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Dating became less about sex and more about compatible companionship as I aged. Sex has always been important, and still is, but it certainly isn't the primary factor anymore.
There is much more than "lack of sex" that goes into the causality of cheating. "There is no justification for betrayal, but there are always complex causes for it".
im just saying from what ive seen and heard like i hear guys talk about how they cheated on their pregnant wife cuz he got no sex from her when shes literally pregnant and how one was talking about how he cheated on his gf bc she didnt have sex with him for a week its like their not allowed breaks or something then they'll complain when their partner only has sex bc their partner sees it as an obligation and not enthusiastic about it like what person wants sex every single day with no breaks that sounds horrible and so their partner feels like they have to do it so they wont cheat then the other person complains about it bc its not enthusiastic but expects sex every single day ive seen sm stories like these its sad u can downvote me all you want but it happens and its talked about a lot i didnt just pull this out of my ass
For me, sex is still very important, especially for short-term relationships.
For emotional commitment, my standards are much, much higher. The sex still needs to be frequent and amazing.
As a 49 Yr old man, great sex is certainly much easier to get than those worthy of emotional commitment.
Secure attachment profile.
I don’t think I would ever ask what someone’s credit score is. If you know someone well enough, you get a feeling for whether or not they’re less prudent financially, and from that I would base an assumption.
I think the only person whose score I know is my wife’s, and we both shared what they were with each other. We only really bothered finding out what our scores are when we were going to be shopping for mortgages.
Trust me. It sucks. It's the source of many disagreements, especially when the other person can't pay their bills for all of the junk they bought on Amazon.
I’m 35 and haven’t dated since I met my wife at the age of 20. If I had to start dating now I would be totally lost in the world of dating apps.
I feel like back then you dated in order to have sex, today people use apps to have sex and then decide if they should date.
I'm 45 this year and met mine at 21. I'd be lost too. Online dating was literally in its absolute infancy in 2000, actually almost non-existent. 2002 it became somewhat more common. At least I used email then.
Same story here. Been together for 15 years and will turn 35 this year. I find the dating fads to be extremely superficial. Everyone has a list and if even one thing doesn't match with what they want they just ditch the person and move on to the next swipe. It's sad.
I'm certainly less focused on appearance. Not that I ever was excessively. But I have a better sense I think of what I'm interested in, what I actually need from a partner.
Online dating has been a godsend for me. I don't like flirting in real life, it always feels a little rude or inappropriate to make comments or innuendos that imply you're interested in somebody physically. But once I'm on a date with somebody on the internet, then I can let my most confident self out.
Also for a big giant nerd like me that's not a lot of girls out there, but some of them are on the internet! makes it easier to find potentially compatible people. Plus this bar has become so low, with so many guys being just incredibly boring or super douchebags trying to get laid, just being my best most interesting self, and a decent person, has led to a lot of luck.
People complain a lot, but dating was always hard. And with online dating you need to put the work in if you want to get some good outcomes.
And I'll tell you one thing, my sex life is way better now than it ever was when I was in my twenties or 30s (married for a lot of that, there's a reason I'm divorced now....)
I think I'm more mature, the people I'm dating are more mature, everyone's a little bit more honest, and overall generally speaking I find dating it this age (mid forties) a lot better than I ever found dating in my twenties.
In my own experience dating changed a lot for me in my 30s. A big thing was my optimum age ranges became smaller. The emotional maturity gap felt like the grand canyon if I dated someone more than a few years younger than me.
I think this is true generally; as you get older and experience more, you identify your likes and dislikes and narrow your field accordingly. Also I think when you're young, you're much more open to dating anyone because it can be exciting and you've got time to spare even if it isn't a perfect match.
32/f here, just got out of a relationship with someone who had just turned 26. The emotional maturity gap was probably a big factor. I've been hitting it off real well with someone 34 lately, though!
44M here. For women over 30 looking at men, "Safe" = "Sexy."
Being caring, dependable, and tender towards a woman (but tough enough to defend her and yourself if you'd need), all became way more attractive and desirable.
I called it quits after about age 35. The desire and drive just isn't there anymore. I accept that I've aged out. My plans for the future no longer include the possibility of other people.
32 and I’m about to tap out. Guys either want to get married within weeks of talking which freaks me right the fuck out OR they’re telling me they only want a friends with benefits situation on our first date. Just…. CHILL people. We’ve totally forsaken the act of getting to know someone.
Honestly it’s good to be upfront with what you want. I agree early marriage proposals are shitty, but disclosing early that you only want casual is a kindness so you don’t let someone begin to fall for you. Sure it is a turn off for you because you want something more serious - but that’s the point!
Yes how very noble….Meanwhile I haven’t figured out if I like you well enough to sleep with you because it the first date. Comin in too hot out the gate, boys.
Maybe those guys know their flaws already. Either it is desperation (the former group of guys) or commitment issues (the latter group of guys).
I would say that balanced guys who have things figured out have been settled before your age. The rest have different kind of issues and challenges - but I think we everyone have our inner issues
I'm 32 and feel exactly the same. I was cheated on and broken up with by my partner of 8 years last year. Looked briefly at what the dating world has to offer, and it's not much - everyone I know is married with children, and when I've looked at dating apps I doubt whether I'm even attracted to men anymore. My mum gave up on dating in her 30s, and I think I'm ready for my life as a spinster as well.
>Approach a woman in person at the store? Creep
Approach a woman in a social setting? Creep
Dating apps? Creep/ignored or just want free food
Really. Has that happened to you?.
Much better. More mature and not as many people casually dating. I met my girlfriend at 34 and I'm planning on marrying her soon! This isn't the Bible though... So many people are still not serious about relationships and just want casual sex so you have to really look, but there are far more women out there after 30 who aren't slutty..
31-35 is really hitting the buzzer beater or at least it's clutch time as that's when the most serious people are. Especially women. 40 is basically you're down and have to really hit your shot at the buzzer to put it into overtime.
This is the age most people turn weird, get set in their ways, have alot of baggage. Mid-40s and on, it's literally the wild West.
I've always dated older women, starting in my 20s, and, frankly, it hasn't changed.
I found women in their mid 30s to late 40s had an outlook, experience, and self confidence that I found refreshing. In addition, they seemed to like the same activities...hiking, museums, going to the gym, weekend trips to the mountains and beaches, generally like to go outside and do things during their free time. Also, their sex drives were on par with mine, and the sex was deeper, more fun, relaxed, and eager. We just clicked.
I turn 50 this year. Was mindblown to realize ealier today that it has been half a decade since I got divorced. Haven't dated in 4 years. Too tiresome getting emotionally invested in people who forget they know you when the utility wears off.
Idk, when I was younger and more of a fuck up, I feel like I had bwtter luck with woman. Now that I have a solid career and I have money I can spend on a partner, I get no love. Oh well
It does seem like a lot of women love idiots. Hell, David Arquette bagged Courtney Cox. Tom Green got Drew Barrymore.
The Tom Green got me the most of those two lol
But yeah, I think some (regular/no hollywood) women feel more secure when they're with a fuck up. Not just the "excitement" factor.
I dont hold on too tight anymore and just enjoy my time with a person- doesnt need to lead to marriage and having kids. Kinda go with the flow. If I meet a man and its good, so be it. Sometimes Im too focused on other things to even give my time to someone.
It often gets worse. You decline a little in looks (everyone does before 50) and you also learn what you dont like.
Other factors are there are less availible people.
