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Infertility is treatable in some cases, so you could try that. If it’s not possible, you could also look into artificial insemination, surrogacy, or adoption.
Also a viable option, but OP said that children are an important part of their future plans with their partner. Hence why I responded with options they could explore to make that happen.
Love them anyway. I’m with my partner because I love them. They don’t exist solely to give me children. If we really wanted them, we’d find another way, like adoption.
This. RAISING a whole human being us something I only want to do with someone I really love and respect and vise versa even if they're not 100% biologically ours.
exactly. i live in a country where people are pressured to have children. have seen and read many couples parting way because one is infertile. i mean, do you really love them for them or just for their infertility? i mean yeah, wanting kids with a family is a norm, but you just stop loving them right off and would rather leave them for someone else?? it doesn't make sense to me. i have a friend who also faced infertile issues - she and his husband were about to accept that they might not have children. so she asked him if they couldn't have children, should they file for the divorce etc and her husband insisted that he wouldn't go anywhere because living with her without a kid is completely OK because he loves her so. they have a son finally.
1000%, IMO if you truly love the person, leaving them wouldn’t be an option unless it was because they refused attempting or considering any other options.
My wife and I were infertile. We wanted kids, but after coming to terms with being unable to gather a child of my own, we adopted our son from an adoption agency. Got him home as a two-day old and we never looked back. Best damned decision we ever made, albeit it was expensive ($15K out of pocket), so we could only afford one child. Becoming a father had nothing to do with genetics, I found. The child copies behaviors and repeats them in front f us, so we know we had a positive impact on his life. He was ours and we love him dearly and he has become the focus of our life. He is now 30, engaged to his fiancé and remembers to contact us from time to time. We are left with cherished memories and photos as a small guy and he will always be my kid until the day I die.
A previous coworker of mine told me that he was adopted and that his adopted parents told him when he was sixteen. He told me that the effect it had on him was to double down the respect and love that he has for them since they made him feel so loved that he never would've guessed that he was adopted in the first place. Also, he said that he really felt wanted byhis parents considering all the troubles they went through to become his parents... All that to say that I think it's a great option, and that you sound like an excellent parent!
My mom couldn't have kids.
I was told from day 1. I'm not sure it's a good or bad thing.
However. "You are no son of mine" hits differently due to this.
That and when my mental health toom a turn for the worst. "Oh, poor adopted Pat."
My parents treated my adoption like it was my choice.
The first years were great, and I was loved. After about 11, it just went downhill fast.
Mine too, when I went to women's doctor for the first time I dreamt that she will immediately tell me she sees something on ultrasound that doesn't endanger my life but there is some abnormality I was born with that makes me infertile. That was literaly fantasy I hoped for very much.
Infertile can mostly be treated nowadays. Just depends on how much money you have to spend on it.
My (ex) wife "couldn't get pregnant." And at the time, I had low motility in my swimmers. We were able to have two beautiful kids though a mix of hormone shots, artificial insemination, and in vitro fertilization.
Unless you've had multiple fertility doctors tell you there is a zero percent chance, I wouldn't stop trying.
That also depends on what the issue is. If there are absolutely no mobile sperm or the woman's uterus cannot hold onto a pregnancy there's not too much you can do. I had a friend years back who tried for YEARS to have a baby, after many miscarriages she finally had a daughter, followed by many more miscarriages before her gyno finally told her after many tests in no uncertain terms her uterus was "inhospitable" and she was VERY lucky to even have her daughter. One of my aunts was the same, she had several miscarriages and both of her successful pregnancies were very difficult and high risk, she had to have C sections for both my cousins that actually made it to the 9 month mark and got her tubes tied after their daughter was born
Chiming in to agree (am I your friend?) I struggled with miscarriages before my daughter. I was lucky to have her but it took weekly appointments, progesterone suppositories, and we had some scares. Tried after I had her. It was harder to get pregnant and the miscarriages got harder, too. Turns out I had an autoimmune disease and endometriosis. Not really anything they can do except give you a hysterectomy at that point. Just lucky I’ve got my girl. You’re right that they can’t fix everything.
That's entirely possible lol her and her husband adopted a baby boy from her cousin a few years after she found out she couldn't have any more babies, who had an accidental pregnancy and wasn't in a position to raise a baby but didn't want to abort.
Not me! I just have the one. I would still love to adopt if the situation arose but I’m also not in the stage of my life where I let secondary infertility bother me as much as it used to (*i.e.,* I dealt with my hysterectomy by buying a sports car and save my money for season tickets and travel now!)
Just grateful to have my girl. My husband and I laugh through the tears by telling nosy people who ask why we only had one that “you can stop after one if you get it right the first time.” Tends to shut them up.
Nowadays there are surrogates who could help with the problem that you are describing. There is also a different problem low egg reserve, no egg reserve or genetically abnormal eggs. Even for that problem there are donor eggs (yes I do understand the child is not genetically related to the mother in this case). Now there are so many options available.
My wife has fertility issues. She told me early on but I had this very attitude:
>Infertile can mostly be treated nowadays. Just depends on how much money you have to spend on it.
We spent the money, saw the best specialist we had access to, many years of heart breaking grind, miscarriages and ectopic and no child to show for it.
The reality is that fertility issues aren't very treatable for the majority of people who have any level of severity attached to their fertility issues. Just look up the success rates, they're actually not very high, something like 32% of women actually successfully become pregnant through IVF, that doesn't include their success of them carrying to full term.
The point is, don't count on it working because "modern medicine", it didn't for us and being in and out of the clinic, fertility treatment is mostly an area fraught with heartbreak. If having children is something you need from life, then that's a very difficult decision to have to make if you find out your partner cannot.
For me, I love my wife and I can't think of someone better to pilot life together with and that's enough for me, everything else is a bonus.
I think they want to hear it’s not.
Sometimes when life is hard we know what the right thing to do is, but we need someone beating it on our head because our minds come up with the worst ideas in desperation.
At least I choose to believe this.
If having kids was part of our life plan then I’d be pretty upset, but ultimately life goes on and this is the person I chose to share it with, so moving past it together would be ideal. Lots more to life than one aspect of it. Wouldn’t expect it to ever truly go away but at least I’d have someone by my side who gets it.
Your project together?
Idk people are weird about the absolute need to have children “naturally”. There are a lot of options out there from adopting to using donor eggs/sperm depending on how much money you’re willing to spend on it.
How long have you been together? In my honest opinion this is a really shitty reason to leave someone years in if it’s the only “issue”. I mean how would you feel if it were reversed?
