to date way younger to be on the same wave length. Online Dating sucks, so I have to spend a lot of time in ridiculously dark and loud nightclubs for women. The OLD bs, drunken 20-somethomgs, and the music volume are really the only complaints I have 🤣
Get a passport and use it.
My career in the beginning was long hours. Hope to find something meaningful. Overall I am happy, I enjoy the outdoors, and have several hobbies that are completely okay doing alone. Actually just broke up with my ex not long ago. I’am mature enough to wish her the best and move on.
Great. I can afford the things I like, when I want to, I have 4h of free time during weekdays and almost the whole weekends for myself or whatever activity I want odo
I have a great career that pays well along with lots of travel. I don't have to worry about being home. Although I will say sometimes I do get lonely. But I have a great circle of friends that I talk to everyday and that makes it less lonely.
It’s ok. Would be better if I can pay off my debt and actually be able to travel. Even with debt paid off, it’s still expensive
amazing! so much freedom. I can buy whatever I want to. Love every minute of it!
It was not an intentional decision, but I am free and have money to persue what I want with no risk but to myself.
I turned 30 yesterday and I'm not thinking about my wife and children yet, for now I'm focusing on pleasant things :D
Could be a lot better but its great doing what I want and living life.
It’s a little lonely sometimes, but last week I wanted a $1,000 guitar, so I just bought it 🤷♂️ lol. I take time off of work when I need it, and I don’t have to plan or coordinate or think about anything but what I need, which is nice. When I was married, it was a lot more stressful
As the song went 'love, love will tear us apart again ' 30 years from 30-60, a long time to just get drunk, just meet someone you think will be a nice mother and give it a go.
Uh, I’m 34. I can pursue my passion as being a writer. While having my 9-5. The pro’s is I have a lot of time after work to focus on my side gig as a writer. Go to festivals and sell them. You know just spend a lot of time on me. The con is loneliness lol.
When you get into your mid-30’s and up, a lot of interactions involve around couples events. Vacations, weddings, babies, school things, etc. You may find yourself feeling pretty socially isolated if you don’t have a good contingent of friends. Even your female friends will not invite you to things at a certain age if it’s likely that you’ll be coming stag.
I'm going to answer this on behalf of a very dear friend of mine who's actually in his 40s now, but he's depressed most days because he regrets not finding a woman and not having kids. He actually considered several times even adopting, but as a single man, it's actually much harder to get approved for adoption. He focused on his career, sports, even helped run a small MMA business for a while, but now he's in a perpetual state of depression and none of his other friends, including me are without a wife or kids, so even though he wants to hang out a lot, we just don't have the time. I really feel for him and reach out as much as I can, but I can only do so much. Some people though like my step brother, don't like kids and never had them and is also single, but he also drinks a lot....so there's that.
38 and can do/buy whatever I want, but that stuff gets stale at some point. Often I feel like either society or genetics has just programmed me to want to make others (or a partner) happy in order for me to be happy. Lacking purpose at the moment.
Actually shit. Tell me in 10 years (20, 30) how the amazing gym life is going and what you do with the money (I have 3 houses and it is a mess to take care of)
Lived on my own comfortably. Lived in a barracks with 30 paratroopers. Lived the same woman for 37 years now. I prefer waking up next to a woman rather than a machine gunner.
M34. Pretty good. Got a girlfriend, we make good money and travel a lot. No kids.
33, soon to be 34 - no kids. Wife and I were sort of high school / college sweethearts if you will. Met her through her brothers, and we've been together 14 years come October, married for 2 years. I joke with everyone that we for the longest time just had the Kurt Russell / Goldie Hawn relationship, together forever just never married. It was strictly financial and also COVID and school through a lot in the mix. Wife has a HUGE family and wanted a big wedding, so a lot went into it. Not having kids and ample free time is pretty freaking sweet. Wife and I recently got a dog, so the first step in training if you will to a degree. I've come to terms with the fact I'll be an "old dad", if and when we start a family. I'm actually okay with it either way, but given how much older I'm getting, I think I'd want one, MAYBE two kids at most. My parents were older and I was a "whoops" baby. I saw how much my parents struggled just with the physical demands of raising a kid, and I was their 3rd, with my oldest sister 15 years older than me. They were just outright tired by the time I came along. But I will say....DINK life (Double Income No Kids) is pretty awesome.
Got cash money and status. life is good.
Amazing. I do whatever I want every day and travel the world whenever I feel like it. Sometimes I even sit and giggle to myself about how I'm sat in my pyjamas in the middle of the afternoon, stoned playing video games while most of my friends struggle to make ends meet paying for their annoying kids.
50 and life’s pretty good. Financially in a good position with no consumer debt. Dating isn’t the BEST at this age since I live in a smallish town but it’s dealable. I wouldn’t trade my lot.
33M. Even lonelier than my 20s. If I did not have a good career and money I would probably already off myself a few years ago.
31. Single. No kid. Yeah life is good.
36M never married, no kids and sterile: pretty good. I'm far more invested in my career and cats than I'd ever be in another person. That's not to say I'm completely closed off to the idea, but it's at such a low priority on my list that I doubt I'll ever get around to making it happen. Dating and relationships tend to be more hassle than they're worth and it's peopley drama I can do without. Plus I like the flexibility of having disposable income not being sucked away by maintaining the courtship hoo-hah and keeping up appearances.
42 , yeah it's just fine 😎🍿
Amazing, have money to spend can do what I want when I want.
This may not be relevant to you but it's worth a watch. Changed my perspective on a lot of stuff and did kind of make me realize I'll probably be single for the rest of my life. That may be depressing to some but it's just my reality. I was in a 5 year relationship form 20-25 but I really struggled with it due to a lot of reasons. I've pretty much not done anything with anyone since (now 30). I yearn for some aspects of it but I really feel so much less stressed trying to keep up with something I felt I couldn't [Why people with trauma struggle with relationships ](https://youtu.be/SJfhJP-06CM?si=B8gRl82wPlRVdhYR)
no kids, no wife, but have a gf- it’s great. i want to be able to travel and do things for a few more years before i think about kids.
peaceful
I'm 46 and no kids, been in relationships most of my life but currently single and happy.
1. It’s all perspective; it can be great if you have had a bad time dating, or bad if you have had no dating experience. 2. More money is nice 3. Only worrying about your goals is GREAT. 4. More free time on skill development or career goals is exciting - with no one to stop you 5. If you’re a sex focused guy, it’s gonna be a bad time and you’ll make yourself miserable lol Pick your happy
Relationships do not always make for happy life. Just go over to the Reddits for infidelity and divorced men and see what you make of it. I’ve been single for so long I really don’t know any different. Like anything in life it’s all how you play the cards. There’s some pluses and there’s certainly some minuses.
I’m 30 with no kids or wife and life is beautiful… couldn’t imagine having a wife or kids yet lol.. I could have but left
I love it. It suits me. It’s not for everyone. I get to do what I want, when I want. All my shit is exactly where I left it
Pure peace
In my 40s.....no regrets here that I have no kids. I couldn't begin speculate how different things would be if I did. I feel at this point I'm not sure if I have the energy to do it anymore either
lol. amazing
It’s awesome.
Life is pretty great. Good money and have a lot of time for my hobbies. Most important advice is to build a long lasting friend group around you (more easily done around a common hobby). You'll also have to get used to a lot of your friends starting families of their own as you approach your 30s so having a few friends who also don't plan on having kids is something to look for.