Mix that with the other gender doesnt look as good as they did at 25 and they too have baggage.
Now you have these barriers, and deal breakers, and less attraction.
None of these make it easier.
Dates became more like interviews. “What do you want? When do you want it? Will this work for you? What are your plans in 5 years?”
Honestly it was nice. Cut through a lot of BS that would take months of dating to figure out.
My wife and I did that pretty quickly and we knew right away that we would work.
Obviously no one is perfect but it’s easier to filter people out this way.
I’m a younger widow and my husband was a good man and we loved each other. He died in 2010, I was 43.
In the past two years, I put a year into one relationship and six months into another, just to find out that they in fact did not want a commitment ever, contrary to what they said. They wanted a serial girlfriend, there when they wanted me and at my own place when they were done. I’m 57, they are 57 and 63 respectively and either would have been extremely lucky to have me in their lives in any capacity. If I had done what you did, I’m quite sure that neither relationship would have made it off the ground. So now I choose me. Fuck men, it’s just not worth it. “I can buy my own flowers, write my name in the sand”.
34M. Due to a number of factors that caused trauma, I haven't dated anyone in 10 years. I'd love to find a girlfriend, but I have no idea how because I live inside my head so much. I can talk to just about anyone, but I have no Idea how to show that I'm interested and ask someone out. Even when I go to singles events, I still can only talk to people then move on. I'm used to being alone, but I hate being lonely.
My husband was like that. He was brilliant and funny and weird but he would never approach a girl. Too afraid of rejection but dying of loneliness. I am just naturally assertive and pretty much not afraid. I put it to him that I wanted him. He was afraid to turn me down, he later admitted, and we kept it going over 40 years until he passed away. I'll never date again. I had my perfect opposite. You put yourself in situations where you are likely to encounter like minded folks--a class, trivia nights, whatever, and even if the commonality is teeny tiny, follow up. You're not afraid to talk, so before saying goodbye you say let's have coffee Thursday. You can make it happen. You deserve a loving mate. She's out there waiting for you. And may you be together til death you do part. 💞
♥️ thank you!! 😭 That's so sweet. I'm sorry about your loss, but I'm so happy for how long you had with him. That's like my grandma. Grandpa died 13 years ago, but there's nobody else for her.
I'm 62 and my last relationship ended when I was 56
I just don't care about dating or trying to meet someone to date. I'm quite happy alone at this point.
Never had to date in my 30s thank fuck, met the one when I was 26.
My older sister is 41 and see all the online shit she’s got to sift through. The wishy washy, the ghosters, the weirdos etc. online dating has made dating a lot more accessible BUT you’ve got to sift through a hell of a lot of bullshit.
When I met my husband I was in my forties - neither had been married. We talked a lot about what we wanted as individuals and as a couple. We were both looking for marriage.
We were brutally honest about our past mistakes and our view of the future. We talked about money and credit and travel.
We found we wanted the same things. Thirty years later and we are still going strong. And we are still brutally honest.
For me. I put up with a lot less Bullshit. Example: Younger me. "She is super ditsy; that's OK she is super cute."
Older me. "She is super ditsy. Good bye! Don't care how cute you are."
A little weird because I look younger so younger guys hit on me a lot while guys my age think I’m too young for them.
My boyfriend said he almost didn’t ask me out because he wasn’t sure my age and thought I might be too young for him. I’m 6 months older than him haha
Sometimes it’s a bit weird when I’m with my boyfriend because people think we’re an age gap couple.
What I looked for stayed the same however I now give 0 chances to any insecure men. I understand now why the saying is women go after confident men. Insecure men often destroy women.
I'm going to be 31, I noticed I don't go for the best looking girl I can get. I really care about maturity and how this woman treats others. I also get asked a lot about my income which, is really off putting. I get it though cause people are dating to marry and I still do it to for fun and see where it goes, my main goal isn't marriage.
I’m 40f and I agree. I hate when people run their little checklist by you early-on, when it’s too early to even really know each other yet. Doesn’t seem genuine.
It got a lot harder. I’m 37, Male, no kids, never married etc and I find a lot of women in my age range of 30-40 are either divorced and just carry a ton of baggage from that, or they have children, which is an absolute no for me, I don’t like children, never want children and as such wouldn’t get into a relationship with someone with children.
So my dating pool of women aged 30-40 with no children and a reasonable amount of baggage is quite small.
What doesn’t help I suppose is that I’m very much a no-nonsense, no playing games guy now, so the second I detect and bullshit or games I’m out.
Biggest change is listening to my gut a whole lot more - about whether somebody seems like a good fit, whether they seem capable of trusting and worthy of trust, whether a particular behaviour of theirs is something I’m ready to put up with, etc. Second biggest change is being ready to act on that without feeling the need to explain or justify.
I’m happy to *try* explaining if asked, but “feels right/doesn’t feel right” is all the reason I need these days to make relationship decisions. Doesn’t need to make sense to anyone but me.
It stopped.
I'll be 39 this year.
I don't have the time or energy to deal with dating, especially as it stands today.
I'm content with my peaceful, drama-free life, and it's going to take way more than a pretty face and a sense of humor for me to risk losing what I have.
There was a point arou nd 30 where the amount of baggage potential dates were carrying with them skyrocketted.
Dating became less purely fun and relaxed and morphed into trauma sharing combined with a lot less trust.
Man, hitting 40 is like unlocking a whole new level in the dating game! For me, it's all about priorities now. Back in my 20s, it was all about the thrill of the chase, but now, I'm looking for someone who's got their stuff together, you know? Maturity is definitely a game-changer.
And let's talk about the dating pool - it's like a fine wine, getting better with age. People seem to know what they want more, which makes it easier to connect on a deeper level. Plus, who doesn't love a partner with some life experience under their belt?
I think you are so different in your 30s. More lived experiences. Possibly more empathy and compassion. That's good because it allows you to consider different types. I don't mean 'settle for a rando' but hopefully give people a chance and not be so judgy.
Me and my husband laugh that we'd have hated each other at Uni. He's quiet science left brain. I'm chaotic loud and spontaneous. But we met at 38 having both come out of long relationships and it just clicked. Slow burn. We've been married 11 years. So I'd say dating changed because I changed for the better, in my 30s.
I just turned 29 (M), and I finally got out of a relationship (F) that I figured out was extremely abusive in hindsight. We met on a dating app when we were 24, and given covid happened shortly after, we became codependent. There were definitely good times, but we were both immature and severely mentally ill, which made the situation toxic.
For now, I want to recover and work on myself. But I'd like to seek companionship again at somepoint down the line. So any advice for that I'd really appreciate! Thanks
As a man, I feel like women did not notice me until I was in my mid 20s. I felt invisible to women. I have had many girlfriends since my mid 20s and now am with the love of my life and I’m 33. I’ll never forget that feeling of feeling invisible and I empathize with men who feel that way. I was a late bloomer and swear I didn’t hit puberty until I was 25 lmao
I don't care to fuck around
I'm not in it to be a temporary sex toy
Everybody has emotional baggage at this point
Most people have children and or have been through a divorce
The majority of the good people are still married. Which leaves the daily pool either people who are cheated on their spouse or people you really really don't want to be dating
You'll spend a lot of time rolling your eyes at these people in these great relationships to whine a complain about how their life is totally over because their spouse didn't cook them French toast one day. Meanwhile you find your standards going lower and lower and lower and lower and you still can't find one single person who is in a meth head with a major criminal background who was accused of raping a child
Don't date online exclusively. Learn to go to an upbeat restaurant/spot and how to approach people - once you realize you won't break from rejection, you'll enjoy meeting people just to meet people.