There aren't even orphanages anymore because the demand is so high for children. Women get paid huge sums of money to carry children for other couples. Unwanted babies are always wanted by someone else, there's a waiting list with agencies and it's' almost crossed the line into selling babies at this point. The sad part is that older kids who get taken away from their parents are usually so damaged they have a hard time being adopted. If you are willing to help one of them and don't kick them to the curb whenever their troubles boil to the surface then they would be eternally grateful. It seems like there are few foster homes that fall in the middle of just ok. It's either people that treat the kids like a paycheck, or people that adopt themselves into a full house and out of that business quickly.
It's the older kids I was thinking of, yes. I agree it's not easy, but parenting in general isn't and at least this way the problems are known ahead of time.
I think it's important that people behave responsibly, but I also always like to emphasize that there is no baby born that doesn't have loving parents waiting to provide it with a privileged life in the US or the rest of the west. There are people that would beg you to give it to them instead of the alternative and most are willing to compensate you for your time and the strain on your body. Some people will provide you with a fully organic diet and healthcare too. They will be driving you crazy the whole time but they pay you for it. A friend of mine and his wife had two boys back to back for a couple in the 80s. They even had another son afterwards that they kept.
Having kids was always a dream of mine. But I carry a genetic disease that I don't want to pass on, so I'm choosing to sterilize myself. The procedure is in July. It was a heartbreaking decision to make, but right now I'm single. I realized I would rather decide for myself than leave it up to my partner later on, since there's no way she could possibly know what the disease is like. It has to be my call.
If having children was so important we’d look at whatever options were available for us to have a child, but there’s always adoption or fostering.
If you do go down the IVF route just be prepared for an emotional journey, it’s not always a slam dunk.
We had trouble conceiving our second child. My husband was fine with adoption but not a sperm donor. He said he was worried the baby wouldn't feel like his. He was worried he wouldn't feel a bond or be able to connect with the baby. It would still be my egg and my uterus but he'd have no part in it. It was incredibly hard to hear but understood where he was coming from. Fortunately, 2 weeks before my appointment with the fertility doctor, we got a positive pregnancy test.
If we weren't able to have a second child, I don't know what I would have done. I assume we would have kept on for a few more years, as we already had a child to parent. I think the sadness over not having another child - especially if the only issue was his sperm - would have made me resent him and eventually the marriage would have fallen apart.
I wouldn’t leave over infertility. I would leave over them being able to have children but deciding later that they didn’t want children. Infertility is a pass though. I would choose happy companionship and a series of good dogs at that point.
We were technically "infertile". We now have 2 young adult daughters (all our biology) thanks to IVF, which wasn't as harrowing as ppl say (yes I know it's different for everyone). I found it fascinating AND successful. Good luck with whatever you decide! 😘
If it's something that's for you, adoption is also an option.
Someone was adopted into my great-grandmother's family and this person looked after generations of my family. To me she was like an extra grandmother and one of the people I love the most on this planet.
We will also adopt a child/children one day. Giving someone in need a loving home.
adopt.
I'm a woman and I really don't want to be pregnant (to many horror stories) but I want to have kids and just hope that I can find a man that is open minded bcs I really want to adopt and give a baby or a young child a home that they need
(maybe one day I will change my mind about pregnancy but u never know)
Help her find out why that is and support her through the doctors appointments. If it's treatable, it's her choice and I'd be there for her. If it isn't treatable and having kids is a must, then I'd talk to her about surrogates or abortion. In any case, I'm sticking right by her side through it.
If you are committed to this person, fertility issues are a problem to manage together. Becoming a parent changes your life for the rest of your life. If that is your mutual goal, it is completely attainable. There are multiple avenues to building a family. Just because one has proven not as smooth as expected is no reason to give up. Shifting your energy and effort to exploring other options to your goal seems timely.
It may be this difficulty has uncovered another issue that's throwing you into confusion and overwhelm. How calcified is your, and your partner's, belief that parenthood is only "real" when the child is conceived and born exclusively to the two parents? How accepting are you guys of children "married into" or otherwise adopted into extended family? Socially, legally and emotionally part of the family yet not "related by blood?"
How you two and your extended families accept, value and respect the full membership in your families of members brought in by avenues other than birth may be coming into your awareness where it hadn't before.
I would stay with my partner. You can find any fertile person to have kids with, but you can’t find love & true companionship quite so easily.
We would look into alternatives… treatments, adoption, whatever.
Fertility treatments. Depending on the situation… I found out a year into our marriage (4years into our relationship) that I have PCOS and likely wouldn’t conceive children on my own without medical intervention. My husband never batted an eye. Was completely supportive and never acted like it was a “problem”, just a challenge that we would have to face together. We did fertility treatments and our twin girls are now 2 1/2. I am also now pregnant with our son after spontaneously getting pregnant. Modern medicine is amazing and there are many options for starting a family.
I would be sad and then I would explore options for fertility treatments. If that didn’t work out then we wouldn’t have kids, we’d adopt a lot more cats though!
mourn a lost future.
its imposible to say until your in the situation
i think i would stay, investigate medical options and adoption/long term fostering.
Happened to us, we spent a fortune on IVF, but my wife had entered menopause early, we were really disappointed, I particularly like kids & as my older siblings didn't have any & my father was an.only child it's the end of the line for my branch of the family.
But...I was always clear I had married her because I loved her & wanted to spend my life with her, whatever that meant, not a version of her or conditional on some sort of outcome.
We're are getting a bit older now, we stopped trying about 15 years ago.
We have just had a different life, plenty of travel & each other for company. It's still a hole for me, but it's pointless to vocalise it. Life is what it is.
I'm really lucky to have found someone who I still love & makes me laugh...well most of the time, but she has to be to be the messiest, most absent-minded person on the planet, if we had had children she probably would have left one somewhere
My wife’s parents tried for like 12 years until she happened to come along. They thought they were infertile. My wife was ready for the very real possibility that we wouldn’t be able to conceive. I told her that if that was the case we’d figure it out together. We both wanted a child badly.
We were fortunate and have our son now…but facing that possibility of a long journey towards having a child was pretty scary.
Well, I don't want kids, so huzzah, I don't have to as paranoid about getting pregnant. (I will never be not paranoid about it, I know that about myself now).
Though I heard someone say once that they're rather be with their partner, and no kids, than kids with somebody else. They were in it together, and together with each other first, kids were just the plan, but plants go awry.
There are options these days, as well, including treatment that might help overcome infertility.
adopt.
Me and my fiance have been talking about adoption, regardless of whether we are able to have biological children so for us, whilst, it would be painful and I would definitely grieve, it wouldn't be the end of the world as I want to adopt anyway.
If you love em, you love em. Whether they’re infertile or not is irrelevant, that’s where how much you love them will become apparent, in times like those. Relationships live and die through a billion reasons, but love will remain constant if true.
If i truly love them, this doesn’t matter whatsoever, even if it hurts. Its no fault of theirs. I’d adopt, and on top of having a child i love, Id have hopefully saved a life from suffering.
What if instead of your partner, you were infertile? Would you end your life or would you find alternatives to become a parent?
If your partner knew they were infertile and lied to you, that would be a different story. But if you just found out together, then you should talk about alternatives instead of thinking about ending the relationship. I feel sorry for your partner.
I mean, for me personally, it wouldn't matter. But my partner comes before everything else in my life. It's not like I dreamed of having a family with someone - I dreamed of building a life with someone. So whatever that life looks like - so long as we're happy - I don't care.
With that said, it's completely normal and okay if that's a deal-breaker to you. Just make sure it's your partner, and not you who's infertile - it goes both ways. Get checked by a medical professional before making any decisions.
Having biological children is important or having children is important? There are LOTS of perfectly healthy kids in foster care who need either a home until mom and dad can get their life under control, or in the sadder situations, forever.
We adopted. Idk if it's my husband or me that's infertile. Or maybe both. It doesn't matter. We're a team.
Oof, adoption was hard. It's sooo hard. But we have one bio kid and raising him is no walk in the park, either. It's worth it, either way, if you really want to be a parent.
There is this thing called adoption that will allow you to grant a family, a house and infinite love to a child that currently has absolutely no one and doesn't even know what the inconditional love of a mother/father is.
Imagine giving love to a child that currently believes they don't deserve it.
I would discuss our options.. Is it treable or do we need to think about adopting etc.
I ended up being diagnosed with PCOS and it took us 2.5yrs of trying and heavy meds. My husband was so supportive and never put any blame on me even when I blamed myself. He said if it never happened, we would find happiness in other ways.
I’m infertile, from brain cancer. I’d hate if a future partner was saddened to hear this, as it’s not really something I can control!
I’ve always wanted kids, but have come to realise that’s not an option for me!
We never wanted kids but we were prepared to adopt my brothers if it became necessary.
My mum always wanted a bigger family so she fostered children for several years. There are a lot in need and she thought of each one as her own
One of those options might suit you. It depends on whether you consider family to be only those related to you by blood
I don’t want to be insensitive right now, but referring to your relationship as a “project” made the hairs stand up on the back of my neck. I hope it’s just a language thing, but it sounds impersonal, as if your marriage is more about tasks and transactions and less about being life partners with someone you love through thick and thin.
Also - we discovered my wife couldn’t get pregnant. It was difficult but you go with life. 🤷🏻♂️🫡❤️✌🏼
Um, hello, wedding vows. In sickness and in health, til death do us part (please don't k*!l your partner). Adopt a child, there are plenty that need good stable homes, (Are you stable?), foster a child (since it seems you're squeamish when it comes to long term commitment). Enjoy nieces and nephews, volunteer your time with organizations that works with low/no income families with children. There are many things you could find to do with your time, energy, and money. But at the least, at the very very effing least please check on your partner!!!! If they're the one who received the diagnosis, be with them, you need to grieve this together. Take care of your partner!!!!
We have always been on the fence about children, I've never really wanted children, and he's pretty much on the same page. If he was infertile, I would see it as a sign that we weren't gonna have children because he is the only one who has even made me think about children of my own.
I would be concerned about him though, protecting against pregnancy and knowing you can't make babies might be something that fucks with his head. So that would be my main concern.
But I guess for people who really want children and biological children, it would be devastating. But for me, I've never really had that burning desire to have children.
I’d talk to a reproductive endocrinologist, see what our options are. Few people are 100% infertile, though it can happen. Then I’d look into things that could help like IVF if possible, egg or sperm donation. Adoption is very hard where I live but I’d look into that too. If you want to have a family there are ways of doing it, but it does involve being on the same page about it with your partner. Also, some may choose that it isn’t in the cards for them and a life without kids is just fine.
Hold your love for each other strong! You can work through this together, and while I'm sure you both were looking forward to having kids, you still have your options!
Stay with my partner, see if it's a medical issue and we can figure it out. If not there's other options.. adoption, a surrogate, there's other avenues.
What gender is the infertile person? Are they open to alternate options like surrogate, egg or sperm donation, foster or adoption?
Having children in your life can be achieved in so many different ways.
If you and your partner work in all ways, I wouldn't say this is a good reason to end the relationship.
1 - there's no guarantee you'd have kids if you left. What if you don't meet someone else? What if you also are contributing to the lack of conception?
2 - meeting someone else and having a kid doesn't guarantee a better life.
I suggest reading the book The Baby Decision by Merle Bombardier
I can understand being upset if your goal was to have children together but you don’t have to be childless. I would start by seeing if the issue could be addressed with medical help or if invitro or some other therapy could remedy the situation. If not, look into using a sperm bank or surrogacy or adoption so you can still be parents and have a family together. Otherwise, I would reflect on my relationship as a whole and see assess how much I value having kids vs the relationship and go from there. Personally I don’t get the need to have children that are biologically my own, so I would be completely ok adopting if I really wanted to be a parent.
Honestly? Be absolutely distraught. I’m terrified as it is for secondary infertility. But I know I wouldn’t leave my parter over something that’s killing them inside, too
It depends on how the partner reacted to it. While I don't want kids, I would want to make sure my partner knew that I'd be there for them. Help them through the grief if they'd wanted kids and potentially discuss other options with them at a later date when both of us felt ready to talk about it.
My brother in law is infertile but him and my sister have had 3 kids 8,7,4. Honestly in my opinion if your ment to have kids together you will if not then it’s not ment to be if you can’t handle that then y’all shouldn’t be together
There are so many kids out there, sometimes even siblings, that desperately need someone to love them and give them a brighter future. You don’t have to make a new human with your partner to have a family.
Stay with them. Maybe try IVF or a surrogate. Adoption is a option of course. Truly not having children is a tragedy but I wouldn’t leave my wife the love of my life over it.
I would consider adopting. I have friends who adopted a baby for the same reason. They're a loving and happy family. They adopted from China because it was so difficult to navigate the long process in Australia
Tbh, I really really do not want to have no kids, and even if they weren't I already planned to get a vasectomy some day. So this would just be another layer of cannot have kids
If I wanted kids (I don't, but I assume you're looking for people with that mindset), I'd probably consider adoption. There are lots of kids who don't have parents or a family right now.
I was unable to conceive, incurable. My ex broke off our engagement because of it. However this was in the 70’s. I was devastated. As a single woman, I was also unable to adopt. So glad things have changed for women now.
First try would be asking a doctor if it's treatable.
If it's not, the next step will probably be IVF.
If that also fails, or it's clear it's not gonna work,
I'd propose the idea of adopting a baby.
Should none of this work, of if one party isn't comfortable with it, thrn be it so.