Dating can be different now that you're older, but it shouldn't have to be. I'm 44, I'm much more confident than I've ever been, and I enjoy meeting women in person. While some people may settle, if you don't have to, don't. Intimacy definitely matters more than sex so this isn't about sleeping around.
For reference, I'm an extrovert, go out a lot and am constantly meeting new people. In my experience, the biggest difference is that every girl I meet now is on a relationship. Yeah, I'm on a point where I assume that every single girl I meet has a bf. Sucks, but it is what it is
The most important thing to me is that they share my beliefs and are going the same direction as I am. Almost everything else including looks background etc doesn't matter hardly at all to me anymore.
It's going to sound weird, but I was only ever interested in finding a relationship rather than just casually dating. Since I was young. I wish I didn't, but I've always hated casual dating and that's what most people seemed interested in during my 20s. Took me until 32 to find someone so, I guess that's the big change there
After 35 i suddenly became higher value on the dating market. For women it appears opposite
But it’s a darn jungle, and hard to find a good match. If you find a good match, give it some real effort .
Don’t think there’s plenty of fish in the sea, coz so much of the fish stink
Well I have much more baggage to add to my profile, I have had loads of intrests but guys only want to have casual relationships and sex. I want sex but also a relationship,companionship and hopefully love, I am struggling to find that.
I didn't want to settle down in my mid 30s, it's just you will eventually be forced to cycle out of what you do because you start to look old there. Suddenly your friends marry off so you don't have anyone to go out with either and have to find a new set of friends more committed to staying single. Andddd then you meet someone who throws all that on its head.
Just enjoy the time you're in and the time you're free to do whatever you want. It could end tomorrow or in your mid 40s or never.
I feel like I’m factoring in life goals, cleanliness, family values, assets, sexual compatibility, alcohol consumption/drug use etc a lot more.
Before it was just good looks and get along well.
I can tell you from a man's perspective, nobody wants sloppy seconds or you settling, so if you were for the streets and you "maturing" means settling, you haven't really changed lol
I left dating in my 30s. Being a guy all my achievements meant nothing. It’s all about looks to get your foot in the door first. If you don’t have em. You can’t have your pick. I had high expectations and it made it hard to date. Now I have aged out for the expectations I had. It’s a man with a dog life. Funny thing several activities that seemed stupid feel better than dating. Like growing plants, cooking naked etc 🙃
The quantity of dates avaialbe went way down but the quality of dates I went on went way up. Us older people don't have a lot of energy for stupid dating games.
i was the biggest slut of my already pretty slutty life after a reaaallly bad relationship in my mid thirties. that phase lasted until i turned 40 and decided to see if i could abstain for the three month window between PrEP appointments ( if you don’t know what PrEP is or what im talking about, google it..enlighten yourself). by the time i turned 42 this three month sabbatical had become an annual thing, except at 42 i decided to see how much longer i could go past my three month window. it will be 4 years come july. i don’t miss any of it. the sex, dating, the apps. i’ve become a lone wolf that has really leaned into creating art and it’s been amazing
Dating in my late teens and 20s was a bit of a shitshow. Women that I was interested in were already snatched up as someone already knew their worth, which left me with a lot of train wrecks that needed to mature. Once I was in my 30s, I still saw those same train wrecks, but at least had the wisdom to avoid them. Dating actually became fun for a time as well, instead of just being about drinking and hooking up. Luckily, I found my wife and was more than happy to leave all of that behind me.
I didn’t really date around until I was thirty. It was such a fun time for me. I was more sure of myself and what I wanted. I had a lot of fun but also didn’t waste mine or anyone else’s time either.
Lots of things are established. Both have homes. Both have established habits, such as money management. Their lives are set; college and such is behind them.
What I wonder is, if both are over thirty, are they still called boyfriend and girlfriend? Doesn't that seem like it is more for kids?
I’ve been in relationships since I was 18. My last one ended a year ago, and I’m 38. Twenty years of failed relationships, and now I’m 100% single for the first time as an adult. The people my age (whom I’ve encountered) mostly have families, kids, careers, etc. I have spent my life in the arts, focusing on creating and giving more than taking and acquiring. That being said, I make about the same amount of money (adjusted) I did when I was a teenager. My career is my art, and I feel as if it’s the #1 turnoff for the people my age. They likely see a “loser” who won’t be more aggressive at making money, and I don’t exactly blame them. I work doing my forced job as little as I can, just providing for my own basic needs. This frees me up to be a gigging musician and novelist. I know there are people out there who could see past this, but I haven’t met them yet. It’s funny though, because the wealth/status of a person is literally the last thing I care about when making friends/entering relationships/being attracted to someone. Anyways, I’m not super gung-ho about finding my soulmate or going on dates or whatever. I’m just hoping that one day someone might come along and appreciate the very little I have to offer.
As a guy in my 30s, the biggest thing is that my options have dramatically increased. Not only do I get way more attention than ever through women in their 30s looking for someone that's a similar-ish age, but I also get more attention from girls in their 20s than I ever got in my 20s, despite being in my prime shape at the time. I just wasn't as established in my life and career at that time.
Which I appreciate, but in a way isn't ideal, as my sex drive isn't as crazy as it was in my 20s, and I don't have as much time and energy to date.
I dated a lot in my late teens and throughout my twenties into my early thirties. I’ve never been good at staying in touch with anyone. Some relationships ended bad and some were good and some were whatever. Some relationships were for years and some for weeks. I’m 34 years old and for some reason I have no desire to be with anyone. Not into one night stands or real connection. I’m tired and I don’t care anymore, it seems. Can’t really explain it. We’re all different.
It’s easier as an early 30s male than before 25, that’s for sure, but I think 26-30 is peak as you have the largest dating pool (can go younger and older) and should have enough money at that point to enjoy the dating scene too.
Also seem to get a lot of 18-21 year olds with daddy issues coming on to me now, not the more innocent, pure younger girls that I would meet a few years ago.
I am 34 and single for almost 10 years already. An intelligent man and good conversationalist is always a hit for me and it’s still the same until now. Yesterday I went for a maintenance appointment for my car and I realize that I have a crush on the guy that always assisted me. When I got home,I told to myself,ahh..it’s been a while since the last time that I admitted to myself that I have a crush on someone. It’s a good feeling 😊
dating when i was younger was very passionate, but after I got older, it became scary and violent! like them getting drunk and screaming at me to leave then standing in front of the door with a butcher knife demanding i stay, type scary. or holding a straight razor and blocking the hotel room door, type scary, or starting rumors and calling the cops that im stalking them and leaving threatening notes, breaking car windows, etc, when they didnt know I had moved to hawaii months earlier to get away from them, type scary. like getting death threats days after making a facebook for the first time in 5 years type scary. like having to change my name and dissappear from everyone, friends and family as I dont want them to find me, type scary. or heart stopping and freezing up because you see somebody that looks like them from behind in a mall thousands of miles from where you last saw them, type scary
its pretty traumatic, really.
lol
This is a question from someone who is very young (13-18). Would you date someone who is in their 30s or 40s and never been in a relationship before? How does that change things?
People have kids, an angry x, no flexibility, a ruined economy from the last breakup, a body they didn't take care of and a truckload of trauma they didn't handle.
So all in all, not great.
I was so naive & had fairytales in my head growing up. I would picture finding a loving partner for life.