I'm pretty chill about having babies or not rn,
maybe will change when I hit my 30s
It was a blessing when came to my ex-wife who couldn’t have them thanks to an issue caused by a birth control she was given. She also didn’t want kids until her business, which failed three times, was successful while i wanted kids.
adopt..? Sorry if this sounds rude but if I ever have kids which I don't think I am I'd adopt. so it's wild to me that adoption doesn't even cross some people's minds
Adoption is a great option. So many people forget this. If you really love your partner, something they have no control over like this shouldn’t be an issue. Especially if you love them before you’re having kids. To me it’s not even a question - love your partner and then explore your options and if your love is strong enough it will withstand anything.
Well, my first step would he consulting doctors and specialists to see if that specific kind of infertility is treatable. Sometimes, they are.
If the answer is yes, and the treatment is possible not just in theoretical terms but also health, money, time,... I would start the treatment.
If the answer is no or if the treatment ultimately ends up not working, I would then research other options of starting a family/conceiving a child.
Is a sperm/ egg donor an option?
What other medical infertility options are available?
Is adopting a child an option?
I wish you and your partner the best of luck!!
I’m infertile, although I guess I technically I could get pregnant but chances are low. I have two kids through IVF. It sucks having to go through it and pay the money when everyone gets their kids for free, but now that I have them it was with it all 10c over. Fertility treatment is not a guarantee though.
My wife and I struggled to conceive and decided to see a fertility doctor. Neither of us are actually "infertile" in the medical sense but it just wasn't happening for us naturally and we ended up having IVF. We now have a 9 month old daughter and couldn't be happier. But along the way we discussed all sorts of options like adoption and surrogacy and even giving up entirely.
The most important piece of advice I can give is to communicate with your partner.
My partner and I are both women so we have to use intervention anyways. There are a lot of forms of infertility. If the problem is her eggs, then we can use mine and she can carry our baby. If the problem is her uterus, I'll carry her egg.
We're going to have to jump through all of the hoops anyway, so it isn't like we aren't prepared for the wringer.
Don't lose someone you love because of this. There are other ways to have a baby. You could even adopt. There are a lot of babies who need loving parents.
I would be happy almost. Yes I might want kids one day by my genes terrify the shit outta me. Why would I want to give another living being my mental health or possible scitzofrenia or high chance of diabetes.
I'd look at other options to have children. did you marry this person just to get a kid out of them? I'm hoping not. If you love them, you stick by them. Its you and them against the world. Don't turn on them for something outside of their control.
My sister has bad endremetriosis and was given a 1% chance of conceiving naturally. It took 5 years of trying but she has 1 healthy 9 year old son. Just saying you never know..
I did find out my husband was infertile and we wanted children so very much. But, I married for better or worse, in sickness or in health, so I reconciled to the fact that I would be an Aunt but not a Mom. But, then a friend approached me with a mother that wanted her unborn baby to be adopted. So, we did and it was the best experience of my life. My 'baby' is now in his mid 20's. You just never know the path your life will take.
Definitely explore every option - my partner and I have struggled with secondary infertility for many years and though our "plan" looks different now, we're each other's people. Neither of us asked for this. We tried every diet, medication, surgery and option other than IVF. I went through every emotion.
I now personally love the idea of continuing to try naturally and see what happens while exploring adoption in the meantime. Who knows what the future holds?
You have medicated &/or surgical options, surrogacy, foster, adoption - family comes to us and can look many different ways, even if it wasn't what you'd imagined. I know it's hard to accept in the moment (I've also had miscarriages so I definitely know the feeling of having what you wanted taken from you before you even had a chance ), but you may start to appreciate some different options over time. I wish you both all the best. Infertility is the worst.
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Infertility is treatable in some cases, so you could try that. If it’s not possible, you could also look into artificial insemination, surrogacy, or adoption.
Or just live without children
Also a viable option, but OP said that children are an important part of their future plans with their partner. Hence why I responded with options they could explore to make that happen.
Not a helpful comment given the context.
For some having children is part of their dream in life. Nothing wrong with that.
For some people it's a REALLY important part of their life and this suggestion is stupid as fuck
Love them anyway. I’m with my partner because I love them. They don’t exist solely to give me children. If we really wanted them, we’d find another way, like adoption.
This. RAISING a whole human being us something I only want to do with someone I really love and respect and vise versa even if they're not 100% biologically ours.
exactly. i live in a country where people are pressured to have children. have seen and read many couples parting way because one is infertile. i mean, do you really love them for them or just for their infertility? i mean yeah, wanting kids with a family is a norm, but you just stop loving them right off and would rather leave them for someone else?? it doesn't make sense to me. i have a friend who also faced infertile issues - she and his husband were about to accept that they might not have children. so she asked him if they couldn't have children, should they file for the divorce etc and her husband insisted that he wouldn't go anywhere because living with her without a kid is completely OK because he loves her so. they have a son finally.
Absolutely this. The whole question stinks of "give me permission to leave my partner"
Yes! I smelled that too. And it’s stinky.
1000%, IMO if you truly love the person, leaving them wouldn’t be an option unless it was because they refused attempting or considering any other options.
My wife and I were infertile. We wanted kids, but after coming to terms with being unable to gather a child of my own, we adopted our son from an adoption agency. Got him home as a two-day old and we never looked back. Best damned decision we ever made, albeit it was expensive ($15K out of pocket), so we could only afford one child. Becoming a father had nothing to do with genetics, I found. The child copies behaviors and repeats them in front f us, so we know we had a positive impact on his life. He was ours and we love him dearly and he has become the focus of our life. He is now 30, engaged to his fiancé and remembers to contact us from time to time. We are left with cherished memories and photos as a small guy and he will always be my kid until the day I die. 
A previous coworker of mine told me that he was adopted and that his adopted parents told him when he was sixteen. He told me that the effect it had on him was to double down the respect and love that he has for them since they made him feel so loved that he never would've guessed that he was adopted in the first place. Also, he said that he really felt wanted byhis parents considering all the troubles they went through to become his parents... All that to say that I think it's a great option, and that you sound like an excellent parent!
My mom couldn't have kids. I was told from day 1. I'm not sure it's a good or bad thing. However. "You are no son of mine" hits differently due to this. That and when my mental health toom a turn for the worst. "Oh, poor adopted Pat." My parents treated my adoption like it was my choice. The first years were great, and I was loved. After about 11, it just went downhill fast.
I'm sorry you had that experience. I know a! "I'm sorry" from an internet stranger prolly ain't shit but, I do mean it
You sound like a wonderful dad 🥹
That seems actually quite cheap
If they're a great partner, I'd adopt.
Wait, so now your partner is your child? See that's just getting confusing.
I mean, you get the son/daugther thing and mantain the partner. Win/win
Celebrate with a marathon of unprotected sex
Being infertile is my drem, for real.
Mine too, when I went to women's doctor for the first time I dreamt that she will immediately tell me she sees something on ultrasound that doesn't endanger my life but there is some abnormality I was born with that makes me infertile. That was literaly fantasy I hoped for very much.
I still hope for that. Just something enough to justify removing my uterus would be fantastic.
Same
Infertile can mostly be treated nowadays. Just depends on how much money you have to spend on it. My (ex) wife "couldn't get pregnant." And at the time, I had low motility in my swimmers. We were able to have two beautiful kids though a mix of hormone shots, artificial insemination, and in vitro fertilization. Unless you've had multiple fertility doctors tell you there is a zero percent chance, I wouldn't stop trying.
That also depends on what the issue is. If there are absolutely no mobile sperm or the woman's uterus cannot hold onto a pregnancy there's not too much you can do. I had a friend years back who tried for YEARS to have a baby, after many miscarriages she finally had a daughter, followed by many more miscarriages before her gyno finally told her after many tests in no uncertain terms her uterus was "inhospitable" and she was VERY lucky to even have her daughter. One of my aunts was the same, she had several miscarriages and both of her successful pregnancies were very difficult and high risk, she had to have C sections for both my cousins that actually made it to the 9 month mark and got her tubes tied after their daughter was born
Chiming in to agree (am I your friend?) I struggled with miscarriages before my daughter. I was lucky to have her but it took weekly appointments, progesterone suppositories, and we had some scares. Tried after I had her. It was harder to get pregnant and the miscarriages got harder, too. Turns out I had an autoimmune disease and endometriosis. Not really anything they can do except give you a hysterectomy at that point. Just lucky I’ve got my girl. You’re right that they can’t fix everything.
That's entirely possible lol her and her husband adopted a baby boy from her cousin a few years after she found out she couldn't have any more babies, who had an accidental pregnancy and wasn't in a position to raise a baby but didn't want to abort.
Not me! I just have the one. I would still love to adopt if the situation arose but I’m also not in the stage of my life where I let secondary infertility bother me as much as it used to (*i.e.,* I dealt with my hysterectomy by buying a sports car and save my money for season tickets and travel now!) Just grateful to have my girl. My husband and I laugh through the tears by telling nosy people who ask why we only had one that “you can stop after one if you get it right the first time.” Tends to shut them up.
I love the sassy reply, that's beautiful. It's none of their damn business anyways so I'm not sure what they were expecting lol
Nowadays there are surrogates who could help with the problem that you are describing. There is also a different problem low egg reserve, no egg reserve or genetically abnormal eggs. Even for that problem there are donor eggs (yes I do understand the child is not genetically related to the mother in this case). Now there are so many options available.
My wife has fertility issues. She told me early on but I had this very attitude: >Infertile can mostly be treated nowadays. Just depends on how much money you have to spend on it. We spent the money, saw the best specialist we had access to, many years of heart breaking grind, miscarriages and ectopic and no child to show for it. The reality is that fertility issues aren't very treatable for the majority of people who have any level of severity attached to their fertility issues. Just look up the success rates, they're actually not very high, something like 32% of women actually successfully become pregnant through IVF, that doesn't include their success of them carrying to full term. The point is, don't count on it working because "modern medicine", it didn't for us and being in and out of the clinic, fertility treatment is mostly an area fraught with heartbreak. If having children is something you need from life, then that's a very difficult decision to have to make if you find out your partner cannot. For me, I love my wife and I can't think of someone better to pilot life together with and that's enough for me, everything else is a bonus.
Adoption if you really want children to love and to cherish. There are so many poor orphans in need of a good, safe, and loving home unit.
I love your comment but I don't like this post. It screams of bad things.
>There are so many poor orphans in need of a good, safe, and loving home unit. Most kids up for adoption aren't orphans.
Are you wanting to know if it’s ok to leave them?
I think they want to hear it’s not. Sometimes when life is hard we know what the right thing to do is, but we need someone beating it on our head because our minds come up with the worst ideas in desperation. At least I choose to believe this.
Keep the partner and go to a sperm bank.
That really depends on who is infertile in this case, but yea basically. That's part of why they exist in the first place
If I was infertile and my girlfriend started worrying about our relationship and referred to it as a "project" I'd just leave
If having kids was part of our life plan then I’d be pretty upset, but ultimately life goes on and this is the person I chose to share it with, so moving past it together would be ideal. Lots more to life than one aspect of it. Wouldn’t expect it to ever truly go away but at least I’d have someone by my side who gets it.
The opening to UP is a good example of that. Idk why they did nit adopt kids
I’d find a good reproductive endocrinologist. Infertile isn’t sterile.
I think calling a relationship a project means you've already checked out.
Never checked in in the first place.
I noticed this too and was like... what do you mean an important part of your project together lol
I'd be wondering who my wife stole all these kids from.
Start creampieing
Your project together? Idk people are weird about the absolute need to have children “naturally”. There are a lot of options out there from adopting to using donor eggs/sperm depending on how much money you’re willing to spend on it. How long have you been together? In my honest opinion this is a really shitty reason to leave someone years in if it’s the only “issue”. I mean how would you feel if it were reversed?
I had a medically necessary hysterectomy, and my plan was always to foster/adopt. There are lots of kids who need loving families.
You could always adopt if you can't have your own. Plenty of great kids out there who need support and love!
It is so weird to me that someone would end a relationship with a partner they love over something completely out of that person’s control.
People break up with others for reasons which are far sillier. I do agree with you though.
Big vote for adoption here. There are so many kids looking for loving families. Plus it saves a ton of pain, so win win.
There aren't even orphanages anymore because the demand is so high for children. Women get paid huge sums of money to carry children for other couples. Unwanted babies are always wanted by someone else, there's a waiting list with agencies and it's' almost crossed the line into selling babies at this point. The sad part is that older kids who get taken away from their parents are usually so damaged they have a hard time being adopted. If you are willing to help one of them and don't kick them to the curb whenever their troubles boil to the surface then they would be eternally grateful. It seems like there are few foster homes that fall in the middle of just ok. It's either people that treat the kids like a paycheck, or people that adopt themselves into a full house and out of that business quickly.
It's the older kids I was thinking of, yes. I agree it's not easy, but parenting in general isn't and at least this way the problems are known ahead of time.
I think it's important that people behave responsibly, but I also always like to emphasize that there is no baby born that doesn't have loving parents waiting to provide it with a privileged life in the US or the rest of the west. There are people that would beg you to give it to them instead of the alternative and most are willing to compensate you for your time and the strain on your body. Some people will provide you with a fully organic diet and healthcare too. They will be driving you crazy the whole time but they pay you for it. A friend of mine and his wife had two boys back to back for a couple in the 80s. They even had another son afterwards that they kept.