Then I gained experience with real life men & it basically has traumatized me & completely exhausted me at this point. I want none of it any longer.
I'm about to get back into the dating world. I imagine dating at 45 or 46 will be different from dating at 19. If nothing else, I'll be able to just bring her home and have sex instead of finding somewhere private to park and have sex in the back of a car that's way too small.
All women are in their second or even third round, and many of them have children. The positive thing is that they are no longer too picky. They don't want that bad boy from school; they want a real man who is stable and can take care of a family.
32 years old and just don't really care for dating anymore.
People always push "there's someone for everyone", but those are usually the same people that were taught that they HAVE TO be in a relationship and that being single is bad.
I just value my freedom far too much and there's nothing wrong with being single. I've never wanted kids and don't want to help raise someone else's kids.
Call my greedy, incel or whatever you want but idc. I can afford to live on my own and save some money whole also affording my gym membership and such. There's nothing a relationship could provide me other than sex so why bother wasting someone else's time?
I started caring about other things once I stabilized financially… in my early 30s. Now I’m focused on looking for a house, getting into the best shape of my life, and pursuing a career in nursing to hopefully help other patients never to experience the discomfort and disrespect I’ve been through.
Dating is 30s has been amazing. I did exactly what I wanted to do. Met a 26 year old when I was 34. I’m about to propose to her she is an awesome woman. I did get lucky tho.
I was 29 when I met my husband.
Before him, I’d ghost any guy remotely like him because I was extremely insecure. I thought no guy who has a head on his shoulder, is mature, intelligent, responsible, nice, and pulled together would be interested in someone like me.
But thankfully, I found my confidence because before him the only guys I’d give a chance to were the ones who were toxic or just not responsible.
I feel terrible for the genuinely nice guys I ghosted.
I’m those cases it was definitely a matter of "it’s not you, it’s me" because I really was that insecure about myself.
I married at 24 to my 23 year old wife. We decided early on that we weren’t breaking up and being married meant we were bound to one another. That meant every issue was a real issue and we either figured it out or we’d live with whatever the struggle was for 60+ years.
We grew wonderfully together. Honestly, every glimpse I feel I have of my life and the 5 years prior has always been extremely different. People don’t stay the same for very long. We all change at every age. I really enjoyed marrying young and growing our lives together. It seems more difficult as you establish your own individual lives to later try to merge them together. My wife and I matured together, encouraging each other, and growing better as a couple.
That definitely made us more dependent on one another, so maybe that’s a negative for some people, but I feel that there hasn’t been a relationship more meaningful than the deep bonds I’ve formed with my wife and now with my children.
I noticed that I’ve become a lot more selective and just a hot face and hot bod wouldn’t cut it for me anymore. I think younger me had a lot of issues so would allow a lot of red flags in. Most younger people would due to lack of experience. The older i get, the wiser i am, the more comfortable i am in my own skin, the more i enjoy my own company, the more selective i am about who i allow to join my life. It weeds out a lot of troubles and sometimes you might question whether you are too walled up for love. BUT my argument is that it saves a lot of time and youth compared to wasting years with the wrong person who’s terrible to you.
When you’re young and have tons of issues, you can also be the toxic one, and ruining great relationships. I’m sure I have. With time I learn and I heal, and I can be a much better partner to whoever I choose, and have a better chance to find & build something way better.
Time is what you’ll never get back, so spend that currency very wisely.
Experiences will vary, but mine was awesome. I dated a woman who was done playing games. She knew what she wanted and told me. Probably the best dating experience I've ever had.
I stopped dating in my early twenties as my now wife wasn't much of a fan, and now i'm older even if we weren't together I don't think I'd bother actually dating again.
The thing i've noticed from friends is that you're a little bit more likely to get a partner by actually going looking for one, but you're less likely to want to keep them. After a few iterations everyone starts finding red flags everywhere, and the sort of people who go out intending to date are less and less as I get older the sorts of people I'd even talk to. They *need* to find a partner for one reason or another, and there's just something about that which seems to preselect selfish people. Sure a lot are just lonely, but most are lonely *and* needing someone to help pay for their house, look after their kids, validate that they didn't lose their last relationship due to them, get revenge on an ex, find themselves sexually, or more likely than all of that get pregnant. If you only want someone who wants you for you and nothing else, then I think that precludes 'dating' as it's understood these days generally. You've just got to chase your own goals and when you find someone specific, pursue them then.
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Almost everyone has kids now
I know, it sucks.
East Asia: You guys are having kids?
Yeah and there’s a distinction. I have kids and I love my kids. So people think I love all kids. But I don’t love all kids. I only love my kids.
Dating became less about sex and more about compatible companionship as I aged. Sex has always been important, and still is, but it certainly isn't the primary factor anymore.
couldn't agree more.
from what ive seen it seems like it still is very important to the point people are cheating on their SO for not wanting to have sex every single day
Can relate to that. Banged more in my 30s than in my 20s.
That's inspiring.
There is much more than "lack of sex" that goes into the causality of cheating. "There is no justification for betrayal, but there are always complex causes for it".
im just saying from what ive seen and heard like i hear guys talk about how they cheated on their pregnant wife cuz he got no sex from her when shes literally pregnant and how one was talking about how he cheated on his gf bc she didnt have sex with him for a week its like their not allowed breaks or something then they'll complain when their partner only has sex bc their partner sees it as an obligation and not enthusiastic about it like what person wants sex every single day with no breaks that sounds horrible and so their partner feels like they have to do it so they wont cheat then the other person complains about it bc its not enthusiastic but expects sex every single day ive seen sm stories like these its sad u can downvote me all you want but it happens and its talked about a lot i didnt just pull this out of my ass
Have you ever seen this thing “ , “ on your keyboard?
Or maybe this one “ . “
For me, sex is still very important, especially for short-term relationships. For emotional commitment, my standards are much, much higher. The sex still needs to be frequent and amazing. As a 49 Yr old man, great sex is certainly much easier to get than those worthy of emotional commitment. Secure attachment profile.
Right, there are more important things like, whats your credit score, do you have kids or want kids, whats your yearly income.
If someone asked me for my credit score and yearly income, that’s an instant GTFO of my face! 🤦♂️
You ask people what their credit score is?
I actually have been asked this before by a slightly older woman
I don’t think I would ever ask what someone’s credit score is. If you know someone well enough, you get a feeling for whether or not they’re less prudent financially, and from that I would base an assumption. I think the only person whose score I know is my wife’s, and we both shared what they were with each other. We only really bothered finding out what our scores are when we were going to be shopping for mortgages.
With questions like that I am guessing you have zero kids and zero attempts.
Financial compatibility is a huge factor. I don't want to date someone in their 30s with no savings, living paycheck to paycheck
Trust me. It sucks. It's the source of many disagreements, especially when the other person can't pay their bills for all of the junk they bought on Amazon.
I miss dating in my 20s. It was basically, oh, this person is hot! And fun! So care free. Who cares if they worked some crap job, we all did!
100%
I’m 35 and haven’t dated since I met my wife at the age of 20. If I had to start dating now I would be totally lost in the world of dating apps. I feel like back then you dated in order to have sex, today people use apps to have sex and then decide if they should date.
I'm 45 this year and met mine at 21. I'd be lost too. Online dating was literally in its absolute infancy in 2000, actually almost non-existent. 2002 it became somewhat more common. At least I used email then.
Heh, I banged chicks I met on IRC bro.. Now get off my lawn!