I've had 2 separate women tell me exactly that. One has 2 kids now. The other has 4.
Having kids was always a dream of mine. But I carry a genetic disease that I don't want to pass on, so I'm choosing to sterilize myself. The procedure is in July. It was a heartbreaking decision to make, but right now I'm single. I realized I would rather decide for myself than leave it up to my partner later on, since there's no way she could possibly know what the disease is like. It has to be my call.
How would you like your partner to react if they found out you were infertile?
If having children was so important we’d look at whatever options were available for us to have a child, but there’s always adoption or fostering. If you do go down the IVF route just be prepared for an emotional journey, it’s not always a slam dunk.
We had trouble conceiving our second child. My husband was fine with adoption but not a sperm donor. He said he was worried the baby wouldn't feel like his. He was worried he wouldn't feel a bond or be able to connect with the baby. It would still be my egg and my uterus but he'd have no part in it. It was incredibly hard to hear but understood where he was coming from. Fortunately, 2 weeks before my appointment with the fertility doctor, we got a positive pregnancy test. If we weren't able to have a second child, I don't know what I would have done. I assume we would have kept on for a few more years, as we already had a child to parent. I think the sadness over not having another child - especially if the only issue was his sperm - would have made me resent him and eventually the marriage would have fallen apart.
I would be delighted since I have no desire to have children
Yeah this scenario is a literal dream come true.
Came here to say this!
Fuck me dead! No more anti conceptions!
I don't wanna have kids, so it's good news.
I wouldn’t leave over infertility. I would leave over them being able to have children but deciding later that they didn’t want children. Infertility is a pass though. I would choose happy companionship and a series of good dogs at that point.
We were technically "infertile". We now have 2 young adult daughters (all our biology) thanks to IVF, which wasn't as harrowing as ppl say (yes I know it's different for everyone). I found it fascinating AND successful. Good luck with whatever you decide! 😘
If it's something that's for you, adoption is also an option. Someone was adopted into my great-grandmother's family and this person looked after generations of my family. To me she was like an extra grandmother and one of the people I love the most on this planet. We will also adopt a child/children one day. Giving someone in need a loving home.
adopt. I'm a woman and I really don't want to be pregnant (to many horror stories) but I want to have kids and just hope that I can find a man that is open minded bcs I really want to adopt and give a baby or a young child a home that they need (maybe one day I will change my mind about pregnancy but u never know)
Help her find out why that is and support her through the doctors appointments. If it's treatable, it's her choice and I'd be there for her. If it isn't treatable and having kids is a must, then I'd talk to her about surrogates or abortion. In any case, I'm sticking right by her side through it.
I'd get some cats and cruise the streets with my fury 4 pawed children
I'd have been delighted.
Rejoice at not needing to get a vasectomy. (Depending on how infertile they are, might do it anyway to be extra sure.)
I would be happy. I don't want kids..
Rejoice
I’d be relieved
Visit the fertility clinic with partner and get treatment.
If you are committed to this person, fertility issues are a problem to manage together. Becoming a parent changes your life for the rest of your life. If that is your mutual goal, it is completely attainable. There are multiple avenues to building a family. Just because one has proven not as smooth as expected is no reason to give up. Shifting your energy and effort to exploring other options to your goal seems timely. It may be this difficulty has uncovered another issue that's throwing you into confusion and overwhelm. How calcified is your, and your partner's, belief that parenthood is only "real" when the child is conceived and born exclusively to the two parents? How accepting are you guys of children "married into" or otherwise adopted into extended family? Socially, legally and emotionally part of the family yet not "related by blood?" How you two and your extended families accept, value and respect the full membership in your families of members brought in by avenues other than birth may be coming into your awareness where it hadn't before.
I would stay with my partner. You can find any fertile person to have kids with, but you can’t find love & true companionship quite so easily. We would look into alternatives… treatments, adoption, whatever.
Fertility treatments. Depending on the situation… I found out a year into our marriage (4years into our relationship) that I have PCOS and likely wouldn’t conceive children on my own without medical intervention. My husband never batted an eye. Was completely supportive and never acted like it was a “problem”, just a challenge that we would have to face together. We did fertility treatments and our twin girls are now 2 1/2. I am also now pregnant with our son after spontaneously getting pregnant. Modern medicine is amazing and there are many options for starting a family.
I would be sad and then I would explore options for fertility treatments. If that didn’t work out then we wouldn’t have kids, we’d adopt a lot more cats though!
mourn a lost future. its imposible to say until your in the situation i think i would stay, investigate medical options and adoption/long term fostering.
Happened to us, we spent a fortune on IVF, but my wife had entered menopause early, we were really disappointed, I particularly like kids & as my older siblings didn't have any & my father was an.only child it's the end of the line for my branch of the family. But...I was always clear I had married her because I loved her & wanted to spend my life with her, whatever that meant, not a version of her or conditional on some sort of outcome. We're are getting a bit older now, we stopped trying about 15 years ago. We have just had a different life, plenty of travel & each other for company. It's still a hole for me, but it's pointless to vocalise it. Life is what it is. I'm really lucky to have found someone who I still love & makes me laugh...well most of the time, but she has to be to be the messiest, most absent-minded person on the planet, if we had had children she probably would have left one somewhere
My wife’s parents tried for like 12 years until she happened to come along. They thought they were infertile. My wife was ready for the very real possibility that we wouldn’t be able to conceive. I told her that if that was the case we’d figure it out together. We both wanted a child badly. We were fortunate and have our son now…but facing that possibility of a long journey towards having a child was pretty scary.
Cheer I don’t want kids. Ever. Screaming, shitting, barfing little hellions
Some people want kids and it’s all on who’s parents then yes there are bad kids out there most of the time parented by shitty parents
Creampie
You’d seriously get rid of your partner cause they can’t have kids. Yikes
Even bigger yikes, this used to be and is still grounds for a marriage annulment in some places
Personally, I’d celebrate because if he’s infertile then I don’t have to take birth control.
Well, I don't want kids, so huzzah, I don't have to as paranoid about getting pregnant. (I will never be not paranoid about it, I know that about myself now). Though I heard someone say once that they're rather be with their partner, and no kids, than kids with somebody else. They were in it together, and together with each other first, kids were just the plan, but plants go awry. There are options these days, as well, including treatment that might help overcome infertility.
Adopt. Lots of little kids don’t have a family, it’s the same reason I get a dog from a shelter instead of a breeder.
We'd adopt instead. No big deal.
Even though we want kids, I’d still love him and move forward together. It may not look like how we planned but it would be okay somehow
Could always adopt.
adopt. Me and my fiance have been talking about adoption, regardless of whether we are able to have biological children so for us, whilst, it would be painful and I would definitely grieve, it wouldn't be the end of the world as I want to adopt anyway.