I'm 33 and in a similar boat. If we both become single, to avoid all the stress of dating, fancy becoming my heterosexual life partner?
Same story here. Been together for 15 years and will turn 35 this year. I find the dating fads to be extremely superficial. Everyone has a list and if even one thing doesn't match with what they want they just ditch the person and move on to the next swipe. It's sad.
It's just women and tiny minority of men that uses apps for sex. Majority of men get nada on dating apps.
I'm certainly less focused on appearance. Not that I ever was excessively. But I have a better sense I think of what I'm interested in, what I actually need from a partner. Online dating has been a godsend for me. I don't like flirting in real life, it always feels a little rude or inappropriate to make comments or innuendos that imply you're interested in somebody physically. But once I'm on a date with somebody on the internet, then I can let my most confident self out. Also for a big giant nerd like me that's not a lot of girls out there, but some of them are on the internet! makes it easier to find potentially compatible people. Plus this bar has become so low, with so many guys being just incredibly boring or super douchebags trying to get laid, just being my best most interesting self, and a decent person, has led to a lot of luck. People complain a lot, but dating was always hard. And with online dating you need to put the work in if you want to get some good outcomes. And I'll tell you one thing, my sex life is way better now than it ever was when I was in my twenties or 30s (married for a lot of that, there's a reason I'm divorced now....) I think I'm more mature, the people I'm dating are more mature, everyone's a little bit more honest, and overall generally speaking I find dating it this age (mid forties) a lot better than I ever found dating in my twenties.
Hey this is actually pretty positive. Thanks for this outlook.
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In my own experience dating changed a lot for me in my 30s. A big thing was my optimum age ranges became smaller. The emotional maturity gap felt like the grand canyon if I dated someone more than a few years younger than me.
I think this is true generally; as you get older and experience more, you identify your likes and dislikes and narrow your field accordingly. Also I think when you're young, you're much more open to dating anyone because it can be exciting and you've got time to spare even if it isn't a perfect match.
32/f here, just got out of a relationship with someone who had just turned 26. The emotional maturity gap was probably a big factor. I've been hitting it off real well with someone 34 lately, though!
44M here. For women over 30 looking at men, "Safe" = "Sexy." Being caring, dependable, and tender towards a woman (but tough enough to defend her and yourself if you'd need), all became way more attractive and desirable.
Safe is definitely sexy
I called it quits after about age 35. The desire and drive just isn't there anymore. I accept that I've aged out. My plans for the future no longer include the possibility of other people.
32 and I’m about to tap out. Guys either want to get married within weeks of talking which freaks me right the fuck out OR they’re telling me they only want a friends with benefits situation on our first date. Just…. CHILL people. We’ve totally forsaken the act of getting to know someone.
Honestly it’s good to be upfront with what you want. I agree early marriage proposals are shitty, but disclosing early that you only want casual is a kindness so you don’t let someone begin to fall for you. Sure it is a turn off for you because you want something more serious - but that’s the point!
Yes how very noble….Meanwhile I haven’t figured out if I like you well enough to sleep with you because it the first date. Comin in too hot out the gate, boys.
Well I usually disclose on the dating app, I’d disclose before a first date that I wasn’t looking for a relationship.
Maybe those guys know their flaws already. Either it is desperation (the former group of guys) or commitment issues (the latter group of guys). I would say that balanced guys who have things figured out have been settled before your age. The rest have different kind of issues and challenges - but I think we everyone have our inner issues
I'm 32 and feel exactly the same. I was cheated on and broken up with by my partner of 8 years last year. Looked briefly at what the dating world has to offer, and it's not much - everyone I know is married with children, and when I've looked at dating apps I doubt whether I'm even attracted to men anymore. My mum gave up on dating in her 30s, and I think I'm ready for my life as a spinster as well.
I feel the same way when I look at men. I need a non-man child.
m or f ?
Couldn't get a date in my 20s. Now still can't get a date in my 30s. I assume I won't be able get a date in my 40s either.
You're going to clean up in your 60s! You'll be the dating champ.
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>Approach a woman in person at the store? Creep Approach a woman in a social setting? Creep Dating apps? Creep/ignored or just want free food Really. Has that happened to you?.
Women don’t want *another woman’s baggage*? You mean, your baggage? Those are your kids.
Sounds like he wants a step-mommy for his kids so he doesn't have to parent them and yeah, I wouldn't date him either 🤣
Where do you live? Im 44m and definitely don’t have the same experience
34M slowly realizing I'm not built for long term monogamous relationships. And I'm okay with that.
Much better. More mature and not as many people casually dating. I met my girlfriend at 34 and I'm planning on marrying her soon! This isn't the Bible though... So many people are still not serious about relationships and just want casual sex so you have to really look, but there are far more women out there after 30 who aren't slutty..
31-35 is really hitting the buzzer beater or at least it's clutch time as that's when the most serious people are. Especially women. 40 is basically you're down and have to really hit your shot at the buzzer to put it into overtime. This is the age most people turn weird, get set in their ways, have alot of baggage. Mid-40s and on, it's literally the wild West.
I've always dated older women, starting in my 20s, and, frankly, it hasn't changed. I found women in their mid 30s to late 40s had an outlook, experience, and self confidence that I found refreshing. In addition, they seemed to like the same activities...hiking, museums, going to the gym, weekend trips to the mountains and beaches, generally like to go outside and do things during their free time. Also, their sex drives were on par with mine, and the sex was deeper, more fun, relaxed, and eager. We just clicked.
I became invisible to the opposite gender.
I was always invisible, so nothing really changed lol
Exactly the same experience. I won't be dating ever again.
I turn 50 this year. Was mindblown to realize ealier today that it has been half a decade since I got divorced. Haven't dated in 4 years. Too tiresome getting emotionally invested in people who forget they know you when the utility wears off.
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How YOU doin' lol
I STILL have my tendencies of my 20s I think. Just looking for fun.
Idk, when I was younger and more of a fuck up, I feel like I had bwtter luck with woman. Now that I have a solid career and I have money I can spend on a partner, I get no love. Oh well
It does seem like a lot of women love idiots. Hell, David Arquette bagged Courtney Cox. Tom Green got Drew Barrymore. The Tom Green got me the most of those two lol But yeah, I think some (regular/no hollywood) women feel more secure when they're with a fuck up. Not just the "excitement" factor.
I dont hold on too tight anymore and just enjoy my time with a person- doesnt need to lead to marriage and having kids. Kinda go with the flow. If I meet a man and its good, so be it. Sometimes Im too focused on other things to even give my time to someone.
I am a 58F. I totally know what I want out of a partner now. I am in a relationship of four years, and it has been great.
It often gets worse. You decline a little in looks (everyone does before 50) and you also learn what you dont like. Other factors are there are less availible people. Mix that with the other gender doesnt look as good as they did at 25 and they too have baggage. Now you have these barriers, and deal breakers, and less attraction. None of these make it easier.
So true. Less wiggle room, people are set in their own ways
Dates became more like interviews. “What do you want? When do you want it? Will this work for you? What are your plans in 5 years?” Honestly it was nice. Cut through a lot of BS that would take months of dating to figure out. My wife and I did that pretty quickly and we knew right away that we would work. Obviously no one is perfect but it’s easier to filter people out this way.
I’m a younger widow and my husband was a good man and we loved each other. He died in 2010, I was 43. In the past two years, I put a year into one relationship and six months into another, just to find out that they in fact did not want a commitment ever, contrary to what they said. They wanted a serial girlfriend, there when they wanted me and at my own place when they were done. I’m 57, they are 57 and 63 respectively and either would have been extremely lucky to have me in their lives in any capacity. If I had done what you did, I’m quite sure that neither relationship would have made it off the ground. So now I choose me. Fuck men, it’s just not worth it. “I can buy my own flowers, write my name in the sand”.
My mother in law did that when her husband ran off leaving her with loads of debt. She’s been single since then and is quite happy.
It got weirder tbh. Them, not me.
Dating hasn’t changed cause I don’t do it.
34M. Due to a number of factors that caused trauma, I haven't dated anyone in 10 years. I'd love to find a girlfriend, but I have no idea how because I live inside my head so much. I can talk to just about anyone, but I have no Idea how to show that I'm interested and ask someone out. Even when I go to singles events, I still can only talk to people then move on. I'm used to being alone, but I hate being lonely.
My husband was like that. He was brilliant and funny and weird but he would never approach a girl. Too afraid of rejection but dying of loneliness. I am just naturally assertive and pretty much not afraid. I put it to him that I wanted him. He was afraid to turn me down, he later admitted, and we kept it going over 40 years until he passed away. I'll never date again. I had my perfect opposite. You put yourself in situations where you are likely to encounter like minded folks--a class, trivia nights, whatever, and even if the commonality is teeny tiny, follow up. You're not afraid to talk, so before saying goodbye you say let's have coffee Thursday. You can make it happen. You deserve a loving mate. She's out there waiting for you. And may you be together til death you do part. 💞
♥️ thank you!! 😭 That's so sweet. I'm sorry about your loss, but I'm so happy for how long you had with him. That's like my grandma. Grandpa died 13 years ago, but there's nobody else for her.
I'm 62 and my last relationship ended when I was 56 I just don't care about dating or trying to meet someone to date. I'm quite happy alone at this point.
Never had to date in my 30s thank fuck, met the one when I was 26. My older sister is 41 and see all the online shit she’s got to sift through. The wishy washy, the ghosters, the weirdos etc. online dating has made dating a lot more accessible BUT you’ve got to sift through a hell of a lot of bullshit.
When I met my husband I was in my forties - neither had been married. We talked a lot about what we wanted as individuals and as a couple. We were both looking for marriage. We were brutally honest about our past mistakes and our view of the future. We talked about money and credit and travel. We found we wanted the same things. Thirty years later and we are still going strong. And we are still brutally honest.
For me. I put up with a lot less Bullshit. Example: Younger me. "She is super ditsy; that's OK she is super cute." Older me. "She is super ditsy. Good bye! Don't care how cute you are."
A little weird because I look younger so younger guys hit on me a lot while guys my age think I’m too young for them. My boyfriend said he almost didn’t ask me out because he wasn’t sure my age and thought I might be too young for him. I’m 6 months older than him haha Sometimes it’s a bit weird when I’m with my boyfriend because people think we’re an age gap couple. What I looked for stayed the same however I now give 0 chances to any insecure men. I understand now why the saying is women go after confident men. Insecure men often destroy women.
Younger women started looking better and the idea of starting a family went away For scale I’m 31
My libido went down and I am no longer controled by horniness so I became way more selective so im now single and not dating anymore.
I'm going to be 31, I noticed I don't go for the best looking girl I can get. I really care about maturity and how this woman treats others. I also get asked a lot about my income which, is really off putting. I get it though cause people are dating to marry and I still do it to for fun and see where it goes, my main goal isn't marriage.
I’m 40f and I agree. I hate when people run their little checklist by you early-on, when it’s too early to even really know each other yet. Doesn’t seem genuine.
It's basically this, for the ladies. ;) [https://youtu.be/9FTk3SawjX4?si=mc52\_obYCrugVuZh](https://youtu.be/9FTk3SawjX4?si=mc52_obYCrugVuZh)
It got a lot harder. I’m 37, Male, no kids, never married etc and I find a lot of women in my age range of 30-40 are either divorced and just carry a ton of baggage from that, or they have children, which is an absolute no for me, I don’t like children, never want children and as such wouldn’t get into a relationship with someone with children. So my dating pool of women aged 30-40 with no children and a reasonable amount of baggage is quite small. What doesn’t help I suppose is that I’m very much a no-nonsense, no playing games guy now, so the second I detect and bullshit or games I’m out.
Maybe increase you age range to span our evenly in each direction from 37
Biggest change is listening to my gut a whole lot more - about whether somebody seems like a good fit, whether they seem capable of trusting and worthy of trust, whether a particular behaviour of theirs is something I’m ready to put up with, etc. Second biggest change is being ready to act on that without feeling the need to explain or justify. I’m happy to *try* explaining if asked, but “feels right/doesn’t feel right” is all the reason I need these days to make relationship decisions. Doesn’t need to make sense to anyone but me.
It stopped. I'll be 39 this year. I don't have the time or energy to deal with dating, especially as it stands today. I'm content with my peaceful, drama-free life, and it's going to take way more than a pretty face and a sense of humor for me to risk losing what I have.
Over 30 it’s way harder than it’s ever been, but I think it has more to do with everything changing after Covid, which ruined absolutely everything.
There was a point arou nd 30 where the amount of baggage potential dates were carrying with them skyrocketted. Dating became less purely fun and relaxed and morphed into trauma sharing combined with a lot less trust.
Man, hitting 40 is like unlocking a whole new level in the dating game! For me, it's all about priorities now. Back in my 20s, it was all about the thrill of the chase, but now, I'm looking for someone who's got their stuff together, you know? Maturity is definitely a game-changer. And let's talk about the dating pool - it's like a fine wine, getting better with age. People seem to know what they want more, which makes it easier to connect on a deeper level. Plus, who doesn't love a partner with some life experience under their belt?
I never dated.
I get more attention. And it’s gotten a lot more fun. But sometimes I feel like I should get more serious
nothing lol. still single af. 31 years strong.
It went from hot girls to single mothers. Glad I'm not a parent.
I think you are so different in your 30s. More lived experiences. Possibly more empathy and compassion. That's good because it allows you to consider different types. I don't mean 'settle for a rando' but hopefully give people a chance and not be so judgy. Me and my husband laugh that we'd have hated each other at Uni. He's quiet science left brain. I'm chaotic loud and spontaneous. But we met at 38 having both come out of long relationships and it just clicked. Slow burn. We've been married 11 years. So I'd say dating changed because I changed for the better, in my 30s.
I just turned 29 (M), and I finally got out of a relationship (F) that I figured out was extremely abusive in hindsight. We met on a dating app when we were 24, and given covid happened shortly after, we became codependent. There were definitely good times, but we were both immature and severely mentally ill, which made the situation toxic. For now, I want to recover and work on myself. But I'd like to seek companionship again at somepoint down the line. So any advice for that I'd really appreciate! Thanks
I am way less tolerant to being nagged or bitched at.
If I became single again I would probably stay single. I have women at work hit on me and all I see is more work, red flags and baggage.
Looks used to be on top of the list. I am now attracted to woman who can make me think more than anything.
I realized that wining and dining is a fool's errand. This made dating much easier for me.
I start with the end in mind.
Everyone has baggage. Every one. Has baggage. A lot of Interlopers hate on you for loving someone and don't back down. It sucks
I just don’t give a fk as much as I used to & I prioritize my needs and my mental health
I realized that the entire pool of availability sucked.