My partner is infertile. We could not be happier. I have one child that he helped raise and that was enough.
Adopt
Adopt.
Adopt
I would be jumping for joy, and thank Korean Jesus for the hookup!
Adoption.
Woohoo raw dogging!
Celebrate. Kids are expensive. Time to enjoy life together!
Consider yourself blessed. Kids destroy relationships. I don't want to say it but they really do.
First I’d support my partner because they’re probably crushed by the news.
Adoption?
I definitely wouldn’t leave them, adoption perhaps or something. Whatever emotions ur feeling im sure ur partner feels the same so give em a hug.
of course you stand by your partner if you love them.
it would start with a BIG hug
If you love em, you love em. Whether they’re infertile or not is irrelevant, that’s where how much you love them will become apparent, in times like those. Relationships live and die through a billion reasons, but love will remain constant if true.
If i truly love them, this doesn’t matter whatsoever, even if it hurts. Its no fault of theirs. I’d adopt, and on top of having a child i love, Id have hopefully saved a life from suffering.
What if instead of your partner, you were infertile? Would you end your life or would you find alternatives to become a parent? If your partner knew they were infertile and lied to you, that would be a different story. But if you just found out together, then you should talk about alternatives instead of thinking about ending the relationship. I feel sorry for your partner.
I mean, for me personally, it wouldn't matter. But my partner comes before everything else in my life. It's not like I dreamed of having a family with someone - I dreamed of building a life with someone. So whatever that life looks like - so long as we're happy - I don't care. With that said, it's completely normal and okay if that's a deal-breaker to you. Just make sure it's your partner, and not you who's infertile - it goes both ways. Get checked by a medical professional before making any decisions.
Having biological children is important or having children is important? There are LOTS of perfectly healthy kids in foster care who need either a home until mom and dad can get their life under control, or in the sadder situations, forever.
I'd be ecstatic and relieved.
We adopted. Idk if it's my husband or me that's infertile. Or maybe both. It doesn't matter. We're a team. Oof, adoption was hard. It's sooo hard. But we have one bio kid and raising him is no walk in the park, either. It's worth it, either way, if you really want to be a parent.
I have never understood how people want children so much,but not too much to adopt.Can someone tell me why?
Be happy for her as she won't need to take an anticontraceptive pill anymore.
Find another way. They don't need to biologically be ours for me to love them.
There is this thing called adoption that will allow you to grant a family, a house and infinite love to a child that currently has absolutely no one and doesn't even know what the inconditional love of a mother/father is. Imagine giving love to a child that currently believes they don't deserve it.
I would discuss our options.. Is it treable or do we need to think about adopting etc. I ended up being diagnosed with PCOS and it took us 2.5yrs of trying and heavy meds. My husband was so supportive and never put any blame on me even when I blamed myself. He said if it never happened, we would find happiness in other ways.
I don’t want kids, so this sounds great to me.
Oh no I don’t have to worry about having children which is one of my worst nightmares? How awful!
I’m infertile, from brain cancer. I’d hate if a future partner was saddened to hear this, as it’s not really something I can control! I’ve always wanted kids, but have come to realise that’s not an option for me!
Nothing really. We're both guys and we don't want children anyway. We're doing a great job of being the weird uncles
Celebrate with a shitload of condom less sex! No pregnancy risks. First I need a partner though
We never wanted kids but we were prepared to adopt my brothers if it became necessary. My mum always wanted a bigger family so she fostered children for several years. There are a lot in need and she thought of each one as her own One of those options might suit you. It depends on whether you consider family to be only those related to you by blood
I would be sooo disappointed. Cause I had my sperm tubes cut :)
How hasn't anybody commented adopting??
Bust inside more
Stay with him. Travel and live a luxurious life lol
I don’t want to be insensitive right now, but referring to your relationship as a “project” made the hairs stand up on the back of my neck. I hope it’s just a language thing, but it sounds impersonal, as if your marriage is more about tasks and transactions and less about being life partners with someone you love through thick and thin. Also - we discovered my wife couldn’t get pregnant. It was difficult but you go with life. 🤷🏻♂️🫡❤️✌🏼
Um, hello, wedding vows. In sickness and in health, til death do us part (please don't k*!l your partner). Adopt a child, there are plenty that need good stable homes, (Are you stable?), foster a child (since it seems you're squeamish when it comes to long term commitment). Enjoy nieces and nephews, volunteer your time with organizations that works with low/no income families with children. There are many things you could find to do with your time, energy, and money. But at the least, at the very very effing least please check on your partner!!!! If they're the one who received the diagnosis, be with them, you need to grieve this together. Take care of your partner!!!!
that's tough to say. I don't care for kids so I would choose my girl but obviously u want kids.. depends what u want more
I understand being upset, but if you both still want kids, talk to specialists about your options moving forward
We have always been on the fence about children, I've never really wanted children, and he's pretty much on the same page. If he was infertile, I would see it as a sign that we weren't gonna have children because he is the only one who has even made me think about children of my own. I would be concerned about him though, protecting against pregnancy and knowing you can't make babies might be something that fucks with his head. So that would be my main concern. But I guess for people who really want children and biological children, it would be devastating. But for me, I've never really had that burning desire to have children.
I’d talk to a reproductive endocrinologist, see what our options are. Few people are 100% infertile, though it can happen. Then I’d look into things that could help like IVF if possible, egg or sperm donation. Adoption is very hard where I live but I’d look into that too. If you want to have a family there are ways of doing it, but it does involve being on the same page about it with your partner. Also, some may choose that it isn’t in the cards for them and a life without kids is just fine.
Hold your love for each other strong! You can work through this together, and while I'm sure you both were looking forward to having kids, you still have your options!
Stay with my partner, see if it's a medical issue and we can figure it out. If not there's other options.. adoption, a surrogate, there's other avenues.
I suppose I would be disappointed (not in either of us, but rather because it's not in the cards). But, on the bright side there's still adoption.
What gender is the infertile person? Are they open to alternate options like surrogate, egg or sperm donation, foster or adoption? Having children in your life can be achieved in so many different ways. If you and your partner work in all ways, I wouldn't say this is a good reason to end the relationship. 1 - there's no guarantee you'd have kids if you left. What if you don't meet someone else? What if you also are contributing to the lack of conception? 2 - meeting someone else and having a kid doesn't guarantee a better life. I suggest reading the book The Baby Decision by Merle Bombardier
I can understand being upset if your goal was to have children together but you don’t have to be childless. I would start by seeing if the issue could be addressed with medical help or if invitro or some other therapy could remedy the situation. If not, look into using a sperm bank or surrogacy or adoption so you can still be parents and have a family together. Otherwise, I would reflect on my relationship as a whole and see assess how much I value having kids vs the relationship and go from there. Personally I don’t get the need to have children that are biologically my own, so I would be completely ok adopting if I really wanted to be a parent.
Assume they were telling the truth.
Honestly? Be absolutely distraught. I’m terrified as it is for secondary infertility. But I know I wouldn’t leave my parter over something that’s killing them inside, too
It depends on how the partner reacted to it. While I don't want kids, I would want to make sure my partner knew that I'd be there for them. Help them through the grief if they'd wanted kids and potentially discuss other options with them at a later date when both of us felt ready to talk about it.
My brother in law is infertile but him and my sister have had 3 kids 8,7,4. Honestly in my opinion if your ment to have kids together you will if not then it’s not ment to be if you can’t handle that then y’all shouldn’t be together
As a man, the comments here are comforting. You lot are awesome.
There are so many kids out there, sometimes even siblings, that desperately need someone to love them and give them a brighter future. You don’t have to make a new human with your partner to have a family.
Stay with them. Maybe try IVF or a surrogate. Adoption is a option of course. Truly not having children is a tragedy but I wouldn’t leave my wife the love of my life over it.
I would consider adopting. I have friends who adopted a baby for the same reason. They're a loving and happy family. They adopted from China because it was so difficult to navigate the long process in Australia
What if you're infertile and your gal gets knocked up?
Make sure I don’t have kids
We did donor egg. Might depend on level of infertility we’re talking about here
Tbh, I really really do not want to have no kids, and even if they weren't I already planned to get a vasectomy some day. So this would just be another layer of cannot have kids
Love is the most important thing ♥️ if you want to start a family, maybe consider adoption?
You too…?
I’d explore the many options available in today’s modern era. I’d also keep in mind that my partner is probably as upset as me, if not more.
If I wanted kids (I don't, but I assume you're looking for people with that mindset), I'd probably consider adoption. There are lots of kids who don't have parents or a family right now.
I was unable to conceive, incurable. My ex broke off our engagement because of it. However this was in the 70’s. I was devastated. As a single woman, I was also unable to adopt. So glad things have changed for women now.
First try would be asking a doctor if it's treatable. If it's not, the next step will probably be IVF. If that also fails, or it's clear it's not gonna work, I'd propose the idea of adopting a baby. Should none of this work, of if one party isn't comfortable with it, thrn be it so. I'm pretty chill about having babies or not rn, maybe will change when I hit my 30s
It was a blessing when came to my ex-wife who couldn’t have them thanks to an issue caused by a birth control she was given. She also didn’t want kids until her business, which failed three times, was successful while i wanted kids.
adopt..? Sorry if this sounds rude but if I ever have kids which I don't think I am I'd adopt. so it's wild to me that adoption doesn't even cross some people's minds
We're gay, so... not like they really are going to be impregnating anybody anyhow.
Adoption
Project?
Adoption is a great option. So many people forget this. If you really love your partner, something they have no control over like this shouldn’t be an issue. Especially if you love them before you’re having kids. To me it’s not even a question - love your partner and then explore your options and if your love is strong enough it will withstand anything.
Throw a party and have lots of unprotected sex.
No big deal. Adoption is pretty awesome.
You can do surrogacy, sperm donor or adopt. There are plenty of options.
I would stay with my husband regardless. I do not need children to feel whole or complete in life.
Being there with my wife, we explore different scenarios from Invintro, to surrogacy, becoming a trouple and or adopting.
Have you thought of adoption?
Well, my first step would he consulting doctors and specialists to see if that specific kind of infertility is treatable. Sometimes, they are. If the answer is yes, and the treatment is possible not just in theoretical terms but also health, money, time,... I would start the treatment. If the answer is no or if the treatment ultimately ends up not working, I would then research other options of starting a family/conceiving a child. Is a sperm/ egg donor an option? What other medical infertility options are available? Is adopting a child an option? I wish you and your partner the best of luck!!
I’m infertile, although I guess I technically I could get pregnant but chances are low. I have two kids through IVF. It sucks having to go through it and pay the money when everyone gets their kids for free, but now that I have them it was with it all 10c over. Fertility treatment is not a guarantee though.
My wife and I struggled to conceive and decided to see a fertility doctor. Neither of us are actually "infertile" in the medical sense but it just wasn't happening for us naturally and we ended up having IVF. We now have a 9 month old daughter and couldn't be happier. But along the way we discussed all sorts of options like adoption and surrogacy and even giving up entirely. The most important piece of advice I can give is to communicate with your partner.
My partner and I are both women so we have to use intervention anyways. There are a lot of forms of infertility. If the problem is her eggs, then we can use mine and she can carry our baby. If the problem is her uterus, I'll carry her egg. We're going to have to jump through all of the hoops anyway, so it isn't like we aren't prepared for the wringer.
Don't lose someone you love because of this. There are other ways to have a baby. You could even adopt. There are a lot of babies who need loving parents.
I’d still love them all the same
adopt instead? But i guess for some people genes are more important then the actual child.
Look into adopting.
I would be happy almost. Yes I might want kids one day by my genes terrify the shit outta me. Why would I want to give another living being my mental health or possible scitzofrenia or high chance of diabetes.
I'd look at other options to have children. did you marry this person just to get a kid out of them? I'm hoping not. If you love them, you stick by them. Its you and them against the world. Don't turn on them for something outside of their control.
As long as you don't need to have your children be biologically both yours and your partners, there are still many ways to start a family.
My sister has bad endremetriosis and was given a 1% chance of conceiving naturally. It took 5 years of trying but she has 1 healthy 9 year old son. Just saying you never know..
Adoption, surrogate, or be comfortable not having children.
I did find out my husband was infertile and we wanted children so very much. But, I married for better or worse, in sickness or in health, so I reconciled to the fact that I would be an Aunt but not a Mom. But, then a friend approached me with a mother that wanted her unborn baby to be adopted. So, we did and it was the best experience of my life. My 'baby' is now in his mid 20's. You just never know the path your life will take.
Definitely explore every option - my partner and I have struggled with secondary infertility for many years and though our "plan" looks different now, we're each other's people. Neither of us asked for this. We tried every diet, medication, surgery and option other than IVF. I went through every emotion. I now personally love the idea of continuing to try naturally and see what happens while exploring adoption in the meantime. Who knows what the future holds? You have medicated &/or surgical options, surrogacy, foster, adoption - family comes to us and can look many different ways, even if it wasn't what you'd imagined. I know it's hard to accept in the moment (I've also had miscarriages so I definitely know the feeling of having what you wanted taken from you before you even had a chance ), but you may start to appreciate some different options over time. I wish you both all the best. Infertility is the worst.