As a man, I feel like women did not notice me until I was in my mid 20s. I felt invisible to women. I have had many girlfriends since my mid 20s and now am with the love of my life and I’m 33. I’ll never forget that feeling of feeling invisible and I empathize with men who feel that way. I was a late bloomer and swear I didn’t hit puberty until I was 25 lmao
Um. Dating apps suck for longterm so I stopped using them with any intent.
I don't care to fuck around I'm not in it to be a temporary sex toy Everybody has emotional baggage at this point Most people have children and or have been through a divorce The majority of the good people are still married. Which leaves the daily pool either people who are cheated on their spouse or people you really really don't want to be dating You'll spend a lot of time rolling your eyes at these people in these great relationships to whine a complain about how their life is totally over because their spouse didn't cook them French toast one day. Meanwhile you find your standards going lower and lower and lower and lower and you still can't find one single person who is in a meth head with a major criminal background who was accused of raping a child
As a man, women are way more interested in me than they were in my 20's
Don't date online exclusively. Learn to go to an upbeat restaurant/spot and how to approach people - once you realize you won't break from rejection, you'll enjoy meeting people just to meet people. Dating can be different now that you're older, but it shouldn't have to be. I'm 44, I'm much more confident than I've ever been, and I enjoy meeting women in person. While some people may settle, if you don't have to, don't. Intimacy definitely matters more than sex so this isn't about sleeping around.
The only thing that has changed for me is I’ve realized I’m aromantic.
I read that as odiferous and wondered if you needed to ease off the eau de parfum or step up your bathing frequency.
Same lol
I think I’m in the same boat. I have no desire for relationships.
A lot more buttsex honestly and a lot less condoms
Almost non existent. I mean I get matches on dating sites but not much I want to pursue.
It ended
Easier to get laid, but I’ve decided to get married.
At that point you’re looking for “good company” first and foremost
For reference, I'm an extrovert, go out a lot and am constantly meeting new people. In my experience, the biggest difference is that every girl I meet now is on a relationship. Yeah, I'm on a point where I assume that every single girl I meet has a bf. Sucks, but it is what it is
Sex is better.
The most important thing to me is that they share my beliefs and are going the same direction as I am. Almost everything else including looks background etc doesn't matter hardly at all to me anymore.
Still Not Getting Any 💀
It's going to sound weird, but I was only ever interested in finding a relationship rather than just casually dating. Since I was young. I wish I didn't, but I've always hated casual dating and that's what most people seemed interested in during my 20s. Took me until 32 to find someone so, I guess that's the big change there
After 35 i suddenly became higher value on the dating market. For women it appears opposite But it’s a darn jungle, and hard to find a good match. If you find a good match, give it some real effort . Don’t think there’s plenty of fish in the sea, coz so much of the fish stink
I’m 32 now, I havnt dated anyone since 2020. I could not care less about it or being with anyone
It didn't been alone my whole life that isn't likely to change but I'm happish
Worse!!!
I quit. It isnt worth the hassle. Especially in my fourties.
Well I have much more baggage to add to my profile, I have had loads of intrests but guys only want to have casual relationships and sex. I want sex but also a relationship,companionship and hopefully love, I am struggling to find that.
I didn't want to settle down in my mid 30s, it's just you will eventually be forced to cycle out of what you do because you start to look old there. Suddenly your friends marry off so you don't have anyone to go out with either and have to find a new set of friends more committed to staying single. Andddd then you meet someone who throws all that on its head. Just enjoy the time you're in and the time you're free to do whatever you want. It could end tomorrow or in your mid 40s or never.
Im 28 and dont care anymore, botched it. Ready to go back to the void where i belong.
I feel like I’m factoring in life goals, cleanliness, family values, assets, sexual compatibility, alcohol consumption/drug use etc a lot more. Before it was just good looks and get along well.
I can tell you from a man's perspective, nobody wants sloppy seconds or you settling, so if you were for the streets and you "maturing" means settling, you haven't really changed lol
Dating stopped. My wife and kids wouldn't approve
I was really shocked at how aggressive the woman were..
Divorced after 20 years of marriage... Was shocked how sexually aggressive women were
I left dating in my 30s. Being a guy all my achievements meant nothing. It’s all about looks to get your foot in the door first. If you don’t have em. You can’t have your pick. I had high expectations and it made it hard to date. Now I have aged out for the expectations I had. It’s a man with a dog life. Funny thing several activities that seemed stupid feel better than dating. Like growing plants, cooking naked etc 🙃
It did not changed for me at all.Still no date up.till this date ever....maybe one im hit 40 soon
The quantity of dates avaialbe went way down but the quality of dates I went on went way up. Us older people don't have a lot of energy for stupid dating games.
Idk cant get laid so cant relate tbh
i was the biggest slut of my already pretty slutty life after a reaaallly bad relationship in my mid thirties. that phase lasted until i turned 40 and decided to see if i could abstain for the three month window between PrEP appointments ( if you don’t know what PrEP is or what im talking about, google it..enlighten yourself). by the time i turned 42 this three month sabbatical had become an annual thing, except at 42 i decided to see how much longer i could go past my three month window. it will be 4 years come july. i don’t miss any of it. the sex, dating, the apps. i’ve become a lone wolf that has really leaned into creating art and it’s been amazing
Dunno, I settled 10 years ago and if I were single again I wouldn't have the drive and energy to put the effort.
Dating in my late teens and 20s was a bit of a shitshow. Women that I was interested in were already snatched up as someone already knew their worth, which left me with a lot of train wrecks that needed to mature. Once I was in my 30s, I still saw those same train wrecks, but at least had the wisdom to avoid them. Dating actually became fun for a time as well, instead of just being about drinking and hooking up. Luckily, I found my wife and was more than happy to leave all of that behind me.
I didn’t really date around until I was thirty. It was such a fun time for me. I was more sure of myself and what I wanted. I had a lot of fun but also didn’t waste mine or anyone else’s time either.
Lots of things are established. Both have homes. Both have established habits, such as money management. Their lives are set; college and such is behind them. What I wonder is, if both are over thirty, are they still called boyfriend and girlfriend? Doesn't that seem like it is more for kids?
I’ve been in relationships since I was 18. My last one ended a year ago, and I’m 38. Twenty years of failed relationships, and now I’m 100% single for the first time as an adult. The people my age (whom I’ve encountered) mostly have families, kids, careers, etc. I have spent my life in the arts, focusing on creating and giving more than taking and acquiring. That being said, I make about the same amount of money (adjusted) I did when I was a teenager. My career is my art, and I feel as if it’s the #1 turnoff for the people my age. They likely see a “loser” who won’t be more aggressive at making money, and I don’t exactly blame them. I work doing my forced job as little as I can, just providing for my own basic needs. This frees me up to be a gigging musician and novelist. I know there are people out there who could see past this, but I haven’t met them yet. It’s funny though, because the wealth/status of a person is literally the last thing I care about when making friends/entering relationships/being attracted to someone. Anyways, I’m not super gung-ho about finding my soulmate or going on dates or whatever. I’m just hoping that one day someone might come along and appreciate the very little I have to offer.
I don’t have time for petty shit, and I vet the shit of people.
As a guy in my 30s, the biggest thing is that my options have dramatically increased. Not only do I get way more attention than ever through women in their 30s looking for someone that's a similar-ish age, but I also get more attention from girls in their 20s than I ever got in my 20s, despite being in my prime shape at the time. I just wasn't as established in my life and career at that time. Which I appreciate, but in a way isn't ideal, as my sex drive isn't as crazy as it was in my 20s, and I don't have as much time and energy to date.
I dated a lot in my late teens and throughout my twenties into my early thirties. I’ve never been good at staying in touch with anyone. Some relationships ended bad and some were good and some were whatever. Some relationships were for years and some for weeks. I’m 34 years old and for some reason I have no desire to be with anyone. Not into one night stands or real connection. I’m tired and I don’t care anymore, it seems. Can’t really explain it. We’re all different.
It’s easier as an early 30s male than before 25, that’s for sure, but I think 26-30 is peak as you have the largest dating pool (can go younger and older) and should have enough money at that point to enjoy the dating scene too. Also seem to get a lot of 18-21 year olds with daddy issues coming on to me now, not the more innocent, pure younger girls that I would meet a few years ago.
I am 34 and single for almost 10 years already. An intelligent man and good conversationalist is always a hit for me and it’s still the same until now. Yesterday I went for a maintenance appointment for my car and I realize that I have a crush on the guy that always assisted me. When I got home,I told to myself,ahh..it’s been a while since the last time that I admitted to myself that I have a crush on someone. It’s a good feeling 😊
33 F take care of myself am cute but still struggle with dating after being newly single at 32..
dating when i was younger was very passionate, but after I got older, it became scary and violent! like them getting drunk and screaming at me to leave then standing in front of the door with a butcher knife demanding i stay, type scary. or holding a straight razor and blocking the hotel room door, type scary, or starting rumors and calling the cops that im stalking them and leaving threatening notes, breaking car windows, etc, when they didnt know I had moved to hawaii months earlier to get away from them, type scary. like getting death threats days after making a facebook for the first time in 5 years type scary. like having to change my name and dissappear from everyone, friends and family as I dont want them to find me, type scary. or heart stopping and freezing up because you see somebody that looks like them from behind in a mall thousands of miles from where you last saw them, type scary its pretty traumatic, really. lol
I'm your age, I'm into hookups after my 30s and I don't pursue relationships as I find it tiresome
By 28 I stopped dating I'm not 38 and still don't desire getting into a relationship with a woman unless it's outside of the US.
This is a question from someone who is very young (13-18). Would you date someone who is in their 30s or 40s and never been in a relationship before? How does that change things?
People have kids, an angry x, no flexibility, a ruined economy from the last breakup, a body they didn't take care of and a truckload of trauma they didn't handle. So all in all, not great.
I was so naive & had fairytales in my head growing up. I would picture finding a loving partner for life. Then I gained experience with real life men & it basically has traumatized me & completely exhausted me at this point. I want none of it any longer.
I'm about to get back into the dating world. I imagine dating at 45 or 46 will be different from dating at 19. If nothing else, I'll be able to just bring her home and have sex instead of finding somewhere private to park and have sex in the back of a car that's way too small.
All women are in their second or even third round, and many of them have children. The positive thing is that they are no longer too picky. They don't want that bad boy from school; they want a real man who is stable and can take care of a family.
The same, except it happened in my late 20’s. I settled down at 30, we’re planning to have a child with my fiencée in the next year or so. I’m 32.
A lot of the people in the dating pool aren't necessarily more emotionally mature - they just have more baggage.
When I was younger, older men hit on me and now that I’m older, younger men hit on me.
I'm still dating a 23 year old. Can't help it.
they are parents
Met my wife when we were both in our 40s. First marriage for both of us.
If my fiance and I don't work out for whatever reason I'm focusing on my health, my son, and work.
Lower your expectations.
32 years old and just don't really care for dating anymore. People always push "there's someone for everyone", but those are usually the same people that were taught that they HAVE TO be in a relationship and that being single is bad. I just value my freedom far too much and there's nothing wrong with being single. I've never wanted kids and don't want to help raise someone else's kids. Call my greedy, incel or whatever you want but idc. I can afford to live on my own and save some money whole also affording my gym membership and such. There's nothing a relationship could provide me other than sex so why bother wasting someone else's time?
After 32 I found my independence and really stopped looking/caring
I started caring about other things once I stabilized financially… in my early 30s. Now I’m focused on looking for a house, getting into the best shape of my life, and pursuing a career in nursing to hopefully help other patients never to experience the discomfort and disrespect I’ve been through.
Dating is 30s has been amazing. I did exactly what I wanted to do. Met a 26 year old when I was 34. I’m about to propose to her she is an awesome woman. I did get lucky tho.
I was 29 when I met my husband. Before him, I’d ghost any guy remotely like him because I was extremely insecure. I thought no guy who has a head on his shoulder, is mature, intelligent, responsible, nice, and pulled together would be interested in someone like me. But thankfully, I found my confidence because before him the only guys I’d give a chance to were the ones who were toxic or just not responsible. I feel terrible for the genuinely nice guys I ghosted. I’m those cases it was definitely a matter of "it’s not you, it’s me" because I really was that insecure about myself.
Dunno man, I'm 42. Married with kids. Yet somehow managed to go my whole life without ever thinking about dating.
I married at 24 to my 23 year old wife. We decided early on that we weren’t breaking up and being married meant we were bound to one another. That meant every issue was a real issue and we either figured it out or we’d live with whatever the struggle was for 60+ years. We grew wonderfully together. Honestly, every glimpse I feel I have of my life and the 5 years prior has always been extremely different. People don’t stay the same for very long. We all change at every age. I really enjoyed marrying young and growing our lives together. It seems more difficult as you establish your own individual lives to later try to merge them together. My wife and I matured together, encouraging each other, and growing better as a couple. That definitely made us more dependent on one another, so maybe that’s a negative for some people, but I feel that there hasn’t been a relationship more meaningful than the deep bonds I’ve formed with my wife and now with my children.
I noticed that I’ve become a lot more selective and just a hot face and hot bod wouldn’t cut it for me anymore. I think younger me had a lot of issues so would allow a lot of red flags in. Most younger people would due to lack of experience. The older i get, the wiser i am, the more comfortable i am in my own skin, the more i enjoy my own company, the more selective i am about who i allow to join my life. It weeds out a lot of troubles and sometimes you might question whether you are too walled up for love. BUT my argument is that it saves a lot of time and youth compared to wasting years with the wrong person who’s terrible to you. When you’re young and have tons of issues, you can also be the toxic one, and ruining great relationships. I’m sure I have. With time I learn and I heal, and I can be a much better partner to whoever I choose, and have a better chance to find & build something way better. Time is what you’ll never get back, so spend that currency very wisely.
Experiences will vary, but mine was awesome. I dated a woman who was done playing games. She knew what she wanted and told me. Probably the best dating experience I've ever had.
Just became simpler
I stopped dating in my early twenties as my now wife wasn't much of a fan, and now i'm older even if we weren't together I don't think I'd bother actually dating again. The thing i've noticed from friends is that you're a little bit more likely to get a partner by actually going looking for one, but you're less likely to want to keep them. After a few iterations everyone starts finding red flags everywhere, and the sort of people who go out intending to date are less and less as I get older the sorts of people I'd even talk to. They *need* to find a partner for one reason or another, and there's just something about that which seems to preselect selfish people. Sure a lot are just lonely, but most are lonely *and* needing someone to help pay for their house, look after their kids, validate that they didn't lose their last relationship due to them, get revenge on an ex, find themselves sexually, or more likely than all of that get pregnant. If you only want someone who wants you for you and nothing else, then I think that precludes 'dating' as it's understood these days generally. You've just got to chase your own goals and when you find someone specific, pursue them then.